Woman Evolve with Sarah Jakes Roberts - Blessings Wrapped in Mess w/ Shawnta' Dandridge

Episode Date: December 8, 2021

Last W.E. heard, the enemy don’t want no smoke! So Sis, WHOSE report are you gonna believe? Success Coach, Shawnta’ Dandridge joined SJR to talk about the importance of changing our narratives. Together they reflect on why the stories W.E. tell ourselves matter & how to break the habit of discrediting our own worth. Hear how embracing the messiness of life positioned Shawnta’ to be a blessing for others. Then, hang around for the advice segment that’s giving snacks-on-snacks-on-snacks! Help is available for anyone in suicidal crisis at 1-800-273-8255 or SuicidePreventionLifeline.org. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.com/Evolve + HelloFresh.com/WomanEvolve14.

God can't bless you for ten to be or who you can care yourself to. He can only bless you and the lane that was created for you. I feel that for somebody like that. You don't need no itch, it's a two-unit boundary. So what? I don't need your lights, I don't need your elevation. All I need is a God fighting for me that's there for all things. All things, all things.

Child. Since we are at the beginning of the end of 2021 and can I tell you that this has been a what a whole year from top to bottom, it's been a year of messiness and blessings, From top to bottom, it's been a year of messiness and blessings, a year of lessons learned while also being a year of standing in awe of how amazingly strategic and faithful God is. To be honest, I've had so many moments where I just had to trust by faith that God was working things together and now that I look back, I see how strategic he was being all along. We're kicking off December with my girl, Shantay. She's a whole life coach out here, so prepare your edges as the doors of the podcast

prepare to open Shantay where you at. Well, good afternoon, Shantay. How are you? I am doing wonderful in yourself. I'm doing great. Thank you so much for doing this with me. No, thank you so much for having me. It is definitely a humbling experience. That's amazing. What made you want to sign up to be a co-host?

So, most stories short. I have followed your journey since just just being very honest since like your teenage years, teenage motherhood. And for me, it's more about connecting with like my didn't individuals. Yeah. So for me, it's like, oh my gosh, you come into my home every week on the podcast, almost like my big sister. I'm 31 years old. So it's more like a big sister kind of thing.

And I'm like, wow, I would really love to connect with her. And not only pick your brain, but just to say, again, just like minded women. And I think we all have a story. And of course, now with your woman evolve, we all have moments in our life where we just evolve. And I'm like, I would really love to just connect with you. Well, this is going to be fun. So I want you to just like, let's have a conversation. I'm going to ask you questions. If things come up that you want to ask me,

make sure you ask me back. And let's just get to know one another. I think it's going to be great. Because you're doing some life coaching and helping people to really evolve as well. What is that like for you? For me, it is honestly just, I have went through life struggles, not only as a woman, but just as a human in general.

And I feel as if the resources are out there. But I want to be that liaison to connect individuals with those resources. Because many times that's all it is, the resources are there. We just have no idea what to put in. Yeah. So hence, I call myself the success coach,

because I want to help you get from point A to point B, no matter what you are trying to achieve. All right, come on, success coach. Okay, so we are almost at the end of 2021, Shantay. And this has been a year of like so many different emotions. I don't know, I mean, just highs and lows, like incredible highs and valley lows. What has been one of the most unexpected lessons that you have learned about yourself

and your faith in 2021? Wow, my faith has definitely stretched beyond measure. So for me, one thing I can say about myself is that I am stronger than I give my support. I am coming out of this season where if someone gives me a compliment, I instantly turn it to, but you know, I, I did this also. So I'm not that great.

So I'm coming into the season of just saying, thank you, I received it. So for me, it's all about, okay Lord, I'm finally hearing you, you've never left me. But yeah. Thank you, just thank you. You are placing people in my life and opportunities in my life. So it's my turn to give that to him and say, you know what, I'm grateful and I'm so thankful

and humble for those opportunities and compliments. Shantai, okay, so you have said something. You just told me that you are breaking out of the habit of discrediting your own worth. When someone gives you a compliment and you turn around and discredit the compliment by adding something that you think somehow takes away from what they said, that is a way of us saying you see me one way, but because I can only see myself through the lens of my insecurity, I'm going to discredit what you just said about me.

