Woman Evolve with Sarah Jakes Roberts - Lessons in Imperfection w/ Jade Verette

Episode Date: March 1, 2023

God can't bless you for ten to be or who you compare yourself to. He can only bless you and the lane that was created for you. I feel that for somebody. You don't need no itch, it's a tea you need boundaries. What? I don't need your lights, I don't need your elevation. All I need is a God party for me that's there are things. All things, all things.

Child. I met my husband in 2014. We had a breakfast meeting that was just as getting together, getting to know one another on a more professional side. And then again, in March, we crossed paths and it became increasingly clear that there was something else happening. A couple weeks later, we had our first date and honestly, it's been an incredible love story ever since. We got married the November of 2014 same

year that we met. I moved to Los Angeles and my life radically changed. Suddenly, the girl who was misindependent with the two kids, bought her own house, living large in Dallas, was now living with a man who saw wings when she walked into the room, his own personal angel, but also saw that there were other things up underneath those wings, scars, issues, imperfections.

One of his favorite stories to tell about me is the first time that he saw me without makeup. He saw all of the imperfections on my skin and thought it courageous that I would allow him access to that level of vulnerability. He thinks it's because I was so confident. The truth is that I figured that these imperfections that I'm learning to love are a part of the full package. So here it is. I'm not confident in them, but this is who I am. Later on in our marriage, there were more imperfections that came to the surface. Some that I

knew about, some that I didn't know existed at all. And it was really hard for me to believe that he could see those imperfections and still love me. So many moments where I disqualified myself from the man of my dreams because I didn't think that my imperfections made me the woman of his. And yet I stood in there, I stuck with it. So blinded was I by my imperfections

that I didn't realize he had some too. And that marriage was not about two perfect people coming together, but rather two people with imperfections, learning to love one another perfectly. This is a lesson that I learned with my parents as well, then again with my children, then again as I was building a team. And suddenly I realized that all of the fairy tales that I had been sold as a little girl were fraudulent. Instead, life was so much more vibrant and beautiful. Not because everything went perfectly,

but because we found a way to take the imperfect and make it beautiful. Today I'm gonna be talking to Jade, those of you who listen to the Get In Grown podcast or Jade and XT podcast are already familiar with her. She is an incredible light, multi-hyphenant, wife, mother, and entrepreneur who knows how to have a good time. But today, we're going a little bit deeper. We're going to be talking about the things that have shaped us, changed us,

imperfect as they may be, and how they're teaching us to be more compassionate, more loving, and more giving and caring with those who are in our world. This is the podcast that I know is going to bless your socks off, so just get ready to feel seen, loved, and inspired to embrace those imperfections that you may be rejecting, or ignoring, and find the beauty in them and stand. Let's go. Thank you for taking the time to do this. I know you're super busy.

Of course, it's good to see you. You too, what's going on in your world? What's bringing you hope these days? What's bringing me hope these days? Probably my child. That's probably the, she's probably the most hope right now. Working. And it work is nice, you know, and it's nice to spit.

I've been spending some time with family so on my grandmother the other week. So those have been those are not. She's nine. She'll be 10 in June. Wow. That's a good age. Is she like not when those like nine things? She's a teenager or is she like actually nine?

She is. I call her Stewie from family because sometimes she's a baby and sometimes she's a teenager, is she like actually nine? She is, I call her Stewie from family, because sometimes she's a baby, and sometimes she's a groomed. So, but she's really sweet, and like really sweet in her spirit, which is nice for me, because I'm not the sweetest.

So, so. So, what a way to own your truth. Well, let's just dive right into it then. Let's go. No, it's funny. So I was listening actually to a podcast on the way over here about generational trauma. Wow.

