Woman Evolve with Sarah Jakes Roberts - Learning to Love Vulnerability w/ Amber Polk

Episode Date: February 15, 2023

God can't bless you for ten to be or who you can care yourself to. He can only bless you and the lane that was created for you. I feel that for somebody. You don't need no itch, it's a two-year-old boundary. What? I don't need your lights, I don't need your elevation. All I need is a God-party program that says all things. All things, all things.

Try. So not many people know my story. I may be the girl you discovered one day on Instagram. Maybe you stumbled across the message on YouTube or someone sent you something. But my journey started a long time ago. I share quite often about my teenage pregnancy, the relationships that ensued as a result of my low self-esteem,

the abuse that I endured, but very few people know how I went from that experience to the girls on YouTube. And so I thought I would share with you exactly how it happened in one of the lessons that I learned that I think prepares us beautifully for this week's podcast. So I was actually married before and in my first marriage I started a blog. At this point in my marriage I had experienced a lot of pain, a lot of trauma, but the trauma didn't start with the marriage, it didn't start with him.

It started long before him, it started with the thoughts of self sabotage, it started with the thoughts of low self worth, it started in the loneliness and isolation before I even got pregnant. So I'm in this marriage and I'm at this breaking point. And honestly, I feel like I'm going to break down. I grabbed my laptop, I opened it up, and I just start typing.

I'm sure that if the grammar police of Instagram would have been on that blog back then, your girl would have been canceled and fired because the there and the there and the there are and all of the things were all mixed up. But what was certainly pure was my heart to release that pain. And I can remember it like it was yesterday. I can feel the pain in my chest as the words float out of me, the anger, the heat, the darkness, writing in those moments,

but like the only thing that was keeping me afloat. I was writing under my married name at the time, and so I didn't think anyone was really gonna read this blog. I was wrong. Within three months, it had over a million hits. What I learned in writing this blog was that there were so many people who were just like me. They were experiencing their own dark seasons. They were experiencing addiction. They were hoping to break out of

trauma. They were doing all types of things to heal the pain that they could not give words to. And then they found a blog that made them feel like they finally had the words. Still, not preaching, not speaking, none of those things, just sharing the words that were on my heart. And then I realized that some of the women were being inspired by my life, but they didn't know the backstory. I was talking about the pain, but I didn't talk about the experiences. And so I decided that I was just going to rip the bandaid off until all of these women who were so inspired by me writing and so inspired by my courage that they were being inspired by a girl who got pregnant at 13. They were being inspired by a girl who was about to divorce.

There was nothing inspiring about my life at all. And so I shared it. I decided to share with these subscribers of this blog that the girl who you think is so inspiring is the girl who's made these detours, who's had these challenges. Do you know that then the women came even more that not just women now, there were men too who were saying things like, I can't believe you had the courage to say it. There were women who were 60, 70 years old telling me I had my son too at 14 and when you shared your story you shared my story too. Then I guess I got big bad and bold because I decided to

share this story again at my dad's conference woman that I won't lose. Still not a preach nowhere in me but the more that I became vulnerable, the more permission I had to be authentic. And when I became comfortable in my authenticity, I feel like I also decided that there was a possibility that maybe the dreams and the limits that I placed on myself were not actually factual. Maybe those were the limits that trauma placed on me and the limits that I placed on myself were not actually factual. Maybe those were the limits that trauma placed on me, the limits that insecurity placed on me.

And so I started doing things I never thought that I would do. What's crazy is that one of the things that people say they love the most about me is my vulnerability. But the truth is that I didn't set out to be vulnerable. I just wanted to be free. I just wanted to tell the truth is that I didn't set out to be vulnerable. I just wanted to be free. I just wanted to tell the truth. And sometimes I did it guarded and sometimes I did it expecting to be rejected. But I think that when I look at my life in hindsight, I can see how I did demonstrate vulnerability. The reason why I wanted to share that with you is because sometimes we do not realize that we are falling in love with vulnerability until we're in the destination that vulnerability

paved the road for. If you can look back over your life as I have done mine and see areas where you guess you are being vulnerable. I guess it did take courage to do that. Then maybe just maybe you can do the same thing today. You can ask yourself, what would courage look like? What would vulnerability look like? When I spoke with Amber, I realized

