Woman Evolve with Sarah Jakes Roberts - Acceptance Wrapped in Grief w/ Chiquis Rivera

Episode Date: December 22, 2021

SZN's greetings, Delegation! All month long, we're reflecting & taking inventory of who W.E. have become. This week, SJR passed the mic to singer, author, and tv personality, Chiquis Rivera, who shared her story of resiliency! From surviving to thriving, Sis is THE prime example of a #BruisedHeelBaddie! Now...how do you honor the legacy of someone who's disappointed you? And...what to do when a situation in your life has gotten your strength? Press PLAY to unwrap the gift of contentment that Chiquis received while accepting divine truth in times of sorrow. Followed by some noteworthy advice! If you or someone you know have experienced sexual violence, FREE, confidential, 24/7 support is available at 1-800-656-4673 and RAINN.org. This episode is brought to you by Notion.so + Noom.com/Evolve.

God can't bless you for ten to be or who you can pair yourself to. He can only bless you and the lane that was created for you. I feel that for somebody. You don't need no itch, it's a two-year-old boundary. What? I don't need your lights, I don't need your elevation. All I need is a God-party program that says all things, all things, all things. Try.

And we back in this thing like we never left. Okay, it's only been a week. But let me tell you something. I low key missed you. It's getting close to the holidays. How y'all holding up everything? All right. Speaking of missing something though, have you noticed how much you've outgrown certain patterns

and behaviors? I'm not talking about the ones that didn't require any sacrifice. I'm talking about the patterns that you grieved as you let that layer of you fall away. That's some grown woman growth. And when I talk about grown woman growth, this girl, Cheeky Rivera,

she's about to change your life. You want to talk about grown woman growth. This girl, Cheeky Rivera, she's about to change your life. You want to talk about grown woman growth. She has gone through so many things, things that I don't know if I would have survived at all and yet not only has she survived them, she learned the lessons and she's sharing them with us. So I want us to check in with her. It's going to be an enjoyable enlightening and powering time that you don't want to her. It's going to be an enjoyable and lightning and powering time that you don't want to miss. Let's evolve. Hi. Hi. How are you? I'm great. How are you? You look beautiful. Thank you. So do you. How are you? Thank you. I'm good. I'm happy. I'm it's honestly, it's an honor.

It's an honor and a blessing to be here with you. I mean, it'd be awesome if I could be there, but speaking to you is awesome. So thank you. I'm sorry. We'll take this. How was your holiday season? It was, it was really nice.

It was quagged, but with the people that I needed to be with. So that was good. And you're amping up for Christmas, any special plans? We're going to go to Mami. We're going to go to be with. So that was good. And you're ampin up for Christmas, any special plans? We're gonna go to Miami. We're gonna go to the snow. Okay. With my, yeah, with my nieces and nephews. So that should be nice. I wanted, I want to be around some snow. I was thinking about this. I think we're gonna go to Dallas for Christmas, but Dallas is not guaranteed snow. So you have to enjoy that snow for me. Yes.

I will. I definitely will take pictures. Okay. So at one many of all this month, we're talking about reflection, right? It's December is the end of the year. So when we begin to like really take inventory of like who we've become, what do you think has been like the greatest shift or change that you've had this year? The greatest shift or change. I would say for starters, my move, I just recently moved

from my first home that I bought myself. It was in Silmar in the Valley. So when I first bought it, I was like, okay, this is for sure going to be where I am going to get married and I should. I'm going through the first right now, unfortunately, I was in half children. I never thought I was gonna move from there,

but circumstances changed. So moved, and that. Unfortunately, I was in half children. I never thought I was going to move from there, but circumstances changed. So moved and that has been a big shift in my life. That and also coming into terms with maybe not being okay with my family for a while, my personal family. Yeah. My mom's siblings and stuff. So that has been a huge change for me.

I think those two, I have to say. Okay, so I know more about you than the people listening know because we got to get to know you a little bit before starting the podcast. But you have accomplished a lot. You have experienced a lot. Can you tell us just what's your story? Thank you. You know what? I better know, my name is Janay Marin, but I'm better known as cheekies.

