Wolf and Owl - S3 Ep 16: Childminder Tom & Pirate Auditions

Episode Date: March 20, 2024

We’re talking… Norwich hotels, sponsorship slip-ups, childminder fast-food feasts, holiday pests and stag-do pedigree, the price of a signed photo, dopey cartoon characters, the Jack Black phenomenon, opinions on The Holiday, auditioning as pirates and more marathon motivation tips for Rom. Then we answer some more of your emails with a questions about dealing with ADHD and another great film pitch proposal. For questions or comments, please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod TikTok - @wolfowlpodcast YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch & Mailing List - https://wolfandowlpod.com/ A Shiny Ranga Production For sales and sponsorship enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Yeah, what do you want? Beak or jaws? Feathers or fur? Sharp teeth or feet with claws? Whatever's preferred They'll grant you all last requests to steady your nerves, then podcast the body parts, get severed and served Bring your weak shit, wear the wolf and owler, that ain't just a mistake, that's an awful howler Both of them are known to pull up at your shows, have the crowd witnessing a murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows Fuck their censorship, let them see the whole thing They stay dressed to kill, never sheep's clothing Dark enough to turn the sun to the moon You'll see nothing, all you hear is a huff, a puff and a

Expect killings, red spilling and flesh ripping Impressive in it, the death bringing, it's head spinning Just kidding, every word in this song's about two grown men Dressed up as a bird and a dog hello and welcome to the wall for now uh uh welcome welcome like this garage mc thing i need to apologize firstly i don't know what my mic i didn't bring it with me i'm in norwich wow is that your room it's a very great it's a very great room it's much you're in sort of a corner of it yeah it does look quite bleak. I'm not saying that microphones aren't allowed in Norwich.

I'm just saying I forgot to bring it. So this is a laptop microphone, quality sound you're hearing. I've tried to find, like, JT's always going on about finding the softest area. So that's what I've done. It's very soft. It's insane that you've got grey curtains and a grey wall and paint. It's like, yeah. I know, it's very soft like this it's insane you've got gray curtains and a gray water and paint it's like yeah well no it's so weird that they've matched the wall

with the cut i know it's fucking lunacy it is genuine i thought i think they at least give it a little bit of color yeah it's quite a morose sort of color sort of skin i'll show you the rest of the room because it's quite like oh fuck i mean that's not a room that's a sweep by the way that's not even your bed's not even in that bit

that's a fucking that is incredible look you can see the bed a four

poster bed you're living some swaggy life on this tour my friend what are you talking about

it's the only hotel in every time I see this stuff it tries me to work harder

that's some four poster bed living the dream it's the only hotel in Orange I'll tell you what every time I see this stuff it drives me to work harder to fucking that's some four post of bed fucking living the dream I don't think it's living the dream I think it's quite shining at this do you know what I think

I mean I think it looks quite nice what's what is that we can beep it however you want what's the name of the hotel it looks very nice oh mate

fucking hell I've never heard of it but I know exactly sounds very ritzy well I'll be honest with you it was something that I thought Oh, mate, fucking hell. I've never heard of it, but I know exactly. Sounds very ritzy. Well, I'll be honest with you. It was something that I thought we'd be able to afford, but unfortunately a revenue stream has been taken away,

without getting into details, but I think people will know, as a direct result. And can I just say, regularly, I say to you, just measure yourself. Just calm down and think carefully about what you're saying about things. Don't keep going two-footed into stuff, okay? And, you know, eventually, it's going to cost you. It's going to backfire you going two-footed.

How did I know that it was going to cost you it's going to backfire you're going to finn yeah did i know that it was going to backfire on me because now as a direct result of you giving someone an absolute fucking leathering we have now we've lost a sponsorship on the podcast yeah well i need so i am a very very look visual is this no no i don't know what the word i'm a very passionate person right yeah like and i think you know i went i did go two-footed on on a company a company might say that i use a lot uh still use yeah i still use use it three times each week yeah the company that I find is in my everyday life

very much I've found very very helpful I'm not kind of backing down from what I said because I do think there's like many things

like us like most things it's not perfect I probably went in too hard on it what I will say is that

I probably should have checked myself before I wrecked myself and also you. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you check yourself, check yourself before you wreck everyone involved, which is right. Yeah. So yeah, I don't want to directly sort of name the company. But I would apologize if I was to see any of them in the street i go yo like yeah thank you for all the good work as well as that also the sort of you know the stuff yeah i mean you've used them you've used them hundreds and hundreds of times and it's been great but you didn't talk about that on the book

i have talked about it before on here i have said how much of a difference i've made tomorrow hence the sponsorship we got yeah uh and i actually went back through my um when we first got this sponsorship i was very excited when i messaged flo back i was like oh wow that's a company i use all the time and one that's made massive massive improvements to my life i can't wait to blacklist me and one of my best friends up from them and that's what's happening i've i done about you. I've now... Okay. Do you not think you're... We're trying to be vague about this. JT, can you bleep the last 10 seconds?

I mean, I don't know what the fuck you think you're doing. Anyway, the long and the short of it is you owe me money I mean

that is that is yeah and also funny that I do feel like I can probably

sort of pay off in kind like babysitting kids or like I don't know

like come around like help clean your pool with you I know that this is I know or, like, I don't know, like, come around, like, help clean your pool with you. Look, I know that this is... I know that you kind of, like,

do a lot of this kind of just talking for the sake of it. You know, it's sort of... It's very difficult to... It's a very blurred line between what you're actually saying and what you mean and what is just fanciful bullshit.

Oh, look, if you need me to come around and talk to the kids, I'd love it even if you need evening to come around and play FIFA. Here's my question to you. Just cut the shit. Just cut the shit for a second. If I said to you, I need you to look after the kids, would you come and do it?

Of course I would. Generally, yeah. I'd turn around to Catherine and go, look, Mum needs me to watch the boys. As long as I wasn't obviously gigging. I genuinely have a great time. I think the world are your three sons. I actually,

genuinely, if you were to sell me, if like, and this is no offense to you and Lisa, because I adore you both, if you were to say what would be a perfect team,

I'd be able to go round, right, your kids love junk food, right? I'd order a mammoth McDonald's and pizza, fucking Pizza Hut, KFC buffet, right?

That we'd have on your fucking big kitchen island you've got. It'd just be about, you know, it's a big island. We'd be able to fucking cram it full of food, sweets, popcorn, right? I'd then turn around and go, Theo! Theo! Get the PlayStation down on the big TV, son. Right? We'd get a fucking big tournament, a FIFA tournament up there, right? We'd literally then probably put on some tunes TV, son, right? We'd get the fucking, big, a big tournament, a FIFA tournament up there,

right? We'd literally then probably put on some tunes in the background, have a little dance off it. So with the two people playing, other two just having a dance and a laugh, probably then just basically sort of turn the TV off for a bit, talk to them about how they're getting on at school, talk to them about life,

then go get the TV, ramp it back up, a little bit of call of duty or something, then it's like, look, it's two in the morning, ramp it back up, a little bit of call of duty or something. Then it's like, look, it's two in the morning. You guys have got to get to bed. Yeah, okay. And then the next day,

I say to Charlie, Charlie, you all right, mate? Yeah, how was it being babysat by Uncle Tom? He's a little bit immature, but it was okay. All right, well, I'll bear that in mind, man. I'll have a think about it.