that she had to do the very same thing that I did. She had to come to a place where she decided that being vulnerable was the only way to be free. And she tested that vulnerability among strangers, then brought it home to her family and friends who could see it before she even displayed it that there was a shift happening for her. Maybe you're looking to transform your life

and to change what has happened to you. And maybe you think it'll come from a job a relationship or something happening outside of you. But I think that the transformation you're looking for is going to happen because you learn to love the vulnerability that can only come from the inside. The hope that we have in loving our vulnerability is that through vulnerability everything changes. If you don't believe me, let's meet Amber. She knows a thing or two about it. Amber, we're giving Twinsies. Are we? Yes, because we both have on gray.

Right. It's quite a thing. This is a lipstick though. How are you? I'm good at her. You look your makeup is giving all I said it was gonna give. It's really, really pretty. Yeah. Thank you. That means a lot to me. all I said it was going to give. It's really, really pretty.

Yeah. Thank you. That means a lot to me. Thank you for taking the time to talk to me today. Absolutely. Thank you for having me. So far for the be here. I'm excited.

I've heard so much about your story, but I've only read it, so I'm excited to just get to know you a little bit more, especially considering this theme about learning to love vulnerability and finding the hope in that. Because I think most of us do not like vulnerability because we don't see any hope connected to being defensivilist and to being open.

And yet I feel like your platform and your story proves that there's so much hope to be found in vulnerability. So when you hear that theme, what comes to mind for you? The theme of hope and vulnerability in particular, the theme that comes to me is recovery. And the reason why I say recovery is because through my story in order for me to gain hope, I've had to go through intense levels of deliverance

and recovery in order to regain hope for anything. Because my background is not like cookie cutters, it's rough. And you go through so many cycles of continuous like pain and hardship and delay and setbacks and just all the myriads of just conflict that comes through struggle. You don't have hope. And so, do my work with Christ though. I've been able to really regain my hope for love, my hope for life, my hope for myself.

But that came to so much deliverance and a lot of renewing of my mind. What are you recovering from? It's hard to just pick one thing. So I think, hold up. Man, okay. So I just give like a synopsis of my background. So I was a very sick child growing up.

By the time I was six, I was diagnosed with chronic atopics, very exema. I get missy every time I talk about this. I was very sick with asthma and inflamed lip nodes. By the time I reached 18, I was 400 pounds. I'm a preaches kid, my mom was a minister. So you know how that goes. And just the abuse that came from people

because I didn't fit the norm. My family's from New Orleans, so you cannot suffer my excess. So the image is everything, hair, eyebrows. And I was so sick I didn't have all those things. So just that the combination of being teased and being bullied, um, dealing with the robberies I went through, all those things that took so much from me, so young, that, you know, at

the typical age you would be like super excited about life. I was so busy trying to survive and just making through the next day without people having to notice me that I didn't have time to have hope for anything. And so I'm recovering from, I guess I would say I'm recovering from the loss of joy, recovering from the loss of peace and the loss of rest. They came from so much unintentional trauma

that was going on in my life. Thank you for sharing your story with me. I know that so many people are going to be able to relate to this concept of not fitting the standard of maybe their family, the standard of beauty, the standard of their community and culture. And I feel like that truth is a reality that a lot of us don't really acknowledge because so many of us are trying to fit in, but really coming to a place where you're able to verbalize

that part of my trauma, part of my experience that has been difficult is that I wasn't able to find a sense of belonging. And so when did you begin to see things really shift and change where you either started to feel like you belonged or it didn't matter whether you belonged or not? It's a mix of both. So when I was 18, I was most seminiopolis, Minnesota, I was there for six years doing my undergraduate studies. I played violin, so that's what I went to school for in undergrad.

And just barely to just be myself. I didn't have to think about, I'm so-and-so's daughter. I'm reference so-and-so's daughter or minister so-and-so's daughter. I'm Amber and I get to be. And in midst of that, I started my weight loss shiny. And that's, that was about a little over 10 years ago. And that really shifts so much for me because it pulled so many like lives out. I was able to finally find myself, you know. It was rough, but that's when things were I took pivot. I met my best friend.

