Wolf and Owl - S3 Ep 14: Magnesium Butter & Doggy Treats

Episode Date: March 6, 2024

We’re talking… how much we weigh, protein problems, sleep tactics and magnesium butter, testosterone, tour snacks, Tom’s very unfortunate dog treat mix-up, dubious influencers, Rom and Claudia on Radio 2, more Langham shenanigans, hosting Comic Relief and far too many food delivery mistakes. Plus, an email question asking us for some wedding advice. For questions or comments, please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod TikTok - @wolfowlpodcast YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch & Mailing List - https://wolfandowlpod.com/ A Shiny Ranga Production For sales and sponsorship enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Have the crowd witnessing The murder like they rolled in With a gang of crows Fuck their censorship Let them see the whole thing They stay dressed to kill Never sheep's clothing Dark enough to turn

The sun to the moon You'll see nothing All you hear is a huff A puff and a Expect killings Red spilling And flesh ripping Impressive in it.

The death bringing, his head spinning. Just kidding. Every word in this song's about two grown men dressed up as a bird and a dog. Welcome once again. Wayne, I don't want to speculate on his weight. Oh, you know what? I can tell you why.

I weighed myself this morning. What do you weigh yourself in? Pounds or kilos?'m kilos yeah yeah so i'm one two eight point three one two eight point three at the moment is that good well i was one three three coming out christmas i was 131. 132. you lost 10 almost 10 kilos yeah it's christmas yeah my god i want to get down to, my doctor said I need to, I probably need to drop another three or four kilos probably just to be, yeah,

just healthy. Is that real? I don't know, I mean like, look, this visceral fat thing is the thing that kicks me up at night at the moment.

Visceral fat is a fucking silent shit bag in my life. It's like, yeah, it's very much something. Actually, if you do drop a shit you can feel a bit better

about your visceral fat yeah but that's the other thing I was going too high on protein not to get too graphic I'm straight out of the fucking gate

but if you don't have carbs it comes pouring out of the gate doesn't it it comes streaming out of the gate that's the problem

carbs and fibre are so fucking big for your your weekly or your daily turnaround weekly if you're just having protein. It's insane. If you get to the point of the amount of protein I'm having,

basically once a week you pass a small pellet. Cracks the porcelain as it drops. And you burn 400 calories just doing that. If you look into the toilet, it starts drawing light into it. It's fucking crazy. that uh that the blackest of black paint

it's like that isn't it insane like when you think you've yeah oh god that feels good and then you look down it's just two pellets you change your daughter's nappy and she's had a really big satisfying dump and you're just speaking of by the way speaking of keeping yourself up i do want to share this I've now told you about this well this is incredible guys this is okay this

well you don't I'm hoping it works for you well it's coming today I think or tomorrow okay so three nights ago I'm talking to Lisa the swan the beautiful beautiful beautiful

swan who has not been worried about me but I just said to her, I've not been sleeping very well, right? And it's not stress, because I'm not feeling stressed by work. I'm really enjoying work at the moment. And having a great time at home. Oh, God, anyway, Jesus Christ,

what the fuck is this this morning? Anyway, so then I said to Lisa, I'm not sleeping very well. As it leans in yeah so no but you are so Romesh what people don't realise

is you do you do work a lot but you are having a great time in life I mean you're just you're just you've got the balance right

nodding like that here he goes he's about to blow our minds but I am actually happy because the thing is but are you because the thing is it's like people

people often say to me like Romesh you're doing so much you're working left right thing is... But are you? Because the thing is, people often say to me, like, Romesh, you're doing so much. You're working left, right and centre. Like, what are you... You know, how are you managing to stay on top of it? Let me tell you something, guys. It's not easy. It's not the simplest of things.

It's about making a conscious decision to maintain balance. And that is something... And listen, it doesn't come naturally. Every morning i get up and i think what is my balance going to be today and i stick to it and some days listen don't get me wrong ben don't get me wrong cat some days it i'm not getting it right i don't i don't i don't want to get you i don't want to be under the impression that i'm i'm nailing this or anything

like that there are some days where i think oh bloody hell Romesh get a grip on this but you know most days Romesh we asked you what avoidance was about break the internet because this is amazing yeah so a few nights ago

I said to Lisa I'm not sleeping very well and she said to me I'd love to I just want to picture this scene, right? You're sitting there on the sofa. Lisa's sitting, you're laying, you've got your head on her lap. You've kicked off your slippers. It does happen.

I don't want to paint too much of a picture. And you're watching, I don't know, like Below Deck on TV. Yeah. And then I said to Lisa, I've not been sleeping very well, and she said to me, have you tried magnesium? And I said to lisa i've not been sleeping she said to me have you tried magnesium and i said to her well i have i did buy some magnesium tablets but as is my want i've lost them as soon as i open them i've got no idea where they are she said to me magnesium butter romesh you rub it on the bottom of your feet and your skin absorbs it and it makes you sleep better

she said i've got some and immediately i'll be honest with you, I was cynical. Because, you know, rubbing something on the bottom of your feet makes you sleep better. It's the name of your brilliant stand-up tour that's on Netflix now called The Cynics Mixtape. As you know, well, the reason I called it that, Ben, is just because people often say, Romesh, you're a bit of a cynic. And I thought, rather than running away from that,

why not embrace it? Sorry, Romesh, you've got bogey hanging out of your nose. Anyway, so that night, I put on... Oh, the other thing I saw on TikTok was that if your ambient temperature is lower, it makes it easier to sleep. Yeah, that's true. So these are the things that I did.

Number one, when we went upstairs, I immediately stopped looking at my phone. Boom. I just put it to one side. Didn't look at it at all upstairs, right? Which is a problem for me. Number two, I opened the window. Not because, well, yeah, just to cool it down.

Yeah. And then number three, I put magnesium butter onto the solesamuppet. How much did you put, like a sort of slight thin lathering, or did you get right in there? I'd say thin, yeah. I wasn't putting it on like Marmite on toast or anything. It was just very, you know, just, it melts straight away,

straight into the... Oh, nice. Do you put it between your toes? Do you put it between your toes? No, I don't tend to, no. Okay. I'm slightly nervous now because it's called butter, then it might not be vegan.

But if it's not vegan, I'm going to have to renounce my veganism because what I'm about to tell you, I slept the best night's sleep that I've had in years, Tom. Wow. Years. Because you know I'm not sleeping at all at the moment, so this is like, this is... Woke up the next morning, I slept, bro, in years, Tom. Wow. Years. Because you know I'm not sleeping at all at the moment. So this is like, this is... Woke up the next morning,

I slept, bro, eight hours straight through, my G. No piss in the night? Straight. You didn't get up for it? No piss. Well, if I did have a piss, I don't remember it.

Wow. You know, Lisa might have had to change the sheets while I was still sending them away. Right? So I woke up the next morning, I felt incredible. Wow. So then the next night, I was at work and I had to stay away for the night.

Didn't have the magnesium butter. Went back to normal sleep, right, which is like five, six hours. Traumatic. Sheet clenched up underneath my chin. Wondering why it is I can't get to sleep. Panicking. Staring at the ceiling. Wide-eyed.