Or I'll turn around and just go, all right, you know what would really annoy your dad? We all leapt in the pool now. Like, let our food go down, obviously, like, fucking till we didn't get cramps and stuff. But just all just take a... And then video us, like, leaping in the pool. Can I just say something?

If, for whatever reason, you end up looking after my kids, I want to say this now, and I'll remind you at the time, you're not allowed in the pool with them. All right? I'd take my trainers off. Mate, what's... Like, literally, the thing about it, it's like Uncle Buck or anything like that.

It would be fucking crazy. And, like, for probably about a month or so after like charlie alex theo would be going oh you're going out with mum again because uncle tom can come around and i'll be like we do this every three or four months yeah yeah the idea that lisa and i go every three or four months is uh that's the most fanciful part of that whole story let me tell you grace is at the moment at a place in her life where she's realised that she can, she'll blank one of us at bedtime now just to make the other one, yeah. She'll just go, I don't really feel like saying goodnight to you.

She, I mean, Oh really? Oh, she's a rascal mate. She's, I mean, I love it because she's, she's got some, she's got a little bit of fire in her tummy, but she is. Did I tell you about the time when I was trimming my beard? I accidentally shaved it all off. And I think I was away at the time I did it all. I was at work or something.

I'll tell you when it was. I know it wasn't. Anyway, it doesn't matter when it was. But I shaved my beard off. I came home. The kids were quite surprised I was was clean shaven i mean lisa normally what used to happen is like lisa would go and say good night to charlie then i would go up and say good night to him lisa went up so like it was a few years ago because he wouldn't do this

now but lisa went up say good night to charlie and she came downstairs and she said um charlie said that he he'd rather you didn't say good night to him until your beard's grown back i mean i don't know how long he thought that was going to take and then he thought i was going to said that he'd rather you didn't say goodnight to him until your beard's grown back. Oh, fucking hell. I mean, I don't know how long he thought that was going to take. I think he thought I was going to have to wait just a couple of hours. What he'd heard about Asian men was true. But yeah, he didn't want

to see me. It was because you know when we were both in Portugal, right, and I remember you shaving it off by accident. Just before we went, yeah. Yeah. It was a went, yeah. Yeah. It was a big look to go on holiday. I didn't get recognised at all for the first 10 days of that trip. Mate.

Mud. I don't know if I've ever talked to him. We had a guy who was on that fucking holiday who literally did not leave me alone for the whole time we were there. It was insane. He turned up everywhere. We would literally be like i'll be any i don't know i can't remember if i've talked about this but he would like so first day we're there he comes up and chats to me a little bit and you're like oh okay and he's like

yeah we're out here for my birthday having a fucking right laugh it's gonna be you know and i'm like oh cool and it was him and his family his kids and whatever and then it was a fucking open season wherever i went it'd be like i'd literally be in a breakfast get in a buffet he'd come over and go uh we do get some breakfast big fella you having some breakfast yeah yeah yeah no no no i'm having some breakfast about an hour later i'll be in the fucking pool and he'd pop his head out from underneath the water and go what are you doing having a swim mate you want to swim it was like like one day me and katherine got one of those little beds overlooking the sea he turned up there we're having some champagne we're having a little cuddle little kiss yeah

we are no he didn't i swear on everywhere like even to the point where we were leaving we saw him at the airport we're both having a burger king he went what's that a bird king i said yes like it was like a character from a fucking show he literally was fucking like everything was just I mean to be fair he was essentially just King Gary but he was like constantly

I was going to say a lot of what you're saying is quite consistent with how I'd imagine you'd behave I'm not that bad you're just a guy trying to be friendly

I know that this is sad to say I'm not that bad anymore I think I probably was a little bit more like that. Yeah, you've become a little bit kind of harder, haven't you? No.

Is it hard in the right words? Less thirsty? No, I think I'm still very thirsty. I just don't think I'm that, pointing out the obvious. I still like trying to get eye contact three or four times with someone so then I can infiltrate a group and have a chat.

I've got a lad's... You don't do that now. We've got a lad's... I'm quite anxious. We've got a lad's holiday coming up. We've got a... It's my mate Tommy. What?

Tommy Power's birthday. What is going on here? So Beckett, me, Beckett, Josh. No, so it's his birthday so he's organised a golf trip so we're all going

and it is a weird thing of like I don't I don't know if I've still got the steel within me for like

a few days on the absolute lash like that you know when it's like almost Stagdew vibes I look I mean

I've got I'm a legacy I'm like you know I've talked about this before I look back at my pedig like almost Stagdew vibes. I mean, I've got, I'm a legacy. I'm like, you know, I've talked about this before. I look back at my pedigree as a Stagdew champion, you know. I look back as your pedigree as a Stagdew champion. If we'd have met then, we'd never have been friends. I mean, you do say, like, you back in the day sounds a bit... Go on, go on.

Well, you sound like you might have been flirting on the edges of being a bellend. Some of the stuff that you say. I wasn't flirting on the edge of being a bellend. I was a fucking... Well, fucking... Massive, big, goofy bellend. But I mean, I'm saying that as someone

who has been a twat for most of his life it still continues to be i mean i mean like you know i have things that i that happened yesterday that i i'm oh my interactions were terrible the way i came across there was awful even like coming out the norwich show there's some people outside the way that i spoke to come i say by the way norfolk and suffolk the people way outside are so lovely i'd say they're some of the nicest people that wait outside any gigs yeah i mean occasionally you do get there are some people that wait outside that they've got photos assigned that are not that's a different thing that's a different like i we were coming we were coming up it happens at certain places you can always predict

there'll be somebody there's this phenomenon of like people stood outside either when you arrive or when you leave and they've got like laminated photos like hundreds of them

well they'll have like loads of the same photo and then ask you to sign all of them because they're selling them they're selling them Rob yeah but what value but Tom what value is a sign you know what I do do to with them i go what's your name mate pete

okay and i write to pete much love tom davis on all of them yeah try selling them your mug yeah that's a good idea the the only problem with that is it takes longer doesn't it yeah but i'd sooner take longer mate the way i see it with those, right, is that I don't even sell pictures of myself. Do you know what I mean? It's like... Mate, I don't think they're worth... They can't be worth... Don't get me wrong.

If it was like Bieber or somebody like that, or Taylor Swift or somebody, I'd get it. Yeah, but they look at it, Rob, a bit differently. They might not be... They're looking at it as a market thinking Romesh has got maybe a Bieber moment in him. Do you know what I mean? Like, they know as well as you do

that you've been working on this fucking album for ages, right? When that album blows up, it could be fucking, you know, that could be your Bieber moment, right? What I'm saying is, what do you think genuinely? No, I think they might trade them. The market value of a photo, a signed photo by either of us, I reckon a quid, maybe? I think you're being generous.

A quid, like, I mean, saying that we do sell signed Wolf and Owl prints. Yeah. Which is slightly different. Yeah, but that's a print. I would say the value is in the print rather than the signature. Right. Man, that's difficult i'd i'd say you're probably around the 90p to a pound mark i put me if i'm lucky 50p maybe to 70 i think

you're talking absolute shit i i i i think you'd be more than me if any for the very the very most optimistic for me we'd be on a level right but the fact for the very, the very most optimistic for me, we'd be on a level, right? But the fact of the matter is, you're a fucking movie star. I'm not a movie star. You are.

What are you talking about? You, you, you, mate, you're in the biggest film, the worldwide biggest film, when it came out,

right? Yeah, but. And you were a big part of it. Who won a fucking picture? Like, like, I get it.

