Wolf and Owl - S3 Ep 17: An Alice Band & Mr Cellophane

Episode Date: March 27, 2024

We’re talking… bad hair and Alice band solutions, upcoming birthdays, Welsh tour shows, a wooden rowing machine, misanthropic B&B owners, theatre technical meltdowns, Rom’s rendition of Mr Cellophane, losing confidence on stage, quitting vaping and a whole host of England football shirt problems. For questions or comments, please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod TikTok - @wolfowlpodcast YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch & Mailing List - https://wolfandowlpod.com/ A Shiny Ranga Production For sales and sponsorship enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Yo, what you want? Beak or jaws? Feathers or fur? Sharp teeth or feet with claws? Whatever's preferred They'll grant you all ass requests to steady your nerves Then podcast a body parts, get severed and served Bring your weak shit, wear the wolf and owler That ain't just a mistake, that's an awful howler Both of them are known to pull up at your shows Have the crowd witnessing the murder like they're rolling with a gang of crows Fuck their censorship, let em see the whole thing They stay dressed to kill, never sheep's clothing Dark enough to turn the sun to the moon, you'll see nothing All you hear's a huff and puff and a...

Expect killings, red spilling and flesh ripping Impressive innit, the death bringing its head spinning Just kidding, every word in this song's about two grown men Dressed up as a bird and a dog Yeah Hello hello God I'm not happy with my head. I've sort of put a hood on but even that's not I mean, this is not anybody You've got a quiff coming out of the hair

Bizarre It's a really it's quite a vibe. It's quite a vibe. You look like a sort of skater team Look at this shit. Look at it. Yeah, it's a mess. You have some others in your hair Can't you like push it back with the earphones like you'd be like an Alice man? pretty cool like that. Mate, that's a cool look. I kind of like that vibe. I think this is, yeah, I think you should have this for the rest of the podcast. Yeah. It actually looks alright. Yeah, it's a new you. It looks pretty sweet, man. Yeah, yeah, it's alright. Mate, you look like, if I'm honest with you, you look like you're on holiday, you've just come out of Ocean Beach, you're the only person who's done 30 lengths.

Yeah, why, honestly, why people, if you're gonna cut, if you're gonna holiday, holiday, guys, you know what I mean? Yeah, well, that's a holiday cut, that. Yeah. You're literally out of the pool, straight to the club. Listen, I've just done 30 lengths, get me a pina colada and a sausage sandwich.

Big way, Linneca just going, fucking hell, who's that lad there just fucking banging out the lengths. You'd be known as Slickback. You know, you've got a sort of Michael Corley own vibe with that. Yeah, I don't know. Well, I mean, the problem is,

is that if we click this up and put it out, people are not gonna know the beginning of this and they're just gonna think I've fucking lost my mind. Although this is exactly the sort of thing that you start off going, oh, this looks terrible and then this might be my look I think I Like right now in my life. I'm thinking your birthday I'll buy you and I know your birthday's coming is I buy you an Alice but it likes an extra Alice bands. Thank you

Oh, I've got your gift. That's already coming, which I didn't actually know it's your birthday I don't know down but no You know your birthday's almost was it the 26, the 26th of March? 27th. It's like a month exactly before my birthday. I've never knew this. No, if it was the 26th of March, would you not be wishing me happy birthday? Oh shit.

Ha ha ha ha ha! Do you know what the worst thing was there? I was just about to say happy birthday Can I just thank you for because you could have started this podcast by going in pretty too fitted on me because just to let let the Wolf and I'll pack welcome by the way to the wolf and our podcast and we said welcome. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. We don't have a Welcome very you're very welcome. Very welcome Anyway Tom you take it ready for that radio to love. Yeah, you text me About half seven and he said are you all right for right?

And I said and I was let's be honest quite sarcastic in my response. I said, yeah, I said, and I was, let's be honest, quite sarcastic in my response. I said, yes Thomas, because you've got to be. You've never called me Thomas, by the way. No, you've got to be, you said you've got to be out the door at nine, and then I said, don't worry Thomas, I won't keep you. Cut to eight o'clock, I can't get my laptop started because I've left it way too late

to actually boot the thing up. Yeah I mean I guess it's pre-birthday. Where is that behind you? Is that like winter coats getting ready to be put in the loft? Lisa does this thing where she She rotates her wardrobe. Mm-hmm. So do you do that a little bit? Yeah, I mean I get rid of put winter jackets in the loft bring some shorts and such in the loft. Yeah Mmm, you get those loft bags, right? Well, yeah your storage unit starts our crawly. Yeah, well It's what I use the second property for is my little clothes and stuff I imagine when I die, it's gonna be like, you know in Jimmy Savile It's a very long stuff at least it's all into Louis Theroux just going

Yeah, never did follow through. Yeah, go through like some saris that they found His mom's stuff at least it's all into Louis through just going yeah, and if it is for the stuff Oh, yeah, go through like some saris that they found a few And he well, this is sort of every other Saturday. We call himself regita He would do stand up slick his hair back And he would do stand up as that character and he always said that one day he was gonna tour as regita But it's a shame you never Love a G what sort of like what sort of sunny disposition that she I did I did play with I did use it a bit about an uncle Raj

