Wolf and Owl - S3 Ep 26: An Owl in the O2

Episode Date: May 29, 2024

We’re talking… Rom’s massive weekend at the O2, dry ice and a bloody nose, a six foot seven Sarah Pascoe, cancelled Scotland gigs, audition frustrations, Mothra Tom, smart motorways and traffic jam charades, knocking off early, hotel drinks, honesty bars, sweaty performances, shaved armpits and excessively exhausted parents. Plus - a bonus episode coming for you on Friday! And that’s a definite this time. For questions or comments, please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod TikTok - @wolfowlpodcast YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch & Mailing List - https://wolfandowlpod.com A Shiny Ranga Production For sales and sponsorship enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If you are coming to the Sheffield live show of The Wolf and Owl on Sunday, please could you send in any emails you'd like for consideration on the show? If you email wolfowlpod.gmail.com and put Sheffield in the subject heading, we will put those together and maybe we will address your thing, slash issue, slash question, slash delivery of trivia. Thank you! Because the Skip app saves you so much time by delivering stuff like your favorite cool treats, groceries, and bevies, you get more time to have the best summer ever. Like riding roller coasters, learning to water ski. Applying sunscreen to your dad's back.

Yup, definitely the best summer ever. Squeeze more summer out of summer with Skip. Did somebody say skip? Yo, yo, what you want? Beak or jaws? Feathers or fur? Sharp teeth or feet with claws? Whatever's preferred. They'll grant you all last requested. Yo, what you want, beak or jaws, feathers or fur,

Sharp teeth or feet with claws, whatever's preferred, They'll grant you all last requests to steady your nerves, Then podcast the body parts, get severed and served, Bring your weak shit, wear the wolf and owler, That ain't just a mistake, that's an awful howler, Both of them are known to pull up at your shows, Have the crowd witnessing the murder like they're rolling with a gang of crows, Fuck their censorship, let em see the whole thing, They stay dressed to kill, never sheep's clothing, Welcome! And every word in this song's about two grown men Dressed up as a bird and a dog

WELCOME about you, Brian, you got the vibe of a man who's just smashed the O2 two nights in a row. Here's a sparkle to you now that that's new. Like Everest. Oh, God. This is a good man. I'm just I'd look I want to talk about this first because we've been talking about, bro, two nights the auto shut down a bit smashed it man you Sir, you're a legend man. That's an incredible thing. So let's face it right, right. It's an incredible feat general I like I don't mean this to

and I was just saying to you before we started but That's dream fucking shit right there. That's that's that's you know doesn't really get any bigger so it was it was pretty it was no I would have gone about it but I will do for the next 45 minutes the whole this is we're gonna call this episode rubbish at the I take no just a special but it was an amazing weekend it was really good fun but no it was just like the party was fucking better, the better line up than the Brits. It was fucking incredible. It was like... Mate, if I can be earnest for a second, if you will forgive me. So I did the show, so we did Friday Saturday, did the Friday, the show was fun.

Lisa and Theo came, had loads of friends there. It was good, it was really good. And we went to the after party and Cassis Dead came on and did a set at the after party. And then after Cassis Dead, I then go, no, it's not over, here's Jaguar skills. We had Rob Percy DJ and we had Martin T Smoove DJ. Verb T and Doc Brown turned up and we did our, you know my little rap that I did?

We did that live. That rap was banging, it's incredible. It was just fun, man. Like it was just so sick to be doing that. To be doing that for a living, what a life. It's great. So it's great, man. It's really good.

And thank you so much to everyone who came out. You were great, you were great. It was just amazing. Although what I will say, I'll share this with you. So when I was coming out, so I come out from the back of the set, right? And we show like, there's some intro stuff. Martin T. Smoove, can I just say, if you were there, you'll know what I'm talking about. Killed it on the wall. Like, killed it on the wall.

You can see the videos people were posting. To the point where I just thought thought this is unfollowable. Do you know what I mean? Like I'm just going out to talk. But so they show we show the bits, the intro bit, then this door comes up and I walk out, right? So we do it for the first night, both times, first half, second half. As I'm standing backstage, I'm waiting on like a platform,

quite a narrowish platform, right? It's not a high dropper, but you can fall over. Right? Yeah, they start pumping this dry ice into the thing. So I'm stood there and on the Friday, I'm like, fucking Oh, this smoke is so thick. Second night, first half, smoke comes in, I can barely see I just walked forward and then suddenly the smoke clears and I'm in front of the crowd, right? second half

They I swear it felt like there was more smoke in there because I couldn't see shit like literally like nothing like Imagine the best way to describe it is your site has been replaced by fog. That is it Like you've got you got fog eyes that this guy's got fog eyes So I just got I'm just gonna have to walk forward I walk forward the door hasn't gone up far enough. I smash my nose into the rising door No, I mean, yeah, I mean the bridge of my nose I just got donk like that then duck under it walk out for about two seconds I'm thinking is my nose gonna start gushing with blood because I twatted it quite hard

I mean, can you imagine if that was a start? Did you just coming out Kevin and Clce, like you've been fighting a fan backstage before. I'll tell you what, I hope you had a good interval, guys. Mine's been fucking tasty, I'll tell you that. Some pre-game, I had to fucking deal with him. Or just done yourself a big old boot of fucking pub grub coke.

Talking of dry ass, have I told you the Sarah Pasco dry-ass story on here? Yeah, you've told it every episode, man. No, I'm joking. I've already told it. I can't. Oh, no, you have. Hold on, is this where it's supposed to be her? Yeah, I do a gig at a university, right, and Sarah Pasco is headlining.