And one of the things that this doctor was talking about is that children bring everyone's, or the parents trauma to the surface. And so you're like trying to parent this child while triggered. And yet, you know, I don't think that the child necessarily has to follow in our exact footsteps in order for us to understand the consciousness

of what we were like in that age and how we've changed over time. So do you think that you, I mean, I think that you have a sweet spirit, right? Thank you. I think I have a sweet spirit, right? Thank you. I think I have a sweet spirit. My spirit always intends well. Sometimes the delivery is not always the sweetest, but that's.

Has it always been that way or did you like discover that? No, I think it's always kind of been that way because my family is that way. It's so funny because one day my husband asked me, he said, uh, are you, was your mother affectionate with you? And I had to stand. I was like, I was like, I know my mother loved me, but no, she wasn't the most affectionate. And so he was like, yeah, okay. And so it made me stop. And I was like, I'm not that affectionate, but it's really good when my child comes because anytime anybody else comes to hug, it's like, oh, mm, mm, mm, mm.

But where she comes, it used to be the same, it's like, oh, okay, girl. And then eventually it was like, you know what, this is teaching you softness actually, this is teaching you how to open up and it's been a beautiful lesson having the most emotional child in the world. a beautiful lesson having the most emotional child in the world.

I yeah, okay, so I okay, I spend too much time on TikTok. I think it's my way of rebelling against like having to do adult things. I don't know. Do I have other things to do? Of course. Am I going to do them? No, it's not my vibe right now. It's not the vibes I'm one. But there was this a video and it was like, oh gosh, what did he say? That like your inner child gets angry at people who can't get their stuff together because you just had to figure it out. And that is very much so giving why I am frustrated often. I think even as we I talk about this all the time when my husband and I were blending our family Like his daughters are so like soft and delicate and and they lean into wisdom and they they really want feedback And I'm just like why are you talking to them about everything like can't they just like go out there

Get a few bumps and bruises have few heart breaks maybe no, not a few heart breaks, maybe, no, not a baby. But you know, like, you know, like, what is this? So it's funny to me that you say that because I definitely feel like I am learning to, I think embrace that just because it was normalized in my family doesn't mean that it was healthy. Exactly. And I'm trying to be more compassionate with others and also myself.

Like just because you can do it, just because you can survive it, just because you can brush it off doesn't mean that it didn't actually hurt. So are you entering your soft girl, Erin? Oh, was that, you know, you know, I'll be honest with you. I loath that term. I... Oh, was that, you know, you know, I'll be honest with you say I loath that term. I guess, but yes, I but in the in the embodiment of it and the living of it, that's just me being anti with the internet.

But yeah, actually, my husband asked me recently, he said, I need you to be tender with me. Like I need you to talk to me Tinderly. And I was like, you know, you're right. I was like, and I'm responding from a place where I said, this is such a good practice. I'm one of the Syrijects podcasts, and I'm a woman involved, and I am evolving in my vocabulary.

So I said, I was like, you know, you used to be a little mean and harsh and how you delivered to me. And so I think that along with growing up along with how we talk to each other within family and communities in my neighborhood, I also was like, I think I custom myself to responding to you in a certain way. And I have to, I have to like, I got a tinker with that. You know what I'm saying?

Because you're not the same person that you were when we were together 11 years ago. Like you're a grown man who's asking me for tenderness, who it might have be like, get out of here. So, so it's been a really nice era to have a child who actually teaches me lessons and having a partner who's able to hold a mirror up in front of me, which then allows me to be softer with myself, you know, which has not always been a strength as well. So it's a beautiful, it's a beautiful learning experience. I feel like there's so many different angles of this conversation because I do think that for women who've either culturally within their family have had to be tough in order to survive

or who became tough because of different circumstances, this, I think, need, because of different circumstances, this, I think, need, like it becomes a need to really let yourself, those walls down and to be vulnerable, is I think for me, it's been like one of the hardest things in my marriage, like it's been, it's been grueling, like at moments where it's like, can I do this, can I stay in it? Because I don't want to fall apart.

