Woman Evolve with Sarah Jakes Roberts - For Realness Sake w/ Kieara Pittman

Episode Date: January 12, 2022

Chile, W.E. are bizzack! This week SJR is hangin' with therapist, podcaster, and veteran Kieara Pittman. Our good Sis stood ten toes down in her truth! But keep it a hunnid, haven't you been in rooms where you chose to become someone else—all to avoid rejection? Kieara explains how the path of self-acceptance led to an encounter with purpose & it's giving Hail Mary vibes! The two discuss lookin' like ya husband’s homeboy, imaginary heaux tales, emotional boundaries, & so much MORE! Eve said it’s on sight, but the Saints don’t wake up & choose violence, sooo pull up on StopBullying.gov. GIRL! Issa mic drop during the advice segment that’s gone leave you to pick.up.your.feelings & hold 'em to a higher standard! Enjoy 10% OFF your first month at BetterHelp.com/Evolve + Try a FREE 30-day trial with Audible.com/Evolve or Text EVOLVE to 500-500 + Lower subscription bills at Truebill.com/WomanEvolve + Get your first month FREE with Skillshare.com/Evolve!

God can't bless you for ten to be or who you compare yourself to. He can only bless you and the lane that was created for you. I feel that for somebody. You don't need no itch, it's a tea you need boundaries. What? I don't need your lights, I don't need your validation. All I need is a God fighting for me that's their all things. All things, all things.

Child. Guess who's busy? It's your girl, SJR. And this is the woman evolved podcast. I've missed you, but I said to myself, self and myself said, don't you fret? It's podcast day and look at us back in this thing like we never left. And then all was right with the world. Okay, so maybe all isn't right, but it is when we're hanging out together.

And I love that we have this time to just come and connect this podcast episode, going to be one of your faith. Today's going to be super dope because I get to kick it with my girl, Kiera Pitman, a fellow podcaster and recent Thanksgiving chef killer, okay? Because she killed it last year in the kitchen for the very first time. We had an incredible time. She's already my bestie in my head, but I guess we can share her because this is her sisterhood or whatever. Here we go. Kiera, I have been told that you throw down in the kitchen and you throw down when it comes to laying edges. Is it true or is it false? I need to know. Just tell me, do you cook

or was this like I don't usually cook and I'm cooking for Thanksgiving? I could not. So randomly I cook randomly. So like a combination of all the things that I learned how to cook over the years. What did you enjoy the most that you cooked for Thanksgiving? I would say, okay, I don't bake. Okay.

So I made a pound cake for the first time. And then pound cake. And it was really good. I was so proud. It was scratch. I had the flour all over my apron. Yeah. I was like, you know what? It was worth it.

I'm somebody. That's how I be feeling when I do something. I'm like, I'm really somebody out here. What? That's all I felt. Like, wow. Yeah, I really let me cook a whole Thanksgiving dinner. Thank you. I might be doing it. Well, thank you for doing this podcast with me. I did some throw down in the kitchen last week as well, but this not about me is about you, okay? But my

fellows, the co-laborer in the kitchen, Thank you for doing this podcast with me. What made you want to be a co-host? Well, I listened to your podcast all the time. I found you maybe during the height of the pandemic, I joined your Wemmy Vault, the virtual, Wemmy Vault is it, and I just fall in love with it. And I was like, oh my gosh, she has a podcast. So I started listening to the podcast and I listened to Girl Get Up, which I probably listened to that several times. And I just, but why not? Why not join you? Because you're already a friend of my head. Come on, girl. Okay, well then we're going to have

a good time because I'm looking forward to getting to know you better. I have a few show notes, so I know a little bit of your business, but I'm gonna hope to get even more in your business during the podcast. Just so you know, this is gonna air the second week of January. It'll air January 12th, so if I talk about 2022, that's why, because that's when our listeners

will be plugged into it. Okay. Okay. So, Kira, I have a question for you. Last year in 2021, a woman went viral for using Gorilla Glue for her pony time asking you this, because you seem like you know a thing or two about hair. Have you ever had a hair tragedy? Like something that you were so glad did not end up on Instagram and what was it? Because now it's gonna end up on Instagram. Oh my gosh, I have so many hair tragedies.