I got to just be artsy and creative and be myself. I got a chance to breathe. I got a chance to be sane and be heard. And it just really, it changed so much for me. Okay, so Amber, let me tell you, I love so much what me. Okay, so Amber, let me tell you, I love so much what you just shared because so many of us want vulnerability from our family. We want vulnerability from the communities that we have been raised in.

But the truth is that you may not be able to be the full expression of who you are until you get out of your father's house until you get out of the community that has only known one version of you or will only accept one version of you so that you can be vulnerable in a space where you get to introduce yourself. Now family members introducing you first, no experience or rumor is introducing you first and in the context of you being able to be authentic

even if it's among strangers, it gives you courage to take that authenticity back into familiar places because you're confident that there is a space where you can be loved, you're confident that you fit, that your gift matters. And it seems like that time in Minnesota was where you were able to discover that you are uniquely you and that you do have an opportunity

to explore and create. And it may not be what your family's used to. What was it like when you are going through this transformation, but your family is meeting a new version of you at the same time? To be honest, it was like, how could I describe it? It was like having a pot of gum before the first time. It was the best teeth you would ever get.

It was like, it was just so warm. It was like, it was fresh, it was new. And to be honest, my family saw it in me. Wow. My mom is the one who said, I see you, what you look like when you're free. It was my grandmother who said, baby, God got great things for you.

It was my family that saw that, like my aunt pet, like she always, she's always sharing me on, you know, my family's always pushing me forward, but I had to push myself forward. I had to see that for myself. And going through this transformation for me that I'm still going through, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's, it's so, it's so, it's so, it's so,

it's so restoring. I sometimes look in the mirror and I say, my God, how have you ever restored me? I look at my, and I look at the way I am now. How I'm, you know, I feel stronger a little bit with, you know, wanting to be seen, but I love how I'm a little bit more of myself. When I'm in my room, I'm going to be Amber.

I'm going to be my crazy country love self, but then I'm also flipping on you and those steps and that at your face that you're not going to where that came from. But I'm going to be my full self. And this transformation that God has brought me through, I have, I thank God, because like the restoration that has come

into my life is just, I'm grateful. I feel like for anyone who's ever experienced a radical shift in life, that there's like a moment where it becomes reachable. Dr. Anita describes faith as believing that things are possible, but hope as believing things are possible for me. And I can think of my own moment where I was like,

I am hopeful that I can change my life. Can you tell me about what was happening in your world at the moment where you decided, you know what? Like, I am going to grab the reins of my life and I believe that change is not just possible for me but it is within reach and what I love about you, sorry I want to hear your answer but is that you had to participate in what you were hoping for by making sure your

actions align with what you had in mind. And I'm just thinking about the courage you had to show, the outgoingness that you had to trust would be embraced or not even care if it would be embraced. Like I feel like your participation in your transformation is inspiring. And so I want to know what was that moment where you feel like it became not just something that was possible, but something that was within reach.

The moment that really helped for me. you feel like it became not just something that was possible, but something that was within reach. The moment that really hit home for me, it goes all the way back to, this is really a little childish, but it goes all the way back to kindergarten. I'm at elementary school. When they told us, I believe in myself and the ability to do my best at all times. And I knew then

That even though my grandparents worked on plantations and even though my elders didn't have the opportunity to take it I could and I carried that with me and by the time I got an opportunity to take that take those ways I did and I told myself I whatever I want to achieve. I'm gonna go for it and What was going on in my life? It was many things. But the desire to really hold on, like, the thing that really just like pivot me there, started when I was young. The things were planted there.

I can't have, that I can't achieve. Because a lot of us came from grandparents who worked in Louisiana on the plantations. And with that, I mean, the chances of you being anything, it's really low. But if it hadn't been for my school teachers and principals that motivated me, I don't think I would even reach for the opportunities by reach for today. If that makes sense. Now, it does.