You won a picture too. I was, I was one of the mice in Cinderella. Let me tell you something, that doesn't... Mate, you've played loads of rodents

because you're the rat in Chicken Run. Mate, you'll get typecast. You'll get typecast as a stinky old rat and mess. Actually,

one of them, because I was starting to talk about this before we came on. I'm watching more and more cartoons, right, and I've realised

the voice that you do for me... As you're getting older. It happens a lot. Well, no, because of Grace. I know. I'm watching more and more cartoons and I've realised the voice that you do for me... As you're getting older. It happens a lot. Well, no, because of Grace. I know. No need to defend yourself. I've noticed that the voice you do for me is essentially the stupid character in every fucking film.

What are you basing this on? Which ones? Is there any in particular? All of them. The brother out of fucking Ratatouille. He's a fucking gibbering idiot. Right? Hold on, hold on a second. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Let me just stop you there.

The brother in Ratatouille is not a gibbering idiot. Mate, he's a foolish clown. He is. He's a foolish clown. No, he's not. Tom, what... Do you know what? I'm beginning to understand where this self-loathing comes from.

That guy is you. Do you know what? I'm beginning to understand where this self-loathing comes from. That guy is you. That makes you... No, I'm not saying I'm Remy. You have got Remy vibes. You've got some Remy in you. You are Remy. But his brother, I love his brother. Oh, he's a lovable fool, there's no doubt.

He's not trying to bring his brother back to the, trying to bring Remy back to the fire, do you know what I mean? Right, here's Remy's voice. Here's Remy. All my life, I waited just for a chance, just to be something, somebody. Here's his brother's voice. Oh, Remy, are you going to come and be friends with Dad again?

Okay, you have turned that up a little fucking bit there. Look, for the sake... Yeah, but what I'm saying, like, all of these things... I prefer the brother to Remy. I was watching Trolls. As a guy to hang out with. Trolls the movie, there's a character like that. There's another thing I saw.

What was it? Secret Life of Pets. Secret Life of Pets. There's an imbecile character in there. Yeah. It's, you know, they're sort of everywhere. Grace has also got a habit. I can see she's doing it now. She likes to turn the radio or the TV up as loud as she can at the start.

Oh, that's nice. But, I mean, I don't think they have those buffoonish characters just in, like, cartoons. They're in, like, actual, like... Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, yeah, without those buffoonish characters just in cartoons. They're in actual... Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, yeah, without those buffoonish, Jack Black wouldn't have a career. Yeah.

I scripted stuff, yeah, but as well. Where do you stand on Jack Black? There's a big buffoon. Judge Ramesh, even, they had a big buffoon. You freak. What do you think of Jack Black? Well, he's kind of got this... The Jack Black phenomenon, he's kind of like got this, the Jack Black phenomenon,

he's sort of become similar to like Bill Murray. Do you remember like Bill Murray, obviously a great comic actor, I'm not taking anything away from Bill Murray, but do you know like he's suddenly become God? Do you know what I mean? Like he's sort of become highly revered and like, if you believe some of the stuff you hear about him behind the scenes, then that sort of undermines it a little bit.

But, you know, he sort of suddenly, everybody's talking about Bill Murray as like the great, you know, like just basically one of the GOATs, super GOAT. That transformation seemed to happen out of nowhere. Do you know what I mean? It just suddenly happened that Bill Murray, that is happening to Jack Black now. You sort of watch like any stuff of him on social media with a white...

I mean, look, he is like a funny guy. And also, the way he interacts with press and public is like amazing. Yeah, I think he's really... I think, you know, I love him in Kung Fu Panda. I think he's great. I think School of Rock's amazing. I think in comedy films

where they're Jack Black vehicles, he's like fucking sick. He's like got his own style of doing things, which is like, wow, that's fucking incredible. So what're Jack Black vehicles, he's like fucking sick. He's like got his own style of doing things, which is like, wow, that's fucking incredible. Let's just cut the shit. What's your problem with Jack Black? If I'm going to be really honest, I just think of The Holiday.

He's just a vibe for me. It's such a weird juxtaposition in that. Yeah, but The Holiday, you know, to give that some context, The Holiday is a terrible, terrible film. What? I quite enjoyed the holiday. I hate that film.

Why? I think everyone in it's good. I quite like the setting of it or whatever, but I just, I think that film's terrible. Why? I don't think it's badly made. I don't think the performances are bad. I just, I never want to watch that film ever, ever again.

I'll watch it every Christmas. Okay. I think it's got a fight. Look, I sort of find Jude Law a little bit creepy at times, innit? You know, I sort of think, you know, the opportune sort of thing of, you know, I always want to see a version where Jude Law's sort of hanging around outside the house

and you realise what a little creep he is. He realises his sister isn't actually there. He's had a cup of whiskey, so he's just knocking on the door. But, yeah, I don't know. Jack Black just feels like a weird energy for me in that film. Yeah, and like I say, I love him. Yeah, I don't... Yeah, it's difficult for me to comment.

You know, you're saying, does he ruin that film? I don't think he ruins... Like, by the way, I enjoy him within the... I just think it's a weird... Like, how he plays it. Like, some people... My point is this, right? Someone like Jack Black, for me,

he's a film star, right? And the basis that you're going to... He's got his own style of doing stuff, which is very unique. So within that... In the same way, I guess, Jim Carrey would be like... You look at Jim Carrey and say, and the basis that he's got his own style of doing stuff, which is very unique. So in the same way, I guess, Jim Carrey would be like, you look at Jim Carrey and say, Jim Carrey has to be a lead actor within a film that when you're watching Jim Carrey,

the film tonally sets and how Jim Carrey... He sets the tone for the whole thing. So Jim Carrey then turning up as a part of an ensemble in something else. It's like, wow, his energy is so here. And that's not taking away something he's, I think, maybe a better actor than Jack Black on the basis of some, no, like Man on the Moon, I thought was incredible Truman Show. He showed that he can do a little bit, you know, Man on the Moon, he can do a great performance, as long as that means he makes the entire experience

absolutely hellish for everyone involved I mean did you watch that yeah I mean that is fucking unbelievable

yeah to be Kaufman the entire time yeah and then also for those of you sorry for those of you

that don't know Man on the Moon he plays Andy Kaufman character comedian like one of the best ever. And for the entire duration of him making that film, there's a behind the scenes documentary. What is it?

I can't even remember what it's called. I think it's called Man on the Moon, no? Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, maybe it is.

Yeah. And he, he is Kaufman for the entire time he's on set. He's not Jim Carrey. In fact, I think Dave Chappelle talks about meeting Jim, actually it's part of a horrible trans routine that Dave Chappelle does,

but he talks about meeting Jim Carrey on the set of that film and he's being Kaufman the entire time. And everybody found it utterly unbearable, didn't they, by the looks of it? Yeah, I mean, I think, but I think, I mean, the performance is incredible. He's got Oscar nominated incredible but i think with with people like jack black jim carrey and like like bill murray slips into saying as a part of an ensemble because of the energy he brings i think bill murray again

brilliant whether he's absolutely legit the game but like i think their energy's so up here it's almost um you know farley-esque do you mean? And I think that's the thing that you have to then just look and go, when he comes into something there's probably a little bit more nuance in it. I watch it and I'm just a bit like, oh right, well, he's so big. And you feel for him when he gets

dumped and he gets cheated on. Him and Kate Winslet, it's just such a weird thing to sort of see. I've also done something during this conversation that I don't like, actually, which is I think I said it's a terrible film, but that's not true. I don't like it.

