Woman Evolve with Sarah Jakes Roberts - Celebrating Self-Worth w/ Mo James

Episode Date: October 13, 2021

n this episode, the anointing came through drippin' (drip, drip)! Guest co-host & Confidence Coach, Mo James, linked up with SJR to activate the audacity of women! On the cool W.E. needed it, but good gawd Mo read us for filth & snatched SJR's wig! The two discussed how to disrupt and do nothing, practice worthiness, identify expectation, and choose 'irresponsibility' (whaddup Eve). Instead of trying to 'fix' your family, did you ever consider rededicating them back to God? Yep...stick around for the advice segment to hear more. Sis, breathe in the celebration of your victories at every stage because you're worth it. Journey towards a happier & healthier you by plugging into BetterHelp.com/Evolve + Headspace.com/WomanEvolve. Then, join the Delegation's countdown to WomanEvolve.com/conference21 'cause everyday W.E. lit!

God can't bless you for ten to be or who you compare yourself to. He can only bless you and the lane that was created for you. I feel that for somebody. You don't need no itch, it's a tea you need boundaries. What? I don't need your lights, I don't need your elevation. All I need is a God party for me that's there all things, all things, all things. Child.

Let me tell you something. You're not ready. I know that you logged on to the app, thinking you were ready, and you're incorrect, but that's all right. You can't even get ready for this, because what is about to happen is quite literally going to change your life. Within the first five minutes of speaking with Moe, it became increasingly evident

that I was there to learn from her to grow and become better. And I prayed before we even started filming today. I prayed that God would keep my heart open to receive, to not just think about what I needed to pour or what the questions were going to be, but to receive. To not just think about what I needed to pour or what the questions were gonna be, but to receive. And my was an answer to my prayers, and I believe she'll be an answer to yours too. So let's get into it. It's giving hat, it's giving curls.

It's giving what needs to be gaved. It's giving highlighted on the nose. It's giving me what I didn't even know I needed this morning. Listen, stewardship matters. I wasn't about to waste, you know, I was going to come with what needed to be brought in. And let me tell you, it has been brought in and it has been received most importantly.

I want you to know that I have received it. How are you? I am doing well. How are you doing? I'm doing great. Thank you for doing this with me. Thank you for doing this. You know, just thank you for doing this. Thank you. I have enjoyed. You know, we changed the format of the podcast a little while ago. And I have been just trying to figure out what feels like organic and natural. And I have really enjoyed just having different conversations with women.

I don't know how many of them have you heard. What do you think about it? I have listened to, I just listened to Jada's episode this morning, just this morning. Yeah. I, these, it's so good. It's so rich and so necessary and so on time. It's it's perfect. It's perfect. Jada's was so unexpectedly just like holy like she just

went into this thing and I was like girl you trying to drag us what is this about? Just dragging us dragging us in the spirit just. I love it. I love your evolve in the background too. That looks great. You the other side says think. And so, you know, I come in here and be like, okay, what do we need today? Switch it. Sometimes the switches after a minute. But yeah. So our word, our word of the month for women evolve is celebration. And we've just been having, I spoke with G. Apeppers and we were just talking about celebrating growth

and progress and just celebrating these moments in life that all us, and I just wonder as we just begin our conversation, like what are some ways that you actively choose to celebrate like monumental moments of growth in your life. Oh my goodness. I celebrate by doing nothing. Oh girl. Oh hold on. Hold on. If you're going to preach, just let me know that you're going to preach. Let me tell you and look at me and I'm raggedy for this because this is your question and here I am being me.

When they told me I became a New York Times best selling off, everybody's like, what do you want to do? Where do you want to go? And I'm like, I don't want to do anything. But go ahead, answer the question for yourself. No, I think I, I intentionally celebrate by doing nothing because I am a doer. Yeah. I am a, you know, hands always into something, doing, doing, doing, doing, doing. And so I look at celebrating by doing nothing

as a revolutionary thing for me. For me. I just choose to intentionally be useless. Yes. I need more of this. I am blessed by this. I feel like only people who get it are going to get it. But there is something about doing nothing. Like I am at a stage in my life. When people ask me like, what do you do for a fun a fun it's like nothing like that is so fun to me doing absolutely nothing. Yeah yeah and I think too like you know if we want to take it like deep deep deep deep deep as women especially you know we we're kind of taught that our worth comes from what we do for other people and just doing, doing, doing, doing.

