Wolf and Owl - S3 Ep 41: Art Shows & Scavenged Chips

Episode Date: July 31, 2024

We’re talking… being back on Zoom, Tom’s re-scheduled Scotland gigs, storytelling with Ally McCoist, Rom definitely not presenting a TV art show, more raw-dogging on flights, making albums, keeping positive, some miss-appropriated chips, not promoting the pod, a National Trust dog and pigeon fiasco, a chronic lack of privacy at home, getting into Skechers and being great a taking the piss. For questions or comments, please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod TikTok - @wolfowlpodcast YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch & Mailing List - https://wolfandowlpod.com A Shiny Ranga Production For sales and sponsorship enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Yo, what you want? Beak or jaws? Feathers or fur? Sharp teeth or feet with claws? Whatever's preferred They'll grant you all ass requests to steady your nerves Then podcast a body pass, get severed and served Bring your weak shit, wear the wolf and owler That ain't just a mistake, that's an awful howler Both of them are known to pull up at your shows Have the crowd witnessing the murder like they're rolling with a gang of crows Fuck their censorship, let em see the whole thing They stay dressed to kill, never sheep's clothing Dark enough to turn the sun to the moon, you'll see nothing All you hear's a huff and puff and a...

Expect killings, red spilling and flesh ripping Impressive innit, the death bringing its head spinning Just kidding, every word in this song's about two grown men Dressed up as a bird and a dog and we're in welcome to the wolf and owl welcome to the wolf and owl um hello and welcome to the wolf and owl podcast um it went so well in the studio we decided to go back to zoom so that's where we're at that's where we're at now this is the thing of now being in that uh little That's where we're at now. This is the thing of now being in that little, the last three days of the tour and then literally it'll be studio time baby, September.

It's gonna be so studio. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love being in the studio. Well, it's better, the podcast is better. I mean, we could hide that, but the fact of the matter is it's much better when we're face to face. The main downsides are having to get there and also that, and this is not a complaint, I don't want to stop doing this, but Spotify where we do it, they've got a massive selection of snacks.

Yeah, you hit those snacks up hard. No, did I? What did I have? You had that fudge thing? It was a fudge finger. It's like a little protein bar. Yeah, that's that's what I had that's all I had so this is a Another example of you going in two-footed early doors. No, no, no, but there was like donuts and stuff there I thought you that by the way shout out donuts Coughlin's

Coughlin, baby. Oh yeah, you sent me a very cute video. Mate, Grace. Of Grace eating a Ranga Yum Yum. We got a Ranga Yum Yum. Well, I got it for myself. I thought I'll give Grace a bit. She ate half of it.

She wharfed that down. They're quite big. Yeah, it's impossible to get it off her though. She loved it. It's kind of blown of mind now. I think you've really jumped up the rankings now you have confectionery and cakes within your mix. Really? Okay, that's good to know. Yeah, I think like, you know, you've become like, you know, you're more like the Willy Wonka sort of like in our house.

You've got sort of like, you know, that's the thing like, she can bring those out of school, that's her uncle Ron. Yeah, I mean we've both got a connection to Willy Wonka. Mine makes me no money and is raising money for charity. Yours has made you an international film star. So, you know, we've all got our own individual crosses to bear. Um... I think you're... I think, yeah, I think you're slightly, like, you're going a little crazy, like, with me, sort of, and the snacks there.

And I noticed the way that... You always do a thing when you give a little bit of banter that you've enjoyed. You're sort of, like... Your you you've enjoyed your sort of like your your facial erection is you sort of pick your teeth and smile you do this you're a you're a prick in scotland aren't you i've got to tell you man i love sc Scotland. It's good, isn't it? Mate, I genuinely, there's a vibe here. It's a very special place. Yeah.

I mean, Am I slightly agrees that I had to change the dates, couldn't do anything about it, family emergency and all that. But yeah, I mean, it feels that, yeah, some people had tickets, have sort of re-upped sort of tickets. I get it, it's summer holidays. But I can only imagine what it's something. Yeah, some people had tickets and sort of re-up sort of tickets I'll get it in summer holidays But um, I can only imagine what it's like for someone like yourself and those those theaters are absolutely packed and they're not putting down A curtain to try and make it look just busy You know if you move a day that always happens when I I did, I did like a massive run at the Apollo,

like on the, not the last tour, the tour before last. And that was the tour that got postponed by COVID. So like we had, I think we had a run of like, in the January after shows went back up, I think we had a run of like 10 shows at the Apollo or something like that. And where people had bought tickets, like because they'd already bought tickets in advance, obviously they bought tickets in advance, but they bought tickets well in

advance. And then tickets were like, then it was postponed again by another 18 months. So then what happened was we had a thing where like, the shows were sold out, but they're only the rooms are only 50 60% full because like one people have forgotten that they're people hadn't realized it had been rescheduled and then the other thing was is that some people are still not comfortable out coming out it's just such a bizarre time to be doing shows man it was so weird mate there's a situation at the moment where I'm generally quite worried that Edinburgh's the last show and I've sort of been Sofrancically anxiously messaging flowing the girls about it and there's a slight part of me that worries

You remember like the Premier League came back. Yeah, they started putting those sort of like cardboard cutouts of people People gonna come along and see like David Stevens sort of just sat in there in the crowd Danny Gorham and Ali McQuist. You know when they're working on that? That's right. I'll tell you what, there's one person I love in the audience is Ali McQuist. Coisty's an absolute G, isn't he? He's got a lovely laugh as well, man, Ali McQuist.

