Wolf and Owl - S4 Ep 51: ’Twas The Podcast Before Christmas

Episode Date: December 24, 2025

It’s Christmas Eve and the Wolf & Owl are here to kick off your holiday celebrations in style! We’re talking… Rom starting his new West End play, performance nerves and thespian vibes, Tom the nomad, neighbourhood ‘full-fibre’ issues, lost luggage on a festive family trip to Vienna, too many hot dogs at the Christmas market, getting old, bifocal glasses and some classic Christmas films. For questions or comments, please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod TikTok - @wolfowlpodcast YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch & Mailing List - https://wolfandowlpod.com A Mighty Ranga Production For sales and sponsorship enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Yo, yeah, what do you want, beak or jaws, feathers or fur, sharp teeth or feet with claws, whatever's preferred, they'll grant you all last request to steady your nerves, then podcast the body parts get severed and served. Bring your weak shit, where the wolf and owl are. That ain't just a mistake, that's an awful howler. Both of them are known to pull up at your shows, have the crowd witnessing a murder like they rolled in with a gang of crows. Fuck their censorship, let them see the whole thing. They stay dressed to kill, never sheep's clothes. dark enough to turn the sun to the moon You'll see nothing All your ears are huffer puff and a Expect killings, red spilling and flesh ripping

Impressive in it The death bringing its head spinning Just kidding every word in his song's about two grown men Dressed up as a bird and a dog Merry Christmas Merry Christmas friends Christmas Eve brother It's the Christmas Eve episode

of the wolf and fucking owl. What's up? Oh, mate. Are you feeling Christmas here, brother? I mean, obviously, it's Christmas Eve, but are you not? It's the least, it's the least Christmas. Well, I might be feeling Christmas, I might be, I might be, I might be feeling Christmas, I might be feeling Christmas Eve, but currently, not particularly. You'll be, are you working Christmas Eve?

Oh, yeah, boy. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'll be, I'll be, uh, treading the boards. for a little Christmas performance of a, yeah, anyway, so I was going. How are you feeling? How is the play? Because you're now performing in front of actual audiences. Yeah, yeah. How's it going? Yeah, good, good, I think. You know, it's the first time I've been nervous in 12 years, probably.

What really? About doing something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I just don't, yeah, it's just kind of, I'm not nervous now. That's gone now. But the first few performances, I was like, I feel like nerves doing everything, stand up, acting. I know, I feel like self-doubt and the lack of ability and all of those things and imposter syndrome. But there's no point getting nervous about that.

That is what it is. Whereas this is someone, I was just like, you know, if you do stand-up, you want the show to go well. But at the end of the day, you sort of back yourself to be able to rescue it whatever happens because it's just you. you know even if you even if you shat yourself you'd be able to make something of that

wouldn't you? Do you know what I mean? I mean don't get me wrong arguably I've made a whole fucking too short tours out of shit myself in very yeah but you don't want to obviously you don't want that you're not going on going I hope I can create

some material by shitting myself yeah but you could do something whereas I think if I shat myself in the play it'd be a very different proposition how does it work in a playwright because I'm interested you've literally got it's like a boxing match you've got to be on you can't coast it at all can you no don't think well i mean the problem is if you coast it you're slightly off it affects

it affects someone else yeah but also it no but just like you've got to be so ready for your line or yeah like a reaction you can't just no for example like acting on like screen is slightly all right if it's someone else is single you're obviously giving giving it something, not 100%. Yeah, but also the other thing is, it's like you're only, with, I mean, I know there are exceptions to this and there are long scenes and stuff, but generally speaking, your levels of concentration

don't have to be, you don't have to be concentrating for that amount. You do your scene and then you're done. Yeah, and then you do it again. So you're switching on and off. Whereas with the play, the whole time you're on, you've got to be in the moment. And then if you start thinking about, not that you would do, but if you, if you lapse at all,

then you're not in the scene, so that's, that's kind of... That would be my worry is that I've got such a... I would just start thinking about, like, something... Like, I wonder why that guy's got an ACDC t-shirt on. Yeah, I mean, that's tricky. One of the biggest issues in theatre is people wearing ACDC t-shirts. It's a fucking bug bear of everyone in the West End. Are you like a West Ender now?

Like, you're in the fact that you could... Is there a bar you all go to, or is there someone you'll hang out after the show? You get like, you get like memberships at clubs and stuff like that by being. Do you really? Yeah. Oh my God. Have you been 20? No.

No. Oh, I would love to just see you sort of in your like Schiltzscarf, just sort of like coming in going. Act three was an absolute dilemma. Well, do you know the bloody, do you know the bloody thing is? Is I supposed to, it's supposed to be quite an emotional scene. But I said, I just thought, fuck it. Let's play it as a farce. And bizarrely, it worked better.

Barney wasn't happy, but Barney never is. The thing is I didn't warn him. I just thought, let me just play it like this and see what happens. He was absolutely fucking furious, which actually bizarrely helped because my character was playing off his anger. Another gin and tonic, Ramesh?

Yes, please. And it's Ramesh. As I say, every evening when I'm in here. That would kind of be the thing that if you're going to do it, I guess, like that West End sort of, like, being an actor's actor, Thespian.

I mean, even with the way I've got to have my hair and facial hair is making me look more and more sort of I don't know, man, I think you look drippy as.

