Wolf and Owl - S4 Ep 49: An Email Extravaganza!

Episode Date: December 10, 2025

As we’ve been neglecting the listener’s emails a bit recently, this week we’re dedicating a whole episode to them. But first up, there’s a chat about our decreasing metal sharpness, Dwayne Johnson’s fitness regime and Tom’s new hotel ghost. Then we read messages about some dog poo detective work, tips on meeting a new parter (plus a brief lesson in quantum mechanics) and what one question would you ask an alien. Well, we may have only manage three - but they’re all corkers! For questions or comments, please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod TikTok - @wolfowlpodcast YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch & Mailing List - https://wolfandowlpod.com A Mighty Ranga Production For sales and sponsorship enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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whatever's preferred. They'll grant you all last request to steady your nerves, then podcast the body parts get severed and served. Bring your weak shit where the wolf and owler That ain't just a mistake That's an awful howler Both of them are known to pull up at your shows Have the crowd witnessing a murder Like they rolled in with a gang of crows

Fuck their censorship, let them see the whole thing They stay dressed to kill Never sheep's clothing Dark enough to turn the sun to the moon You'll see nothing All your hear's a huffer puff and a Expect killings, red spilling and flesh ripping Impressive in it

The death bringing its head spinning Just kidding every word in his song About two grown men dressed up as a bird the dog hello and welcome to the wolf and owl yeah yeah is that is that a mangel oh it's oh so the cap is not just printed it's like a little embroidered badge yeah yeah as much is hard i mean it it is hit hard a lot of people ask where the cap was from uh said they'd like the cap and subsequently we've sold three uh yeah i mean that that's That's obviously going to happen.

What your company has made the mistake is you've done projections based on people who've replied to an Instagram post. It's foolish. We've done it on a number of different things, actually. Yeah, it's very hard. It's subsequently to be like an entrepreneur in 2000 and in 2000, well, in any decade. Well, it's difficult to figure out of the year, apparently, if you're an entrepreneur. 2025, mate.

it doesn't even I honestly thought is he stumbling and stalling for time to try and remember what year it is it feels like you do you ever worry that your brain is as sharp as it once was all the time

literally all the time I'm so panicked that this is like I text Catherine this morning like I had a face time with Kathleen and Grace and I text Catherine and I was like I was so nice to see you both this evening Catherine went

what? It's like, it's not even 8 o'clock in the morning. That is bizarre, I think, yeah. So then you start going, Christ, is this what's happening here? I'll go to tour next year, but also another thing to try and sell two chips for, but how I'm going to remember an hour when I'm getting dates wrong,

times wrong? Well, if people were unsure about buying the tickets, I'm sure after hearing what you said over the last 30 seconds, they're going to be pulling the trigger immediately. Well, it might be the last time I go out at this rate. I know what's going on. You know what? Since I stepped, I've been so bad

with, like, fitness and all the things that I should be doing for my head. And I've been, I've let everything slide. I've done one film, I'm doing one film. How, you know, do you watch, like, Dwayne Johnson, like the Rock videos, and he's up at 4 a.m. And he's doing, he's just done one recently

where he's doing this walk to his gym. And he's talking about getting up at 4 a.m. And why he gets up at 4 a.m., blah, blah. yada yada yada but i'm not watching it i'm thinking like i i i don't got the bandwidth to do all the stuff that jane johnson has i don't know i don't know i'm not convinced that dwayne johnson's that happy to be honest with it if i like and also that that getting up at 4 a.m i've done i'm not 4 a m but i've done that thing of like when you're really trying to get to the gym so you get up at five it's all it's horrendous it's absolutely but then i would say there there is a marginal difference

in mine and his physiques. So I think that's where you see the, that's where you see the space, do you know what? He's getting closer to us, though? He's pushing that last 3%, do you know what? He's, he's lost the significant amount of muscle, isn't he? Has he? Well, didn't he do that deliberately?

Yeah, but, yeah, for health reasons. But he's also, so you look at it, but he, yeah, I don't know. I look at it and think I need to seriously probably train more because do you know when you think I'm in a funk, but I think my brain is in a funk, and I need to sort of your cameras did you do that on purpose

or did that move itself? No, it's just like auto-framing and so I don't know why it's suddenly done that that's pretty cool though that it does that anyway my bro big week for you

big big week yeah sorry I'm just testing that camera up are you at home are you in a hotel? I'm at home oh okay nice I'm at home

um are you in the same by the way can I do before we talk about big week and also this is space be an email special so we can't really keep dicking around like this. But you

look like you're in the same room as the as you were before when you're complaining about the gardener or whatever seeing you shitting. Are you in a different room? Here's an email special, I'll make this quick on the basis an email special. I actually ended up changing a hotel because this hotel

got booked out and they double-booked a lot of the rooms. So we ended up getting moved to her sister hotel, which is one of the most haunted hotels in England. Um, I then had an, like, had an interaction with a ghost, which is absolutely terrifying. I knew it would happen. I knew it would happen. And you want me to just whip past this and go into an email there, do you?

Can we just, just give us a prerative? I'll give you, I'll give you the skinny, as we say, uh, in the biz. Um, what biz? They tell me it's in, in the biz that we call pod, um, we, the pod biz, um, we, we, we, I get to the hotel, uh, I start chatting. to the manager there. Nice chap, Ken. And as we're chatting, I'm sort of,

and I regale him with this, like, he starts talking about hauntings and stuff. I then regale him with the story of mine and yours dalyance with ghost, right?

