Wolf and Owl - S3 Ep 9: Friday Bonus & Self-Haircuts

Episode Date: February 9, 2024

It’s Friday and it’s bonus episode time! First up, a chat about Jim the driver and a TikTok food reviewer controversy (sorry, more TikTok). Then moving onto your emails, we give a very long answer to a questions about cutting your own hair. Thanks for all your messages - keep them coming at [e-mail] Instagram - @wolfowlpod TikTok - @wolfowlpodcast YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch & Mailing List - https://wolfandowlpod.com/ A Shiny Ranga Production For sales and sponsorship enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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No bank appointment needed. It's easy and only takes a few home. With Questrade, you can open an FHSA online. No bank appointment needed. It's easy and only takes a few minutes. The sooner you get started, the more time your down payment has to grow. Open an account today at questrade.com. Yo, what you want? Beak or jaws? Feathers or fur? Sharp teeth or feet with claws? Whatever's preferred They'll grant you all last requests to steady your nerves Then podcast the body parts, get severed and served Bring your weak shit, wear the wolf and owler That ain't just a mistake, that's an awful howler Both of them are known to pull up at your shows

Have the crowd witnessing a murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows Fuck the censorship, let them see the whole thing They stay dressed to kill, never sheep's clothing Dark enough to turn the sun to the moon you'll see nothing all your ears are huff a puff and expect killings red spilling and flesh ripping impressive in it the death bringing his head spinning just kidding every word in this song's about two grown men dressed up as a bird and a dog welcome to the world for now We've got a bonus for you. Two things. Yo, yo.

Two things I want to talk to you about very, very quickly before we start. One, this tour is messing with my sleep patterns. There is a time when 9.25, when we're doing this, would be so late in my day because I've been up since six or whatever. I got up half an hour ago. I don't know what's going on, man. Really? Yeah. Yeah, I've got a toddler, so I was up at six or whatever i got up half an hour ago i don't know what's going on man really yeah man yeah i've got a toddler so i was up at six when my kids come in and like i sort of i'm like fucking what's his name from charlie and the chocolate factory

the uncle grandpa joe i'm like grandpa i'm like grandpa because their kids come in and talk to me i'm just bedridden and get out it's just like hey man how's it going you alright I struggled to get out of bed this morning I was in Brighton gigging last night and it took me and Jim hours to get home because the roads were all fucked so it was like a storm

actually we went for quite a romantic walk last night before the gig hold on a second hold on a second I need to sort this out because there's an issue here so Jim drove you back from the gig hold on a second hold on a second I need to sort this out because there's an issue here so Jim drove you back

from the gig last night yeah Jim that said he was unavailable to take me home from the one show last night that Jim

no Jim drove me all day I should say contextualised Jim drove me into Portsmouth so hold on Jim

Jim that was supposed to be with me yesterday no no no that Jim he had that Jim he had the choice hold on the Jim that plays golf with you that was supposed to be with me yesterday. No, no, no. That gym. He had... That gym.

He had the choice of... The gym that plays golf with you. The gym... Actually, I should say now. Are you... The gym that I've been getting... Are you planning on using the gym on Monday or Tuesday

because me and him are trying to get a game of golf in? This is the problem with me not being a social butterfly like you. It's that now I'm getting people don't... Now, Jim said to me, he was very cagey about it. He said, it's going to be someone else on Monday. Because I can't do it.

Tuesday, Tuesday. He was with you Monday. He said he had a lovely day with you Monday. Wow. But, right, listen. So, me and Jim decided that we'd get to Brighton early. I don't want to hear about

that fucking turncoat, all right? We had this beautiful walk down the marina, just chatting together. Never had a walk with you. Never had a walk with him. Have you ever asked him?

He's actually, he'd love that. He loves walking. I know he loves walking, but he always does the walking when I'm in doing the thing. So like when he drops me off somewhere. Yeah, but when do you get out?

Do you ever get out of the thing and go, hey, do you want to go Do you ever get out of the thing and go, hey, do you want to go around and pound the streets together? No, I don't do that, no. It's partly my responsibility. I was like, we got there early. I said, let's have a little pound down the old marina, mate. He'd never been there before.