I'm natural. So trying to figure out the twist out, the wash and go, I think culturally I skipped that part when they were having a class about learning tattoo, twist air, braid hair. I must have been asleep that day because I've tried to do twist styles. I've tried to use all the products.

And I've definitely went to sleep thinking I was gonna be be, you know, super curly girl and woke up looking like, um, somebody, somebody daddy. Okay. So I know it didn't work. Let me tell you that reminds me, um, I got a crochet weave before crochet weave to look as good as they look now, because you you know crochet weaves are really not new. Like we was, people been crochet weavein' for a long time.

And I got one and it was a bad idea. It just was not a good idea. And I had it for a red carpet event. And then they put a hat on top of it and it was just all bad. And if you see pictures of me from this event, which I never posed, you can just tell on my face that something has broken me down on the inside.

But when I got home, I just started cutting it. Cause no, I didn't know how to take it off. So now I have quorum roll braids and little fuzz pieces of hair standing up. So when you said somebody's daddy, I remember looking like someone's patriarch, okay? When it came to a crochet weave, you're not alone. It's what I want you to know.

This is a safe space. I feel so seen. So, I feel like, okay, because you're married, right? Yes. How did you, did you, was it a thing? Like, when you have those moments as a woman where it's like, A, for a minute, I'm not going to look like the woman who was on the first day. As a matter of fact, I'm about to look like your home boy.

Like, have you gotten to a stage in your marriage where you don't mind those moments where you look like your husband's home boy or like, how does that work? Yes, I am. I frequent that stage often. That's just what it is. We work from home now. So, you know, I can't always be on all the time, but I had the pleasure of being with my husband for 11 years. We dated very young. So he's seen me basically as a child, you know, and up until now. So he's been, we've been through a lot. He's seen all the stages. That's a blessing.

I'm, I, obviously my husband sees me without my wig going and it ain't nothing but queen-linted, good braids up underneath this wig. But I am a little sensitive about like when I take it off. Like if he saw me, like if I go into bathroom and yank it off and then he calls me into the room, I, I, the way you just saw me and who I am now, I just, I be like, I just stick my head out,

like that Kim Kardashian meme, like just so you know, I'm back to me. So that's, that's funny. You guys have been together for 11 years. What is that like, like growing up with someone? I think everyone wants to have like the whole, you know, we were together from childhood story, but not many people get it. What is that like? It is it's different, especially now because I don't get the, a lot of my friends are still

unmarried. And so when they talk about like the dating scene, I'm like, wait, what is it? It's a it's a tender y'all fishing on a website. What's going on? And so I'm just totally out of the loop when it comes to that. So sometimes I feel out of place when they talk about dating, but on the flip side, I love being with the same person. We had to grow separately. I think that's something that people don't really think about when you are with someone for a long time. You're not the same person that you were, you know, when you're 18, is when you're 30. And so it was a journey to get to this place, but I think I got to really grow with my best friend. That is amazing. Do you ever feel like or maybe early on, like, did you

ever feel like you missed out on something? Because I feel like that is something that people battle with when they get married young. Like, did you, do you wish that Jasmine Sullivan could have had some lyrics about you in her latest album? Or, like, how do you overcome those feelings? Yeah, absolutely. I definitely felt like I missed out.

That was a whole section of our relationship. We actually did it long distance for five years because I was in the military and he was in college doing his thing. And so during that time, I was like, you know what? Do I really need to be with this man? You know, I'm over here, he's over there. And it was challenging to kind of keep the relationship going. So I think that for the majority of that time that we spent apart, it was me trying to figure out,

do I want to be long-term with this? You know, him doing the same thing. We ended up breaking it up for a little bit of time just because we were trying to figure it out. But I guess it worked out in the end, but I still in my mind, you know, I got a hotel or two places. Come on now, it's made up. It's imaginary, imaginary hotels matter too. Or not, I don't know.

