Woman Evolve with Sarah Jakes Roberts - Fire to Trust Jesus w/ Naomi Raine

Episode Date: August 31, 2022

God can't bless you for ten to be or who you compare yourself to. He can only bless you and the lane that was created for you. I feel that for somebody. You don't need no itch, it's a tea you need boundaries. What? I don't need your lights, I don't need your validation. All I need is a God party for me that's there are things, all things, all things.

Try. Now listen, I thought about opening this episode by singing for you guys, but you know, in the interest of hospitality, I'm just going to go ahead right into the episode because we have Naomi Rain here and I don't want her to be intimidated by my vocals. Sure, she's, she's great. Sure, you know, the Grammy sure performances, she's very, very talented. But sometimes when you are confronted with a talent that is so powerful as is my own singing, it can be intimidating. So I'm going to be silent. I don't think she's hurt my vocals and I don't really want to be that person to break it to where that you know somebody out here, somebody else is out here doing what needs to be done.

Listen, I'm going to trust Jesus that she'll be back and agree to featuring me on a Maverick City song. Touching a degree, pray that that will be the next time she hears my singing until then. Hear her heart, hear her story, story hear our passion let's get connected. A psalmist, a prophet, a queen. Hi friend. Hi how are you? I'm doing okay how are you? I am doing I'm actually doing really good. There's been a crazy day but I'm doing okay, how are you? I am doing, I'm actually doing really good. There's been a crazy day, but I'm doing really good overall. Somebody stole your bag. Somebody stole my Louis Duffel and I'm mad. No.

No. Where are you still? Out of my assistance car. I knew you house. I live in the suburb. I live in a great neighborhood. I live in a great neighborhood. I don't understand what happened. We're literally, she was out the car for like five minutes.

They stole the bag. A disaster. This is not, but overall it's still all right. Where they're not, yes, I'm done getting. The bag itself is valuable, but where there are other things in there as well that work that you need.

You know, it's funny because I know I can get I can I can buy another bag. I can replace the bag. That's nothing. It was really the fact that my toiletries Like I just have like a routine and so you know when you're out loud. Yeah, you're on tour So you know when you're on tour your routine and having things that you need is just it helps you kind of get through. So I was on my way to the airport and I was like running out of time. So I'm like missing my little drunk elephant set and my balance out of the slides

that helped me. They're just comfy. And you know, just my steamer to help, you know, so it's a part of our team. I felt a little off today and I'm like, Oh no, why is this happening? So that's, I think that it's more of that then. And then okay, so I didn't really lose those things

because the person dumped it like down the block. So, and it's stolen like her car keys to my assistance car keys. So it's just, but then it's still the car. Yeah. It's just, but then still the car. Yeah. It's just one of those. Just one of them days. I wanna, it's all right.

This is why God didn't let me sing because I would break out into song all of the time God knew, God knew y'all would know me. It wouldn't be passed to nobody. It wouldn't be. Me, I'd have been a city girl. I'd have been somebody. It just would not have been my portion.

I know me, and that's why God didn't give it to me. You got to know your strengths, sis. I love it, but you know, it's really nice to break into that. I'm saying, even if you ain't got single key, I won't take what you're jumping in with me, whenever you want. Okay, okay. We can do this.

It's not gonna be on key, but I will go with you. I will drop, wouldn't need to be dropped. We can do this. Yeah. Okay, so I feel like, I mean, you are not new to this, you're true to this. Okay, you begin singing at two years old. And though a lot of people may have like,

been recently introduced to you through Maverick City music I mean you are a psalmist Naomi Rain. How has like these last few years confirmed shifted transformed the way that you see yourself? Wow the way that I see myself, I didn't see that one coming. I think you wanna say like the way you see your call or your person, you know what? I think from when I was younger,

I used to get like dreams of me singing in arenas and like stadiums and then I got words. It was like, I'm gonna use you in some sort of civil rights movement in the gospel industry. And I didn't believe it because I was like, what civil rights? I was like, it's 2003, Lord, what do you mean? There's no racism, there's no nothing.

Like, what do you mean? And then when this stuff started happening, I was like, oh snap, God, you actually need telling the truth. And it actually helped me because I think I thought that I had to change in order to become, you know, me inherently boy, I had to change in order to become whatever God had wanted me to be.

And I realized that he had chosen me, even when I was, you know, that 15-year-old girl who was just interested in boys and wanted to be liked and accepted that that was the girl that he chose, not even the tidy-up version of myself or the one that got the scars and the, you know, bruises or even learned the lessons and had all the wisdom that I'd acquired to that point. I think it just made me okay with me, you know? So when I look back on this, on the words that I've gotten and the confirmation,

I'm like, oh wow, Lord, I guess if you were okay, then I'm okay. Yeah, how often do you have to remind yourself of that? It's a zilly, it's a zilly reminder child. I mean, if I were to be honest, I think it, you know, every day, every other day. Yeah. Because of the pace. Yeah. Because of the pace.

Because I'm moving very quickly and I think I'm constantly in rooms and getting opportunities and things that are like, hey, we need you to show up in this way. And I have to be like, oh, okay, Lord, what did you say? Let's just say, okay, boom, that, all right, we good. That's how it's been. And the head. No, I was wanting to say, I feel this same exact way.