I'm sure I've told you before. And basically Sarah Paul's actually doing Mock the Week. First time she's doing a Mock the Week. So they get me in as a replacement. I turn up and I think it's just like a mixed bill, just a normal sort of club night of comedians. But it was like almost a night with Sarah Pasco type thing. Do you know what I mean? And her support act, whoever's doing that pullout. So they send me and Kevin Jay. I don't know if you know Kevin. Yeah, I don't know Kevin. Yeah, arguably too. Couldn't get too further away from Sarah Pascoe's me and Kev. And then

we get there and everyone's got these posters of Sarah Pascoe's face. And I was like, oh, this is actually like a proper Sarah Pascoe night. And they got guys that, yeah, everyone's very excited about it as well. Well, obviously, less excited now it's not a night with Seripasco it's a night with me and Kevin I said has everyone been made aware and he went well no he's not had time to send out emails it was quite a quick email fire people say the person you brought tickets to and I was like what's the score what's gonna happen like yeah he based signs up put some signs up in the venue as people arrived yeah yeah yeah yeah, yeah. Yeah,

their plan which was, look, yeah, basically you'll go out there, start the night, tell us the jokes and people will just get on board. I was like, I don't think it works like that. I think if you brought tickets to go and see Coldplay, as good as Dr. Dre is, you're not there to see Dr. Dre if he comes walking out. Not saying that Sarah Pascoo is complaining on Dr. Drey. That was just the first thing. That was that was that was incredible. That was a real the mask of slip moment. That's a real insight into how you see yourself. Okay. All right, Drey, go on. So as I was like that, I was very, very worried. I was very anxious about this. Yeah.

And he said, Look, if it's any consolation, we've got some dry ice, so as you walk out, there's gonna be a lot of dry ice, so people aren't gonna be able to see. It's you, people won't be able to see, it's not Sarah Pascoe. I said, well, they're gonna fucking hear me, and at some point, the ice is gonna fade,

and they're gonna see then. And at some point, it's just gonna be an economy, which is very disappointing. It's like there's really terrible stars in our eyes isn't it? Yeah, you couldn't be a word. Who have you come tonight as? Six for seven, Sarah Pascoe. Tonight, tonight I am going to be Sarah Pascoe. Not going to dress up any different, but they will see it from the performance.

So yeah, anyway, fast forward to arguably the worst 45 minutes of stand-up I've ever done in the worst 45 minutes that that crowd's ever had to put through Anyway, actually what I also well as a good another good good segue The sale of Pat's go put it out of the gig. I had to say a massive. Thank you to everyone I had to pull some gigs this week. It wasn't a decision. I took lightly I Never wanted never want to do that on tour.

I'm very proud of the fact I hadn't pulled any gigs up till now. But there was quite a serious issue with family. You wanted to go to the cinema, didn't you? Yeah, I wanted to go and see the new Planet of the Apes movie. And I wanted to be the first person on my show to see it. Yeah, you wanted to see it four times, didn't you? That's every one of the shows. Yeah, if I could try and get to it,

sort of Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday, I might have some sort of idea for it. Let's just flow going to you. Maybe we could do the last show, Scott. No, no, no, no. I'll only see it four times. No, no, no, no. I need to see four different cinemas over four nights. I'm going to go to the towns I'm supposed to be playing in. I've done that. What do you feel now? No, no, if anyone wants to see me I will be coming out of the mall with Brexit at about ten past ten.

Why don't you go in the afternoon? It's not the same. Cinema's in the afternoon. I like to come out in cinema into the night and really sort of like feel the gravitas of the movie in which I've just watched. But yeah, so I'm very sorry. And I will say that I was very touched by everyone who got in touch and messaged over the last week. So it's been very, very nice. And Scotland, to everyone, you know, the shows are being rescheduled, I think, for later

in the year. And again, thank you very much to anyone who's reached Tony. If it's a decent time I can come with you. I can do a little hangout. You could come and support. You could just turn them into Wolf and Owl shows. No, I'm not suggesting that. I'm not intending on being on stage at any moment, but you know we could It would be quite nice to hang out for four days. Yeah, yeah. What would you be up for driving? You got the tour manager, haven't? No, you know, I have a tour you could be the tour manager I'd be sick. Yeah, if you want nice, I mean that's fucking worse than full cancellations up Me tour manager Feeling having to cancel a gig down there and well, that's yours

I pass on a message Thank you to yourself from because I did message you and when I was very anxious about this and I was deciding in which to Do again as always I don't know why I doubt you ever but or would ever doubt you but you you proved yourself to be a Amazing friend. Yeah, look all you got all you got to remember is these words. Fuck them. It's only Scotland now I'm joking. I'm joking. Also, but you know, and we've talked quite a lot about audition. So in the mix of this I finally actually got an audition. I've got part that I auditioned for but due to the situation that I found myself in, I won't be able to be in this massive franchise movie. So it's um yeah I'd say that cancer's a bit of a prick really every time I think it's uh yeah

fuck cancer really um So yeah, yeah. Have you ever had that happen midway through a thing? So I had like, they were bringing out some new American show. I can't remember what it was. It was like a sports comedy show or something and they were looking at people to be one of the regulars on the show or to host it or one of the hosts

or whatever they're going to do rotating house so I got asked to to meet to talk about it all right because they're you know so I'm in the meeting and in my head I'm thinking well it's gonna be what six weeks or maybe two months you got to America do the series and and then come back right if I got I got, I wasn't thinking I was going to get it, but you're sort of thinking about the logistics of it. You know, is it worth going up for this? And so I go, so we're talking and we're really getting on. I'm having a nice chat and then midway through it,

he goes, so what, you'd love to come and work in America. I said, yeah, yeah. And he goes, oh, so how would it work with your British commitments commitments bearing in mind that we're planning on shooting 42 weeks out of the year? And we're like, what? Wow. And he goes, well, you know, it's a weekly show that will run in perpetuity.

