Wolf and Owl - S4 Ep 15: A New Cat & Usher’s Cherries

Episode Date: April 9, 2025

We’re talking… early morning recordings, surviving a house fire, family pets and a new cat in the Davis household, lots of chat about rats, school nicknames, an update on Rom’s son’s school placement, Usher’s very suggestive bowl of cherries and a jobsworth security guard the last ever You Me At Six gig. For questions or comments, please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod TikTok - @wolfowlpodcast YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch & Mailing List - https://wolfandowlpod.com A Mighty Ranga Production For sales and sponsorship enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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you're not with Fizz. Switch today. Conditions apply. Details at f phys.ca Ain't just a mistake, that's an awful howler Both of them are known to pull up at your shows Have the crowd witnessing the murder like they're rolling with a gang of crows Fuck their censorship, let them see the whole thing They stay dressed to kill, never sheep's clothing Dark enough to turn the sun to the moon, you'll see nothing All you hear's a huff and puff and a... Expect killings, red spilling and flesh ripping

Impressive innit, the death bringing its head spinning Just kidding, every word in in his songs about two grown men Dressed up as a bird and a dog Boom. Hello and welcome to the Wolf- Oh, shit. Hello and welcome to the Wolf and Owl. It's 6.30, 4 a.m.

It's the only time we've been able to record it for various reasons, but, um, is anyone else awake in your house? I can just hear Grace awaken, just go down and check on the cat. She's- Oh yeah, you got a new cat? Yeah, Maui.

Maui? The three little Maui, yeah. Yeah, how's she finding it? She loves it. It's like literally that they're kindred spirits already. It's a very beautiful thing to witness. What were your boys like with the dogs? Did they find straight away, did they find a way?

What were they like to do? I would describe having dogs as transformative for our younger two children. I would say that the eldest one is, he's doing a very good impression of being completely indifferent to them. Oh, what, he doesn't, he literally doesn't? Well I just, I don't, I don't, I don't, like he doesn't not like them, like when they come over,

because they'll often come over and like want a cuddle or whatever, and when that happens he indulges, but I would say he's the least enthusiastic. Who's the most enthusiastic? In the family? It's in the family,? In the family? In the family? Oh Lisa. Really? You know, Lisa is... I think Lisa is so enthusiastic, I feel like she's getting something from the dogs that she doesn't get from her husband or children. That is the impression I'm giving. She's not said it explicitly but I

Think if you were to ask her you know that but you know if you to ask her that who would you save in a fire? First thing and she was able to answer honestly without the relevant people finding out She would run out with Reggie and Ivy under arms and then she think about and then it would be the kids Should get them out simultaneously and then she'd be like do we have time would be the kids. She'd get them out simultaneously, and then she'd be like, do we have time to get a dad? Let's have a chat about it now. What do you think, what do you think? Kids, what do you think? Should we take a vote?

Should we try and get the dogs to vote? Oh my God, they look so cute, look, they're running around the garden. You know, that's what I'm saying. Quick, fuck the PlayStation, mum, the PlayStation. Of course you had the PlayStation. Yeah. All the time you're like, help, help!

Yeah. Well, I probably wouldn't have even woken up. I'd just sort of die in my sleep quietly. You know, if you're going to die in the fire in your house, I think sleeping would be the best, rather than so you don't know the fire's going on. No, I agree. I don't think that's as profound as you think it is. You know, the surprise thing about me is that if I was to die in a fire, I'd rather it be asleep rather than sort than awake and aware and on fire and screaming.

Yeah. Me too, Tom. You're such a quirky guy. Yeah, but if you're awake during the fire, there's no reason that you should die, because you could just jump out a window. No, that's not true. It's not true. It's difficult to escape from a fire. You might be in a weird situation where there's a wall of flames,

as well as Spiderman has to get involved, do you know what I mean? In saving your life. Oh my God, please don't. You're such a little Spiderman. Mate, if you're waiting for Spiderman to fucking help you get out of a fight, fuck. Listen, let's.

I'm just gonna wait here and roll out until Spiderman arrives. There's no such thing as Spiderman. Oh, fucking hell, now you tell me. I think you're fine there is. I saw one climbing the Big Ben just the other day. Ha ha ha. Could I just say-

It's a big sign. I wanna see them again. The genius of you calling it the Big Ben might be my favorite thing ever. Ha ha ha. The Big bed. I saw him scampering up the big bed the other day. If you've got windows in your room, this is why you should always be in a room with windows,

you just have to jump out of a window, you only break a leg or two. You don't know that for deffi- what if you're on the fourth floor? Well I haven't got four floors, but no me neither But I'm just saying and also what you've got a safe surface on to fall on sir. Well, it's like if you Don't want to show off I've fallen off of like out of like first like when I'm scaffolding a full-on first and second floors And what happened? Well, I broke a couple ribs cracked in me Shut my ankle, but yeah, but that's better than yeah I get it. Okay. Yeah better than fire me the fire

But fire and drowning the to the what heat and fucking water return the worst ways of going mate. Yeah, I get it What was you're saying a lot of obvious shit today? I'm just waiting for you to I'm waiting for you to like midway through the podcast declare that people don't realize how important breathing is So that's good, I'm listen I'm glad I'm glad you've got the cat and I do think animals are great with like for kids It's like amazing the the the boys I mean I'm sort of being deliberately kind of facetious about Theo's enthusiasm for the dogs they all love them but how much they love them is it's beautiful it's actually beautiful to see man I love it so one of my favorite

they do make the house a happier place to live. It's sort of. Yeah. It's a mood booster. It's got a little mood booster going on. You know, it's lovely. They're kind of just, because they're just oblivious to everything, aren't they?