But we're taking our power back. One of the things in 2021 that you've learned in fact, that I'm learning too, is that I can accept the truth about my worth without allowing my insecurities to dilute it or discredit it. That that rare is so correct. And what I had to learn for myself is if I continue to put that out there in the atmosphere, then everyone else is going to start believing that it will. So let me just go ahead and say you know what

thanks are received that you, I appreciate that. Wow. Simply because they're going to start believing what I believe here, if I don't change the narrative of the entire story. OK, there's like so many different things we could talk about there. Because I just feel like, I don't,

I mean, so many women, I think, can relate to this idea of the moment someone says something good about me. I think about all of the things that make that untrue, not believing that they can all exist in the same space. At what point did you realize I am constantly marking my own price down? Because we often think like this is coming from family, this is coming from social media,

this is coming from comparison, but sometimes coming from social media, this is coming from comparison, but sometimes it just comes from within our own mind. When did you realize like this is a problem and this is how I'm gonna fix it? Wow, okay. So I am a firm believer and I actually, of course, wrote about it in my book and all that good stuff within the African-American community.

Sometimes we look on therapy. Let's just call it what it is. We look down on therapy. about it and my book and all that good stuff. Within the African-American community, sometimes we look on therapy. Let's just call it what it is. We look down on therapy. And then especially growing up holiness, I now belong to, of course, a Baptist church. It is all about, but just pray about it. Go to God. But then God also plays therapy and life coaching and people's lives in order to assist them. So for me, it is definitely the combination of therapy and life coaching of my own. Because in reality, the life coach needs a life coach is just part of life. So for me, it was more along the lines of, okay, first of all, let me accept the fact that I need help to change the narrative.

Let me tap into my resources. So I can be available to help my clients tap into their resources. And so it's just one of those things where for me, I realized it when I had complete strangers, not friends, not family, coming up to me saying, oh my God, you know such and such, and they shared your hashtag,

I do hashtag Thursday tips, they shared your hashtag Thursday tip, and you're just such a beautiful spirit in this and the third and it's like, wow, if individuals who don't even know me personally can tap into that, I had to talk to a therapist, a live coach to be ordered to move forward and figure out what was it that is putting it here in here that I am not worried enough of that. Oh, girl, that is so good. Because the story that you have been telling yourself, no matter how long that narrative

has existed, doesn't necessarily mean that that story is true. And that is the hardest reality for so many of us to wrap our minds around. Because we've been telling ourselves the same story since we were teenagers or maybe even since we were young girls, that we aren't worriedy, that we brought been telling ourselves the same story since we were teenagers or maybe even since we were young girls that we aren't worthy, that we brought this onto ourselves, that love is not possible for us. That is the story we've been telling ourselves, but what if that story is fiction?

What if that story isn't true? And if you aren't willing to do the work to say, you know what, I'm going to lay down my story. I'm going to surrender it at the altar of transformation. And I'm only going to pick up what faith tells me is true. It's who's reporter you going to believe at the end of the day? Are you going to believe the report of your shame and your history and your mistakes? Or are you going to believe the report of the Lord? Which says that yes, you even no matter what you've gone through

You're still fearfully and wonderfully made. You're still called, you're still set aside. You still have access to righteousness and holiness, but that is a decision to say, this story isn't helping me, it's hurting me, and it's changing the way I show up in the world. So how am I going to change this narrative for the generations and the other people who are watching me live this story out? When did your story change? When is the moment where you said to yourself,

you know what, I have to believe a lie about myself. Was there a trauma or an experience that really made you begin to change the way you see yourself? Oh, most definitely. I can actually pinpoint the exact moment. I was seven years old. Wow.

And I was there. The grandmother's death passed away from prostate cancer. And as family, we took turns staying with him and my grandmother during that time. And it just so happened that my mom and I were there when he transitioned. Wow. And I can recall saying, oh my god, if he is no longer here to give me the validation, to give me that extra push, to give me that extra everything, what am I going to do? Because especially I had a crazy, crazy time, during that time, I had severe asthma, childhood asthma. So I was on steroid injections, which, of course, added on weight.

