Woman Evolve with Sarah Jakes Roberts - Free to Be w/ First Lady Serita Jakes

Episode Date: September 17, 2025

The math is mathin', and this convo comes off the heels of a platinum milestone — the 60th anniversary of First Lady Serita Jakes' 10th birthday! But chile, could it be true that she feels more valuable now than ever before? After linking up with SJR, First Lady Serita opens up about life after Bishop Jakes' health scare, her urgency to replenish the earth, and the wisdom that comes from living with intention. Beyond the First Lady title, this episode gets into who Mrs. Serita is, taking us through church leadership transitions, her evolution as a woman, plus intergenerational influence!

Just because someone's not in a position where they can lead you spiritually, doesn't mean that they aren't leading in other aspects. Spiritual leadership doesn't always translate into healthy marriage characteristics that lead to a marriage that feels like a shared partnership. In Christendom, people are our only business. Parenting the parentless. You can come in there and think that we're just going to line dance and have a good time, and you'll come head to head with God.

been a ghetto time of the year. It's, we're supposed to be locking in and I feel locked out. Let me tell you something. This is Eric Jax Roberts. You're listening to the Women Evolve podcast. And I just, you just dove, I just dove right in on you because this is where I am and this is what I got. But I just wanted to say this. I don't know where my motivation is. It's, I lost it. I wish that I had find my iPhone for my motivation because it's nowhere to be found. Do you understand what I'm saying? I don't have what I had when I had it. and now it's time for me to have it again, and I don't got what I don't have. You understand what I'm saying? And for that reason, that was very deep. Thank you so much for swimming in those deep waters

with me. I'm just doing the best I can from day to day, which I believe is the best that anyone can do. There are so many things going going. I was in the shower and I was just praying because I'm like, Lord, what happened? I was locked in. I was motivated. I had momentum. I had determination. and now I feel like I'm just getting by mentally, emotionally. Like I'm just putting, and I talked to y'all last week. I'm reclaiming my narrative. I'm reclaiming my ability to show up in the way that I can show up, my ability to learn, to grow and develop,

and to own those things. And, you know, that was a process in a re-grounding. And yet I feel myself wanting to get back in the rhythm of running. I was getting to a point where I could run five miles easy. I ran three miles last week. I ran a mile earlier this week. I was almost a mile in today. And I said, forget it. Why? Why? I'll try again. Now, to be fair, to be fair, to be honest. Am I eating like trash? Yes. Is there a connection between feeling like trash and eating like trash? Sure. That's not what we're talking about, though. We're just talking about me feeling like trash.

Not what I'm eating, okay? Do I need to change my diet and maybe that'll change my mood in my eye? and my energy, probably, but I'm not ready to do that. I'm just ready to complain about how I feel. And is this a safe space or no? Period. Okay, so, but I recognize that I have some changes I need to make. I just can't tap into the mental space required to get it done. And then the more that I see division, the more that I see violence,

the more that I see just how binary the world is that we live in, the more I feel like, I don't know if I really fit in any of these constructs because to me, everything is as simple as it seems. Everything has layers and dimensions and it's just not black and white. And I feel like we live in a world, I think especially as a person who has influence in a platform where they want you to make a statement. They want you to say, who side are you on? What do you believe? and I believe in Jesus crucified. I believe in a lot of things that I am vocal about. And then there are other things that I am learning

and other things that I feel like are too nuanced for social media to be the place for us to have productive conversation about it. And so what I will say is that I have been prayerful about how to show up in spaces of polarization as one who believes that it's more complicated than anyone gives credit. I won't say that anyone,

because that's like Elijah, being like, I'm the only one. I think it's more complicated than most of us give credit. And that's why we got to leave God to do the God things. Man looks at the outward appearance. God looks at the heart. I can't see a person's heart.

I can see their outward appearance. Based on their outward appearance, is very much so given that there are some things in their heart that need to be uprooted, but also just because things need to be uprooted, don't mean that is my job to do the uprooting. You know what I mean? And so giving space for God to be,

with each person, no matter where they are on their journey, is so critical because I have seen a lot of posts and a lot of statements that make me question a person's cognitive, emotional, spiritual capacity in a way that I know is not my place to do. But saints, I need you all to pray for me and for our brothers and to find a way to love. So what do I need to see less of in order to love everyone properly? What do I need to see more of in order to love people properly? And how do I filter my lens and filter my heart, to be honest, to keep it pure enough to love everyone?

What type of consciousness is required? What type of spiritual disposition will God require of me for me to get to a space where I can love everyone. And that's growth and that's development and that's the goal. And that's what I talked about last week. And here we are again this week, trying to live up to what it means to be children of God and to show up in love.

And that's what I'm working going. And hopefully that's what you're working on as well. So you know my business. Not motivated to eat right. I am working out kind of like, you know, I'm doing the best I can with the energy that I have. But this is what I feel like, and I put this on a post the other day, consistency beats intensity. And the moments where I can't show up in the way that I've shown up in the past, that does not

mean that I don't show up at all. It just means that I show up with whatever I have in the tank today. I spent 30 minutes walking on the treadmill. I ran for like 0.78 miles. I walked again. I did Matt Pilates. And I wrapped it up. I wrapped it up. It wasn't five miles. I'm sure I didn't build any muscle really, but I did what I could. If you can keep showing up, even when it hurts, even when you don't feel like it, and do enough to say that I can do that again. Don't do so much, because here's the thing, some of y'all go from zero to 18,000, not even 60, just 18,000. And it's like, do enough to make it to where you can come back tomorrow. Because by time you go out there and you do high rocks and you do CrossFit and you do all the things after you've been sitting on the couch, after you've been sitting on the couch, and you go out there and now you want to be a bodybuilder.

