Woman Evolve with Sarah Jakes Roberts - Authentic Longevity w/ Jemell White

Episode Date: September 8, 2021

Description: In this episode, SJR connects with Jamell White, who shared her testimony of God’s grace in grief & Sis, W.E. felt that for somebody! Bruising her heel, tragedy changed the way Jamell walks as a mom, in her profession, and with God—but it didn’t keep our girl from crushin’ it! Discover how obedience & transformation is rooted in the longevity of her vision with #TaylorsWorld. Then, meet us in the comments to discuss an exit strategy for the boss babes, tips on blending families, and finding your tribe in business. Email [e-mail] to be featured as a guest co-host or to ask ya girl SJR for advice! Listeners can seek grief counseling at BetterHelp.com/Evolve + take the stress out of mealtime with HelloFresh.com/WomanEvolve14. 

God can't bless you for ten to be or who you compare yourself to. He can only bless you and the lane that was created for you. I feel that for somebody. You don't need no itch, it's a tea you need boundaries. What? I don't need your lights, I don't need your validation. All I need is a God party for me that's there for all things. All things, all things.

Child. We back at it like we never left. Okay, it is September. What's up, crew? Okay, our word for the month is in full effect. We are talking over and over again about the beauty of longevity. It is one of the things that we all long for. How can I sustain this thing that God has given me?

How can I keep it going and keep it moving? And I feel like this is really gonna help you. This week we're gonna kick it off with an incredible conversation with someone. I think that you're truly gonna enjoy. I love this conversation so much. And part of the reason why I loved it is because it was an opportunity to meet a woman, Jamel White.

She's got an incredible story. And she helps us to recognize the pain and the purpose connected to our journey. Like so many of us women who are committed to evolving, we come to this point where we realize that staying stagnant is not where we want to be. And yet as we're growing and all of these different facets of our lives, we're committing over and over again to be in this thing for the long call. That's what longevity is. And Jamel has found a way to take her pain, to take those moments in life that dare to leave her stuff in grief, in disappointment, in shame, and instead channel them into something very purposeful.

Like my girl, Jamel has done, you are gonna have to do the very same thing and that is reinvent yourself by stepping into a moment that puts the spotlight on you. You guys buckle your seatbelt, get prepared to really be transformed by this testimony. Meet my girl, the homie, Jamel White. Hi! Hello, Mom!

I'm Dylan Great. Thank you. How are you? I'm good. Thank you. What did you show it say? I said, try to buy the fire. We planted our God grace for the season.

We love to see it. Where are you from? Originally from a small town outside of New Disco, coming to, and I'm now in the National area. Nice. Do you like it there? I like it there? I do. Yeah. It's cool.

I've been here since I graduated college. So you're used to it. Yeah. Good stuff. Well, thank you for doing the podcast with me. This is something new that we've been doing, but it's been fun to just kind of get to know other women and hear their experiences,

how they're growing and changing and fluctuating. So I appreciate your time. I don't think so. It's the first time, like, you're my best friend in my head. Oh, I see. Okay, so if I'm your best friend in your head, what is like, what do we do? What are our best friend functions?

Like, how do we, what do we do? Or do we go brunch? Are we one as a spa? Do we do nothing in our sweatpants? What is it? We do nothing in our sweatpants. Yes, your nails are done. I feel so sick. I touched my spa.

I feel so sick. We chill around and we eat chicken legs fries in our sweatpants. You are my best friend because I don't want to do anything. I don't know why. I don't know what is wrong with me, but like I don't want to do anything. Yes. I got a whole little down little bit down and stuff. It's six months tired. Okay, so like how like do you get when you're tired like what happens in your life like when I am tired People get on my nerves all of them every single person Every being in my house like from to you're all Yes, it's like telling the two-year-old,

like it's time for you to be independent. It's time for you to make some choices for yourself and have some boundaries, okay? You're not gonna get it, she has absolutely no. Ah, goodness. That's all I want. Okay, Jamel, so I want to know about your eaves behavior. I cannot have a podcast unless I feel like we are on the same level

of like God is still working on us. And this is an area of my life in which he is trying to help me not be Eve. I'm trying to know better and do better. What is yours? Oh, I mean, we think that's just love like we can go like that. I'm growing. I'm doing better and still around or I still want to show up. No, I want to still my costume out. We'll get into that later. I want to hear the still winners the last time God saved somebody from a mighty cousin or did he save them from a mighty cousin today?

Right before this. Yes. I have set up like a little forward in space. I got my new daughter, you. The lady was like, I need you there. I got 30 year term. And I was like, okay, great. I'll be there. I was there. She was not. Yeah. She was not. So then we had to go to plan B and come get like to another location. And as soon as I got ready to check in, she was like, oh, I missed you.

Where were you? What? What was oh, I missed you, where were I? Which, what? What? What was that, where were you, man? I'm there, I knocked on all the doors. You see, I was like, oh, I didn't hear, just cause you weren't there. Just saying that. Just say that.

