Wolf and Owl - S3 Ep 2: Bin-gate & Weighing Profiteroles

Episode Date: January 10, 2024

We’re talking… being bad at basketball, homework hassles, recycling bin scandals and Tom’s new rubbish dump video, new year social media plans, counting calories and weighing profiteroles, suspicious TikTok food advice, stand-up warm-ups, very loud laughs and a problematic food delivery omission. Plus, a slang challenge quiz for Tom - just how streetwise is he? For questions or comments, please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod TikTok - @wolfowlpodcast YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch & Mailing List - https://wolfandowlpod.com/ A Shiny Ranga Production For sales and sponsorship enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Best Western made booking our family beach vacation a breeze. And it felt a little like... Come on kids, back to the hotel room. Good night kids. Good night mama. Life's a trip. Make the most of it at best western so let's be clear when it comes to shipping internationally can i provide trade documents electronically the answer is fedex okay but what about estimating duties and taxes on my shipments. How do I find all the... Also FedEx. Impressive. Is there a regulatory specialist I can ask about? FedEx.

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Yeah. Yeah, what what you want? Beak or jaws? Feathers or fur? Sharp teeth or feet with claws? Whatever's preferred They'll grant you all last Requests to steady your nerves

Then podcast the body parts Get severed and served Bring your weak shit Wear the wolf and owler That ain't just a mistake That's an awful howler Both of them are known To pull up at your shows

Have the crowd witnessing a murder Like they rolled in with a gang of crows Fuck the censorship, let them see the whole thing They stay dressed to kill, never sheep's clothing Dark enough to turn the sun to the moon You'll see nothing, all you hear is a huff, a puff and a Expect killings, red spilling and flesh ripping Impressive in it, the death bringing, it's head spinning

Just kidding, every word in this song's about two grown men Dressed up as a bird and a dog. Oh, my goodness. Inside the Raid. Yeah. I'm a striker named Tom Davies. How you doing? How you doing?

Yes. Well, for now, how we doing? How we doing? And now it's time for a call. Inside. Evening. Evening ting. It's a late night ting.

Late night ting. Where's your hoodie from? This night ting where's your hoodie from this hoodie where's your hoodie from it's from the NBA to commemorate the game

between the Charlotte Hornets and the Milwaukee Bucks that I went to see did you go to that game I was at that game with Rob Beckett it's for Rob Romish versus NBA

oh wow wow man yeah just like how did you get on with you I haven't seen it Rob and Rob you've not seen that how did you get just like... How have you gone with your... I haven't seen that about Robin Robb. You've not seen that?

How have you gone... No, no, no. Have you watched any... Be honest with me now. Have you watched anything I've done? Yeah. I've watched the dance... Yeah, I've watched loads of stuff

you've done. That's why I fucking hung on to your coattails as best I could. Dragged myself up alongside you. I... Yeah, it was alright.

How did we go? I loved NBA. I just thought it was an incredible sport i mean like every game we went to watch was really exciting and then i've got a load of cousins in canada and north america north america jesus anyway i messaged him and i said i can't believe i said north america that was so yeah actually maybe actually maybe that's the non-cultural maybe that's the non, maybe that's the better way of saying it. It is North America, isn't it? Do you know what I mean?

Just assuming that North America, I mean America, that's actually culturally biased, isn't it? So actually I was being, I was actually being. Everyone knows it's the USA. You were like doing that sort of, yeah, yeah, just hanging out in North America. Yeah, I could have just said US, couldn't I? Met up with some of my cousins in north america yeah just doing my thing in n.a north america yeah okay all right north america okay all right well that's uh um but how did you how did you get on those were you

how did you play how did you for because i'm like you i was a massive nba fan growing up yeah well we we went and played aup game or whatever at some local court. You know, all these proper street ballers playing, stuff like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was... Oh, like one man can't jump, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, yeah, it was embarrassing.

It was bad. Well, how was Beckett? Because Beckett's quite... He's shit. He's shit. He won't mind me saying that. He's absolute shit, yeah. He's proper shit.

We played it in munich um for the league of their own me freddie jamie and maya yeah yeah um and there was something like when we did a practicing i was so bad it was unreal like to the point where yeah i think freddie uh bagged me a cut of time he pulled down my shorts a cut of time which is quite that's not part of the game is it I mean I don't think

if you're analysing your basketball skills I don't think I don't think you can I don't think you can I don't think you should be holding yourself or having your pants

pulled down I think that's fair enough but actually when the it was me and Freddie were on the same team and then when the game started like we played 2-2

against I don't know it was 3-3 there was two pros and then me and uh freddie versus jeremy and maya and something you work with me and i actually i had like you know i just hit a level where i was actually not like amazing but okay i was actually just about all right and then scored the winning basket in the in the shoot off which was one of the best moments of my life. Did you score the winning basket or was it one of those things where they set it up for the end? Did they just think Tom was so shit in practice it'd be really cool if he was...

No, no, no, no, no, no. It happened. I scored... It was an amazing... Is that what you've been officially told to say? You can't ever really undermine that result. Is that what's going on? No, no, no. Look, if I had to fucking... If i had to if i had to say i'd say okay i'm not that proud but no it's pretty it jimmy was yeah it's i was thinking i've been thinking about getting the tattoos commemorate it what would the tattoo say i don't know uh i guess it would be a basketball just heading towards a hoop and then chris is older she turned around and say hey what's that about and i'd be like oh yeah you know 2000 to 20 before kovid what's that about? And I'd be like, oh yeah, you know, 2000 to 20 before COVID.

What's COVID? I'll tell you in a minute. I went to Germany to play basketball. Do you think the glorious story of you doing well in basketball

is worth making have to sit through explaining COVID? Well, maybe not. No, no, no.

I mean, I should probably cover that. So what's COVID though? Well, let me tell you that first before we get into the basketball. So it's a horrible,

horrible. Well, I mean, I'm hoping a teacher tells it like that. It'd be something they talk about at school. Like, you know, I guess she's in year 10 or something. Yeah, because I have suddenly become... This is in your future with Grace,

but I have suddenly become slightly concerned about the amount of homework my children are getting. What was your... How strict were your parents? This is such old man chat, but how strict were your parents on you doing homework? They tried to be strict. I was amazing at getting it.