I think he's one of the best in the game, man. I just love him. I've got so much time. And when you meet him, you know how you meet some people? Coisty is an absolute jiva a human being Well, I mean he's not interested you what yeah, Ali McCoy's came on League of their own right and I think I don't fit Ali McCoy so mind me saying this but like that that guy's like an old-school pundit right like We saw so yeah, you know and Sometimes you sort of worry about those guys because they're coming onto a panel showing it's like a it's quite quick pace of it

Yeah, he ripped it like ridges surprised me and he didn't like my house about those guys because they're coming onto a panel show and it's like a, it's quite quick pace of it. Yeah. He ripped it, like ripped it. It doesn't surprise me. And he didn't rip it. I put my house, I put everything, everything I own on that. And he didn't rip it trying to go toe to toe. He ripped it just being Ali McCoy.

Do you know what I mean? Just like it was so good, man. It was, it was amazing to watch. Like I've got so much time for him. Have you read his book? No, I've not actually. So I haven't actually got that much time. Oh, he's a beautiful, he's a wonderful storyteller.

Wonderful storyteller. You know what, just every now and again, when we're talking, this thing happens, and I go, oh, I'm not having a real conversation. I thought I was having a real conversation. I know you are having a real conversation. I'm saying it for the quest. Yeah, but then you-

It's a phenomenal storyteller. But then you got sort of late night BBC Two and just sort of like, now suddenly I feel like I'm on a fucking discussion show. Mate, mate, mate, I'm not a late night, look I'm just telling you, I tell you if I was going to go late night BBC Two, you know who I'd deal with? Ali McQuist. He'd be called Storyville. It was just me and Questy.

Just kind of cigars, nice fucking leather back arm chairs. Just sat there. A pair of brogues each, him a pair of slacks, me probably a pair of sort of those new tracksuit bottoms that are tapered. Just laughing together. And we go, of course, just tell us a story, mate, for Christ's sake. And then you look online and people go, I don't understand why Tom's on this. You could have literally put it... this. That could be fucking pretty much said about anything where I've appeared as myself. Very, very much the opposite of Annie McQuist's League of Her Own fucking performances.

I watched Tom Davis on something and one of my biggest issues is he's just being him. We don't want that. He's a look he's he's he's an average actor. He's a fucking pillow cause himself I think I'm worried about the only person who has to text illegally to remind people I'm still in the industry to say I'm still going. Fucking look text to the studio go look I don't know. I know that you were called at the moment and my best friend fucking hosted it but just to let you know, I'm still around,

still doing bits. How you feeling about the show today, Rob? Yeah, yeah, good man, it's good. Look, quick one, Tom's just coming, Tom's coming today. Oh, have we booked him? No, no, he just wanted to pop along and sort of remind everyone that he's about. He's turned up with a tray of Coughlin' Donuts at Ellie Mcyster. He's also paid for an ice cream band to pull up at the

studio for everyone. Idris Elba did that this week for the people on Hijack 2. Yeah. There's a Hijack 2, what a way to find out there's a Hijack 2 via the ice cream band. It's crazy because I can't see how they're gonna do drop first. I wouldn't get a plane for a while if I was him after that. Yeah. Well, yeah, I think apparently from what I've been told, it's this if that's a spoiler, I don't know if that's openly knowledgeable. How did you find out? Just through sort of chat chatting to people in the business.

Okay. Well, then it probably isn't supposed to be disseminated. I do want to for a show that neither of us are involved in. Yeah, yeah, there you go. That's how little I have going on at the moment in my life is that I'm actually given spoilers for shows that I have nothing to do with.

So not only we- Actually, JT, you probably should beat that, just in case. Just do it. Yeah. Yeah. Can I take this opportunity to say, say Ranga B, the production company that I'm on with Ben, we're in the process of making an art show, a children's art show, right?

Yeah. You're hosting it, right? No. Okay, this is what I want to talk about. I'm getting a lot of abuse online for- Yeah, do you know by the way, I'm now getting fucking abuse online about this, but you do an art attack Yeah, I'm not doing can I just say this on the podcast? I am NOT doing art attack. I'm not replacing Neil Buchanan I'm not in the show. It's but it's being made by my product. It's not even art attack

They talked about it on Capitol radio every day. I got a message from Chris Stark. Can Jordan North be the head? You know that like bust that they had in Art Attack? Well, I'd be in the running for being a fucking bust if you're doing Art Attack. I'm not doing Art Attack. That's the thing. Yeah, but fuck, this is the thing, mate. It's fake news. Until you said this, mate, I even text you to congratulate you because it's all over the media. Until you said this, wait, I even text you to congratulate you because it's all over the media It's a far arguably right in a week We're fucking someone trying to assassinate one of the most powerful people on earth or manner of things are happening fucking around the fucking globe

Crazy things you were fucking snipping headlines from fucking being a new new Buchanan Yeah well What's really nice is I saw something on Facebook where it's like What's really nice is I saw something on Facebook where it's like Romesh rang an open to replace Neil Buchanan on and then remake of our token every comment was about how unwelcome that would be Almost without fail. Can I ask you something honestly as friends, right? Were you gonna replace Neil Buchanan and then you saw the

Tom Tom, you know Tom do not do this All right This is not like they've not wheeled me out like the original version of Sonic the Hedgehog and then decided to change it later on down the line, okay? I was never, we weren't making Art Attack. So, he needs some cardboard. Now, who would like to see me, Robert Franken-Eithen, turn his cardboard

into a silly, stupid brick wall? So, this is a very famous picture called the Mona Lisa but what I want to know is can you make it out of macaroni? Let's see. Also by the way we should pause because Neil Buchanan actually held that show together using whatever happened to Neil Buchanan? He had a beautiful spirit. I don't know there's a rumor that he was Banksy for a while, wasn't there? Really? Are you joking? No, there was a rumour.

This is what I've... Suddenly in your head that's become the truth now. There was a rumour that he's Banksy. Oh mate, it fucking makes a lot of sense. He completely vanished from fucking... No one saw him. He's a beautiful artist. He's an incredible artist.