I was like, you know, we're being positive. You know, I want to tell them to give you energy to give you the energy that I want to give you because it's nothing in the bathroom And then they space and it's just gonna keep going down here. So I'm keeping it in. I need for people to stop lying. Do you ever just be like why are y'all lying? Like why lie? I have a problem. I'm almost there. It's like a really bad problem like I Want you to know that I know you a lot

Is that a problem? Is that a problem? Is that a problem though? Help me coach me, teach me. I think it's a problem. I don't think it's a problem, because I think it's holding you up to the accountable. So like, I want you to know, like, I know that you lied.

I just mean you to own up to it. So I can quit, hinting to use it, I know. Just tell me you lied, and we can rewind. I cannot stand for somebody to think they got over on me. I cannot stand it. Yeah, right. My name's like, I didn't really like it didn't work.

Did you, did you feel like I want you to know that I know them? And then like, it's our same with my mind because like, I really want to like get you. And I was like, okay, it's just, I mean, because like I really want to like get you. I was like, okay, get you. I mean, right. But I really want to get you. Okay. You helping me because I've got something that I've been holding in my back pocket about something that somebody lied to me about.

And I'm not even going front. I've been waiting on the minute to be like, just so you know, hear the receipts. Okay. Here are the receipts. But you helped me. I'm your mother is helping me. Tell her that her word is just reverberating throughout the world because she's helping me

to maybe consider not being petty. I guess the spiritual, incredible thing to say would be like, you know, the battle's not mine. It's the Lord. And I don't have to fight a little bit. Like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna like, it makes me feel bad on lie on a movie. I don't want to lie. It makes me jump out of something. Yeah.

Because like, guys, sometimes God be busy. And I don't want him to have to worry about what I can handle. I don't know. We need to. We'll figure it out. We'll figure it out. But I've gotten better. I don't hold all of the takes that's even my phone anymore.

Like I've gotten to a space where they erase after a year. That is okay. Like we being funny, but we being real life, because I used to have my set for forever too, because there are some things that I want to be able to just remind you that you said when you said it. Like in the new star speech on the iPhone is amazing. It is amazing. It is amazing. I put key word and we can bring you right back here,

but now you know, if it's over a year ago, it's 366 days, I gotta give you words because I can't show you. I got, let me tell you, God really knew when to take me through what I went through because if I would have had some of the features that we now have on today's cell phones, I would have been letting the saints have it.

All I can have is Facebook. Yeah. Looking down the towardings, the snapshots, like, you're like what I'm in the wrong direction. Ruin, look at your miracle. I'm looking to wow, look at your miracle. Why not? I at you. Wow. Look at you. A miracle. What I'm back. Yes. Okay. So tell me this spiritual side. Tell me the spiritual side. Where are you like doing better on the spiritual side? So I am one of those people who I'm like, I don't know if I heard that

or really like, what's in him talking or like, what's it just in my imagination? And so I am now getting out of the habit of questioning because I was literally sitting in a service one day and somebody literally leaned over to me and was like, you hear that talking. I was like, what? And she was like, that was just what was told me to tell you. You were his voice.

I was like, okay. So that's like to use this. So I'm just now getting into a place where I feel comfortable enough to start acting on what he says without the fear of, okay, well, what if this person and things like I'm weird for saying it, what if this person doesn't want to hear it?

I come to a place in a real life and like at this point it's not up to me on how they received it. I just, I had the responsibility of giving to you. Okay, so I have a question because like, I feel like my role as a leader is to figure out like where could people get left behind in this message and then to cover them as well. So when you said that, I just wondered for someone listening, like, how do you know the difference between like God speaking to you and you just having a good thought? Like what was that process like for you where you can say no, that came from God, I know it did.

So if it's something that's just a new thought, like I'll write it out and I'll be like, oh, I feel like that's you. But if it's something that came from God, like it'll start like I'll get confirmation in different places, like in random places that I didn't expect it. So that's when I started from God, it'll start like I'll get confirmation in different places, like in random places that I didn't expect it. So that's when I started realizing like, okay, like so I have to be keen and know the difference between like his voice and my thoughts. So I'm still working on that,

I don't know what all the time. But if I feel like he's telling me and he's leading me to move or say such as somebody, like I just go ahead and do it and start trying to like talk myself out of it because the reality isn't. All of my friends will tell you like if I meet people the number one thing I say is like I don't like people. Oh my gosh. We are besties. I don't. What is that? Working on it.

It is something is wrong with the fact that like, I don't like people and you keep leading me to talk to people. What do we mean when we say we don't like people? I don't like like like, I think I struggle. I think I just go ahead. Tell me. Tell me. Stop for me when I say I don't like people.

I want to meet your authentic people. Like I don't want to meet the representative that you send before. Like I want to meet who you are to your core. And if who you are to your core is a child girl, show me that child girl, because I might identify with the part of the child girl. Yes. and if who you are to your court is a child girl, show me that child girl, because I might identify with the part that child girl. It is.

If you are, if you are Jesus, I'm strong. Like, show me your Jesus Christ strong and I promise you, there's a part of me that will resonate with that. But like, don't talk to me and play me. And then like, you're not who you say you are. And like, five, five months down the road, and I'd be like, no, that's not what you are. Like, so I don't like having, I'm not anymore, I'm like,

no. So, I don't like having to figure people out. That's it. I'm ready. If you possibly need to be authentic, I can take you back. That's how I feel like when we go out to events and, you know, their small talk is that one of the requirements,

like I always struggle because like, I would rather you be like, girl, where you get them bundles from to be then to be like, how's the weather and what do you do? Because that's like all weird and awkward for me. But like just what do you want to know? Like just tell me what you want to know. This girl reached out to me who I have not spoken to in 10 years.