So yeah, we get to disrupt by saying, I'm gonna own my worth and do nothing. I will still be worthy in my one Z. Yeah. Playing in the same way this ice cream. With the, do not forget the ice cream. I came home from work the other day and it was probably six o'clock

and I put on my nightgown and my bonnet. I'm done here, it's six o'clock, I'm done. The kids asked for dinner, I was like, choose you this day, what you gonna eat? It's whatever you like. We got fish sticks in the freezer, we got leftovers in the fridge. I am doing nothing.

How do you think you can give yourself permission to like finally say, you know what? I don't care what you think about it. I don't care who's gonna be upset or what gets cooked or not folded or what email doesn't get answered. Like I need to breathe in nothing. I need blank space in my life.

How do you finally give yourself permission? Are you the kind who just like waits until you're completely burnt out and now you just have to give yourself time or do you actively choose it? I used to be the kind I had to hit the wall. Yeah. That used to be me. And I just kind of got to a point of recognizing that I needed to practice my worthiness in a different way. Because for me, worthiness equaled work, I had to flip the script on that and recognize worth is worth. It just is.

So whether I take this worth to work or whether I take this worth to the bed, it's still intact. It's still intact. It's still here. It's still can't be taken away from me. So that's something that I am I still consciously do. I have to choose to do it. Because I because my my M.O. is to just keep going and going and going until I can't go anymore. Okay, so I feel convicted. First of all, practiceworthiness, you need a book, you need a podcast, we need t-shirts, we need all of the things because practicingworthiness is just so powerful.

I don't, at this point in my life, like I don't really know what's wrong with me. I, um, I know that I need to stop and that I need to pause and I need to rest. But I am not willing to cancel things in order to make it happen. Like I am willing to say I can't book anything else, but I am not willing to say I cannot change my mind based off of an energy expectation I thought that I would possess

to say no to preserve the limited resource that I have left. I don't know how to do it. It feels, I tell you why. I think for me, it feels irresponsible. And I think because I have been wanting to prove how responsible I am for a very, since I was a little girl, that for me, it feels irresponsible.

And I literally told, this is gonna sound terrible. Don't judge me, but I literally told Shinisi other day. I was like honestly, I'm probably just gonna pass out one day. Like you know how you hear stories of this. Thank you for laughing. She was like what? I was like you know how you hear stories and they're like some of my past down there's like,

it was an exhaustion and dehydration. Like it's going to be me, it's not funny, it's not cute, but it is so true because I was like, I just I don't know how to stop. No, I'm waving my hands because you and my, you at my front door right now, just get off my porch right now. It's not good.

I would think you said something that I, that kind of hit me, it's the expectation. And that's what, that is what I believe we, as women are fed, we are fed meeting expectations as currency. Like that's the thing, we, people say we, this is the main issue. I think it's the main issue.

I think it's the main issue. I think it's the main issue. I think it's the main issue. I think it's the main issue. I think it's the main issue. I think it's the main issue. I think it's the main issue. I think it's the main issue. I think it's the main issue. I think it's the main issue. said that and that and we don't realize when we become adults and have free will it can make choices, we can choose to change the expectation. We can change the expectation.

We can opt out of the expectation, but it's hard to do and use when you say, yeah, sometimes you think, you know what, I'm just the integr integrals we store like trying to decide which rice to buy. And I'm gonna fall out because I'm. That's real. But yeah, it's those expectations. I just want you to know, Mo, that if you wanted my week before we started this podcast, you could have just asked for it. You didn't have to come snatch it like this.

