Wolf and Owl - S4 Ep 42: AITA Bonus Show

Episode Date: October 22, 2025

After a busy weekend on the Wolf & Owl Live tour eating far too many donuts, followed by numerous Work In Progress shows in London and Crawley, it’s a slightly weary Rom and Tom who join us this week. They also quickly realise that having spent so much time together, there’s not much chatting for them to catch up on. So instead of the usual shenanigans, they settle back and tackle some ‘Am I The Asshole’ dilemmas that have been sent in by listeners. It’s a AITA extravaganza- enjoy! Usual service will resume next week… For questions or comments, please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod TikTok - @wolfowlpodcast YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch & Mailing List - https://wolfandowlpod.com A Mighty Ranga Production For sales and sponsorship enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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sharp teeth or feet with claws, whatever's preferred. They'll grant you all last request to steady your nerves, then podcast the body parts get severed and serve. Bring your weak shit, where the wolf and owler That ain't just a mistake, that's an awful howler Both of them are known to pull up at your shows

Have the crowd witnessing a murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows Fuck their censorship, let them see the whole thing They stay dressed to kill, never sheep's clothing Dark enough to turn the sun to the moon, you'll see nothing All your hear's a huff-a-puff and a... Expect killings, red spilling and flesh ripping, impressive in it, The death bringing its head spinning, just kidding, Every word in his song's about two grown men

dressed up as a bird and a dog welcome to the wolf and owl and as you know the wolf finale are on tour just referred to myself in the third person that's beginning of the end and this episode is a little bit different it's a little bit of a bonus set where we're just going through

Am I the assholes and talking about our live tour so I hope you enjoy it's a little bit more serious than some of the other reps because we wanted to give people proper advice but I hope you enjoy regardless and then we'll be back to our normal episodes

on the next one I hope that's okay. Don't tell me if it isn't. All right. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Welcome to the Wool for now. This is the podcast of your dreams. James, James, Dreams. Welcome to the Wool for now. We're doing a podcast for you. And look, thank you so much for tuning it, tuning in.

Dear God. But what I would say to you is Tom and I, for the first time in the history of the podcast, I would say, you know, flirting with having seen enough of each other, I think. I mean, I could never see enough of you. I feast and adore my eyes on you all the time, but I'd say, do you know what's insane?

So we've done about 12 hours of improvised chat over the last two, three weeks. Completely, never changed a show. We've kept there every show you're thinking different. Now I am starting to think, I can see why other shows have a script and follow it. Yeah, I mean, look, we've been doing live shows. And shout out to all of the people that have come to the live shows.

It's been amazing. Beautiful people. At the weekend, we did Glasgow and Newcastle. Both crowds, unbelievable. Thank you so much for everybody that's come. But we didn't want to let the side down and not do an actual episode of the Wolfram. Because most people that listen to this are not coming to the live shows. Yeah.

Anyway, Tom, how have you been in the 12 or so hours that I haven't seen you? You know, what, lucky enough for me, I did a gig, last night and during the gig I managed to give myself whiplash which is awfully painful Ramesh but it was like oh I've actually got something to talk about in the podcast now How did you? Did you serve whip flash

at the gig? Yeah, doing a routine, I was doing the shadow tennis routine in a very confined space but really threw myself into it because it was really what's desperate, I don't know if you find this as a stand-up is when you've got a bit that

I do find it as a stand-up I do find you Desperate, yes. Yeah, I think you're, yeah, I mean, that is my style. Desperate Tom Davis. D-TD! I was really trying to sell it. It was too small the space to sell the routine, and I really went for it and overly did my neck

and sort of really just threw myself into it, literally, and something was gone in my neck now, which alongside my back and my knee is fucking age of shit. Yeah. I mean, I'm going to, so I did a couple of gigs last night, just trying out new stuff. And I did an act out of something. Right. And in the very short period of activity that I did this act out, I managed to render myself so exhausted that I couldn't continue with the gig for a moment or two.