By the time you do that, you know what you leave that gym and say? Y'all won't see me for another month. But you know what? I'm going to need you to just do enough. Just slap the wheel. Just do enough to say that I did it so that you can come back tomorrow and do some mo then. Okay? And then you're going to just keep doing and doing it. No. No. Now it's not the time for a L.A.L. Cool J. Song. No. Bringing every thought into captivity. Now is not the time. But you will continue to do that work and do that work until you've got a rhythm. And you'll be back to a place of strength. Play that for me because I need to hear it. All right, let me mind your business.

You've been in mine. Hey, Sarah. I hope you get this. This is Tracy. I'm calling in today because I feel frustrated about my husband's lack of, I guess, spiritual leadership. I feel, well, I know that, you know, he's the man of the house and he's supposed to have leadership over our entire family. but he's not leading us spiritually, and I feel like, I don't know, it is frustrating because I want him to, and I'm ready to submit to his leadership, but he's not doing that.

And I feel like a lot of the responsibilities and roles have been placed on me, and it's frustrating. and I try to not be nagging or, you know, be negative about it, but it's like, come on, dude, like, I need you to step up. I need you to be more of, you know, of that headhole in our house. And he's not. And it's, I don't know what to do. Obviously, you know, prayed about it. I don't know if you have any advice on what to.

do when the life is a stronger leader than the husband and what advice he would give to me on how to handle this. I have prayed for him, prayed over him. I've asked him, you know, I want you, I've told him bluntly and directly, like, I want you to be a spiritual leader for our family. And he says, okay, okay, yeah. But I'm like, there's no action behind it. So, yeah, that's my business. Hopefully you get this and I look forward to hearing your response. Thank you. Thank you so much for sending me this question and being honest.

I can hear the frustration in your voice and I can relate in some ways from my first marriage, which is by no means telling you that your marriage isn't going to work. but I just want to ask a few questions to maybe help you reconsider what you're asking and how you're asking and why you're asking. So you talk specifically about spiritual leadership. And I am not sure if that is something that is foundational to your relationship. Was he the spiritual leader in your relationship? And then all of a sudden stopped. Have you evolved spiritually?

and now you're more developed spiritually than he has ever been. I think that's critical because if he started off in a position of spiritual leadership, and I think defining that as well could be very helpful because what does it mean to be the spiritual leader of your home in your estimation? What does it look like? What does it sound like? What is it that you are asking of him? Do you want him to be like, hey, we're going to pray?

Do you want to feel like he's got a personal relationship with the Lord and his decisions for your family are guided and rooted in that personal relationship from the Lord. Has he ever had that? If he's had it once, I think it's an opportunity to pray for the restoration of his relationship with God. What threw him off? Was he in a situation where he experienced a setback, some grief? Has he been busy? Has he gotten off track? And that way, we're praying with intentionality that God would return him to a place of that spiritual connection with him. And from that place of him being restored and reconnected in that spiritual relationship with God, then there's an opportunity for him to assume or resume rather that place of spiritual leadership as it relates

to your home. If he has never been that, I think it's important that you realize that you're asking him to buy into a concept and identity that he doesn't have yet a conviction about. And because he doesn't have a conviction about that, he can say, yes, sure, but he can't fully step into it because he doesn't have a conviction. And a lot of times in relationships, we make a mistake when we want our partner to assume our conviction instead of praying that the Lord would allow them to have an encounter that produces their own conviction or allows us to have grace while that person is on their journey. So I think those questions are very critical in you understanding exactly what you're asking of him and whether or not it's reasonable. If he's never had,

that spiritual relationship with the Lord and you're asking him to be a spiritual leader. He obviously can't do it, but that doesn't mean that your spiritual development has to cease or has to be kept based off of where he is. You can continue to cultivate your relationship with the Lord to be strengthened and don't hide it. Be intentional about what the Lord is showing you, not because you want to convert him, but because you want to invite him into this intimate space of development in your life. I was praying and I felt convicted about this. or I feel like the Lord is showing me that. Now I recognize he may not be in a space where he wants to hear it

and he may not be in a space where he can contribute, but to let him know as it is appropriate and safe. And by safe, I mean safe for you emotionally and safe for you spiritually, what you feel like the Lord is doing in your life and how it's changing you. I believe that as we live out our salvation, as we live out that process of sanctification, not just for him, but for our children, for our friends, for our community, that it creates space and perhaps curiosity for them to understand what