That I had yeah, and then I did play with the idea for a little bit of doing stand-up as uncle Raj like a character I think I I did play with the idea for a little bit of doing stand up as Uncle Raj, like a character thing. I never did this. Well you should just do what Prior did. Like you know when Prior did Mudbone. Yeah. Yeah maybe I should. Should I do it? Is it too late for me to do that? Mate it's never too late. Throw it in the mix. Anyway, so sorry Tom, I want to apologise to you. Mate, you know me. I'm a fucking loose kind of chick. At the moment my house is insane because we've got some of the mums, or Katherine, I'm going to work with Katherine,

some of the mums coming over, the other mums from one of Grace's playgroups. So it's literally like Christmas, it's like a whole house has been decorated. How do you feel about that? Well I feel that I'm the dirtiest thing in this house So actually sort of Catherine will bright breathe the sigh of relief when I leave But every she's just like you leave a mess every like And you know then you're trying to really not leave a mess anywhere in life. I can you put down a coffee cup There's a bit of coffee in the bottom that stains aside million pen park over soda down. Yeah

I sort of feel that makes me quite anxious. I've got to say, but clean emissions every time for the last few days. I've called Lisa when I've been on tour, when I've been away on tour, she's always been, um, she should be a bit like not abrupt or rude. She'll be chatting, but I can tell that she's distracted. And then I go, what's going on? And she go, I've got, she got some friends around. That's happened every time. And now it's starting to get to a point where I'm starting to think that she might have a better time when I'm not here. I mean, it's a very real possibility.

Yeah, Catherine, literally, I got back from talk, me and you have both done a similar sort of thing where we've been both in a way for a week. I got back on at 1 a.m., about half one, on Sunday morning. And Catherine then was like, I'm about half one, on Sunday morning. And Catherine then was like, I'm going out today on Sunday. So I had a day with Grace, which was lovely, which was amazing.

But yeah, I don't know, I still think that there's a part of Catherine that thinks touring is like a big beano, like it's a bit of a sort of jolly. Yeah. Well, I mean, okay, well, let's, it is hard. Beckett text me this, Beckett text me me to nothing about that. You know, like it, it's just a bit I think that there's a perception of being on the road and

stand up people think it's like you're I will say this I, I think what I can ascertain is my tour and your tour slightly different on the basis that my will your hotels look a lot more bougie than mine. No, first of all, no. You've seen... My hotels in the last leg of this tour, I would say, like when we used to scaffold and we used to stay at like above pubs and you'd be sharing a room with another scaffolder and they'd be like a bit rough and like you know sort of just they're almost like a fucking just what they call digs right. I'd say it's times they'd be like a bit rough and like, you know, sort of just almost like a fucking just what they call digs right. I'd say it's times they'd be better than the fucking place. I've got a cold from the places I've had to stay. Okay well let's deep dive into this a little bit. So

for let's let's examine what you said. Can I say this? Graz right? Graz is incredible. Graz has got his eye on the prize when it comes to it. Gratz is like the trip advisor. He's insane man. You name a town to Gratz in this country, I'd say maybe even worldwide, within second Tilgo, that's a really nice hotel. Not really expensive but he'll know. No, yeah I know, I remember that. I tested him in a Lamba tour, he knew straight away. What I would say to that is you're basing this, our tour's been different because I've been in Norwich and Bristol right so this week so big places easy to find like a nice hotel right. I spoke to Graz about your, because you were, where did you tour? You did Port Talbot.

Can I just say have you been Port Talbot. Potalbot. Can I just say, have you been to Potalbot? Yes. Really great gig, amazing people, hang out, hung out with chaps, quite a lot of people before and after the show. But it's quite a heartbreaking place to be, if I'm honest. I've actually felt really sad.

I didn't realise, not to get too deep about the, you know, just like industry and lack of industry, lack of jobs there. Number one, I found it very touching that people had bought tickets to come to the show. But chatting, you know, you actually feel like we're kind of, there's a privilege to live in near London and growing up around London and for jobs.

And when you're in somewhere like that, you're a bit like, wow, fuck, this is quite, yeah. I found it. And often you get people it's nice to be aside actually because often you get people that would turn up there sort of see how the town's struggling and then on top of that complain about the shithole hotel they've been part of and this is the truth right there wasn't the hotel in Port Talbot I'll call it Port Talbot I know that you've got a

better tongue for this lingo than I have, you seem to. So we so the counter to your argument, Romesh, is that me, I'm not making me your brother and Ali, I'm not making it up. I'd arguably say that Swansea is as big a fucking city as Bristol and as fucking Norwich. It may be bigger than Norwich, in fact. and as fucking Norwich. It may be bigger than Norwich in fact. So like, and the hotel, I think, that we got there, it felt very much like a sort of swingers vibe. It was sort of... Well, yeah, as I've been led to bleep off the curb, is one of your requests on your...

when you put your tall rider together. We had dinner just walking into... We had dinner with our car keys I flow told me that your rider was Red Bull couple of beers those chili and lemon crisps that you get from the world food aisle at Sainsbury's and a bit of a saucy hotel that that was I've seen the email mate do you know what three of those fucking things are right wait like and you know what at the time I was like okay you know this isn't necessarily the best hotel I've stayed in you know it's a bit grim it's a bit grimy needs a little bit of love but you

know the area right we went to Aberystwyth or Aberystwyth whatever you again can say about Aberwystwyth and the hotel like had a wooden row machine those that's that's not are you sure you didn't just see a boat that's maybe one of the quickest things you say but the gym was under the stairs. Like you basically had to go under the stairs. Like Harry Potter. Yeah, like Harry Potter, bruv. But you had to go downstairs.