It's sort of like a topical thing. And then I was like, oh. And then in my head I'm thinking, what do I say? This has been a massive waste of all of our fucking time. Do you know what I say? This has been a massive waste of all of our fucking time. Do you know what I mean? Right, like, do you know your self-love? When you audition for things, you're in a mix of a thing where you go, you put a lot of anxiety, anxious pressure on yourself

to get it, you know. You put, yeah, like I say, the pressure to get the thing, to learn it, and then you realise that the part I was going up for, within, when you're auditioning for it, it's like whatever the accent. So I know that they're seeing people from a number of different nations. So I do a tape, I think the tape's pretty good.

I should say I audition for three things a week, do you know what I mean at the moment? Ollie's my agent, he's been pushing me to do it. So I've literally got no hope of getting things, so all I've had is succession of, you're not in this, you're not in this, we don't like this, we don't like this. So literally as everything's kicking off this week and I'm very, very worried about everything, I'm talking to Flo and I'm talking to Oli, both have been amazing. And Oli calls me and is like, hey, bro, I don't want to

make your problems any worse. But the other thing that we we audition for Bing Bing I was like yeah, he would yeah You've got the part in that you need to fly to Thailand on On the night of June and I saw I can't play to Thailand for three months The June with everything that's going on did you know that did you not know that did you not know that? No, no mate. I'm gonna tell you this now right This thing is a massive franchise of a movie, right? It's like a big, big film. It's a big part in this film. So you're playing Mothra.

Yeah. Ha ha ha. It's Mothra. So you're in the final battle against Kong and Godzilla, yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the three of us going toe to toe. Mothra.

Who's this fucking fella? Hello, I am Mothra. Your dish, please. Oh, fucking hell, Godzilla's turned up. He looks right fucking tasty. Don't worry, Mothra's got this. Mothra smash Godzilla. Mothra friends with Kong. Mothra likes everyone. In a surprise casting, in a surprise casting, oh fuck off Mothra. I don't need you to take

care of Godzilla, I'm going to deal with him myself. I'm the mighty Kong. Someone sitting behind the fucking monitors going, why did we agree to Tom Davis saying that this guy had to be Kong? Why has Kong become Penfold from Dangerous? So they didn't, there was no, like, they didn't tell us where, we knew it was filming

at some point in Thailand. And we knew that other locations around the globe, there was filming him, but, um, we didn't realize yet. And it was meant to start filming in July, which probably would have, would have worked, but, um, as it happens, might I take this opportunity to be honest, but listen, you got the part. You can't do it, but this is proof, massive thing. You know, you audition for it and you got it. And like, because of logistics, you can't do it, but you still, what you take away from that is the fact that you were selected to play that part.

I know, you're taking away from it. Yeah, your takeaway is one, you know that you were good enough to do that part until you were able to sort of swing your dick on the podcast And so talk about this massive film that you've got part for so it's a win in a way. It's a win-win Yeah, I mean, yeah Going and doing it. No exactly like if anything I've got all the benefits of doing it just within this podcast or just I mean It would have been a cool thing because you could have probably come out to visit me and hung out in Thailand. Yeah, that would have been sick. I've been on set with you when you've been a big deal

or something in the UK, fuck knows. I've seen how much of a braggadocious, bullying twat you can be on these shores. God knows what you'd be like internationally. Just like, you'd be great though. Just me coming all the way to Thailand to get bullied for the week that I'm out there. I look at you guys, oh, I fucking dickhead's turned up,

we're like, right. Tom, sorry, I have actually taken a lot of time out of work to come and visit you. It feels like my self-esteem is getting really low. Hey Tom, what's Dickhead's real name? And is he your actual friend who flew out to be here? It's not very becoming of you that you haven't traced back. So Ramesh, Tom says that you do a podcast together called The Wolf and the C***.

Is that true? No guessing who the C***. Is that true? No guessing who the c*** is. I'm not joking Ramesh. You okay to go and get us another round of peppermint teas? Yeah, okay. As long as nobody asks for freshmen again, I'm really sick of palming those leaves to get the residue out. Oh, Sour. Can someone not stick a trenchler in my wellingtons again? Listen, I did think it was funny when you told me that pad thai was vegan and it had

scorpion in it, but actually it is quite a big part of my belief system. Hey, Ram, here's your belief system, it's crawling up my ass. Oh, God. On a more chilled basis, I've just been stuck on the M25, right? You lift just off the M25 right different junctions where do you stand on these this new motorway this smart motorway thing it's like I don't trust it I think it's insane what we're doing the whole thing is just nuts I literally just sat we just said there was no accident or anything not like you know thank thank Christ was no

accident yeah but you know yeah you didn Yeah, but you're angry there wasn't an accident, weren't you? That's what you're about to say. No, no, no, I was just thinking what is the point of it? You're not one of these guys. No, no, no, no, I'm not. When your train's delayed by 15 minutes, you're furious with the person that's jumped onto the track, so that's you, isn't it?

Those people do annoy me, like, not annoy me, they fascinate me, the people who sit on a train with someone and goes, oh, I'm sorry, the train will be delayed for like 45 minutes due to like, you know, whatever, death. And so I'm like, oh, for fuck's sake. What was that? Those people.