Wow. Well, I just had to gather myself again. What was, what you're acting out? Sex? No, it wasn't sex. It was like me walking around the car park. Oh, wow. It was really, yeah, it was really.

Jeez. Tragic. We've both dropped off the training quite a lot, haven't we? Yeah, and actually, you know, sometimes it's happened to me in the past where I've got a knackered, like, from doing a thing or, like, said, I've got to catch my breath a second. And a lot of the time is laughter because of people think, you know, it's funny that he's knuckered himself out. Last night, I would say I would describe it as sympathy, sort of sadness. I would say it was flirting with concern. And look, I think stand-up is all about generating all sort of.

of emotions. Concern shouldn't be one of them. Yeah. I think, you know, pity's quite a nice one to have at times. Yeah, listen, I've had pity. I've had pity. You know when you're trying out a self-deprecating bit and you think you're just being honest about what you think about yourself and then the audience just feel really sad for you

because you'd say something like that out loud about yourself? You know, stuff like that, that happens. Do you ever use stand-up as therapy, do you think? In my opinion, what you're supposed to do is you're supposed to, if you're using Stanford's therapy, you need to let the audience be reassured that you're beyond what it is you're talking about. I think to sort of openly discuss something

that you're currently going through and you haven't found a way through yet. That is a dangerous game that you play there. That is... Yeah, I've come to know this recently. This is something for you stuff I've been trying. And if they think you're in the midst of it, they feel like almost sick for you.

And it feels very much not like a night out for them. It feels like... that they're watching a man have a breakdown. But in all seriousness, the gigs were fun. It was good fun. I did it in mine in. A very nice gig, actually, but it was a very, very, a restaurant in Notting Hill,

upstairs of a restaurant in Notting Hill. Where people stood during, you know, people stand. You know, people stand. That's obviously sort of something that people do. It's a very natural thing. Is this kind of observational stuff you're going to be doing on Spudgun? No, no, no, no. I don't say are people standing on Spud Gun.

Maybe I'll just get floated to get a little standing area and then I could make my standing stuff really fucking land. Yeah. It felt like a very 90s seller vibe. It was very night. Yeah, candles out. It was quite cool.

I think you'd like it as a gig. Yeah. What was it like a corporate thing? No, no, no, no. Like trying out some new... Pathetically, I'm just saying trying out new material but anyone who's seen my show knows that shadow tennis

is a very old piece of material that I shouldn't be relying on for jokes. This is... You find us animal packing a very fragile state of mind here. I find, like, I'm really at the moment, I've really slipped back into eating junk food. Like, fucking, like, the food I'm eating at the moment is, like,

I have no, like, if I had a full, like, fucking three-course meal and then left that restaurant and walked down the street and someone said, oh, there's a bucket of fucking chicken here, do you want to eat it? I'll go, yeah, I love that. I'm eating, like, five, six meals a day. It's insane. I don't know.

if you think that you're in a unique position. But if you recall, we were driving from Glasgow to Newcastle, I put out a message on Instagram, does anybody know any good vegan donut places? And by the time we arrived at the hotel, there were two boxes from glazed in Newcastle of donuts that I'd actually ordered and paid for donuts. Not I've turned up to the hotel and thought,

oh, quite a fancy something sweet, let me pop out and have a... I didn't even walk for it. I got in touch with them and said, please, I beg. can I put in an order for some donuts I'll give you this, they're delicious donuts. They were delicious but then I'm just walking around with like just walking around the hotel

with boxes of donuts turn up at the venue, can barely get my bags in because I've got so many fucking donuts. I mean, really like I mean that is that's somebody who's arguably got a, I would say that's evidence for an intervention. Yeah, but do you know

what the worst thing is you're, you're, I'm an enabler I was, you brought those donuts. and I had a taste of a donut, a taste of a cookie and I'm like, that was my fucking feeling and if we'd been there for another two days I'd have pushed you to get more donuts like filled my habit by feeling your habit. Yeah.

