Wolf and Owl - S4 Ep 20: Drinking Disasters and Useless Seals

Episode Date: May 21, 2025

We’re talking… a 15 year old Romesh, teenage parties and early drinking disasters, being firmly in the friend-zone, sneaking out of a Spanish hospital, the mystery of Tom’s bad breath, a well-catered gig at Coughlans Bakery, Crystal Palace celebrations, leaky water bottles, useless seals, famous last words and Tom’s new sauna. For questions or comments, please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod TikTok - @wolfowlpodcast YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch & Mailing List - https://wolfandowlpod.com A Mighty Ranga Production For sales and sponsorship enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Yo, yo, what you want? Beak or jaws, feathers or fur, sharp teeth or feet with claws, whatever's preferred. They'll grant you all last requests to steady your nerves, then podcast a body pass, get severed and served Bring your weak shit, wear the wolf and owler That ain't just a mistake, that's an awful howler Both of them are known to pull up at your shows Have the crowd witnessing the murder like they're rolling with a gang of crows

Fuck their censorship, let em see the whole thing They stay dressed to kill, never sheep's clothing Dark enough to turn the sun to the moon, you'll see nothing All you hear's a huff a puff and a h***. Expect killings, red spilling and flesh ripping, impressive in it, the death bringing its head spinning, just kidding, every word in this song's about two grown men dressed up as a bird and a dog. Oh hello and welcome to the Wolf and Our, Wolf and Our podcast.

Hey friend. Nice to hear you. It's gonna be interesting energy today because it's a Sunday afternoon. I have had a very relaxed morning. What's been, give me the scene, what's happened this morning, what's been going on in the Ranganathan house? Well, first of all, Theo went out to a party last night.

First big team party. Yeah, yeah, and a couple of people at the party got wasted. Oh, okay. Theo, one of them? Well, I don't know. He came back and I was trying to interrogate him to figure out if he'd been drinking. You couldn't spell it. And then he did it It's very difficult actually Theo essentially and you've you spent a bit of time with him Theo essentially personality wise is Identicate me. Yeah. Yeah, right. So now I'm dealing with a 15 year old me

Like coming back at me when I sort of quiz him about stuff So I'm going to him what you're like to him, do you overdo it at the party? Yeah, dad, I took crack. Why don't you just calm down? Yeah, do you know what I mean? It's all that kind of, you know, it's very tricky. Yeah, it's hard, yeah. And he's heard that you've got that spunk in you, so he's taking that spunk from you and he's running with it.

Yeah, I mean, I don't, I'm not overly enamored with the phrase in the music, but yes. Yeah, he's taking my spunk and using my spunk against me Yeah, is he? That's those remember the first part you went to with those drink and everyone got wasted Yeah, what was it? I was must've been 28 29 no, I do remember the first part. Actually one of the first parties I went to I I the other kids at the party to find my mum and dad

because I was so out of it. Really? I got picked up. That's completely up. Yeah, I think everyone went for that. I remember my dad doing it and then one of the older girls had got some brandy from her. She was about three years older than us and she got brandy from somewhere in the house, which is like cooking. That's the other thing, right? Because when you were nicking

stuff from the like your parents booze cabinet, right, you wanted to take stuff that they wouldn't notice. So that would often be you go and find the dustiest bottle of shit. Amarula's getting broken out of the party. It was brandy. I think it was cooking brandy. I remember us drinking it and her swigging for the bottle and just sort of then having to call my dad and throwing up all over my dad's car, literally, and then waking me up the next morning, getting me to clean it all.

When you're, the mad thing about it, it happened to me when I was like 14, one of my parents had to come pick me up from the swing. And on the evening, they carried me to the car, put me in the backseat, put me to bed. All of that time. Well your parents did it with your friends? Yeah, my mom and dad came and they got caught. The other kids were worried about how much of a state I was in.

I know, I know. Yeah, yeah. I know. So then I got picked up, put in the car, then I got taken home. And then, so on the actual evening... This is really hard, but I had this idea that you weren't even drunk. They were just going, how the fuck do we get Romesh out of this party? I haven't even had a bloody drink, mate! Yeah, he's... I've only had a snowball!

Party's just getting started! Just having a drink with the Russian, I've only had a snowball. Party's just getting started. He's having a big one for the Russian. I've only been here for 15 minutes. Yeah. It was a milk, I had a milk. There wasn't any vodka in it. Anyway, so my parents came to get me. I was absolutely obliterated.

And I think I started to like randomly pass out and then wake up and stuff. So they were thinking, oh, it's the worst feeling. So then I got into the car and they took me home. And in the car on the way home, you do not appreciate how much trouble you're in because you're just pissed, right? So you're just sort of like, oh, this is unfortunate.

But you're craving your bed at that stage. You're actually grateful to have been taken out of the party because it's gotten away from you. Also at 14, 15, I think I was more 15, like 15ish at that point, but like that knowing that sort of like the more drunk you get the more your social standard's gonna, because there's a time where the drinking's cool and it's like oh shit, you know Ramesh can handle his like drink, he can handle his schnapps and then all of a sudden you over-flee fucking go over that line.

Well, the thing is, you're looking for the glory of knocking it back, right? And that is, everybody's congratulating you, going, oh my God, oh my God. But what they don't realize is you don't actually have a tonne. Nice. It's not, to drink it quickly is not the trick.