It's a real insight, isn't it? It's a real insight into people's mentality. I was on a train once and that announcement got made and the guy slammed the table, just went like, I thought either he's really emotional, but then it was yeah very very clear that it was just annoying I guess we don't know we don't know their train journey might be to do something Incredibly high-pressured. I guess you know yeah, I suddenly became paranoid that I there these hypothetical people that we say nothing Nothing's as high pressure as someone who's taking their own life right? I mean no that's in fact

It's fair point. I think in the scheme of things. Do you ever have anything in traffic? Listen guys, one minute we're talking about Suicide on the Trains, another minute we're pretending to be Mothra on Kong. Welcome to the Wolf and Owl podcast. We're like the fucking one show. Do you ever sit in traffic and like then sort then build a relationship with other people in the traffic jam?

No. You know the answer to that. No. Do you never look at other cars and raise your eyebrows and smile? No. Can I tell you why? It's not because of... I get nervous saying stuff like this because people think I don't like people. I think people are great I think they're wonderful. Yeah, I'm a big fan of people However, if you are sat in that traffic situation, I get very socially anxious as you as I know you do but you pretty effectively If you're in that situation and you do a little eyebrow race to that person and they go cook Yeah, what are you gonna do little shrug? You don't know how long you're going to be there for. Right. And now you've opened up a dialogue,

right? It's a silent dialogue, but it's a dialogue nevertheless. Right. So then something else happens and you go, well, what do I do? And do I, do I look across and how many of these eyebrow raises do I do? Am I doing too many eyebrow raises now? Maybe this guy thinks I'm thirsty for physical gestures Then I'm spiraling. I'm now sat in the car Spiraling I can't follow the social etiquette in this situation. If you open up with the eyebrow raise, which is a big open up by the way Which I'm guessing you're talking about The next one is yeah

So yeah, so Tom sort of doing an exasperated out of breath. Yeah, and then he's sort of doing a smile like what a world. What are we doing here? Yeah, yeah, exactly. Then, then you've got... Oh my god, a performative yawn. You wanker. Right, then you've got this one oh fucking hell it

looks like you're just doing something you'd ordinarily do but then looking across for some approval then this is why I hate electric windows because you should be able to have that one oh god full of it Asia. I'm happy to commentate on this like a fucking idiot because you're doing those silent gestures and now I've become such a periculus moment because you're doing it silently I'm going right now he's pulling on his t-shirt. No then you pretend that... It's too hot, it's too hot. You want to take a layer off? It's too hot, it's too hot. You want to take a layer off? You wish you could open the window? Get off.

Then you could do that one. Are you winding me up? Now I don't know if I'm having a real conversation. No, no, no. I like to fuck about. If someone's in the car next to me, usually if it's a family, I'm not doing anything. It's just one bloke on his own yeah can I tell you something what I would do if I was in the car next year I would turn around to the boys I just look the other way look the other way because he's just gonna keep doing stuff like that just look away because it plays Alex and Charlie be absolutely pissing themselves it's probably too base now yeah no they would be pissing

themselves or they'd find it interesting for the first couple of times you did it and then they would start to get then they'd start to feel Indifference and then I think they start to get scared is my honest truth They're pretty just build their consoles after that right I guess I and they're just nervous of looking up even if they want to take A break from the screen. I know that you're just sat there waiting for your next performance And I only my but now they're gonna look across across. I've got something lined up for you boys, you're gonna absolutely love this. Like you're over at the dog. It was waiting for you to come in and just lurk for the door. So yeah, we'll come back for you.

Are you a National Trust guy? You like a National Trust vibe? Yes, I'm a big National Trust fan actually. Oh yeah? I didn't know that. Well I just think it's, well I know it's sort of off brand, but like you're having to wander around those places. I like it. I mean like for most times you're like the coolest person in any National Trust place.

Am I the coolest person in National Trust? Well I'd say for most times. Yeah, well I don't know if this is a National Trust place, but I went to, I wish I'd probably bled the name out because I know these people don't get paid a lot, so I don't want to throw them under the bus, but I'll tell you we went to

Yes, I don't think is a I don't think is a National Trust place, but we turned up there and We were like we had a very chilled out day yesterday Post like a big weekend. So I just we just got meandered around and then a couple of us went to Just wanted to have a wander around with the dogs. So as we got there, she said, are you coming to walk around the gardens? We said, yeah. And she said, well, you know, we closed just after five. What time is this?

In her defense, in her defense, it's four o'clock. Right. Yeah. So, so I go, oh, OK. And then she goes, so you still want to come in? I said, yeah, well, we'll just probably have an hour walk or whatever. She goes, because it is five o'clock. You've got to get out. She had somewhere to be, mate. She had somewhere to be.

I'll tell you that now. She had a big Saturday night. Do you reckon that's what it was? Yeah, she had a big Sunday night planned. She had something big on a Sunday night. Because what she was really hoping wasn't going to happen is she's, I don't know, maybe she's just sort of going out for dinner with someone, she's got a date, she rocks up and she's like,

I'm sorry I'm like 40 minutes late. You know, we had these people turned up at, you know, I work at a gardens for the National Trust. You know, these people turned up. I wonder if it's like, you know, sometimes, did you ever work, I remember whenever you work in retail, if it starts to get quiet, you sort of think we can start wrapping up here.

And then somebody, a couple of people turn up and you think, oh, fuck you now. It's like the worst time of customer. Like for us, like you know, as comedians, right? Like if we will finish a gig, like a tour show, whatever, and you'll pop into a restaurant or a pub for say to eat after your gig, so it's like two quarter past 10 maybe, or whatever, and you're popping, you would just go,

let's just get a drink quickly. So, and it's a quiet pub in a small town. You walk in and you can see that they've all done that. The stalls are on the tables. The shoulders just drop. Yeah. I always say, I always say. All the little funnel bits have been taken off

the beer pumps. Yeah, yeah. And then I always say to them, should we just go? I actually am very like, I go, look, I get it. If you don't, if this is a ball, like we'll just go. Cause like, you don't want to, it's just horrible. And then they do this.