So I began to be bullied in school. I was also going through a situation where comprehension and reading, I had deaf, deaf, deaf struggles with reading, comprehension. The school system wasn't making my parents aware of at the time, they actually wanted to hold me back a greater two. So I felt as if, okay, if my papa leaves me.

Who am I gonna have to say that I am gorgeous? Who am I going to have to say I am smart? Who am I going to have to continue to push me into greatness when I'm already feeling as if I'm incapable of that greatness? Wow, seven years old. I think that that is so powerful because so many of us think that what happened to us happened when we were teenagers or adults not realizing that something that happens at three, four, five, six, seven

years old can change the way you show up as an adult woman at 27, 37, 47. And when did you decide, so you're seven years old, you lose your power, you lose this source of hope and validation and affirmation? Where do you get it from after that, right? Because there are people who are like bearing parents, right? We've had a tremendous sense of grief within our world for the last couple of years.

What do you do when your source, when it feels like your source is gone? How do you tap into another source? Where did you get that hope and affirmation from? So I am a farm believer, huge woman of faith. I definitely believe in the Lord, give it the Lord, take it. Exactly nine months after my grandfather passed away,

my little brother was born. Why? So so so for me, I actually felt like, okay, this is him kind of coming back to us. Yeah. And I actually have a relative, which is would just so so crazy because I honestly believe that This is toxicity within itself sometimes, but I those worst stuff with me So by this time I'm eight years old and I had a family member say, okay, you're the big sister now

You have to be the big sister and not saying like everything that I was going through didn't matter anymore. It was just one of those things where okay you're the big sister you have to be usable. Yeah. But it's one of those things where I even contemplated suicide as seven years old. Geez. And when my brother was born it's like okay, who's going to be here for him? I'm the big sister now. So let me just figure this thing, call life out. One thing I love about Wamanibal is the community and safe space we've built with one another. I received countless messages with personal stories

ranging from experiences with anxiety and depression to advice on how to settle family conflicts or work through self-esteem issues. I don't have all the answers, but I refuse to leave y'all hanging. Your mental health is too important to me. I want you to start living a happier life today with assistance from BetterHelp. important to me. I want you to start living a happier life today with

assistance from BetterHelp. As a listener of the Waman Evolve podcast, you'll get 10% off your first month by visiting BetterHelp.com slash Evolve. A safe and private online environment, BetterHelp assesses your needs before matching you with one of their licensed professional therapists. It's also free and easy to change your counselor if you need to in the future. Better help is more affordable than traditional offline counseling and financial aid is available. With the ability to message your counselor at any time, join over 1 million people taking charge of their mental health, it's convenient, affordable, and confidential. You can join today and start communicating

in less than 24 hours and anytime after that. Again, that's better help, h-e-l-p.com slash evolve. Okay, so Shantai, you're a life coach. I have to ask you, because when you said that, it made me think about my own life, so I share my story all the time about being a teen mom, and I really do feel like having my son Malachi at an early age gave me a sense of responsibility that forced me to live outside of my own feelings and emotions. The blessing of that is that had I stayed in my feelings and emotions, I probably would have ended up down any number of roads, certainly depressions, suicidal thoughts, maybe drugs, anything. But because I had this person to care for, it felt like it doesn't matter

how you feel, you need to show up for this person. Now I'm an adult and I'm acknowledging that my feelings do matter. But for that moment in and I'm acknowledging that my feelings do matter, but for that moment in time, I needed that healthy sense of responsibility to keep my head above water. What do you think helps to empower people to look outside of themselves and to take up space in a world

that often minimizes who we are? How do we have a sense of responsibility if we don't have a brother, if we don't have a child, and we're questioning whether or not our life even matters, is there a way that we can tap into that responsibility without having a quote-unquote responsibility that is evident in front of us? I actually, so this is confirmation for me.

Okay. Because I actually just had this conversation with someone. It doesn't matter if you do not have someone personally in your life. Just notice one is always watching. Someone is always watching. Someone is always watching. You will never believe how many individuals, whether it is in your church, whether if you're in an organization,

whether if you are a community leader, whether if you are the door-greater at Walmart or McDonald's, someone is always, always, always, always, always watching. Literally a smile can make a person's day, and they will remember that. You know, coming from a small hometown, you may not know everyone by name, but you will know everyone by face.

