Wolf and Owl - S4 Ep 22: Rom In Copenhagen & Scores Out Of 10

Episode Date: June 4, 2025

We’re talking… Spotify reviews, changeable weather, being in tune with nature, The Liver King documentary, Tom Pepper and Tony the Tiger, giving up sugar, Dot Cotton’s parenting skills, hugs on tour, Rom in Copenhagen (and loving it), good looking versions of ourselves and our real scores out of 10. Then onto some emails, including a moan from a Manchester City fan, a quandary about re-locating to Australia and a fresh breath compliment. For questions or comments, please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod TikTok - @wolfowlpodcast YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch & Mailing List - https://wolfandowlpod.com A Mighty Ranga Production For sales and sponsorship enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Yeah Yeah, what you want beak or jaws feathers or fur sharp teeth or feet with claws whatever's preferred They'll grant you all last requests to steady your nerves Then podcast the body parts, get severed and served Bring your weak shit, wear the wolf and owler That ain't just a mistake, that's an awful howler Both of them are known to pull up at your shows Have the crowd witnessing the murder like they're rolling with a gang of crows Fuck their censorship, let em see the whole thing

They stay dressed to kill, never sheep's clothing Dark enough to turn the sun to the moon, you'll see nothing All you hear's a huff a puff and a h- Expect killings, red spilling and flesh ripping Impressive innit, the death bringing its head spinning Just kidding, every word in this song's about two grown men Dressed up as a bird and a dog Good morning or good afternoon or good evening

Whenever I suspect most people listen to it in the morning And welcome to You said morning vibe? Yeah, I think we downloaded it in the morning. And welcome to- You said morning vibe? Yeah, I think we download it in the morning. Way to work. I think way to work. I think breakfast, yeah, maybe breakfast. I don't think if you've got family,

you're putting this on in the background. Especially in light of one of the major complaints about last week's episode was that we talked about bodily functions too much. Did we talk about, what did we talk about? BO? Let's not start talking about it again, but no, but it was, it was, um, hold on, let me, let me try and see if I can bring this up. Just bear with me one second time, but you know, like now Spotify

have got comments on. Yeah. Oh God. Yeah. I would say that's kind of the most poisonous in terms of feedback just Spotify in general. It's stuff like 40 minutes of chat about BO, I had to tap out, be a bit self-aware, how long could you talk about bodily functions for, stuff like that. I mean look, I'm only reading out the negative ones. There were positive ones, but I'm just...

Yeah. I didn't even remember that at all. The reason I mention it is it's particularly concerning, Tom, because I didn't... Sometimes, if we've recorded a disgusting app, I think to myself, oh, I might have took a warning app. It didn't even occur to me that that might bum people. So now, that means I'm getting desensitized

to how disgusting our conversation. When I say I, I mean, both of us actually, we're both getting desensitized. I've been even more narcissistic than usual there. But both, we're becoming desensitized to that kind of chat. Which is- But also, but what I realized is a lot of chats I have in real life are about this sort of stuff.

Yeah, yeah. I'm not a are about this sort of stuff. Yeah, yeah. I'm not a highbrow kind of guy. No, I mean, I don't think it's highbrow to not talk about body odor in a business setting. But anyway, how are you? Well, very well. You know, the constant weather change over in this, over here is completely knocking me sideways.

Constant what, sorry? Weather change. Oh, okay, yeah. knocking me sideways. Sorry, weather change. Oh, okay. Yeah. It's the weather's changing daily at the moment. And I think I'm very, very in tune with the earth. So my body, like, you know, like your body is like, what, 80% water or something in it. So like very much like the tide to the sea or, you know, the

temps or whatever, uh, or the the scene wherever you're wherever you're listening to this wherever rivers near you. My body is the is very turbulent and turns up what if it's sunny it's all godlike you know it could be a drought. If it's rainy it's like oh here comes a good time if it's muggy I really feel like it's it's it's like, oh, here comes a good time. If it's muggy, I really feel like, oh, it's quite a ride, actually. I think there's about 13 different metaphors in that little 10-second bit of chat there. Do you not find that with the weather that it changes how you feel internally?

It does change how I feel. I don't then assume it's because the water in my body is reacting to the tides of the earth. No Well, it's natural that you but that's probably why you're a bit oblivious to certain things Is that the first time you've ever said oblivious because you seemed really nervous as you ran up to it, but I'm not Oblivious Little star star up to oblivious there by Tom Davis. Absolutely fucking top ends it. I'm really affected by the weather.

But I don't think it, like, for a while I considered getting a sad lamp. You know, like. Yeah, but mine's more like the air, the thickness of the air or the thinness of the air. Yeah. Yeah, but mine's more like the air, the thickness of the air, or the thinness of the air. It really like, I actually think I could have been like, you know, many, many centuries ago, there probably was someone like me who was sort of like in the King's court,

and I was like the weather, almost like a weather forecast. And now the King would bring me in in the morning, probably do a little, probably in the evenings and afternoons as a jester. And in the morning he'd bring me in and goes, what's the weather to like today Davis and I go oh judging by how my heart's beating and my skin feels I think it's gonna be a bit of a wet one your honor.

Bearing in mind that you sound like such a miserable fuck why would they make you the jester? No no but I fucking pick up and what if I was getting paid I'd fucking have to put on a show old Captain Shrobyiz will kick in. Yeah. You'd probably be knocking about as well in there, somewhere. I don't think things would go well for me in that scenario. I think very much I'm in a cell somewhere,

or have been declared a witch. I don't think you were. In the olden days. You were. In the olden days, listen, you and I would have a very different experience. You'd be the jester and I'd probably be fucking have an apple in my mouth and be cooked over a fire. But you're an affable chap who could talk his way out of most things. Do you think so? Do you think I could talk myself out of... Yeah, maybe.

