Woman Evolve with Sarah Jakes Roberts - Celebrating Relationships w/ Breanna Powell

Episode Date: October 27, 2021

In the name of Eve, our co-host Breanna Powell submitted herself for a rescue & chile W.E. gassed up the jet! ‘Cause judgement aside, the Saints done answered a ‘hey big head’ text from somebody’s son—but that’s alright! This episode calls for a celebration as SJR & Breanna remind listeners of the enjoyment connected to marriage, loved ones, our bodies, & carbs! Sis, if you’re struggling to be in relationship with God, visit WomanEvolve.com/conference21 for an invitation to breathe in His presence & exhale your fears. Write to [e-mail] for gem droppin’ advice from SJR! Then, claim your sponsorship offers at Noom.com/Evolve + BetterHelp.com/Evolve + Rothys.com/Evolve. Tell them W.E. sent you!

God can't bless you for ten to be or who you compare yourself to. He can only bless you and the lane that was created for you. I feel that for somebody. You don't need no itch, it's a tea you need boundaries. What? I don't need your lights, I don't need your validation. All I need is a God party for me that's there for all things. All things, all things, all things.

Child. Child, listen, I said to myself, self, and myself said, huh? And I said, we, as a woman evolved, the podcast should chat with our friend Brianna Powell. Psych, Brianna emailed podcast at woman evolved.com, which you should, too. She emailed for a shot to be in the co-host seat and we said yes. Now you should always be yourself but I also think you should be like Brianna. Shoot your shot okay. Make sure that you're signing up to be a part of hosting the podcast with us. Brianna and I are about to have a good time. This is going

to be the smile you didn't even know that you needed. Let's get into this episode and see what else we can learn from our girl, Brianna. Let's go! It's the environment for me. It's the background. It's giving what needs to be gave. I see the color scheme. The pillow is matching the sweatshirt. I see what you did. It's not on accident. I see the sweatshirt. I see what you did. It's not on accident. I see. How are you? I'm great. How are you doing? I'm doing very, very well. Thank you for doing this with me. Thank you for having me. What made you sign up to want to be a co-host? Because I was scared to sign up to be a co-host. That'll do it. I needed to do it. that'll do it. How long have you been plugged into the podcast? I have been plugged in for about two to and a half years, I think. I'm pretty sure I started listening right as I was graduating grad school.

Come on grad school. Come on now. You know college is not my repertoire, but Okay, because you're still growing in, okay? At listen, you all every time you guys walk across the stage, you carried me with you. You don't even know this, but you do. I have paper from all kinds of entities. Just don't quiz me about it. Okay. Well, how do you feel about the transition? What do you think about the new, the new version of the podcast?

I love that you're getting so personal with us. That's been my favorite part to listen to. Now, I will tell you, I do miss our, you know, ratchet moments together, doing recipes, but other than that, I think it's going very well. I love it. I'm trying to find a way to incorporate the rescue eaves because like what I learned from like the very first time we recorded, I think I asked someone to tell me about an area

of their life where they know better or aren't doing better and then they got deep so fast that I was like, I was really mean in something like a little bit more petty. So you know what, Brianna, I'm gonna make you be my first person to, you know, make this a light hearted moment. So are you ready? Yes.

Brianna. You can call me Bri. Brianna. Okay, come on Brianna. All right, Bri, I want to know about your Eve behavior. When is the last time you were out here raggedy petty and you said, do you know what? I know better, but I'm not giving you better on today. Oh, is this the safe space?

Yes, it's the safe space. It's just only 3,000 people listening, but you're safe with us. You're safe. Oh my gosh. Okay. Okay. So my behavior is that sometimes I get caught up in situations. What am I? Okay, so let's get into this. Situation ships. For those of you who are listening who are like, what? The fine situations ships, Eve, breathe, breathe. So a situation ship is something that may look like a relationship, but one or both of

the people involved instead, situations are not ready to commit to a formal relationship. Right. They say things like, we don't like labels. Let's just see where this goes. Those are things. I'm not ready. Right. But I still want to do things that make it look like I'm ready

so that you'll be confused and still just stick around. Oh, that's all right. That's all right. It's not all right. It's not all right. It's not all right. OK, are you currently in a situation, Chip? No, I was, but and maybe I still am. I don't know. That's the thing about situations

shifts. They're very tricky. You don't know when you're in them, when you're not in them. The person is like a really great friend of mine. And we were friends before we ever explored anything romantically. And so I just decided, let's just keep it that way. Let's just keep it that way. Nice. And that person knows. Yes. OK.

