Wolf and Owl - S4 Ep 19: Superhero Fights & A Signed Thong

Episode Date: May 14, 2025

We’re talking… vocal warm-ups, finding a new parter, being on the One Show sofa with Natalie Portman, respecting neck hair, the Wolf & Hall podcast, new ideas for the pod, part two of the Men vs Gorilla debate, Rom’s day working at Coughlans bakery and a signed pair of knickers. Then we answer some emails, this time about a Marathon disaster, some feedback on Judge Romesh and a fight between Spiderman and Batman. For questions or comments, please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod TikTok - @wolfowlpodcast YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch & Mailing List - https://wolfandowlpod.com A Mighty Ranga Production For sales and sponsorship enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Yo, what you want? Beak or jaws? Feathers or fur? Sharp teeth or feet with claws? Whatever's preferred They'll grant you all ass requests to steady your nerves Then podcast a body parts, get severed and served Bring your weak shit, wear the wolf and owler That ain't just a mistake, that's an awful howler Both of them are known to pull up at your shows Have the crowd witnessing the murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows Fuck their censorship, let em see the whole thing They stay dressed to kill, never sheep's clothing Dark enough to turn the sun to the moon, you'll see nothing All you hear's a huff a puff and a...

Expect killings, red spilling and flesh ripping Impressive innit, the death bringing its head spinning Just kidding, every word in this song's about two grown men Dressed up as a bird and a dog Welcome To the world for that podcast inside the place. I actually was watching this thing of scott mills Radio 2 places little clips and he does like little vocal warm-ups so that he doesn't stumble on his words when he starts to do the radio show. Matthew McConaughey does that as well. He'll go like, squirrel, squirrel, squirrel tree, octopus, octopus, squid octopus, squid octopus, squid octopus, squid octopus, squid octopus, squid octopus.

That's quite good actually, maybe we were right. How are you? They do this, don't they? Yeah, yeah, yeah. McConaughey does a whole thing. We makes his mouth elastic a base a day People do when they go into these yeah breathing exercises and shit like that when they move into like any kind of performance When you hear singers, that's where you really know what's up, right?

Don't start don't start making out like I don't know what you do But I actually do a bit of prep before I go on stage to do stand-up. What do you mean prepped? What do you think I do warm-ups? Well first I want to be like mentally sharp So the one of the things I do is I read this I read somebody else does this and I've nicked it but like for example you imagine the number zero in your head and then you run that like a counter up to a hundred as quick as you possibly can sort of while counting then

you think of like 10 what you mean you just count 100 really quickly yeah but you have to be sure three four five six seven eight nine ten eleven two yeah you visualize the numbers yeah yeah yeah don't please don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don you know who which one should be the best matched up. No, like we don't get like no I'd be the best no no no you just think of ten boys names and ten girls I don't think like Sandra bill

Alice Trevor mark Lucy Sarah clive like that. I don't know what you're doing. Let's do this No, no, no, so I'm thinking okay Sarah great link with client. You can Well, I mean then you're just naming naming couples you know, aren't you? That's not as much of a mental exercise. No, no. For those, I'll put my head in things. If I'm honest with you, I actually think probably a more better name for you. Romesh, Kirsten.

Kirsten? Yeah. Why? Like Kirsten Dunst. I don't know. I always thought you and Kirsten Dunst would be a nice couple. I think Kirsten Dunst, if you weren't with Lisa, if you were going to be a celebrity couple, I think Kirsten Dunst would be a nice couple. I think Kirsten Dunst, if you work with Lisa, if you were gonna be a celebrity couple,

I think Kirsten Dunst would really get you. Yeah, I feel like if Lisa and I split up, that will be it for me. I will not be re-partnering up. Mate, you say that now, right? No, I'm telling you. Me and you go to America, because you, right, I'm gonna put a scenario

in your head, right? You split up with Lisa. You're an absolute piece. Well, let's make it real, Lisa splits up with me. But yeah, Lisa splits up with me, right? Right? Like you, like, I'm like Catherine, one way she's in bits, I need to fucking look after him. She's like, that guy's like your brother, you adore him, that's why you've got to tattoo him on your elbow. Let's be absolutely honest, if Lisa and I split up, Kat's very much going to be chatting to Lisa, I can't imagine she got any concern for my world Yeah, she's gonna be chatting to Lisa and saying how did you do it?

Yeah, and how did you escape is like a Chinese finger trap? I don't understand I mean more like and how did you keep the house? So I didn't say let's go for a little bit of a boy strip will go And you go Yeah, yeah, you can't stay here. Yeah, you know, and you can't stay at mine because, yeah, like Catherine, you being around seeing how sad you are might make Catherine just think, yeah, she's made divorces for me. And also, if I was to split up with Lisa and then I come and stay at yours, you would use Kat as an excuse, I think. I'd probably do the same with Lisa if

you were to split up with Kat explode because if I come around to yours When am I leaving it's difficult for you to know that's true. You know, it's not gonna be just a couple of nights You could be I could be like a long-term larger. Yeah. Yeah living in the out You've got chocolate chocolate option though. Do you mean? Yeah, but the way that grace thinks about you I don't have grace is gonna be happy. That's true based on the last visit I can't I can't imagine she think the boogie man's come to fucking moving anyway I'll take you to LA. I'm like let's go stateside, right? Okay. I'm gonna take you away my boy. So we go out to America Right, we're in a bar

