Wolf and Owl - Toilet emergencies, PhDs and Bon Jovi

Episode Date: March 20, 2026

Can you listen to comedy while running? Do you get anxious about future plans? Is Rom vegan enough? And should you get a squatty potty? It’s Fri-yay baby and time to answer more of your questions! If you’ve got a problem you need solving or a burning question, your agony uncles are here for you every week just email us at [e-mail] A Ranga Bee Production in partnership with Platform Media.  00:00 Intro 01:33 Vegan Campout 07:13 Gary Neville 08:15 The dry, wet, dry regime 09:20 Squatty potty and wiping 12:40 Film talk 13:58 Running and playlists 19:31 Plans and anxiety Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Yo Yeah What you want Beak or jaws Feathers or fur Sharp teeth or feet With claws Whatever's prefer

Just kidding Every word in his songs About two grown men Dressed up as a bird And a dog Yay It's Friday It's Wolf and Al

With the email special Forda-Daz Put it right Up in your mouth Baby Friye Friye Remember that was a big thing

Friday No You don't remember that No Oh mate It was a fucking great time where people usually just go, it's Friday, baby.

I don't think that happened, bro. People would go out and do it, yeah. It was when Friday nights were the biggest part of any week. Thursday nights apparently are the big thing now. No, no, no, no, that's where we're showing our age. Why? No, I've literally just been told this a couple of days ago.

Really? Thursday nights. For young pups? Apparently this is a big night in London, Thursday nights. Wow. You've got to do your tincting. I felt so sorry for Friday. It used to have it all, didn't it?

I went clubbing the other night. What? Actually, we should save this for the main end. This is an email episode. Okay, yeah. So if you want to hear about my clubbing, you need to wait until fucking, when do we do the other one?

Tuesday. You need to wait until Tuesday. I'd love to have had a video of your clubbing. I actually don't. Let's talk about it now. Let's talk about this one. All right. Wolfoutpod.g.com,

if you want to email in any questions, queries or anything like that. Tom, who wants to read the first one? Let me do this one. To the sweetest of souls, I love to run a novelty marathon. I can't follow it if you read it like that. Why? You're doing it like a song or something. Just read it like you're delivering the information.

I do everything like a song. I'm quite a musical guy. I love to run a novelty marathon. I have twice done the night at the museum. Running 48 laps in the barbend and tank museum at night. The Tunnels Marathon, which was 91 laps around a round a. an underground disused military bunker. And most recently, the car park marathon,

which was nine ramps up and along to the top and nine ramps down, 53 times. 63. Oh, 63 times. The equivalent of running up Snowden, apparently. As a committed listener to the pod, the first time I did the Tank Museum, I was listening to a Christmas episode

from a couple of years back, where Tom was doing the voice of Father Christmas in Rommish's bedroom. I think it involved the phrase, Hello little boy Which had me in stitches I also remember the underground tunnel Cracking over Tom's pronunciation of the word urine

And at the car And at the car park It was listening to your stories of drunken parties Yes, I am behind But we've pretty caught up now We've had that lung off But I like to have lots of back episodes Stored up for travel and running ETC

Is that how you pronounce it? ETC Yeah yeah Okay, go on What do you say? etc. Oh no, no, no. Well, someone's made it, if they've written,

et cetera, I'd say, et cetera. I read verbatim. My question is, to you, is... Do you read it verbatim, dear? Do you ever listen to a podcast or a training, or do you find it distracting? I love the comedy, as it makes me forget that agony I'm in.

Much better than just music that gives you something to actually laugh about. Or do you like to get some drill or whatever the kids listen to these days to keep you focused? Rom, I saw you live at the vegan account. Camp out What you're

Oh well Stop stop stop stop stop Why are you laughing at that I just think the vegan camp out I think it's so selective What do you mean What it's like Can everyone go

Anybody can go They don't fucking By the way Can I say at the moment I'm on a very very vegan Straight vegetarian diet I'm very much loving it That's why it's so surprising

That you sniggered like that Like a bully Fucking lamb chop Hanging out your chops One vegan to a runner To another big laugh Tom, I saw you live in the Marseer in Southampton. Oh, God.

I was one of the worst gigs I did in the last tour. That's so many hecklers. It's awful. I actually got PTSD from that night. Never has there been a talent for coming up with random men's names on the spot. Oh, yeah, that's what. Are you okay? Much love.

