Wolf and Owl - S3 Ep 32: Pouffes, Trains & Queue-Jumping Scum

Episode Date: June 26, 2024

We’re talking… an update on pouffe pronunciations, Monster drinkers and overdosing on Red Bull, the Wolf doing political comedy, getting told off on Have I Got News For You, bungie boxing, winding up Wladimir Klitschko and Tony Bellew, M&Ms in cinema popcorn, are white shorts wrong?, not going to Wimbledon, the scourge of queue jumpers, painfully slow ordering, train travel gripes, public transport bed-bugs, man-spreading and bothering Terry Venables. For questions or comments, please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod TikTok - @wolfowlpodcast YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch & Mailing List - https://wolfandowlpod.com A Shiny Ranga Production For sales and sponsorship enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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And there you have it, the perfect summer mix. Bacardi. Do what moves you. Live passionately. Drink responsibly. Copyright 2024. Bacardi. It's trade dress and the bat device are trademarks of Bacardi and Company Limited. Rum 40% alcohol by volume. Request to steady your nerves then podcast the body parts get severed and served Bring your weak shit, wear the wolf and owler That ain't just a mistake, that's an awful howler Both of them are known to pull up at your shows Have the crowd witnessing the murder like they're rolling with a gang of crows Fuck their censorship, let em see the whole thing They stay dressed to kill, never sheep's

clothing Dark enough to turn the sun to the moon, you'll see nothing All you hear's a huff a puff and a whee Expect killings, red spilling and flesh ripping Impressive in it, the death bringing its head spinning Just kidding, every word in this song's about two grown men Dressed up as a bird and a dog Welcome, welcome once again to the Wolf and Owl. Wow. It's, it's, how do we describe it, Wolf? It's a little perusal around this little

thing we call life and hopefully there's a couple of sideways glances and a little bit of fun. I'd like to say it's a vandalistic tour around the old noggin of two spirited friends. Yeah. And let's just say, on occasion, it does get pretty spirited. So buckle in, buckle up, put your hard hats on, and let's see what the chat provides. And load up your thought pistols, because we're about to fire up the fire. Absolutely.

And let's just say, can be a little bit trigger happy with those old thought pistols. Sometimes it gets a little bit spicy on here, doesn't it Tom? I wish sometimes at your comedy career you'd been a character called King Wacky. Do you know sometimes when I do things like that, you know when you do certain voices or certain characters,

you start to get quite addicted to doing them, don't you? Well, actually I've got, it's almost a copyright infringement, but I got addicted to talking to Flo a little bit like what's that guy that Bob Mortimer does? The you know the train guy there. So I started just doing voice notes to Flo like that and then I couldn't stop doing it. Like there's a good month where that was all I was doing yeah it's pretty bad Well, yeah, I got a couple of phone calls from Avalon during that time. I don't know she was shopping me out anyway

Nice to be here I start I'd like to start the podcast with a massive massive apology actually. Yeah, I know this is by the way I think I hope a couple of months ago me and cat no basically we we talked about that once I'm more interested in the actual matter so I thought you both had a hard time and I'm just glad it wasn't on my dollar well if anything if anything it solidified her love for you. Poof, poof versus poof-ay. Yeah. I've had a lot of messages

that it's actually not set in stone that it's poof. So I've been stopped in the street. There's a lot of people. I mean, I've been stopped on the tube twice with this. It's poof-ay, someone said, it's poof-ay. Well, well, actually, it's not that it is Poufé. The actual truth of it is that it isn't not Poufé. What I mean is different people pronounce it differently

and all of those pronunciations are accepted. And what I did was I got on my, I clambered onto my old high horse. Your old high horse. My voice changed tone and look, I'm coming to you now as your brother. I'm prostrating myself at your feet. Let me go.

And saying, please, please forgive me. I thought I was being helpful, but it turns out I was being an imperialistic, nay, fascistic. You know what, sometimes I'd scold you and give you a little, you know, ticking off, but this time what I'm gonna do is to slowly sort of brush your hair and sort of give you a little kiss on the forehead

and say it's all right, my friend. Wow, that's really cool. Accidents happen. I actually mentioned it on my radio show yesterday. Oh wow. And it really kicked off. Somebody got in touch and said, because it's so difficult to figure out how to pronounce it,

it's better to just say footstool, which is a fair. Yeah, you know what, I actually respect that. I respect that message there. It's actually good as well if you can, through your, for your mega successful Saturday morning radio show, are you drinking Monster? No, it's Walser. All right, all right, okay.

My God, can you imagine if that's what I had to drink to get me through this? Have you ever drunk, have you been a Monster drinker? No, I mean, I have drunk Monster, but it's sort of become like a bit like a Stanley cup. Isn't it like, isn't it sort of, isn't it fashionable to drink Monster amongst a certain TikTok generation? Yeah, because there's people who just review Monster. There's one guy who's got a wall of Monster in his house. What, he keeps the empty cans?

He keeps the empty cans and they become a wall of different monsters and He reviews all the different come and they bring out So many flavors. I remember when it was just quite a small Yeah, smallish business Operating and and suspensions are I think download they sponsored for a couple years. Hmm. And now it is it's everywhere They they do special flavors. It's like yeah, it's like. They do special flavors. It's like, yeah, it's like the Harry Potter of drinks now. I find Monster slightly frightening

because without getting into, you know, we're not sponsored by anybody here, but Red Bull, when you get Red Bull, it's really loads of caffeine in it, but it's quite small. So even though, so I find that less frightening, but a massive can of like caffeine, that sort of slightly frightens me to be honest.

I really think there's such a difference just in how you look as a, if I see someone with a sort of can of Red Bull, like on a train in the morning, I think that's probably a go-getter. That's probably somebody who's, you know, if I see someone with a coffee, I think that's higher. Or it's a survival strategy. Yeah and then I see a kind of monster and yeah that's what I think with a kind of monster. There was a guy on my training the other day right he had uh he was sitting sort of adjacent to me on the the next sort of thing of seats the plume of seats and he sat so upright right and he stared in front of him intently

and on his knee he just had like some I think it was like black common monster and he just had it on his knee like that and he sat there so like he didn't move and all he did every now and again is just get the monster and just take a little sip and just but never break his gaze and there was a mother the monster and just take a little sip and just, but never break his gaze. And there was a mother and son. Well, there's a mother and son opposite. He wasn't looking at them. He was looking sort of above them.

And the little boy just couldn't comprehend what was going on. He just kept on trying to get the guy's eye and he was sort of like looking at his mom and looking around like, what is this guy? I'm opposite. I was like, the only joy this guy seems to have is this kind of monster that every now and again he'll sort of break this solitary gaze just to sort of take a little supper of monster.