The trick is to drink it quickly and then not be crying later in the bushes. You know, the same thing, it's not to drink it quickly is not the trick. The trick is to drink it quickly and then not be crying later in the bushes. You know, the same thing as like you're talking about now, like I didn't even learn a lesson till probably I was 32 that that wasn't cool. I was still doing that all the way through. Mate, I mean, I do, I do think it's like, I'm loathe to generalize by gender, but like, you know, I remember like, even like you talk about bottomless brunches

and stuff like that, and like Lisa will go out and get on the wines with the girls or whatever. But when I was in like my 20s, when you're in your 20s, it's a race to get as fucked as you possibly can, right? And anybody that goes, oh, do you know what? I'm having a bit more of a quiet one. That's used as a slur. You're also out of the game. You're out of the group.

I remember going to Feliraki when I was like, I must have been 17, it was the second lad's holiday. And basically having one night where I'd been so sick the day, like all through the night before from alcohol consumption, and I think about carbonara I was like I'm fucking I'm gonna discover day when I drink a day and a night and I was ostracized from the group I had to work so I had literally had to get even more battered today after that you know yeah this is

so but like you have to get you have to basically fucking abuse yourself in order to prove yourself to the to the group yeah it's my. And like I say, that was then all of my adulthood. Yeah. And then I went through a phase of like, I don't know if you ever have this, where you sort of hit a purple patch. I hit a purple patch of being able to really handle my boot. I only lasted for a bit,

but there was a while during which I could really handle my boots. I don't know why, if I'd put on a bit of weight or something, or for whatever reason. My social standing, I could tell the difference in my social standing. I suddenly became more of an alpha in the group.

People looking across to me like, bloody hell, mate. If you could have, yeah. You don't give a shit, do you? You do not give a fuck, mate. You're just like knocking it back, man. I used to think that that was really sort of cool. It was like just drinking. You know when you watch these tragic reality show and someone gets really really drunk like it happens a below deck and someone will drink everything from this fucking top shelf. I used to think

that was cool. Yeah. And that was, and people. Loads of people do. People still, yeah. Like people of our age still do. Yeah. But we are the last, that's kind of our generation is the last generation that was that in a lot of ways well, I was surprised that I was actually surprised that there was so much booze at this party that Theo went to because That that the younger generations don't that it's not a rite of passage for them in the same way I don't I don't think do you think that's anything to do with the kids looking at their parents getting absolutely wasted and Wavy all the time and then going I don't really want to be like that?

I don't know, my dad was like I would say for a lot of his life was sort of flirting on the edges of being a function alcoholic, do you know what I mean? And then like I remember seeing him at parties and he would just get on it and then I remember like him and my and he would just get on it. And then I remember him and my mum having arguments on the way home because he's been just fucking flirting with every woman at the party, just putting it about, putting the chat on, just being a bit of a player. His wife wasn't at the function.

Do you know what I mean? And then, so you look at that behavior and you think, well, that's not what I want to emulate. But at the same time, as soon as I was was able to I was just getting smashed all the time so it didn't put me on my dad was like a My dad was when I was doing I remember we my uh My uncle married a swedish woman and we went out to sweden to stay with him for like three weeks in some odd days And my dad was literally every night just getting that he got so leather once he got went missing for a day

like and they found him like so he fell down the side of like To make like this, but it was a bit like J Slater. He'd fall down the side for a thing It's just in some prickle bushes. He was just sleeping just he'd been to a crayfish festival We could drink the whole thing was to drink as much vodka and eat as much crayfish as you possibly could He could the whole thing was to drink as much vodka and eat as much crayfish as you possibly could That's a bad search party for one ended better than the J. Slater situation My dad was like he's not got low He's had loads of brothers and and most of them with exception of a couple We're like we're just wrecked so just get on it and like it was like wild they'd have like proper mad nights

one night that my dad had gone out to Canada to see a few of his brothers and stuff that were living out there. And him and one of my uncles got so like hideously pissed and were just ripping out of everyone shouting and screaming. They fucking locked him in a room for the night. Just like forcibly like locked, they were just like. Like flying dogs.

Yeah, they were just like, yeah they were just like just like what they do in the room together yeah because no cause what was that they were chatting they were like on each other's side because they're both getting really fucked up and then like the others were going to them you need to chill out you need to you know stop drinking and then my dad and his brother would start shouting at them for telling them stop drinking so it's like they were just like attacking everybody and go you don't tell me you don't tell me okay and all this sort of stuff. So

then they sort of like kind of gradually and then eventually kind of forcibly like bundled them into a room and just kicked them out. Did they give them some drink to be in there with or? What is it more alcohol? Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. But I mean like because you know at some point you give them enough they're just going to pass out. Yeah that's true. But I mean I guess if something then happened and then the ambulance says what did you do to sort of help him out? You go oh we locked him in a room with a load of booze because you thought it'd knock him

out but as it turns out he's got his stomach pumped. Do you know what I'm saying? It's a weird strategy. I remember being, this is the worst time I ever got drunk actually I think, we were in, what's it, Fingerola, near the Costa del Sol. That's where there's three of us were. Three of us, an awful number of people to go, it was like a sort of, you know, like, because two are always going to get tired and the other, and yours was always going to be one who's slightly left out, and I was like me. I was sort of like, you know

I'm sorry, but I'm quite a football base make friends of other people Anyway, there was a girl I'd sort of fancy for three or four days out there and sort of like was um, you know Sort of flirting with him whatever And then yeah for those in that sort of sort of like, you know, getting with another guy who, you know, sort of I'd been binda off. And she told me, like, oh, God, you know, that hot-scouse guy who sort of, like, sits here. Like, we were sort of, like, 17.