No he is, you've got to mate. Why can't I just have a real conversation with you on this? The things that that man could do, you watched that. I think he was fucking phenomenally talented. He could have probably actually been one of our greatest artists, but he gave it up to work on Kids TV. Tom, Tom, Tom, how long have you been doing The Wolf and Elf for now? Three years. Three years.

Okay. And I'm going to ask you this question and I believe whatever you tell me now, right on these podcasts, have I been talking to the real Tom Davis or is this a character? Yes. You spent time with me as me. Yeah. But now I'm wondering if you're sort of Andy Kaufman in there and just sort of

be like, you've just become the, you know know, no, no, I've just been yeah Yeah, if you want we can recall after I got your brother by the way, who also liked me is a very chatty quite a Gregarious personality. Do you feel like it's possible that I mean you two are a lot more similar than you and me are Yeah, but me and him together is we're friends we get on but you need a Romesh and a Tom or Romesh and a Dick You can't hear he I he I made a video yesterday on the flight and I know that yeah I saw the video yeah he was just trying to get to yeah the real trucker one yeah what are the what are the what are the six month old trends are you gonna jump onto Mr. Finger on the Pulse? Art Attack maybe? I don't know. Something that fucking was extinct in 1997. Maybe I don't know. So that fucking music stint in 1997.

Maybe I'll try and rerun Bullseye like you did with the weakest link. Listen. Wow, this guy's on fire. Oh, can I just say, can I just say like my man Romesh has absolutely smashed the weakest link. No, you're incredible at doing it. But yeah, I actually thought Royal Dublin was still a thing. Catherine Ryan posted about it the other day. No, I mean, I'm taking the piss.. But yeah, I actually thought raw dogging was still a thing. Catherine Roy posted about the other day. No, I mean, I'm taking the piss. It is still a real thing. So anyway, back to what I would say is where was your flight?

Hold on, just just on the raw dogging thing. Yes, I was being unfair. Raw dogging is still a thing, right? Edinburgh, from Heathrow. So how long is that flight? An hour. Yeah, so that's not raw dogging. Okay, so how long is that flight? An hour yeah, so that's not raw dogging okay, we're talking about raw dogging is 30 30 now flight you don't do it. Are you gonna try raw dogs is talk online now if you wrote it's been a no

Did he actually all dog the flight no your brother just gets on a flight put sunglasses on and Whether he's asleep or awake. I don't know. He just doesn't really converse He's just very like he's Like that's where I'm like, oh like Dinesh is gregarious. He's quite loud. Am I even like You're both very gregarious. Yeah. Yeah, but I'm now yeah, there's a lot of gregarian going on Yeah, anyhow back to our attack because I was enjoying so you're so you're definitely not doing it That's a hundred percent who is gonna present it then? There is no, I can't get into details,

but I'm just gonna say to you, it's nothing like Art-Tac. It is a kids art show, but it's nothing like Art-Tac. And it's gonna be good. I'm glad that you're doing it, because I think, mate, this week, by the way, talking about art, me and Catherine, a little date afternoon, amazing, where we did some painting, we did the Jackson Pollock thing,

where you throw paint. Yeah. What a way to, but I should say like- What do you mean you did the Jackson Pollock thing? What do you mean? So you go and you do like that sort of, you know, we throw art at the canvas, throw paint at the canvas,

and it splatters and then you build up the paint, paint it into something. Yeah, I did that with Rob. Yeah, it's amazing, right? Yeah, it's really therapeutic. I mean, I don't know what I think of the finished article. Well, yeah, I mean, yeah. We had a couple of glasses of wine and at the end we had a bottle and a half.

But so at the end of it, I'm not sure. Did you keep your work? Well, we brought them, but yeah, we're not now, sure. I don't know when they turned up. We brought them because we'd had a lovely day with an amazing day that was incredible time to get some time together. But then, I'm not sure we were bored

by the fact that we had this lovely time, we were both a bit drunk. And then we were like, yeah, we'll take them both. I'm not sure. There's two places they could, they could either be going in the kitchen or they could be going in a room that no one ever goes in. Yeah, well can I just say,

take this opportunity to say I do not want them as a gift. Okay? Right, yours is so much art in your house. You're making big fucking moves into the music world. Well, you're basically now becoming like, you're a multi-faceted fucking entertainer. I'm barely a single facet entertainer, nevermind molten. You've got lockdown and fucking,

you've got this album you've been talking about fucking phrases right and i still think you should do it right because i think you're incredible i've actually got news i've actually got news about that oh yes go go go go well i mean it's very early days but an album is coming yes my god serious yeah you have to do it know what? This makes me more proud than anything else. Look, I was proud about you getting up. Let me say by the way, I should digress. It's a tough time. All you do is digress. I love a digress, baby. The industry's tough and you are in getting these commissions,

the art show and other bits you're doing, you're keeping people employed in this industry. It's just tough at the moment so I should salute you for that it's an incredible thing but I genuinely I text you the other day about it. You did actually, you're very nice. No no no but you know you're giving people employment that's important. It'd be nice to sort of reach out to people who really really care about you trying to get them employment on a big fucking panel show that you do but let's talk about that another time. The album thing right, I genuinely think this right, I've been doing a lot thinking because of, and you know this I'm not going to be turning to it, but you

know your life and stuff and you know for me and Catherine there's been quite a lot of sort of you know stuff happened recently where you start thinking about. Makes you reflect. Yeah, it makes you reflect the end and all that stuff. And actually, I genuinely believe if you were to get to the point where you met your maker and you'd never made an album or something you love and you adore, no matter what happens, even if it's just for yourself, right? And you just, you know, Lisa hears it, I hear it, some other people you care about hear it, right? Yeah, I think that you'd be more, I think you'd be devastated. I think that you have to do it for you.

And it makes me very proud. And I think it's an incredible thing. You're going to do it because it takes politics. Yeah. Well, it's good. Well, I'm not going to be on it loads. It's a concept thing. It's like a. Oh, for fuck's sake. Here we go. What?

