Wolf and Owl - S4 Ep 14: Rom’s Beard and Tom’s Nose

Episode Date: April 4, 2025

We’re talking… delays and apologies, whether cats are livestock, a big reveal about Rom’s beard, too much scat chat, a family outing to see Usher, some extreme nose-hair plucking from a Turkish barber, school placement problems and the pros and cons of sleeping on the floor. Then after all that, we finally get around to answering some more of your emails, this time about a tricky situation involving Rom’s stand-up show in Amsterdam and a list of pub bar-tending gripes. For questions or comments, please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod TikTok - @wolfowlpodcast YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch & Mailing List - https://wolfandowlpod.com A Mighty Ranga Production For sales and sponsorship enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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quality, craftsmanship, and responsible sourcing in mind. So these are pieces you can feel good about in more ways than one. Plus, there are so many designs you can mix and match to create a stack for every look. Shop online at majore.com or in-store today. Four feet with claws, whatever's preferred They'll grant you all last requests to steady your nerves Then podcast the body parts, get severed and served Bring your weak shit, wear the wolf and owler That ain't just a mistake, that's an awful howler Both of them are known to pull up at your shows Have the crowd witnessing the murder like they rode in with a gang of crows Fuck their censorship, let em see the whole thing

They stay dressed to kill, never sheep's clothing Dark enough to turn the sun to the moon, you'll see nothing All you hear's a huff a puff and a huff Expect killings, red spilling and flesh ripping Impressive innit, the death bringing its head spinning Just kidding, every word in this song's about two grown men Dressed up as a bird and a dog Hello and welcome to the Wolf and I podcast We're very late, sorry about that I'm gonna jump in here, Robin, and I'm gonna We're a little we're very late. Sorry about that. I'm gonna jump in here, Roman, and I'm gonna make my pull it just a few.

Firstly, we tried to record on Monday morning. We've recorded we've recorded half an episode, haven't we? Yeah, it was an absolute shit because my Wi Fi is now completely devoid. Doesn't work. Even in the fact that we're trying to watch television downstairs, it's it's not working. It's very, very frustrating. So Monday morning that happened. Then we were going to do it on Tuesday morning, and Grace was taken back into hospital on Monday night, Tuesday, early hours of Tuesday. So we couldn't do Tuesday. So I just want to be, yeah, that's's you know, she's getting better now. She's is again. She's having a few problems and So I just wanted to be quite clear. That's it's not I've had quite a few messages passive aggressive messages about me being um

Too famous or too busy for this in it. That's not the case. It was just it was a matter of yeah, you know Told the boys to knock it off, but they're just worried about their dad and his ongoing sort of employment, do you know what I mean? What can I say to you? Yeah, you know what? Theo and Alex were quite jovial.

Charlie was just mean. And let's not get into Lisa's long terrain of how selfish it was. But yeah, but I just wanted to be clear that, yeah, it's hopefully touchwood. She's on the, yeah. What's annoying is, and not annoying, but what's really worrying is she's showing quite a lot of signs of like, yeah, she's had a few respiratory problems, some sort of allergy to something, and then we're buying a cat this week.

So if she's allergic to cats, is yeah I mean incredible time what you're testing her to absolute limits now which is good yeah yeah we are yeah we're really trying it really messed with their immune system I mean there's a world where in the next episode of wolf an hour we could be giving away a cat okay yeah I don't know about the what the legalities are of that. I've just sort of giving away livestock. I know. It's not livestock.

It's a pet. There's different things. It's live. It's life. I mean, it's essentially. Yeah, but it's not livestock is a cow or something. A stock is essentially something that does stuff. Like stock is your farm.

And when she thinks you can't, she's no, but that's what it typically refers to. I was using it out of context You'd never ever use like you wouldn't go we've got some life Talking about using words in incorrect fucking situations. Are you saying? It's an insane thing What place in hospital you spending the time building yourself a glass house? Guys taking the fucking piss out. I did try and buy it. It's a playmobil house which is a new bill playmobil. No, sorry. It's so complicated. I was

losing. I really I love to go there was a kid but they've really over into putting their shit is a whole different shit. Shit, shit, shit. Go on. Livestock are the domesticated animals raised in an agricultural setting to provide labor and produce diversified products for consumption, such as meat, eggs, milk, fur, leather, and wool. So in the scale of what you're saying,

have you seen meat? The parents, you can milk a cat, actually. Come on, mate. And you could wear the furs. In the context of us as a double act, you would be, you're a domesticated animal and I would be livestock. I would be built.

I'd be brought by an owner to carry out labor as a child and you'd be there just to sort of like preen and like tickle and like brush your fur. You know, like you think you're such a fucking edgelord. Do you know that? You think you're such a fucking cool rock star, the industry can't tame you. You're one of the biggest fucking sell out fucking corporate whores in the game. It's not about being corporate. The way you conduct stuff is like you're fucking

Kendrick to my Drake. You're a man of such fucking integrity that you're all about the art and all this shit. No, I'll be like two packs to your puffet. I'll be like two packs to your puffet. Fucking kind of. Fuck. Fucking. That's a bit close to the bone, mate. Anyway.

Anyway, look, but look, look, look, this is all, this is all very, this is just a lot of clerical stuff. The truth is there's a massive reveal here. And I'm literally literally I can't I Don't think I can handle this. Okay I'm just gonna so I've got my hand currently across my face because JT, can you make sure this is the clip? Well, it doesn't matter whatever the clip is. The reveal will have happened on it

so so basically need to see so basically I We had a mustache after Robin Rom and then I had an accident with the clippers and I actually took off my beard and so I went back to a tash again. Then I had a beard for a bit, then I tried to tidy it up and ended up tidying up too much and neatening my mustache so much it became like a thin kind of, I would describe it as 90s era, genuine, is what the tash ended up being. Unfortunately, what happens, as I was trimming it,

I don't know if this ever happened to you, I got mustache blindness, where I couldn't figure out what I was doing anymore. I was like, do I need to trim this more? So then, I've now filmed quite a bit of Rob and Ron with that tash. I then came home and they said, you've got to get rid of it. I thought, that is something I wish you told me

before I went and filmed it. Then I tried to tie it up a bit more. The clip is fucked. Like, you know, the attachment wasn't on properly. Anyway, long story short, everything's gone. It's down to stubble. Just quickly, just quickly. So hold up, there was a stage where it was quite wispy.