I don't think there's anything worse. And it is a compliment to you. And it's happened to me before where a girl um and it's you know this is just the the dynamic that you and i would often find ourselves and i imagine growing up is when not only do people not see you as a potential romantic interest they stay you're so far from that they will happily confide in you about who they actually like i mean it's a real it's a real kick to the dick, isn't it? And he remembered, I mean, you remember,

it was like that time where he was sort of like, sort of really nicely tanned, but he had that, you know, the sort of barbed wire around the sort of like half-walled going around the top of his arm. And like, but he really was actually quite an all-right geezer, but yeah, she talked, she was like, yeah. So she had, she was completely oblivious to the fact that what I'd been doing had been flirting with her for the last night, three or four days.

Anyway, I was so heartbroken. Uh, cause I genuinely had sort of in my head thought that we were going to end up together because you would have been chatting and stuff and getting on and stuff. And yeah, maybe I'll move to Birmingham when we get back. What she's thinking is I've met a new brother. Or a big sister. Maybe I'll move to Basingstoke. That could be fine. My mum and dad were done. Anyway, so they were then sort of coupling up and they were like, it was sort of a group of us that had sort of become

paly I guess and everyone was going out that night and I by the side of the pool started drinking a fish bowl bowl on my own just like leathering it and I was sort of like in a way like try to sort of be like oh maybe she likes bad boys and that's what I should be so I thought maybe I'll just get absolutely. No bad boy has a fish bowl.. No, I don't. And then, because my other two mates have got so chummy, and I was sort of now almost like being ostracized. Ostracized, yeah. Yeah, and they'd sort of, they weren't there really to sort of clock on to sort of have

quite the depth. And we all, you know, you know that thing where you all go out to get changed and sort of have a little spray up. And I then sort of like polished off like six or seven cans of lager, went back, yeah, and then we were in the nightclub, it's like two in the morning. And I was so drunk, and the alcohol,

literally I gave myself full alcohol poison to the point where I collapsed. Right, and then, so I don't remember any of this, but my mate told the story of like these two sort of quite short Spanish ambulance drivers came in with this tiny little stretcher and someone pointed me out and they were like they looked at the stretcher and looked at me and were like no no no yeah so they had to get the doorman and a couple of others to help carry me from this thing and like I could you know but Pete you know I like

to thought everyone was worried about me but but the, you know, I would then wake up in a hospital, like sort of eight o'clock the next morning. You were like that guy, you know the guy they put outside the house in the beach, who injures his leg? Just a fucking nuisance. Just sort of better off dead, really. Yeah, but you know that thing of like, I get to the hospital, right, and I'm in the hospital.

I wake up about eight and the doctor comes around to do you give me give yourself really really bad I've got poison and then I'm in there. I don't know I told the story before here mate probably you probably told it last week but I'll finish it so then I'm sort of um I'm laying there just thinking like you know at some point my friends will come into yeah, come and get me though they're obviously worried and You go so about 11 o'clock that day. No one's come to save me. They're obviously worried. And it goes to about 11 o'clock that day and no one's come to see me, 12 o'clock. And then they come in, they've rehydrated me and given me like, help me out. And then they basically, they want to see me to pay or get hotel, have

you got any insurance? And I'm like, no, I haven't got any holiday insurance. I think fucking health insurance. I'm like, whatever. I'm any holiday insurance I think fucking healthy insurance with me I'm like whatever I'm not that age not thought that I get that ill so I had to jump off like I literally climbed out the window and they left and you know I escaped yeah I jumped off like this sort of um well it's fucking like this flat roof and when I jumped off the flat roof I fucking pulled my ankle I smashed my ankle there and then got back to the hotel and One of my even more heartbreaking on and painful than the fucking fall or the alcohol poisons I got back and that my two mates were then with all of the people that you know

The girl and the scouser and they're all just by the pool laughing and joking together. It's like I didn't exist It's like I don't want to turned up. I thought there'd be a fan for oh he comes fucking oh you got smashed it was just like oh where have you been I was like at a fucking hospital limping why you limping I jumped out of the window to to get away from the hospital and they were like oh fuck you know they're gonna yeah it was one of the most and they had my passport as well so I had to go back to us but who had your passport the hospital the fucking hospital yeah so how did you what happened then I had to go back to hospital called my mom and get the mom to pay some money And then get them to look at your ankle up. They had to go pay the money anyway

Yeah, I mean to be fair was really thinking things are pathetic I'll be sort of wait I didn't expect to be on the side of the guys even on holiday with at the end of this no But either I was such a tragic I look now think I was such a trick like they must have all just it must mean just like me pining for some girls out of my league. It was just pathetic Yeah, it was no but the yeah The the drinking as a sort of an act of rebellion because you've been rejected as if you had some divine right to be with The girl that you liked it's I can relate to that. It's just such a tragic thing

You know, that's how by the way, Tom, that that's how incels start you're lucky you didn't go inside we're both lucky with it yeah if you've been told to be invented that's why don't girls like nice guys I've got such a kind heart she sees me levered you fancy me yeah she sees that the sees the level to which I'm willing to destroy myself to demonstrate my love. Do you know the thing as well? I look at it now and think, God, you know that time what harm of fucking brutality if I forced on my body but I wish I was an isolated thing I reckon I've been hospitalized at least 15 20 times for alcohol boys my life easy for alcohol poison make it is four

three or four times at least it's I've been with Katherine. And that, I mean, yeah. Mate, yeah. Mate, like, I used to, when I drank, I was like a fucking animal for it. I had no stock. And like, yeah, I used to just, like, a matter of times, I'd been gravely, really ill through fucking booze. It's just, it's a mad one, innit? Because I don't know, basically, it's a bit weird,

because I was telling a mate, I'm not going to name him, because it's name him, because he was really mortified by this. But I was chatting to him about, just whatever, this morning. Anyway, he went out last night, got really hammered, battered, and got into an Uber, and in the Uber on the way home, shat himself.