I've just done this massive emotive. I'm not going to actually rap on it.. It's just some of my favourite songs. Don't fucking, don't nowatey to it mate. I'm fucking saying you're doing an album, you basically stick a load of, it's a fucking playlist. You've got to actually... No it's not a playlist. It's an album of new songs that I'm going to be on. Alright? So you're on the songs? Yes. Wow. Yeah. It's not just... You know what I'm thinking? I don't know which details to give. Anyway, guys. What I'm thinking now, I'd like to do a country album, but I don't know how it even gets started. First of all, become able to understand country as a genre would be my first step. Yeah, I know country music. I reckon I'd be pretty decent. I reckon I can hold a note with country music. Just riff a line now. Imagine like, I don't know, you're in Scotland

doing some shows, feeling a bit tired, looking forward to getting home to see your two ladies. Something like that, do you know what I mean? Yeah. The road from Scotland seems so long. And I'm gonna have to be strong. Cause this time next week, I'll be back at my house with the mice and this week

Maybe I think it's a little bit. Do you feel that mommy saying a little bit Michael Ball that delivery? But you know what you know, I'd like to throw myself into the tours over there another obsession Yeah, I'm considering like five- into it. The tour's over now, and I'd like another obsession. I'm considering five-side football, obviously back into the golf, but I need something else for my creative side. So something like, if any other country musicians are out there and think you could help me, it'd be great, Rom's gonna do this incredible rap out.

Well, hopefully he's gonna fucking actually rap with it. Do you know what I find slightly concerning about all this is that I would say, what is it, last week you and I basically put together the beginnings of quite a massive creative endeavor that is gonna take quite and now you're telling me that you've got two hobbies and you're looking for a third. Yeah but look I've got this a lot now with you I know that we're getting in the studio it's gonna be sick we're gonna do a big Christmas party by the

way it is happening gonna be absolutely. Next year I fucking get my arm around you, I go, Rum, we're going on tour baby, me and you together, well for now just two fucking broncos just hitting a fucking rodeo baby. Right, just sitting there laughing the whole time. Every time that we go quiet I just look at you we start laughing together right. Have you been drinking? Eating food? No, eating food. I'm just excited to be with you. Eating food. Also, I have quite serious ADHD. That wasn't even what I was talking about. I was talking about this idea that we had. That's going to take a while.

Oh yeah, that idea. But these are the day job, right? Right, okay. I would say you're doing it over and above. Yeah, you're doing Art Attack, right? I'm not doing it. I'm literally the opposite of what I've just been saying. You're doing all this other stuff, right? And then you're also writing an album, right? And I know you. I know that the album will be... But at one point you were doing a comic book. You do sick shit. I'm like that. I need to get some other stuff going.

I think I've let my music game fucking die as well. I don't think my finger's not on a pulse enough anymore. Oh, God. I feel like I'm at a club at 2am. I'm charged this morning as well. I woke up this morning. You are so charged. Yeah, but you know what it is? It's like when I start feeling down sometimes I have to fight that with a positive vibe. So I spoke to Catherine and Grace this morning, felt a little bit sad, got up, did 100 press ups, 100 squats, went for a three mile walk, had breakfast and then I got on this. That is good., come. That is good, I like it. Yeah, but I have, this is how I keep the positivity.

And I'll be like this now till Tuesday when I get home and they'll have a massive crash. Yeah, and that'll be sweet for the girls to see. That'll be nice for Catherine and Grace. It'll be nice for Grace to come downstairs and see. As the plane touches the tarmac, Rob's self esteem, Tom's self esteem goes Rob. Rob! Sorry. Fucking hell, shit. Fuck, do you know what, do you know why I did that? As the plane touches the tarmac, Rob's self esteem, Tom's self esteem goes Rob. Rob?

Sorry. Fuck, no shit. Do you know why I did that? Because I did yesterday, two solid hours, no, two and a half hours of promo for Rob and Romesh Verses with Rob Onslaught. And it was like, you've done that, haven't you? We're like, basically, it's not the fault of the

journos but you're being asked exactly the same questions. The same thing over and over again. Yeah, and then sometimes I do feel like a bit of a fraud on those because you're sort of watching each other say the same things over and over again. The difference between that and this is that when we do it on here I don't remember and then it goes out to JT and then he says oh you said you've told each other this story and if you're acting like you never heard it before. Yeah so when we did like when we did one cut we had this thing where I told once told that story about falling

through the Marshmallow Bridge. Did you fall through the Marshmallow Bridge on one cut? That was kind of one story that everything I went on, that's all they... I know I had other stories. Yeah, I know you did. No one wanted that. You're one of our country's greatest storytellers. But that's all that people wanted. And even if I start telling another story, some will go,

well, I think what everyone wants to hear about is... Well, I think we know who you're... ...Marshmallow River. I think we know who you're talking about. Can I say, I've got to be very tentative around this because I don't want to offend anyone. on. We had a thing this week, we went to a National Trust house, near you actually, Waycast. Oh yeah, I've got Waycast a lot. They've got the Wallabies. Yeah, and they've got the big house and all that stuff. Great, great guys. But we went with some sort of new friends of ours. What? We are, you know, like, sort of friends, you know, kids of sorts in my age. We you so sorry, let's get straight with your new friends, you came

to wake us, which is by the way, about 20 minutes from my house. Right? Yeah, but you were at work. How do you know? Yeah, because you're always at work. I know I'm not gonna text you on the fucking, on a Friday and go, what are you up to? And you go, I'm on my own actually, mate. You're like, were you at home Friday? Yes. Yeah, but you'd have had to bring Charlie along

and it'd be weird, he'd have been like 10 years older than fucking Grace and the other kid. Right. Grace is minus one. Right. Okay, right. Eight years, anyway. All right. So these are people people don't know that well.