I think there are times where I have taken, not taken, I have drunk Red Bull for a specific reason as in not just, I've never casually drunk one, I've drunk one because I'm knackered and I need to get sharp quickly, right? And there is a certain amount of pressure on that drink. drunk one, I've drunk one because I'm knackered and I need to get sharp quickly, right? And there is a certain amount of pressure on that drink. I did like alternative election thing on Channel 4 years ago and then I was doing Have I Got News For You the next day. But because they wanted to… Wow, this is when you were going for that sort of high-end crowd, right?

Yeah. You know the time when I actually thought I could make it sort of a sharp topical comedian and then Basically, I was faced with my own intellect and I was like I know that could happen So I said basically the alternative election thing finished at 2 in the morning and the have I got news for you because I wanted To put but I wanted to put it out that night. It was at 9 o'clock the following morning, right? so basically I'll go back to the hotel about 3 and I think I've got like four hours sleep, sort of slightly panicking about the fact that I had to get up, I was worried about oversleeping.

Yeah, and have I got new to you is quite a, it's a bad thing. Yeah, I hadn't done it that many times at that stage. And also, I don't consider myself to be the most well-informed. So, although I did think, I was getting into details about what research, it doesn't matter. The point is, I went to do Have I Got News for You.

I started panicking a little bit about how tired I was feeling. And so, I would say 10 minutes before I walked onto the studio floor, I drank two cans of Red Bull in quick succession. Wow. Just netting. Wow.

Right? I went, Tom, I went on the show. Genuinely felt like I was having the show of my life. Right, just like jokes are flying. Just everything that somebody said, I've got something to say about. Ian Hislop's got you constantly, it's a long round, you're just nodding. Yeah, Paul Merton gives me a standing ovation about ten minutes in. Crossing the floor just to shake your hand up at everything you say.

Yeah, just that is, just like, just whoever was, I think it was Joe Brando just going, why haven't you got this going as a regular? Paul, Ian, step your game up. This guy showed us what it's like to have news for you. Right, anyway, so I did the show, walked off, just thinking, well, I gave a good account of myself there. That night, or later on that day,

they put out a clip of the show, like a trailer for the show. I don't even know if you can watch it online and if you could I don't want to watch it. I looked like I'd done a bump. It was absolutely bananas. I just go, so yeah I mean the thing with Labour know, because everybody thought they were going to do it, everybody thought they were going to do it, but they didn't do it in the end, did they? I mean, egg on your face. By the way, you sound like every fucking political comedian fucking that I've ever heard, like, that's been brought up with us.

What a fucking, like, they asked me, I remember them asking me, and they've asked me a few times to do that show, and I was like, are you fucking kidding? Look, it's a great show for people who like it, but I haven't got a fucking clue what's going on. That's insane, the thought of me sitting there just fucking like winging it, it's like, I can't do that stuff. You're a shoot from the hip kind of guy.

I think you'd be all right. Yeah, but I can shoot from the hip if I'm talking about whether cauliflower could be broccoli in a fight, or whether fucking Keir Starmer would be a good fucking cover to start. I'd love you to- Or what Richie Sunak knows about fucking, what, I don't know.

I'd love it if you did that thing that comics sometimes do of like, they've got a bit, so they try and make whatever they're talking about fit into the bit. So the way I see it is like, you know, imagine if Keir Starmer was like broccoli, just go with me here. And imagine if Richie Sudhak was cauliflower. So you've got all the other vegetables,

Angela Rayner, I guess, is like asparagus or something. And they all get into a pub, right? Now listen, I'd say to them, you're my kid from my kid. Ian, don't stop me. Paul Martin looking at you going, this is going nowhere. Like the analogy when you turned around and talked about John Major being a happy puppy. None of it means anything. You're the worst guest we've ever had.

Tom, Tom, Tom, the Speaker of the House is not a Wellington boot. And we're not going to go with this analogy, all right? Just leave it. I've done this show for 50 years and this is a first because I'm going to fucking walk off because of this blithering idiot. Did I tell you, I won't name the person, but I tell you I got told off on Have I Got News for you once by one of the other guests. Really? Who tells people off in it? Well, it's just somebody found something I said really offensive. We were talking

about insurance for terrorists or for against terrorism or something like that and I said the premiums are really high and then somebody made a joke like I can't remember it was something like who insures terrorists? I said well it's difficult because they're terrible drivers, or some joke I made like that, right? And he just stopped the show, and he just went, I don't think you should be making jokes like that. I said, what?

He said, it was pretty offensive what you just said. And I said, well, I said, I was just making a, I said, it's like a throwaway comment in the heat of the thing, and the ass dropped out of the studio. It was like really, really horrible man I was like I said if you do find that and don't get me wrong I don't think it's a great I mean I don't even get what I meant I just sort of said it in the moment but just speak have you say something to me afters ago I don't think you should go in the edit but do you

know whatever like whatever not that I'm in control of the edit but just flagged that later but it took about five minutes to get the record back on track It's so weird though. You know my weirdest version of that you're involved in this actually We did league we did league in a road together is one of my first ones And it was I think I can't you want to team with Jamie and I I think David Janola maybe and I was on with Fred and Vladimir Klitschko. Jamie was hosting and me and you had to do this thing called bouncy boxing where we were on bungee cords. We were on the harnessy thing like yeah. Yeah and they would jump anyway so they're doing all this thing and it's like a ridiculous thing so me and you were strapped

to harness bungee cord harnesses and we have to jump into a bunty car. I wonder why they picked us for that. Yeah, well, yeah. Right. So they, you know, they feel they film you like come down and they film this getting ready and stuff. And I turned to Brad Miklitsch guy and said, Oh, any pointers for this with a boxing match? And he said very seriously is like, um, always hold the jab, hold the jab and he starts getting me to jab. And then he said, and then if you get a chance, you come through, you can hit a couple of combinations. So I'm like, oh, cool. That's yeah. Great. You know, thinking, you know, that's insane because we're on bungee cords.

And you're not going to say that to Vladimir Kvitsky. No no but then so then me and you do um I mean you do this thing and it was it was two absolute like uncoordinated fools just fucking jumping in super flailing arms and legs um and then when we got out and we got sat back on the panel he turned he said what was the point of me talking To you when you don't listen to anything I said and I was like What's like you see what that was and I sort of made a joke about it Yeah, then Freddie sort of did a whole thing because Freddie was like turning to me going He's genuinely really really angry with you. I was like

He can't be angry with me. I literally just like surely he knows it's a joke he was like and Freddie I mean it was quite evident at that point by the way that Valery Miklitschko had no sense of humor yeah and he just sort of sat for a while. I can tell that I mean there was a couple of fruitly jokes about him. I mean when Jamie insinuated he was in the compare the meerkat adverts. Yeah yeah that was it. At one point Freddie made a joke about him. He just grabbed the chair and pulled him close and said, you dodger.

