Woman Evolve with Sarah Jakes Roberts - Growing in Confidence w/ Sarah Jakes Roberts and Touré Roberts

Episode Date: March 10, 2023

This week W.E. are bringing you a sneak peek episode of Date Night—a Woman Evolve TV series featuring our girl SJR, her hubby PT, and special guests! The single people wanna know, does wholeness stem from self-discovery or by way of Netflix and chill? Shanice Peeples and Reign B. give their take on what today’s dating scene is like. The gag is…our relationship with God grows a confidence that marriage cannot. Stream the FULL series and access EXCLUSIVE content at WomanEvolve.tv! This show is sponsored by BetterHelp online therapy, ZocDoc digital health marketplace, & Noom weight loss program.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from Jon and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Ed Zitron, host of the Better Offline podcast. I've been both a tech writer and a tech executive for 15 years, and I've seen this industry grow from a bunch of dorks building things in their garage

into a multi-trillion dollar behemoth that has monetized every corner of our lives. Better Offline is a podcast where I'll lead you through the good, the bad, and the stupid of the tech industry and tell you exactly how venture capitalists and technocrat billionaires intend to influence your digital lives. Listen to Better Off Line on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever else you get your podcasts. Um, have you heard the news? What is up, daddy gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call Her Daddy.

The most listened to podcast by women, Alex Cooper's Call Her Daddy, is now available on the iHeartRadio app. I think that's so healthy. I wish we could get better at that. Open your free iHeartRadio app, search Call Her Daddy, and listen now. While you're there, check out the Nikki Glaser podcast. This week, Nikki dishes out tales from Steven Tyler's Grammy party. iHeartRadio, free, never sounded so good. God can't bless who you pretend to be or who you compare

yourself to. He can only bless you and the lane that was created for you. I feel that for somebody. You don't need no edge entity. You need boundaries. What? I don't need your likes. I don't need your validation. All I need is a God fighting for me that says all things, all things, all things. Child. Everybody wants to be booed up, but the thing is that once you get booed up, you realize in order to successfully stay booed up, you need to learn how to be by yourself. Otherwise, it creates codependency. The only issue is that so many of us are looking forward to that moment when we are one with someone else that we don't take enough time to be one with ourselves.

That's your area. Didn't you write a book about that? Yeah, it was almost like plagiarism a little bit right there. Oh, really? You was about to get me? I was about to call the lawyers. It's the same lawyers. That's true.

Yeah, and that's something. That's a conflict of interest. That's all right. I like it like that. It's all good. But no, no, I'm a firm believer in two halves don't make a whole. And so if you want to have a good whole union, you got to be a good whole union. Yeah. Yeah?

Yeah. So today we're talking with Shanice and Ray. Now, before you even start talking about whatever, they're not together. Okay. They just met. All right. So don't be trying. This is not, you're not a prophet.

You don't see nothing happening. We don't need it in the comments. Let the Lord do what the Lord going to do when you stay out the way. Okay. Rain and Shanice, thank y'all. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. That was funny.

Okay. So you guys have to tell us like, what has your journey with singleness been like so far? Is anytime someone sees a single person and they try to put you all together, like what is it like being single in this day and age? It's rough. I haven't really been dating, so I can't really say that people are trying to pair. But I do hear a lot of the conversations and most of my 20s I just entered into my 30s so most of my 20s I was in a relationship so now coming out of that um I understand what y'all are saying about being whole and to hold two halves don't make a whole because I found all of my broken pieces in my singleness while I was with someone it was easy to camouflage what was broken in me with that person. So I didn't realize where I needed to be matured.

Wow. Well, I mean, that's very powerful what you said. And I kind of share that same experience. But for me, you know, in my singleness, it's a lot of confidence. Like, because I'm very focused. I know what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm in my boy ass stage, as in, you know, that's what I like to call it. Because he was a man who was focused.

He was intentional. And he wasn't really looking for a relationship. He was just focused on the assignment that God has given him. And that's kind of where I'm at in life is where, you know, I'm focused on what God has in store for me. And I want to make sure that I'm a great conduit to bless someone else, to really bring someone with me. You know what I mean?

Because what's the point? I always say, marriage is not the end goal. If it is the end goal, then we're no different from unbelievers. See what I'm saying? So I want to get well done, my good and faithful servant. And that comes from an assignment.