So what are you doing to combat your weather issues? I don't know what to do. I'm a bit of a loss with it for most of you. I don't know if it's the weather issues or I've picked up some sort of bug or what. I mean it could just be actually just in retrospect it could be a light fever. It could be just illness. I'm very, very conscious now about talking about bodily functions. But like I've got a bit of a heavy head. I don't feel quite a bit of a bugged up nose. Hay fever is such a prick.

Yeah. Of all the things, hay fever is just sort of like a lousy little mug in it. Yeah, yeah. It's been a real roller coaster of you sort of speculating as to why you're feeling how you're feeling. It started off because, I mean it started off with you saying the body's 80% water and you maybe you're in tune with the tides. And now you think it's hay fever.

What is that? Three short minutes later. Either way, I think I've got a really sort of like thinly, like the veil between me and Mother Nature is so thin. Do you consider yourself to be tuned in with the Earth, Tom? Yeah, I think I am. Do you go out, do you go out, because I know listen we know you've got a sauna and stuff like that because you've heavily plugged

it on your Instagram but that when you when you get up in the morning do you go out and barefoot the grass a lot of people do that don't they? I quite like it but yeah yeah I don't actually barefoot the grass because I always worry about fox poop but But what I do is I quite like, I like being out and just seeing trees just caught in the wind or just thinking, how long have you been here and what have you seen? Is it true? You're sort of a very spiritual guy without realizing,

because when you read a lot of those kind of books, about finding contentment and peace or whatever, a lot of times they say just go and look at a tree. I know it sounds a bit, you know, the beauty of an individual tree, if you actually engage with it, it's quite awe-inspiring. You know what I mean?

Have you seen the Liverman's documentary on Netflix? Liver King, is that what you mean? Liver King, yeah. Liverman sounds, what a terrible superhero that would be. He feels like he'd be be last on the guest list. Fucking hell. Okay, listen, we're all out of Avengers here. He's asked loads and he says he'll be punctual and stuff like that. We've been wiped out by Thanos here.

I'm just going to put this to the group. Is it time to accept Liverman? Hey guys, it's me Liverman. And here's my psychic onion boy. Just literally just liver spotted all over his body. Fucking guy sitting in a corner with a weather spoon and a big red nose. I'm going to say what I think about what I think I know about Leverking and then if you watch the documentary. Yeah. So you can tell me exactly what the realities of this.

So to my mind, Leverking is somebody that like I watched all his videos and it's him like with a load of meat, just pure meat. And it go this is what Leverking has for dinner and he's smashing to a load of meat and then you look at him and he's absolutely ripped. insane physique big beard just looks raw meat yeah raw meat yeah and he'd just like and he'd eat like 30 eggs or whatever like just real full on and then he butter like raw meat he put a load of butter on raw meat and stuff like pretty mad but he looked incredible and he became quite uh and there's a liver he looked incredible. And he became quite a, and there's a liver queen and all that, and he became quite a, he became massive on socials. And

then it was revealed, I don't know if he admitted it or this is my appropriation of the story so you can tell me how much I've got this right. Then it was revealed or he admitted that actually he's doing a big like supplement stack to get that physique and actually all this stuff about him being natural. Well, it's more of steroids essentially. Right, okay. So then now, now it kind of looks, well, you watch his videos now, he looks like a broken man to me, but what is the deal?

Is it worth watching? Well, yeah, that's pretty good. I mean, he did a whole thing about how his kids have been very ill. And that was down to sort of like too much sort of like food that had been, you know, to me, addictives and whatever food. So he started feeding his kids raw meat as well as two sons, and then they never got ill again. And so he had like the nine templates of, know which is essentially cold heat being out in nature.

You're talking about like primal tenets or something like that right? Yeah yeah yeah yeah but evidently the one that the biggest one for him was that he was a growth hormone. But he had the um he essentially got picked up by someone saw what he was doing and he was at a level and then he got picked up by someone saw what he was doing and he was at a level and then he got picked up by an agency who do social media, pushed social media and gave him some advice. Yeah. And then he became very slick in what he was doing. If you actually see like the earlier videos and then what he became but he got a lot of slack from sort of the Rogan's and people like that of the world. They were really they went in on it. I mean it is literally impossible to build a physique

I mean, it's no way that you can have you can have that body naturally No, but it's very The reason it was almost plausible he was quite badly bullied at school That was the thing and he didn't have a dad and he was trying to find I guess, you know trying to find his You know his place in the world and that's what he found it for eating raw meat and carrying around a massive flame flamethrower. He brought a flame thrower and he used that. I mean, he got so much use in his videos, the flame thrower.

Do you meet the liver queen in this documentary? Yeah, you meet the liver queen. I always worry about her when I watch his videos. Does she seem okay? Well, she's a very supportive wife, but there's moments where you think is she there of her own will or is she trapped? His sons are very sweet actually, they're very sweet but you worry about them as well.

So what's happened to him now? What's his status now? Well the end of the video is very much him just saying like he still pushes the stuff that he said apart from now he's being honest about the growth. He's coming out video that he was on growth hormone, he's very touching. It's very sort of, yeah, he cries in it. But one of his big things has been out and touching trees and just being around nature. But it was hard hard now because you when someone's been so much of a sort of Tom Pepper, it's hard to sort of take anything they say seriously. Tom Pepper?

It's Tom Pepper's something. There's an old way of calling someone a liar, isn't it? What is Tom Pepper's what? Tom Pepper, who's like an old liar, only in the old days. Tom Pepper, I've never heard that, but I loved it. Haven't you? No.

