Wolf and Owl - S4 Ep 35: Meat Feasts & Mango Chutney

Episode Date: September 4, 2025

We’re talking… filming the last ever series of ALOTO, dealing with a bad performance (even though it wasn’t), an excessively meat-heavy Chinese feast, samosas and ketchup, mango chutney with absolutely everything, comedian/condiment comparisons, bad meals and how best to complain in a restaurant. Plus, our right to reply on some joke complaints and we answer email questions on Tom’s Rom impressions, a super-strong prostate, the new Southpark character and using real people in our comedy. For questions or comments, please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod TikTok - @wolfowlpodcast YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch & Mailing List - https://wolfandowlpod.com A Mighty Ranga Production For sales and sponsorship enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Fuck their censorship Let them see the whole thing They stay dressed to kill Never sheep's clothing Dark enough to turn the sun to the moon You'll see nothing All your ears are huffer puff and a Expect killings

Red spilling and flesh ripping Impressive in it The death bringing his head spinning Just kidding Every word in his song About two grown men Dressed up as a bird and a dog Yeah

Okay Yeah Welcome to the Wolf and Our Podcast Wolfen our podcasts, woof and our podcasts, up in your face, up in your grill piece, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what. Slip, slip, slip, slip. Unusual position today that we are,

we've seen each other quite a bit, haven't we? Yeah, we have. Because we've been filming the last ever series of League of their own. Emotional? Well, it is, you know, it depends on how you look at it, isn't it? You know, you can either be sad that it's over or you can be delighted it happened, you know? Wow.

And I'm in the delighted it happened, camp. I feel mixed. I feel mixed on, but I feel mixed with it. I mean, I'm not as closely linked to it. It's like, for you, it's, you know, a sort of, it's like a sibling. It's someone you, you know, you're very, very much part of your inner circle. I'm sort of like a cousin who lives in another country

who sort of visits every now and again. Yeah. For me, it's a sibling that says, I preferred it when my brother was James Corden. You know, that's the kind of sibling it is to me. Um, you were very good, man. You're, you're, you're, it's, it's a joy to watch you host that show. I've got to say, my guy.

That's very sweet of you. It's a bit weird, I think, when you have mates on, because on one of the episodes, it was you and, uh, Josh and like, having friends on. Like, it's like, um, the best way I describe it is that, so, so when you're hosting, you're sort of like a teacher. Yeah. And then you've got like two kids, I don't know, it's like two kids. know you.

Oh, like you're sort of your friend's kids. They're watching, like, yeah. And they're going, oh, you're trying to be, trying to have a bit of authority, are you, trying to move it on, trying to move us through the rounds, are you? I've seen you in your pants. It's kind of beautiful watching you with that authority. My friends' kids have not seen me in my pants, although I shouldn't have said. That's not a good example.

But you know what I mean? It was a, it was a tourist thing. A lot of good people, a lot of fun. Yeah. Well, it's been a hell of a ride that show. I do want to address something and I don't want to give any spoilers but I do want to address this

obviously you're in good shape now and you've always been in good shape let's not get into it too much because God forbid God forbid we set the comments on ablaze but I there was a I don't want to give a spoiler but there was a game

in the show where you were required sort of like what's the best way of describing without spoiling it I guess physically attack me, I guess, is a vague enough way of doing it. Now, bearing in mind, I have just mentioned, one of my very best friends, the gusto with which you went into that, I would say if I didn't know better, and actually, I don't know if I do know better,

there was, what, hundreds of episodes of resentment built up into that one sort of release of absolute fury. Can I say, right, I feel absolutely, like, I actually said to them about this challenge. I wasn't 100, by the way, I will say this. I was the only person who checked in before and after. I watched, right? I said to them before, I'm not sure about this for me. Because how much, like, how much defences, therefore, we don't want to give too much away, how much padding?

Because I went over, and I went over and checked. I said, that doesn't feel like that's going to withstand what this challenge is. For at least three of the people taking part of it, me being one of them, the others being, we can't give any names away, but, yeah, Micah and someone else, right? Yeah. I said, is this going to hurt Romish? And they were like, no, we've tried it out. And Romish has tried it, and we've tried it out on two other people, and no one's felt anything.

And I went, so are we able to... Let me just tell you something right now. That's a lie. Yeah, so this is what I'm... Can I just say... Yeah, but can I say, you're a lovely of their own, and this is no slight on anyone involved, right? I have been at two I love this show

is one of my favorite shows I do in my career but there's been two or three times I mean the final game that we played right I would say now I said to them as we were getting ready for that

I don't think I'm the right person to play this game and I said it will be really really funny I said yeah but this and the person the surprise guest that we can't name

turned around and said this he's so because the nature of it the different proportions I there was no way of me moving any of my limbs it was insane so and they said

you'll be fine you'll be off right and it took me i think all of 30 seconds of moving in it to completely pop my hip so yes i mean that was that was maybe yeah but maybe was a uh yeah i mean look let's be absolutely honest you may have checked in beforehand and afterwards uh about your concern about going 100 but during uh you went for it didn't you i was being goaded by a certain little weasel called jami rednapp quite a lot uh and janey had been going around to a lot of the people there saying calling me pillow hands and Unleash Fury

Unleash Fury Yeah Well no he was going around going No he's a big lump He can't really hit He's got really like He's got big pillow hands Yeah

So I journey to this moment So hold on So he said that And pathetically What you're saying is You've got Psychologically outmaneuvered by Jamie Rednap

Not just Jamie But Jamie Micah The surprise guest Even to be fair Josh Whitaker Was a little bit Josh

By the way I adore Josh I think he was very very funny that shows one of a guy one of the funniest people but he has he has got I enjoy Josh when Josh gets snarky and he likes to

rile things up it's the best version of Josh is asshole yeah but that's yeah your best version of everybody's arseol whatever yeah because I think you're funny you love arsol versions of everybody oh yeah I love asshole you that's why I think legal around is you are you are such

you you are an author authoritarian on that you there's a have to be because it's out of control actually There's a beautiful vibe to you And you won't get bullied into things That's the difference between me and you I'll peer pressure People lean on me and I'll do just about anything

People ask me to with If I think they'll be my friend And yeah Whereas you are very You're a man You walk your own path And I actually respect that I actually notice it more on these two records

Than ever before I'm walking my own path What you say But I bet it's a nice way I'm saying I'm quite unpopular on the production No you're not You're very popular Everyone loves you

But you got stand innovation before you even the show started. That was a beautiful thing to see. Very much deserved. Can I say, this is how much of a loser I am. Jamie Rednapp, who I wouldn't say, I think Jamie's an empathy. He's a good guy, right?