Why would you say that meeting expectations is currency? I'm tired of you and we have just begun. Because, okay, okay, because like, isn't this why we say in terrible relationships, isn't this why we stay in terrible relationships, isn't this why we stay in jobs? Because the idea is if I continue to meet your expectation that you will in exchange give me what it is I want

in return that you'll meet my expectations. So me meeting your expectation should be currency. And you know, this is why, see, you are reading me for Phil. This is why me and my husband be beefing, and he don't even know we're beefing, because I have met your expectation for dinner. And in exchange, I'm expecting you to offer the give-ella a bath.

I'm expecting for you to say, I'm going to wake up with the kids in the morning. And low-key, it is a form of manipulation, because I'm only meeting your expectations with the expectation that you're going to surprise me by meeting my own. It's not pure. And now it's time for the after call. It is strategic. It's strategic. You know, we just. Hello, help us. We just we just we're just waking up.

We just up here waking up every day just trying to move through the next five minutes. That's it. So maybe we should treat our energy and our support and our servitude in the same way we treat actual currency. And one of the rules they say about actual currency is to never give money that you don't expect to give back. Get back.

Because if you are giving it and you need it to come back to you, you may not get it. And if we can treat our money like that, what about our time and our energy and our love and our patience and our kindness? Like we have to come to a place where we can only give to the extent that we are willing to lose. And if we are giving beyond what we possess, then we have to say, I can't give that. And thank you for attending my TED Talk. And even if we do give it, I love what you said. Even when we do give it, this, okay.

Even when we do, when we recognize we have the capacity to give it, also be willing to voice our expectations. Because that the other person has an opportunity to decide if they wanna participate. Like I think because what you were saying earlier, we do, we exhaust ourselves trying to meet expectations do we exhaust ourselves trying to meet expectations and then we get resentful when we don't get what we expected, but the people didn't know

that that's what we expected. So it's a whole thing. But isn't that a reflection of their prayer life? Maybe they need to be more tapped in because the only ghost would have told you, that's how I know you don't give. You don't give and you don't pray because the Holy Ghost would have told you, that's how I know you don't give. You don't give and you don't pray because the whole thing goes with it, told you.

To give me something back. Why I gotta tell you what I want back? Why do I have to communicate like an adult? Just know things. Treat me the way that I want to be treated without you having to be big. It's very simple. It's very simple.

That's right. I always have to be with. It's very simple. It's very simple. I we always have to be with the words. Oh, talking and saying the things. But yeah. Okay. Wow. I am blown away by the direction that this is gone because I feel very seen and I just I don't I don't know what to do about it. very seen and I just, I don't, I don't know what to do about it. We just hear, we just hear just just going with just going with what he's dropping in us. That's it.

Okay. So like I feel challenged. I did try this the other day though. I had a really crazy work week last week and I flew to Dallas preach came back this same night and we had baptisms for our church at like seven o'clock in the morning and I'm always like navigating these different roles and expectations of the roles and I was like as the co-pastor first lady I should be a baptisms in the morning. Like it doesn't matter how tired I am, I should get up and I should go to baptisms.

And I was telling my husband that like it is in my heart to go to baptisms in the morning. But if we get up and go to baptisms, I just want you to know that when we come home and you usually like to crash and take a nap, that I'm going to need you to help me with the girls because I'm gonna need you to help me with the girls because I'm tired too, right? So if I go, I'm gonna need your support, we're gonna have to tag team to figure things out. And he was like, oh, babe, like,

I don't want you to think that, like, I want you to go at the extent of being so, at the extent of being so exhausted that you know that then we're trying to tag team and neither one of us have it to give. Like anywhere I go, you go. So stay back and I still had to like grapple with this idea of, well, what are people on thing?

You know what I mean? Like maybe I'm not being as supportive as I should. And just like really coming to terms with charting my own course and creating my own definition and trusting that God's gonna preserve my heart in the image of the people who are called to my covering. Yes.

And releasing ourselves from the sheds. Yeah. The sheds, we should ourselves, you know, tragically for some women into an early grave. Yeah. Because it's, and that it's heavy, that those sheds and those expectations are really heavy, but I love that you said It was a process to be able to receive the release of the expectation. That's hard for Excuse me for those of us who are the responsible one, right? That's really hard for us to to accept In those moments that It ain't for us to be the one that's responsible. There are other people that could do it.