And I have worked with clients who said, oh my God, you're right. Just by me changing that narrative on social media, changing that narrative in person, there are individuals watching that I had no idea. Yeah. So to me, that is a sense of responsibility, especially if you are someone who's like, hey, I want to get out there,

I want to do community service, I want to do all these things, but I have no idea what to start. Guess what? You're starting by literally shooting a message out through your, you know, it goes down in the dams, as I say. Even if you direct message someone saying, hey, sis, I hope you have a beautiful day. My mentor told, told, told the story just a couple of weeks ago about how her next door neighbor

they barely say to us each other. She randomly sent her a bouquet of flowers, just like, hey, you know, you have a beautiful day. And this woman said, I was sitting on my couch with a bottle of pills. She said. Going to kill myself. And but because you sent me the good day of flowers,

let me know that someone is watching and that I am worthy enough to still be here. So someone's always, always watching. So just having that sense of responsibility of saying, you never know what the next person is going through, just for your kindness. Man, that just reminds me of how service was really instrumental in me coming to a place

where my life began to change. I was so just drowning in my own pain and my own sense of inadequacy and unworthiness. And I was just drowning in it. And I was attracting relationships that confirmed my own insecurities and thoughts. And that's just how I lived. And it wasn't until I started serving someone else's

growth and transformation that I became curious about my own, I feel like serving is the antidote to any of the issues that plague us internally because one, it does give us a sense of purpose. Sometimes we're like, where's my purpose? Like purpose is gonna knock on the door. Like finally, it's here Amazon Prime,

but the truth is that there are so many things in this world right now that we can be doing that can give our life purpose for the shelter to be able to count on you to come in on Thursdays to help pack lunches, for someone to be able to count on you to be at church on Sunday doing whatever it is you're doing, to serve like activism, racial injustice, helping children, helping single mothers.

There are so many areas in the world where we can take up space and instantly our life becomes purposeful. And when you live in purpose, it is difficult to be distracted because you're like, at the end of the day, I'm doing something that truly, truly matters. Can you tell me like, I worked for the month of Woman Evolve as reflection.

Can you tell me the first time that you felt like who I am matters? My life matters. What I'm doing in this earth really, really matters. Wow, okay. So I have this saying and I go over this with my clients and my students because I, my non-NIFI is in higher education. And I tell them all the time that I had no idea who

Shantai was and maybe like a year ago. Wow, there's so many pivotal moments. For me, it is when I have a student going through a similar situation that I've went through. I'm divorced. I have infertility issues. I have contemplated suicide before. I've been hospitalized for suicide. So I have had students come to me, felt comfortable enough saying,

hey, this is what's going on. How did you get through it? How did you deal with these things? How are you able to sit here and smile and you were in the midst of your divorce? You were in the midst of trying to have a baby. You were in the midst of all of these things. So for me, that moment was roughly around November of 2019.

And it made me feel as if, OK, OK, Lord, I hear you. The reason I'm here on earth is to help other people, whether it's getting through the same things or just getting through whatever that they are trying to get through. Again, getting from that point A to point B. I had students in domestic violence situations. And I am that individual. You call me in the middle of the night. I am on my way to your house, but that you all are just trying to go. So, time. Right. Come on. Like what you know, come on. I'm reading those shoes. You know, we can buy you some more. But for me, that pivotal moment is when for some reason I had this group of students coming to me around this

same time saying hey this is what I'm going through and I'm like wow I've went through that before. So it made me feel as if not only I mattered I was worthy but it was my true true calling of this is what I'm supposed to be here to do. I you know evidently back in March 22, 2012 when I went was both driven to the hospital in handcuffs for wanting to kill myself. I'm finding out why guys still wants me here roughly about a year ago. guys still wants me here with about a year ago. So from 2012 to 2020, you were on a journey of, wow, and that's eight years, that's new beginnings on a journey of really discovering why did you spare me.