Well, they're very much, they're very much, you know, animals very much live their lives in the way that we're supposed to increasingly be doing so, but aren't able to manage it. And that is, and by that I mean, they're in the moment you know exactly yeah you're that's what we're supposed to be we're supposed to you know but animals follow Eckhart Tolle's like way of life which is appreciate what's happening in that exact moment when you give your dog or cat some food all that's

going through their head is this food and how delicious it is. They're not thinking, when's the next meal coming along? They're not thinking, oh goodness, I better eat this now because I've got to get onto something quite stressful that I've got to do in a minute. They are just in the moment, and then they finish the meal,

and then they go run around and they're sniffing their arsehole, and all they're thinking about is their arsehole in that moment. It's beautiful. Do you know what I mean? Would you say that you would trade now the life you've got to literally just live in the moment like that where you just walk around sniffing your arsehole and eating food? I'd love to live in the moment. I would love to live in the moment. The one thing that I do feel sorry for the dogs actually is that they, because obviously we don't want,

we were very cautious about giving the dogs like food from the table or whatever. Tip bits, they're called. Tip bits and all that, yeah. We don't want to give them any of that because we want them to be, we don't want them to put on too much weight and we don't want them to get used to like begging

and all that kind of stuff. So we've been pretty hot on that but It did occur to me That it must be quite frustrating to not be able to just eat whenever you want to yeah Do you know do you know I mean like they they they they're tons and I mean the the ivy are the younger dog just She seems to be eternally hungry. I don't think there's a point in which you go I don't think there's a point in which I've you would go. Do you know I've had enough I Don't want that. Yes. Yeah cats are a little bit different than that when we had that dog

He was always just fucking he just ate all the time Where's cats this like like they're basically in for this Kevin? I hope it's not always gonna be like that But it's like a running buffet throughout the day He's literally like food just laid out for him. And he'd come for a taste as he was. Have you had a cat before? Yeah, I had a cat when I was a kid called Daisy, who ran off and yeah.

She basically heard my sister saying that we should get a new cat. And the cat like left one day and never came back. And you think that's because she heard your sister saying we should get a new cat Well, my sister said Daisy's getting old. I think we should get a new cat and two days later We woke up and Daisy was gone. I think I've talked about this before I can't remember Yeah, and do you definitely think Daisy ran away? Yeah, yeah, well no, they've you don't mean anything. So I need to grim not to be too grim

Daisy was found in the woods dead a couple of years ago. Okay, Jesus Christ. Okay. So my next follow-up question is... My mum and dad didn't tell me and then someone else from school told me. Why did someone else from school tell you that? Because the kids at school are pricks. As far as I was concerned, Daisy rolled rolled up a handkerchief taking a walk and

Yeah, I've gone off for sort of like, you know, I was living in like so some sort of sweet cat commute Yeah. Yeah. Yeah So, you know how to look after cat then basically yeah, I mean cats are very there's minimal interaction with a cat I mean, he's literally he's a kitten at the moment He he's so chilled out. He's the most chilled out person. I know it is Always not a person but what what what you so chilled out? I look literally look at him Where's he shitting in the little tray? Okay, so how did they? Beautiful so how's that happened? I don't know, he just literally picked it up.

Oh, the lady we brought him from gave him some, like, giving him a bit of training. So he's toilet trained already? Yeah. Okay. But unlike dogs, our front room is now just a complete, you know, we've got cat food out, it won't always be like that. We've got his litter tray out, it's literally like It's literally like living spaces become his space. And would you have to do that initially, do you?

Well, I think you've got to have a safe space that they thought is their little space and not have too big a space. They like the confinements of a place where they can't look at it. So did you as a family work out what the confines of Maui were going to be then? Yeah, yeah apart from the fact that Grace is twice now let him out. So he's in a pen is he? No, no, no he's just got the run in the front room. Oh fine, so he's got the front room is his territory currently? Yeah.

Okay. When are you allowed to let him outside? I don't know, we live quite a big road. So we decided it's not going to be a house cat. That's what we brought him as a cat that's happy in the house. That's what we did a lot of research. That's what we found out that he'd be. But he seems very, yeah, obviously. Yeah, sorry for all the questions. I've just never had a cat before.

Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm fascinated. I'm fascinated. And it's great for the listeners, you know, to get a little insight on what it's like to sort of, you know, what, a little insight on what it's like to sort of, you know, by the way, what a life. This cat, I know they fall on their feet regularly, but this guy, one of the flashiest houses in the UK now,

this cat has found itself in, and it's got the whole front room as his territory. Fucking what a life. Well, the rest of the house at the moment for him is like, you know, in Lion King, the Badlands. That's what we sort of, I'm trying to sell him. I'm trying to scare him out Just need everything the light touches. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, so this morning I thought that front room lights everything the front everything the front room lights touch everything that you can touch

Yeah, we tend to call him Simba for any part Grace decided on Maui very quickly okay Maui was the way Mmm, and and very much her little cat that she sort of she's she adores it Mmm, it's this very similar kinship that I used to have with Daisy Right okay, there's a picture of me that my mom does still have and I'm yeah I've only got a top on and I'm looking in the toilet. Daisy's with me looking down there as well. This is the tour that's riding wild. We need to get a bit of an insight

into why she ended up running away. Must have been nice that last couple of days of freedom for her. Fucking... Oh God, it's Tom doing his Winnie the Pooh recreation again. What, we've got a toilet again? Yeah. It's nasty down there. I don't want to play Pooh Sticks again. What, we've got a toilet again? Yeah. I don't want to play poo sticks again.

Have you heard about these rats at the size of cats in Birmingham? No, I haven't actually. So what's the deal? There's rats, is that the end of the story? There's rats the size of cats. No, basically there's, you know, shout out, the bin men have gone on strike there because of pay and stuff and Basically

There's just refuse and rubbish being left out in the streets of Birmingham and apparently it's rats They're the size of cats. They're massive and if this doesn't get sorted out they think they think the rats could take over the city basically because What you like in terms like this summer they will take control of the council and stuff and start? No, but they'll be they'll be in a day with rats It'll be very well I guess like if the rats are coming through Birmingham, and then they're like something like what how sick is this? Then they're gonna start communicating to other acts you got come into but I've seen ratatouille These guys are like they're not fucking dumb. That's all happens in ratatouille. No, they're in to start communicating to other acts. You've got to come over to, I've seen Ratatouille. These guys are like, they're not fucking dumb.