It's like insane. That level of sort of aggression is fucking nuts. I reckon, I genuinely think there's a possibility he didn't realize it was like a comedy thing. He's just been invited onto a panel to talk about sports in general in his career. Yeah. And then suddenly somebody- He's like pitching books. And then somebody goes,

oh, we're doing some boxing and a bungee course and what the fucking hell is this? Who's doing the boxing? He pointed to overweight losers to sort of like, oh, this is gonna be fun. When Tony Belli was on that show, we had to do a thing. It was like one of the first times I'd ever met Tony.

And I would consider him a mate now. Like he's a really lovely bloke. Lovely guy, Tony. Just very difficult to know if he's being serious or not, right? So we're doing this thing where they had this Kung Fu master who was coming on and he had flags attached to his body

and each team had two people and you basically had to remove the flags off him and he was just gonna defend himself. That was the challenge, right? And it was the first time I met Tony. And James Corden was hosting at that time and he kept saying, you and me look the same. And like taking the piss going, you and I are quite identical, aren't we, Tony? Like we've got the same kind of build and physique or whatever. And Tony was going, don't fuck. I swear to God, James, just fuck and stop

with this mate. We don't fucking look anything. And like you sort of go, I think he's joking, but I'm not 100% sure. Anyway, we're waiting backstage to do the Kung Fu Master thing. and stop with this mate. We don't fucking look at anything. And like you and me sort of go, I think he's joking, but I'm not 100% sure. Anyway, we're waiting backstage to do the Kung Fu Master thing. And Tony just goes, right, I'll fucking take him. You just take the fucking flags, all right? And I go, okay. And he goes, but I swear to God,

if he fucking wants to go, we'll fucking go. Like, you know, I don't give a shit. And I'm just thinking, we're not on a studio a studio floor it man like this isn't even going out to the audience what the fuck's going on I started thinking do I need to speak to do I need to speak to one of the producers and go just like fucking Gary Lineker style and go mate, mate Tony. Yeah, maybe Paul Tony for this. It was mad he went for it he went for it man I mean he proper went for it, he went for it, man. I mean, he proper went for it. I thought he was going to like try and lump him, he didn't, thank God. What if he had the Confu Master just like lying on the floor, just sort of with a broken nose?

Investigation after. Does anyone think this could happen? Oh yeah, Tony said quite clearly actually, this is what his strategy was the whole time. Yeah, he did mention to me backstage, I just thought it was all in jest, if I'm honest with you. The thing is, I don't really know him. It's my first time working with him. It's difficult to know when he's telling the truth of himself, Cascaps. And I need to be absolutely, I need to be absolutely Christa with me, old mucker. I'm absolutely fucking beating my pants around him

at the mud room. You've put me in a challenge with a championship boxer and a kung fu master. I'm just thinking about how I survived, to be honest with you. of the month. So you get the best deals and low prices on amazing products every month. And did you know? PC Optima members save more. For exclusive offers and members-only pricing, just scan and save. And don't forget in-stock promise, where you can count on great offers being in stock or get a rain check. Discover more value than ever at Loblaws, in-store and online. Conditions apply. See in-store for details.

I went to the cinema yesterday. Oh, nice. Nice. I want to... Charlie has discovered... In the cinema now, you'll love this, they do a thing where you pay a couple of quid extra, or I don't know how much extra you pay, they mix M&M's in with your popcorn. Oh wow.

Yeah, I thought you'd be excited by that. That's incredible. You get sweet, salty and M&M's in it. You can have whatever you, I mean you could have, if you were a lunatic. You could just pour your, you could just buy some M&M's and pour your own in, right? Well that's a great, that is a great point, Tom. Normal teasers, well teasers would be sick. Because the implication is that they're sort of mixed through. What it ended up being was That is a great point, Tom. Because... Or we'll seize this. We'll seize this and be sick of that. Because the implication is that they're sort of mixed through.

What it ended up being was they just sort of do the popcorn as normal and put a little topping on there. I think, look, if you and I were running a cinema and we were offering M&Ms and popcorn, what would you do? You'd layer up. You'd go a bit of popcorn, bit of M&Ms. You'd go like this. What up, salt? What up, sweet? What up, go like this. One up, so, one up, sweet.

One up, M&M's. One up, so, one up, sweet. One up, M&M's. And then what you do, and also what you do do, and I know you do this as well, because you're a connoisseur, every now and again, crush the top of the bag, give it a big old shake before you start to get glaring on.

Now, obviously the cubes would be monumental for that matter. I just say you just have one person, because I reckon you have so many people wanting that, I think you just have one expert just there just doing that. Yeah, so anyway, that's by the by, that was slightly the M&M to popcorn ratio. And Charlie's a very laid back kid,

but even he said to me. He's very chilled, very chilled. Yeah, even he said to me, this isn't quite what I was hoping it was going to be. But as we're queuing up, right? We're at the queue, the two people in front of us are doing this thing, which is they're right, but taking a long, long time to figure out what they want. Right. So when they get to the front of the queue, yeah. And they're also, they're ordering one thing and then he comes back and goes anything else. And then they're going,

um, is there anything like that? It's taking a really long time so a couple it was two guys two guys sorry they can be a couple obviously they didn't have couples vibes it looked like two mates okay so friends i do i do know that homosexuality exists by the way just so you know yeah but like two but so they fit so give me an idea of what they look like just vibe wise. I would say sort of dressed very kind of just typical kind of late twenties lads, do you know what I mean? Kind of very nothing. What, lad lads?

Not lad lads, I'd say what I would would describe them as, based on what I saw of them, is the sort of guys that masquerade as lads to a sort of slightly higher level than they actually are. Does that make sense? Sort of wanting to be laddier than they actually are, or presenting as laddier than they actually are. Essentially what you're talking about is what probably would have been me and you and her talking. Yeah, well I was about to say,

they're probably gonna do a podcast in the future. Um, with... would have been me and you and yeah what's about to say they're probably gonna do a podcast in the future anyway I'm I'm stood behind them right there's two women behind me and then a bunch of like bunch of blokes right by the way could I just say you've got like a very good like sort of like sort of sense of like what's around you. Because sometimes you're quite oblivious to what's going on around you. I am actually.

I am actually. Well, I don't know, but it's there, yeah. I guess that's because Charlie's there, you're looking around, safety, just, yeah. Yeah, and also, yeah. Flexing a bit, just seeing. I'm not flexing. I'm not flexing.

