Woman Evolve with Sarah Jakes Roberts - Faith to Finish w/ Marissa Layton

Episode Date: January 5, 2022

Sis, if 2021 tested your gangsta, then 2022 finna catch a fade! Boss up as W.E. strut into this revolutionary year with SJR & global business manager Dr. Marissa Layton by our side! Instead of focusing on the things she can’t control, Marissa has set her sights on a self-compassion rooted in self-care & blank space. Before W.E. knew it, SJR whipped up a snack on scarcity mindsets that blew our wigs back! Has rest ever been demonstrated to you, and is the hustle even relevant? Transition from side hustler to serial entrepreneur at MarissaLayton.com—our girl has the faith factor to meet your organizational needs! Wanna start this year off right? Say less! Hit up our sponsors at HelloFresh.com/WomanEvolve16 + Noom.com/Evolve + ShipStation.com, enter offer code EVOLVE. Tell them W.E. sent you!

God can't bless you for tend to be or who you compare yourself to. He can only bless you and the lane that was created for you. I feel that for somebody. You don't need no itch, itch, itch, itch, you need boundaries. What? I don't need your lights, I don't need your elevation. All I need is a God-party program that says all things, all things, all things. Child. I know we're almost a week into the new year, but I feel like today is day one since it's the first time we're connecting. I need to bring back singing on the podcast.

I feel like somebody misses it. Who are you? Email us and let me know if you miss me thinking. I'm not sure if y'all are like me, but I operate from the spirit of new years saying me, not that I'm not looking forward to the burst of new energy that comes with the new year, but because I refuse to leave behind

the lessons earned in the previous year, I don't wanna forget what I've experienced because I know I'll need to tap into previous lessons again at some point I think my friend Marissa can relate. She's had some experiences from last year that she is carrying with her into 2022 She's gonna share those with us, but she's also gonna give us some tips and strategies on how to maximize our 2022 especially for those of you starting businesses. She is the plug.

Matter of fact, check the show description because you're going to want to be able to connect with her. She's been using the lesson she's learned to help others navigate through similar circumstances. Let's check in with her and see what's up. How are you? I'm good. How are you doing? I'm doing great How are you doing?

I'm doing great. Thank you. What made you want to sign up to be a co-host? So it was really funny. I was listening to the podcast and I literally heard you say it at the beginning. So I pulled over literally like I was headed to Starbucks. I pulled over and I sent the email real quick finished the podcast at the end you give us actual instructions and tell us that we need to you know give a little bit of information about ourselves so I'm like oh my gosh like I was super excited to

come on and share try to shed some light and they are not going to choose me because I could not follow directions. But God, God, work that thing on now because look at you. Sitting here, shining with your iPad turns sideways. How's this year been for you? It's been a year to say the least. I got into a car accident like March, right when I kind of felt like everything was just going amazing.

So it was definitely like a transition because I've dealt with like things like that mess me up, like emotionally, spiritually, financially, all of that. I've never dealt with something that messed me up physically. So just being in a situation where like I wake up in pain, like I had never felt that before. So it definitely was a test. It was different to say the least, but I'm doing a lot better now. I literally yesterday was released from the chiropractor. So feeling good now. Good. All right. So Marissa, it is 2022 and all of us are just trying to figure

out like, who am I going to be this year? I don't know if you're like that, but I feel like when I go into a new year, like I have to decide, like who am I this year? Am I the same person? What needs to change? What needs to shift? And I know more about you than some of the listeners know, but I know that as you walk into this new year, it's literally a new way of being for you after experiencing some setbacks. Can you share your story about 2021,

but also what you're looking forward to in 2022. So 2021 was definitely a year for me to say the least. I got into a car student, which definitely kind of changed things for me. I felt like I was just literally having the clarity and the confidence that I needed to like full-f fledged walk in my purpose and then things happen that in my opinion were out of my control. I'm not a person that likes to make excuses. So it was difficult for me to realize like this is not an excuse. Like if you can't move your neck, you can't do XYZ. That's not an excuse. So one of the things that I'm most excited about for 2022, it's just being consistent.