And then it opened up and the guy showed us around. Yeah. I was like, his heart doesn't really seem in this. And sort of having a bit of a joke with him, I was like, I said, well, if I go and see the gym, he went, oh, for crying out loud. All right, I've just had to show someone down there. So I was like, okay, so we go down to the gym. And I was like, Oh, have you got any weights or

other machines? Or is it just a row machine? He went, No, we don't have any weights. We just have the rowing machine. And I was like, okay, cool. Just this gym just had a moment and there was little odds and sods that he later told me that he found a car boot sale. Right. This route, honestly, he did basically said, I was like, I sweat Ramesh. I swear. Right. You'd ask Ali. Your brother didn't even venture down there after I spoke to him.

But I was in like, I sort of had a joke. I went, um, I seem a bit like you're OK. If you're still sort of, you know, for a bit like 10 of joke, and a joke with him because I'd spoken to a bit. And he went, I just get pissed off with people constantly asking stuff. People annoy me. Did he actually say these words? Did he say these words?

Yeah, he was sort of, mate, he was sort of, he was quite a character, I'd say that. Sounds fun. Yeah, but he was said that he hates people. He hates that part of the business, but he brought a B and B. You know, like when you watch Four in a Bed and you see a place and you go,

well, I can't wait till I go and stay there because this person has no people skills and it'll be an absolute fucking joy to watch. That was what I found. Me and your brother, I was like, I'm not having breakfast here. He's already literally told me he hates people and he can't be, his heart's not in the B&B anymore.

I'm not risking a breakfast on that. So then me and your brother went walking'm not risking a breakfast on that. So I didn't mean your brother went walking around looking for a breakfast. I'm amazed that... So was this a bed and breakfast you're saying? Is that what you're saying? Yeah. It was an accident. Why would a bed and breakfast... Can I just say one? I take a little one thing of golf balls and a puddle with me on tour, right? I did a test.

Jesus fucking Christ. I mean, I'm just saying to you as a mate, tread carefully with this narrative of you being put upon on this tour, okay? I'm just, it's just, if we just walk our way through this, all right, you're annoyed that the gym doesn't have the free weights that you're after. Mate, mate, the gym, no, you can have those. And now, and now, and now, you don't even, you don't even have any weights that you're after. And now you don't even have any way to hit your golf balls.

This is I'm just saying. I can hit golf balls. You're in danger of losing perspective here. That's all I'm saying. Right, no, can I just say, right, it wasn't a gym, it was a rowing machine. If you have a room with a rowing machine in, it's just a rowing machine in a room, it's not a gym. A gym, you have to have three or four different things. You put these together, you've got yourself a bit of a workout. What my point was, right, I find it very good for my mental health is just having a little, I then, so I've been put one of the balls down just to practice and put it on the carpet and the ball just rolls without

me even touching it because the room is like a massive angle. Like it's not even straight, it's insane. It's like I've never seen anything quite like it. I mean listen, that is an acceptable story of hardship because it's coming from you. But you know, if you imagine that somebody saying that with a different act, you won't bloody believe this. I was just trying to putt some balls in the rooms at a fucking slant. I can't even practice my short game. And then I'm supposed to deliver 90 minutes of comedy that evening I mean I'm not in the fucking I'm not in the fucking trenches it's a bloody disgrace he also didn't switch the central heating on so by the by the way the the native working at reception didn't want to

bloody shame it doesn't even like people I mean for fuck's sake. I told him about it and I was like mate it's really cold upstairs and he said well he said you know it's like you know it's you know it's so it's just where it comes off the sea. I said is there any point can I get the radiators put on like some heating put on and he just did the biggest sigh I swear the sigh went on from 10 to 15 seconds and then came up and then sort of bang bang around with some stuff and then it was So a little bit more warm and that was yeah, and to be fair it went downhill from there. Even again Well a window that wouldn't open or close I'd put a kebab box in the window to keep it open and I One and then I was a kebab by the the way was it were there any positives to

this experience well your brother I thought the grab was look I don't know positive wise the world's people are amazing yeah you had great shades didn't you no well no ever wish this was maybe the biggest clusterfuck of a show this ever been the show allegedly was I had four microphones the whole sound system dropped out there there were some students doing the lighting who switched on the lights halfway through the show. Just in case people are wondering why Tom has four microphones, if you haven't seen the show he plays four separate kind of characters and he has microphones at different areas

of the stage and as he transforms into these different sort of elements of his personality he will talk into each of the different one it's a really high concept show actually it's called it's underdog and then one of the characters underdog one of the characters is over dog then there's dog and then there's Snoop Dogg isn't there that one's the most controversial one they sort of it really gets into yeah yeah yeah well I get really high at the end of the show. And then they were trying to fix it. Have you ever had the sound system go up with your shows?

Yeah. Well, not the sound system. I've had the mic. Well, I'll tell you what happened in, oh, this is actually fucking embarrassing, man. So when I was doing Milton Keynes. Shout out Milton Keynes. Great gig.

Great crowd. It's a great gig, yeah. Beginning of maybe part way through the first half, midway through the first half, it really doesn't matter. My obsession with giving details that are completely irrelevant, actually who am I talking to? But anyway, so halfway through the first half,

they knew, I had no idea, they had no way of telling me, they knew that their lighting desk was going to crash. Right, so imagine this, midway through the thing, all of the lights in the venue go off, except for the spot that's on me. Man, that's fucking cool. No, it was meant to, I felt like I was having a stroke or something.