I have, yes, I have been through a lot. I am the daughter of the late Jenny Rivera. She, my mother passed in 2012. She was a very, and still is a very famous and successful singer. still is a very famous and successful singer. And I thought it was in her footsteps starting 2015. So it's been a lot. It was a lot of change when I experienced, well, sexual abuse with my father, he's now in jail now. He's in jail for another, what, 17 years. And when my mom passed,

her and I had had a fallout. We, she had gotten upset and there was just a lot of noise. Talksick voices was what I like to call them around her. So we weren't talking the time of her passing. So that was very difficult. And it's been something that would have you on me, but through prayer and the support of my siblings, which I'm the eldest of five, it helped me just move forward and on her legacy and be the best person, the best version of myself that I can be for myself and also for the people that

follow me and of course my siblings. So that's just a little bit, I have a singer. I am an author. And I also have my own show. It's called Lo and Hota that be. So it's kind of a makeover show, but it starts more in your heart. It's a transformation show starting in the heart out. So you do get your hair done and look

pretty, but we speak to a life coach and we just kind of dig in deep, you know, for for the actual, you know, for the long term change, should I say? Okay, so this podcast could be about four hours long with what you just told us. I was like, where do I start?

What do I say? I just, whatever came to my mind, I said it. So I don't even, okay, so like I have so many questions just about how you have been able to seemingly channel traumatic painful experiences into purpose. But then like I also want to understand how do you honor the legacy of someone who disappointed you. I think I want to go there because a lot of people haveined relationships with their parents. And yet, you had a strained relationship with your mom, but you're also honoring her legacy.

What type of work, perspective shifts did you have to do in order to go from seeing her through the lens of how she may have disappointed you in her role as a mother, but still honor who she is and the gifts and talent she had as a woman. It has definitely been a journey. It wasn't easy. Her and I were 15 years apart, so we grew up together.

We were like sisters, sometimes I felt like her mother. I felt like the responsible one. And so she had me so young, I was the one that had to take care of my siblings. And I sometimes had me so young, I was the one that had to take care of my siblings. I sometimes grew a little bit of resentment towards her. But now that she's not here and I went through the healing process, the being upset, of obviously being sad, missing her. And then surviving and saying, I have to be strong for my siblings. I need to be an example to the world that yes, I've been through this, but I'm not a victim of my past. I am not a victim of what has happened

to me. I have to get up and I have to honor my mother and show the world that she did raise, because she's a single mother. She was a single mother. Raised a strong woman at the best way that I can honor her. And the crazy thing, I was disinherited. So I worked for her up until I was 26. I did everything. I was I would I would I would say she was the the husband that would go out and work and the motor of the family and I was the wife that did at home to care my siblings and pay the bills and helped her with the businesses. So when that happened, I think it was just a time of realization that I said, okay, everything, it might sound cliche, but everything does happen for a reason.

And she prepared me my entire life for this moment when she passed. And I just started thinking. And for a long time, I think all of 2013, I was so upset with her. I was just like, why? And I did a question God many times and um that helped me grow and understand that you know what everything does happen

for a reason and I have to take my pain and turn it into something positive and just embrace that and not feel sorry for myself or you know it's just learning that this happened to me because I need to be an example and that has honestly helped me so much to say I need to be vulnerable enough and transparent enough and use my platform and everything that I do to help others and to be some type of inspiration to other women that perhaps still have difficulty being open about whether it be an issue that like my mom, what happened between my mom and I was bad, you know, and I could just stay quiet

and not talk about it, or I could just be brutally honest and help others, you know. That's so good. I feel like there is such a fine line between transparency and vulnerability. And a lot of times we share our story and we're being transparent, but vulnerability is when we're like sharing those wounds, those areas that aren't yet healed.

And I'm wondering because when you're speaking, I just see so much resilience, I see so much strength down on the inside of you. But also, I feel like there's probably this part of yourself that you've had to repair it, that you've had to have vulnerability. How do you balance the healthy side of I need to be strong and that strength has produced results in my life versus the reality of I can't be strong all the time. This time I'm actually hurting without allowing it to take away from who you have built yourself up to be for other people.

What has helped me the most is knowing we all have bad moments. It's a bad moment. It's not a bad life. It's not a bad. Does it have to become one day? Doesn't have to become a week. I just, when I'm sad, I also tell my followers, or I tell my family, or whoever's around me, hey, I'm not having a book a day.

I'm not feeling good. And I feel those feelings. And I know that what I need the most in that moment is prayer, where I could just say, I'm feeling it, I accept it. This is not happening to me. It's happening for me. So what am I going to learn from this? And I just embraced it, really.