I definitely feel like the car accident stopped me in terms of my consistency. And I really want to get back in terms of health-wise being consistent, business goals being consistent, just even things that God has told me to do that I made excuses for because of my pain level, just being consistent. Just even things that God has told me to do that I made excuses for because of my pain level, just being consistent. So if I had to give this year a word,

it would be consistency for me. Okay, I love that. Can I poke at what you said a little bit? Because I want to know something. What it sounds like to me is that the car accident really kind of forced you to experience self-compassion where you could no longer kind of like push yourself to show up regardless of whatever excuse or obstacle may stand in your way because you had this experience that

literally halted you. How do you plan on maintaining that self-compassion with the consistency that you're introducing this year? I definitely, and it's funny, I've never really looked at it as self-compassion, but I'm definitely one of those people. One of my flaws is not practicing what I preach, and I preach making sure that you give yourself rest, making sure that you understand that rest, making sure that you understand that you're just a human. But I don't always act in those things. So definitely one of the ways that I am going to commit to making sure that I can consistently keep that self-compassion, it's just being a person that practices what I preach. And understanding like the same things that

you out here telling your clients, you out here telling the people in your group, your mentees, those are the same things that you need to do. And I actually started keeping a journal to kind of remind myself, because I feel like I do have those moments where I'm like, okay, well, this is not gonna apply to me today.

But then, I'll put my notebook and I'll be like, no, sis, you said that you were going to do excisee. And I think another thing is just I am a planner, like naturally, like literally for a living, I'm a strategic planner. So that kind of trickles into my life and it has positives and it has negatives. And one of the negatives is I am not probably going to take a break into the plan is finished. So now, and this is just recent, I've started actually like planning now. Okay, so you're going to take a break this day. You're going to do self care this day. And I mean, I know that that's probably crazy

that I have to plan it. But I know my strengths and my weaknesses, and I think continuing to plan it so that I can be consistent and show myself that compassion is something I'm gonna continue to do all 2022. That doesn't sound crazy at all, planning to take care of yourself because so much of our time is hijacked, so many of our goals are hijacked.

And when your desires and your goals and your gifts and your talents are hijacked by your own dreams, by your own companies and organizations, family, people you love, right? It's not necessarily like they're hijacked by things that don't matter to you. It can be difficult to keep yourself at the forefront of your mind.

And so I love that you are taking the time to intentionally plan for you. I feel like that's something that I want to do better at this year as well. And to not feel like blank space needs to be filled. It's okay for there to be pockets of time when you don't have anything to do so that I can do whatever comes to me. I feel like sometimes I'm so busy showing up that I don't have time to create. And I want to have more blank space to create this year. That actually, it's funny that you said that because I literally have to mentally shift my perspective to realize blank space is not laziness.

And I think it was so like you're such a go-getter. You're such like always have something to do. I always have a plan. But literally when I first started this and I first started planning out myself here, I would be like, oh my gosh, look at you. You so lazy. Why are you in the tub? Why are you getting a pedicure?

Why are you doing this? Like go look at your board. You have so much to do. And I had to like mentally transition and realize it's okay to do nothing. And I think that's something that a lot of people struggle with. They don't see or even give themselves grace and unproductivity. Being unproductive is not being lazy. And that is definitely a shift that I need to continue to remind myself.

I feel like that for me, anyway, that it has a lot to do with scarcity. So everything that I've been blessed to do right now is something that kind of fell into my lap. Like I wasn't planning on being a speaker. I didn't grow up wanting to be a podcast host. Like I think every little black girl wanted to be Oprah when they grew up, right? But I wasn't like planning this opportunity to become Oprah.