I love that you even, you said that. It was a wrestling, it was a grappling because that is really like in those moments we are, and I'm saying we because that's me too. We are unlearning what we knew and trying to navigate to something different in the moment. Like, but what do you mean? I don't have to go. Right. Right. Right. I should be there. And it's that conversation that interdialogue. Well, he said, I don't have to go. He said, he doesn't need me to go, but I feel like I should. Exactly. It's a whole, it is sometimes it is an argument back and forth, you know, with the version

of us that we've been used to and the version that we are becoming. Yeah. And in those moments, we, you know, we have to decide which one we're going to let win. Have you always been the responsible one? Yes. Yes, I am the second of four children and the oldest daughter.

Okay, okay. So yeah, I, you know, we come home from school, mom's like, okay, well, I'm gonna leave you. You know, take your chicken out, you know, season it with these three, you put it in the oven. So yeah, that's always been me. Can you remember the first time that you a note, take a chicken out, season it with these, when you put it in the oven. So yeah, that's always been me. Can you remember the first time that you were like, I'm gonna be irresponsible?

Like, I'm gonna put on my eave head. I know better, but I am not gonna do better, and I'm gonna do this for me. Why are you laughing? Because, okay, there was some incidents that came to mind that the irresponsibility, okay, you know how they say things are on a spectrum, right? Right. It's a process.

So there are levels of conscious irresponsibility. And I have definitely had some situations where it has been way on outside of the legalities you know, choosing to be irresponsible. And that was something that I had to learn how to find this is going to sound weird how to find the balance in choosing to be irresponsible. Oh, like it's it's almost like the difference between a toddler throwing a temper tantrum a toddler throwing a temper tantrum and a grown woman saying,

I have had it. Yeah, yeah. You know, it's the same, it's the same intensity, it's the same impact, it's the same idea behind the response but it's handled in a different way. So, I can definitely think of the times that came to mind were all the ones that it was like, girl, you was playing with your freedom right there. You know, like, what was going on?

What was happening? But I do, one of the things that I do now is try to leave room and choose to have fun. Like I, because again, being the responsible one, I might, my younger siblings, I, there's a rented joke of my family like my younger siblings, they was just like free range children. They just did all kinds of things that my older brother and I just didn't get to do. And and I tell them well you all had that freedom because somebody you know we were you're right and left limits like you know you had you know you had a guard real. So now I I try to make time and choose to do things that are fun because I do get that release of the responsibility and just laugh loud and cackle them, be silly and things like that.

Yeah, and even in that, I'm still learning how to leave room for that on a more consistent basis because the responsibility shows up even when you don't want it to. Yeah, it does. True or false, it only takes a few minutes a day to change your relationship with stress and anxiety. I know you think and it's not true but it is true. The Headspace app is a tool I use daily to help clear my mind. It's one of the most science-backed meditation apps in the world proving meditation works. A study proves in just two weeks, Headspace can reduce your stress by 14%. I love it so much that I've teamed up with my friends at headspace.com slash woman evolved so you can experience it for yourself because I believe you can

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so our September book club of the month book was unaffendable by an author named Ryan Leake. And in the book, he says that as humans, we think a lot about the times in which we have been offended, but we are very blurry on the moments in which we have been offensive. So it's so much easier for me to think about the times that I was hurt, offended, but not what I could have said that could have been offensive. And as you were talking, I was wondering

as the responsible one, are you judgmental when people are irresponsible? Like, do you make a judgment about them? Do salmon swim upstream? Yeah, I think so. Yes, oh my gosh, that is something. That is part of my Journey of radical acceptance for myself is

Recognizing those moments where I'm like damn old that was harsh You know like you have to tell yourself you didn't have to take it there But it but it's in those moments that I again get to admit to myself that even in that that role or that identity of being the responsible one, it's a slippery slope to becoming really critical and judgmental of others and recognizing that that comes from being critical and judgmental of myself. So when I can release that from myself that allows me to show grace and empathy and understanding for other people but oh my gosh yes I have I have kind of realized that my mouth is a weapon.