He was like a wide-eyed puppy. You know, when you sort of take a first take a puppy to a park and it blows their mind. Wow, what a great way to describe him. And as we're walking along the marina, we have a great chat to describe him and as we're walking along the marina we have a great chat having a lovely time

but then this is really heartbreaking and this will get you mate we get to we're about to go into the big wall that you walk out on Brighton Marina

where you go into the sea it's closed because of storm damage yeah I mean you know me quite well don't you did you think I was going to find

that heartbreaking no I thought you'd be like I fucking have to say does anybody get hurt no no I don't think so well I think you know in the grand scheme of things

it feels like quite a minor doesn't it I'm more heartbroken by this fucking ongoing love story I'm going to take this opportunity now to say Jim

it's been a pleasure to ride with you as I have done yeah but I'm going to take this opportunity now to say, Jim, it's been a pleasure to ride with you, as I have done. I'll tell you what, right? In a relationship, in a relationship, Rom, you don't just give up on stuff. This is where you get it wrong, mate.

You've got to make more of an effort to do nice things. I've got very hard and fast rules about that. I've been betrayed. It's over. Oh, for fuck's sake. Look, if this isn't rom-com, right, and in a moment you're being played by, I don't know, fucking Paul Rudd, right,

and I'm like Seth Rogen or Kevin Hart, right? It's like... I would love, if we ever got to a point where they did a film about us, right, if we ever, I mean, that would never happen, but if they did a film about us, right, if we ever, I mean, that would never happen, but if they did a film about us, The Wolf and Owl, the movie,

if they got Kevin Hart to play you, I actually think I'd be fucking delighted. I assume I'd be dead. That's the only way I'd allow for something like this to happen. But, Right, so,

and then let's just say that Jim is being played by Margot Robbie, right? It's like, it's a situation where, I'm becoming a casting director like

no but you're like oh for fuck's sake what's going on right but actually what you should do is go oh wait there

Jim adores you Ron with all of his heart and his soul he talks about you in an affectionate way like he does about any of his

kin or his children right he literally would do anything for you, right? I think you would make him say... Except for take me home from the one show. Look, I mean, financially for Jim, it's a bigger day for him to take me to Portsmouth. Can I just be clear? Because I don't want to get fucking attacked for this. And I certainly don't want Jim to get thrown under the car that he uses to drive everyone else apart from me. But it is,

it does, it does actually make, I am aware that it does make sense. However, it is a dagger. Yeah. It's a small dagger to my heart. Yeah.

But what I'm saying, Rob, do you know what could work for you? Yeah. Is if you said like maybe doing so social with Jim, like having a tickle fight or like. What is it with you and tickling? You talked about tickling me awake the other show.

The show. I don't know. The way that I describe this as a show. Welcome to the show. Fucking hell. I don't think the word show has been misused more aggressively in history. I just think there's a world where you could do that for Jim. Yeah, okay.

All right. Jim, if you're listening. Did you get him a Christmas present? Did you get him a Christmas present? Yeah. Okay. All right, Jim, if you're listening, did you get him a Christmas present? I did actually. Oh, good. Did you get him a Christmas present? Of course I did.

Yeah. And what'd you get him? I get nearly everyone that I've sort of met in fucking over a year. I get a Christmas present. Okay. What'd you get Jim for Christmas? A nice bottle of whiskey. That's actually quite nice.

It's nice. What did you give? I got him, uh, I actually, some old CDs of his favourite singers. I actually gave him a signed copy of my book. Are you joking? Of course I'm joking.

Of course. Can you fucking imagine? What would I do? If I had given him a signed copy of my book for Christmas, what would you think? Genuinely. Yeah, but this is what I'm saying about Jim. He's such a nice guy.

Jim would have gone, Hey, thanks, Rom. That's great. Oh, that's really nice. I can't about Jim he's such a nice guy Jim would have gone hey thanks Rom that's great oh that's really nice I can't believe Jim is driving you around man like you described him as a fucking puppy

seeing a marina for the first time like he's fucking grown up in a cave and now that impression of him like that's the only Scottish voice I can do

right that's the only version of yeah no I didn't get my sign book what did you get him what did you get him what did you get him I paid for him

and his other half to go for dinner at Madu's at the Grove oh wow that is pretty cool actually that's pretty

yeah and that wasn't I guess I should have paid for two dinners then he would have taken me home from the one show I think it

but then it's like you know the one thing is that and this is a message for everyone it's a one the best gift you can give anyone is time, right? Yeah.