I don't think I did any homework from the moment I started second year. I mean, I fronted out. I didn't get any qualifications. I was an awful student. I was literally... But I used to sort of... My sister, who's very academic uh when she was two years below me at the same school and she would be getting loads of homework and my mom would be going are you sure

you haven't got any homework and i'd be like no no i did it all at school did it one time she believed that you would take time out of lunch time to do your homework well i didn't believe but i think by the time i got to secondary school she just realized that i'd already checked out yeah my mom stopped going to parents evenings generally when i was about 30. which just couldn't handle it because i was so depressed yeah it was so depressing yeah well it was like a load of teachers to say that he's actually quite a nice kid but he's so disruptive he's been sitting out outside the lessons yeah i haven't been to a single i know i have i I have. I've been to like two or three parents' evenings, but now that Theo's at secondary,

I feel like I just don't want to go. Not because I don't want to listen to it, I just feel like I don't want to be... You're going to have a go at me now for thinking I'm Billy Big Bollocks, but I don't want to be a distraction. I just think like there's a lot of things I'll put you up about

like your use of North America to try and be cool I'll weigh in there but yeah that I completely get because it is yeah something that I found in the last probably three months

that there's a little bit of a change i'm like this is all right okay this is a bit more like like if i go to some of like grace's little classes and stuff i notice it's a bit like oh okay this is you know more people seem to want to chat do you reckon it might have something to do with you being in the number one movie in the world no uh my thing about um i've got quite a lot of flat by the way for the fact that i i said Do you reckon it might have something to do with you being in the number one movie in the world? No. My thing about, I've got quite a lot of flatbed away from the fact that I, and I'm not doing this to be humble, I just, it's not saying it, but I think a lot of people messaged me about last week's podcast about the fact that you gave me a really nice talking to,

and I need to start thinking about it. It's just not in me, I guess. Anyhow, I digress slightly. My thing is, I mean, you're further down the line, right, as a parent. Do you ever get the thing of like, so today, for example, had a nice day, took Grace, Catherine went to Polite's and took Grace for a little woodland walk and we got stopped by someone there who wanted a picture

and I was like, I can't look at the picture. Did you have time for the walk? I mean, I imagine you were sifting through all of the feedback from your dump Instagram video, eh? Well, again, I got quite a lot of stick, actually, for the revelation about the dump last week. Well, look, let's be... I've seen a couple of messages about your decision

to put rubbish in someone else's bin. I saw some flack for that. Yeah. And then I guess what happened is, if I know you at all, which I do very, very well, I imagine what happened is your arse went, having told that story publicly. So then you decided you were going to go. Obviously, you said you were going to go to the dump

to rectify the situation. And you thought, how could I, as high profile away as possible show that i'm taking the stuff down the dump i'm sure that you probably spoke to flow and asked if you get on this morning or something like that to just really put it out there but as it is you couldn't do that they're not going to let you promo a visit to the dump so you just decided to do a video where you you tried to make it you tried to you tried to make it cool by going influence this uh then you put on you put on Juicy, which I appreciate, one of the greatest hip-hop tunes of all time.

And then you cut to... Do you reckon when he made that track, you ever thought one day it would be the soundtrack to a loser going to the dump? What made you... How did you decide on how many walks between the bin and the car you were going to include in the video, to start of interest?

As many as I could film, if I'm honest. Who was filming it? Did you set it up yourself? Catherine. Oh, my God. Catherine was in on the act and found it very, yeah. I thought it would be funny to do. I quite like to, if I'm honest with you

it started with her filming it as taking a piss yeah and yeah as she was filming it

someone there's a bit and I had to cut it from video I come around the corner trying to look silly and I knock into someone right by accident

why did you take that out? because I just yeah the guy because the guy's in it and I knock into someone right why did you take that out because I just yeah the guy because the guy's in it and I think it was fair to sort of he didn't look very happy

and then he was like what are you doing and I was like you know then he looked around and saw Catherine filming the whole thing he was like

what's going on so then he would have thought that was deliberate yeah yeah and he probably thought like it was a Jack Jones-esque character

who was sort of like filming pranks on people you know genuinely when I started on this and he probably thought like I was a Jack Jones-esque character who was sort of like filming pranks on people. You know what? Genuinely, when I started on this, I'm really regretting wearing a hoodie because like the shame I feel

at the moment, I feel very warm and like, you know, sort of shameful. I don't know if I've got deflected shame or something, like sympathy shame.

I feel really warm as well. So this is one for you because you feel uneasy about doing stuff on Instagram I can tell right you're not you know yeah as to what I like

there's people on there who put up stuff every day I sort of try to make a deal with myself this year I'd be like I chatted to a couple of people that we mutually know

who put stuff out quite a lot and i was like you don't seem to you just stick stuff up when you think oh that'll be funny to stick up there's not any great thought behind it and they're like yeah no of course it's not it's just to keep your profile up there and i've even that dump this is this is like a people it took me a long time to even put that up i just just said to Catherine, fuck it. It was fun to do. It was a laugh. We had a laugh making it. It was funny. It's a fun thing to do.

Piss about doing. And then I was genuinely like, if I put that up, I just feel like, what? And she was like, fuck it, you might as well. You've literally made me film you going to the dump. Otherwise, we've just got a fucking video to show Grace on her 23rd birthday. Quite a sad appearance so but my point my point is like do you when you when you don't put stuff up like that do you i should i mean i should do sometimes i do i mean occasionally i do like you

know but uh no you do rants that are really funny you do rants that you've done that like you did one about people saying about about being too cold yeah i do feel like um i do feel like really if i had anything about me i'd be doing those regularly do you know what i mean but like i just and i do it whenever it occurs to me but i'm not i think you have to slightly be uh that you have to change your mindset that you're looking for opportunities like that whereas i'm not so that but is it opportunities or is it like like like if you think of something funny like you stick it up right like there's a lot of people out there and people like and i respect it i respect that hustle i'll split that people just stick it up and go fuck it they're not like overly thinking it like you know not to get too fucking go but that is that seems to be like that is that

like how the game's changed a bit now is people are because literally i i will think of something and i'll go that could be standard i'm a pre would be stand up and then not would you just throw that idea out or do you then think oh fuck it i might as well just i mean i can get i mean i've thought about this i've not thought about this a lot, but with stand-up, I think it's tricky because without getting too boring for people that aren't in comedy, stand-up takes a while to perfect routines, right? And you'll have an idea,

and where that routine is in three months' time is like a world apart from where it was when you first came up with it. So there's a situation where there's a desire or there's a pressure, I should say, to put content out all the time. But if you're trying to create really good stuff, one, that takes a while. Do you know what I mean?

You're working up at gigs and stuff like that. And two, do you want to then throw it away on its premise? This is it. Can you hear this? Where is it? It's my kid the kids are playing honestly man Well, if I'm trying to do anything when the kids are playing FIFA It's that it sounds like they're killing each other, but then you walk in there. They're having a great time But they are like it's mad it's so how who's the best of people with theos theos the best yeah yeah yeah are you still playing you still get your hand every now and again i go and give them a game

yeah it's so it's so sporadic how i do sometimes i'll absolutely hammer them and sometimes i get turned over it's and actually i try and hide how upsetting I find the whole experience when they beat me and they're very good those three boys are very good at trash talk by the way I would say so there's been there's been times when I've got into that room wanted to do some have some quality time with my kids and walked out with my self-esteem absolutely rock-bottom Jim I've been thinking about getting back into the FIFA world yeah you should get lessons again man get back on the

get back on the horse I'm not going the trouble is I have like so my obsessive like Catherine and me had a bit of a

argument we went for lunch today so at the moment I'm trying to calorie count for the first time in my life because I'm really keen to try and

like see what I'm doing wrong when it comes to my I mean I say see what I'm doing wrong when it comes to my diet. I mean, I say, see what I'm doing wrong. I know what I'm doing wrong. I have a pizza as a fucking snack. I know that's not going to... I mean, is that wrong?