That's fine. It's fine. Yeah. Well, sometimes they do it. Sometimes I remember when, least in our first, like we were on a school trip very early, well, before we were even together. And we were having a drink. This is interesting. So hold up, like you were sort of courting while you were on a school trip? We weren't courting, there was no courting, I didn't really know her at this stage

but we just started chatting. I love this. So one night we were on a school trip and everyone had gone to bed apart from me and my sister. It's been a long day at least, eh? Yeah. Long old day, can't you get a glass of wine up there? Do you know what I've enjoyed about it? It's been both fun, but also educational. And I think that's what makes the best school trips. Did you see earlier when I stuck on a bit of Warangy and then started dancing how much the kids thought I was cool? My god.

The way that you pronounce Warang G like that is fucking comedy genius every now and again, I Think to myself I am working with a genius Every now and again, I thought I'm working with a fucking subhuman freak but every now and again So so you I need you, I need you. So you. A little bit of warranty.

Oh my God, that was so beautiful. Fucking hell, I feel like standing up and applauding. Anyway, we were having a few drinks. We were having a few drinks. And one drink led to another. Did you have that thing, can I just ask, because I hate interrupting, but I'm always. Wow, really, do you hate it?

Well, I noticed somebody the other day writing on a comment, Tom, stop interrupting. But I was like, that's what we both do, because this is a real conversation. Just another thing, like when you, so you obviously fancy Lisa, Lisa fancies you. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

So this is the, the, the style embers of your relationship, right? Well. You fancy her. Can I just ask that? You're attracted to her. She's a... Listen, I'm biased but I think my wife is a very attractive woman. She's hot. She's a hot woman.

I thought she was attractive but at that time I didn't know her. I don't want to... It's difficult to find someone attractive you don't know. No, no, no. But you're getting to know her. What my point story was going to be is you're like, she's attractive and she's like, you know what, he's attractive. Let's try and get you to know each other. Was there another teacher who was like, oh, what, attractive, and she's like, oh, you know what, he's attractive, let's try and get you to know each other. Was there another teacher who was like, oh, what, you're going to go for drinks? I'll have a drop of that if that's all right. Well, it's a very astute question. I've got to say, I don't know if you've taken some sort of

nootropics or something, but you are sharper this episode than I've seen you in many of them a while. But yes, there was another member of staff. It was three members of staff on this trip. But what I would say is that's that. Hold on, so it's you, Lisa, and one other? Yeah. Keeping the sharpness going. So did that third person, the third wheel come?

I mean, I'd be that third wheel. That's where I'd be. They didn't come to the bar then, no. Oh no, that's tragic. Did they hear the next day that you'd been out for drinks? I don't think... Oh man. Maybe.

I feel for that person. No, but I think it sort of happened by accident. I wasn't trying to make the remains on Lisa. Barry, me and Lisa are gonna go have a couple of drinks if you fancy it. Please say no, please say no, please say no. I'll get... Okay, mate, best get out of here.

It's getting quite late, isn't it? I'm gonna head off and then come back downstairs two minutes later after I think you've gone to bed. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Anyway, Lucien and I were drinking

till about 2.30, three o'clock in the morning. On a school trip. Yeah, we weren't getting really hammered, but like, and the next day was, the next day, You get to know each other. I love this vibe. No, in our defense, the next day was a down day on the trip, right? So it's like a So we're having a few drinks and then I've anyone ever told you got beautiful eyes. I'm sorry. You're sitting on my hand. Yeah

Romesh, can I just ask you something when you when you went around the corner the bar there? I heard Richie were you vomiting into that plant? When you went round the corner of the bar there, I heard retching. Were you vomiting into that plant? Yeah, sometimes when I'm having a real nice night with a beautiful lady, I like to have a tactical chunder just to clear the old pipe sats so I can carry on with the old banter. Also, I've done up my baseball boots too tight and they're killing my athlete's foot.

Don't worry, I've got a chewing gum and to hang in case we decide to kiss. Anyway, we're having drinks and the bar guy was just like, I said to Lucy, I don't understand why they're still open, right? Because we kept buying, kept getting drinks, the guy's not gone anywhere, bar still open. So I get going. Eventually, I thought I've got to find out. So I said to him, I just have interest. What time does the bar actually close? You already said to me, good. Whenever you go to bed,

Oh, that's aggressive, right? It's passive aggressive. Well, no, he was very, he didn't say I mean, I, I'm delivering that because it was it was like a absolute gut punch when he said it, but he didn't say it in a rude way. They're just required in a hotel to stay. Yeah, in a hotel, that's, but not every, every hotel legally is, but a lot of hotels, by the way, flaunt that and they just go, we're closing. Yeah. The trust bar, like a part, like a honestly, but honestly, but yeah, I find sticky Cuz no, do you use it? Well, you you first you'll baby for a tenor in and then you start

You start the drink go we will just go out for a tenner because it's an honesty bar But actually my drink was only sort of nine quid for the two drinks actually I just got another drink So I put like a three four credit. So look, you know Well, can I tell you what I think's happened there is you've stepped back from what your original position was going to be, which is you put a tenner at the top and then you have whatever you want. That's basically that's basically what I'm going to be quite open if I'm if I'm drunk at an honesty bar, right? Yeah, there's a good chance that for as honest as a

human being as I can, as I try be yeah I appreciate it. Which drink is involved right? I do find it tricky then to go who wants another drink I'll get these and then you just pour the drinks you forgot sometimes to pay I think and honestly you haven't forgotten to pay have you you've chosen you've chosen yeah I mean yeah well there you go I mean but what I would say is honesty bar doesn't mean months later you're honest about the fact you fucking ripped it off Have you ever done you must have come on? Never a few never sharp. I know what you're not when you're over it

