Wolf and Owl - Therapy Role Play, Skims Underwear and Rodimus Prime

Episode Date: October 5, 2026

Is Romesh a doormat?In this episode of Wolf & Owl, Tom becomes Romesh's therapist to tackle his authority issues following a train encounter that has clearly triggered him...They confess their reality TV addictions, from Below Deck to the Kardashians, and debating what it would cost to do reality TV themselves.Plus, fan encounters, Transformers, concerning bathroom habits, and Tom shares his journey in building his boxer short collection, starting with Skims!A Ranga Bee Production. Chapters 00:00 Intro03:04 The lone wolf mentality04:14 Romesh’s authority issues and therapy role play18:01 Transformers and fan encounters23:04 Skims underwear28:50 What Tom & Rom really think of reality TV41:00 Reflections on using parenting as material47:40 Outro Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Now, okay, let's get this right out the way straight away. People, we've had complaints about this thing where I keep singing a horrible note to start a podcast. So I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. No, I'm not going to do it. Wow, you're going to stop. The problem is I'm not, I don't, I've got a real problem with authority.

Yeah. And being told what's. I do. I really do. I like that about you. I respect, actually. I fucking will stand up of me canny, mate. Well, you know, I allowed myself a few seconds of feeling quite cool, though, but thank you so much

for bringing me right back down to reality. No, but it's quite cool that you stand up to authority. It's not, but somebody commenting is not authority, is it? But what I mean is, I don't like being told what to do. That's the problem I have. But here is my solemn promise to you. Because a close bedfellow of that is arrogance, Tom. Wow. Yes, it is.

And I don't want to start becoming arrogant and going, fuck you, I'll do what I want. You know? To slightly misquake rage against the machine. So the point is, I am not going to do it anymore. Okay, well. That's amazing. Yeah. Yeah, what do you want, beak or jaws, feathers or fur,

sharp teeth or feet with claws, whatever's prefer. Just kidding, every word in his songs about two grown men, dressed up as a bird and a dog. This is an advertisement for. Better Help. Now, we've been wanting to talk about this for a while now. We're very happy to be sponsored by BetterHelp and genuinely, of all the things that we've worked on, this is the one that feels most relevant to the people that listen to this show. Because if you're a regular listener, you'll know that this stuff comes up a lot. And the response we get when it does is

always the same. People saying, thank you for saying that out loud. Which suggests that a lot of people are sitting with things that they haven't said out loud to anyone. And the gap between thinking about getting some support and actually doing something about it can feel enormous. And we get that. Life is busy. It never feels like the right moment and it's easy to keep putting things off until it feels more manageable. Except they don't get more manageable on their own. That's sort of the whole point. BetterHelp exists to close that gap. And the numbers speak for themselves. An average live therapy session rating of 4.9 out of 5 based on over 1.7 million client reviews. People are not giving that rating to something that isn't working. And the practical side of it matters too. BetterHelp is built to fit around your life. rather than the other way round.

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Hello friend We're delighted to have you I'm the owl Romish rang an a I am the wolf As our caps Suggest Yeah Tom bought these hats

It's very nice if you to buy these hats Oh I like the hats I saw that one I thought wow that is my guy What about this hat Made you think that would be for me Or the owl and wise ass Wise ass

And yours is lone wolf Yeah So it couldn't be further from our personality but they don't do them I wish that they did these and you can actually get the word of yours should say

desperate for a pack Firstly wolf Desperate for a pack Oh it's genius Alright lads You know You're running around together Oh fuck off mate

Oh no no just Just so about There's six walls together Is that a pack? Yeah yeah yeah we're full actually Oh really? Yeah No

We're only just about able to get enough kills for the six of us. Yeah, well, I've been doing the whole lone wolf thing now. Yeah, no, we know that. I don't want to do this with my hands. Yeah.

Tadda! I'm the lone wolf. Just, all right, mate. Enough's enough, thank you. Take a moment. Okay, speaking of having a problem with being told what to do. Yeah. I do think I have

slight irrational, not rage. I wouldn't say it's rage because I don't act on it. But it's irrational annoyance. Yeah, have you seen Dinesh's new, your brother's new range of... His videos, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. So something like this happened to me today on the way here. Okay. I'd love to share it with you. Okay. Well, what version of Tom do you want? I'd love just a real version of Tom, if that's right. Yeah, that's hard.

Just to however you want to... Yeah, okay. I was going to be a therapist. Okay, you can be a therapist. Okay. Hello, Rom. How are you, mate? Good week?

Yeah, it's been pretty good week. Oh, that sounds like it hasn't been a good week. Give me a second. Hello, Mary. It's Larry here. Yeah, Mr. Reagan, Ethan's going to run long today. Okay. When I sell my business, I want the best tax and investment advice. I want to help my kids, and I want to give back to the community. Ooh, then it's the vacation of a lifetime. I wonder if my out of office has a forever setting. An IG private wealth advisor creates the clarity you need with plans that harmonize your business, your family, and your dreams. Get financial advice that puts you at the center. Find your advisor at IGPrivatewealth.com.

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Whatever lies ahead, Don't change your morning. Let your morning change you. Discover Coffee Plus on Nespresso.com. I've never known the therapist ever to run long. I've been in tears and they've gone and that's time. Yeah, but Larry's a different guy. Larry's a different guy. Okay. So weekwise, what's happened? Well, on the way here, I had a thing because I'm trying to be more punctual?

No. I don't know. You're a couple of minutes late for the session. Well, I'm paying for the time. So I could be half an hour later. It doesn't matter, does it? Okay, yep. Yeah. I was on the train today.