Yeah. And now you're completely barefaced. Not completely barefaced. There's slight amount of stubble there. But. Right. Okay, you ready? Right, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Let me have a little sip of coffee because I really want to enjoy this. Some more coffee. Ready? Yep. It's not as bad as I thought it would be. You look so young. Yeah. You look like you could be at school.

Like you've been held back a couple of years. You look fucking young, bro. Yeah. It's, did you see that song that went viral younger or worse or older but no older and better or younger or worse for the guys talking about when you get to our age you can either shave your beard off and look younger but you look hideous or you can just let the grades be in there you don't know hideous look man i'm gonna be quite open you're not you don't look as bad as I hoped you would. I was hoping this would look worse.

I mean, you do that face. It doesn't feel like I can, I feel less comfortable being sort of grumpy. Yeah, yeah, of course you do, because our beards are like, look man, can I say by the way, you've got hair. When I take my beard off, I look like a fucking thumb. Like, it's not a good look, man.

It's like genuinely, like yeah it's I'm dreading getting another role where I've got fucking shave my beard off yeah it must be a nightmare getting all these different roles where you got to look different there I'm trying to think about fucking a god forbid I know that's right doesn't come up ever well no you just said that you've changed it three times a rather wrong yeah that's not for a role is it yeah you're playing yourself yeah well you can all play. Yeah, okay. So what are you going to do by the way, you're gonna have

to get a fake massage for Robin wrong? No, because I've got no issue with continuity for that. But like, but I actually think you look quite high. I've got his his a slight issue. You've lost it. No, no, when you've lost a bit of timber. I've got to say, I think you look better. Yeah, I don't actually you you're being you've been harshing yourself I don't think you look as bad. Here's the thing. I do here's the debate that we've got. Yeah, Lisa Thinks I should keep it like this. That's where what's yes, correct. That's her Oh, wow, and that really by the way, by the way that puts your little bullshit monologue about how it looks alright to the test there doesn't it because when I said

Lisa said keep it your reaction could not have been more of it like it was correct I love you. You know that right? Can I just say you look good? You look possible you don't look as bad as you think you do Last time I saw you right you had a mustache and you came a fucking gig at the King's Trust Yeah, you looked at and I said to you So to your face I said to everyone you look like a fucking Don You look so fucking good with the town was fucking sick. Yeah, Tasha fucking good, but you were busted attached better than I busted Attach I look like attached. I look like I've basically joined if I'm in my own prison and I'm the fucking white nationalist party

That's my tash is a very different like you're too fucking cool You had a fucking like a vibe to you. It's like yours Enhanced everything about you that yeah. Yeah, it's gone. It's gone. No, that's gone No, you've got I get it back what I'm saying, but even beard wise I'd say beard one Is second to tash wrong and then this one is that so Tash so Tash from his first is that we're saying? Yeah, but mate it's mate. Do you know the confidence you have to have? Yeah, we attach like no you're right I I didn't go full Tash Tash like you did. I still have quite a lot of stubble you went full fucking Tash. Yeah You shaved low around that such as a fucking big

Christmas might I flew too close to the Sun and look at me now. I'm around that. So that's a fucking big thing to do. I'm not Icarus, mate. I flew too close to the sun and look at me now. I'm staring at you, bald face. Can I just say, now you've come down from the sun, like grow the tash back or the beard back. Don't. Also put away like Lisa liking you like this is like a whole new person. I look like a completely different fucking guy. I mean, it's like, it's the level of excitement from Lisa. Basically,

she's going, oh cool, I get to feel like I'm fucking someone. I say fucking, that's not on the table. But I think she feels like it's like a cheating simulation. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, maybe it is. Maybe it's like, oh yeah, she's doing some role play. I'm not severance wrong.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. What would your role play be like, Sandy? I think I'd be you know, I feel like no, I don't look a bit you know, I think I look like God. I think I look like somebody that can help you with like a printer issue. You're so low on yourself. You're so low in yourself

Yeah, no, um Well, first of all, first of all, you shouldn't have so many apps open simultaneously That's half your problem. Yeah laptops got so much Lisa's doing this face. Ha ha ha ha. You know so much about computers. I think there might be an issue with the hard drive. Do you have an experience with a hard drive? Ha ha ha ha. Anyway. So are you going to just grow the beer back or the tash back?

I think it's either going to be it's one of two things either just the tash or beard stash. That's where you know what you could roll a little bit of lights double for a sort of like not full beard. I'm now going to go a little bit shorter than this and all that. The tachy. Yeah. Yeah. You know, like just as obviously we weren't, I mean, I did have my hand over my face, which kind of led to us talking about this, but I do want to say to you, Anya Culling, who

I did a running video with recently, she sent me this message right after we put out the she's like an incredible she's an incredible runner who like went and did the marathon recreation and now she like runs for this country she's like amazing. I actually this is I'm gonna read this message verbatim I actually have a bone to pick with your last episode I was listening to it on a run and you spoke about shit, actual feces, for 17 minutes. I ran a five kilometers in that time and you were still talking about your bals as I finished. I finished my effort as you said rinsed and polished my tackle and weirdly I

didn't experience my usual runners high. So there you go. We talked about shit, actual shit, for seven, that can't be right, 17 minutes. Yeah, but you know, we never did the Scatter episode that we promised. No, well, I think that has to be the, we can, I mean, first of all, as we were saying it, I thought we needed to give a warning here.

It's absolutely ridiculous that we're talking about this. Yeah, like a brand new guidance. That's mad. What we did was mad. But, bro, I got a lot of, I had a lot of people telling me that they enjoyed the push the picture. I said he did enjoy it. Jim, driver Jim. Oh, really? He loved to drive a gym. Yeah. Yeah. He loves a bit of

picture. Oh, Jim boy. He loves it. He loves it. Yeah. He's he's I would say fetishizes it but he likes a big post or a chip. Yeah. Yeah. What is your it's so weird looking at you like this it's a kind of vibe of it you know there's a bit of thing but also I wear you with this face and that t-shirt I keep on thinking that you're not wearing any trousers or should you look naked from the waist now like a little boy with a sandy bum on the beach. I just can't be like, do you know what I mean? I feel like it diminishes your authority, I think.