That's what happens in Ratatouille. No, they're in Paris, aren't they? They sort of start communicating, they start operating as a team. Communicating through the whole film, they're chatting, they speak English. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, they don't speak English, and they were allowed an insight into how they sound. Do you remember that? We don't speak English in the film, the voice-boar of America. Okay, but when, at the beginning of the film, when you see it from the, you know, the old lady with the shotgun? When she hears them talking, they're just making rat noises, right?

And he can't speak to, he doesn't speak to the chef. He only hears squeaking. Of course, yeah, yeah. So they're not actually, what's happening is we are through the The magic of film able to understand but if we were to see them if we would see Remy We he would he would be able to talk to because that's the best thing. I mean, he's dead now Remy There's the rats lifespan is he's already dead Well, how long do the rats live but I don't know like a year or something I mean that restaurant was one of the worst investments in ever.

The little rat run restaurant. I mean you're looking at 12 months probably. Can I ask you, would you have gone there with Lisa if you were in Paris and you heard that it was the best food in Paris but rats cooked it for you? Yes, 100% I would have gone there. Because he's making it, because his speciality is a vegan dish. 100% I'm going. Yeah. Ratatouille. Yeah, wow. That's all he cooks actually. I don't

know. He cooks everything. But the ratatouille. Did you watch this film? Yeah I did but I can't remember what he cooked. I was watching it for the sort of like the bit at the end with the critic always just does me. I can't remember a bit where he's frying the steak. The steak was way more than he would how would he flip it that? I don't know. He's got he jumps on the handle of the you know I mean, I don't know. I don't think they ever showed him actually flipping a state, but he made loads of stuff He turned a bloody red suit white which I've since been led to believe is impossible Incredibly difficult because it'd be movie the bees speak English. English. Yeah, like Jerry Seinfeld is able to talk to the woman.

Their relationship is quite strange, actually, I would say. Yeah. She's sort of like, what, fancies a bee? Is that what happens? Well, also, it's so little about her fucking, the misogynist guy that she's with. He's such a piece of shit, theke that you know the horrible toxic relationship. Yeah he's got to be really toxic for a B to muscle him.

It's quite a sweet relationship because he cares about her. Yeah he does. We should all try and be a bit more like what's his name in there? Martin? Kev? The B? Yeah. Are you asking what the name of the B is? Let me check. Yeah. It won't be oh I can't imagine it's Kev the Bay. Yeah, you're asking what the name of the Bay is. Let me check. Yeah

It won't be oh, I'm gonna miss curve Barry B Benson. Good movie that big movie Mmm, it's not sweet End of white lotus last night Yeah, I've not watched any of it. Is it is it definitely worth watching? I think the last episode was really good I've got to say it was a good episode But yeah, it's I found it a little bit like lost this series Oh, so domesticate the average lifespan of a rat is two to three years Someone can live with two four years, but so that's domesticated So they tend to live longer than ones out in the wild don't they say?

Hello 18 months, maybe longer than ones out in the wild don't they say? 18 months maybe? Yeah but the only thing the only rat I can think of in my youth was Splinter and he was really really old he was like well depending on the origin story uh you know which version of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles you're watching there is some sort of mutation gone on there isn't there? Yeah I mean some of them Splinter was originally a rat and then sort of learned ninjitsu. Right, yeah. And then in other ones, he was a human that became a rat. So.

That'd be awful, wouldn't it? Well, I do think, if you started, I find that origin story slightly more upsetting. If you started life as a human, then you're not living in a sewer with four turtles. As a rat. We had a tea show called Mrs. As a rat. It's quite a lonely distance. We had a t-shirt for Mrs. Griggs somewhere at school.

We used to call her Splinter, because she looked like a rat. What a horrible fucking thing to do. What a horrible bunch of children. We were kids. And a toast. That is so fucking horrible. But she looked like, she generally looked like a rat. It's like that is the fucking awful

Really? Did you call us into her face? No, of course we did. She was terrifying. She looked like a fucking little rat She's horrible. She was she was a very nice little character She was that with you know, the worst thing about it as well. Guess what she told gone Well mechanics, why is that the worst thing ever? Well, she looked like a rat and she She wasn't a rat was she? rat tendencies she had sort of yeah So you're home economics teacher or food tech as it's now called your your home economics teacher was or food tech as it's now called. Your home economic teacher was scary.

She was terrifying, yeah. Probably one of the most scary people I can ever think. And the problem with it being in food tech is then you've got the, I know what you're like, you would have like either forgotten your ingredients for that day or eaten them on the way into school. So then you're shitting yourself. Eating a whole fucking whole sheath of butter on the way.

So what you needed today was some butter and a bag of flour. Tom, do you have yours? Oh, I've got some bad news about that. Yeah, I basically crumbled it all together and ate it very much, I could crumble. I feel like I'm full of pastry. Yeah, that must be horrible. She's got a gnarly sort of character.

Did you ever, did the kids, you wouldn't have, you'd have been too cool to be this kid that sort of have a nickname like that, wouldn't you? Well, I might have had a nickname, but I didn't know about it. Yeah, yeah. You know, she might be doing a podcast somewhere, and somebody goes, do you ever have a nickname

when you're a teacher? Because I don't know, I don't think so. No, she never had a Korean comedy. The funniest thing about her is that she was, she was unknowingly funny. Do you know what I mean? Because she looked like a rat. Yeah, but also other teachers knew that her nickname

was Splinter or Ratty. Yeah. Well, that's funny because there's a French teacher called Ratty. Mr. Burnett was called Ratty. But he cottoned on to the fact that he started to get called Ratty. He used to absolutely fucking flip out.

Who called me Ratty? He really did not flip out. But I never called him that because it's horrible. Well, even as a kid you never called him. There's never been a group of kids. I heard kids call him Ratty and I didn't go... I actually think that's not... I actually don't think that's very nice of you saying that. But I didn't call him Ratoo, I don't think. Even then I thought that was a bit out of order. Wow.