You are a terrible drunk for the cubs being devious and sneaky you're what? You Am going for a little bit of a dilemma here because on the one hand I know you like saying shit that's painting the untrue on the other hand I'm slightly paranoid that that is true and I just haven't realized so I'd love to let me hear your backstory to this and then what? No no look there's a cheekiness to you when you're drunk that's very very cute and gorgeous and adorable but you are very like I can tell you now right I'm a I'm a terrible drunk right I know if me and you were

drunk together. What does that mean? what does that mean I just I like to do silly shit yeah okay just fuck about and I know that you get carried away in giddy and you join the ranks of the madness but and the next day you go oh fuck oh no what we don't yeah that is true that is true. That is true. I'm talking like, you know, just silly stuff. Let's be absolutely crystal clear here. A few years ago I had a massive night that I found and I found my behaviour so obnoxious that I stopped drinking. I don't think you're obnoxious by the way. Yeah, I don't think I'm also obnoxious. What I feel like I do is I start loving the sound of my voice. I know that sounds mad coming from a comedian,

but I love the sound of my voice a bit too much. I've been drunk with you at times and I mean we've been in company when we've both been drunk and our characters have melted into patheticness like when sort of there's been big alphas in the room. By big I mean like overbearing alphas. Yeah. As in energy big, as in their aura, their social auras are big. Yeah.

Yeah. Man, don't think about it. I think that's, you know, you get some people who just, yeah, some people you look at and go, yeah, fuck it, fuck that, I'd stay with that. That's like it. And yeah, aura wise, that's insane. Yeah. Some people are just very comfortable in their own skin, aren't they?

And, and, and, uh, I respect it. I really do respect it. I don't hand shake to anyone. I dread to think what I'd be like if I was comfortable in my own skin. Probably horrible. I'd say that I don't think you'll ever be comfortable in your own skin. I think if you can go if you can basically go and headlight like smash your two set it out two nights in a row and still not feel comfortable in your own skin after I think you're

Lost the same as me. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you. Thank you No, I'm gonna be honest with you about myself Literally this week got that part was very very happy about getting that part all I've thought about since is probably that's it This is well, you know what? It's a shame. I won't be out to park. So be the last film part I ever get That's all I thought since that's a bit It's a ridiculous course. It's ridiculous, but that's how my mind works. My mind isn't normal. My mind's not... My wife is for the last, bless her, and everything she's going through, which again is a sad story for me, is that she's tried then to be the most incredible human being that she is and tried to pick me up with my loneliness despite what she's going

through and put an arm around me and she go, and she's like, what a ridiculous thing to say. Is that what you said? You got the part in this massive movie, and I'm like, where's the last part I probably ever get? Yeah, I mean, look, what I would say in situations like that is very easy for us to not recognize our privilege. There are people who are auditioning for parts

over and over again and don't get those parts. They don't get those parts and then they're forced to do a podcast with someone who does get those parts. And it can be difficult for them. Imagine what it would be like to be one of them, sort of sitting opposite someone who's got a massive part in a movie and then knowing inside that they never get any parts because actually what they thought they might be good at

you didn't even have to cast for me I cast you in something without an audition what in King Gary? yeah yeah well I fucking think so you led me to believe that you'd written the part for me Stuart Williams by the way you keep on bringing this up your character in avoidance is called Jonathan what? your character in avoidance is called Jonathan. What? Your character in avoidance is called Jonathan isn't it? Yeah that's just a fair point. It's not Jonathan Williams though is it? What's your surname in it? Oh my god I've totally forgotten it's totally gone out of my mind. It's a Sri Lankan surname though. Yeah well I went to school with a kid called

Colin Gittins he was from Sri Lanka. Colin Gittins of Sri Lanka? I'll show you a picture of Colin Gittins now. Okay please. There we go. Look, this is Colin Gittins. You see it there, wrong? Yeah. Well, I can see like a Oh, yeah, that's Colin Gittins. Yeah, is he Sri Lankan? Yeah Yeah, Colin Gittins. Yeah. Hey, there we go. I don't know if he is Sri Lankan that guy We told me the Oscars Everyone was very excited about the fact you were Sri Lankan, he was Sri Lankan. Yeah.

Oh God. Look at this. I've Googled avoidance. Right God. God, why did you do it? I mean it's accidentally caught with a review. Sitcom but with one crucial element missing and that would be the comedy. I think Ramesh Ranganathan is funny but this is just

boring. Jeez, look. Is that a review or? Well it just came on by accident because I was trying to remember what the surname of Jonathan is. I can't believe it's just totally gone out my head. Anyway it's not Williams but I take your point. Yeah. Okay let's just, I'm gonna ask you now, I'm not gonna be offended right? This is a amnesty safe space Did you really watch Stuart Williams? Yeah, 100% a million percent two characters were were written in that with two people in mind What was you as my nemesis whatever he was gonna be called and Jonathan Williams? We could have probably changed the name because just Jonathan Williams

It all stuck that and the other was just Laura Checkley as my wife No, the two only two parts of never other and Gary King I see him you'd always had it in mind. No no that was off in the air, Rob Beckett couldn't do it so I had to step in. What we loved was yours and Rob's energy yeah yeah so we thought that'd be a funny sitcom and then yeah Rob couldn't do it so I had to step in and yeah, be the make-way in that. ["Woo Hoo Hoo Hoo"] I've got a question for you. Go on, man.