Jamie texts me the day after the first show and said, good to see you. You're really good. Stop being so hard on yourself. People love you. Yeah, I mean, the fact that Jamie had to do, if the animal pack would like an insight into what Tom was like after the first episode that he recorded.

You know, you're a perfectionist. You've got high standards for yourself. Well, you also have high standards off is spiraling wildly out of control after a record. Mate, I'm, yeah, I was a proud, look, I'll tell you that. I was mortified by my performance than that first record. Like, yeah, I'm even, it's totally, it's totally in your head. That's what's the wild thing.

I know, it probably is. And this is why I don't, my head isn't always a good place to be. And if something like that, if I get into a place whether it's positive or negative, I can rest there for quite a lot. Like, genuinely, like, in general, look, I've worked with a lot of Jamie, I've worked a lot of you.

Like, and I think there's a, yeah, me and Jamie did a show together where that was pretty much my feeling every week. But, yeah, if I don't think I've done very well, I mean, I've let people down, whether that's other, you know, crew members, you guys, the crowd. If I don't think I've put on a good display,

it sits with me. I feel very low about that. I understand. First of all, you don't... The first thing I'd say is, if you have a bad display, if you demonstrate a bad display, fine, it happens.

You can feel a bit down about it, but then you have to move beyond it. You are not the same as your performance. It's separate from you, right? So if you feel like you haven't done well, you haven't done well, you reflect on that and think, what could I do better, right?

And then you move on, is the idea. And by the way, I'm saying this is somebody who, as you know, is guilty of, like, getting really down. But it's not helpful. But not only should you not spiral out of control if you think you've had a bad performance, you hadn't had a bad performance, right?

No, no. So the disconnect between what you were feeling and how you were talking after the record and what actually happened, it was utterly, you know, like, that's why people are like, mate, you've been silly. And not in a bad way. I get it.

I totally get it. What I would say, though, is that in the second record, you unleashed on me in a way that I think you were visualising the previous night's record as you were going in. I almost represented all of your doubts and fears from the previous thing. You saw me some sort of beast that you needed to vanquish, you know? By the way, you keep saying this, but the person I was up against must have gone even harder because he won. I mean, you were terrified of that person, by the way. it was quite evident that you were

he was quite a force of nature that was my favourite thing Jill turned to me halfway through and went we've got an insight into what Romish

would have been like with a really difficult pupil here can I say as well yeah we went for a nice Chinese meal I'd say actually we went for a Chinese meal

we went for a Chinese meal yeah and there was a a lazy Susan in the middle of the table. Mixed ordered for everybody. Can I just say I find weird, by the way, the ordering for everyone? Well, he's trying to be nice, isn't it? No, no, it's a nice thing, but there was, you know, I actually quite enjoy it.

I love a vegetable spring roll. It's one of my favorite things in the world. Well, I had to, I mean, Mixed it ordered for everybody, and let's be clear about it, it ordered for everybody except for me. So what happened was, is that when we arrived, they said, oh, don't worry. Mr. Richards has ordered for everyone, and then a selection of carcasses were brought out and put onto the lazy season in the middle of the table. By the way, never seen so much weight.

It was like Henry VIII. It was so much meat. It was almost like he'd done it on purpose, because there was, I've, in 46 years on this earth, I've never seen so many ribs. Yeah. It was insane how much just meat there was. Just, and not, by the way, meat and sauce. Me and Jill were laughing about this.

It wasn't meat and sauce. It was just big, like. lumps of meat. Yeah, it was just seasoned animals being put on the, in the middle of the table. And then Meeks at one point said, Romish, have you got enough to eat while a rib was sort of hanging out of his jaw? Do you mean? Like a cigar.

What did you have? What did you have to eat? I had some vegetable spring rolls. I had some dim sum. And then I had like this nice little tofu dish. It was nice. It was good. It was good.

I thought there's so much. They'd actually shaped the tofu into a sort of. sort of the shape of a set of ribs just to make me feel but no but yeah it's very nice i would say the msg was brutal though i don't know how much msg you had in yours i was i was not in a good place when you say msg is brutal what does that mean like it was the the mount put in i had such dry mouth for the for the next 18 hours it's just it's just delicious isn't it you it tastes amazing but it yeah ms msg on a dog shirt it's delightful isn't it yeah i mean Yeah, you can have it.

No, but MSG enhances the flavour, so it just tastes like really, really punch of dog shit. Okay. It's not going to make it taste like sweet-sour chicken balls. It will just make it taste like really epic, but dog shit. Oh, okay. Well, this isn't dog-shitty enough for me. Can I get some MSU on this, please?

Is there anything to, can you enhance the shit? Because I'm not getting enough shit. Would I like to lick your grandfather's balls? Have you got any MSG that I could rubble over at them first, please? An interesting go-to. We went out for Curry, actually, last night with Jeff Norcott and Aidan Spatman. Shout out of Jeff Norcott. He's just got such a little sunrise personality.

No, he's lovely guy. He's got such a beautiful, great comic, but also I think people, he's just such a beautiful soul. I think he's one of the most caring people, I know. He's a lovely guy. We went out for Curry. I don't know what you think about this, Tom. I'd love to get your opinion on it. because you've always got an interesting opinion on things like this.

Jeff ordered the samosas to start. Nice, nice. And the guy came out with two large bottles of ketchup and mayonnaise. What? The samosas. Yeah. Are you joking? No.

No. That's insane. Not only. So I imagine, in my head, I think, there must have been at some point in the Indian restaurant, every Indian restaurant, that's got a quirky bit of taste and they go, I like my samosas with ketchup, right?

So they've gone, can have some ketchup with samosas. And someone else might have said, mate, I buy that happening once or twice, right? What I was staggered by is the idea that it happened so much that they offered it as like, as a standard thing.