And she's like, how's the family? How have you been? And I was like, honestly, people usually reach out to me unless they're in some type of crisis. So like, let's just get into it. What's up? What's going on? And she was like, now that you mentioned it, my mayor is fine. I'm like, yes, girl, let's just deal with the truth. You don't have to, I don't need no sugar coat. And you don't have to oil me up. Like, let's just go for it. I have a friend who's like that. And like, I would reach out and I'm like, hey, how you do? And it should like, but it's not doing it. Like, what's that?

What's up? And even if it's just to say like, Hey, I'm just checking on you. She's always like, Hey, I can do it without the small talk. Like, if we have some sort of relationship, like, you don't have to come to me in that way. I'm totally like that. I'm trying to do better with my team because if we text all day every day and it's a new day, like I just keep texting them, like nothing happened and they'll be like, good morning. How are you? I'm mad about that. I don't get it work and I start like, like, oh my god, like, I can't stand.

Good morning. Yeah, we're just, we just are doing what needs to be done and I know for you, you have a lot on your own your plate play like I do with the children. And that is enough within itself, but also your own purpose, your own identity, and how you're growing, changing, and evolving. What has been maybe the most difficult moment that you have experienced in trying to navigate your own feelings and emotions while also being there for other people. We just got back.

Yeah, let's go. We're right here. Here we are. No small talk. Here we are. Boom. Okay. Okay. So, um, I would probably say, um, the death of my daughter.

She's five. And she passed in a house fire in 2015. And so trying to breathe properly for myself, but because I am definitely one of those like I am the keeper of my family, like making sure everybody was okay and not taking proper time for myself, but then now on the back end still grieving still growing still learning and God is like, hey, you're a I got some you to know and it involves people. So like that has been like that's definitely been a big thing for me like trying to balance like how to breathe and grow properly and not neglect the people that I love and what God

is talking to do. Let's talk about grief because you just told me that you lost your five-year-old And I think that this year, and some change has been so triggering because grief is so close. Grief is terrible when it's something that you are experiencing within the context of your family and community, but when it feels like every person in the world is grieving at the same time,

I can imagine that that's triggering too for grief that you have experienced outside of, you know, what we've gone through. Well, how would you define grief, like in your own words, what is grief? I've got grief as just a significant, a significant loss. It doesn't have to be, it doesn't have to strictly be a loss of life, loss of the love of one plus to you. I think that it is any

significant traumatic loss. It can be, you can grieve losing a job, which a lot of people do. Yeah. So I think like losing the ability to be able to go out and hang out with your friends and have communities like that is a sort of grief because it becomes you have to figure out a new normal. So I feel like when you suffer a loss and have to figure out a new normal like there's a greeting process to that because you have to rely on how to do things. Okay. So, first of all, you just gave someone so much license to feel how they feel because there

are a lot of people who feel like it was just a job or it was just going outside. But if grief is any significant loss, not just the loss of life. Then maybe there are people who now feel justified and feeling depressed and feeling sad and feeling frustrated and upset because there is a significant loss in my life. And yes, maybe everyone is still alive, but this part of my life no longer lives. And a lot of people get stuck in grief. Did you ever feel like I'm gonna get stuck here? And what do you know about grief now that you didn't know when you were saying goodbye

to your daughter? So I definitely felt like in that moment of grief, like I, there's something that sits over your head and makes you feel like this is the absolute end. Yeah. And Greek is a cycle and that's why I told anybody like, I know that they say that there are seven stages and in your mind like you work the stages you go from one to seven, but the reality is like you can be at stage six one day and anytime someone loses a child, I immediately go back to stage one.

Oh, okay. It is a trigger anytime because my mind processes, oh my gosh, I immediately go back to stage one. It is a trigger. Anytime, because my mind processes, oh my gosh, I can't imagine how they feel. And then I have to like jolt myself back to reality and say, but no, we do know how they feel. So like you are more than equipped to like talk to them, to help them, to like help guide them,

which I think is also just heavy. Because like while I'm still trying to figure out this brief process, he has definitely focused me to walk with others during that grief. And I'm just like, but that's such a heavy thing. Like, I don't even know if I had it figured out, like I'm still trying. But I think it's a cycle I think that had anyone told me

that one day one, that six years later, this is where you would be, I would have customed out and told them that they were live because that did not look like anything normal for me. So I definitely learned, I definitely learned to trust my thoughts, to trust how I'm feeling, to feel what I'm feeling, and not feel guilty by whatever it is that I'm feeling and have others make me think that I should be in a different place when it comes to my feelings and that's not the case.

So I've learned to like, if you're feeling sad, feel sad. If you're mad, be mad, it's okay. Don't you go. I feel the same way, just like, as a pastor, so many people talk to me about how they're trying not to feel a certain way towards God. And I feel like they put on so much pressure trying to not feel a certain way towards God

that they would encounter God if they just admitted. Like I am angry, I am upset, I am disappointed, and allowing God to meet them in that place of truth. Because we spend, we lose ourselves trying to deny ourselves where we truly are. And then we just continue to repeat a cycle that means we need to be numb, then we need someone to distract us because we're running away from ourselves.