I was very much a nickname giver at school. Yeah, I think maybe it's because I'd got called to say many nicknames at school maybe. Yeah, I had loads of nicknames, but the way that I always thought the teachers were just free game. Yeah, I mean, yeah. Listen, they've devoted their life

to the education of children, fuck them. No, no, but for kids, it was affectionate things, but do you know what I mean? Yeah. Now streaming on Paramount Plus. Name's Conrad Harrigan, family man. And if you cross my family, well, you'd better pray. From the underworld of Guy Ritchie, we shake the right hands break the wrong ones Comes the next great crime series and when someone forgets their place

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Choose from a world of destinations, if you can. Air Canada. Nice travels. I think nicknames could be quite nice. I mean, I'm saying this as an ex-teacher, and I didn't really have that. My time as a teacher was, you know, it was stressful, but only because of the stress you put on yourself. I actually really enjoyed my time as a teacher was, you know, it was stressful, but only because of the stress he put on himself. I actually really enjoyed my time as a teacher. But I do feel sorry for Teague. I talk to Theo sometimes, and like now he's in GCSE year, he's finding school incredibly stressful, so you know, because he wants to do well. And now you're in a situation where

And now you're in a situation where basically he associates those teachers with stress, right? So these teachers that are doing what I think is a really admirable job, they're sort of like, for Theo, they represent not a negative thing, but they represent a stressful situation. And a lot of kids hate school, don't they? So then you're somebody that's at the thing that these kids hate. It's hard. Speaking of which, by the way, if I might go into this,

West Sussex County, but can I first of all, sorry, I'm about to go into a rant now. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Thank you so much to everybody that's got in touch. There are people that have sent detailed, long emails and messages to me on Instagram about what to do

about this, about Charlie's school situation. So I do want to say thank you very, very much. And I'm trying to action all of that. West Sussex County Council are yet to reply to an email from me, right? Wow. It's fucking unreal. Currently, I know that they've got a lot to go through but it's my kids education

And like the thing is is that I don't understand why your siblings being at a school It's not like a fucking really high up on the criteria downgraded And now they think that our daily routine is gonna be dropping They're downgrading it. And now they think that our daily routine is going to be dropping two of the kids at one place and then driving all the way across the other side of town to send our other son somewhere else. It's like we couldn't get into that school because we're out of catchment. They've put us in another school that we're further out of catchment for, right, that

we didn't put on any of our preferences. And now when I try and message them about it, they're fucking ignoring me. And I understand that they're busy, but my experience is I don't know where my son's gonna go to school, and I'm being ignored. It's fucking shit. And the message that I've been getting from people

is it happens to loads of people. It's not that uncommon, and it's also not that uncommon to get ignored. So it's like, what the fuck is going on? Like I'm an advocate of comprehensive state school education, right? I used to work in it. I feel really strongly about supporting that system and like we are in a, I want to say, not I want to say, I'm an advocate of state education, but we have been let down and are continuing to be let down by this fucking system and it's doing my head in and I'm sort of trying to mask it from

Charlie because I don't want him to freak out because if he starts seeing us being worried I don't want that to transmit to him but currently I don't know the fuck he's gonna go school next year man do you mean it's like it's in September I say next year is this year it's not come around quick it will come around quick yeah thank you that's quick, yeah, thank you. That's what I wanted to hear. But that I'm joking about, but I don't know what, it's just fucked, man.

Not even a receipt of my email. I've sent two emails. The first email is this long detailed email about can you help me with this, this, and this, and this is what the situation is. The second email was going am I to take it? You're not responding. Like what's going on?

Like, I need to escalate and figure out what I'm going to do next. Can you tell me, is there going to be a response to that? Not a response to that one either. And I'm not sending it to random email address at West Sussex. It's a guy who has emailed us about before. Has he? Is it like a contact number or anything? There is a number, but it takes some automated thing, I don't know.

This is the other problem, by the way, with all of just everything, is that there's just no one you can speak to anymore. Well, somebody's email me to say, West Sussex are like the lowest ranked for responding or something or like that. But then they should be struck off, all of them. If you can't be there for your constituents

and like can't forgive. I genuinely think send the rats in, mate. Do you know what I mean? Send the fucking rats in. No, but seriously, it is quite stressful. Every time I think about it, I start to get stressed. I can see in your voice, and I can, Yeah, it's winding me up. I can feel it.

It's annoying, mate. But genuinely, I know that I said it last week, and I wasn't trying to be facetious, but can you not just, is there not a place where you can just go down there and speak to someone? Or like? Well, last week I almost ridiculed you for that suggestion.

Now I'm ready. I'm going. I'm going to get a few boys together. We're going to go down there in a van and I'm going to demand action. What would be? No, no, seriously, I do think I need to go down there. You're, we're gonna go down there in a van, and I'm gonna demand action. What would be? No, no, seriously, I don't think I need to go down there. You don't have to go down there.

I'm going full action on this, because it's like, I don't know what the fuck to do, man. This isn't working something quite sexy in you. No, it's like, Tom, you wouldn't, you know, like you would do anything for grandkids. When it comes to your kids, it's heavy. You know what I mean? Right, I'm with you.

Now I'm with you. Now I'm in a situation where there seems to be a very blase. My impression is there's a very blase attitude to where my son's going to school next year, this year. And I'm fucked off about it. Can I say by the way that a lot of these fucking town council people, they get into power and then they just fucking chill for a bit. Don't you think it's happening? People they get into power and then they just fucking chill for a bit. No, he thinks happening I think I think I think that with politics across the board Well, I can't you can't for the life of me think of a politician where I go

Oh fucking they see like they've got the best interests of other people at heart. I'm sure they do I mean you can't they'm sure like it might be sweeping statement But I'm very I've been very let down by the world politics and the people in it. And the last, I mean that, that I empathize with, I empathize with. It's very easy to get a bit negative about shit like that. But the fact of the matter is I am, I'm on the struggle bus with regards to the

situation. How long do you think it is? Do you think that at some point AI will just take over running things like that? Um, I mean, I imagine having AI respond to a processor request and then respond in an email thing, I can't imagine that's that far off. Do you know what I mean? I'm anti-AI replacing humans, but I am not anti-AI replacing no response. If it's a choice between not getting a response to an email

and getting an AI-generated response, then I'll have the AI-generated response, please. But I tell you what, speaking of AI, Tom, which is a great little segue, well done, and it's just testament to what a professional you are. I went to see Usher, and AI was a big part of his show. What do you mean? Well, I went to see Usher with The Swan,