Do you like it? You look cool, bro. Yeah, you look sick, so yeah, I'm doing that. I'm doing eight shows this week. Well, I'll be in the middle of it. The Christmas, yeah,

but you get Christmas Day off, right, and then boxing days. Boxing day back on it, back on the ground. You know what I mean? Just out there, fucking, story telling, bro.

You know one of the nice experiments? Just tell the stories. Christmas, when you in the whole theatre company will turn around and go and Merry Christmas everyone and that'll be beautiful at the end

Are you under the impression that I'm doing a production of Snow White and the Seven Dwarth No, but you will say that as a... Yeah, backstage, we're not going to say at the end of the play mate, you should, by the way, someone should people are there, it's Christmas Eve.

I know, it's just got to get a mic and go, yo, yo, by the way, have an awesome Christmas everyone. Sorry, Sheridan, I know that's quite an emotional scene, I've got to say, big up yourselves this Christmas. No, don't do it during the fucking show. But at the end of the show, when you're doing your big boughs, because I've seen the boughs, like, you just do the whole,

yo, by the way, Rames Rangelaytham here, have an amazing Christmas everyone. That would be great. The whole Christmas day will be spent absolutely anxious that I've fucked off the entire production. Come back in on Boxing Day, just hiding in my dresserum. Ramesh, can we have a quick word, please? about what happened a couple of days ago.

How is there, do you have your own dressing room? Oh, nice man. Now that shared shit for you. I don't know if, well, yeah, I'm not sharing. Some people are sharing, but I'm not. What have you, have you made it your own, like sort of like a lazy boy in there? Yeah, well, Lisa got me like a little, she got me some cushions and a dovo and stuff. A little blanket?

Not a duvet, like a little blanket thing. Proper Josh Whitaker vibes. Yeah, it is a little bit, yeah. He loves that, didn't he? A little bed. And then I've got some, like, snacks and, you know, I take some snacks in and stuff like that. Vegan, candy kittens?

Yeah, that's, yeah, you know me very well. I got some candy kittens in there. And yeah, Jamie Lang doing this thing. Yeah. Yeah, just spit some pieces, really. I haven't really made it home. You know, some of the podcasts have really, like, they've made their dressing rooms.

There's a magic touch to what they're doing. They've made it really homely in their dressing. rooms whereas I don't have that yeah I don't have that ability or inclinate not inclination I would if I could but I can't I'm a slight nomad anyway so I just always think I'm sort of kind of

like even when I'm yeah like I can rubble without a cause it's so do you know what you said rebel without a cause to try and make it out like you're doing a bit but when you said nomad it was very serious so don't try and fucking undercut it now

okay you said nomad without thinking that came from your heart and then you thought oh my god i can't believe i've said fucking nomad i've got to try and make this into a thing no no no no there's an element of me that is a nomadical do what way like i've i've moved a lot i uh yeah i don't have like you know i've moved i think me and katherine have moved 13 times in like 13 years it's like we're in written as protection okay you're a fucking mongolian tribe okay what's happened is your earnings have gone off and you've decided to move accordingly don't start

fucking pretending like it's because you can't make home of wherever you are because your spirit is constantly wandering no more than home for me is just in the heart

I know with my heart No it isn't No it isn't particularly not now the amount of money you've sunk into that castle No but like you know

my trailer on set If I'm in my trailer on set up Yeah every actor has just a trailer on set top No but I don't put pictures up And nobody does In a trailer

Might they do? Well, a couple of people do, but most people don't. Can I say some people, on this job, I've just done, quite a lot of people put pictures up to get into their character. That's a good idea. Yeah. When do you see people like that? Do you just sort of think, oh, that's a real,

that somebody's got a real process there, haven't they? I just look at it and think that's somebody who's a lot better at this job than I am. Do you think so? Somebody's got their shit together a lot better than I have. Yeah, but then I saw that clip of that Brian Cox thing. He does that acting master class. not downloaded the classes, but in the advert he just goes, just say your lines

and don't bump into the furniture. Yeah, but Brian Cox is pretty amazing. Also, Brian Cox is so high-end. He also gets to have an innate talent. Yeah. Also, say your lines, don't bump into the furniture. Oh, by the way, it helps if you're a generational talent. Yeah.

And also, if you've got that, what Brian Cox has got as well is a like a complete, like, belief in himself. Like, there's no sort of, like, no, I, Brian Cox could die on stage every night in theatre for 20 years and he'd still think it was someone else's fault. Do you what I mean? He's so fucking confident and so great at what he does.

He is, like, literally hanging on to the tiny, fucking, the tiny essence of, like, any kind of amplitude or fucking confidence that we do. Like, I can have one line or a spit of a scene that goes wrong. I'm tortured for days. Yeah. Anyway, if you're wondering, we're very much full of the old Christmas spirit here.

at Wolf and Our Towers. Can I just share? I don't like to complain. Yeah. Oh, don't know. This will be a complaint episode. Okay. Everybody can tuck in then.

I phoned Sky because my internet continues to be a shit show. So I'm on the phone to Sky. I don't know how much of this story I've shared. I'm on the phone to sky. This is maybe four months ago, three months ago, something like that. End of the summer vibes. And I said to them, look, my internet has just not been right the whole time. I mean, problems doing my podcast, or TV's a bit of it.