I'm not trying to be some damsel in distress. I'm not trying to be somebody whining and complaining. And it's not even about accommodating a man's ego. We're talking about just having a real connection. One, with the most authentic version of yourself, now who you had to become. Absolutely. So that that person can engage with the most

authentic version of who you are, but letting that wall down is expensive. It's expensive. Yeah. A renovation. Hundreds of thousands of dollars. Yeah. And no idea, like, when is this project going to be finished? And like, what is it going to look like and will I like it? And how will it change the dynamics of my relationships? Do you feel like you're like the only one in your family who has kind of embarked on this journey? Or do you have someone who's gone ahead of you in it? Um, no, I'm not the only one. I have to give my parents credit. They try.

You know what I mean? They come back. They try. You know what I mean? They come back, they apologize, which is not always the case, but they apologize a lot now for things that they regret and how they handled them and us. But I had a young parents and I have to tell them now, I'm like, you all were way younger than I am when I was way older than Noah was. So I get it. When I put myself in that and that mind frame I understand it so funny. I had a conversation with my mother yesterday um and we were talking about whooping and my sister is You know my sister is a she she leans more in that direction. I do not

She's a whooper. She is a popper. Yes. She is I do not. She's a whooper. She is a popper. Yes, she is. And I thought I would be too, right? Because that's how we were raised. So I had this whole conversation. And my mother was like, well, you all didn't get beat like that. I was like, uh, you were you there? I was like, you love the wooden spoon. So just because you weren't into like beating, I was like, you love the wooden spoon. And I was like, and daddy loved the beating. So like, let's just call things things. And she was like, well, I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

And I said, she goes, I just don't think it needs to be out of control. And I said, you know, I have, I thought I was going to pop Noah. I thought I was going to pop Noah after I had Noah. When you get to understanding, you're going to get licks. And as time went on, I realized there were so many other ways to communicate with her as a human being,

then using our hands. I said, when you do stuff wrong in society, it's not right for people to put their hands on you. So why would we get to put our hands on the kids as they're learning and developing? And I thought she was gonna give me a lot of pushback and she didn't. She actually said that, yeah, she listened.

She was like, well, she's like, no, you have points there. And I was really surprised by that, but I'm learning, as I'm getting older and I'm having these conversations with my parents. And I realized that comes from a place where everybody doesn't have that ability to have those conversations with the people who raised them right, because people's personalities and so forth are different. But I'm grateful, actually, that I get to sit and have these conversations. And I can be honest about ways that I've had to reframe my thinking based off of how they've raised me

without them now jumping and taking offense to what I'm saying. And it's productive and I'm grateful for it. This is a good time, this conversation because I am deaf so my husband and I lived in L.A. for eight years. We've recently relocated to Dallas and Dallas is really the place where I experienced a lot of trauma, a lot of isolation, a lot of just abuse and mistakes. Like everything happened in this city and I noticed the first few months in me being here, like I could feel the anxiety, the trauma in my body,

walking into the church and like not visiting, like you, you at this church now. Because when you're visiting, you're like, I can always go home, but like I've had to confront a lot of the things that have come up. And I think that I am coming to terms with being honest about an imperfect childhood is not dishonoring. It's actually very healing.

And I think that it takes a lot for a generation that precedes you to come to a place where they can grapple with that truth. My, and I think my parents as they're aging, that they're becoming more sensitive to. And I think reflective about as their aging, that they're becoming more sensitive to and I think reflective about their life and their legacy and so it has made conversations a lot easier. But what do you think about this idea of like imperfection and childhood imperfection in

relationships, providing hope instead of resistance or being communicated as failure. Because I think we have to have a space where we get to say that wasn't the best for me or that took me some time to heal from without it being a rejection of all of the other things that a person did. Well, even in your marriage, like, how are you navigating? Like, okay, this is an area where I have an opportunity for growth, but I'm not throwing the whole thing away. Cause I'm, you know, my inner child is childish and have to be like, well, you don't like one thing,

you don't like anything. So leave me, Dan. So why you with me, Dan? Like, it's too much. It leans a little on the too much side. And I'm trying to like be mature enough to see myself as a whole person and not the results of just one moment

But it's definitely given like we'll make your own food See no because I because I have somebody who listen He's like you want you really want to throw that out there because I'll match you and I'm like I I Let me see okay, how do I, how am I gonna answer this? So many things, give me one question. I'm idiot.