Yep. And a lady sat next to me. Okay, you were attracted to her? No. Okay. So you were unattracted to her? No, I wouldn't say that either. You're indifferent.

I hadn't made a judgment on that regard. I hadn't analyzed how... Well, you come in here and you'd like to talk a lot about your sexual orientation. So I just thought that might be where this was going, but obviously... this was going but obviously i don't know i well even if i was to talk about her being attractive that's that's not necessarily me debating my sexual orientation okay i i'm not thinking i don't find that woman attractive am i gay if that's if that's that feels like that's what you're getting okay well that's not what's happening to me okay as we will say in this profession let's go on with

your problem show the dog the rabbit okay do they say that in your profession it was something we're trying to be more inclusive by having sort of these sort of parlour phrases thrown around. Okay. So I'm sat on the train and the lady... By the way, I'm the dog and the rabbit's the problem. If you know what I mean. Do you understand?

Yes, I do get it. So this woman sat down next to me. She had a rucksack on and she kept it on and she sat away from me, but the rucksack basically was across me. So she was next to you or opposite of you? She's next to me. Okay, so the rucksack, you're offended by the rucksie?

I wasn't offended by the rucksail. But it was, it's, I'm leaning across to avoidance. Oh, hold up, so she had her back to you. Yeah. Okay. And that made you feel less than? No. I thought to myself, this is annoying.

Yeah. And in the spirit of trying to be a bit more assertive, I could have said to her, excuse me, do you mind? Because I don't think she realized that was, that's what was happening. Or something subtle and not quite as aggressive. You could have opened the rucksack. That feels more aggressive. No, you can say, well, you've put this in my face. You've made the rucksack.

You've put it in my personal space to see what you have here. Is that your professional advice? No, I'm just... Your professional advice is if the rucksack's in my space, I'm allowed to open it. And you think that's easy then it's saying, excuse me, your rucksack? I'm just saying that sometimes if you're intimidated by someone or nervous... I'm not, I wasn't intimidated by that, and I wasn't nervous either. Conversation difficult.

Sometimes a physical act, like, over... opening a rucksack and go, I don't think if you find, sorry to, I mean, obviously I know you've had training. I don't think if you're struggling to have a conversation about it, that getting physical is the easier option. No, no, but it's by physical, I mean, with the rucksack. Yeah, I get that. So the woman you're indifferent to, but the rucksack you were offended by. Wasn't offended by the rucksack, wasn't indifferent to the woman. Run-ins with other baggage?

In this job, this is just a totally unrelated question. Do you have to be a good listener? Because if I might offer some feedback, one, you're making a lot of assumptions. And two, you don't seem to be able to retain any of the information I've given you so far in the story. Should we carry on? Sure. What we were talking about last week and the dog's not respecting you. Yeah, sure.

I don't think they do respect me, no. Okay. Now, what have you done about this? So I didn't say anything. Yeah. Because this is a minor inconvenience. But in my head, I'm running a narrative of, is this woman? doing this as a in a disrespectful way.

Yeah, okay. Right. But she clearly isn't. So you would do that. It's so unlikely that she's thinking, fuck this guy. Yeah, I'm going to rub my bag in his face.

I'm so loser. My bag that's been on the floor of the public toilets before I left. Yeah. This bag that I pay no fucking mind to, although it's on my back, I'm going to rub it in his face. Yeah, I don't think she thought that. Okay.

I think she just didn't realize. That you even. existed. Well, I just think she hadn't realized how far back the ruckset was coming into my space. Right. And I think, if I'd have said, excuse me, do you mind she would probably been all right about it, I think. If somebody said that to me, I don't know right. Why didn't you say these words? Well, that's so therein lies the whole problem. And this is what I've been paying you for week in, week out. Well, I'm going to give you some advice, if I may. I want you to go out and be inconvenient somehow and find it in yourself.

to bring up the inconvenience. Is that what you're doing now? Because I feel like this might be one of those tests. But this is a thing. Because I'm paying. When you come here, you're often very, very clear about the things you're angry about or perturbed by. But when you're out in the street, you've become a doormat. I think that's fair.

I actually do think that's fair. So at some point, the shoes that are rubbing across you, people come in, someone's house, you're the dormant. You're the last piece of the boundary. Can I just stop your second? I know that you've got excited that you finally stumbled upon an analogy that works but I'd love you to sort of not make that the rest of this conversation.

Okay, okay, listen to me. I'm going to give you one bit of advice. Stand up for yourself. It's 150 pounds an hour. Stand up for yourself. Yeah, sure. I mean, I'm going to be honest with you that I came in to this chat

knowing that. Yes. And I guess it's my fault for expecting. Would you like us to run a role play within the roleplay? Fuck, no. Can I just tell you that's not the end of the story? Okay, oh wow, okay.

So I had imprinted, do you want to wrap up? No, no, no, no. So I had imprinted onto this woman the idea that she's not realised that she's doing it. And then you thought of having sex with her? No.

Okay. No. I'd love it if you didn't try and finish what I was going to say. Okay, so that was good, wasn't it? Was that what you said? That was you stood up for yourself? That was very good.

But I also, by the way, it's my job to be a doormat. So I'm a doormat underneath your dormant. And the door mats, I've not got a doormat. So forgive me, do doormats constantly interrupts? No, but they are something of an interruption when you walk into the house. They're the interruption between I have my shoes on, I'm outdoors, I'm taking my shoes off, I'm indoors. I'm going to be honest with you.