Are you looking up now? Yeah, I'm sure that's what my nan used to say. Well, I think, you know. Tom Pepper is a figure from nautical slang and folklore, not a real person. He's often described as a liar, so incredulous that he was expelled from hell. The phrase he's a bigger liar than Tom Pepper is a common idiom. He used to describe someone who's known to be like extensively. The term dates back to 1787

I go right at that one. Do you know what I've learned something today bit of a Tom Pepper And it been a bit of Tom Pepper It's so weird when somebody you've known for quite a long time and I've talked to a lot Says something you've never heard them say before it's quite unusual isn't it? Yeah, but that's what my nan used to say that. But also I've not probably had to use, I'd only used the word, yeah, the Tom Pepper thing in a very, like I wouldn't throw it around. It's not like calling someone a wanker or something.

Tom Pepper, you use it the most. Yeah, it's a, it's deep, man. I sometimes think actually non-swearing words are deeper when you've got a considering, you know, if you just throw away prick or the C word or something, it's very throw away. If you call someone a Tom Pepper, you go, poof, wow, that must be a real liar we're dealing with here.

Yeah, yeah, no, I get it. All they sort of think, I don't know what that is, I've not heard it. And then you've got to break out the Google and explain to them what you're talking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm glad I asked you. It's a real educational experience, huh?

So when you watched Lever King, how did you used to feel about watching Lever King when you would not hate me, but you're so... Did that not... Because even me, when I'm watching him cut up a cow at one point, and him and his boys are just literally... Yeah, they're feeding in the cow. They're like locusts. They've got their heads inside the cow just eating bits.

I prefer that in a way. Really? Well, not because at least we've liver king and people like that, they're engaging with the fact that it's a dead animal. Whereas if you look at like, when you go to the supermarket, you've got bits of dead animal, but they're packaged up in a way that it's so far away from what the original animal is that actually you'd be forgiven for not thinking that any you wouldn't think about the origin for any of this stuff, right?

So it like it's all in neat packaging and stuff like that. Whereas if you like kill an animal and eat, I'm not saying liver King kills the animal, but if you're eating an animal, okay, well, so you kill an animal and you eat an animal. That is, I mean, I don't want to eat an animal, but you're engaging with the fact that a life you know, I feel like you're almost respecting the origins of that a bit more, you know, in terms of you're connecting it with what it was, whereas, like mass produced me. A lot of the time people are eating it without thinking

this used to be a thing that was walking around. So I kind of, not I don't mind it, but there is something I respect about it in a way, I guess. Well, kids food's insane, because they put like smiley faces, like the chickens had a real laugh. Yeah, I mean, we were talking about this last night with Graz and Rob about the fact that they put animals,

well actually they put animals in the logo kind of with the thumbs up smiling, don't they? Yeah, yeah, having a great time with it. Yeah, it is weird. Like Frosties, I'm not saying Frosties, obviously they're not made for tigers. What an insane example to bring up. No, no, but when I think about a happy animal in front of any packaging I think Tony the Tiger. I know but that's not an example of what we're talking about though is it? No no but it's like that is a big selling point so a lot of animal brands

where okay fuck it all up look what the work Tony Tiger's doing you know let's get Charlie Chicken on the front of our nuggets. I understand that example if Frosty's were greater Tiger, but they're not. Although having said that, they do look a bit like it. No, they could be. Wouldn't it be insane if that's what they were built on? If they suddenly revealed Kellogg's scandal is greater Tiger. It feels a lot more expensive thing to produce than just cornflakes with sugar on Miller light the light beer brewed for people who love the taste of beer and the perfect pairing for your game time

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And it can't be good. It's not good for you, is it? It's not good for you. No, of course it's not. I mean, and I... Have you tried to give up sugar, though? So, a while ago I tried. A long time ago,

I went hard like cold turkey, forgive the expression, on sugar and within two days I was like having headaches, felt horrible and then as soon as I had some sugar I felt okay again, which is bad because that really does show that I'm addicted. Do you know what I mean? You're like Nick Cotton. Do you know what I mean? Actually- You're like Nick Cotton.

Do you remember when Nick Cotton was coming off the smack and he was living with Dot? Yeah, I do remember that. It was fucking awful to see, because he was such a misunderstood boy in a lot of ways, Nick Cotton, because he actually had a softer side to him. Well, you know, he had an addiction and that addiction made him do some horrible things, do you know what I mean? And that really, it wasn't him, it was the drugs. Well, actually, I think what is, parenting wise,

I don't think there's many better sort of parenting idols at Dot Cotton, she never gave up on him. No, but I would say that she probably didn't, you know, if we're going to get into a deep dive into Dot Cotton's parenting techniques, if I could say, I don't think she was rigid enough with the boundaries she was trying to set for him. So she was supportive, but also would kind of forgive him

anything and not put any structure in there, which I feel like almost enabled his behavior. Yeah, I also feel it must be so hard whenever we went out for a drink with Pauline and Arthur Fowler and Cathy and Pete Bill, knowing what a talented boy Ian Bill was, how bright and you know. I mean Ian Bill, a big entrepreneur, you know, he's like making a success of himself.

And obviously now one of your close friends, but you know, and then, but even Michelle and Mark Fowler, it was, you know, it was, so she must, she must have found it very difficult to offer to Arthur Nick the money from the charity. Yeah. Then she was doing for fucking, I don't know what. It's embarrassing, isn't it? It's embarrassing. She must have found it very difficult. Up until half the money from the charity money. There she was doing for fucking, I don't know what. It's embarrassing, isn't it?

It's embarrassing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah. Shout out to Tom. Yeah, and shout out to Tom Davis for when I just sort of shared a little thing about trying to cut down on sugar, comparing me to a smackhead and EastEnders. Big shout out to Tom.