It's up to you. You decide on just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know, it's just, you know some of your goals and your visions? So many goals. I think the main thing is, new year consistent me because I will start something and get really excited about it and I say, you know, I've moved on to something else. And so I'm trying to be super consistent in life because we can't just continue to just be all the things.

I gotta be consistent with something. And so one of my goals is to just try my best to just create my brand, keep my brand flowing, and be everything for myself first before I start doing all the things for everyone else. One thing I love about Womany Ball is the community and safe space we've built with one another. I received countless messages with personal stories ranging from experiences with anxiety and depression to advice on how to settle family conflicts or work through self-esteem issues.

I don't have all the answers, but I refuse to leave y'all hanging. Your mental health is too important to me. I want you to start living a happier life today, with assistance from BetterHelp. As a listener of the Waman Evolve podcast, you'll get 10% off your first month by visiting betterhelp.com slash Evolve. A safe and private online environment,

better help assesses your needs before matching you with one of their licensed professional therapists. It's also free and easy to change your counselor if you need to in the future. Better help is more affordable than traditional offline counseling and financial aid is available. With the ability to message your counselor at any time, join over 1 million people taking charge

of their mental health. It's convenient, affordable, and confidential. You can join today and start communicating in less than 24 hours and any time after that. Again, that's better help, h-e-l-p.com slash evolve. that's betterhelpheelp.com slash evolve. I love that. And I think that when you talk about brand building, I believe that that's where so many women find themselves,

especially at the top of the year, right? We want to really become more intentional about those goals. What birthed your brand? Like what I know that there's like maybe this end result you have in mind, but when did you come to a place where you decided like I am more than just a person, I have a brand that I wanna build? Ooh, okay.

Well, I have a saying my brand is about sisterhood. I have a podcast too, it's called For Real Missake and it really came out of a need for myself. I had a dream one night and um, I, okay, prior to living back up, hold on. So I learned about podcasts like 2018 and I had no idea what they were prior to that and I was like, oh, podcast so cool. So I started listening to one random And I was like, okay, I like this. I went to sleep, had a dream, and God gave me the name for Real estate.

And I was like, oh, I woke up in the middle of the night and I was like, okay, I got a name from my podcast. And so I just kind of kept going with that. And so the reason why I created it is because I needed a safe space to be able to talk. I'm one of those women who couldn't find my voice for a long time. I was whoever anybody wanted me to be. So if that was it wanted me to be the funny girl, I was the funny girl. If it wanted me to be, you know, the critical girl was that I had so many masks. And

when I realized that none of those things were really me, I needed space to be able to just share who I actually was. And that's how for an assidualist created. And all the women who I spoke with, they talk about, you know, sisterhood, they talk about their mental health, they talk about relationship failures and successes. They just, we just kind of talk and have girl chat and it's been so

amazing and so free for me and for them. Man, Kare, that is so good what you talked about basically just being whoever you needed to be for the room that you were in. And I know that I can relate to that because at the end of the day, I was transforming myself to avoid rejection. When someone is constantly shapeshifting, it's not that they just enjoy being a different person depending on who they're connected to. We're trying to avoid rejection. And so I wonder when was that idea of trying

to avoid rejection birthed inside of you? Like when did you first experience in rejection and then want to avoid it? Uh-uh. There's a pause. There's a pause. It's gonna be a quick fix, but we wanted a whole question. Hold right there.

It's a good one. Such a good question. I'm gonna let here marinate on it. Marinate on it. It's something with the sound. Okay. Yeah. Okay.

Okay. Okay. sound. Okay. I never see me up there. Can we get a quick check from you? Here. Hello. Hi. Can you hear me? A-B-C-D-E-F-G. We're good.

