Wolf and Owl - S4 Ep 8: Delays & Dilemmas

Episode Date: February 19, 2025

Apologies for the slight delay with this week’s show - but it's here now and good to go! We’re talking… Rom’s Marathon fundraising, house moving anxieties, Tom being on the final episode of Kathy Burke’s podcast, award ceremony hangers-on and keeping our brains sharp with both mental arithmetic tests and some tricky ethical dilemmas. For questions or comments, please email us at [e-mail] - we’d love to hear from you. Instagram - @wolfowlpod TikTok - @wolfowlpodcast YouTube - www.youtube.com/WolfandOwlPodcast Merch & Mailing List - https://wolfandowlpod.com A Mighty Ranga Production For sales and sponsorship enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

With the Fizz loyalty program, you get rewarded just for having a mobile plan. You know, for texting and stuff. And if you're not getting rewards like extra data and dollars off with your mobile plan, you're not with Fizz. Switch today. Conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca. What you want, beak or jaws, feathers or fur, sharp teeth or feet with claws, whatever's preferred They'll grant you all last requests to steady your nerves, then podcast a body parts, get severed and served Bring your weak shit, wear the wolf and owler, that ain't just a mistake, that's an awful howler Both of them are known to pull up at your shows, have the crowd witnessing the murder like they're rolling with a gang of crows

Fuck their censorship, let em see the whole thing, they stay dressed to kill, never sheep's clothing Oh goodness, it's a delayed episode of The War For Now. Combination of reasons, should we go into them? Yeah, let's do it, because I think that's, it's always good to start. I was away filming with Rob Ramesh, Tom is moving house, and JT has had some surgery. So those three things, it was the perfect storm of fuckery. Combinated in, yeah, into a fuckfest of, yeah.

Yeah. Beautiful fuckfest. But listen,ated into a fuckfest of, yeah. Yeah. A beautiful fuckfest. But listen, JT is fine. He's well, he's good. We've checked in on him. He's absolutely fine. He messaged us and said, I'm ready to edit. You know what would be nice is everyone who listens to this,

do like a little video message, send it to the wall for now, Instagram page, just go, JT, he'll see that and you'll mean a lot to him. Yeah, well actually maybe we should, should we just put JT's, should we just say JT's number? Just text him man. He'd love that. So what's that group of JT and all the listeners? I'd get a buzz out of that. I think it's such a nice thing when someone checks in to see if you're feeling okay and you're okay. Especially after surgery. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, it would be nice. Yeah. I actually do

know what I'll stick his number on my Instagram. Feel free to get in touch with him. By the way, you're like you're incredible. Like the amount of money you're raising for the marathon. I'd saw your Instagram today. No, hold on. That's my target. I've not I've not I've not raised that money. I know it's your target. But that's fucking incredible. And

what's how you, by the way? Oh, so one of the, so I don't know what it is yet, but one of the young people that Teenage Cancer Trust has helped is gonna design the tattoo, and I'm just gonna get it. Oh, God, that's cool. If we hit the target of 115,000 pounds. What?

You've gotta hit that hard one. How's the training going? What I'm hoping is we get 214,000, and then we've raised a lot of money, and then I don't get the tattoo. Oh, but if you get 214,000 and then we've raised a lot of money and then I don't get the 10. If you get to 114,000, I'll put in the extra grand. Of course you will, what a stupid thing to say.

I mean, you could fucking, you could make it, you could end it now if you wanted to, if you really feel it like it. We know how you're doing. You're moving house now, aren't you? Yeah, I'm looking forward to you coming over. I'm gently buzzing. What's delaying at the moment? Have you got to get the gate varnished and stuff, have you?

What is... Is it going to be still spouted in water in the moat? The boiler... Look, you've been waiting for this. The boiler's been broken. Yeah. It's a big old... It's a big do. By the way, let me do a translation for you. Boilers broken means it's over 18 months old. So they're getting that replaced. What else is going on in this new guff? It's amazing. We're very happy to be moving. We've been renting for a while.

It's nice to be moving. You're buying a place, aren't you? It's difficult, I imagine. And you seem quite's like, it's difficult. I imagine, and like you've seen quite calm, but it's going to be tricky now. Oh, no, no, no. I've seen calm. I'm in an anxious state of absolute dread. Yeah, no, but what you should be anxious about, because obviously you're anxious about the move,

but look, I'm sure somebody can, we get JT to clip it together. All the times you've had little digs at me about my house and all that, just because, you know, because your whole thing is, your had little digs at me About my house and all that just cuz you you know cuz your whole thing is your whole schtick is Man of the people and all that and now look Look this this fucking matter that this salt of the earth guy has gone and get himself a little palace now It's gonna be tricky for you to arrive on the red carpet for your premieres now going a humble wow

It's me. I can't believe I'm can for your premieres now, going a humble wowish, can't-believe-on, can't-believe-little Tom has managed to get himself into this situation. Why do you keep looking down like you've made notes about this? Let me just check. Lisa, Lisa, Lisa, Lisa, I'm going to get him. He's moving and I've got some stinkers. Let me just have a look. What else did the writers say? Oh, yeah.

Why have we delayed this shoot? I'm just coming up with some new stuff. With Darnamouth, how you moving into your new gear. I have got welcome. I know you saw the roast of Tom Brady. You're about to see the biggest roast of Tom in the history of entertainment. Just wait till I log on to that Zoom.

It is nerve-racking moving, aren't it? Yeah, it is nerve-racking, yeah. I had, you know, when we moved into this house, I'd been away or I think I was filming Ranganation or something, and then Lisa had been doing everything. Bless her cotton socks. And why did I say that? Anyway, and then she said to me,

can you drop some stuff off when you get back? And like they were, they were ready to move in the next day. And as I walked in through the door, I kicked a stone under the door and dragged it across the floor. As I pushed the door open and put like a really deep scratch across the hole. It was my first act in this house was to put a really deep, like it was almost like you're sticking like a blade into the floor.