I know, I know. But you've said so many things, okay, so like how are you grappling with the honesty of there being some flaws or imperfections in relationships in general? Okay, yes, without throwing the whole thing away. You're right. Okay, here we go. So, Tristan, that's my husband. Tristan, I think it's just been a lot of stopping and listening, right?

And putting away of ego and pride. It's like, why are you getting ready to threaten an entire relationship and such a good thing behind this one moment of tension or what have you. And I think even as we've grown together, we've evolved in the way that we communicate and disagree. You know, before it used to just, it used to get, whoo, it used to get hot up in here. He used to get a daddy and he don't have sand and it just, it used to get hot up in here. And then I just think as time went on, that became exhausting. And it just, it used to get hot up in here. And then I just think as time went on, that became exhausting.

And it's like that is counterproductive to getting to any type of solution. And the goal here is for us to hear one another. And that's another thing that we've had to come to terms with is let's listen to one another and try to understand where the other person is coming from, whether we agree or not. And we can have a conversation about why we agree or why we disagree.

But let me hear you and allow, and I want you to hear me and I want you to try to understand. And I'm just doing that right there has helped us so much in our communication. And that applies across the board. That's not just a romantic relationship. That's across the board when you just try to understand where somebody is coming from. Actually listen to them which so many people do not do especially now. Then we can try to meet people where they're at. You know what I mean?

And that is so much healthier for the outcome of any type of relationship. Yeah, removing that need to be defensive and to defend yourself and trusting that the other person is not trying to hurt you. I was talking to this young married couple and they've been married I think about a year. And she was like, it's not given for me like I don't mean, they just have. I'm sorry. And this is fine. Take the talk, talk. Along with the very, it's not giving me the big. I'm only on TikTok. It's the only thing that I do with my time. It's this is it.

Like I took a break from TikTok and to talk to you. But they've been married for a year. They have a new baby. They move somewhere new. And so they have all of these happening, things happening, and she's like, you know, he works all the time, he comes home, he's barely speaking to me, he doesn't understand what I'm up against.

And I told her, I'm like, just so you know, like this is all normal. Like leaving the marriage is not gonna change these complications, these dynamics, like I think like 85% of marriage and making it work is just deciding to stay. Like I'm gonna stay emotionally present. I'm gonna stay physically present. I don't know that there is just like secret,

sauce and magic thing that you do. It's two people deciding to say, I'm gonna stay in this in every single way, emotionally spiritually physically. And you just look up one day and I am convinced that you're celebrating an anniversary that at one point you weren't even sure you were gonna have.

And that first year, you know, if you're listening anywhere, baby love, that first year is rocking for everybody. You know, I remember my cousin called me, I was a bridesmaid in her wedding, and she called me one day, and she was like, would you move to Atlanta and be my roommate? And I said,

well, you have a husband. So and she was like, well, I don't because it's not giving for me, you know, so whatever it was at that time. And I was like, I mean, listen, you know that I'm down for you. Like, and if that's really what you want to do, yeah, I'll come to Atlanta. I was like, but is that what you wanna do? Like, what's happening? What's going on with you?

And we would chat through it, and I was not married. We were young, my cousin got married like 2021. And I was like, what's your argument over it? Like, let's talk about it. And now, they two kids in like 20 years deep now. You know what I'm saying? So you're right. A lot of it is choosing to stay.