And it feels like the things that have happened in my life. Sometimes it feels like it happened on accident. And if I don't show up and work very hard, then it's going to go to someone who actually deserves it. And like, I know, you know, and Pastor Syndrome and all that jazz. But like, let me talk my talk, right? And so I feel like part of the reason why I don't allow myself to rest is I feel like rest is not having gratitude for the opportunities that I have been given, not realizing that from the place of rest I can maximize the opportunities. Otherwise, if I'm not rested, I'm going to cling on to them so tightly that I'm going to squeeze the life out of them. And I want everything that I do to be full of life

and full of energy and full of joy. And I can only do that from the place of rest. And I feel like this year, I want to make the practice of trusting that I am where I am supposed to be, that I am exactly who I need to be in this moment, and that I don't have to cling on to the blessings that God has given me, but that I can leave room for me to emerge, and to allow whatever blessings and trials and tests

to come and go without allowing them to define who I am. That's what happens, I think, when we're defined by success. Do you feel like you have been defined by your success so much that you can't separate your success from your identity? so much that you can't separate your success from your identity? That's a good question. I think it's more so,

not that I can't separate the success from my identity. I can't separate the person on the, I can't even imagine how you feel with what I'm about to say. But the person on the pedestal that people have put me at, I can't separate that from the person on the pet of soul that people have put me at, I can't separate that from the person that's empty, the person that needs to refill, the person that needs to type a great, the person that doesn't have all the answers.

To the point where sometimes I wear a mask because I'm so used to being quote unquote, the strong one. And I think that probably is why I go the way that I go too because it's more so I know people are dependent on me. So it's like, okay, if I stop, then like this is just a small example, but I think it speaks values. I'm a very visual person. So one of the things that I do is small business coaching and I

help people that have like these purposes that they feel God has placed in their heart and because my background is strategic planning and business analysts I provide them with resources and tools to actually build it the right way. So it's so funny it never fails. I'm always telling them whatever your marketing tactics are be consistent. But then I have times where like this was one of those weeks for me. I didn't feel that great.

So I didn't want to necessarily pose. I didn't want to send out emails. And I struggled with that because I felt like, you know, kind of like an imposter. I felt fake. Like how can you tell someone else to do XYZ and you're not doing it? And it's, I can't separate that, it's okay for you to say,

this is the framework, this may be the blueprint, but also say, I'm human and recognize that you need breaks. I struggle to separate those two people. If you're anything like me, then it gives you great joy to tell your kids we have food at home when they ask if we can eat out at their favorite restaurant. Peaceful, plot twist. I always mention that it's going to be a Hello Fresh Night.

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I don't have to micromanage because of Hello Fresh's easy to follow recipes. The end result is not only look amazing, but it's also amazingly delicious. If you haven't already, go to hellofresh.com slash Women Evolved 16 and use code Women Ev evolve 16 for up to 16 free meals and three free gifts. Okay, so if I can give you some advice that you didn't ask for because that is part of the reason why I didn't like I didn't want to be in ministry because like I'm not always in the mood right and I don't always feel like I have something to say.

And what I've learned to do is to bring both versions of myself into a moment. So we had the Womening Ball of Experience in November. And that last session, first of all, we started off the sessions with so much energy, so much power, so much momentum, by the time it was time for me to speak on Saturday night, I was like, I don't have nothing to say to y'all.

I'm tired. I know you gotta be tired. This conference need to be much longer and there needs to be a beach and some umbrella drinks to help us recover from what just took place here. But from a place of just like real honesty and vulnerability, I was like, you know, God, I don't have anything. Like literally in my prayer before I spoke, I was know, God, I don't have anything. Like literally in my prayer before I spoke,

I was like, God, I don't have anything. I've poured it all out, but you've given me something of value to say, just allow it to show up. And I wonder how much more freedom we would feel in our lives if we were willing to take off the cape and allow people to see us take off the cape. Like not posting this week, taking a week to rest. Not sending out emails this week, spending time with my family.