It's like, it's just like really Jesus, really this is really. You know, we were on tour and I don't know. Is it, I don't know. Is it easier? You have to tell me, help me understand, right? Because I don't, you know, I don't have no lyrics Naomi. So when I get up there, I gotta have something to say. And like we were on tour and there was not one night

where I felt like I have something to say. Like I have something to say. Like I, but and then there's this expectation of like I'm coming to get my edges snatched. I'm coming to get my wig snatched. And I'm like I have nothing, meatched. And I'm like, I have nothing, me, nothing, me right here. I got nothing for you. And like God shows up and I'm thankful for his faithfulness and stuff, but I'm constantly having to just remind myself, like this

is not on you. Don't make it about you. Stay still and wait and see what every room needs. And it's exhausting to trust like that. It's exa- Hello. It is, I don't think it's just you. So I will say, I think your job is harder than mine because you literally have to have something to say. And I don't know if you're pretty much speaking

around the same topic or similar message every night, which then I feel like it would even the playing feel a little bit because we're coming out over doing songs, right? So we know the songs, but I think that because we are known for, and honestly, I think when I've been graceful or spontaneous and prophetic worship, you have to be listening to what the Lord is saying.

You have to be attentive to what He wants to say, not just in general, but in this room, in this moment. And maybe it's not right now, maybe He wants it for the end of the service. Or maybe He doesn't want you to wait, and you gotta say now. And maybe that's not even for that.

Maybe it's for you. And you was just supposed to hear that every seat. So I definitely get exactly what you're saying, but I know that you know this, that once you open your mouth, he fills it. And then it's like, oh snap. All right, well, I guess that was for you. And when you get the confirmation at the end of the night,

to me, that's the greatest thing it's like. Oh, that words for me, I just lost my fist. And it was, it's the exact thing that the Lord said. I'm like, God, I don't know what I would do without you because it would be a mess. That's my problem. I think like having the courage to open your mouth when you have nothing to say and trusting that God is going

to fill it, like I have to overcome the mental hurdle of if you open your mouth, if you put your hands to the keyboard, if you allow the music to just settle in your spirit, I want to talk about like how do you clear the channel and trust whether you're a singer, a preacher, you're raised in children, you're trying to be there for a friend. Like how do you trust God's ability to flow through you when pain is flowing through you, when confusion is flowing through you, and it would be so easy to say nothing at all, or to speak from that place of pain or anger. Like how do you tap into that?

Well, I'm going to be honest for me, one of my prayers every single night before I go out, before I do anything that's like as important, but even in the mornings when I first wake up, I'm like, Holy Spirit, I want you to have your weight. Like, I mean that. And before I go out, I go, Lord, what do you want to say tonight? And what do you want us to say to you? You know, so I'm like, what do you want us to hear tonight? What do you want to hear? So I'm keenly aware of the fact that as a worship leader, I'm leading people to worship God. And so I want to give him what he wants, you know, I want to hear what he wants to hear from his people tonight. And I also want to work from him. So I ask him, and I think that sometimes just in asking,

how should be sensitive and become aware, even if you weren't aware, you know, and even if it was like one of these days where I'm like, oh, my routine is off and I feel a little like off-kilter, but once I get to that place, it's kind of like, okay, now I'm sensitive. But I will say this, that doesn't happen without a season of training, right, in your life where the Holy Spirit trains you in his voice.

I know generally now because I hate this. It almost sounds like braggie, but it's not. I've just been walking with the Lord for a long time. So he's trained me in his voice over the years. So I kind of know when it's him, usually when I'm afraid to say it, it's him. You know, right. Right. I'm not telling somebody it's him usually, when I'm afraid to say it, it's him. You know, right, right? I'm like, just somebody, that's not him. You know what I'm saying?

That's usually not him. That's me, that's my own thing. And a lot of times I've even opened my mouth sometimes to say something that would seem like, you know, it was my agenda or my perspective and the Lord would switch it. And as I was saying the thing, it's like, man, I'm now like speaking so gracefully to the person

or the thing that I was so mad at. And I'm like, can you sound too mad? Like I just wanna fuss. You know, but he's like, not that I have no control, but I've learned to discern his ways. And it sounds braggy, but I think that just comes with relationship.

You have to know the person that you're worshiping, you have to know the person that your worshiping, you have to know the person that you're communicating for a representing. And if you don't know him, then you'll say anything, but you know for a fact, when you know the Lord, you know there's just some things he wouldn't do. His heart is so different than our hearts. It doesn't know.

And it'll hit you first. So a lot of the things that I release in a room, even if it's a strong word or a rebuke or something, it hits me first. And I feel the way to do it. I don't feel like, I'm the prophet of God. No, I'm like, oh God said, we got to get with it. You know, so it's the lily humility in it. Okay, so a few months ago, I posted a side-by-side photo of myself on social media to show the progress I've made with working out and eating better. For me, eating better doesn't mean eating boring.

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build more sustainable habits between your mind and food choices. That's noom n-o-o-m dot com slash evolve to sign up for your trial today. I think that's key, the humility in it, because I don't know, in order for God to really use you and to flow through you, especially if you're dealing with everything that people deal with, like you're dealing with your own struggles, your own issues, your own fears, anger, and securities.

Like a lot of times people want to minister on top of that. But I believe in order for us to minister through that, God has to minister to that and in God ministering to that, then He can minister through us. And I think that what we're experiencing in this upcoming generation of faith leaders and voices are people who are willing to say, this is what God is ministering to in me and this is how I'm able to minister to you as a result of that.

And that level of just vulnerability and transparency, it really moves things. Like have you been, well, I know you got a word, but like at what point did you realize that like this is that I am standing in that moment that God for knew that God was telling me at in 2003 when I was just worried about what was happening in the school on in the hallways like at what moment did you realize like while I'm standing in the manifestation of it. It was the first and I think we were in Irvine, California. We had, it was the first night of the Mab City tour last year. Welcome to Mab City tour. And we were out there

mind you. I was numb. Like I was just numb for most of it until we got to gyro. And I stood there. I was standing next to the chant mind, do we have rehearsed? You know, you just do it over and over and over. But now you're in the moment and as Chandler, as that, do do do do do do. I just began to weep.