Do you have an anti-situationship plan for your future? Or are you just going to see where the Good Lord takes you? Oh no. I hope the good Lord is taking me to be somebody's wife. Okay, glory, okay, all right. How do you, okay, so this is a legitimate question though, because situationships are a thing. I had before I was happily married as I am on today, okay.

I knew a finger too about situationships. And like, how do you get out of, like how do you stop situating? I wanna ask how you get out of a situation should be because for the most part you get out of them just organically. They're meant to dissolve. But like how do you make a decision

to never be in a situationship again? Let me tell you a specific example. I'm telling I'm a really open, vulnerable person, so I don't mind sharing my life with you. But the situation that I was in years ago, it lasted for four years, ridiculous. Looking back on it, I'm like, girl, what? What? That's all right. That's the safe space. But the way that it ended was one day he takes a mean told me he had a baby on the way and I had to go. That's the whole that's the whole way it ended. But it's like not for nothing. Like that may seem obvious that you have to go. But a

lot of people don't leave. You know what I mean? Like I was in a situation before where I was with someone and he got someone else pregnant and I stayed with them. You know what I mean? So that it takes a lot of courage to walk away. It's so easy on paper to say what you would or would not do in a relationship. That's why we can never overemphasize how we end up in situations that are toxic but are difficult to leave

because at the end of the day, it is like fueling and feeding a need. Like what do you think your situationships fed you that made you not have a standard or to maintain the standard. Just the immediate, I guess just the immediate desire to be in relationship. I enjoy doing relationship, whether it's a platonic friendship, whether it's my bestie friendship with my girls, like I desire and I honor relationship. So a situation, it starts to really feel like that which I'm desiring and it's like, okay, well, you know, we're both comfortable here.

I don't want to go and have to get to know someone else or go through the whole, what's your favorite color, what's your favorite food type of dating sort of thing. So yeah, I think just the desire to be in relationship in the comfort of, or the false comfort of relationship that a situation offers. That's so good, because I do think that when people in-depth in situationships, that it is not because

they don't have a standard, it's not because they aren't desiring more, but it does feed in immediate need. And when that immediate need is being fed, it's hard to tell yourself, I would rather go hungry than feed myself something that is not going to be good nutrition for my soul. You know what I mean? It's like eating fast food or sugar. I'm going to cook you after this. Everything's fine.

But it's like you just know at the end of the day, this isn't going to be good for my soul long term, but it does satisfy that immediate need. So that instant gratification means more than the long term desire, but the goal is to come to a place where you can put that long term desire first. Have you seen yourself be able to put, well, I mean, you've gone through school. That's an immediate long term desire being met immediately, But it's hard to translate it into other areas. Yeah. And I guess the answer to your question, I haven't, I visualize what it is that I really

want. I have started crying on those things, but like you said, that instant gratification, excuse me, just it's right there. Like it's the comfort of what's happening now is right there. So I'm working progress. I love how carbs can make everything all right. Need a break, but no time for a vacation, eat carbs, celebrating exciting news, eat carbs. But you vacation? E-carbs. Celebrating exciting news? E-carbs. But you know who doesn't love carbs as much as I do, my waistline.

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focusing on the why instead of the what as you change your relationship with food. You don't even have to make a drastic change to your lifestyle and all you need is 10 minutes a day. Start your trial today at noom.com slash evolve. I've been thinking a lot about women in relationships, though. Everyone knows that woman evolve was basically founded on Genesis 3 and 15. But I've been thinking a lot about Genesis 3 and 16 and what God tells the woman that her curse is going to be that she desires, she's gonna have pain and childbirth

and her desire's gonna be for her husband and that word desire literally means longing, which is so interesting because though she has a husband, God says that you're gonna long for your husband and your husband's gonna rule over you. So you're gonna long for what you already possess, what you already have. And I felt like this is such an interesting consequence because at the end of the day,

she was fulfilled and whole and complete without having this longing. And I see so many women, you know, myself included. I'm happily married now, but even before I got married, longed for the validation of what a relationship was supposed to represent on the journey of my womanhood. And now I'm hoping to like really unravel this idea that a woman is not complete unless she is in a relationship with a man. And that's hard. Do you think the church plays a role in that?