Like imagine, it's like a fucking, I've gone to heaven. Like I'm dead, I'm dead. I cannot think of anything better than that. But given that or someone turning on the lights so a fucking 18 year old student can clump his way through the crowd looking for a way to fix the fucking sound system with big boots on.

I mean, to be fair, it was like no other show I've ever performed in my life. Cause literally it was like, it was like I was doing a sketch and I was fucking playing Basil 40. Everything was just going wrong. I'd soon have complete darkness to complete light. Well, the problem is that I didn't know where the edge of the stage was because it was so pitch black apart from the spotlight.

And then in the moment... You do all that stuff where you tiptoe across the edge of the stage. Yeah, well, this is really embarrassing what I'm about to say. I sort of was like in the moment trying to figure out what's going on and then I was just like what the hell's going on and then I said you know what I feel like and I said this is so embarrassing I don't know why I said it in the moment I said I feel like Mr. Cellophane out Chicago you know that and then I started such a rude that's such a strange reference I know but it's what popped into my head in the moment. And then I started fucking singing Mr. Cellophane. Oh no.

Yeah. Oh god, wrong. Yeah, I know, I know, I know. So then the lights came back on. And I just said, I said to the crowd, I've obviously had some sort of breakdown. I don't know what happened there. I've had some sort of, you know, just,

I was trying to do something and I've ended up singing Mr. Cellophane. I apologize profusely for carrying on with the show You know what? You've said some stuff to me like where you shat yourself and you're like Yeah, that might be the most embarrassing stuff. I think that's the cringiest thing you've ever said I mean, I didn't look in fairness to me. I didn't I didn't suddenly go this is my mind. How many verses did you do? I didn't I can I just give this some context, right? I didn't sing it like I thought I was nailing it, and this is my moment to shine as a musical star.

It was just like a bit of an embarrassed kind of shuffle just making a thing of it. It was bad. You know, I just... Right, right, right. Okay, you say that, but how much of the song did you do? I just did the chorus. The whole chorus.

The whole chorus. So I didn't even know, it was like this. Well, I feel like, I feel like, bloody hell. I feel like a bit like you know I feel I feel a bit like mr. Cellophane in Chicago. You know that mr. Cellophane I'm mr. Cellophane I'll even know my name and mr. Cellophane and you could walk right through me The the dinner and never know and then the lights came back on and then and then I was like really embarrassed even the lights were like fucking okay we got a

fucking reboot this from the source this guy's fucking singing Mr. Telephone then this is what makes it worse. I was in Newton's space and he fucking come back from the fucking grave to fucking switch on the lights and then about two weeks later I was doing a corporate gig and it went fine and at the end of it somebody messaged me saying oh it's a shame you didn't sing Mr. Cellophane like the last time I saw it and I thought oh god. You know when you hope somebody's been... As time's been coming a bit imagine if that became a bit that you switched all the lights off. Imagine if that was my Bohemia Rhapsody, Lee Evans. I'm broken out of my genius. Do Mr Sellafart. Guys, I just want to move beyond it. I just

want to do some observational stuff about society. Do Mr Sellafart. Okayophane. You're a musical number you wet gun. Drop the lights guys. Crug goes nuts. Never knowing anything but a half fucking half in the taste of the chorus. I'm down to 50 seaters because so many people are pissed off that I keep doing Mr. Cellophane. Okay guys. Mr. Cellophane. Eventually at fucking 57 you get that part in Chicago in the West End. It brings the musical to an end.

Nobody actually fucking wants it. We'll never perform this. This is a load for Chicago. It's become a novelty. Anyway, sorry bro, I interrupted you. So Aberyst Smith, the four microphones, explain what they did. So the whole sound system went down in the first half so I had to end up Just basically speaking it without a microphone, which you know, you know sort of 500 seats quite weird And also I don't like you. I'm used to hang it holding a mic Right, I know McIntyre and there's the yeah, I mean Manford doesn't have a mic now, whatever

There's an ilk of guys that do that. There's a talent when you've got your both hands free It's so weird talking, like, you talk and such. You don't feel like you're standing up. Yeah, I know, it's horrible. No, you feel like you're doing fucking Shakespeare or some shit like that. I always feel like it's a TED talk or some shit like that. Exactly, and then I'm like, oh, this is,

so, and you know what I'm like, I had to reference it, I mean, like, everyone seemed to enjoy the absolute car crash, apart from my soul, which felt crushed. Because I think what I've created is actually a pretty decent show. And what people around the world have got was essentially me having a breakdown on stage.