For me personally. Have you got any plans this weekend with Lisa? Is there like? I'm supposed to be filming. I mean, first of all, this is gonna be captured forever. Not forever, which is unfortunate. Have I got any plans? Yes, I'm going to watch You, Me at 6 on Friday at Wembley with Lisa and

on Saturday I'm going to the O2 to watch Usher. Wow, a lot of people are going to watch Usher at the moment. I'm trying to avoid getting any spoilers about, you know, loads of people are posting up videos of the show and stuff, I don't want to see that shit. Who are you going to watch Asher with? Lisa again? Asher will be myself, Lisa, Dinesh, his wife Claire and Theo. Wow! Theo, right? Quite a little gang, yeah. He's into Asher, I didn't know that, but he is.

That's a big thing for him. It's going to be an amazing time. Well, you're going to wear a baseball cap with that look. That looks it, by the way. You get a baseball cap on that with the lower. Do you reckon? Yeah, you've got to wear a baseball cap. All right, fine. I mean, it'll help hide the identity as well.

I mean, I wonder if I'm going to stop getting recognized. What do you think? No, no, no, no, no. You're one of the most distinctive people in the country. No, first of all, that's not true. Second of all, when I went to Portugal on holiday, I shaved it, admittedly. That was nearly eight years ago.

That's a long time ago. We were making Judge Ramesh. We were a day at that point. Yeah, OK. Let's not dwell on our breakthrough, both our breakthrough moments. Anyway, the point is it'll probably be Tash. Maybe it'll be Tash.

Look, look, look, look close. I could be... Tash, no, but I... Do you think... I think there's something to you with this. I might be too hasty. I could be in Tash world before we... By the way, can I just say just one little tip from me to you? Yeah, go on. Have a little trim of your nose hairs. Like, with... No, just before. I can't see them on this... the res of my... Can I...

Can I... Can I... First of all, can I just, no, I just want to, I want to, no, stop, I need to say something. That really fucking freaked me out you, Sam, because I thought you'd seen some nice hairs, and the reason it freaked me out is I have fucking gone to town on them literally like 12 hours ago,

and then when you said that, not 12 hours ago, but like last night, I was on it, and then when you said that not 12 hours ago, but like like last night I was on it and then when you said Do like here's a little tip going your nose. I thought if I got inside I've I've gone fucking nose hair blind as well. No, could I just say nose hair wise, right? I went back and the Turkish guy talked me into my barber took me into doing the waxing of my nose Yeah, I think I've completely fucking destroyed my inner workings of my nose. What do you mean? Like it's got no barrier now between me and hay fever. My hay fever has never been worse. When did you have this done? I know you've warned me about it.

This is because I actually told Gratz about it and Gratz was like, Romesh warned you about that on the podcast. And I was like, I know, but the guy taught me taught me into it. He was saying how hairy my inside of my nose was. Yeah, but you're supposed to trim. You're not supposed to pluck. Yeah, I know. And I'd been lazy with the trimming. And then he taught me into it. And then this is the worst bit he bought. I was actually I was with Rashid Connerty on on Friday. And I told her this story. And she was like, this is this is one of my most embarrassing but like,

hell, it was hilarious. He pulled the hairs out my nose wrong right and it was a pack barbers and he started showing the other barbers how hair how much hair he pulled out of my nose how much was it how much was it fucking loads it's always like this was insane you know like it looked like a troll doll it that's what it looked like. Yeah, no, I didn't remember. Yeah, he started showing and then other customers were looking down at me like, like there was a sort of fast without

some. This is this is fucking unacceptable, by the way. This is so out of order. This guy's bang out of order man. You can't do that to somebody. Mate, but what do you say? You can't be a crybaby in a barber's and fucking tell them. Stop being a crybaby and just go sorry mate. Sorry, I was under the impression I was a fucking paying customer here and he decided to like roast. Have I been, sorry, does it say come and get roasted by the Turkish barber here? Can I say what's happened with me and him is we have relationships. Well you need to not go back again.

Well I don't know if I can. Because I think he's become over familiar. You shouldn't. It's over. It is over. Also he's destroyed by the inner workings of my nose. Like at the moment, you know, usually you know if you've got bogeys in your nose.

They're just falling out. They've got no hairs to grow. Hang on to. Christ almighty. They're like literally walking along and a bogey would just drop out of my nose. Can I say something? I know that we talk very candidly on this podcast. There is some shit we should just leave for private conversation, okay? I know, yeah. What the fuck are you saying that for? I feel like, yeah, but I feel like, the other day I looked down on my jeans,

I was on the train and it was just a bogey. Oh, Tom, don't finish this sentence. It was so embarrassing. I'm like, what do I do? And you know what? It's like the hairs don't seem to be growing back either. But they won't, when did you have it done? A couple of weeks ago.

No, probably three weeks ago. Yeah, it won't grow, but I mean, three weeks. So I don't, the only good thing, if I was a raving cokehead, I'd be having the time of my life. If I was sniffing coke, I'd be having a fucking great time. You'd be coming out of the toilets absolutely worry free. Oh, mate, yeah, you'd be fucking absolutely, you'd be getting every grain of cocaine

would be into you. Do you want to put it into a line? Don't worry about it, I might just pass you the bag. I just need to be within range. Yeah, you know, it comes to you, you feel it a lot quicker if you blow it up your ass. Don't worry about that, mate. I've got no hairs in my nose.

It got literally, it's like a motorway to my brain. It literally just fly into my brain cells. The value for money I'm getting on coke currently, absolutely astronomical. Not a single molecule is not making it to my cerebellum. It'd be hilarious if this was the thing that pushed me into that drug addiction. It felt like a waste not to have cocaine. You've never had coke before. Sorry mate, what got you into cocaine?