Oh, absolutely. Yeah. And obviously without naming the church that I used to go to, the pastor really kind of puts a huge burden and pressure on the men who are kind of like the, that are leading the church, whether young or old, to get married and to be in relationship and I feel like that is a straight line to failed relationships. If you're solely getting into the relationship because someone else says, you know, you should be in covenant with other people but they're not telling you what that covenant means, what it's gonna feel like when you get in

that covenant, how hard it's gonna be to be in covenant relationship with someone. So I definitely think, I'm sure that church is not the only church that puts that pressure on men and women. So yeah, I definitely think that the church plays a part. Now Bri, I have never heard someone say that the church put pressure on the man to get into a relationship. Somebody might want you to name that church or then go find a man who's got pressure to get married

and in this struggle. I'm not gonna. And I'm only not gonna do it because I value the delegation and I'm not sure that I necessarily want all to be married to those men right now. That's fair, that's fair. So you're out of your situation. What are you learning about yourself as a woman right now?

What is being revealed to you about your character and your ways and personality? Oh my gosh. So the first thing that came to mind when you asked that question is me finally having the ability to speak up and name what it is that I want and what it is that I want and what it is that I expect Because in the past I let a lot of things slide. I Let folks get away with a lot and this isn't just in romantic relationship, but just in general

I showed and not that I shouldn't but I showed a lot of grace that I'm not gonna say I should have withheld the grace, but grace should have looked different for those people. Grace should have looked like me bowing out gracefully and choosing not to do relationship in the same way with those people anymore. So this season has really given me the opportunity to really figure out what it is that I want and that I expect and to be able to articulate that to people so that I can do relationship better and so that they can do relationship better

with me. Oh, man, I love what you said about articulating it because it's not enough to do the work if there's no outlet that allows you to practice the work that you've been doing inside. Can you like give me an example of a time when you actively chose to not rewind to who you used to be, but to step within your ability to advocate for your wants, for your needs and to communicate that to another person? Yes.

So, in my relationship with my daddy, it's been a bit challenging and I charge it to him to see me grow up. I'm not as dependent. I'm actually not dependent on him at all, right? Like other than for his love for him just being a father to me. I'm not financially dependent on him. And I recognize that that's challenging for fathers to see their little girl grow up and no longer need them in the same way. And so there's been times with me now as an adult,

where we've kind of but heads, which we're both really stubborn. I definitely get that trait from him and not my mom. So like, there'll be times where one of us feels wronged and we'll go a significant amount of time without speaking to one another. And typically, that would just, like that would ruin every single day until we talked again, right? Because I love my dad.

I love relationship with him. I hate seeing us, you know, not be at peace with one another. But at some point in time, I had to figure out how to still love him, because there's nothing that he can do about that, and also choose my own piece. And so I really had to, in those moments where we weren't speaking, or there was a challenge that was happening between us, I had to really kind of sit with how I felt about it. I had to really sit with, okay, so when he does call,

how are you going to communicate to him that you were hurt by X, Y, and Z? And so normally, when I was younger, I would just be like, well, hey, Daddy, we just fall right back into it. We would act like nothing ever happened, but now, I'm like, aren't it now, Daddy? We weren't talking for two weeks,

and this is how I felt about it. Let's talk about what occurred. Let's figure it out. Let's communicate. We weren't talking for two weeks and this is how I felt about it. Let's talk about what occurred. Let's figure it out. Let's communicate and let's do relationship with one another in a better way. What I hear you saying is that you have come to this stage in your life where you are no longer willing to suppress or ignore your feelings for the sake of other people's comfort or for the sake of things

falling back into the way that they used to be. Now this does not mean that you want to disrespect someone. This doesn't mean that you don't even want that person in your life, but you have come to a stage where you feel like in order for us to really know each other, this isn't going to be me just bending to where you are, but I'm going to need you to see where I am as well. And if we're both willing to bend,

then we can move forward. But I don't want to have to give up my voice, my feelings, my emotions in order to be in relationship with you. And you are insisting that that person, even your father, come to a place where he can accept that as a part of being in relationship with you. And that is like such a dynamic when it comes to having adult relationships with our parents.