And I know there were many moments where I'm like, I can't wait to get away from this bleep. You know what I'm saying? And then it's like, but even in those darkest moments, I don't want you to be all the way out of here. Like I may need, I may need a minute, but I don't want you to be all the way gone. Like do I want to throw this entire situation away

over something that's not unsafe for me, not unsafe for me emotionally, not unsafe for me mentally? You know, once you assess those things, then what are we really arguing about? What are we fighting about? What are we fighting about? Love is in the air and I'm playing matchmaker this year. Sis, I believe that you and the homie Brooklyn and are made for each other, like y'all should

go together real bad. Who's Brooklyn and you, Anx? Girl, home of the internet's favorite sheets, you can fill all the love this season with their line of bed and bath essentials that fill your home with life's little luxuries. I checked out their Valentine's Day gift guide, some cute items that caught my eye were a candle and diffuser scent, a super plush rope, and a mulberry silk eye mask. This luxurious home essentials line is what your space has been waiting for. For Valentine's or Valentine's Day, you can give your bathroom a spa at home feel with luxury upgrades of ultra-soft robes and towels. Treat yourself,

don't cheat yourself sis. Create a space that you and everyone else will have a crush on with BrookLenin. Visit BrookLenin.com to get $20 off plus free shipping on orders of $100 or more with code Evolve. That's br o ok l i n e n dot com for $20 off plus free shipping on orders of $100 plus with code Evolve. Yeah, I think sometimes staying for me came down to like am I comfortable with you like breathing in this world Without me I wanted to push him off a boat before yes But like not you alive in this world without me like we're no, it's not for me So you are not we've talked about you as a wife and a mother, but you are also

many other things. Give us your rundown real quick. I'm a chef. I podcast. I hate the term podcast. I don't know why. I think it's a me thing. It's an ego thing, right? It's mainly because my parents didn't think I had a job for like a decade, but I've been podcasting for nine years. I am a master mixologist. And yeah, I think that's the big three I think right now. Okay, so let's talk about like your journey to, I think these all sound like things that you're passionate about, right? So you have the privilege of doing something you love. How did you take the journey into these different lanes? How did you trust that your gift was enough,

that your voice was worthy of being heard? Like how did you get to this place? That was a journey actually, because I got my GED, I talk about that all the time now and getting grown, which now I realize I'm like, that is a beautiful thing in the sense where, oh, yeah, shameless plug getting grown. That's one of my podcasts. It's the only one I'll actually tell you all about. But there's another one in it's called J and XD and I know. It is not appropriate for this space.

I'm sorry, but it's appropriate for some of you. Some of the other ones are going to be like, why would you? Why? Some of us are going to be like, that's my new home girl. It's a mixed bag. We never know what we're going to get. You know what you write about that?

Because not just diver, but when I first met Sarah, I was like, oh, yeah, I don't know, because we're very different. She was like, girl, I know who you are, and don't start. So it's not past, we don't should pass judgment. But anyway, on getting grown, as you know, Kia, it has a PhD in higher education. And I got my GED, but it's a beautiful place

because we have the foundation of being black women, black women with certain lived experiences that are very similar as well as different experiences from how we've lived as well. So it's taken me a while to actually get comfortable with that journey and to realize that just because you didn't start off in a certain place or you didn't have things quote-unquote together that doesn't necessarily mean somebody who had their degree in this place had their things together we were all trying to figure it out in our own ways and I think that I've now especially with some of the some of the things that I've really been getting my feet into and realizing just

some of the things that I'm good at and that I enjoy doing. It has been a beautiful journey to kind of and then I can go back and say, well, if I didn't do this and I didn't do this and I didn't do this, then I wouldn't be I wouldn't be here. So I've I had to come into really appreciating that journey, but I really appreciate that journey. So do you give yourself permission to be confident in what you do well now? Oh yeah. Because you know I do.