I'm having to swallow my surprise at how smart that was the thing that you just said. Thank you. Thank you. And I think you were a little bit surprised yourself. I certainly. It might therapies you for a second. So, so, So we, so we get to London Bridge. Yeah. I need to get off the train. Yes. The train pulls up at the station as it will. Yeah. I say to her, excuse me, I'm getting off here and she isn't London Bridge the last station that you finish at? No. Okay. All right. It was terminating elsewhere. Okay. Yeah, it was going on to Cambridge. I don't, what?

Okay, okay. I apologize. And then she turned to me and she went, yes, I was getting off here too anyway. Oh, wow. And then I thought, now maybe I've misjudged you. Maybe you are just a bit of it. A scumbag. Not a scumbag. A scumbag holding a bag. I get, I don't know

I don't know if you've had three shredded weeds there or something, but you are on fucking fire with the wording of all this. But the point I'm trying to make it is, I'm not saying she's a bad person, something's going on there. She's having a bad day, I think. The question I'm asking you is, I just took, I was just like, you're obviously having a shit time.

Yeah. And then I just swallowed the snap. Yeah. And then just walked off. Is that the, was that the right action? No. Because what society has to do, it does is, let's call this woman Claire. Okay.

Claire has had a bad morning. Claire has got on to. We don't definitely know that, do we? Well, we think she has. Yeah, the evidence suggests. what you suggest. Claire's gone and she's raging against the world. So angry is Claire.

She sees a door mat and decides to put her bag off against the door mat. And then the doormat, yes. And then the doormat becomes angry. So the door mat then will become angry. Well, you are angry. Your fists are being closed. I'm angry now, yeah. But your raid and follows on.

You deal with it. If you do with it, you let it out. That's one thing. But if you harness it in your stomach, it will grow and eventually you'll maybe just do something insane. Okay, but my question is, what should I've done? Oh, that was the main nub of my question. I think the main thing you should have done is, hey, excuse me, it doesn't matter whether you're getting off here or not. I've had to sit the whole way from Crawley, yes, Crawley, with your bag in my face.

and I thought you were a nice person, so I didn't say anything. But you know what? You're quite mean. Can I ask what the point of doing that is? Well, because you get it out rather than let it in. But I mean, that's the point of therapy, isn't it? Yes. Yeah, so what?

I'm getting it out now. Yes. And I think now, do you feel better? Do you feel better about yourself or worse? Is it not? Well, that's, yeah, I think worse. Yes. It's unusual.

I don't know how therapy is supposed to work. like this is therapy. So this is therapy. So it's paying money to feel increasingly worse about both the situation. Well, if I was to make you feel better, you wouldn't come back again. I see. So you're like when dentists recommend toothpaste. Yes.

So what we try to do is make you feel better, better, better, better, better, better, worse. Are you allowed to tell me this? It feels like this is like magic circle stuff that you should be letting on. Yeah, but this is in confidence. Obviously it is in your interest for my mental health issues to continue. Yes, of course. It'd be crazy of you to bring this to a swift end. Yes.

I mean, there's so much neurosis and so many problems within your brain. Lucky enough, I think you're probably hopefully going to keep coming here for quite some time. Can I ask another question? Yes. Are you concerned about how we get out of this role play? Not really. Usually you call it into them. Yeah, but I don't want to just, basically, I don't want to just go unseen.

I mean, that's what I always do. I feel, if I'm honest, I could do that. Hello Mary Yeah Mr. Ranganathan Ranganathan, yeah Actually it's not It's Mr Ranganathan I believe I saw a podcast with you

Calling yourself Mr Runganathan Well what you've done there is you've You've listened to a podcast Where I've pronounced my son-name correctly as Runganathan Yes And then you've decided to mispronounce that It's sort of the inception of mispronunciations It's a funny thing isn't it

Let's pick this up next week Mary Ramesh is going to be leaving A little bit early but we'll still charge him for the hour and seen. Great. I liked your therapist voice. Yeah, yeah. I felt like I could,

it felt like a little bath I could get into it. I find it, your reactions to things is literally my favorite thing. Can I, can I tell you the slight problem that I have on this podcast? Yeah. Is that you find me funnier than I am. No,

I don't. And so it's a bit like, do you know when you go on a chat show and they do a research call? Yeah, yeah. And they go, so. Oh my God. I don't know exactly what you're going to say. So if you go on the one show or something like that,

I'll go, okay, so we're going to be talking about, we're going to be talking about, pardon? Barney the dinosaur. Yeah, we're going to be talking about Barney the dinosaur. Have you got any story about kids parties? And he goes, well, not really. I went to a kids party once and I went up to one of the other moms and I got her name wrong.

Oh, you must say, you've got, that's brilliant. You've got to say that. the show. That is excellent. Oh my god. Great, great, great, great. Oh my God. I didn't think we'd have an anecdote, but we've got one. And then you go on the one show. Like a fucking idiot. And you tell that story, buoyed by the confidence from that. And by the way, I've got nothing to go to them. Their job is to fluff you. Yeah, yeah, of course. And then you say that story and it goes for fuck all. And you think to yourself, why did I allow myself once again to believe that phone call? That's what you're, you know? That's what you're, you like on this podcast? No, but I genuinely, I can't help but laugh. Where else is going on in your world? Well, can I share something nice? Yes. Recently I went to watch

Transformers. Can I just say? More than meets the eye. So jealous. I'm so jealous that you went to watch this. The internet was telling me. 40th anniversary of Transformers, the original 1986 movie.

Brilliant. Well, actually, it's a very dark story behind that film. Do you know the story about it? No, no. So the reason they made that film... Yeah. By the way, can I just ask? What came first of the film?