Oh my God. I think there's so much worse than being shit. He said he had like this, he said it was another sort of 15-20 minutes or so, you know part of the journey where he knew he'd shit himself, obviously he knew instantly, but then it became clear that the uber driver knew that he'd shat himself but he just you know I guess in that situation if you mention it it becomes real doesn't it if you don't if it's then on the uber driver to mention have you shat yourself right because you're not going to say it. The uber driver's got a nature quite sort of I mean apart from two nicked fucking headphones

and earpods like they're quite sweet souls in a lot of ways. Yeah, they don't want the fight You know what? We didn't want to act with someone eyes work I think you're sorry something fucking terrifying about someone who's physically just gonna shit themselves without saying they're thinking the back of a cap Yeah, he's that could be a psychopath who's done it as a sort of thing to start a fight Well, as in like, you know, he wants to see if It's all it's almost like starting on him. You can see how far he can disrespect. That was the last jump for that Uber driver.

He'd have had to go and clean his whole back, back of his car. Yeah, I guess so. I mean, I don't know. I don't know how long that if you should see 20 minutes, the seat would have been safe. No, but then how long how long is the car going to smell like shit for after that do you think? Depends on what I imagine today's a write-off isn't it? Yes, yeah, but can I just say that I've eaten something in the last two days where my breath is disgusting What are you talking about? Like genuinely Katherine won't even come near me even grace. What have you eaten? I don't know what it is but something has given me

like the worst breath i think i've ever had if you don't know what it is how do you how do you know to blame something you ate two days the way to report that story is for the last two days your breath is stung yeah yeah that's that's the headline i think so no no i might be exactly it's proof for the last 24 i think I can like I had like a some sweet and sour chicken and Some bits I think it might have been so to do with the fit that some of that because that something something hit my judge So it's not my teeth my teeth are clean. It's something that lies beneath your teeth. Definitely quite. Yeah I'm fine. Hey, you know that when you kiss your wife and actually my what careful breath hums like when you kiss your wife and like she was like my breath hums. She was like it stinks really badly. All right. So I sort of thought, you know, jump out of bed. I was like really

so I brushed my teeth again. It was the second time. But really, really like brush them, brush them. You know, I went through all three settings on my like electric toothbrush, used a bit of mouthwash, came back into bed, went to give her a kiss again. She was like, it still stinks. I was like, then that means it's something that's within my fucking digestive system Do you think do you I mean and you're fully I'm just gonna ask you this question and you can answer everyone is this do you think? This is just something that cats doing to sort of no no because grace even mentioned this more was you going to bed with us She we had a Sunday Well again, I would say listen. I spent a bit of time with grace. She's an advanced kid It isn't outside the realms of possibility that cats got her in on this little bruise. Yeah

I mean, I do know I'd fucking love that I'd happily go that rather than the fact I was walking man I was at a Johnny Fisher Dave Adam fight last night that everyone I spoke to last night was going Tom Davis is a nice well-mannered guy, but his breath fucking stinks because I Choke to a number of different people And that's yeah, no no one's that's the thing It's like no one's gonna turn around and say like it's like the poor driver in the uber car like he's not in the uber He's not a 10-minute guy. Have you shot yourself? I do I would say that I

Do give a certain a bit of leeway to people's breath depending on the circumstances. Mate, it's that bad that Catherine, like even if I go near her, and she's been, we're in a very lovely, loving place at the moment, but it's like, she is like, she went to kiss me just before we started the podcast, I went, oh no, I've just remembered about your breath. Oh, God.

Have you got one of those little water picks because it's possible that like a chicken wing or something stuck between your teeth. Chicken wing you prick. No but what I mean is sometimes it could be like. I had a cornage pasta at your bakery the other day that was delicious but it could have been there. Could have been. Can I just say by the way been there. Could have been. Can I just say by the way, that bakery is incredible. But Sean is as delicious as the snacks on which he serves as a human being. So we did a gig at Oxted. He's a feeder, the guy. Yeah, so we did a gig at the Oxstead Coughlin's Bakery on Friday, and Chantelle Nash was on, Lamar Jermaine and Tom Davis was on. And Sean just basically kept giving us food, didn't he?

Yeah, it was insane. Like, he's such a great, but I was leaving and he made me come around and I sort of had a roll delicious better than anything else best sausage ravioli I put he had okay fine I've had some sausage rolls in my time but you were you left with a carrier well didn't carry Catherine told me do not come back she's a big fan of Coughlin said do not come back with anything from Coughlin's Sean would Sean's like a pusher Sean see you know I'm Minister Society how they get to drug addicts he's like he's watched. Shawn's like, you know, Minister of Society, how they get sort of drug addicts?