It makes perfect sense. And I think it speaks to communities role in us experiencing growth and us being able to receive seeds even though we may be in dark seasons. I obviously know you touched a little bit on your weight loss. You said that when you were 18, you were almost. You were over 400 pounds. and then you lost weight naturally. Now, I would not be a good friend

if I did not ask for a friend. How did you even get the will, like, what was this all? Like, how did you go from that to really taking care of your body in a different way? It was baby steps. I'm not gonna lie to you. How I went about it was the wisdom I received from God.

So this is what the instruction given to me. I would see everything going on me. I was to write down everything I ate and I was to start walking and that's what I did. So I break my weight loss on the insofesis because it's a 10 year journey. So I wish I could tell you I dropped one of them walked in and that was it. But I love it.

Because everyone makes it seem like it's a quick thing, but it is a journey. It's a journey. So the first phase with me just relearning food, you know, like, so like my family's crew, so it's boot and it's, you know, Jambalaya, it's gumball, but I have to relearn food. So, um, I started to eat a lot of more veggies like okra and tomatoes, but it wasn't baby stuff. So I may have had fried chicken, right? But I had a big ol' plate of okra with it it and then I started to you know take my juice and then slowly turn against like water with a little like sugar like

little sugar water but then from there it's like with the help of God I was able to like strengthen my relationship with food I did Gillian Michaels I did Gillian Michaels. I did table. I love kickboxing. So I did table. I did Gillian Michaels. I walked a lot and the world power, it really came from Greece. I'm not going to lie. It wasn't world power because I had an emotional eating issue. That's how I got that overweight. I when eat my feelings, I didn't know how to express them. There was no space for me to express them really. So I got that way through eating a massive amount of food. And so I had to renew my mind. I had to relearn how to deal with my feelings. I had to learn

how to articulate my emotions. I had to be patient with myself. I had to deal with the seasons where I would gain weight even and had to start all over. And so it's been a really, really long journey. But I really just developed the grace and the community and like my grandmother always sharing me on my mom, pushing me for my friends. So always like, where you got this? Like, you look at sugar, I get smaller than me now. So all of that has helped me to get to why I am today.

And I'm very grateful. Don't you think that in order for a woman to come to space where she just wants to take better care of her body. I think that when I am emotionally eating, I am taking care of my heart and mind because it feels like that is a solution to what I'm feeling like it's going to offer me a temporary high. But then I have to remind myself that I want to take care of my body too. And then I start incorporating healthier foods and working out. But I do feel like there's a vulnerability

when our body doesn't look the way that we think it should look or we know that it's not at its best or we're not taking care of it. Is it possible to love your body while transforming your body at the same time? Yes, but that love has to come from, that love is not going to be on your own. I believe that you have to put on the grace of God to gain that love for yourself.

I really do because society will teach you to hate yourself. It will teach you not to love yourself as black women. There's that aspect too. And so I think in this time, it's really easy to say, oh yeah, girl, just look at the mirror, and tell yourself these nice things. And I respect that. That has a space.

But to truly love yourself, you need the renewal power of the Holy Spirit so that you can see the way God sees you. I really feel that way. Because for me, yes, I have people say, oh, you're so pretty, you know, but from the age of the six to like 24 years old, I had so many other messages telling me, oh, you know, you don't look the part, or you know,

people just reminded me like, oh, you don't look like this or you know, my mom is really beautiful. So we used to say, well, who was there? How you look like that? How you, you know, people would is really beautiful. So you used to say, well, who is you? How you look like that? How you really know, people make those comments to me. So as much as like I would like to say, like, yeah, you can love yourself through yourself. No, I think you need the power of the Holy Spirit to help you. You know, I think I love Dr. Tamer. And I read that book. Sorry, Lord.

Almost like it's my second Bible. I love the theme of so much because she pulls you to come home to yourself. And I think that in addition to God, learning how to come home to that voice in yourself, like, I think I'm beautiful. You know, what do I think? I want to'm beautiful. You know, what do I think? I want to love myself and giving yourself the space to choose to love yourself because that's hard.

But in the mix of the soul, like having God so you can see the love of God through your eyes so you can love yourself, I think it's possible to love your body. I wish, I wish, I wish, I wish, I could have had that same love for myself. I wish I could have thought that night. See, oh, you can love yourself.