You know what I? There was a cookie they did. Chocolate chip and sea salt. Oh my God. So good. Oh my God. I know that obviously Newcastle, it all got, I blame that because Newcastle,

the gig in Newcastle got quite sexual. There was a lot of sexual tension between this. A lot of people have sort of picked tough one. Well, it's funny you say that because I was going to get straight into some Am I the Asshole? Because I don't if you remember, like, we talked about Am I the Assail. I gave you a couple of ones online. Then we asked the Animal Pack to send some in and we have got some if you'd like to have a little discussion. Yeah, I love them. Yeah, let's do it. Yeah. Am I the asshole? Am I the asshole? Okay, so this is from M.B. And it's very funny you said what

you just said, Tom. It says, firstly, big fan of the pod. Me and my husband are currently the way home from the Newcastle Live show, which is wicked, albeit a bit sexual. Bit blue. Loved it. I could do with some advice regarding my relationship

with my younger sister. To cut a long story short, we've never been close. Though over the years, I've tried my best to have the kind of relationship, I imagine we should have. So much so, I even had her as a maid of honour at her request in my wedding last year. Oh, that's all bad.

Already there's a bit of a red flag there, isn't there? Bear in mind she's getting married next year, not only in mine, not a bridesmaid. I haven't even formally been invited. What? Myself and my husband went through a bit of a tough time last year with him being unemployed, and we never heard a peep for my sister

to check in and ask if we were okay. My family invited themselves to myself and my husband's house for Easter lunch. So I naturally seen my sister and her fiancé would be joining them. Turns out she expected us to ride out the red carpet and send her a formal invite. Although no one else in the family was actually invited,

we're an Irish family, so this is pretty normal eyes, make sure my door is always open to all of them. After a phone call, she ended up calling me a stupid bitch over this Easter debacle. I stopped talking to her. I wasn't aware there was an issue in the first place and to find out by being called names is the final nail in the coffin for me. She's always been difficult, judgmental and disrespectful while I'm pretty easy going and let things go. But this was it for me. The only correspondence I've had from her since is a message asking me to pay £800 for a hotel room for upcoming wedding. I thought

would have had some semblance of an apology but it's never happened. All this is to say, am I the asshole for choosing to protect my peace, set boundaries and not interact with somebody's most definitely an asshole. I need to stop saying asshole, don't I? It's just that's the way spell in the email. Okay. Yeah, I think you, yeah. It's difficult that it's an American thing and then we're saying, am I the asshole? Asshole. Yeah, asshole. A asshole. Let me try that. All is to say, am I the asshole for choosing to protect my PC family to not interact with somebody who's most definitely an asshole? Am I owed an apology? It's been a lot of years dealing with her attitude towards me and my husband. I've been made to feel stubborn by my mom

for refusing to interact. But just because someone is your blood doesn't mean you have to accept they're a prick, right? Any advice you could give would be massively appreciated. Big love, you sweet, sweet souls. Tommy Davis, what do you think about this?

Well, firstly, thank you very much for your calm words and also picking up on the sexual tension between me and Rommish. It was unpalipatable at times and quite delicious. And all fed by cookies and donuts. I mean, you've said two things

that are contradictory, though. I mean, you mispronounced unpalatable. And then you said it's delicious. So very difficult to unpick that. But look, my question to you is, am I the asshole for pointing that out? You're all, you've, mate, I think we've all got a bit,

both got a bit of asshole in it. And I think for a good friendship like ours, you can't, if you've got one dominant asshole, that person is horrible. And actually, like this situation we're talking about here. I think what we've got here is a sweet, sweet soul. Really good segue. And we have got someone who, I think,

has been enabled in that assholness to become almost an epic asshole. I think what you find a lot is in situations like it's number one, like I don't know your sister or like when you go into therapy you realize so many things come from childhood and so many things that we're all working out come from childhood.