I changed the whole way I did my podcast because I wanted to be able to have more flexibility within my schedule. And I think that part of balancing a persona of success and intentionality and really being who you are to so many women also means that if we don't tell them that there are moments where we don't wanna show up, moments where we don't have anything to say, then they'll feel like there's something wrong with them

and it's normal, but we get back in the game after we've taken that and take it back. Mm-hmm. See, I definitely do back in the game after we've taken that and take it back. See, I definitely do that after the fact. Okay. And I definitely have to work on. And I think it's just because sometimes I don't know what to say. And I struggle to articulate it and I just don't have words.

So it's like, after that I'm good, but I struggle to really show people that side during the during part is where I struggle. Has anyone ever demonstrated that for you? What do you mean? Like, this is a poor example, but I'm gonna use it anyway. So last night, I got home. It was kind of, it was late. In my youngest daughter was sleep

but my older youngest daughter was still up. And I was like dragging behind, I had been at work all day and I was like just ready to get in the bin. She tell us something that there was still things around the house that needed to be done. And I was like, Mackenzie, listen, I will parent you,

but I'm gonna parent you from the bed. Okay, which means that you're gonna do what I say, you're gonna have to come. I'm not gonna follow you around the house, like a good mom, trying'm gonna parent you from the bed. Okay, which means that you're gonna do what I say, you're gonna have to come. I'm not gonna follow you around the house, like a good mom, trying to make sure you did yourself. I'm gonna do it from the bed and you will have to send me evidence. And like, she was laughing, but my hope, though,

is that like when she's older, that she will know like yes, there are still things that need to get done, but I also have to find a way to do them that doesn't kill me after a very long day. And I don't know that I ever saw my parents. Like when my parents take a vacation, like it's because the doctor told them

if you don't stop something bad, it's gonna happen to you. They never just rested and so I just wondered if you experienced within your own life someone who valued rest as much as they did, you know, hustle or success. Actually, when I think about it, no, my dad was in the military. And then he started a business. My mom was always in school, a teacher helping my dad with the business.

But it's crazy. I actually, I had that moment for me. It was probably 2015, 2016, but literally, like, I passed out in the shower just from being so exhausted. And I was like, oh my gosh, like, I can't live my life like this. Like, this is ridiculous. Like, I was that person. Oh my gosh. And I remember when I was delivered, I deleted that stuff off my Instagram so quick. I was that person that used to brag about all I had in sluffin' three days. Like what? Oh, thank God that's a good thing.

Go to sleep, go to sleep. Like, I'm teamed-daps all day. Like, it's crazy. I say the hustle is irrelevant if you work to yourself to death. And I think that there is this need to feel like, oh, I have to go, I have to go, I have to go. But what happens when you are like me, you pass out, now you can't work for two weeks now,

what? Or if it's worse. And I definitely think I don't know if it's a culture thing like an African-American culture, because we're just always accurate. I don't know if that's what it is, but I definitely think even just growing up like that's not really, I see my parents do it now. I'm like growing up, that's not really something that I saw you there. I saw my parents just always, they were providers, they were always providing, but I didn't really see the rest aspect of it. Yeah, it's funny you say that last month I was speaking to someone about this very thing.

Like I never heard black people growing up talking about it. And when I retire, I'm moving to Florida. And when I retire, I'm doing this. I never heard nothing about no black people retiring. Like every black, even older black people I know are working right now. Like I don't know any black people who aren't, who just like work so hard that they're finally like living this life of, you know,

where they've got income and aren't struggling and aren't worried. And I do feel like that's part of the reason why so many of us are constantly hustling, trying to get things done, because it feels like that American dream can slip through our fingers very easily, especially when you look at all of the disparities

connected to being an African-American. So I do think that that's something that's in the culture, but obviously something that's gonna shift because our generation is coming to a play. Now we might all be sitting, addressing your sitting home, sharing our nickels when we retire, but we'll be rested and we gonna live a long time. Because we can't, we just can't keep going like this.