I think. Yeah. And, like, yeah, that's the thing. Or a sort of a multiple drop job. Do you know what I mean? That's the other thing. I mean, that is the ultimate thing you can give somebody. No, just to be clear, because I don't want to,

I've been guilty of saying things that I obviously don't mean and then people have taken me seriously. I love Jim. I totally get why Jim took Tom. Please do not at me. And Jim knows I'm joking. Well, I hope he knows I'm joking. I'm never going to see him again.

I'll just assume that Jim knows I'm joking, but we're never going to speak again. And and then the other thing i want to talk about i know that we wanted to uh we wanted to go tiktok freeze this uh but i just wanted to talk about a phenomenon i saw so have you heard of keith lee no keith lee is this american food reviewer, right? Really cool guy. He goes, Is he as good as the Food Review Club? It's very different. It's very different, I would say. Like, Keith Lee kind of, listen, as much as I love the Food Review Club,

there is a very narrow bracket of things they're trying, right? Do you know what I mean? Yeah, but also it's probably not for you because it's very meaty. Yes, it is, yeah. But I still watch it. But, you know, Keith Lee is a bit more, he gets a bit more in depth, I guess. And it's American and it's sort of, you know. Anyway, so he went to some place called Sweetly Seasoned, right?

It's a food truck, right? And they had, it was like a proper, like, they had a barber next to it. You know, it was a whole experience. Like, outdoor food truck. It's a bit of a party. They're playing music, stuff like that, that right so he went to review the thing and then he went up to the owner afterwards and he said um listen uh i know that it's tough setting up a food truck he's doing he's gone massive on tiktok right he's huge like like apparently as soon as he

reviews a restaurant gives it a positive review they have cues out like it's life-changing what we all you know certainly temporarily business changing you get a review from keefly right so he goes and goes up to the owner this is this so the son had put up a video saying keefly i've heard you in the area in texas please can you come to visit my mum's food truck so he does does it. He goes up to her afterwards and he says, I really want to support your business. I'm giving you a $4,000 tip, right? I want you to, I'd love you to give $1,000 to the barber. I'd love you to give $1,000 to the person braiding hair just to let them do the haircuts for free

for the rest of the day. And I'm giving you, you know, $2,000 goes to you so that you can do food for free. Give some people food for free for the rest of the day and uh i'm giving you two you know two thousand dollars goes to you so that you you can do food for free give some people food for free for the rest of the day just want to support whatever right yeah so it's a nice thing of him to do right anyway this woman keeps the money right so she doesn't distribute she doesn't distribute the money right that somehow becomes public knowledge right and so i think maybe the barber goes public or whatever i've done a deep dive i mean it's mental right so so then it becomes public knowledge she said she cut she the one does a video saying that barber didn't do any free haircuts after that keithley wasn't clear on what he wanted the money to go to. So that's why they haven't got the money.

Keith Lee does a response video. This is so TikTok. Keith Lee does a response video saying, I was pretty clear on where I wanted the money. And there's a video clip of him saying, give them $1,000 to the barber. I want some money to go to, you know, but he couldn't, he didn't have the cash.

So he said, charge it on your card, like charge my card for it and then give the money afterwards. So then the mum puts up a statement going, I don't think I did it wrong. Keith Lee says, I did ask you to distribute the money like that. Then she does another video, and her son does an apology video, and says, OK, we realise you've done something wrong. If the barber comes back, we'll give you the money. You know, please come and get the money.

We realise that that's what Keith Lee meant. Anyway, that food truck has been boycotted and now if you look online it's closed it's closed town i mean i i what the fuck is going on man that's insane i just can't like i was sort of thinking about it but that is also it's a show of greed though though, isn't it? If he has explained, and I don't know Keith Lee, never watched him, if you love him and like him, you vouch for him, then, of course, I'd... Well, I think there's so much mad stuff going on there. First of all, that they kept the money.

I don't like to overly judge, because, say, for example, you've made no money, you're fucking broke, right? And somebody gives you four thousand dollars i know the right thing to do is to distribute that money but that you know say i don't know you say you're four thousand dollars away from like losing your house or something you know i don't know we don't know their circumstances so whatever whatever like you know it wasn't the right thing to do now, if it is true that they've basically had to close down, this kid who basically put out a video to say, please, can you visit my mum's food truck? I say kid, he's like probably...