Theo, Dinesh Nathan, and his wife. We went to the O2 to watch Usher. And he'd incorporated AI into his show. So it'd be like, that the show was called Past, Present, and the Future. And it's all about the history of his career and then as he can he comes on and he's got a massive screen at the back and then usher from like

1993 when he first came out Appears on the screen, but they just start making it do stuff I can't believe I'm playing the O2 if you just said to me in 30 years time I'm gonna play in the O2 I wouldn't believe like and it's like this kid Usher from back then is like saying all this shit. And then it's like, then like throughout the show, they have bits where Usher from four different stages

in his life are having like a Zoom call or something like a series of interviews. It's pretty mad. There is a bit, actually, that's not the, I mean, that was a great segue by you, well done. And it's almost like you did it on purpose. But have you heard about the cherries? No.

Are you aware of the cherry, the Usher cherry phenomenon? No. So midway through the concert, Usher emerges from backstage with, oh, before I get into this story, can I just give a massive shout out to Craig David? Usher brought out Craig David as a surprise guest that night and Craig David fucking ripped it, man. It was so good.

Yeah, but he's always gonna rip it, right? Mate, he's unbelievable. What a guy. Do you know when you go, I hadn't forgotten, I do think Craig David's great, but you know when somebody does something, you go, yeah, of course, man, you're not one of the best. Like, he just nailed it.

Anyway, so midway through the concert moved by through the gig sorry it's such an old person thing to say midway through the musical before my concerts a lovely word that we like a fire okay so it's all right to say that I think I said concert someone else and they pulled me up in it anyway midway through the can the through the concerted performance, Usher walks into the crowd with a big fur coat on and an ash, what looks like an ashtray full of cherries, right? And then he sort of walks around and kind of like starts feeding them to women in the audience.

And when I say feeding them, he's not like throwing them, like he throw dog treats. He's like, takes it by the stalk, and like he's going, where's my baby? And these women are looking all like sexual and like all turned on and like frothy and that. And then he kind of like really slowly drops the cherry into their mouth like that.

And then they sort of like don't drink. With the stalk and then they have the stalk sticking out their mouth and then they eat the cherry and then they sort of make eye't break eye contact. With the stalk. And then they have the stalk sticking out their mouth. And then they eat the cherry. And then they sort of make eye contact. It's incredibly sexual. He does that for about 20, 25 minutes of the show. He just walks around handing out cherries.

That's insane. And like there's, you know, I saw a thing. At what point in this world do you think, oh, we haven't got enough songs for this. Like this is going to really put on a, you know, rub it out, you know, you need something to make up time. What if I just, mate, if I thought of like me in my fucking next tour being able to just walk around

with a bag of M&M's, just slipping them into people's mouth. I actually think you should think about doing it. I mean, basically, one of the ladies from the O2, who was like looking after us, she said to me, she actually said to me, do you reckon you could do this for your next? So I was actually talking to Martin about it. We were thinking about doing it with samosas.

Do you know what I mean? Just sort of go down to the front row and just start. You know what, we should do it for the Wolf and Our Tour. It's not actually the worst thing. But you know the worst thing for me and you is number one, our fingers getting all over the fruit. Number two, someone will be allergic to something. Yeah, but that's the other thing is that's what I think is genius about.

Not genius, I think the cherry thing is a bit strange, if I'm being honest. And by the way, I don't want to take anything away from Usher. That guy is one of one of the most talented dudes, right? Just, you know, it's got a store. That guy is one of the most talented dudes, right? Just, but you know, it's got a store. You were allergic, yeah. What if you were allergic to cherries though? Well, I see.

If you learned. If he whispered to you, like. No, but if he had any tattoo requirements. No, I don't think so. I think basically, if he walks past you and you're sort of just looking away or just keeping your mouth shut, I don't think he's then gonna force you to have a chair that the women what I would say to the women that wanted Cherries they made it was very clear that they were cherry

I think there's a guy there and you're excited that you can't have a cherry one of the issues was there's a lot of blokes You know a lot of women were with their other half. So, you know Now I think isn't there something about someone getting divorced? Because I don't know if it's usher. Yeah, Tom, that happened. So literally, I saw the store on Instagram yesterday, there's a there's a there's a clip, you should look it up as a clip of a woman and usher drops two cherries. He's like lowers two cherries and she sort of tongues

them like a ball bag. I mean, it's very much that's what's going on. And then she's saying something to you. By the way, I love that your go-to is a ball bag. Well, it's two cherries, bro. What's your go-to for that? What's your go-to for two cherries being dangled in a woman's... You tell me what your go-to is. Go on. No, I mean, I suppose it would be...

I'll give you three attempts at a better go-to is. Go on. No, I mean, I suppose it would be that thing about people. I'll give you three attempts at a better go-to. Go for it. What, two things that you'd be licking? Low hanging apples as you walk past a tree? No, you're absolutely right. That happens a lot. Fuck me. Do you know what?

The number of times I've had to say to Lisa, will you stop fucking tonguing those low hanging apples? Just pull the apple off the tree. So she's licking them like a ball bag, right? Okay, you've made me slightly regret. But the point I'm trying to make is obviously a sexual, it's a sexual metaphor. Yeah, of course, the whole thing's sexualized.