It's just not healthy, and it breeds scarcity minds that within our families. That's very true. Okay, so I am wondering as a coach for young black entrepreneurs, is that true you wanna help young black female entrepreneurs? I have some questions for that, if so. Yeah, that's true.

Okay, so it's the top of the year. So many women have like businesses that they're launching. They wanna get serious about it. They wanna take things to the next level. And so I'm wondering if you can share with us like, what do I do when I have an idea and I just don't know how to get it off the ground. What are the first few steps that you think a woman should take in order to start her business? So first and foremost, the question that I always ask is what's your tree? So I kinda explain it like if there's a tree

and then you have multiple branches. And I think what happens is we have so many great ideas and we'll try to build multiple trees when in actuality if you build one tree and then you let branches stem from that, you're more likely to experience longevity and viability. So if you are someone that you don't necessarily know your tree, but you have a passion to do something, let's just say, I'm the motivator.

You know, all my friends come to me to motivate them to empower them. Don't necessarily know how I want to monetize it, but I want to monetize it. So what I would encourage you to do is write a list of 50 things that you can do to monetize your gift and it doesn't have to be oh Books is one it could be 10 titles of books I want to have a clothing line. I want to do affirmation cards whatever those things are and then from that list Look and see okay. What can be my tree? What can I start now with my current resources with my current knowledge What can I start now with my current resources, with my current knowledge, this not going to take that much out of me in terms of, you don't want to be homeless, you know, take it from me, like, let's do it the same way.

So, let's figure out what we can do with our current resources, start now doing what we can, and then from that, make that your treat and your branches will come later. What do you think is the greatest obstacle someone has to overcome in order to actually step into entrepreneurship? So I work with purpose driven entrepreneurs. So there's always a faith component to it. So for me, it's always faith.

It is always faith. And that is definitely, it's always faith. It is always faith. And that is definitely, now it's crazy because I know I was just talking about how I struggled to always talk about the bad side. When it came to my business, now that's one thing. I talk about all day. I think there's power in learning how someone failed and how you can avoid the pitfalls.

So yes, share the good things, but share the bad things as well. And one of the things that I definitely struggled with was, so God gave me my company. So not coaching. So coaching is something that was birthed out of my consulting firm. So I own a global business management company. And literally, I'm out here thinking, okay, well, I took the step, I did it. You know, fear paralyzes so many people. Well, at least I took the step. And I realized I was being a fake faker. And a lot of the women that I work with are fake fakers.

You know, I work with a lot of people who have a nine to five. Their business is like their side hustle or they're what do they call their seven to two, the thing that they're building. So you have some money, you have some resources, you have some connections, you know, you have these things. So it's like, okay, well, God said it, I did it. That's enough. No, that's not enough. What is your Facebook life when those resources are What is your Facebook life when those resources are diminished? You don't have them anymore. What is your Facebook life when things aren't going the way you thought they were going to go?

And I think that that's what a lot of us struggle with. It's, we take the stuff, but now what? Taking the stuff is not enough. So definitely being a fake paper is something that I see a lot with the women that I work with. Now of course there's business stuff like people start businesses, don't have no type of business plan. It's two pages, have no type of plan of action, marketing, plan, still shredded, did you all of those things. But initially because I work with purpose driven women, it's always that face factor,

always never fails. I've never heard fake faith there before, but it definitely is definitely hidden. That is actually, that's one of the things that I said, I use as an excuse not to feel. I went on the head and 2022 is the year for the fake faith or brand. I went ahead and I got the domain. I'm getting

a website that was one of the things I use as an excuse with my car accident but no more excuses. So okay so you have to tell me real quick then what is the fake paper brand? So it's really just encouraging people to have genuine faith. So I don't want to be a fake faker. Just means that I want to be someone who, when I say that I believe and I have faith, I want to genuinely mean it. And I know that, of course, you know, that doesn't mean that everything's always going to be

peaches and cream, but it's just meaning, kind of like I was telling with my story, you know, when resources start to no longer exist, when contracts fall through, when your biggest client is no longer your client, are you still going to believe? Or now are you going to more or so focus on the nine to five? Because, well, I know God said it,

but it don't seem to be working, so I'm gonna stop trying. That's what a fake faith there is. A fake faith there is, you fake faith there is you have faith while you're in control. So you think because God told you to do it and you think because you actually took a step and did it that now you have faith. That's how a faith this is. And that and that is what I learned. Like God got me together real quick. And that is what I learned. And that that's a journey that I'm working on. And I just want to help women who experience that as well.