Yeah, but then Keith had obviously enjoyed it enough to give them that kind of tip. So if they just... Yeah, man, what a... I do find TikTok, like, I find it insane because I spend too long on it now. I'm literally,

and do you know, this is the other thing that I've noticed people doing, right? We're now going into a deep dive TikTok. We need to do emails

just quickly. Like, this is so dark and so bleak. I saw a video of a guy the other day who's just split up with his wife

and he's doing a whole thing about, I can't go on anymore. And it's like a real cry for help. It's really hard to watch it's like what the fuck

like it's not the guy we've talked about before this is just another guy that had 83 views I reached out to that guy by the way

I just checked in on him yeah good good yeah yeah yeah and but this guy I'm like I did the same with this guy I watched his video

I was like man look this is horrible what you're going through but have you got no one else to talk to because this feels like I watched his video. I was like, man, look, this is horrible what you're going through, but have you got no one else to talk to? Because this feels like a really sort of desperate plea that I don't know if you're going to get the right... Like, when I look through the responses, they're not sympathetic.

There's a couple of empathetic ones, but they're quite... On social media, you're always going to get somebody that goes, ha-ha, you know, like, fucking... If you're going to kill yourself, do it quickly or whatever. Do you know what I mean? Like, you're always going to get shit like that, man.

It's like, yeah, I find it quite sort of sad actually. Anyway, we've really fucking brought the mood down. Anyway, let's get in some emails. Some light-hearted emails.

At least the Swan has picked well. Let's hope so. With some light-hearted shenanigans. Shenanigans. And when life is moving at the speed of, well, life, Enterprise is right there with you, around the corner and around the globe. We'll keep you moving forward. Enterprise. For lives and drive. This episode is brought to you by Secret.

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Sweet email. Hi, Wolf and Al. First, your podcast has helped me through so much through the weeks. You're both my therapy. Me and my wife love our lifestyle and have travelled around the South where we live to watch a lot over the last few years.

We've seen Tom in Bournemouth and Rom in Yeovil, and I gave Rom a fix-up tea. Both were amazing. These are the best stand-ups we've ever watched. All right. Want to ask if you or your children have cut your own hair. My daughter is nine years old, had a meltdown over iPads off time,

and then refused to go to bed. Eventually did go upstairs, and three minutes later, Dan, with a Lloyd Christmas from Dumb and Dumber she and us were mortified she now has to wear three hair clips to hold down what fringe is left have you had any DIY haircuts so sorry they she cut her own hair is that what we're getting from this yeah i've got no doubt in my mind like that at some point grace will attempt this she's that's very much in her locker she's uh yeah she's already drawn all over the house it's like yeah it's like living there our kids have never cut their own hair what i would say is during lockdown um we cut their hair and that was a traumatic

experience for everyone involved I would say do you know what I mean because when you cut your own beard in lockdown it would look beautiful yeah well I've had some bad self haircut incidents I once I once

I used to have really long hair like proper light out here which I'm hoping to achieve once again for the benefit of this podcast. I explained to somebody the other day that I was growing my hair, and she said, what for? I said, that's what I said, I talked about it on the podcast. She said, so for a podcast, you're growing your hair. I said, yeah, it doesn't make sense.

Anyway, once I braided my hair. You sounded really sexy, by the way, for a minute. Did I? You went for a podcast? Yeah. I'm braiding my hair. You sounded really sexy by the way for a minute. Did I? You went for a podcast. Yeah. I'm braiding my hair. You literally lost the actual owl voice

and became like the new impression. If you could carry that voice on this would be the new impression. If I carry on doing that voice maybe that's the just Romesh has just woken up voice.

Maybe. No, this would be the new impression of you. Hello. Welcome to the Wolf and Owl. I'm Romesh Ranganathan. How are you doing this would be the new impression of you. Hello, welcome to The Wolf and Owl. I'm Romesh Ranganathan. How you doing, right?

I'm the owl. I'd like to introduce you to my friend, The Wolf. Okay, so in this world you're doing the podcast with Pete Wicks. That's such a fucking

weird reference. Shout out Pete Wicks. Shout out Pete Wicks. I love that guy. But that's kind of what his voice is out Pete Wicks shout out Pete Wicks I love that guy but that's kind of what his voice is like um okay yeah Pete Wicks

has got a cool Pete Wicks is fucking cool right he's a guy who could cut his own hair I don't want a fan boy in this way I think he seems

like a nice bloke he's just he's just such an incredibly good looking cool guy it's just like yeah he was too cool for TOW.