That, which I would argue, is a great show. I mean, I haven't quite, I didn't hit the depths of fucking booting out a lesser known song. And then, yeah, and then the lighting people decided that the show was done before the show was done. So just switched on the lights before the end of the show. And then Ali, who's amazing, the tour manager, is then trying to call them on the comms,

but they'd already put the comms down down so shout out Tom from our sound guy here to run and switch the lights back Did the lights get turned on as you were talking still doing the show yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah what Essentially, you know, you know the end of the show. Yeah last bit. Yeah, it was the end of that And I'm like, can we switch the lights off? And by that point I'm like, look, I've realised this has been a crock of shit and I realise some people will go home thinking that maybe this is like an immersive situation that this happened. This doesn't happen. Were there any elements of it? Because obviously I know you've been quite self-deprecating, as is your way. And by the way, self-deprecating as is your way and by the way self-deprecation just so you know not very attractive traits on think about I never do it

but um what I would say to you is I know you've been subject but in that in that those people that were there that night I'm almost certain they would have had a great time right and also and it's an event right was it was it was it were there any elements of that that made you think I could make my show like the play that goes wrong and keep some of this for the tour? Was there any bit where you just thought- Not really, no. Like, if I'm gonna be really honest,

in the midst of it all, you're finding a way to get through to the end of it, right? Because you don't wanna, and I'm aware that there's, oh, I've been told that there'd be people that would have just sort of, you know, after lights fucked up and microphone, and this is like, but, and I know you're similar to me, that I'm like, well, we just gotta try and make this

the best it is, but like, Ali was that you could have, you would have been with your rights to say, look, this is, I don't know what's happening here, and take a break, and then, you know, but I was, if I'm gonna be really, really, like, in the midst of it, I was like, this is, I need to just get through it. Yet the net, but my, my confidence of what the show was, because quite a lot of stuff then everything that we do, right.

And this is timing, right. And it's kind of like you're working off being at a certain, almost like a beep, right. Of how your timing of jokes and times of stories, once you throw that out and all of a sudden you're doing loads of fucking improv because things are going wrong in the room shits going down like yeah yeah then all the stuff that you're doing in the moment as we're well aware is always going to be funnier than the stuff that you do because it's just happening in the moment right but that's not what the show is and that's not what the sort of

like, you know, you're able to do it. I mean, we've written shows and that. So there was a lot of stuff where actually, even though I've performed it now 70 times, I'm like, fuck, that bit didn't work and that bit didn't. So actually, the next day was a fucking, I've probably the lowest I've had on tour. I was like, this is like, I was questioning everything that didn't really go right within the show. So Banga then became I just put so much pressure on Banga being the perfect version of the show that had to you know run perfectly and it didn't really there as well there's a couple of little I just got two in my own head so yeah and then we did Malvin on the way home which was which was really nice and it was but it was was yeah, it was it sort of basically two days where I felt two or three days that I thought oh fuck that man I feel

like, like genuinely I was like questioning have I been doing the show for too long? Have I like, just like my head just went a bit? That I really felt it, I was like yeah and I was saying to your brother, but yeah and like your brother I would say like has been on tour with me since I did work in progress he's been yeah like the poor like he was just like he was really you could see I could see in his eyes he's like oh shit this guy's in the middle of what might be just a complete he's trying to pick up my speed and out of the new tour manager because I've had like three or four of them so poor Ali's then go oh shit is this guy just like this is what this guy's

like all the time yeah like is this guy literally just the guy who looks like he's going to cry at any one time because I'm like look you know I'm aware that you know you better anyone I can I was trying to put on a really you know the thing like when at school if you hurt your knee or something happened and you try not to cry because you want the other kids to think you're Wait, I felt like I felt myself. That's how I felt and I was like, oh shit I need to you know, I went back into a bit of a place. That's remember I was like, oh, this is how I used to feel with stand-up

Like that's the first time it's happened in like since probably the work in progress. Yeah I think I know this doesn't mean anything, but first of all, you have done a good, you've written a great show. It's like, you know when they talk about training, I feel like those sort of things are toughening you up. I know that's, you know what I mean? You're like, I feel like that's,

you know when people talk about doing the gigging and getting those miles under your belt or whatever the hell, that is all part of it now Do you know I mean I feel like I don't I don't think when I did It felt horrible at the time and I had a similar thing to you and it wasn't anyone's fault But the venue at a path I was doing a gig in Leicester and the venue had a power cut There was only 15 people there but I like it was like a work in progress in less than when I was first thought and a lot when I was first starting to

do like solo shows and the power cut out. And so I just shouted and a guy that was a cyclist used his, um, the light off the front of his bike to light me for the show. That's pretty incredible. I felt like such a shit show man. But I totally get where you're coming from. You know, we all have moments have moments where it just makes you question everything, it makes you lose faith in what you're doing.

And it's part of the thing where you're putting yourself out there, and actually, when it's going well, that's not a state of permanence. It's really fragile that you feeling confident in what you're doing as somebody that's delivering a show is very, very fragile. Look, I feel like if you did Underdog for five years, right? Say for imagine, you just stretched out, stretched out,

stretched out, five years, standing ovations, you know, blah, blah, blah, absolutely ripping it. And then one night, it fucking went to shit. That previous five years disappears. Right, but it's true. That's just what happens, man. It's so mad. And it is such a, like, you work on it,

and it is like, I try to sort of, you know, there's that old adage of, um, doubt your past and, like, the good times. And you're aware, and then, like like I try to always think like, you know If it's a great show, it's a great, you know, leave if it's not been great then let try and it be like that thing Where you're like Yeah, I'm gonna be quite honest as well I've woken up this morning with a cold and like fucking feeling like dog shit