So it's probably something in your sister's past that's just giving her some sort of envy or some sort of grudge that she's holding on to you for whatever it. reason as a younger sibling, sometimes that can happen. I think the truth of the matter is, though, that this, she's been allowed to let this behaviour sort of pass

and she'd be able to just keep on being, doing this things. And by the sounds of things, listening to your point of view, there's a lot of things that you say that I'm guilty of doing myself. I'm guilty of letting people make me feel the way you're feeling right now. Even looking back at my wedding or other things, I'm naturally a people-pleaser and I'm always trying to sort of keep the peace with people. And I think sometimes actually in itself, I actually think, well, actually, that can sometimes make me a bit of an asshole in the basis, actually,

I should set boundaries because sometimes me trying to be a really, really good person, a nice person, backfires in a sense that I time myself out and then I end up letting people down. But in that sense of what you're doing, I think you're just letting this thing become more and more toxic. I think if she's used offensive language, I think she's not giving you an official wedding invite, but yet is asking you to pay for a hotel. I think things like, as Rom says,

a massive red flag of someone insisting that they become your, they're going to be your maid of honour. That's something you choose, and that's down to the people that you want to share that day with you and the most special people that you can think of having around you. That shouldn't be something that's enforced by someone that you don't believe should do that thing. So I generally don't think you've got any asshole in you.

think you're a very decent, good person. I think when it comes to, like, this is for your sister to work out. I think you get into a place where someone, if someone's very dominant and they're very aggressive in their nature, that can quite a lot of the time take over. And I think people come, like any bully, people become quite scared of that person. And they don't want to upset that person. They don't want to, they don't want to end up in the crosshairs themselves. So they let behavior go and they allow it.

And I think actually, you standing up and sticking up for yourself in a situation like this could actually probably cause more uproar. So I think find a place where you're doing the things you want to be most comfortable with, like whether that is going to a wedding, whether, whatever it is, and let the relationship with your sister be like, okay, we've never been that close. She is my sister, but I want to keep it a bit of an arm's length or I'm going to have a little break or whatever. But I think the main thing I'd say is protect your own mental health and protect your

own self with it, but I wouldn't put my head above the parapet in a situation like this. Also, in a slight thing to your sister's defence, weddings are very stressful. People are never their best version of themselves on their lead-up to a wedding. And I suppose that's worth to remember him. But, yeah, that's my advice. That's my tuppence worth, Ramesh, to you, my brother. In answer to your question, no, you're not the asshole. You're not the asshole.

You're not the asshole. But I'm going to posit a controversial theory that I don't think your sister's an asshole either. What's clear from your email is that you've got yourself into a really negative space with your sister. And what you're describing is quite a familiar dynamic in terms of like, when you have siblings, often the one that is the more expressive and the one that gets the more kind of wears their heart on their sleeve is often the one that's pandered to a little bit more. And the person that's sort of quiet and a little less demanding, they can sometimes fall into the dinaka being not ignored but sort of walked over a little bit more

and I suspect from the wording of your email that this is what's going on I mean look the truth is you said because someone is your blood doesn't mean you have to accept they're a prick that is true what I would say to is it's a shame to not have a relationship with your sister but I think that you need to set up the boundaries for what that relationship would be the Easter lunch just sounds like a bit of a nightmare to be honest with you and it but If you look at it from her point of view, maybe there's something that happened where she thought she'd liked, she wanted to be invited rather than assume that she's going to be coming. And it sounds like she feels like she needs a bit of love from you. In her head, I'm not saying that you haven't delivered it.

But that's a sort of thing that somebody that feels like, you know, I don't actually feel wanted by her. I need an invite. That's what it feels like it looks like. Whether that's justified or not is up to you to decide. But look, the long and the short of it is you're not the asshole. And I don't think you need to have a close relationship with your sister because there's no point either of you putting yourself through something if you're not really getting on. But it would be good for the sake of your mum to have an ongoing relationship with that with boundaries set in place. And, you know, I've said this a lot and I've said this during the live shows.