When was the moment for you where you finally felt like, okay, I've got to own this and also move on without I can assume feeling like I am somehow betraying my daughter's memory. And what was your daughter's name? I'm Taylor. Taylor. Beautiful. Yeah. Thank you. So honestly, I didn't get. So I went through the motions. I like started allowing my purpose, like started kind of just tinkering away at it. But like I honestly did it. It's just like where I like to read myself of the grief of like starting to feel better. It honestly was when I had a daughter named Kinsley now. And so I had her two years ago and it wasn't until like during that

pregnancy that I really dealt with like my true grief and like I battled with like even if having another child was betraying my daughter. Would it mean that I forgot who she was? Did that mean that I was trying to replace her? And so that entire pregnancy was literally a rollercoaster. But it was then that I really started getting divorced about saying, no, you are literally graced for this moment. Like, I had you, you're doing what you're supposed to be doing, you're walking around,

you're going to walk, just continue to be obedient. And I think I also had to remember that. So I grew up with the casters granddaughter. Okay. So it gets really interesting because you hear the old people telling me, hey, don't question by, don't, you know, they have all these ideologies and the reality is,

like if I have a relationship with somebody, I have the right to question. Yeah. and the reality is, like, if I have a relationship with somebody, I have the right to question. So, like, I had to, like, start to undo what had been told to me all of these years, because I started realizing, like, I owe the new guy from the perspective of other people. I necessarily know him, how I know him mental. So, like, I had been writing writing the hotels of other people's religion and other people's relationship with him

and taking it for what they said, but it was like, I actually, after she passed, like I actually started to realize like, oh, I didn't, I'm not supposed to guys I thought I was like, I'm angry, I don't like him. I thought that I shouldn't be feeling these things, but the more that I studied, the more that I pledged on to what little faith I had,

like the more he was like, come on, come on in, let's pull you in. Like, if you get close enough to me, like I can really show you who I am. And like I had in the past two years, like as I have started to walk and do what he says to do, like he is literally like, like, like,

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,

like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, One thing I love about Wominy Ball is the community and safe space we've built with one another. I receive countless messages with personal stories ranging from experiences with anxiety and depression to advice on how to settle family conflicts or work through self-esteem issues.

I don't have all the answers, but I refuse to leave you all hanging. Your mental health is too important to me. I want you to start living a happier life today with assistance from BetterHelp. As a listener of the Waman Evolved podcast, you'll get 10% off your first month by visiting betterhelp.com slash Evolve. A safe and private online environment,

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Again, that's better help-h-e-l-p.com-slash-evolve. When you said that you grew up in an environment where it was like out of line to question God, I totally resonated with that. I don't even know if that was something that was explicitly taught or just something that was implicit in the nature of how we talk about God, but I feel like more than ever, especially for this generation, I've been thinking more and more about giving them permission to ask questions, because to your point, we want them to be in relationship with God. And we see Jesus on the cross and in his most painful moment. Jesus is on the cross.

Okay, he's been beaten. He's been wounded. He has been bruised. All of those things. He's on the cross. He's still alive. He's hanging up, he's been bruised, all of those things. He's on the cross, he's still alive, he's hanging up there like a thief, and he turns to God knowing fully his purpose

why he was on the earth that this moment was gonna happen. And he still says, why has thou forsaken me? How then could we not be in our most painful moments that we didn't see coming, that we don't know the purpose behind, that we don't fully understand, and then silence our soul from being able to ask the question, God, what is happening? Why did this happen?

How am I going to recover from this? And I feel like maybe the most beautiful gift that any of us can give our relationship with God is being able to put towards the question that our soul is trying to ask, so that the spirit of God can meet us there and allow his presence to give us answers. Yeah, I definitely tell people like if you, one of the things we talk about one of our programs is like, I want to create a sense space for you to be able to cast out those questions without judging it because I want you to know like it's okay. I know some people may tell you that it's not, but it's absolutely okay because once you go in relationship with God like you understand like who he is to you and you realize like okay I have that right to question

him. I mean I always like his response but yeah I have the right question. That's so good. Now, you mentioned one of your programs. Tell me a little about your programs. I started a nonprofit and then very much later it is called Taylor's World and initially started as the hashtag, watch you living like anything she would do. It would be terrible as well. And it generally was me saying like, felt resting me out of here because it's incredible going on.

But when she passed, like, I could click on that hashtag and see all the great memories I had on her. So like, it plays where I was once like, it's crazy. And it's in here like I literally buried myself in there and started to find healing. So I wanted to be able to give the same healing that I got from my daughter inside of Taylor. So I wanted to give that to other people. So we have a team that is amazing. They, um, it was all of my crazy ideas and trying to help me make them come through. But I literally started it and I had no idea what I was like, I don't know how to run this, I don't know what to do. I don't know

anything about anything so I kind of give you this. Like, my job, my people, so. Right, now we really in this struggle. Now, like, you really look through me in here and I really got to like, if I'm not sure what you're saying. You really don't throw me in here. And I really got to like, if I'm saying, I'll be a meeting and like, how have I been doing this? So we focused on our pillars, our mental health, fire prevention and awareness, and literacy and mentorship. And so we had just different programs that were rebuilding just to make sure