Samosas, any decent samoser, at most you need a mango chutney. I was actually, by the way, and I'm not doing this just because you're here. I think a vegetable samoser is, always better. I think meat samosas might need a little ketchup here and there or a little sort, not ketchup by the way, with chutney. I think it's a boron that you'd ask for ketchup in an Indian restaurant. Well, you can ask for what you want. If you're a paying customer,

have what you want, right? But I think it's actually offensive. But then saying that, do you know what, actually, if you could have a condiment anywhere, I think mango chutney goes with everything. Bullshit. Fuck off. I'll fight on this hill. I'll stand on this hill. How dare you? How dare you? How dare you? How dare you? How dare you? Name me a meal that mango chutney doesn't go with. Name me one now. Well, anything apart from Indian, I'd say. Mate, roast dinner?

No. Made epically better. Not having that. Any meat is going to taste better with mango chutney. Well, I can't, you know, I can't speak from experience. Okay, vegetables will taste better with mango chutney. Broccoli. Connoflower, you get cauliflower, a little rub of mango chutney on a cauliflower.

Bang, you're in the game. Colorflower, by the way, great things to have in your diet. Good for fibre, good for your body and stuff. sometimes can taste a little bit but dare I say bitter you get a little mango chutney and all of a sudden cauliflower is what are your best friends Tom Tom Tom Tom

Fish and chips Made better with cutting No no no no Of course No no Tom Tom Mango chutney is basically jam It's jam with a little bit of spice in it

So you put a fucking jam on your chips are you Make you want jam on your waist Well it's the same as ketchup Ketchup's a sweeter condiment Well, listen, don't get me started on ketchup, but ketchup is too sweet, but it's not as sweet as mango chutney. You know what mango chutney has in its favour above ketchup is mango chutney has a little bit of a zing. A beautiful little zing at times. Yeah, it's got a good, I'm talking, by the way, of epic mango chutney, not only old crap.

Because, you know, a good mango chutney when it's got a little bit of zing, and you go, oh, hello, hello. The thing about mango chutney is the mango chutney that we got at the, um, at the restaurant last night. I think there's little things that are indicators of how good an Indian restaurant is going to be, right? And mango chutney is one. There were no bits of mango in this mango chutney. Okay, straight away, I'm out.

It was just like a soup. How would a popadans? Unacceptable. Popatoms are fine. I mean, how do you get a... I mean, listen, I was about to say, how do you get a popadum wrong? It does happen.

You know, you and I have both been in those situations where the popadon. Popatum's wrong is when they're not cooking them, they cook a boat, they bulk loads. early and then but if you go in there at 8, 9 o'clock and they're so dry there's nothing like a popadol that's just come out of like the friar

and it's just got that fucking... Yeah, but the mango chutney was just a soup it was like what they... It was like... What's happened here by the way is you are thinking it's like I don't know, it's like the last time you had sex you didn't go very well

so you're thinking about that you might have sort of had a bit of erectile dysfunction or something right? And you're fucking that's in your head. Can I tell you something? I told you that in confidence. That was an off-pod conversation, right? And that's what you're having with your mango chutney now. You're being very harsh on mango chutney

because the last one you had was an absolute douchebag. Do you know what I mean? It was shit mango chutney. Look, look. If you'd had an incredible mango chutney that had been spicy, it zinged on your lips. You know, by the way, actually just thinking about it, Josh Whitakum, if he was in a condiment,

a condiment would probably be mango chutney. Why? He's a little bit spicy. Well, he's very sweet, quite angelic, lovely, when you want him to be. But he's got a little spice to him as well. If Josh Whitacom was a condiment, he'd be like a cranberry jelly or something like that. He's not mango chutney. Who would be mango chutney that you know, comedy ones?

So, mango chutney's exotic. No disrespect to Josh. He's about as far from exotic as it gets it. Who do you see is like mango chutney then? Well, it's difficult, isn't it? I immediately want to name Asian people. But, I mean, mango chutney, Kevin Bridges, actually, probably.

Goes with everything, brilliant. Yeah. It doesn't, but Mangar Chani doesn't go with everything. That's where we can't go to play this game. I would say, what would you say I would be, the condiment wise? Brown sauce? No, I think brown sauce. Maybe like a mayonnaise.

Mayonnaise? Like a half-fat mayonnaise. Oh, fucking hell. You know what, I'll tell you what, if you were back on that fucking game now, you get a fucking feel. I don't even use my left. and I'm fucking a left alley. By the way,

one of the eggiest fucking things you've ever said. I didn't ever use my... You're lucky I didn't use my left, mate. Because then you would have seen some thunder. Let me tell you that. Let me tell you that. I think you'd be mint sauce.

Why is saying that? It's the hardest work in. I'll tell you why that's a great shout. I tell you who loves mint sauce. Who? The swamp. Oh, does she? Absolutely loves mint sauce.

I think it's the hardest work in a condiment there is You just throw out things, don't you? No, wait, it's true. It's fucking true. How is it the whole? And I don't know. If I offend anyone with this, I'm really, really sorry.

I don't mean to be offensive. I think lamb is the most overrated meat there is. Right? I think lamb is not a good meat. Actually, it's the only meat I'd swerve most of the time unless it's absolutely sort of like drowned in mint sauce. And then I'm a lamb addict.

So mint sauce is doing it. And I'd arguably say, if I'm at a Toby Carverie or something, they've got mint sauce, I could be having beef, I could be have chicken, I could have turkey, I could be having gammon. I'll always go, I'll tell you what, come here. I think you change all the words could for will. And then sort of closer to accurate there. You're not having mint sauce on gammon, are you?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. By the way, gammon I feel for, because obviously gammon's now. sort of represented by a lot of fucking wanky white men. And actually, it's a really nice meat and it's pleasant to the palate. But it's really, you know. You dummy him a slight faint praise, though. But anyway, the point is, I'm not one of these people that if I was at dinner with you

and you brought out a mango chutney. I mean, I don't know. You striped me as a sort of, I dabbled with this idea. I think I've talked about it before, of carrying hot sauce with me for any situation that's required. If you decided to bring out a mango chutney at a meal, I wouldn't suddenly be appalled.

That's up to you. whether you want Mangar Chatney or not. My point is, I don't think it goes with everything. Do you ever, did you think in your head of like, because I think sometimes as well, it's like people don't know. And also, you know, they might have got this stuff from Costco. It's on a real deal. But maybe just walking over, like, sort of like putting the sort of gentle arm around,

like the manager and going, like, holding the manga chatting and go, do you think this is good enough? You know, this is a representation of everything I'm about to eat. And do you think this is a good representation of what you want to be doing? Is it? Yeah. Because that's show one for me. If show one for me had been like, that's almost that in my head where I was.