I didn't have a dalence of ghosts, but yeah. When you're telling that story to people, particularly to strangers, I don't want to be in the story. Yeah, but can I say also

it's a good segue for people who don't know that me and you are best friends to then explain that me and you were friends. Like, he'll go, oh, he went, oh, fucking old,

I don't know, Romish rang an Ethan. I said, yeah, but I do, I do a podcast with him, mate. No, really, well, ask me any question. I'll probably be my master one subject. Romish rangination, the time and life of. Well, you don't pronounce his surname. Anyway, go on. He chuckled to that, by the way. Oh, my God, you actually said that to him. I thought you're

paraphrasing. Do you actually say all that? Mate, I will, yeah, yeah, I'm having a laugh at him. Anyway, I said, told him the story. He said, oh, this is one of the most haunted hotels in England. I said, okay I said

I'm a bit worried about ghosts waking me up in the night then and that he said well we'll stick you in a new building

where there's not been as many ghost sightings I said look my problem is this is bananas by the way

I've never had a conversation like this with anybody I was like my problem is that ghosts what

the ghosts don't have boundaries like they're not they can wonder that's the point of ghosts right

you know he's not going to oh shit keff don't go in the bloody main building do I mean it's like there's not a you know there's not things that are off limits

I get it I get it yeah so happened anyhow he said look you know if there's any problem I'd be surprised anyway I get into bed that night I'm tired from a day's filming I sort of closed my eyes this is all by the way this is all Ken's fault everything that's about to happen now

yeah and then but then right wrong and the wall opposite my bed there's this like knocking I can't see it. Oh, knocking, right, sorry. Well, I go, probably the pipes. It's not reading, okay, but anyway, but...

Probably the pipes or some... Does this read? No, I can't listen to it's not reading. I need to fucking smash my own face in. Anyway, go on. There's knocking, I'm like, it's the pipes or something. I still got Ken saying about, you know, in my head. I jump up, and I go towards a knocking, and it just stops, suddenly.

I'm like, well, that's a bit weird. That is strange. I have a little bit coming around, looking around, get back into bed, close my eyes again, the knocking starts again. I'm like, and I said, you're fucking with me now, you're fucking with me now, you're messing with me. I get up out of bed, I walk towards the knocking it stops again. All right, I'm like, okay, like, now what do I do?

Do I go and speak to Ken? or, yeah, the Knight Porter, who, by the way, the Night Porter, when I arrived there that night back from filming, I said, his Ken about, he said, oh, Ken's gone to bed. I said, Lacey Blasters. We sort of had a joke about that.

And, but he didn't open the door. He was speaking through the sort of, like, window thing. I said, all right, to walk through the, and he said, he locks all the doors because he's scared of the dark. What are you talking about? What are you talking about? The night manager is scared of the dark.

I said, he's getting a better job during the day, mate. I swear. I swear. Tom, are you trying out a sitcom script on me? No, I swear this is true. And I can get, I can get, I can get, like, collaboration on this, right? Okay. So I'm now in the room, the knocking, this knocking thing's happened twice.

I get back into bed, knocking starts, I'm like, there's something like a spirit trapped in the walls. This should probably be midnight now. Okay. And I'm absolutely freaking out. I then turn out all the lights. I get back into bed and there's no knocking. I'm not going to sleep with the lights on. Is that the end of the story?

Yeah, but the next day I said to Ken, mate, you need to get a seance and something done in that bloody new build. I said, you've had that done. And I've had interaction with a ghost. The knocking on the... I can't dig about this. And Assyon childry, very much like you, was like, oh, it's probably the plumbing.

I said, oh, does a plumbing stop when you get out of bed? Does it? Is that what happens, mate? okay so I don't believe that you interact with a ghost

mate what do you think that is it a knocking every time you walk near the knocking it stops what could it be

it's not every time it happens three times three times then I turn the lights on and everybody

knows if there's one thing that ghosts can't stand or stand its light so the lights one that's not true

every horror film would be incredibly short wouldn't that just just turn a fucking would be

mate ghost can't stand the light. Okay. So, vampires. Well, vampires are alright with a light bulb, I think.

It's sunlight, famously. You know, I should probably know that. God forbid I'm actually, God forbid I'm actually playing a fucking vampire. You don't know the fucking rules.

And notoriously, they love garlic. My character actually wears a crucifix. Yeah, so I'm pretty worried about that. Okay. That was terrible. fine.

Yeah, sounds like. So we're still actually, oh, the listeners, a ghost, a ghost, we need to end in the new year, a ghost special. Yeah, we need to. And also, what I'm slightly worried about is that, you know, I've been so firm about the, I keep, like, I've just dismissed that story in actually quite an unsupportive way. If there was a ghost, if a ghost listened to the podcast, we're thinking, I'm going to absolutely fuck him up if he ever, if I'm ever in a situation. Yeah, but you're twice, you're two in the hole with ghosts. I know. By the way, if ghosts, if it gets around the ghosts, like, if there's a podcast, you're

guys that ghosts do they're like if any haunted building sees this guy walk into it teach him a fucking lesson I know I know that's what I mean I'm slightly worried about it like you might get a ghost family I'm the character in the horror film you know where they go oh man what you're talking about what you're talking about don't we're such a fucking idiot yeah oh there's a ghost there's a

you fucking idiot and then next you're like the jock yeah I'm being like the job I'm being like the job actually this is like a life's ambition achieved I finally in a situation you are in the horror movie that maybe knew, mate, your character would be called Duke Kennington.