So that doesn't make it a terrible film. You know this thing about, I think with stuff like that, there's some things that are shit, right? You know, they try to- Well, what you've done is you've done what I did about the sponsor that we had. Yeah. And by the way,

not only did you do it about the sponsor, but you also did it about Jack Black because you named like three or four things that you like of his and named one

that you don't like and you've gone into your foot in on him. No, look, I think he's... Mate, look, if a Jack Black movie comes out, I'll watch it and all. I just think that

what I would say just to counter your point is he's great in the Jumanji movies oh yeah he's brilliantly nice yeah that's true

and that's that's an ensemble that's an ensemble piece isn't it well no no you know what mate I'll always be proved wrong that's

I forgot about that that's that's that's to be fair to you yeah let's take a break now as we cut to our sponsors the jumanji films

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around the corner and around the globe. We'll keep you moving forward. Enterprise. For lives in drive. for Lives in Drive. I feel like the Jumanji films, oh God, Jumanji? Jumanji. Jumanji, isn't it?

It's Jumanji. Jumanji. Those movies, what I loved about them, well, not so much the second one, just by the fact that it was the second one, I was not expecting to, when you're not expected to enjoy something

as much as you end up doing, it's a great feeling, isn't it? I felt like with the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie, where I just went and just go... That's a banging film. I was just like, okay, let's just see

what this is like. You know that film was one of the films where I was like, I must be going to laugh every day on set. What, the Pirates of the Caribbean? Yeah.

I don't know about that. Not if you're a part of the main cast, but if you're a part of like... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Part of the sort of decay... Me Yeah. I don't know about that. Not if you're a part of the main cast, but if you're a part of like... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Part of the sort of decay. We would have been pirates on that. Yeah, we would have been, had we...

Well, I think you would have been. I think what... This is what I think would have happened, is I think you would have... You would have got tapped up for it, and you've got to... I would do a podcast with a guy that does a bit of acting,

and they would have called me in, and there would have called me in and there would have gone okay Tom Davis who we've worked with you know well renowned actor he's actually said that he thought you'd be quite good for this and then I'd go

oh cool that sounds great and then they'd go can you read for this so just imagine that you're sort of walking onto you're sort of getting off the boat I'll give you a scene and you've got audition for it now we'll do the audition now okay what's that what can you give me a bit of a character you've just found out right that right so your character right is called uh ernie buccaneer right so you're like um sort of one of the pirates but you're not one of the like sort of like fighters you're sort of one of the pirates, but you're not one of the fighters, you're sort of a little lookout type thing, right? You've got a couple of rungs above

the parrot, right? Okay, so bottom feeder in the world of pirates, right? Yeah, okay. You're lurking round down by I think the bow or the stern, I can't remember the front of the ship, should know better because I'm obsessed with it. This is great, I'd love to be briefed like this

before we cast. Below deck, I should know better, right'm obsessed. This is great. I'd love to be briefed like this before we go on. Below deck. I should know better. Right. So you're there and you've seen something happening, right? You've seen Orlando Pallum's character. I can't remember what his name is. Let's just call him Tim Stardust.

Right. So you've seen, right, he's coming towards us on his galleon, right? You've got to run to Johnny Depp and tell him. And your line is, Captain Sparrow, Captain Sparrow, Tim Stardust is a buff board. A buff board if you're a sir of my like. I'll set the scene. Ready?

Captain Sparrow, Captain Sparrow Captain Sparrow you're not going to believe this Tim Stardust is on board sure he is he's going to kill us all Captain Sparrow what do you think? you know what's really sad

it's actually a really good audition but this is one of your the whole your internet just busted at the last moment oh okay well that's a shame but I thought that was really good and mate I give you a part your the whole your internet just busted at the last moment oh okay well that's a shame

but I thought that was really good and mate I'll give you a part as that I'll give you that line if you're a fucking but I think what would happen is that like

then I'd go for the cast I wouldn't hear anything I'd go have you heard anything you'd go no no and then a few weeks later

I'd go oh mate you were offered in the podcast oh no I can't do the podcast what are you up to? I was just doing a bit of,

just doing a bit of filming. Oh, what are you doing? Oh, it's just, well, it's just a load of old shit, isn't it? Oh, what is it? Oh, it's, who are you working with? Oh, it's like,

well, Johnny Depp, Orlando Balloon. Keira Knightley. Keira Knightley. Geoffrey Rush. What is it? What is it? Oh, is it?

Hold on. Are you doing Pirates of the Caribbean? No, no. It's something else. Look, mate. Look, what can I tell you? I only got the call yesterday. It's probably going to be a load of shit.

I don't think it'll be a big project. Anyway, I've got to go, mate. We'll set Orlando. All right, see you later. That's what would happen. No, no, no. Look i i think on basis of that you get the part as the that line and then obviously i might have a couple more lines in you but we'd still hang out on set and i'll be like okay oh this is my fucking mate from back home like we

do a podcast together johnny really hey buddy how you are you okay and you'd be like am I okay I'm having a time of bloody life this is what happened by the way I'm speaking to someone who loves you but let me tell you this is what would happen and I'm saying this really okay genuinely if you and I were both on Pirates of the Caribbean as one of like let's call it like a another pirate right one of the guys that says a couple of lines, right? What would happen is this, right? If you went up to Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom during that, right? One of two things happens here.

One, okay, they really take to you, take a shine to you and really like you. Or they reject you, right? If they rejected you and they're a bit cold with you and maybe you got told to speak to them, you and I would hang out every day and have a right laugh, okay? If they took a shine to you,

I would never fucking see you again for the rest of the production. You and I both know that. You would chat to them. If you suddenly got somewhere, that would be it. That would be it. And I think you would cut me off in a heartbeat. And then now and again i think i think you'd be nice to me like

quietly you go to me look mate like obviously like uh you know it's great to have you on the thing it's just a bit like it's just a bit awkward do you mind if like look obviously if i if we happen to be free in our trailers at the same time i'll come come and say hello or whatever, but just sort of publicly, do you mind keeping it on a DL a little bit? Because it's sort of, I'm trying to, you know, you're not really an actor in the same way that I am. Do you know what I mean? I'm trying to sort of parlay my way up through this.

Yeah, that's fine. That's fine, mate. Can you see if Johnny's got any of those chickpeas that he, if he's got any vegan food he don't want? Tom, they don't seem to be giving people at my level any bagels at breakfast

do you think you could ask to sort of do make a bit of an inquiry into that I think we'd probably have to share like we'd

share a hotel room in Hawaii or wherever we were filming yeah and I think I'd get back from a night with like a

landowner but you know like in a sort of rom-com when a sort of like I'd get back going oh my god it was amazing we stayed up all night it's under the stars just talking and laughing and you'd be like i thought that sounds amazing yeah yeah man it was fucking cool, bro. No, but I think,

I think, look, I mean, I think of those things, they're always exciting things to do. That'd be cool, man, me and you on the Pirates of the Caribbean. Yeah, we just need, we just need a time machine

to take us back to when they were making that film. Yeah, yeah, I mean, yeah. Can I just, by the way, we've got some, I'm just, the reason I've got slides is... By the way, can I say as well, like someone found a clip of you saying, it's actually quite emotional. You i just uh by the way we've got some i'm just the reason someone found a clip of you saying it's actually by the way you can't by the way my by the way i'm fucking interrupted okay by the way and then you're saying by the way all right you do your by the way first and i'll buy no god you do your by the way well you know it's about you so that's

why you're excited um so someone actually found a clip of you many moons ago saying you don't think you'll ever run a marathon well on the on the podcast what yeah like i said that you said in quite a sweet way and they said actually it made them quite emotional and it made me in some quite emotional thinking yeah how incredible that is from you yeah that would be it would be really emotional if i now thought i could run a marathon i still don't yeah i think you will mate are you gonna eat i'll tell you i'll tell you what's i'll tell you what's been happening so i ran i did like i've been doing like once a week you're supposed to do like a super long run right so uh a couple of days ago i did my my long run. The amount of food I'm eating.