The figures came first. Okay. And actually, you've hit upon the whole nub of the whole thing. Okay. So two years of Transformers of Cartoon series. And those cartoons, lots of cartoons, the only reason they were made primarily is to sell toys, right? So Transformers of Toys, right?

So Transformers, the toys come out. They bring out the cartoon. And then two years in, Hasbro decide they want to sell new toys. Yeah. So they make Transformers the movie. Yeah. And in that film, they kill everybody, right? And the reason they kill everybody is so that they can bring out and they can replace them with new Transformers.

Yeah. So they introduced some characters like Hot Rod, Cup, Springer, R.C. There's all these new Autobots. And then, but the thing that they do, that they didn't realize the impact of it, is in that film, spoiler alert, but it is 40 years old, they kill Optimus Prime. Yeah, yeah, I remember that there. Because they wanted to get rid of Optimus Prime.

What is the song that they play at that point? Is it when he dies, or is it when Bumblebee dies? When one of them dies, they've got it's incredible. Or Bumblebee, uh, does Bumblebee die in that film? Because I swear to him, Optimus Prime dies, and they have this really, an incredibly emotional song. So there's a bit where, so that when he actually dies, it's actually really sad, instrumental music.

actually embarrassing myself how much detail in this film. But when Optimus Prime arrives, it's, you got the touch! Yes, man. And then he starts like whacking all the Decepticons and then him and Megatron have this big face off. I think there's a couple of errors

because basically, again, spoiler alert, Optimus Prime dies, he passes the Matrix onto Ultramagnus, as you know. Ultra Magnus isn't, it tries to lead, but it turns out that Hot Rod is the one that it's got to go to. And he becomes Rodimus Prime, okay? Unfortunate name.

Yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah. But what they didn't realize is how much impact, negative impact, the death of Optimus Prime. Kids were crying. Of course. Devastated. He was the greatest Optimus Prime.

Yeah. So absolutely devastated. They made a mistake, I think, in terms of getting the kids through it. Hot Rod is the reason Optimus Prime dies, right? Because there's a bit where Megatron is saying, please have mercy. And Megatron spotted a gun. He's on his knees. Yeah, that's.

And he says, please show me mercy. And Optimus Prime's got a gun trained on him. And Hot Rod jumps in and says, no, you don't, Megatron. And then because they're entangled, Optimus Prime can't finish off Megatron. And then Megatron kills him, like, pretty much. It's really, and then you make that guy the leader. So the guy that's sort of responsible. So you think the Hot Rod could have, but yeah.

Listen, I think Hot Rod's a great character, voiced by Judd Nelson. Great, great voice. Really great voice cast. Galvatron, who Megatron becomes, voiced by Leonard Nimoy, Unicron, Orson Well's last ever role. Wow. He died five days after finishing his lines on that. Oh my God.

Stacked. Yeah. So we went to watch that film, unbelievable film. Yeah. It was a very cynical film, by the way. But could I also say a beautiful time for you and Dinesh? Really great, yeah. Yeah.

And we know that film backwards. It's actually sad. How well we knew the film. On the way there, I'm walking from Brighton Station to the cinema A girl walks past me Turns around Says, are you Ramesh? I said yeah

And then she says I've always wondered what I'd say to you if I've ever met you Oh my God, that's beautiful She says to me, I broke up with my boyfriend two years ago I felt really alone My whole world was turned upside down And then I found the Wolf and Our podcast Oh wow

I have it on all the time and it felt like sitting in a conversation with two mates and you two basically got me through that. That's a nice thing to hear. Isn't that lovely? Beautiful. That's a nice thing.

Isn't it? I didn't know how to respond. I would not know. No. I said, thank you very much. Yeah. It's really nice though. Very sweet.

I was at an event the other day and two models came up and listened to this. I'd say my story's got a bit more heart than yours. Mine didn't have any heart. I found it insane that these lovely girls came over. We're big fans. listen to a wolf an hour. Yeah.

I was like, wow. Yeah, just spun my mind. Yeah, big fans of it. Minds by the way. Big, big fans of yours, by the way. Big fans of yours. Yeah. Hot start.

Anyway, how are you? Good. Quite a few episodes ago. We had a long debate about boxer shorts. That has been probably one of the clips that we've put out that people seem still to comment on. Yeah. About my lack of, I should have had more pants.

Yeah, you had 10 pairs of boxer shorts. Yeah. So since that time, I started re-upping. I started building more of a collection. Okay, what sort of stuff are you going for? Well, this is why I'm here. This is why I want to talk about.

This is why you're here? Well, not I'm here because I'm contractually obliged to be here. You're not contractually obliged. You keep banging on about how we need to keep this going, despite neither me or John wanting to continue it. Well, I've got enough filth on both of you. It's be going for quite the foreseeable future. Yeah, go on.

I've just brought Skim's Boxer Shorts. Okay. Oh, my. Kim Kardashian is the designer of them or the inventor of them. It's like... It's Kim Kardashian's company, right?

Yeah, yeah. Is she the inventor of those pants that you're wearing them now? Yeah, I've got them on now. And tell me why they're better than the normal ones. They, the smoothness of them, the support, the cuppage.

What made you go for skims? By the way, this is not a paid endorsement. If it was, Tom would be slagging the product off, as you know. So, go on. So what made you go for skims in the first? A few frogs when it comes to underpants. Yeah.

Okay. And these were, I thought, let me give these a try. I was walking past. Skims have got a new store up there on Regent Street. And I had a little walk past. I thought, let's see what what King Kardashian's talking about when it comes to underpants? Went in. And a great chat with one of the guys working there.