Some I don't know me buzzer and say we're in like I don't know like a diner. We're just having a milk milkshake You're having a vegan milkshake. I'm having a normal one. You got vegan burger. I've got a normal one. Okay, all right normal fucking plan. Okay cursor dunks walks in yeah with Yeah color mates. Yeah, you're like, oh my god, it's custom dance from spider. Yeah, and I'm like, oh god And then she looks over and she's like, oh my god, Romesh rank and Nathan I really like your stuff have I've been watching all of your stand up. Well, I think she'd be into you quite a lot. You'd be, I've just got out of a really long relationship

because I don't know if I'm ready to see anyone again. She's like, I don't want to push you, but if you want to go over to like shadow me, my Mason tonight and get a cocktail, I'd be up for it. I'm not sure. I'd probably go do it. Just fucking do it just fucking do it yeah what's the worst that could happen I just think that I've been you

know I've been it's been so long since I've had to have a conversation like that where I'm trying to you know make a connection with somebody like that I feel you were very I thought how you were Natalie Portman another person I think you'd be good with on the side barely spoke to Natalie Portman and other person I think you'd be good with on the soap. I barely spoke to Natalie Portman. You were quite sexy in the way that you did it. I don't think I... I think... I asked her... I think the only thing I'm saying to her is asking her what her favourite thing of mine is that I've done.

But that's it. Yeah, that was quite funny. No, you said something else because I remember she chuckled. You said something else. Yeah, but she chuckled... No disrespect to Natalie Portman. I think she's very talented, but she chuckled in the way that you chuckle When you imagine it from her point of view to fucking dump She's been put imagine what she thought when she looked at the sofa that she was gonna be alongside I don't know what she thought

I didn't realize that she was coming to say hello to us and I needed a wee member just before the show and I sprinted Out to go to the toilet and nearly knocked her over. But imagine being shown, her publicist goes, here's who you're on with. And you go, why are there two members of the public on the show? No, they're actually comedians. One of them is going to talk at length about how he auditioned for something that you were in actually. Yeah, that was quite awkward. Yeah Also, I'll say by the way

I thought that was a funny observation to say that I audition saying you didn't get it the person who did get it is A dear friend of mine someone I adore but then she just what she'd start talking about how amazing he was as an actor And what I had a choice there was for the wrong which was which was kind of like, okay Yeah, I actually it's actually nice to see you doing a bit of networking. People at home won't be aware because they won't see it, but every time they roll to a VT, Tom, you were sort of just like, leading over to going, yes, it's just an incredible piece of work.

And it's just there. Like, you really, I suddenly saw, I didn't think I'd see this, but I witnessed the wolf becoming a little bit shark-eyed, seeing an opportunity to sort of... Natalie Portman's producing big shit now. She produced the film. Yeah, yeah, I know. So she had also, by the way... I get it, I get it.

I'm not saying it was a bad move. Can I say, by the way, that she also would have been paramount to the casting of that film that I didn't get cast for, so she would have seen that tape. She probably went, oh my God, he's the guy who made that awful tape for the role of George. I think you think you've got a much bigger part in her life than you really do there. No, but even if it's a small part, I remember most people who've cast for stuff that I've done, I remember them enough to go for like, in a room and go, oh shit, that, I person cast for whatever I wouldn't surprise me if she wasn't half expecting like Somebody from SNL to jump out and go surprise you thought you were on British TV with these two losers

But they're just stooges we got in and they're deliberately like talking crap and sort of pretending to engage with you to make you feel Really awkward. Yeah, but we. But that would never actually happen. I thought this was fucking insane when I heard there was a podcast called The Waffenhall. He kept leaning over and just whispering about common ground and I said, get away from me, you fucking ape. And also, I don't know what he'd eat it,

but his mouth smelled like a musty last. Do you know, I know you're about to go onto the one show, Socials, but did you feel like, whenever I go onto live TV like that, I do it very rarely. And by the way, it's so beautiful, so lovely to do that show with you. It was really great.

Same, so apparently. I immediately became paranoid that I had something in my teeth, that I had a booger, that my breath stank. The bogey is a big one for me because I've stopped having the nose wax and I'll just let my nose hair grow for a bit just to sort of grope back. To see if it's easy. Because I was without it for I was completely like a complete Brazilian. And your body had no defenses against you know, yeah and and subsequently my hay fever has got better since I've started growing my hair back

Right. So during the summer months, I might just you know Like a bit like I don't know European women on the beach with their own hair up here growing my nose Yeah, you've got your summer nose going on Yeah, just like like a like a corn row cover Yeah, just like a cornrow coming out of the bottom of it. Yeah, just I mean I do think that makes sense. I mean there's a reason we have nose hairs and some of the benefits you've been describing are exactly why we split. The nose hair I looked very much as like a squad player in my body's build-up. I looked at it very much like a Nicky Butt of my body. Like decent players go, I never even thought, actually not even a Nicky Butt, probably looked it.

God forbid you make Nicky Butt. No, I'm just saying. Like more like a reserve, like third choice goalkeeper. Okay. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. So Nicky Butt or, so Nicky Butt, but then your next logical leap from Nicky Butt,

it's not Nicky Butt, it's third choice reserve goalkeeper. Yeah, no, but I'm just thinking that Nicky Butt is a well-known- Fingers crossed Nicky doesn't listen to the Wolf and Hall. For Nikki Butt, he's a wonderful, he's a brilliant footballer, but he was very much a squad player, brilliant player by the way, incredible player. But he wasn't getting in the team with Paul Skolson and Roy King. No, no.

But probably deserves more than, actually, let me be quite honest, Nikki Butt, if I'm talking about Okay, we've probably my toes So you you looked at nostril hair as the third reserve goalkeeper Yeah, but what and then Nikki but would be my toes. No, no, but no The start of this now Just now I look at them and then no now I look at them and I'm like no fucking no They're very they're very very influential part of my Boy, would you put them above would you put them above ear hair?