Get that as well. You can still love yourself. You got to love back fat. You can still love yourself. But I didn't know that. I thought I had to look a certain way in order for me to love myself. But you definitely can't act in the Holy Spirit for his grace. And if you know, the Holy Spirit's not your thing.

Okay, there are resources. We have, I always tell people, get up to say this book. Good up to say this book, you know, homecoming is such a good resource. So you can come home to yourself and see yourself the way God made you to see yourself. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. What I know for sure is working with the right therapist can help you find your most authentic self. I've been in therapy for some time now, and after doing the inner work, I'm feeling

like the highest version of myself these days. Therapy is an effective way to set boundaries, manage stress, address trauma, and practice self-compassion. If you're considering therapy, I invite you to give BetterHelp a try. It's convenient, flexible, affordable, and entirely online. After filling out a brief questionnaire, BetterHelp will match you to a licensed therapist who fits your needs and preferences. Did I mention you get to choose your method of communication?

Talk to your therapist however you feel comfortable and that's text, chat, phone or video. It's the flexibility for me. If you want to live a more empowered life therapy can help you get there. Visit betterhelp.com slash evolve today to get 10% off your first month. That's better, H-E-L-P, dot com slash evolve. Can I ask you so you have accomplished so much at such an early age. You have really, honestly, done a complete 180 from where it seems like you started at six years old. How do you continue to be hopeful even when you are accomplished? Because I think that one of the definitions

that I possess of hopefulness, kind of it also depends on a certain level of hopelessness, right? So in order to become hopeful, there must be an area of my life where I feel hopeless. But how do you continue to tap into hope when you have embodied what was at previous hope? Like what are you reaching for now?

Right now reaching to be settled. I wanna be so that my career, I wanna be so that my spirit, I wanna be so that my family's life. Like, and when I say family, I'm talking about my mom and I sister, they're my family, like my close family. And to be honest,

yes, I'm hopeful, I've reached a place of hope in that, you know, I've been able to accomplish, like getting my master's degree or all of those things. But there have been like 20 years of hardship for me and my family. And with that come so much grief and cycle and pattern. And so what I'm hopeful for is peace and to be settled, you know, to wake up and not think like,

okay, what about the power of God? You know? And yes, then there's some faces right where we can be completely settled and we can be completely valid and we thank God amen And there's other areas, which is like Lord. There's one thing and so what keeps me hopeful is I lay a chapter 43 When God is telling them use my my exit from sharing I When God is telling them, use my, my, my, I said, I'm sharing. I am sharing. Come on, sharing.

Come on, sharing. I love that. I was reading at this morning, it's been my theme and the season. I have called you mine. I am restoring and I'm redeeming you. And that just keeps me hopeful. I say 61, arrived in shine for your light has come. And the glory of the palm, you. That's a deliverance scripture that keeps

me hopeful. When I think about, you know, how sorry this little emotional but like in 20th year, my family lost everything from the hurricane. Horrible. And the Lord told me I'm going to restore that's it. I'm going to keep on to that. And so like that's what keeps me hopeful, even while reaching a place of hope, I still have an hopelessness in my life that I have to keep that hope

that the things I'm praying for will eventually come to pass. And they will come to pass, because God don't lie. He's gonna do it, right? He's gonna do it. He's not his thing. Do you think that you have found a way to love the precarious balance of things are going well, some things could be going better without feeling like one

wrong thing cancels everything out. I wanna ask this question the way that I hear it in my head because I feel like there is a sweet spot where we learn to love life, even though things aren't necessarily all the way that we want them to be. Maybe we don't have the partner, maybe we don't have the children.

Maybe it's not exactly what we have in mind, but I think that creates a vulnerability that I still have desires. I still have something independent on the Lord for. I'm still growing. I'm still changing, but I can also see the beauty. Does that make you feel hopeful too or does that make you feel stressed out? Because I'm going to be honest with you. Sometimes it stresses me out because I want to be like Lord, thank you for that. But if we could get this together as well,

that would really do something. I want everything to be on one side of the fence, but I am learning and embracing that there's something to love about life just being right there in the middle where you can see the good and see the bad but not be moved by either one. Yeah, now I just got there. I literally have just got to explain because it's hard. It's like, especially for me because like I was saying you go through so much you just want everything to be calm. Because like I just keep peeping, you know what I mean? because I just keep peeping, you know what I mean? And I just got to that place. And what helped me was actually my friends.