What did you say? I'd love to know how the conversation went. I go in and I'm like, hey mate, just look at these pants. And he was like, oh, yeah, yeah. I said, you know, do you where the, which ones would you suggest are the best ones for support of a man of my age? He said, how old are you? What are the best ones you suggest for support of a man of my age? Yeah, he said, how old are you?

I said, I thought you were younger that. I said, get out of it. And then we, I just want to have a conversation where you tell me the truth. That is the truth. You went, yeah, get out of it. No, I didn't do that. Okay. So it isn't the truth?

Yeah, I didn't get him in a headlock. Did he say you look younger than that? Yeah, he did say a little bit. And you took that as a compliment from an employed sales staff member. I take what, okay. Yeah, okay. He then went through, he gave me a little touch test of about six different sorts of things. So what are the differences?

There's some of the a bit more coarse. Okay. In the end, I went with quite a sort of like a softer. No, of course. Kind. Went with the five inch leg. Short? No, it's quite a bit, it's still quite a nice little leg.

Okay. You feel the, yeah. I'd love to, yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah, that is, I would say. Is that high? No, it's not that high. Okay, sorry.

Yeah, but just honestly, I can't tell you how, how, I've found them now. The perfect pant. Right. That's it. I mean. For three pairs. In a quest to keep us relatable. Yeah.

How much do the skims cost? I think they're 45 pounds for the three. Okay. For the three? Yeah, three months. Oh, okay. All right. All right.

That's not bad. That's not bad. I mean, it's, look, it's not cheap. No. I'll tell you what, I didn't. I said, I joked. with Catherine. I was like, I had not think that these would be the pants

that I'd, that would change my life. Do you know, Theo, well into skims joggers? Everything there, so, if you feel in low, you need a little pick-me-up, walk around skims and just feel the fabric. That's a really good thing, and I think

skims will welcome that as well. If you fancy just walking in and touching loads of stuff, particularly if you're feeling depressed. Yeah. Yeah, skims joggers, yeah, I was looking at them, but in Kim's joggers. They didn't, there was nothing that were particularly. Right.

But then you know that thing of, I've always been a bit indifferent with the Kardashians. This is the first time that they've really made an imprint on my life. Sure. And I'm now like, wow, okay. I try to watch Keeping Up with the Kardashians because I am the target, not the target market, but I'm a sucker for that sort of television. Yeah, same. I like to pretend I'm a highbrow dog. But as, you know, both of us, below deck fanatics.

Yes. Right. it. I've annoyingly got to the shout out Captain Jason well I'm the Captain Sandy season I'm so annoying I'm waiting for the latest episode to come back well that's why I've not watched it

I've done by the way me and Catherine have just got to do that's so smug the way that's why I've not watched it fuck off we've got such a massive cliffhanger and we were like waiting for the next episode to load actually all only got mentioned and it went you know like on Amazon

when it goes there's not another base it goes to another program right and I went Romish said about it this this is warmly this would happen yeah yeah I was devastated anyway keep up the cadethe'll be honestly for a millisecond I new from nespresso blend wellness into your coffee routine with a coffee plus range infused with functional benefits choose the coffee you love with added B vitamins like coffee plus B12 to help support immune function and coffee plus B6 to keep your

day moving or go with the flow and choose ginseng delight our new double espresso with ginseng extract. Whatever lies ahead, don't change your morning. Let your morning change you. Discover Coffee Plus on espresso.com. From morning hockey with a cup of coffee to Timbits and road trips, Tims and Canadian Tire have always gone together. Now it's official. You can now earn Canadian Tire money at Tim's. Link your Triangle Rewards and Tim's Rewards accounts to earn twice with every Tim's run. Terms and conditions apply. Visit timhordens.ca.ca.triangle for details. It allowed myself to believe that I'd been mentioned on Below Deck. No, no.

But you mean I was mentioned in your bedroom? Yeah, okay, fine. It's not quite as good. But still nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, not quite the same. It would have been amazing to get mentioned.

It's unusual to, for Catherine to mention me without my name being prefaced by the words that. It'd be funny actually in below deck if you just had like a couple of the stews just sitting watching some of your videos going, Oh my God, this guy's so fucking funny. You know what? He's kind of fit as well, right? You're joking. I don't even know what I would do. That would be cool for you.

I don't think it's possible. Oh my God, he's so buff. It's not quite a cute thing. I don't want to think I'm buff, but I would just love. He's so cute. Oh, my God, stuff he says is funny, inrelatable. Now that. Now that, you're speaking my language.

Yeah, yeah, that would be nice. I'd love to see that. This episode is brought to you by Shopify. Now, some of you guys know that I, run a business, manual protein. And when I started it, the thing I didn't want to do was spend six months trying to figure out how to build a website before I'd even

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To start your free trial today start your free trial at shopify.com.uk. That's shopify.com. Atk. Let me say, by the way, Kardashians, back to them. I got into it for quite a while. Right. How long were you watching keeping up with the Kardashians for?

COVID. Kardashians. And I'd say that they actually, their trailers are incredible for their new seasons. Right. To make you think something different is going to happen. Yeah, but it doesn't.

It's like all of these shows that just follow the same art. Would you ever do keep? Keeping up with the Davises? It would be so boring? Would you ever do it though? This is keeping up with Davises. Tom is going to the dump.

Tom is going for a dump. Me? Yeah, you've got more going on. No, I don't think so. Mate, you've got... I don't. No, you've got more characters. It's three of us.

It's tough. Right, yeah. But then what you do is you'd bring in people. Like they'd arrange for your parents to come around a bit more. My mum and dad would have no interest in that. My mum may be, but then I'd be like, no. I could see your mum in it. My dad would, yeah.