Absolutely having a panic attack about the fact I've got work the next day and I'm not going to be able to be rested enough to do it. You know, one of them. The next night, I go to work as normal, do a gig in Cambridge. Shout out, Cambridge. You're absolutely delightful. Come home, magnesium butter, boom, another great night's sleep for the Romesh I mean

listen it's mate I've ordered some as soon as you messaged it I text you straight away and I said mate

I think this might be a game magnesium and it's got lavender in it as well right it smells delightful it smells and what I would say to you at the very worst

your feet get moisturised well it's the other thing I've got a bit of hard skin on some of my feet, so that'll be, yeah. It's win-win, isn't it? You know, you were talking about supplements. I'm hitting my supplement, like my tablet game,

my sort of vitamins game. I'm trying to push that up a level now. Right. And sort of make sure I'm disciplined with what I'm having every day. Yeah. Vitamin D, magnesium's really good. Oh, thank God it's vegan, thank God. It is vegan.

Is that you anxious for it? It is vegan. Yeah. I just looked at you as you. Part of my, after having the blood stunt, the doctor was like, you need to have more vitamin D. So I've been, yeah, yeah. Magnesium, Tonga Alley, I think it's called, which is amazing. Well, neither of those things are for vitamin D, are they?

No, no, I'm having just straight vitamin D. Oh, okay, as well as these things that you're talking about. Yeah, yeah. And Tonga Ali or whatever the fuck it is, that is a testosterone supplement, right? Mate, it's very good. It's very good. My testosterone actually was higher than I anticipated.

I thought it was going to be really rock bottom. Because you know the drop off as a man is insane don't you when you get to our age. I've not had an erection in anger for months now. Well Robert that's a strange way to start the conversation. We just asked you whether you enjoyed it.

The question I asked you was do you like the French toast? But it's a massive drop-off when you go over 30. The doctor would see he's like an expert in that field. It's quite interesting chatting to him about it. Was it an over-the-counter thing? No, no, no, it was at the internet. Yeah, okay. That's the best way, isn't it,

with that stuff? I sometimes wonder why people sort of go to the doctor and get certified kind of prescribed stuff. No, to be fair, the doctor sent me that.

Just Google it. Just Google it. What did you Google? Stronger hard-ons? No, no, the doctor recommended that. He sent me the link for that to get.

It was like, it wasn't from like, it was from like a proper place. Where was this doctor in the back of one key? Just sent you an internet link to order some shit. Just fucking stabbed me

in the fucking, in the side, took some blood. Oh yeah, even more testosterone, mate. How do you know I need more testosterone? I know a guy,

I know a guy, listen, listen, here's a link. Look, I know the guy's got the same surname as me, but there's no connection at all more testosterone? Listen, listen, here's a link. Look, I know the guy's got the same surname as me, but there's no connection at all, all right? Just trust me, you're going to have a dick like a baby's arm

after you get something. You need to spend £150 a month on vitamins. Wow, whatever you say, this feels good. Yeah, three times a day. It's about £100. That's about three days' supply. But listen, if you want to stay healthy, that's what you've got to do.

If you want to be healthy and yourself and happy and have more testosterone. So I'm trying to hit that up. I'm fucking pushing that vibe. Tom Craddy's, yeah, I feel good for it.

I've got to say. What is the effect of the testosterone if, you know, without getting too graphic? Are you waking, because somebody said to me,

if you don't wake up with a full hard-on, you've probably got a testosterone issue no i mean it's more the fact it's actually very much linked to male depression like if you if you look at you know not to get too dark but yeah if you look at a lot of male suicides if you look at a lot of uh the mental health angle of it uh the the menopause as people call it that drop-off is massive so it's a massive part of your actual

you know the way your mind works and where your body feels and then once testosterone starts dropping and reducing quite significantly after you hit 30 it there's a massive correlation between that and yeah mental health problems okay well do you mind just give me a moment while i clamber out from underneath the bus you just threw me under i'm talking about erections you've gone into sort of mental health and no I know that you like to be King Lark and

fuck about just dust myself down while we're talking about that I had a fucking awful one right this week so I'm trying to

be healthy yes as we know trying to keep my dart in check what I used to do when I was like touring, I'd pop into services, usually have a Burger King or KFC, whatever they had there,

McDonald's, if I was really treating myself, then I'd, you know, we'd go into the WH Smith's and I'd get some, or the Master Smith's, I'd get some Percy Pigs or some Haribo's kind of chocolate bars. And I'm like trying to be like,

you know what? I've got to fucking reduce that stuff. I've got to like, don't get me wrong. When you used to stop off, did you get anything to eat once you had got into the car as well? No,

I'd usually sit, wolf down a big, big fast, like fast food thing. Then eat the Haribo on the way to the car, get to the car and go, actually I won't go. This is how greedy I am,

mate, right? So the other day day I was getting driven by Jim who says hello I say he says hello he probably doesn't need to he probably spoke to him just before he got on the podcast

but we stopped off at services I got a couple of vegan sausage rolls from Greg's and I

considered it an achievement that I hadn't started eating them before I got back to the car I genuinely thought that was a real test of my will. Look, man, I felt really bad because Jim's really going through it health-wise, right? He's trying to be really fit and healthy.

I know. He's getting a bit upset about it, isn't he? Yeah. And I adore Jim. But the other day, I felt really bad. So I was – this was before Dr. Gay, right? And I trained that morning. We were driving to, I think, Lurstoft.

I think. I want to say Lurstoft. I think. I want to say Lurstoft. And on the way there, we stop at a Greg's. And I was like, I've brought us four yum-yums to share. So we had two yum-yums each. And he was really like, I'm not sure. I don't really. And I was like, come on, man.

I felt like a guy pushing someone to do drugs. I was like, come on, bro. Because I didn't want to feel disgusted. I couldn't eat four yum-yums. I didn't want it to go to waste no thinking about it I could have probably

saved one of them you wanted to feel better about you eating yum yums so you threw him under the yum yum yeah and then Jim had one and then

I left the other yum yum in the back of the car I said I'll have the yum yum there for the way home just in case you want it and he went oh don't leave it there and actually thinking about it

I could have probably given it to Dinesh because he'd have eaten it wouldn't he yeah so yeah but anyway I have to regress slightly

so anyway I'm rushing in because we're in a bit of a hurry to get to the venue right I'm going through the shelves I see a snack there right

and I'm like are you looking it up now yeah I've got it here I'm going to show you it right I think oh look all I could say I just basically looked at the thing And I'm like, oh. You're looking it up now. Yeah, I've got it here. I'm going to show you it, right? I think, oh, look, all I could say, I just basically looked at the thing.

It said nut butter bites, peanut cashews and turkey. And I'm like, fucking that, like high protein. I'm like, fucking hell, they sound great, right? What did you just say? What did you just say? It says peanut cashews and turkey. They're all good things that I've been told to have, right? Nuts and meat.

Jesus Christ, yeah. Does it come with two liters of water what the hell is that no this you know this is gonna be like anyway i've literally maybe i've just gone seen them going oh hell they look great they're right by all the sort of snacks you know like where you've got like beef jerky and pork crashes right so i've think I know where this is going. Right, so I've got them. Fucking got in the back of the car and I was like, sort of like, had two or three of them. I'm like, these are fucking horrible. They're disgusting.