I mean, you know, I suppose if you're trying to lose weight, yeah, okay, fine. No, but like, so I'm trying to calorie count, but I can't do anything by half. So I'm literally, we go for lunch, and I am putting everything into my fitness pal i'm trying literally everything i have and kevin's like this is a joke and she was like do you want to share some profiteroles and i asked her what this is so

embarrassing i looked at my fitness pal and obviously that like the place we were there was like so i said um uh but there was like profiteroles sort like just generic profit rolls but it was like how you have to put it in by weight i was like do you know how much the profit or i was like and they said do we know how much the professor said no we don't yeah okay he said i said is there any way oh my god please tell me you didn't you didn't and c Catherine was like, this is really ruining lunch now. Like, you've already like... I've got a little technique that I've been doing. You know like, everything's done on weight. So I've worked out if you hold something between two forks,

you can kind of suss the weight out of like... So when you're eating meat, you go like, that feels about 100 grams. That feels about 150 or 200 you know so you hold it like between two forks you can feel it in your hand you roughly get an estimate obviously i can't do that proper no it also sounds like complete bullshit anyway no of course you can do what you're doing you're fucking yoda weighing the the thing between two forks like genuinely if you like if you teach yourself enough times pick up something with two forks at 200 grams, you'll go, fucking hell, I don't know exactly what that is.

What if I knew that with a professor? Roughly. Because, mate, it's a whole different thing, because it's not even coming up to 100 grams. It's too light. Too light even to fucking suss out. They were quite floaty, quite light, Pop Crawford or Robs. I mean, this is, I mean, Catherine at this point looked at me, and even Grace gave me a look as if to this is I mean Catherine at this point

looked at me and even Grace gave me a look as if to say I can't believe that I'm with you but you're not

going to do that for the rest of your life are you I mean this sounds like obsessive behaviour yeah

I turned around and said what if I started bringing out the scales with us it's frustrating because apparently

there's an app coming out where you can take a picture of your dinner and it will tell you the calories on the app coming out where you can take a picture of your dinner and it will tell you the calories on the plate

okay I can't wait I'm buzzing for that that's exciting have you ever calorie counted I've never

calorie counted to that level but I've sort of rough calorie counted like if I go to if I'm getting

something out I'll have an idea. But I don't really do exact calorie counting. Like, for example, if, I don't know, if I go out for lunch or something, and I, you know they have the calories on the menus now,

and if it's like particularly hectic. Not all of them. This is the thing I find frustrating. But like, if they do have the calories on, then I'll think to myself, I'm probably going to have a lighter dinner now, because I've gone big on lunch.

So I do it to that degree. But in terms of exact calorie counting no i don't it's probably to my detriment but the problem is i don't i don't want to well it's what you said it's kind of i'm not criticizing what you're doing but i don't want to go all or nothing i don't want to suddenly be like worrying about that shit you know i don't become obsessive about that, you know, but, but the truth is, I get really into stuff. I get so obsessive. I know. And that becomes like,

it overtakes my life. Yeah. But also what you've got to think about is that, you know, maybe you should be giving yourself one day a week off or something. I mean, you know, on a Sunday,

the trouble is, yeah, this is the thing I have. This is the problem. If I give myself one day off where I go, I'll have a can of coke or I'll have this or I'll have that it will just

I'm not saying eat like you're going to hibernate I'm saying just like on the Sunday you go I'm not calorie counting today and then if you go out

make smart choices the way I see it you've got to kind of treat things a bit like religion you can't sort of be half in and half out when it comes to

you can't just go I sort of believe in God I'm 50-50 comes to, like, you can't just go, oh, I sort of believe in God on 50-50 on it. You've got to throw your fucking hat in the ring and go,

right, I'm in. You know, it should give me a Bible and a cross. You're getting a set of scales out of Toby Carver, eh?

I mean, is that what you want your life to be? No, but, yeah, but, mate,

I only need to take them once because I usually have the similar sort of things wherever I go. So you're having profit rolls every time? Can I tell you, by the way, can I tell you, by the way, I usually have similar sort of things wherever I go. So you're having profit rolls every time. Can I tell you by the way, right,

sort of reading into things, a few things. Number one, the low level of protein in McDonald's meat is actually quite upsetting. Oh God, is this what this fucking podcast

is going to become now? It's already taken over my fucking TikTok. What? My TikTok now, I now i made the mistake because the algorithm is so responsive you sort of i've started watching a couple of guys talking about shit first of all you can't get a consensus from any of these pricks right that everybody's contradicting each other you know you talk to one of them and it's like not talk to one of them i don't talk to any of them but like you watch a video from one of them and it's like i'm doing a cheat day now i'm eating 25 000 calories i'm he's eating a whole but and then you talk to another guy there's another guy

on there i don't i'm loathe to name these people but he's like i i just do i don't eat anything processed i i eat 50 eggs in the morning and then you get other people talking about the exercises i mean i saw the 50 eggs guy he's yeah he's like yeah that's what he has every day right yeah every every i say every morning he doesn't eat till 1 30 in the afternoon and so like and all of these people are just like i don't think it's healthy man like i think it's cool to like have an awareness and like how i used to eat was bad where i didn't give a shit about what i ate. And if anybody doesn't give a shit about what they eat, then that's fine. But I just sort of had to keep an eye on it, because I still got it into my head because my dad died of a heart attack.

And my dad was, I've talked about this a lot, but he had deep fried boiled eggs as a snack, that man. So I don't want to get into that zone. So I'm sort of trying to be a bit careful. But this whole thing of going completely the other way where you're like 100% calorie count. I mean, if you're saying to me you're doing it to keep yourself in a bit of a deficit

until you drop the weight and then you're going to go back to sort of normal-ish, then that's fine. But if you're talking about that's going to be your life, it's very easy to get obsessive about it. Oh, no, no, no. But I do get obsessive. But also because i like to know

what what i'm like i'm doing with things and i've also if i'm going to be completely honest i've sort of like spent a lot up for up till christmas i was training sort of a few times i was into my training and i've walked 10 000 steps a day but i'd still be carrying quite a lot of weight and this sounds ridiculous but i'd look at and go fucking out like of a day I'd be burning a considerable amount of calories so I was like well I can fucking almost eat what I want and I'd probably watch a TikTok video or something and then as sort of I got into Christmas and I was like fucking out I was putting on I was going back to putting on quite a bit of weight if I was I was not happy about how I felt and like you look I'm not this isn't a thing for me about

vanity it's just about health it is literally about being what I consider quite an older dad like having a little one I want to be able to run around with I don't want to get all heart disease runs in my family I'm like I want to try and be healthy and so I have to make some lifestyle changes and yeah like this isn't something I want to be doing for like fucking calorie counting for the next 10 years. But it's just something I just kind of want to get my head around. So I've got some kind of, I'm not watching TikTok videos and going, oh, this is what I should do. This is what I'm trying to then go.