But a lot of misery in life is caused by expecting things of people that they're never going to deliver. and so if you're expecting your sister to be the ideal sister that does everything you want exactly how you want then sort of there's an argument that the fault is with you for expecting that and same for her so I think you know work out what your boundaries your relationship are going to be it would be a shame to cut her off completely but I think you just sort of if this is not going to progress

through conversation and stuff then you need to sort of accept what that relationship's going to look like but good luck to you you're not the ass you're not the asshole though beautiful and that helps beautiful and lovely advice, romash. Delicious advice. I don't know. You've got a lovely way about you, brother.

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Snack back to reality with Tim's new Cravable Raps, available in Chipotle or Ranch. Plus tax at participating restaurants in Canada for a limited time. am i the asshole am i the asshole am i the asshole okay uh this one is from the swedish moose wow and they've gone for the they've gone for the well they've actually said the title of the email is am i the arsehole slash asshole okay greetings wolfowl swat cat the signet's and kitten am i the ass Swedish moose oh my god they're so cute oh have you looked out beautiful swedish me so that's a beautiful

based. I wouldn't describe it as cute. Okay. Am I the asshole? My daughter's graduating uni next year from King's College. I decided to book an afternoon tea at the Savoy to celebrate us.

She's determined hardworking deserves this more than anything. She's a queen. Now, there will be me, her three sisters, and my parents are going to a graduation and a little celebration. Now her father has decided

he must be a part of this day. A bit of backstory, he's floated in and out of the last 12 years, We've been divorced, never paid maintenance, never turned up for any of the children's events. I encouraged their relationships, even though I absolutely despised it, made the course for him to see them, paid his train fare, gave him money, and when they want to spend a week with him every summer, I provided a week's worth of food shopping and pocket money for them all. He expected this because I worked full-time, and he was and still is unemployed.

Fast forward to now, our youngest, his 14, has refused to speak to him for the last three years after he cancelled on seeing her seven times and forgot her birthday, and he wants me to pay for his training meal so he can attend her graduate. am I the arseller for saying no the fact that you could pay for them to be their own doctor's graduation and she has both their parents there to watch and celebrate or am I being selfish to think fuck you you've done nothing to contribute support mentally and financially

I want to enjoy this moment basking and glory just us need some advice from a couple of sweet sweet souls love the Swedish moose hmm yo Swedish moose I find it's a very it's a tricky situation and I have to as always say that We're not trading any of this stuff. But this kind of man makes me so fucking embarrassed to be a man, if I'm honest.

It's so fucking depressing and so sad because it's not just a solitary tale of this. It's something I, you speak to people a lot. And I feel like certainly recently I speak to so many people who, where this kind of thing happens. And men don't seem to sort of seek to be involved in their children's lives until there's these moments. this. I will say that it's always worth trying to look at where you are, you know, where your ex is and where his mental health is and where he is, he is a person. But I think for me, anyway, I think when it comes to a situation like this, it feels like you and your three daughters and your parents have been for a lot. And I think actually, as a combined family unit, I think

him being there almost, you know, saying what you're saying about your youngest daughter, I don't know what his relationship is with your daughter who's just graduated but i'd actually be the asshole here i'd actually say i think sometimes we talk about very negatively but i think make this about yourself make this about the positivity of you as a strong woman who's brought up three strong girls working full time and being like a really strong role model for them and he hasn't been that and he's come up wanting and he's he's been quite lacking as as a father by all accounts i think that's sad and there's a lot of different reasons because i think there's nothing more rewarding than being a parent.

I mean, I constantly, like, you know, it's a part of me. I mean, Romish talks about this a lot. But, you know, I constantly question, am I around enough? Am I present enough? Am I being there enough? Because it is something that worries me. And I do think it's really, really important for your daughter to see, like, have a strong female and male role model in the house

because I think they're such important things. We talk about sons having strong role with us. I try to be the best, yeah, dad in a lot. And like anyone, I think I fall short at times and I question myself with this. But I think you sound like you've done a lot of this stuff on your own. And I think for moments like this

where it's about a really, really happy occasion and the fact that he's not got himself together in this up to now, you know, if I'm honest with you at the time, situations like that feel like, you know, again it's a situation I think people... This is not Lisa that's emailed in just so you know.