And then I had to send a photo of it to Lisa. That's the sort of thing that, yeah, I'm worried about me doing this, like treading in dog poo and then walking through the house. Well, I think, I think it's, you're gonna have a little settling in period I Think it's nice for the stuff to get a bit of a knock

you know because you're trying to you're trying to keep it all perfect and pristine and so you're walking around on eggshells and like tiptoeing around your your home and then once you've like messed something up once like you've like dinged a table or like You know, it's almost worth getting like one of the delivery men just to sort of smash a hole in the wall by accident back Yeah, it is. Oh, you know as you're lifting something up just scratch the wall a bit just to get it out of the way Just to lose your cherry is like an art to when they carry the beds and stuff upstairs I mean I did remove for a while and I was quite well known for sort of scratching walls and you can have to hold on To those stories right the way this is going. You're going

to have to be ready to pull those out at a moment's notice. I got very much, I think Cathy Burke's podcast and she really went into me about the scaffolder thing. She really dominated me about, I mentioned it three times and she went, oh fucking hell. She really went in, I was like okay cool. Fuck it, it's a miracle you even know what a podcast in the background that you've had. Oh my God, little Tom Davis. Little Tom Davis getting himself on the screen.

Who would have thought it? Who would have thunk it? The humble beginnings of that boy. She is, she stepped down after that podcast. She was amazing, by the way, can't think about that podcast. Yeah, what I'm intrigued by, and maybe you can shed some light into this But I don't know if you're like on some sort of NDA or something like that

But they're not retiring the podcast. Is that right? It's somebody else taking over So yeah, I believe you know who that is No It's not that the batons not what I was slightly nervous about if I'm being completely honest with you Is that you've done the last live one and then suddenly Kathy was announced as like stepping down Then I thought oh god. Is this the way I find out? Uh, this is a bit two different ways. This is how both our brains work Your brain work like that because that is your neurosis. My neurosis was oh god that live show went so badly to Showed how about that this podcast at times can't work.

Yeah. And Cathy was like, that was too much hard work. They said to Cathy, this is how the narrative would have gone in your head. They said to Cathy, look Cathy, I know you're getting fed up with doing the podcast, but listen, what we need to do is get you in front of a live audience, right? If you do this in front of a live audience, it's really going to reignite your love for this. So she went along and she did the podcast with you.

And at the end of it, just literally moments after she stepped off stage, said good night to you, obviously you stayed for what, 45 minutes to an hour doing the photos for the Instagram about how you've met your heroes. And then she, and then she turned to the production team and said, you know what, you were right. It has made my mind up.

I never want to do it again. Is that what happens? Yeah, you know what, you were right, it has made my mind up. I never wanna do it again. Is that what happens? Yeah, in my head, that's me. By the way, when you say about the 45 minutes, one of the things that drives me craziest about, because it's just been a film BAFTAs, right? Yeah. Were you there?

No, this is my point, no, because I'm not nominated. I'm not in any of the films there. Sure. Like, I have a real I have a bit of a thing I get annoyed with people who just turn up to things Hmm who aren't involved in the in any of the making of thing. I look I get it. It's a night out but There's people where you watch those and you just like like, like, what, is it networking? What is it?

Or is it just to say you're there? I believe. I mean, but, like, I... Can I say this, right? In all of the stuff that I've done and I'd be very lucky to do, whatever. I don't think... I mean, mate, you were a fucking scaffolder. Do you know what I mean? You've been so lucky. You're such a prick.

I'd love to have you back. I've missed you. You are. You are in a prick mood tonight. You had a run this morning. Yeah, no, I'm literally about do you know? I'm very excited about to go on a run straight after this I've come into this thinking I'm gonna be very chilled you come Into this like I'm full of fire I've been leathered in the first round. Let me tell you let me tell you what it is. I'm excited for you I'm excited for you, bro. I'm excited that you're gonna move houses It's a cool time. I'm looking forward to coming around Yeah, it's gonna be it's gonna be very difficult for you because you cannot you cannot it's on record

You cannot have everyone anyone come around to your house until I visit. Yeah Yeah, you're very much very Okay After the podcast you took photos with is it poor Whitehouse and cafe right and Kathy? Yeah who are And I have been on my point is I find it and everything I've done I I don't know how I maybe because I'm not very good at networking Like that isn't something like that side of things things I'm not brilliant at and maybe some people are that's how people get work I just find some people get work and support a

networking right yeah I think we know you dig it I think yeah we've got an idea we get anyway gone no no but some people are gonna get work through networking right I've never I've never been to anything. I had three or four people message me going, how come you're not at the bath, you're not there. Do you know what I mean? How come you're not at that thing? I've had that through a number of award things that I've not been nominated or I've not been. And the thing that I always find, if you go to that, I always find you sit there feeling like a bit of a loser

that the thing you've been in or the stuff you've done hasn't been nominated well the worst fear I've got is that you you you're hanging around after than somebody said Oh, what were you up for and you go? Yeah, or were you in so-and-so and yeah, yeah And you're like, oh, you know, so that's probably my own fucking neurosis of mine fucking worry about that, right? But but I just have a thing. I just think, why go to something if you're not nominated for an award or even in like, if your film that you're in, yeah, great, go be a part of that. It's a great thing. If you win, if you lose, you know, you've got something that, but if you're just turning up and then kind of walking around

sort of, how does network it I guess what I say is how does that work but it might but it might not but if you if you were invited if I'm just able to play devil's advocate for a second which is which I'm not very good at but the point is another big t-shirt that could be that could be called with on the back little let me play devil's advocate. Yeah, yeah, that would be quite cool. And then glasses down my nose like this, just little horns like this. If I could just play devil's advocate for a second. Let me play devil's advocate.