I was looking around and I saw, for the first time I saw the crowd, I saw what I had dreamed. I felt it was almost like, you know, I saw what I had dreamed. I felt it was almost like, you know, in Jesus' way, that time, it was like, the light showed on him and the dove, like, pressing.

I felt like that. And it was like, oh, no, and I just cried. And I think that's the one that's on YouTube, which I was mad about, because I'm like, why would you put this out? And we're crying, you know? They're like, you know, it was just, it was so, it was so much.

I was so aware of the fact that I have been chosen to do something and to be a part of something that was bigger than me. And I felt so tiny in that space, but I knew it was almost like a, like this is it. You know, promise fulfilled. I was like, God was checking off a box in my life. And I just felt so grateful. And I was humbled. And I was like, God, why me? Like for real? Seriously, why? Like, you know me. My mom makes sense. We know. But Oh, but it was a beautiful moment.

I will never forget that moment for as long as I live and I just remember looking over at Chandler. And he was crying. I said, well, we are mess. And it didn't matter. It didn't matter what the song sounded like I wasn't trying. And I'm never really trying to impress anybody.

But I felt, I felt the love of God and like the promise fulfilled. Okay, so I want to ask you something. The you said up until gyro that you felt numb. What does it mean to be showing a still being used but filling numb? And before you answer, I think I know what you mean, because I feel like I have to remind myself to pay attention to where I am. Yes, because this is all a lot. Like, what is happening?

What is happening? Why are y'all here? Well, God, what are you doing? And so it's not performance and it's not, it's just this level of, I can't even process what's happening in this moment. But I know I need to bring who I am to this moment, but I don't know how to take it all in But what did you go on tell me about it? I mean that's it. It's like it's like autopilot

Yeah, yeah, you're still flying the plane like the plane is flying and it's in the mode and this is why I think Time and history with God really matters some people think that the the time that they spend in the mode. And that's why I think time and history with God really matters. Some people think that the time that they spend in the hidden place or where they're just studying, studying and like eating voraciously, you know, like that is waste of time. Nothing is wasted.

And so when you get to certain levels like this and when I say levels, I mean in pace, where you're moving and you're realizing like, oh snap, like I haven't been driving and you just don't know how you got home. Right. But it's like you were driving the whole time but it's like your mind you were thinking and so I just remember like being there but not fully present doing what I was doing hearing going, you know, we had a good

time, you know, and I was, I was there, but I wasn't there until everything kind of came into focus. And it was like, oh, and so I think that that it, those numb moments, it's not the same numb where I'm avoiding things. And I really just probably took to my therapist making my life together or maybe like go to the movies with my kids and like reset. It's just the type of numb of like I'm doing the things I know I know how to move in this space because I think what a lot of people don't realize and this might burst a few bubbles

but I'm okay with that. Like what we do even in ministry some of it it is skill, right? Like so some of this is like, I'm trained, I'm sung. I know how to utilize my voice and you know, there's ways to present something. Even when you write a sermon or I don't know, if you write your sermons, right? Like you prefer. I have bullet points.

Yeah, bullet points. But you know, so there's a level of like, hey, let's make that make sense. Let's make this to that. There's syntax, there's, you know, so there's a level of like, Hey, let's make that make sense. Right. This to that. There's syntax. There's, you know, maybe you might tell a story in the beginning. There's little things that you use to that exhibit the skill, right? And then the Lord comes and rests on that.

And I've like literally, I tried to live in such a way where I'm like, God, like if you're on rest, if you don't do this right here, like if you don't do it, it's gonna be bad. It's gonna be terrible. You understand? It's gonna be a song. It's just gonna be, I need you to, you know what I'm saying? So, I mean, I feel like it was that. And if I'm honest when I listen, like we listen back and I don't really listen back when we listen back to that concert because of the first one. And I wanted to know what was happening because I wasn't there. And I was like, oh, it was beautiful. It was beautiful. And God was moving. He was having his way. But it wasn't until that moment. And it was like, ooh, lazy like focus. I'm here. This is happening. This is crazy. I'm so grateful. Oh, God. Like I wasn't just there to serve the people.

I was actually encountering the Lord, you know myself. I feel like you have to tell me if this is true because as you were speaking, I was thinking about just my own moments where like, I am either focused on them bullet points connecting or I am like, I believe that the bullet points are in my spirit. God now I'm just trusting you to breathe on it. But then there are these moments where I feel like the past version of myself gets to experience what my present perspective is. And those moments are the ones

where I am just wiped out because I think so often we are busy being present that we don't invite the past pain, the past vision, the past insecurity to really be a participant in the present glory, the present outcome. And so we have joy, but we don't have the fullness of what that joy could be because we're just experiencing it from I worked for this. I planned for it. This is what's supposed to happen if these things are working together But when you go back to the point where like it shouldn't have happened like there was no way that it was happening There was no way and you invite your president to experience your past to experience your present. Like it's life changing. What is that for you? Because I know, I know for

me again, like I got the words sometimes, and I believed it. And I'm going to be honest, I believe that I wasn't one of those people that had like zero faith and was just like, God, you can't do that. It wasn't that, but I just didn't know how it was gonna happen. Yeah. And so walking into it, and honestly now I feel like the Lord is like, well, what are you dreaming now? Like dream higher.