You know when people say... When I used to watch him at TOW, I used to go, what is he doing here? He's so cool. I think, you know, you know when you're a kid and you go, I wonder what superpower I'd want.

And you sort of go, it'd be cool to be invisible. You could achieve that power by somebody like you and I standing next to Pete Wicks. That would... Cool tattoos, lovely hair. He's someone who's never cut his own hair and if he has he's done it well

so go on you braided your hair i just braided my hair like little short braids like that you know i just did the whole thing the whole oh what did you have the one the pop-up like the little pop-up and then and then it took ages for me to pull them out it was uh it's one of these and also this is the other thing i did that you you'll fucking love this. You will love this. I once became obsessed with, like, facial hair designs. And, like, I had a little goatee, like, 90s R&B beard. This is when I was working at Sunglass Art. And I got a ruler, and I used to, like... Oh, God, it's so bad.

I used to, like, get a Sharpie and, like, colour in zigzags across my face wow and then i would get a razor and shave the hair into like so i'd have like a lightning bolt of like facial hair going across my face oh my god i don't even think i'd seen anyone ever do it but i just started doing it myself and i thought i'd i this is this is how i know it was shit right is I used to do it it'd take fucking ages right I'd look at it and go

oh my god you fucking nailed that lightning bolt and then I'd go into work and nobody would comment on it right it's such a big look as well yeah and that's how you know

that people are going obviously they've seen it and they're going I can't even say you know what am I supposed to say nice lightning bolt so that's basically when people are going to the stock room and laughing

yeah basically it's like i've gone in with like a you know a piece of dog shit on my head and nobody knows how to tell me my uh my vibe like this right is uh do you remember undercuts i used to have really long curtains yeah to almost my jawline. I remember me and my pals were probably about 13, 14, watching, I think we were playing the old two-on-two basketball game on the NES, I think it was. Yeah. The original Nintendo.

NBA Jam. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And playing that. Larry Bird kind of vibes. And we talked to each other, all talked to ourselves into getting these undercuts and sort of, we're doing them ourselves. And I went right up to the top there.

So I had this really, I used to think it looked really, really cool. But it was, yeah, it was so out of shape and sort of badly cut. And then I used to wear it as a sort of like, I used to pull it all back and then just have like, sort of like, just completely shaved sort of sides

I think it was like oh, this is the coolest look a man could ever have the worst one though This is the worst you remember in about 96 when Gazza did the blonde hair. I tried to do that myself by getting some bleach and dyeing my hair in a French, I had a French Corrup, you know, greasy French corrup down the front of my eyes. And because my hair was so dark, the bleach that I got, and we were going on a lad's holiday, it just basically went ginger. Like it couldn't, like it was awful, man.

It's like I basically had this really, like orange hair rather than ginger. Then I tried to sort of basically say to my mum, like, can we dye it back and ruin your hair so i had to go on a lads holiday with like this sort of like and i'd be walking around and sort of like my mates basically sort of would just be like no like people wouldn't people just reference it like i was like a big ginger guy sort of like i'd go um have you seen our mate tom and I'd be like what's he look like oh I don't know

we're all talking in northern accents he's about six foot seven big ginger lad and like it was an insane thing and then strawberry blonde

strawberry blonde and then I went to I met a girl that I sort of like formed for a bit and went to meet her and she was

I think she lived in Basingstoke or somewhere went to meet her and she was I think she lived in Basingstoke or somewhere went to meet her afterwards about eight months later whatever like we'd been pen pals type things just before phones and stuff

and went to meet her and obviously then I had my black hair back and she just wasn't as into me yeah well I had a similar thing happen where we were going on a lads holiday

I actually did once dye my hair I tried once dye my hair. I tried to dye my hair red, but I didn't realize you had to bleach it first. So I just wanted to get some. Red? Why did you go red? I can't remember. I think it was like, can I tell you honestly?