Although what I would say is, I'd slightly got myself into a state of paranoia about the fact I'd worn all black. because it's so hot yesterday and I was yeah, and and so suddenly I was like Why have I worn all black? Well worn all black and then that started to plant for some reason I don't know if you ever obsess about things like that was present. If you ever wear white shorts Have I ever worn white shorts? No, do you ever know why it's all shorts? Yeah, they're there I didn't realize what a no-no was. What do you mean? Is it a no? White shorts. Apparently yeah. I wore them out the other

day and a friend of mine said are you gone for the full sex offender look? What? And I was like what? Like sort of, like number one like that is a look. Yeah. Like I turned to Catherine and gone how do I look? And she's gone, yeah, look alright, sex offender enough? Do I, are you getting that from what I've picked out? I do think you look sex offender, but in a good way. So, somebody said, actually, do you know,

Lisa McGillis said to me the other day, I was wearing, I wore a tracksuit for the after, she came to the O2 to watch the show, right? She came to the after party afterwards. She said to me, I wore a tracksuit for the after, she came to the O2 to watch the show, right? She came to the after party afterwards. She said to me, I wore a tracksuit at the after party. She said to me, it looked really midlife crisis, but in a good way. What does that look?

You know? Anyway, anyway, I interrupted you, sorry, go on. So, I don't, I don't. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's quite a harsh thing to say. Yeah, so I was wearing white shorts, and he made that joke, and everyone sort of laughed like it was an in-joke,

and I hadn't got a memo that white shorts Like what I think white shorts are quite classy. The only reason I wouldn't wear white shorts is because it's a high-risk strategy I think I mean, it's like you get like a wet fart or anything Spilling food and stuff like that. But yeah Yeah, yeah What I mean is if you whenever like my mum bought me a white hoodie, and whenever I put that on, I think I've got 20 minutes of wearing this before something happens. Do you mean? Yeah, no, no, no. But I think that yeah, I tried it was and it was

like everyone else had known about this about for me. I'll be interested to see. I've never heard of it. But what? Listen, we're not just talking to each other, are we here? We've got an animal pack out there. Are white shorts sex offender-y? Get in touch. Is there a conversation alongside white shorts being a sex offender? Also, for me, like... It's a horrible, damning indictment of the tennis, by the way. Yeah, Pete Sandfras.

Why are you nuts? What's he talking about? Put it away, you fucking pervert! Hey, what the fuck's going on? Will you wear in white shorts Pete? Come on mate. That's a uniform, that's a terry. Come on you old pervert, we all know what's going on here. Watch out for those poor boys mate!

What happened Pete? You're wearing the outfit anyway, thought might as well get a bit of tennis in you fucking perv. Oh god, and I peeped soundpress the only tennis player I could be fucking retired about 40 years ago incredible topical stuff from Tom I'd love it if you turned up to Wimbledon you know when you go to Wimbledon and I've never done it because I've never been to Wimbledon and you know I've got a dream to go to Wimbledon I'd love to go yeah but can I get tell you what I get slightly nervous about with with that so every now and again you must have been invited a dream to go to Wimbledon. I'd love to go. Yeah, but can I tell you what I get slightly nervous about with that? So every now and again, you must have been invited on occasion to go.

I've never been invited. This is the difference between me and you, where we sit in the social standards within this. I've never been invited. Tom, can I say something? You probably have been. I genuinely think you probably have been and haven't found out about it because they have so many sponsors there that sort of asked for people to go. I never, I can tell you now, I mean if I have my agents been instead, I mean Olly would look, Olly Aziz going to the tennis is bang on, he's literally, he probably would just

get on the court and fucking win a cut like that. He literally looks like someone who got, he dresses, he would be amazing at the tennis. For me, like no I've never been asked. I've never, no one's ever won. I even fucking asked Flo. I even asked Flo, I said, Flo, do you reckon, because Kat, Kat's been through quite a tough time of recent, and I said, oh, anyway, I've get into, I think I get invited to like bare knuckle boxing.

I wouldn't be invited to the fucking tennis. It's not something, have you been, how many times have you been? I've never been. I've been invited. Well, can I take my issue with it? Not my issue. It's not something. How many times have you been? I've never been. I've been invited. Have you ever been to a tennis? Can I take on my issue with it? Not my issue. I'm not that into tennis.

I mean, I think it's good, but I'm a casual observer, and so I feel too guilty to go to Wimbledon. I quite enjoy the tennis. No, I do too, and I do watch Wimbledon on TV, but I just feel like... I don't know. It's really hard to get tickets, isn't it? And so I feel like... I don't know, it's really hard to get tickets isn't it? And so I feel like, I don't feel like I've watched enough tennis to earn, you know if it was the FA Cup final or something and somebody offered me tickets I'd have no, even if Arsenal

weren't in it I'd still go, I'd still go because I'm obsessed with football right? But with tennis I feel like it's a bit, I don't know, I don't feel quite right going to Minnesota. I always look at that though and think there's so many people who go to events. I remember when the Euros happened over here and like me and you went to a couple of game days but when you saw people who had no interest in football going along just to be seen at something it was a thing. There's an ill-coated person within our industry, by the way,

who seems to just get invited to everything. I don't know how they get onto that plateau. No, but I think once you start saying yes to those things, you'll get invited to more, because actually what you're doing is, the reason they're inviting you is to give it a bit of cachet, right? I guess.

Yeah, but this is, I was like you, like you're saying, I always say no to anything I don't think I'll enjoy. Yeah. Because I don't think it's fair for me to, like you're saying with tennis, I don't think it's fair for me to take up a space to go to something where I just have no interest in it. Like last year, I'd have been asked to go

to the Chelsea flower show. I'm like, I can give a shit about flowers, if I'm honest. I mean, I walk around and go, that's a nice rose, do you know what I mean? mean? But some people get an absolute fucking kick out of it. We really enjoy it. You know, like Vic Reeves, I saw he was there. He loves flowers by all accounts. I can see.

I've heard a lot of things about him being into flowers. It's all people talk about with him. It's Big Night Out and flowers. Yeah. Do you remember that song he did? I used to love that song. What song? Dizzy, my head is spinning. You can't hear me? Dizzy, my head is spinning.

It was amazing. What a great song. He could do everything back in the day. But anyway, yeah, anyway, we've dugress massively because we're going, let's go back to the, to the, to the queue. You were dressed in black. Yeah, bloody hell. Well done, Tom. Jesus Christ.

Yeah, no, no, sorry. Sorry, sorry. I'm not gonna. Sorry, I'll try and pack that. Yeah. So if anyone has got like the white short thing, get in touch if there is a connotation. Yeah.

Before every football team now just sort of like, our sort of sudden start playing in red shorts. Yeah. They're all massive Wolf and Owl fans. Mikel Arteta just going, I don't think it's a good idea anymore. OK? To be honest. Oh my God, just walk in and go, I'm not wearing these, man.

I'm not wearing these. I do not like the connotation that we're we are now 11 sex offenders. Yeah, I listen to all for now. It's not good idea. Okay. I'm Gabrielle just going I'm okay with it. So anyway, I'm in the queue. This These two guys in front of me are taking ages, right? It's becoming clear they're taking ages. Somebody behind the counter... So what are they loading up? Nachos, popcorn? Yeah, but they're just like every single stage of that order they're having a discussion about.