And if I'm not, it's almost like walking around with a sword, you know, and if you are not careful, you swing in that thing and you walk in into spaces and you are cutting people left and right. Just being reckless with something that could be used to build. And maybe that was the intention of you having it in the first place was to build and to edify, but because you are not handling it responsibly, you are damaging people. So yes, I, yes. I'm sharply long and short answer. Yes. I feel like I've definitely had to learn how to be more compassionate towards people who show up in the world differently than I am. And not even on those like surface levels, like because as a teen mom, like I am compassionate

with people who's had, who have had paths that took them a number of different ways. But on that core, what are you thinking? Why would you make the choice that you made? Like I can become very judgmental, like the idea of, and it's terrible. And this is why I'm going to pass out in the grocery store. But like the idea of like, you can't do something. Like, what do you mean you can't get up at 5 o'clock in the morning for me? What do you, like, your eyes won't open at that time? Like, I am, I can be very harsh.

And I realized it actually when I got married to my husband because we're blending it family. And the girls, his older girls would have like such strict limits and boundaries on like what they would and would not do. And not like in a disrespectful way, but it would be like, you know, I'm tired, I have a headache so I decided to not do whatever it is that I was supposed to do.

And I, it's terrible because I am from a family culture that is like, if you are not bleeding, if you are not dead. Honestly, like get up. Like, and it is not compassionate. And one of the girls, they talked to me about this because they were like, I was in serious pain. I was really hurting. And all you cared about was like the deadline

for one of the things I was working on. And I was like, I didn't mean it that way, but I just figured like you were alive. I figured if you were like really in trouble, you would tell me about it. And I have really learned to admire that about them, that if they're like my head is hurting, they will go and lay down where I am just like,

just gonna keep working until I pass out picking out rice in the store. And that's, wow, we have so much to learn from one another as woman. I said, and who knows to them to for for being able to voice it at their age. I don't know what their ages are, but when we think about us, you know, I'm the same way. I mean, are your lungs working because they are. I need you to wipe these baseboards. That was that was my. Yeah, that was I growing up. And and it's so amazing and so. It gives me hope that they are

growing up. I have a 15 year old daughter like she's growing up being able to say, well, you didn't really give me a choice. You made it like I had to do it. You will. Who's the real one? Are you? Like, what are you doing? But it does. It definitely gives me hope. And they're teaching us, you know, things every day. Every day, whether we want to learn them or not,

whether we want to learn them. If not playing a show up a class, but here we are. Can you think of a moment where you like really said, you know what, I'm proud of you. Like I'm proud of the growth that you have shown like that you really celebrated just a transformation that maybe you didn't feel was accessible to you. just a transformation that maybe you didn't feel was accessible to you.

Oh my gosh. Yeah. And I think about this would probably be an answer for a lot of people. The year that was 2020. Yeah. You know, I at the end of 2019, I had been struggling. Not no, that didn't even true. The struggle had been going on. Yeah. I was pretending the struggle wasn't there. At the end of 2019, the struggle was like, girl, you

see me? We need to deal with this. With regard to my business, I had been at 2020 really gave me that opportunity to wrestle with the things that I needed to wrestle with and get to a place of being clear so that I could activate courage on a different level to change my whole thing, like just to upset the whole process of what I thought I was building and turning it into something else. And I'm still in the season. It's, you know, the kind of flipping up the script is done and has been done. But I'm seeing the fruit of that difficult time for me, like that wrestling time and really like, but what is, but no, but yeah, like that was really hard for me.

And now I make it a point to celebrate everything. Even if I just say, girl, you did that. Yeah. You know, just a, just a snap it up for myself or something that my husband, my family does, we get at the dinner table and we all talk about, well, you know, give us something good that happened and I'm even sharing more, even the small things, well, I sent in a pitch and that was this or, you know, I applied for something and it was this and and really making that a practice of celebrating the small, the medium, the large, sometimes I go for the ice cream. I'm like, you know what, ice cream is gonna be my dinner. Tonight, like that's just what I'm eating.