Probably the same as ear hair same as you can't yeah, you can't what's a head? What's a heading for you? Well, apparently yeah, that was pretty in the same thing. We mean the hairs around your ear or the hairs in your ear No, I don't mean I don't mean the hairs inside the room and the hairs around sort of the road has around your ears and completely useless. Yeah, okay. Completely. I have no reason at all. No, they're like, literally get the most obsolete bit of your they're just to sort of I think they're just to give people the it so that you sort of go Yeah, you can I say that the other one

that I can't say neck hair? Where are you talking about? Like around that we get on your neck here, but on the back Yeah, look at the neck. It's just have you noticed that on me because quite a lot of the time you complain about stuff that you've seen on me You've got long hair yeah, but sometimes never sometimes you'll make an opposite you make an obsession when we're together Let you go. Isn't it disgusting when people get and then I realize that that's something I've got at the time. You've done that on more than one occasion. No, no, I'm saying I have, for the one show I didn't have it, I trimmed it down, but it seems to grow back. Catherine actually said, I was going to a meeting yesterday, she went, are you doing anything about your neck

hair? I was like, what do you mean? She went, it's quite long. It always looks like quite unkempt neck hair. I was thinking. Yeah That behind people, you know who have you ever seen someone who's got their neck hair engages with the back hair They just essentially just yeah one. It's just a one piece Just the garage all the way down their back. Yeah, it's unfortunate isn't it? It's just I feel sorry for people like that, you because of societal pressures they have to keep trimming that. You know what as well I actually respect someone who's let their neck hair and their back hair grow sometimes. You don't, you said it you've just been talking about how disgusting you find it. It's disgusting because fucking you've opened my mind. Modern society tells me it's disgusting actually to have the ingenuity to go

through the phase of like going like oh what are you doing it's like. Actually, to have the ingenuity to go through the phase of like, go in like, oh, what are you doing? It's like, no, at some point this is going to look fucking nuts. So when you say, sorry, sorry, can I just stop you? So you talked about the neck hair being disgusting, right? And then I said, I feel sorry for you, because, and then you went, I actually respect it. And then I said to you, well, you said it's disgusting.

And you go, no, you've open minded. So when you say you actually respect it, what the fuck are you talking about? You don't respect it. No I respect someone. Have you come to realise that you respect it? Yeah I've come to realise that I respect someone who's basically had enough about them to grow their neck hair so their head hair matched up with their back hair. Yeah it's not for everyone but I do respect someone who's actually going I'm going to try something different. Yeah.

It's like fucking you, that's the only way that light bulbs got invented or the phone got invented where someone literally turned around and go, I'm going to look guys, you might frown upon this, but I'm trying something different. We need fucking nutty people like that. Some of your stuff occasionally you stumbled onto genius. I'm not having you compare letting your neck hair grow

with inventing the telephone. Sorry mate No, right, but I'm just saying someone like that he thinks outside the box well I'm what part of me in this thing and someone to put a sign on the wall, right? And I've got exactly what it's in but the quote was so like like the line between Insanity and genius is very thin. Right? And I just look at the guy who's growing his neck hair to match his back hair and his head hair. Right? As being that is that thing. There is no line. Yeah.

Can I just say, by the way, somebody having that sign up in their office is a big red flag to me. Really? Yeah. It's the equivalent to having sort of a, you know like a cat hanging off a tree, just going hang on in there. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, or you don't have to be crazy to work here, but it helps. How about Mr. Blackbird? There's a blackbird in my garden.

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Your game time tastes like Miller time. Learn more at MillerLite.ca. Must be legal drinking age. Spring is here and you can now get almost anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. What do we mean by almost? You can't get a well-groomed lawn delivered, but you can get chicken parmesan delivered, It was fun doing the one show. And then the one show, they took a photo of us to put on their socials. It's the first bit of promo we've ever done for the podcast. In fact, just before we jumped on the podcast, I would describe Tom's tone as sort of, not frustrated, but driven as to what we should be doing with the podcast.

So this week was the first time in what, four years, we've decided to actually give it a plug on anything. Yeah, yeah. And then they shared the photo and called it the Wolf and Hall podcast. Yeah, it's just an insane thing to call it because do you think it's just someone thought that it was like a Wolf Hall sort of fan?

Because there's a lot of those now and they're fan podcasts. It was like a wolf hole sort of fan. Because there's a lot of those now, and they're fan podcasts. I don't know how much you had to be into wolf holes. Is that a podcast about it? There's a lot of people that don't, this is true of a lot of things, isn't it? I think a lot of people who say that they like the podcast have not listened to it.

That's what I think. I think some people say it to us out of politeness Alright, really? Yeah, and and I'll tell you how I know we get emails into the podcast I don't read them out. We get emails of the book cars from PR people saying I Really really love the podcast and it's for that reason that I'm pitching this person as a guest and then you go, okay We don't have guests of the book This is a fucking ball to open you in however, we might do might we Tom, you know I you know, I'd be really interested to see where we literally just talking about I do think if we could do like

If we do obviously keep the main show as it is right this the main podcast as we remain Are you really saying these words out loud the main show the main podcast right now? I'm so Hamilton. Yeah But we keep this as it is right the infrastructure stack, but then now and again we do like these bonuses with the celebrity Yeah, we with guests Get one of the animal pack on I'll be amazing We had an animal expert, an actual animal expert, get in touch because we were talking about maybe you get some of your questions answered.

I think it'd be good to get one of them. I don't know if you might. I mean, can I say, by the way, on the Camilla, I think a lot of people agree with me in the whole Camilla thing. The best- A lot of people agree with me. A lot of people agree with me.