It's like he's watched that and seen like that. So he was like, look, come on, just have a little taste, you know what it's like. Yeah, just a little taste of that. So he puts some yum yums and donuts in a box. I get home, I have no willpower, I'd eat a donut on the way home as well. I get home and then the next morning for breakfast,

all three of us had a fucking massive almond croissant Yum-yums and some doughnuts. It was in fact you took you took the big Eight like the big jumbo on one croissant home didn't it? Yeah, that's a that's a head of a bit of cake fast Mmm, there's some yeah, so you really didn't take quite a lot of stuff, but I'm a great at that gig though. Really? Yeah You did the trouble. I'm a big fan of your work. Thank you. Yeah, it was a nice gig. It was very nice.

It was quite a surreal thing. Like, gigging in a bakery, because I'd say it's my weakness in life. I'd say if there's any one thing that I'd struggle to go into a bakery and not order four different things. I find it really- I agree, I agree.

I'm the same, I'm the same. It's a real problem. To the point where I have to just not go you're invested by the way into that whole thing That's that's your thing now. You're like, yeah, but by the way, did you know that Coughlin's with its coffins was quite big? Store subject matter. Yes that the boxing quite a few people I got to about it I realize the size of Coughlin's apparently it's the second biggest baker in the UK behind Greg's now That's right. I don't know. I don't know if that's true. I don't know that's what one of my friend Tommy I think I think you've met so that you have met Tommy He was just he was at your fate at Sheffield gig. Um, I'm a different. Oh, I do remember Tommy

Yeah, he's very happy. I'm a guy but Tommy. Yeah, Tommy's one of the guys very affable, lovely guy. But Tommy, yeah Tommy got Tommy got very passionate about Coughlands. He goes and there a lot for his lunches and breakfasts He's a builder loves doors Coughlands and got quite a sort of heated argument with someone about Coughlands being better than Gregg's and that it was the second biggest bakery in the UK And Kettle Tren your name into the mix. Tommy did? Yeah, well, Tommy's sort of like the base of baking now. He's not... He's not going to put his name to a sign that's not fucking massive.

He said he's going to get a backer winner, isn't he? I thought, Tommy, he got more heated about that than any of the fights. At one point, I was going to have to tuck up Barry and Eddie and go, if you got 10 minutes Tommy needs to get in there and have a round about 8 blokes to him. Just put him in front of someone that's all you got to do. But then Sean went to and I do want to talk about this this moment Terry to give congratulations. The next day Sean went to his beloved Crystal Palace win the FA Cup. Wow. And, uh... What a moment of... That was a bit... I watched it. It was a great game. I mean, let's be honest, it should have been a red card. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but also good on the referee because we don't want to see, you know...

It was... It's one of those things that I... You're about to say we don't want to see Man City win another thing. That's not a reason to make referee decisions. No, but he was, I think, the best best Henderson was the best player on the pitch, right? Well, listen, look, I'd the truth is I don't give a shit. I want to crystal palace to win. Yeah I was dying to say their fans were fucking amazing. They were that's the Weird really the films last couple years that the FA Cups really got its swagger back

I mean, it's very pathetic because we go out for a second round every year. It's like, yeah. And I think we do take it seriously at West Ham, but. Just awful. I find it really hard to find any sort of. Like, this season's been so fucking woeful. You know, like, you know, I love I love West Ham and I did, but I's been so fucking woeful. You know, like, you know what I'm saying? I love my stand, but I find it so... It's just an anti-crime act. At least with you, you've had these moments.

We have had moments, but it's like... I don't know. It's... The thing about football is most people are going to have... Or a lot of people, at least, are going to have a disappointing end to the season where you think you're going to get something and you don't, right? And then the truth is, it's like, I think, even if you, I don't know, I just feel like most years, you're going to come away empty handed, right?

If, I mean, Chris Wallace have never won anything before in their lives, but then I was talking to some, like, Palace fans at the Oxley gig and they're saying there's like a romance to that. They've never won anything. That's why you'd say the FA Cup got its swagger back. If an Arsenal win the FA Cup, Liverpool win the FA Cup,

you know, it's not as exciting, is it? Let's be honest, you know what I mean? It's like, that's what you's be honest. I mean, it's like it's like that's the that's what you want to say like actually seeing Crystal Palace When the F it just was it was like I think it gave football a bit of a lift Given this whole season, I think good old palace because otherwise this has been quite the dire and morose season Mmm, it's sort of I mean, no disrespect to Liverpool. No, no, no, but Liverpool have won it.

Liverpool have been quality, but they've won it. Yeah, I know what I'm saying, but let's not say that the season's been Moroze, because Liverpool fans are active on social media. No, no, but Liverpool have been active. I don't want to RIP your mentions, do you know what I mean? Your next tour show you're doing in Liverpool,

you get turned down. Liverpool have been absolutely fucking outstanding, but there's been no one really to, you know, it would be great to see see someone go out I think yeah big fail of what Liverpool represent and what they're about I'd say the trouble is if the Liverpool has been so brilliant the three teams that have gone down Sadly didn't feel like they had the sort of minerals to cope in the league and before you know What you've had is a stick season that almost at Christmas you could go right?