And then I looked at the packaging and this is the packaging. I knew it. I fucking knew it. You bought dog food. It's insane. They weren't that disgusting, but I was like, you know.

And then I looked and I was like, do I ever mention this to anyone? Because it quite clearly says here, low calorie treats for dogs. But I thought this was just like a wacky picture of a character that was sort of, you know, Denzel's. I was like, yeah. Tom, Tom, Tom, peanuts. What is it what are the ingredients

peanuts cashews and turkey it doesn't I'm not being funny but that doesn't sound like a human snack but it was right

next to the beach look number one whoever's in charge of that fucking storage and shelving should be sacked yeah because that's right

can I just say on behalf of Tom pets at home you are fucking bang out of order mate I was literally I looked at the pork because they've got high protein pork crackling Pets at home, you are fucking bang out of order. Mate, literally, I looked at the pork, because they've got high-protein pork crackling.

They have beef jerky. I was like, no, these look nice. I love turkey. So I was like, this would be fucking great. And then I'm like, then, mate, the paranoia that I had that the turkey would be raw, obviously it wasn't raw, because I didn't have it. No adverse effects. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Did you get yourself a chew toy to chew yourself up? Mate, I genuinely was like... I sat in the back of this car just... No adverse effects, but I did spend a second off of the tour show licking my own bollock. I've got quite serious worms now. And it won't be high grey turkey

will it it'll be low grey turkey no I mean look most of the turkey you're buying anyway is not high grey turkey is it so God knows what they're putting

in the dog stuff yeah how horrible was it was it dry I ate three of them yeah it was dry I ate three of them and it was like

you know I ate like wolf three of them down how many of them were there in the well I bet you did wolf them down how many of them were there in the well I bet you did wolf them down how many of them were there in the bag I didn't count

I mean there was probably another seven or eight left okay what did you do with the rest of them bin them yeah of course

I binned them yeah I was like yeah you didn't contemplate being one of these cool guys that's on a walk

and then a dog comes after you and you go do you mind if I do you mind if I treat your dog no that would have

meant I would have had to keep them on me for fucking ages oh you haven't got a dog listen no that would have meant I'd have had to keep them on me for fucking ages oh you haven't got a dog listen obviously that's ridiculous there's no way

you'd have had them on me for that long without eating them I get it by the way I contemplate I would love to see you walking up

to someone's dog just go do you want me to treat your dog yeah sure one for me one for the doggy but if I'd liked them

maybe I would have just kept eating them I will say that they like I mean I don't know why they're with human snacks

that fucked me off do you know what I mean they should be you don't know why they're well they should be with human snacks it should be a little dog

what shop was it in like the Marks and Spencer's garage ones but in their in fairness to them what I would say is just to give it a bit of context

you might have seen this if you're listening there's a dog on the packet that's the first thing mate mate can I because I sort of preempted

that you were going to say this right but Frosties have got a fucking tiger on the packet doesn't mean they're just for tigers does it Coco Pops has got a monkey on the packet I would say

it's a rarer occurrence that I probably did the supermarket to get myself some tiger food. No, but I'm just saying, quite a lot of brands. It's not that many people that are popping into the mainstream.

There's a good reason to shambos the yogurts. They're not for... I'm saying, as long as we've been eating fucking food, someone's put an animal on it because animals are cute. Okay. Fine.

And also, let me say, by the way, that dogs are very fit, lovely things. If someone turned around to me now and said oh you can have the body of a like I don't know like a Great Dane

I'd go fucking give it give it to me now please well I don't think you're as far away as you think to be honest with you but what I would say is like first of all right

there's a dog on the packet fine we can disregard that you've come up with a series of counter arguments like you're preparing for a court case fine secondly

right it's peanuts cashews and turkey right which are all foods that i try to eat quite a lot they're all foods but you to put them together in a human snack it's like something out the fucking apprentice right that's the second thing i'll say thirdly and i would say this is kind of the clincher at which point I close my suitcase and say, I say suitcase, I meant to say briefcase, fuck. The point I'm trying to make is, on the packet, it says treats for dogs. I mean, that to me is an indication.

That should be a bigger disclaimer, though, because that's quite small. Look, if you look at the packet, can you see? Okay, let's have a look. Well, you're bringing it back up on your phone. Right, can you see that? Okay, here's what this is what i'm looking at okay uh peanuts cashews and turkey nut butter bites the the word denzel's is like a dog bone okay that's the that's the next thing i say there's a picture of a dog looking very happy it says soft and squishy which something you very rarely have and then it

says low was it say low calorie training treats for dogs where does it say that oh yeah i genuinely just saw the picture for that so they sound about i just didn't clock that bit which is where i fucked up and but i will say this they weren't as disgusting as i thought like they like i'm saying now well you had three of them yeah well they seasoned well i wouldn't say the peanuts okay there was there was a vibe to them do you know what i mean they weren't seasoned seasoned benefit i'd probably learn to be a bit more healthy yeah i imagine if you were going to get me to do some proper tricks and fucking... Yeah. Do you feel like you would have done what somebody told you for more?

No, but obviously... No more than any other food that I eat. What I would say is, in your defence, because obviously I'm trying to attack you because that's, you know, it's fun, isn't it? But I do think it's weird they had it with human food. But that's why I just didn't even... But the only thing I'm slightly doubting, if I'm being honest with you, is they had it with human food but that's why I just didn't even but the only thing I'm slightly doubting

if I'm being honest with you is that it was with human food I'm starting to wonder if what he did is he wandered because you've said beef jerky which is actually quite a common dog treat

as well what I'm starting to wonder is if he wandered over to the dog paddock the dog paddock look this was very much a human there was crisps there

there was like chorizo and fucking chicken bites like there was stuff that I'd had like chorizo and fucking chicken bites like there was stuff that i'd had before that i probably should just maybe stayed in my own lane maybe i was doing too fucking out there you know yeah but yeah it stayed with me have you told anyone else no i mean i just thought i'll wait wait till i do a fucking international podcast i mentioned it briefly international podcast there you go

there we go that's that's your misconception of this. We're barely national. Well, I'll wait until I'm on a regional podcast. I'll bet we're a local podcast. Catherine was just like, shook her head. She was just kind of like, oh, God. Yeah. And she said, why do you eat three of them?

And I showed her the package. She was just a bit like, that's why I had the argument about the dog already loaded. Yeah. Yeah. Because most of Grace's food has animals of some kind on it. Not that we feed her animal food. No, no, I get it.

Bears are a big one. I wonder if someone has wandered into Tesco's and bought some Frosties to give to their tiger. Order up for Damien. Hey, how did your doctor's appointment go, by the way? Did you ask about Rebelsis? Actually, I'm seeing my doctor later today. Did you say Rebelsis?

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www.tresame.com to learn more. I wonder why, though, they came up with the idea of... Because that was a big thing when we were kids, right? Like, there's a cockerel on cornflakes. I get the cockerel, I guess, because he's up early and that's breakfast, right? Yeah, yeah, correct. But I don't... Some of the others I just think are quite random.