Suddenly I felt like it's Tom talking to me here this feels weird. No I think people are allowed that behaviour I think like anything like that and I think so actually use your asshole cough yourself make this about you, your parents your daughters and the strong

family unit in which you've created in what it sounds like in quite difficult circumstance. Have an amazing day enjoy your afternoon sending him much love to you all and congratulations to your daughter. Have a wonderful one. Swedish moose.

Just to start off, I don't think Swedish moose is acute as Tom does, but they do look like fine animals. The answer to your question is you're not the arse for saying no. Obviously, it doesn't sound like he's been great, but as Tom says, you know, we don't know what his situation is 100%, you know, but it sounds like, you seem like quite a reasonable person

so if it's got your backup and you've sort of had enough then that's enough for me to think that it's been difficult and it sounds really hard and first of all can I just say well done to you for managing to deal with it in the way

that you clearly have done I think that there is you know with things like this my inclination is always if I come up, not that I've come up against this situation when you can't be a situation like this

to try and be as decent as you possibly can and to be as understanding of the other person's position as you possibly can and it sounds like you are doing that let's look at it in a very black and white way he wants to come to this thing, it is his daughter and he wants to come and celebrate his afternoon tea and there's part of you that's thinking

I should just make that happen for him and I understand that because at the end of the day he is the kid's father but being nice to somebody is not allowing them to behave however they want without consequence. And actually consequences and boundaries are actually helpful for people.

Sometimes if people behave in a certain way and I'm not saying you've allowed it, but if they behave in a certain way and still are able to do things like this when they want to, then there's an argument there that they're not going to do anything to change their behaviour.

And so, as Tom said, we're not trained in this, but just reading your situation, I would be inclined to say, to your ex, to the father of children, that you can be there if you want, but you're gonna have to pay for that yourself. I think that asking you to,

after the way that he's behaved, for you to then be required to pay for him to make his way over there and him sort of making any, not making any commitment, I realize he's unemployed, but it is a big thing and so if he really wants to be there, then I think it's up to him to find the money and be there. And I think that would be a compromise position

you could take with him. I think it's unreasonable, in my opinion for him to expect you to pay it again for him to make all his way over there. There's no commitment from him there. He just turns up on your money and comes to this thing, gets to be part of it. I think it would be not a bad thing

to actually make him to commit to it in terms of making him some sacrifice and getting the money together so that he can make his own way there if it's that important to him. But yeah, you're not the asshole. So I hope it goes brilliantly. Good luck to you.

And congratulations. Am I the asshole? the asshole am I the asshole? Okay, this one is an anonymous Well, it says please keep me anonymous but it says positive panda Okay, hey guys, recently started a job

with a new company but in a job role I've done for years because I'm experienced I'm confident in what I'm doing and my ability to work A woman that I work with in my new job has been bitching about me to other people in my workplace saying I'm a try hard

and there's something about me that just gets on her nerves I don't think I do anything wrong I just know what I'm doing. I'm enthusiastic and I want to do the best. This shows that because I've got promotion less than six months into starting my new job, and my manager says that I'm fantastic

and a great addition to the team. This woman is just constantly niggling in the back of my head. She's always talking about me being nasty about me to my co-workers. Am I the asshole for being enthusiastic about my new job? Which is just being a big meanie. I absolutely love this pod, love from the Positive Panda. Yo, Positive Panda. How are we doing? Yo, Positive Panda.

Really made me fursky. me it's like a little shot of positivity that's just sort of like coursing through my veins um i i actually really don't think there's that it's a very weird thing is i don't necessarily think there's an arso arso in this uh situation i think the fact of the matter is no no i don't think you're an arso positive panda i think you certainly i think you want to do the best you can you want to be the best worker i think i think when it comes to bitchy things like this it's very hard because when you're caught in the midst of something like this it's very easy to sort of look at the person being bitchy and being mean

and just think that defines who they are, just that thing. I think the truth of the matter is, by the sounds of things, they're threatened by the fact that that's usually where this sort of stuff comes from. They're threatened by your ability and your work ethic and probably quite how much you enjoy the job that people, like, you know, I've been in many different situations in my life where not usually through working hard, just through being a fucking big dofus,