No, what I'm saying is you don't want to be doing that. You do not want to be giving up sugar when you've not even got your own facilities. You don't want grats to find you sort of trembling in your shower and you've shat yourself. Well, yeah, I mean, it's very different from the symptoms I'm experiencing. I had a bit of a headache and felt a bit sick and it shit myself. But actually you do raise a good point because what I'm slightly nervous about is like not being 100% and like, you know, I'm doing shows at the moment.

And also you're away from home. You haven't got a cuddle from Lisa at the end of the day. Well, Tom, Tom. Alex there's a stroke your head. Tom, I mean, what a horrible visual that would be. But I'm going to tell you this now, man. I love, I don't know if I've said this before, I love cuddles.

And being away from home, I'm really, I'm missing my hugs, man. I need hugs. I am much more tactile than Lisa is. Lisa would happily, I imagine, would happily never hug me again in her life. You know? Graz is quite hugging

I don't think he's got a huggy side to it. Yeah, the problem is is a dynamic There's a dynamic there isn't I don't want to see sort of in the years to come Sort of a darkened silhouette that I know is Graz talking about how he was forced to hug me every night on tour Yeah Yeah, man, that's fucking hard because if you gave up sugar, you're going cold turkey, you're basically giving up hugs and sugar to the sweetest thing. I've not got hugs. I've not deliberately given up hugs, but you can't, you know, you're being forced to have them.

Yeah, because I'm on tour with Rob Percy, who's been unbelievable on the on the decks. Grazio Martin by the way is more of a hugger it's Martin no no mine's not a hugger he's not a hugger the only and look Graz is that's what you need yeah that's what I mean but the problem is is if I say they if I say can I have a hug I feel like because they're my sort of tour group they're gonna feel like they have to it's not it's not a fair You know, yeah, do they feel comfortable to say no, I mean, you know, yeah, it's difficult. It's a tricky situation Where's with you?

Well, first of all, I can't even With you I can't imagine a scenario in which you wouldn't want to hug. That's the difference with you. Do you know what I mean? I reckon genuinely, I think if I said to you, can I have a hug? We hugged and then I said, can I have another hug? You would hug me. And I reckon I could do that 15 to 20 times before you'd question what's going on. Yeah. Well, I think you could just infinite amount of times. Yeah. I think it's like I'd just give you that juice.

Yeah, I think you probably would. I'd just give you all the hugs you needed. Yeah but the thing that you've got in you at the moment what you should try and do is find like In cuz Europe right and every if you could find one of those places like that and they've got like a school fundraiser there's like a sort of some like, you know lovely sort of like sweet teacher who's selling hugs. And you go to the school and you sort of go to the fake regrets and Rob, and you sort of think off and find that person selling hugs for like a Kroner or whatever. And, you know, you give them, you know, four euros for a hug, you

could just take 15 euros. Yeah, well, that's the problem is I would turn up and I'd go, I've got 400 euros. Close the chaos. It's hug time. It would be nice to see that. Oh, we make so much money. We have rebuilt our new sports center

thanks to Mr. Huggison. There's a brown pervert that has financed the library. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Yeah, don't do that. Don't arrest. She's a hairdresser and a tourist. Yeah, no. Well, I'm sure that's fine, but please don't do that. But I'm telling you, man, Copenhagen, I could live here. There you go. I said it. Beautiful Copenhagen. Very expensive, though. Very expensive, but then I believe that the wages are higher to reflect that. So it's a beautiful city. Hit me with some Copenhagen fact. Isn't it like the cleanest city on God's green earth?

It looks very clean. I Bikes are big over here. In fact, I went for, I did a little run around Copenhagen yesterday and I got shouted at by a cyclist. Oh wow, what did they shout? Well, they wanted me to move over because everything's a cycle lane one. So I think I was running in a cycle lane. The guy started screaming at me as he went past, but he was really good looking. Like I was sort of getting, I was sort of getting scattered at by an Adonis. Are they like the third hottest people in the world?

Oh mate, everybody here is like, everybody here is so attractive. It's insane. Everyone here is is starting to get hot as guts. They say you've got the, isn't it like the Danish, but then you've got the Dutch and then the Croatians. The Croatians are beautiful people. Yeah. Well, you know, I talk about a little bit. Isn't it funny actually, the Croatians are beautiful people, but the most famous Croatian is, I would say, no for being the most attractive. Like Luca Modric, I don't think you can go, oh, by the way, that's the sexiest species on earth.

No, but I mean, I think it would be mad to base that on one person. Yeah, yeah, I guess. Yeah, I think it would be incredible to make a generalization about an entire population based on one footballer. By the way, Luca Modric, beautiful footballer, insanely lovely little person.

I would say Tom, too little too late there in regards to that. Isn't it funny how the Croatians are really good looking people, but then you look at Luka Modric and you think how can that be? I wouldn't want the English to be judged off looking like me or any of it. Ideally the whole human species I wouldn't want to be judged off looking like me. Or any of it, ideally the whole human species wouldn't want to be judged off looking like me. I don't think it would be bad if they're judged looking off you. A mighty oak of a man. I think you're a great representative

for the people of Earth, you know? Yeah, I don't know. I think if our alien forefathers were coming over, you probably want to be sending Beckham, Cluny, Lawrence, do you know what I mean? Wild use of the word forefathers were coming over, you probably want to be sending Beckham, Clooney, Lawrence, Joey. Wild use of the word forefathers there. But anyway, the point is very good looking, got shat out by our cyclists. Then went to do my tour show last night and we ordered a curry. And listen, this one,

Rob and I had a curry in Germany, right? And it was not good. Right. It was it was pretty bad. This curry that I had last night, unbelievable. So I don't know what Copenhagen hasn't got going for it. I mean, it's pricey. But apart from that, mate, I'm in. I am all in.

Love it. Do you think Lisa would want to move to Copenhagen? No. No, and also the other thing, the other problem you've got with Copenhagen is that you immediately are less attractive. You know, like there's a bit in my show where I talk about sort of my level of self-perception.