Like, hippos... A hippo for shambosy Yoghurt's never felt, what's that about? No, that's weird. Yeah, that is strange. What's his name? Was it Tommy the Tiger, the guy on Frosties? No, Tony the Tiger.

Tony the Tiger. He's like, they're great. You don't see, I mean, do they advertise Frosties anymore? Are they not allowed to, like cigarettes? I think it is one of those things where if you advertise it it leads to

negative PR because you know because like people are so anti-sugar and stuff like that have you seen on TikTok oh mate don't even

get me on TikTok you know the guys that walk up in the supermarket and they go they pick up a box I mean Eddie Eddie Abu's gone

massive now hasn't he you know we were talking about him a while ago he's gone huge now yeah he's been swimming away for a while ago. He's gone huge now. Yeah, he was simmering away for a while now. He's like, boom, everywhere.

Yeah, absolutely smashing it. It's like, it's fucking shit. This is fucking shit. It's supposed to have four... Wake the fuck up. Do people not worry that, look, and he's very, very watchable, but that that could lead to quite serious eating disorders? Well, I do think the open, regulation-free approach

to allowing nutritionists and exercise people to be on TikTok is arguably dangerous. Some of them aren't probably nutritionists. I'll tell you, there's one fucking guy on there, I can't remember his name, right? I watch, like you do, a lot of gym, fitness, health stuff gym fitness health stuff whatever my algorithm by the way is essentially like a pub now it's like my algorithm on fucking is a mixture of beside the picking the spots which is reduced there's people on there who seem to like sort of just be giving fucking weird advice there's fucking jocks that are fucking

talking about how much they're benching and being quite vindictively horrible about people who are slightly overweight. And then I seem to fall in an algorithm of this underground boxing world, not misfits, but this other world of people just calling each other out of different age. It's insane. Like, just madness of just like,

blokes older than us just going, listen, I've seen you, fucking come on in, here right and give it all the bollocks if you want to meet me in a fucking car park anywhere between derby and fucking manchester we'll fucking have it and you think what's the fucking like like what has this become this like it's like look you know what i was like this used to be family used to be free a dad and his two sons which yeah i wasn't a big fan of but at least it was quite sweet and quite fun and now it's like wow wow whoa whoa

i found it very very annoying it was no listen listen that is that's fucking more than a 180 what you've just done there man right quite sweet that the number of times and by the way not just on this podcast to me personally you have fucking gone in two footed on that family like they're the

fucking scourge of scourge of British culture mate I find them furious I would describe it as furious about them

I find them ever so annoying I can't contemplate in my head why you're doing that and I quote everything that's wrong with the modern world that's a direct quote

I thought that was the love I thought that was the bottom and now I'm seeing this aggressive toxic vibe of people fucking offering each other out it's essentially

you might as well just it's like a pub in a like microcosm of the fucking internet now I'm like

what is this algorithm and like the worrying thing of like someone like, you know, Eddie, I can't remember his surname now. Wake the fuck up,

Eddie Ebbe. But it's like, is he a fucking trained nutritionist? Has he actually got like qualifications? Because what he's telling people, right,

the more people you get following that, there's a kid, he's on there now, he used to be like a, I used to watch him quite a lot he used to be him and his mates i think brothers whatever they used to do like golf videos he now does these fitness videos and some of them are i mean essentially it's him doing a david brent impression just being absolutely vicious about anyone who's mildly overweight or anyone who doesn't train it It's so fucking toxic. They try and make it like,

I'll tell you what happens on TikTok is they've got like chefs that do this, but they've also got like fitness influencers now that do this, where they go, are you one of these fucking fat fucking fucks that don't realise it's calories in versus calories out?

There's some people who tell you it's not about calories in. Wankers. Let me tell you this if you want to get their ass slimmer than a ting ting be able to put your pim pim in the ding ding then you need to remember it's calorie deficit if you ever hear somebody say to you it's not about calorie deficit you're a fucking mug you muggy little rat muggy little rat you've got to get all this fucking shit like hard cuts them jumping between each it's fucking awful and then the other thing that you see is people going into supermarkets and they'll

pick something up and they'll go this uh now a lot of people think this is good cereal bar it's got a lot of polyunsaturates it's got a lot of oats which actually inflate inflate inside the stomach and lead to serious illnesses uh this is overrated this is something that can actually lead to your death if you eat more than one or two of these a month. So put them back on the thing. If you want to substitute, how about this? How about this? It's a tangerine. Now, don't eat the flesh of the tangerine. Very acidic, very horrible. Just chew on the peel. Don't swallow. You'll get the same orangey flavors. You get the same satisfaction. Don't get any get the same satisfaction don't get any of the calories don't get any of the negative nutrients

but make sure you rinse it first that is my top tip out all this fucking shit man it's non-stop I will say on the fucking

I was eating like those grenade bars every day and not losing weight and then realised what the protein was yeah and then realised that they were actually

full of fucking shit yeah I mean you can't I mean theoretically do you know what I was about to after complaining about nutritionists i was about to after complaining about nutritionist i was about to offer some nutritional advice yeah but like it's not

fucking rocket science but also if you are worried about it and it is a worry for people and i'm at that point in my life where like fucking go and speak to someone or or go on an nhs website or go somewhere that actually has some kind of like I can sit here and fucking tell you you know in the last few years I've lost over fucking what five and a half stone

like from where I was it's fucking but I can't sit here and then fucking go you should do this you should do that

because what I'm doing is right for me there's no there's no way of me explaining that you should try this or try that it's fucking

what works for one person is not going to work. Me and you have probably got very different ways in which we've both lost a bit of timber. Yeah, but what I would say is I can't tell you how much I weigh now. As in not that I'm ashamed to. I've not weighed myself in months. Yeah, but you look, I mean, man, you put a picture up the other day, right,

of you hanging out with Claudia Winkleman and the woman who does the traffic Sally Traffic is that actually her name? yeah her name's Sally Traffic, that's how she got into it actually are you joking? no her name is Sally Traffic

I think it's from like an old I think it originates from like you know like families that used to you know like sometimes surnames are to do with whatever your job was. So she was, oh, no, that traffic didn't get invented till fucking 1950.

No, but it was like the origins, like back in the day, it was like, you know, the whole thing about sort of, you know, it wasn't just cars.

I can tell now you're fucking with me. Why does she call herself Sally Traffic if it's not her name? Because she does the fucking traffic but she's got more to her than that

that's her nickname that's her nickname are you keeping her on when you leave

or when she leaves if you're under the impression that it's up to I'm not

fucking Jose Mourinho bringing in my own team when I go and take over

no but is Sally going to stay no Sally's an institution she's the only thing

that's fucking by the way while we're talking about that, have a look at that post. I texted you about it. Yeah, yeah, I had a look.

My God. My God. I went on to Claudia Winkerman's show. By the way, I'm not upset about this. People, please don't get... I went on Claudia Winkerman's show. We started talking about how I'm going to be taking over the show in April.

Radio 2 tagged me in a post invited me to be a collaborator in a post I share it the number of people the number of comments I got

just fucking angry at me being alive do you know what I mean just like people just posted going you ticked me about it greatest hits radio

you've got yourself a new listener. Will not be listening to this man. Not my favourite celebrity. Awful. Awful. Never hosted a radio show in his life. Why are they letting him do it? I guess it's jobs for the boys.