Show one was a really bad mango chutney. Show two. I was like, you know what? I can't put this out there. I need to put something better out. Here is my question for you. Because we actually did have a debate about this. Because the restaurant we went to last night, the service wasn't great.

That sounds like an awful meal, by the way. Yeah. And you're in, like, one of the best places in the world to our curries? Yeah, yeah. Well, look, I mean, Jeff felt very guilty because he'd really been raving about this place. By the way, can I just say, by the way, I have one of my best curries I've ever had in my life with you in Manchester. Yeah, I know.

I know. Well, you had three tables worth of food. Yeah, by the way, if I could eat more, you're playing fast or loose with a phrase one of the best curries. I think the more accurately thing would be seven of the best curries I've ever had. Yeah, I was eating off other people's plates. Also try and put people. Not only eating off other people's plates.

They had to, this is, I've said this, as we told this report, they had to bring over an extra table. Because the food was so fucking good. Right. And by it, may I say, by the way, even now I'm knocked into a dizzy spin just thinking about the fucking mango chutney. They had to give us like four bowls of that stuff. Everyone was on it.

It was great. Why didn't you take him there? Because Jeff was really adamant that we went to this other place. And as you know. Well, probably because they've got ketchup and mayonnaise, bless him. Yeah. And also the other thing is, is I was, grateful that somebody else is choosing because if you choose a restaurant I think it's very

difficult for you to enjoy the meal you know that's the honest truth of it because it's like you've made it and you're bringing it up I would say arguably that Micah the other night it didn't seem to matter anyone Michael himself of any responsibility no it does resolve himself he was so into can I say I've seen to meat eaters in my time Micah richards is a beautiful meat eater the way he just savours it and yeah he just takes it so nice it wouldn't surprise me if that Chinese, but it takes it so nice as an insane phrasing.

As soon as I said it, I said, oh, that just sound weird. It wouldn't surprise me if that Chinese restaurant had a field out the back

specifically for animals that Michael Richards is going to be eating. That's the number that he went through. He ordered, by the way, he reordered

like the wings are incredible and the ribs again. Yeah. I thought you can't be any more than this. Here's my question to you. You're happy.

you go into restaurant, as we know that, I mean, as we know, the restaurant business is a tough business. If the meal is bad and the service is bad, over and above, because I always think they're trying, not they're trying the hardest, but they're trying to make a living, right? So don't be too out of order. Yeah. But do you think it is the decent thing to do, to say to them nicely, in the way that you just said, would you say, look, I'm going to, I'm going to be honest with you. I'm not angry about this, but I do think this wasn't good enough. Is it? Is it? Are you doing the restaurant in favour if you do that, I guess is the question? It's hard, doesn't it?

Because if you go away and write a review, quite often when, and I was addicted to TripAdvisor for a bit of just reading TripAdvisors, even if the restaurants I was planning to go to, I'd read, and I'd get into my head about restaurants. And quite a lot of the time you'd read, and the way that restaurants would often come back is, like, why couldn't you have just said this to us in the restaurant? It's quite an awkward thing to that.

I do think there is an element of, like, if food isn't good enough and if the stuff that you've got, isn't good enough. You should just saying something during the meal and going, you know, complain. I will say if the food's not very good and the service is bad, I think you're, you know, you're fighting a losing battle there because I think they've almost given up. I think like if the service are out front. They've either given up or that's the level at which they're able to survive at, right? Like they don't, because the truth is most, unless you're really passionate, what you're going to do is you can operate at whatever level that keeps you

profitable. So it's possible that that restaurant, because the number of options around there, that that's just like, they're happy to operate at that level and it's fine. They're, you know, they're turning a profit, so who cares? Unless you know, unless you're super passionate about it. If you're just trying to make a living? We've got Italian near me, which is like an absolute cesspit. We went there on the first day that we moved around this area. My dad went in. We took my own dad there. They'd helped us move in. The service was woeful. It was like, there was no one in this place. It was like the guy didn't want us there. And then my dad got the worst food poison I think I've ever seen.

And like, we've never complied. We obviously never go about, and word of mouth does spread. But I've never seen someone who wanted to be anywhere less than the guy like essentially running this restaurant. And in my head, it's like, why be doing this? Like, why do something that seemingly you hate doing? Like there is, there's so many things as well to be, to take into account. You know, you don't know that the guy serving your table might have had an awful day that day.

you know but I always think if the food's always if the food's bad the service is bad and there's no and I just think it's always a direction

of going in that place I was just like that Italian restaurant they're just waiting to be closed down they're waiting for the food health service to come along

and just say oh this is a you know this is a you're going to get a fucking one here and we're going to close you down like Juan Keys

one Keys was that I loved Juan Keys for so long it was something that I took pride in going to I had some of my happiest and some of my worst memories in that place. And then to hear it been closed down, man, it was like, well, okay.

Really hit your hard. I know. I know it was a tough time. It was very hard being your friend during that time, actually. It was tricky. You were really, really low. Very very low. Yeah.

But anyway, the point is it wasn't great. I think Jeff Knockott's going to write TripAdvisor review, which I don't know how helpful of those, but he was pretty, he was pretty passionate about it. He's quite passionate guy, and I like that, because his passion comes out through an empathetic surge of compassion, but also when he's angry, I can imagine he's not to be crossed. I don't, I've never seen him angry, so I don't know, but I imagine so, yeah.

You're quite the word, Smith. I can imagine you'd be quite good at writing a trip-ed-divor. I wouldn't want to be on the wrong side of a Romish Rankingathan trip-advisor. I don't think I don't think I've ever written a review of anything. You know what, actually, while we're here, just a little surge of concern has rippled through my epicenter. And I was just thinking, like, we need to know restaurants when we're in the places we're going on tour that we can go to. We need some recommendations would be good.

Yeah. A place we could go that have got a vegan menu as well. They don't have to have a full vegan menu. Just one option would be, would surprise. Yeah, but more than one option. It makes me sad when I see a vegan or vegetarian. They've only got one thing to choose. I always feel fucking sad for them.