So I'm trying to focus on the assignment. And then when a person comes in, if we're compatible for this assignment, let's do it. That's beautiful. to shy away from this idea of the goal, to your point, the goal being marriage. I want to come back to something that you said, Shanice, because it's really, really powerful. And you said that when you were in a relationship, it allowed you to, your brokenness to hide because you didn't have an opportunity to to really spend time with you. And I was thinking about I wrote in the other book Balance and I was talking about the word alone. And when you hear the word alone, it has like a negative connotation to it.

You know, he's over there sitting at dinner alone. Let me go over there and talk to him. But that word in its original language, the original etymology of the word is the phrase, alone was actually a phrase and it was the phrase al-ana. And the phrase al-ana, which is where we get the word alone from, means all one. Wow. So, so when you are alone, you can become all one. That's where you find your wholeness. And then when you become all one, then you can see clearly about where you want to place yourself. And so there's a difference between being alone and lonely. And it really comes down to perspective. That's so good because I think as women, the idea that marriage is not the goal, it goes against everything, like all of the things that

society, I mean, not even just church, I mean, Disney is all about finding this happily ever after. And I do think that there is a worthy deconstruction of our philosophies and even maybe some people's theology that would allow us to focus on being all one within ourselves as opposed to finding the one. Because when you tell a woman without someone in your life, you are incomplete. Then women can walk around feeling like I'm half of a woman. I'm not there yet. And I believe the most liberating thing that ever happened to me is when I was in my previous marriage and I had this thought that crossed my mind and it was like, I can do better than this. I can become all one outside of this context of marriage,

even though it looks like one to everyone else, I'm broken inside. And so having to really come to that realization that all one didn't necessarily mean being with someone changed my life. You know, what's hitting me right now, and I'd never seen this before, but revelation is flowing. All one. There's a, in Jewish thought and in biblical thought, One, there's a, in Jewish thought and in biblical thought, there's this phrase and it's based on a verse and it's called the Shema and it's in Deuteronomy. And it literally, it's a founding fundamental principle in Judeo-Christian reality.

And it is the Lord God is one. The Lord God is one. And so if we're created in God's image, then it is our foundational identity to be like our creator who is all one. I'd never seen that before. I think we're onto something. Oh my goodness. I'm sorry. You making my head spin. When you said that, Pastor, immediately, I thought of 1 Corinthians 6, 17. Whoever is joined to the Lord is one spirit. Now, that's it. And where the spirit of the Lord is, there's liberty.

Liberty from chasing, trying to find somebody to be whole. Come on. You're the pastor. You're the pastor. It just invigorated my spirit because whenever, because I went, I had been through some bad relationships and I was broken. I felt lost.

I felt like, okay, is this all this to me? Like, is there more to this? Is it just sex? Like, come on, what's more to this? And when I was broken in my room, I said, I need to discover who I am. And when I discovered who he was, then I knew who I was.

You know what I mean? So it's just what you're saying about being one with him is that's where your identity is. That's where you can find wholeness. And that's where you can really be, you know, maximize what you've been designed and created to do here. You know what I mean? So that's so on brand this month at woman evolve, we're talking about hope to bloom and the center focus really is how do we position ourselves to really bloom in self-confidence in different areas of our lives and i feel like this revelation is exactly the way that we can ensure constant blooming that we can make sure from season to season to season that we are discovering who we are in God, what that means to the world we're showing up in and how do we show up as one? How do we pull back when we're showing up in pieces?

Like I'm not in a place to show up as one. So I got to create boundaries right now. I'm not in a position to show up as one. So I got to readjust my assignments and responsibilities because my ultimate goal is to make sure that I can show up as one no matter where I am, married or not, kids or not. You know what I mean? Like, I got to be able to show up as one and come back to one because one is where the confidence is. It's where the hope is. It's where the glory is. And if it's going to flow, it's going to flow through one.

The number one goal in life is to be whole. Now, that's going to mess with some Christians' theology. They're going to be like, no, the number one goal in life, hear me clearly, in life is to be whole. But then you say it's to be saved. No, no, no, no, no. Because if that was the number one goal, the moment you got saved, you would be zapped. Wow. But you're still here, so why are you here?