Can somebody tell me, this is my by the way, actually. You know what I was sort of saying about chafing and stuff like that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The number of emails and messages I've got from people giving me marathon advice. And not just, I'm not talking about a cursory,

I'm talking about people have taken time to give me a detailed breakdown of what I should do. Mate, it's a beautiful thing that people are listening to this podcast. I've told you that since day one. Genuinely. We're blessed to have them. Every one of you that sent in an email

or somebody DM, a couple of people DM me on Instagram. Thank you so, so much. It's unbelievable. But is it normal to be ravenous? Because I just, I'm eating a lot. And it started to make me nervous. It's reminded me of the days when i was at my sort of when i was in you know when i did that show in america just another immigrant yeah and i was at my i don't know if you remember i made one of the weirdest decisions in show business to get become

my biggest when i tried to break my absolute mostiest. Right. To the point where a doctor out there, I think I've told this story, but said I was going to die soon. But I was eating a lot then. You know when you go, you've put on a lot of weight, and some people go, I don't know how this happened. I knew how it happened. I'd been eating a lot, right? Like four or five massive meals a day.

I don't know why. Maybe stress or something. I was eating a lot. You're under pressure, man. You're trying massive meals a day. I don't know why. Maybe stress or something. I was eating a lot. You're under pressure, man. You're trying to break America. You know when somebody's sharing a story, right? And they are saying themselves that they think something extreme.

When you just sort of screw your face up and go, Jesus, like that. It's not supportive. Okay? Just so you know. No, can I just say? I'm saying to you, I'm saying to you,

I put on a lot of weight. I was eating a lot. Yeah, but mate, I've been supportive. I mean, I said, I've saying to you I'm saying to you I put on a lot of weight I was eating a lot yeah but mate I've been supportive and then I said I'm eating four or five and you just went jeez

you look disgusted you look disgusted at what I'm saying I didn't look disgusted I was like that's a fucking go in because I eat a lot now but four or five

big meals a day is fucking insane yeah mate it was mad right so it wasn't me I will say to you now I I'm very supportive of you. No, but go like this. This is how you do it.

Well, we'll have to get JT to do a VAR on that. Okay, but you could say Jesus, right? If you're telling that story, you go, Jesus. Like, that's like, that is our man. Yeah, but that's very faux. That's very faux. Jesus. What you did was, what you did, no, yeah, what you did was this. Jesus. That's what you did that's very faux that's very Jesus what you did was

what you did no yeah what you did was this Jesus that's what you did you screwed your face up yeah I don't even think

I don't even think you got the full Jesus I think you're jeez like that okay so you're having four or five meals a day

you're at your biggest right anyway anyway so Jesus so but I'm not I'm not eating at that level now but I am eating quite a bit.

How much are you eating now? I don't know. I definitely have noticed a massive increase in my appetite, and it's starting to... It's not panicking. I mean, it's not fucking panicking me, but I am eating a lot. I've noticed.

And I'm not even talking about having a day here or there. I'm eating a lot all the time, a lot more. Yeah, but then you are burning some serious... Roughly, what's the average you're running every day now? I'm eating a lot all the time, a lot more. Yeah, but then you are burning some serious. Roughly, what's the average you're running every day now? Well, I'm doing, I would say that, so I'm trying to run four times a week, right? Right.

Three of those is a 10K. Right. One of those is probably like 15, 20, 25K. Right, that's the long run. And then I'm doing three 10Ks in the week. How long does it take to run 10K for you now? In about an hour. What?

That's fucking sick. How far is the marathon, sorry, if you don't mind me asking? 42 kilometers, I think. So I reckon, based on my per kilometer minutes or whatever, this is the thing I want to talk to you about. Actually, we're talking about the marathon. Anyway, based on my per kilometre minutes or whatever. This is the thing I want to talk to you about. Actually, we're talking about the marathon. Anyway, based on my minutes per kilometre, I reckon I'll be doing it in about between five and five and a half hours.

Now, Ivo Graham is running the marathon. He's run quite a few, right? He has run quite a few. He is going to be pushing Rosie Jones jones uh around the marathon right so they're doing it the whole marathon wow good for him so so my my target time is between five and five and a half hours you know his target time is what between three and three and a half so he that's pushing rosie jones yeah it's pushing rosie jones but also i will say that when you are pushing, he has got the fact that,

although it's harder, he has got wheels that he can fall into and when you're... Well, I don't think he's going to sit on her lap and wheel themselves together. No, no, no, no,

but I mean, when you're pushing something like that, right, and you've got the dynamic of the wheels in front of you, right? So you mean stand on the back of it

and free work? No, no, but it helps. I do think it's like... I don I don't think that I think it would be tough but at times but actually there'll be times and actually that becomes an easier like he's got sort of the wheels will help him I think at times even if you push it yeah as someone who spent 20 odd years pushing a wheelbarrow I can tell you at times it's actually quite if you're going

uphill with a wheelbarrow you can lean into yeah but what I can also tell you is that when I've been talking about like worrying about training the marathon

nobody said have you tried doing it with a wheelbarrow out of all of the emails we've had if you want mate I could jump in you could push me around

yeah no but also you've got I think that would I think that would alter my target time slightly to a day

no no let me just say this right Ivo is a marathon fucking veteran correct he lives and eats marathons

right I don't know if he does but he has run a few he's quite a fit guy he's very yeah you can't be putting yourself mate

and I mean this from the bottom of my heart mate you what you have done like when you cross that fucking finish line I don't think you're ready if

no when when you cross that finish line I don't know if you're ready and you'll probably fucking because you're rubbish you'll bury it down

and you'll fucking you'll pretend it's not a big deal and you'll fucking be ice cool and quite deadpan about it. But internally, that's a fucking massive moment, bro.