God can do for them. But the reason why I wanted to be very intentional about asking those questions is because just because someone's not in a position where they can lead you spiritually doesn't mean that they aren't leading in other aspects. Financially, emotionally, partnering with you and parenting around the house are always that a person can be showing up in a leadership capacity that may not necessarily be spiritual. in nature. I ask that because the way that you're frustrated doesn't sound like, you know what, you know, he doesn't have the God thing figured out, but he is contributing in other ways. It sounds like that you, this is what it sounds like, that you may be struggling to feel fully

supported in different areas of your marriage. And if you're struggling to feel supported in different areas of your marriage, our default can say, well, I just want you to be a spiritual leader. Well, just because he's a spiritual leader doesn't necessarily mean that he will be able to help you, you know, you wash the dishes and I'll fold the clothes or you take care of the kids and I'll do that because spiritual leadership and having a relationship with God doesn't always translate into healthy marriage characteristics and healthy traits that lead to a marriage that feels like a shared partnership. And I really want to challenge you to parse apart what it is that you're feeling and experiencing. because he may get into the word and he may become a spiritual leader in your home, and he still may not help with the kids, and he still may not be a good steward of the finances, and he still may not make the best decisions as it relates to balancing life and work and friendships and et cetera. The two can literally be exclusive.

And so if there are other areas, I would challenge you to consider what does therapy look like, having a mediator to help you understand what it is that you actually need from him and what it is you're actually asking from him. There's nothing more frustrating than you're trying to squeeze, is it blood out of a turnip? Like if he doesn't have it, he doesn't have it. It's frustrating you, but I'm sure it's frustrating him too because you're asking him to be something that he can't be, asking him to be something that he doesn't know how to be. And quite frankly, may not desire to be. And so how do you create a space where you're able to really pinpoint what it is that you feel like you're lacking? And if he loves you and if he desires to do whatever it takes to make your marriage work,

then there may be an opportunity for him to raise the bar on what he's bringing into the relationship. And you may have to be willing to compromise, or talk about marriage, right, to compromise on some of the things that you want him to do overnight that is going to take time for him to cultivate and develop. So I know that that doesn't necessarily give you an exact action item on what to do, but I hope it gives you an opportunity to have some clarity on what your pain point actually is so that you can present it with wisdom and with strategy to help you get to a space of collaboration with your partner. So thank you for trusting me with your heart, for trusting me with something as intimate and vulnerable as your marriage. I know that that can be very challenging, but hopefully I've said something today to add value to whatever it is God's doing in your life. Well, I told you that we are back with some exciting interviews from people you may have heard of, people you may not be familiar with, but I am excited about this one because I feel like as I am reintroducing myself into this podcast space, that there's something about bringing a little piece of home with me, which is what I get to do in today's episode and that I get to bring a little piece of home with my mother.

part of the reason why, first of all, I just want to say, I am so, so grateful for the relationship that I have with my mother, and it is not lost on me, that it is not a relationship that everyone gets to have with their mother for many reasons, whether you never knew your mother, your mother's not present, your mother doesn't have the capacity to show up in the way that you need her. And so I don't take that lightly and I don't take it for granted. And I am hopeful that, hearing from my mother can in some way mother you in areas that maybe you didn't even know that you needed. But I also realize that it can be challenging when you don't have the best relationship with your mom to hear a mother-daughter relationship. And so, you know, protect your heart by any means necessary. But I'm excited about this conversation because my mother just turned 70. She just turned 70. And I feel like I have seen her step into this new lease on life. She is more vibrant, more honest, more intentional than I think I've ever seen her be. And she doesn't mind taking up space, which is beautiful for me to see as I discover and define my own identity and my own journey of womanhood.

I feel like she is just serving with so much grace an example of what's possible for me in my life. And so we haven't talked a lot publicly about my father having a heart attack or about womanhood in general as it relates to, you know, what happens when you're aging and your body changing and your mentality as it shifts. And so we dig into many of those things, which makes me excited for you to experience our conversation and hopefully glean some things that help you along the way. and I had a bio for her, but, you know, she's that girl, so what am I supposed to say? I will say this. She's kind of a woman evolve favorite. If you've never experienced my mother at a Womney Evolve event, you know, she kind of gives that girl before that girl was even a thing. But we talk about motherhood and serving with excellence and how to protect the joy that got plants in a room. because I talked to her about just unpacking my feelings and experiences.

But she is, I think that if there's anything about my life, my delivery, my anointing, my womanhood, my story that has attracted you to me, it is just the fruit of who she is. And so, ladies and gentlemen, I introduced to some and present to others the roots, the seeds of truly woman-evolve. Sarita and Jake's. Ooh, I'm going to get in trouble for calling her by her first name. Well, Mom, you are my favorite person on the planet. Oh, my. And you just celebrated a milestone birthday.

Didn't I celebrate it? It's the 10th. It's the 60th anniversary of my 10th birthday. Okay. And is the 60th anniversary of your 10th birthday? Yes. And how do you feel about it? Oh, I'm loving it.

I feel super grown up or super childish because at this age I can choose either one. I can be very childish or I can be extremely mature. So I vacillate within an hour. They say that this is a platinum birthday. I heard that just the other day, platinum. Do you feel more valuable now in your 70s than you've ever felt before? I do. I do because I feel like I have permission and an urgency to replenish the earth and bring forth a harvest as never before. And I don't know, those seeds have been planted since 1955. And so I believe that throughout my lifetime, you've seen inklings of who I am and who I can be and who I share. and who I shall be.