Might I posit the opposite point of view, just in the interest of a lively debate? Something like that. But, people like you, you know, people like, yeah, whatever, people that have been on stuff turning up adds a bit of prestige to it. I'll give you an example, right? When I was nominated in 2015, fuck me, a decade ago, right, for Asian Provocateur didn't win. Brilliant show. Yeah, thanks mate.

Anyway, I was nominated for that and I was very excited I've never I've never been invited to anything like that, you know, whatever so went along to those and I Couldn't believe who was in the room with and I remember vividly Lenny Henry coming up to me and go Romamesh I really enjoyed Asian Provocateur. And that to me felt, it was incredible.

It was like little old me, little old Ramesh from my background. Ex-teacher, math, maths in certainly IRO. Anyway, what the point I'm trying to make is you are, you are, I'm not comparing you to Lenny Henry, although I can't imagine you're sure I'm doing a hotel advert, but the point I'm trying to make is there is somebody that you are, you know, if they get nominated, somebody gets nominated for something, you're adding, you're contributing to the prestige of the thing. You're support, you're like supporting the industry going

I'm here to say even though I'm not nominated I'm here to support the industry and somebody might come from guys that somebody's been nominated like a for a brand new show and then Tom from fucking Paddington 2 and murder successful and Action team and King Gary and you know, I'm not gonna do your whole line DB. Well, the point is That's a nice thing, isn't it? thing. Yeah if you're adding my point is if you're like I don't know what I guess what I'm saying if you're going along right and you're over that you've won three or four different things and and you did in the past I mean yeah and but like if you like you're talking about adding prestige right and you're talking about letting it my point

And this is why I see like if I if I say for the fact of but I've been invited to the BAFTAs at last Couple of years whatever and I've not gone is because I don't think I have proceeds to a situation I think people go it's a bit desperately he's lurking about he's like sort of standing around sort of that's generally how I Perceive that's how I'd feel feel the whole night I've been there once without nominate being not like literally just as a guest I spent the whole time feeling like people and this is probably people just looking over going what the fuck is he doing here? it's like you know which is probably a much I've felt to every teenage party I got invited to but listen that was your thirties but my point being is like, I guess it's just the different, it's the world right that we

live in now. Some people couldn't own that shit and they turn it up and they fucking own the moment. Yeah, but I mean, you know, I think that is, I don't mean this in a horrible way, but us thinking like that is a form of narcissism. The truth is, people, you know, if you think people are thinking, what the fuck is he doing there? They're not thinking that, but neither are they thinking,

I'm glad he's here. The truth is, they're not thinking about it at all. Nobody gives a shit about anyone else. It's a truth. My point being, it must be nice to turn up to something full of confidence. Yes. Get dressed up, enjoy yourself, turn up,

have a good fucking time and not worry about what people are thinking. Okay, okay, how about this, right? Because I think one of the things is we talked about our appearance last time, and actually, I didn't share this, but we got a couple of emails that were pretty fucking, went in two-footed and asked for us going, woe is me yet again, right?

And then you've brought this thing up about worrying about it. This is what I think we should do. But also, can I just say that, because I got a few messages about this, right? Yeah. It's like, what the fuck do you want us to talk about? Like, you've got to talk about how you fucking feel. Like, can I just say that, like, this fucking world,

we seem to have an abundance of dickheads, and if you answer them with what you actually fucking think or say nine times out of ten they come back I know if you've read it wrong. No, I fucking haven't you got like that's just how I feel about the situation I've just said that I'm not saying woe me. It's not like fucking I'm putting out like my little violin It's just that's just how I feel about the situation how you feel about your body. Oh, that's how we feel Yeah, I wish I could come on here and go. I've lost a bit of timber. I feel fucking amazing That's how I feel But this is but this is my um

This is what I think we should do and I think this should be what you do look fucking henshin that jumper That jumps a lot like if you get a snug enough it What I think we should that bit that little the the same there really this yeah here. I'm not saying yeah Yeah, this is a nice work for you for your traps anyway I think you and I should like get get get ourselves into some light sit like proper gear and go to an awards together that we've not been nominated for I think we just do that and like just absorb ourselves of this like we've obviously you know just have night, we'll make it a nice night. It'd be great.

Are you talking about like an award ceremony like within our industry or like any other awards ceremony? No, I'm not talking about, no, listen, is it desperate to turn up when you're not being nominated? Possibly. Is it desperate to turn up to a different industry set of awards? And then, and then rock up there, and then like, and the thing is, is however little we think of ourselves, you rock up there and then like, the thing is, however little we think

of ourselves, you'll go in there going, I wonder when we're going to get recognized and then just people just going, fuck, did you fucking, sorry. By the way, that's not narcissism for somebody to go, what the fuck are they doing at the Southeast Sanitation Awards? Are they hosted? No, no, they didn't get that. No, we're just here. No. Yeah, maybe we should do that. Maybe. Yeah. Yeah, good. Where should we try and go out for the Oscars? Fly out to the Oscars?

That's a great shout. That's a really great shout. Tom. I'm going to be a little bit of a little bit of a Well, I know but what I was you know, one of the things I've read recently I've read repeatedly actually because I seek out the stuff information is that in order to keep yourself sharp You need to have a go like Sudoku and stuff like that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you know, you're supposed to like Try and help you help your mind stay mentally. Yeah, I think so. I think Lego is good for that I sometimes think I'd like it plays Lego all the time. Yeah So I think Lego is good for that. I sometimes that I think it plays Lego all the time. Yeah He's sharp. Yeah, it's I don't know if the verb is play Rob's sitting there. He's got the star

Your father What he does what I know what Rob tends to do is he likes playing but he doesn't like building So he gets the kids to put it together and then they hand it over to dad Looks like an old junkyard of pieces. He's just got Luke Skywalker's top. Oh, yeah, they don't call him master builder Anyway, so I was looking at one of the things one of the things that you can do to sort of keep your brain mentally Because I downloaded an app and stuff that like you do mental arithmetic things. Is it peak? arithmetic Mental arithmetic, what do you mean? It's in my nature. Well, you're a math teacher Yeah, but that doesn't matter. It doesn't matter