Can you say the alphabet? A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H-R-J-K-L-M-N-O-P. You are a C-E-C-D-E-F-G-H-R-J-K-E-L-M-N-P. Let's go. You are a C. It's good. W-X-Y-Z. We're good.

I like it had a little stank on it though. I like what she was doing there. I mean, I'm from Florida, so you know, got a little bit. But what part of Florida? Tampa. Tampa. Okay. We had a good time in Tampa. Tampa. Okay.

We had a good time in Tampa. Okay, stay focused. Okay, stay focused on the question. Okay, have you marinated? You want me to run it back? Are you good? I'm good. Okay, what's your answer?

So, funny that you asked that because I was bullied and the ninth grade. And it was like my first sort of experience with bullying because parts that I was in a private school for like the first or no. Like the third through the eighth grade, I was in a private school. And so my first real experience in a public school with all the folks was in the ninth grade, I was in a private school. And so my first real experience in a public school with all the folks was in the ninth grade. And this one girl just really took a dislike to me, I suppose. And she just really laid it on me. I had never experienced anything like that. It was the first time I think that I had questioned my looks, my character, my clothes.

And so from then on, I was like, oh, I must be doing something wrong. And so that when the bully went on for about a year and she ended up transferring, thank God, I don't know where she at now, but I still think that a song site, God hasn't fully helped me from that. So I do think, and if I see her, it may be on site,

but so from that, I had to kind of just change who I was or I felt like I had to. And so I was laughing at the jokes. I was being supportive. I was doing anything so that people didn't have to see me because I felt like me was wrong. And I lost myself. Okay, so I want to talk about bullying

because I feel like in the culture of my family, I won't make it a black culture thing. I'll talk about the culture of my family, at least amongst my siblings, right? Like, I feel like bullying was kind of something that we were just joking with each other, like playing with each other. And I feel like the culture of bullying

within some family relationships can make a person feel rejected, especially in those formative years. Can we talk about how important it is that we see rejection, those forms of rejection, even if they're layered in humor as bullying and also connected as to how that can affect ourselves as even how we show up in the world. I want to ask you that because I know you're a therapist. And so I'm hoping that you can help us kind of unwind some of these things.

Yeah, I think of course the first experiences that you have as a child really do shape how you become as an adult is your core feelings, your core values. I usually like to relate those feelings to, I don't know if you ever saw that movie inside out. Oh yeah. And yeah, and how, you know, the little girl she was able to, you know, see her family value

and her friends and the things that she really held dear. And so likewise, it's like that for us where when we get to experience rejection, even for my family, it's like, instead of joking about it, laughing is almost taken super personally. Like, what does that mean about me? You know, and maybe if you didn't think that something was wrong with you for me, I never thought that I had any like crazy looking features or anything like that. But once, you know, there was pointing out by other people,

I was like, oh, well, maybe I do. So now if I myself looking in the mirror trying to make sure that this looks right. Um, and I think the same can be said for kids, whether in a joking way or not. I mean, I'm black, you know, I come from a culture of that too, where we talk about each other all the time. It's, it's a time of, it's a form of indireminous love, right? In the sense, but everybody doesn't joke the same. Yeah. And so I think for parents or, you know, closer families to be mindful of that because it sounds

funny in the beginning or, you know, but they could take it a little bit deeper. They could hurt. Words do hurt. Because I trust that this is a judgment-free zone, I'm going to share a secret with you. I love signing up for free trials. Okay, that's it. That's the secret. Seriously, I haven't met a free subscription that I didn't like. Oh, but I have met plenty that I have forgotten to cancel before the trial period ended.

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I used True Bill and you should too. What are you waiting for? Become a member at TrueBillill.com slash woman evolve. Your true bill, Concealed is there when you need them to cancel unwanted subscriptions. So you don't have to. I did a podcast with a woman who talked about how her uncle used to just call her ugly. Like, hey, ugly, hey, ugly.