Yeah. And on behalf of the vegan community, can I say, thank you. Thank you for your sympathy. I do want to address very quickly because I don't want to get too deep into this, but I've had a couple of complaints or comments directed at myself for me making jokes about people protesting outside hotels, right? And I just want to like, I just want to get into this a little bit, right? First of all, I'm not going to apologize for making jokes about people protesting outside hotels.

If you're upset about that, I'm sorry that you're upset, but I'm not sorry for saying what I said. It's in my opinion, and I understand if you are, I don't think these people are idiots at all. I think if you have got concerns about immigration, then that's valid. I don't, I've got my opinions on that, but this is not a political podcast.

What I would say is, the reason I was taking the piss out of people protesting at hotels is because if you do have a concern about that, I want you to just be a bit empathetic and imagine that you've travelled from horrific circumstances. You've undergone a horrible journey to try and find some sort of respite

from the horrific conditions that you're living in. And then you get put in a hotel, by the way, because the asylum process has taken ages to process, right? You get put in a hotel. And contrary to what you might have heard people say, they're not being given incredible facilities and all of this shit right that you a quick google would debunk all of that right if you are then in a hotel bunked up with a load of people and trying to like find a better life yourself while you get processed and you've got no idea what

the outcome of that's going to be you then see a load of people from that country waving their flags shouting get them out i just see all it takes is a little bit of fucking human like kindness to realize that that is not a great thing to do and that is separate from if you've got to consider about immigration fine

but I just don't that that is not an empathetic and kind thing to do so I'm not going to stop thinking that it's out of order to process it happened down the road

I was away filming illegal around happened down the road from my house as a protest outside a hotel in Copthorn and you know that I watch some of the speeches that these people are giving about, you know,

the idea that it's a, I understand it's a peaceful protest or whatever, and they're saying it's not, we're not saying that all of these people are wrongings, but you are saying that you don't want, you don't want to help anyone in case some of them are wrongans or whatever. It's just

it's bananas to me. And the idea that it's not racism, I don't want to get deep into it, but it does, it is a close friend of racism, you know, and we are seeing in this country now an increase you know there's a Chinese restaurant that got done up with

England flags and get the fuck out or whatever Chinese restaurant they've been there for years I don't know if you saw the clip of this Asian guy that's been interviewed I was about I was about to talk about that because I think that's the threat is the worry is that you know everyone's got

a right to opinion and everyone's got a right you know that's a part of you know what it's what we are as a country is what we should have is people should have platform to say you know as long as it's not aggressive and not and not you know in that nature I think the trouble that we have is you know that video weirdly was just it felt like that was that was something else entirely which you know this is a guy who is a business owner who openly was talking about how much he loved the area and he'd lived

there for a number of years and then all of a sudden he's he's you know and he's there with his family and he's then given a very insight in which everyone if you are going to make a politically charged statement and if you are going to stand and you know on a picket line or take place in any of these sort of marches you have to have some context of what is what is you're talking about and where you stand in and what do you believe in and to do that I think you have to look at things from every side and for this guy to stand there and then with his family to then have his interview and his moment where he's telling people

what he thinks. And actually, if you listen to his interview, he was a very insightful guy and all of a sudden that's interrupted by a load of drunk people just pushing in with quite abhorrent racist language that then actually just spills into

calling him a paedophile and a rapist and you're like, well, none of this is true and that's the thing that we are doing with. Yeah, while some of these protests and you know again this is in a political podcast but a lot of this is leaning into something

that when I watch it feels like when I've been at football and things are getting quite tested there's a you know if you're going on a peaceful protest if you're making what is a if you're you know saying your point and whatever you don't need 20 points of Stella to do that

you shouldn't that that's not a point and you don't need to be doing England you don't need to be in England chance and no we're not just England chance and some of the chanting and stuff is something very different from what people are saying it is. And I think that's the worry we have. And I think it's, and it's, and it's feeding out. There's, there's more and more footage that's coming out of people feeling it actually

it's fine just to, and just to say, and like, oh, okay, it's you, well, the lids off and I can say what I have, you know, and it's, I want to be quite, I find it terrifying. I find it a very scary, scary place. It's like mad and I don't want to dwell on it too long, but like, but, but, I would say to you that in the last week, as you know, Tom, I've told you, sort of one of my kids was racially abused at school in the last week, right? Like racial slurs used at him by, like, other kids. And then Lisa, the Swan, received some messages online saying you're an inter-race breeding scum

and suggesting that I wanted to gun down her and her children. So, like, so, like, all of this, like, luckily the Swan is like, She's very remarkably relaxed about it. But the truth of it is, is, you know, it's worrying times. What I would say to anybody who is worried about it, you know, worried about the rise of racism and all of the sentiment, is that these things are being amplified, and most people don't feel like that.

You know, if you're, and I think that it's easy to get to fall into like this funk of like thinking that this average and I think I said to you Tom it got to a point where you start thinking I start walking on going does everyone feel like this you know it's very easy to fall into that into that way of thinking and the other thing I would say is you know I've seen people speaking against it and been a bit measured the other thing is on the other side of that I understand moderate people saying that they want the England flag to not be weaponized and there is nothing wrong with feeling proud in you in the way in your flag and your country and There's nothing wrong and being proud to be English.

In fact, that's a great thing. It's a lovely thing. But it is being co-opted. And the idea that if you get rid of all immigration, that suddenly your problems of poverty and cost living and all of that are going to disappear, it's not that you're just being, you know, people are just being pointed in the direction of immigration, in my opinion. And anyway, look, that is just my opinion.

And but the truth of it is, it's slightly worrying. It is just slightly worrying, I think. And so I guess the main thing I wanted to address was people getting narky with me because I was taking the piss out of hotel protesters. You can look forward to a few more jokes like that. Do you know what I mean? If you don't like it, then I suggest if you want stuff that isn't like that, then listen to another podcast, I guess. Do you know what I mean? It's your choice to do that.

I know parenting hell are very much on the other side politically. So that's probably where you'll find a little bit of solace. But anyway, that's what I would say about that. Tom, would you like to it? It's a world's a piece, by the way. Would you like to say, yeah, I want to shout out this one because when I heard that, it just, yeah, that, that, that, I mean, I don't want to go on and go on. But it brought, you know, and I text you about this, and it broke, you know, when I spoke to Catherine and it made me feel so, so, just sad, man, just so, so, so sad. Yeah, that that is something that's happening in 2025 and, and, and, yeah, yeah.