You know, the kids are trying to play FIFA. I didn't get into those specifics, but anyway, I just said it's a problem. The kids have been on at me all the time about it, right? In a nice way, because they're not rude. But, like, they're just sort of... They're lovely boys. Well, right. Yeah. One of them was like, this is a nightmare.

And he goes, but I'm not having to go at you. I'm not having to go at you, Dad. I know it's not your fault. It's very sweet, but angry. You know what, by the way, you know what's happened there? What? Is that they kicked off about it going, when's Dad going to sort this out?

And Lisa's gone, look, your dad is struggling at the moment where he's got a lot going on and don't make him feel bad. Whenever he calls Sky and he thinks they're his friends because he works with them, but they're sort of letting him down a bit. So don't make him feel bad. On this podcast, can I just say, I don't like you to report exact truth,

if that's okay just I'd love a little bit of distance just going forward if you don't mind you know anyway so I phone sky and I tell them this

and they go oh god we're really sorry they go have you thought about getting full fibre because that'll make your internet a lot faster I said okay that sounds good can I get that

and they go yeah we'll book you an appointment the nearest appointment is three weeks time so I go okay so I say to the kids big announcement you can imagine

now I've done it yeah gather the whole family rounds We're getting full fibre It's going to be absolutely sick Three weeks later The guy turns up And he goes

Can I have a look around I go yeah, I said it all up Offer him a cup of tea All of that I've learnt my lessons from me And he says to me Oh Why did you ask for full fibre

I said well they offered it to me He goes well you've not got the set up for it You can't have full fibre The infrastructure is not here to have full fibre So go okay I said well they're the ones that said have full fibre fibre I was very calm and he said yeah I don't know why they've done that you can't have full fibre the the the the cabling's not here for you to have full fiber in their

neighbourhood and he goes I'll put a note on it to um is you American no am I doing an American accent no just like the neighbourhood oh yeah yeah I don't know why I said neighbourhood sorry sorry I don't know I said that on the street I should say it was Spider-Man by the way it was uh I guess he's really good at um Robert De Niro doing your... He's good at getting up the poles in that, Spider-Man. You... You got a fucking...

You got a fucking problem. There's no way you're getting... There's no way you're getting fibre in your neighbourhood, man. Yeah, okay. I'm sorry. All right. I feel like we've... We've squeezed the juice out of that, haven't we? So anyway, he says...

He goes, you haven't got full fibre in your neighbourhood. In your neighbourhood. In your neighbourhood. So then he goes, I'll put a note on the thing. And we'll get it. sorted out and I go how long will this take I didn't say it like that how long do you think this might take and I go are we talking months he goes no two weeks

I guess maybe two three weeks two fucking weeks you're the whole neighbourhood I guess like two three weeks you have full fibre anyway three weeks passed I send another guy the guy turns up because you can't have full fibre you don't have it in your neighbourhood and I go okay I said I was told this three weeks ago and he goes let me put a note on it to get your full fibre fitted

So then a few weeks go by They send another guy The guy goes You can have full fibre You haven't got it in your neighbourhood So I go okay I said this is the third time I've been told this

So then Sky said to me We sent some paperwork round To your Because we have to access another place In order to put it in your neighbourhood So we've And that paperwork hasn't come back And then I go okay

And then they send me another message And they go Is it possible to chase this paperwork. And I said, yeah, who is it? And they go, we're not allowed to tell you data protection. So it's somebody near you hasn't returned the paperwork, but we can't tell you who that person is. I said to him, so am I supposed to go round to all of my neighbours saying, have you had a letter from Sky? Do you know what it's ridiculous? And they go, yeah, it is ridiculous, but that's what we have to do. So could you, you could say, by the way,

I'm not sure I can anything. They know this. They know all of this. Yeah. They know all of this. A couple of your biggest shows. They know all of this. They know all of this. They've mentioned it in the emails, right? Anyway, long story short, after three months of this sending people around going,

you're not got full fibre in your neighbourhood, in your neighbourhood, in your neighbourhood, right? And this thing about the paperwork, they've now, because they've not had the paperwork back, timed out the response, stopped the full fibre instalment. I'm now back to where I was four months ago. Or however long ago they started.

Oh, gosh. Oh gosh. I haven't told the kids yet, Tom. I don't want to ruin their Christmas. They think the neighbourhoods are about to get... What the fuck happened? What the fuck is going on? Have you not seen this?

Yeah, I have seen it, but why did it zoom out so much? I don't know, because dramatic. That's a dramatic moment. Anyway, that's where I'm out of my internet. I don't know what to do, man. Can I just say, by the way, you're coming into prime streaming time as well, right? Christmas. Yeah, I get that, yeah.

I understand that, yeah. Everyone's got new games. Yeah. Yeah, everyone wants to watch stuff. Do you know, I mean? Like, it's difficult times. Difficult Christmas. Right now, as you're listening to this,

if anyone's listening to this on Christmas Eve, I might be crying because I'm not able to get the entertainment required to my family. Also, you won't be there on Christmas Eve. That's true. That's a silver line. Poor Lisa will have to deal with it. Yeah, yeah, I suppose it. So that is a Christmas miracle in a way.