I kind of know what I should eat in a day. And then if I have a day where I eat shit or have a few drinks, I can kind of go, well, I can rectify that tomorrow because I'll eat this or eat that. But my point is, at the moment, it's almost taken over my life. Well, I mean, this is what I would say to you. And by the way, I don't want to encourage anybody to become obsessive about this sort of thing at all, because it's so easy to become addicted to calorie counting. You've got to do this.

Even to get to a point where, I know exercise is good for your mental health, but getting to a point where if you miss a workout, it fucks with you and all that, I just don't think that's healthy. But I'm just lazy. Say, for example, I was having the day that you were having where I knew I was going to uh have dinner with with with lisa i would just be careful with what i ate earlier on in the day

like so i wouldn't eat that much earlier on in the day knowing that i was gonna have a big meal later on and then i'll just have the profiteroles and not give a fuck do you know i mean i just feel like you feel like okay well you know i've been careful today so i can just go i've you know i just do what i want on this meal. Do you know what I mean? So this is how, this is where, I was getting myself back in a track that I've been in before. And this is, so I was getting to a point,

like towards the end of last year, where if I got, I would walk to the train station, get to the train station, I would have to wait 15, 20 minutes for a train, so I think I'll just get a cheeky burger king. I'll get, it's like, no, I had dinner when I got home as well,

I would get a Greg sausage roll, just to fill the time. I was getting back into a situation burger king I'll get it's like no I had dinner when I got home as well I'll get a Greg sausage roll just to just to fill the time I was getting back into a situation where I thought fuck it I can

I'll just have something because I fancied something like it became a habit so then I was like this is and it's I've been there before where like

like any kind of habit is like for me I fall into a place where I'm like where it be drinking or whatever I fall into a place where I'm like alright this becomes a cycle then i had to break that cycle by being quite hard with myself well listen i i understand what you're saying if you have to put it into

fitness pal or whatever it is you've got to put into it formalizes you eating that thing and and what i would say to you wolf thanks for getting in touch is you've got to just do whatever is is right for you do you know what i mean and and if that system is you have to do a little bit of like being a bit careful and weighing out profiteroles then don't be ashamed of that you do you my guy do you know what i mean and like it's don't feel ashamed of it because it is something i'm sort of considering well i'm seeing you tomorrow are we going to have some food afterwards tomorrow or have you got to

rush off am I seeing you oh yeah I'm seeing you tomorrow well actually I was actually going out for dinner you're welcome to join me

though do you want to come with me who are you going out for dinner with Jeff Norcott oh my god where are you going I thought we were

going out for an Indian I don't know what the name of the restaurant is do you want to come I might say a month I mean we really are giving don't know what the name of the restaurant is. Do you want to come? I might sell Monday. I mean, we really are giving no concession to the fucking fact that this is for public consumption. Jesus Christ.

Well, the date will be done both times. It goes out. In today's economy, saving money is like an extreme sport. Coupon clipping. Promo code searching. It takes skill. Speed.

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On April 5th. You must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth. Bad things will start now. Evil things of evil. It's all for you. No, don't.

The first omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother mother of what is the most terrifying 666 it's the mark of the devil movie of the year the first omen only theaters april 5th we all have the power to shape the world we We're connected to the world we share, to each other. I am future. I wait in the world of Echo. Discover the extraordinary with Echo, the spectacular new show by Cirque du Soleil. Opens May 8th under the Big Top at Toronto Lakeshore Boulevard West.

Tickets at cirquetusoleil.com. The world is yours to create. Echo thanks its presenting partners Sun Life and its official partners Air Canada and Mastercard how have you been anyway boy? well I've been good, there's a couple of things I want to say first thing I want to say is

I did a load of, well I did a load of gigs to warm up this tour because I've not gigged all over Christmas. And you were kind enough to come to one of the warm-ups. And it's just such a lovely, supportive thing you did. But, so I want to say thank you to you for that. What I would say, though, is the first gig, bro, that I picked up the microphone,

it was like I'd never done stand-up before. I've only not done it for like a few weeks, i was like all over the place it was crazy you were you were you were cooking up can i say by the way there was a guy in the audience who had maybe the the most dramatic laugh i've ever heard in my life it was uh i was sitting with uh a mutual friend a lovely nick hell and this guy's laugh was look your show is brilliant I'd say everyone should go and see it I think you're

incredible and yeah I don't want to rummage around and scrape up yours yeah but that guy's laugh

was how you didn't like you're so fucking specific it was like so

and he clapped at everything he said I know it's nice to get some appreciation what did you look like the guy because I couldn't see him yeah I know but I couldn't see him

he's got longish hair quite quirky facial hair enthusiastic audience member who's right in the front but I didn't want to I didn't want to I can't no no no

you shouldn't pick on him I just think it's like that laugh was just so like, I kind of respect it. My only concern was it was making me think I was having a better gig than I actually was,

do you know what I mean? Because it was very loud and right next to me. Mate, at one point I thought someone has brought a pet here. Because it sounded almost inhuman. It was like, he, like,

but he said, I've never heard anyone enjoy anything as much in my life no he had a good time um but uh but he had a wonderful time yeah but i did i know this i did two shows a night wednesday thursday friday right yeah by the friday when i was on my way home i honestly felt like i'd done like an ultra marathon it was crazy just because i just because of like i think just having a few weeks off do you know what i mean like actually you don't realize how knacker and doing stuff i think it's the mental thing of like getting yourself g'd up you're looking at the show and whatever so i was like so knackered anyway but but so that was that but so thank you for coming to the show

and thank you to everyone who came thank you so much everyone who came to always be comedy they were fun shows but um on sunday today sorry not on sunday today i sat down with alex who's got like a massive bit of homework to do and i said to him i'll sit down with you i've got some work to do as well i'll sit down with you you do your homework i help you with your homework and then we can sit down to watch the uh arsenal liverpool match right so he said okay so i helped him with this homework two hours I sat with him right and we were working

on this homework massive homework I mean I just don't know why what subjects you don't want me inquiring this is DT

right it was like it was a massive it was like technology yeah they want to give homework for that yeah

massive massive homework did you have to build a house or something we had to design a product wow

that's the shit they do on the apprentice I know they had to do a presentation and then like what that's insane he had to like he had to put together like a like a little kind of like a prototype no he didn't have to you don't have to make anything he was just designing it and talking about what his design influences were and stuff like that so like he's quite he's quite tricky to keep on task alex um do you know i mean like yeah and also when it's a work a bit of work that that's it's that long he was um but we had a good time actually i'm gonna say this now i had a great time with him it was fun you know we hung out what did he design in the end or is it top secret he's he doesn't I don't think he wants me to say