But I mean, in defense of the person that got in touch with her, I did say to Lisa, do you know what I mean? Like, don't be a race traitor if you don't want stuff like that. You know, what could I say to you? You know, sometimes I look at her and I think you should be ashamed of yourself. Do you know what I mean? What are you doing? This is. Oh, this is it.

The day you finally ask for that big. promotion. You're in front of your mirror with your Starbucks coffee. Be confident. Assertive. Remember eye contact, but also remember to blink. Smile, but not too much. That's weird. What if you aren't any good at your job? What if they dim out you instead? Okay, don't be silly. You're smart, you're driven, you're going to be late if you keep talking to the mirror. This promotion is yours. Go get them. Starbucks, it's never just coffee. When I found out my friend got a great deal on a wool coat from winners, I started wondering, is every fabulous item I see from winners?

Like that woman over there with the designer jeans. Are those from winners? Ooh, are those beautiful gold earrings? Did she pay full price? Or that leather tote? Or that cashmere sweater? Or those knee-high boots? That dress, that jacket, those shoes.

Is anyone paying full price for anything? Stop wondering. Start winning. Winners, find fabulous for less. right let's have a look at some emails this is from a cumbersome giraffe uh buenos diehs you absolutely be he's long time listening a big fan of you both tom my husband and i chatted to you at the breweries and walthamstow once is that this oh yes yeah yeah yeah and you were a lovely egg um rom i've never met you but i'm sure you're an equally lovely

vegan equivalent. I've thoroughly enjoyed this is I don't know how I feel about this because basically, as we know and you haven't actually done it on this episode but as we know you've become very comfortable in doing your impression of me.

Yeah. Now it's got to a point where I had been laboring under the illusion that people knew that this is a caricature but now I'm being really closely tied to this impression. I've thoroughly

really enjoyed hearing the evolution of the weasily rom voice on the podcast and have cracked up many times. So that's where that's upsetting. Okay. It's wormed its way into my everyday life. For example, whenever my husband gets uncomfortable on a long drive, I like to say, oh my bam, in a wrong voice that I hope the wolf would be proud of. Anyway, I digress. This evening I was reading the book Willie and Hugh by esteemed children's author and illustrator Anthony Brown to almost two-year-old son, the deranged dingbat. For those not familiar with the characters, Willie is a lonely, nerdy chimp. finds an unlikely friend in Hugh, a big friendly gorilla, I found myself reading Willie in the ROM voice

and Hugh in the Tom voice and the deranged dig-back was enthralled. Would you consider pitching to yourselves to see BB's bedtime stories to do a joint reading the children of the nation read you? Need you. Thank you, cumbersome giraffe. Can I just say no... I actually weirdly think this is quite a nice...

Because I will say, by the way, I'm obsessed with your voice of me. I'm obsessed with it. But I, no, but I, I, I, I, yeah, but you've got it now. You've got, no, no, no, I think the original one was funny. I think the new one is hysterical. It took a point where I've actually stolen it to put it into my stand-up. It's so good.

So you've nixed it. And you do it, you do it so well. Yeah, because it's such a good voice for me. It's like people always do my voice how you used to do my voice, right? Which is just a really easy get out for a big guy to go, oh, yeah, blah, but the actual way you did my voice is actually more, I think, closer to what my actual... And also the inclinations you used were fucking hilarious. So I think you've found your version of the...

Oh, for cricket's sake! Hello, Rommis and Tom. This is from Anonymous Andy, which kind of is a bit of a contradiction. I hope that title... The title of the email is My Mate's Powerful Process. state okay cool hello romish and tom i hope that title caught your attention um spoiler alert for anybody that's of sensitive uh sensibilities um this is a bit of well it's a bit blue let's just put it that way okay um my mate really looks up to you too he's got a problem i think you two could help with

i find this absolutely remarkable every so often he'll tell me about an incident where he's ejaculated a vast distance accidentally an iced a household item which is fairly humorous However, while receiving oral sex And his girlfriend, he recently jizzed in his eye What fucking hell? Yeah, that was exactly my reaction Which is course of meditation. I told him we should go to the doctor's probably got chlamydia of the...

Okay, I mean, listen. But he thinks not, could you help him out? I don't think we can help him out. But first of all, can we just comment on? I mean, I don't know what you think. How the hell did that happen? Well, yeah, I mean, yeah, it's insane. What?

My, I don't want to be too graphic and I don't want to be too blue. yeah sure i understand yeah my seaman sort of like comes out of my penis now like someone sort of braving a rainy day from their front door like it's just sort of gingerly stepping out into the fucking it doesn't really it's no intention of going out for long it's just like bops its head out yeah certainly wouldn't be spraying household items no no it's very lethargic yeah i would say the same it's sort of like uh it's sort of the end of a ketchup bottle i'd say Do you know what I mean?

It's sort of the best way I'd describe it. You've really got to bang the back of it. Just to get something out. That's insane, though. Yeah. And also, by the way, by the way, I think if you get semen in your eye, you've got to be quite careful. I think it actually can get, it can turn into quite a nasty infection.

Yeah, I'm sure it can. So I'd say if you get any bodily function or any bodily liquid into any of your eyes or your ears or your, well, not your mouth, because sometimes people like that. but it's, yeah, just worth going to see something. You tickled yourself there, didn't you, with that little bit of rudeness? Yeah, I did, yeah, yeah. I don't usually sway into that kind of filth, but they're right. No.

Do you talk about sex in your... Do you talk about sex in your stand-up? A little bit, yeah, yeah, I haven't been going to. Do you? You love, yeah. Well, I mean, I didn't think I loved talking about sex in my stand-up, but my last two shows I have talked about it. So I think probably I'm thinking now I'm not going to again.

You've got to move on from the... Well, you know, it's nice to develop as an artist, isn't it? You know? Yeah. Yeah, anyway. This is from the Pissy Python. Okay. High Wolf and Al, I'm sure if you follow South Park,

but the series return is focused on a Trump-style character that's a target of their comedy. They clearly use his face on the character, but to try to get around any legal issues, they've depicted him as having a micro penis. And a micro penis means that in order for Trump to sue South Park for using his character in the cartoon, we'd have to admit he also has a micro penis

or otherwise a character is just a parody and therefore the show is protected against any losses. I don't know about the legality of that. If they put his face on, then aren't you allowed to sit on the basis that they're suggesting you've got a micro penis? I mean, I don't understand how that's protection. Anyway, it still remains a hilarious show,

a hilarious show if you are yet watching. But my question is, through your comedy, have you ever done anything similar where you used a real person for your comedy, live or TV shows, but change the puncher on a character enough that they're not a true likes individual, but those who would know

would know it's about them sorry for misreading that. Tom, have you, I mean, I watched your last show. Yeah. I've not seen the preview of your new one. But you definitely, I mean, you name people in your show, don't you?

