Wolf and Owl - Vernon Kay, Meditation Boners & Sensory Deprivation

Episode Date: July 23, 2026

What's Tom's beef with Vernon Kay? This week on Wolf & Owl, Tom and Romesh tackle another batch of emails from you. Addressing awkward, backhanded compliments to a listener's unexpected experience in a sensory deprivation tank. The boys discuss why complete relaxation can sometimes have surprising side effects, share their thoughts on "negging" and Tom shares a story of a strange encounter in Jersey. Plus, Tom has a say in Rom's show attire and there's a heartfelt plea for Vernon Kay to finally acknowledge his gifted electrolytes. A Ranga Bee Production in partnership with Platform Media. Chapters 00:00 Intro 00:45 The first email 03:25 Tom’s bugbear with Vernon Kay 07:02 Meditation boners 10:09 Tom’s shocking Jersey story 12:35 A stinky shirt dilemma 13:47 Am I the arsehole? 17:28 Outro Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Yo, what you want, beak or jaws, feathers or fur, sharp teeth or feet with claws, whatever's preferred. Just kidding every word in his songs about two grown men dressed up as a bird and a dog. Welcome to the email special of Wolf and our podcast. Yo! Yeah, hit it. We listen to your emails and stuff and then we give you advice and problems and solutions and hilarity ensues, but sometimes it gets serious.

Sometimes it isn't serious. Yeah, oh, yeah, oh, child, things are going to get easier. Thank you so much. Wolfoutpod at gmail.com. Do you want to send us anything in? Rameshringer Nathan is the guru. Would you like to read the first email, Tom? It's a short one.

Hey, haven't listened to your podcast, but my brother keeps sending me clips. Sincerely Justin. That feels like someone probably one of us though. Is that, um, is that, uh, well, I do know a Justin. but he listens to the podcast. I know Justin, but he moved to the Isle of Wight. Do you think that was a positive thing,

or that felt like a slam to me? Yeah, this could be, yeah. I mean, I'm guessing. Fuck you, Justin. Um, this feels... Why have you, no, why is Justin emailed in just to go, don't listen to it? This is a really good example of negging.

Yeah, it is, but also it's very much the world that I know about you, but this is what old friends or people I used to work with would do. Yeah. They go, like, they see this is almost like, not a compliment, but I go, yeah, yeah, I haven't seen any of stuff, but my wife had watched King Gaverey. He said it was all right. I had a bloke who came to one of my gigs I used to work with on site, and he came in and he went, I was really excited that he was there once. I said, oh, my fucking, oh, thanks for coming, man. And he went, oh, yeah, no, no, no, I thought it'd come along.

I never really watch anything you've done, but, yeah, she likes it all until a point in it his wife. I often get, I think this is, this has happened so much. I think it's like a, I would describe it as a regular thing. Like an phrodisiac? Well, no, it's a regular thing that's happened. I would say it's happened to me. 100 times? No, not 100 times.

But I would say 20 plus times. Okay. Somebody comes up to you in a pub and they go, I don't know who you are. But everybody on with seems to think you're a big deal. Yeah, yeah. So I just thought I'd come and say hello. That, it happened to be so many times.

But I feel like the person doing it thinks that they're the only person that's ever done that or something. Or they think you're going to go, Oh my God, do you know how refreshing it is? Also, they think that you are the big I am. Couldn't be further from the truth. I mean, for me, it's true, a generation of talent. Yeah, you know. You are, yeah.

I heard you describe yourself in The one show as, yeah. Did I say that? No, but I was joking. That was a joke. No, it was being serious. The way they've cut that, by the way. What do you mean? In the clip, it's you turning around.

So, yeah, I'm a bloody national treasure. I was joking. I was a joke. Yeah, but yeah. I had to watch the whole clip. Why did you watch the one show, by the way? Because you're on it. All right.

I was like you when you do those things. By the way, can I say, yeah. So you're not uncomfortable when you do those now. You used to be really, you could see that you hate your being there sometimes. Now you're so fucking, you're so you're so you're so relaxed.

That's very sweet of you to say, but I guess that happens when you do a show 50 times. I like the one show. Me too. Do you know how I really like, Alex Jones is so sweet. I love Alex Jones. She's so lovely. I think she's really, yeah.

And you have Vernon K. Yeah. Looks like Buckbeau of Vernon. Oh. No, no, no. I like Vernon. Big fan of Vernon. Good guy, Vernon.