So, well, I just wanna know what your opinion is on this. One of the Weekend gigs we filmed, right? Yeah. And I've been doing the shows and I get quite sweaty on stage. And sometimes I've noticed sort of little armpit patches of sweat, right? So what was slightly nervous of is that we're filming the thing and then forever I'll watch it back. Well, I'll never watch it back ever. But what I mean is I'll know that people are watching it back and they're seeing sweat patches under my arm and I sort of reach up where you know the armpits

visible. So I started Googling. What can you do about that? Right? Obviously there's obviously, there's that anti perspire and you can get these wipes or whatever, but I was trying to look for a lot of. You can get like a t-shirt can't you that soaks it all up. Like there's like a t-shirt you get and it's got like an extra bit of fabric here. Is that true? Yeah yeah yeah yeah and it's like... It must make you hotter though. I don't know I've never bought one. Along with yourself I've had this situation

where I've wanted to say something like a nice sort of beige shirt or whatever like sort of like the camel shirt out on a hot day. I thought I can't risk the armpit sweat. So then just thought, and then I went into a rabbit hole looking, you know, or wormhole, whatever you call it, into that and found these t-shirts are anti-sweat. But along with anti-sweat, they also like, they're like a crop top type thing.

They finish just under your moves. Why do they do that? I don't know, no idea. I think it's so to disguise you've even got a t-shirt underneath. Okay, fine. All right, so I didn't see that. What I did see was that armpit hair is a problem

for creating sweat patches. Oh no, you didn't. Did you shave off your armpit hair? Yes, I did. Oh, you are now talking to somebody with hair free armpits. Geez, why are you getting so disgusted by that? What's wrong with that? I just don't know. The number one I've looked at your armpits. I didn't think they were that hairy anyway.

Well, I just wanted to get rid of whatever they're first of all, what you've looked at my armpits. Yeah, I've seen your armpits. What do you mean? Larking about. Okay, well, phrase it like that then. Don't phrase that I've looked at my armpits? Yeah, I've seen your armpits. What do you mean? You've been licking about. Okay, well phrase it like that then. Don't phrase it like I've looked at your armpits. Do you understand the difference? Yeah, I don't know what you mean, but I've seen your armpits before. Right, okay, okay. So that's how you say it.

Yeah, I've never looked at your armpits and gone, fucking hell they're hairy. I've actually thought, that's a generous, but quite a sparse amount of hair at times. I wouldn't say it's like a, you know yeah with the beard with the big like lovely thick hair Do you mean can I can I just say can I just say the fact that you've had any thought about them is? Slightly with strange, do you know in prison if you're like doing a long stretch in prison? Sell mates fuck each other's armpits who have sex and armpits in prison

How do you know that we when we write the curse we We basically we talked to a lot of people sort of Who might be connected or it's cons and stuff and one guy explained how it all worked So is that consensual? Yeah, of course. Yeah, I think it's Yeah, so you just as I might turn to be the you know sort of taker in this yeah so you sort of like yeah I mean if you're yeah I mean I think now you shaved yeah done what what finished you got a shaved sweaty armpit something like you know you've got a cellmate he's going to be quite happy with himself. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah.

Listen, I hadn't mentioned it before, but I think you're going to be quite pleased with what I've got to deliver or rather receive. Anyway, I'm going to say this now. I might keep doing it. Hold on. So, sweatwise, did it work? Yes. Well, not completely.

Really? did it work? Yes, well not completely, not completely because the lovely costume lady Mariam who was there looking after me, she basically at the end of the first half I looked and it's quite sweaty so she had to de-sweat the jacket. Like a sort of dry out or the hairdryer. Yeah yeah yeah yeah well I wish I had not said any of this. This is a low. This is as low as I felt high at the O2. I've said that. I've mentioned that. Have you ever had like sweat from your armpit so much it's just trickled, tripled down to your elbow? I must have done but I can't think I can't I don't I wouldn't say it happens very often. When I was a bigger man I had a bead behind the between the cheeks is a common occurrence. Oh man yeah that's yeah that's awful yeah. Cheap bead. Actually while we're in the National Trust place just now um I watched the father and son like the

son probably was about eight nine and the dad was similar age to us. And they were doing a running race. And it was, the dad was absolutely, you know, when you watch it, it was a really nice sight to watch. And then the dad basically just couldn't run and he just literally just dropped to the floor. I was just laid there, you know, with his knees up, just breathing like, yeah, I just, I walked over and you're all right, man. And he was like, yeah, you know, with his knees up, just breathing like, yeah, I just walked over and you're all right, man. And he was like, yeah, you couldn't keep up. And like, he was just absolutely drenched in sweat. And his wife was making a real scene, like just going, oh,

you know, taking a piss out of him. It was actually quite an embarrassing thing to see, like, yeah. Was there any part of you that thought the right course of action would be to not approach him at all, so you felt like not many people have seen it? mean what you've done is you've you know, he might have been sitting there thinking fucking out So go down I thought fuck mate I've been I worry myself nearly every day when I'm chasing grace around and we're gonna have an attack and Can't just gonna come back and I'll just be a but it should be like that They've in kitchen and then what was grace will careful walking and that'll be it. You're right So I saw him but he chopped to the ground and sort of just lay there.

I could see he was breathing because his stomach was going up and down. But I just went over and touched his knee and I was like, you all right? You okay, mate? Yeah, I do sometimes play quite a... I have done in the past played an irresponsible game where if I know Leicester's coming into a room I sort of pretend I've collapsed. You told me about this sport. I have such terror that's going to happen in my actual life. Do you know what I mean?