They helped me so much. They helped me so much to see the roses and my mom. She was like telling me to focus on the roses in your life. And it's hard for me because I want all of these things to be roses. But in practicing a lot of gratitude, I do find myself being a lot more... I don't know, restful. You know what I mean? Just like... I could be stressed out about this, but that's not good for my good health. I could be stressed out about these things, but's not good for my good health. I can't be

stressed out about these things, but I know that my God will come through, so I'm just gonna rest here. Okay, so I want to know. Go ahead. Oh no, man, go ahead. I want to know three of your roses. Like we want to smell your roses. Can you give me three of those roses that you smell when you're experiencing a moment, maybe, of disappointment? And this is probably a good practice for so many of us. We have these moments where we experience disappointment,

where we experience life not going the way that we anticipated, and we have to actively choose gratitude, which means we've got to go into the garden of our soul, the garden of our present reality, and pick some of the roses to smell. So I want to know, Amber, what are your three roses? What brings you back to a place of gratitude, even when life is challenging?

Great being paid. My room on somebody, that's giving roof over my head. I'll roof over my head. Our roof over my head. That brings, that is a big rose for me. A second rose is full of my fridge. I'm being for real. Yeah. Because those are things that wasn't the case.

And my third rose would be... My third rose would be... What about third their rules being? My mom. My mom is my third rules. So those three things, and I know I can think about other things, but that's, I'm like legit, like having a roof over my head, that makes me happy. I go out of my apartment and see tents everywhere.

I have a place to stay, I'm grateful. I know what it's like to be this place. I'm grateful that I have a roof over my head, for it in my fridge. Thank you Lord, because there were times that was not the case. And I have a wonderful mom. I'm blessed in that way.

Now everyone has a wonderful mom. And there are other things like, okay, I can go to Ross. I love Ross. That's my fourth rose. I love Ross. I was at Ross last week and I said, God, this is an anointed place. You choose.

Ross is an anointed place. Great. Inflation is really giving it, what is giving a lot of anxiety and rushes. Let's me know. Okay. I see this for $3. Praise the Lord. Target used to be that place for me, but Target is on something different.

It's been on something different for a few years now, but it's special now. Target is a department store. It is not just. It's a mall. It's a department store. It is not just... It's a department store. It used to be like something that was within reach, but that's not what it's doing anymore. Target never worth the play.

That Target was always that expensive girl for me. Like, I love it though. Like, I just love the whole authority. And just like, look, you know, I'm like, wow, it's so pretty in here. Like the magnolia, the man, I love that. I love the magnolia people. I got the little sugar and the flour.

And I said, I just love their collection. It's so cute. I love throwing it. But I go there now because Miss Tab stuff is in there. So I'm always there. I know. Yeah. She had to come up. Can we just take a minute? Miss Ted had come up on us.

I love her story. And I feel like growing back to being hopeful. I mean, you hear her story. Yeah. I mean, my goodness. And look at the restoration power of God. And that's that's why I think like we can always have I'm not trying to sound Christian, I'm dead serious. We can have hope knowing that God will never fall. He won't. I've seen God literally turn things around. Like imagine, I would be like, I don't even know how you did that, but I'm like,

even today I got a phone call from someone saying, yo, that's what happened, I said, hey. All right, you know, like it's, we's what happened. I said, hey. I'm fine. You know, like we can be hopeful. And I think in my season of disappointment because I've been going through a transition. You know what it's? Hmm. It's been a little okay.

But and there have been moments where I was like, God, like what are we doing here? Like what is this giving Lord? But I'm always reminded that God won't fail. That song he won't, and like, I'm a real church girl, like church of God in Christ. You know what I mean? But that song really blessed my soul.

When I'm really feeling like, God, you forgot about me. I played that song and I'm always reminded that he won't fail. You didn't fall when my family was without lights and wall. You didn't fall. Excuse me, Missy. You didn't fall when I was sick. You didn't fall when we lost everything.