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Anyway, what do you want to complain about, Tom? Oh, bro. So the Vienna trip. Oh, I have been, I've got this second hand. But tell us about you Vienna trip, Tom. Okay. So for Grace's birthday this year, we were going to take her to Vienna. To have her overcomes the disappointment of the cake?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's not go back into the cake. I'm still in the doghouse for that. So we're going to go to Vienna. We've heard nice things. Look, Christmas market vibe. She's very very excited. Kids love Vienna, famously.

Anyway, go ahead. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, she's very much into that sort of part of Europe. Yeah, she loves that. She loves that sort of, that style of Europe. She's into very much into classical as well, isn't she? She loves a lot of shit. Yeah, yeah, she loves Mozart and Bait Oven and all that sort of stuff.

So Saturday morning, we arrive at the airport, very excited to go. Which airport is? She's absolutely buzzing. Heathrow, Heathrow. Big shout out of Heathrow. we get through to the gate and we're told at the gate that our flight has been cancelled

there's a problem with the stairs apparently look I will say this as there are a lot of people complaining and shout and I was like look it's much better to have a flight cancelled while I'm saying go wrong mid-air and you know if it would be land somewhere

with the stairs? Yeah I mean but I don't know I was trying You're finding a silver lining yeah I'll get that Yeah but also I was like Really positive really good from you I would say throughout all this.

I don't want to, I'd seen some news of a friend of both of ours that had put something up over the, before the weekend or the early part of Saturday. And it was, it put a lot of stuff into context for the whole of this story. And I won't get into the deal because it's not really fair of me, but it's someone we both know. And so I kind of had that in the back of my mind. So I was like, look, and the people at BA were like, we can't get, there's not room on any other flights directly. flights but we could fly you to Brussels and from Brussels you go to Vienna so I was like

cool like let's just turn this into a bit of an adventure we'll go to Brussels or go to yeah um and I would say that we I sold this to the family as being an adventure I've very much hyped it up really good look really good um and that that kind of work to pitch it to me pitch to me I'll be cat okay okay so Catherine's very much like well to be fair Catherine was trying to be positive I'm like look all right look We want to go to Vienna. Hold on. Tom, so excited to get to Vienna.

Oh, you seem like you're being very Lisa-esque. Well, you know. I'm just... I should tell you, by the way, that... I cannot wait to take your big ass to Austria. Yeah. Well, first news is we only have one double bed for the three of us. Just how I like it.

the third wheel being our daughter keep talking maybe we shouldn't have gone to wether spoons before we got a much flight those three points of Stella really seemed to have not you bandy so I was like look we go to Brussels

we fly to Brussels it's not going to be too much for mission it's like an hour flight then we have a little bit of a weight over and then we fly to Vienna Great. Great to have a stop over before Vienna. Makes sense. Yeah. Even though Vienna's only an hour and a half flight in itself. Perfect. So, but I was like, yeah.

So the gloss of that. How long are you due to spend in Vienna, by the way, Tom Davis? We're there from Saturday through to Tuesday. Okay, fine. So I'm like, yeah, because Grace's face, by the way, when the fight was cancelled and I heard, and Catherine and Gracea Turk talking, and the guy kind of muffled command and, you know, the fight. been cancelled and the guys next to me went oh my god the flight's been cancelled

and i went the flight's been cancelled and katherine was like what and then grace went are we not going to vienna well she she's got a trouble at the moment pronouncing her vs and her fs okay so she goes are we not going to beena and we're not going to bina and we're not going to bina so i gave i was like no look we're going to get there so this all felt like a great plan up until we sort of we've been in Brussels for three hours and walking around the airport

and the gloss was slightly slightly sort of falling off there's not much going to Brussels are you going to Brussels airport yeah Brussels airport and there's not a lot you can do in an airport aside eat and just sort of walk around

and sort of go to this you know they let us go to the lounge which was actually by I say by the way Brussels Airport lounge is absolutely incredible there you go beautiful lounge lovely but not a lot for of sort of four-year-old to do. So, and now she's getting, now she's starting to get tired and a bit angsty.

And we also know we've got another hour and a half flight to get to Vienna. Sure. We get on this flight to Vienna from Brussels and we're joined by someone else who's also going through the same thing as us. So she sits with us. Is everybody quite stressed at this stage? No, literally a lot of putting, it was literally us, another couple, and this one other woman who are in the same predicament

that have all been put on this. And has everybody been quite a silver lining about it? Everyone else on the flight, apart from that, it literally just people from Brussels flying to Vienna. Right. So this woman is like, she said, I've been to Brussels seven times in the last seven years. I go over a year.

I love Brussels. Then she sort of goes into a lot of her family history, talking about a guy that she sort of goes, holiday with who sounds of might be a married man and stroke fuck buddy um but sort of yeah um i said oh you and blah blah friends and she said well friends who share a room and i was like okay come um and then she was sort of saying that he doesn't like coming now because she spends all of she spent 1,500 quid the year before on stuff at the christmas market by the way i won't get into Christmas markets kind of thing if you spend

50 enough to look you've certainly got too much Christmas markets it's just literally a load of tap yeah there's it's like yeah it's food you shouldn't eat and stuff I mean you're traveling to Vienna specifically

for the Christmas market so it feels weird to be trash yeah but if I'm honest with you yeah one of the things we've realized is we could have just got gone to winter wonderland yeah absolutely and you had a bit of better time anyway carry on so and we wouldn't have had this story. Anyway, she's then on the plate and she's selling it up and she's selling it up and she's like Vienna's this and Vienna's that. And by the way, I will shout

Vienna as one of the most beautiful cities. Oh, it's amazing man. I did a gig there recently it's great. Yeah, it's beautiful. It's beautiful city. Direct flight, beautiful, really smooth. So she starts getting more and more, like really selling how amazing it is and telling us where to go and all the things to do. Catherine's doing that thing of sort of pretended to make notes on her phone, but I could see that she was sort of logged into the Wi-Fi looking at one email on Instagram. But then I made a joke and I said

she was like, and you know, we'll be there in no time. I said, yeah, the only thing is yeah, what happens if, yeah, cases, everything's been a bit. Yeah. And she went, there'll be no way they can't lose that case. They won't lose that case. And she was very chill about it. She's very like they do it this all the time. I'm like, cool, okay.