And normally when I talk about that, the audience sort of go, oh, but they didn't last night. And that's because they're probably looking at me going, I'm watching a stand-up show by a creature. You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, like they don't even think you're the same sort of in the same realm of humanism. No, no. Are they arrogant, the Copenhagenites?

No, I don't think they're arrogant. I think they're just sort of, they just or? No, I don't think they're arrogant. I think they're just sort of, they just seem like it's just amazing. When you get really attractive, people are really kind and sweet as well. I always just feel so like you've got it all together. You just like fucking nailed it. Because actually, if you're attractive, if I was attractive, I'd be horrible. I'd be a horrible bastard. Of course. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, I just think it's in my nature. You'd be a mean spirited model. Yeah. You'd be like Naomi Campbell I think. You'd be like Naomi Campbell. I'm not gonna start. I don't know what Naomi Campbell's like

So first of all, let me just distance myself from those comments straight off the bat But like I do think I do think if I was good looking, I'd be awful. Yeah. I really would be awful, I think. And you wouldn't even have to pay for hugs, like you're paying for hugs at the moment. You don't have to fucking, do you know what I mean?

You go and get all the free hugs you wanted. Yeah. What do you think you'd be like good looking? I think I'd still be quite sweet. I'd be like good looking? I think I'd still be quite sweet sort of, I'd be like a Mimbo. I'd be like sort of stupid. Like I don't think I'd worry as much about my sort of, like trying to sort of learn more.

I just think I'd just be sort of quite sort of bit of a space cadet, but sort of quite handsome, but not much going on between my ears. Okay. Very much like now. Yeah, I mean, it's not a massive, it's not a massive. Without the ears, without. Nothing was going on between my ears. Okay, very much like now It's not that's not the massive in-depth explanation that you thought it was to be able to do what would you be Tom if you Were good-looking I feel I'd be I sort of be like me but sort of handsome. Okay cool Feel like I'm saying I don't think I'd be yeah, I don't think I'd be I don't think I'd be mean-spirited

I feel like I'm saying that. I don't think I'd be mean-spirited. No, I don't think I'd be mean-spirited. I probably would be, but I think when you're good looking, I see guys in the gym who are handsome, and I can see that there's this whiff of prick about them that you just, yeah, like they care nothing for taking off all their clothes and parading around, and sort of, when they've got these chiseled looks

and bodies that they don't seem to have to work that hard at keeping in extremely good shape. They're ripped and they just look, you know, but there is like almost, they are a different, they're a different being than we are. Yeah, I wonder what the perfect, like if you could be an out of 10 looks-wise, you know, bearing in mind how that would affect

your personality and stuff like that. What would you want to be? I think I don't think I could handle being attractive. I don't think I can handle it You are you are attracted. I'm happy where I reside at about a four or five Okay, so you wouldn't want to like if if if somebody were someone let me be a six or a seven I go I'll try it for a week. Now we're having a conversation, right? Because I think six, perfect. I think six would be great.

Yeah, I think seven at a peak, but I think any higher than that. I think six and seven, when you've really been looking after yourself and making a real effort, you can nudge a seven. But that's a different thing. If it it's low level lighting and everyone else around you is drunk. Yeah. Yeah. But can I just say that if you're, I think it comes with,

it's like having a nice car or a nice house. I think if you've got a beautiful face, you have to, the upkeep is extreme on being a 10. Do you know what I mean? To keep it a 10. Cause by the way, can I say that? People get so dizzy about how, when they rate them, like, if you actually break it down and think, who would you say is a ten in our species? In our species, who's a ten? Margot Robbie? Close. She's close. Right, so we're saying Margot Robbie, who I'd say is an

insanely great human being, a lot of fun, brilliant actress, and insanely attractive. If she's not a 10, then who is? That's what I'm saying. Oh, I see. So you're saying there are no 10s. And then in that, yeah, so when I said to someone the other week, we were just joking, I said, I think I'm probably at best of four. They said, oh, come on, mate, you've been hard on yourself. I was like, no, I'm not. No, if you break down the level of attractiveness of,

let's say George, prime George Clooney, right? Yeah. Prime Tyrion Rees. Put Tyrion Rees is what, an eight, nine? Prime. Yeah, I think so, yeah. Even now, he's hot as fuck. No, he's a nine now. He's a nine now.

Yeah, he's a nine now, right? So he's a nine. I'm not within five of him. That's it. And even me and you are at our very best. I'd say we're a couple of low fives. Well, even when I've been able to do a tour show and feeling like I'm really looking, you know, like, say for example,

you're recording a special or something and you get really done up and you go out and you think, I really looking, you know, like, you know, when I say, for example, you record in a special or something and you get really done up and you go out and you think, I look like, you know, I have, there is three coats of polish on this turd now, I'm feeling pretty good. And then what happens is you leave the show and then somebody sends you a photo of they're just grabbed in the moment of you on stage. And that is often a horrendous come down, isn't it?

Can I say I saw a photo of you yesterday Yeah, and that is often a horrendous come down, isn't it? That's not say I saw a photo of you yesterday where I think you missed me about this You're coming into the sixes the least the six You look so you check everyone. I've got some rubbish Instagrams the picture got zoom in for its full feeling It's what was not on my Instagram. It's not my I was, is it? It was a ragabee's Instagram. I certainly wouldn't post pictures. I'll share it. I'll share it to my morning for everyone. Okay, don't do that.