So I'm probably even more down about it than I usually would be but I think that there's a situation like there's a even more down about it than I usually would be but I think that there's a situation like there's a it's such a way that I said it to us it's Ali it feels like for three nights on this out of the four that we've done this this week I've taken a bit of a pound it is yeah it's such a weird thing isn't it like this game I did a thing for about a year and a half where I was like if I ever have three bad shows in a row I'm gonna quit comedy all right I genuinely had this and there's more than one occasion I've had two and I'd walk on stuff I mean it's mental I like it's not it's so dumb but I'd work imagine putting this pressure on yourself so I

go I've had two bad ones if this goes badly I'm gonna quit and then it never happened it never happened but it what I mean what the why why put yourself under that fucking pressure this gig has got to go well otherwise gonna quit stand-up like you know the insane thing I was at bat like backstage a banger pacing the route I went for a walk before and I generally talk talking to myself as I was walking going you probably you might have just lost it you're lucky enough to find it be glad that you've done 60 shows but I think you've lost it. You've had a good run. That's more than most people get you know yeah most people don't even get to

do a single stand-up show you've done 60 and look you know what it happens I've heard it happen to some comedians one comedian He was having a great run took a shit apparently just shat it out himself Went back on the next night died on his ass never got it back again You know what can you do? But then there's the worst version of it is did you hear about that guy who got on stage just started singing old musical? No, yeah Yeah, but there's a comedian and you and people thought he was alright, not bad. And then one day he sort of got desperate, sung a musical number, he's never been the

same since. If I can use his headphones, there's an Alice band, like completely lost focus of what he was about. Lost touch. Yeah. But speaking of getting a pound in, I've had, well two things this weekend. Actually three things. Oh, you've become, well, two things this weekend. Actually, three things.

You've become a viral sensation again. Two things I can report quickly. One, I've given up vaping. I don't talk about it very much, vaping. But- You are a vaper, though. And you know your brother is an incessant vaper. Yeah, well, I've quit. I've quit. And by the way, for sure- When you say you've quit,

how long have you done quitting, Royce? Five days. That's good. That's good It doesn't sound like it's done me any good but I feel great for it and I think I'm done that might be me You know the thing you're terrifying never again will it pop popcorn lung popcorn lung. Yeah Do you know what I would say give it a less attractive name. You know, I mean that's part of the problem with vapes. They're all called triple mango and fucking raspberry grape. And then you call the disease popcorn lung. Well, if you called it boil lung. Yeah, exactly. Or even nachos lung.

One of the other cinema snacks. Do you know what I mean? It's the worst one. But, so, anyway anyway quit vaping but that's not the thing I want to talk about the thing I want to talk about is I did a joke video was not a joke video I did a video about how I was delighted that there was this like uproar about the England flag on the back of the collar of the shirt because it means I don't have to buy this expensive shirt for my kids and and and let me just clarify, I do think the England flag's important,

but what I don't care about, the point I was trying to make is I don't care about it on the back of a collar of a shirt, okay? They're not changing the flag permanently, it's just on the back of the collar of the England shirt, the flag is not being changed. That was the point I was trying to make. Not even, I wasn't even trying to make that point,

I just said I'm glad I don't enough to buy the shirt. Anyway, what followed was me being told I'm not English. I would say rough count 300 times. The P-bomb being dropped on me 15 to 20 times. People saying to me, no wonder you don't care about the flag. You don't belong here in the first. I mean it was absolutely... It's so insane as well! It was absolutely bananas, man. What I find really like insane by that is like no one can have a look like sort of reasonable argument and just and people just fall into a place where it just becomes so toxic and look at like I agree I read the messages that you read the response and my you know I don't

want to get too deep into political so my worry of this is again. Let's be honest you don't want to tie your flag to this mask that's currently in choppy waters. No, no, no, no. No, my problem with it is that it's all just disguise, isn't it, to not look at stuff that's actually going on and actually relevant and I think that the problem is it's you know Nike or whoever can make out that this was a it's become a massive talking point right it's a massive talking point yeah and it's probably one of the most fucking controversial football shirts in years and in probably about 10-15 years everyone would have a fucking version of it they they wear a guard you remember

this everyone was fucking up in arms about it I there's a few different you know variables when it comes to things I think firstly it's there's a really interesting thing and what really fucked me off as someone who loves you and you're one of my best mates and I hate like the racism showed towards you just makes me feel quite disappointed as as a football fan and as like as I just feel and then when I look at the people who have said the stuff that they've said, I find that just toxic and just vile.

And I think a lot of your comments back to them, which is the situation that we're living in in this country. And this is probably sort of furthermore after traveling like you have the length of breath of this nation over the last 18 months is you realize quite how quite how somber it is and quite how hard is out there for people so you actually think well we're in a situation now where again I don't realize tip-toes to because I don't know all the facts but like when

you look at like you know the talk of this regeneration fund that was better regenerate you know that was billions of pounds that were put by and none of it's been used to regenerate areas. You know, you look at, you know, I was watching Question Time, people from Middlesbrough, and there's nothing there. There's no trade there. And so that, for me, when you're like, if you're questioning anything in this country at the moment, and you're going, like, what the fuck is happening here? Within society, there's no question being asked of a government that seemingly, I'm not talking about it by the way,

I'm not either side, I'm just talking as a man who's worked most of my life and been through two recessions and not have worked. So I know what that's like. So when I look at it, I sit here and think, why is there more discussion about a fucking flag on the back of a collar than there is about any of these things? And a lot of it comes down to a lot of people that flag and that football and whatever else is a way of identifying yourself and it's an identification, whether

that's racist, whether that is nationalist or whatever that is, right? But also it is a thing that people take pride in. And when you've got work and you've got a lot of hours going on, I think you can take pride in stuff like that. And I think people just feel like, is that being taken away? And I think it can be easily twisted

and it can easily be made into something for people to come up in arms again. The thing that worries me constantly is,'re fighting, the people are fighting battles in the wrong places and actually looking at employment and looking at bigger social issues that are going on right now in this country feels that we're not doing that enough and that the questions aren't being asked.