They want to say do the Lord's work, but you can't do the work. still here. So why are you here? Well, then once they do the Lord's work, but you can't do the work, the more whole you are, which makes you look more like your father, the better you can reflect God and do the Lord's work. What if the number one objective, what if we created a culture in the church and in the world where the number one objective, the number one passion and desire above fame, fortune, and whatever is ultimately to be whole. Because I have learned when I'm whole, I'm healthy. I'm wealthy. I do relationships well. I mean, that's the principle of balance. Yeah. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. What I know for sure is working with the right therapist can help you find your most authentic self. I've been in therapy for some time now, and after doing the inner work,

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It's the flexibility for me. If you want to live a more empowered life, therapy can help you get there. Visit betterhelp.com slash evolve today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.com slash evolve. Okay, this is so good. Like we have not been flowing like this. We didn't stumble onto something because I'm literally thinking like I'm thinking about the

moments in my life where I'm not showing up as one and to be able to capture a thought because it is an assignment against my oneness. There you go. There you go. Get out of here. Come on. To categorize that properly, like this thought is an attack against my oneness. So to show up anyway is an act of resistance because i must i gotta stay tight i gotta stay one and i already know what this thought is i already know what that conversation's gonna be

i already know what this friendship's gonna be it is an attack against my oneness and right now i gotta stay can't you see okay we gotta stop okay but i hear i see one all throughout the Bible. Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. And these three are one. The Word, the Blood, the Spirit, and these things are one. One is all throughout. And the two shall become one. One is all throughout the Scripture. One Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God, one Father of all, who's above all and through all.

One. This is crazy. I know y'all brought questions for us, though. Yes. Does God instruct you on who to marry, or is that left up to your faith and your choice? Oh, this is such a profound question. Okay. oh this is such a profound question okay does God instruct you on who to marry or does he leave it up to you and your faith and your choice the answer is both I was going to say the same thing

that's the only thing that ain't one right right both well the two are one I think the two are one because God can use your choice and your faith to realize his will. I think that God allows us to participate in what he wants to do. I mean, he could advance the kingdom. But he says, no, I'm going to put the mantle of the kingdom on you. And I'm going to let you advance my kingdom. God could, you know, he created the heavens and earth and then he created us. And I'm going to let you advance my kingdom. God could, you know, he created the heavens and earth and then he created us. And I'm going to get back to more a pragmatic answer, but he creates the heavens and the earth. He does all of this as

an extension of himself. And he says, go and have dominion. He could have just had dominion, but he wanted us to participate. Philippians 2.13 says that it is God who works in us, causing us to, I'm going to paraphrase, this is the PT translation, causing us to desire what he wants to give us. And so I, Sarah, God spoke to me and told me that Sarah was my wife, but she was also my choice and my faith. So I think that, I don't think that God is the type of God that will say, marry someone that you don't desire. I think that God will put desire in you for the one that God has called you to. So that's why I say it's both because God does have a choice, but he puts your desire for his choice in you. Wow. That's deep.

That make sense? Yeah. I like that. How do you properly prioritize your calling and your marriage? Ooh, that's, that's wonderful. So there,

there's, there's nothing in this. I'm going to level set. There, there's nothing in life more important than me being in full expression who God created me to be, right? So that's the foundation. That's just the truth. Seek first the kingdom and his righteousness, all other things will be added. But God is brilliant. And God, when he looks at the totality of my life, God has placed things in my life, like my incredible bride and my family and my work and the ministries that I oversee.

All of that is a part of God's divine, we'll call it, for lack of better terms, the ecosystem of Tere and Tere's calling. All of those play a hand in hand. I'm called to her. So my marriage is a part of my calling. And I don't think that, particularly in a relationship that God has called you to, not a relationship that you put together, but one that God put you in, there won't be any elongated season of conflict between what God has called me to and what God has called me to. If there is conflict, I have to take a minute and, and, and first of all, resolve the appearance of conflict because somewhere something is off

and I have to figure that out. So I don't think that me pursuing God will violate me prioritizing my marriage. I have personally discovered that when things are out of alignment in my marriage, my grace for ministry is not there. It's not there. I might be able to get something done, preach a sermon or whatever, but it's not it's not there i might be able to get something done preach a sermon and whatever but it's not going to have the glory you know why you know why because we're not yeah when i won wow so um so i don't find it i have yet to find it difficult to please god in my calling and please my wife simultaneously in the same moment. And to say, I've, I've yet to find that a difficult thing.