And I do my best not to allow it to go on for too long, you know, because that's you could just get deeper and deeper into a dark hole. And that's where I'm like, you know what, no, it's okay. It's going to be okay. I literally have to give myself, you know, therapy and counseling and stay it out loud. It's going to find, you know, so that it doesn't affect everything else, you know, because I think what's important is knowing your purpose. Like, what's your mission in this world? What do you want to accomplish, you know, and always having that as a focal point, and not allowing everything else around us, you know, lead into that too much, you know. Tell me about your introduction to faith.

It seems like that's just a core staple of who you are, who introduced you to faith. What was it like for you growing up? Is it new? Like, how did your faith journey begin? It has been a part of my life since I was little. I always heard my grandparents, I grew up with my grandparents,

talking about God. And my dad was very Catholic and then my mom's family was very Christian. So I was always going to church, whether it be Catholic or Christian. And then something's happened in church that disappointed me for a long time. And that's when I learned that I was focusing on the man. You were the person that was preaching and not God. So I learned that and I'm very spiritual and I just feel like, you know, faith is, it's not tangible, it's something you can't see,

you can't smell, it's something that I can't even explain. I just know that there's something stronger than I am and I know that just being I'm here for a reason, I have a purpose and that really does help me. There are times when things happen where you're like, you question it and you're like, OK, why? But I try my best not to ever since 2013,

when everything happened with my mom, I try my best not to question and just say, OK. Instead of thinking, why is this happening to me? Why, why, why? It's just, OK, there's a reason. And this is happening for me for growth. And growing isn't always, it's very, very uncomfortable. It is very uncomfortable.

Yeah, very. Yes. As a member of a growing team, speed and alignment help us process, clarify, and manage multiple projects at one time. Notion is a hub that provides one central and customizable workplace. You can tailor it to fit any team. It's for companies of all sizes.

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And then you shared with us earlier, obviously, that he's incarcerated in that you experienced sexual abuse. If you don't mind, can you let us into the healing process where you are on that journey of coming to terms with this violation that you experienced at the hands of someone who was meant to protect you. And I just think it's so beautiful that you've been able to preserve faith in those circumstances because so many people can't do it. They can't even mention the person's name or think about them.

And yet it seems as if you've been able to reconcile it in such a way that it doesn't have shame connected to it. Or are you just speaking through the shame? You know, I have to think my mom for that because for a long time, I was ashamed and it was something that I, when we went to court and we were on trial for an entire year, I had to relive those moments. My dad was on the run for 10 years. So it happened to me. He he molested me the first time I remember. I was eight years old, eight to 12 years old. And I never said anything. I was afraid. Of course, they tell you certain

thing to keep you afraid. And I never told my mom because I knew my mom's and I was had a very, very strong personality. So my mom is going to you afraid. And I never told my mom because I knew my mom's, I almost had a very, very strong personality. So my mom is going to kill him. And I'm going to be parentless. You know, I thought he's going to be in jail. My mom's, he's going to be, you're dead. My mom's going to be in jail. And I just would be so many things.

And he said he would send me away to my grandma. So I didn't like his mom too much. So I was scared and I never said anything. But when, so when my mom found out and I was 12, he ran for 10 years. So when we were going through court and everything, I remember telling her why we're fine. Like just let him go. He has a family, has a new daughter,

he has a wife, like maybe he's changed, she said, no, you deserve justice. And I'm going to help you do that. And she never, the moment that my mother found out, she believed in her right away. She didn't, she didn't, she just made it to the doctor and to hospital and they checked me. But she never questioned it. She said, okay, this happened,

but you cannot feel sorry for yourself. That's where I got it from. Like, you're not going to feel sorry for yourself. And she never treated me differently. If anything, she said, you have to be strong. And you're not going to use that as an excuse to not do well in school. So I really think my mom for that and just going to church and listening to my mom, it's as well as I never had an ounce of resentment towards my father ever. I think when my mom and I had a falling out, I was more upset with my mom. Believe it or not, than my dad, I felt like maybe he's sick.