Can I say, the best example I was given is essentially it would be like me or you versus a hundred ten-year-olds and I think you, me or you would definitely win that fight. I don't think we would win against 110-year-olds. What? And also sorry and also by the way that analogy doesn't work. Why? Why? Because we're up against a hundred people that have just sort of mastered wiping their arses properly So about a hundred men who actually thinking about strategy and how to deal with this gorilla hundred ten year olds Against us. They're just thinking kill this nonce. They don't there's no there's no like yourself We're not survive

No, I I I just I just don't think it holds up. Plus, I think we'd struggle with 110 year olds. No way. Also, can I say, and I saw Gary Neville talk. 100. 100. Sometimes when you say that, I don't think you... Do you know what the number 100 is? Yeah, but also can I just say, when you see... 10 times 10.

When you see the first 15 smash the shit by this gorilla, I guarantee a lot of people are gonna go fuck I don't fancy this way okay well now you're changing the conversation aren't you no I'm just saying no that's another reason in my head I've not thought I've been thinking about this ever because you've made some good points I made some good points it's do you know what I if you're gonna say the 85 of them will give up then then the question now is, will the gorilla beat 15 men?

Now we're changing the fucking thing. I'm saying, I'm saying, right, very much I don't want to bring it up because I feel really bad doing this, right? A little bit like what happened with Arsenal against PSG, right? When you can see the goal early. Can I just say something? that is a fucking low blow by that in the history of the podcast that this is one of the worst things you've done and I mean that but anyway carry on with you and by the way forgive me naturally of course I can see how one

gorilla versus a hundred men leads on to Arsenal crashing out of the chambers. Please do go on. You at home vs Passage at Man, right? I was very much supporting Arsenal, I was very much hoping they'd win. I'm only minded. But when you conceded that goal early to PSG, the wind went out of your sails somewhat. The team against Real Madrid were one of the best performances

I've seen from an English team in a long, long time, those two legs. But when you conceded an early goal, it's like your whole team just became quite deflated. You were like, shit, it's like the energy went from you a bit. What I'm saying about the gorilla and the 100 men is when you see 15, 20 guys smash the shit out of the gorillas, then he's actually getting a taste for it. I'm not saying you run away, I'm saying that you're going to go in there and all of the fucking thought process you might have goes out your head because the gorilla by the way isn't waiting for you

everyone keeps on saying oh yeah we are what make this plan make that plan it's like that shit goes and the good is just setting about people you're gonna go fuck okay shit what was it Brian said Kevin what we're doing Jimmy Kevin was at the front he said he's fucking those well let's first of all let's assume it's this this fight is not happening in 1985. Secondly, you are shouting to each other and just generally quite organised. Look, I'm not saying it's going to be easy and there will be heavy, heavy casualties on the men's side. But if you're asking me, if they're putting a room...

Also, the other thing that blows my mind is what is the arena that we're talking about? Where are we having this from? I don't know. That's not... I mean, we can discuss it now if you want. Well, yeah. Is it in a room? Is it in close to that building?

I sort of saw it. In a garage? I sort of saw it as quite a big space, like a secondary school sort of sports hall. Like an aircraft hangar? No, not that big. Like a secondary school sports hall. Like a basketball hangar? No, not that big. Like a basketball court. Yeah. Basketball court, yeah.

Right, so yeah, okay. It's a basketball court. I'm just saying all plans go out of... You can all be sitting around having a fag and fucking hell yeah, dude. Well I hope they're not fucking smoking in the run-up to taking on a goddamn gorilla. Well you're gonna have to do something

when you're going into the face of a gorilla, right? You know, the little like... You keep the cigarette on the gun and dash it in his fucking eye. Is what I do, mate. Yeah, but mate, gorillas, they don't even understand that at all. Don't understand what?

The burning and stuff, like, They don't understand burning. Their skin's so thick. No, their skin's so thick. Right in the eyeball. Strong, do you know what I mean? Yeah, mate, if you can get a cigarette to the gorilla's eyeball, right,

that'd be insane. You're not getting near its face. I agree if I'm on my own but I'm with 99 people all right right also if you eat if I was there I'm doing the whole plan and you're now you know what I'm gonna go stick this face back but in its face okay hey hey hey hey sorry who you promise Reagan Nathan number one like some people here actually aren't smoking. I can smell you smoking from the back of the room. Oh, fuck off, mate. Live a little.

Right, that's that kind of attitude Romesh is not fucking needed here. What's happening? I'm going to stick this right... What is happening there? Get... I'm going to stick this cigarette back right... Sorry, are you drunk? I've had a beer or two. We're fighting a fucking gorilla, mate.

Right, it's like, that's an audio, right? I'm like, listen, fucking bottle means getting a headlock. Right? Fucking pull its hair to annoy it. Do not set your cigarette butt in its eye. Cause a one-eyed gorilla will be fucking insane. How do you know that?

What are you basing that on? Because if you, mate, cause gorillas and Fundamentally, right? I think if he's in a fight situation is gonna want to be respected and that's a dirty load Are you talking about he's not fucking because it's not It's a fucking gorilla. Well Al Capone you could stick a cigarette because he said get this is a fucking honorable fight amongst 100 men and one gorilla if you're the guy bringing a cigarette, look what I got, mate.

And then look at that, what's that? Cigarette, mate, I'll stick it in his eye. Oh, come on, man. You're better than that. Okay, fine. Fine, nobody will do that because of moral objections. Is that what you're saying? Yeah, I think morally it's a bit low.