Godly marriage is like a house. There are a number of rooms in it, you know? And so, and one of the rooms that we are in are, is the room of ministry. So, so our union is a calling, you know? So I haven't, I haven't had to, is a calling, you know? So I haven't, I haven't had to, I haven't had to choose, uh, my, my, my calling over, over my relationship. Uh, my marriage, I haven't had to choose it's, it's flowed seamlessly. Uh, but all that to say the ultimate priority, uh, is, is to please God. And that takes center stage. And I think that if I please God, it'll flow from there all the way down to marriage and family, children, business, everything else.

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I finally get a good one, child. Child. Okay. Finally get a good one. I think I had an expectation that I would be his world. Yeah. You know, like Prince Charming goes out of his way to find Cinderella. All of these movies sent around this man who finds a woman who is his anchor. And in those moments where I did not feel like I was the center of his world, I struggled.

And I think that part of that struggle was my own trauma, my own, you know, struggles with societal expectations being imposed on my expectation of a marriage. But I do think that when you take it back to scripture and it says God blessed them and then told them to have dominion, to subdue, everyone's supposed to have something to do. have dominion, to subdue. Everyone's supposed to have something to do. And if we're fortunate, we get to do it together in relationship. But my responsibility and mandate to my calling, to my anointing doesn't stop just because I got married, nor does his. And so I had to believe that there was space for him to be all of who God has called him to be and to love me too. And it felt like the two couldn't exist at the same time.

And I think that was just my own trauma of seeing my dad's life take off and feeling like, where do I fit? And is there still room for me here? So I think the little girl in me was afraid that the job would be more important, that the work would be more important. But adulthood has taught me, as it relates to him and even my dad, that there's room for both. And so, um, and you've done a phenomenal job at making sure that I feel that you are the center of my world. You are, it's, uh, to your point, um, they both can coexist. Um, he is the center of, of, of my glory. He is the center of my glory. He's the center of my identity. But you are the center of my world.

You are. I appreciate you. All right now. Yeah. All right now. I love you. I love you back. Oh.

How do you trust God and balance your emotions while waiting for your spouse? I'm sorry I had to do that. I'm going to assume that you said balance emotions. I'm going to broaden that out a little bit because I feel like there might be a lot in emotions. If I just take it for emotion's sake, I would take it down the road of feelings of loneliness or feelings of insecurity or feelings of when is it going to happen for me or feelings of I'm frustrated, I've been waiting too long. But if I pan that out a little wider, I would throw in temptation. You know it. That's so funny because the woman's thing about loneliness. The man is saying about temptation.

I'm going all the way out. And he was like, yeah. Bingo. I love it. I think, first of all, it is hard. I'm not going to front. It's hard to be one with God consistently, to be one with God to the level that you are completely satisfied in God consistently. You have flash moments of that. You have breakthrough revelations of that, and you're good for a week, but then the tide changes. You know what I mean? It's cuffing season. Yes, and you do get lonely, or you do get tired, right? You get tired. So I want, I would say, first of all, it's hard. Not going to lie. Second of all, be compassionate towards yourself, right? You're doing a good job. If you, if you got to that place where you and God were okay at, you know, and you slip a little bit. Be compassionate with yourself, right?

Celebrate the fact that you did tap into the highest version of yourself. And if you tap into the highest version of yourself once, you can get back there, right? But I would say work the disciplines. Yeah. What did you do? What was your surroundings? What were your disciplines when you were in that high place where all you needed was God and you were cool and your temptations and your hormones weren't running out? What what did you do to get yourself there? Right. And then it becomes about repeating that.