I'm not excusing what he did because it wasn't right, but I just felt it's okay, like even if he's never going to accept it, he hasn't until this day, or apologize to me. If I wanna be forgiven, if I wanna be okay, I have to release that and let that go and not carry that my entire life. And just I've talked to him a couple times actually the day I got married with the last

day I talked to him, spoke to him on the phone and he prayed for me because now he's very Christian and he actually does prayer groups and Bible studies in jail. So I believe people can change. He's never said sorry yet. So I am waiting for that to be honest. I would like that in order to pursue a relationship with him. But I have my mom to thank for that. She really just instilled not feeling sorry for myself

and forgiving him and just trying to understand. Maybe he's sick. Maybe it was done to him. I don't know. But yeah. I have chills hearing your story because like the your dad is praying with you your mom showed up for you in a way that every mother should when she hears this type of news from her child. And I don't know, it's just the way that

it seems like you have recovered. Like I feel like I have gotten stuck on things that are so much smaller than what you have gone through. And yet you have all of these things that have happened and it feels like you have just become so resilient. Has there ever been something that you've gone through where you didn't feel like you could tap into the strength that you are showing today? Like in a relationship maybe, I know you mentioned you're going through divorce.

Like what do you do when you've been strong your whole life But you run into something that feels like it's got your strength Getting married and having to get divorced I think that even makes me so emotional thinking about it because I got married kind of knowing Maybe he's not ready. He's not but I I'm like, maybe I can help him be ready. And I should have listened to that instinct, and that gut feeling that told me that. And we weren't even married for a year

and things just got really, really bad. And I think when I had to make the decision, I think there was the most difficult decision was still being in love with him and having to let him go, because I knew that he wasn't the man for me. That was the hardest decision because when you're no longer in love with someone attracted to them, or they cheat on you sometimes, it's easier to say,

okay, I'm letting you go and you get angry, but I was so sad. I was just so devastated. I felt to my knees. I want to say I went through, this was just so devastated. I felt to my knees. I want to say I went through this was just last year, November, December and January 2020. Sorry, January 21, 2021, I'm sorry, that I was depressed and I just really felt like I can't get up. But it also helped me again during that time. I didn't see it. I didn't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Thank God, I always held on to my faith and I reached out to my mentors, and it was just such a rough time for me. Do you feel like, because I feel I've been through divorce too. And even though I had reason to get divorced like biblical reason, right? The person cheated. And to your point, like it's a had reason to get divorced, like biblical reason, right? The person cheated.

And to your point, like it's a lot easier to get divorced when you have that reason to hold onto. And yet I also realized that even though that was like his fall, there was still like this role that I played in trying to curate an image of wholeness, even though I wasn't necessarily whole or trying to like have white-picked fence to change this narrative of the girl who was wiling out,

finally lands into this perfect little marriage. And so I was able to, through a lot of work, identify why I got married in the first place. What is it that you think led you to marry someone or maybe even compromise on the idea of this person What is it that you think led you to marry someone or maybe even compromise on the idea of this person isn't ready, but maybe I can get them ready? Okay, and I'm gonna let you answer the question,

but I'm gonna also say this. You strike me as someone who feels like I can stand up to anything. And so maybe the idea of, look at me answering your question, that's so rude, but here I am. That's a good thing. You feel me like you could do. I do. Yeah, but that's the problem with being so strong is that you be feeling like I

can handle anything and like yeah, we'll get there. Yeah, I can fix it. And when you've had success doing that, like what is an obstacle to someone who's gone through all of this stuff? And till you run into something that like humbles you down, but answer your own question and let me shut up. No, you're absolutely right. I think it was just that, like, I can fix him. I want to fix him. I am, for a long time, I was a person

that needed to be needed. I like, I like feeling that feeling that, you know, and I think I was always the fixer in my relationship where I was like, okay, it's okay, I'll help you. And I was always the better one, you can say quote-unquote, but I just, I kind of drove off of that feeling of just, I want to fix you. And I'm like, I'm done with that. I want someone that is willing to be the best version of fellows and I am too. And we come together not I pull you and I felt like I was

pulling him, but I was okay with that because I felt I was in control. Like I felt like this is something I have a little bit of control over, but it was also suffocating him as well. And I didn't know that until after when you step back and you're like, okay, what can I change in my relationship or moving forward so I don't do this again and I don't follow and keep doing the same thing, you know, the same powder. But I am that type of person. I'm like, you know, like you said, like I'll step up to anything. I'm like, I'll figure it out because that was all I've ever known.