I think, like, this is a fight to the death as it is wrong, right? Yeah, but listen, look, the point is, you're the one that brought up the cigarette, okay? And said, if I hadn't had a cigarette, then I'd be using it. But I think for the purpose of this argument, there are no tools on either side.

Yeah, okay. Yeah, no one's got any weapons. No. I still think it's 100 people. Anyway. No, I just can't agree. I I'm so fucking sure at the gorilla. I'd actually I'm so considerate. I'm sort of considering by the way Basically just putting on this fight because I think that's the only answer for it. I agree. I genuinely I can't believe it's not been done before I honestly don't understand. We're having all these hypothetical arguments and watching people do like sketches about it whatever just get a

fucking gorilla and a hundred blokes and let's find out. I think someone made an AI thing about it. I was like, I'm just like it's not gonna work. No, you have to do it for real. You know who should do it? It's the Rockstar Games. The Rockstar Games should try and develop a game where you could do that. No, I don't think you do a game. I think find a gorilla. Yeah. You get a gorilla. Who? And you get a hundred people,

volunteers or whatever, and you just fuck shit up. Let's just finally figure this out, you know? It's the only way to really, you know, this is scientific. We're conducting an experiment now. And let's be- You know, this is the most I've respected you. Really? Yeah. Thanks, man.

Yeah. Yeah. I went into, I spent a day working in Coughlin's bakery. I want to tell you this story very quickly. Beautiful. Very nice though, great time, great time, really good times. Good people. Fun times, good people, great people, did a lot of photos, a lot of people asking after you.

Oh yeah, big gun of baking work. Went into the Oxtead branch. Right, Shatt Oxtead. Right, Shatt Oxstead. Yeah, Shatt Oxstead, yeah. Where you and I will both be spinning out some new material. But anyway, a woman called me over to have a photo taken with her son. Can I say, by the way, were you working behind the counter

or were you working in the kitchen? I did a bit of both. So, no, I was working behind the counter, but a couple of times people wanted photos and stuff, so it made getting behind the counter a bit of both so no that I was working at in behind the counter but a couple of times people wanted photos and stuff so it made getting behind the counter a bit tricky so I did a bit of both yeah anyway a woman asked me to come over and take a photo with their son which I did and she then said I've got a present for you said to me do you know that you're the thinking woman's crumpet and I says said, no, I didn't. I can believe that. Yeah, and then she gave me,

then she gave me as a present a pair of knickers. What the fuck? That is the last thing I thought you were gonna say. Genie, I actually had a shiver just go down my spine. Me too, and a bit like you get a bit of tingle when you're down. Well, a pair of, no. Well, they think it's, she gave it say by the way

Yeah, there's such a big fucking divide of like how like that if for example I like let's just just say well, let's just use examples with it Right. Yeah, let's just use an example because that's what we always do and I can't think I can I can do this more So they make you feel good and funny. I'll use myself. I'll use myself, right? If I turn... If you turn up at the One Show, all right? And I'm a fan of Alex Jones, I think she's a brilliant presenter. If I turn up to One Show and said, Alex, I think you're a brilliant presenter, I think you're amazing,

I've got you... As a little gift, I've got you a pair of my underpants, right? That would be seen as disgusting. Yeah, but rightly so. Yeah, but why is she giving you a pair of First well, they're not soiled. They're actually They were sort of symbolic. She had gone to us. She'd gone to Oxfam and bought a pair of knickers They were They weren't even her old because no

Persons old nickers. Yeah, but I think they'd been warm before because I don't think I don't even her old knickers. No. They were some random person's old knickers. Yeah, but I don't think they'd been worn before because I don't think charity shops sell second-hand underwear. Instead of the tag on. Charity shops shouldn't be selling underwear full-stock. But wait, you could take some new knickers. Why don't you take new knickers? The one in Oxstead was selling a thong.

Because that's what I got given. She's made it up. That's her old thong. It's not. It had the little tag on it. Unless unless you be wearing it the whole time with the time. She didn't even take it What does it oxfam tag? There's an oxfam tag on it there M&S pants three pounds reduced to 99 pay What from M&S or oxfam? I don't know that I don't know where the reduction happened But could I could I just say by the way if it's from a box of Spencer's have gone down to 99 pay what also can I sell it for 50 pay that's a shit that's a waste of everyone's time they're being sold in Oxfam for 99 pay that's my guess but I mean so you know they're making what was the school of

thought so she went I need to get Romesh something went into Oxfam to get your present yeah what I don't think she thought it was like a joke. I think it was sort of a joke, wasn't it? But it was sort of, it was quite unusual. I didn't really know how to react really. And then I spent the rest of the day with a pair of knickers in my pocket. And that's what you say to Lisa when you got home. I don't even know where they are. I mean, it's weird. No, don't let Lisa find them. Well, what's she gonna say?

Well, why have you got a pair of like a great little song in your pocket? I just got a tag on it. I might just go I was surprised. I don't know what else to suggest. Cuz like you know, mate I'd take them back to Oxfam and go to yeah second world or die So they put them up to two quid, say that Robert Schrenker Nathan brought them in. Tom, imagine me having that conversation. Got some good news for you.

You had these on self and not in RP a few days ago. Well, congratulations. They crossed my path. I'm bringing them back. See what you get for them. Good luck. Even if they get another pound from them, they've doubled their money.

That's true, I mean it's a good point, it's a good point. I don't really want to take a thong back to Oxford. It goes to the salesperson, which I was for a long time, I used to sell t-shirts and whatever, if someone came into Oxford and I'm working there, and I go, hello Squire, how you doing my friend, you all right? Oh yeah, I'm working there and I go, hello Squire, how you doing my friend, you alright? Oh yeah, I was having a little look about,

oh I've got a very nice little trinket here for you if you're interested. What is it? Well, this might just look like a normal thong, but Ramesh Ranganathan, the actor, presenter and comedian, has been walking around for the last week with this in his pocket. So, there we go.