I sent him loads. He asked for some mandrill. I sent him. Never heard it. I can only guess he found it disgusting and didn't like it. What did you send, protein or electrolytes? Both. He messaged me and he said, can I have some?

He messaged me and said, oh, so you're doing protein electrolytes? So I said, yeah, he said, oh, he's any chance. You know, he's a gym bod. It was just as we were starting out. And I was like, oh, yeah, of course, man. And what did you send him? I sent him with some protein, some electrolytes. How much of them did he send?

Oh, no, no. Like, yeah, one of each. I was like, here we go, man. I've done with Vernon for a while. Yeah. It's the longest that now we've gone without talking. If Vernon had said thank you and asked you to hook him up with a lifetime supply, would you have done that?

Oh, I'm sort of, like, insane. Who is eligible for a lifetime's free supply of Mandrill? Probably you. I'm not giving stuff away. Not just me, though, Catherine. Yeah, well, yeah. Defront? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He doesn't really, he's partaking any of that stuff. He doesn't need to. No. one of the most attractive build I've ever seen in my fucking life.

No, but no, my point being Vernon's usually very... Vernon is one of my favorite people to chat on a basis. He has a way of making you feel very good about yourself. He's very, very sexy, charming guy. Oh my gosh. Yeah.

I was working with a very well-known actress and we were on a set and Vernon came up. I've never heard a woman say this about a man. He walked past and went, fucking how I wrought the life out of that. It was insane. He was like, what?

I would love to have somebody say that about him. Honestly, the idea. Oh my God, you know that guy? Yeah. He shut himself in bed with my mate once. I imagine it's like, it would be something like this. Oh, God, can you imagine him having sex? No, but Vernon's got, he's handsome, he's polite, he's sweet.

Yeah. But yeah, I've never heard from him. So now I'm like, oh God. Yeah, Vernon, can you? you get in touch? No, no, more that I just now think he obviously found it. It doesn't matter though, that doesn't matter.

He should have been in touch, man. No, no, I don't want... Vernon, what are you doing, bro? I'd rather he just didn't like it in quiet. Oh, sorry, Vernon, don't get in touch. What I don't want him, I don't want him to feel awkward around me if I see him. I'm like, it wasn't for you.

So have you seen him since? No. No. He's almost like, yeah. He was going to be... Were you seeing him regularly? No, but we live close to each other. Oh, okay, fine.

He gets... What, in the new affluent place? Yeah. Yeah, okay. He lives in a nice part of town. Anyway, Vernon, we're joking. We love you. I love him.

But sorry that Tom's, if you sort of discover the secret that Tom has kept about Mandra, which is everything's shite. Oh, come on, come on. I need sales. Sorry, great product. Yeah.

By the way, actually, one of the things I haven't told you, Theo, big fan of your protein stuff. Really? Yeah. I'll send them. Yeah. Theo's got a lifetime, obviously, by proxy, because he's related to you.

And I love the electrolytes, I can't have the protein. Yeah. Well, we're trying to work on that for the protein. No, no, no, no, because of... It's plant-based, sorry. God, you really do get worried, didn't you? Yeah, no, yeah, because you've got to be careful to slander at this modern age.

Yeah, yeah. It's got some toxins in it. What was it? What was the... What was that study? Just the plastic, but it's... Right, yeah. He had to recall a latest. That was all jokes.

That was all jokes. Can you think, yeah? We were supposed to recall. No, that is. It's very good. It's good, well-made protein. Very well-made protein. Decent for you. Yeah. Dear Wolf and Al, I'm a recent listen to your podcast and have found your novel content hilarious,

as well as quite a welcome break from the cookie cutter style content of other podcasts. What's cookie cutter style? As in just sort of standard production line, you know, bullshit. Oh, okay. I'm guessing off menu parenting now. I wanted to reach out and tell you about an experience I had a few weeks ago. I just listened to the episode when Romish disclosed you had got a boner whilst meditating at home. Oh, man, I forgot about that.

I was roaring with laughter thinking, what the bloody hell do you think about when meditating? that I know that it could be the simply be the meditative state that brings on these levels of the world. Because you know, by the way, just quickly, you know, I don't know, he is a big meditator. And yeah, he was saying that his erections and the size of his penis can be quite, I don't know. Oh my God, what are you doing? No, sorry.

Because I think I'm just having a chat with you. I forget this being recorded. Just by chance, I happen to be trying out a sensory deprivation flotation tank the very next day. The experience is incredible. I'd recommend it to anyone. I felt like I'd had a 12-hour deep sleep in the space of an hour. I was relaxed physically and mentally. I'd been raving about the benefits to all of my friends.