Yeah, I'm one of the fucking inner circle, mate. I'm one of the insiders in the industry. What the fuck are you talking about? My favourite comment was someone wrote, well, that's me gone. I'm going'm gonna start listening to graham norton on virgin and someone else well he's leaving as well mate it is so mad how some of those people are so angry man it's crazy the thing is i was uh i was doing some odd jobs at uh katherine's aunt's house uh

and you text me about it and i was like oh i'll have a little break a little bit of squash and uh chill and read these and i didn't know what to take you back because i was like oh fucking here he goes he's exaggerating then i read them i was like oh fucking god there's some nice ones on there but the top 15 I was like this is fucking insane I know and what I think the worst one might be

because it confirmed what I suspected Romesh ignore the haters I'm going to give you a chance and just think oh no yeah but I bet

if you went back to when Claudia took over that show from I can't remember who did it for Graham Graham was

I think it was Graham before Claudia yeah so I bet if you went back to that, that she'd have had the same thing. I don't know, man. I don't know, people still change sometimes, bro. I guess so, yeah. But listen, for that,

what I would like to say is... You looked incredible in that suit. That was a rocking look. That's very kind of you. You know when you look at someone in a picture as well, I was look. That's very kind of you. You know, when you look at someone in a picture as well, I was like,

I bet he smells amazing today. Well, do you know what I thought to myself? I got up in the morning because I was working in town, so I stayed over the night. Oof, nice. And then...

Bougie hotel? Little bougie now? Well, there's something I didn't want to talk to you about, actually. Oh, no, you prick. What, the Langham fucking hell man like you're the worst person for fucking trying to make a stand did you like genuinely you're fucking sitting withering on about veganism and fucking all

this stuff the two of us are literally here going well we'll fucking those pricks mate fucking all this stuff. The two of us are literally here going, well, well, fucking those pricks, mate. Giving a fucking free night there. You're over there like, oh, I don't really know him. I don't really know him. I'll just do a podcast with him.

I'll just stay in my room. I won't use any of the facilities. I didn't get a free night there. Okay. I'll tell you what, mate. I don't use this lightly if we were the miners right

you'd have been a scab crossing the fucking line go make the police sandwiches it was great though and they were they were so nice I bet they fucking were because the BBC

booked it for you so we better treat him well the BBC listen if you if you are under the impression okay that me being a guest on the Cordy Wilkerman show

means that they pay for me to have a hotel in town, you really are fucking delusional. I know that doesn't happen. And if you think the Langham gave me a free room, that's another delusion of yours. Yeah, I know. They don't give anything away, mate. They don't even give a fucking table.

But they didn't know who I was. They knew who you were when you turned up. They didn't. Mate, I'll tell you, like genuinely, right? I wish you'd filmed this just to see what they were like. I bet when they saw you were coming, they were like, this is our chance. Did you get any nice bits, any nice treats?

No, I don't think I did. It was our standard, to be honest with you. I mean, I turned up at midnight and I left at nine. Oh, fuck, how can you feel it? You can't give that a trip advisor I didn't give it who said I did give it a trip advisor

you'll have literally got all the Langham's so lovely and it's you're literally in and out in seconds I spent longer

in the toilet than that I didn't fucking by the way the Langham didn't turn me into Julian Clary I turned up there

I had a night's sleep I wandered over to get my interview and then I left okay it's right by the way the Langham didn't turn me into Julian Clary I turned up there I had a night's sleep I wandered over to get my interview and then I left okay it's right by the radio station by the way I bet if you rock up

to the Langham in that sweet suit you were wearing I bet they were fucking all lovely to you like you know hello Mr Reganathan welcome

hello Jonathan and you're like oh I feel so special did you have a bath while you were there no no I did not You're like, oh, I feel so special. Did you have a bath while you were there? No. No, I did not. I wish you'd shown me inside the Inner Sanctum as well so you could see what the rooms are about there.

Yeah, I should have FaceTimed you or something like that. Well, if it was midnight. What night was it? Friday night? Friday night, yeah. I would have been around. I was driving back from Chester. So that could have broken up the drive a little bit.

Yeah, that would have been sweet. But I don't know if I could have dealt with your rage at that stage. And by the way, can I just say, do you know who suggested it? Who? Flo. Flo did? This is insane. It's literally like two of the people I trust the most.

It's like a fucking film. Sleeping with the Enemy or something. Sleeping at the Enemy? Sleeping in the Enemy? Yes, sleeping in the Enemy. It's insane. There's so many nice hotels there. I would sooner, genuinely, this is true.

No, but listen, in my defence, it's tough to find a nice hotel in London. That's what I would say. Mate, I'd have stayed in a holiday inn. I'd have joined ranks with you and gone, and said to someone, oh, you can stay in the Langham. I'd go, no, Romesh,

they were so rude to Romesh. Tom, Tom, Tom, I love you. I love the bones of you. I think you're one of the most incredible human beings on the planet. And most days,

I thank my lucky stars that I'm friends with you. The idea that you would have stayed in a holiday inn in a show of solidarity with me is so far from the truth. I can't even fucking believe it.

Mate. In fact, not only... Listen, if the shoe was on the other foot, this is what I tell you would have happened, and I can almost guarantee this, right? You would have gone to the Langham, right? You've had a great night. And when I asked you where you'd stayed,

you would have made up some other name. That is the honest truth. I admire your honesty. That's the one thing That is the honest truth. I admire your honesty. That's the one thing I will say for you. I admire your honesty. Yeah, it's an honesty. Also, I will be calling Flo after this and go, what are you bloody thinking?

With the language. I could, you know, as well, I could imagine you just swaggering over in your suit, like not even doing the buttons up. I can't just Flo behind you like you're Matthew McConaughey in Wolf of Wall Street. Cut like them, say, you know, espresso in hand. Stopping traffic in that fucking sexy suit.

I really did get up in the morning. I just put on a suit because I wonder what outfit is the best outfit to get called a **** online. I think this suit's the one. You did look amazing. But that was the second time this week that you looked incredible. The Comet Relief press this week you looked incredible the comic relief press bit you looked incredible

you're a very good mate like that aren't you so you saw the comic relief photo and you texted me immediately by the way they did something to

your hair in that it looked amazing they almost like put like your hair looks incredible anyway but they like put like a it doesn't look

incredible now but they started it looked like it had almost like sort of like sort of tips put like blonde tips put on it there are no blonde tips on it i think that might have been grey but what i would say to you is is uh that was a photo straight from i didn't do a comic relief photo shoot that was nicked from uh not nicked with permission from weakest link oh really no it's the weakest link for you there you go little people how excited are you because you're not nicked, with permission, from Weakest Link. Oh, really? No, it's the Weakest Link. There you go.

How excited are you? Because you're presenting Comic Relief this year, right? You're taking over from the Big Dog Len. I'm not taking over from the Big Dog Len. It's Lenny Henry's last year of doing it. Right. And I think it's eight of us hosting it. How was it?