people, you know, it certainly was stand-up, I found it, like where people can, you know, have that feeling towards you or whatever. I think the fact is you navigate your own path. You see, the less this affects you, Rommis would put this more eloquently, but sometimes you need to almost separate the fact that anyone could have joined this company and worked hard or anyone could have been the new face joining and this person probably would have found a problem with them. Like, at the moment it's you and that's the shitty position to be in. But the fact of the matter is that there's probably a lot of resentment that's as always like in a situation that it's quite deep rooted and my thing would be be the best version of yourself like each

and every day turn up do what you're doing work wise do you do what you're doing it clearly people are talking to you in a sense that people are telling you what this person's saying so I would say that just be as nice as you possibly can be and I think the way I always look at when I know as any sort of negativity throwing towards me or I hear horrible things have been said or you get trolling on social medias

I think the way I try to look at and it always hurts I'm not going to fucking lie here and say you know I feel that but then I always just try and think the person who's saying these things and the person who's being like this is quite deeply unhappy themselves even to if I'm going to be

really brutally honest even at times when I can I Like, no, I'm a human being. If I'm fucking talking to someone and I'm not necessarily, I can be being a bit of a prick about certain things. Like my behaviours, yeah, I can. Yeah, I hear that. And I wish I did.

And sometimes that is just and sometimes it is down to maybe I've got something going on in my life that isn't that thing. And I'm looking for a place. It's very hard to sometimes talk about certain things. And it's easier actually to be a bit of a prick at times. And whenever I do that, I have to check myself so um yeah um so big love uh positive panda keep on being positive keep on growing keep on owning the life in which you are structuring for yourself and you know at some point i hope that i hear

that you and this this um asshole go for a nice coffee and break bread or a pinini yeah right really good really good advice um first of all i mean there's a lot a few things i want to say i don't know why these people are telling you what she's saying. It sounds absolutely, what the fuck is going on? What the fuck is going on? I don't know what good they think is coming from that. I don't know why they think

that's a positive thing. What they should be doing is telling this person that they don't want to hear it. Do you know, but people aren't like that. People love a bit of gossip, you know? People like the tea, baby. Yeah. I work with people all the time that love to get the tea and the little bits of gossip on everybody.

Do you know what I mean? They're hungry for it. You know what I mean? It's like tucking into it like a big old donut, you know, they love it. You know, and you come across people like that. They're just desperate for the tea. So first of all, I think that's a bit weird. From that person's point of view, I think Tom kind of hit the nail on the head really. When you're working in a job, sometimes you can fall into kind of a bit of a settled state in your job.

And then somebody turns up who is new and is enthusiastic, and that forces you to reflect upon yourself. And, you know, if you think about it from their point of view, you've turned up, you've got promoted, the manager is saying that you're really, really great, that is going to be difficult for somebody else who's not being promoted and their manager isn't telling them they're really great. It's a difficult, you know, for the, I'm not saying they're not right, but I'm saying that that is something that they've got to process. And the way that they're choosing to cope with that is by slagging you off. And, you know, the easiest, you know, there's one option is in their belief is that you're a really nice person that's just working really hard and being enthusiastic. and you're being rewarded accordingly. Or the other thing that they could believe is that you're just being a bit of a try-hard shadow and actually they don't want to live their life like that. And that second one is the easier one to believe. It's more comfortable, it's better

because the other option is maybe I need to work harder and start picking myself in those positions. So that is why she's behaving like that. I don't think your colleague should be telling you that she's saying that. I don't think it's helpful. I think all it's doing is causing you misery. I think they should be,

if they're really upset if they don't think it's right what she's saying they need to shut it down at source and you don't have to say stop talking like that you can just not give

it any kind of fuel and that person will get the signal if they follow any kind of social cues and realize that nobody's interested in hearing them slagging you off but look I say this a lot and it feels like a cop-out

but it's your choice as to how upset to be about this the fact of the matter is the reason she's annoyed you're slagging you off is because you're doing well so you can just continue doing well

and this doesn't affect you at all. She is probably just being a big meany, but you don't need to let it upset you. Just enjoy the fact that you're absolutely smashing it, would be my advice. Good luck to you, Positive Panda. Thanks for your message. Good luck, my friend. Great advice. Thank you. Thanks, Positive Panda. Thank you.