that they found a lot of what we're trying to do. So with literacy, my daughter was a bookworm. So I wanted to make sure that we gave kids the opportunity because of course the justice system said that if they don't know how to read, by third grade, we have gone ahead and counted in as a body in our prison system. So I want to be able to give, we have a program called Taylor's Note

and said that allows kids pre-K through 30 grade to allow them to check out books. And we send them for your charge because I definitely believe that books allow the imagination to grow into gut places. And you've gone to, you get to get lost in a world. So that's for that. Mentorship, we are starting a mentorship program where we will

to test it and things like finances, financial literacy because that's not often talked about in our community. And so we've got your loss, we got a college, we didn't get credit cards. And I'll know how to, that you polish and need, like you probably don't need me. So we're going to talk about that. But fire safety and prevention, because my daughter passed due to not having working with smoke detectors in the house. That's a big thing for me.

So we are partnering with local fire departments to perform house checks, to get out smoke detectors, to show people how to perform house checks, to get out smoke detectors, to show people how to do the checks, how often you should be doing the checks. Other things that will be coming in October, I can't say. There are some other things that are coming in October, and then for mental health, That's a big part for me

because I realized that there is power in the mind and if the devil can get a hold of the human mind, he can literally bring you down and bring you to the knees. So I want people to understand like the words that we speak over ourselves, the words that we let others speak to us, those words definitely have powers that we want to create a safe space that they can have somewhere to go, have somewhere to come, share a community that they can do with. Okay, so I'm wondering, did all of this manifest as a result of your daughter's passing or where all of these things kind of in your heart to do, but were propelled into existence because you had this thrust from your daughter's passing.

This is not on my plane. Okay. I thought I was going to the hospital. That's where my heart was. And I had no, I mean, I've always done mentorship, but it was always good. There are people so it wasn't like, this is so not of my own that like, I still, like I still sit here and ask, I'm like, okay, so how am I supposed to do this? Like, I don't know how to do that.

Like, what do you mean, build a website? You go higher or something? Okay, I'm a higher or something.. Like, what do you mean build a website? You do go hire somebody? Okay, I'm gonna hire somebody. Okay, but where the money comes from? But then, like, but, like, as I started doing things and as I started being obedient, like, I started, like, he started sending the people. He started sending, like, I heard you say,

and I started doing it. You were like, you would get on YouTube, do it, go look, go courses, and like, find what they were studying, and you would get the YouTube, go look, go courses, and like find what they were studying and you would get the book and you would read it so you could figure out, you know, like how to run a business, how to do what you were trying to do. So like for me it was, I don't think this is anything that was ever like in my plan, like it literally, when it happened, like I literally felt compelled to like,

to help people like me. And that's all it was. That's exactly how I feel. I think, and when people talk about your pain produces purpose, I think that you can experience a pain that is so great, that all you want is to get it out of you. And that's how a lot of people end up in toxic situations

because they just want that pain to stop. But it's also lot of people end up in toxic situations because they just want that pain to stop. But it's also how many people end up in purposeful situations because they say to themselves, I got to get this pain out of me. And then they go that extra step of saying and make sure no one else experiences it again. That's the difference between pain turning into purpose versus pain turning into poison. Pain turning into poison is I just want to stop by any means necessary, but purpose is to say, I don't ever want anyone to feel the way that I'm feeling in this moment. So I'm going to take this pain and get it out of me so that it becomes a block that keeps

it from happening to someone else. And that sounds like exactly what you're doing. Yeah, I'm definitely here in the past couple of months, I've gotten to a place where I've told even my family, like I really think like I was sitting here to break whatever generational curses are on my family. Yeah. And in order for me to do that, that means I have to be obedient

and in order for me to do that, that means that like, you all may not like me in certain situations. And I'm okay with that. But I'm here like serving purpose, serving God, like serving my family. And I understand that I have to make sacrifices so that what I've experienced and what my family has experienced as a whole is not something that anyone else like has to go through at least alone. Like a couple, I think, a year after I lost my daughter, my aunt lost her son.

And so I wasn't in a space to even know how to help her. But I knew the pain that she was feeling, and it hurt my, like, hurt me to my core. Because I don't know, I kept saying, I'm a kid, I don't know, but I mean, I wasn't a kid. That's 27, 28 at the same time, so I wasn't a kid, but I'm just like, I don't feel comfortable enough to go to somebody and try to comfort them because I don't feel like I'm equipped for that.

So I had to learn how to sit and stand in the back that you are more than equipped. Like you have what you need. You're giving you what you need. Like go in it and step in it with confidence. OK, so you have to tell me. So you went through this process. You've lost your daughter.

You've turned this incredible grief and pain into purpose that helps other people no longer feel this way. By the way, I love what you said about not always having the answer or fixing being able to fix it for someone, but just being able to sit with them is just as sometimes if not more powerful than offering them a solution. But I'm wondering, like, what brings you joy? Because there are some people who experience grief, and they're like, I'll never have joy again, or I don't think that the world can get brighter again. What are some things that like brought you joy

after experiencing your grief and them, you know, being so wrapped in the purpose? Like, what brings you joy? What are you doing for fun? What makes you laugh? My family is like, I am a only child. I'm a dad's only child. I'm a mom's only child. And so for me, like, any family function

is happening like I'm here. I got you all what we do. Like, you only go playing it. Like, I am that girl. But my family brings enjoy honestly resting because I've been doing very busy. Resting? Or my it ain't nothing like a nap to bring you joy.