As soon as Grace is old enough, I'm going to teach her how to do CPR, or whatever it's called, you know, the fontaned chest rhythm thing. Just, I mean, that's a bleak thing to have to teach a four-year-old, but I just worry all the time about it. I couldn't be bothered to teach the kids that, so I just said, if you ever see me like that, just give me a kiss in the forehead say I love you daddy. Goodbye They're really crying stuff I said just shut up shut up listen to me

Yeah, that's what I want press pause on FIFA. I'm saying something really deep Fuck I've no respect you I'll tell you sway old bald armpits and fuck off. You'll be sorry you've said all this when I'm dead if it actually does happen. Oh fuck you, you can't have it soon enough you old c***. By the way your flies are undone. Oh for fuck's sake. Again, you fucking loser.

God grant me some dignity you're saying. God grant me some dignity you're saying. Hahaha. Alright Tomo, it's about that time my brother. My guy, my guy. Could you please, could you please Tom Davis, taking us out of the podcast with another one of his magical thoughts, go for it Tom. Yo, trends in fashion, fashion in trends. Shit changes, shit evolves. The truth of the matter is I remember a time, yay, because I'm so old, where garage came and went, but you

know what? It's back again. I remember the first time baggy trousers came around, a bootcut tree that would fit gladly over a white pair of Chris Reebok classics or Adidas Samus. But alas, I take a walk up a high street and they're back again. Trends, fashion, the world turns. And a poor little boy with a runny nose plays in the street as the cold wind blows in the ghetto. And that's the truth of it. Weather's also changed. That's the season. But I get trapped in this moment. It's easy to follow trends and such and just think, wow, skinny jeans. What was I thinking wearing boot cuts? Well, boot cuts.

What was I thinking wearing skinny jeans? Following the crowd is easy, but sometimes it's harder to step out and go, you know what, this is me. This is who I am. That's why I always respect a goth. I always look at a goth and think, you know what? None of this matters to you. You found your stuff, you found had your cards and you're happy to

stick and that's a really amazing thing to do. So in life when you think following the crowd is the way to go, sometimes it's a better thing to look at the Labrador grouping you around or the whatever the dog is that does the seat or Charles and just go you know what? I'm gonna bowl over. I'm gonna walk into that field and see what's going on there. Following the crowd could be comfortable. It could be calming, it could be relaxing. But fighting against the tide, as hard as it can be,

can give you some of the biggest adventures in life. Fight against the tide and be one. Be unique. Be you you friend. Thank you. Really good. I actually think that is great advice. Thank you.

Really great advice. Okay, song to take us out JT. I was reminded this song recently. I was on a play once and I wanted to listen to something a bit different. So I put on an album by band, a live by a band called the Buena Vista Social Club. They did a song called Chan Chan, which is like their biggest tune, but they performed it live. JT, could you play us out with a live version of Chan Chan, Buena Vista Social Club. Thank you so much. Once again to all of the O2, oh yeah, also can I just say, Sunday we're in Sheffield.

It's, look, there's no easy way of saying this. It's not solved well. There's a number of reasons about for this that Tom and I aren't gonna go into now, but what we'd love you to do, if you feel like it, is come along. What I can guarantee is if you are there, we are going to do the best to deliver the best,

the best ever Wolf and Owl we've ever done, okay? I'm telling you that now. We're gonna be sharp. We're gonna be fighting for it. Tom Davis is gonna be as sharp as he has been on this episode, which I think we can all agree is sharper than ever. I've actually got a couple of fucking razor-like paper cuts.

Just from the sharpness,ness is rapier like wit So we will see you there. Maybe While we're doing a A little bit of clerical stuff again. Thank you to everyone who's reached out scotland dick gigs. Uh, sort of scottland gigs Uh new dates to follow also. Um I have a top dates and friends event for the Prince's Trust. Oh yes. Which is next Tuesday I believe. Yeah that will have happened two days ago.

No no wait, no no no, it's next Tuesday. Oh thank God. Next Tuesday. So we have got an incredible line up. We have got Katherine Ryan, Rosie Jones, Jerm Maddox, Fati Al Gore, Jake Lambert and the Don, the OG, my guy, Mr. headliner himself just took the roof off the O2. Romesh Ranga Nathan is going to be live and unique. So tickets hit my obviously the fresh deal was Monday the 3rd of June

These things on a Tuesday now It's Monday the 3rd of June, okay There we go, this is why I'm not into promotions and that kind of vibe so Monday the 3rd of June Get a comedy store. I'm doing I can reveal now. I'm taking a completely new direction This tool tour's coming to a wind up now. I'm going to become a musical act. There's going to be music, there's going to be props. I'm just trying to get some of the guitar stuff line like finished off. And it's going to be... Should we do a song together at the end of the night?

I've got a little, I've got a little, well, I'm going to give a little preview, not preview, but I'm going to give you a little insight. The last two minutes... I saw you, I saw you on stage rap in it for your gig somewhere I think Ben Bailey would probably make it so good. It was genuinely. Oh, yeah. Thank you. Thank you to everyone that came for the after-party It's fun. Um, yeah a little two-minute song about washing powder. I think you're gonna want I'm Jack and I'm Jack and I'm just gonna be doing new material New material that you heard it here first rubbish Reagan Nathan do new material do new material that's new material you've never seen before that is true why are you saying it like that?

I'm excited I'm a bloody fan I will not be able to contain myself and I have to do I will take myself back right so and me and you were two young bucks starting on the scene right yeah and I remember the moment when you like someone went Ramesh Ranganathan's here and I'd heard your. I was like oh my god I was comparing that. Okay, all right. All right. Let's let's You you blitzed it and every time I get to say your name on stage, man. It means the world to me So you're hosting right? I think so. Yeah I'll be just kind of but it's this one. No try this in your stuff

It's of my tour and use that. All right, well thank you so much for listening, guys. We'll see you next time. Peace out. Peace out, people. If you have a problem, opinion, feedback or anything at all, please email us at wolfalpod.gmail.com. That's wolfalpod.gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we don't have any content ideas. Thank you.