Have you all met have you had like a dinner together no we've met on zoom we had like a script read on zoom and we've got another one next week but it's going to be quite tricky for me because I'm doing the Isle of Wight

no I'm not doing the Isle of Man the night before oh wow so I'm gigging the Isle of Man and then I'm flying the Isle of Man is one of my favorites what a fucking room that is that's a great yeah it doesn't surprise me that you say that

when i last actually when i lasted the isle of man somebody said something like somebody heckled and i really went in on them like quite heavy and uh then i went off in the interval and i felt really bad about what I'd done. This is quite funny, actually. The geezer's a fucking legend. So I spent most of the interval spiralling about how horrible I'd been to that guy. So after the interval, I came out and I said, I was very honest with the crowd. I said, I'm going to be honest with you. My interval was ruined by my behaviour.

And I said, mate, I really went in on you there and I'm really sorry. And he went, he said, don't worry, I'm an absolute wanker. It was... That's the other man. I loved it. I thought it was great. Yeah, it's good, man. I loved it.

It's a great vegan cafe, though, which I wish I could remember the name of, but it was really good. I'm sure, basically, that everyone there is so polite and lovely. If you say the vegan cafe, they'll probably as soon as you get off the flight, they'll say, oh, yeah, by the way, we'll just drive past the Viking cafe, they'll probably, as soon as you get off the flight, they'll say, oh yeah,

by the way, I'll just drive past the Viking cafe because I know how, you know. It was actually lovely Sandman Dennis, Dennis Fernandez,

that found that place. Yeah, of course. We were there for two days. He ate there five times, I reckon. Mate, he properly fed another one. Oh,

it's crazy. It's insane. He's so tiny as well. Yeah, and he loves, we've talked about this before, I's insane. He's so tiny as well. Yeah. And he loves, he loves, we've talked about this before, I think,

but he loves lime pickle so much. Yeah. I am actually, I'm actually tempted to say the next time we go to an Indian restaurant, can you bring all of your lime pickle? I just want to see if Dennis can eat it.

Like beard meets food or whatever. He, he, he started, he's really into his I treated him well so yesterday

like I ordered food Dennis had like a vegan I can't remember I think it's like a pea protein wrap are you talking about

Nando's by the way yeah Nando's yeah yeah the great imitator yeah great wrap yeah so yeah looked lovely

I'd ordered yeah and I'd loved that. Nando's is pretty much my staple at the moment, pre-show. I've ordered chicken wrap and I've ordered the same Gratz. Gratz will often say I've served the same as you two. I'm like, we're like brothers. And they forgot to put Gratz's wrap in. Are you okay?

Are you okay? You said something quite innocuous there and then chuckled to yourself like it was the most profound thing you'd ever said I'm just thinking about Cratchit's sweet face

he gets excited by things like this he does yeah but which makes this story ever more sad food then comes a great amount

of potatoes there my wraps there well one of the wraps is there which I ate here we go and now the mask has slipped

well and truly you've fucked yourself Mr Davis you're so funny you've leant forward you little toad and you're like oh I'm going to fucking have him here so a rap arrived that was a rap that both you and Gratz ordered the same rap

because as you said you're like brothers but one of the brothers is a piece of shit it turns out also no one of the brothers is basically I can't

eat well this is this the food didn't come to like ten to seven if I can't wait for another wrap that's even more reason for you to

give it to Gratz he's a fucking tour manager he had the chips you can't oh my god this is bad no and then I called down to Graz. He's a fucking tour manager. He had the chips. You can't... Oh my God. This is bad. No,

and then I called Nando and I was like... This is bad. This is bad. So the rap arrived. Listen, you can't see this. Tom is pulling

his jacket up over his face in shame. So what happened? I took my, I said, no, because I grabbed my wrap

out quite quickly. It's before we, Of course you did. Of course you did. You didn't even fucking check if all the order was there. Wrap straight to Paul. So I'm eating my wrap now

and then, Fuck me. Please tell me you hadn't started eating the wrap before you'd even realised there was something missing. Yeah, no,

because it was in the top. I just grabbed it out of the top because I was so hungry. I was starving. Oh, my God. Dennis, if I'm going to be honest, by the way, Dennis wasn't much different. Dennis has fucking gone straight in as well

on the fucking great imitator. Well, he knows that he's the only one that's ordered a great imitator, right? Yeah, but yeah. Ironically, the real great imitator was you, imitating a brother of Gratz. And then, like, I looked towards Gratz, and Gratz is sort of like fuddling around

at the bottom of the sort of bag. Yeah, yeah. And he's like... What did you do? Did you chuck the bag on the floor and go, just sort yourself out, Gratz? No, no, because he had my sides in it. And I'm like, what's up?

And he was like, I don't think they put my rap in. And I went, that can't be true so we looked in the two bags and it wasn't like any his wrap was nowhere to be seen so I was like oh shit

I've started eating this so in the two bags across the two bags of food yeah no no no it was cold food and it was hot food that's how that goes wrong

right you've got your coleslaw your dips yeah the little custard tart things they come in a cold bag pastel de nata yeah

did you get those as well yeah Jesus H Christ you're not fucking about and then so then I try and get in touch

with Nando's to see if they've forgotten well they have forgotten one of the double wraps then I'm like did you finish eating yours first before you got in touch no no no

I had the phone open as I was eating right were you slightly annoyed that it was ruining your enjoyment of your wrap having saw this one No, no, no, I had the phone open as I was eating. Right, right. Were you slightly annoyed that it was ruining your enjoyment of your wrap? That's just Gratz. Gratz. There's some dog treats in my bag.

If you want some Denzel's turkey pat, that's your thing, though. No, but Gratz said I'd send my chips, so I went out and grabbed something else. I was like, I'm trying to get this sorted and he was like you know Graz is a gentleman yeah and I yeah he was like

look let me I'll sort this out and then he yeah he went off and sort yeah grabbed something he went off out

to go and sort himself out dinner no because the other thing about those wraps is they split into two halves very easily no they don't they're finely packed

if it had been two halves I'd have easily given him, or a pit hour, I'd have given him half. Yeah. Okay. And he had, I think he had one of the custard tarts.

You know, I don't know if it's Jake. How gracious of you, my liege, you gave him one of the custard tarts, did you? Because at the moment, when your brother's there,

it's your brother who sits, Jason, the other support, doesn't eat with us as much because Jason's on a real strict diet at the moment. He's not allowed any sugar. What's he eating? He just has peanuts.

He's been really healthy. He can't have any saturated fat. He had his blood test done. I might be spilling more. Do you know what? I think I might need to get a test. I've not been tested in ages. I did get a test

yeah you should like the NHS do it for you you've got to have an MOT one you're nearly 50 yeah you've got to

that thing is you've got to be have you had your prostate done no ever by coincidence Lisa checked it

on my birthday but that was that was more recreation. She doesn't know what's going on up there. She can't be thinking about it up there. You've got to go and... You've got to... More people should have it.