And you need to know that. It's fucking incredible what you've just done. It's incredible to have gone, you are going to do it, bruv. I have no doubt. I'd stake my life on it. That's amazing. To be going from the geez guy

who's fucking eating four or five meals a day and you're at your heaviest weight and you're not happy with that, for whatever reason, like you've got, you've changed up, right? And you started to get fitter and you've liked what's happened. And then you set yourself a fucking goal

and not just a small goal. You've run in a fucking marathon, bruv. And that's fucking amazing. And you've got it in you. You trained it you could do it so like either graham or anyone else out there mo farah whoever else is running the fucking marathon everyone's running it for whatever reason right but when you're out there don't worry about that even if it takes you seven hours you've run a fucking marathon bruv and that's what you've got to look at. Yeah, this is great. Can I say something? Great pep talk. Great pep talk. If this film

was some guy, there's some like accountant who once went jogging and fell over and hurt himself in a really bad way that psychologically left him unable to jog. And this is

like a classic British movie I think they made this movie with Simon Peck didn't they did they really oh my god they might have

done actually that does ring a bell isn't there a movie with Simon Peck called Run Run Something Run let me have a look I've got to look this up

Run John Run or something like that keep on running Run Fat Boy Run yeah it does exist and in it you'd be you'd be the guy run or something like that or keep on running and run fat boy run yeah it doesn't it doesn't and in it you'd be you'd be the guy so you'd be the oh yeah look look at that yeah you'd be the guy on the moped yeah that would that's that's again the fucking idiot sidekick just to go back

round yeah that would be holy shit it's a good movie actually it's a really sweet movie is it yeah five years five years after jilting his pregnant fiancée on their wedding day out of shape Dennis

decides to run a marathon to win her back directed by David Schwimmer yeah yeah Schwimmer's directed friend of the show David Schwimmer is he

yeah I did Bake Off with Dave oh right yeah okay oh Dave so friend of you friend of you then Director. Friend of the show, David Schwimmer. Is he? Yeah, I did Bake Off with Dave. Oh, right, yeah. Okay. Oh, Dave. So,

friend of you, friend of you then. He's not a friend of me. Yeah, yeah. I don't mean that in a horrible way. Obviously, I thought he was great.

He likes you, though. He likes you. He knew you were. Particularly, yeah. I was talking about the podcast. He said he likes your stuff.

Haha, Ram, yeah, I know Ram. He's cool. Have you done Celebrity Bake Off yet? No, nor will I. What? Why would you do celebrity bake-off yet no nor will I what

why would you do it I just I just don't I don't I don't know I'd say I'm going to tell you now well part of the problem

is I can only cook can only bake vegan it makes it incredibly limited mate no it's not you can make mate there's a vegan baker near me where I work

it's incredible I went in the other day had a cookie I know got halfway home thought this is beautiful and then read on the thing it was vegan what the fuck so what you bought something you didn't realize what it was and it surprised you later on oh actually having said that somebody got in touch to say uh that um they saw they went to a shop that had denzel's

denzel's right and the way they were, they totally understood why you would have made that mistake. Thank you. Thank you. They put a photo, and I'm going to tell you this now. I looked at the photo. I get it now. I'm going to apologise to you. Thank you.

It was... Is it so? Yes, it's... It still has a dog on it. It still has a dog on it, and it still a dog on it and it still does say treats for dogs clearly on the package. Yeah, but if you are absent-minded. It is.

But not only absent-minded, Tom. I'm speaking in your defence here. It's in the section in the shop. They don't do it so much in supermarkets now. You know that section where it's quick grab on your way out? Yeah, exactly. That's where they've put it, right?

Thank you. So I get it. I got it. Of course, it was like the end of JFK. Oh, God. Don't ever. Oh, my God. Best Western made booking our family beach vacation a breeze.

And it felt a little like life's a trip Make the most of it at Best Western. Order up for Damien. Hey, how did your doctor's appointment go, by the way? Did you ask about Rebelsis? Actually, I'm seeing my doctor later today. Did you say Rebelsis? My dad's been talking about Rebelsis. Rebelsis? Really?

Yeah, he says it's a pill that... Well, I'll definitely be asking my doctor if Rebelsis is right for me. Rebelsis. Ask your doctor or visit Rebelsis.ca. Order up for Rebelsis. Oh no, I can't be out of ink. Not now. Mega tank. Why do I do this to myself? Ah, what's that printer that comes with 30 times the ink?

Megatank. Yes, it's a Canon. Mega phone? Megatank. It's a Canon printer. It comes with like two grand worth of ink. Prints me over 7,700 color pages. Megatank.

Mega what? Listen to the voice in your head and get a Canon Megatank printer so you don't have to think about ink for a long, long time. Visit canon.ca slash Megatank for details. Okay. Thank you once again

to The Swan who I was speaking to on the phone last night after the, after my tour show. In Norwich? And said,

so we're doing the podcast. God bless Norwich. In Norwich. Yeah. And I said, thank you Norwich, by the way, you were great. I don't want to say thank you Norwich? God bless Norwich. In Norwich, yeah. And I said, thank you, Norwich, by the way. You were great. I don't want to say thank you, Norwich, because I'm doing another show there tonight

and I'm starting to have some drinks here. But I said to her last night, I'm doing the podcast with Tom tomorrow. And she goes, oh, you didn't ask me to do the emails. I went, oh, yeah, can you do it? And she was in bed ready to. Get to sleep, get some slumber. No, ready to shag her boyfriend.

No, she was Get to sleep, get some slumber. No, ready to shag her boyfriend. No, she was ready to sleep. So thank you very much. Okay. This is from the Bipolar Bear. Oh, that's good. Oh, I like that. Bipolar Bear. That's cute.

Firstly, I would like to thank you for the podcast and your candid discussions regarding male mental health mixed in with stories of freezing pebbles to help with the ring of fire and snacking on potpourri. I'm a man in my early 40s and struggle with depression and other mental health issues my whole life. A year ago, I was diagnosed with ADHD and bipolar. To be honest, still coming to terms with my diagnosis, but certainly has helped understand and accepting some of my actions reactions behavior throughout my life my question might be more for the wolf as i understand tom has also received the late diagnosis for adhd have you been actually diagnosed yeah okay

how do you differentiate with what is you what is your condition and what is a coping mechanism that has developed due to your condition has left me a little confused as to who i really am especially because some of the traits and coping mechanisms have resulted in me being reasonably successful in my career. Sorry if this is a bit heavy. Tom, go for it. Oh, just as you get up and walk away.

Well, I understand. So, yeah, it's a strange one. So yeah, I've been diagnosed later on in life. But weirdly sort of, when you talk to my mum, my mum had always sort of known that there'd been something there. But so, I don't know. I think there's a lot of, I think probably some of my better traits and some of the better, I don't know whether it's a coping thing

or it's just who I am and that that's, you know, the way that I am, the way that I see the world, the way that my mind would work is a part of having ADHD. And I think a lot of those things actually are the positives that make me different enough in the field of work that I now work. I certainly think when I look back and think about working on building sites or other jobs that I've done over the years a lot of the sort of failures and reasons maybe I struggled fitting in or computing certain information or being able to do things

there's probably more of a flaw in that I think in what I do now actually i can understand it i certainly uh i don't have bipolar bipolar i've high levels of i think function anxiety anxiety is but now you know with that's one of the reasons again talk about one mission of the marathon but one of the reasons i decided after being diagnosed was like to get myself my body healthier to be healthier in things yeah how i conduct my life and things like binge drinking which is something i've done in my life was something that had to go really because i then had a knock on to anxiety and then had a knock on to everything else so as it comes i think you the person you've become and the coping mechanisms that you've had if you're functioning and you're doing a high level job and it's something that you i think i don't think you should beat yourself up about that i think that

i think a lot of people seem to i think you know find themselves with something like adhd or later on getting diagnosed and then try and pick up the negatives within that i certainly did that i was certainly like you know is this why i do this or is this why i reacted like this or and when i go back and it's really easy to pick holes but then actually look and go well it is why i'm able to do this thing it was as if if i could look at one specific thing in my life i think with murder is successful a part of that adhd and a part of how my mind worked in any certain situation and given that moment where you're dealing with something that is 95 improvised and you're constantly having

to work on three or four different levels to get the the show moving and make it funny and as serious that sounds i think adhd was something there where you know your attention where it's flittering and can that also become like a superpower so i don't think that there's a thing of um really being too negative i think if you've got a good job and and you're something you're excelling at i think enjoy that i think it's good to it's good to have some sort of understanding of how you react in negative you know negatively i i can that can happen quite a lot. I can get quite frustrated at times