Did this really happen? Because can I be honest with it? It feels like, if If I was writing this story, this would be a bit of foreshadowing. It feels very obvious to me. No, no, no. This did happen. This conversation actually happened because I think we all now know where this is going. Can I just say, by the way, for the whole thing, I'm sat like this, having to talk to her, she's sat behind me.

I can give you her name, but I'm trying to learn from my wrongs in the past. It shouldn't be difficult to not give me her name. But anyway, go on. Yeah, no, but her name actually, I think is the perfect name for this character. All right. Yeah. All right, carry on. Right.

Well done by the way resisting that urge. Anyway, go. You complete that. Anyway, we land. I wonder what's going to happen? The baggage carousel. Well, at first two bags out of Grace and Catharines. Great.

Great news. Very excited, and then we wait and we wait. And my bags nowhere to be seen. Bags nowhere to be seen. And the other couple that we've flown was bags nowhere to be seen. So there's a certain amount of animosity aim to be seen. towards Catherine and Grace, whose bags are there out of the people,

mainly from me. And this is also his guy from New York, who was very, like, he, again, was very open about his, you know, his family history, which I think maybe lent into sort of Nazism. He'd gone to live in his, yeah, his family, yeah, in 1940s,

moved to New York, or 46, whatever. And he was quite sort of proud to be, back there and but very he said there's only one thing we can do

we gotta go over to the oh I think I know this guy I tried to put in my

sky so he goes over right and he talks Viennese Austrian German so straight German

talks Vienes so that's a beautiful language Viennese He turns around to the ladies And he's talking in German Austrian

And he turns around And says his bag's in the airport Everyone's He said my bag somewhere in the airport They're going to find it He walks off And everyone's pumped Because they think

Oh our bags are somewhere here And he comes walking back As we're all With his bag Everyone's cheering Yeah And then Goes to the front of the line

and says, is my bag here as well? And they said, oh no, your bag wasn't put on in Brussels. And shit goes from probably the most

sort of three mild-mannered person maybe I've ever met to literally puff daddy rage. Really? Like she goes fucking, she went, she went,

what's the fuck are you talking about? You've lost my fucking bag. Are you fucking joking? Slams a counter. Me, Catherine and Grace and this other couple are all looking at each other. What the fuck

it's just happened here? She went, what am I supposed to wear the same knickers now for four or five fucking days? And the woman went, oh, I'm sorry. I'm here with my friend with benefits.

She, by the way, we're going to be getting very mucky. By the way, in Austria, none of the shops are open on a Sunday. Perfect. They can't shop.

So, yeah. She then has this peak rage. And I tried to calm her down. And I'm like, yeah, this isn't actually the effort like that

it's an error of baggage handlers but it's not actually the women here like, you know just and she was like well what do you fucking know you've never been to Vienna

and I was like what I don't think this is like a situation yeah I don't think you need to be an expert in Vienna to understand the ramifications of your luggage going missing

but anyway thanks actually I'm glad you gave the name actually yeah but she then yeah has like and then she's in tears

and people are controlling her. I wish I'd known that before I went in. Okay, go on. Jesus Christ. Anyway, go on. But she was trying, obviously, she tried to hold it all together for us on the plank. Yeah.

She'd been almost like our sort of beacon of hope. And now all the pressure of that had just sort of sort of comes to, you know. Anyway, I then get to the front of the queue and she's still standing there sort of shivering and sort of like, you know, yeah, angry. crying that kids do.

Yeah. It's sort of like, yeah. The moment's sort of not quite over. What's Grace doing all of this for the way? Grace is climbing on the carousels, pretending to do farts. We decided in Brussels to give her quite a lot of sugar,

some waffles and grapes. And then on the airplane, at one point she was crying, so we gave her some more sweets to sort of keep her boyed up. And by this point, I think she was probably delirious. Catherine on the other hand

was sort of glugging on a from a bottle of red wine that we'd been given on the plane as a sort of apology and sort of almost just given up the ghost of this

anything good happening so yeah and then I was sort of just trying to sort of keep the peace between that and also of course of course yeah it was a lot

and the woman said so I get to front of you and the woman says oh your bag is somewhere in the airport that's exciting and I'm like wow Okay, and it was actually put on Carousel 11 by mistake.

So I sprint as quick as I can to Carousel 11, which actually didn't need sprinting because it was just outside the place where it was. Yeah, okay. And Carousel 11, there's nothing there. There's no bags or anything. I go back and so there's no bag there, and everyone looks ashen,

and they're like, oh, that came out on that carousel. And then they talk in Austrian-Viennese a little longer. Which actually, by the way, during this conversation, I've looked up, and there is actually a dialect, a Viennese dialect. Okay. If you're not laughing, you're learning. You're certainly not laughing on this at.