And he was like, he wasn't trying to call her ugly, but that is what she received. And so she grew up thinking that she was ugly. It is possible to have bullying in your family, but that bullying is masquerading as joking, it's masquerading, that's just what we do. That's just a part of our culture. But then we have people who are taking those jokes,

they're taking those cultural moments back home and changing the way they see themselves. How do we undo the labels that have been unfairly and abusively placed on us from family members? That's a good question. I think what I've done, I really didn't get a lot of that from my family, but I have clients who have experience that. And what I always say first is to acknowledge that it is a feeling for you, because a lot

of times people would try to dismiss that thought or that feeling or, oh, that's just my family or they didn't mean it or I know it was a joke. But really it hurts. So first let's give the feeling of word, let's acknowledge it. And once we do that, we need to put an emotional boundary there because I don't want this to hurt me to save me more. And so while I'm healing, let's not have that sort of connection

when it comes to me talking to you about my feelings or when it comes to sort talking to you about my feelings or when it comes to sort of expressing my hurt to you because right now I don't know if you're space to hear me. Right. And so I think that's always a good place to start. And then once they kind of break down their own feeling process of like how it hurt and what happened, then maybe they can communicate with our family member if they feel like it's necessary then.

That is so good because at the top of the year, so many of us are wondering, how do I change myself and change the way that I interact with the world around me? And you used the word that I don't think I've ever heard before, but that emotional boundary. Of course, I've heard boundaries, but specifically emotional boundary. What is an emotional boundary and how do you create it? Oh, okay, so emotional boundaries, I think, are my specialty now because I've had to create so many of them. But I think at its core is just, I think a lot of hurt that we experience comes from the expectation from the other person, right? And so it's not always that what they did hurt you is that the expectation was for them to do something different and that hurt because you thought they were going to do something different

than what they've always done. And so you essentially hurt your own feelings. And so what I think the emotional boundary comes in and saying that I'm not going to allow this person to have control over my emotion or how I see them or how I want them to be my expectations of them. And so while you're healing is important to put a block there because when you're as you know when, when you heal, you're kind of all over the place. Once you learn something new in therapy or when talking to your friends, you're like, you know, let me call them to tell them how they hurt my fillers and what they did to me. And it's like, no, because you're in a space of feeling, but maybe they're not. And so putting that boundary there allows you to time the heal without feeling like you old them at explanation or continuing to hold

them to expectation that they can and they never need. So here you're telling me that my healing doesn't require an announcement because if we're honest low key, some of us are healing for this sake of an announcement. I want to heal so that I can go back and tell you, look at me, I heal and what what you did to me, didn't really hurt me and look at me thriving, but you're telling me that if I'm going to heal, it needs to be for this sake of healing alone and not to prove anything to anyone. And I don't like that. Oh, I'm sorry. I gotta tell you though, because that's what it's about. And I also want to say, let's not make healing our only identity because we are so much more than that.

Like when people are hearing this, oh, I'm just trying to fix myself, but in the midst of fixing yourself, in the midst of healing, you're still a person, you still are allowed to love, you're still allowed to, you know, self-care, still allowed to be out with people. So just kind of embrace healing as a part of your journey

and not your entire journey. Well, if you wanted to read us for Phil, you could have just said that. Cause like, listen, we can do one thing at a time and now you're telling us we can do all of these things and I feel empowered and seen at the same time. What made you want to become a therapist and you specialize in addiction?

What made you choose that particular path? So I don't specialize in addiction, but that was my first introduction to being a therapist. So what happened, what had happened was, I didn't even know I wanted to be a therapist. I was in the military at the time and I was trying to get to Jacksonville because like I said, my husband and I were long distance for like five years. And so I was trying to get to Jacksonville.

He was going to be a transfer there and it was going to be great. And so the only way that I could transfer to Jacksonville is if I went special programs in the military, which was the Dictionary Council. And so it was like this long drawn out process, like 10 weeks, a pituitous mind of like a sped up master's course. Wow.

And so I didn't know anything about there, people before that. And they put me through the ringer. They caught me out. They told me I was fake. They said, I need to take my mask off. That's I'm not gonna help anybody until I help myself. Oh yeah, they read me down.