So I'm walking into my shall be as never before. What's one thing that you feel like totally free to do now that you would have never felt free to do in your 30s? I feel free to take a break every quarter. I mean, intentional a break every quarter, which means that I've got, it could be at the beginning of the quarter or at the end of the quarter, but Christmas is going to hit me with this one.

So I've got to get this next, this, the fourth quarter retreat, whether it's, I was talking to a team today. And they were saying, even if you check into a hotel for 48 hours. Yeah. And just or just be in your moment for at least 48 hours. And I thought, that's easily done. And I plan to because I think a lot of times, because we travel so much, we think that, because we travel so much, we're getting rest. But most of the time, who we're traveling, we're working.

Yeah. So, you know, just to completely concentrate on me once a quarter, it's going to be amazing. Why don't you feel like you felt free enough to take a break in your 30s? I had children. We were building a ministry at 30. Oh my gee, let me think. I had you in my 30s, right? Yeah.

I had you and Cora in my 30s doing a lot of traveling. My husband was doing a lot of traveling. So I was building the home at the school with the older boys. So I'm always the homeroom mom. and I love it. And so all of that was about little ones. And then Dexter came in 94.

And so now that everybody seems to have stood on their own bottom, every tub on their own bottom, I feel like I can kind of more or less see about me even though I'm still very involved in y'all's lives,

mainly in my kids and my grandkids. I try not to be an interfering grandmother, but I am. But so now I feel free to see about me. Husbands retiring. And so then it means, so who am I now? Yeah.

You know, somebody asks me, can we still call you first lady? And I'm not sure. But they should. They should still call you first lady. Really? Unless you don't want to be called first lady. Do you not want to be? Do you feel like that's too limiting?

No. Well. They can't really call me Cerita, which is really liberating because nobody calls me by my name, rarely. My siblings call me Riri or little baby sister or something like that. But for someone to actually call me by my name, it's been 42 years of marriage. And so now I'm finding out who Sarita really may be outside of First Lady, Mrs. Jay. It's just a lot going on in this little head of mine about being free at this particular stage in my life. I think daddy having the heart attack.

I was going to ask you about that, yeah. You know, and him getting sick made me value and treasure his life. more and want him to be more intentional about taking care of himself without my assistance even, you know, to let him know that you're responsible for your health. And it's just been quite a riveting 70 years. And it's only been a few dead weeks, a couple of weeks. It feels like there was something about dad's heart attack that also gave you this permission to live more boldly and freely. I think I know it's partly the heart attack and then I know that you have overcome with your knee challenges. But to me, like when I heard 70 when I was younger or thought of what someone 70 would look and talk and feel like.

to me, you're just like so lively, so energetic, so free. Like, you don't seem like you're slowing down at all. Like, you certainly have a pace and a wisdom and a gravity about you, but also this freedom. You seem more rooted to me and that you're flourishing in all of the ways that really make you happy in a way that I don't know. Maybe I didn't get to experience that when I was grown up because you were so busy making sure that we were rooted. But it does. It seems like there's something that happened as you all experienced life-altering circumstances that made you want to take advantage of life. Is that true?

That's very true, very observant, very, very true. And I couldn't have said it better myself. It was when he had his heart attack, I was still on a cane and barely walking. But something about him needing me. me in that moment. It's almost like God supernaturally removed all of the limitations from my mobility. And I was able to get to him, get to the hospital, stay with him. You all had brought everything that I usually need as a therapy with the ice and all of that. I didn't even need any of that, my attention was mainly on the fact that I have to make sure that he's okay. And in that giving moment, it actually did liberate me. It actually did liberate me to move, to think quickly because decisions had to be made, rearrange things in the house that weren't going to be conducive to healing for him or for me.

Obstacles became unimportant to me at that time. And so I think that may be a pivotal point for me, that heart attack moment for him, him almost losing his life added strength to me to preserve his life. Yeah. And so, yeah, yeah, that's very, very. observant of you. Well, you're my favorite movie to watch.

Girl, she is a rerun, isn't she? No, not at all. You just got, like, so many layers. You know why, though? Because I'm looking at what womanhood's going to look like for me. What's possible? How can I show up? What does confidence look like?

What does grace and humility and strength look like? What does parenting look like? like you have been my model in womanhood and I'm fortunate that we've had a healthy enough relationship that I have a model that I admire because I think some people have models and in a contrary way it shows them maybe things that they want to do differently or things that they want to change. But I watch you. I think even as we stepped into the transition in July with us taking on the leadership responsibilities at the Potter's House, Dallas, You know, we try to honor you every Sunday that you're there and to honor your contribution

because I do think that, you know, dad was so prominent in the building of the church. But to me, you were irreplaceable in the foundation and the integrity of what it is, the character, the nurturing, the home, the love of the Potter's house, not just our family, but of the church itself. and as we step into this transition, I'm thinking to myself, how do I bring my authenticity, right? Like I know I can't carry on what my mother did,

but I carry the essence of who my mother is and what does it look like to be free and to be graceful and to be caring and kind with others, which isn't, you know, I want to believe that that's not a stretch for me, but you've modeled it so well. So I'm wondering,