Yeah, yeah. I mean, can I just say about on the micropenus thing, there was a guy who we used to hang around with when I was younger, I won't name him actually, but he had a micropenus, and he was, he sort of, I don't know if I'd say double down is right.

But in a way of dealing with having a micro penis, he, I've never seen anyone get their penis out and sort of be so confident about his mic. He almost was like, he fought against the norm of being embarrassed or like, because I think people, there's obviously stigma around this, you know, just in the basis of what we're talking about here. He would literally use it as a, as a, you know,

almost like a handshake when he met people. Sober, drunk, whatever. Like, you know, we played in the same thing. same football team he'd often you know pull his shorts down to celebrate a goal he would and and also he was quite you know he was a bit of a cad he had a number of different girlfriends and and yeah it was sort of quite um yeah i would say he was a credit to the micro penis community i'm going to say this now i'm going to say this i respect it a lot i respect it a lot he's taking ownership of it you know he's decided i'm going to get there first you know before anybody can lay

into me and you know what fair play to me he's found a way around it i respect it a lot it's not you know it's not that it's not an achievement it not what sorry it's not up to you whether you have a micro penis not the size of your penis is purely it's out of your control isn't it yeah yeah you know so you know he's got a micro penis decided to make a thing a bit but he owned the penis i like it he owned it yeah i mean he did own it but i mean and he even did the the fucking crazy thing of giving himself a nickname that everyone went fair uprolet's a fucking great nickname you called himself pip dick so you actually kind of respected it and it was like fuck man he's and also but no one ever took the mick out it was like cool like it was

never something we there was other things we used in banter against him because there's other things he probably wasn't sort of but because he owned that moment owned that thing we could never yeah it was just like cool man fucking good for you yeah yeah no he was He actually a bit of a bully as well. He was an alpha. He was definitely an alpha. I mean, look, all I would say is well done to you at the friendship group for seeing somebody overcome something they might have been embarrassed about

and finding something else to bully him about. Well, done to you and your friends. He would, by the way, used PIPDIC would turn around quite a lot of the time and not only sort of show off his, you know, his microp penis, but then through doing that, he'd do the usual thing that Alphas do and then sort of like pushing the fact that anyone else would have done inadequacy or anyone else who's sort of something that they had a bit of hang up about should should be the same and if they weren't he'd absolutely destroy them and

well i mean that that's where pip dick and myself uh diverge in terms of our opinions on things i think you know it's very much up to the person how they handle what their perceived affliction is do i mean so there's a part of me that would like to get pip dick on the podcast to see if you wanted to come on well by the sounds of it PIPDICD would have to make it a visual pod because it sounds like PIPDIC would be you know, be out and on show for the entire duration.

Yeah, well, no, he'd definitely show you it if you wanted to see it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's good to know. Have you ever seen a micro penis? Have I ever seen a microprick? I don't think so, no. I mean, that wasn't the, it's not actually the question in the podcast. I know, but I haven't thought about PIPDIC for some time and I'm just saying, obviously.

How do you feel about using, I mean, anybody that's watched Underdog, which is available now to watch on Sky Max, we'll know that you talk about Tony the Driver. Yeah. And his conspiracy fears. Yeah. I mean, by the way, with Tony the Driver, he was around when I was developing that whole bit. And I did say to him, you're okay if I do this?

And he was like, yeah, he found it funny. And also it was a quite fair representation of him. as a person. So yeah, I think, but I think number one, you've always got to ask the person. I mean, also, you know, I do bits about

a few celebrities in there as well. So, yeah. So, yeah, but you've done that, right? You've done bits about... Well, I mean, I talk about the Swan on stage, and she's totally fine with it. She's completely unbothered. I talked about the kids on stage.

I did worry about, you know, there was a couple of shows ago. in the show irrational um i talked about my kids a lot in i would as describe it's quite a derogatory manner and i thought that was okay because i assume that people knew that i love my children but actually i do think that ethically probably there's a question mark there because the kids haven't chosen to have a stand-up career they haven't been chosen they haven't chosen themselves to be out in the public domain so i do i regret it um can i By the way, don't say, if you're sort of literally, if you, if you were to finish this sentence, it kind of means that when you talk about Spug Gun and my work in progress, if I'm not to talk about my kid, I've sort of got nothing.

No, no, no, no, but what I'd say is the other side of that is the kids actually love it. Like, like, what I mean is like when they, like they'll, they've saved that, you know, they love those clips and they actually, you know, it could, I guess it could have gone the other way, but I guess what I was hoping is that my kids know that I love them. Yeah. And thankfully they do. They reacted to that in like, in fact, I joked with them that I was going to stop talking about them on stage and they were gutted. They were like, no, go on, like, it's fun, it's fun, dad, it's fun.

So they actually do like it. But at the same time, yeah, I don't know, I don't know. It's a difficult one. But I do talk, there's one thing that I told a story, you know, the show's going to, it's not out, it's not been released yet, but the last tour that I did in that show, I talk about going on holiday with another couple and that couple exist.

So, you know, it's a real, it's a true story. Yeah. So I imagine, you know, I've anonymized it, but they'll know if they watch it. Yeah. How do you feel about that? Because that's the other thing, because, you know, just in the nature of how we,

that the things we talk about, you know, that on stage and even on this podcast, is that, you mentioned things. You don't, I don't always name people. I sometimes, like you, it's an anonymous thing. But then I have, you know, by the way, on Poopoolgate, there's been, I've had a number of people contact me

about various holidays they've been on with the poos and different measures that were taken. So, yeah, maybe that's something to delve into another time. But, yeah, it is a weird thing, isn't it? Actually, the only time someone's got quite annoyed was I told a story on stage, actually, yeah, weirdly, it was a story I've told on here before. The Poopery story.

going to yeah actually a lot of myself is poo-based um and uh the person did you call it the poo-pery uh yeah popery pooh-pery yeah because there's a poo in it really good really good i don't think i knew that you called it that that's good yeah um anyhow um pooh-pooh-re the the the woman involved with a girl at the time which house it was that i went to yeah heard it on the podcast and then also came to a show where i did it and was just really pissed off that I hadn't named her. Oh. She was like, you could just say my name

because I keep telling people that was me. Because they don't come across badly in the story, they're not. No, but at the same time, nobody cares apart from, I don't mean that they're dispassment. Nobody cares here the name of the person is. No, no, but also, I've done that as a measure to go, I don't want this person to be.