We're out and we sort of all sit down to have some food with the kids and you know, kids are fussy eaters. And the woman that we're with basically like their kid says that they want chips and she didn't order chips. But someone at the table next to us had left some chicken gouga and some chips, right? And sort of without missing a beat, she was chatting away and the kids got in. She went, oh, we'll get you some chips. And then she leant over and she pushed the chips from this plate onto the kids' plate

and then put the plate back on the table right and I was like I looked at Catherine and sort of we looked at each other as if yeah but there was like no reference to it and I like even now I'm just like it blew my fucking mind it was like what the fuck are you talking about? It's insane That did not happen and mate I swear and a kid look I'm really worried about saying this by the way because during this time as well, you know There was a mention of the podcast and they were like, oh we'll have to give it a listen So I'm a little bit right now. Yeah, this will be but yeah, I can't not say why you mentioned Why did you mention the podcast by the way

Well, you know I mentioned it one because we've been doing this as you said for three fucking years You're arguably one of the biggest fucking stars that you're a national fucking treasure I'm not doing too bad for myself and people still don't know we do a fucking podcast Yeah, but the way to counteract that is not to promote it via people you happen to fucking bump into No, we were no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, okay, so we're doing something wrong that you've you love Ramesh, you sort of know me personally, but you still have no idea we're doing a fucking podcast. What is it that what is it that we are doing wrong? Because that is a that really is a problem, isn't it? I mean, certainly, I think and I think, I think I know what you're getting at. And

look, it's something that we've not sort of said out loud, because we're very good friends. And I know you feel uncomfortable about saying this but I think it's fair to say you don't think I promote the podcast enough. I don't think either of us do. Okay. In the fucking, in all of the interviews I did for Wonka which at the time was the biggest film in the world, I didn't want to talk about the podcast, you know.

Yeah, it was never brought up but I should have just like, I should have worn a t-shirt or what's that? And it all fair to say I fair to try and wear a cap. But anyway, I don't grass. Yeah, that's too much. So yeah, so so now we're just I don't think I listen to this if they do obviously. latest episode and they can get this little rundown of the sort of things that we do on here, which is pretend pretend that

we're having a real social engagement someone while just vampireing a load of fucking material for this podcast. No, but what would you have done in that situation? I wouldn't have done anything, but like you know if that's what they want to do that's what they want to do, but it is a red flag. It's a red flag. It's strange. Other people, this is the other thing, other people on other tables saw what happened Right, and then they're looking at us like all like we're the same. We've all been lumped into this this this scenario Yeah, it's like with any sort of disgusting social interaction people are looking at us going like

You just have you're abling that kind of behavior. Yeah enabling. Do you do you I mean the other the other issue is My by the way, my laptop is like as I'm talking to you It keeps getting fit like fuzzy like a TV that's not tuning in properly. Really weird I need to replace this MacBook man. This is like this thing is like would you do an ad for Apple and get a new one? I think enough people know about Apple don't they? I don't think I think if Apple were looking to raise their profile They're not coming to two guys have just spent the whole of the last ten minutes on how they can't promote the podcast itself properly Apple listening to that guy and I do know what I think these are the guys who could take us to the next level

Apple listening to that going, I do know what? I think these are the guys that can take us to the next level. Look at the pair of fucking losers. What do you mean? The fat guy from Wankron, the guy who's doing ArtTech. What do you think was, because a lot of people say it was the... You mean the fat guy from Wankron, the kids' painter? A lot of people are saying that the constant reiterations of the iPhone with not real substantial changes

is the reason that Apple fed it. No, no, no. We've actually pinpointed it to one moment. It was when one of you guys at Apple Marketing said, should we do a Wolf and Al read? But yeah, I felt quite judged within the scenario. I felt judged at Wakehurst, but it was slightly our fault. The kids were at school a few weeks ago and Lisa and I just decided to go for a little

Are your members there by the way? Yeah, so we decided to have a little toddle round Wakehurst. You're getting that sweet free parking, yeah? Yeah, is that what you get? Do you have to pay for parking otherwise? Yeah. How the other half live. Anyway, so we had a little, Lisa and I took the dogs, had a little wander around Wakehurst.

Kept them on the lead? There's quite a lot of you've got to keep them on the lead, right? Well, this is the point of contention. We did keep them on the lead. If we're somewhere like that, we'll keep them on the lead the whole time because they're very friendly,

but obviously people don't, not everyone likes that, do they? So anyway, we went to get some- I can imagine you and Lisa swigglin' along with you. I bet you had matching those matching dry robes on. No, we did not. The dry robe phenomenon is something I cannot get my head around, man.

Anyway, let's not get into that. So, we were sat down had a little like got a couple of drinks and stuff and got IV in red gear doggy ice cream each and then they're on the lead and we're sort of holding them like quite gently and having a chat and then IV saw a pigeon and like just bolted and bolted so quickly that Lisa lost like lost the lead right so she just like went so quick she got away and then started chasing this pigeon around the around like the little seated area outside the cafe right yeah and we start going after Ivy and obviously when dogs are distracted like that

They just don't give a shit right so other were there other dogs there. No, we were the only ones with dogs there, right? Anyway, judging crowd. Yeah, that's a reason. So after about I would say 30 seconds, but it was a long 30 seconds. I'd be kind of calms down and comes back over to us as As Ivy comes back to us this sort of group of sort of slightly elderly people behind us just go, you just must keep the dog under control for goodness sake. And sort of, and then the other people around kind of nodded in agreement. And then Lisa and I just sort of sat like fucking pariahs for the rest of our job. I said to Lisa let's just finish these up and go as quickly as

possible because we are the fun. Well you left after finishing them anyway right? Yeah we were going to but we hurried up and then left the park, like left the area completely. Well that's brought our experience to an end. Number one what an elated rush for Ivy. I can only imagine what it's like for her. It must have been incredible. Like you said, 30 seconds, it must have been absolutely mind blowing, just being free to take the pictures.