Oh my God. My daughter asks me, Mom, what do you like to do for fun? Go to sleep. And like don't tell me it's not fun because I have the best time when I'm sleep. Like listen, like I have, I'm, I'm in school.

We have kids, like I'm just doing, doing, doing all the time. And so now I'm at a place I'm like, girl, where you going, Riz, like, you have sleep. Like, but that in like, I have found Zoy in my husband has been home. So like we have been binge watching TV shows. What do you watch? What do you watch? We're watching Manifest right now. I knew you were going my husband has been home. So like we have been binge watching TV shows. Yeah. What do you watch? We're watching Manifest right now.

I knew you were going to say Manifest. OK, so let's talk about it. First of all, y'all had me episode one when Yossley, that Rome is 828. Don't maybe think it's some Holy Ghost in this world. So now I'm part of it now. And I really didn't get to watch it. I know where you see it.

OK, so I'm in season two of Manifest, okay? We are too. Okay, I'm season two episode one. I don't wanna do any spoilers if anyone's listening. I will just tell you that it is an entertaining show. It is an entertaining show, and I don't know what is happening. So, I don't need that.

I don't know if you want to let this point like I don't know. Okay, so like when the man drowned and then he what was happening? What was? What was happening? Y'all I'm confused and now y'all got

this clock on me and I still like gave nothing away. If you listen to you like no she's not giving the show what you gonna be just as lost. It's okay, you're not so big to use when you watch it. You're still gonna be confused, okay? Oh, it's good. Like we are enjoying it by staying up

so once it's like in the morning, that'd be a work at seven. I totally feel you. Just right through this living out here. Do you, first of all, we too all to be watching this show. Like, you go to bed. Like, we have too many responsibilities to be up watching shows, but sometimes there is something about just rebelling.

Like, yes, I gotta get up in the morning. Yes, I'm gonna be tired, but life is not the boss of me. I am the boss of life. Yeah, not like, I don't know if it's in like, every like, what's all this gonna do to you? I am the boss of life. I don't know if I can do it. Like, every time I'm thinking, you can tell me, you want to watch tonight. What's our time with it?

How much time we get? Do you want to hear? I'm going to tell you my Eve behavior. This is my Eve behavior. I'm about to tell you. I hope my husband never hears this. Do you watch him without him? I mean, I'm about to tell you, I hope my husband never hears this. Do you watch him without him?

I'm in my dark. I started them without him. Okay, let me tell you. Let me first of all, because we start shows. This is, man, let's have counseling. Okay, because when we started show together, there is an obligation of you have to watch it together. But he be falling asleep in the middle of episodes,

which means I gotta watch the whole episode again. So when I started Manifest, I was having a watch day and I was like, I'm just gonna see if it's good. The nothing guy good to me. And then I was like, but I'm too far in and I don't wanna go back and watch all of them. I have been secretly, he came home the other day and the TV was still on Netflix.

He's like, what's Manifest? I thought he used to show I was trying now on Netflix. He's like, what's man, if that's how they used to show, I was trying now. On Netflix, he's like, you're on episode 11. I was like, I'm still trying it out. I was still. That's my husband. So I help all asleep. And I'm like, you sleep, no, I'm not sleeping.

Okay. So I'm gonna keep watching him. As long as you say, you're not asleep, I am. And I am there, I am watching. And then I'm gonna be upset because like like I feel like why you at work means to have your phone set up for some kind of. So you can watch this show because then when you come back, I got to start over and I'm already hit the same thing happened with this is us.

Same thing happened with handmaids tail. And I was like, it's not going to happen for manifest. It's e behavior. He be sleep on my lap and I be having my phone. We got a whole TV in our room. I be on my phone with my AirPods watching Manifest. I want to get like, why you just can't? So that's why something like, I can watch TV shows.

It'd be too hard, man. It's too hard. It's too hard. Like, let me just go watch them on all day because I mean, I'm used to work from home. So like, at least, and I've been working the whole for three years. So I'm gonna get all of my landscapes. I'm gonna get own case, because I mean, I'm just to work from home. So like, I've at least, and I've been working there over three years. So I'm gonna get all of my landsides, I'm gonna get everything I need, and I'm gonna kick up, and I'm gonna have my work left side, I'm gonna have new charges.

And that's gonna be fine. But you don't want to go and you want to watch YouTube videos in the middle and have your phone in my love. And you, and you text and now you don't know what happened and you like, wait, what happened and then it's like, see, you know, what happened? What's happening when it was happening and then it didn't happen. And now I got to go back and this didn't happen twice.

And I watched one episode of something like three times and I was like, we're done. I'm not watching it again. You fall asleep if you want to. I'm moving to the next episode. And I'll say what happened on this episode. You don't have questions. Yeah, I'll just pick it. I'm moving to the next episode. And I'll say what happened on this episode? You don't have questions. Yeah, I'll just pick, I'll just fill you in. I'll just fill you in.