The thing is, none of them I know experienced the same unexpected arousal levels as Ramesh. Midway through the session, things started to jingle downstairs. Oh, wow. And I found myself harboring the most stonking boner I've had for a long time. I have no idea where it came from. I wasn't thinking about anything erotic, but I figured, hell, let's go with it.

What does that mean? Probably had a, I'd imagine, just had a tommy tank. Not in the fucking, not in the fucking, not in the, That would be an awful thing for the purpose they got in there after. Well, I assume there's some sort of fucking aftercare after you've got that. Yeah, well, it's just sort of something going right. I wouldn't have thought you'd have to go, I won't miserable with the fishnet and see if anyone's spunked in the floated.

My question to you guys is, do you know the science behind why this happens or if that's too highbrow? Fuck you, man. Are there any other bono-related meditation stories that's clearly relatable to middle-aged men? Yours in meditative boners, big buffalo. I think, you know what I think, or shout out of Big Buffalo, by the way. Shout out, big my phone. Slightly bigger, weren't you during that old session?

You dirty bastard. I can imagine that. I think it's a state of just being in complete relaxation and pushing any thoughts outside your head. Yeah. And the breathing, I think,

then just helps everything along in that circumstance. Yeah, I think you become completely relaxed. Yeah. Because a lot of the time, as men of our age, we're walking around with a certain amount of angst and cortisol just running through our veins.

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I'm not asking you to do it now, but if I did, if I said to you, right, Tom, get an erection, how quickly do you think you can get one? I think it would be strange if I sat there with you and John. I'm not denying it would be strange. My question is, could you do it and how long would it take you? I'm allowed to nurse my penis to get it. I don't really want you to slap life into it.

I'm talking about mainly, like, sort of mentally. I think it would take a while to relax, in this room with the three of us. I think that would take some time sitting here. I mean, that would be a real low, by the way, to sort of be forced into a situation where I've got to try and achieve an erection. Do it. Do it. One of the most inquiries.

So when we, I don't know if I've told this story on here. When we were in Jersey, me, your brother and Gratz, we were, we got to fly out on a Friday evening and we've got two shows on a Saturday. When we land, I'm like, let's just go and have a look around Jersey to see what it's about. I've never been here before. Then, like, your brother was, talking about erections, your brother was very excited about a car rally thing that they had old cars and escorts and stuff. Your brother and Gratz, both love cars. Yeah, I'm not obviously a big fan.

You mean, you're a fan of them as a mode of transport. Yeah, as a road of transport. I find it hard to get as excited about seeing like a, you know, 1992 Mercedes as they do. Anyhow, we're walking around, we go for a little bowl. By the way, Jersey, I don't know if you're. ever been. It's like Magaloof. It's like insane. Every pub is packed. It's like a Friday night. It's quite balmy. It's quite hot. But anyway, walking along, you're like, oh, a fucking great energy in town. It's great. And then Gratz nudges me, he goes, oh my God, look at that. And in the doorway

of the co-op, right, there's a guy mid-50s. He's got his golf cap pulled up like that. His golf polo's over his tummy. And he's making out with this woman, like heavily peeing. and he's got his cockat out and she's making him off in the doorway of the co-op you're joking no oh so your brother and grats which club was this

I thought she's almost there which is weird because she had a test goes out no but we it was so fucking and there was a pub full of people just outside were they all looking

no it was like occasionally someone might turn their head like see if he was still there go his dad still don't know but it was fucking I've never seen anything quite like it. In the middle of the street.

It's like 9 o'clock at night, half nine. Yeah, I don't know what time that's okay, but... Yeah, but... Yeah, that is wild. Jersey? Yeah. Ranga Nathan fell. Just you walking around in a golf cap and a golf photo.

Just what you're like? You're about this? You're about that life? I'm just going to wander around and say, what happens? Anyway, that's... We haven't really got it. Actually, after saying, fuck, you haven't really got a scientific explanation, but I understand why you would do.

Yeah. At some point, we're going to have our last one. Our last direction. Yeah. Yeah. It's probably not far away. And you won't know when it's happening. Yeah.

Yeah. Christ. Okay. Do you want to read this last one? What's wrong? I don't know. Literally just bought that top. No, no.

I don't know if someone else has worn it. And then... Yeah. Do you know what? you've put on a shirt, it stinks. Can I say... The most logical thing is, whoever tried that on before you stinks.