They even signed them. I'm going to hazard a guess to say that I don't think that would add any value whatsoever. If you signed them it would. I don't think it's, I still don't think it would add any value. Mate, a signed thong from my ministry. You tell me they're not even going to get four quid for that. Four quid. Signed thong. Would you pay four quid for a signed thong?

How much would you pay, how much would you pay for a signed thong from Matthew McConaughey like a real an actual stuff Oh an actual sign thong if I could frame it in a little frame on my desk, but he could about 50 quid You'd have a you'd have a framed Matthew McConaughey thong on your desk Matthew McConaughey signature on anything I'm putting on my desk. If it's like, Oh, he told you, you know, someone else, you took their phone off, he signed it. It's a great story. Yeah, some logic. There is some, there is some logic there.

There's some logic there. Yeah. Okay. So, and you are fucking, I'd say that, you know, you are at least 10% of the man that Matthew McConaughey is. That's one of the nicest things you've ever said to me. So yeah. So you get a five for it.

Okay. Wait, what moment? If so, dinner party? Oh, you want to see something funny? I was in Octavam the other day. Boom. I'm almost Reagan 8th and signed this dog. What? Yeah, there we go. So in front and back. Yeah, I think it's a good suggestion. I'll think about it. Yeah. Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo.

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Get it on baby. Okay, this is a bit of a story. Okay, a bit of a story. And this is from the Chubby chimpanzee. I'd love to know your reactions to it's quite a twisty interneum on this one. This is called marathon embarrassment. Yeah. First of all, I'd like to congratulate Romesh on his fantastic marathon effort. Listening to one gave me the courage to share my recent marathon disaster. I recently completed the Manchester marathon a couple of Sundays ago. So this is very recent this and experienced one. to share my recent marathon disaster. I recently completed the Manchester Marathon

a couple of Sundays ago, so this is very recent. As an experienced runner, I was confident of a reasonable finish or at least getting around the course without embarrassing myself and my family. Sadly, this is not the case. It started in an uneventful way, getting through the first 10 miles or so, as expected, without any issues. As I approached 18 miles, I started to feel energy levels dropping, this happened to me, and decided to take a handful of jelly babies,

the ultimate running boost. At the same time, I began to feel the effects of the heat. The combination caused an immediate intestinal discomfort, with waves of stomach cramps grinding my effort to a halt. Being at least a mile away from a water station, toilet station, I ran across the route and into a pub. What followed was an unfortunate explosion explosion where what felt like the world dropped out of my asshole while what I just need to was being vomited out of my mouth.

A good 45 minutes, I mean, God bless that pub by the way, a good 45 minutes later, I was still in a whole world of pain. So I've added 45 minutes of their time here, just shitting and vomiting, but decided to go again and force myself to the finish as I started running again I'd managed just a mile or so when the second wave hit this time I was not so lucky sadly I suffered what is commonly known as Paula Radcliffe a Paula Radcliffe moment and what remained within me filled my pants and began to find its way down my leg oh my god the Paula Radcl syndrome. Two miles later with my

dignity lost I queued for a loo with other runners who all looked at me with deserved disgust. I attempted to clean myself up but with any blue roll and hand sanitise at my disposal this is rather difficult. After the attempt to clean up I set off now with just a few miles to go with the freedom of no underwear giving me renewed vigor having had to dump my pants in the toilet. Sweat pouring from everywhere thanks to the effects of what I was told could be heatstroke, I managed to crawl across the line. What should have been a moment to savor and be proud of turned into a moment of shame,

as I took my medal with organisers clearly trying to not make visual contact with what looked like a jar of Nutella smeared on my inside leg. I sculpt away in complete indignity. My medal will for now forever remind me of the disaster, rather than the six months of training and effort to get across the line Do I go for a marathon again next year and attempt to redeem myself or just cut my losses your your help with this decision Would be much appreciated. This is from the chubby chimpanzee Tom what I want to come straight in here chubby chimpanzee and I'm gonna say this right the man I'm going to come straight in here, chubby chimpanzee, and I'm going to say this, right? The man who sits opposite of me right now has my heart,

my valet, so much, the valet he showed to finish the marathon, the respect I have for him for doing it is just paramount, and you've heard that. Your story, whilst you talk about this with shame, and I can see why, you know, that is how you feel right now. The respect I have for you on the basis that despite all of the stuff you suffered on that marathon, you still finished it, right?

I would say every time you look at that medal, don't think of any shame and don't think about the embarrassment that you feel, because I've been there and I've talked about those situations numerous times on these. But mine have not got all of my poo stories. The numerous ones I've got have not got any fucking valid to them. They haven't got any like, they haven't got a championship medal to it.

You have. And every time you look at that medal, and every time you question whether you can do something, have you got the weather all to complete a task, look at a medal and go, you know what, that was one of the most embarrassing things that happened to a human being. But did I give up? Did I say that I couldn't do it? Did I skulk away and pretend that, you know, I couldn't finish the thing? No, you stuck with it.