And I'm like, we are here, we are already out here. We are more than a answer, I don't want to be greedy. But for you, what is that like seeing or like your past self, past pain past, seeing this moment and realizing the things that were said aren't true. You know what I'm saying? Like, they are not true and it didn't, it didn't crush you. You know, it didn't win. Like we win. Like, hold on, it's a win. Like how is that for you? It takes real intentionality for me to tap into that because I feel like

the moment that I experience pain, trauma, disappointment, I just kinda like built a wall and was like, I can't afford to be disappointed, I can't afford to be in pain, I gotta keep showing up. And so I think that I have to intentionally be like, go back to that time when you were walking out of the CPS office, go back to that time when you were waitressing at that strip club and allow that version of you to see this.

And it makes me emotional. And when I say see this, I don't even mean like the tour and the rooms. Right. I mean, to see this husband, to see this little boy that you were so afraid you wouldn't be able to take care of to raise up and call you blessed. Like, and it just leaves me like so and awe of God's wisdom, God's strategy, God's plan over my own.

I'm with you like 115%. My daughter, a lot of people don't know this, but I had my daughter. I got pregnant when I was eighteen. And my husband and I got married when I was nineteen. And so my daughter is a physical manifestation of the grace of God on my life. That he can take mistakes and poor choices and make something beautiful. And so this mother's day, she gave me a card. mistakes and poor choices and make something beautiful. And so this mother's day, she gave me a card and in the card it says.

And so just her life, she's about to be 16, just her being a, like, you know, a young woman and like now she's trying to like do make up. She's into fashion. She has like the things and she started singing even on that tour. She sang with me. It was like, it wasn't the tour. It wasn't the success. You know, there is a part of you, you know, as a career person, as an entrepreneur, you're like, oh my god, like it's just happening. Okay, cool. But there's that realization of like, oh, no, this thing

that everybody said, you ain't gonna be nothing. You got pregnant, this doesn't make sense. You know, they sat me down from ministry, they didn't, it's that. And I see her like, and she's okay, and she's on, you know, the, the National Honor Society, and she's on the president's, the honor roll list, and the deans, all of that stuff.

And I'm like, y'all, y'all not understanding, like it wasn't supposed to work out. You understand, like it really wasn't supposed to work out. You understand? It really wasn't supposed to be okay. I understand that as a mom and as somebody who's made mistakes and been condemned that a lot of people said, all right, we counting you out. And now, there's text like, I'm so happy to see what God is doing in your life. And when I get those texts, I'm not going to hold you. I want to say maybe two years ago, I probably would have been like,

oh, now you want to. I'm ready. You know, this is a little, you know, the people be remembering. But now it's like, oh, no, God, you really did this. Like, this is you. You know, that you could turn something around and make beauty and bring beauty from ashes, you know.

Okay, so I hate to interrupt all of this good conversation, but I wanted you to know that I want to talk to you too. I want to hear your story. I want to hear your thoughts and opinions. You can send me your application, your video to be a co-host to podcast at woman evolve.com. Let me know what it is you want to talk about. Why it's important to you that you be on the podcast.

Maybe you're like, girl, I am not going to be on anybody's podcast. I don't do talking to people. First of all, this is a sign overcome yourself. But if not, you can send me an advice question. Podcast at woman evolve.com. Okay, let's get back to the podcast. What do you think we can like? Because maybe somebody is like in that season that we were in.

Like there's like, you know, we just, we don't know what this gonna be. We don't know. You know, in many ways, you know, we are on the other side of, what are we, what are we going to call this? Because we're still being challenged, we're still being confronted. We're still navigating insecurity. So it's not like I won't say any way. I can't speak for you. I can't say that I'm like on this other side of like wholeness and having to figure it out. I'm still on the struggle bus. But I do think I'm on the other side of feeling like like I'm running from punishment or that, you know what I mean? Yeah. Like there's this looming punishment for me because of the choices I made or didn't make. And I really have come to a place where I am trusting that even if the moment doesn't feel good,

even if it doesn't look good, even if it's the most painful thing that I've ever experienced, that it truly is an opportunity for my faith to be multiplied for my knowledge of who God is, to be deepened and furthered, but I feel like I'm out of this mentality of I'm going to be punished for being who I am.

You just put words to all the things that I've been trying to say I'm a rambler, so I will tell them. I love it. I love it. To say that. Will you like so succinctly said that like free from that fear of punishment? I feel like I'm walking in the love of the Lord that I I understand. You know, well, with church kids, right? You grow up in a certain way. And we we should be the ones that are so aware of this free gift that we have in the gospel. And we don't have to do anything to earn it, but for some reason, I don't know. Some reason.

Oh, let's talk. Okay, hold on. Let's talk about it because I think now this is about to be this. All right, this is J.R. Naomi Reign. I don't know. Here we go. I don't think that they talk about like, okay, this is gonna be so racist. Not racist, but here we are.

I think the difference between white church and black church and my experience and exposure is that in black church, I don't feel like there's a lot of preaching about the love of God, like just the love of God to meet you where you are without change, without transformation, in spite of what you've gone through, God to meet you where you are without change, without transformation, in spite of what you've gone through, God still loves you.

There is a lot of, you know, get your stuff together, stay out of this, stay out of that, you backslid, you know what I mean? I don't know. And principles, even like principles, live this way, do that, do that, do that. Do that.

Yes, and you know, I was shocked when I started speaking, because when I first started speaking, I was speaking at mostly white churches, because I didn't have a ground. You know, the Lord is giving me a ground in recent years. He's giving me a ground, but I didn't have a ground. So, you know, they were like, if you don't have a ground, we don't know where to put you in black church. And but I didn't have a grow. So, you know, they were like, if you don't have a grow, we don't know where to put you in black church. And so, I was exposed to a lot of ministries where the rooms were predominantly white women

that don't require a grow. And they were just talking about love and just like changing the world. And I was like, wow, you know, let's talk about how God can still love your past and have grace for who you are, but I just don't feel like I got that. So I hope that part of what woman evolved exists to do

is to really meet a woman where she is, to let it know she is loved as she is, and to be so tempting and our conversion through our relationship with God, that it makes her want to engage in relationship with God as well. But I think that I don't think that I felt the love of God growing up honestly in church. That's raggedy, but I said it. No, and I think it's one of the truest things.