Oh, man, Duke Kennington's coming to the party. He's the coolest guy in the year. So here you assholes are worried about ghosts, you fucking pussy. Oh, Duke. Hey, Duke, Bobby saw what? I swear he did. Just before he went missing. Oh, Bobby's a fucking idiot. Hey, Duke, is it true? Did you kiss

Mabel Syriac? Mabel Syriac? I would never kiss anyone a foreign descent. What do I look like? I called it ice before I kiss somebody like that. Am I fucking right? Hey, Duke, would it be weird if a ghost came in? I jumped all over you.

If a fucking ghost came in here, I'd give it a fucking scene to. Let me tell you that. Oh, Duke, you're the coolest guy in the world. Give it the old Duke one, too. Am I right? Is it true that in year three you had an ingrowing toenail that took off your big toe? Is it a press conference? What the fuck's going on?

This guy God's really excited of the Dukes and a pie. Okay. Okay. Should we do some emails, my guy? Yes, do some emails by, baby. Okay, this one was achieved 11 hours ago. Wow. dear wolf owl and the animal pack

I hope I'm not too late for the questions episode this week here's the situation oh sorry sorry this is from the clapped koala my partner and I have a grassy path that runs down the side of our house it's private land it is our land but the past few months it's been serving as the VIP restroom for a mystery animal we're talking a lot of turds

I think I've finally solved the mystery recently first I bumped into the neighbour two doors down unfriendly vibe never speaks I don't recall somebody I've not moved In the dark a couple of weeks ago A dog ran from my path to her legs That's a woman

She looked at me sheepishly Said nothing and vanished into the darkness Oh my God Oh my God Then the final nail in the coffin Today I went to close the bedroom window And witnessed the deed The neighbour let the dog

Out of her front door off leash She stood on the pavement Like a grand conductor While the dog sprinted Directly to my private path curled one out and trotted back. Thankfully, this time she walked over and picked it up. Now, my partner says I should have flung the window open

and shouted, get off my land, like a furious medieval landowner. Instead, I stood motionless behind the glass, mouth breathing, terrified that if I made eye contact, I'd somehow have to move house. I asked chat GPT for advice, this is in him. And the soulless robot told me to communicate effectively to foster a good relationship, but I don't want a relationship. I want a turd-free path without having to actually speak to another human.

It seems like basic courtesy to ensure your dog doesn't shift on other people's property. So Wolf and Al, what is the move? Since she picked it up, do, do I have a leg to stand on? Okay, that's a bit of a pun there, they're thrown in. It's acceptable to let your dog use someone else's private property as a toilet as long as you bag it up. Or do we need to grow a pair, go down there and risk a suburban turf war? Final option I'm considering is returning the turds to their front door as quickly as they appear on my lawn. love the pod keep it sweet

clapped koala well it's quite a spicy opener whoa clap koala so I've been here I've been here when me and kaffa were first together we lived an estate and we had a little like a little

it wasn't down the side out of the front we had basically like a it's our own private bit of land but it was just off the past Do you what I mean? So you literally could do you get it. What's happening though? You're trying to explain what the situation.

Yeah, my brain's gone again. Still sounding like a man of the people. I get it. It's a bit difficult. No, no, no, no, no. Still trying to work out, well, anyhow. No, what I'm saying, because it was quite a... There was lots of roads.

There wasn't necessarily a lot of green spaces for dogs to go to the toilet. That's why, you know, there was one park. And we had a similar thing where three days in a row, there was like quite substantial big poos. At one point I thought it's human. it's human feces. And then what I did is I set my iPad up to film looking at the front, because you can look out the front window onto this little shrug, like, you know,

and I caught the assailant. Do a similar thing. He literally, the offender. The offender, yeah. And the dog just took a massive turd, and they brought off leaving it there. So I actually did the thing of bagging them up, finding one. where he lived was just like three roads away and just

put them on his door to knock him how did you find that where he lived? I followed him oh my god okay and then I put them on his door set knocked on the door and said he's yours you keep your dog keeps some shitting on my land

and he was just like how do you know it's me so I can go and get my iPad if you want me I've got footage of you and then he was just yeah it was a bit awkward So, this is so, so, this is so sad. Well, in that little interaction, you've said, your dog keeps shitting on my land.

That's absolutely bananas. Like you're one of the farmers from Fantastic Mr. Fox. And then, and then you said, as a threat, you said, I'm going to go get my iPad if you want. Yeah, because on the iPad, I had the footage. No, I get it. I get it. I get it.

It's just weird to specify. Yeah, but then it causes bluff. And then if he'd go on, oh yeah, get your iPad. take it down and go, hello, mate, oh, who's this? Who's this? Who's that, mate? Who's that? Who's that? It could that be? Would you say it like that? Like, you're talking to a six-month-old baby? All right. I'll show you how I'll do it. All right.