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versus sticking to daily rules. Let's complete Noom together. Sign up for your trial at Noom.com slash evolved. Man, okay, so while you're talking, I'm just getting like so many revelations about faith because you're right, so many of us only want enough faith to start. And when I look at scripture and I'm just even thinking about Mary in the Bible, like God doesn't send the angel to tell her just that you're going to get pregnant, but he also lays out the whole vision because you're going to need faith to finish.

If she thought all I have to do is deliver the baby, then she may have stopped having faith the moment she puts Jesus out, but because she was going to have to see this thing is deliver the baby, then she may have stopped having faith the moment. She puts Jesus out, but because she was gonna have to see this thing down to the end, she was gonna have to have faith to finish. And I think if you're gonna go from being a fake faith or to someone who has genuine faith,

you are gonna have to be willing to have faith to finish. It's not just starting the business. I wanna have faith to have a business that can pass down. I don't wanna just have faith to get married. I wanna have faith to have a business that can pass down. I don't want to just have faith to get married. I want to have faith to have a marriage that lasts a long time. And when we talk about faith to finish, not just start, that change is what I'm fafing for because I may not have faith for this because I don't know if I want this to live for 20, 30, 40, 50 years and into the next generation. So maybe we should really look at what we are applying our faith towards and make sure that it is

the type of thing that is worthy of having enough faith to finish. And to me, I always compare to Moses because I felt like that's where I was. I had no problem going to the sea. Am I going to party? If it don't look like it's party new self, oh, I'm not about to do that. And I think that's where the challenge comes in. I think, and of course, I'm just gonna speak for myself, I use the start as like a cop-out. Okay, I started, okay, I did it. But then when things around me don't look the way that I want them to look,

now why don't really believe, I don't believe you anymore. This doesn't seem like you. When I'm starting to run out of resources, oh well, now I'm about to just go get a job because you wouldn't want me to struggle. But if God actually told you to do this and he told you to build it, why would you stop? And that is really, that's what the fake Facebook's brand will be all about. It will be all about the and I like that the finish like faith it to the finish because that's the ultimate goal actually building out what God told you to do not

just starting it but seeing it through. Okay, well, I'm going to just let you know I'm definitely going to have a devotion about faith to finish and then we're going to tell folks not to be fake faithers and I'm going to need a link to the website so I can put it in the

devotional and the copy when we post this because we didn't fake them faith and all of that in this little segment and I like it. I'm down. As an entrepreneur there's an art to improving your customer's experience without overspending your budget, especially when it comes to shipping. Increase your productivity and ship your products with shipstation, the number one shipping software for e-commerce sellers.

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Just go to shipstation.com, click the microphone at the top of the page and type in Evolve that shipstation.com, enter offer code Evolve. Make ship happen. Okay, I have an advice question. We're going to answer together. Okay, and it's a long one, but I have faith to finish it. Do you see what I'm saying here? Okay, and it's a long one, but I have faith to finish it.