And that's something that I guess I think as a, you know, as a proudly working-class person, I mean, that's something that worries me, man. Well, I mean, I got a loads, I got quite a few messages, obviously, I've actually restricted the comments on that post, because I was getting like, people just like so many, obviously, people were saying, like, give them a load of abuse or whatever. But there's a lot of, quite a few people that message me saying, I'm really sorry that you

got that. It is totally fine. Like, I'm... But it's not lot of people that message me saying, I'm really sorry that you got that. It is totally fine. Like, I'm... But it's not fine, is it? Well, no, it's not fine that they did it. But it's, no, the trouble is, it's such a fucking, and I mean it, like, it just upsets me, because I'm like, they're the same people

who watch you on TV and enjoy your comedy and everything, and treat you like, you know, fucking someone they adore and they love, right? But then you, and love and watch it and watch League on their own. And then if you say one thing that they don't agree with, they resort to a thing that's so fucking horrible and toxic, it just makes me feel sick. And it's like, this is my point. It's like, if you're going to have an argument with you,

like about what you think about the film, like your video, by the way, wasn't, it was a fucking, like fucking like if I'd made that video it would have been a whole different response. Yeah and but my point is it's like what really fucks me off right is that that is their go-to and it's like if you're gonna like it's so fucking short-sighted and it's so fucking I don't know so childish. Well I mean to To drop the P word and to say that to someone and go back to where you came from, or you don't belong here or anything like that, you're like, this fucking whole nation was built on

people immigrating, like my family were fucking second generation immigrants, from Ireland, it's like every fucking, like, America, that's how the fucking world works you fucking idiot. So what really fucks me off is this idea that like you know that's all finally good until you say something and it's like to resort to that it just makes me so angry man. Well I mean I sort of felt like one, I started trying to comment back but then I realised there's no point in arguing but the point I was trying to make is I feel like people are getting distracted by this flag thing when like there's

loads of people struggling in this country and if you want to be a patriot and you want to you know look out for your country and be proud of your country we should be focusing on the things that need fucking sorting out not a flag on the back of a collar. But to your point you know the thing that I would say is, I do agree with you, if you had made that video that I made, the comments would have been very different. What frustrates me and is disappointing is that as soon as I say something like that,

I'm no longer English or I'm less English or whatever. And that is slightly depressing to go, that is just how some people are gonna always see you, is that I'm not actually truly English. But what- I know the sort of money that you earn and the amount of taxes you're paying, so. Fuck off!

But the other thing that sort of slightly is depressing is I sort of, you know, I said to you, when I was younger, I had a real problem supporting England football team because I'd got into pubs and stuff like that and seen like racist chants and shit And I thought I can't be like part of this even though you know I'm what I was doing there is extrapolating that everybody feels like that and that wasn't the right thing to do either But the idea that I'm supporting the same football team

That these people that first of all don't believe I'm English and by the way if you don't believe I'm English I hope you're not supporting Bukai Osaka or you're stepping up for England because he's a child of immigration as well I'm as English as he is so if I'm not English he isn't either we need to disqualify him from representative but this is the whole point it's like Karl Walker Declan Rice is a fucking Jack Grealish all these people are fucking from different countries that have come over here it's fucking insane, bro

It's mental but but what I would you're in a position There was like an American support in fucking you could literally not support one athlete if you're gonna take that fuck it's insane Yeah, but it's insane bro. It's disgusting. Yeah, but really I think the crux of it is I was just making a point about how I didn't want to spend 300 quid on the England shirts and and and you know what? By the way it's saving fucking priced. Well but although what I would say is even that's been slightly distorted right because there's two, by the way I'm not saying the regular England shirt is an all right price but we are talking about two tiers of price in here right aren't we? Because the isn't that the 120 quid one is like the actual replica shirt. There's like a fan,

you know they do two versions of this. So the version that's getting quoted is like the version that none of us would ever buy. I don't know about you but I'm not buying that. I'm not buying that just because I'm the basis. Number one, the only football shirt I wear at the moment is a 1994 Roy Keane shirt with the number six on the back, Ireland shirt. Because it's one of the best shirts ever made and I fucking adore Roy Keane, but I can't wear my United shirt. And shout out to the guys who brought it along to a show in Ireland. But my thing with it is like, number one, none of us as football fans can wear that £125 one because it's fit, right? Correct.

And all of us, it doesn't matter what shape you're in, you're not going to fucking look like a fucking footballer in it. Number two, I'd say the argument thing is it's going to be kids, right? It's going to be lads like your boys are going to be wearing it. Yeah. Well, they're not now, mate. It's been an absolute shit show You know the sad thing right the really sad thing if you have three sons, right who all wanted that England shirt right and