Okay, Tom. It's about that time, my brother. Man, what a navigation. We've done some Aiders. That's the acronym for Am I the Assum. Oh, is it? Wow. Oh, Romsky. My essay, by the way, and the way, I've very much enjoyed being with you over the last few times. I know we make light of it, but it's such a joy being in your presence and in your company, my friend. Well, Flo told me that you'd sort of expressed a feeling that you spent so much time with me.

You don't really feel like you've got anything left to say to me. That's what Flay said. I mean, I don't want to start talking. Robish, you are a delicious little rascal. I don't want to start talking like the positive panda. But I am also in a similar position of a colleague kind of calling me a tryhard. I think we both know who the tryhard is in this relationship. The thirsty tryhard.

Listen, she didn't say that. Just to lay your paranoia. She didn't say that, okay. Anyway, God, let's get. You knew what you were doing to me. Yeah, sorry. A bubbling pan of a hot stove. Water bubbling, friends.

What's in the water? Carrots, parsnips, some stock. Some cabbage, maybe. Truth is, in life, it can be tough, but you have to take those small moments. Is there anything more rewarding than soup on a cold day? But what is soup? So coming together are different ingredients.

Kind of like the brain in a way. Well, your brain's like soup. Hear me out, friend. So you need enough positivity, but only a dash. you need enough envy almost courage you need a load of different traits to come together to make a delicious soup and you need the same to make a delicious personality don't keep one thing at an arm length and always use a thing that you always use oh gosh think to yourself hmm cumin I've never tried that before

let me just throw that in this soup. Will it work? Who knows? But by that, what I'm saying is try something different yourself. Don't let the limitations of life hedge you in. Reach for the stars, try to break through the ceiling. Is this about soup?

I guess it is. I threw some turmeric in mine last night. It's goddamn delicious. Now I feel like owning the world. Because of the soup? No. Because I tried something new. And in a sense, that made me a lid. little bit bigger as a person.

Really good. Really, really great stuff, Tom. Well done. Really good. That was... People could see your face during the... Well, no, it's just a really good life lesson. Just try to... No, this is your face. This is what you do. I'm going to do your reaction. You lean forward, like, oh, he might be onto something.

Then you lean back, and then you look at me, and it's like, how the fuck is he going to get out of this? Where is this going? It's amazing every time. Okay, JT, I've been listening to a little bit of funky disco house. And with that in mind, there's a song that I really fed in love with called We've Got to Hit It Off, Millie Jackson and Dmitry from Paris. So could you play us out with that?

And it's all about, you know, if you want to get busy, we need to get on personality-wise. And that's how I feel about you, Tom. Wow. You know? Well, I love you both personality-wise and also physically. I think you're beautiful. Thank you. Okay. Thank you. well listen

I hope you enjoyed that absolute hall of famer of an episode there we will see you next time for the wolf and the owl wow beautiful

oh no I say we got to hit it on Before we can think about getting it on Well, well, well If you have a problem, opinion, feedback or anything at all, please email us at wolf-alpod at gmail.com. That's wolf-alpod at gmail.com.

We'd love to hear from you. because we don't have any content ideas. Thank you. How do you know if you're worrying too much? How can you mend a broken heart? Does peaking at school ruin you for life? I'm Susie Ruffel, a stand-up comedian, and someone who has always experienced anxiety. And I've written a book. Am I Having Fun Now? Considering some of life's big questions. Featuring bonus insights from the likes of Charlene Douglas, Sarah Pascoe, Elizabeth Day, and Dolly Auditon. Am I Having Fun Now? Is Out of now in hardback, ebook and audio.