I've just got a doughnut in my working nose now. Mad one, mad one. You ever had coke straight after going to a Turkish barber's? Fucking unreal. It's like having a shave after getting out of the sauna. With the Fizz loyalty program, you get rewarded just for having a mobile plan. You know, for texting and stuff. And if you're not getting rewards like extra data and dollars off with your mobile plan,

you're not with Fizz. Switch today. Conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca. This episode is brought to you by FX's Dying for Sex on Disney+. Based on the podcast of the same name, Dying for Sex tells the story of Molly, who is diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. Determined to feel everything she can before she can't feel anything, she decides to leave

her unhappy marriage to explore her sexuality with some encouragement from her best friend Nicky. FX's Dying for Sex, streaming April 4th only on Disney+. Sign up now at DisneyPlus.com. OK, flights on Air Canada. How about Prague? Ooh, Paris. Those gardens.

Gardens. Amsterdam. Tulip Festival. I see your festival and raise you a carnival in Venice. Or Bermuda has carnaval. Ooh, colorful. You want colorful. Thailand. Lantern Festival. Ooh, colourful. You want colourful. Thailand.

Lantern Festival. Boom. Book it. Um, how did we get to Thailand from Prague? Oh right, Prague. Oh boy. Choose from a world of destinations. If you can.

Air Canada. Nice travels. I don't want to like go on, but you should don't ever do that again. By the way, can I say, were your beard and your facial hair will be back in two weeks when you come to the Davies about right? Yeah, I don't know what it will be but yes it will be. I mean it won't be as thick as, that's probably, you probably look, I'm staring at a month's growth on your face right there.

Yeah, it's about a week and a half. That's a week and a half? Yeah, yeah this bit, this bit no, but this is yeah. Alright, okay fine. That's a week and a half. Yeah, this bit this bit. No, this is yeah Not even a week and a half. I think the last time I shaved would have been Yeah week last Wednesday very stressful story. I'd like to share with you now That I haven't very stressed about you. I feel worried about you as it is, but yeah I mean, it is but it is it is an element of concern and I'd love to know If any wolf and our listeners have experienced a similar thing, but um, basically

Theo and Alex both went to the same school we applied for that same school via the admissions process and The school that Charlie's been allocated is not one that we had on our list of preferences and is the other side of town So sure so Lisa came, it's big brothers on there. No. So Lisa came into the, so Lisa got the letter or the email or whatever she came in and she said she was very, very upset. And she said, I don't know what to do. It's like, you know, so we started looking into it, there's a way of getting back in touch with the council, we reapplied, explained the situation, they've come back and said the same thing, they've not moved at all.

I've now emailed the council, which I know that lots of people will be emailing at the moment. I've emailed the council. What has happened is, since our elder two, we applied for schools, the criteria have changed, right? So we thought that they would just automatically, and you know, there's partly, I guess it's our fault we didn't read the criteria properly, but we just assumed it'd be the same.

What we didn't, and don't get me wrong, we're not expecting to be given the school that we chose necessarily. What we were hoping is that we'd get one of the four schools that we put down our preferences, right? Yeah, but also, it's like the evacuees. You don't split up a family. I know, but apparently, so they have different rankings.

The most important one is proximity to school, right? Then, it's like whether you've got siblings changed in its ranking in their list of criteria. So that used to be more powerful than it is now, if that makes sense. So anyway, I've emailed the council. They've not even responded to my email. Obviously they're busy.

I get they're busy, right? So I've not even got an acknowledgement of receipts. And now currently, I'd love to know if this happened to anyone else. I don't know what we're going to do. That's the situation we're at. It's not feasible for him to go to the school he's been allocated.

You can't decline that place because West Sussex have to have offered you a place. So basically, I'm currently in a situation where it's what? It's March now, April, sorry. I don't know where Charlie's gonna be at school in September because like it's just a little bit. Oh, Charlie as well. Like also like he's got two.

Well Charlie's very chilled out about it. As you would expect. Yeah but Charlie's a very chilled kid. He's a bit like me in that way. Yeah. But. Yeah. Yeah, he's always saying I'm so much like Tom.

And I say to him, you have got similar levels of vocabulary, but beyond that No, actually, do you know what Tom? I was I just said that that was horrible thing to say Charlie really fucking looks up to you I don't know what it is about you. But because bearing in mind you've not really spent that much I mean he's talked to you on the podcast obviously. Yeah, and We've hung out a couple of times obviously every now and again he'll say to me does Uncle Tom really like you and I'll say why and he goes we've never been to his house. Well yeah that's all mate, you're gonna have nothing to go on once you've been to my house you're gonna have to get a whole

load of new stick and I'll get I'll put it on the fucking I'll put it on the fucking Hole, I've got so much stuff planned Why do you have two drinks? Yes, a water that's a coca-cola. Yeah What that all kind of coca-cola within seconds but fucking oh Because my skins were exposed to the elements. It's making me thirstier. Literally, it's like watching a fucking old drunk in a pub just down in two pints because he had to go home and have his tea. Anyhow, look, my thing was going to, like number one, I know Charlie's children about it, but secondary school is very daunting, right? Let's not be, and the fact that he's got two older brothers, one who's probably the coolest kid in the school. Alex is an absolute Don fucking amazing, a lot of different

things. So he's got two brothers who've integrated themselves in the school. Right. And for a little Charlie, when he joins, that's a, I wish I'd had a big brother. Yeah. Like, you know, it's, so it's quite a daunted thing. Also for child, for Alex and Theo, they can, you know, they can show that, for Alex it'll be amazing, Theo there when he started school, so he can return the favour to Charlie. But also they can give him a bit of an education of what the school's going to be like, how it works. I know, I know, but that's not going to happen.

So that's one thing, but I just don't understand why they wouldn't just, look man, I mean maybe there's quite a theory. I don't want to be like a complete you know entitled arsehole here, which I do have a habit of being. The fact of the matter is they've got loads of kids to process and if they're over subscribed they're over subscribed. The thing is we've just like for our, I can only speak from our personal situation, we have fallen through the net in terms of like the school is is quite far away and we didn't it was not on our list So it's like the system is kind of I guess you could argue through no fault of anybody's apart from the design of the system We have been failed by the system the system sounds like it's insane