We don't get that. And I think we fight to feel or sense, you know, our parents love. And if I'm honest, my parents showed me that they loved me. But it was about principles and formulas and doing and making sure that you did the right thing and being a good girl. That's what I was taught to do. So now that you know Jesus and you're young, you have to be a good girl. But I didn't have, there was, there was no temptation that I was aware of when I accepted price. I was so young.

It was, as I got older, and temptation began to come, I realized that I was ashamed of being tempted. I was ashamed of being sad. I was ashamed of myself. I'm wrong with me. Even the, right, like you're not supposed to feel this. You're not supposed to think this. This is bad. I was. I was afraid of sex.

I was afraid of being sexual. And so even when I got married, now my, I did the things, then got pregnant. That's all right. We had to try that. But when we were scared, had to face your fears sometimes. I see what you know what I'm saying. But even when I got married and I was supposed to

supposed to be free in this expression, I still wasn't because I was taught that it was bad or because I wasn't taught. I viewed it as bad and I was left up to my own, you know, devices of my own mindset and thought of it. I think because of that, I had, I had, I had, I had it lived in the love of God and I did live in fear of punishment. And I didn't think, I didn't think that God was angry with me, but I did think he was super disappointed for sure. For sure. And he had good reason to be, you know, you know what I mean? You know, like if everything they say about like doing the right thing is right, I've done the wrong things. So I don't, there's, I don't feel like at least for me. And once again, I'm speaking in Blanket statements because I already know,

first of all, I love my white girls. It didn't be like, girl, it was raggedy over here, too. So like I'm speaking in speaking in a blanket statement about my experiences, but I don't feel like anyone was saying, I don't have this all together either. I'm on a journey and I'm trying to figure it out as well. So it made it seem like this thing was coming so easily to everyone else. And I'm the only one who feels like, I can remember in this like,

freed me recently in my own therapy spiritual journey because I was so busy penalizing myself for getting pregnant as a teenager that I forgot before I got pregnant. I was so angry that I could not be the good church girl. Like I didn't get it. I couldn't shout. I wasn't speaking in tongues.

Like there, I felt like there was something wrong with me. So I was just kind of like, forget it. I'm gonna just do me. But I just didn't feel like anyone was like, it's hard for us to, but we wake up each day and we try again. Like I'm still insecure. I'm still struggling in this area,

but I'm still trying because I believe in sanctification. I believe that I can be perfected. And I believe that we serve a guy that is continuing to work on us. Maybe they said it and I didn't hear it, but I just don't feel like it was at the forefront of the presentation. So it made me feel isolated. It wasn't. And it's sad because it takes vulnerability to lead like that and what I'm finding is that

the generation before us really has been in a knot. You know, like they've really been tied up in a knot and are still, if I'm honest, are still living in this limbo because what they've been taught and what they've preached isn't real. It's not the actual true gospel. It wasn't until I got a hold in the gospel, which I had to experience. I had to meet with Jesus and him say, Naomi, I know you did this and I know you did that, but I want you to know I died for your sins knowing that you would do it. So even when you accepted me, as Lord has said,

I remember, oh my God, I remember so vividly, what the Lord said to me, He was like, my blood covered you. Even when you said, yes Jesus, I want to accept your month and I knew you would do this and I knew you would do that. The blood didn't stop covering you with the days you said yes. It continues to cover and will always cover when I started to really understand this grace,

this gift, the fact that people had to sacrifice one animal for a year of sin, right? That animal, but I would feel like with the blood of Jesus that I only had one day. Like the next day, I was like, no, but his mercies are new every day. When I started to really understand what God had done for me, the real gospel, what actually happened. Christ loved the love of God.

I think we, because there are people that are like, y'all focused so much on love and it doesn't talk that much about love. Yeah, you're seeing. Yeah. But for God, so loved the world that He gave His Son. It was because He loves us that we have this gift of Christ. And I just don't think I was, I wasn't presented with that gift. And I'm going to get over them. It's not being mad at them. But when I got

it, um, and if I'm honest, I think I got it probably nine years ago. Yeah. But I'm still, it's still working on me. And I'm still coming into a true discovery of what that means as I meet more people, as I'm exposed to more, that sanctification doesn't happen on my, you know, my clock, you know, and an acquaintance of my stopwatch, it doesn't work like that.

And it takes way longer than I would ever want it to, but it's worth it and it's good. And that sometimes recovery looks like relapse, you know? And that so you like relapse is a part of recovery. We don't talk about that. Try someone to talk about it. But that's a major thing that sometimes your mess of your stumble again, and you have to come to yourself

and say, oh man, that greaves your heart. And now for somebody that agrees me 10 years ago or three years ago or five minutes ago, that engraved me. You know, but now I actually feel bad. There's like the relationship of coming into like understanding of who got as what he's done and why, like my son separates me from him and how he's made and gone the distance to try to kill that and be close to me, but I can't run it away,

because I didn't think he really wanted me. But now I'm like, oh, snap, you do? You are a good good father. That's really who you are. It's who you are. So now I'm singing these songs, like what a different, like it's a different phrase.