They read me down. And through that, I learned so much about myself. I ended up being able to go to Jacksonville. I did a Dictionary Council for three years. And in the midst of that, I got my bachelor's degree in human services. And then I realized that I don't have to do this in the military for my whole life.

There's other options for me. And so I saw that some of my supervisors had master's degree in social work. And they were therapists and things. And so I saw that some of my supervisors had master's degree in social work and they were, you know, therapists and things and so I took a leap of faith. I applied to one school. I got into that school, USF in Tampa. I got out the military.

I did the program. I didn't want to do therapy. When I got there, I was like, oh, I'm just going to do hospice because God called me to the old people. So I'm just going to help them on a journey to heaven. And that's what I'm going to do. And then the midst of that pivoted again. And I started doing therapy.

I went to a bereavement internship. And I was like, oh, okay. I like this. And long story short, I graduated, got my first clinical outpatient therapy job. And you know, it seems like what you did out of convenient slash necessity for making your relationship work actually turned into purpose for you, which is really encouraging because a lot of people feel like everything in my life is kind of random right now. Will I ever discover purpose?

And yet we missed the reality that purpose is hidden in the very now, the very present that we're living in now just because you don't know what your purpose is now. It doesn't mean that your purpose isn't present in your life. You just follow the breadcrumbs to what is available, what is important, what does matter and purpose you have an encounter with purpose from there. That's what happened with you seems like. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I did not know what I wanted to do.

I didn't think I could do anything. I was, you know, I joined the military because it was easy. Not because I thought that, you know, I wanted to serve my country or anything like that. Sorry to say, but it's the truth. I mean, it was just something to do. And through that, I learned so much about who I was and really who I wasn't in that process. And yeah, it got me here. process and yeah it got me here. I've always loved cooking and sometimes I enjoy cooking fancy meals. So I said to myself, self, we should document this but how? These photos weren't giving. Okay, the meals were fancy but the photos weren't giving what need to be gave. I wasn't worried though because I knew with the help of Skillshare's photography classes,

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you know, care is going to fix it. I'm going to go first so Eric can fix anything that I say. So here's our question. It says, hey, TT, hey, which I am auntie status now, and I'm learning to embrace it. It's my truth, okay. So, chow, okay, I'm 23,

and I can admit that I have trust issues along with abandonment issues. I always feel like I can't trust nobody and I do me nobody with my feelings, with my vulnerability or with any personal information. And I feel like that is hindering me with a relationship and yeah, that makes me super lonely because I'm usually the go-to friend for everyone,

but I don't have anyone I can go to when I need someone. And I get it, I'm not a good communicator as well, but how do you think I should navigate this? I hate to feel needy and alone, but it's really hard for me to be vulnerable and open up. Anyway, I love you, I call you TT in my head. Well, hey, niece, listen. You've said a lot here, and because Kier is here

to fix anything I say, I'm gonna shoot my shot and then I'm gonna turn you over to the good doc, okay? Okay, so you said I always feel like I can't trust nobody with my feelings and that it is hindering me in a relationship which I have to tell you, relationships thrive off of vulnerability and intimacy. So you're right, it is hindering you from having the very

relationships that you need. You said that you don't want to feel alone and needy. And I want you to know that as a human, you were not meant to do life alone. To feel like you need someone else's support, someone's love, someone's encouragement. Those are all natural things that you should have had access to. Now maybe you didn't have them when you were growing up and because you didn't have them growing up, now you have tried to teach yourself and coach yourself that you no longer need them. And I'm telling you that the story

that you're telling yourself is not true. You do need to have connection. You do need to have valuable relationships and you do need a safe connection. You do need to have valuable relationships. And you do need a safe space where you can practice vulnerability. So my suggestion to you is that you should practice vulnerability within yourself. That the first place, the first person who's going to hold your heart, hold your feelings, hold your emotions, it's you. And so to begin to dig into your own emotions, it's so funny, I was just having this conversation

about feelings. I have a feelings wheel. When I'm feeling something, I'm like, what is this? It feels foreign. I go to my feelings wheel and then I market. I'm like, okay, this is what happiness feels like. This is what sadness feels like. This is what grief feels like.