But zooming on Romesh, he looks delicious. He looks handsome. He looks, you know, effervescent. He looks very, very, very, yeah. I think everyone will get through that. And what I would say to you, the lesson there is, Animal Pack, is that if you have got the full force of a television production crew behind you, in terms of hair, makeup, wardrobe,

you, after an hour of hair and makeup, after being meshed up for the suit and adjustments and stuff like that, you can, you two, can almost be a six in one photo. Oh no, I was saying you're a six. You're still a six. You are a six in that, no six. To come up from a five to a six to go up a whole number is fucking great. That's taken me, that's taken me being in a TV show to add one point, right? I mean that's, do you know what I mean? It's what I'm saying is, I think, I think legally, we've been

too liberal with the numbers we give ourselves. Man, you're saying we're too generous. You're saying it's too generous. Generally. Yeah, we're generous. I'd say no, you're a five in your day to day. I'm a four. No way. No, no, no, no, Tom. Tom, I'm not having it, mate. I'm not having it. Right, mate, your teeth are better than my teeth. If I'm not having it, mate. I'm not having it. Mate, mate, your teeth are better than my teeth.

If I'm a five, you're a five, okay? No, no, no, you've got hair for a start. The hair thing's a big fucking... Of course it does. You've got glorious hair. That's the point, you've got better teeth. No. These are two big fucking things.

First of all, stop, you need to stop this. This is, I don't like this, okay? It's actually making me anxious, all right? Stop talking like this. This is dangerous. I don't like this. Okay. I'm actually making me anxious. All right. Stop talking like this. You're glorious big bet. We constantly get emails from people saying Tom's my crush. Tom's my crush. So just shut up. All right. No, but that is my point. Shut up. I'm just going to say it. But I think we should be, I think there should be a barometer of

who is the figurehead of this and then you go, oh, that's where I sit within the scheme of it all. Okay, that's a good idea. Because I think when people turn around and they... We need to know what a five is and what a 10 is. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because we can write the rest out of it. We don't need to know what a zero is. I don't think that's fair.

No, I don't think so. I don't think anyone wants to be that person and I don't think we should make anyone that person. We could probably draw a picture of what it is. Maybe actually the truth is we need to nudge it up that way and actually we're zeros. Tyrium reads like a nine. And so what I mean is that you're sort of stretching out the scale. Anyway, it doesn't matter. Yeah.

Should we do some emails? Let's do some emails, my sweet boy. Okay. This one is having said that, I've just told you to shut up being negative about yourself. Somebody is a Man City fan. He's got a bit of taking a bit of umbrage with you actually. Okay. A long time listener, lifetime city fan, want to call out Tom, this

is pure Man City fan-ness by the way. Yeah. Want to call out Tom for saying that Jack Grealish is grounded and basically kissing his arse. Makes a difference to when you called him a show off and he celebrated for a few days when he won a historic treble for the club doesn't it? Cheers. You know what I love about this email is you've obviously wound this person. Also, can I just say and shout out to this person who's written, that is pretty much me personified. I live in a moment, also with Jack Greenish being linked to West Ham. Let's be honest, Anon, that's what's happened here, is that Tom has suddenly got very excited that Jack Grealish might be coming to West Ham and now all of a sudden he's backtracking.

And now I imagine Tom's thinking this could be a friendship here on the cards. Do you know what I mean? What, with Grealish? Yeah, what's Grealish, by the way? He's a nine isn't he? No, no he's a mid-eight. He's a mid-eight, yeah. He's very handsome. Grealish by the way, and I like Jack, and I will also say that I did think him showing off, but also I think when he was showing off it was actually nice to see a bit of personality come out of a footballer. We've had a lot of this in this last week with the whole James Madison thing.

And I'm not saying this just because I know James a little bit and played in his golf day the other day. Lovely boy. Oh my God. Oh my God. Listen, what you did, sorry Tom. I'm sorry mate. What you just did was so horrible and slimy.

I've got to pull you up on stuff like this, bro, because otherwise you won't learn. That was disgusting, what you just did. It was horrible. It sort of... Do you know what it felt like? It felt like somebody had given me smelling salts. It like snapped me into the present. So fucking, it's just that thing of like, it's the fact that you played in his tournament,

I know I'm a little bit lovely boy, I was lucky enough to play in his inventory, whatever you worded it. It was disgusting. But he's a very sweet lad. He's got a very good heart. He has it. You're starting to make me suspicious but if you started to, right now you consider yourself to be a bit of an outsider but now I've seen a little glimmer of what you'd be like as an insider. I was by far the worst golf was that day. Doesn't matter, The point is we're getting an insight into what you'd be like.

But I will say that I know what my point was, I've met a lot of footballers. James is a very nice lad. I don't know if you've met him. I found him a very grounded, very sweet boy. He was doing it for a very good cause. My point being, there's been a lot of talk recently about footballers not having much personality. And even like Jack and he's celebrating when Man City won the treble maybe I probably was in retrospect a little harsh on him because actually it showed it was a sporting feat and he was enjoying the moment. Yeah. And actually I think Jack does you know he is an interesting character within the

mix of it all. He won't move to West Ham, I've being completely unrealistic that he'll go to Villa or he'll go to Tottenham. Anyway, I think it's fair to say that the man that you found, you've wound him up there. And I understand, I get that. It's annoying, isn't it? Not annoying, sorry. You've not really done anything wrong, you've just expressed an opinion. But when you support that team, it's like, he's been triggered. I think you've triggered him, I think it's fair to say. Yeah, I think, yeah, right. Because there's nothing about the podcast.

I mean, look, it's so, it's so to the point. Any emojis on there? Yeah, thumbs up emoji at the end. Okay, it's a sarcastic thumbs up emoji. Yeah, he's gone, cheers, thumbs up. Yeah, yeah. Well, look, shout out all my NTT fans, and shout out this guy in particular. I meant no offense to you, nor your brethren. Okay, this one is from the Hopeful Koala. It's a bit more advicey, this one, so just get your listening gear on. Good evening, you sweet, sweet souls.