Sometimes the origin stories of this are really embarrassing. I'd watch Demolition Man. You know Wesley Snipes had the book? Yeah, that's acceptable. So I thought, well, I want something like that. you know wesley snipes had the problem yeah that's that's acceptable so i thought well i want something like that but i don't want to completely rip off demolition man because i don't want to be called demolition man for the next few weeks so i went and got some red hair dye like really cheap stuff and i dyed my hair without bleaching it i thought for some reason i don't know what i thought

the science was but i was going to manage to convert block black to red. And it made no difference to my hair at all. But my scalp was almost permanently dyed bright red. So in between... Did you look like you had a red ridge? Yeah, in between... Like a red ridge. In between the hair, you just saw like, it had like a red skull cap on or something like that

underneath my hair. It was so bad. But once, we were going on a lad's holiday and one of i noticed that my i didn't have like a full beard like this now i'd like sideburns and a beard and this is not my lightning bolt face but my i'd sort of shaved them into like two points all right and then i noticed i remember this is the bepe. Yes, yeah, yeah. So I realised that one of them was... I was sort of looking side to side. It was like one of them's lower than the other.

And so I trimmed one to sort of bring it up and it was slightly higher than the other one. This is the night before the holiday. And I went, fuck, I need to take that one up. So I went over to the other side and took that one up. I was like, fuck, that's gone a bit higher than the other one. Anyway, this happened about 10 times. I ended up with my sideburns finishing here like by my eyebrows i'd taken them up so much

my hair finished like right by my eyes like above my eyes above the level of my eyes right it looked like i was wearing like a fucking l shape like kind of head thing so i was doing it one of my mates was staying around the night before because i i live near gatwick and he wanted to crash around i came downstairs in the bathroom imagine this happening the night before a fucking lat holiday he looked at me he did not stop laughing for 20 minutes and and and like he was fucking pissing himself and now i'm like i've got i've got to go on holiday like this i said you know it's like why did you what could i just ask what you should have just shaved all your hair off that felt like a rat that

felt like a rat i don't have the skull shape that you do if i go bald yeah your brother looks really handsome yeah but he's got a different head shape to me he's like my like the force is strong in dinesh the force is not strong in me all right like yeah if this was star wars they'd be looking at me going well dinesh you could be a jedi but your brother's like he'll just probably kill himself hello c-3po's new assistant he's he's he's the only he's the only human we've ever met that's thirstier than c-3po and c-3po is actually fucking mugging him off oh please please could you leave me alone at least till the sideburns grow back master i had those pointy sideburns for a bit i would yeah what who is it that we were copying who had i don't know because you said bepe de marco but the timeline doesn't really work out do you

know what i mean but that is that is the kind of yeah i i remember like i remember like for one of the like handful of times that on that holiday i say handful of times handful of times in my life i was actually at a bar in faleraki and like a girl started kind of dancing in it i was about to say in around me. And I started chatting to her. And I just, I got so nervous and overexcited. Because it's so embarrassing. I got so nervous that a girl was actually chatting to me. She was really chatting to me.

Like it was really a vibe. And I started to get excited that a girl was talking to me. I was like, I can't believe this is happening. And then at one point, this song came on. I don't know what, this doesn't sound sad, but in the context of it, it was really sad. This next song came on and I just went, I leant over to her and I said, I really love this song. And she went, what? And I said, I really, really love this song. And she went, she went,

what? I said, I really, really love this song. And she looked at me and genuinely, she just turned around and walked away. It was like, she suddenly realized what I was.

That seems harsh though. Well, I was rocking those weird sideburns. Yeah. Yeah. I guess. I think it's a combination thing. She must've just thought this guy's out here as some sort of project.

Do you know what I mean? I remember, like, I used to go to bars. I used to be so sort of like, I used to be good in a day, like when everyone's laughing around the pool, and in the evening I had no swag. Yeah. And I remember being away,

and it had been the 1998 World Cup, and, um... Like, thinking it's sexy you'd be out and there'd be a bar and it'd be an early evening and there'd be a kick off like the fucking France 98 team or Brazil and I thought this

because all I was obsessed with was football and I'd stand there and someone would come over and chat to me and I'd be like how you doing you good and it's like yeah it was like big one tonight France look incredible they're really like everyone's talking about R9 but for me Zidane's probably going to be player of the tournament

what? all my friends said that they've been here for a week and you hadn't pulled anyone yeah yeah yeah I tell you know I tell you Emmanuel Petit's been a surprise package

for me at this tournament and it's like oh I just had during the day around the pool I was great Tom the number of times I've said to