Do you think there's a moment of them, they've seen that you're behind them, and they're doing that thing that sometimes people do to take ages just to sort of like they're doing there's a little bit of a banter like a Beavis and Butthead kind of vibe that they just think it's quite funny to sort of oh I don't think they're trying to wind the whole trying to wind the guys serving them up you know yeah yeah they're at the cinema they're trying to get a bit of a sort of like look They're gonna go and watch a film but also what a bit of banter while they're there Maybe I mean I watched a thing the other day saying that cinemas don't watch don't make any money from the film They make all the money from snacks and actually if you were support if you want to support your local cinema You should buy more snacks. So maybe they were going

Let's try and maybe we should try and support the cinema as much as possible. I don't know. Maybe they're getting their lunch there. Anyway, a guy behind, working behind the counter, identifies this blockage and so goes to the next till. Now, in between the two tills is like a load of crisps and snacks and stuff, right? No, no, I want to ask what your opinion is on this. He goes to the next till and he goes, Can I help anyone? So I go to go round the back because I'm next in the queue, right? So

I think this obviously, this woman behind me, sort of walks, basically makes it her mission to get there before me, right? Yeah, this is disgusting. But okay, it becomes incredibly embarrassing. because her friend Doesn't agree with her course of action right so starts going neither should she and she goes She starts going I can't remember her name, but let's just say it's Sarah Sarah Sarah He was in front of you Sarah Sarah, and she just either Doesn't hit I can't believe she doesn't hear she heard. She's a piece of shit

She's a piece of shit human being because we fall apart if we don't fucking if we don't cue and we don't fucking pay We fucking have nothing left. So it's like it's literally the last stand of dignity and fucking like like genuinely But that you know, like I was actually gonna go in and take the mic out of you just joke Yeah, I was like, you ain't gonna do the voice. I was like, oh, well, quick, quick move, Charlie. Let's get round. And I was gonna do that and make this quite a light piece. But now I feel my shoulders are literally, just literally wrench tight.

And the thought of that, like that, that fucks me off so much. Like that thing of cueing. It's like, it fucking knocks me silly when I'm at a pub or whatever and someone just doesn't know it. Like when you stand in a pub and someone comes next to you and there's a queueing system. Oh mate, mate, this is unacceptable by the way. I like like the hatred I have for somebody comes and stands next to you knows that you've been standing there longer and then something like the poor

bar staff shout out bar staff shout out all people working in the service industry turns around looks around and goes who's next and that person goes oh I'm two points a Guinness and what wines have you got and you just want to go you fucking absolute piece of shit mate it is that when somebody goes and actually be a criminal offense I think that should genuinely be a criminal offense when somebody goes oh it was a criminal offence. I think that should genuinely be a criminal offence. When somebody goes, oh, it was him. I always turn to him and I go, oh, oh, oh, mate, mate. Yeah.

Thank you so, what a guy. Thank you. I sometimes just want to say, oh, you know what? Whatever you're having is on me. Yeah, I don't. I don't want to buy you a drink. I don't do that. No, but I think that, by the way, that, like,

let's talk about the positives. That is a beautiful moment. I love it. I love it. I sometimes go to the bar, even if I don't want to be served, to pass that generosity along and just go, as you know, it was a minute. That is, that is, genuinely, I think that's a moment of connection. If somebody does that, for the rest of the night you're at the pub, they're a sort of

a friend. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. That's sort of somebody that, if something happens to them, you're looking out for them because they looked out for you at the pub they're a sort of a friend. Do you know what I mean? That's sort of somebody that if something happens to them you're looking out for them because they looked out for you at the bar. What always makes me sad is when someone's been burnt so much that even when you do that to someone else they don't go oh thanks man they just go and they don't even reference you they look away they can't even look at you. It's almost like your decency is too much for them.

Yeah or they're just normal people who just sort of think, yeah, I was here first, so it makes sense that you would do that. You know when it's, there's no place it's worse than it is at the football, for a pub, an England game. Yeah, but I think people just get, in that situation, it becomes like apocalyptic. They're just like, I've got to get my drinks in. Oh, it's like the Titanic, I've got to get my drinks in.

I've got to get my drinks in. I've got to get them. It's like the lifeboats on the Titanic. No one wants to be Leo just holding on to an old piece of hoarding, just hoping he can make it to the end. Anyway, it got very embarrassing for me, Tom, because, and I do feel,

I mean, Charlie was very decent about it, but I did feel sad that my son had to watch his father go through this ordeal. Cause I- Well hold up, so what happened? So she goes, Sarah, he was in front of you. She starts walking. I go around thinking Sarah's gonna hear.

And go, oh, sorry, yeah. Sarah heard, Sarah heard. She did hear, and then just was like quite bullish about she wanted to get to the counter first Then I'm stranded around the other side. I'm now in neither queue Right. I don't want to I don't want to be behind this woman that has just mugged me off. All right So they have to be bought. Yeah, but you pull up So then it looks like she's now taking her time So, uh, so, you know, she's like turns to her mate and goes, what should we get?

Right, so then I go back round, the guys behind me recognize me, and they just, they're very nice, but they made a thing about it. They go, cut, should we let him back in? Should we? Should we? Would Jamie let him back in?

That's the question. Where's Leatherman? Where's Leatherman? Where's Leatherman? And it just became this big thing and I went back to the... It was just so... And the woman... Tell me, did you go back? To be fair to Sarah's mate, she went to me, I'm so, so sorry.

Sarah's mate sounds like a queen. She needs better friends than Sarah. Man, what a person. And I got... And listen, if her name is... Sarah is a toxic piece of crap. Oh Jesus Tom I mean Tom she might have been having a tough day man. She might have been They just turn around and go I've got low blood sugar is that okay?

She's got low blood sugar by the way. She's getting to the front of the queue. She's not dilly-daddling She's going yo, can I get sneakers and a fucking full fat fucking Pepsi? Yeah, you're right You're not fucking lurking that. What should we have? Also by the way can I just say I think there should be a thing where you stand before you queue. I really wish you were there now. There should be someone who's just going do you know what you want when you get up there because it's fucking it's a freefall up there otherwise. Yeah. It's the same thing again going back to pumps when people get to the front and can't. I

think by the way at football you should send your most intelligent people who've got good memories up there's nothing worse than someone getting up to the front of the queue and going five pints of Mareti, two Guinness, write it down there's no shame in having it on your phone we all carry phones just going sorry mate, no you're right we all do carry phones, just going, sorry, mate, but. No, you're all right. We all do carry phones. Two points of Guinness, two Pinot Gratios, and a Coke for Mark, because he's driving. Yeah, absolutely.