This is what it is. I suppose I'm sort of saying this as a West Ham fan as well, where it's just feels sort of a bit of a waste of time. Listen, I just want to say something very quickly, this sort of thing that's really irritating me at the moment. Go on. is if somebody out there can recommend like a protein-shaped bottle or a drinks bottle that will not fucking leak after six uses. This is now the bane of my existence. I like tucking into some mandrel electrolytes, you know, it's my favorite thing, it's my new vice right now love staying hydrated all right really love it watermelons my vice I'm a big fan never stay all right most of my hoodies now I've had some sort of watermelon mandrel on them because one part of it is my

fault cuz I'm putting the wrong top on the balls but the other thing is the seals are shit on most of those balls right yeah it's pissing me off man it's now become like nature of shit because actual seals are shit they're like the most like seals as in seals that seal bottles of shit and if I can have actual seals really they're annoying as well they look well I saw someone TV the other day what do you want them to do what do you want them to do? What do you want them to do? Well no they don't do anything. They don't represent such huge idiots. Animals are not out there. This is your constant with you. They're not out there for your

fucking delectation. Yeah? Like they're just out there living. What have you done for seals? I actually actually think I've done it some way to seals before I've been bullied into it at zoo or something. I've got off. Okay is a tenor sort of well I wish I hadn't they're like the slobs of the sea What you watch you make hey you look at like whales fucking sharks Crocodiles, you know even fucking jump on land for better. Look about giraffes and such Do you mean what I mean? They've all got something.

Seals are just fucking... What are they doing? Sorry, what is a whale doing? Wait, okay, are you telling me, like, you're going round a bloody... the Arctic or whatever, or knocking around some sort of, like, watered sort of aquedome, and you're running to see the seals above the penguins? The penguins are fucking great. I could sit and watch penguins for hours and I wouldn't get bored I bet you could I bet you could

but I think that says more about you than it does about penguins and seals and their relative merits don't you think just why can we can we go ever done can we go I'll tell you what is fucking terrifying though my have you watched happy feet yeah years ago't watched it for a while. What's happened? Mate, you need to watch that film again. There is a sequence with a le... Leopard Seals are fucking pricks, right?

Every now and again, I get into a deep dive. Recently, we're getting a deep dive into Leopard Seals. I've been watching quite a few TikTok videos and Cuttlefish. Right, yeah. Even this morning. There's one Cuttlefish. I don't know which one it is, but it has a strobe effect on it to dazzle its prey before it takes you out.

That's what I'm talking about, that's fucking cool as shit. It's a murderer. But at least it's got an edge to it. At least you've got fucking, hey, hey, look at that. See all that. Literally someone kicks a beach ball at it and knocks up in the air. Everyone goes, oh well then. I watched a really sad video actually, See what I like literally so kicks a beach ball and knocks up in the air. Oh I watched a really sad video actually where it's like a it was a seal on like a bit of ice

What in the Antarctic and then some killer whales decided they were gonna like fuck it up Oh, yeah, but I don't want to say her I'm just saying it said yeah No, but I'm just saying like which they made is not ramming. They start ramming the eyes Splashing water up on it to wash it into the water And then I was like looking in the comments afterwards and apparently a lot of the time killer Wales are like killing the seals And they don't even eat them. It's just like for shits and giggles Yeah, apparently that one with the seal that I watched I mean obviously they time-lapsed it, but it went on for like four hours I mean they were just terrorizing this scene on this I mean it's basically Yeah, so you've bullied I'd see they're a bit of a fun. No, they're dickheads

Anyhow seals the dickheads Yeah, you don't always have to talk in t-shirts like it doesn't always have to be about merch Yeah, we can just have a real conversation One eye on the calendar. That's what I think sometimes. No, no, no, I was literally the other day, just they were fucking on TV, and I was just thinking, what fucking, what slobs?

And then like, now I look, like I wasn't gonna get into it about Seals, I was just gonna leave them alone, because now I actually feel a bit bad, because I've gotten shit from everyone else in the scene, which makes me think, do more about yourself. Do you know what I mean? I can evolve.

But you mentioned it, you brought it up because you talked about seals. Well, I didn't, no. But you did, I mean, look, let's be absolutely honest, if I can let people behind the curtain, thank fuck you did. Because I was talking about bottle seals. I don't know why I thought that. That is not something, let's just,

I know that like this podcast we don't give a consent we don't have structure whatever that that seal thing that I just said you rescued that by the way I know when you give credit where credit's due that seal thing about boxes is not something I should have said to you off the podcast. Right? Let alone while we're fucking recording and it's to go out I don't know what I was thinking. Oh, while I'm on it, what the fuck what the fuck is going on with protein shot, but shut what the fuck is that I reckon

right if they were doing a documentary about when the fucking that it was a tipping point when people realize podcasts were a load of fucking shit. They would clip that up. And again, this is like this is like the, this is like the, the mark of the initial point where people in the industry were like, oh, do you know what? Actually, maybe we need to start making this equipment harder to get hold of.