Yeah, so she's licking them and then she says something, then she eats them and then she says something to them, the crowd are all roaring. Anyway, her husband, a lot of stuff on the internet is obviously bullshit so it's difficult to know if this is true but apparently our husband is absolutely mortified that she would sort of put herself out there you like the impression that you get it seems very strong by the way well i don't you know you know divorce somebody if if i saw if i if lisa said i'm going to see usher

She went without me and then I saw a viral clip of her tongue in those cherries like that. I Would I would definitely have I would have a conversation with her about it. I would describe this out of character Yeah, I can't imagine Lisa doing that. No Lisa's not cherry liquor Lisa is not a cherry liquor. No, she's not. Lisa is not a cherry liquor. But what I mean is she's not really, you know, she's not, Lisa's not introverted, but she's not an exhibitionist is what I would say.

You have to, mate. Because you tell me, you're on the screen, by the way, you're on the screen of the O2 playing out to the whole 16,000 people. Because a lot of people don't like eating, you get people to come around your house or whatever, you go for a dinner and people go, I get a bit nervous eating in,000 people. A lot of people don't like eating. You get people to come around your house or wherever you go for dinner and people go, I'll get a bit nervous eating in front of people. Yeah.

So licks it like sexualizing, sort of like eating ball bag cherries. Yeah, exactly. But also, has she got two cherries? Yeah, I don't know. When we went to watch, there was only single cherries, but for some reason this was a doubler. I I don't know she requested maybe she does say something to him so I'm wondering maybe she requested a doubler do you mean maybe

now he's just fucking they're like oh man I should whip you've done you've done too many cherry like we have to go single cherries now otherwise we're gonna start running out of Jerry's or maybe Tesco's. We haven't got budget. We haven't got budget for this many cherries. But um, I love you by the way, that's such a tour manager thing to do. Such a grat thing to do just sitting there in the back. He's handed out two jerry's at a time.

I just, the cherry, the cherry line on this fucking on these expenses is going to be freed away. I can imagine Flo phoning us and going Do you want to make any money from this tour? Hmm? What do you mean? What is this about you two just giving out two bananas? Yeah, you did hack me and you found it out 500 samosas Nothing would be by the way if one person's getting, everyone should get them. I know, that's the problem, isn't it? I think you have to put them under there. Did anyone ever nibble his fingers? No, I probably wouldn't.

Do you think anyone ever nibbled his fingers? No, but like, a lot of... And by the way, I'm sounding like I'm being... I don't mean to be... I'm not trying to be dismissive of this. That cherry bit, I found a little bit, if I'm being completely honest, a little bit on the edge of cringe, but it's clearly not for me

because the women that were involved directly in the cherry incident and people around them, they loved it. So far be it from me to say those people should not be enjoying themselves. What Usher's giving them is something that for the rest of eternity, you'll be at the house or you'll be at a dinner or a wedding

and they'll be sitting there eating go Yeah, I'll say that the serenity is like pretty amazing. Oh, I was a cherry. I was a chosen cherry blossom Yeah Russia Has anybody got a fun fact about themselves just like everyone who give a little fun fact. Yeah, I am I Went to an usher concert and he got me to tongue to cherries like some low hanging apples Oh, that's that's not do you mean sort of like a like us? I guess sexually. It's a bit like a scrotum. Yeah, that would be Yeah Yeah, I guess like a ball bag. I'll do like

Cuz you'd have to have a macular clean fingers as well. But imagine if he'd had a cigarette before Yeah, cuz they are he's had a cigarette before Usher. Oh God, yeah. Because he is getting quite close into the face. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I imagine just before he came out, because he's all about the mystique of Usher, right? He has to see, he's going in amongst the crowd. So I reckon he would have first of all

cloned up to the eyeball. Yeah, of course. And then I think he would have added like a little kind of pheromone scent to his fingertips just to make that experience a little bit heavier. And you'd have to clean your fingertips. You wouldn't be able to, like, sort of go like, like. I reckon he's got like a little,

he's got someone backstage with like a little toothpick who's getting any kind of grime out from under him. Yeah, because it'd be nothing worse than sort of seeing some guy in the chair who's just seeing like, sort of like, the fingernail jam. That thick, that thick black tar line underneath your finger. It's just looking at you, going, oh, Jesus. And it just moving away from the chair.

Yeah, and he's going, oh, you've been really flirtatious. And now your finger nails are fucking horrible. Ha ha ha. You thought you'd be picking out your ass. That was my second gig of the weekend Tom. Yeah. Because on the Friday night I went to see You, Me at Six perform their last ever gig and it was incredible, unbelievable and like. Did you go and tap one with Lisa as well.

With Lisa yeah. So that was amazing. I went to meet because I'm good friends with Josh the lead singer and so I went backstage afterwards. Okay first thing that happened is Josh texted me and said come and say hello before the gig right. Before the gig? Before the gig he said, come and say hello before the gig, right? So before the gig? Before the gig, he said, come back and say hi, right? So we had some passes. We walked, go back, one of his team.

AAA, sorry, AAA passes. Well, it said AAA, this is where it gets a bit. So Josh has given us his passes. The wonderful Hannah that works for his team, she came out to get us, she goes, I'll take you backstage. We go through to the backstage bit and the guy at security says, you can't come through with those, right?

So Hannah goes, they've got AAAs and he goes, no, that's not on my list of things, right? So then I can see Hannah's getting a bit like stressed and I don't want to cause her any stress. So I go, Hannah, don't worry about it. I'll text Josh and I say, we couldn't get back. I'll see him after, we'll see him afterwards, right? Because I don't want, Hannah, don't worry about it. I'll text Josh and I say, we couldn't get back. I'll see him after we'll see him afterwards. Right. Cause I don't want, this is like turning into a situation.

So we go sit in the seats, Josh then texts me and he says, how come you didn't say he said, you know, you coming backstage and I go, we tried to, but we can't, I didn't want to ask for you. I go, I don't know if you've got the right passes. And he said, send me a photo of the pass. So I sent him a photo of the pass. He goes, that's the right one. The guy's just got it wrong. I'm sending someone to come and get you right So then Hannah poor Hannah comes back to get us right I know and she takes us through a different door and the guy lets us in right

so We go in and we're like in the the bar backstage Then we go to the gig gigs incredible and then I go to go backstage afterwards, right? And basically, Lisa, myself, and a few other guys, we go backstage and I'm about to go in, I'm trying to like navigate my way through like the backstage area. And at one point I need to go to the toilet, right? So I come out of the dressing room, or one of the bar things,

and Lisa's in there, stays in there, I go out to go to the toilet, and I go to one of the security guys, where's the toilet? Now what becomes clear is that this security guy just doesn't think I should be there, and is trying to get rid of me. So he goes to me.