Now I do, because what's the point? Because the resume is like, Well, you know, I haven't put it out there yet, but I've been working on a writing project with a partner for some time. And I said, you know, I'm really good at this. Like, and I said, food I've always I've always cooked with my mom. That's what we do. Like that. So I'm like, I know how to cook. There's a lot of people know how to cook though, right? But

it was nice where it's like, no, you know how to cook, but your food makes me feel this way. Or I started writing this thing. And it's like, you talk to, I talked to my writing partner, and he'll be like, yo, you're so good at this particular thing. And I had to stop one day and in my prayers and in my meditations, I was like, yo, why am I, don't dumb down the gifts. Like, don't dumb down what you have really grown into figuring out you're good at. Like why are you going to do that? That's disrespectful to yourself, it's disrespectful to your gifts, it's disrespectful to God, it's disrespectful. So I had to stand there and really take in. And I said, that's also a terrible example for Noah.

I ask her all the time when she comes and she tells me, oh I did this thing, I did this thing. I'm like, I love that. Are you proud of yourself? Like how did that make you feel that you did this thing? And so if I'm doing that to her, then I got to do that to myself too, right? I got to set that same example. So I've had to not in an arrogant way, but just in a way where it's like, why does it have to be arrogance? Because I can acknowledge the things that I'm good at. I'm grateful that I had such a long journey where I didn't know what I was good at. That I'm, yeah, yes, I'm happy with the,

with the discovery of the things that I'm good at. Parted me. Everything's fine. I need to be more like you now this is going to become therapy because I really struggle like I think mainly with Embracing the things that you know people think that I'm good at like I think I'm a good mom It took me a long time to get to that point Obviously because I started so early. I'm like there's no way you're going to be able to be a good mom

And I've probably become one I couldn't I don't think I could have started this one at 14, but I do think I'm a good mom, but it's weird. The things that people are like applauding me for are the things that I feel the most insecure about. Hmm. Why do you think that is? And that's something. I don't know. I really don't know. Like, what can you give me an example? I know this in my show. I just want to know. No, go Can you give me an example? I know this in my show. I just want to know. No, go for it. Preaching.

Like, it's really like one of the things that I feel the most insecure about. I think I'm a smart girl, so I think that I'm able to communicate whatever guy gives me to people in a way that they can understand. But it makes me uncomfortable. Like, I've preached a message a few weeks ago called bold move and it kinda like circulated a lot. I posted one clip from it, but I couldn't put,

cause it was just too many people like, she not gonna miss and whoop-de-woop-de-woop-de-woop, and I just, I didn't, I don't know, it made me feel uncomfortable. I wouldn't, I don't watch my messages. Like I just like put it out there, whatever's going to do is going to do. But I cannot like come to a place where I'm like, you're, you're, you're good at that. Like, and it's weird because on the other hand, like,

I'm also continuing to release it. Like I'm not so convinced that I don't do it. I just don't know how to like own it and like be confident in it. So like I'm always nervous, I'm always like, here we go and let's see what happens. Well, I don't know if you're... Does the nervous mean that you're insecure or does that mean that you are so passionate about what you're doing that you wanna make sure that you do the best job of it

every time you do it? Yeah, it's probably more that you know, because this is what you love to do. I feel like I am grading myself while speaking at the same time. So it's nothing for me to say something in my head. You like that and make any sense like order says I'm like, you messed that up. What is that? Like you got it. I'm to you. I don't know what yours is, but I know what mine is.

I just lean into it. What is it? Tell me. Oh no, I can't tell you what mine is. Not here, I'll tell you later. But mine is just a memory lap set time. Just said my, and my thoughts, my thoughts get a little bit. No, there was a time.

There was a time. Is it residual? I don't know how it works. Is there an expiration on it? Because there was a moment in time. You do. Your system is clear. But if I needed you to pee for me right now, we'd be good.

But. OK. All right. So it's not even that. I just think that we get caught up in our, we just get caught up in all of the woody woo around whatever it think that we get caught up and not, we just get caught up in all of the woop-dee-woop around whatever it is that we're doing instead of, sometimes just leaning in

of what we're doing and enjoying what we're doing. And we do enjoy it, right? We wouldn't be doing it if we didn't. But, and that's not me speaking from a preachy place. It happens to me, it happens to me when I have live shows and things like that. I just think as time has gone on, I'm like, you know what? I'm freaking out about this more than anybody else would.