You gritted your teeth. Totally agree. And totally preach, preach Tom. Pushing you along. You create you, you finish that marathon. And you know what, when you say about the pit poos me down your leg, that poo should have resembled farmer and

a little bit of fetus. It should resemble that every time the going gets tough, the choppy chimpanzee goes eye to eye with that struggle and goes, you know what you think you've got this? I've got it. I can finish. I'm the fucking champion. So you have all of my respect, all of my imagination,

and I will go this far also. We will get your details, and I think you should be the guest of honor at our Manchester live show. Okay, listen, I really do think you should check stuff like that with me before you announce it. Well, I didn't know that I was gonna say but I'm so fucking inspired by this person chubby chimpanzee Genuinely incredible. I would look at that medal and look at it as a medal of your own shit You know a symbol of you overcoming the difficulties that you faced in Manchester. You're a goddamn hero man

Many people would have given up but you did it You publicly had shit running down your leg And you know what? Not today shit not today and you've completed the marathon You know, it's an incredible amazing achievement. I've left the house party because I shut myself. Hmm I've left the house party because I needed a shit not Not even that, I was just like, oh Colin, I don't like shit, as you know I don't find them phobic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so I've done an Irish goodbye.

I think we should all, you know what, I think we should all take a little for the Chubby Chimp Chimpanzee and actually just fucking knock, like yeah, I've shunned myself, but it's three in the morning, I'm still here. I'd love a few people, if Chubby Chimp Chimpanzee and actually just fucking not like yeah, I've shown myself. I'm fucking it's three in the morning. I'm still here People if chubby chimpanzee comes to the Manchester I'd love a few people from the audience who are willing to sort of shit themselves on the night just in solidarity

Generally just to show it's not something to be ashamed of us, you know, it's a brave wonderful thing I will say this the chubby chimpanzee has my adulation and I'll even go further And if I will say come to the fucking gig, be the guest of honor and I'd love to then just say go and have a lovely meal somewhere. What do you mean you pay for the meal? Yeah, I'll pay for the meal. Okay, alright, yeah fine, that's fine. Yeah, if that's what you want to do. Are you okay? Yeah, I just think they're an incredible human being.

Yeah, but why do you keep escalating? Do you know by the way, the Chubby Chimant team will get my fucking sports personality the year award. Fuck all these fucking people, these privileged people who have paid fortunes. That's a fucking sport. That's a film right there. Someone who stuck it out. A champion of our hearts. Yeah, I mean in all seriousness, it's really great. Chubby Chimpant, I do think what you did is amazing. I don't know what's happening with Tom. I just get inspired by stories like this. I'm fucking amazing. We're recording this in 20 past 11

Unusual time to be absolutely hammered. But here we are Here's the next email hello, I don't expect you to read this if you do I don't expect to be read out loud on the podcast But I just want to say it's nice to meet Ramesh in Beckenham Coughlin's this morning. Wow. I was too nervous to probably say how much I love your work and Tom's. And the podcast is one of my favorites

and that I've started trying to stand up myself with the angle being that I'm a history lecturer doing it. Instead, I fumbled a silly question about Judge Ramesh that I worried after could have been misunderstood as insulting. Hope this wasn't the case. No, it wasn't. I remember this person. Ramesh came across as just as friendly in real life as in other media.

Anyway, thanks for the meet and greet plus selfie attached below. And keep up the good work on the pod and elsewhere. Now this is the question that he's not given an animal name. I'll keep him Anon. But this is the question that he asked me and I didn name I'll keep him an on but this is the question that he asked me and I didn't take it as an insult he said I really liked judge Ramesh how come you two hate it so much and something like it was something along those lines now we don't hate judge Ramesh do we it's sort of just become

like it's just sort of become like a bit of a punchline, hasn't it? Do you know what I mean? Yeah. But actually, to be fair, I enjoyed making that show. It was a lot of fun to be there. You had a lot more pressure on you than I did, to be fair. Not really. You were carrying the show, to be fair.

No, that's not true. I thought you were the fuck up. I was able to fuck about. No, but I thought you were the best thing about that show. You were so funny. No, no, no, no. You were great. I think we all know who was, and that person is on

this so yeah yeah okay anyway it was lovely to meet you right so hit okay this I think this would be our this would probably be a lot more who knows depends how long we chat about this for hi both really love the podcast It keeps me entertained while I spend days away as I'm an HGV driver I'm going to see everyone every every road gladiator fucking taking the things we need from place to place Shout out the SUV people. Do you say SUV? HGV Okay, shout out the HGV people. Yeah. Yeah shout out to I'm going to see Ron record a show on Friday, and I can't wait. Oh, yeah, we're doing parents living at the moment

Thank you for coming along to that. Oh just one. Oh, that's today. That's today. That's as of time of record I'll see you later. Just one thing is bugging me Who would win in a fight between spider-man and Batman? Tom do you care? Yeah I like anything like this. Okay all right do you have an opinion? I like to get my brain into it. Yeah I do and it's pretty f***ing an easy one for me. Spider-Man right? No don't think I don't think well listen it might be Spider-Man I certainly don't think you could just come to that conclusion immediately right, so mate the webbing system that he's got is So fucking complex if he just like wraps Batman up in that web

Batman's not getting out right and Batman has but for me it's like Batman fights. He has to fight close range He's got his little bat star things right? Batman fights close range. He's got his little Bat-Star things, right? That he throws, right? Spider-Man's too quick for those. He's gonna die, you know, Batarangs or whatever they're called, right? He's gonna dance around those a bit. If he gets in close with Batman, yeah, it's a fucking close-run thing,

because Peter Parker can't fight to save his fucking life. He's an absolute idiot when it comes to fighting. But the way I see it is that if he stays at distance with his webs then batman he's got batman all tied up literally and batman is gonna go fuck sake i've lost this again yeah that's how i see it and if superman's involved he eats the fucking through all of them now what's got a chance against him oh god okay well um thank you i'm sorry mate i'm sorry, mate, I'm sorry. You cannot even come...