When my mom's car was being taken, all these things were gone. You didn't fall when I had to pay my school $13,000 for whatever reason that was about. You didn't fall. You won't fail me. God will not fail. Even if it doesn't look like things are solid, God still won't fail. Even if it's like, I don't even know if I can hold on the next day. I know what that feels like.

When you don't know if life is even why am I even here God won't fail Man, I think your testimony is going to help so many people To really lean into that and trust God and those seasons of vulnerability and the hang on the hope in those seasons too Sometimes you need someone else to remind you just of how faithful God is, someone who's been in a different circumstance. And so thank you for providing us with some hope today. I have an advice question though. We have to answer our advice question, okay?

Yes. It says, hey, S.J.R. I hope you're doing well. I'll try to keep this as brief as possible for context. The last three years have been really challenging for you from a drawing community, closing my scholarship because of the pandemic, to back-to-back physical and mental health issues and a million things in between. For a moment there, I started to lose sight of who I was as a person and as a believer. Over the last few months though, I've been sensing what I guess

can only be described as a hope revival. I started to pray about it and felt that my 2023 was going to be about hope and restoration. A few weeks later, I saw a post about hope being the word of the year for woman evolve. I believe that was some sort of confirmation where only a few days into the year, but I'm definitely more helpful than I've ever been in a long time. I'm learning to trust God with everything again. However, as hopeful as I am now, I still feel the diminishing of my strength

and exhaustion from constantly fighting. I know joy is coming, is coming the morning, but it's been night for a while and it's still dark outside. Here's the question, how do you handle being hopeful while being tired of the fight? How do I protect my hope from shrinking in the face of adversity? I'm taking a deep breath because I know this very well. Yeah. I know this song was too well. Do I go first?

I do you go first and see. No, you go first. Can you repeat the last part of the question so I can make sure I answer accurately? Sure. How do you handle being hopeful while being tired of the fight? How do I protect my hope from shrinking in the face of adversity?

The first thing that I would recommend you do is like you do it now being honest about how you feel because without sometimes with with faith is you want to make sure you get all the the emotion out so that faith can actually rest. And so that's what you're doing now by sending men in this question is getting that, getting the spirit to grief out so that you can have a place for hope. So once you get the emotions out, the second thing would be, I will go to God and say, Lord, what is going on? Why are these cycles going on? What is the real cause of it? going on. Why are these cycles going on? What is the real cause of it? What what action needs to be taken place for the restorations to come into my life? And what I mean by

that is because I'm hearing the cycle sounds like a just like a pattern. And with that pattern, I would suggest that you remind yourself that definitely God can and he will bring you out, he can deliver. But then I would go to God and say, Lord, what's, and I won't be careful because I don't want to sound like really creepy, but I want to suggest like what is the real cause

of this cycle, what is going on? And then believe God for your deliverance to bring you out of the season so you can have the season of hope and restoration that you're believing for. If that makes any sense. And does, it makes perfect sense. I think I would just add to that that

when life is putting us in the boxing ring and we don't want to be in there and it can be really easy to just put the gloves down. And to say, you know what? Like, I don't even know what I'm fighting for anymore because everything I thought was important is now gone. And when we begin to think like that and believe like that, we have more faith in what we're losing

than we have in what remains. And so fighting sometimes is not about trying to hang on to all of the things that you feel like you have left as much as it is protecting just one thing, one thing worth protecting. And that's your hope because at the end of the day, I gotta be able to protect my hope. Yes, I may have lost this, and I may have lost that.

If I start counting all of the things I've lost along the way, how could I not feel hopeless? Like if you started thinking about all of the things that you experienced, all of the heart breaks, the setbacks, the disappointments, the betrayal, how could you not feel hopeless? If you're feeling hopeless right now,

there's no reason for you to also feel condemned because if life would have handed that card to someone else, they would have felt the same thing. But sometimes the only thing that we can do to fight back is not fighting at all. It's hanging on to what we have left and there's always something we're hanging on to. And that's hope.