girls blokes on a night out in Falaraki that's not really what I'm about coming on this holiday it's more sort of

just like chilling with the mates and absorbing the kind of the atmosphere do you know what I mean one of my friends said that one of my friends said that you're the only one of the group that's not really like uh met a girl or chat to a girl yeah yeah that's not really what I'm about I'm not that I just feel like you know having conversations in this kind of environment isn't really the one do you know what I mean you don't really get to know somebody so i prefer to sort of like you know maybe tee up uh uh like you know exchanging numbers and maybe you actually have a vibe back when you're home do you mean you can actually have a proper chat

would you like you know is that something you'd be no i don't think so okay cool well have a great night it's all about just us having great nights it's not about look it's not about meeting something it's not about you know that's not what these i feel like a lot of people get that wrong do you know what i mean it's so true look this is oh god i remember like you know when you go out and like you're in a small sort of yeah like you know since you strip and like you've been there for five days so you sort of start seeing the sort of same sort of people around and i sort of talked to this this girl a few times i was like i really like her she seems like really sort of like a nice person we have a laugh together and it's sort of like probably the sixth night except that's you know we're there for 10 days whatever and i sort

of started chatting to her and stuff over the time and around the pool i'd sort of been having a bit of a laugh and this one evening she was like um i'm really really bored like you know this is so shit in here and i was like yeah, it's not for me. Like, football's finished. I was really, should I see Croatia play tomorrow? Who's this Suka guy? And she was like, would you be okay to walk me back to my hotel? And I was like, yeah, of course.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, oh, wow. So we're sort of walking along, we're having a conversation and sort of, you know, having a bit of a joke with her and sort of, you know of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, oh, wow. So we're sort of walking along, we're having a conversation and sort of having a bit of a joke with them and sort of doing exactly, you know, I'm leading, my mates are all about this. And as we're walking along, you know, like you sort of get those guys who are just so confident

that I'm not, that I'm so, so he just jogs up sort of beside us. You know, he had one of those tattoos that sort of didn't finish around his arm, like a sort of like Celt just jogs up sort of beside us you know he had one of those tattoos that sort of didn't finish around his arm like a sort of like Celtic thing that just sort of stopped

comes running over and he's like hey man to me hey big guy and I'm like hey hey hey never met him before but like sort of like

yeah and then sort of cuts in so now he's between the two of us walking and then she sort of knew him a bit and they start flirting together and it's quite evident that sort of like,

you know, she's really quite into him. Yeah. And then they're like, oh yeah, he's like, should we just, yeah,

should we walk down by the beach? And she's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, that'd be nice. And I'm like, am I like inviting?

Am I inviting? And he was like, he wasn't an arsehole he was a nice enough guy yeah he just was very cool and like yeah and she was like

enamoured by him I was enamoured by him if I'm honest with you I was like oh hopefully I can spend the rest of the year I've got three days left here it'd be cool to hang out

between me and this girl now so we get down to by the beach and like they just basically so we get to by the beach three of us they just basically, so we get to by the beach and three of us are standing there looking out to sea,

sort of chatting about like where we're all from. And I sort of look around and they're now sort of kissing. They're sort of making out. I just stand there. I stand there for honestly like, they're just really sort of into each other and I'm just standing next to them

going yeah I really yeah I really think Vieira is you know obviously he's had a great season

after this year yeah oh god and sort of like going of course it's man in like in a couple of

hours time this will be packed with families and yeah and they're sort of like going, of course, it's man in, like in a couple of hours' time, this will be packed with families. And they're sort of really like, you know. Honestly, even now I feel sick. I know that we tell these stories, right? And obviously you... I regret starting this because I feel so embarrassed about that. Yeah, but I know that like, I don't know if Kat listens to these,

but Lisa does listen to them, right? And like like you've got yourself a wonderful wonderful wife and lisa is everything to me right but sometimes i worry that even though we are very much locked in and in love that one day she'll listen to this and she'll just go oh my god but also I'm annoyed, I know that yeah, so anyway I stood there for about five to seven minutes I guess, like sort of like

you know, making like neither of them were listening, I'd make idle observations about sort of like, oh fuck is that an inflatable out there, like left an inflatable in the sea, like out there? Like, someone left an inflatable in the sea, like, out there. Yeah,

well, I think there's a boy, and I go, oh, come on. And in the end, I just went, we still need to walk back to your hotel?