Yeah, I didn't realize this email would be quite so long, well, I think. Much love, the splendid slug. Well, you can take more than one breath. So, firstly, thank you very much. much for your kind of words. I remember that Southampton gig significantly more differently than you

I remember it. The vegan campout gig was fine. I bet it was. Load of like-minded souls gathered together. Well... There'd have wins those gigs. I did get a bit of shit back from a couple of them. Because at the camp out

there was... What is it called a camp out, by the way? It's a festival. Yeah, no. But why? It's just not a vegan camping or the vegan, I don't know. Veganal. Vegan? Yeah.

Like vegan festival. Yeah, okay. They could have done that, but they called it the vegan camera. A vest of all. Vestable it should have been called. Yeah, but doesn't that sort of imply that everyone's wearing vests?

See, that's where I'd get burnt. Yeah, I mean, that's why they called it V Festival. That is my target audience. Oh, yay! I don't get your standards at everyone. You are at Vest Festival, 2020. No, that's my mum's name. What happened at the vegan campaign?

Well, a couple of people didn't like me that I was there. Why? Because they don't think I'm as earnest about veganism as I should be. What? By the way, you went to war with all your best friends on veganism then. I wouldn't go to war, but you sniggard. Yeah, but you are a really devout vegan. I don't know, I'm devout.

I think it's five things that people would know about you. I think people need to be a bit more chill about it. Yeah, I agree with that. So I say that a lot, and people are, get fucked off because if you really, if you're really into animals the idea that someone's being casual about is annoying. I get it. I do get it.

And then a few people had to go at me for being heteronormative in my standard. What is heteronormative? Like I was talking about it from the position of being a dad and a straight man and... Oh my God. You know, I'm slightly hamstrung. Can I say that would be the

worst gig I could do? What is hetromat? I've never heard of heteronormative. I don't even know if use the word correctly, but the point is that I'm doing it from a default position of a heterosexual man who sort of... What other position? I don't know. I don't know. Anyway, I'm just telling you what

some of the feedback was. The reason I love going to watch stand-up comedians is you get, it's the person in such an honest. Yeah, and you like what you like which is why you only watch straight white guys. That's your thing, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. People like different flavours. Yeah, and your flavour is the same over and over and over again. Never breaking away. Just tell me you're not going to stand up. No, no, no, no. I've got nothing I need to hear. There's nothing I need to hear, mate.

Okay, so do you run? I can't run. My knees are sharp. Okay, so you. But I love walking. You love walking. But you normally walk with K dog, don't you? Yeah, no, no, no, I walk a bit.

I'll go for a little trot on my own. Okay. I like walking through London listening to a podcast. Okay, so what podcast? then. By the way, thank you Slug. Yes, splendid Slug. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to plug some other podcasts on ours. So what is it you listen to?

Well, I feel like the overlap is one that I'll always go to. I like the overlap. You hate Gary Neville, but you like the overlap. I actually, Gary Neville was really grown on me. Well, you know, we've cast our minds back to pre-studio episodes, you described them as something that looks like it doesn't wipe his bum properly. I still stand by that.

I still stay. He does look like somebody. I don't know what it is. By the way, that's not an insult. It just means... It feels like an insult. Smells like an insult. He just looks like he probably just gives that two wipes

and just runs out without... Okay. Yeah, okay. I have become increasingly thorough about all that, but I'm... By the way, jumped into your regime. What was that? The... Try what?

Yeah. Oh my God, it's a game change. It's so good. It's so good. Although... I've been sleeping on it a bit. What do you mean? You told me about it a long time ago

and I'd never listen to it. So you go dry, wet dry? Yeah. D-dubs D? Yeah. Perfect. That last dry, you get it right. Everything's so clean.

Squeaky clean. Then I feel good. I feel okay about jumping into my ice bath. There's no debris there. Oh, God. Well, you sort of managed to skirt around being disgusting. I haven't got that capability in me. People don't, sometimes I don't think we give enough consideration to the circumstance

in which people are listening to this podcast. Yeah, no, yeah. might be having their fucking breakfast. It drops first thing in the morning. On Friday. And then suddenly you're talking about debris in your ice bath. Yeah, but there could be all sorts of debris. Yeah. So the overlap I like...

Can I just tell you, okay, in the interest of being disgusting, I just want to talk about something I did recently. As you know, I'm a heme-shycer. Yeah. But I caught myself in an emergency situation. By the way, I bought one of the little stool things as well. Oh, have you? Yeah.