The best 30 seconds of her day, a long stretch, of her mother. I like, Grace was like that when she's chasing, Grace, by the way, was chasing stuff around. I mean, we didn't get asked to judge there, but to be fair, we were walking around with people who were eating scraps on plates. But I do think, it is a place, say look I like National Trust shout out National Trust but

I always feel that there's quite there's an air of snobbery to it right? There's a lot of people who walk at the National Trust who don't look down. What do you mean? When they walk and they won't even look at the floor. Right yes yeah. I always think that's that's a show of affluence you live in a nice area you don't worry about dog shit. Do you know what I mean? Like you're not worried about what you might step in. Yeah, you're saying it's a social status indicator. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

If I walk around, say Marlborough, you walk around Marlborough, no one put, I walked someone, walked through dog shit the other day, they didn't even know they walked through dog shit. I don't think dog shit's as much of a thing now, is it? It's there, man, it's there. Is it? Yeah, yeah. It's still knocking about, man. It's still knocking about. You see, not as much of a thing now, is it? It's there, man. It's there. Is it? Yeah, yeah.

It's still knocking about, man. It's still knocking about. You see, not as much. When we were kids, there used to be loads. Oh, mate, the whole, mate, it was like a fucking thin layer of dog shit everywhere where we grew up. It's a sheet, like a film of dog shit over my estate.

Yeah, but now, yeah, it's not quite as, there's still dog shit alleys, if you look hard enough. There's still like in every town, and there's an alley that people go down. Dogs have a shit, piss and all that. I had a bit of an incident at Victoria train station. Well, this wasn't me not looking down, but the guy got really fucked off.

And I understand why you got yourself fucked. You're getting to a place where you probably don't have to look down. You're doing really well for yourself. So you could probably start thinking about not looking down. Really? Am I being spoken to by Star of Wonka, man who sold his format to Will Arnett? Is that who I'm talking to? It's just difficult to figure out what the hierarchy is here.

You're rebooting Art Attack. You're not just rebooting Art Attack. I am not rebooting Art Attack. You're not just rebooting Art Attack. Why am I not rebooting Art Attack? You're taking Art Attack and you're fucking going, this was good, but I can do it better. Oh God, that is not what's happening. Poor Neil Buchanan, man. Fuck, he's out there, fucking. He's basically giving people so much joy with the Banksy stuff as well. It's nothing to do with Neil Buchanan, it's nothing to do with Art Attack. All right. What's going to happen is they're going to...

I mean that's what I'm trying to say by the way, if Neil Buchanan's come out of Art Attack and you're doing a fucking very similar format, you've got to be careful there man, because Buchanan will come after you. It's not a similar format. It's not a similar format, okay, it's completely different. Dear God, why did I bring this up? Anyway, I was stood in Victoria You know like where their screens are with the trades departures and where a lot of people have the size their podcasts Yeah, yeah, no, it's good. I've seen almost all of pretty much every podcast by all the other ones. Yeah Yeah off menu parent in hell in a Laura's one. Yeah, all the other big ones. We've got yeah, it's just that Yeah, we should start flooring at Burger King. I think let's start by mentioning it on things other than the podcast

I mean that'd be that would be a good first step So I'm looking up and as I'm walking backwards to get like a bit of a better sort of view Um, and I stumble and behind me is a dog Right So i've just sort of stumbled over this dog. I've turned around i've gone. Oh, sorry this guy Absolutely, fucking unloaded on me What the fuck are you doing? You fucking idiot? Will you watch where you're fucking going you prick? Did the dog will yell?

In pain no, I didn't step on the dog, but I just what happened was the dog. I mean it could have been bad Time that's yeah. Yeah. Yeah little ting ting can I say by the way that the was the guy who had the dog? What was he like? Just give me a rundown. It didn't look like I didn't look like a dashing donor I would say you know like quite I would say almost punky in his side this isn't about you as much as you might think yes what do you mean this is the animosity he has for the dog he didn't want that dog he has to walk around yes no he wanted he wanted a bigger dog or he wanted another dog so he has no doubt he hates the fact he's got this small dog

and so he sort of it's like a guy with a small dick he's sort of throwing out this anger i've got to say he did have very small dog energy yeah yeah but that's that's like someone that's a loved one who's decided they wanted a small dog he wanted an Alsatian or something like that and he's got this dog so but then he feels overly protective about it because he thinks people are judging him the way he judges himself about having a small dog God that's so dark. Yeah, that's life brother. That's life. I had a cakewalk Hello, it's me Jessica napp it and Brand new podcast alert. I've got a new show for you. It's called Perfect Day. And yeah, you've figured out the premise

already, haven't you? Because you're so smart and because it's obvious. Every Thursday, I interview a guest about what constitutes their perfect day. So if you like hopes and dreams, fantasies and sweet memories, you're going to love this stuff. Ah, we have got so many lovely, funny, nice people on. Your Ramesh Ranganathan's, your Dolly Alderton's, your Jamali Maddox's, Arabella Wearsh's doing it. Don't worry about the quality of the guest. Just worry about when you're going to listen to it. Or don't worry about when you're going to listen to it. Or don't worry about when you're going to listen to it, just actually listen to it. See you soon. Jess Knapp here, signing off, wishing you a perfect day. Perfect day on all your favourite podcast platforms. Can I ask you a very personal question and you're quite, I'm quite happy for you to

refuse to answer this. How regularly do you have sex? Yes, not, not. Why did you smirk? I think, yeah, I think you get into a bit of a rut when it comes to... It is... well, I'd love to get into a rut. I've not seen a rut for months. I've got to tell you, I've got to tell you, it is becoming a problem in this house. Wow. What, for everyone? Just for you and Lisa? The kids are going, are you two two gonna give each other one or not? In what sense is it from both of you are well our kids go to bed later now, yeah, of course, yeah Yeah, that's an issue. Yeah, they also

Don't mind wandering into our room whenever yeah the other night one of them wondered in looking for phone charger. It was about 1130 at night and After he walked out I said to Lisa I Don't think I'm gonna get an erection in this room for about 12 months now Yeah, because the the thoughts of one of my kids walking in Yeah, but Tom yeah, we have got a lock on the door But what do you think happens when a kid goes to their parents' bedroom door and the door's locked? Yeah.