I didn't tell him I was going to talk about this but the way he's talking about it I know that he's a bit shy about it so I'll tell you I'll check with him and then maybe I'll reveal it

on there something for people to look forward to a nice little cliffhanger but so then we talking a cliffhanger what you say

talking a cliffhanger as well no no I just got to the traitors man oh yeah I've not been well no no I just got to the traitors oh yeah I've not been watching it no

I've got to tell you oh my god what a Cliffhanger on the end of Fridays gee I've got to say

Claudia Winkleman is an absolute queen unbelievable unbelievable she's so brilliant absolutely like yeah I absolutely

think she's incredible I think she's a national treasure you're filling in her show you're stepping in

her radio show I don't want anybody thinking I'm taking over on the traitors I don't want that rumour started no no no but yeah

you'd actually be quite good on the traitors by the way I think what as a contestant yeah I think you would do you think so I don't think so I think everyone

would just immediately think I'm a traitor no way no no no you're quiet you're quiet you're self assured there's a sort of

little tinge of rascal that runs through you but it's not apparent for everyone that sees thanks mate I'd be awful I'd be very awful

very quickly you think so why yeah well I think they'd vote you just for being fucking annoying

wouldn't they it'd just be constantly it's constantly talking to me that would be yeah and people would go

he's so intrusive yeah yeah yeah but so then what happened was we sat down and watched the Arsenal-Liverpool game

the Swan is a little bit Swan's a little bit annoyed with me bit annoyed with me not annoyed with me annoyed is an exaggeration

because she very rarely gets annoyed to be honest with you she's one of the most laid back

individuals I've ever met in my life I would wholeheartedly agree with that but she

was slightly concerned about she's been talking to me about how worked up

the boys get about Arsenal and then today she sort's been talking to me about how worked up the boys get about Arsenal. And then today, she sort of was party to me and the boys watching the game together. And let's just say that she felt like she'd identified the source of the issue. Let's just put it that way. She said to me...

The number of times she said to me, I'm beginning to see where they get it from, in sort of that kind of snippy in that kind of snippy tone it was quite anyway while the football was going on

I ordered I'm not going to name the place but I ordered delivery delivery driver the food took about an hour an hour and a bit

they must be busy or whatever whatever that's fine yeah yeah well a lot of people watching the football pizzas burgers exactly fried chicken some people would have Chinese takeaway on a Sunday in a bit they must be busy or whatever whatever that's fine yeah yeah a lot of people watching the football pizzas burgers fried chicken

some people would have Chinese takeaway on a Sunday it's quite a big thing so it took an hour and ten hour and fifteen something like that

to get to us which is quite a long time when it arrived three ravenous boys three ravenous boys a peckish wife and an incredibly greedy husband

Lisa's so hold up were you having food for the minute as well yeah yeah we all were peckish wife and an incredibly greedy husband. So hold up, were you having food for the minute as well? Yeah, yeah, we all were. Okay, yeah. And that does? No, it wasn't that. I'm not going to name it because I'm about to go in on them. I'm not really about to go in on them. Okay.

I'm not about to go in on them because this is easily done. So I'm not like you, do you know what I mean? I'm not going to like absolutely fucking... Yeah, but also, by the way, when you do go into places, I think it's good because you're spreading the word. Mate, I will suck the corporate dick of anything I think is amazing. Oh, listen, you do not need to reiterate that, by the way. I will turn around.

If something impresses me, I'll say, hey, that's fucking incredible, get on this, guys. If something's crap, I'll also go to it. Yeah, but it's not that it was crap. It was an oversight right but so I'm not I'm not

my the reason I'm bringing this up is not to talk about how crap it was is I just want to know how annoying you would find what you would do

in this situation because okay hit me hit me everybody's food was there so it took an hour and a quarter right

so we've been waiting a while kids are like i also i slightly resent the fact that i am i suddenly become the pressure on me when we make a delivery order uber is yeah it's awful yeah and i and i seem to be apparently i'm in charge of the fucking drivers for delivery the way this family treats me do you know i mean they're just constantly like so what's going on with it what's going on with it mate I literally just clicked on the thing

I clicked on the thing and I'm waiting I'm waiting like you I'm watching the map I've been like where is it dad where is it dad dad where is it

get on your laptop or your iPad just get it out so the whole family can check in and see get the screen going all the little times do you know what

I might say to one of them it's your job today to monitor this okay and then let me know yeah that gives say to one of them it's your job today to monitor this ok and then let me know yeah that gives me a responsibility that's probably a better idea

anyway everybody's dinner was there except for the swans oh wow the swans meal was completely missing and she

she's very calm about it as she always is I felt a real rage. But with that rage was a panic that she was going to ask to share my dinner. You know, it was a very tricky situation. Yeah, it was, yeah. And then I said, well, do you want, shall I just split what I've got? And she said no.

I tried to sort of... Yeah, but also she's not fussy with her food. She could have she could have had a little bit of everyone's well the i would say the boys were more reluctant to share than i was actually shout out to charlie who ended up actually can i tell you something i was shamed by my youngest son okay really yeah i'll tell you what happened i said to lisa do you want some of my do you want to just have half of mine? She said, no, I'm all right. I'm all right.

I'm not actually that hungry anyway. I said, are you sure? I'm like, do you want to do something? Do you want to get something? So I was just looking at the door. I just sort of heard something at the door. I wasn't getting nervous about telling the story, which is what it looked like.

It really looked like. It really looked like. Genuinely. I thought we were in the Second World War and you'd fucking just broken through a code thought you'd given me Moore's code you'd given it to the Nazis it's incredible

that was so embarrassing a character from a film I've never seen anyone look bad so good I thought somebody was coming it's insane the timing of it was bad you literally looked at the door and I'm like what is that

oh god anyway the point what is that oh god anyway the point is is that I said to Lisa do you want some of my dinner she said no I'm absolutely fine

honestly Rob I'm fine so I just ate I just ate my dinner five six minutes later Charlie came did you do that thing that people because I've been in this

position quite a lot yeah delivery orders and a bit and then the person who's always really you know been forgotten you either reorder and they just have to sit there eating while you all eat yeah which is always embarrassing or they sort of say they don't want anything but you can turn their eyes they don't well and then yeah that's kind of so i did offer i did give the

reorder option but she declined that and then so i said you want some of my food she said no this is what charlie did he ate exactly half of his dinner and then he boxed the rest of it up and he gave it to lucian and said here you go mummy that's for you and just what incredibly young man and this is surprised me i saw that in his eyes when we said she she wolfed it down as if to suggest that's all I wanted somebody to do and then I had to come up and do the podcast so I don't know

what the full can I just say this because this has happened to me with the cat before and I always just go I over dramatise the situation

to a whole other level genuinely oh mate it's insane so with food do you over react then with a delivery situation honestly yeah I over-dramatise the situation to a whole other level. genuinely. Oh, mate, it's insane. So with food, do you overreact then with a delivery situation? Yeah. Honestly?

Yeah. Fucking hell, man, that's mad. What a mad thing to find out about you. You prick. You're so happy with yourself.