If I go to see why don't you go to City Hall and fucking speak to them? I'd like I've got so many follow-up questions. What do you think City Hall is? It's where the counselors are the fucking I live in a town Right. Okay. Yeah town hall town hall. Okay, that's who I've emailed Well, yeah, but you can't fucking email the thing about you is your gen zed, right? You fucking know I'm gonna post off an email. You've got fucking let your boots do the talking get down there get some fucking feet on the ground I don't think anybody benefits from me turning up at the door mate I think I would be getting together that you won't be the only family I'll be putting on a

local Facebook group this has happened here get Lisa to do that not you because you'll just get loads of people messaging you for favors and stuff get Lisa to do it right outrage Like put that in capitals that has this happened to anyone else right before you know it there'll be a couple of other people I know it's you know, it's mark and Lynn from I don't know out the road somewhere else in Crawley This is happening to our Sam junior. Oh, yeah, no, somebody else. I'm fucking old Claire's in the same situation Who's Claire? There's a door. Hello mate. Yeah, I know you're Claire's in the same situation. Who's Claire? Claire's her daughter. Hello mate, yeah, I fucking know you're Claire's dad. Anyway, what'll happen is what we'll start to see then

is this is happening to a few people. Then you get involved and it was a fucking hell swamish reggaeton. And then you basically are like, no, we're gonna go down the town hall. What's become clear to me is that I shouldn't have spoken to you about this so soon after you watched Mr. Bates versus the Post Office. You've got some dream that I'm

gonna like the little engine that could... I know what you're thinking. You're thinking make this a movement and then your production company would probably try and turn this into some sort of gutsy British film about... Yeah, Phil Goodfield. Yeah, yeah, yeah. One man's fight against the education system. I understand that. Yeah, yeah. And also, you're fighting from within. You're like the fucking spy.

It's like, is he almost like Donald Sutherland in JFK? You used to be a part of the fucking, like, you know, militia. Used to be a part of the fucking people going into foreign countries and destroying them. Now, you're a fucking, you're the guy who you're the guys being basically out you're like, you're not teacher anymore. But you're still trying to rebel against the education system is a fucking compelling story. Yeah, maybe. Yeah. Well, it's something to think about anyway. If you go down there, wear a suit with your like, wear a suit because

then they'll go fucking always wear a suit. Yeah, and clean shaving as well. Oh my god No, no, no, no, the way if your bids go by a bit. I might not recognize you Can you imagine if they think is that some guy pretending to be rubbish right good a fun? You're not always showing you know, if he has a beard. Yeah Anyway, that's the situation we're in I'd love to know if anybody else has gone through something similar Or if you think I'm being a prick, I'd love to know and I wouldn't love to know that it'd be good to know if I'm being unreasonable. Find out where the counselor works turn up at the pub and go yo

counselor Dean it's me Romas Renkeleifian. Do you know something I know that it's just a podcast where we just chat I do think you should have a little bit of responsibility for the sort of things that you're encouraging. You're slightly distracted there because he's stamping on a mouse in your office or something. What's going on? We haven't got any mice in my office. Why are you just looking at the floor?

I've got a bit of carpet that's really annoying. I can't get on top of. It's so nice to see you in a chair with nice wifi, man. I feel really good. This is the difference, man. I'm very chilled now. I'm not a floor sitter. I can't be. As much as I want to'm not a floor sitter, I can't be.

As much as I wanna extend my fucking seating purpose, I can't sit on the floor. Do you know what it's like in the old days, in the very old days when you were at school and you'd go to assembly at junior school and you'd sit on the floor cross-legged. Yeah, yeah. You'd be able to do that for ages.

Now the idea of sitting cross-legged for any amount of time, I can't even imagine. I've been sleeping on the floor recently with Grace being poorly. Grace, like we're trying to get her to stay in her bed. So what we've had to do is basically she stays in her bed and she's like that. And like Catherine's really good at being like, you know, you go in your bed and then Catherine will sort of stay with her for a while. Grace has to be, daddy, you stay.

I end up from like midnight to about three in the morning Just sleep on the floor next to a bed like a dog like Brian from family car Just at the foot of a bed and she'll wake up sometimes go daddy you here and I'm like, yeah Oh, yeah, well, I'm a body at the moment feels like I've been yeah, it feels like there's no point me buying furniture Good for you. No, that's something insane that someone said that. No, but I'm sure, isn't it good for you? Let me just see what. Google it.

Have a look, you little, you little cynic. See, benefits are improved posture, cooler sleeper, I mean it's not cool sleep, she's got a shagged pile carpet. Pressure points are potentially worse than back pain, there we we go so I don't understand what you're saying so it's good for improved posture right but pressure points so areas like your hips your buttocks and your heels can really be affected back pain could be worse limited mobility which is fucking already a problem essentially I'm like a big old haulage truck so there's no mobility here. Okay. Hygiene concerns. Oh fuck sake don't tell me that.

Matches damage. Why matches damage if you see it on the floor? Matches damage is a fucking 20 stone broken. This really is the last time I ask you to sort of research something and read it out. You're just throwing out like random words here and there. I don't know what the hell you're on about. Yeah, so no pressure points. So your hips, your shoulders. I get that. What's mattress damage? I don't know. I think it's if you put a mattress right on the floor without a bed. I think that can affect it. What sort of bed are you dealing with these? What are you and Lisa sleeping in? Or what's your sleeping situation at the moment? You and Lisa. What sort of

bed have you got? Comfortable? Yeah, like a big bed. We've got one of those memory mattresses. And yeah, pretty good. I mean, it's an ongoing constant debate about how much contact we're gonna make with each other during sleep, you know?

Oh really? Well, it's tricky, isn't it? Because the truth of it is, it's very difficult to sleep the whole night comfortably in a cuddle position, right? What? You don't cuddle before you go to sleep do you? Sometimes I do, yeah. Oh, we have a cuddle then depart and then go to sleep.

Well no, sometimes like Lisa would like to sort of drape an arm across me or I'll drape an arm across her. But then it's slightly less, It's difficult to get into a comfortable position like that. So then Sometimes we don't do it. Can I just ask if you ever looked at Lisa after going nice cuddle I mean Does it help your sort of little mental Rolodex of fantasies if I say yes, I have I love sn so much. I love snuggling in the nape of your neck. Anyway.

Okay do you want to do some emails? Yes, I love an email. Okay, this is not an animal. Here's my dilemma. Back in November, before my then girlfriend and I split up, nothing untoward, just didn't work out, she kindly bought me and her tickets to Romesh's Amsterdam tour show in May as a birthday gift. And she knew I loved you guys.