It doesn't read. Okay. Bing-bang, bong. Oh, hello, mate. I just came around a minute ago, said about your dog having a pill on my lawn outside the front of my house. Yeah. Well, actually, it's more of a flower bed. There's actually not grass there. Yeah, no, yeah. I do remember. It was a minute ago. We don't have to really like we're coming out of a... I've still got the bags of poo

that I dropped off here. You still put those in the bin, disgusting. Well, he only came around five minutes ago, so... Well, you said about the iPad situation. Have a look at this. Can you see that, mate? Who's that? Who's that?

Well, it looks like me, but it's not... It's you, mate. It's you and you're a disgusting dog. Having a poo on my bloody, on my lawn, mate. Proud of yourself? I don't have a dog. Oh, don't you? What was that barking when I rang on the door?

That's my wife. Is that your wife? Hey, you've got a dog. She thinks she's a dog. Can I just say something, mate? If we start living in a world where people can pee wherever they want, mate, we're going to be in an absolute awful state of affairs.

Yeah, okay, look, to be honest with you, I'd rather the dog shits in my living room than I have to listen to this anymore. So, yeah, it won't happen. He probably does, mate, looking at your house. I'll see him out. Excuse me? Excuse me?

I said to see you around Excuse me Look at your house, mate How dare you It's, mate There's dust everywhere You're disgusting Give it clean

And by the other What sort of sad bastard Films his fucking Front of his house On an iPad The kind of sad bastards You have to pick up Three of your bloody dogs poos

mate I put them up I put them in the alley Right by the side of my house I've been collecting them You've been collecting them You're a fucking weirdo Yeah

You're fucking weirdo Who the bloody else You're a weirdo What you're going to do now What are you going to do now for a hobby now that your iPad, turd filming's over? What are you going to do now, you're sad little loser? I don't know.

Probably avenge more crimes, mate, because that's what it is. It's a crime against humanity and cleanliness. Oh, yeah, yeah. You're all the new fucking Captain America, you sad, bastard. Don't let me see you around my way again, mate. I won't be around you all way, certainly not. I'll warn other people as well. Literally would rather my dog's shit in my mouth

and have to interact with you again. By the smell of your breath, he already has. How dare you? How dare you? Right. Okay. So what you, is that what you're suggesting? No, no, no, no, no.

The fact of me is I've got the weather rule to do that because I had hardcore evidence. I'd also say it did create quite an awkward, awkward situation where whenever I saw that guy and then someone we knew, knew him, it became quite awkward. Catherine actually wasn't particularly happy about the fact that I can't man and done. Anyway, so don't listen to chat TBT. Chatty-GPT has its uses. I'd say that one of them isn't trying to get problems like this sort.

I'd say that you have to go and speak to this person. I'd also say potentially if you can, put some kind of fencing, if you can. I mean, you shouldn't have to feel that you've got to do that. But if, you know, if it's down the side of your house, you know, something like that, just to sort of warm people that it or sort of mark it off. But I think you're at a situation where you kind of have to go and speak to this person. I mean, also, by the way, I'm a constant view of neighbours from hell and have seen how these things can spiral.

But you're, yeah, you don't want a situation where there's dog poo in your alley every day. But I think it is, and I've talked about this before, by the way, I think it should be a legal crime, it should be a proper crime, leaving dog poo anywhere. It's disgusting. Yeah, I mean, it's disgusting things that human beings do.

Well, dogs are doing it, aren't they? But, you know. Yeah, but human beings have got a pack. We've got a pack with our canine friends. They have a poo, we clean it up. I think, um, there's a lot of good stuff they do for us. So. Yeah.

I think, um, I, I do think you have to have a word of them about it. I mean, but I don't, I think you have to open a discussion and go, look we've got a bit of a situation and talk to them about it but not talk to them in the way that you did which turned up with like criminal evidence

but just sort of yeah but can I just say about open a discourse about what I'm four poos in a hole three or four poos in a hole no I get it I get it I get it I get it I get it no I understand you're annoyed it's obviously still quite fresh

in your rage banks but yeah I would say yeah I think you just need to have an open discussion but what I would say is if you go in there sort of aggressive it's going to escalate the situation

yeah that's one of my any regrets I went too aggressive yeah I think you need to just you know be nice about it and say yeah I mean the thing is you've got to decide what is an acceptable compromise position because what they might say is I'll make sure I pick them up from now but there's a strong argument you know what is insane

that's what's insane things you've ever let come out of your mouth. Why is it the waste of insane thing that I've let come out of mind? I'm hypothesising about what this neighbour might say. Yeah, but you can't, but it's their land. You can't, before you know, you've got 30 dogs. I've not even finished the fucking sentence, bro. I've not finished the sentence.

Go ahead, sorry. that was uncouth and outrageous of me I feel like I've taken a dog poo on your hypothesis yeah they might they might say like I'll pick it up from now and then I would say that still feels unacceptable do you know what I mean it doesn't sound like you want that so you'd have to say look I don't think that's going to be all right

can you is it possible you get your dog to do to go somewhere else and then you could say something like I understand if it might happen well actually I wouldn't open maybe I wouldn't open that door maybe we wouldn't open that door all right all right Right, right, right. Every time I start to say something compromising, Tom starts to look angry. Yeah, but you've not been in this situation before. No, you're right.

I'm here with the koala. No, I get it. I get it. I feel there's a kinship between us. Yeah. Also, I didn't handle it in a very good way. I'm conscious of that. And also, I knew I should have done better. Yeah. I wish I'd be more affable. Yeah. So koala, just, you know, open up a discourse, but, you know, make it be, you know, chill about it, I guess.