Game changer. Oh my God, I'm an influencer. You bought a squatty pot. Yeah. Have you used it? They're incredible. Mate, they're amazing. Oh my.

Are you serious? I swear my... Do you know, I've had my... Come on, man. My issues recently. Yeah. I'm not going to get too into it. Yeah.

But that is an absolute... By the way, can I say... I told the specialist I'm saying about it. He was like, that's great thing. That's great. That's great. That's great. More people should use those.

Guys? Yeah. Huh? Doesn't have to be that brand. No. Just get you... Elevate those feet. It's slightly...

Indignifying, isn't it? Can I say I tried it out with a bin a couple of times. Put my foot on top of a bin and then thought, actually, I know it. How tall is the bin? It's something like that tall. Okay, fine. I thought it's like a full-sized bin.

I mean, back. I don't think you're going to get it in the toilet, are you? And since then, I'm like, now I'll invest. Yeah. I'm in. I mean, it's 40 quits. Just pay for it. Beautiful bit of kit.

Yeah, yeah. Game changer. So the overlap I like a lot. No, no, no, no. But this is, I've not told you the bit. Sorry, then we can get into the overlap. I had to go through number two I don't like just dry toilet tissue

okay you can put water on toilet tissue if you haven't no no no you can't you can't I'm sorry mate no but in an emergency situation no you can't not even in emergency you just got to go dry well you can't because it'll shed

yeah that is true if you put too much it's a risky move what I decided to do I don't even know if I want to talk about Hedgeau? They had hand moisturiser oh my god what so I went dry

moisturised tissue dry anyway my anus felt completely frictionless for the rest of the day it was ridiculous in what sense like it was like I basically moisturised my ring I don't think you're supposed to do that

and it's like I looked up In green. You know it's the same, what you should have used is Vaseline, because it's the same, your butt. I'm not putting Vaseline on my ass off. No,

but your bum is the same as your lips. Okay, is it? Yeah. It's the same skin. Okay, fine. Anyway, I put hand cream on there. Oh, my God. And it was, it is insane.

How does it feel now? Well, now it feels alright, but when I told Lisa about it, she said to me, what the fuck did you do that for? And I said, what do you mean? She goes, isn't,

you could, she goes to me, you might get a rash now. Also, you could be fucking your PhD, uh, D levels. PhD levels? I think you mean pH level. PH levels, yeah. I don't think it's affected my doctorate.

No, but your pH levels. No, I've got bad news. The uni heard about you using hand moisturiser on your anus, and now you can't graduate. Yeah, I'm sorry, you're going to fail. You're our best student, and there's a good chance that you would have been the person to cure all these horrible diseases,

but we've heard what you're smearing on your butt hole. Yeah, it's bad. That's a bad move, isn't that? Yeah. Overlap? Yeah, so the overlap I like a lot. I'm trying to think of any others. What went wrong?

Yeah, but I think I've completed what went wrong. They bring out others, but I'm like they've done all the, I don't know. Yeah. Also, it's brilliant. It's incredible. I love them. But at times I feel like they're quite sneery about stuff that. They did one episode about The Interview.

The film The Interview with Seth Rogan. Yes. I didn't like that one. I really like that film. Yeah, I think it's a good film. It's funny film. And the way they talk about it and the people who might like that film feel so sort of like... Well, I mean, there's a bit of racism in the film, isn't it?

Yeah, there is, yeah. But the way... Enough about your favourite bits. You like the whole film, didn't you? Yeah, I did. Yeah. You freak. But they're like, I mean, this is such a shit movie.

I know, I know. I think they call it one of the worst films they'd ever seen. Yeah. And I was like, it's not very bad. And they've seen a lot. Yeah. I didn't think it was that bad. There's a lot of vocal fry

I really struggle to sit through this thing I guess there are people that understand and enjoy this film Let's just say they're not the sort of people I'd want to hang out with You sound like Donald Trump I'd love to see Donald Trump do a film He is in a film, Home Alone too Yeah, very quickly Anyway, sorry

What are you listening to my friend Okay well in response to this In terms of like when I'm running which I haven't done for a while now. And actually, well, I mean, I haven't done it as much as I used to. I don't find pod. I remember when I train for the marathon, I listened to the Brittany audiobook. I love an audio book.