I'm on the cusp of a huge life change and I found myself suddenly riddled with doubt and maybe a touch of guilt. I'm married with kids and I'm serving a police officer who has applied to transfer to a police force in Australia. If successful, we'd be looking to make the move in the not too distant future and I've been excited about the move

as I think it'd be a huge opportunity slash adventure. It would mean a much better quality of life, especially for the kids. It's in around a 40% pay rise, so it would be less dependent on joint income too. On top of that, I feel incredibly disillusioned with policing in the UK, although I won't get into that as conversation for the pub with good company. However, my wife has expressed concerns, and she's expecting to feel very isolated and lonely and it's put doubts in my mind. I'll admit that she would be leaving more behind than me. I haven't really been focusing on what will be left behind, instead focusing

on what lays ahead. Have I been selfish? We've spoken about it a lot and can continue to do so, but I fear as the move gets closer, the doubts in her mind will become greater. I don't want to force her to do something she doesn't want to do and I'm now not sure whether I should pull my application. My wife is quite a private person so I can understand her trepidation. I'm walking the career path you both have had to make difficult decisions around what is better for yourselves and your families in the long run. I know, Ron, you've spoken about the impact about leaving teaching for comedy had in the early

days. Am I being selfish? I'm going to a guaranteed job and career and be able to make connections with people through that We don't have a bad life here, but we've had a financially difficult life as is the norm for most these days What if I don't make the cut out there? Is there anything I can do to help with settling the misgivings my wife has? How would you approach this? I know it'll be hard, but I strongly believe comfort is the enemy of progress. Oh, that's good Isn't that thanks for your time and for any advice to hopeful koala Tom Davis well, it's a tough one because I think we have talked about this but and I think you have to

You have to take how your wife is feeling in this very moment into account but also I think you have to take in account to like Any change is is always nerve-racking. So is it something she's feeling as like she doesn't want to do because she's or is it just a little bit of nerves? It's look for all the stuff that I've done but you know moving halfway or halfway around the world and and being like you know in a work you know in a country where you might not know people is very daunting. And naturally, I think you will make friends at work. And then I think it's depending on the age of your children

where she would potentially, I think that's the thing that me and Catherine found when we've lived in a number of different areas that if you haven't got a place, a job or somewhere to go, I think school helps massively. I think since we've moved to where we are and Grace has made friends and we've made friends through school and nursery,

that helps. But I think it's getting a real idea of how she feels when it comes. Because I think you can end up making those moves and then going, oh, this isn't, I wish you'd voiced this a bit more and I knew that a bit more. Or it could just be the fact that it is a hell of a thing to do. Like any change in life, as you say, is you have to sometimes shuffle up the chessboard and make a move that you might not necessarily have ever thought of, and that could be a

winning move, and it's all a game of chance, right? But I think when you look at how, I think you've just got to take everything that she's saying. I think if the kids are, again, I don't know how old they are, but I suppose that they'll actually make, they'll be amazing. They'll go to a school, they'll be English kids, they'll make friends, they'll acclimatize quite quickly. But if you feel in your heart that this is a thing that you're doing to better the lives of your family and to better your career, and I think, yeah, I think that's a very positive. I just think it's just making sure that you don't risk your relationship

with your wife and her mental health and her mental well-being on it. So I think it's just having a really, really honest and frank conversation, say, do you want to do this? And see what she comes back with. But I wish you well, fingers crossed. And I hope one day to see you out in Australia as a very happy family whenever I come out there. I'll need somewhere to stay probably, and a hug. Okay, alright. Jesus Christ, it's like a fucking song that just doesn't know when to end. It's like watching the end of Lord of the Rings. Um, um, uh, Hopal Kuala, I don't think you've been selfish. I feel like, you know, it's very difficult because, you know, we don't know the full details of how it's come about.

But I think that the truth is if you're doing the, when you go and do a job somewhere, you do instantly make friends or you have a social circle because you've got a job and your wife doesn't have that. So, um, and, and the other thing is it's very natural as a potential move or a change comes closer that you become more anxious and nervous about it. That's totally legitimate.

What I think you need to do is just talk about, first of all, her worries and really have that out in the open and talk about what you might do to combat that like in terms of looking at you know first of all is there anybody out there that's friends of friends that you might be able to meet up with or are there any uh you know things that you could go to together like I don't know uh cookery classes or salsa whatever you know like some sort of thing that you go to that puts you into social situations where you know she can start to build up a network it is going to be tricky for

her in the beginning and I think you you know you do need to be I think what would be selfish would be to move over there and then not make allowances for the fact that she's in a different situation to you I think what would be selfish would be to move over there and then not make Allowances for the fact that she's in a different situation to you I think you know what would be good is if you talked about what you what steps you guys are gonna take and the truth is This is an incredible opportunity man Like what an amazing thing to go and move somewhere abroad with the person you love for more money Like it's just amazing. It's like a really cool thing. And it's normal to have lots and lots of doubts about it.

Anything worth doing makes you a little bit nervous. And so don't worry about that necessarily, but it is worth like, you know, having a proper conversation about it and making sure you both feel comfortable. Good luck with it and I hope it all works out. Look, who knows, in a few years time, you'll be in a situation where you're all settled in, you're having a great time and there's a knock on the door and somebody from a podcast you wrote to has misappropriated your your email to mean friendship and is asking for somewhere

to stay. Tom I'm assuming... It's a dream for us all. Tom are you allowed you're you're gonna go on tour again right? Yeah. Okay do you know what the name of your show is gonna be? I've got two thoughts, I'm down to two things. Alright, fine, so you're not ready to announce yet? No, no, no, no. I actually could do with your advice, I'll text you them later. Okay, fine. If it's that first one, I just don't think it can be called a racial slur, it's a weird decision.