Don't be Tom There's a good note You can be Tom Tom's a great guy But you know what I mean Yeah don't be Tom Not in this situation In some situations

There are not many But to go Okay that feels like a You know Friendly decent way You know I let the poo Overtake me

Yeah It dominated you Yeah The poo You're dominated by Yeah Yeah Okay

Here's another one This is from The Tall Walrus Oh nice Could be the tall risk, couldn't it? Oh, wow. 8.13 and my guy got some nice puns in inside.

The first pun of the day. Don't normally leave it this late for my first pun. We're usually getting quicker with a pun. Hi, Wolf and Al, short-term, short-term listener, big fan. Standard question, I'm a 32-year-old Irish male living in Europe. I yearn for a meaningful relationship slash partnership, but cannot seem to find a partner.

All my close friends are in, medium-long-term relationships, and I feel the odd one out. I do dating apps, have some connection, but don't truly feel comfortable taking it forward. It doesn't help the people keep telling me it'll happen when you least expect it, like it's some kind of double-slit experiment. What does that mean? I don't know, if they've ever heard that expression. Can you Google double-slit experiment, please?

I've done the work, therapy, good physical health. Do you like that, giving you a little task? Yeah. I've done the work, therapy, and good physical health, good career, etc., but somehow still stuck. I feel like I've missed the boat when people were single, not it seems like... Double-slit experiment, yeah? Yes. Now it seems like most people I meet who are great are, of course, taken.

Any tips beyond put yourself out there, keep trying, etc. Any frameworks or something? Okay. Tom? Okay, a double-slit experiment is a foundation of physics demonstration showing that light and matter exists. bit both wave-like interference patterns and particle-like discrete hit properties, illustrating wave-particle duality, a core concept of quantum mechanics, famously performed by Thomas Young for light in 1801, and later extended to electrons,

revealing that particles seem to pass through both slit simultaneously and know about other slit unless observed at which point they act like Simple Park. I mean, that is literally just a collection of words. I have no. Can I just go on chat? I know I hate going on chat, GBT. But I'm just going to put explain double slit to an idiot. Okay.

Imagine if you're throwing tiny balls at a wall with two doorways in it. If the balls go through the left door, they hit the wall behind in a line. If they go through the right door, another line. Two doors, two lines, easy. Even a drunk pigeon could follow. Okay. Okay, this is... Necked by it.

Now, I place the balls with electrons, tiny particles, little specks, dust with the attitude problems, what? You find them at the same wall with two slits. Your chat GPT, what have you trained it to be like? You've managed to make your chat GPT a twat. What are they got different It responds to what it thinks you might like So this is

You've created this absolute fucking You've created this absolute fucking helmet And what are like one of those guys Who goes to get dominated And beaten up by it Maybe I mean I've never known chat GPT to sort of speak like this But anyway, go on

You fire them at the same wall with two slits And suddenly the pattern of the screen behind Looks like stripes Lots of them Why? Because electrons are making waves Not just dots They're interfering with each other Like ripples in a bathtub

So you'll think Thinking, all right Maybe they're messing about with each other In a way Don't let them talk Send them one at a time Amazing idea friend Oh god

You fight them one by one And they still make wave patterns each individual electron behaves like somehow went through both slits at the same time like it's hedging its bets already insane with a question mark so let physicists go right let's watch them put camera on the slips to see which one the elections actually use and the elections go oh you're watching cool cool cool

I'll stop doing magic then now the wave pattern disappears back to two normal boring lines okay I think this is a I think this is sort of a very smart way a washed kettle never boils or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so this guy wants to know how to meet someone, right?

Yeah. I mean, it is hard because, and I actually completely understand with that, like, it'll come along when you least expect it or you're least wanting it. But, and in my case, that was very true, because with caffeine, it was out of nowhere. I feel like an old band talking now about like I never used any apps

and I don't know how any of that stuff would work and I guess I know how it works but I don't know I don't think it would have been a good thing for me apps if I'm honest with you I just don't think and I don't kind of I know that people have some very happy people

have met like that way but I do think like and I think we've said it before is getting out into the world and I guess having new experiences and surrounding yourself somehow with people and just being quite present in situations and and it's a hard thing isn't it because I guess me and you are both in right you you met Lisa at work though right yeah so my meeting with katherine was very like in a situation we're both in the same restaurant at the same time

and it just happened to speak and then from the there, there's, you know, 13, 14 years later, we are where we are. But I guess it is that situation. I don't think the Tall Ross has asked for us to sort of show off about our relationships. No, no, but my point is, it's like, I don't know how these things happen. I think apps are actually quite good because you can lean into them, but I do also understand that they're not always the way for it. It's very hard, isn't it, to sort of, and also, I think, I don't know this is right, but I think the one thing that apps and stuff do is, or this modern world

I think people don't give things a chance necessarily like I think it's very quick a bit like like anything now right like Netflix or any streaming service which they're brilliant for

yeah Disney for many reasons are incredible but also there's a situation where you have everything at your you can watch anything you want at any given second you can start watching it like years ago you go to blockbuster

and you'd rent a river runs through it and even if you got 20 minutes in and go, I'm not really into this film you'd watch it all because you'd rent it the video now we live in a world where you put on the river on through it and you watch 10 seconds and go oh this is it for me and you just don't watch a Batman begins do you know what I mean? Like the world