It's only so many sums you can do before you need to push your brain forever in there What do you mean? What does any source make you you probably know all the sums so you haven't got fucking worried about it No all the sums We know all the song you're teaching you've got an older different I know all the sums you know or every sum you know all the sums. That's your fucking job or every sum, you know, all the sums. What's your fucking job? That's the first thing I'll say to you. Sorry, being a math teacher, your job,

when you go for an interview as a math teacher, you go, first thing, obviously, thanks a lot for coming in, Ramesh. It's, you know, a comprehensive school just come out with special measures, some behavior issues, and obviously, there's a lot of kids that need extra support. But I guess before we get into any of that,

I guess the question is, do you know all of the sums? And I go, oh, I'm sorry I was under the impression. I was an interview for a school that knew what the fuck they were talking about Parents evening and I was like there was grace. I went oh, this is yeah, this is mr. Ranganathan my math teacher. I'm like cool before we start. I'd assume you know all the sums right? And I'll put a few sums at you Okay Before we start, I'd assume you know all the sums, right? You know, I'd put a few sums at you. Okay, and how is that gonna work when you throw me a sum and I know full well

that you've got no fucking clue yourself what the answer is? Well, no, I probably have written them down. I've done them on my calculator before. I'm not gonna fucking... You're just sitting opposite a parent. I think I'll do it in a minute. I've got some free questions here. I've written them down.

What's 12 times 10? 120. Yeah, I can't read it. God, I've got to read it. I think it's, I think it's 120. Well, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt on that one. No, I've written it down and then you'd be like, ah, okay, and then, yeah.

And I probably wouldn't go into really tough stuff like algebra and stuff, I'd just like, yeah. No, of course you wouldn't. It doesn't, it's no matter, writing down is gonna get you through that test. But the truth is, this is genuinely true, my mental arithmetic was always worse in September than it was by June, July.

Really? Yeah, because I hadn't done anything. And then you come back into it. And then by the time I sort of made my. Did you try to treat like a pre-season training, like a footballer? No, no, no, no. I did notice that my mental arithmetic was,

in fact, everything about my maths was worse at the beginning of the new academic year. But mental arithmetic in particular, it's like going to the gym, you get quicker at it. Yeah. And so you have to make it faster. Lisa would be like, people like your holiday friends, like Bruce and Jane would be like, cool where's Rom this morning?

She's like, I was just having a walk on the beach during this time table. He's getting into late August now and he doesn't want to go in cold into his year 9 class. Hi Bruce, hi Jane. How many croissants have you got there? Well you've got one, Jane's got two. Bruce, Jane, I know you've said no and I'm assuming it's because you've been a bit embarrassed about it, but I'd love to discuss you giving me that mental arithmetic test over dinner later. It really would help me out. I'm just gonna go to Savage's, the sushi restaurant. Sushi's on me. How many grains of sand do you think I want to put with your sandal there?

And then what if you had seven sandals? And then what if you had... How many grains of sand do you think on the bottom of your sandal there? Anyway, I'm Bruce and Jane and I saw people are so desperate for friends. It just isn't Like you we can part with wrong being like this. I know what well actually one of the things that you can do is philosophical Debates not debates, but like ethical dilemmas. And so I've actually got some for you if you'd like to have a go. Oh, wow, okay, okay. If you fancy it.

Yeah, yeah, let's do it. This is gonna like, you know, you do these regularly, it sort of helps your critical thinking and stuff like that. And then I've got one to finish off that I don't actually know the answer to that I'm gonna, there is no answer to a lot of these. It's just- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Can I just say ethical theories, mate? There's no answers. There's just fucking- I'm telling you this, don't you? Yeah, I'm telling you. I am, sorry, I am explaining this for the benefit of yourself and the rest of the animal pack.

Yeah, okay, okay, okay. Let me just, can everyone who's listening just put your hands together, press your nose against your hands, and that's the best way to listen. Actually, do you know what? In fact, everyone listening, why don't you close your eyes so that you can really visualize what this,

it's not long, so if you're driving, don't worry, you'll be all right. Okay, so. I don't know what I've got underneath my fingernails, but there's a slight smell. Oh, God. No, it's like a food smell, but I don't know what it is. I've been eating more of my fingers.

If you were to give me 12 guesses at what the underneath of your fingernails smell of, it would be food for all 12 guesses. Even if after you said I was wrong. Yeah, unless it was, yeah. Unless it was what? No, yeah, like your hand had broke through the toilet paper.

Oh my God. That's not happening. What, I'm just saying. Okay, really? I think it's porridge. your hand had broke through the toilet paper. Oh my god. That's not happening. What are you saying? Okay, really? I think it's porridge. Yeah, yeah, I famously, yeah, famously, you always eat porridge with your hands. Are you one of the three fucking bears?

What, what, whose hands were porridge? I can't just say, before, let me think, Grace was eating porridge and then she had a bit of porridge on her leg and I to wipe it Off and okay. How much does she have on the had to claw it off? I didn't want to do it with The porridge off the water Tommy's little tree do you want the do you want the wet wipe great great? Yes finished eating? Do you want to have a little nibble on that Tom?

Oh lovely. We've saved up a couple of these, there's a couple of different, there's a buffet of wet wipes. We'll put these on when Romesh is... Daddy's been away working, shall we put them on the old dad's treat pile? Oh God, that's... We've got Romesh in his family camera, let's do some vegan ones. Go, go, go. Let's do it. Okay. This one's quite simple. This is like a warm-up one. You were at your best friend's wedding.