And he went, no, no, no, yeah, it's cool, man, it's cool. And I was like, cool, and then he sort of

shook my hand, and she shook my hand and sort of smiled and sort of like. Oh, no. You got exited. So I had to go back to my hotel, and about three hours later, all my mates got exited. I had to go back to my hotel,

and about three hours later, all my mates got in. And I sort of sat up, because I didn't want to go back to the bar. I sat up. And there weren't, like, hotels now. There was no TV on it. So they had left you to it, thinking that you were going to...

Yeah, because they're like... In their heads, it's like, oh, look, you know what? It's quite sweet. This girl he's talked about, and he's really fancied, and he's sort of really liked. They seem like they might have got together.

And they all came back, and was like, oh, mate, how did it go? And I was like, oh, it was really fucking cool.

Like, we basically walked most of the strip together. And, yeah, I don't know if you remember the guy with the tattoo. Quite a cool guy. Yeah, he basically,

we bumped into him, and then we walked down to the sea front um and yeah we just all stood there for a bit it was really nice we just chatted about seeing and they started kissing um god you told them everything i like no i had to yeah and they just stood there and they're like what are you doing it's like you can't let anyone know about this you've got to be sure you should have told us oh yeah go on and then the next day they they were they were together for the rest of the holidays too but they were sort of quite nice they're quite inclusive they'd sort of like no both sort of chat and have a laugh with me and he'd sort of then try and make

conversation by going uh fucking hell mate you were right about so cool you're right about that he's a good player but see that's been a surprise package. I had a thing where... Here's the thing. Maybe when you're going out, this is before it was cool to wear a football shirt out. Like an AC Milan shirt. I had a thing where, like, this is not on holiday, but this is back home,

where I bought one of those Levi's twisted denim suits. Do you know those? By the way, I had one of those levi's twisted denim suits do you know those by the way i have one of those they were bagging yeah i don't care what anyone so i had one of those and i had like some blue lens sunglasses like you know sort of diesel jobs right and i was um i was like getting a bus somewhere in the day and these two girls like like getting on the bus and they just kept staring at me right like properly staring and like look at talk saying something to each other and it's like can i just ask what were you chewing gum no i wasn't chewing gum but they were like they were like they were

looking at me and like talking to each other and i was like fucking wow this outfit is really doing something right and then that evening we went out and those girls were where we were right so i'll say to my mate so those girls they saw me because my mates like i don't know if you had this the dynamic my friends were it was like like i said it's like like i said last time it's like 40 year old virgin i mean they're just trying to help me out yeah yeah so so they go to me i want you to go chat to him won't you go chat to him so we all go they go we me, I want you to go chat to him. I want you to go chat to him. So we all go up. They go, we'll come with you. Go over. I said, I noticed you on the bus earlier.

I said, and then they said, oh, you should say you noticed. And I said, I didn't want to say this, but I said, oh, you know, I noticed you looking. And they said, yeah, we were saying that you looked a lot like an Asian Dane Bowers. Cool. Cool. Cool, guys. Just,

did either of you fancy Dane Bowers? It must be out of your mind if you think I'm not coming home with you tonight. Were you still wearing a twisted? No, thank God. I mean, can you fucking imagine if I was? Like Marge Simpson

in that episode of Simpsons where she's just changing up the suit right well listen um thank you for the email

chatty parrot that was a great email um one email so I mean uh right Tom it's actually now

been we called this a bonus episode it's just been as long as our actual episode yeah correct yeah and uh most of it was talking about our tragic past and It's actually now been, we called this a bonus episode. It's just been as long as our actual episode. Yeah, correct. Yeah. And,

uh, most of it was talking about our tragic past and, uh, which is always my favorite stuff. Yeah. Well, it's certainly the stuff that I've got the most material on. Uh,

I would say that, um, that's a well that will never dry up. Uh, unfortunately, uh, Lisa, I love you,

Jim. I love you. Uh, I guess I'm saying, I love you Jim I love you I guess I'm saying I love you Jim you know how I feel about you Jim thank you

for that walk yesterday it's up there my top five memories of things I've done with friends yeah okay well Jim

and Lisa I'm delivering you the same message please don't leave me okay guys thank you so much we'll catch you

next time on the wolf and the owl take care bye bye bye bye bye

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