And there is an audience of people out there who clearly are here for a reason. So let me lean into what I do that pulls these people over here. They enjoy, this is what I do. We gonna lean on each other. They're not paying as much attention to these little flubs that I'm having in my head

and we're gonna have a good time. And that's just how I try to move everything I'm doing now. I think that's gonna be really inspiring for someone who feels like I need to have it all together before I start or I need to be eloquent or I need to go back to school, I need to do this. When they don't realize that, like, I feel like most of the people who you are inspired by

are just out here doing stuff. Like we just out here doing the best that we can with what we have learning along the way, correct and fixing, changing, all in front of you. And so if you're waiting to do it well, if you're waiting to do it perfectly, then you're gonna miss out on the lessons of imperfection. There are some lessons that only get

and start it can teach you. You're never gonna know everything in marriage and business and reason children. You're never gonna know everything before you get started. But the only thing you can say is, I'm gonna do this imperfectly, but I'm gonna find a way to learn after every imperfection. And that part is important.

You can find joy in it. Yeah, I'll come on somebody. Say more. a way to learn after every imperfection and that part. You define joy and heart. Yeah, I'll come on somebody. Same one. It's not enjoying it. Like find something that make you feel good and if it don't make you feel good then don't do it. Yeah.

You know? So yeah, just like with you. Joy. Joy, just a little joy. I asked my friend that recently. I was like, what brings you joy? And she was like, you know, I don't know. And that is something that we need to ask ourselves often, especially when you, like you

said, we out here doing stuff, like make sure the stuff you're doing is bringing you joy. And then try not to overthink it. Like try not to get too crazy about it. Be free. Yeah. Okay. I have an advice question for us to answer. Okay. And it's churchy. So everything's fine. I knew I was coming. Everything's fine. Most of the time

it's usually relational. But for some, this one, we're going to, we're going to see where we go. See what happens. Okay, let's go. So hey, Sarah and the woman evolved team. I have a question regarding church. When a church leader makes a mistake, I leave the church. I've become a member of so many churches because of this. Even though I know people are not perfect and I'm no better than they are, yet in still, it is a habit that I've developed

and don't know how to work through yet. I don't want to be a runner anymore. I want to mature and learn to stay and love through the offense or mistakes with the appropriate boundaries. Any advice on how to navigate through situations like this? Thanks to netvents. And thank you for all you do. You're much appreciated and have been such a blessing. And I've got bless you and yours got bless you, girl. Okay. I think that can be applied in so many different, different facets, right? Relationships like we talked about earlier,

jobs, careers, hobbies, church. Do you feel unsafe? Do you feel unsafe emotionally? Are there moments, more moments of happiness and warmth that you get from it than you get moments where you make cringe. I cringe at all kinds of things. My husband says, but I smile more. So, you know, are you getting joy from this place? Are there places where you've been, I feel good, but I just didn't like this one thing. Because if you're applying that to church, you're going to apply that to so many other areas of your life, which is going to be wholly unsatisfying and unfulfilling. If you're constantly looking for the things that are pointing out the things that you don't

like as opposed to really finding the joy and the things that you do. Again, if you're in an environment that makes you feel good and makes you feel safe. Yeah, I think safety is really important, especially in a spiritual environment, because you do come in so open, so vulnerable, and so it's really important that you feel a sense of trust with the truth of who you are, like not who you think you have to pretend to be to come to church, like I the challenge will have love connected to it. I'm never going to leave feeling more broken than when I came in, maybe inspired to grow in ways that I've never been before. But I do feel like as a faith leader that there is a fine line between, I'm going to make mistakes.