Why are your eyes not closed? You're going to close your eyes? I'm closing them. I like looking at your face when you're talking. You were at your best friend's wedding just an hour before the ceremony. Oh fuck By the way, I hate to interrupt this how mad's this I was on the train the other day right coming home I think it might be the first time in four years you've hated to interrupt Right, but the woman who did yours and Lisa's revout Vowel renewal. Yeah, sit next to me on the train. You're joking about a rap baron you're sitting next to me on the train. You're joking.

Absolute legend of a person. Just been to see the greatest showman musical. What an amazing chat to her. Yeah, lovely person. How did you two become aware of who the other one, did you recognize her? I was sitting there watching something and she just tapped me on and she said,

hi Tom, I don't wanna interrupt, but she's Irish, right? Yeah. Is she Irish? And then she said, oh yeah, I did the Romesh and Lisa's wedding And she made a joke about the fact I didn't bother turning up. Did she tell you? We had to change the ceremony because you weren't there Yep, kind of so I didn't know what a big impact that had. But anyway I'm not trying to make you feel worse because the truth is you were working. And I know I give you a hard time about it.

I genuinely am not bothered at all. I get it. And I know you would have been there if you could have done. But you were the only person that was gonna be part of the actual ceremony. Yeah, I know, yeah. I didn't realize quite how big that was. Yeah.

Anyway, it doesn't matter. Anyway, I'll digress, okay. So this is gonna be unusual for you. So you're at your best friend's wedding. So obviously that's not something you would do. So you're gonna have to just throw your mind into that You're a gig the other side of the country from your best friend's wedding No, okay. Here we go. You're at your best friend's wedding just an hour before the ceremony is to start Earlier that day you came across definitive proof that your best friend's spouse to be is having an affair with the best man

Slash made of honor and you catch them sneaking out of the room. But if I'm the best friend What about the best man? It it's whoever the equivalent is for the other person. Does that make sense? Okay, okay. It's Tom. Let me just clarify It's Say it's you, all right? And you're marrying Lisa, just quickly. All right?

You're my best friend. Yeah. Yeah. And I find out she's having a affair with the best man. Oh, OK. I'm your best friend. Why am I not the fucking best man? OK, let me just change.

This is fucking flawed from the start. Let me change it. You're a bit, you know what? I'll tell you what I do. I go, I don't give a fuck. I'm his best friend. I'm not the best man. I's I've been talking passed over Tom Do you know something just with a come?

What Josh would have come shagging Lisa? Well, that's fucking Romesh's fault He's made him best man, right Josh has got fucking ideas above his fucking station. And it's yeah, that's what's happened here Okay, a couple of things I don't really walk up knock on your door and go by the way, mate If I was your best man, I wouldn't shake your wife. That's what happens All right a couple of things first all, that shows incredible critical thinking by you. Yeah. That is like genuinely impressive that you found an ethical, not an ethical, you found a logic flaw in the thing itself. Pretty amazing. Yeah. Okay. Thank you.

Secondly, has Lisa said, mentioned something to you about Josh? I just know that she listens to you across all the time. Why was that your go to name? Because I'm starting to think that as well. She's always got parenting hell on in the car when I get in. She's like, Rob is not her sort of type, whereas Josh is obviously her more of her type. I'm just going to have a nightmare, where it's just him sort of walking up to me going Maybe you should have stood up to your groom's duties or your husbandly duties a bit more effectively Rob Ash. Looks like you're the one who's on his last leg.

Um, okay. Oh, there's a bit of quip in there. Um, okay. Me and Beckett just got told you, mate. Told you. You're at your best friend's wedding just an hour before the ceremony is to start. Earlier that day, you came across definitive proof. It could be a relative, Tom.

Like, I could be, it could be my brother. I could have got Din to do it, right? Yeah, that's the only person that I've, if I was passed over Din, I'd be fine. You're at your best friend's wedding just an hour before the ceremony is to start. Earlier that day, you came across definitive proof that your best friend's spouse-to-be is having an affair with a best man slash maid of honour. And you catch them sneaking out of a room together looking dishevelled. If you tell your friend about the affair their day will be ruined, but you don't want them

to marry a cheater. What do you do? I go straight away and tell them. Oh okay right next one. Now go on why? I just don't I think it's fucking I mean it's yeah I took care of it but yeah I just think that sort of thing just yeah you're better off to say to someone rather than imagine like fucking years down the line that they found out and that you knew and you never said anything it would fucking be that'd be awful so yeah man I can ask you

can ask you a follow-up question yeah imagine it's my wedding right yeah and for some reason I've not chosen you as the best man okay yeah just just go along with the skulking around yeah okay so imagine you see whoever my best best man, go off for later, right, and they come out looking dishevelled. Which, by the way, if I, there'd be no dishevelment if it was me that was up to anything. There'd hardly be a fucking fabric out of place. Anyway, then you come up to me and you go, Rob, let's do it. So let's roleplay this, okay?

You're in your room, right? You're in your room. I'm in my room about to go out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you on your own? Yeah, I'm on my own. I've asked for 10 minutes just to gather my thoughts and get myself together. Hey man, hey.

It's Tom, the person who you thought was your best friend, but it turns out it's probably your further forth best friend. No, it's mate. You know how close you are, but it's just like, it's just one of those things I promised it to him years ago do you mean and so. Yeah I get it he's never been best man before. But look if you you know if I was doing it objectively just based purely on who I love the most what it would be Din. Yeah yeah yeah. But if it wasn't Din it would be you. Yeah of course listen

and I have something really really hard to tell you, but I think, and it's going to be hard to hear right now. But if I tell you now, I worry that you're going to make a big, big, yeah, I'm actually fine. I've never seen you like that. Yeah, but I'm carrying a lot of weight on my shoulders that I'm about to pass on. I asked them to give you like a whole mac and cheese as you arrived. You did get that didn't you? No, someone else had eaten it. Very much in keeping with this whole wedding. People seem to be taking things that aren't theirs and having them...