You're telling me you are telling me, but you're absolutely right. Like, and I definitely attribute most of this to therapy. Yeah. But being able to set boundaries even in my parental relationships, I personally feel like, and it takes people time to adjust to boundaries, right? But me doing the work to set the boundaries in my parental relationships, I think has made them better. And that means a lot to me, because I want to do relationship with my parents for the rest of my life, for the rest of theirs.

And that's not going to happen if we continue doing things the way we did when I was 16 years old. So yeah. I love this so much. We're talking about celebrating relationships at Waman Evolve this week. And I feel like this is how you come to a space where you celebrate

the relationship that you have. Not because the relationship hasn't had interesting season or hasn't seasons or hasn't had moments where things could have broken down but because we did the work to stick together. And to me, that is what creates security in a relationship. Security in a relationship is not created because we're ignoring and we're playing our roles and pretending like nothing is happening. Security in a relationship comes when I can say, this is where I am, this is where I'm hurt, this is where I've got pride, this is where I've got ego,

this is where I'm growing and you can receive that, give me yours and return and us move together. And it sounds like you have found this in your relationship with your parents. And I thank God that you have that space in therapy in order to work it out. I feel honestly that so many of us are the harvest that our parents could not afford

to receive in their generation. The way that we can so openly talk about therapy or talk about parental disappointments without that being dishonoring towards our parents. Like I feel like this is the freedom. This is an extension of the freedom that we've been hoping to have in our communities. I completely agree with that. Yeah.

How do you set boundaries without having guilt? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. That's great. You know what? No. But like, that's great. You know what? No.

But that's great, because everyone talks about these boundaries. Like you said, and you are boss, and you don't care what people think. And it don't matter whether or not you can deal with it. But sometimes we are setting boundaries by faith and in fear, because we realize it's going to change the dynamic. It's going to change the way we have connected. But it is still saying, in spite of the discomfort, I'm going to put my mental health, my spiritual wealth at the forefront of this relationship by creating these boundaries. Does the guilt

get better over time? It definitely does. So I would say before the pandemic hit, I was working with my therapist to really start saying no and meaning it's investing in my know and then going about my day. So I had started with I sent out a mass text to all of my friends and family and I was like, hey y'all, so starting tomorrow between five and six, my phone's gonna be on Do Not The Sturb. I'm not gonna allow favorites to be able to call just so I can take some me time before continuing the rest of my day.

And I sent it and like literally like this. Oh, they're gonna hate me. Like, everybody responded. It was like, okay. Not that they didn't care, but it was just like, you should be doing that. Like, please, please put your phone on, do not disturb and do that. So it's definitely gotten easier because I have the support of those who love me and see how much I love them through the actions that I do for them.

And they're like, okay, set us down for a moment and then pick yourself up and go and do something for yourself and just be with yourself. You deserve that. So I attribute me learning not to feel guilty about my know or about setting boundaries to the people that I'm surrounded by. That is so good.

I hear you saying that boundaries are not a problem for people who really want for you. Boundaries are only a problem for people who want from you. Because if all they want is from you, then they can't afford for you to have boundaries. But when I'm for you, first of all, I want you to be well. I want you to take time.

I want you to rest. I want you to meditate because I want you to be the best that you can be. But from you says also, I'm going to miss out on this because you're taking care of yourself. And that's corny. We don't have time for that. It's very corny. That is big corny. So this is boundaries with people, right? I don't know if you're like me, like I struggle with boundaries, period, the whole story. But I struggle with boundaries, not just with setting them with people. I like to feel like I'm doing better.

But I think I also struggle with having boundaries for myself, like the kind of boundaries that says, you're not going to talk to yourself that way. The type of boundaries that says, we're not going to allow those thoughts to just stay in our mind. You're going to honor your body. You're going to honor that way. The type of boundary that says, we're not gonna allow those thoughts to just stay in our mind. You're gonna honor your body. You're gonna honor your health. You're not gonna speak poorly about it.

Have you had to work through setting boundaries for yourself, for the way that you handle yourself? Absolutely. And having to be inside more and not being able to go about our regular lives because of the pandemic has really, my inner voice is louder because I'm not constantly doing something. So, and specifically as it pertains to my body and like my physical wellness, I've had to really

do some reframing around how I talk to myself about my body, how I view my body, and that's been a challenge because I'm bottom heavy, so like that's, I don't think that's going to change, and that's fine. I have a bit of a gut, and I could change that, but it's not gonna happen right away. So I had to really, you know, I had to change the words that I was using towards myself. I had to really literally look at myself in the mirror and say like, you look good as you are. Let's go to the gym because it feels good to you.