But none of that's the question. Whether it's commissionable or not, obviously we know it could never get on TV. It'd be awful. Yeah. My question is, would you do it if you were offered the money? No, no. No.

A million pounds an episode. Okay, well, that's insane. We both know you're not going to get a minute. But if some idiot came to me and going, offer a million pounds an episode. Yeah, like, so I don't know, they set up some new, they set up some new stream. right they they just want to go money's no object let's just fucking do it the the guy running it

or girl loves you yeah and says i want tom davis at any last well i probably can we do keeping up with the davis and you your family get a million pounds an episode 10 episodes would you know but in exchange for that yeah they have to be you they have to be privy to everything that happens to you for like a two-month run yeah i mean yeah you would do that nothing really ever happens to me. It would literally be with Taylor money. They'd obviously produce it up a bit. I mean, I imagine I'd get a fan call.

Oh, you're thinking he's such a flex. And also, obviously, Ramesh would be able to be in a couple of episodes. Yeah, yeah. You could be like my Jeff in, um... And they would have to pretend to be greeting each other on, like weird. Like in Toad. Hello, mate.

I just thought I popped round. What are you doing here in that case? Just as I'm heading out to the dump. Yeah, got you some bagels or bagels. Because there sometimes. Oh, you've written a jokes already for this. I probably get Jeff Norcott in to help out punch up some of the stuff Well we could do the curry night with Jeff Norcock

Yeah yeah yeah For curry that would be one thing we've Yeah This should put I'd have to come in Because you drum it up and go Tours not looking good Not selling well So I'm really worried about that

Are you Tom Davis now Yeah me And who are I? You're rubbish Okay Bloody hell man What would you mean? I just had flow on the phone

Actually flow would probably be in it as well And orally Yeah flow on the bloody phone Tickets aren't selling as well As we thought they were Never a bloody book Wembley Yeah piece of camera. Obviously

I had to be supportive of Tom but I think with regards to this Wembley date his eyes have been too big for his belly but I can't say that to him because he's so committed so obviously what you're thinking is I want to be honest with him he's a mate but equally you know you want to be encouraging

I think you'll sell it out mate you really do yeah look I just think you need a couple I'll stick it on my end stuff yeah you really because literally Flows worked to the people from work something out with Wembley if I want to pull out I could pull out now but you think I can sell it out? I wasn't sure what to say at this point.

Because Tom said to me he could pull out, but I don't know if that's a bluff. That might be him testing what I really think. And now I'm thinking, what do I say? What do I say? Do I say he should pull out? Or do I not? My piece to camera.

I mean, it was insane because Romish is saying to me, I can sell it out. But I've just had this brilliant conversation with Flores. She says, look, we can get out of this Wembley date that you insisted on. And now all of my life, my whole family's welfare rests on one person. but the person I trust the most in the world

Ramesh I think go for it Really? Yeah I'm gonna go for it Yeah genuinely mate Yeah I just takes him flow now Yeah yeah yeah

Wembley 100% Yeah honestly man Because we come like 200 tickets And it's a month away No no but I think we just push push push You've got enough of a lead time Would you be able to be the support act Mate I'd love to

Okay Romish support There's no fucking way I'm doing that support Quite awkward for dinner I'll probably be on it as well Because he's a big part of my life would say be this is a car crash

something like that it's quite a good app yeah yeah yeah you'd have to book Wembley obviously the stakes have to be real yeah of course of course yeah maybe

yeah maybe this I mean if there's commissioners out there we want to do you've got that kind of money yeah would you want money for your appearance when you're turning up

are you okay you just coughed when he said appearance like a frog you know it sounded like it sounded like I'd not done enough it to be warrant it being called an appearance.

This is standard. And would you want paying for your appearance? That's what that felt like. But that doesn't come out of my million, does it? No. Yeah, okay, cool.

No, that's production costs are separate. They're not giving you a million and then you've got to take out of that whatever it costs to make the show. I'll probably, yeah, get another couple of people in it. Yeah. Yeah, that would be cool? Yeah, all right.

Would you do it? No. No, mate. Well, yeah, you don't need it, I guess. No, I'm not saying that. A million pound an episode for you, the family. Look, also let's... For two months, they're in and around

your house all the time. By the way, it would be two million, you've got a bigger family to, you know, because you've got to add enchanty, you've got Lisa, three boys. I think it's too much. Two million an episode, that's 20 million pounds. Yeah, that's fucking good. That's a lot. I mean, what are they going to

uncover in two months? You're at home? They're in your, camera crew, in and around your house for two months all the time. By the way, you probably make friends for life with the camera boys, go and play golf with them. All girls. All girls, yes.

Right, you'd have a laugh with them. They've become firm friends of the family. Right. You know, you'd probably wake up one morning, what the bloody else going on? Look out, and they're all playing football with Alex in the garden.

You're like, I've never heard Alex laugh like that. Do you what I mean? It's like, that would be an amazing thing to be part of. I'd turn up in your one. Yeah. Like, we could cross stream. I'll be on Luby,

and you'd be on BlogBlog. Yeah, I guess if Rob and Josh and everyone else at Kerb said no yeah he would be in it that's a sad fucking statement Alan Davis would probably want to be on it I'd imagine Alan Davis why would Alan Davis He's got a few mentors isn't he Who told you that?

Yeah I know Alan Davis He's got a whole arsenal thing Oh yeah I guess so yeah I mean I'd look up to him He'd be like your Gandalf Yeah I guess so Yeah I don't know what you're trying to do here

I feel like I'm walking into a trap You're walking into a trap I'm just saying Already this is where I feel uncomfortable Actually do what no I don't want to do this show. Why? I don't like this production chat.