What, why does he hate you so much? I don't know, but this is exactly what happens. I'll explain to you exactly what happens. He goes, there's a toilet over there. I go over there and he goes, you can't use that toilet. You'll have to go down that side, right? Because you haven't got the right path. So I go, okay.

So he showed me that toilet and then he's going to not got the right path. So I go down the other way. I go outside, there is no toilet. Then when I go back in, he goes, you can't come back in there. You can't come in here, you're not supposed to be here. So I go to him, what are you talking about?

And he goes, you haven't got the right pass, you can't come in. I said, I was just in there, he saw me come out of there, and he goes, I don't know how you got in there, but you're not, so basically he'd done it as like a little kind of get rid of me trick, right? So then I go to him, well, okay, I said, do you know what? I just wanna go, but my wife's in there, rid of me trick right so then i go to him well okay i said do you know what i just want to go

but my wife's in there and he goes is she like doesn't believe that either right does it mean you're married i think he thinks i'm just bullshitting to like to like So like get back in there So then Ben this Ben from raw blood happens to be like that sees me and he goes to the guy He's alright. He's with like mate. Just let him in just let him in He goes are you sure you should like the honesty man? It was like I was a fucking Like honestly man, it was like I was a fucking... Who is this fucking guy? Mate, I don't know, it was so mad. This is like your tune, because this had sort of happened with that guy,

that gig you did, it was fucking... Yeah, it's so weird. So I just go to the guy, look, I don't even want to stay anymore. I said, I keep getting told by security here to fuck off. I'm going to fuck, I lost my, I'm going to fuck off now, mate. I said, I just want to get my wife and go. By the way, I'd have gone in and told all the tabam what had what happened going. I'm leaving. I don't feel like I'm wanted here No, but it's their last ever gig and then suddenly I'm making it about me. It's a bit

No, it's not my vibe. It's a bit of a muggy thing to do So so then I walk so then Ben Ben goes look just let him in just let him in So I go in and then Josh comes comes out of the band dressing room, and he goes, Ron, just come in here with us. So then I go in. I don't tell Josh about anything that's happened. What about Lisa? I fucked Lisa.

I was like, I'm in with the band. No, Lisa, I've got Lisa as well, obviously. So like, but then it was obviously amazing to see Josh and the band. It was an incredible gig, whatever. But I'm still got a bit of like residual kind of you in major. I mean, I wasn't drinking either as you know, I'm very much non alcoholic for the foreseeable, but yeah, I like I lost my I say I have an argument It's good guy. Then I thought this guy He's not taking a dislike. He's obviously thinks that I am a problem for whatever reason.

And now I'm having a go at a guy that's doing his job. I mean, I do feel that problem. But he's not doing his job, is he? You've got the right pass. Well, what he thinks his job is. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no You've got the right pass He's just even if right just to say you've got the right pass, right? But even if that's not enough, he's just witnessed you leaving the bar you're in I know that was bad and then he directed you twice to the wrong toilet I know that was a dick move actually. I had a I was doing a gig recently We're doing this thing for the um for the King for the Kings Trust at the V&A. And I was hosting

the night as a fundraiser. So I turn up at the thing, I've got my suit with me, it's me and Jim, and we walk up and the security guard there was very similar, probably could have been the same guy. He was essentially, maybe he hates the wolf and all, but this guy was like, I was like hi here Tom Davis I'm here for the Kings Trust and he went your legs up down unless you're not coming in you can't come in I said my name and he was like you're not here mate. So I can't just let you in I mean, well, I'm hosting you and there was Did you say well, I'm I'm

Hosting actually. Yeah, I I you know you think it even yeah, I thought it actually. Yeah, you know what you're thinking? Yeah, I thought it sounded cooler in that. And there was a thing, there was a program that a person next to me was looking at and there was a picture of my face in the litchi. Oh no, you didn't point at that, did you? No, of course not. If I'm honest with you, I was very nervous about doing it,

so I thought maybe I'll just be able to, not have to do this. I said, look, no. I said, look, I know if I was very nervous about doing it. So I thought maybe I'd just be able to do it I said no, I said that I'm posted I need to go in and get changed and I'm hosting you But you don't know in March can't let you in and you could say they're hosting and then Someone for the event came out and got me in but What I would have done in that situation, I would have gone, I'd like to think I would have gone, okay, sorry, my name's not down, have a nice night.

I tried, see you later. Yeah, but you know what, then you'd be doing the same thing as you talking to the band. So I'd have just gone home and then gone for the event and it's a really good charity and it's really good people who go, where are you? And I'd have made it about me then someone for the event and it's a really good charity and it's really good people go where are you and I've made it about me. Yeah do you know what the truth is I wouldn't have done that. That is what I'd like to have done. Yeah but you did the same things I did. I stood

outside for fucking 15 minutes frantically texting people and I'm like you could literally, he and I went could you just ask someone? Because there's, you know, like to say, Tom Davis, and he went, no, your name's not him. And he was just completely ignorant. But here's what I think is, is that your guy and my guy, they're just, they are just doing their jobs. I mean, it's like, you know, I mean, you're, you're having to go. I don't believe that. I'm sorry. I mean, it's like, you know, I mean, you're having to go. I don't believe that. I'm sorry.