I was worried that Charlie's listening on the door. Are you talking about you now, Charlie? No, I treat it like if they've Charlie no I I treat it like if

they've forgotten something yeah I treat it like it's a personal slight against us as a family yeah yeah yeah it's

and I I always call the restaurant because you know what you'll get delivery points baby well they've already credited me for the meal but I mean it's just

that doesn't say what a whole meal or just no no no just yeah if you kick off i bet they're giving you like a whole like four meals do you reckon like you'd be mate you've got to do it in the heat of the battle though it's like coming out there being a bit ring rustic yeah yeah obviously but this next time it happens to you because it will happen again

especially on like busy sunday like a big FA Cup day yeah yeah and also if they know they can get away with that kind of shit they'll fucking target you I don't think they're doing it I don't think they're doing it I don't think they're

deliberately saying let's see if we can get away with that I think it's such there's so many hands that that goes through on a delivery basis don't say that

that's disgusting no no there's a maitre d there's a head chef alright there's a guy in the d there's a head chef alright there's a guy in the delivery you're very much overestimating

where we got our delivery from but anyway carry on I don't think there was a maitre d at the establishment where you got our food from mate we have

we were coming we were going through London driving through London the other day me and Kevin and little G and we stopped by the flyover

and there was two delivery drivers both delivering the green basket things and they both had sort of food wrappers sort of like their bags open and they were eating I don't know if it was their own food

or if it was and I said to Catherine, I wonder if they ever just eat a meal if they're really hungry, just eat a meal, and then, like, if they're really hungry, and they're on their way somewhere,

and think, fucking hell, this is a mission, I think, fuck it, I'm just going to, you know, grab something quickly to eat, just stop,

and do you think, would you do that, if you're a delivery driver? What, just to eat the food? No, no, just like,

because I remember, I think I've told this story before, I remember being in a restaurant once, and a waiter came over, and as the waiter was, he was holding, like, carrying the plates, and I saw him take two chips off one of my plates

are you serious I saw him like literally yeah this is years ago this is a long time ago before like hygiene was a big thing but

like but do you think that there'd be a moment if you're like fuck it I'll just that's just because that's what could have happened

to Lisa's meal yeah it's like literally like you know well I would say the only thing I would say is there were burgers and pizzas in there be a moment if you're like fuck it that's what could have happened to Lisa's meal yeah literally like yeah the only thing I would say is there were burgers and

pizzas in there the decision to eat the risotto would have been the maddest one oh you

definitely got ZZ's didn't you did you ZZ's it wasn't ZZ's it wasn't

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Find Secret at your nearest Walmart or Shoppers Drug Mart today. All right, cool. Should we do some emails? Let's do it, boy. All right, cool. Should we do some emails? Let's do it, boy. All right, this email is from the Pessimistic Pelican. Okay?

And it says, Hello, mateys. How are you guys? I'm assuming you're all right and have already specified. Well, anyway, I wanted to play a little game to test Big Tommy D, who I saw in Wonka

and fucking smashed it by the way as a 13 year old 13 year old boy okay in 2024 I feel I'm sadly entitled to know more slang

than Tom Davis we're going to test that now I guess Rom knows all these because he's down with the kids right you are quite cool you do have that vibe I suppose it's because

Theo probably teaches you slang every now and again I'm going to be honest with you i'll say something and then theo goes dad nobody said that for years oh yeah it's so embarrassing also the other thing he has to do quite a bit is quite unattractive is every now and again when i'm walking around the house he'll say to me dad i can see your ass crack to which i've got to be honest with you my immediate uh response is to pull my trousers further down to give them a full view of the batty yeah is there uh i love the way that you sort of walk around the house like a sort of 90s sort of lindsey lohan no but you know what

you know the problem is is that i you wear joggers around the house and i've just got you sort of walk around the house like a sort of 90s sort of Lindsay Lohan no but do you know what the problem is is that you wear joggers around the house and I've just got the sort of body where unless you pull them up and do them up really tight they start to sort of

slink down yeah but that's what you're going to do Romesh you don't just walk around with a fucking like sort of halfway down your arse crack

oh no I forgot I'm talking to a guy who's nobody's ever seen his arse crack when he's bent over ever you're one of the most arse cracky people I've ever met. I'm not fucking having that for me.

I'm going to sit here fucking crying about it, man. I'll give you something. Mate, I've got the opposite. My arse just falls out of it. Okay. It's like literally, I look like I've got a cleavage the whole time. Yeah.

That's why I often wear a long T-shirt now. I don't know if you've noticed, I've started to wear a long line T-shirt. Yeah, but I can sort of see the shirt at the bottom of the t-shirt you can sort of see a little curve can I just say something

because I don't want to get away from this email one of my pet hates is if I go to a restaurant and you sit at a table and the chair's got a hole in the back yeah a hole in the back

that'll fuck my meal I know I totally agree do you know sometimes I'll put a napkin in the hole and just lean up against that rather than fucking

have people see that. I've never thought to do that. Well, that's a really great idea. Yeah, but otherwise it looks like rising bread coming out. Like,

literally too big. Is there a woman just sort of her face in the back of the chair just smushed her bosom into the gap? I always just think, and it's such a horrible I always just think

of like the people on the table that's why I always try to sit back to the wall but I always think if your arse is like that or even if it isn't but in the back of my head

it's people just going this should be such an arse we haven't got to look at his fucking arse the whole time I think I've told this story before, but we were walking past the Wagamamas and there's a geezer sort of sat in the window facing away.

And so his three solid inches of arse crack were just on display to everybody walking past on the high street. You thought I'd be that guy? That could have been me. Terrible joking aside. That could have, I'm not even going to... Like, genuinely, I know for a fact

that there is going to be people out there going, oh my gosh, remember when we went for that meal and we literally had to look at that guy's fucking big hairy ass for the whole thing.

I think I've told the story of that girl who came up to me when I was younger. Did I tell you that story, Nick? When the girl came up to me and I fancied it for ages. And we were in a bar

and her and her friends were sort of whispering and staring over and I was like oh wow like she kept

sort of checking me out and I sort of smiled over and nodded and she came over and she was like you alright

and I went yeah I'm okay and she said me and my friends were just saying I bet you've got a really hairy arse oh my god

and I was I was like yeah yeah I have and I was I was like yeah yeah I have I sort of grinned thinking is this flirting or

and she just went and I just went back to her friends and they all just sort of laughed I can't believe you confirmed it oh god

one of my mates was like what did she just say to you bro I was like oh she just asked if I had a hairy arse and mates was like what did she just say to you bro I was like oh she just asked if I had a hairy arse and he was like what did you say

I was like yeah I told her I did just in case like I don't know if she was flirting or not I had a similar thing when I was at school

this is so embarrassing it's not that it's not that embarrassing but it's bad I was chatting to a girl that I really fancied she was chatting to me and like and i thought it was going pretty well and blah and she said and i can't i can't remember what i sung to her for quite a while anyway she went over and she spoke to one of her mates and they both looked over and kind of smiled at me

i thought oh my god i really am the fucking mac and then her mate come over and she said uh romesh Then her mate came over and she said, Romesh, can I see your hands? And I said, yeah. And then I held out my hand and then she said to her mate, you're right, his fingernails are really fucking long. And then I looked down. Oh, my God.