Who's beaten Superman, those two? Superman's the best fucking superhero there is, by a long fucking way. Yes, granted, since Christopher Reeve, I'd say there hasn't been someone who's actually stepped up and played him well in films. But fuck me, he is... No-one's fucking with Superman. He can fly, he's got the fucking eye stuff, he's he's a man of steel. We can fucking he's so strong Batman's pussy now. That was go fuck it. No, do you want a cup of tea mate? I don't want a fucking fight

Okay, I've read the comic book and I've got the model of Batman versus Superman. Yeah What's difficult about this is it's difficult to answer and talk about this question With people that don't know the characters. That's the issue. Right. Okay, you give me the, right. You give me the, right. Let's just say, all right, you are Gary Neville,

I'm Roy Keane. Hit it, pundit. Why, what, fuck you, man. Go on then. Okay, listen. You're in right now. First of all, you're saying Batman has to be close-range, he doesn't at all. He's the master of preparation. He's basically like a gadgets legend.

You give him like, if you say to him you've got to fight Spider-Man in an hour, he'll have something that deals with the webs. All of your fucking fights, by the way, can I say, all of your fights seem to be arranged like the 100 men versus the griller with people being told that they've got a fucking infinite time to prepare for it. It's not a scout camp, they fucking fight, boom, they get into it. Okay, fine, but Batman already has a load of shit on him. Okay, well he's got his bat wings and he's got... He's got loads of weapons. He's got a fucking batmobile.

He could probably kill Spider-Man from his batmobile before he even gets out the fucking car. Yeah, but then he's got a fucking... He's in a car. Yeah, he's not a superhero. He'd be fucking embarrassing, wouldn't he, if he's got to go into the bar afterwards and go, I had that end up, I killed Spider-Man,

what, did you beat him to death? Oh no, ran him over. Oh, fucking hell. You're better than that, Bruce. You're better than that, Bruce. I don't think you'd be worried about what they think of him down the Jubilee Oak after he's fucking killed Spider-Man. Alright? I don't think it's gonna be on his list of concerns. I think you'll live with it. And as for Superman, Batman will have some sort of kryptonite thing.

I imagine, in fact, a lot of the comics allude to the fact that Batman's always got kryptonite on him in case Superman ever froze down with him. What a prick. What a prick. This argument is not who's the better bloke. It's who would win in a fight, right? What a fucking slippery son of a gun. That's not me fighting you and just rubbing some steak in your face. I'd be so ashamed that that would be how I want to fight against you. Like touching you with meat and you go, fuck off, man.

It's meat. I'm a fucking vegan. I'd actually go, you know what? Beat me to death because I don't deserve to win. That was a low blow. First of all, steak doesn't have the same effect on me as kryptonite does in Superman. Second of all, I find that you sort the same effect on me as Kryptonite does on Superman. Second of all, I find that you sort of say it like it's definitive argument.

I find it very hard to believe that you'd go, do you know what, I'm so ashamed of myself that I'll abstain from you, please beat me to death. Christ. Right, anyway, look, we've got to, thank you so much for your email. I don't see why we have to keep him anonymous. Ian. I love the email. Yes, good email, great email. That's one of my favourite, can we get more stuff like that? I like that.

Yeah, we'd love that. But in answer to your question, Batman would win. By the way, I think I'm a Superman guy for a free. Yes, I know you are I know and I'll be honest with you it's very much in keeping with who you are as a person that Superman is your favorite okay Tom would you like to do us the honors of taking us out please yo salty friends and listeners, how are you? You well? I'm glad.

It's that time of day, that time of year, that time of week, that time of month where the old noggin's are releasing a thought process. And what I'm thinking about today, well, many different things. One thing I can't help but see is that my thoughts are more elevated than usual. Why? It could be a number of things, but for me, I think it might just be the sun's decided to show its face. And with that comes a new dawn, a new day, a new moment.

Speculation is right. What does summer bring? For me, there's no better thought than washing up liquid on a rubbery slide and sliding down it as quick as you can, laying out in the mud and the soil and the flowers afterwards. You went a little fast Tom. Yeah, but sometimes you just got to live for the moment friend. What are you doing in that garden? That's for me tonight. That's the thing about the summer. It can make you think, it can make you wild, but most of all, it can make you hope.

And that's what we all need a little bit more of hope. The world is tough. And it is here to test you. There's loads of things here to test you very much like two superheroes going at it. At some point, they're going to look at each other and go, this is said to test this a fight against another champion. But let you be the champion of your day. Let you be the winner. Like a marathon runner who's shat himself multiple times and still finishes.

Just think, every day is a race. Every time you stub your toe, now every time your milk has run out. That's you shitting yourself. And you have a choice. Do you carry on and finish? Or do you give up? And I know that each and every one of you has a weather all to finish.

God bless and I'll speak to you later. Really nice Tom, thank you so much. Yeah, and we'll ramble about today but yeah. Yeah, no, really good. JT, Amine has got a new song out called Vacate. Can we play that out please to see us out the podcast? I'm a big fan. Thank you so much once again for listening to the podcast and we will see you next time. Thank you guys, take care of yourselves and each other. See you later. Bye-bye

Somewhere sunny sweating with two spritz in my tummy. I mean Ravioli and a piece of with the honey I'm oh oh for the week you dummy tenor her tone with a sauvion blonde been a long week She do not miss home. She's topless up in Marseille France. It's 98 degrees So the sunscreen on my boo only like boutique hotels. I booked that cuz the brain Cornell If you have a problem, opinion, feedback or anything at all, please email us at wolfalpod.gmail.com. That's wolfalpod.gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we don't have any content ideas. Thank you.