They're not. I think you get security guards and a lot, you know, who are absolute gentlemen. And you you you go into somewhere or you add something and you're worried and they're going, you know, you've got to get somewhere. Or if you're just trying to find something and you get people to work with crowd work, who are just phenomenal, make the whole thing pleasant and like any trade, you're going to get an idiot who is even a power trip

And for whatever reason in that situation with you in the band There's not that that guy right to terminate ago that isn't a pass But yet literally everyone else to go from Hannah to Josh everyone else involved in that to go no No, that is the past right means that there's a problem that he's he's he's found a problem to have with you. He's taken some exception with yourself, right? Which was unneeded. Yeah. He sounds like, and look,

whatever he might be going through in his life, I pity him that I feel for him, but there was no need to be so, yeah, that's single and so, essentially, you're his splinter, you're his rat, and he's single throughout for it. Okay, all right. But the other thing I would say is,

is, um, two gigs in a weekend, I'm now officially at the age where that's, it's a lot for me. And I didn't even drink. I didn't even drink, but I felt it in my bones on the Sunday, you know? The tiredness,

the exhaustion, that just, you know, did I hydrate? Did you have an extra long cuddle in bed with least on Sunday morning? No, because that's doing my long run for the marathon. When is the marathon? Two and a bit weeks. How many weeks? How many more marathons you've got to do before

it's before I finally fill the hole in the middle of myself that's so empty, seemingly. No, no, no, for training. Do you have to do another... No, I've peaked now and I'm on my way down in terms of volume. Do you know what I mean? You do your longest long run and then you... How... What's your times looking like? I'm aiming... I reckon I'll do it in just over five hours. What did you do it last time? Six and a half.

That's pretty good. So we'll see, won't we? Can I also take this opportunity to say out tomorrow when this goes out, Yasmin Bandara levels up, Ramesh Ranganathan and Suzy Day, my new children's book is out. What's the ages for that? 8 to 12. I'm like it's my nephew Well, I said you free coffee I'll even sign it. Oh, he actually loves you. Yeah Yeah, all nephews day You could do like a children's you could do a reading of your book and then go into the crowd and hand out Jerry Yeah, Romesh just play fame Romesh, what did you do at Maiden Better Infants the other day? Why? Oh, it's just, well, they were initially very grateful to come and see the reading,

but they've asked that not only you don't come back, but anyone related to you or around you is now prohibited from visiting any school in the area. So what exactly did you do? Rubbish, I've had someone called Ratty on the phone. Yeah. It was just a few cherries. I only touched the stalks. Um, anyway. Anyway. We're wrapping up now. So have you got any admin to take care of? I haven't at the moment, no.

Well, listen, thank you so much to all of you that have bought tickets for the show. Tom, what do you think of my stuff? The other stuff, by the way, is back there. What do you think? It's really good. Do you like it? It's really good, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, well look, Tom, could you do us the-

She's definitely, she's handsome. Why, what's going on? You look nice, yeah, I wanna end on a high. Oh, thanks, Tom. Okay, well listen, it's been a bit more of a sedate episode. Well, it's the 6.30, yeah. It's 6.30. It's not 6.30 anymore, but you know what I mean. So Tom, could you do us the honor

of taking us out please? Bon voyage, so to speak. Two phrases I use quite a lot. Seldom say though and seldom step. Sometimes bon voyage doesn't feel the right thing to say. This feels a more elaborate way of saying goodbye friend, even if someone's not going anywhere. But I guess that's the thing about life. We're all traveling somewhere. But where are we really going? Is every moment a trip? Every step a journey into the unknown? Every different day? every step a journey into the unknown every different day. Alas, you're not going into another country friend, but you're going into charge and know, and sometimes you say, I feel like I've not been anywhere in a long time or Christ haven't done anything much.

But the truth is, every day we're learning every day revolving. Do you think the dinosaurs ever thought, God, I haven't done much today? No, they're out just getting stuff done. And I guess that's the thing. We've set our expectations so high that we feel every day we need to climb a mountain. But sometimes just putting your foot on a gentle molehill don't actually do that, cause moles need those.

But putting your foot on a gentle rise and just going, I wish this mountain was bigger so I could feel more of a sense of fulfillment. It's just the world telling you, the little bumps in the road don't matter as much as mountains. But the truth is, and get this into your head, baby, it's all a part of the journey we call life.

So step forward, don't worry too much about looking back, and always remember, each day is a sunshine worth having. Really nice. Thank you. In keeping with the episode, JT, could we play You, Me, It, Six, Straight to My Head, please, as our song to go out. There are still tickets available for the Wolf and Al Tour. We're very excited about it, very excited.

And actually, pinging over your suggestions as to what you want us to, one of us will come into the crowd and hand out some sort of. What would you like us to hand out? Tom will sort of, Bert Kreischer style style rip his top off midway through the show and start you know what that's a comparison that I makes my heart sink That's someone I won't be chatting to. I didn't realise that he shat himself on stage. I think that's the... When? Did you not see that? No.

Yeah, he gets so drunk on stage he shat himself and then watched his bum with a white t-shirt show the audience. Okay, great. Yeah Well, the way that my new material is going at the moment. There's a good Anyways, you're shitting directly into their eyes and mouths, aren't you? Good jobs. I might just shit shit into a towel and then jump straight down and start handing out apples. But yeah, let us know what you'd like Tom to hand out into the crowd, please, during the tour. And people in the South West, you'd be delighted to hear that Tom has been strongly canvassing for us to add a South West date, so look out for that. South West people, I love you. We shall see you anon, guys.

Peace, peace. Take care, you anon guys. Peace.gmail.com. That's wolfalpod.gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we don't have any content ideas. Thank you. Hey there, I'm Keema Bob and I have a new podcast. It's called Icebergs and it's about the endless journey to find ourselves and find out what it really means to have self-acceptance and self-love. I'll be exploring the inner landscapes of some of my favorite people. Oh, I don't like being self-love. I'll be exploring the inner landscapes of some of my favorite people Oh, I don't like being self-aware And asking them about who they are how they got that way and how they feel about it That's subjective what I do on stage. I am objectively not funny off stage a bit of their present

I didn't know that I was ugly until I was like 16 and record executives told me it. A bit of their past. I need more time being alone than I thought. And how they navigate all that stuff. That's definitely something I think my therapist would have to bring it on. The thing about icebergs is only 10% of them is above the surface. 90% we can't even fathom and I think people are a lot like that. And if they're not, then that's a really dumb name for a podcast.