And I think, and I'm not gonna be able to much, but I think there's a difference between what you believe and what you know. And so I think some of us know this stuff that I just said we know oh two guys all over the world that he gave us only so we can spit Mary versus because we were taught the right and we know them but what we believe right is something different. We believe what we saw. We believe that when somebody messed up in church, they got kicked out. We believed what we experienced, that when we did something wrong, we were punished.

We weren't necessarily not every parent, and my parents actually really great. But it was my dad sitting down with me and taking me to the mall when I got pregnant, and I didn't have any pose that fit me, and not being angry with me. I felt him being like, oh didn't have any pose that fit me and not being angry with me. I felt him being like, Oh, I have to take care of you.

It was an experience like that that taught me, Oh, this is love. It's not just the mush mush. This is love. This is Santa with somebody. This is grace. This is mercy. This is like, I'm learning it in real time. And this is why I think we need people. We need

what the Lord is trying to teach us. And I'm grateful to be living outside of the field punishment. No, it's good though, because I mean, my parents were really great when I got pregnant too. A lot of people at our church were really great as well. Of course, there were a lot of people who also were challenging to deal with and hurt for some painful, right? Did you like that? I sprinkle that in there. Yes, I did. But I don't think that there was any intentional conversation with me about what my pregnancy

meant and relationships and my relationship with God. And so I had to kind of figure that out on my own. Like what does this mean? That I said the salvation prayer and then ended up, you know, living outside of what you would call the will of God. Like is there still a plan for me? Is there still a way?

And I feel like, you know, I want my ministry to represent that. And I know you're like, it just sounds like you kind of get the same feedback. I get, you know, we need to start sending some more people to hail instead of talking to them about how much they're loved. But I need, I can only give what I needed to be honest, you know what I mean? I had enough fear of hail and condemnation,

but I got to give what would have saved me because that's where I feel like I am most anointed. And you can only give what you have. Yeah. You can only give what you have. And I'm gonna tell you the truth, what I have and what I know is real, is the love of God.

Yeah. It's his grace, it's his mercy. I can't give what I don't have. And I don't have that and stuff. I have literal, you know, so I'm trading my sorrow. I'm trading that stuff out. Oh, God, I don't have. And I don't have that other stuff anymore. I have literally, you know, so I'm trading my sorrows. I'm trading that stuff out. Oh, God, I wanna cry.

Oh, God. I don't have that anymore. Those old experiences that pain, I'm not working with that. I've experienced the actual love and grace of a good, God, a wonderful savior. And if that's what I have, that's what I'm gonna give. That's the only thing that changed me.

The fear, the anger, the people's disappointment, all that stuff didn't change me. That made me afraid. It made me, fear doesn't last. Only is temporal. Fear is temporary. Love is eternal. And that is the thing that actually set me free.

And not free to run them up, free the right to begin some field, or think or inquire and want to draw near and ask questions to the Lord that I never would have asked, or draw near to those that seem far and distant. It changed me, I was no longer, and I'm still working through some of this,

but like, I'm not judgy and like, I can't talk to them and it'll change me. That works. And I'm only doing what works in the season. I'm not doing what doesn't work. And I'm not passing on bad news. Like, I don't need to. We got good news.

And I'm a passing the good news. And I'm just hoping and trusting to believe in that people will hear it, that they'll take it, they'll grab to it, and that they'll get to know who Jesus really is, that love that he has. And hopefully it will change them and affect them. You know, I'm sure I'm pretty sure everybody that Jesus healed didn't end up following him for real. Something I'm probably will like, thank you for hanging on it and kept on all on it.

That's not my business. It's just my business to tell people, yo, this works. This is true. This is real. this changed me. This is saving me and it's renewing my mind, child. Okay, so this, okay, this so, and we can, I don't even know where this is going to go. We, it may, no one may ever hear this, but us.

But I have been challenged lately because there, you know, all types of things politically happen where people feel like you need to make a statement about this. You need to be celebrating this. You need to let people know whose sides you are on. And I have to be honest that I cannot choose a side when I believe that God's heart is broken over the reality of both sides. You know what I mean?

Like I can't say, I don't know, I watched a documentary on abortion. Here we are. We're in it. Here we are. Okay. We're in it. Let's do it. I watched a documentary on abortion. It showed both sides of it, right? And there's this girl who had a scholarship to college. She's in a state where she found out too late. She wasn't able to have an abortion. She's sitting there with a baby on her life. She can't give the baby up for adoption because the father wouldn't sign over the rights,

even though he's not active in the child's life. And she's like, I really wish that I would have found out earlier so I could have an abortion. I think that got like, okay, yes, we had a victory. She didn't get an abortion, but her heart is broken over the life that's sitting in her lap. So, like, I don't think that that means,

okay, well, maybe she should have had an abortion. That's not what I'm saying at all, but what I'm saying is, I think that when you zoom out of the picture that at the end of the day, God's heart is broken that we've got a mother who has a child, she wishes she would have aborted.

A mother who's going in to get an abortion because she can't afford to feed the child or her medical, like I don't think it is as easy as like who side are you on because the whole situation is just raggedy. And so like to then tell me because of who I am I'm supposed to speak out and say something about which side that I'm on like I'm not on nobody's side I think that God is going to meet the woman who had an abortion the same way

He's going to meet the woman who kept her baby. I think that God's going to have to be there for the family That's grieving and for the miracle baby that should have that doctors that should have been aborted But made it anyway like I don't think that there's a side in which God is not willing to cross. So I don't have a side. And that's what I want to say. But I can't put it in a caption. So I'm telling you Naomi rain. I'm glad you're telling me because I literally I want to talk to you about this. I feel like we come from similar places and we understand we could have. We could have done the thing. Yeah. Right. And so we made a different choice.