Like, do you know what I mean? They're not thinking, oh, they must be discussing politics. Do you know what I mean? Like, it's just, it's difficult. We've got two of you up that doesn't sleep, so it's like, you can get into bed and it's all like, right, we might get three hours of sleep here, so literally, literally like you're rushing.

Can't waste that. But no, you're like literally just literally just let's, you know, you're fucking, you know, it's insane. It's like, but also we're at a situation now where we're like, I don't know if you had this with your kids, we're like, we need to sort of start having dates and doing stuff as it's just a pair and doing nice thing. That's what we went out this week. It was like, you need to start going like, what do we need to sort of start having dates and doing stuff as it's just a pair and doing nice thing That's what we went out this week. It was like you need to start going Like what we need to focus on the connection between like it doesn't help look man you out on tour

You know this you're touring you're working you're away from home Your routine goes out the fucking window and you start to go right actually, you know We need to pay this a bit of attention between the two of us and start planning nice things that we can do You know as a three but as a two as well at times like Grace, I mean, great, arguably Grace likes being with her grandparents more than she likes being with us. But yeah, but you do feel that that loss and what's nice to know is that it's not, you know, that could be something that lasts till the kids are fucking, what was the year on there? 40? It's like, yeah.

Nearly 15, yeah. I mean, I'm guessing it's not Theo going into your room for a charger no but um but Theo is you know he's got an awareness of what happens hasn't he yeah he's got an awareness of what happens but also he he's probably not going in your room like yeah you you've got almost the three generations of it so it's like but I guess you're yeah yeah god but I don't even think about the locker room So I just thought you'd lock the room in it be Yeah, I mean we room but I mean like by the way that you can have to be living Well, I told this story that there was a lock on the door of this the bedroom in one of captain

I'm a bedroom before we moved in which we had to see I've told the story we had to knock down because of the situation with grace locking itself into that room. But yes, we don't have a lock in a, you know, in a room, I guess. But I didn't think of the fact that kids would go, Oh, it's locked for that. Yeah. Well, you know, just imagine this, you go up to your parents bedroom door, look at it from their point of view, you

go try get in the doors locked locked and you sort of hear this kind of wheezing like your father's dying. You know I don't want that in my kids psyche. I don't want them to have that. Have you at least thought about having a little night away somewhere together? Yeah we have actually we have but then it puts a lot of pressure on it doesn't it? Then suddenly you're like yeah you know then suddenly you're getting about to that time. Don't talk like that. What are you thinking? Look, I actually weirdly think that voice is sexy.

Should we let the food settle for a little bit? You know what you could do? The day you get into your art is you could paint Lisa. Actually paint her? No, no, no, you could paint her but you could just say why don't you kick back babe, kick off your shoes, kick off your sketches darling. I want to paint your boat. Oh, you've gone in on Lisa there as well now.

No, I just noticed that the sketches have become a bit of a thing. The sketches are actually, is it right, is it okay to say the sketches look sort of cool now? I don't know if they're cool, but yeah, actually to be fair didn't leave her on the road trip. Jamie had a few cool pairs on Yeah, I know you got a few although you apparently you were thirsty for three pairs of sketches of Joe You were saying that I think you'll find that the guy for sketches has been incessantly fucking texting me about sketches And I'm still having and I'm not a man who tried to take a fucking freebie Yeah, my dad loves him my My dad's obsessed with them. Jim, Jim the driver, where's him?

Went for a walk with Jim this morning. He was in a pair of sketches. You went for a walk with Jim the driver this morning? Yeah, and Dinesh. All three of us. Hold on, why is Jim with you? Jim's up in Scotland. He's doing the run with us. Jim the driver is doing the run with you in Scotland. He wanted to come back. I thought it was nice to remember the Scottish guy on the fucking tour. It's a nice vibe in being here with us.

It's a good it's a good fight. Jim is with you now. Yeah, he's downstairs. You brother Jim who couldn't do any of the jobs for me this week and wouldn't tell me why. Jobs for you. You're away on holiday this week. That's why we did a podcast. Yeah, I know. Next week. I am. I just did a TV show. He's only just three days. He only came up here last night. That must be something. It must

be something else going on with. Yeah, it must be a weird, weird way to find this out. But Jim, goodbye. I'll break his poor heart. Don't do that to him. I'll break his poor heart. Don't do that to him. That'll be good. Goodbye, Jim. Look, man, let me just say, by the way, we did an hours walk this morning, I reckon, for at least 45 minutes, we were talking about how amazing you are. I know, actually, we all love you. I don't know. Well, it's a nice, it's a nice energy.

It's not a nice, it's like a church church sort of sermon all about you. We can if we weren't t shirts of you. It was like and he by the way, he was like the the minister of it. He really fucking Yeah, he said some lovely things as did your brother. The good thing about that is it's nice for him to have memories. Goodbye, my friend. Oh, Jim. So you take it because poor Jimmy like, yeah, he takes things Fred

Because poor Jimmy, yeah He takes things very seriously, and he's a very earnest sweet man, but I know you'll be this I know how me so you can be I'm ready say I ready say text me on the radio when I was doing the radio to show you said I read it, he texted me when I was doing the Radio 2 show, I read it out. Oh did you? Yeah, he said he'd text me about it. By the way, can I say, still waiting to be asked, we had just about everyone else on that Radio 2 show apart from me. Well you've got nothing to promote, so I didn't think you'd want to bother. Well I've got a special coming up soon.