A lot of times we think that the answer to why you spared me is going to come in two months or three months or six months, But yours came eight years later. That's how to, that's like something like where you like finally it's here. Did it feel like the moment you found out that it didn't matter how long it took you to find out that it was so worth it because you were finally there was you like I wish I had a known this eight years ago. Well, we always wish we wouldn't own it eight years ago, but I can't say for me, my pivotal pivotal pivotal moment was saying like, oh my god, it's here. I didn't necessarily say it's finally here. I still try to fight it. Wow. I try to say no, like little me. I'm not the of these opportunities, little me. You know,

I can't help someone else because I still can't get myself together, little me. And I'm going to be honest, I feel as if within those eight years, that's why I got married, because I was literally trying to figure out who I was and I thought someone else could do that for me. Yeah. Within those eight years, I was trying to have children which I still desire to be a mother. But it was, well, if I have a child, that child is gonna give me my life's purpose. So I was looking for that purpose in so many other places.

When in reality, I should have just been like, okay, Lord, I hear hear you I'm patient. Let's do this but I still felt that purpose. I literally was like no I can't help anybody I know but that goes back to discrediting myself because I was fighting it's so hard. myself because I was fighting it so hard. It's so hard to believe that when we experience our different struggles or issues that we haven't been discredited. And I think part of changing your life, changing the way you show up in the world starts with asking yourself, what is the story I'm telling

myself? And does this story help me or hurt me? Because the moment that that shifted, we see that your life has completely changed and transformed. And I think that's a beautiful journey that all of us need to hear, especially as we know, you know, things are going to continue to happen, and we have an opportunity to constantly edit that story, right? And to go back to where I've broken this once lived, but it sounds like you have committed

to not necessarily like never changing, but not allowing what happens in the world to make you forget this knowing that you have, this gift that you have. As someone who's listening right now, and they're like, hey, you know, where you were is where I am. What would you say to them to encourage them to keep holding on, to see outside of maybe their own pain

or to process their pain in a way that can help them come out on the other side? Oh my gosh, there's so many things. So first and foremost, you are not alone. Like listen, sis, little bro, whoever, you are not by yourself. Many times when we're going through the pain, we honestly think, feel that we're the only ones

going through it in that moment. But in reality, there are so many other individuals who are. So I would say just being honest, seek the help. Therapy works wonders. Of course there has to be a trial and error period and you find the right individual to fit you, but definitely go for the therapy. I would also say holding on to the hope there is light at the end of the tunnel. Now you're still going to have your bad days. Yeah. Like and you I can't I can't take that away from you. You know your auntie uncle cousin mama daddy grandma whoever cannot take that, those bad days away from you. But when you're in

those bad moments, think back to the day before when you had a great day because you went and got ice cream. Yeah. Because when you're in that moment, it's those little things that truly, truly, truly, truly matter. Something as simple as someone randomly stopping by, say, hey, you want to go to lunch, those little things make a difference. So instead of looking at the bigger picture, let's get it down to a tax ham portrait. I always make this statement of celebrate the small victories. Just because you haven't won the war yet, it doesn't mean that you have not

been winning your battles within that war. So in order to keep trucking along and so you can win that war, it's like, okay girl, look, you won this battle yesterday, we're gonna celebrate you today, because we're gonna give you the momentum to get to your war.

Yeah. Oh my gosh, that is so good. We're in the middle of the holidays, and food is at the center of it all. Why not let America's number one meal kid help you while your loved ones, especially with dessert? Satisfy everyone's sweet tooth with hello fresh's seasonal goodies like

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HelloFresh.com slash woman evolve 14 and use code woman evolve 14 for up to 14 free meals and three free gifts. Okay, so since you are in advice flow, we do have an advice question that we're going to answer together and it's a good one. Okay. So it's a good one, okay? So it starts. It says, hello, Pastor Sarah. I first read Lost in Found, then Woman Evolve.

The former brought me to a realization of my weak points in relation to your story, while the latter has taught me on evolving from the mistakes and weakness. My question is, when and how do you get people, especially family, to see the person you are evolving into? I gotta let you start that one. Oh!

Listen, okay, so it's funny because we're right here at the holidays. Just being honest. Yeah. Even last Thursday, Thanksgiving, they still see as little shantay. They still see me at times. Oh, shantay, you know, growing up at several outbursts all the time because I do to my comprehension and reading issues and, you know, not feeling like I'm

being heard, always having out outbursts. So even to this day, my family looks at me like, okay, we have to burst ourselves because she's gonna have an outburst. But in reality, I have evolved into this beautiful soul that everyone is able to see now, even when going through hard times. So I will honestly say that actions within this is gonna speak so much louder than words.