Right? Because I think it was when Ramesh, he started talking about the seals on plastic bottles and then tried to, he also leveraged a little bit of promotion for his mate's company while he was doing that, and then started talking about how he's getting watermelon electrolytes on his hoodies, and he actually thought that was worthy of conversation. And actually, what you did was very gentlemanly,

I don't know if you realize you're doing it, I don't know if you thought, fuck me, this guy,'t know if you thought fuck me, this guy really has, I mean there will be a point, there will be a point, if we carry on doing this podcast for years and years and years, there is going to come a point at which our faculties are going to start to dissolve, we're not going to be as good as we used to be or were. It will also be the best bit because we'll be shitting ourselves like you're making the back of a cab or. Yeah, fine, but what I'm saying is is there is gonna come a moment where I say something and in your head

You won't say it out loud because you're a sweet sweet soul, but in your head you'll go. Oh, no This is you did it in life and stuff. You did it. We both do that to each other I do think there's an argument that we should think more carefully about, just generally as a society, think carefully about what you're saying out loud. You know, sometimes, you know, imagine, imagine sometimes it's worth talking like, imagine if you were going to die immediatelys and those might be your last words Do you ever think that like what were your last words be? No, but I mean I do I think about death You know when they tell me about famous people or great people from history and they tell me so they were his last words

How much you think that is true? I? I'm gonna I would leverage a guess I think 90 percent More or more a made-up. You've called my certain right, of course. Yeah, like there's one I think it's about Stan Laurel from Lauren Hardy. It's a really funny of the bit. But it's a bit It's not good. But is that these are his last words where you turn man sort of said oh to the nurse he says, um You know you came to the law. He said no, I'd much rather be skiing and she says oh, oh, to the nurse, he says, you know, are you a Cambridge Salon? He said, no, I'd much rather be skiing. And she says, oh, I didn't know you skied.

He said, well, no, I don't, but it's gotta be better than this. And which is sort of like, that's a bit, right? Mm. That's a sort of. Well, imagine she just walked over and switched off the life support. That's it, fucking hell.

Is this prick ever gonna shut up trying material? Thank God for silent silent movies if that's the problem with that is If you're a comedian who's always on yeah And then somebody comes over and you make a joke what you think you're doing is you're making someone laugh what you're doing is You're forcing a reaction out of them. Just like I just imagined something and you want to go see Romesh. Oh god Still trying to get... Gonna do one of his dry observations about the bed mechanism.

Bottles, seal bottles. Yeah. Caffeteries, he's doing a thing about... You're gonna need to change my gown, there's probably drink all over it. What is the deal with these bottle lids? What's the deal with these bottle lids? What's the deal with this capitar attachment? I've set the pressure so low on this ivy. I think it might be taking stuff out of me rather than putting it in Christ where's Lisa? Oh

She's not been here for a month. She's really just yeah The only thing I'm saying out again and just feeds in lager She she came and visited him for the first two days, but now she's started a new relationship. Essentially to her, Romesh is dead. And she's been telling people that he's got no actual brain activity, but he does. It's just fucking irritating. He's only having his appendix out.

Just Lisa going, look, I think I've been talking to the boys and we're ready to switch the life support off again. He's conscious. He can hear what we're saying. He's just having a falafel burger. He's just having a falafel burger. He can hear what we're saying.

He's just having a falafel burger. He's just having a falafel burger. He's just having a falafel burger. He's just having a falafel burger. Yeah, it's done. I just don't think it's, it's not painful for him, It's painful for all of us. It's just easy for the boys We don't want to see him like this sort of trying out material It takes 17 minutes to get here as well every day. It's just such a little try for us all

By the way the protein ball thing I do I do agree with a manager Couple we can't really fight we can't find one that we we've won a we've won a back Mmm tough thing to fight. Yeah, because I get when people spending money on something that's not gonna work Yeah, I'll tell you we have back. That was sauna. Yeah What you mean? I've had quite a lot of people message me going I oh, I can't wait to see Ramesh lay into you on this one. Well, when people say that, it makes me loathe to do that then, you know what I mean?

But how is the sauna? You've got a sauna fitted in. I quite like, I think I said this to you, I like the opening shot of you just sort of looking delighted. Yeah. I don't know if you... Yeah. Could I say by the way, for quite a lot of that, I didn't know I was being filmed. There was got a guy sort of

Did you know there was gonna be a video I assume you did otherwise yeah Yeah, I didn't realize if you use quite that backing track but let me say it's something that I've Thought about for quite some time just on the basis that They're so good for your heart. I don't know how much you look into it but I've absolutely paranoid about any coronary disease and so I've done a lot of reading and I was using sworders at the gym three four times a week but when I saw what do it as much

as I can good for the head as well so. So yeah, it was a little bit of a thing that I treated myself to. Now obviously we've talked about saunas on the podcast before. We talked about the etiquette of... Can I say, since I talked about that, there's been three times in my sauna where I've been there and people have sort of quite, obviously, either heard that or got my energy being quite desperate in the sauna and either left or just sort of put their head down. Yeah, well, that's something that is,

I think I mentioned this, but a while ago, I was talking to you about feeling like I wasn't very good chat on a shoot I was doing. Yeah. And I was worried for the crew that ended up sat at my end of the table during dinner and stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Obviously I did that on the podcast, talked about on the podcast and a couple of the crew listened to the podcast. So then what would happen was I'd go out for dinner and then one of them

would go, I just want to say, I really like, it's great chatting to you because yeah, now I'm like, now I'm like the fucking little engine that could of chat at the crew dinners, do you know what I mean? So that is a problem of us talking publicly about these things. Yeah, but then also if we didn't talk about these things, I don't know what we'd have to, our sort of social defects. Well, I imagine, let's take this, you know, this has been quite a relaxed episode, but I imagine there's, I would say 60% of this stuff we probably shouldn't have said. Yeah. Jimmy said that if you then take that out and what I say shouldn't have said, I don't mean cause it's edgy. I mean, because it's just not of any merit. You take it out. What the fuck are we good? I mean, it's going to, there's going to be some episode, you know,

but people keep saying, don't worry about a format. It's fine. Just you chatting. I imagine it will get to the point where the bars drop solo that we periods where it's just us breathing Jimmy or just Cajun be a car for we're just got you know, I'll just say I would you fancy Tom I've got this book that I'm really into you want to read some together and then we don't read it out loud I think some of people have got that as a podcast What do you mean? Not really just read books and shit together. That's that is a podcast I actually think this is a good together. That is a podcast.