Figure it out, figure it out my whole life. And that's what I did when I got married. I knew the day that I got married. I cried the day in the shower. So bad. And I said, I should not do this. But I also felt the pressure of the world is expecting it. I pay much money. I got to do it. But I knew this is not the right decision for me. And it's crazy because when my mom got married, I told her the same thing. You know, I said, Mom, I know you're not in love with this person. You're still in love with your ex and you should not get married. I told her that two weeks before. She says, I'm going to do whatever I want to do. And I already have everybody waiting. I have the party. I can't. So it's crazy because I criticized that. Wow. And then I did the same thing.

So I was like, quiet. Don't ever criticize people or judge anyone because I did the same thing. So I was like, quiet. Don't ever criticize people or judge anyone because I did the same exact thing. It was, and I learned my lesson. I could talk to you like, I want to take notes while you're talking so that we can like circle back on so many things. What do you think makes us fixers? How do we become the type of people who feel like I can fix anything? Is it a response to our own brokenness? Cause I'm very much so like that. Like I tell people this all the time, like I have an unhealthy perspective

that makes me feel like I can sign up for anything. Like I always use this example. Like if someone told me like there is no way you could like take this television apart and put it back together, I would be like grab my sweatpants, I'll do it right now. Like I'm trying to prove stuff

that like doesn't even matter because like you're not gonna tell me I can't do it. What, why? Why are we this way? You know, well I can relate. For me, you push me up against the corner and I'm gonna push you back on my eye.

I don't like that feeling, but I think that for a long time, I was looking for broken men or broken people in my life because I was also broken within where I wasn't, I wasn't taking the time to heal myself. So I wanted to ignore that part, whether it be mentally or emotionally, ignore that and just kind of push it to the side

or brush it under the the the rug So that I I could just ignore me and then just focus on that person and it just it drove me and it kept me going for so long until I was hit with this Obviously miss you think my mom was was tough But I also had my siblings that was like I can't I can't be weak I got a gotta keep going. I gotta be strong But what really threw me to my knees and it was hard to get up was my divorce.

And that's where I was like, okay, I need to do this. I need to just allow people to shield themselves and or us heal each other, not me healing, healing like I can't carry you. That's just, and we shouldn't carry anyone. It were, you know what I mean? Like I just feel we're supposed to guide people and really work on ourselves.

I mean, this, it's already hard. And like in itself, like having to work on ourselves, you know? So having to carry someone else, that's a lot. But now I think I've learned that and I realize that through therapy, I do therapy and through life coaching. Yeah. I had a little bit of a problem.

I have had that problem too, you your not in a bio-self. I think that when we become fixers by nature, especially when we are in relationships where we feel a sense of responsibility for fixing the other person, for me at least it was a response to me wanting something that felt easier to fix than addressing my own issues. It's almost like I need a poison that is more intoxicating than the to fix than addressing my own issues. It's almost like, I need a poison that is more intoxicating than the one that's in my own veins to focus on so that I don't have to feel the wounds

of what's inside of me. That's it for me. Yes. Yes, absolutely. I need the distraction. You know what I mean? I need an in a way that becomes our addiction, right? Is like trying to drown out our own pain and trauma, but I feel like I'm finally coming to a place.

I was in a healthy, well, maybe not obviously, because you never know what's happening behind closed doors, but I am in a healthy marriage now. And I am finally coming to a place where I can accept that like not every problem is my responsibility but I am in a healthy marriage now. And I am finally coming to a place where I can accept that not every problem is my responsibility to fix and that it is okay to not be broken anymore. And that sounds so silly because we're all stretching

for healing, right? But what if we have these pockets in our lives where we are able to accept, like right now, I am completely content and satisfied with who I am. And I don't need to constantly see myself as this broken little toy that no one wants to play with. And I feel like there's healing in that too, because there's so much pressure to always grow change and pause up and that's that's that's that but like at the end of the day to be at peace with who you are is a gift.