Let's go to the gym because it's going to contribute to what it is you're desiring from your body. Let's not go to the gym because you wanna be skinny. Let's not go to the gym because you feel like you're fat. Let's stop putting a negative connotation on fat because that's not what we should be doing. And I had to, what I, what I repeat to myself and what I've said to some of my friends during this time

is this body that I have or that you have has literally carried us through a whole pandemic, like an entire pandemic. And unfortunately, that is not everyone's story. Like everyone's body didn't get them through this pandemic. And so I really just had to reframe the way that I feel towards my body and the way that I speak to myself and to others about this body

that has carried me through a pandemic plus so many other things, situations, ships, and everything else. I'm working on that too. That's definitely been one of my areas of growth. I think that I have been waiting for a time where it felt like I have the energy and mental capacity and willpower necessary to change my body. And the truth is that my body is doing the very best

that it can and is showing up for me in incredible ways and a seizing that has been beyond taxing to your point, not just the pandemic, but like work and family and life and pressure has all caused me to like go to comfort to nurture myself by having cookies or to eat ice cream. And that has been nurturing for me in many moments. And while I don't desire to stay there

right because they're not the healthiest habits, I'm also not going to punish myself for doing what I need to do to cope in just incredibly challenging times like they're unprecedented and I don't want to punish my body anymore for it. I want to love my body to wellness. I want to finish my body any more for it. I want to love my body to wellness. I want to love my body in every stage. And that takes real intentionality. Absolutely. And my roommate has actually helped me with kind of changing my relationship with food. Like, my body deserves to eat things that I enjoy. Like, I don't have to be eating grilled chicken every day

and broccoli and a spare dish. Like those things aren't good for me and I absolutely should incorporate them into my diet, however, comma space. I like chicken wings, I like ribs, I like tacos, I like good food. So I just, I shouldn't have to withhold my body from consuming things, like consuming food

that it enjoys. So also on the topic of ice cream, I don't know if you, oh my mouth is watering. I don't know if you know that this scoff has cookie butter ice cream bars, but if you did not know. I did not know. Now you know.

I do know. And if you really try them, you should really try them. They have a hold on me right now. They're so good. They're so good. We're gonna what you can't see is half the team riding down.

Yeah. I'm saying, I am trying to tell y'all those things are so good. Y'all just text me the note. Y'all those things are so good. Y'all just text me the note. Y'all just text me the note. We appreciate you. Look at you giving. Look at you serving us in this season. No, my go to his bed and I don't even really like ice cream like that. Like I'm not a person who hurt me.

Me neat. Okay. So, but Jenny's brown butter, almond, brittle, ice cream. I don't know if you've ever heard of it. It sounds like your cookie bar is in the same family of it. And that, you tell my has a hold on me. That ice cream has a, it's a death grip on me. It will not let me go. And I just, I don't know what to do about it. Everything is fine. When is the life on you? I don't know what to do about it. Everything is fine.

When is the life when you had something amazing to eat? Like that changed your life. That changed my life. Let's talk about it. Let's celebrate this relationship with food we have. Ja, last night when I had that cookie-butter ice cream bar. Changed your life? Right then on the side.

Changed my life every time. No. Okay. So, earlier this week, maybe Monday, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I'm right there on the side. It changes my life every time. No. Okay, so earlier this week, maybe Monday, I think, I made some ribs. I made my own dry rub. I made the barbecue sauce and then baked the ribs and the oven. They were great.

That's why you're being situationships. You need to not be over here putting dry rubs on me if somebody wants to be chosen. Listen, look, in the pandemic gave me lots of time to, I really enjoyed cooking, but when I started cooking and meal prepping those like grilled chicken and broccoli-tight meals, I stopped liking it because I'm like,

I barely want to be eating it, so I had a chance to really get back to loving it, so yeah, those verbs were amazing. One thing I love about Womany Ball is the community and safe space we've built with one another. I received countless messages with personal stories ranging from experiences with anxiety and depression to advice on how to settle family conflicts or work through self-esteem issues.