what does the transition look like for you, like in your eyes. You guys have invested so much of your life into this ministry. And here we come starting over in many ways, but also building on what has already been established. I think that you have welcomed my input in such a way that it's honorable, but it's also another part of me being able to step into my next. You've made my impression and contribution to the ministry so plain to me that I feel like I'm partnering with you to continue strengthening you as though you were still a little girl but still the essence of who you are is caring and giving

obviously, obviously for multiple generation. And so I think that you got it. I was watching you last night, handled the Q&A, as though you were just talking to your friends and your family. And I think that the essence of who you are has created the platform that you stand on. And the Potter's house is just a home base

where you can put your foot on the home base, but you can run around all of the other bases and in the outfield of your lives. It's like your big globe life experience. You've got people in the stands and you've got team members. So I think that you're the coach, you're the player, you're the cleanup woman. You do all of it so well. I mean, with your children, with your new role as a puppy mom.

You know, I think that you've embraced the essence of who you are. perhaps you did use or you still have lingering residue from me on you, but you've come into this womanhood. I'm watching you being a wife and I'm like just being a boss. And I'm thinking, you've encouraged me to be more than what I've been. So blame it on you. You know, Women Evolve, there were multiple generations there. And ever since Dad did the woman, the art loose to Woman Evolve transition, I know that it's become more intergenerational than it was before. And you've seen the whole movie.

So I'm wondering, like, when we talk conference, what was your experience from conference? Oh, my gosh. I had so many roles at the conference, so many different parts of me were touched during the conference. The little girl in me was stirred and awakened and healed in many ways. So I was a part of Girl Evolved. And then the messages that came across the stage challenge me to not be shy or timid, but to know that the kingdom suffers violence.

And so since he picked a fight with me, now retaliation, and he tries to hit pretty hard. but I think that I can hit more eternally. This is just a moment. That's so good. Oh, God, my hit is resounding and it echoes. And so that's why he keeps coming back pestering us. So I don't want to give him any foothold in this podcast because I know what God did for many of us during the conference,

spending time with Evangelist Glenn was amazing. I was going to ask, was that your favorite moment? Oh, well, I had so many favorite moments, but being able to walk with her in prayer, fortified me. I do believe that that session from the pajama panel was a lot of them. launching pad for me. Thursday night stirred up the gift. And then Friday night just about confirmed what God was saying from and how I should

move, walk this way, think this way. Even with Dr. Shoehl, even in her health challenges, she yet pursued her dream and her goal for being there. So, yeah, the conference was phenomenal. Phenomenal. Your comments about me not being stuck. I mean that. Yeah, I see.

But I saw it through your eyes and what you saw as being stuck and what I had experienced. That's such a. And maybe we can play a clip from that moment as a part of this podcast. My mother never had the opportunity to teach me like you're teaching your children the ways of God, the affirmations of God. She never had an opportunity to spend time with me. And so I got stuck, Sarah. I got stuck and I felt guilt and I felt shame.

and I felt like, you know, who's going to want to hear from me? Because I was stuck. But P.T. married you and broke the curse. Hi, I'm talking to see. Hallelujah, hallelujah. He broke the curse off of my family. And your girls, when I see Kins, you never got to be Kinsie. because your mama was stuck.

You never got to be Kinsey. So I don't want to be stuck anymore. I want to experience the freedom that you preach to me as my pastor. He broke that unwed mother situation off of us. And I'm so grateful when I see you and Kinsey, and I'm like, my baby never got to be a free 16-year-old. Because her mama was stuck in menopause and grief and just dumb stuff. And so now, hallelujah, no longer bound in me. My soul is resting.

And it's such a blessing to see. I see you free indeed. And so, boom. You're free, baby. Run. Because you got your girls behind you. And you did for them what I couldn't do for you. You did that thing.

And I'm so grateful to see it. To see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. living. Wait on the Lord. Wait on the Lord. And he'll see in you what I couldn't see in myself. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. We bless your walk. We bless your journey. We salute you for being our These old women, these old women got to see in you what we couldn't see in ourselves. And I'm grateful. I'm a grateful somebody.

I appreciate the way that you're willing to look at your role in my life during different seasons of transition. I think that is a gift that parents don't know that they can give their children is to not just look at them, but to see what the world looks like from their eyes and to understand what messages that portrays to a child when they're in that situation. And your willingness to do that, I think, has affirmed me in my experiences and some of the more difficult emotions that I may have experienced. But I also see it from your side too. I think especially as I'm mothering, as I'm taking on new responsibilities, I understand what it's like. And I was telling Dad in a conversation that we had, the only reason that I can show up differently with my kids is because I was able to learn and glean from your lessons.

But if I didn't have you all to blaze the trail for me, then I would have done the same things if I were dealt those cards. I would have thought the kids were okay. I would have thought that I could trust them with the people who are around. I would have thought the same thing because kids are so small, they don't take up any space unless a parent creates space for them to take up. And I feel like what adult parents or adult children still need from their parents is that opportunity to be seen. and I think adult children owe it to their parents to see it from the other perspective as well. But I don't know. You telling me that you felt stuck, help me to understand where you were in the process.