Are you saying that a river runs through it? But what I'm saying is so what I'm saying is I think I'm probably the river runs through it Right, okay. But my point being is that I think that you, like, actually meeting someone, and everyone says about first impressions, but actually meeting someone and giving someone a chance

and seeing someone three or four times. When I look back and think, like, I think it's a mirror. I don't think you should watch a River Runs through it three or four times, do you? I think it's an incredible film, by the way. I don't want to have used that as like it's a bad film, but it does take some time to get going. Sure. By the way, on this situation, I will say that,

You know when something I, a picture came up of my memories from 10, 10 years ago, right? And I looked at this picture and I was like, why the, how, what was Catherine thinking? Right?

I'm going to show you the picture. This is a picture. It's me and Rod Beckett 10 years, 10 years ago. Looking like Rob Beckett's bodyguard. Yeah. What is that? Where is that?

photo taken. It was like a panel show run through. But look at look at, look at how I'm Kempton. I don't think, I don't, I think you're being harsh on yourself. I think you look lovely. Oh come on. Ron. What? I looked so weird. That was my smile back then.

It's like, what is going on? So I don't, I'm sort of, it's difficult for me to sort of tackle this because to me that's the same blake as I'm talking to right now. Yeah, or maybe, I don't know. My point is, right? That I know for a fact

that with me and Kathy, you know, you meet, you know, and there was something, I guess, more going on, but I think you actually given someone time to get to know someone and going out on a few different, a few different dates. And like you and Lisa, the first time you and Lisa bumped into each other by the, like, coffee machine in the school staff room,

was there sparks? Probably a few. But did it grow over time? Yes. And look at you now. Hmm. Yeah, we're on the other side of it, sort of fewer and fewer sparks. No, I kid, I kid. The thing is, so Tall Walrus, there's a couple of things. You're not really going to like my advice massively, I don't think. But your friends are saying to you, when you don't stop looking,

it'll happen when you least expect it. But the thing is, part of the problem is, first of all over the place here, first of all, you're only 32. I know that feels old to you because you're 32, but you're actually very young. You're a kid, baby. You're too young to be getting panicked about this, I would say. And yes, there are a lot of people that are pairing up

and getting into relationships. But that doesn't mean that you have to be. It happens at different times of different people. Also, you know, you don't have to be in a relationship. We can get pressured into this whole idea of where you're supposed to be hooked up by the time we're in the 30s or forever. You need to, not you need to. I would advise you to get out that mindset.

It doesn't have to be that way. And I'm saying that as somebody that has fallen victim to that, you know, because you feel like having a partner validates you for some reason, but that thinking is not helpful. It doesn't. And, you know, there's lots of people that are in relationships, that they're in relationships because they think they should be and they're not happy. So my first bit of advice for you to be, is to stop.

When I say stop looking, I mean, stop looking for a bit, at least. and allow yourself to press a reset a button in this whole process because it sounds like you're getting frustrated by it and you're getting a bit fed up and that is not putting you in a good position to potentially find a partner. I'd say you've got to like put this on the back burner for a bit and throw yourself into other things.

You know, I would try and, you know, because at the moment it sounds like, you know, you've even listed the things that are going well in your life. So there's all these things that are going positively for you and yet you're sending in an email sort of expressing discomfort or suffering or whatever now I understand why you're doing that

but you've got loads of things going going well for you why are you focusing on the one area that you know to your mind is not going the way you want it to throw yourself into your other stuff you know do some other bits and put this to one side for a bit

and then come back to like you know maybe getting back on the apps and stuff or looking around when you feel a bit more refreshed by it I think that's probably, if you're going into this frustrated, what will start to happen is you go on the day, it won't go well, that'll be another bit of evidence for you that you're supposed to be single and you're going to get pissed off. And then you're in the danger of going down the road of starting to become resentful and a little bit difficult and a bit angry about this whole thing. So try not to go down that route. And what I would say is Tom is absolutely right.

There's loads of studies about the fact that, not loads of studies, but there are things that suggest that we're starting to find people. disposable. You know, you go and meet someone, and because there's loads of people on your app, you give them an hour and then you think there's no point to ever seeing this person again. And actually, as Tom says, there's some value in, you know, seeing how things go. You know, and next thing, you know, if you're lucky, you can trap somebody with three children and then it's very difficult to extricate themselves, you know, that's the dream. But in all seriousness, I would take your mind off it. genuinely take your mind off of it. And I know you don't like that advice, or we probably

won't like that advice, but I genuinely think that's the best thing for you. But good luck to you, Taurus. Taurus, go for it. Hope it goes well. Go for it. Get to know yourself and your roots better with ancestry DNA. Want to know where your family comes from in northern France? Maybe you'd like to see how your genes influence certain traits like diet, fitness and allergies. There's so much of you and your heritage to discover. Visit ancestry.ca and get started with an Ancestry DNA kit today. Okay.

I'm ready for another one? Hit me up, baby. I'm ready. My plate is empty and I need another course. Dear Gary and Stuart. Wow,za. Wow, hello. And this is a King Gary fan.