I don't have all the answers, but I refuse to leave you all hanging. Your mental health is too important to me. I want you to start living a happier life today with assistance from BetterHelp. As a listener of the Waman Evolve podcast, you'll get 10% off your first month by visiting BetterHelp.com slash Evolve. A safe and private online environment, BetterHelp assesses your needs before matching you with one of their licensed professional therapists. It's also free and easy to change your counselor if you need to in the future.

Better Help is more affordable than traditional offline counseling and financial aid is available. With the ability to message your counselor at any time, join over one million people taking charge of their mental health. It's convenient, affordable, and confidential. You can join today and start communicating in less than 24 hours and anytime after that. Again, that's better help, h-e-l-p.com slash evolve. I love cooking. It is one of my favorite things to do. The last time I had a life-changing meal,

it was for my husband's birthday. And for his birthday, I had this idea that we would get an Airbnb on the marina, and we would take a bowdow for his birthday. And it sounded like so good in my head. And then we would have a chef come and make dinner. You could not tell me I was in Pimpin. I was like, what, are you already buying them 29 acres of land?

Who, who, who, any who listen, stay focused. Um, stay focused. Stay focused, everyone stay focused. So, um, so first of all, we get to the house. The house is a bust, okay. It's a bust. It was not giving what need to be gave. It was not nice.

It was dusty. It was looking like he walked in and he was like, oh, okay, you know, and but that's all right. Um, and then, I knew it and he knew it. And then it just, it wasn't ideal, but that was all right. But the chef was cooking. Then the chef had like jagged edge blasting and, you know, so I was it was like a thing right and then so I was like can we turn Something's like some jazz something that look a little bit like you know, oh, you know what I mean and any who's so Yeah, shoulders shimmy something to make it look like a little romantic you know what I mean because jagged-edge I'm like he don't love you like I love you like what is we talking about

Already Mary so like jagged edges are done the edges are smooth now. There's nothing jack They don't love you, like I love you, like what is we talking about? We already married, we already married. We already married. So like jagged edges are done, the edges are smooth now. There's nothing jagged about them anymore. And so, but the chef that came and could change our lives. It's a girl from Chicago who just moved to Los Angeles and she made these lamb chops. They had some type of... First of all, now behold the lamb.

When I eat the lamb, I think of my savior. So any who, the lamb had this honey glaze, drizzle situation. And I was like sitting at the table perplex. Like I don't know if you've ever had food so good that it was like what just happened to me. I was deeply confused by what I just experienced. Like what is this?

I feel like I just experienced it with you. Like my mouth is really wide. It was tender. Oh, I love to eat. I love to eat. And you know what, like if we're not going to be in situationships, if we're going to mind our business, if we're going to build business,

if we're going to have worship, and prayer, and meditation, the least you can let us have is something good to eat. That's all I'm saying. That's all you're saying. That's it. That's it. It's not too much to ask for.

I know it's not. It's not. I love the landfights, by the way. I just made me in the last year, discovered that I enjoyed them. I had never had them before. Big fan. Do you put mint and jelly on them? No, but the restaurant I used to work at does.

I used to work at the Capitol Grill, and that's where I tried my first lamb chop. And yes, I was a little like mid jelly. Right, right. That it off. Okay. Do you put strawberry or grape jelly on your peanut butter and jelly sandwich? I can't remember the last time I had a peanut butter jelly sandwich. Great. Great. Great. All right. That's okay. That's okay. Great. Great. Great. Yeah. I feel like grape is like a bougie peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I do.

I can't bury you. Really? Yes. That's all right. This conversation has gone many places on today. But you know what? We're going to answer this advice question and it's going to bring us back.

Okay, are you ready? Okay. Here we go. Okay. She says, I am a preacher's daughter, born and raised in church all my life. I have always clung on to the promises of God and trusted that he would send me the right man to marry and sell down when we talked about this. Okay, wait. So when I met my husband, I was excited to begin a new chapter with him,

but five years into our marriage, I found out that he had an affair and a kid on the way. Oh my God, we was just talking about this. Definitely worse. I was devastated. I couldn't or even still can't believe God would allow me to go through such hearting and bring a husband who was mentally and verbally abusive. After my divorce, I could never get back into church like I used to. It's hard for me to even pray much less that foot into a church, yet I know I am nothing without God.