But anyway, go on. Well, hopefully you're learning. And then she comes forward and she's like, yeah, the chance that your bag could have been sort of taken. Fucking hell. I'm like, what do you mean? And she was like, maybe my mistake or maybe. I don't even wait for my bag's been stolen.

Grace's presence room, it's gracious birthday. It's a greatest presence through in my bag. I try to hold my shit together and not start crying. Well done. By this point, it's 1 a.m. in the morning. What? I've been traveling. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We've been traveling since 7 o'clock was our flight from Heathrow. So it's 1 a.m. now. Okay. And I'm just standing looking at the woman. So then she sort of decides, she says, look, we can look through all of the lost baggage rooms. So we go into the lost baggage rooms, which I don't know if you've ever been to a lost baggage in a fucking depressing place.

It's just a sea of cases that will never It makes sense. It's a lost baggage room. But anyway, go on. Yeah. There's three of these. I wasn't expecting penguins. I go to all three.

There's just, yeah, but I'm like, these are people's things, people's belongings, people's memories. Yeah. And they've all lost their tax.

There's creepy photos in that photo of that car graveyard in China. Yeah. Oh God. Yeah. Like that. It is like that. I mean,

straight away now I'm nearly in tears. Yeah. And you know what it taught me? Big lesson for everyone. Have a fucking suitcase that's moving. I've just got a plain old black suitcase. Have a suitcase, like a zebra print or like

leopard print. Don't everyone do that because then no. Like purple with green or paint your suitcase or carousel. It's like a safari. You know what could be good? I think what could be a good thing is if you know like passports, all our suitcases have our faces on. It's not, I mean it's not, I was about to

ridicule it. It's not the worst idea. I know, but then there's no missing. Do you know what I mean? And if you leave the, if you leave the airport with someone else's suitcase, they go, hey, that's not your suitcase. Yeah. Yeah, I get what, yeah, I get what of this. Yeah. Also, will I say, I will say, I'll never ever travel without putting an apple hair tag in

my suitcase. Yeah, okay. After this dilemma. Anyway, we go through it, there's no luck for the suitcase and she sort of is, she's like, I think it's yeah, it's been taken. So I sort of like, I'm like, okay, I'm still trying to be positive. I'm still like, okay, fine, okay, this isn't the end of the world.

Sunday, I'm going to have to wash my pants in the sink tonight and Sunday night. and then I'll get shots are open Monday. You don't have to sign it for the podcast. No, I did watch my. You just keep wearing them. It was one of the bleakest things. Yeah, I had to sleep naked in the bed.

It was like, I'm not a sleep naked kind of guy. I mean, I managed, this is awful. There was some lost property at the hotel, and I managed to get some old Boris Adortment shorts to sleep in the second night. Which isn't even my German. team but I didn't really feel yeah anyway Sunday an amazing day but I'm in the same clothes we're we're doing our thing and a nice day and then Sunday night I get

and every I talked to the concierge at the hotel and they're like we don't you know we don't think your your case will show but there's no way of tracking it either turns up or it doesn't I kind of just then write it off they slipping in a character like that in the yeah yeah they were they were hoping to get into the theatre but I can't see the chances to lieley and then um and then we bumped into dc in Vienna who's still raging um she's also washed her knickers uh you had the range to meet you just bumped into it no we bumped into her yeah at the christmas market uh anyway seven o'clock that night i get a call from it was like pretty cool actually it was like

an unlisted number i get a phone call i answer and it's like we've found your case we're driving it to your hotel now. I cried with, if this was it on Grace's birthday, I just dropped my knees almost so it's so fucking relieved. Where was the case? The case had,

I don't know, they didn't go into, it had been somewhere at the airport. It's fallen off the back of the luggage carousel thing or whatever. I was over the moon. It was like,

I celebrated with a hot dog and a sort of like spiced apple drink. And it was literally, we had another guy on the carousel. We went, oh man the carousel in vienna can i say by the way vienna beautiful clean lovely city i love vienna it's an amazing right what a city i love it it's a great city and and the people there

i've got to say what amazing just can't do enough for you a good place to be uh and actually run as a beautiful like the disparity between rich and poor is so so minimal there people have looked after good social housing i would i would what i would do before you start bandying around comments like that. Just maybe do a bit of fucking research, all right? No, this is what I said. Okay, all right. Well, let's not go along with what somebody

who's just gone to Vienna with their fuck buddy says. You frequently get these comments straight about it. There's no poverty. That's what I love about it. There's no poverty. Well, not for you. Just, you know. Let's let's let's look this up.

All right. Just have a look at, see, that disparity between... All right. Oh, do you know what? Go on. I take it back, Tom. Go on. Vienna is internationally recognised for his extensive social welfare system.

And it's a unique housing model that prevents the typical stigmatisation of the poor found in other major cities. Wow. Wow. Okay, so shit was right. Do you know what? I'm sorry. Queen's... In the winter of 24-25, the city created a thousand additional emergency places. Wow.

Well, shout out here. Helps low-income house sales with utility bills through programs like energy assistance. We could learn from Viennes, huh? Your Viennese, the old Austrians. Oh. I mean, there is still poverty there. Sorry, I mean, we shouldn't... Let's not make it like it's a utopia.