I know that you need to note down why he's having a Coke, but fair enough. Yeah, right. That's what you want to do. Yeah. But also, like, the woman who's got to, like, those Denny Daddlers are costing everyone. Like, the staff under in those cinemas

are under almost like the most intense Oh, it's one of the most high-pressure jobs in the in the world I can't even measure what it's like when it's like a film's just about to be on, you know, I feel it's about to start It's a big movie. Right? It's a blockbuster You there must be a moment where it's like fucking getting ready for the hundred-meter dash in the Olympics You're literally going. Okay, well feels about 75 minutes. in five minutes, his fucking cue's gonna be Bedlam. And it's like boom, boom, it's high intensity. Speaking of high intensity, right, this fucks me off, okay?

While we're talking about things that are annoying. I did the radio show yesterday. I'm getting the train back. I get to Victoria, okay? There's a train going, I'm going to get off at Three Bridges. The train, the fucking display for what platform it is, they leave it so close to when the train's,

you have to be on this side of the barriers, right? Every single time I'm getting a train out of there, it's like everyone's fucking sprinting. And they've been waiting there for ages. They're all stood looking at the board. Two minutes before the train is due to leave, it goes, this is the platform it's on.

And then it's just fucking bedlam. It's garbage. It's mental. You know, you could sometimes on the app, it sometimes says what platform it's on and then it's just fucking bedlam. It's garbage. It's mental You know, you could sometimes on the app. It sometimes says what? You know what I realized that after I got on the truck. I looked inside Yeah, all right, there's nothing worse as well when there's all the platforms are free, but they put you on the furthest one Disgusting, you know, I'm so Setting these things right right that's what this

podcast is about. I always feel for people working like the volleys of abuse at people. Again though this is another thing right just quickly while we're on this. If you don't mind us setting ourselves up to complain about these things please. People who get to the barriers haven't got their tickets really just knocks me silly. It's like it's a surprise that there's a barrier there. And somebody gets there and they're like, oh, and they stand right in the front of the barrier. So no one else can get through there,

looking for their pockets and their paper ticket. Like, it's an insane thing. I would be standing behind them, and I can't stop, but I stop muttering. And they're often foreign, aren't they, Tom? Tom? You know what? If they were foreign, I'd put a hand on their shoulder and I'd explain what was happening.

I don't think, if you're a foreigner struggling with a ticket, Barry, what you don't want is a hand on the shoulder, particularly for someone in white shorts, because you know what's going down then. White shorts and an erection. No, but it's usually a fucking guy that you've seen every day on the fucking train, and every day they do the same thing. They're ruffling in their tickets, their back pocket, go through

their fucking backpack. I had a thing where I'd keep all my train tickets in my wallet and then I wouldn't get rid of them once I got to them. And then I would be one of those people. You were like a hoarder. Well, I just was forgetting to get rid of the tickets. And then what would happen is I'd get to the... This happened to be so many times before I thought, why don't I just get rid of all the other tickets? I'd have a stack of tickets.

Every time I get to the barrier, I'm pulling out a ticket from three months ago. Just putting it out, awful, awful. Kind of so sad if they think you collect train tickets. Do you have them on your phone now? I keep them on my phone now. I've started doing them on my phone now, yeah. It's so nice, it's that fucking zip. You know you just put the phone on the ticket thing. Oh, beautiful.

I honestly feel like I'm from the future. Everybody's doing it. Just give somebody a look. Oh, mate, I think it's fucking cool. Yeah. I think people think you're cool as well. Also, it does the thing. Oh, God, this is so... But it splits your tickets for you to make it cheaper as well if you buy the ticket What a life I am What's happened to us I enjoy I enjoy getting on the tube at the moment I've got enjoyed the fog on the tube. Why I don't know I got there the other day and there was we It was with Kate who works with me and we were we got the tube and we were just chatting And then some guy got up and he'd been saying, I don't ever sit on the tube because of bed bugs.

Sorry? I never sit on the tube because of bed bugs. Yeah, I don't ever sit on the tube. It's not because of bed bugs, but for some reason I don't ever sit on the tube. I don't know why. No, no, no, bed bugs, that's your biggest, that's your biggest guy.

Is that real? Let me just have a look. Yeah. I'm just gonna Google this. Any shadow of doubt. Because in the past, it would have gone in two-footed, but as we know from Poof slash Poofy, I feel like I'm in a very weakened position on this episode We'll just put public transport biggest Conveyor of bed bugs. I don't know what biggest conveyor, but I'm just gonna put public transport bed bugs

Here are some tip methods for avoiding bed bugs during your travels stand don't sit No one wants to stand on a bus, train or subway. It's better than sitting in the seats. Oh my God. It's plausible that bed bugs could infest public transport. Being carried on the clothes or luggage of people who have stayed in infested homes or hotels. It's possible there are and have always been

the occasional bed bug on public transport, but no one has been looking for them closely before now. Oh my God. Right. I tell you. How did you know about this? Because when I used to live with the actor Neil Maskell, we had an infestation of bed bugs and we had a bed bug expert who came to the house. Yeah. And he gave some information. And since then I've never sat down on public transport. I

sit on trains with them. Yeah, honestly, because the truth is they're not going to be on trains are they? They're only ever going to on public transport. I was sitting on trains, but not on which, that's how I'd be sitting on trains most of the time. Yeah, honestly, because the truth is, they're not gonna be on trains, are they? They're only ever gonna be on the chips. I don't know why, I think trains are less dirty, but actually I should probably stop, yeah. We had this bed bug expert who came out, I've never, you know when someone's really into their job,

it's just really inspiring. I love that. He was like the Jason Statham of bed bugs. He came out and he was like, we've got bed bugs, he went, I'll be the judge of that. Seems like you've got to give a problem. No, at first he went, but don't worry, I'm going to fucking sort it.

He said, anytime we all get a little red blotching on the skin, they think they're girl bedbugs. Let me see what you got. And then, number one, he broke my bed. That was a sort of low point of it because he pulled the mattress off and then he was walking, you know, like the slats and the spine broke my bed. That was a low point of it. Because he pulled the matches off and then he was walking... You know, like the slats and the spine of the bed.

He walked up the middle of the spine and it snapped. That is a mad thing to do, by the way. Yeah, I know, but he didn't want to... Sorry. Looks like I've broken your fucking spine. The spine of your bed is gone, son. But your bedbugs are also gone. So you've won and you've lost. Now I'm looking at you hoping you've got more backbone than your bed does. Do you son?