Ask me. Okay, last thing, the funniest thing about the show's thing is like he'll fall asleep on an episode. And then when we have to go and watch it again, you know, you gotta skip through like, which was the last part you remember. And then it's only like seven minutes in. I'm like, you fell asleep seven minutes like the whole thing.

You're not even half way through. We're not even half, I'm starting all over again. It's not right. OK. To know me is to know I love to cook. Being able to combine various ingredients and create a delicious meal for my family is my happy place. When my life gets busy, Hello Fresh helps me live in the overflow of my

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for up to 14 free meals plus free shipping. Back to professionalism, listen, okay. We're back. We're back, we just took a break, we're back. We have an advice question from the delegation, okay? I'm like, I'm like, plural about is it? Is it? We don't need, we don't need core behavior. Okay. Are you ready? Yes, I see that's my, it's giving core. This smile is giving core. Are you with me?

Okay. When is the right time to walk away from a nine to five job? I started my own fitness brand called Come Back Fit. My goal is to help women and mothers who are having difficulty with starting their fitness journey. We wear so many hats as a woman and we at times neglect ourselves. I truly believe that health and fitness are very important. It takes care of your mental and physical health that sometimes we put to the side. My brain is to help guide women by informing and showing them why and how

fitness and nutrition are so important. I've also branched out for I'm now training pregnant women pre and postnatal. I want to be the brand to be a voice to help women. I'm only doing this part time. I still have a nine to five, 40 hour per week job. When do I walk away to live my dream? When you feel like you can't do what God taught you to do because of your five when it's first to end up here. That's the simple question.

I know it easier said than done, but if this is what I told you to do, then he don't cover what you're missing in the nine five. If it starts to tug on you more than, if it starts to tug on you more than your nine to five does, then you need to let your mind back up. I thought understanding, I'm just curious it's not for everybody. So like set yourself up, like set a goal, don't just drop out without a reason

and give yourself a plan, a strategy so that you can know exactly what you're looking at, save up a specific amount of money so that you can know exactly what you're looking at. Save up a specific amount of money so that you can sustain yourself beyond one, one, two, months, three months. Like, make sure you can do the work and start giving your brand the same amount of time that you give. You're not in the past.

I love what you said about the exit strategy because a lot of times we think leaving our job is like I'm walking in tomorrow and quitting But you will have peace and just having an exit strategy that you are working towards the goal that will allow you to walk away So like really size this thing up like if you're already saved up or you can already take care of yourself and move into it Then maybe it's time for you to take that step to faith right now. But if you can, then maybe you have to consider downsizing. Maybe you need to start getting the side hustle money up. Like you have to consider what it would take

for you to leave your job so that you can begin working on building this business, recognizing I may not always be comfortable. I may have to change my lifestyle a little bit, but at the end of the day, me being in purpose is more important than me feeling what I feel right now when I'm at this job. But make your plan, and with your plan,

I say you should move forward. I agree. My plan is always great. Do you have, before we close out, I'm just wondering. So I usually have advice questions, and I'm asking all of the questions. Do you have any questions for me? No, it's not like when Blended families. Okay. Best

advice. Like that, like what would you and 2. So like I'm always trying to make sure nobody feels left out and getting like my own personal relationships. So what would you say is like the most important thing when trying to like solidify that bond. When blending a family, one of the major pieces of advice that I give any couple is one, making sure that you and your partner have the same vision for what your family is to look like. Because when we go into a blended family, we have a vision for the partner,

but not necessarily for the family as a whole. So for my husband and I, for example, our vision was that our unit would be the glue of the family that we wouldn't allow our relationship with our biological children to become something that could divide our marital relationship. Now that means sometimes I would have to vocalize how my children felt or translate how my children felt to my husband and then do the same to my children while we built that bond but we didn't allow any division to take place there.

So he and I were on the same place, same stage, same level about what was happening in our family and even as it relates to co-parenting outside of our union, like we were on the same page about what we wanted that dynamic to look like and we stood beside that. What I will say about building a relationship with the children is like, don't allow your fear of not knowing where you fit or fear of rejection,

keep you from getting to know the children. That it requires just as much vulnerability to build a relationship with bonus children, as it does to build a relationship with the partner. You have to let your walls down. You have to learn how they communicate. They have to learn how you communicate. You're going to step on each other's toes. You're going to have to apologize. But when you have committed to do life with the person, then you're going to do life with those children, then you're going to do life with those children,

too. So if at all possible, try to not avoid them, but get to really know them in a way that feels special and unique. And prayer. God gives us insight about the people who are in our lives, if we're willing to really pray into that. And the prayer for me as a stepmother, a prayer for me as a friend to their mom

has always been like, God, how can I serve what you're doing in their life? Who am I? You know where I fit. You know why they needed me in their world. I'm not just their dad's wife. You brought me into their world because there is something that I carry that they need. Show me what it is and help me to package it in a way that

they can receive it. But trust that your marriage and that's what's hard about a blended family. It's like you weren't there the entire picture but you're there now. Trust that your position is cemented. Trust that it isn't something that is optional. Make it concrete, make it permanent, and then recognize it because I'm not going anywhere. We've got to figure this thing out and be willing to do the work to do that. I like that. So, I guess my other question comes to like just your process and like creating when it comes to woman and ball. What does that process do?