They say I don't mean to Right make this really sad, but it's like all three and I know your boys I know they love their football and they're fucking getting excited about the next England tournament and it's like what they go go for this shit as well That's really fucking makes me so fucking sad Well, the sad thing is bro is I said to them I've done a joke video not knowing what was gonna happen I've done a joke video back then watching it one in England shares They look at the video and then they see the sort of comments that I'm getting off the back of it. I mean, it's not a nice thing for your... I'm not

saying... I'm not trying to get my violin out or whatever, but it's just like a sad state of affairs that I've had to have a chat with them about it because to them, they think that's how loads of people fit. Look, those people fit. But also man, football should be like that age, or any age, but it should be pure and it should be some age. If it genuinely like, you know, yeah I just think it's just fucking horrible. And I think it's... But listen, what I would say is, genuinely, for as sad as it is, is it as sad as me seeing Mr. Cellophane in Middle Kings? I'd say Mr. Cellophane goes day to day with the whole thing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe if they'd seen you do that, they'd sort of felt sorry for you. I had a thing, just before, you've got a going, haven't you? You know what we should have done is me, you and Beckett should have all made that video and put it out. I know, seeing what the response would be Somebody actually message me going how would you feel if if they did that to the Sri Lanka shirt? Anyway, you got a guy bro, so do you want to do, I mean I could talk about this for ages, but what I was going to say is thank you to the people, there's quite a few people that said I've just seen all the shit you're getting and they sent me very nice, I think they're

worried about my mental health and just to reassure people I was I mean I text Tom we were joking about it I mean look I'm not trying to undermine That it's a horrible thing that happened like obviously it's fucking disgusting But I'd might I'd you know if you you could I just think it's insane I wasn't upset by it. I mean disappointed a bit angry Questioning whether I want to continue supporting the England football team. Yeah, all of those things. But I'm upset. I don't know. But anyway, Tom, let's, this is quite a tricky segue into a story about Geraldine Antillipe. OK, Bear Cub, go for it.

Yo, Bryce and the Bear Cub one day stepped out of his hovel and stared around wondering what today brought then his father and mother came up and he said are we gonna go and take some porridge off a family and then blame it on a little blonde girl and they were like no son for today is Easter and he's like what's Easter and they're like well Easter is the it was a resurrection of Christ from what we believe from what we believe, from what we read in some books at some old campers who stayed here once left behind.

And he's like, oh, okay, it's not too much to really get excited about, as we're bears and we don't really sort of, we don't really sort of celebrate Christ or any kind of religion. They, but then they turned around and said, well, no, you know what? Somewhere along

the line, someone brought in the idea of the Easter bunny and was like, oh, what do you mean, like Christopher the bunny who lives down the road? Well, yeah, a little bit like Christopher, but he hands out chocolate eggs. I've never seen Christopher with chocolate. Anyway, the bears go on a rampage of a local town and Mommy and Daddy get loads of Easter eggs from a Walmart. When they sit around and eat in them and Bryson is very much enjoying the eggs and he sort of walks them all down and he says, I still don't know what the connotation is between this and the resurrection of Christ. And Mother Bear looks at him and goes, well, no, really does.

I guess it's just a screen of bullshit for people just to get excited about something that's lost any kind of real worth My point about this is like Bryce and the bear. It's easy to question things It's easy to look inside things and just go. Oh, this is just what is what it is Look, I'm not a religious man. nay a man who really even likes chocolate anymore. So what is Easter to me? Well Easter's watching some kids, with my own kids, not just weirdly like that, in a playground, running around and enjoying things.

I guess that's the point. Quite a lot of the time when it comes to these things we can put too much pressure on stuff. We can ask too many questions. And the truth of the matter is, it's just a nice weekend. It's four days off work, where you can enjoy stuff. There'll be a couple of Easter specials. If you're lucky, someone from the local neighbourhood will dress up as a bunny and hop down the road throwing out those mini head things. Or if you're lucky and you live in a more exuberant area, they might have frozen crabby's creme eggs. There'll be kinder eggs and toys and that's our

guess is the thing commercialism is a pain in the gut at times but sometimes just sometimes it's a break from life and enough to tell you that there's sweetness in the world and that is that i mean i've got to say i found it quite a hard segue from maybe the most political rank you've ever had on this one

cause you did it very very well. It's really great work. So to play us out again another segue, we've just got nothing to do with anything we're talking about. But I was listening, I tell you who popped up on my little shuffle. I mean if this isn't Mr Cellophane I think you've done yourself a massive adjustment. I'm not playing Mr Cellophane. Well actually, JT. Can you play a little hit of Mr. cellophane Mr. cellophane and then love philosophy by Jamiroquai I've forgotten how great

how great this song is man I saw him bring out a new pair of new sambas Well, he didn't he asked didn't he ask how did us to bring back his favorite trainer and they did it I mean, it's incredible Guys sorry that it got a little bit. Listen, it got heavy about Race, it got heavy about the state of the country, it got heavy about hotels, it got heavy about microphones. And I think probably the most offensive thing is me describing a hotel room that didn't have a good putt in service. That's probably the lowest part of all of this. Yeah, I mean that was, there's too much of a slant for him to work on his short game.

But listen, we all have our struggles. Well, yeah, it depends how you look at it. It depends how you look at it. Actually, it might end up being the biggest fucking thing. Yeah, I was relentlessly racially abused over the weekend but let's not forget some people have real problems Tom couldn't putt in his hotel so guys take care of yourselves Tom Davis I love you brother boom we'll see you soon. Love you Jay. Alright bye bye bye bye. I tell me it's killing, breathing solutions at heart I had it my mind about you I'm in love with you

Seems so true All the lies you're telling tragically come calling in My love and me's nothing to you So maybe I'm still a fool If you have a problem, opinion, feedback or anything at all, please email us at wolfalpod.gmail.com. That's wolfalpod.gmail.com we'd love to hear from you mainly because we don't have any content ideas thank you