Tom, what are you getting at? Basically, so I was just walking past the honeymoon suite. Why? Well, it's just that I had to go past the honeymoon suite to get to the spa. That's why I'm in my dressing gown. No, no, well that was my intention just to sort of ruin yours and Lisa's night.

But then actually something even worse happened. As I walked past, Lisa came out of the room. Worse than you taking a shit in there? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lisa came out of the room looking quite disheveled, shall we say? Like she'd sort of like, yeah. Like she'd what? Like, like she'd sort of like ran through a bush or be pushing to a bush, but like she'd enjoyed it.

No, no, no, just a hailed all over the place and she was smiling loads and laughing. And then she doesn't smile if she's falling into a bush. Yeah, that's what made it weird and then as she left the room also Josh and Dinesh both came out as well and they were like sorry I shouldn't be laughing at this point but um yeah so weird it's weird because it initially seemed upset but now as you're telling me you seem to find it really funny and amusing.

So what is it you think happened? Well Josh and Dinesh came up and it looked like all three of them had been up to no good. And like at first, I guess I didn't know if it was like a... So I'd been debating, I'd been standing outside your room for the last sort of five minutes debating whether to tell you or not. And yeah, so I don't think you should probably go through with the wedding. I think you should probably just not,

because it's, yeah, I don't think it's probably like the most sort of, yeah, it's the best basis or foundation for a good relationship that your wife has had sex with your brother and your best man, not your best friend because obviously that's me coming here telling you. Look man, this is a bit of a weird one. Do you want us to kiss and make her jealous?

No, no, thank you for the offer though, that is really, I mean that is just testament to what a good friend you are and I appreciate you coming to tell me. And obviously you found it quite difficult slash amusing. But look, this is actually quite difficult for me to tell you, I'm actually cool with that. It's part of an arrangement that we have that sort of, you know, I just sort of feel in order for Lise to be, she came and approached me and she said sort of It's a bit of a weird one. And she said I want to be open and upfront with you about this

There are a couple of caveats We won't we don't say I don't agree with any of this. I will stay for today or drink your alcohol I'll eat your food and I'll dance to the songs But you should know that I think that this is a very peculiar arrangement Well, no, but it's that this is a very peculiar arrangement. Well no but it's just this is what makes me happy, this is what makes me happy, you know I am happy and like now... Yeah I'm glad you're happy but can I just say by the way that you're happy at the moment right? Because you painted your house a different colour and for the moment that the new colour of your

house seems exciting and cool but once that paint starts peeling right and decaying just mark my words it will not feel so sexy and cool. What is the house in this? I guess the house is your marriage. And the new paint is Josh and Dinesh. The new paint is Josh and Dinesh? Yeah. Or Lisa's the house, OK? What my point is, right?

She's going to start peeling. This feels exciting, right? And new and vibrant right it doesn't know it doesn't this has been going on for about can you kiss one of her friends well the truth is she gave me the option but I've not actually managed to find anyone that is is is I guess for want of a better phrase of up for it I guess is the is a very awkward Christmas if you want if you want me and you to start kissing in front of everyone I just don't I just I can't Tom I know it's an unusual situation and it's probably sort of disconnected some of your logic

Synapses I don't understand why you think us kissing is gonna is going to is gonna solve this I don't you but then Lisa turns around She goes. Oh my God, fucking Tom Davis is kissing Ramesh. Maybe I've been fucking stupid. And like fucking that is the guy that I need in my life. You think if she sees you and me sort of like, and how heavy would we be kissing? Like it's a heavy makeout session. Like the Storsas Creek Creek and would we be like fully handsy and stuff yeah yeah I'm holding the back of your head we're in the middle of the dance floor in the middle of the dance floor yeah so what what hold on let me just let me just play this scenario so I go and get married now as normal yeah and

and and and we're just by the way I won't say anything but throughout the whole ceremony I will do this why what's that what's that doing just so you know that I don't agree with it right and I will never ever ever talk to Josh or Dinesh again in a situation when you're around. They've not done anything. I know. I will talk to them individually separately. They've not done anything wrong. They've not done anything. They've had sex with your wife in the morning. I get by that. I get by that. As part of an ongoing arrangement. Yeah, but also, right, if your brother

and your best friend are having sex with your wife, don't do it in the morning of the ceremony. By the way, you are you will not be able to top, when she came out of that room, I've never seen her so happy. Her and Josh high-fived and laughed. And then Dinesh is down, a whole bottle of Bucks Fizz. That is how I'd go about telling you.

I think that's quite a nice word. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm gonna be honest with you, that's gonna need some snipping. Do you want to go another one? Yes, let's hit another one. If you sound a bit more complex, I think I'm quite good at this. Okay, all right.

Do you want a non-cheating one? A non-cheating one? Just change up the flex. All right, hands together please. Get yourself ready. Snipping, snipping, snipping. Snipping, snipping, snipping. not cheating, just change up the flex. All right, hands together please. Get yourself in ready. Sniff that porridge.

Okay, you've been on a cruise, oh animal pack, please close your eyes. This is slightly longer so you probably shouldn't close your eyes if you're driving while you're listening to this. Okay, you've been on a cruise for two days when there's an accident that forces everyone on board to abandon ship During the evacuation one of the boats is damaged leaving it with a hole that fills it with water You figure out that with ten people in the boat You can keep the boat afloat by having nine people scoop the filling water out by hand for ten minutes Whilst the tenth person rest sounds like the sort of thing that I do out by hand for 10 minutes whilst the tenth person rests. Sounds like the sort of thing that I do.