But he turned around and he went, I think you better both sit down. And me and Neil sit down anyway. You've got bed bugs. The whole fucking flat is riddled with them. So then yeah, then they fumigated and yeah. Did you have to leave for like two days or something? Yeah we had to go and get a fumigate because it was there on our sofa there everywhere. That's horrific. So yeah, so I was standing, and also I liked standing at the tube, I think you know I don't need a seat and it's also he's good for you. Yeah sit down Yeah, we see too much. Anyway, this guy gets up to get off the The tube and as as he stands up, I noticed that there's an oyster card sitting where he was sat

So I grabbed the oyster card and I sort of like push out canopy one Hey, hey, hey, mate, mate, mate and sort of off grab his arm Like my fingers dust against his sort of shoulder. He sort of worked moving quite quickly Calipari hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey woman actually just went, uh, we shouldn't chat to people on the tube because everyone, you know, we were tired, we had to start a conversation and I was like, yeah, yeah, no, yeah, people are, and then she sort of made a couple of jokes and all of us, then this other guy joined in and we had quite a nice chat, but um, but yeah, I, I quite like the sort of social aspect of it. Yeah, okay. Does that not happen on the train?

I haven't done the train, but I always get the train. What I'm saying is I was starting to get into a place where I wasn't enjoying getting the tube because I had a bit of a horrible experience on there. I got quite ill one day. I threw up outside of the tube. I had to get off the tube to be sick. And then I started getting a bit of anxiety around it.

No, no, no, no, no. It was just, I just had a weird turn. I think it was like, it was very hot that day. And now I'm still getting on there and I'm like, oh actually you know what, I sort of, I was walking everywhere. If I had a meeting I'd leave a little earlier and try and walk to places more.

I actually sort of was. Yesterday on the train I had two interactions. One was with a woman who, I get a bit paranoid sitting on the train about what, I don't know, sometimes I get nervous I'm sitting in a funny way or I'm being, I don't know. What's your go-to? Do you sit? Do you spread? Do you cross? Well okay, so the other day I got on a train and sat down next to this guy and this fucking guy, like he could, it was like he was deliberately trying to take as much space as possible on the thing, like proper man spread, arms out like here, laptop in front of him on the little desk thing, and just like, and I was sat bro, like, up to one front of him on the little desk thing. And I was sat, bro, like,

off to one side of the seat. Side saddling, yeah. Because he was so far across. And if that's because it's a big guy, then I understand. You were side saddling like the character in Bridgerton. Yeah, yeah, side saddling to the point where people coming through and knocking my legs. And I had to keep, I had to sit there and keep

Apologizing to people. Yeah, because he's right. He says and he's fucking he's played risk. He's taking over the USSR and Germany Yes, exactly correct. And that is why I get not that's not why but that is things like that They might be very paranoid. I try and take up as much little as much little space as I possibly can All right, well, it turns out less less less space than if you lost all the weight. Yeah, yeah, yeah, fair point. Anyway, so I sit on the train. There's a woman sat opposite me, and she just looks at me, and I think,

and immediately I think, oh God, she thinks I'm, she hates me, I say, oh, I'm doing something, maybe I stink, you know, like the usual things. Maybe I stink, I've got BO, so I'll start going through that then she goes to me your Romesh aren't you? I'll go. Yeah, and Then she goes could just get quick photos. Okay. Okay. Did you sit next to her for the photo? I sort of let we sort of lent into the middle of the train for the photo, right? Then I sit back and she very current you see I've had headphones and she goes I'm really sorry I know you listen to music. Thank you for the photo.

Lovely to meet you, right? I love the idea of her just sort of like going. Yeah, it was like, it was like that. Yeah, no, no, it's yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it Drake? No, no, no, no, no. Are you just being, are you, oh, because I'm a fan, I know you love your rap,

don't you? Is it a bit of the rappies? Is it a bit of the rappies? Is it't you is it the rapper's? Is he listed with the rapper's back? Is it to pack? Anyway on the way back I then phone Lisa so Lisa to me give me a shout when you get to the station. I'll give you a lift And then in the phone call I got Lisa is it all right to get picked you I can't pick me up She goes yeah, I'm sort of I'm just heading to the shops, but I'll Lisa, is it alright to get picked, are you okay to pick me up? She goes, yeah, I'm sort of, I'm just heading to the shops but I'll swing back and get you.

And then I go, is that okay? Just for a joke, I said, is that okay? Or are you saying it's okay and you're gonna be grumpy about it? Just as a joke, I said. She started laughing. That woman couldn't hear that Lisa was laughing. I've delivered that completely straight-faced.

So now she thinks that I've had a bit of a... Yeah, and Lisa's probably the subject of quite controlling behaviour from you. Yeah, I genuinely think that woman now thinks, God, that poor woman that he's married to. So I put the phone down, and I'm just sitting looking. She taps me on the knee. I go, yeah, she goes, can I just give you, can I give you a lift? I could give you a lift, and I go, no, I'm fine, thank you.

Thank you so much, right, so that was one interaction. But now I'm convinced that woman thinks that I talked to Lisa terribly. It's difficult, isn't it? You can't, what am I supposed to be? Well, yeah, but also I'd say that she kind of thinks that you're that terrible on a basis that you've spoken to your wife like that and then she thinks,

oh, I'll offer this fucking sociopath a lift home. Well, maybe she's thinking he's only really abusive to women he really knows. Yeah, or likes. Or maybe she's thinking I need to save this and she's throwing herself on the grenade with this horrible man and going, I'm going to give him a lift home so that poor woman doesn't have to come and pick him up. Yeah, just give her a bit of breast bite Yeah, exactly. Just even a 10-minute break from that man is a gift that I would love to be able to give to her The other guy the other guy that I interact with the trade very much a Tom Davis. I'll describe I'll explain what happened

I'm just listening on my headphones He taps me and I go I don't move my head phone. It goes very good and legal their own. I got thanks very much man. I appreciate it And he goes no, I like it. I like it. Okay. Thank you, man. I appreciate it. Put the headphone back I'm just I go. Sorry what go just paying them Bloody dot for tunnel and I go., oh right, yeah, yeah. He goes, it's a nightmare that. You can forget it so easily, can't you?

I go, yeah, you can. Put headphone back on. It's just that you get fined, didn't you? Move the headphone again. What? You get fined if you don't pay the thing. Yeah, you do, you do, yeah. Yeah, it's a nightmare.

It happened to me once. Put the headphone back. It happened, yeah. It happened to me a couple of times, actually. Sorry, it happened to me a couple of times actually. Sorry, what? Yeah, a couple of times it'll be fine. I remember a few months ago, coming back from a dinner thing, I had a nice time. You think you're having a nice day. And then, suddenly, sort of talking about it,

and I said, you've got a bloody thing through. Got a fine. I went, oh yeah, cool. Cool. In fact, yeah, no, it's a nightmare. Put the headphone back. Because obviously, it's money down the drain, isn't it? back. Because obviously it's money down the drain, isn't it? What? Sorry. It's money down the drain, isn't it? If you... It's no... You know, just about being a bit organized, isn't it? And just sort of getting ahead of it. Getting ahead of it and getting that paid.

I go, yeah, yeah, it is. It is, yeah. Because it's surprising, isn't it? Sorry, what? Surprising. Surprising how much money, how much of your expenditure can be all unnecessary stuff like that where you haven't you haven't You haven't paid ahead no, you're right, you know, I'm not bothering you. I know no, no, you're I've paid it now what sorry what I bought I paid it all off now So that's that's not the old fine for me. Not this time like that the whole Interaction being that guy with Terry Vettelbles once.