I was worried about it beforehand. Look, we think Anna We've been badly, but you've done a bad briefing now and now Rommish is out. You're going to have to go tell the team. So what, 20 million pounds you're going to turn down? Do you really, are you in a situation where you can turn 20? We'll be with your house for two months.

Who needs 20 million pounds? I can tell you right now. We've got a couple of other comedians. Joe Domit's banging her. down to be a part of something like this. Sean Morse. Yeah. I don't think Sean would do it.

Sean would do it. Of course Sean would do it. No, who's turning down? 20 million pounds? Yeah, 20 million is a lot of money. For two months? Nobody should have 20 million pounds, though. No one should have that, but that's not the conversation.

Okay, all right, all right, all right, right, right. I'm just saying, like, you brought the money into it. Yeah, I know, I know. Like, 20 million is an insane. I mean, all right, okay, maybe the money's too. I can imagine the conversation with Lisa. Oh, I'll swear to a bullet there, love. We nearly had to do this job for 20.

million pound for two months where I've been at home I wouldn't have had to work again. What? But now I'm off anyway, we've got to go to New Zealand to do the thing about ferries. It's like... That's the other option, is it?

That's where you see the career options going. I'm just saying. The show is one stop in Auckland. Then we spend most of the time in Australia, Tom. I told you that. And ferry is only one of the a number of modes of transport. And that was something I said off podcast.

Rommish on ferries. No, but I'm just saying... It's called Rommish in and around ferries, actually. Well, mate, what are you doing here? You're on the ferry. We didn't want it to be too narrow. You nearly did a thing for Louby. 20 million squid.

Okay. Everyone used to say squid instead of quid. A million pounds for the whole series. No. No. Two million pounds for the whole series. No. I think...

I'm quite a private person. We both have. I think it's fair to say. I mean, you're not private socially. Are you? I know you're private publicly, if that makes sense. But as a friend, I know too much about you. Yeah, yeah, he do, yeah.

But what I'd say is, you're... I would say I've got a fairly good idea of what your anus looks like. I'd say that goes above and beyond regular friendship. But can I say... The big thing for me is you're asking for your kids to be involved. Sure. That's where it changes. Well, you know, I did just another immigrant and the kids were in it.

and I massively regret that. Yeah. I don't think I should, I genuinely don't think I should have done that. I do regret it. But your kids are also all kind of keen on entering the business. Yeah, but that's coincidental.

No, no, no, but that's probably not a reason. That's probably not, but they all are all now looking at being a part of, like. Maybe I fucking tarnished them permanently. No, in all seriousness, I shouldn't have done that. I don't think I should have done that.

They've not, luckily, touched cheap chair, they haven't suffered any, like, ill effects from it. How much did they do on each tree? I can't remember. Not low.

They were just in the background and stuff. But Theo was in it a bit because he was probably the most, he was able to have like a proper, he was producible, I guess. Do you know what? You can have to us. But they've never said to me, oh, we wish hadn't been on it. But when I look at it, I just think those are three boys that weren't really,

they're not fully aware of what's, it was a bit of a done thing for me to do, actually. Wow, man. I never thought you feel like that. Yeah, yeah, I just think it's a bit stupid. And then all, but all equally, there's some things that I've said about them that I, I remember once. I don't say this because I'm literally, that will make me fucking

nose dive about my whole latest door. It's going to start bad and then it'll get better. So, you know, I used to do lots of stuff about the kids and I do still do stuff for the kids, but they're a bit older now. But I used to do stuff about the kids before they were across anything,

you know, they're little, right? So I do stuff about them. And harsh in a way, in what I thought was a funny way, right? And then as they got a bit older, I thought to myself, well, they've not signed up for that. why have I done this? I know why have I done this?

I know why I've done it. Should I have done it? Should I have done it? And I remember once, like, I was thinking about some of the routines I'd done. And you know sometimes when you get a little bit reflective

and I started to think, fuck, I should never have done any of it. Like I started to, to be honest with you, I started to spin out a little bit about it. Not off of anything, but you know when you self-trigger? Yeah. Like, so I'm thinking,

I'm ruminating about it. And then I suddenly like, fuck, I'd like it. And I started to get really funny about it. Anyway, the boys have got old enough to watch it all. They think it's hilarious. And I think the thing is, it's like, I thought to myself, my kids are going to get older and they're going to be annoyed about it. But actually, what I thought to myself is, if you give your kids a great home life and they know they're loved, then they know that this is

comedy. I think there's a difference between that and you not really engaging with your kids at home and then trashing them on, or talking about them on stage. That's a horrible experience, right? Whereas the boys, if I do a story, obviously it's embellished and whatever, they'll say to each other, that was you, that was. That's what, that you wound them up. And then they'll go to me, how much, they've been asking me recently, how much are we in the new tour? Like, they love it, do you know what I mean?

Grace is a lot younger. And then I was doing a gig in Brighton, did the Will Briggs gig. And she, Catherine and Grace come down, we're having a day in Brighton. and I was like, oh, yeah, to watch a show, you know, obviously some bad language, which I still find insane that people don't think they'll be swearing. They can't watch me, but anyway, I was opening the opening bit was a bit about Grace.

And then she's now, she was so, like, buzzing. She only watched, like, five minutes of it. But it's so excited in the fact that I mentioned, that I talk about her on stage, and then went to the teachers at school, and she was like, oh, my dad's, my dad tells, My dad's job is he tells stories. Firstly, she tells people I was in prison with Paddington.

And secondly, she's like, my dad's... Yeah, yeah, yeah. We did a 10 stretch together. Yeah. I mean, very different crimes. Wasn't Paddington your little bitch? How many times did you fuck him in the end? Yeah, I mean, he made me do it a few times.