But it sounds like they're doing something's right. I'll tell you what I do right, mate, is sweet treats. Yeah, how'd you get on with the pastries? Mate, I mean, I reckon I've put on about a stone when I was out there. The thing is, I consoled myself in food completely. Well, you're not drinking, are you? No, that's my... Yeah, but even when I was drinking, I'd still eat a load of.

Catherine said, you haven't got to have a hot dog every time we walk past a hot dog stand in Vienna. Like, in a Christmas market, in a town that is known, or a city that's known mainly for sausages, they're not going to run out of sausages. What are the other than? Were they incredible? Oh, incredible. We bumped into a guy that we'd seen on the plane, the same guy with the case.

And he made a joke of going, every time I see you're eating. I was like, oh, God. But there's so many delicious foods to try. Yeah, sure. Yeah, so. It's a really, yeah. So you had a good time in the end?

Mate, do you know what? I made it, I was like nothing's good. I want this to be an amazing. And look, you know, I'm loath to do your job for you, but, you know, things get difficult. You keep your spirits up. And in the end, you have a lovely family magical time. And isn't that really what Christmas is all about, guys? Well, mate, it's you muddle through the best you can.

You put a smile on someone's face and you eat a shit, tongue. There's nothing else. I do, I am quite worried now that, yeah, a little. lot of hard work that I did earlier this year has completely been in the last sort of three months completely just ripped the shreds. Don't worry, don't start getting all about that. Oh no no no but yeah anyhow no it was a lovely time. Anyway I just a couple of things one are not a couple of things I watched home alone again last night with the kid with chisel charlie yeah and Lisa um do you remember the storyline I'd forgotten this storyline do you remember the storyline where he goes to church on the day that

You know, the burgers say they're going to come around at home? We watched it. We watched it in Austria. Oh, right. So he goes to church, right? And then he bumps into his neighbour that he thinks it's a weird old man. And then the neighbour says, oh, you know, there's a lot of stories about me. They're not true or whatever. So then he goes, you know, I've not spoken to my son. He goes, you should get in touch to your son.

And then after his mum comes back, he looks out the window and his next door neighbor's like... How could you have forgotten about that? I forgot that storyline, man. It's one of the best moments of the whole film. Oh, my God. It got me right. The music's playing. Oh, my God.

It's got me right in the... Yeah. And then the best bit of it all, Buzz. What are you doing my room? Yeah. The other one of the bits I really don't like is Kevin's reaction to Buzz's girlfriend.

Why? Well, that was someone. That was a picture of someone. That was a picture of like an actress or someone that they got. Yeah, yeah. And she, like, the thought that she, they took that picture I mean, I think too much about it. And then, yeah.

I mean, hopefully they said, oh, look, this is what the joke is. Well, I think a lot of people, you know, I had a similar thought when I was watching, what's that one with DeVito and Broderick, the Christmas Lights one, yeah. Christmas Lights one, yeah. So the very opening gap. I mean, to be fair, I think both Broderick and DeVito

would sort of be quite happy if you'd never mention that movie, two of our greatest actors. So there's a bit right at the beginning, in where Matthew Bodrick's he's an optician and he's got the thing over the big machine, the lens

thing over the woman's face and he goes, you need to wear glasses. There's like a funny gag about, she goes, I don't want to wear glasses and he goes, she goes, I don't need glasses, he goes, you need binoculars, but we're going to settle for glasses. And he's got the machine in front of her face. And then she goes, I don't want glasses to make me look old

and then he moves the machine away immediately and it's an old brinkly woman. So the gag is, that's obviously what they're going is like in the script it's written he moves the thing away I guess

and so she's just gone in knowing that her face is going to be the punchline yeah but that happened back in the day it used to happen a lot with people in

like ugly person walks in or mate I've I told you the Sopranos thing like when they made the Sopranos movie I got a casting call for it and my agent at the time was like there's a part in this movie

we think you'll absolutely I was like I think this guy I think this guy did by my sky. My New York references. There's a part I think you'll absolutely fucking slay, man. There's parts for you. And he sent me the sides. And the sides were for like a sort of,

you know, a very peripheral character within the crew. And it was like, Johnny Walks in a Room. It's like, you know, I can't remember the Mini Saints in Newark film. Johnny Walks in a Room. I can't remember this character's name. It's something like, you know, Johnny Walks in the Room. he's overweight and greasy he's disgusting

he's the most joke he's the butt of all the jokes within the crew and then it's sort of like literally like a sea of people talking and saying that Johnny's fucking disgusting and overweight and this is the part

that my agent at the time fucking sold it he's like it's part of it's for you man it's written for you I was like written for me yeah but you're like someone did that role

do you know what I mean it's like those things are sometimes I had a film part where they said they were a massive fan Have I told this story? No, no, go, go. It was one of the guys, not Kevin Smith, the other guy from Jay and Silent Bob.

Oh, wow, yeah, yeah, yeah. So he was doing a film. Says everything we need to know about him. Yeah, so. The other guy. A lot of people say that about me within this podcast. The other guy he does it with, he's like a dog or something. He goes, they go, he's a big fan of your comedy.