I know you're transitioning. Okay. But what does that process look like? Man, I, this is, I think the biggest thing about woman evolved that is helping me is that I do not make woman evolve my vision. It started off what God gave me, but then God attracted people to woman evolve and what he attracted in them was expansion for the vision. And if I only make it about my vision, then I miss out on the opportunity that comes with expansion

and ultimately team ownership in the ultimate vision of woman evolved. So respecting the vision of people who didn't necessarily birth woman evolved to help me raise woman evolved has been one of my greatest gifts. So I do have vision, right? Like I wanted to start the podcast, the store, the conferences, those were all things that started in my mind.

But then when I collaborated with other people, then it was like, what about doing a tour? What about doing e-courses? What about doing a curriculum? Now, all of those things still have to resonate with the original vision that God gave me. But once it meets that qualification, then it's able to expand because God brought people

who understood what it was. And I scary as it is to watch someone else hold your baby. You also have to recognize, I feel this for you. I feel like this is your word, that this is too big for you to carry on your own. And that if you really step into the fullness of what this is meant to be, if you step into the fullness of this vision, you will need other people and it is okay to trust people. They're not going to sink it. They're not going to steal it.

They're not going to drown it. All they can do is enhance it or teach you a lesson on how to structure it moving forward. I've had people who tried to sue us. I've had people who walked away who I thought that we truly needed. I've had people who up and moved or got married and shifted and yet the vision, the core of what Womany Wav is has stayed intact because God's gonna protect what He births.

And then He's gonna teach us how to protect it. And sometimes that is through painful situations, but we learn in the process, and as a result of it, we become better and more effective as an organization. That's funny that you said that. Remember how I said, like he confirmed it in different areas? Yeah.

I literally had a friend, somebody who's on my 14, literally tell me Tuesday before I meet me. She was like, I tell me to tell you, he is literally sending people to help carry this. So thank you for that. That means a lot. I have in this past year my goal was to do the work. And I just do the work for my life, goal was to do the work, and not just do the work for my life, but to do the work with therapy, to do the work with Taylor's world. I wanted to literally just work on building what God had gave me. So even when it came to reaching out for this,

this is not anything that would normally do. It terrifies me because I'm a person who likes to work in a bad girl. I will work work work. And so like as God starts moving me forward, like I'm starting to try to embrace that. It's scary, but like I'm really trying to just give what he's asking because what I found in this season is that he is definitely rewarding my audience. Like way more than I can even imagine,

like literally all last week, I think Daisy, I did the initial call with her on my last party, like I literally got off of another job that same day, like I literally like just in being obedient, like he's literally kept every promise that he's made to me that I've asked this season. So like, thank you. Please, my pleasure. Thank you for opening your heart, for sharing your story. One evolve wants to donate $1,000 towards the work

that you're doing. So we'll make sure we get all of your information and just keep going, keep growing, keep changing the world. We need you and we need your voice Thank you, so also You know, I know your birthday is like around the same time that like my conferences like I tried to use you one time Oh But can you just stop going like after your conference?

Yeah, I'm going on your birthday trip. So that's nice. Okay, I'm going to call you back about that one. I literally like my last conference that I hosted in 2018. I waited on you to like an actual conference day. And then I put my conference like I think the week after because I was trying to get to your conference day. And then I put my conference like, I think the week after, but that I was trying to get to your conference. I'm gonna work on my birthday trips.

Maybe I'm planning on setting up my life in such a way that I can rest other times outside of July. And then maybe I won't need my birthday trip the way I do. But I hear you, I hear what you're saying. I'm just, you know, I'm just trying. Like I just try. I got you. And I also have some questions like, I don't know who I would need to contact. I can be a marketing like long to we actually want to see like if we can kind of like shadow you at a conference. I mean,

yeah, we like me and a couple of my team members like I said, I was class, I don't know how to play. I have to find the same stuff. No, absolutely. We'll get you plugged in with team. It's probably, I don't want to say Alicia. Yeah, probably Alicia. We'll get you plugged in so you can see what the behind the scenes looks like for our events. It's crazy. Thank you. I mean, I'm trying to grow in a nose, so I definitely like, I can like tell you

to grow sermons that you have that have like literally impacting yourself. I'm super appreciative of you. My pleasure. Thank you. Thank you for this time and we'll get you plugged in for conference. All right. Thank you. Take care. Bye. Thank you. Take care. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Did y'all catch that moment when Jamel said she likes to be behind the scenes? And yes, she was all up in that thing, and not behind the scenes fully in front of it. I love getting to do this with you all. It teaches me so much about what it costs to be a woman and yet how God continues to meet each and every one of us despite the pains that we carry and have experienced. Jamel, I want to thank you for stepping out of your comfort zone to kick it

with me and if you have my closest homegirls, the delegation, it has been an honor to hear your story, to hold your heart, to be challenged, to grow and expand with you, and to learn about the work you're doing in your community. Alright, delegation, Jamele and I are logging off, but this ain't the end. Yes, I said, ain't this ain't the end. Drop me a comment. Let me know how you are enjoying this podcast episode. Shoot me an email. I want you to be my co-host. I want to answer your advice question. Send it to me podcast at warmnivov.com and let's get this blessing. Love you guys.

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