She printed me off the email notification in the car. The breakup was quite sad for both of us, especially as our children had grown close and we'd recently been through a lot together. We decided a clean break with no contact and social media visibility would be, and no social media visibility would be the best for us. And we've had no contact since November.

I really hope she's okay for the record. Regarding the tickets for the now sold out show, would it be really bad to break the code and make contact to get hold of said tickets, or do I let it lie and move on? Many thanks for making us smile. What do you think? Oh man, it's really, you know what?

I genuinely feel really sad. Me too. It's actually made me feel really, I don't think you should I think like if if they were both affected by it in both and it requires a lot to move on From a situation like that for both people and she think that you know, you I guess if you've made that You've made that deal and you've made that I guess if you've made that You've made that deal and you've made that

That they're the boundaries of which you draw it. It feels quite disingenuous in a sense to sort of Message and go. Oh, by the way, can I have the two? Well, yeah And I know what we're sure we furious that mean there'll be an empty seat I'm only loves earning the money, but obviously hey tickets are paid to DC. Yeah, so yeah, but you don't like to empty seats Seldom do you have to unlike myself? such a dick it But but my yeah, I think that um, it would be it feel quite hard because you don't know if you haven't had any Interaction with with them since this has happened, it would almost feel like you don't

know whether they've struggled to with not making contacts and they might be in a better place now and then you making contact could could set them back so as hard as I think it would be and knowing how amazing the show is. We actually whether you know, one could sort of Yeah, I take it to one of the other gigs yeah I might be able to sort of do you know I'm not doing any other night I mean I'm happy to but I'll have to go to another country I'm only doing one night in Amsterdam yeah so that right yeah well actually you could probably listen get back if you want to go to another one I'll sort out I

will sort out tickets for another one doesn't bother me I mean I knew you did it you're good guys but what I'm saying is like Vienna Vienna by the way, you did Vienna? I've done Vienna, that's done. Oh, yeah. Yeah, also, yeah. Barcelona, can have tickets to the Barcelona show. Ooh, Barcelona, and then you could fucking hang out. No, no, let me be crystal clear on that, no.

And that's nothing to do with you, by the way, mate. That is just, that is like a blanket. Nothing about you, it's just, it makes no sense for either of us to be honest with you So let me be crystal clear on that But if you want tickets for another day, I will sort it out for you. Just let me know You're back in touch my friend. In fact, do you know what? I might be able to sort your Different seats for the Amsterdam show. Wow. See what do you know what when you listen to this? I Have already asked the question

I might be able to sort your other seats don't get in touch the right because it like Tom says that is really Tricky do you mean and it's like it's a horrible thing a horrible reason to get in touch so Leave it and I'll sort you out other tickets. All right done or if you want to go to Barcelona go Barcelona Go any European say and you know what it could be great for you as well. So yeah, for him. Yeah, we got Yeah, it'll be good. Yeah, it's great to travel. I think you know, I've read a thing on Instagram about traveling alone. What a good

thing is today. Yeah, and a great city as well, man. Shout out to Barcelona. Yeah, although they don't, you know, one of the things I'm slightly nervous about, and I'd love some advice for if there are any travel agents out there, is that I'm supposed to be doing a tour show in Barcelona, and I'm also supposed to be going on holiday to Spain later in the year. I'm supposed to be doing a tour show in Barcelona, and I'm also supposed to be going on holiday to Spain later in the year. And my understanding in the news is that they don't want

any tourists in Spain anymore. So now I'm thinking, do I cancel the holiday? Have you seen this? No, I haven't seen it. Like, people are getting attacked. Like, people in Barcelona got water guns fired at them by locals saying, we don't want you here that they don't want tourists because

Tourism has affected the area disproportionately It's pushed rent prices up And so a lot of people in these towns feel like their lives are being made worse rather than better as a result of tourism And so they are anti-tourists. So what I'm slightly nervous of is Turning up there and feeling incredibly unwelcome for the way we're going to in Spain for your holiday, Majorca I think me Yorkans will love no, that's one of the specific areas where they've been anti-tourists. Fuck you know, really? Yeah Yeah, wow. Yeah so

I'm still playing having their cake and eat it. What do you mean? Well, they love the tour is the way it's like we've been going for years. You thought that Spain was the area that they're in. Maybe where the problem lies. We began there for years and fucking. I mean, is this just English people or everyone? It's Germans, Dutch. No, I don't try and attempt to name all the other nationalities that might visit Spain now. For Christ's sake. I think it's everyone. No, I don't try and attempt to name all the other nationalities that might visit Spain now for Christ sake

I Think it's everyone Okay, that's cool Well, you know, you know who happened you got a little bit St. George there. What's that? What are you getting? George but we have we've got an infamously terrible reputation around Europe as not being particularly You watch any videos from Benidorm it looks incredibly respectful of the local culture. Do you know what I mean?

Wait, hold on, Benidorm and Tenerife not having tourists? No, Benidorm and Benidorm not having tourists. Yeah, that's so fucking out. Yeah, Benidorm. Once Benidorm starts saying your way, you know you've got a problem. Have you been on holiday to Benidorm? Yeah, I have. Now what is it actually like to go on holiday in Benidorm? Well, I'd love to take you. I don't think it's not. It's a Tom Davis that used to exist many moons ago. This Tom Davis can't handle Benidorm anymore. Really?

At one point I was like, yeah, one point I was, yeah. I love Benidorm. I love what it stood for and what it represented. Now not anymore. Yeah, I couldn't handle it anymore. What is it? Just getting smashed up? Yeah, it's messed up It's a very lively scene

The strip in Benidorm is fucking insane. I remember back in the day Okay, well the point is I'd love to know if anybody can I know I'm asking for a lot of advice and Consultation, you know, it's an interactive podcast Should I cancel my holiday to Spain and is anybody else? asking for a lot of advice and consultation, but you know, it's an interactive podcast. Should I cancel my holiday to Spain? And is anybody else? Well, you know what? We could get a travel expert on the next episode.

That's a great shout. That's a great shout. If there's any travel experts that want to come on, you can come on, okay? Yeah. We're starting to do this now. We're starting to think about getting experts on. All right?