But God is not on sides. When I read my Bible and I read how Jesus entertained people. When that woman was caught in adultery. He did not stone her. Now he did tell her go and send no more. not stone her. Now he did tell her go and send no more. There's how can Jesus be on both sides of this thing? How? And I think that's what we need to learn. That's what we need to be studying. I don't like this because I think the intent and the motive behind you need to make a statement. You need to say something. First of all, why as Christians do we have to even make a statement about Roe v. Wade being overturned? Some the people who wanted it to be, why do we have to publicly celebrate?

I think that that kind of mocks people who's hurt to the broken right now because they thought that that was their only option or it was the way to, you know, cover or do whatever they need to do. I'm not going judge nobody, but I don't want to be a part of the size. And their intention in asking us to make a statement is so that they will see if we agree with them. Exactly. Or if they should cancel us. And I'm not doing that because I'm not saying it has nothing to do with the gospel.

But if we are preaching the gospel, I'm talking about the road between not preaching to the gospel, leave us be. Let us preach the gospel. Stop worrying about our opinions. That you're only going to use the divided. It's so fair see it. And I only saw Jesus coming for the farsies. I didn't see, I'm not listening.

Listen. Now he's listening. He was calling the names. You wrote a viper's, you whitewash tools. He was calling the hymn of the prince. My, he came at them and I feel like we end up running scared, right? Instead of actually addressing a lot of these people,

which, I'll be trying to buy my business and drink my water. That's what I've been trying to do it. Drink my water and buy my business. I don't know what this is, but I'm literally in the plate. I don't even know what I'm saying because I'm rambling. I'm really upset about it, but I'm not making a statement.

And I almost did, but I felt like I was being bullied into a political debate when God's heart is broken like you said about both sides. God doesn't just care about aborted children. He cares about babies that might be abused in the home because parents don't want them. He cares about women's reproductive health, actually. He cares, and I know there's a smaller percentage of people that are raped and like this incest

that leads to abortion. But God cares about all of it. He cares about women that are being abused by their husbands and being forced to have babies. There is a lot going on that nobody wants to talk about. And yes, there are people that are taking advantage of maybe using it as birth control. I don't think that, I don't think this is a reason

to make a statement, especially since the turning, the judgment was overturned so that the states can decide. So it does not cancel out abortion's period. It depends on what state you live in. This is a political issue and I'm not a Republican. I'm not a Democrat. I am a believer. I'm a truth teller and I'm a follower of Jesus Christ.

And I can share what I can share what I feel led to share it. I will not be forced and bullied into it. And that's that on that. And I don't like it. I don't like that some of these prophets and prophetic people are trying to push us or just you know zealous people are trying to push us into one thing or the other. Peter was a racist.

He'll call him out, but he was still allowed to continue in ministry. Zellas people. Yeah, I'm gonna push us into one thing or the other. Peter was a racist Whole call to mouth, but he was still allowed to continue in ministry and my concern is now I'm really going off But my concern is that the point of it of this is to cancel people's ministry and that's exactly exactly Yeah, that to me is the is the enemy Like you trying to style it anyway, um and I do think at the end of the day, like, one you really don't want to hear what I have to say, you really don't, you just want to use it to be or I was side on one.

And at the end of the day, this is what I honestly believe. Right, right. I honestly think we're all a little bit wrong. You know what I mean? I think some of us are a lot of wrong. Some of us are a little wrong, but I think we're all a little bit wrong. You know what I mean? I think some of us are a lot of wrong. Some of us are a little wrong, but I think we're all a little bit wrong. And I think we need to all be a little bit wrong because at the end of the day, God is a mystery. And He meets each of us individually.

And who God's been in my life and what rules apply to that and what convictions are connected to that, maybe different than what's happening for the other person. And we just cannot release control enough to allow God to be on and journey with whoever he's going to meet. So I just, I just, and you know, I'm sorry, this is like another side. No, I don't know how much time you have. I don't want to ruin your life. But they were asking me like, oh, you should call Sarah and you should talk about this. And I was like, and I almost entertained it. And then I got a call from one of my search advisors and he was like, you are my threat because I was praying. I was like, Lord, what do I do? And he was like,

wisdom says don't say anything. This is going to live on. He said, who you're called to. He said, the carnal mind cannot understand spiritual things. And so right now into the pure, all things are pure. And so for those that are pure in the body of Christ, they will understand when you're moving and wisdom, whether you said something or not, because I have thoughts. And honestly, I think if I said what I thought, they would be so happy. You know, I'm like, this is happy, but we have an assignment. My assignment in New York is not just to encourage people with my selves, which is a part of why we sing, right?

We do sing to encourage the saints and to lift each other up. But a part of my assignment is missional in nature, and it's to go out and evangelize. And I'm not going to come down from the wall that I'm on to be on your wall. You, is that your wall? Stay on your wall. He's still like, oh.

I'm on my wall. I have another fight that I'm fighting. And I think if we're all fighting for the right reason, Lord will use it. We have all things together to be good. But don't try to get me on your wall. Yeah. All right. I'll be mad. Me too. Me too. I'm not going to be a man. I'm not going to be a man.

I'm not going to be a man. I'm not going to be a man. I'm not going to be a man. I'm not going to be a man. I'm not going to be a man. I'm not going to be a man. I'm not going to be a man. I'm not going to be a man.

I'm not going to be a man. I'm not going to be a man. I feel like this happened naturally. I don't even mind if some of this was out because I feel like this is the truth. I think there has to be some of this that says we don't have to say everything. Jaggly posted, you know, Jaggly, you know. Perry, we don't have to say something about everything.

You don't talk too much. That's the problem. Everybody talking too much. Yes, everybody's got to have something to say and it's just not in light. It's just, I don't want to add to the noise and me offering my opinion with my platform and who I am is going to add noise.