Hope because I woke up this morning and I don't believe that God has kept me alive, determined me, if God has kept me alive, then there is something in this day that I have to offer to the world. Not that I'm waiting for, I have an opportunity to offer somebody hope. You get the chance to be the hope

that someone needs to see in the grocery store to a person who's on the street, even if it's justice that I am praying for you to someone who is often ignored, you have an opportunity to become hope. And when we assume the identity of hope, we will begin to see things change, not just for us, but for everything connected to us. And so, yes, it's hard to feel like life is throwing you punch after punch after punch, take a minute, breathe. Nurse that wound, but also ask yourself, if I'm still here, why don't I become the hope

that someone else needs so that they don't feel like they're getting swung on over and over again and no one sees them. Show the people who are in a similar circumstance that you have something worth giving, and that's the hope that is available to you and others. I hope that makes sense. It makes a lot of sense, actually,

because I was getting ready to say that it doesn't last, it's not gonna last forever. Yeah. And that's something because I took a deep breath because I was like, oh my goodness, I know this so well. That's sometimes you get trapped in like what to say because like, well, what do I do, you know? But at the every time I just was going through that season where just like these weird palace was going back to back. It came to an end for sure. They come to it and it doesn't last always. The light does come.

And like you were just saying, holding on to your hope because that's one thing you can't hold on to. One thing you know is joy will come in the morning. One thing you know is the light will shine again. And I would encourage you. So go to God and say, Lord, help me. Bring me out. Help me. You know, I, I know you're going to come out of this because it always is. God is too good to let us stay in cycles. He's too good for us to, like, let us stay and repeat like, or still not cycles or in seasons.

God is good and he is faithful. He will not keep you there. And I would say, I say, F43 is definitely that scripture. Read it and hold on for it. It is carrying me through. It has carried me through so long, so many years. Okay, Amber, so I have to ask you before we go,

when I ask you to smell your roses, you mention your mom. And so I'm gonna throw a question at you, but you're not allowed to use your mom because I already know that she's probably gonna be the answer to this question, but who is the woman outside of your mom who has inspired your life the most?

Ah! Oh, this is so hard! Ah! Okay, wow. The woman outside of my mom who has inspired me the most. So many women. You're one of them. Okay, let me think.

You know, it's funny how you have all this education that you just kind of think the most. That's fine. You just one of them. And there's to be the most because we don't want anybody being jealous when they listen to the part that the one of the women. Oh my goodness. I'm running through my bank. That's besides my mom can't use my grandma either. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. my God to stand that bold and to say by any needs necessary in the time whereas it even still now has a black woman. The adversity is we go through but to stand flat footed like that

and to say what she had to say and didn't shake probably was shaking inside but you didn't Did it feel it? Powerful. Yeah. Powerful. OK, so if she were listening, what is the one thing that you hope she knows about her life and her legacy? Her life and her legacy has changed so much for young black people and black people as a whole around the world. The way that she advocated in the aspect of voting, the way she pushed and pushed and pushed for her people to have rights and her people to have rights and her

people have the ability. Though we are still fighting the way that in the Jim Guerrero how she pushed in that way has given us so much victory in different areas and different ways. And so I would let her know that because you stood flat foot, I can stand flat footed too. Wow, I can stand flat footed too. Yeah, and obviously you're doing that. So I want to thank you for inspiring us and standing flat footed in your truth and your vulnerability and your hopes throughout the pain and the disappointment. It's been really inspiring to converse with you and I hope that it inspires many other people because you're a blessing and I

have a feeling we're just now beginning to see the brightness of your light. So I hope you keep putting yourself in uncomfortable positions and putting yourself out there because you have something to offer. Well, thank you, man. Thank you for having me. You all have a wonderful lesson. You too, take care.

Yes, ma'am. Bye. Bye. In a roundabout way, Amber, I think that you and I just gave someone a license to be vulnerable. They don't know it yet, but the stories that you told today are going to stick with them in some of their darkest moments. And in those moments, they're going to dare to hang on to hope that though they feel vulnerable,

they are still covered and protected by grace and love, but most importantly by God. I'm so grateful for you, for your heart, for your insight, for your story, and for the beginning that you are just experiencing. I hope you take care of yourself. All right, now y'all know the drill. Talk to me nice if you have an advice question or wish to co-host with me.

Simply email podcasts at warmlybob.com. I can't wait to hear all of the ways that you're going to make us better. Chat soon. you