Yeah. Okay. Hey, Wolf, Alan, Swan, and Cap. one of your one of my many releases to the pot I listen to an episode where you sang the praises of people in pubs Who when being served at a bar ask if you're already being served before they order a drink As someone who's worked in a pub for many years. I always actually find this quite aggravating Hmm as a staff tend to be this is bad Isn't it as a staff tend to be well aware who was waiting at the bar first and would always ask the next person in

Line once I know the person in front is already being served I'm aware not all pubs function like this But it got me thinking about some of our biggest bug bears when it comes to customers And I'm curious if you've been guilty of any of the following. Okay, so Tom, let's go through these one by one All right. Okay. Can I just say by the way? What the person and I've got no doubt this person is an exemplary incredible bar person That is a complete fabrication of the truth that bar people have a complete idea of who's to be served next I've drunk in pubs for the last 20 odd years and I can tell you if far outweighs the time

We've been stood stood at a bar to buy drinks that they tried to serve someone else. Okay well fine but in defense of the bartending butterfly who you've gone in on tea-footed here. No no no they're not saying that's what happens in all parts. They're talking about themselves. And they clearly run a great bar. Yeah. But I'm saying it happened to me even this week so okay fine all right well I'm sorry that happened to you okay so when I'm curious to know if you've been guilty of any of the following one orderly just jump in here to please please the god I made the mistake of starting to speak there after you went no no no just because I just want to say something yeah by the way I I bear no ill will against the bar person for not

knowing. I think that's down to us as customers because they're up against it. If it's a busy bar, we should be the people going, he's next or she's next or whatever. The bar person has got a lot more going on than we have. So I actually think we should self-herd and we should be better at going. So I don't bear them any real world because it's a stressful job at a busy bar. Okay, all right, yeah, listen, do you think you've, have you done the full 180 now, do you think? I think so. So should we get-

No, no, no, no, but my objection wasn't what she, my objection, no, my objection was what she turned around, she was, or the bar butterfly was saying, the most bar, and I'm like, that doesn't happen. No, okay. That's all I was saying. Okay, so point one, ordering a drink and going to the toilet before paying this completely mess up the queue and often leaves me standing like A mark holding a drink in a card machine while they finish up their business. Have you ever done that?

No, no, I've done it once So you have done it clearly you have done it you have no thinking my You have done it I've really been probably done it when I was drinking a lot, probably, and I was a big drunk. Okay. Yeah, I think I probably have done that and I feel bad for that. Okay, now this, I've never done that and never would, I can't even understand why you would do that, but anyway. Well if you really need to piss and you've been queuing for ages.

Fine, fucking wait, you're literally at the point of like getting served. No, if you've ordered a pint of Guinness, my friend. Okay. Well, don't order a fucking Guinness. Or you ordered six drinks. If you ordered one drink, do you know what I mean? But if you've ordered six drinks, you're like, look, what are you doing now?

Listen, I think it's, I don't, I look, I don't care what you say. I don't care about your justification. You shouldn't do it, okay? You've got quite a weak bladder. I know I have, I know I have. I know I have. Driver Jim often tells me.

But yet I still manage to have never done that. So there you go. OK. Two, now this is something you've almost certainly done. Paying with cash and saying something along the lines of, do you still take real money? Or I bet you haven't seen this in a while. This is often the old boys and it's an repetitive conversation about how cash

is king and nowhere accepts cash these days. Tom have you done that? No I'm an avid user of Apple Pay. I do something, do you know one thing I do know in restaurants and pubs I try and carry some cash on me as a tip. Okay. Because I do feel quite bad when you tip and you realize the person who served you isn't getting that tip Yeah, either gets kept or it goes into a pot No, and then you've got someone who's really lazy on the staff who's just sort of lingering about doing nothing. Yeah No, I share the tips like you Since that's a lot that since watching blow deck

Yeah, no, you're watching the latest series And I look at some of the people sorry one of the things that I don't know sound blood that have they got $20,000 in cash What's going on you have yeah? I mean, yeah, yeah, that is a good point So you must know you're gonna tip that much I guess so but then what you do is this 300 fucking pound limit Isn't it? How many days and how many consecutive days you going to the bank? We go into the bank and we draw it and then what you're walking around 20,000 in cash Well, yeah, I mean you're a boat, you know, you know, I didn't get out just before you got on the boat It all feels still love to do that with you by the way. Do what below deck? Yeah, I'd actually love to do

No, not today's I'd love to go on and be good We do day in Syria day exterior. So we get on. Well I don't think we can do exterior, I think it requires like quite a lot of like boat knowledge to do exterior, doesn't it? No, we'd be alright. What docking? Not docking, but we'd be out putting out the fucking water toys, inflator balls, the slider and all that stuff and cleaning. Yeah, I mean Lisa tells me you're not much of a cleaner so listen I'll be fucking knocking my pipe out you'd be terrible but have you made a bed when do you like make a bed last goes on his truth God's honest truth two days ago yours no mine I'm not gonna make the boys better they commit their own bloody bed okay. I'll ask Lisa about this when she's round. We can ask her you can ask him. I was today So okay, so good. All right, good. So on this trip, when's the last time you made the bed? I make every week

Yeah, I love making a bit Mmm, I get a kick out of it. Okay. I don't think we're talking about the same thing. You make the bed every week. No, it's, yeah, no. It's making the bed as in putting on the sheets, the duvets. Oh God, I've never done that. What? Yeah, when you said making the bed, I think you meant like, actually like. Oh, what, make what? As in fucking straighten the bed out after you sleep? Yeah.

That's what making the bed means. That's what making the bed means. No, what can I say, by the way? the validation that you wanted two days ago you fucking made the bed I was like that's fucking impressive but what you fucking straighten the bed out of your fucking guy out of two days ago it's more complicated than that you got a fucking put all the cushions out in the proper order you got a straighten out all the thing you got a like smear that the diva then you can put the top sheet on there Then you've got a range the pillows in the correct order then you got to position the cushions like it's fucking Like it's hard. Take it takes a lot. You've got a very ritzy bed You need to take that with the swan that's not my

But but you should I think I it's good for your mental health to make your bed every day when you when you get out of it Mmm, but also yeah making the bed as in changing it will change in the bed covers when I watch blowdeck I know that I'd be able to level that up. I'll be pretty exemplary at that I think it's sort of classic you that you would watch something like that and think you can immediately do it better No, not better. No, but you should level it up. You should level it up. No up no no no level up my game I literally be with a chiefs cheer and I go you know I can't wait to get stuck into his bed making I'd be yeah where would you sit do you be in the laundry

would I be in laundry yeah I think I'd be right laundry I think I'd be alright in laundry. I think you'd be good in the laundry. I wouldn't mind being chef. Wow! Wow! That's the most arrogant thing you've ever said. I don't think it's the most arrogant thing I've ever said. That's the hardest job on the boat. No, but if I had like some, I'd need some colouring training, obviously. But like, you know.