You're going to take it out of context. You're going to misconstruem my heart. Nobody's going to listen for the fourth thing. So I really would rather stay focused on what I know works. Stay focused on what I know is going to lead people to God. Stay focused on what I know. Create division and live in the place I love really because honestly if you don't want to hear that I don't have a side, that I think that God's meeting everybody in their messed up situations, whether they're on the abortion table or in the delivery room. And I think that God's heart has the potential

to break over a number of scenarios, not just one. And y'all don't, and nobody really wants to hear that. You just want to hear and my pro choice of pro life. And I am prominding my business. This is. You know what's crazy? I think overall, I think the ultimate question is, if this thing is sin and we do it, are we going to hell? I think all of this, every topic we could bring up, you know, that is controversial. If it's sin, does God hate us and are we going to hell? But I think it all, the answer to all of that is, for God so love the world that he gave his son So then whoever believed in him would not perish and have him lasting life

Jesus is that the answer the actual answer to whatever you are in this equation And I don't think that we get enough time to preach Jesus and him crucified for the remission of sins for the stuff Whatever you said oh, is it? There's nothing that can out, out, I guess, you can't out-send the blood of Jesus. And it brings me back to that every single time. You cannot out-send the love of God. I'm sorry, it's not a cheap grace,

but it's very costly. It costs so much. But to me, that's what I want my message to be. Not, let me find ways that people are sending to a rural. If you don't let them do it, they're going to be sticking hangers and falling down the steps. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Like, you don't think you really did something. And all that means is somebody, you know, they're going to drive to another state. They're going to hurt themselves. And like, I think it's all, I think he was just

as upset if it was happening before as he is going to be upset with this I think it's all, I think he was just as upset if it was happening before, as he is going to be upset with this hate. I just don't think we really won like that. I just don't think we won like that. I don't. You didn't win. And if you are in sin, whatever it is,

for God so love the world. Like there's an answer for everything that we do wrong. And it doesn't mean that we keep on sending, right? But I do really believe we're sent about that grace much more about them. I don't believe that in this nation, we're seeing the abounding grace being represented by God's church and by those that by many of the leaders and the preachers and the singers and all of, you know, who make up the people that are supposed to representation you know in the actual earth and that

greets me. Yeah. Jesus's prayer was God let them be one like you and I are one. But we're not that's not a prayer we're trying to choose sides to see who I'll divide it can we be and let me call you and I'm telling you that has nothing to do with the heart of the father and I am sad about it. So, yep, I'm done. I won't bring it up again. Well, I'll just call you on first with you next time.

Now that I know I have a sister. Yes, I'm really almost closed. And I was in LA. I was like, I'm on her time zone. We really could do this. And we could really go for it. Let me say, you know, let me say this. I think you asked a question that I derailed.

You were asking about like, if people are in a similar boat where they are like super bogged down by their past and states, their old history and not really aware of the love of God and that he's not punishing us for our sins anymore because he did that on the cross. I think I would say to that person to ask the Holy Spirit, ask God in whatever way you can, right, whether that looks like a knee prayer, like getting done in your knees or just sitting on a chair and just talking out loud or even in your mind, ask the Lord to show you His heart for you. I think that so many times we go through life and we think we have to do it on our own. And we're just, we're just too afraid to just say, I need help. Yeah. Help. Show me. Yeah. I want to know, I'm, we seek and we shall find we knock and the door will

be open. Ask and a shall be given. And so I like to take the, the humble route and just say, Lord, I don't know what to do. And I don't know how to get over this thing and I'm dealing with trauma and triggers and my past and you know Word curses and people mad at me and judging me. I'm dealing with all of that and missed opportunity Can you just tell me can you help me and I believe this is what I believe with my whole heart that the Lord will speak because I think it's his desire to help us more than It's our desire to even be helped and I Think that the Lord will speak I think he'll bring people into your life that we'll speak into that because they're safe in a month to the council, right? I think that he'll, you know, you'll be scrolling through Instagram and you'll see better

help come up pop up and you know, maybe I need them. I think he'll be scrolling, you know, on Netflix and a documentary will come up and it's really a message that you need. God is actually answering prayers. He's good. And I think he loves us so much that he will not leave us flailing. I think it's when we try to really take it into our own hands that we end up struggling. And he'll allow us to kind of go off until we turn that.

But I was says, you know, I saw the Lord and He heard me and delivered me from all my fears. And so I really believe that that's the God that we serve. And I would just say, talk, start a conversation, ask Him, seek Him, I believe that He will be found to reveal Himself. That's so good, Naomi, because I definitely drew a conclusion after my teen pregnancy and I was still just a rough draft. I wasn't even the final copy of what God did. I'm still not. I'm still a rough draft,

but I drew a conclusion and I think my willingness to undo that and to say maybe I was wrong and if there's any chance for someone like me, you know, can you show it to me? That God did show it to me. I love you deep sis, real deep. I love you. I love you. One thing about her, beautiful, inside and out, Naomi Reigns sis, thank you for your kindness, wisdom, your time. It was definitely my pleasure. I had an incredible time speaking to you and I hope that we have said something to help those who were connected to this podcast. Don't be surprised if I bust out singing with you because you told me I could just bust

out singing even if it was off-key so that is permission for me. If you want to join me in being a host on the Waman Evolve podcast, send me a one to two minute video about yourself and why you'd make a great co-host. You can email me at podcastatwaman Evolve.com. Not ready to be a star, not ready to be a co-host, but ready for me to mind your business, That's school too. Send it your advice question to podcast at momnivov.com as well. Okay, I love you. Deep. See you next week. you