This is from the irrelevant iguana. Not sure if you two are the same, but every few months I gain an obsession with astrophysics and how our universe works. Well, you're talking to two people that couldn't understand the double slit experiment. Despite the majority of it being quite hard to grasp,

I still find a fascination for it. I find the sheer scale of our universe incomprehensible. It does leave my lying in bed some nights debating how insignificant we are compared to space and time. During these phases, I tend to listen to a lot of star talk.

Neil deGrasse Tyson's podcast and a good question arose from a recent episode if communication wasn't theoretically an issue I call this podcast I just imagine this podcast and feeling incredibly stupid yeah I mean at least for me I know I'm stupid I carried on listening to what went wrong by the way since we started talking about

I've just to quite a few now I just keep thinking why am I not analysing films the way they analyse them why have they understood something in a way that I haven't But also, there's stuff that you could do, they can't. Mate, you're about to go on the West End stage. You're breaking you, do not. Well, look, do not fucking, mate,

if there's anyone I know in the world who is, if you wanted to make a film podcast and sound intelligent, I would go, fucking hell, I'll back that horse. You can do anything you want. Well, that makes this next conversation a lot easier, actually. No, I'm joking. During these phases, I tend to listen to a lot of StarTalk, Neil deGrasse Tyson's podcast,

and a good question arose from a recent episode. If communication wasn't theoretically an issue and you crossed paths with an intelligent life form from another solar system or galaxy, if you could ask one question, what would it be? It's so hard to think of the perfect question as it could change our whole perception of the universe. I think I'd ask what it used to get here

as I'd love to think we could reach another system one day even if it isn't in our lifetime. Thank you, sweet souls, irrelevant to go on. This guy's deep, man. I think he's been on maybe hitting an edible or something before he emailed this. By the way, I love this vibe. Yeah, it's nice, isn't it?

It's good to get a little bit of depth. It's probably actually worth thinking about having a question loaded in your pocket ready for aliens. It's a great shot. Really good shot. Because I would worry that I'd, fuck it. If he was like, you only have one question, you only have one question. Who is that? That's the alien.

Okay. So you think Stephen Hawking's from another planet? No. I just think that's it. I have three or four different alien voices. That's one of them. Okay. Can I hear the others?

I am from a different planet. I like the taste of eggs. And then your other one, please? I am an alien. The form of my life is here. Okay. Okay, good. Sorry.

Yeah, really good. so obviously each different one you probably have a different question in some ways why based on their voice well yeah but also how they look

right that little the inoffensive sort of quite squeaky one is actually sort of quite intimidating looking so it's like not stereotypical

so I think it's good but it's pretty good actually you're right stuff like because you don't want to flunk it out and go oh my God what are you like you want to have something in your head

already so what's the question what do you eat on your your planet. And then what if it says, oh, schmoggles and flangabungs? Then what do you do? Well, I've got another question. I'll go. No, I know. I see a fuck then, aren't you? Yeah, now, I've got

more questions. Yeah, that's true. The idea I think that the task here is to ask a question where the answer to that question and that question alone is revealing. You know what you could do is go, can I ask you a couple of things? Yes.

Good. No, no, no, no. But that's like getting a genie and asking for more wishes. Okay, I'll be the alien I think I should be the alien Okay, you'll be the alien Okay, and then you can be the Ellen I'll ask you a question

Nice to meet you Oh wow, that's a cool voice I'm jimble from Zingle 12 Nice to meet you Where is Zingle 12? Where is single 12? Where is single 12 is in the seventh quadrant Where's the seventh quadrant?

Well, that's all your questions Goodbye, little one Oh, right, yeah. I'm massive, by the way, so you, to me, you're a little one. Yeah, that's, that's quite, that was a nice alien voice, by the way. You fuck that, because I was trying to have a conversation. That's what I mean. Do you know what?

That was my acting ability, because I've actually completely, I was in the scene. Yeah. I was out for a run, because I'm getting ready for the marathon in two years' time, and I bump into this alien. Yeah. Right. Is that true, by the way, what you just said? What?

Are you getting ready for a marathon? No. No, that was my character. Ian Sloan, named after the comedian. Yeah, okay. Named after the comedian. Yeah. Okay.

He's 23. All right, okay. Do you want to try again? Okay. No, you, what, me again? Yeah. Okay, I need to be more bookish. Oh, hello.

Well, you're a big. I'm Rao. Wow, Rao. I've only got one question, but there's so many thoughts I've got. rush you through my mind. Are you male or female, Rao? Are you man or female, Rao? Male.

Oh, wow. Okay. Sorry, I only have one question, Rao, so it's quite awkward now. I mean, it feels weird that you'd only have one question, but... Yeah. It's really strange because,

also, you come across rude. Yeah. I'll see you later then. All right, let's see. Hi, Ian. How did you know my name is Ian? Uh, I know everything. I don't mean to, I don't mean to, I think, it's difficult to not feel insulted when, on a two-person podcast, one of them starts doing a role, play and plays both characters.

Right, now it's your time. You're the, um, okay, so let's imagine it's not just, it's not just one question. I'm going to have, we'll have a conversation, okay. Well, hold up, hold up. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I've just had to do one question. That's what they asked. That's what they've asked. Okay, fine, fine. You can ask some questions, all right? Hello, I'm Rao. Rao! Sorry, I'm just doing a marathon. Yeah, I'm trained to do a marathon in two years.