It becomes the discipline of do I recognize that if I get weary because I'm not I'm not working my disciplines that keep me high. If I get weary, I'm going to be in trouble. If I get weary, I'll be like saying, oh, Lord, is me standing in the need of prayer again. Oh, God, if you get me out of this one, you know, that thing that we do, Lord, if you get me out of this one. Right. Right. You know, but work the disciplines. It's hard. Acknowledge it's hard not to put this big weight on you. But if you recognize that it's hard, you respect the journey. Wow. Right. If I realize, yo, it's hard to be PT. It's hard to be me in the sense that I've got so much going on and I've got so many things to manage and I've got so many opportunities

to stumble, fall and make a mistake. I respect my calling. I respect myself enough to say, hey, this is hard. And the only way I'm going to be able to do this is through Christ. And the only way I'm going to be able to do this is through working these particular, just if I work these disciplines, I'm going to be fine. Blessed is the man that walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stands in the path of sinners, nor sits in the seat of the scornful, but his delight is in the law of the Lord. And in his law, he meditates day and night for he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water that brings forth this fruit in its season whose leaf will not wither. And whatever he does shall prosper. I just quoted Psalm one and three, one, one, two, three, we get excited about, and he shall be like a tree planted by

the rivers of water that brings forth this fruit in the season whose leaf will not wither. And whatever he does shall prosper. We get excited about that. We we want that but there was disciplines in place yeah so so we see consistency and disciplines and consistency and fruitfulness so there's a connection between me my leaf not withering and me prospering and whatever i do the consistency of fruit bearing there's a connection between the consistency of fruit bearing and the consistency of my discipline. Man's deep, man. You know what I'm saying? So if I want the consistency of fruit bearing, the consistency of doing well, I have to manage the consistency of my disciplines. Wow. Your girl is getting her fight back, both spiritually and physically.

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And check out Noom's first ever book, The Noom Mindset, a deep dive into the psychology of behavior change. Available to buy now wherever books are sold. of Behavior Change, available to buy now wherever books are sold. It's so funny. I think sometimes people talk about balancing emotions, but what they really want to know also too is like, how can I control them or not feel this again? But the truth is to your point about being human, like you're going to experience these emotions. And so the question is, how can I experience them and trust God? And I think a lot for me has come down to identifying them because once I identify, oh, this is what loneliness feels like. Oh, I felt this before. And then I felt joy after it too. You can also recognize that it's

passing, it's seasonal, but really having the language and the vocabulary to identify them instead of trying to control them or not feel it at all, to look it dead in the face and the vocabulary to identify them instead of trying to control them or not feel it at all to look it dead in the face and say this is loneliness what triggered this like okay i can't listen to that song that movie did me in all right this is what this is and because i'm trying to stay one i have to create a boundary to help me not feel this way again so that i can continue to wait and hope for what is going to be next for me. Absolutely. And be compassionate with yourself.

Yeah. Don't listen. You know, we have an accuser, right? We already have a force outside of us trying to put us down and tell us what we're not. Don't join his army. Yeah. And then who are we?

This is the last thing I'm going to say. But then who are we to not be last thing i'm gonna say but then who who are we to not be merciful to us when god is merciful wow who are we who are we to basically say god you're stupid for being merciful toward wow wow my my righteousness my judgment of myself is better than your judgment you know and he says I throw it in the sea of forgetfulness. He says that I'm merciful. He says with loving kindness, I'm drawing you. And so be compassionate with yourself. Man, I don't know.

This conversation, like, it feels like a power punch. Like six weeks of like some type of therapy patched into one video. And if you are not blooming, hopefully you got a little bit of water over your confidence and maybe some sunlight hit that seed that's buried. But I'm hoping that there's something sprouting up. Self-confidence is a long journey, but when we place our confidence in the truth of who God says we are and the strength of what we can do when we really set our mind to it,oming is the only option.

So here's to you. We hope you bloom. I'm going to go. has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from John and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hi, I'm Ed Zitron, host of the Better Offline podcast. I've been both a tech writer and a tech executive for 15 years, and I've seen this industry grow from a bunch of dorks building things in their garage into a multi-trillion dollar behemoth that has monetized every corner of our lives better offline is a podcast where i'll lead you through the good the bad and the stupid of the tech industry and tell you exactly how venture capitalists and technocrat billionaires intend to influence your digital lives listen to better offline on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever else you get your podcast um have you heard the news what is up daddy gang it is your founding father alex cooper else you get Stewart podcast. This week, Martha gets real about

her cosmetic procedures with her dermatologist. iHeartRadio, free, never sounded so good.