And those are just like the big words. It's all kinds of emotional vocabulary words that I am yet being exposed to. This is what optimism feels like. And those are just like the big words, it's all kinds of emotional vocabulary words that I am yet being exposed to. This is what optimism feels like. This is what gratitude feels like. Girl, it's words out here to help us with these feelings. And I'm gonna need you to tap into them because you cannot express to anyone

what you do not first comprehend for yourself. So tap into your own feelings, your own emotions, practice them, get to know yourself so that you know what you're offering someone else. And there may be people in your life who you can open up to, but you can't open up to them unless you have opened up. So practice with you, allow it to overflow into safe spaces that can honor those feelings and emotions. Everyone's not meant to hold them, but once you do have someone, allow there to be a beautiful exchange

instead of you just being the one that's holding everyone up. Anything got fixed cares about the fix. So here you go. I think that was perfect. Honestly, I mean, you said everything. When it really definitely starts with you, you cannot expect for anybody else to hold your feelings to a higher standard than what you hold them for yourself, right? A lot of

times I think people will say things like, oh, well, it doesn't matter. Well, if you don't think it matters, then you know, why should I? And so I think you said it perfectly. Learn yourself, know yourself, give yourself that space. What you said about no one will have the ability to hold your emotions to a standard that you don't hold them to is like a sermon unto itself because a lot of times they're like, why don't you care about my feelings? It's like, why don't you care about your feelings? If you cared about your feelings and started making some decisions to no longer feel this way

and creating boundaries to make sure that you're not in this position, then someone would get a revelation by how you show up for yourself. And that's a word, we want people, let me tell you something, I'm talking to somebody who are you. You want someone to come in

and care more about your feelings than you care about them to make them feel valid, to make you feel safe, to make you feel protected. And that is once again, handing over your identity, your being into someone else's care, and then being upset when they fail you. But if you set the tone, the only thing that someone else can do

is start to learn to dance to this rhythm or get off the dance floor. Okay, that was for free. I don't know who you are. I love that. Yes, either on it or get off the dance floor. Okay. Here we are.

This is my rhythm. Care before we close out. Do you have anything for me, any questions I can answer, any, you know, thing that I can talk to you about with my life for the new year? Man, honestly, I'm just happy to be here. I put in this email to you as a just, you know, thought. I was like, let me just go ahead and email past this there and let's see, you know, what happens. And just the fact that I'm sitting here with you

is all the confirmation that I need for myself. And I just love everything that you do. I don't wanna cry, because I'm a cryer. But I'm so grateful to be here. So grateful. Don't cry, because I'm not emotionally mature and afterhand, I want people to cry. That's not my thing.

Here, I will cry. Are you a cryer? I am a cryer, but I will cry. Keep moving. It's natural for me. You know, we'll cry laughing. And use the bathroom all the same time. It's all good.

I love it. Here, let me tell you something. I love what you're doing for other women. I love the safe spaces they two are creating. I love there's so many of the woman evolved listeners are now going to become for real estate listeners because they've been exposed to what you're doing. So thank you for answering your call and saying yes and for spending this time with me. I really enjoyed you. Thank you so much. Take care. You too. Bye. Bye.

I knew it. Keira, you are so, so dope. I could just tell that we were going to have an incredible time. Since thanks so much for kicking it with me today and sharing your wisdom. Delegation, she kept the seat warm for you and now it's on you to be my next co-host. Send us an email to podcastatwomenyballv.com. You can also submit advice questions to that email. And I'll try my best to suppress my inner eave and allow my inner Mary to answer your questions. This was fun. Let's do it again next week. Same time y'all with that and a week after that and the one after that

You see what I'm saying. See y'all next week you