Yeah, in the end, actually, it sort of quickly curtailed and he became the more dominant force. Honestly, one of the other things I've heard about prison, you don't fuck with the Peruvians. No, no, no. Well, actually, it's good to be friends with them. Yeah, a lot of flake. Anyhow, she would say, my dad jokes about me and poo,

which is pretty much my whole tour, in that show. And she said that she was quite, in that sentiment, she found it very funny that I'd tell stories. I do, however, now have a worry of the stuff I talk about going, a friend of ours came to watch me the other night and was like, oh my God, it's stuff about, you know, caffeine's already, like, you know, caffeine knows that that's kind of on the table,

that I'm a joke, but you're there, oh, is there anything I'm saying here? You actually said to me about, you know, what, you know, but I think most of the stuff, all the stuff in there is, is true stuff that's happened or it's slightly spanned differently. Well, I think one of the mistakes I made,

well, look, it's not a mistake actually. The truth is, now that the kids, now I don't regret saying it, right? Because the kids, the kids thought it's funny and it's fine, it was all worked out. When I say, I regret it, I was worried about it for a while, right? And I think morally, I don't know what the grounds are,

what the lines are. But, but I do, I think that they haven't signed up to have their stories told, right? But the only thing in what you're saying is, number one, it has to be from any stand-up and, like, you know, embellishment, whatever, but it has to come from the truth. It has to be, you can't just go wildly, this is a story that you've heard. It's a sort of our wife's tale that you're sort of going to grab for yourself. So, but at home, we're always joking about stuff.

stuff she's said or done as a joke, like, you know, she'll remember, like, pissing on me on holiday when I'm in the pool two years ago and laugh about that as a really funny thing that she's, you know, so as long as, basically, I'm back to your point, I think as long as you've had a, your, your relationship is a close one and you feel like. Yeah, and you also know what not to share, do you know what, do you mean? And also, you know how to embellish to make it okay. Yeah. And like, sometimes I get, like, I remember, like, talking about, I used to do a bit about,

I hoped one of them got hurt, right? Yeah. Right. And somebody got in touch of me and said, you should be ashamed of yourself. And the assumption that I'm making is that you know that I love my children. Yeah. I'm just taking this extreme viewpoint.

And that happened more recently. I told a story in the last tour about one of the kids crapping in a B-day, right? And this reviewer said, I don't know how good it is for your kid for that story to be told, right? It happened such a long time ago. The kids can't remember.

By the way, who hasn't crept in a Bina? I mean, I do it now. Do you know what I mean? Just like it's like a thing that me and Lisa do where we go, it's called who can fill it up more? Who can kill it out of the best? Yeah.

It's a good place to really examine your poo. Yeah, yeah. It is good. Obviously, afterwards, it's a fucking nightmare. Yeah, yeah. But if you do it in a hotel where B-Day sent to be, What we do, here's a little tip. If anybody, yeah, here's a little tip.

If you are going to play, how much can you fill it up? Do it just before you check out. Yeah, yeah. Because that way you don't have to worry about it. Can I say, by the way, did you see that? There's a post up this week and it's apparently the biggest poo ever done is eight inches long. Well, I saw you share it on Instagram with something along the lines of I call that Tuesday or something like that. No, yeah, but that's, I've got some pictures on my phone.

I'd love to show you at some point. You said this before, by the way. And can I just say it's a red flag that you're taking pictures. red flag that you've mentioned it twice now. Yeah, can I just say, by the way, I don't think it's a red flag. Because I, because I, is it for a doctor? No, yeah, but it's kind of for a doctor, but it's just to get, because it was quite a regular. It's for Dr. Rom.

That's not where I want this to go. No, but it's quite, it was so irregular the size of it. I was like, is that normal? Massive. Yeah, like easily bigger than eight inches. If I'd known it had been a record breaker, I'd have pulled it out of toilet and taking it to the Yordic museum. Tom, it's time to wrap up.

We've got to give you some keywords. Poo is not going to be one of them. Okay. Transformers, Yep. Rocksack. Yep. And model.

Okay. Who are you? Who do you want to be? Stead up there on a catwalk. Everyone's eyes on you. The lights shining bright. A model for all to see. Proud.

Dignified. Glamorous. But really, when the lights dim and the catwalk closes and you're in a dressing room on your own, just thinking, is this really who I am? This is who I want to be? It's hard, isn't it in life? Maybe the Transformers had it right. Turned from a car into a robot that could kick ass just like that. Some things are just a little bit easier in a world of make-believe. But real life is hard. It's hard to change course. set your star or a different one and go,

ha, I'm going to follow you, put on your rack sack and make way a little bit like the Incredible Hulk to a new destination. Truth is, big changes are difficult, but small ones, little ones that sometimes might go unnoticed

to the naked eye. But it'll be noticed by you, laying a new word in a foreign language. Tying your shoelace is different or simply trying a new cheese. You're broadening your horizons, friend. The destination might not widely have changed. But you're heading somewhere in you and be proud of that.

That's lovely. Thank you. That's really lovely. I've watched all the Marvel films. I don't remember the one where the Hulk has a rucksack. I've not seen any of them. Okay, fine. I actually offered until yesterday, thought Hulk was an alien.

Thank you so much for listening to The Wolf and... Oh no, I've done it again. Sorry. Yeah. Thank you so much for listening to The Wolf and... watching The Wolfenau Podcast, wolfout.gmyr.com. We will see you for the email episode, but please, could you do me in a favour? Genuinely, please like and subscribe.