I actually think this is a good idea. That's actually not a bad idea for a podcast. We say to somebody, we're going to start reading now. And then every now and again, you sort of comment on what you've read. You go, we get to page 10. You read silently. I mean, it really, they could pause it. Yeah, or you just read out loud.

You read a chapter, then I read a chapter. Yeah, I don't know what the copyrights on that. I don't know what the what the copyrights on that I will say this man it read half the book really create some fucking Anticipation about the second half ago. If you want to know more about you know, Dixon of dot green or whatever Buy this book and read the second half of it yourself Tom when see I'm not asking this based on what you just said, when's the last time you read a book? Serious question. Well, I read a book, I actually read more than-

How much reading do you do on a week to week basis? Not on a week to week, I haven't got time. On holiday I'll try and read three books, three or four. I like reading a book, yeah, I read your book. You read, I don't know if I'm allowed to say why you read my book, but you read my book for professional reason, you read my book for enjoyment. No, but also I wanted to get inside like the man that I fucking adore. Do you know what I mean? Like, you know, I want to fucking know a bit more about you. That's not why you read my book. Yeah,

I read a very good book called, have you read The if you read the damages done no, what's up Warren fellow? It's very good. It's called this bag Fellows And he goes he's trying to basically get a heroin into Australia and he gets caught. It's all about his time in Thai prison Can I can I can I take this opportunity to mention a book? Yeah, I read a book called I don't know if I mentioned for the courage to be disliked. All right, and it's yes Yeah, it's a series of conversations between this philosophy this student and this philosopher It's it takes a little bit to tune into

It's an incredible book. I'd love to know what people out there think of this book It's like if you're worried about being too needy too much of a people pleaser about how to find contentment it's amazing book so I thoroughly recommend it. Is there anything about having bad breath in there? No but after you read this book you won't care about having bad breath you'll tackle it and if you do have bad breath you should. I mean I don't think it's yeah you know. I'm not worried that I've got rotting something inside me. I think that's probably a possibility. Right, Tom, shall we do the tink ting?

Yeah, if there's a doctor out there, just quickly, if you have got bad breath, is it worth using a laxative to flush your system out to get rid of whatever's made your breath breath bad? Yeah, okay, let us know that. It feels like a very extreme solution to bad breath, but let's see. Well, no, I think bad breath, I worry about it. It's going to be a feast of worry for me until fucking Thursday and someone reaches out. Anyhow, I digress. talking of breath, some things in life are worth getting a bad breath. A fine cheese toast, laden with delicious cheddar and gouda cheese.

Blue cheese? I'm not going to leave it out, it's there. I guess that's the thing about life. Sometimes the risk is worth the reward. What are you talking about big fella? Well, sometimes it's nice to hunker down on the doughnut knowing you might be taking seconds off your life just for those moments to think that sweetness tasted good or a bit of pizza that's sitting on the side of a house party that no one's touched, nay looked at for 45 minutes or so. You claim it as your own, because the rest of the buffet is gone.

And as you scumper it down, someone comes over and goes, hey, did you see some pizza sitting here? I'd left it to come back to while I went to the toilet. As you cram the last bit into your mouth, and your mouth full, you shake your head, and disappear onto the dance floor or such. That's the thing about food, it can be delicious but it can be a risk. That's life as well, sometimes the most delicious moments are the riskiest too.

So I want you to think about the choices you make. What do you mean Tom? Not eat cheese toasties, name not eat pizza left on a shelf, no friend, that's not what I mean. I want you to think about the delicious moments The exciting moments and although they can be enriched and they can make your soul feel glorious just for a bit Think about the humble piece of chicken or cucumber or something doesn't feel so glamorous Feels kind of normal, but you know what?

Sometimes normality is the best thing for you. Sometimes boredom should be regarded as wistful and amazing. Every road has its own speed limit. Know yours and know which lane you travel best upon friend. Thank you. Thank you. Really nice. Guys, Joy Crooks, who's an amazing singer has got a new song out called Carmen. So JT, could you play us out with that? It's really, really good. Thank you so much for listening to the podcast. Sorry about the seal stuff.

That is something I probably will think about long into the evening. So I thought that was worth saying out loud. But it's just one of those signs, isn't it? When we come to dust off our, we sort of dust up our microphones and put them back into the boxes and decide actually,

maybe we shouldn't be doing this anymore. I imagine that Tom and I will both look back on when I brought up sales as probably the first sign that maybe the wolf and now need to head off to the old farm and just go to pasture. Thank you so much guys. We love you very much. We'll see you soon. God bless. Big love. I reminisce on days we did have Now what am I supposed to do with that? Karma, I just wanna pay you attention Any God would offer you heaven Oh, I wanna know what that's like I wanna be wanted like karma

If you have a problem, opinion, feedback or anything at all please email us at wolfalpod.gmail.com That's wolfalpod at gmail.com. That's wolfalpod at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we don't have any content ideas. Thank you.