And I just hadn't realised that I hadn't cut my fingernails recently and I basically oh god I had these fucking claws on my hand I hadn't realised the whole time I'd been talking to her and she'd just been distracted anyway god

it's yeah this is amazing I was like 15 when that happened but that will stay with me to the day I die I always remember a day at school where I I die. I always remember a day at school where I thought of this.

I always remember a day at school where I forgot to brush my teeth in the morning. I was probably about 14 and I got up late. I just remember sort of, it was the quietest I've ever been at school, but I remember sort of chatting to someone and knowing that my breath was toxic and just hoping that something else big

happened that day, that that wouldn't be the thing that sort of set me out for the crowd yeah like i can bear breath davis lucky enough one of the other boys tried to stab someone with a fucking uh compass which is how often do you worry about your breast i would say roughly seven times a day yeah so yeah seven to ten times a day i'm worried about yeah and also it's exacerbated by the fact i often forget to sort of drink water which is supposed to do i mean but now i'm wearing a visalign i think like like occasionally looking at this line and think or at least i know now that i forget if i'm in a situation where i can't eat like i've got about

fucking 2 000 calories left in these fucking things. Even if I've washed them out, it's constantly seem to have food in them. Okay, well that's disgusting. Anyway, there's a 13-year-old boy here. Okay, cool. Who's absolutely devastated with me, Joe Fasuma. So he's got

a test here. He's put nine bits of slang in here. And he wants to... to now i'm looking at these and i'm going to tell you this now i know all of them except one okay wow okay so you yeah so just uh i think but i've not looked at the answers yet so do you want to do you want to do one at a time and i'll check the answers yeah okay okay so so thank you they're not things like rad or epic and no no no no no no because i mean we're at least 20 years beyond that but anyway uh i like those old school ones yeah that's completely right yeah yeah it's another one of these you know what's actually

coming back because it's in quite a lot of kids cartoons is gnarly yeah it is that's not on the test though okay you ready okay so thank you pessimistic pelican for this the first one

is cap okay so obviously not meaning like oh he's cool he wears a cap fucking hell no

not meaning that so cap what does cap mean cap do you want me to give you an example no no no I think

I'll have a guess and give me an example and see what I can do I think is it like the leader of the posse sort of thing like the leader of the gang

who's sort of like short for captain fuck go on give me an example if i can get it i'll give an example um somebody says give me an example if I can get it I'll give an example somebody says I got I played around

the golf today and I got three holes in ones on the thing and then somebody says that's cap oh so it's like

it's good it's amazing no it's a it's a lie oh what that's insane how does that even

fucking work I can't remember the origins of it but there is like an explanation I can't remember what there of it but there is like an explanation I can't remember what there's a part of me that respects this

but there's also a part of me that just yeah okay go on Nick alright next one next one is bussing

oh is it yeah it's like wearing right what sorry no like wearing wearing bussing bussing to new

trainers no it's not a bad guess's bussing to new trainers no it's not a bad guess no bussing is like something's

really really good normally relating to food so if you were to say those profiteroles

were bussing okay okay now this one I think you're going to get because it's it was the

word of 2023 I think okay ready yeah riz see this is how out of fucking day I am and the fucking picture of cause I like this this is genuinely making me worry now I'm fucking an old man you know just sat there going what I would say about Riz what does that mean what I would say

is is okay I'm going to give you a couple of clues alright do you know put me

put me in a scenario okay um that guy's got a lot of Riz oh yeah got a lot of swagger yeah

it's charisma it's short for charisma charismatic so yeah I'm going to give you that okay this one I have got no fucking idea

I had no idea about this okay ready touch touch grass someone who just likes being outdoors and stuff I don't know no

it's a way to say if somebody has been spending too much time online what I know I don't know I don't know I don't even know even having heard the meaning No, it's a way to say if somebody has been spending too much time online. What? I know, I don't know, I don't know. I don't even know.

Even having heard the meaning, I don't. By the way, can I just say I do respect the person who comes up with these. It's like someone who comes up with a football chart and it takes on. Yeah. Like, it's incredible to think, like, someone came up with Touch Grass and somebody's on fucking the internet all the time, and now it's literally, like. That's a cultural phenomenon. Okay, this one you're going to get, I'm pretty sure. In fact, the next three, I'm pretty confident you're going to get.

Okay. Five. Five. The fifth one. Drip. Oh, yeah, yeah. He's got a nice drip. He's wearing nice clothes.

Yeah, good, good, good. Okay. Six. He wants both meanings, fit. Well, as in like, oh, God, I saw a lot of shit about he's fit. Yeah, and then what's the other meaning? Can I tell you what? I just ran a marathon, probably because I'm so fit.

No, I mean, that's the literal meaning of the word, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, but that is the meaning. Yeah, he's wearing a nice fit. He's got a nice fit. Oh, his clothes fit nicely. Yeah, yeah. Well, it's not even his clothes. It's short for outfit.

Okay. Okay. All right. Number seven, Leng. Leng. Leng. L-E-N-G. Leng.

As in Tom Davis is Leng. Oh, a legend Leng. Oh, a legend. Oh, fucking hell. That's your go-to guest. No, before that you said

legend, mate. That was your go-to guest. Yeah, but I thought it was like an apostrophe or whatever they call it.

They break it down and cut it into... Yeah, okay. There still would be an apostrophe. It means... It's the same as fit.

Tool? Sexy. Oh, fuck. Okay. Wow, fuck. Okay, number eight. I'm going to give... There's two more now, okay?

So, eight. I'm going to give you a sentence and then you can have a guess, all right? So... How often do you use these words? Never, never. I've got my legs on. Never.

I mean, I occasionally say drip. The kids are always telling me about mates of theirs that are capping. So I knew cap, that's how I know cap. Drip, obviously, obvious. But all the other ones I barely ever use. If ever. Okay, this one is,

ate that. As in, I saw Tom Davis in Wonka, he ate that. Smashed it, I guess. Yeah, did really well. Did really well. That's what that means. Yeah, okay.

Yeah. Oh, that's good. I like that one. That's cool. I'm going to start using that, I think. This one, you're going to know. Yeah, I went to Robert Shishard the other day. He completely ate that.

Yeah, yeah. Okay, yeah, good. Yeah, there you go. What about ate it? Yeah, I think that's the same. there you go what about ate it he ate it he fucking ate it yeah he ate it nice this one

I don't Robert Shragg ate it nice okay I don't no that's what I meant yeah no I don't I just don't anyway

yeah because that's the trouble if I'm with some sort of like youngsters and I go, you know Robert Schrengenathan the other day? I see him and he ate it nice.