I have so many questions for God. Why me? I gave you my life and still in your promises. All I want is a family, so why allow me to go through all of this? I trusted you God and yet I went through hell. Yes, you pulled me out, but now I have trust issues with myself and God. So my question is, how do I even begin to have a relationship with God again? If I have all this doubt and so many unsettling feelings towards God, I feel so guilty going to him or even praying to him because of the way I feel towards him.

I hate myself for feeling this way towards him because he truly has been there for me and made a way for me when there was no way. But I don't know how to let go of all these hurtful feelings towards him. I need help and advice. I don't go to my dad or his church because frankly I feel ashamed that the preacher's daughter doesn't go to church or couldn't even keep her marriage together. I feel so lost in the loan. How do you bite the hand that feeds you? That's what it feels like when I try praying or crying out to God, please help.

You know, this is such a good question because I've had so many people who have confided in me their disappointment with God. And it almost sounds blasphemous when I say this, but there are moments in life where we have to reconcile that the only way we can move forward in our relationship with God is if we forgive God, forgiveness is about an unmet expectation.

And when we have an unmet expectation with the person, we have to go on a journey of forgiving. And then learning how do we walk together from this place of brokenness, it is going to be very challenging for you to feel like God lets you down. And then to say, now let me pick back up from right where we were. It would be almost unrealistic. So I would say to you, first of all, don't put shame on yourself for not being able to connect with God the way that you're used to.

You have experienced a disappointment. You have experienced a setback. And God is God enough to meet you right where you are. God is not fragile. He doesn't need you to come to Him without any shame, without any fear, without any anger or frustration. God can handle all of that. Unlike man, when we're like you disappoint me,

but I don't wanna be close to you, because if I say something crazy, you may not understand. God can handle all of those things. The second thing that I want to say is that when people let us down, even though God is God, God has given us free will. And so when a person lets us down, that does not mean that God let us down.

It means that that person disappointed us, that person used their free will, they used their access in our lives to disappoint us. Now, when God allows something to happen, what that means that He sees that this is coming, the reason why He allows it is because God feels like, even though this person is gonna hurt someone I love, even though this person is gonna disappoint someone

that I value, I can help them come to a place where they have restoration, where they can have value again, and where they can find peace again. It just means that that person is going to have to be willing to do the work and to have intimacy in order for them to move forward in their relationship with me. So if you're struggling to trust God, I would say be patient with yourself, be delicate with yourself because God understands where you are, God gets why you feel the way that you feel, and yet God is still waiting and available. So all for God, your anger, your skepticism, your frustration, and you'll see little by little that it begins to change.

Have you ever had an experience where you felt like God disappointed your expectation and how did you recover? Absolutely. And I'm tying it back to the situations that I've experienced. Like I there's one in particular that I know for facts because I trust the God of myself that God told me that this man was going to be my husband and so when the relationship wasn't Connecting I was like, well, why would you set me up like that? I don't I don't understand like what am I supposed to do with this and then feeling ashamed for you know doing relationship Before there was an actual relationship that sort sort of thing. And so based on my experience, my suggestion would be to first let that shane go and to let God's peace meet you right where you are.

In the middle of your disappointment, in the middle of your anger towards God, and towards the person who has disappointed you, disappointed you, excuse me, like allowing God to meet you in that, because that's how you do relationship with God. You bring him everything. And so in order for you to be able to carry everything to him, you have to get some of the heaviness, some of the weight off of you in that shame

that I was carrying for doing certain things before, you know, other things were checked off, that shame was heavy. So putting that down and then reminding myself that everything that happens, literally everything, is for my good and for God's glory. And when I kind of refrained disappointment and understood that fully, like everything works for my good and for his glory and then God is so generous and kind to share that glory with me and to bring the light back into my life and and to just allow me to be at peace with the things that have happened. So releasing the shame and then allowing God to work everything out for my negative for his glory has definitely got me through not just situations

but life in general. When I'm out running errands or running behind one of our kids, the comfort of my Rothies lace-up sneakers have proven themselves to be top tier. Aside from them being breathable and lightweight, I love the neutral color combo they're designed with, making them easy to pair with any outfit. You talk about Jazzy and comfortable. I love my Rathi's slides so much that even before they

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Head to rothys.com slash evolve to find your new favorites today. Your feet will love you for it. You know, there's nothing in scripture that suggests that being in relationship with God means that we're always going to have things go our way. I mean, David was anointed king and then chased around by Saul.