I'm not going to say everything the right way, but I'm going to be accountable. When I learn more, I'm going to do more and be better. And then versus violating the abuse of power that you're in, the position that you have, lapses of integrity, that there's got to be accountability for those things. And to be honest, the accountability does come when there's a transition, when members say, hey, that crossed the line.

But I think part of being in relationship with someone who's gonna be a faith leader who, like Jay said, you know, they do more for you than they take from you. I think that there's an opportunity to write a letter to, I don't know how your church system works. People send me DMs all the time when I do something they don't like.

And there are some where I'm like, girl, miss me. And then there are others where I'm like, you got me on that. Like I'm sick. You gotta eat the meat, spit out the bones. Yeah, there are some where I'm like, I'm sorry that that came across that way. And thank you for taking the time. That level of humility and elitir,

I think is really important because you do want to be able to hold someone accountable and say, hey, they messed up, but they listened and they have made about a do better. Or now I understand where they came from better, but that's like a tussling that to J's point is going to happen in every relationship. But I do think that really understanding

when there's an abusive power taking place and really responding in that in a way that makes you feel safe again. Agreed. That wasn't that churchy. Okay, Jay. It was just about church. There we go, we did it. I have a question before we go. Okay. Who is the most inspiring woman in your life?

Who is inspired you the most living or no longer with us like what woman has left the biggest imprint on your identity? Probably my grandma. has left the biggest imprint on your identity. Oh, probably my grandma. No, really. Yeah, I think my grandma. She is, she's still living, she's 87 years old. She has dealt with so many hardships from an early age and she continues to be the embodiment of love.

Like she loves freely and she loves holy despite any of the abuse that she's dealt with. And listen, she don't take she don't take no stuff. But she's she's soft and she's gentle and she's genuine and sincere and warm. And I'm and I'm just so grateful for her. Like she raised eight kids, and that alone brought her, so she was pregnant for almost a decade. Can you imagine?

And absolutely not. Oh, no. And but, I just, she just, when you talk to her, when you talk to her, it's just, she's just, she's just love. She's just love.

So that's my girl. I think that's probably the most inspiring woman ever. Okay, so you have to tell me like, what is one thing that you hope she knows about her life and her legacy? I want her to know, I think she does know actually, which is also a beautiful thing. She knows how love she is. She knows that we, like we, we love her deep and we love her big and we do anything for her. I think that's part of the problem because she'll call us weekly for door-dash and Uber Eats and things like that. So she know how love she is. She knows. But I want her to know that even though she didn't, you know, leave a great educational imprint or anything like that, that she is still one of the most impactful people in my life, in my life personally.

Yeah. Amazing. Thank you, Jane. I'm grateful to, what's your grandmother's name? Maddie. Very black. Grandma, Maddie. First of all, she's taking adoption.

I can send my papers right on over. I don't have a grandmother. She looks okay. Tell her. She looks up too. Thank you for spending time with us and for sharing with us about your life and your business and grandma Maddie. It's been a good chat. Thank you, Sarah.

You know I love you. I'll be back anytime. If you don't, we're happy. I'm holding you to that. Yeah, and you next time cooking, that's what I would like to experience. Oh, when I come down to Dallas, it's happening. Just wait for it.

Okay, are you touring? Are you coming to Dallas when you're touring? I don't know, perhaps Jaden XD might be, so I will keep you posted. Okay. All right, let me know. Thank you, take care. You too, mama.

Bye. JADE, your story highlighted the beauty of imperfection in ways that I could not have even imagined or scripted. Thank you for being so open, so honest, so authentic. Because of you, we were made bold. Bold in our desire to be soft, vulnerable, strong, to be more like grandma, maddie, a survivor, and resilient. The knowledge you shared was truly, truly, truly appreciated.

So one thing, keep doing your thing, Queen. Now, who want to co-host with me or who needs advice? Don't all raise your hands at once, but instead slide into our inbox at podcastat1nivov.com. We are waiting for you. See you next week. you