They'll go, oh, yeah. If I'm with people of that age and I go, I saw Robert Schrengenathan the other day, he ate it nice. Yeah, but if you said to anybody of any age, I saw Robert Schrengenathan the other day and he ate it nice, I think they're going to assume that I gobbled on your fucking dick. Or tossed your salad.

No, but that's what I mean though. It's like, it could, with these new sayings, there's always a place where it could sort of fall down. Yeah, but if you say, you go,

like, I saw Merit Shranganathan at his show the other day, he ate that you say yeah but you go like I saw I saw Romesh Ranganathan at his show the other day he ate that that's different to going I saw Romesh Ranganathan the other day he ate it nice that obviously

it doesn't matter what slang you know that sounds that sounds different what ok I saw Romesh Ranganathan at his show the other day

he ate it nice I still I still I still what what about I saw Robert Schwergen ate it the other day on TV he ate that

yeah that's right yeah that's right yeah okay the last one what about he ate it good no I don't I don't

you might as well you might as well you know you fucking I saw Robert Schwergen ate it the other day he fucking ate my arse I't you might as well you might as well you know you fucking I saw you I saw you the other day you fucking ate my arse you might as well say that

the way you're saying it I was just sitting I was sitting in a restaurant with my arse cracked I think it ate it nice anyhow let's go

let's go the last one I don't actually think is slang it's like I mean it is slang but it's from our era I don't actually think is slang. I mean, it is slang, but it's from our era, I don't think. Fell off.

Is that someone just basically sort of... I'm trying to think. Fell off. I can't even think of fell off. As in like... I'm trying to think of a good example. What do you think fell off means? Is it like he's fucking lost? He's been a bit of a

he's like fell off means not as good as it used to like it's less relevant became less relevant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's it.

I actually think you did alright Tom. Do you feel good about that? Well, yeah. No, I feel I feel old. I feel like old father time is sort of

tapping the shoulder. Yeah. Also I'm sort of slightly obsessed about tomorrow at least three times using yeah

the rubbish ate it nice oh fuck it now okay alright well listen I think we've got time up

so Tom could you thank you I've forgotten his name thank you pessimistic Pelican. That's very kind of you.

All right, Tomo, you up for doing us the honours? Let's do it, let's do it, let's do it. The Bumble family were on a hiking trip. Making up the Bumble family was Old Man Bumble, Old Girl Bumble, Mark Bumble and Wendy Bumble, their daughter. As they were trotting through the beautiful British countryside they came to a lake. I thought, let's camp here, let's chill here, let's have a little camp vibe. Anyhow, father Bumble and mother

Bumble turned to Wendy Bumble and said, I'll actually fetch some water from the lake that you can see yonder. So Wendy skipped off. And as she got to the lake, she realized that there was some horses running through the lake, kicking up the mud and making it dirty. So she said, oh, God, I can't give my parents dirty water. So she went back to her parents and said, yo, a bit of a bad news, I'm afraid to say. There is dirty water in that lake lake so we can't drink it about an hour later my bum ball turned around

to wendy and said yo wendy you're right to go back to that lake and get some water see if the water's okay so she said okay yeah but i mean it was dirty when i went back there because of the horses so she goes back the horses are gone but the lake is still disgusting she goes back. The horses have gone, but the lake is still disgusting. She goes back and says, look, that lake is just really, really dirty where the horses have been. We can't drink that water. About two and a half hours later, my bumble turns around to Wendy again

and says, yo, Wendy, you all right to go to that lake? See if you can get some water. Wendy says, why would I want to go to that lake? The water's dirty. It's just a waste of time. And they have a bit of a set too anyhow my bumble being a convicted uh pushes Wendy into going so in the end Wendy just trots to the lake and when she gets there she

looks down and the lake is lovely it's crystal clear the water is so drinkable so she fills the canteen up and she goes back and she says to her mum well the water was crystal clear water is so drinkable so she fills the canteen up and she goes back and she says to her mum well the water was crystal clear and it looks so delicious and drinkable and that's where my bubble just looks at wendy in the eye and says that's the thing about water the horses have run through but it's also a thing about life everything that gets stirred up and can feel muddy and dirty give it a little bit of time a little bit of time, a little bit of thought, and a little bit of patience, and in a while it will become crystal clear.

And that's the biggest lesson I can give you. Time is everything. Patience is a virtue. Now sit down here and eat your spaghetti, brother, nice. That's really, really nice, Tom. Thank you so much. And do you know what I feel like

what do you think of my energy levels compared to me being in bed it's better right yeah I think it's so much better yeah yeah yeah I mean there's been times in this

where there's been times in this where you felt like you've not told your family that you're doing the podcast and you just snuck upstairs to sort of have a poo

and yeah having said that actually before we go I've been running been running with the Swan we did 10k

this morning yeah we did 10k this morning right but well can people who run tell me this

does it mess with your insides because I've got to tell you it's done my guts an absolute disservice I'm like all over the place are you fasting you're fasting at the moment I got to tell you it's done my guts an absolute disservice I'm not all over the place are you fasting you're fasting at the moment I'm doing intermittent

so it's like intermittent yeah that can all have a thing yeah you know I went for a swim this morning right I swam

30 years so I swam nearly I think like 700 odd metres yeah it's not a competition but anyway go on no no but I'm saying, before I left school,

I swam a mile front crawl. I want to get back to that level. Okay. That's what I want in my life. That's lovely to hear. So, any message of support you can give to Tom, just DM him on Instagram. He wants to get back to that,

those heady days when he would swim a mile front. And also, look, there's been a lot of feedback from uh recycling gate yeah everything is restored friendships have been restored uh the bin uh has been taken this week uh my neighbor is very happy with the scenario now uh in fact we had a joke about it just this morning okay all right great all right let's just move on uh okay uh the song that i'd like us to play out with is a song by an artist that I love called No Name

this song features Jay Electronica and Aaron Allen Kane and it's called Balloons JT play us out with that I'll see you guys next time so will Tom

thank you so much for listening thank you friends we will see you next oh yeah and also make sure you check out

the Popoli story it's been animated by the fantastic yellow penguin animation you can see on our youtube right now uh tom you back on tour uh i'm not back on tour until chelmsford end of january but guys i can tell you now get your tickets for romesh ranker nathan that show is exciting and sexy. Okay, great. Thanks, guys. See you later. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Yo, when I was monumental, I was tatted up and bad as fuck and dreaming of scenarios, but Sarah Toner laughed at us. Psilocybin with the hybrid, baby couldn't pass it up.

Gucci cutters in the concert with the lights on. Maybe I played the right song and tell you my secret. I used to swim in a dungeon where Moses pled her allegiance. Area and happiness, I hibernate the masochist. Every slave in a slave town ready to bleed God. If you have a problem, opinion, feedback,

or anything at all, please email us at wolfalpod at gmail.com. That's wolfalpod at gmail.com. That's wolfalpod at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we don't have any content ideas. Thank you.