Yeah, you're doing it as a courtesy. Yeah. And also, I don't think it really, without being, like, it kind, there's times where I think it, if you're building the character around, you know like Tony for example was a great sport and he was hilarious and that was very much

who he was and that was where my life was at the time and it felt like naming him was you know and he was up more he was actually almost pushing for that to happen but then if someone I haven't spoken to for like 30 or years you know for me to take the sort of

you know the idea that I could just name them that would be yeah a weird thing yeah yeah okay well thank you so thank you so much Pissy Python for your what's up with you Tom I was just thinking of yeah I was probably one of my favorite ever bits of your stand-up

that I'm not going to go into, yeah. You did a bit about Captain Tom, which was probably one of my favorite things that you've ever done. That is actually the Captain Tom bit will never be in public domain because it's not going to be in the special whenever it comes out. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, maybe it is. I don't know. Because by the way I say, that was nothing against Captain Tom. It was more about the framework.

around him. Yes. Yeah. I don't know if it isn't. I can't remember. I don't know. I don't know. Maybe.

Where is a special album at Christmas? No. It's out. Actually, I'm not allowed to say when the release date is yet, but I think it's going to get announced next week. Can I say, but if anyone hasn't watched it, the trailer for the accompanying documentary looks absolutely banging. I think, can I just say it?

No, I'm not going to, that we get criticized about sucking each other's dicks too much and being too fucking. But you are a very talented guy in a number of different realms. I think you're a fucking amazing host. Shout out, League of Own, weakest league. You're fucking sick of that. I think you're a very fucking brilliant actor. You know, the reason King Gary, I thought every episode you did with us,

you got better and better, better. Shout out, you know, you is a fucking, I think you should be doing more of that. And it annoys me that you aren't doing more, and you should be casted more and stuff. Because I think you are genuinely, actually, you'd be a really good dramatic actor. I think, anyway, that's another thing. That's very sweet of it, sir. I will say this, right? When you do those shows where you go and find out,

you know, you go to other places and you're very open, you're always very vulnerable, you're always hilarious, they are the things where I watch you do those. And as someone who I'm not very well travelled, I've stepped out of Europe, I think, once in my life. When I watch you do those things, it just, and I say this as someone, not just myself, but a number of people with it.

I think they're just fucking eye-opters into a world that a lot of us will ever see, and a lot of us will never ever be a part of and it gives us it and i think in what we were talking about earlier um in a weird sort of way i think it's just such a it broadens a lot of our horizons and it's a lot of those places you've been like places you go to in this the documentary you've just done because you've talked about a little bit on here i think it's just really important bits of work but it shows you i think as the best version of almost rang and anything because i think you allow yourself to be naturally so funny but also just vulnerable and you just there's always just

point to these things that at the end of each and every one i don't think you as a viewer you're not just watching and learning a bit uh and laughing i think that's just i think that's what we all should be trying to do oh thanks sir that's very sweet for you but um yeah so i i don't know exactly i think i we're announcing the next week so look out for that i hope you enjoy it if you don't don't tell me okay tom it's about that time my gee where we rap things up. Could you please do us the honour? Yo, hmm.

Where to start, where to go? Raining outside today. How to get an umbrella. It's weird, isn't it? Each and every one of us complains. There's dark clouds, the rain. It's windy out. Snow, we all relish it until it arise and before you know it.

Traffic is stopped. Can't go anywhere. it's not quite quickly turns to ice. Old lady's just falling down in her house at the street. Oh no. Elsie, are you okay? Truth of the matter is, really, even when it's too sunny, it can sometimes be harsh as well.

There's an ambient weather. It's kind of just perfect. Am I talking about weather? Guessing why I am. But in a way, maybe I'm talking about something else. If you choose to work out how someone's day will unfold, surely you want everyone to have a nice day. Surely you want everyone to have an ambient temperature

where they can go about their business in the most perfect way. So when you're given a choice of how to you can affect someone's day, why would you choose rain, snow, a blistering heat, that ruins their intentions. We all need to think a little bit clearer, a little bit better about the things we say and the things we do having a knock-on effect to somebody else. So, for example, if you're going to say any kind of word,

try and make it positive. Try and see things from someone else's point of view. There's an old adage. To know my brother's journey, I have to work a mile in his shoes. And sometimes those shoes aren't going to fit. And sometimes you don't want to wear another person's shoes. You haven't got to wear the shoes to envisage where they've come from, where they're going, and how they've got here.

Sometimes it's just worth taking a little breath, taking a little step and thinking could I be better could I say a nicer thing that I have to put rain in someone else's day do the best version of you

be true with my sweet sweet souls I'll see you down the road thank you so much so what a beautiful sentiment I've been listening to sort of an old school pop playlist recently

and go west did a song called We Close Our Eyes JT could you pass out with that thank you so much We'll listen to The Wolf and Out. We will see you next time, my geez. Take care of yourself. Peace.

One love. And while we miss chances, you can almost hear not slipping away. We close our eyes, we never lose a game. Imagination never lets us take the blame. We close our eyes to see the final flame. We close our eyes the time slipping away. If you have a problem, opinion, feedback or anything at all, please email us at wolf-alpod at gmail.com. That's wolf-alpod at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we don't

have any content ideas. Thank you. How do you know if you're worrying too much? How can you mend a broken heart. Does peaking at school ruin you for life? I'm Susie Ruffel, a stand-up comedian, and someone who has always experienced anxiety. And I've written a book, Am I Having Fun Now? Considering some of life's big questions. Featuring bonus insights from the likes of Charlene Douglas, Sarah Pascoe, Elizabeth Day, and Dolly Auditon. Am I Having Fun Now? Is out now in hardback, e-book and audio.