Because here's the thing, you can tell those individuals and show you a black and blue in the face like, listen. Grandma, I'm a completely different person because I still see you as their little girl or a little boy, they aren't necessarily gonna see you as their little girl or a little boy, they aren't necessarily gonna see you now. So I would say the actions behind things

would truly make a difference. And just being honest, when I started my life coaching journey last year, you know, business has trial and error, this then, the third, so family, Louis, I, okay, you're spending something. How was this gonna go? But no with them present time, especially even with past tag Thursdays,

I go live every week. That action has truly showed them like, oh my gosh, who is she? She's not just shantay anymore. She is who she is, who is she? She's not just gonna say anymore. She is, who she is, who she is now. She is a grown woman who can actually help even the older generation within the family. So I would definitely say actions,

compare the word. I totally agree with everything you just said. It is not uncommon for those who are close to us to miss how we have grown and developed. I have a five year old, I'm guilty of it right now. A couple of years ago, she needed help brushing her teeth, she needed help climbing up into the bed, she needed me to reach for something.

Now she's at an age where she's saying things like I can do it, mommy. It's not like I looked at her and was like you can do it. She started growing in such a way that she had to inform me that how I used to serve her. I no longer need to serve her, but she had to try that on for herself, that independence for herself. She had to trust herself. And then she had to present herself. And a lot of times we're changing for the sake of people to say, wow, you've really changed. Instead of changing as a result of our own organic growth and development, we're walking in and we believe it.

We've been affirmed in it ourselves. This is who we are. And then allowing those people to play catch up, not putting our development on pause until they affirm it, but to allow them to catch up and allow their eyes to be open to those moments like, wow, she can do that. While she doesn't need me in the same way that she used to need me before.

A lot of times people don't want us to change because it means that they will have to change the way they connect with us. But I do believe the more that we are able to say, listen, I want to do life with you. I want to grow with you, but I cannot stay the same. So if we're gonna walk together, you're gonna have to make space for me to grow and change.

And I'm gonna make space for you to grow and change. But at the end of the day, I am growing and evolving. And I need to be connected to people who are comfortable with that. And if you cannot be comfortable with that, then you do have to become comfortable with my absence because I just don't fit in that space that you once had reserved for me. And I feel like this isn't necessarily something that has to be communicated. It's something that is demonstrated. So allow your change to be demonstrated in your life.

And it's so funny that you've mentioned this. I actually, Kitchie not had a whole meltdown this summer. I literally said in my car for a well over an hour this crying. And my mom, I was at my mom's house and she was like, are you on the way? Are you coming in? What's going on? And instead of even going in to have a conversation with her, even just a few feet away, we had a conversation with me crying in the car. I was upset because I was telling her I feel like I'm at a pivotal moment in my life where I am not only elevated professionally but also personally, socially, spiritually,

mentally, and I'm having to leave specific people behind. And it's not because I want to be mean, cool, just angry, but it's because what purpose are you serving me right now with still seeing me the way that I was. Yeah. And also feeding that negativity of, oh, so you think you better, you think you're this, or what, you know, especially coming from a small hometown where you step out and you're doing something against the norm. It's kind of frowned upon, but it's like, in order for me to elevate myself,

I have to let you go. And you know, as the saying said, sometimes it's harder holding on than it is letting go. Yeah. Now letting go is still hot. Child, let me tell you. Letting go was was it strangely difficult to the point where I said back now and I'm like, wow, what if I would have let go of time ago? Where would I be now compared to where I am? Yeah, so I just had to to say, you know, friends, even family, you're no longer, you know, serving me purpose right now. I'm still going to be

cordial. I'm still going to be respectful But it cannot be the way that it used to be unless you change your mindset also And that takes a lot of courage, but it's necessary sometimes it is you or them and when you choose you the right Thames will be connected to you as you go Shantate this has been great But you said you wanted to pick my brain, so I have to ask you before we close out, is there anything that I can share with you

about my life, my journey, what I'm learning right now that can maybe serve you? Yes, I am a firm believer, so of course, I'm vulnerable, that is a bitch thing. And I did this as a journey of healing to myself. But for me is how do you, I have a two-part question. How do you get comfortable with sharing your innermost, darkest thoughts and struggles with the world.