I think when you were present, you were really, really present. And you really cared about what was happening in our world. You made us feel like we mattered. Like in this big world where it seems. like dad was the only important figure and that no one else mattered. But dad, you made us feel like our birthdays mattered, our homework mattered, our projects mattered, us wanting to go to McDonald's. Okay, like it mattered to you. Like, you would go out of your way to show up for us. So in those moments, you weren't there, it was hard because you were the only one who made us feel

like we mattered. But it didn't necessarily, I never saw you was stuck. It's interesting because I can remember being on tour with the play. And some of the time I took you all with me and the homeschool teacher with me and the nanny with me. And we would stay in wonderful hotels and all of that. But sometimes it was not befitting for you to be on the road all the time in those adult situations. that I had to straighten and reckon with. So I can remember sitting outside your homeschool teacher's house, dropping you all off because I was about to take a flight to be on tour again.

And I sat there crying because I didn't want to leave you. I didn't want to leave you. And I thought, oh, my God, this is hard because I'm used to them. being with me. And so now when I see you as an adult still honoring me as though I was still that mommy sitting outside in the car, it just brings emotions to the forefront that often leave me overwhelmed because I don't always know that you need me still. But what I know, now is that you need me in a different capacity, and that you will always need me. And I was in a meeting the other day, and one of the ladies in the meeting had also lost

her mother, and I felt uncovered. I feel like I'm the next tier. There's nothing above me to really cover me. But then God has in some way allow you to cover me over and over again, and your siblings, to cover me over and over again where I never feel forsaken. I feel that as a wife and as a mother you are programmed to give, give, give, give, give, and live, live, live, live, live for someone else. But you all have, you all have allowed me to experience you giving life back to me. I gave life to you and now you're returning life to me.

and I know it's scriptural, but every woman doesn't get to be a Proverbs 31 woman, you know, where their children rise and call them blessed while their husband is known among the elders as he sits at the gate. All of that is my story, you know, and so to see it fulfilled in the land of the living, a lot of people can say good things about you and to you when you're gone. but what's amazing is to hear it and to smell the flowers now is incredible to me. There's this book. It says, Mom, I want to hear your story. I've been meaning to bring this over to your house.

Of course, every time I pack up, I leave it. But with you turning 70 and you come into a space where you're getting to tap into just like what it means to be Sarita, I thought it would be fun if I got to ask you a few questions from this. book. Okay. Yes. Okay. Okay. Okay. Here we go. Here we go. Let me see. I'm not going to ask that one. Okay. You ready? If you could live anywhere in the world for a year with all expenses paid, where would you choose? Well, I love weather, seasons. So it would have to be somewhere. where I get all four seasons. I need me some snow.

I don't need it to be terribly hot. I like to look at beautiful water. And I love to see the trees turn colors. So if I've got to transplant one place where all of those variables are present, I probably haven't visited it, do you think? No, because I'm thinking if you live by the Great Lakes, you may get a little bit of that. I would get a lot of cold.

Yeah, and the water and the leaves return. I get the beautiful, is it blue? I need it to be blue, not brown. Well, girl, you want the ocean and snow. What are we going to do about that? Somewhere in California. That's what it really gave California. Yeah.

Yeah, probably northern. Can you tell me? At first I was going to say Alaska, but I'm scared. Yeah, and then, you know, they have that thing where it's daytime all the time. Yeah, I just saw something, 30 days of night. Mm-hmm. Okay, Mom, I'm wondering, can you tell me about a teacher, coach, or other mentor who had a significant impact on you when you were growing up? Absolutely.

My drama teacher, Mrs. Rup, when I was in high school, gave me the desire to want to be a, drama teacher, a theater and drama teacher. I loved how she would allow us to walk into the room and she would just have a question on the blackboard now, a whiteboard, that would say why. And just ask each student to go up and just write, what is the question? Is it a question or is it an introduction to the reason you exist. You know, like, so why are you doing this? So I always wanted to be a high school theater teacher because of Mrs. Rup. Really?

Yeah. That's so funny because, you know, Malachi has such a love for theater. I mean, he's moved to New York. And I want to make sure he knows that. I always wanted to be in theater. Always. I was in a lot of plays in high school. I was in plays in college.

I like the behind the scenes. I love the atmosphere of, let's pretend that things aren't the way they are. So did being on the road for the play fulfill a little bit of that part of you? Absolutely. Or on the set of the movies. Yeah. I was like, wow, God, here you are sitting in the intent villages, watching the monitors or the directors asking my input. And so when I was working yesterday on an area, for a podcast, I called myself craft services.