Yeah, but it's edgy enough that some people will like it. It is edgy. I need to pick my market. It will get attention, I'll tell you that. Yeah. And that's all you need, baby. Get them talking. That's all you need.

OK, should we do one more email? Sweet, give it to me. Give me something nice. Give me something vibrant. Give me something wholesome. Let me just have a slice of good bread. Okay, this is quite a quick one. Although it is bodily function related.

Be careful, be careful baby. This is from the Ladybird. Okay. I just wanna know if you remember this. Hi Tom and Ron, I just wanted to say Tom, that I met you a couple of years ago on the South Bank. I tried and failed to give you directions to the oxo tower entrance and Your breath did not smell at all. In fact in the words of outcast you were so fresh and so clean Much loved the ladybird. Yeah, I didn't remember that woman actually

I remember that day actually someone I know got one of the people I was meeting got mugged just after that for her phone Just run a call from there That's why I remember the person she was very helpful gave me great directions And that's kind of say on the breath thing by the way, but a lot of people mess it up message me about it It's not being a constant as far as I'm aware. It's I had a long chat with a fellow comedian about this yesterday. My thing was, it's like, I was in a sort of, number one, my breasts stank. Number two, shout out my wife for telling me. Number three, I was actually out with friends

and no one mentioned it. My point of the thing was it stank and it stank probably most of that evening because I sang on Eaton. And some of that might be down to the fact that I hadn't eaten much or whatever. I've had a lot of people, by the way, theorize and send me some of them, like, thank you for getting involved in Breathgate. Doesn't sound like you're that grateful. It sounds like you're quite angry. No, I'm grateful. But what I'm saying is that my frustration comes that no one, the friends I was with, no one actually went, mate, your breast, here's a chewing gum, your breast, you know what I mean?

It didn't, like, no one actually went, mate, here's a chewing gum, your breast stinks. I mean, it didn't, like no one said, you know. Now, do you ever have a thing where you start remembering a night and thinking, what's it for, like this, like sort of standing back a bit further when I was chatting to them, and no one had the heart just to go. Because the person I was chatting to,

well, I was talking to Roisin Conaty about this yesterday, right? And Roisin's thing was that she was with a friend and she turned around and went, have a mink quickly. And that's a lovely thing to do. That's sweet, isn't it? That's nice. Of course it is. It's a great thing to do. Rather than just go, you know, fucking it stinks. I don't really want to say anything because it might upset him You know, then I'm checked to other people and they're all going Tom Davis and the first thing isn't that what the big bald fella? Or the guy from this it's like oh, yeah Yeah, he's got fucking stinky fucking yeah, so you wanna make with the breath I had I'm fucking knocking down to about three best case scenario

So my point is it's, thank you for everyone. There's been some lovely messages. There's been people who've got involved. Some have very much queued quite a deep dive into sort of Googling situations that have made me quite anxious. But for the most part, thank you. But my bug bear was really there because you can't smell your own breath.

You just assume that you brush your teeth, you've done your work, it's not gonna smell. Yeah, hadn't eaten dog shit as far as I was aware. Yeah. So yeah, it was a yeah. And it seems to because even somebody that bumped into someone in the street the other day and went, how's your breath? I was like, no, it was a one time. It's not like a fucking constant thing. Yeah, no, I get that. I mean, that's very much like a broken leg that I'm over, hopefully. Yeah, that's the problem with talking about things on the podcast, isn't it?

And it's down to me, but I'm quite an earnest chap. I'm no Tom Pepper, you could say. I'm quite honest, so, you know, my foils are my my inadequacies are laid bare, that's how I live my life. That's how he lives his life, guys. Okay, Tom, could you do us the honours of taking us out of the podcast, please?

Bruce Springsteen, look at you sing. Furlough of ideologies of a better time, a better planet. Trying to change the world, Bruce, step by step. It's funny, isn't it? Standing there with the record flag on his back pocket, the hand in the other back pocket and a guitar slung around his neck. He almost looks like he could fight the world and be any problem we have. It's hard to be a beacon of hope. Alas, we have few. But that's the thing, isn't it? Bruce can be a beacon of hope. He sings gloriously and he writes songs that just change the way you see the world. But you don't have to be Bruce to change the world. No. You could be someone in the office who sees something or

feels a little bit down and goes and puts a reassuring hand on her shoulder and says, hey, I've got a jam sandwich in my lunchbox if you want half of it. You could be someone who sees someone feeling a bit down on the tube and goes, hey, friend, seat's here, sit down. Mind the bedbugs, of course. And sometimes you could be the guy or gal who sees a lonely figure walking through a European city, droop your face and looking sad. He's a six and he's handsome, he's nourished, but by God the frown across his brow makes him look maybe a four.

And you walk up and you say, do you need a hug? And you hold him just gently in your arms, just for a second, and a smile beams from his face, like almost you've given him a power up in a 90s computer game like Street Fighter. And he smiles at you and nods, and that thought by God becomes a seven, as he gallantly strides away down the street. And you think, you know what? Just for a second there you Bruce Springsteen singing dancing in the dark putting courtly kept cocks from this crowd you change someone's life with a hug a smile and not a reassuring wife and that's all life is baby doing a little better every second to create a world. We all sing, we all smile, we all know, has a little hope.

Really nice, JT, could you play that very song for us to take us out of the podcast? Dartsing in the dark. Tom Davis, thank you so much for another wonderful episode. And by God, I love you. And Al, people will see you soon. Take care of yourselves. Bless. Go to Copenhagen if you can. Love you, bye.

Bye. Hey there, baby. I could use just a little help. You can't start a fire. You can't start a fire without a spark. This guns for hire. If you have a problem, opinion, feedback or anything at all, please email us at wolfalpod.gmail.com. That's wolfalpod.gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we don't have any content ideas. Thank you.