with my school of thought and how my brain works. But then now knowing, I can always go back to that's what it is and I can take a moment and I can take a breath. So yeah, look, man, I think anything in life,

try and look at it as a positive rather than a negative. You're clearly a high-functioning guy and crack on. And genuinely, when it comes to your mental health, I think we're in a time now where there's infinite information. where there's infinite information and there's like i think i don't know man i think one of my biggest worries is all and i think i talked about this the other day is i think when people spend time talking about stuff and you know people make them there's a lot that seems to become a caveat now people making these videos of themselves talking to camera about how quite low they feel um and they're doing it on social media

and i don't know why that is the thing i don't know why that's like it worries me that they haven't got anyone to talk to in life that they can just turn to and go look it's how i feel and you'll get a more earnest response hopefully from a family member or a friend than you will putting it out into the ether and hoping that someone gets back to you and gives you a sort of reassuring word or an arm around the shoulder i think actually trying to find people that trying to find a support that i have that with romesh you know rom is someone i adore and if i have a low day i'll always reach out to rom and i have it my wife's very understanding of that and so i think that trying to find a few people in your life that you can reach out to

and um and get in touch with i think it's a really really important thing for those those low days but bro um yeah keep doing you man you seem like you you've got things cracked so um and uh may you have more days that shine brighter than rain down my friend romesh my learned friend well i mean i don't really have anything to add to that uh although you you know, I haven't ever had a diagnosis for ADHD, although we have had several emails over the, since we started doing this podcast, that have said, Romesh, based on the way you talk,

I'm almost certain you do have ADHD. But then I feel like a lot of people have it, don't they? But I feel like that's part of your personality, isn't it, in a way? I mean, the things that you describe as ADHD are a lot of the reasons that I like you. Yeah, yeah. Do you know what I mean? So, you know, it's one of those things, isn't it?

But this is slightly on a tangent from that. But I do feel like, although before we got on the podcast, I was talking about how much. I have this thing, not condition. I have this thing where i hate almost everything i do as soon as it's done so like when i you know when i look back on my past stand-up shows i'm not proud of any of the stand-up i've done i could just see the mistakes in it or whatever but um whatever stand whatever thing you think about with comedy and with stand-up i do

feel like the reason that one of the reasons that i'm able to write stand-up is that I'm wired slightly incorrectly or or I feel like my I just feel like sometimes my brain is slightly off or and that's the way that's the reason you end up having these thoughts that you do have all these takes on things that you do have and I think you have that as well probably is that you kind of it gives you it gives you a different like framing maybe do you know what i mean of uh and i feel like a lot of the time when i when i come up with routines that i really that end up doing well or end up being part of the show is because of something that's slightly i guess traditionally wrong with the way that I think about things, I guess, you know what I mean?

So I do feel like part of it is like the fuel. And there's part of you that thinks whenever you're getting therapy or help or trying to figure out, there's a part of you that's slightly worried that you're going to fix whatever it is and then you won't be able to fucking do the thing. I think that's me.

If you adjust yourself too effectively, then suddenly you're be able to fucking do the thing. But I think that's the beauty. If you adjust yourself too effectively, then suddenly you're not able to do the thing that your job is anymore. Do you know what I mean? But I think that's the interesting thing of, like, I look back to before I did this for a job and in most social interaction I had, the way I saw the world or things that I do or jokes that I make would often lead people to thinking I was a little bit odd the way I saw the world or things that I do or jokes that I make or

would often lead people to thinking I was a little bit odd or a little bit left you know not quite a centre do you know what I mean

I'd have you know silly voices or stupid and if you're you know I'd think people would just be that's a weird way

that's a weird thing to say or weird thing to think do you know what I mean or stupid and I think that's, you know, stupid it is almost been my go-to for most of my life and I think that's I don't think there's anything wrong with that, I think that's

you know, I mean literally I've spent the whole time, the whole of this episode working this into different shapes, that's Yeah, yeah What is that? It's some Duplo that Grace left on my desk. I've now worked into...

I've sort of tried to make it like Forky. Forky? As in Forky from Toy Story 4? Yeah, but I need a fork head. Yeah. I don't give a fork. Yeah. Nice. Okay.

This is a film treatment oh good i like the film treatment why are you done that with your glasses because my earphones are rubbing on my ears my earphones yeah it's a big problem isn't it glasses and headphones yeah difficult difficult mix aren't they yeah really it's really painful it's it's yeah this feels like sort of almost like chafing of the year yeah um okay okay so this is from the screenplay blue jay straight out of brompton this is okay uh log line the biggest battle a rapper can have is with himself dominic a rap enthusiast an introverted platform announcer at west brompton tube station battles a crisis of confidence that has strained his family relationships. His life takes a turn when a mistakenly broadcast acapella rap

propels him into viral stardom. Oh, this is a good banging idea. With the unlikely mentorship of the eccentric rap enthusiast Big Easy G, aka Daddy Longlez, aka Sweet Soldier, I think this is probably you, Dominic embarks on a journey of self-discovery transforming his lowest ebb into a triumph there's three acts to this act number one dominic a loving but introverted father struggles after his wife separates from

separates from him taking their daughter due to his lack of confidence and direction a hip-hop head dominic attends weekly rap open mics hosted by the deluded but confident Big Easy G Wolf, a.k.a. Daddy Longlegs, a.k.a. Sweet Sweet Soldier, a rap YouTuber. Despite showing up regularly, Dominic never performs, holding on to his fears. Act two. One day during a work shift, Dominic accidentally leaves the announcement microphone on after asking passengers to stand behind the yellow line. Forgetting to turn off the microphone, he starts to rap Little Dirk's Coming Clean, broadcasting this to stunned passengers and immediately getting fired by his boss. Big Easy G Wolf witnesses the scene,

assumes it's intentional and encourages Dominic to embrace the unexpected viral fame. Act three, empowered by his unintended viral stardom and encouraged by Big Easy G Wolf, Dominic decides to face his fears. Despite initial hesitations, he agrees to perform at the next open mic night. Dominic steps onto the stage in a newly minted social media sensation. His initially shaking rendition of an original rap titled See It, Say It, Sorted

grows into a winning performance, winning over a packed audience and surprising even himself. Dominic's daughter and wife, watching the live performance on Instagram, reach out with messages of pride and reconciliation. The unexpected turn of events strengthens their bond. Big Easy G Wolf congratulates Dominic, telling him he's one of the most incredible human beings on the planet

recognizing the incredible transformation dominic with a renewed sense of confidence and optimism leaves the stage knowing he's reclaimed a part of himself what do you think that's banging i've watched that it's good i'd literally watch that too yeah yeah yeah dominic wasn't dominic was a nobody a loser with his wife leaving him he was just a man without a goal until one day he did something crazy and you you go uh ladies and gentlemen please mind the gap please mind the gap cut into the rap do you remember the rap mind the gap i hope you don Cut into the rap Do you remember the rap? Mind the gap I hope you don't mind this rap To be honest

The commute can sometimes be crap Do you understand What it takes today To go to work In a special way You've got to go to work Take a packed lunch About 12 o'clock

You have a little munch Mind the gap It's all about safety This has been Me doing the announcement. Something like that. That became a viral sensation that led to this loser becoming a champion of rap. My voice is going there.