Yeah. So I listened to her autobiography. That was good. Yeah. I don't think it was read by her. God, I'd love it if she had read that. Yeah. She's incredible.

I get it. If Britain doesn't want to read it. Yeah. Anyway, but I find when I'm exercising, I like music. I do like music You know I like a bit of music You just sort of gets you in the zone

I like Bruce Springsteen I mean I mean Lisa gets quite a note Because I do I work out a lot with Lisa And then I always choose the music And I'm always putting on like Some really kind of

Grimy Southern hip hop on Yeah And it's sort of slightly She's not into it Well she'd sort of like more She's like you Come on jump That sort of thing

Yeah For my love Yeah I love all that stuff Yeah You two have got very similar music taste. She likes like Oasis, blur.

West Life. West Life she likes. She's, you know, she's that vibe. Yeah. Then every now and again, I'll send her songs and I go, this is great, isn't it? And she go, yeah. And then I think, how she listened to that? Yeah, yeah. I'm not convinced.

I think she would. Lacey's a very honest woman. She's very honest, actually, to a fault. Yeah, I think that's a one thing. Yeah. But I've got, I put a lot of playlist together. So, like, say, for example, if I know I'm going to hit the gym quite hard, I'll put together a proper...

Can people listen to them themselves? I've made them private. But I mean, I could put them out there, if people want of them. Yeah, I've been like Romney's, yeah. I've got a couple. I did a winter warmer a while ago. I remember it, yeah, yeah, yeah. You could do a thing like you opening the thing, but I'm like, yeah.

Hey, everyone, it's Romish rang and Ethan. If you're going to be lifting those big weights, you want to listen to this. And then it's like... I had to do, I didn't have to do. I was asked to do the... What was it called? the running, you know, the running mix for BBC sounds. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, like, it was like training runs, and then every now and again I'd come in and out of the mix and go, I hope you enjoy it, and it's probably getting a bit gritty out there at the moment, hopefully this will get you through it. A little bit of Van Halen. Oh, my God, that's such a good job.

You got paid for that? Yeah. These are a fucking, I never get in here. You could do it right now. Do like, imagine, I don't know, what songs do you want to be going out of into? So we've got, um, let's think, boy, Bon Jovi.

Okay, Bon Jovi, living on a prayer. And you're going into... Brian Adams, everything I do I do for you. I mean, that's a fucking... By the way, thank God you're not a DJ. Fucking hell, mate. That needs about 45 minutes in between those two songs of other stuff. Fucking hell.

All right, so you're coming out of Bon Jovi, living on a prayer and going into everything I do I do for you. Jesus. Why would that be on a running playlist, by the way? Okay, maybe it's like the last, it's the last 50 metres or something or 100 minutes. Okay, so everything I do, I do, because so it's towards the end of the run, let's say. Yeah, yeah, it's towards the end of the marathon, yeah, okay, go ahead. Okay, and that's Bon Jovi, living on a prayer.

I hope you're living on a prayer, friend, and let me tell you, you're coming to that finish line. Finish strong, and remember the sweet, sweet heart that you've got to give you a big kiss at the end of this race. This is Brian Adams and everything I'll do, I'll do it for you. Okay. If I can give a couple of notes. One, I don't think you have to sort of do as much announcing and details of the songs. Okay. Two, you got the Brian Adams song title wrong.

You don't have to, they're going to hear the song in a sec. Yeah, okay. So you don't have to go into that of the detail. Yeah. Also, sort of, you sort of made this assumption they've all got partners and they're all waiting for them at the finish line. Okay. Okay.

Should we give it another guy? Yeah, so less detail. Less detail on the song. They're about to hear the song. Yeah, okay. Do you don't have to go into it into that level? They're literally, the song's starting

as you're talking. Yeah. Okay. God bless the DJ. Yeah. All right, go on. That's right, you're living on a prayer just like Bon Jovi. This one's coming out of the box.

It's for your heart. It's Brian Adams. What is it? Why is everything for your heart? This is a song that means. Okay, but you imagine. You're at the end of a run. Your heart is fucking beating out your chest.

Okay, what about this? Okay. That was Bon Jovi. Yeah, you're living on a prayer. Now, just take it easy on yourself. And this is Brian Adams. Something like that? Yeah, I thought it was all right.