After that person's 10 minute rest, he or she will get back to work while another person rests and so on. This should keep the boat from sinking long enough for a rescue team to find you as long as it happens within five hours. You're taking your first break, do you understand everything so far right? So 10 people. No, of course I do. I'm in the fucking I'm just No people are we don't need to know who the other nine people are Yeah, okay. Do you want to know who the nine people are? No no because I'm about to like a Richards

Right Alan Shearer Alan Shearer's wife Lisa Josh Dinesh you me and Amanda Holden so one more in amongst the other nine people and throw it there we go it amongst the other nine people on the boat is you. There's you and there's nine people, one of whom is you. Is that what you're saying? Okay, yeah. I just said that the tenth person's Flo. Okay, fine.

And Flo's there just because of the whole Josh and you situation. Yours and Lisa's honeymoon. Josh is there. Dinesh is there because Lisa's insisted on probably, you know, so Flo's there to keep. Okay. Yours at least is honeymoon. Josh is there. Dennis is there because Lisa's insisted on probably, you know, some of the flow's there to keep. Yeah. Okay. This should keep the boat from sinking long enough for a rescue team to find you as long as it happens within five hours. You're taking your first break when you notice your best friend is in a sound... your best friend... oh what does this mean? Oh, your best friend has found a life...

what? Just bear with me one second. You're taking your first break. These are fucking awful, these things. The reason it's good for your brain is because you've got to figure out what they fucking mean. Yeah, you're in one of the rescue boats, right? You're taking your first break and you see your friend in another lifeboat with only nine people in it, and he beckons you to swim over and join them so you won't have to keep bailing out water. If you leave the people in the sinking boat, they will only be able to stay afloat

for two hours instead of five, decreasing their chance of being rescued, but securing yours. What do you do? I stay. Is that definitely true? Yeah yeah yeah man I think so yeah. Okay. I think number one right, number one I think I've come up with this plan and if you've come up with a plan you've got to stick to the plan. I think you've got to make a deal that everyone stays in the boat you know. I mean knowing that

we've got two people have been sleeping with your wife and Josh and Dennis one of them snake enough this is not this is not episode two of a Ongoing drama. This is a completely different scenario Can I be full disclosure I regret the whole Josh and Dinesh roleplay to be honest with you And I actually hoped when we got to the end of that that first scenario We could draw a line under it. But for some reason, you've made it a fucking continuing series. What? So...

As it is, I've got to speak to Lisa after this to check with her that any of this is fucking okay. All right? And while we've been doing the podcast, that's been playing on my mind. And then while I was hoping, I'm so delighted. I actually weirdly myself reached out to this second scenario like a lifeboat, a lifeboat that would take me away from me for an extended amount of time. And then entering into a role play about Lisa having sex with both Dinesh and Josh simultaneously. Right?

And for some reason you decide to put them in the fucking lifeboat. Yeah, but number one, but at this point, number one, someone's got to get a hold of Amanda Holden because she's heard the fucking skinnier of what's been happening. And you want Amanda Holden, it's like she's like winding up the whole situation now. Right? You're probably trying to flirt with her because you're trying to make Lisa jealous. Anyway, but my point being,

if you're in that situation together, right? And these 10 people and nine people in here, right? And you've come up with this plan, you have to stick by it and you have to abide by it. Number one, because the five hours you've got up with this plan you have to stick by it and you have to abide by it number one because You know the five hours you've got more chance of being found you've all got more chance of being rescued Right, I will say it's absolutely terrifying for the last person going up in the helicopter Because those things take ages. You know a helicopter lifts you out of the boat

Yeah, right that that last two or three people the water is just fucking steaming in your fuck Yeah, what why do you think why do you think you have to explain this? I just want to think of your logic here. Do you think you know more? No, no, no, because this is what annoys me about things. This is a yes or no situation. You're in a fucking boat, right? You've just laid it all out.

You've got to think about it. The whole point is it's five hours, right? A helicopter comes to rescue you. Hopefully you're the first boat rescued on the basis yours is what got a's five hours, right? A helicopter comes to rescue you. Hopefully you're the first boat rescued on the basis yours has got a hole in it, right? As you're being rescued, right, your numbers are dwindling, but the water's not going, oh, let's go easy, because there's only fucking four of them.

The water's now teeming in, and there's only fucking four of you. So you've got hope for the fact that the four of you that are left are probably me, Micah, Alan Shearer, and Dinesh, right? We don't need to list all these people again, please. Please. Right, and we're fucking teaming out the fucking water,

right? Then it's three, then it's two, then it's four. So the last person, you're basically getting into sea rescue at that point. You're basically sort of having to tread water because the boat's taking on so much water. But I wouldn't be able, but then if you left the the people You'd never be able to look at them in the face You don't want to be that known and that would come out that would be like, you know

I fucking hold them would be with Jamie Kingston on heart radio going Yeah fucking over on that cruise and Tom Davis jumped off the boat fucking whizzed away of Jamie Redknapp leaving poor us with this whole weird situation with Robbish his wife and Josh with a couple his brother The war coming in actually was a nice break from Robbins' fucking explaining the situation. Wailing. This is such a pickle, let me tell you that. I almost got my fucking war out.

So basically Mandy, man listen to me, we're trying to get the war out. Now Mandy, listen, right, my brother. Tom, do you think we should kiss again? Does that feel appropriate for this situation? Alan she was just running self overboard I am a fucking with her be picked. Okay, can I just can I just complicate this a little bit? Yeah, okay, what if Alan Shearer Like so so so Jamie Redknapp's in the other boat right yeah

okay he says Tom come over mate it's not howling this boat it's not gonna be a problem you go no mate I'm a man of my word of my honor I'm not coming in that boat and then Alan Shearer turns around to you and says I'm not gonna do the accent listen none of my family were at this thing on this boat he's with his wife on the boat with us you shouldn't listen to the list Alan Shearer's wife's there he's not leaving his wife okay fine we'll say somebody Josh well I know exactly Josh Josh would be the person or Micah yeah and okay let's say it's Micah and Micah says to you Tom

This is a nightmare. I need to get home Got Thierry and Jamie waiting for me for this CBS thing Please can I go into the other boat? What do you say? I was looking dead in the eye. I look him in the eye and go out of everyone I need you the most you are you're doing five ten buckets To fucking Josh and Dinesh and Lisa and Amanda Holden like we need you Micah Right now if I lose you we lose we don't lose fucking free out We basically we've got an hour that we can live and do you want that on the conditions for us your life Micah?