And I got here this morning and started setting up everything and making diffused water and all of that thing. again, acts of service. Nobody requires it, but it's who I am. It's who I am. It's not even who I have to pretend to be. Sometimes I have to pretend to be non-caring, but not long. That's so interesting because when I think about you saying that you were sitting outside of the homeschool teacher's home because you didn't want to leave us and you're going on the road for the play, I mean, I think they've, coined it mom guilt now, but obviously it's something that's always existed. But what do you think

women owe to themselves as they're trying to be there for their children to make sure their children are taking care of? But also having these opportunities to fulfill desires that maybe they felt like they lost or that they wouldn't be able to take advantage of. What, what, how do we show up in this space where we realize saying yes to one dream may mean. putting a different dream on pause? Oh. I think motherhood is such a complex

layered situation and everybody brings to motherhood their own experience. And so to say to a mother that has to work at night and comes home in the morning. So she's

miss the entire evening with the kids and then get up that morning. They go to school. And then by the time they come home, it's time for her to get ready to go back to work. Or you've got mothers that have to travel a lot. I have a person now who has to go from her home to Cali and live there for a week while her husband stays with the kids. There's so many different versions of. motherhood that when you approach it, you have to approach it from your ability to give. You know, I was raised by my aunt from the age of six months until I graduated high school. So my relationship with my mother was on the weekends and summer and holidays, but she had to work. hard, very hard. And she would try to make up for the times when she had to work Christmas Day and come home and fix dinner that night. And then, you know, come and visit me or if my uncle were traveling, they would take me and she would come to the city that they took me to and bring gifts. And so when I think of motherhood, I think of you doing the best that you can with the circumstances you have.

A lot of women can afford nannies. And a lot of women can afford or can't work because they're mentally or physically incapacitated. So motherhood, you do the best that you can. I can remember my mother and my siblings just rolling around on the floor like Tom and Jerry, that cartoon. And she would be crying. And then she would say, I did the best I could. And so when sometimes I hear that parents with the guilt syndrome, do the best you. can and make certain that you've got a support system.

If it's not your natural family, find somebody that you're safe with, someone that has maybe walked a mile in your shoes and partner with them. That's what I love so much about, woman evolve and our hey you. It gives us an opportunity to not network business-wise, but emotionally, spiritually. So you do the best that you can. And your best is always a day ahead of you. You can't say, well, I did the best that I can today. But what about the daily bread?

What about the next day? That's going to be better than yesterday. So do the best you can, no matter what age you are. I've got women that are my age that stay in touch with me. And their relationship with their daughters are horrible. And the daughter's custom, they fight, physically fight. I cannot imagine any of the five. I cannot imagine fighting for.

with any of you, physically or verbally. I've never reached that point of anger or ever felt the disrespect from you all that that would ever happen. So do the best you can and make tomorrow better. I feel I love that you say your best is always a day ahead of you because sometimes we say, like, I did the best I could in that moment, but we never ask ourselves, what does our best look like right now?

And I think part of it is we're trying to defend that that was our best instead of accepting that a new best may be available in this moment. And there's a humility that is required to release that my best may not be good enough for now. Or even to say maybe my best wasn't good enough for them, but there's an opportunity for me to present better. And am I willing to do that, grow in love in that way, to grow in grace in that way, is this person worth me discovering a new best? I love that. I love that because it's for you. It's my doing my best is for me to be double-jointed and pat myself on the back.

Yeah. You know, because I can tell when I haven't done my best, and I can tell when it was intentionally not my best and that I'm just being, And in myself, in my feelings. You know, that pillow, that feelings will. You know, and you point it out, and you'll know that that wasn't my best, you know. And sometimes it's so that that person will know, you're not getting the best. Don't do it. I could do better, but you don't deserve it. You don't deserve my best.

But, yeah. Okay, you mentioned Hey You, and I'm wondering, what is your take on what Hey You is? Like, if there's someone who's on the fence about coming, what do you think HAU represents for women and why do you think it's important to be in that space? Okay, so the first HAU kind of threw me because almost like the first woman evolved almost through me. And then I found out this is preparing, providing a safe place for you to bring your adolescent emotions, your prenatal emotions, your menopausal emotions. It's a place of freedom. There are no restrictions. There's no guidelines.

there's an unspoken code of respect. Nobody has to get up and tell you, now you be respectful and don't be snide and don't be uppity and don't disrespect people. Hey, you represents a place of freedom. Freedom to just let other people be who they are and let whoever they are infiltrate that barrier that makes you feel not liberated.

Hey, you gives you an opportunity to just go woo. And then the minute that you open and open yourself up, then it's almost like you've ripped the veil and now we can see what you need. And now we can see who you are. Thank you for letting us in. Let us tell you about a friend we have. And his name is Jesus. And he loves you unconditionally, just as you are. Can you believe it? Can you believe he tolerates us just like we are. And it doesn't matter what you have on. doesn't matter who you're with or where you're going after this, be in this moment, because a lot of you are going to leave, hey, you and everything that you experience is going to be challenged.

Somebody's going to try to pull you out of that safe place, but take it with you. We hide the word in our heart. We need to hide moments in our heart. I can remember my mother-in-law when I was dating my husband. she told me to keep this little invisible jar. And she said, and every time something good happens, take the top off of it and put it in there. Because sometimes when things aren't going well, open the lid and pinch off just a little bit. And so every time you have an opportunity like, hey, you or woman evolve or giving or volunteer hours that you,

I was a candy striker at the hospital. My mother worked when I was little. Any time that you have an opportunity to serve, serve the Lord with gladness. And that means serving his people. Serving his people. And in Christendom, people are our only business. Yeah. And if you mind your business, you're minding the lives of others shepherding

the lives of others parenting, the parentless. And what you do with, Hey, You and Woman Evolve is very evangelical. I don't want to say that it's bait and switch, but you can come in there and think that we're just going to, you know, line dance and have a good time. And you'll come head to head with God. with God. It's such a God experience. You know, I felt like when God first gave me the vision for woman evolve,

it was like, how do we create a space where a woman isn't like putting on her mess to come into church? Where it's like, okay, this is a compartmentalized part of my identity. And so I felt like how do we create a space of freedom where you can admit that you know how to do the electric slide? where you're laughing with your girls. And so, okay, it's okay for me to bring all of myself into this room. And now that we have all of you into the room, let's bring all of you into worship. And let's bring all of you into this word. And allow all of yourself to have an encounter with God instead of bringing this, like, church face that you feel like you have to put on when you're going to be in the presence of God.