Do you see what I'm saying here? Okay, so here he goes. My boyfriend and I have been talking about marriage, but I'm concerned. He's from a family that very much believes in gender roles. Stay at home mom, dad is the breadwinner, and so on. I personally am very different from that. My career is very, very important to me, high school

math teacher, and I do not intend to be a stay-at-home mom, and I'm not even sure I want to birth children. I would rather adopt a child, which we discuss all of that, and it's totally okay with him. But my concern is, what if he says that now, and then down the line when we're actually married, he's used to his mom cooking all the meals and cleaning the whole house and taking care of all the schedules and he doesn't like that I expect both of us to do all of those things together and share and all the responsibilities. Like how do we begin to work on these things now? Like I'm already seeing patterns when he is over at my house. He does not like cleaning dishes and so forth like when we make dinner together. So he'll avoid it or when we cook meals.

I'm the one doing all the planning and preparing for it. Actually, we do it, although we do actually cook it together. Also, when it comes to planning, whether it's planning dates or birthday presents for family or just schedules, I'm often the one doing all of it. How do I go about working on these things with him? I don't want to make it seem like he's,

like I think he's bad or that I don't appreciate all the things he does. But I often feel like when it comes to these practical things, I'm the one doing most of the work since he has been so used to his mom doing all of these types of things growing up. Got any advice about this? Girl, listen, I'm a chim in, I'm a toss to Marissa, and we're gonna see where this lands. I think two things, I think that he is showing you where he is, but he is communicating where he wants to be. And the thing about marriage is that when you get married, there is a part of you that has to be able to say, if this person does not change at all, I can spend the rest of my life with them.

If you go into a marriage and you're already feeling like you're going to have to grow in this area in order for me to be happily married, you should wait until you actually experience sustained growth in that area before signing up for marriage. Because at the end of the day, he can say whatever he wants to say. But when it is time for those actions to back it up, it's got to come from the heart. It can't just be something that came into his mind. And so I think you have to determine

how important is that to you. If you do end up in a relationship where the traditional gender roles exist, can you be happy with that? Is he worth that level of compromise? I can't give them the career, but listen, I am gonna do most of the cleaning. This is a real thing that happens in relationships.

Like, I do most of the like tidying up in our house, but my husband is top flight security. He is going to make sure we are protected by any means necessary. And those are the roles that we play in the context of our marriage. You have to decide what role you can play for the finish line and not just for getting started. Marisa, I'm turning it to you. Well, XGR, that was amazing. I think I made a face when you say, could I do with this forever? Because I think that's, so I'm not married.

I am seriously dating, but it's funny because my parents are actually marriage coaches. So I soak up all the information that they say and one of the things that they have told me and my boyfriend consistently is we have to be coachable. And we both have things we have to change. And if we're both not committed to change those things, we either A, like you said, have to decide,

am I cool to deal with this for the rest of my life? Or B, you know, maybe that's just not where I live. Maybe it's not where I live. And maybe it's not where I live. You know. So I mean, that was great advice to see if you'd ask something that she's willing to do with. I definitely, I appreciate how she said

is something they did talk about. Because I think the communication thing is where a lot of people sometimes fall short, but there's action outside of the communication. So if you communicate and trust me, this is what I struggle with. So if you are communicating with him, and he is still not taking effort or making a change, I think that's a lot. So it does. I'm just gonna say it says a lot. Yeah, it says a lot because I mean at the end of the day,

I do think that he genuinely means what he says, but you're asking him to change who he's been for, you know, 2034. I don't know how old you all are, but you're asking him to change everything he knows about life and the way that men and women engage in life together, which is easier to do when someone says, oh, if you bring to his intention like, oh, wow, you fell back into that old pattern of being, and we're really trying to create something new in our marriage. And he's like, oh my gosh, you're so right. And next time I'm gonna make an effort, like, that's different. But if you tell him something, he's like, all right, I'll work on it. And then he don't work on it. Like, this what you're dealing with,

like, this what you got. And you got this aside. If you, if's like, all right, I work on it. And then he don't work on it. Like this what you're dealing with, like this what you got. And you got this inside. If you like what is giving and it don't sound like that's for you. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Mm-mm.

Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. I don't know, like for me, the traditional gender I was like, I love to say like, I'm good and like, I love to cook, I love to clean. But what we not going to do, we're not going to expect it forever.