Absolutely. Feel just for a moment. Okay, I'm content. I think we're usually just chasing the more the more you know it's the rat race of life, which you call it, you know, and, and yeah, like, I'm completely, I'm with you. I totally feel the same way where it's, for a long time, I felt like I had to be going through something in order to feel like I'm living in order to feel like I'm going to be able to level up. And I don't want that. I'm like, no, I deserve to be happy. I'm worthy of happiness of peace for so long. It's, no, there has to be some type of drama in my life because that's how I know that,

you know, that I don't know exactly how to put into words, but I understand, like, you know, maybe we're gliding. I felt, you know, okay, it has to be something. Do you think? Do you think? Making me sad. Okay, do you think because as women of color culturally, I feel like as a black woman, I want to hear your experience. That like within our culture, there's a pressure to constantly perform and pursue, because you're coming from behind, right? Like because you're working from behind, you have to work 10 times harder, 15 times harder if you add a woman on top of that. And because everything in the culture is constantly telling us you have to work hard,

it does feel like there is no place for us to just say, I'm fine with who I am. I've accomplished a lot and that's great. I still have dreams, but if it doesn't happen, that's okay. Like I just want to have peace, like my number one goal is to have peace. And I think it's in the culture of our, you know, I think it's people of color. I think I've never been white before. So it might be a white culture. I don't know. I think as people of color, I've never been white before, so it might be in white culture, I don't know.

But it feels like it's within the culture to constantly be pursuing and performing for the sake of your whole community. Oh yes, absolutely. And that is a generational curse that I am doing my best to break because I saw it in my grandmother and I always asked I for so long I felt that pressure and my grandpa did this to my mother and my mom always felt like it's five in the morning I gotta get up I gotta be doing

thing why are you still asleep at eight o'clock and I just always felt like oh yeah I can't just rest and my mom didn't know how to rest. She was a hardworking woman. I admire her, but there are certain things and I'm like, I want to change moving forward. Like, it's okay to have a resting. I mean, even Jesus, I mean, you know, God did it. I'm gonna stop, you know, Sunday, you know,

and I'm like, wait a second, that says something. Like, my mom, my grandpa still works right now and he doesn't know how to take a vacation. My mom was the same way. And I always felt like, you know, that pressure of more, or more, I have to do more. And it's like, hey, guys, exactly what you said. I'm like, hey, I'm good.

I don't need to feel like I have to do something or I should do something because that's what they expectively. It's, this is my journey. This is my life. I'm going to go at my pace. I finally just clicked two years ago where I'm like, wait, I'm off. I need to be off in January because I need some time to recoup and recharge my batteries. If not, I'm going to work down. Then what are we going to do? I think it is a cultural thing, a cultural thing, and my family. I mean, yeah, for sure.

Yeah, because I be like, I don't know. I don't know that I know any older black people who are like retired. Like I only know like people who are like my, my spiritual grandfather, both of my biological grandfather's at that when I was born. But the guy who is basically my grandfather, he's like 80s in his 80s and he's still preaching every Sunday. Like I don't know black people who retire. This whole idea of like we want to floor it to retire and play golf, I don't know retired black people.

Oh my goodness, yes. I totally, I'm going to be the first black retired. Retired black. I'm the one be the first black retired. I'm the first retired black. I'm the one the community. Exactly. Yeah, that's right. I'm like, I want to be retired at a certain age where it's like, okay, I'm working for that.

And then I could just do whatever I want, like buy a little house somewhere. I don't know, but I'm telling you, my grandpa is what, 75 and that guy's still doing concerts and doing meet and greet. And he's so up to date with social media. I'm just like, can you just sit down and be a grandpa? Yeah, I don't wanna go from like working into the grave. Like I would like to have a little buffer in between where I get to like sit back and look at these things.

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The delegation, they send us these questions because they need help getting their life and they think that we have a little bit of our life so maybe we can help them get the rest of theirs. And I don't know if we can or not, but we're gonna ask and see what happens, okay? So the question is, how do I overcome the thought of not being saved?

I mean, most of the times, I fear that maybe I am not saved. So please help me on how to overcome such thoughts. Mm. My goodness. You got me there. Okay. Well, I, I feel like when the, we're talking about going, going to heaven, saved her. feel like when they are we're talking about going to go and having saved her. Good question. Good question. Because I'm all way to second right like they like say. Like say. Different ways. Um well you know what first of all this question is really short and I just want you want to know that when you're sending these questions I want the whole back story.

I want to know when you when you got saved I want to know when you was drowning because look we confuse we don't know. Um I guess like how do I know maybe she's like how you guys saved. I don't want to know when you was drowning. Cause look, we confused. We don't know. I guess like, how do I know? Maybe she's like, how do I know? Like I'm really in relationship with God. Maybe, you know, how do I know? I've, yeah. I know what what I would say is I,

it's a daily thing. It's not something like it's everyday. It's everyday kind of trekking where it's like, am I living my life with good intentions? Yeah. Did I wake up today? For me, it is super important and I've noticed a difference that when I don't either get on my knees or connect with God of the first thing I do in the morning, my day is not the same.