What? Emotion of the storyline, I imagine. Yeah, it's amazing. Wow. Shout out, man. Blue Screen J, that was amazing. Yeah, really good. Thank you.

I was just looking at the podcast reviews before we get into your final thoughts on Apple. And there's a lot of positive ones. But as always, I like to sort of centre in on the negative ones. Yeah, of course you do. February the 9th, there was a two-star review for the podcast. The title is very up and down. And then the review says,

please tell us more about how the two TV and film stars hate themselves. Yawn. Well, they're going to love this episode. Let me try and find it. Oh, here we go. Going downhill. Anyone else think this podcast is really going downhill?

Used to really look forward to listening to it now they just waffle their way through and it feels like they do the pod for the sake of it what i would say is um that has been true since the very beginning so i'm fucking up so there's one format it's just a load of waffle the only thing i disagree is that it's going downhill i believe that we've i would say the one thing is that we've been consistent. Thank you very much. I think, by the way, that Apple reviews are the most cowardly of all.

Why? I don't know, man. I don't know. I just think if you've got that time to write, the nice ones are very nice, but I think, look, I don't want to get into this now we'll talk about another time i think reviews in general can be i'd try and never to look and never to see

because they keep like that we talk about mental health they can kill i got a review recently i'll just cut it really quick i got a review recently right that had implemented a three-day negative feeling about my own fucking how i look how my stand-up was how everything every part of my fucking ether and you were very kind you're very lovely uh i'll talk to you about it i'll talk to fly back my point in the question right is like i if it like me reading that and it's like even like the positive things if you and which are always lovely which are really really, really kind and amazing, right?

But if you buy into that too much, then that becomes a problem as well because you know, I think you, it's really, you've almost got to keep your own counsel in a sense. You know if things have been good enough.

Like the show in question that I was reviewed from, is it the one that I'd want to be reviewed on? Not really. If I'm going to be completely honest, I have quite bad food poisoning and there was a fucking fist fight in the middle of the fucking show it was probably the worst fucking

in the last fucking 80 dates i've had that was probably the worst one to review it on uh do i think it's pretty gross the way that he's described me as a human being like physically yeah i think it's bang out of order i don't think it's something's not needed do you know what i mean uh and i think some of the stuff he says in there is pretty offensive but then he also he says some positive stuff but me as a person I can never focus on that

I've just focused completely on the negative and that's the stuff that then stays with you and I will say this I like I never wanted this show reviewed

by anyone I didn't want it reviewed I don't like no because it's not for reviewers I'm aware of my audience and whether the people that are going to come and watch me and they're the people

I make the show for not some guy comes out of Oxbridge or wherever he's from it's not for him and it never will be and that's just that's the dice of it do you know what I mean so I find that sort of thing of someone coming out and reviewing I think it's fine if you want

reviewers to come in and do your thing and you think that's going to sort of whatever, for whatever validation you need. Yeah, but it just feels, if I'm honest with you, I sometimes feel like it's something taking pot shots and I don't think that's cool. Well, I mean, part of the problem with this job is that you have to get reviewed.

I mean, it's just like nature of the beast. So you kind of, but I do feel like... Yeah, but also I will say that when you're reviewing something, to pick someone's physicalities is a different thing from picking what you're reviewing. You're not reviewing how I look as a human being. That's not where you're there. You're there to review me as a comic.

And I can pick that up and go, okay, you weren't into that and you didn't like that. But to pick out how I look, like to pick out the fact that fact i have a shaven head like that's a fucking political choice i'm bald you prick that's why i have a shaven head i haven't got any other options save getting a fucking wig so make it out like it's some political statement is uh yeah i've dealt with just because Just because it happens to align quite closely with your politics is just, that's just, that's a coincidence. You know what I mean? It's not a choice.

The politics came second, didn't they? No, the politics came first, so I was like, oh, this is a bit of luck. Everything's falling into the fucking place. This has worked out beautifully. he's falling into the fucking place. This has worked out beautifully. Well, look, Tom,

it's about that time. Yeah. I would say, look, if I was to review this podcast episode, I feel like we got into a bit more actual kind of like, it's been more of a relaxed chat, hasn't it? Yeah.

A back and forth parry of humorous jibes. You know, it's a bit more of a, not sure why that is. But you know, that's my review. Nobody asked for it, nobody probably wanted it, but there you go. Do you know what, my review is probably my level of idiocy. I started this off talking about feeling very guilty about giving someone quite a harsh review within their capabilities and then i've very very very uh the two-faced way i've then had a go at a reviewer who reviewed me i would say it's very one-faced i mean you've been quite uh yeah you've been quite front-footed about it um can i also uh say i hosted comic relief just very quickly because I won't talk about it again, but I hosted Comic Relief on Friday night.

And, well, what I would say is I am either unfortunately or fortunately, depending on what you think, blessed with a face that when it's not speaking looks distinctly unimpressed with what's going on. And more than one person, including the person that I love here on the podcast, has pointed out to me that when I wasn't reading out loud from the autocue or delivering some sort of thing, I looked less than interested in what was going on. And can I just apologize for anybody who felt like that? Tom went as far as to screen grab a few seconds

where I look completely and utterly disinterested because I know that you're not I know that you give everything to everything you're a lovely man but sometimes your style of comedy at times felt that

you maybe weren't as invested as other people on the show yeah look I have a I have a resting

indifference face you know and resting indifference voice and resting indifference manner and hopefully as people get to know me they realise that actually

you know I do care you are a very caring person and that's why I continue to adore and love you. But unfortunately I don't present as someone that does that's the unfortunate side effect of

being who I am. Anyway Tom take us out please. Yo people step careful step true and when I say that I mean each step needs to be thought of I'm not talking about physically walking and steps, because hopefully you've got that unlocked.

But if you haven't, I admire you anyway for how you go through life. My point is this. The tentative steps that we take through life and the eruptions that they cause can somehow have more eruptions and infiltrate other people's worlds and other people's lives the ripples of your actions can cast a wave upon other people's movement and being sometimes it's really really easy just to flippantly say something and then just take it back and not learn from the moments and the things that you've done i guess all of us are just works it works in progress

just trying to find a little bit something new, trying to be better. Maybe in some ways we're trying to be worse. Who knows? That's weird. All I want you to do going forward though is just think before you speak. Think before you act. Maybe I should take some of this advice. No, a bit yes, I should take this advice because quite a lot of the time in life I say things and do things that I regret almost instantly because I'm an idiot that's who I am and there's a lot of idiots out there the world's made up of idiots but we should all be a little bit more comfortable for idiocy so friends next time you see someone say something that you think is in jest and you watch a pair of

shoulders sink or you watch a face and a smile just fade away, say, hey, bro, sister, friend, I didn't mean that. I'm a stupid fool. And then life may be a little bit sweeter. Thanks, Fraser. That's a very complicated message you're delivering there. It was quite easy in my head and that's the

part of having ADHD it got more and more complicated as I added bits to it yeah

okay well listen they won a Brit award I love this song JT can you play us out

with a little bit of jungle and back on 74 I love that song baby doll guys take care

of yourselves we'll see you soon much love peace bye bye Baby doll. Guys, take care of yourselves. We'll see you soon. Much love. Peace. Bye-bye. If you have a problem, opinion, feedback or anything at all, please email us at wolfowlpod at gmail.com. That's wolfowlpod at gmail.com. That's wolfalpod at gmail.com.

We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we don't have any content ideas. Thank you.