Do you want to know that you were the guy who inadvertently just sent us to Davey Jones's locker? Not Davey Jones the ex football manager, but Davey Jones the person who runs the sea. Thanks for this is what I'm saying Micah, right, please please for us for humanity for Romesh for everyone who enjoys the weakest link or last leg or Some of my balmy can be a comedy or Alan Shearer He's an England legend you do a podcast with him And I know Michael well enough to know that Michael would stay and Josh I thought that Josh impersonation Josh would be Josh would probably go. Oh, can I go? I got actually you know what? You're not being here actually for the whole Lisa and my situation

Would probably mean that there's gonna be yeah, it'll make a lot of things easier Okay, because it would be if we're all gonna go to a watery grave I would like Romesh and Lisa to be reconciled so probably take the nest with you and actually we could get Jamie and someone else if Jamie and Bill Bailey come on this boat you we could swap you for you, too Okay, I'm very very good Right Tom, yeah Okay, I'm very, very good. Right, Tom. Yeah.

I'm gonna make an unusual proposition here. Yeah. Okay, because we're almost out of time, but I did promise a closing problem. So what I'm going to do, this is quite radical, okay? Yeah. I'm going to give you the closing problem. Yeah. And you are going to solve that

as your final thought for the episode. That's the challenge Okay, that is the challenge. Okay This is quite a weird one, right just Just to get yourself ready. Okay, you are shrunk down to the size of a five pence piece. Okay, okay And I'm sorry, baby. You're five pay new 5p new 5p okay okay you're dropped into a blender okay oh my god the blender is going to be activated in 60 seconds all right what do you do Tom take us out and you can by the way you can fold this scenario into your final thought okay Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay

So I'm a five. What's all blender, but I just quickly an injure. It's a neutral but neutral, but okay So I'd sometimes it's hard Life sometimes you can feel invisible as you go about your day almost like The person you were that morning has been shrunk down as the day continues. At one point you're to your normal size next thing you know you're the size of a toddler then the size of a baseball cap then the size of a 50p whence told friend before you know

you're as small as a 5-feet piece no one can see you and in your heart and your soul you feel like you don't matter and the problems that didn't really seem like problems well they mount up because if you feel small inside all your problems feel that little bit bigger and as your spirit deteriorates it's almost like you've just been tossed into a blender, a five-fence piece, so small and inadequate, but you know that when those sharp, those sharp blending things start swirling, bladesades. Blades start swirling. You're in for a whole lot of trouble and you know the worst thing of all? It's not just

your physicalness that's shrunk but your voice is shrunk too. I guess that's the thing about life. Sometimes you can shout all day and it's like no one can hear you even though people are right by you switching on the blender Well, the blood does not really a blender the blender is your problems and you you know, I've got to be the size of 5p but sometimes Problems can get on top. So it's 60 seconds left. How do you get out of this problem? We'll take a breath Just take a little breath then make that breath a little bit longer and think hmm how do I grow just a little bit bigger? How do I change this scenario so the blender doesn't end it? Well I'll become

big again, I'll stand a little taller, I'll think a little clearer, clearer and before you know it I'm not the size of a 5B anymore. I'm not size of five B anymore. I'm the size of a bear. And that blender doesn't feel so big. In fact, the blend is quite small. And I throw in some bananas and milk and a pair. And I blend some stuff up and I take a long luscious drink and I think to myself, you know what? Hear me roar. So. As a lady, you know that I found that as it apparently is an interview question that says your critical

thinking skills. I can't imagine that any interview where they pose that question, it ended with a bear making himself a smoothie. But well done. That's outside the box thinking that's outside the blender thinking

like their baby. Baby, that's how we roll. J.T. I've just rediscovered J.T. I hope outside the box thinking. That's outside the blender thinking right there, baby Whoa, baby, that's how we roll Uh jt i've just rediscovered jt. I hope you're feeling well Uh, and I hope you're enjoying all the text messages remember the love for jt Uh all of the videos that you can get sent or share some of those on the wall for now So if you just remember to say jt From the animal pack. This is beep beep beep. Uh, not beep beep. Say your real name. I hope you get better Jt by the way is

yeah JT is the third wheel we can't do this podcast without JT. No third wheel is an insult. Third wheel is an insult. Let's put it this way. No JT is as integral as integral as the wolf in the owl This podcast more so actually because without you. It's showing without JT this week We've we've completely it could happen without either of us couldn't it? Yeah, but yeah, I mean I could do what you could do one JT would be able to cut it together and make it sound like we're both there but without JT and also by the way I say JT had warned us about this operation. It was our laziness. Yes Yeah, and also I would say by the way, JT had warned us about this operation. It was our laziness.

Yes. And also, I would say, by the way, the level of rapport and speed of wit on this podcast, we could probably record it separately and put it together and nobody would make absolutely no difference to the quality of it. He just cut in the interruptions of me talking about random stuff. Yeah. Fucking hell, Tom, well done. You got that under control.

How do you manage that then? JT, can you play us that with a song I recently rediscovered? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But we will see you next time On the big love and heaven's above and remember if you've got a friend you've got away Yeah, absolutely and also thank you for voting on the picture. We've chosen one new Work is gonna be out very very soon. Okay. Bye. Bye My Starship, come take me up tonight And don't delay, hold you all

My Starship, come take me up tonight And don't delay If you have a problem, opinion, feedback or anything at all, please email us at wolfalpod.gmail.com. That's wolfalpod.gmail.com. We'd love to hear from you, mainly because we don't have any content ideas. Thank you.