And other times is just a matter of saying, you know what, back was good. Yeah. And writing it in my journal, so I don't forget, you know, so I can, I have that record and I can go back to that thing and be like, you remember the last time when you were doubting this and it was like, yeah, let's go ahead and try it. And then it worked out. Let's do that again.

Yeah. Yeah. I love that. I love that so much. It, um, it's going to make me really take the time to like celebrate those little milestones. I think that when I experience the change, especially when it comes to business and the way that we function and operate, I am like holding my breath to see if it works. So much so that I miss that it's working. And I want to really breathe in the transition and breathe in the transformation so that I can see every stage of it. Because a lot of times we just hold our breath close our eyes and go forward. And we miss how our family is shifting and responding, how we're changing in the process.

And we're not present in the very life that we're building. And I want to do better at that. I want to do better at that. I want to do better at showing up in my own life and being my own cheerleading squad when necessary. And sometimes my coach, like I feel like I've got that part mastered. I'm going to be my coach. I'm going to tell myself where I messed up. I'm going to tell myself how I can do better. But to also put on my palm palms and cheer for myself when I do something that even amazes me. Yeah, that's so good.

I feel that so deeply, I'm the same way. Can always say, you did good here. Let's work on that. Yeah. That can do that, but in those moments, really getting to the point that, Yeah. That can do that, but in those moments, you know, really getting to the point that, you know,

even though we, even though the war isn't won yet, you just slay that dragon right there. Yeah. Clap it up. And then pick your sword back up and continue. Right now, all right. Now, don't get lazy, don't get lazy. Don't sleep on it now, don't sleep on it.

But yeah, I know for me that comes a lot that comes from my military background, you know, that's, it's always about just, okay, this is how we win without recognizing or planning and acknowledging, okay, we haven't won completely yet, but we just squashed this. Let's take a minute to acknowledge what has been what's happened here so that we can continue on. And that's something that I realized, I need

to do more of, I want to do more of because you can take that small, you can take the celebration from that small victory and carry that to the next one. You know, so when you get tired and you're like, I am so sick of this, I'm over this. You can carry the, you know, carry the wind and carry the celebration from the last time. And sometimes that's enough to get you to the next one. So good. So good. This is going to help so many women to show up in their life and celebrate one another, but also to just celebrate themselves because sometimes we don't have any problem cheering for someone else, but to really celebrate ourselves. Okay, Mo, we have an advice question that we're going to answer together, okay?

And it's a good one. So listening years. Here we go. I am the oldest of four siblings, two on my mother's side and two on my dad's side. And I was raised by a young single mother. Growing up, my mother never really had the necessary tools to build strong insides. She would often leave me and my three sisters at home for two days at a time to hang out with her friends. We always had food, water, and shelter. When she was home, she would never wanted us to be in her room

to spend time with her. We never had family discussions and she was always calling us out of our names. One thing she did do right was introduce us to God, so I'm thankful for that. She found all of us a church home. As a child, this was everything I needed spiritually. But as I began to grow older,

I strayed away from all life pathways that looked like the same mistakes my mother made. So I was able to dodge the bullet. God bless my life to be able to have a college degree. I'm happily married, although I never witnessed a healthy marriage. And I don't have to rely on government assistance. I thought my sisters would follow in my footsteps since I paved the way. But my two younger sisters are falling victim to my mother's life mistakes due to all of

our shared pain growing up. My sisters and I grew up in a home not having structure, not having a father, not having love, not having attention, not having a voice, verbally abused, and never being affirmed as kids. Today, both of my sisters still live with our mother. One of my sister has a one year old baby with a high school diploma. And the other sister decided to drop out of school. And she is seven months pregnant now. Unfortunately, my mother is still stuck in her childish ways.

She has stopped going to church. and she doesn't want to see how her affections, how her actions affected all of our lives. We've all grown past her in maturity level, to be honest. My question is, as a big sister, what could I do to help this situation? Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Wow.

Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Wow. Wow. So many thoughts. Oh, am I going first or you want first? No, you're going first. Oh, my goodness. So many thoughts. My first thought is to keep loving them. Yeah. Like, and I'm, I, this is, it's going to be hard to do. But we, we won't, for one one we can't control what other people do. So I would encourage her to release herself from feeling like it's her job to fix her family and love them what they need to allow themselves to recognize that they can change? You know, it's, I feel a great sense of empathy for her sisters and her mom. And I think about what I would be looking for if I were either one of them.

I would be looking, I would want to know that even though I have messed up a whole bunch of times and even though I am still on the struggle bus and trying to figure this thing out, I would want to know that my sister, my daughter loves me anyway. And for the writer, for her, I would encourage her to examine how she deals, how she navigates the relationships with them. And I'm saying this as the responsible, critical, judgmental big sister. Consider how the way she shows up in that relationship with them, if she is, if she's showing that she will be their soft place to land. Wow. Wow. That's, yeah, will you be the soft place to land? And I agree with everything you said.

I think in those moments, right, it's so easy to think about how someone else's actions could be better. Even when we understand their pain and their trauma, it's like me telling the girls, like, well, I don't care, you should be able to get up anyway. Never underestimate how difficult it is to get up anyway, never underestimate how difficult it is to get up from the different traumas and disappointments of life.

And just because you were able to do it doesn't mean that everyone else can. And I think we feel that because I could do it, everyone else should be able to do it. And yet what we miss in those moments is that we were barely able to do it, everyone else should be able to do it. And yet, what we miss in those moments is that we were barely able to do it. That it almost cost us everything to make it happen. And then if it wasn't for the grace of God, who knows if that effort would have worked at all. My mother has this saying, she says, just because you graduate, don't burn the schoolhouse down. Don't forget what it was like in those moments where you were wondering, am I going to be able

to have a healthy relationship? Will I be able to finish college? Like those were real moments that end up being major obstacles for other people. I think that I would add to everything that you said, Mo. To also recognize that it is okay for you to not be their responsible one with them anymore. All of us have to come to a stage

where we are willing to accept the role that I once played in your life before. I can no longer play in your life right now. Without it costing me my peace and my ability to move forward. And so I need to reposition how we engage so that I can continue to move forward and so that I can continue to show you love and respect and be that soft space. And sometimes proximity is toxicity. And what we really need is to create enough distance where we can air out our disappointments and air out the shame.

So it's okay for you to not be the responsible one. You're in your marriage, you're building your life, you are responsible for you now. And even though you have moments in your childhood when you had to be responsible for them, you have to know that even in the midst of it all, that God was responsible for it all. And you almost need to have a dedication service. When babies are young, we have baby dedication service where we dedicate them back to the Lord. You may have to remind yourself when you are engaging with people who have disappointed you, who you feel could be doing better, but they aren't showing up that way.

At the end of the day, they start it with God. They're going to end with God. And throughout life, there are moments where I need to dedicate you back to the Lord so that I do not put myself in the position to be your Savior. You're not their Savior. And that's okay. That's a good thing. It's a beautiful thing because now you can just be their sister, their friend, that soft space, but don't become their Savior. And that'll take work and practice, but you're capable of it. Okay. Just hearing that is why you were talking and I just thought about a just the conversation that I had with one of my brothers not too long ago.

Because I identified with the letter writer so much and we're talking and he's like, well, what do you think, you know, coming by my childhood nickname? Well, Mookie, what do you think? Was this right? It was this wrong. And I said, you know what? I said, what do you think? Was this right? It was this wrong. And I said, you know what? I said, what do you think? And he said, well, I think this.