You melt, Ron. You see the fucking pressure there. Mate, the pressure there under those poor chefs, I feel every time for my heart bleeds, it breaks for them. OK. Should we get back to the bartending butterflies email? Trying to guess the bar staff's age or asking them to guess your age? No.

I think this might be a weird way of flirting, but it normally ends with someone being offended. OK. I would never, I cannot imagine a fucking alternate dimension where I'd ask somebody what their age is or guess their age. Jesus. And obviously we're both at an age where that's nothing but creepy. I do think I sort of- What are you 18? Were you 18?

I used to say this at- You old enough to work in a bar, love. There are, can I just, for men in general, when you get to the sort of age that Tom and I are at just accept it is creepy and Women feel uncomfortable when you talk to them unnecessarily women of that age So when you start going how old are you and all that shit? It's horrible. All right, just don't do it Okay Coming to the bar where all the beers are on display and asking

what beers do you have? Oh god, I've done that. I have done that. I've done. Is that unreasonable? You have to suddenly like take in all of the beers on display. I'll say what lager. I mean now, yeah, what lagers. Yeah. And then the classic, this is the last one, ordering a Guinness last. No, I mean that I was taught at a very young age never to do that. The only juxtaposition, if you're in a round, then someone turns around and you're ordering around, and they say, I'd like a Guinness.

And then you look like the prick, but you kind of have to turn around and go, I'm sorry, I'm with an asshole. Yeah. How old are you? Just going to nip some soil in it. Okay, well thank you for your email. Why are you doing that, Ken? It's last. I'm just going to go for a shit. Thank you for that bath ending butterfly. That was actually a very, very great email.

You know what? I quite like emails like that. They've got in-depth questions. I agree. I mean, it's taking a little bit more effort. Yeah, beautiful things. Okay, go for it. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, the sum up. Sorry, can I be honest with you, I got slightly distracted by text. You look like you were looking at your penis at one point. No, I wasn't. I've shaved, that's completely hairless as well, by the way. Are you joking? No, I just thought I might as well do the top and tail.

Okay, shall we get to the, sorry, Tom, excuse my rudeness. Please would you do us the honours of seeing us out? Wow, wow. Oh, wow. Smiles and laughs, laughs and cries. But hope never dies. I have a friend this week who travels abroad. Why? Chances to a new land, to break new frontiers. Scared of what the outcome could be. Courageous though, flying into the unknown. And that is what life is all about sometimes. Sometimes the convention of your reality can become the chains that hold you to the ground, breaking

free from those chains, although releasing you can sometimes feel daunting. Every day I try and do something new. A bit, what do you mean Tom? In what case? Something big? No, something small. Like maybe I'll have some honey in my coffee. Really? Yes, friend. I've never done that before today. Maybe instead of sweet corn, I'll have a call on the cob. Maybe instead of relish, I'll have some mustard. Breaking your boundaries is always exciting. And you always feel every time you do them, you've grown a little bit as a friend or person. Say hello to a rabbit might sound weird,

because you usually just say hello to a dog and cat. But going hey floppy, how's it hanging? Well, that's a new thing. And I guess we both learned something after all. And I guess we both learned something after all. That's really good. Really good. Really good. Really good, son. Thank you.

JT, can you play us out with a little bit of DC3, please? A song called I Know, it's an 18 year old kid who does some like, it's actually kind of religious Christian hip hop, I guess, but it's like, it's great. Really good. Okay. Beautiful.

Guys, we will see you on the flip. Oh, by the way, tickets still available for the tour. Uh, very. Yeah. Yeah. Some places. So hold on. You're making out like it's a fucking flop now. This is this. I don't mind you doing this.

I don't mind you doing this for your tour, but now you're fucking like impacting on my career. All right. The tour is selling great. Thank you. You've bought tickets There's still tickets available, but I don't want this Fucking sad sack over here going please please please for fuck's sake Get some fuck. Yeah, I know like your marketing strategy. All right, where you sort of

Try and elicit sympathy and just fucking sadness from the people so that they feel like they're donating to a charity just if there are still tickets available to the Wolf on Out shows. There's some beautiful tickets for beautiful people. Yeah okay. All right thank you so much guys we'll see you next time. Keep it real. Bye bye. Lately been in the grass, I'm mowing it My hand towards the hover instead of them showing it, yeah God bless unto those who envy me He love Judas, I can do the same by showing it I make it, here the flower that grew from the concrete, unfaithful On the ground was faith, I had to grow in it, woah Dabbing on my mind like a neutral, it's bothering bad business

Like phoenix, I couldn't wait up, whoo Everything I done been through The one who came in the manger had also been through, been through Rainy days and I don't want to ring too He took me out of cold about even a tissue If you have a problem, opinion, feedback or anything at all please email us at wolfalpod at gmail.com That's wolfalpod at gmail.com We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we

don't have any content ideas. Thank you. Hey there, I'm Keema Bath and I have a new podcast. It's called Icebergs and it's about the endless journey to find ourselves and find out what it really means to have self acceptance and self love. I'll be exploring the inner landscapes of some of my favorite people. Oh, I don't like being self aware. And asking them about who they are, how they got that way and how they feel about it. That's subjective what I do on stage. I am objectively not funny off stage.

A bit of their present. I didn't know that I was ugly until I was like 16 and record executives told me it. A bit of their present. I didn't know that I was ugly until I was like 16 and record executives told me it. A bit of their past. I need more time being alone than I thought. And how they navigate all that stuff. That's definitely something I think my therapist would have to bring it on. The thing about icebergs is only 10% of them is above the surface. 90% we can't even fathom and I think people are a lot like that and if they're not then that's a really dumb name for a podcast.