And then also too, how do you get more of your story out there for others? Because what I've come to realize, even within the last few months, there are so many individuals who have went through this thing out through. But it's like, how do I spread more of, hey, look, I went through the same thing. How do you get that story out there? But then I also feel comfortable enough. Yeah, right, right. Okay, like it's out here,

but like what am I gonna do with it? Okay, so I have a few different things for you to consider. When you first said, how do I become comfortable? My initial response was like you don't, right? Like, it's still, there are still parts of my story that are very raw. So when I'm sharing them, I'm sharing them from a raw, vulnerable place. And it is helpful when you do it in community with women who

you know aren't judging you. Part of the reason why I started woman evolved is because I wanted it to be a safe space where you can say I just had an abortion. I'm still struggling from my divorce. I've got an addiction issue. Like I wanted to create that level of transparency and trust within Womeningvall, which means I had to lean into it myself. So in this space, I feel a lot more comfortable talking about it.

When I'm doing interviews and talking to random strangers who haven't told me their business, it still feels awkward for me. I just did my woman evolve book tour and all while I was touring, I was like, you know, they're asking me, how do you end up having sex as a child and how to feel when you told your dad you were pregnant. All of those things, they're, they're, they're, it's my life, you know, these are my scars, these are my wounds. But when you share them with people who've gone through it, it's easier. Now, to answer your question about how do you get it out there,

I will say this, you have to go to where they are. A lot of times we think that our answer is gonna be, how do I get them to come to mean? But the truth is, how do I go to where they are? Where are the shelters? Where are the programs? Where are the outreach opportunities that are serving women who have gone through what I've gone through?

And this, to me, is like the true test of healing is, can I walk into the place where I was once oppressed to bring other people out with me? Can I go into that mental hospital? Can I go into that shelter? Or do I only want to tell my story on this side of defense? Because the truth is if we're really going to set people free, we have to go to where they are bound.

And so when you go into those spaces, you want to tell your story because you want them to feel seen and loved and understood. And it's safety and numbers. We become stronger. Our voice, our stories become stronger when we combine them and share them with the knowledge that we haven't been there on our own. Does that help?

It. Oh, my. I'm literally like my brain is like a typewriter right now. I'm just taking it all in. But I didn't want to write because of course you want to live in the moment. I'm learning how to just live in the moment and that was beautiful.

Good. Well, I'll tell you there are many more moments for you to behold. And so many people who are assigned to your name, like I try to tell people all this time, like it doesn't matter how many people hear my story, it doesn't matter how many people who are assigned to your name, like, I try to tell people all this time, like, it doesn't matter how many people hear my story, it doesn't matter how many people hear other people's story. It's going to take all of us to change this world and to see value in whatever our audience

size is. Mine may be a couple millions, yours may be a couple, but each of those are valuable and impactful because it is territory that we're taking back. And so I'm grateful for the space that you take up in the world. Thank you for everything that you're doing to make the world better. Thank you. No, same to you. Thank you.

We are one in the same. And a lot of times it's all about opportunities such as this coming together in order to take it even further once the better time. Absolutely. Well, let's keep doing this work. I love you and I'll see you on the other side. Yes.

Take care. Definitely. Bye. Bye. Bye. Your edges, where are they? Are they still intact or does Shantai owe you some of hers? Because let me tell you something, the level of transparency and vulnerability represented in this podcast, it really moved me when she shared

about experiencing that trauma at seven years old and how it changed her and shaped her. I know that it probably resonated with so many of you who were thinking like, man, I didn't really think about how that affected me. I want to know your thoughts about this podcast and I also want to tell you how you can get your edges back from Shantay. Maybe we can find a mailing address. If you need your edges, email me back. Shantay says, thanks for blessing us with your wisdom, but most importantly, thanks for your honesty and sharing your truth with us. Delegation. Delegation, you, yes you.

Okay, this one, I'm waiting for you all who have been waiting to join me on the podcast. Be my co-host, come kick it with me, not ready to go together. That's fine. You can at least send me an advice question. I want you to hit us up at podcasts at waman evolved.com to send a question or to become my co-host. We want to hear from you. I love y'all and I can't wait to kick it with you next week. you