Like I'm not about to be, I want to have twins. I'm not about to be nursing twins and you still expecting steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, like, you know, when the kids look when the twins start walking, can you go back to the steak and match potatoes and green beans? Yeah, of course. Can I go back to it five days a week? Maybe not. Yeah, no, that's fair.

We have to compromise. And I mean, but like I said, I appreciate how they have those conversations. Because those are conversations that we have had. And if y'all have those conversations and then there's not that action, I don't know if it's not, it's not giving. Yeah, I'm just afraid of like,

to be honest, like y'all get married and you having to say, I told you before I got married, how important this was to me, because if you didn't see anything before you got married that should reveal to you that he was gonna take that important, take that as important, then I just don't, because that's exactly what we say, we're like, listen,

I told you before I got married that this was gonna be a deal breaker for me, but it sound like the deal is broke before the deal is. Sound like it broke, I don't know, I don't know. You know what I mean? Like, I love you. And I just want to keep it 100 with you about this. OK, listen, Marissa, I'm a stop because now it's

getting real home, girl. Do you have any questions for me? Anything I can answer about my life or journey? My plans for 2022? Oh, I would love to know what you plan to do 2022. OK, so my dream for 2022, like, am I going to all of my business or some of it? Okay.

You can just tell some. My goal for 2022 is to at minimum, purchase transitional housing for women who need help evolving from domestic violence, circumstances, homelessness, teen pregnancy, anything, incarceration. Like that is my big, woman-evolved goal is to buy an apartment community. I don't care where. I'll fly there.

I'll hire the team to get there. But that's like my big goal. And of course, to do the programming and curriculum and all of those things. So that's like my woman evolve goal. And my own personal goal is to spend more time focusing on myself and to not feel guilty about it. That's, I want to spend a lot more time focusing on me.

I like that. And can I just tell you, you didn't ask. But I'm going to just have one more time focusing on me. I like that. And can I just tell you, you didn't ask, but I'm gonna just have one more thing to do that. And I am having to obtain the level of faith that helps me to believe that spending more time on myself is not the same as spending less time on my goals. I am coming to a place where I am believing that as I focus on myself and my wellness

and my health and my spirituality, that all other things will be added to me, right? And so I am seeking less of my own kingdom and my own brand and more of what keeps me centered on what really matters and believing that God's gonna multiply in the areas where I was just trying to add. So how are you taking,

cause I was a big transition, I actually really liked that. But how are you taking the steps to shift your perspective to even think like that? I'm starting in baby steps right now. I think even the way that I do the podcast is helping me to plan ahead with intention. But I am asking myself whenever I'm doing something, is this something that someone else could be doing?

Whether it is cooking dinner that DoorDash could do for me? You know, or doing something on the laptop that maybe someone else could handle for me because I take on so many responsibilities that someone else could be doing. And I'm trying to work on making sure that I'm maximizing the help around me, which means I have to be willing to ask for help.

And so I'm practicing that in boundaries and saying no. And it's helping me, it's helping me. Thank you so much for doing this podcast with me. Thank you. I've enjoyed you so much. Take care. Thank you. I appreciate it. Bye. Bye. Marissa, girl, you are a vibe.

Thank you for joining me today. I love you. I want to do coffee with you. I want to have lunch. Most importantly, thanks for saying yes to the work you're doing to uplift others. You literally uplifted us in our conversation. I've been getting tons of DMs asking for advice. Honestly, the best way for me to get your questions answered is for you to email them. Hit up podcast at woman evolve.com. Drop your

info there as well if you're interested in being a co-host for an upcoming podcast. And just in case you're wondering, if you want to send an advice question and you want to be a co-host, just tell us. We'll put your advice question for a totally different episode and allow you to be co-hosts on a different episode. So we're not telling your business and your business all in the same business. You know what I'm saying?

I'd love to share this mic with you. It's time for me to get out of here. Talk to you soon. See you next week. you