It blows my mind that people don't... You've got to get... Everyone's worried about it. It's actually quite an enjoyable thing. You turn up... It's like anything. If you treat it like, oh, shit, I'm really, really worried about it. But if you go up and you have a bit of a laugh with the person before, it's actually quite fun. Yeah. It's like anything if you treat it like oh shit I'm really really worried about it but if you go up and you have a bit of a laugh

with the person beforehand it's actually quite fun yeah so I'd say go along get it done get yourself tested

bloods and prostate and probably heart as well get an ECG done definitely for me heart yeah definitely yeah yeah no no you've got to be

if you want it's unlikely I'm going to be around for long, I think. But just based on family history. Yeah, yeah. So what I would say to the people that are worried about me taking over from Claudia Winkleman, I don't think I'm going to have a long stint.

Take some solace in that. What they could do is fit you with a pacemaker. That's a great idea. That could be quite a different vibe for you. But seriously, look into that. And also, like I did say to Graz,

you know, full disclosure, you know, next time, we'll just pop somewhere together and we'll sit down and eat. Mmm. For just $4.99, you can get a Subway 6-inch Black Forest ham sub made with our new fresh-sliced deli. But the fresh slicing doesn't stop at beautiful Black Forest ham.

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to each other i am future i wait in the world of echo discover the extraordinary with echo the spectacular new show by cirque du soleil opens may 8th under the big top at toronto lake shore boulevard west tickets at cirque de soleil.com the world is yours to create echo thanks it's presenting partners sun life and its official partners air canada and mastercard okay do you want to do one email let's do it my baby are you looking at emails now is that where you've sort of gone into that? I've gone into what? You get this look when you're looking at emails like someone who's just found porn for the first time.

No, it's just that I'm sort of, you know, I'm just trying to get into the emails, you know what I mean? Thanks once again to the lovely Swan. The Swan has really stepped up. What with the magnesium butter and the sort of prostate she's really that prostate thing was made up I was going to say

as far as I know about Lisa she's not a trained medical professional I would suggest that if I asked Lisa to have a little wang around with my prostate I would imagine it wouldn't go that well

um okay she's a caring woman if you're worried about well I don't even know what they're looking for when they dig about out there though no I don't know either

lumps and bumps and then you're yeah but I think she would find it weird if I said rather than going to a doctor if you want me

to come with you I can I'll sort it out um can I think about that can i come back to you on that all right uh dear wolf i'll cut out and swan this cat and swan this is from the toothless tiger thanks to this one for picking this email if you do firstly i just wanted to send an email to say thank you after a sports injury a few weeks back yesterday i had to sit in a dentist chair for nearly three hours for a root canal i I've been through that pain. Not the best time of my life. However, I had saved up a few

episodes of the pod, stuck my airpods in and you sweet, sweet souls got me through what would have otherwise been something I'd have really struggled with. So thank you. You're welcome, friend. You're very welcome, Toothless Tiger. Moving swiftly on to the second, much better half of this email. I recently got engaged. Wowzer. Congratulations, friend. My fiancé and I met at school almost 10 years ago when I was 16. Oh, childhood romance. Yes.

Everybody often asks, was it a difficult decision? Were you nervous to propose? But honestly, it was so easy. I was so excited and I just knew it was the right time and what I really wanted. How do you think about how I'm reading this, by the way? Yeah, I like it. But I'm trying to interject with sort of like these cool little sort of... No, I know that. I know that.

Yeah. We're now in... Just have a go. This is the last paragraph now. So if you're planning on interjecting anymore, this is like, you know, it's the finale. Well, usually this could be the bit where it could be misjudged. I'm just sort of waiting now to see what I say.

Well, what I can tell you is I've read ahead and there's nothing too dark. So feel safe. We're now fully in the swing of planning the big day. And I wondered whether... And I wondered whether you have any suggestions, recommendations or advice for weddings, either from your own experiences

or weddings you've been to. Any big do's or don'ts for the day. I've only been to one wedding and ours will be the first of our friendship groups, so not much personal experience to go on. Big thanks for any advice you have, the Toothless Tiger. Toothless Tiger, my friend, my liege,

my honourable companion. First bit of advice I'll give you is this one. Make it about the two of you. When me and Catherine got married, it felt like so many people interjected. There was so much outside noise. And frustratingly to this day, I think we got lost in that a little bit.

And we sort of, I think, maybe sort of went away from stuff we might have wanted or people we might have wanted there to make other people happy. And when I look back at it, I sort of wish I'd sort of just been a bit more strict and sort of like, yeah, sort of better judge of that myself. I'd say a free bar is a really good, if you can afford like it's a good way of just getting everyone sort of at it and having a drink and just like not listening for the whole night

just making sure you've got sort of drinks and everyone sort of gets into that that way of i guess partying and feeling like it's a real celebration um i not my other bit i think i've said this before is not losing the fact of what the day is. It's not like, I think some people, as I've just said this about, but I think making sure everyone else is having a good time, but also remembering why the two of you are there and actually trying to spend as much of that day together

as you possibly can. When me and Catherine got married, a few of the times we just went off the two of us and just let it soak in, that we're married and you know enjoyed those little moments together and that's not without leaving you know people you know have had a drink and they're having a good time whatever but i think just making sure that you sort of seek each other out and enjoy that time together remembering like what a massive

moment it is because i think it's it's an incredible thing you know to be married and and um you know married and you know spend the rest of your life together fingers crossed such would and such but yeah and I think it's, I think my last yeah my last piece of advice was

I guess it's just making it truly individual and truly not just giving it, making it feel like your day and not succumbing to putting pressure on other people to do long Miranda like

I was very fortunate with my best man and he was, James was brilliant and did a great speech and looked after us he was perfect for everything but I've been to these things before where people have like, best man for the speeches because the best man that they've picked might not be as sort of in your face

or do you know what I mean? They're not as confident about it. And actually the best speech I've ever heard from best man have tended to be quite from the heart and not these sort of, I can almost roast or sort of like quite awkward things to watch

I just think yeah make it about you enjoy it have an amazing time pick a good band have a good party and yeah just remember

first and foremost why you're doing it because you've got an amazing human being standing next year that you're going to spend the rest of your life with and this is the beginning

of an amazing journey between you two so have a good one. God bless. Shout out. Let's get some wedding pictures sent in. That'd be amazing. Maybe like you could do it like where one of you does an impression of Romesh

and the other one does an impression of me. And like, you know, not at the speeches or like during the ceremony, but afterwards, like that could be quite fun. So, yeah, go forth, go right and do that with love people uh i was just about to say i haven't really got anything to say because i so wholeheartedly agree with tom's advice and then he delivered 30 seconds what i described as absolute shite at the end there what bit um what bit the bit about about them doing impressions of us that'd be cute that'd be so funny.

Can you imagine anything funnier? One of them's like, oh, it's been a great day. Oh, yeah, I've loved it. Could be quite cool. Obviously, at the Wolf and Owl, my mission myself, and yeah, we could.

That'd be fun. Don't do that. But what I would say is the advice am i do agree with tom is that you can get very caught up in trying to make it an amazing day for everybody and at the end of the day those people are there primarily to celebrate your wedding and uh they should be just happy that they're there so you know do what you want to do and make sure you make it about you you guys and obviously you want people to have a good time but that should not come at the expense of you kind of taking the opportunity to celebrate what

you've got it's an amazing love story you two so you know have the wedding you want to have do's and don'ts um i would just say don't just don't get too caught up in well my big don't is uh is is don't get so caught up in talking to everybody else separately that you don't get too caught up in it. Well, my big don't is don't get so caught up in talking to everybody else separately that you don't actually have any time together. That would be my big one. That's easily done. I don't know how big your wedding's going to be, but just be mindful of that, I would say.