Okay, well come on, do you want to come on? Well of course I want to come on. Well first of all, I'd love to know know have you listened to even a minute of it? Yeah, I listened to one of Beckett was on for his funny. This is the other day we have my key role of all that was three Months ago. Well, I listened to John that was my very first show You didn't listen John, please. I know you didn't listen how I know you didn't listen John, please Okay, because you text me asking what happened with John Cleese John Cleese, okay? Because you text me asking what happened with John Cleese? How did the interview go? As if it's not publicly available. I watched the video back. Right. You watched the clip that I put on my Instagram.

Yeah. By the way, your show is four hours long. Well there we go, it's three hours long. Yeah, but you're out half hour each side to fucking like get the radio warmed up and chill and fucking get to the radio Not to the grip digest all this entertainment Yeah, we had with Perry on yesterday Perry For the whole three hours no, you really haven't listened to this fuck A tune in a half for the guests by the way way, you know I'm really jacquie. I don't, I don't, you don't have to listen to me.

No, but by the way, I'm aware that, I mean, it's a Saturday morning. It's not my, yeah. I'm usually crazy. I'm saying, I don't, because sometimes I've started to get into this situation now where I'm starting to become paranoid that people are taking me seriously. Can I just say I do not take you seriously at all. I don't take any part of you seriously By the way, I one of my favorite things is the angst of you I love the angst of you

No, I need to get rid of it man. If you get rid of it, I'm gonna tell you know I don't think no because we look at the fire that I can't do sweet fucking me And if you become too fucking like oh too te a friendship. We're not gonna have a friend that... I can't do sweet fucking meandering. If you become too fucking like, oh, too tepid, it's not gonna be for me. I like the fucking, the dickhead you. I love it when you give shit. You're the best person in the bi... I know, in my whole life, to give fucking... Rinse someone and take...

I enjoy when you take the piss out of me. So many people don't do it anymore. I'm like, it's so much fun. I love it when you give me shit on text. I love it. I love it. I love to be in a relationship with you right well I don't really know at times where I stand and that's a beautiful thing because it makes me want to love you more. As you said, abuse, very close to abuse which is what that is. I don't know, but I love that. Not knowing where you stand with someone. I think we have a very healthy relationship. I think we do too but can can I take some pictures of you?

But there's a lovely little fucking zip, right? There's a little bit of ice here, but there's a little bit of sweetness there. It's a three course meal, baby. And it's one I love digesting three or four times a week. What the fuck is going on with me? Oh my god. Right, Tomo, it's about that time, I tell you. OK, and you do us the honor of taking us out. Savory and sweet.

Hmm. Nice and neat flavors from around the world. Truth of the matter is, you can delve into some chips every day, seven days a week and enjoy that sweet blend. Sometimes just enough so maybe a little bit of ketchup, maybe ice cream sundaes is your flavour. Every day after you have your dinner, you delve into one, a banana split, some strawberry sauce on the top of it.

Truth of the matter is no matter what is your flavour, no matter the thing that you love and adore the most, at some point you'll become ordinary, normal. You can rinse just about anything in the world if you taste it too much. The truth of the matter is variation is the key. So every time you have some chips, think, oh shit, maybe I'll put some chicken goujans with that. Maybe let's try some of that sweet sweet spice. Maybe have some aubergine. What's aubergine?

I've never tried it before. There's life, baby. Try something new. Be brave in your frontiers. And that's not just about the flavours you pick. It's in with the people that you keep, the company in which you keep, the arms in which you have around your shoulders, the hands in which you hold, the high fives in which you give. See, quite a lot of the time, we've become a deck of cards. I've got the same hand each and every day. I'm too scared to twist. Yeah, I know for my well-being and to win the hand I truly must. And that's the thing with friendship. Sometimes it's good to stick, but sometimes it's good to go, yo, I might have a flush, but four of a kind could be nice.

Lay down, pick up, and you might just win a little bit more. And that, that's the lesson of life, baby. If you ever wondered what it would sound like to listen to Donald Trump if he was British and ending a podcast, how's that question answered? Song to take us out. I don't know if you like punk Tom, but there's this bad song more hate punks and all everything that happened with you

There's a band called Soft play these people to slide. Oh, I've seen you or I'll be with you and Robbie Williams first person about that same time I really they did an album called heavy jelly. It's just fucking great. There's a song on it about binges Which is so funny, but punk's dead is a song on there that JT could you play us out of it. It is heavy, I'm going to tell you that now. So, it's like, if you like it you'll love it. And guys, remember, coming soon to TV near you, Robert Schrenker Nathan is... Out of the Tech. Okay, oh God.

Bye. Bye! If you have a problem, opinion, feedback or anything at all, please email us at wolfalpod.gmail.com. That's wolfalpod.gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we don't have any content ideas. Thank you. Hello, it's me, Jessica Knappett and here, here, hereppett and brand new podcast alert. I've got a new show for you. It's called Perfect Day and yeah, you've figured out the premise already, haven't you? Because you're so smart and because it's obvious. Every Thursday I interview a guest about what constitutes their perfect day. So if you like hopes and dreams, fantasies and sweet memories, you're going to love this stuff. Ah! We have got so many

lovely, funny, nice people on. You're Ramesh Ranganathan's, you're Dolly Alderton's, you're Jamali Maddix's, Arabella Weirshe's doing it. Don't worry about the quality of the guest. Just worry about when you're going to listen to it. Or don't worry about when you're going to listen to it, just actually listen to it. See you soon. Jess Knapp here, signing off, wishing you a perfect day. Perfect day on all your favourite podcast platforms.