Oh God. Well, you were the other guy. I was the other guy, yeah, Terry Vettelbles wasn't doing that to me, honestly, that's Terry Vettelbles. But genuinely just sort of going, oh yeah, sometimes the train food's not very nice, I always get like a roll or something, or a big get before I go.

And he didn't have the blessing of earphones, he was sort of reading the paper and he went, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's good now, stations, obviously, they're sort of such, you have different stuff. Obviously you shouldn't have anything too smelly, just because, yeah, obviously it's quite close. I don't think you should use the word smelly

to a stranger, really. I think smelly to a stranger really and then smelly to every. He was very venable to the title, yeah, god missed him. And then he went um, he went He looked at me. He was really sweet by the way. He was very lovely and sort of like you said you were and he went Are you are you supposed to be in first class? This was after about 15 minutes and I went um, oh no, no, no No, no, I'm sad, but you can get like an upgrade sometimes and they're like sometimes they Yeah, they charge you sometimes this is by the way before I do this for a job. I was still scared. I'll do this point And then he sort of was like, yeah, and I saw me get sort of going. Oh, yeah

Was actually profession and he was just like, yeah, I thought was probably fresh and he was just like, yeah, I was like, do you ever think about 1996, the Euros? And he was like, yeah, nearly every day, yeah, yeah, think about it. And I was like, yeah, yeah. I went to all the England games, I went to the games, probably the best time, like one of the best things of my life.

Yeah, no, it was incredible, it was amazing. I was like, do you think that sometimes, you know, just, you know, everyone talks about the Gascoigne miss, but Darren Ander missed a big chart. And he was just going, yeah, no, no, no, yeah. And then I was just sort of like, yeah, it was just really a name chat. And I think we've got, almost definitely,

we were going to like Newcastle. It was a long journey. Do you know that the thing is? I could see that he was, and shout out by the way, because obviously he's no longer with us. He was so sweet and so sort of like, and I'm a big, I'm a football obsessive, I love football. At that time I was so fucking,

like just like, wow, Terry Venomals. It's like, now I look back and think, oh my God, that was it. The fact that he never at one point just went, mate, shut up. Yeah, do you want to just shut the fuck up? Close the paper. Yeah, I think every day about the fucking tactical

decisions I could have made, and I don't even want to listen to my fucking colleagues talk about that, let alone a guy who stinks of beer, who's eating a tuna baguette. Did it ever occur to you that I've got on the train today for a nice day out where I can spend one day not fucking thinking about that? And then you get on the train with your fucking life,

whatever it is you do, you fucking smelly prick. And also, your opening gambit on this train was you talking about the fact you don't like eating train food, so you brought a baguette from fucking somewhere else. Yet you've also eaten two sandwiches you brought on the train. Yeah. And by the way, when I heard you open with that, I thought this can only get worse. All I could think in my back of my head is I hope this fucking guy's not a football fan. Well, thank you so much, by by the way for helping me forget about Darren

Andikas for now on the biggest trauma I'm gonna have in my life is this fucking train journey with you. You lummox. Before you fucking start don't open those crisps because I can't handle that. And eventually when I do pass on and you read the obituaries in the newspaper just remember one of the things they won't put in there that they should do is fucking hated that twat he met on the train that day. And it feels very weird to turn around to a fucking 30-year-old and say, eat with your mouth closed. Right, Tomo, it's about that time, my G. Yeah, boy.

Do us the honour of taking us out. Sometimes in life you think wow I'd like a bodyguard. Someone would be there to look after me. Someone would put a nice warm shoulder, a Lynx written armpit just across my shoulder and just say I've got you, you're okay. It's weird though when we're looking for protection because sometimes there's protection just out there anyway. I'm talking about sunscreen. Sunscreen for me is something that's always there and always ever-resistant, always strong

and powerful, always there for you, but so many people don't use it. I want to remind you guys, when you're out there in the sun enjoying yourself, make sure to reach for the friend that you have in sun cream. This isn't sponsored by any specific brand, but look into different brands and what they do. Wear SPF. My barber said it to me the other day as he stroked my hair as he's finally taking it off with a pair of shears and he stroked my head and he said, brother make sure you use SPF. And that stuck

with me. So everyone listening today, I want you to remember the sun isn't fucking about as pleasant as it seems, as it shines upon your eyes and shines into your skin and makes you enjoy every barbecue and cold drink that you're having over these summer months. Remember, it's got a fiery side to it's got a lot of spite in it. And for that spite fight back with sunscreen. So that is today's message. Has something happened to you? Has something happened to you? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I was at a Barbie family party yesterday.

I didn't use any, so I've got a slight burning on the shoulder. I got burnt in Jamaica. Really? For the first time in my life when we did Romesh. You able to do any accent there? Is that? No. By the way, the Romesh, can I just say, my parents, and look, Mr. Ventures is brilliant,

they have not stopped going on. My dad is like, we've lost a relative that Mr. Ventures has stopped. It's insane. He's like, what, he's not just not gonna do anymore? He won't do anymore. He said, it's just a shallow Romesh thing where he said he's not gonna do anymore in about five years, he any more. He said, this is a shallow, Romish thing

where he said he's not gonna do any more in about five years, he goes, but I said, I don't know. I don't know. You went to see- Hold on, hold on, in my defense, if I say I'm not doing any more and then in five years I do another one, I don't think that's not the most embarrassing 180

that's ever happened, is it? No, it's not, well, I'll tell you, he'll be fucking happy. John Davis will be over the fucking moon if you do another couple. He's insane. I'm like, like look they're good shows a pretty with their eye opening he's funny the way he talks to people the way he listens he's got a good art and he knows he knows what people are like and when he goes I go mate

I can have a chill out. Oh mate, love it. Looking back to everyone at the family party with a fucking clip on the fucking arm. You've seen the misadventures that Ramesh does. And do you know one thing by the way, I know we've shot something there. One thing that drives me mad is when someone turns and goes, oh Ramesh, I really like him. Well you can't like him that much, you've got his fucking name wrong. Happens a lot. Happens a lot. Right Tom, I've got a

little treat for you go on JT can you play us out with dizzy by the wonder stuff of Vic Rees please oh thank you so much for listening guys it's been a laid-back one this Sunday morning. We're doing it on Sunday and also I'm leaving soon to do some Rob Lomash. But thank you so much for joining us. We'll see you next time. Take care of yourselves. I hope the Thought Guns haven't left you injured. Take care. Bye bye. Thank you people. If you have a problem, opinion, feedback or anything at all, please email us at wolfalpod.gmail.com.

That's wolfalpod.gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we don't have any content ideas. Thank you.