I mean, Jesus became the first Messiah, the Messiah to enter the world and then was persecuted on and cross. The disciples, after Jesus was resurrected, go throughout and they are persecuted literally to the point of death for believing in Jesus. And so, for us to reduce our faith down to this notion that like, if I trust you, then I should not experience any pain or any trauma

is unrealistic. It's unrealistic and marriage. It's unrealistic in any relationship. Like, being in relationship with someone doesn't mean that person's never going to disappoint you. It doesn't mean they're never going to let you down. What it means is that I can work through this with you. That if you're willing to do the work and I'm willing to do the work and we have a common

shared goal, then we can work towards what healing looks like. And so I think to your point about just reframing disappointment is like really understanding it is a part of life. No one who goes through something deserves everything that comes their way. And yet there's still stuck in the mud. And God has a promise that it's not that you won't get stuck, but I won't leave you there. And I can help you get cleaned off, but you got to be willing to reach out for me. So hopefully she'll be able to do that.

I sure hope so. Okay, so do you have any questions for me? They were almost at the end, but I like always, I forget to do this, but I'm supposed to ask people if they have questions that they wanna ask me about, like my life, my journey, what I'm learning or growing in before we close out.

Okay, so I think, you know, in thinking in terms of the redirection that you have taken the podcast and the reasons why you did it, wanting to spend more time with your family, wanting to just not be so busy all the time. So my question is, how has that been for you? How has the redesign of the podcast helped you in doing exactly what you said out to do when you decided to do that? It has helped me tremendously.

The more that I have had space outside of the way that we have been doing it, it made me realize that in a way, I think that I thought obligated to a lot of people. And I think it was my way of creating boundaries, even though it was challenging. You know, I felt like trying to get there by two o'clock every Monday, trying to make sure there weren't technical issues. And then like making sure that we were connecting and debriefing and like we're talking to each other and I loved it Like this is the part of boundaries that is such a struggle It's not that I didn't love it or didn't enjoy it. It just was such a heavy

Obligation and missed all of my other obligations that it was like how can I continue to connect without feeling like I'm going crazy The sounds not working. We're not gonna make it by two. I had a crisis come up, we have to move it, I'm letting people down. And so it has been helpful for me to not feel as obligated every day or every Monday of the week like that, but I miss it too. I miss, I think I miss like the rescue ease side of it as well.

And I'm just like still trying to figure out how I can incorporate that, or if I can, maybe it's on the social, I don't know. But I do love being able to connect with you guys one-on-one. That means a lot to me. It means a lot to us too. And I'll speak for myself, but I think I do speak for the delegation

when I say that we're extremely proud of you for choosing to set a boundary, even though you love us, and even though you love us and even though you enjoy doing relationship with us whether it's virtual or in person. It is admirable to see someone make a decision, settle into that decision and then pivot in whatever way is necessary and whatever way feels best. So I am very proud of you. Oh thank you that means a lot to me. I love this. I love talking to you.

I love talking to you too. I was looking forward to it for the last however long it was since I submitted the application. Well, beautiful. Hopefully we had to like bring people back. And hopefully we get to talk about the next good thing you've been eating. And I'm going to try that cookie. What's the call? Cookie bar. about the next good thing you've been eating. And I'm gonna try that cookie. What's the call? Cookie bar? It's called cookie better ice cream bars. It makes somebody right go down.

Thanks for your hands. Thank you, Bri. I love you. Take care of yourself. I love you too. Thank you so much. Okay, bye. Bye, bye.

Before we pull the plug on this episode, Brianna, I had so much fun getting to know you. Like I'm literally smiling right now. You're such a light so much joy. I can't wait to hear from you about how guys continuing to just blow your mind in every single way. Thank you for affirming me. For taking the time to just say that you guys are proud of me, delegation. You have no idea how hard it has been to pivot.

And yet, I appreciate you guys sticking with me throughout it all. We're out of time now, but no worries. We'll be back next week like we never miss to beat. And one more thing, I know you tired of hearing about it, but I'm tired of telling you about it. Could you ain't got your ticket? Are you joining us for the woman Evolve virtual experience or

conference? It is November 5th through the 6th. Hit me on the socials to let me know where we're evolving together. If you're not coming to see me, I want to know where the Evolve is happening in your country, city, wherever you are. If you haven't registered yet, no worries. Register at WomeneBov.com and pull up on me. Love y'all, next week. you