My name's Ian Stone. Yeah, you really should do like a 16-week player because two years is a long time to be trading for a marathon. Yeah, but I want to be the best of it and try to win the marathon. I don't look, based on what I've studied about human form, It's not in your future to be the very best. Rao, tell me about who you are.

That's a very open question. My name's Rao. I've got two Shillabites. They're called E and Huta. Oh, so, oh, Jesus Christ. Are they your chance? A shillobites, shillabites, you're off- Shillabites.

Shillabites. Are they, are they your children? Shillabites. Oh, God. I feel like we might be having children together with all the saliva I'm covered in. Raoul, what planet do you come from, my fine sir? I'm from planet Mankalang.

is out of this spectrum what what understand is you of spectrum is that from is that from this solar system sir

no of course it's a fucking not how shit sorry I want to talk to intelligent life you're clearly a fucking idiot Okay. That didn't go very well. Okay. That's what I mean. I need to... I actually start thinking about whether there's a world where I need to be more...

Just in case aliens get around here, I need to be a little bit more. Yeah. Yeah, sure. Do you want to quit around at one? Yeah, okay. Well, just quickly, throw me into this. What's your cat? Who are you and what are you? And what are you doing? Okay, my name is Tom Billich. Wow. I work in a butcher shop.

Okay. I've just gone out back to throw out, to put some stuff in the big wheelie bin out of the back that all the rest of all the shops use, and I've bumped into you. Okay. Hello, how are you doing, Mr. Sexy? Hello, are you from another planet?

You bet I am. Oh, my God. You're everything I dreamed you with being more. Hmm. I've got somebody I'd like you to meet, actually. It's called the Tall Walrus. What are you doing with all the blood over your hands? On your stockings.

On my stockings? Yes, your socks Yeah I work in a butcher shop Oh wow That's amazing Are you okay You seem to have got the giggles

Yes I have I'm so happy to meet you I'm excited You wear everything I dreamed you would be more So you dreamed about me before you arrived Yes I want to marry you I run away

Oh. What the fuck was that? It's an alien who's like a love alien. They're in love with people. Okay. All right, fine. Do you have a question for me? Yes.

But if we could steer away from the sex stuff just for a second. Is there lots of life on other planets as far as you're aware? there's only me and my cousin Jim there's only me and my cousin Jim we're the only two people who live there live where it's great on my planet

on my planet Barbacus it's two years it's two like years away from Mars right okay So how many light years would that make it away from Earth? It took me 50 light years to get here. It took you 50 light years to get here,

but your two light years from Mars? Yes. That means it's 48 light years between Mars and here. Well, it depends which way you go. I would run the solar system. I took a long way around. My sup nerve is broken. Okay.

There's so much wrong with what you've just said. Are you really from another place? Because I think you might just be a pervert in an outfit. I need to look more into the world of aliens. I know more about ghosts. I've actually got tears, right there on my face. To Tom's, you're in tears now. Not in tears. Are you in tears?

Is that what you say? In tears? Oh my God, I'm fucking full of all right. Yeah, it made me laugh. Right, okay. Well, look, I think we should do that again, shouldn't me? Yeah. Not the alien stuff, but we should do email.

email. I've really enjoyed the emails. Actually, thank you so much for your emails. Yeah. We're absolutely smashed through them, didn't we did three? Oh, thank you very much, people for listening. Let me just sum up, please, because I need to chip. But it's funny, isn't it? Ghosts, aliens.

All these different things. What do you think about? Do you believe or do you not? out of worldly worldly experiences but actually sometimes it doesn't take aliens or ghosts to step out of your world to step out of your comfort zone

sometimes it's just about challenging yourself I want to shout out someone and give them some props because this week a very special person steps out of their comfort zone out of their universe and into another one I want each and every one of you to send

good vibes and good thoughts to our brother Romish rang and Nathan who this Wednesday and this week starts his Western debut. I'm very, very proud of this guy. I adore this guy, and I have no doubt it's going to be an epic and massive success. It's inspiring, it's amazing

to watch someone who has managed to do some amazing things in his career, but to do something different, takes courage, and sin you. So, Ramesh, I wish you well, my brother. I can't wait to see the show. And more importantly, I can't wait to stand in the audience and give you a sweet, sweet standing o'abreby.

Oh, that's so lovely, man. I can't believe you said that. Well, mate, I love you, man. I'm very proud. I'm very inspired by you, man. It's an inspiring thing, my brother. Oh, thanks, bro. I'm inspired by you, too.

I can't believe you said all that. I love you, man. I love you, too, bro. I couldn't even do the hums in the background. All right, JT. I'd be listening to some old-school hip-hop off the back of watching the Diddy documentary. Oh, God.

I need to watch that. You need to watch it. Watch it before the next episode and then we can talk about it. We'll do a breakdown. But could you play Naturis B.G kicking the door, please. Intribute to the great man.

We'll see you next time. Thanks for sending you emails. Keep sending me and we're going to do another email special. Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye. Yeah, rain on the top with short like leprechauns as I cross so-called Willie's thugs and rapodon. Get in that ass, quick fast like Ramadan.

It's that rap phenomenon. Fuck Papa. You got to. Call me, Francis M.H. White intake, light totes. So iron. What's told in shootouts. Stay low. And keep firing. Keep extra clips for extra shit. Who's next? you, mainly because we don't have any content ideas. Thank you.