I said, go with that. Yeah. It doesn't matter what I think. And that I recognize clearly as my opportunity to practice that acceptance of them and the releasing of the untangling the responsibility. And he said, well, he said, yeah, I hear you and everything, but you know, what you say matters, or what you think matters. And I said, but what you think matters too. And would you believe,

and what you feel matters more so in a situation because it affects you. So even in that moment, I recognize that me always being the one, being the responsible one, didn't allow the people who I was responsible for to develop their own trust in self and their own self-reliance and their own courage and all of those things. I told myself my ego allowed me to tell myself that it was my job and I was alive. And I wasn't giving them the room to grow

in all of the areas that I was saying was getting on my nerves. You know, it's like you're creating a situation. You complain and they keep calling me, but you keep answering and giving me advice and not allowing them the space to figure it out. So that I resonate with that so deeply. Yeah, yeah. I'm so excited about this episode because I just, it has helped me so much. I know it's going to help so many

women in the process as well. But what do you do? What is it that you do with your business, with your purpose, your life? What are you doing? I am a confidence coach. I help women activate their audacity so that they can design their lives in a way that suits them, suits what they want, suits their joy and their peace of mind. Okay, how do we find you if we want to get plugged into having confidence? So my website is theConfettiCollective.com and we're all over social as the Confetti Collective. Yeah, and I would, I would, I love to have these types of conversations. I am, I am passionate about women. I am passionate about disruption.

And when women combine with disruption, like it just, it changes the world, you know, so I am really invested with more women getting to the point where they can move through their lives with the grounding that allows them to withstand whatever life throws at them at us. And I believe that that's confidence. One thing I love about Womany Ball is the community and safe space we've built with one another.

I receive countless messages with personal stories ranging from experiences with anxiety and How to How to How to How to How to How to How to How to How to How to How to How to How to How to How to How to How to How to How to How to How to How to How to How to How to How to How to How to How to How to How to How to How to How to How to How to How to How to How to How to How to How to How to How to How to How to How to How to How to How to How to How to how to How to how to How to how to How to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to how to your life today with assistance from BetterHelp. As a listener of the Waman Evolve podcast, you'll get 10% off your first month by visiting BetterHelp.com slash Evolve. As safe and private online environment, BetterHelp assesses your needs before matching you with one of their licensed professional therapists. It's also free and easy to change your counselor if you need to in the future. Better help is more affordable than traditional offline counseling and financial aid is available. With the ability to message your counselor at any time, join over 1 million people taking charge of their mental health.

It's convenient, affordable, and confidential. You can join today and start communicating in less than 24 hours and anytime after that. Again, that's better help. H-E-L-P dot com slash evolve. Mo, you are a force. It oozes out of every word that you say. It penetrates right to the heart. It asks no questions and it takes no excuses. And I am better as a result of being in your presence. I don't always ask people what they do and how people can find them. But there is an anointing on what you do. And I wanted to go into all of the world. So hopefully, you know, the

Womeningbaw community, the delegation can continue to just really glean from your experiences and become better as a result of it. Thank you. Thank you for this time together. Thank you. I received that. Thank you. You take care of yourself. I will. You too. Bye. Bye. care yourself. I will. You too. Bye. Bye. I already know that you stop listening to this podcast so that you could go and figure out how you can get connected with Moe. And to be honest, I do not blame you. Moe is carrying that fire flame. And I know that you guys are going to have so many testimonies

and just praise reports about how your life has changed. Not just with the podcast, but as you continue to get plugged in with her, tell me I wanna hear all about how we are becoming better because of this woman evolved community. Also, send us a question. Let me know what's happening in your world. Me, my co-hosts, our team.

We want to know how we can serve you to show our scars, our lessons, and our wisdom with the intent of you becoming better. That email address for your questions. It's podcastatwomenevolve.com. We want to know your thoughts, send your advice questions. How are you enjoying the podcast? And if you want to be my co-host You want to be the next person to get me together be gentle, okay?

But come on. We want to see you also. I hope I'm going to see you in Dallas because the woman evolved conference and virtual Experiences happening November 5th through the 6th and by see you in Dallas I mean see you in person or see you on by CU In Dallas, I mean CU in person or CU on those video screens because we are virtual and in person. Get all the details at WomanyBov.com. Until then, don't forget to celebrate yourself. You're growing. We see it.

We love it and we honor it. Take care. you