He said you don't need to read for this part. you've just got the part so I go okay that sounds exciting they send me the script his character goes into a shop and then I come out and go oh you bloody bastard what are doing in my fucking shop

you shit something like that you are joking I'm not joking I'm not joking I'm not joking oh my god so I don't think I'm going to do this part thank you very much for the offer

I was like are they big fans yeah huge fans of my comedy are they really to what I do? And they thought this is what? They love the Indian accent stuff. Oh,

fucking hell. Anyway. By the way, you're talking about I had an eye test. My eyes have deteriorated insanely. Really? Like, mate, they're talking about me having to get verifocals.

Oh, the old sound boy Dennis has got verifocals, isn't it? mate i'm like i don't know if that's that those ones are not you got to read like that yeah yeah i'm absolutely like i spoke to a guy who's been very very helpful um from lensology and he was like i'm saying a company because he's been and he was like look i think i've looking at your test and you think i think they're up selling you the verifiable because i don't think you need them for a year or so but it's coming down the line and i was like how of my eyes deteriorated this much lovely

guy. Is that aging, right? Yeah, age, yeah. But like in a year, I get my artist every year they're like, here's the thing about aging. So the play I'm in, we're just backstage more in one of the dressing rooms.

You're all hanging out in the same dressing room at times? Sometimes, yeah. Not everybody, but like, you know, and there's a guy, Taylor Utley, really great actor. He brought in like a... But it's his real name, or is that a stage name? No, that's his real name.

Taylor, that's a fucking cool name. He could do anything, couldn't he, Taylor, aren't he? It probably would do. It's pretty talented. Anyway, so he brought in a board game, and I said to him, thanks for bringing that in, brother. And then one of the other cast said, did you call him brother?

And I went, yeah. Because why? And I said, oh, just because I sort of called, you know. And she goes, but you're so much older than him. Oh, wow. She wasn't saying in a horrible way. She just said, that's what bumped him. mate, mate, mate, mate, you're being decent.

There's some stank on that. No, she's... No, there was some stink. No, there wasn't any stick. She didn't... She wasn't saying it. Maybe called him son. Well, I started calling him nephew after that

as sort of appointed. Oh, no, you didn't really, did you? No, I did it as a piss tag. I don't know. I'm not really starting to call him nephew. Yeah, but that looks like you've gone back into your changing room and thought about it. No, I just said it straight away.

I'm not like you. I didn't go off to work on the fucking bit then come back out and deliver it to the cast. Wait, Nick, you'll rest a second. I'll tell you what, I've got a response for that. It's not quite ready yet. I'm just going to go workshop it. I've got a phone Lisa.

Well, when I come back, when I come back, you're just going to be a bloody razor-sharp barb for you. You mark my words. Tighten your gusset, because it's about to explode. I think maybe the first mention the gusset on this podcast. No, there's a... What's the old backstage banter like? Is there like sort of...

Pretty good. Pretty good, yeah. Tricks? Are you doing pranks on each other? No. No. It's not like a... We don't try to make it toxic like you do on your productions.

The way that you operate is not the way I operate, yeah? Oh, yeah, yeah. Trying to make friends with the youngest member of the cast to be cool. By playing board games, by the way. It wasn't a board game. It's a pretty cool afternoon, actually. You're all sitting around playing board games, having a big old game of risk,

as you could well imagine. Yeah, no, sorry, man. I spudded, Neil. Yeah, I'm sorry. It's a bit egg for me trying to be cool. Anyway, Nomad. Should we, should we wrap this up? Let's do it, baby.

It's Christmas time, Tom. Please, can you do us, the honours have taken us out? Yeah, friends. Love ones. Firstly. Thank you. Thank you for listening over this year. For me, Am Rummish. It means the world. And if you're listening and you feel low coming into Christmas,

remember, it's not a day that means everything. It's principally just a day that if you can pour a little bit more joy than any normal joy from it, do that. But don't rest too much on it. After all, it will come and grow pretty quick. So take your smiles and you can take your smiles. And if you feel blue, allow yourself to feel blue. Don't compare yourself to films or adverts. That's uneasy, it's unsteady.

Your life is your life and your course is your course. And watching Matthew Broderick or Danny DeVito or some other film and try to compare yourself to a happy ending that might never come. It's quite simply insane. Take the day for what it is. Good food, if you've got good food. Smiles, have you got smiles? And if you can, look up into the sky

as the night draws in at the stars. and think about those who aren't with us anymore. That's the hard part of the Christmas, those who've gone. So give a little smile, raise a toast, even if it's with a cup of tea, and remember, tomorrow's another day, boxing day, Sha'a and Lee Joshua. Go forward.

Really nice. From everyone here at the wall for now, well, both of us, and JT, and the Catn this one, have a Merry. Christmas. I hope you enjoy yourselves. A little bit of Elton John, Tom, step into Christmas. Oh, you know what I love? Is he out and John and Ed Shearham one? That's a beautiful song. What's that one?

Oh, my God. This Christmas. Oh, I think I've played that. I'm ready to the other day. Oh, yeah, JT. Do you want to play that? Play that. Yeah. It's very rare that Tom makes a request, so let's stick that in. Well. Have a great Christmas, guys. Look after yourselves. We will see you very soon. Namaste. Bye.

If you have a problem, opinion, feedback, or anything at all, please email us at Wolf-Alpod at gmail.com. That's wolf-alpod at gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we don't have any content ideas. Thank you.