If I pick up my phone and I'm on Instagram and checking my emails, I have a hectic day. But if I just don't touch my phone and I'm like, okay, God, thank you so much for this day. All right, cool. I feel like you got to start an end your day that way and in between, talk to him and just thank him and talk to him like a person, you know, could be him or her or whatever. I think God for me got it to him. But anyways, and be living with good intentions. I feel like if you are out living your life not trying to harm anyone, hurt anybody, you're trying to do better,

doing acts of kindness. I feel like that's why wouldn't you be safe? You know what I mean? Like, I call myself a spiritual gangster because I like to listen to crazy music, I curse you in there, I drink, I twerk, but I'm like, God still loves me. He does.

He does. For so long. Yes, for so, yes. For Jesus, because for a long time, I was raised where it's like, no, you can't dance, you can't do certain things. And I always felt that way. But now I'm like, hey, God loves me the way that I am. Like, I'm not perfect, but I do my very best every single day to be the best version of myself. And I'm like, if I were to pass right now, would I go to heaven? I asked myself that time and time again.

I'm like, yeah, I feel good. I feel like I'm doing all right. I'm checking. And I think that's important. It's a daily thing. I think every day you've got to choose God. The way you choose your partner, you've got to choose God to do good. I feel that's so good. I just personally. No, I'm going to I have everything that you said. I can remember growing up in church and high school in college like whenever they would do this, if anyone in here wants to give their life to Jesus, repeat after me and I would be repeating every Sunday because your girl was not sure. I was like, let me just go and slide in one.

I know I did it last week on the slide and one again because Monday through Saturday, I was out here unsure. So if God let me see you know the Sunday, I would just re-dedicate my life. So I don't know about you all, but I'm super saved. More saved than any of you all because I didn't say that for about a

minute times. But I do think that what you said is so true though because at the end of the day, I had to say that for every Sunday because I did not incorporate having a relationship with God into my life. And I wasn't living a life of conviction. And I wasn't praying that the Holy Spirit would gift me with how to make decisions and how to change my life and to lead me into God's identity. So I would say if you're questioning whether or not you are saved, then I think what you're ultimately saying is how do I know I am in relationship with God?

Reading the Bible is a beautiful place to start in your relationship with God because it helps you to understand the history of God. But when you close the Bible, your relationship with God begins from that point. It does, it's not all within the Bible. It's how you walk out what you received about the character of God. When you understand God's character and God's character becomes important to you, you allow God's character to challenge your character and convict you and change the way you show up and you share in his joy and you share and what's important to God. And all of those things make you feel connected to God.

So I think what you really need is less assurance that you are saved and more peace that you are walking your life out with God in the Holy Spirit in mind. That's what you say. Yes. Amen, it's perfect. I always like to say God lives in us as us.

There's a little bit of God in all of us. So it's just knowing, like, you know what I mean? Like taking that, like, you know, like Pastor Sarah said, like whatever it is that you read, the verse or whatnot, to bring you not bringing that out and showing it and saying. Yeah. What's the word?

You know, like sharing it, there you go, sharing it with the world. For example, you are. You are. I'm so glad that you are sharing you with the world because I feel just so much better just being connected with you. Your light is definitely shining so brightly. Thank you for sharing your story.

Thank you for surviving. Thank you for making it look easy in moments when I know it hasn't been. And your life has added so much value, not just to mine, but I know that every woman listening. So I can't wait to just stay connected, plugged in and see how you continue to change the world. Oh, thank you so much.

Honestly, I appreciate it. It's such a pleasure being here, being able to speak to you. And I watch you and you are definitely someone that I admire and you inspire you. So thank you for allowing me to be here on Women Evolver. Honestly, I feel so happy. Yeah, I feel happy too. We're going to do work together. So I look forward to it.

Yeah. Okay. Take care. Thank you too. Bye. Bye, guys. Thank you so much. Cheekies did what needed to be done and we love her for it. Are you smiling like I am because it was the energy for me?

Since I want to thank you so much for holding it down for the delegation, this is when I'd normally ask y'all to keep sending advice questions or to throw your name in the ring to be my co-host. So yeah, that was me asking again. Send us an email to podcastatwomenevolve.com and let's put it on for the Kingdom together. Can't wait. you