Yeah, I think the songs are so similar. Too similar? No, but it might just be, yeah, something it means more energy. Yeah, and also, I guess, based on what you've said in the last two minutes, a basic fucking fundamental understanding of what music is, which you clearly don't fucking have in slightest. It's hardly worth mixing these, is it? They're so similar.

Anyway. Another email. Dear Wolf and Al, I've noticed something I've been doing recently and I feel like you guys might be able to help me. If I know I have plans in the evening, even plans I'm looking forward to, I can't properly relax all day. It's like my brain won't let me settle

because something is happening later. I'll hover around the house, half-start tasks, check the time constantly, and mentally rehearsed leaving the house. By the time the actual plan arrives, I'm weirdly tired from anticipating it. Is this normal human behaviour

if I've broken my ability to exist in the present? The pre-occupied puffing. Oh. Thank you so much. Pre-puff. Pre-puff, that's nice. This is, this strikes a chord with me. This is literally how I live my life.

Yeah. The amount of anxiety. It doesn't affect you that much because you so rarely have plans. You jest. But aside work, no, but I can think, I could end up like having done.

days of thinking about doing, yeah, like going somewhere or doing something. Because of a social nature. Even, this is, I mean, it's one of big killers of me when it came to doing stand-up. I used to literally dread it all day. Yeah. To the point, but actually... I like that at the time I got on stage, I was just so fucking absolutely, like, exhausted from the anxiety. Yeah.

That had nothing. But I do get like this about going out. I think it's quite, I actually think it's quite a normal thing. Unless you go... I suppose when I was younger, I used to go out all the time, maybe. I didn't, I felt old saying this, but yeah, when I was a young buck and I used to go out sort of five, six nights a week,

I probably didn't ever think. But then I used to think it was quite normal just to go out. Yeah. Everything I do. If I'm just going to me. I do it for you? Oh, baby.

Is it anything I do, I do it for you, or everything I do I do it for you? Everything I do. Yeah. Yeah, it's a really good song that. Yeah. Yeah, so I think it's quite a normal thing. Yeah.

I've actually, but I've got, quite bad now at cancelling plans. I love it. Do you know this is a really interesting thing? I'll be the judge on that. The therapist I'm seeing at the moment said this really interesting thing to me. She was like, I'll agree to most nearly anything. And I end up doing stuff that I'm like, oh shit, I'll just do it because I don't want to let people down or upset people.

Or I'll just end up just like being like, oh, I feel I should go or I should make an excuse. It was why I couldn't. And she was like, you don't, you should just say no. I was like, what do you mean? Just literally someone says, oh, do you want to come to the pub on Friday? No. And you don't need to give anyone an explanation.

You can just say, no. Yeah, I don't know if I... You have to give some explanation. Yeah, no, I don't want to. Right. I actually think that's legit. Like, you don't have to take me out and go, I know, I'm not going to because I've got this happening or that happening.

Yeah. Because actually, the best thing to do is tell the truth. Yeah, of course. Right. So if you then, but what our instinct, I do think a lot of people have the instinct to make up a reason, right? Yeah, yeah. I've got this other thing. But every time you do that, you are then putting a lie out into the world.

Yeah, yeah. You know, if you go like, I've got this thing, then the next time you see that person, they go, how was, and then your brain's got to go, what did I say? Oh, yeah, I said that to go. Just do this. That's good. That's good.

That's what you did when I asked you, why didn't come to the Vary, Neil? you knew what I was in your but yeah I put a lot of emphasis on that and I think worry quite a lot about it you know

well you're like that because you're people pleasers me and you you're less so you've actually got more of a handle on that now I think I've made it

I have made it one of my main development areas over the I can't believe I've said those words that loud over the last like year to be less of a people pleaser

I'm such a people pleaser still now yeah but I I mean it's like It's taking me ages. I now do not mind if people don't like me. I just think it's fine, of course.

I'm not a perfect... You know, if you don't like me, I get it. And I don't need you to like me. It's taking me ages to even start to think like that. See, I need to go down that, Rick. Yeah, but you're so wonderful. Yeah, but then if I upset people or I feel like I've upset someone,

it burns in time. Yeah, yeah. That is the problem. It's crippling. So I end up going to things doing things I don't know the key to this Tom is you know you're so keen to please other people you're forgetting

about one person yourself well on that note thank you for sending your emails in if you want to get in touch you can email wolf alpod at gmail.com can't you Tom exactly anything pictures videos

funny songs or even a voice note they all count the same we want to hear from you see you next time