That's the most likely... No, no, can I say you're being so, okay, go back a year or so ago. The Arsenal shirt? Yeah. I know, you're right. Do you know what? Shame on me.

Yeah. I bought an Arsenal shirt, the pink one, stank a B.O. Yeah. Unlike the one that we brought you, or John brought you. Which has never been used.

It's sad to think you wore a B.O. shirt for a whole game. Well, I washed it, didn't I? Yeah, no, no. You couldn't wash it. No, that's true. You'd rather walk around stinking of Beo than wearing a... What could we get you on the back of your Arsenal shirt?

I don't think a 48-year-old man should have any name across the back of the shirt. We'll pick a player. Are you going to have something ironic? Like what? Like used to play here, number six. Right, do you want to do this email? What about just championos? Championos. What's that?

Championos, champions. Yeah. Dear Wolfenau, love the pod and enjoyed seeing you both in Brighton. Thank you! My email may fall into that Am I the asshole category but I'm almost sure

it's not me that's the asshole. I work in a clothing store and over the years have had to deal with many strange customers however I was recently gossacked by a seemingly nice normal man mid-50s in a golf outfit I'd say he was maybe mid-40s

Asked for a wank I took him outside the co-op and polished him off good and proper He stopped me and said, he would like to complain about the men's pants. I said, okay, what's the issue? He then proceeded to tell me that the men's pants used to have a flyhole and that they no longer have one. And he says that words, he said he preferred to poke it out of the hole. And now inconvenient would have to poke it down the side or even worse, put his pants down.

This was accompanied by actions. According to him, the pants obviously had a design floor and would now have to shop elsewhere. Where? Sorry, pull it out the side. Yeah, that's mad. Have you ever done that? No. Pulled your penis out at the bottom of the... No, no, I'm saying no.

I mean, you, I've always just, you go over the top, right? Yeah, I've never... None of us has done it. Good. And why the aroushole here, thinking a few things? A, you're speaking to a shop assistant who has absolutely nothing to do with the design and supply of anything in the shop. What exactly do you think I can do about it? And B, is it not slightly pervy to be speaking to a female shop assistant

about how you'd like to position your... penis when you take a piss. Maybe I'm being unfair, and this bloke is a genuine complaint and is within his rights to complain. What do you think is this something you would deem okay? Love the puzzle pelican. I'm going to jump in here. This guy's a piece of shit. He's an absolute

fucking woman. He's a fucking woman. This guy, by the way, to pick out a female member of staff. Disgusting. Like, this scumb... He doesn't deserve to wear nice pants. I hope that you somehow hear this and see this. You're a fucking prick.

You are a... Can I shout out to this person? If you're carrying away around the weight thinking you're in this situation you're not an arsehold, you're a credit to the organisation

in which you work. I think you're a brilliant member of staff. We'd love you to come and work here at the Wolf and Aown. Yeah. Puzzled Pelican, we're very sorry that you had to go through that.

In answer to your question... Let's take this. If he's really got a complaint, there's a way of... First of all, he shouldn't be complaining to you, you didn't mate the pants. Okay, it was a Bangladeshi 12-year-old, right?

Second of all... By the way, I love the fore there's somewhere sitting there just going this will fuck with these pricks. I know. So up the fuck. Who uses a... I know.

I'm sorry. I don't think I've ever used the piss hole in pants. No. I don't know who the fuck is using the piss, that hole. If anything, I think they're a fucking, there are a hazard.

Yeah, that's another red flag, by the way. Yeah. And also, in addition to that, there is a way of describing that problem. Let's assume that it's okay to make that complaint. There is a way of describing that without demonstrating

what it is you're talking about. He's a perver. He's a fucking pervert scum. And if he ever comes back in the shop, I think you should call the police. Yeah. He's a piece of shit.

Have his hard drive checked out. Yeah, he's a fucking dirty fucking bastard. Sorry. It's horrible. Oh, there's a picture attached. It's Josh Whitaker. I just don't know where to pass

because I've got down the side. You couldn't imagine my surprise when I realized He'd now become the host of my favorite dance show. It was only when he started talking about Blur that I thought, who is this guy? Okay, thank you so much for sending your emails in. If you'd like to get in touch and it can be any old shit,

you can email Wolfelpod at gmail.com. See you next time. Please remember to like and subscribe. Love you. See you through the ether. That sound? It means summer's biggest event is here. The fashion is unmatched.

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