And I feel like I'm learning the more that it grows. I think I'm learning like where the limits are, where the boundaries are. You know, after Women Evolve, we got a lot of feedback from people who weren't necessarily in the room. But what you said about Grandma and creating that joy, because I had to talk to my therapist, I was like down in the dumps upset. Because it was all of, you know, my insecurities being poked at in the area where the enemy is tormented me. Like, you're not good enough. you aren't qualified, you aren't doing a good job. And shame, you should be ashamed of yourself.

And so I'm like in this shame storm. I'm talking to my therapist and she's like, you know, part of the reason why this is so hard is that you didn't get a chance to seal the joy that took place in the room. To seal what God did in that room. So it's like the enemy came and took it from you before you could allow it to be planted in your soul. Yes. And so I'm learning to like, trust what God did in the room and to allow myself to bury that so deep in my soul,

so deep in my chest, that one comment, one video, one post doesn't just take it away. And I think that there's this balance between like living open and honest and vulnerable, but also being safe in that, that I am mastering. I think by the time I got finished with my devotion and my therapy and all the things, I came to that space where I was like, it's good for me that I was afflicted because I need to know how to show up in this space with this much exposure, with this much opportunity for criticism in a way that reflects my certainty in what I know God's called me to do and allows me to protect what God's doing with more intentionality. I love it. I love it. And that's necessary for you because you're going into uncharted territory. So no one can tell you how to walk out the steps that have been ordered for you. And so I'm grateful for your therapist.

And I detest the things that would come and try to rob you of what has really, really shaken the foundation of the earth. It's reverberating and you're getting ripple effects. So the naysayers are always going to be. They're always going to try to make you come down off the wall. But I want you to keep your sword and I want you to keep your trowel and keep building. Keep building. Why should you come down to address those people that will never understand you, no matter what you do, no matter what you say.

There are just people, little tribes of, um, minions that come to attack. That's their assignment and the earth. And they're doing what they're supposed to do. Why should you come down to deal with them? Clocked it. Do you know what that means when you clock, you clocked it? But you probably don't want to teach me because you all will be doing something else. You say, mom, nobody's doing that anymore. Okay, I have to ask you before we go. And I've never asked you this question before. So I'm really curious. What's like one piece of advice that you got from your mom that you keep with you.

From your granny. Mind you, I have my granny hank you with me right now that you gave me a woman evolve. VJ. Yes. Her little bar cookie. Oh. A lot of the things that I do as far as serving is my mother. My mother never sat down at a bad.

banquet until we moved to Texas. She was always up serving and making sure that the guests were taken care of. While all of us were sitting at the head table, she would be up serving. She never sat down until she came here to Texas. She taught me how to serve. She taught me the excellence. that's available when serving or hosting. And how I present myself, whether I was in hand-me-down clothes with runs in my stockings,

she taught me to present myself as best I could in any given situation. And so I'm careful about how I present myself publicly. privately and how I serve publicly and privately. Wow. And the legacy will continue. Do you know, okay, I'm going to tell you this. There's this thing on TikTok where when someone has passed away, like at a wedding, they have like this chair with like pictures and just flowers,

just this ornate immemorial thing for people who you want to. wanted to be at the wedding. Why did Kendi tell me she wanted one for Granny at her wedding? She knows her through us. She does. She does. Yes. I love you. Thank you for your time. Thank you. I have to go back to craft services. Please do. I love you. I will see you soon. Yes, ma'am. Well, I hope that you enjoyed this episode as much as I did. As I mentioned, you know, I just love to get a glimpse of what's possible in my life by looking at my mother. And I'm very hopeful that I will find the joy in every season because I see her finding the joy in every season. She is so amazing to me.

And I pray that you enjoyed her as much as I did. And that she has in some way inspired what your journey of womanhood will look like. for this season of your life. What can you say yes too sooner and no to more quickly so that you can have the abundant life that God has for you? That's my prayer. This week, let's do something that makes the older version of us proud of who we are. Amen?

God, I thank you for this opportunity to love and connect with these, your sons and daughters, because I know some fellow listening. And God, I just pray that you would continue to. show us examples of what to be and what not to be, that you would show us different paths that we can take and ultimately show us the unique steps that you have for us. I thank you for exposure. I thank you for those who are willing to lead their lives with vulnerability,

with honesty and transparency so that we feel less alone. I pray that we don't just receive those people, but that we become them, and that through our testimonies and our honesty, that we would lead other people to you because we know you intimately and to know us is to know you. God, I thank you for what you're doing in the lives of those who are listening, continue to bless them, to stretch them, and to release them to evolve. In Jesus' name, amen.

Evolve.