And keep the speeches short. That's a note for everybody. It's very much diminishing returns in that game. So if, you know, if the best man has got, like, a 45-minute opus up his sleeve, I would have a serious word for him. They're young kids, though. They're young pups. So I don't think that there's...

Let's hope so. How long was your... Have you done a best man speech? I've done a couple, yeah. Yeah, I think I've done one. I feel like that's the one thing I'd like to really, I've not been asked enough, I don't think. Like, where I sit as well as sort of like on stag do's,

all through my 20s, I was like King Stag, right? I was a fucking guy that everyone would want. Like, you know, pretty first name down. I was like the, you know, I don't know, like fucking Paul Scholes or like Patrick Vieira of Stags right first name on the team Jesus fucking Christ

sometimes I honestly cannot believe that we're friends if somebody says to me you've got to meet my mate Tommy he's like the Patrick Vieira of Stags dude I go can I stop you there

I'm alright yeah but you know who you'd be I think who you'd be like I think? Who? You'd be like that sort of... I know who you think I'd be, the fucking twat on the WhatsApp group.

We talked about this before. Can everybody keep the fun organised? No, but I think you'd actually... The mistake that a lot of people make is they get too carried away on the first night and unfortunately, while that's fun on the first evening, it does ruin the rest of the weekend because you're very much playing catch up

you'd be like you don't remember Phil Neville had that couple of good years at United where he was scoring goals and playing really well and it was like

fucking hell Phil Neville's a good player I think you could be like the Phil Neville of the stag this is exactly the sort of chap that I'd be allergic to

I can imagine that you calling me Phil Neville everyone's fucking like oh my god Tom's such a legend go on do the Phil Neville everyone's fucking like oh my god Tom such a legend such a go on do the Phil Neville stuff

well yeah like you're like you're like the shit brother aren't you but like you managed to put Tom out of it then everyone's going

Vieira oh Vieira oh you stand up fucking arms out in the air the neck a pint like a fucking prick

he's dressed in fucking drag he's king of the fucking stag Vieira um no but I would say that he's first one

down the pub he ate a foot long sob Vieira no but I was never asked to be best man really enough

which was the hours I put in the graft I put in as a friend I was never asked to be best man really enough which was the hours I put in the graft I put in as a friend I was like this is yeah sometimes that's

quite a hard thing maybe I was more like I might actually I'm probably more like the Ray Parler at this day well you know you weren't going to be

best man but you were going to have a very vital role at my family but you couldn't be asked to come. I was gigging in fucking Newcastle. I know, but what I'm saying is...

When you were preparing it, if you'd looked at my gig list and gone, I was off the weekend after. Yeah. All I'm saying is you had a very pivotal role in that. Which I would have fucking loved to have done. And now I've got to wait another 20 years.

I think less than 20 years. The way things are going, we're going to need to have a party every I've got to wait another 20 years I think less than 20 years the way things are going we're going to need to have a party every year to be honest with you do you fancy another knees up to sort of kid ourselves that there's some magic left in this yeah

go on well next time oh you know what we should do we should be doing a fake stag for you next year yeah no I'm alright actually thank you that

oh mate did you ever have a proper stag do no er no oh mate i'm gonna speak to lisa about this do you know what have you got have you got her number i would love you to have a chat with her about it oh he's cool what i'll go hey yo lisa and she'll go oh my god is that tom and i'm like yeah yeah yeah you're right and she's like yeah like how are you i was like yeah

cool cool listen i've got big news Tom is this the is this the phone call I've been hoping you were going to make for a few years now well if that phone call yeah

means the fact I'm going to take Romesh on the stag that he never had then yes that's exactly what it is so

my first request would have been that you were coming around but as it is you're taking request would have been that you were coming round but as it is you're taking him away so that's a close second I'm going to take him

to Vegas for a second mate we can fucking get we can get Beckett on the fucking firm big Whit Whitacombe can't have other

fucking your brother oh my too smooth Grax yeah it's not a bad shout mate it should be fucking cool bruv

we could do a live podcast out there probably with four people in Vegas that would think about coming to that we'd be able to do it in one of our hotel rooms

mate it would be fucking banging so look people have the listeners of the podcast if you think Romesh should have

a the stag do he's always dreamed of messaging and say or emailing and say let's give Rom the stag he needs.

Yeah. And we will 100% go by whatever the emails say. Yeah. All good, baby. Or if we can't do Vegas I think we could go to Barcelona. Hmm.

Okay, let's have a think about it. I'll look at it. I'll make some calls, right? And I promise this. It's not going to be shit. We're going to just fucking just to go to Go Ape or something. It'll be fucking cool, man., right? I promise this, it's not going to be shit, like we're going to just fucking, just to go to Gabape or something, it'll be fucking cool, man,

all right? Okay, Tomo, it's about that time. Bonjour, merci, je ne sais quoi, words in a foreign language

that I understand, but maybe I should understand more, maybe I should open my mind more and try and learn a foreign language that I understand, but maybe I should understand more. Maybe I should open my mind more and try and learn a foreign language. Got me thinking the other day as I was walking through London, and someone asked me directions in a foreign tongue, in a broken accent. They couldn't understand me, nay less I couldn't understand them. And it made me think, should I be more open? Should I start pushing myself, my boundaries, my mind? And then it came to me, silently almost, just as I strolled past this person

after giving them the directions to Nighttown and walked away, that actually, you know what? I managed to converse with this person, not necessarily with words, but by showing them my phone with a general smile and a reassurance tap on the shoulder, a wink, and a thumbs up. See, that's the language

we all understand no matter where you're from. And that's, guess what I'm trying to say at the end here of this podcast, this opus, that if you can't speak another tongue or word sometimes,

leave you. One thing to always think of is this. be kind just be decent smile it's always good to just put an arm around someone a thumbs up a laugh a rub of the hair and say go forth be good and if nothing else although we don't speak the same language we're friends now beautiful beautiful stuff from Tom Davis to play us out Tom and I the wolf for now everyone here would like to offer our sincerest congratulations to Cass

is dead for his Brit award win oh my god it's fucking great absolutely great JT can you play Pineapple Juice

by Cass is Dead to take us out of the show guys we'll see you next time by the way Tom we didn't talk about it my internet fully functional now man

beautiful by the way lovely smooth scroll makes a real difference doesn't it I felt better you felt better just great times

really great times beautiful thing all round hey by the way by the way, friend, can I say something? Yeah. I goddamn love you, brother. Love you too, my G.

Thank you so much for all the Claudia Winkleman fan support. You keep the wind in my sails. Take care of yourselves. See you soon. See you, friends. Bye-bye. love to give you that kind of love when i'm high fighting it's kind of tough to see my search history when i'm on the stuff looking at you on that bed all the nasty shit is running through my head i said i drink the juice for you the plan was for you to drink something else instead

if you have a problem opinion feedback or anything at all, please email us at wolfalpod at gmail.com. That's wolfalpod at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we don't have any content ideas. Thank you.