Woman Evolve with Sarah Jakes Roberts - Let Truth Be Your Motivation w/ Dr. Natasha Stewart-Gresham

Episode Date: June 14, 2023

Sis, do you feel like you’ve reached the end of your rope? Has a certain person, place, or thing rendered you hopeless? Well then, you’ve come to the right place! This week on the podcast, SJR got an expert on the line—Dr. Natasha Stewart-Gresham! As an inspirational speaker, adviser, and life coach, she shares her story of burnout to new beginnings. Sooo…what was her secret sauce for reigniting hope, you ask? Speaking truth about the condition her life was in & Taking accountability for the part she played. Tune in as these two discuss divorce, true love, blending families, self-compassion, and the importance of showing young girls our scars. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.com/Evolve online therapy + ZocDoc.com/WomanEvolve digital health marketplace. Gone give 'em a try & tell 'em W.E. sent you!

God can't bless you for ten to be or who you compare yourself to. He can only bless you and the lane that was created for you. I feel that for somebody. You don't need no itch, it's a tea you need boundaries. What? I don't need your lights, I don't need your validation. All I need is a God party for me that's there for all things. All things, all things.

Child. Every now and then, I get tired. Like, not just I need a nap, not just I need a good night's rest. I mean, the type of tired that requires a completely unplug. And really figure out who am I now. I'm sure you've been there. You get a new job, you have a new baby, you move to a new city. Something happens in your life that shifts everything. Maybe it's loss, maybe it is something new, but no matter what it is, you find yourself having to ask again, who am I? What do I need

now? What moves me? I feel like those moments right before we begin to ask those questions feels so dark, so weird feel that we end up coming to a place where we have to admit, like honestly, I'm just burnt out. Nothing moves me. I don't have any passion about anything. My body, my whole soul, my mind, everything is just tired.

I preached a message once. It was called hungry for hope. And in it, I talked about Mary being at the cross of Jesus. And when she's having this moment where she's seeing her son be crucified, I can only imagine that she was at the end of her rope wondering, what do I do now? Who am I now that this assignment is over? I bet in many ways she was beginning to experience burnout herself. And then Jesus takes the time to do something so powerful

that I think gives us all clues and insight into how we should handle those moments when we are at the end of our rope. Jesus gives her a new vision for her life. He says to Mary, woman, behold your son, son, behold your mother, he's speaking about her and John, walking out life in a new way. This new vision for her life sparks her again. They leave from the cross and begin to journey together because the only remedy for burnout is fresh vision. That fresh vision often requires some accountability, some awareness, some boundaries, some work that not many of us know how

to do or are willing to do. And yet today we're going to give you the tools to help move from a space of burnout and into a place of reflection, awareness, but then new beginnings. Dr. Natasha is reeling from her new beginnings. When I introduce you to her, you're going to feel like you're talking to your favorite auntie before we even get started. She has an incredible resume. She leads up the counseling and behavior health department

at the Potter's House Dallas. She has been a part of our family's ministry for over 17 years, but today I got to mind her business. I have not had an opportunity to connect with her since before I moved to Los Angeles, but I do see her in church. And one thing is noticeably different. Dr. Natasha has a smile on her face that has come from a major shift in her life that I can only let her explain. So let's get ready to mind her business in this week's episode. My prayer is that when it's all said and done,

the two will be reignited from the place where you were experiencing burnout and have new passion, new compassion for all that awaits you. Let's go. One of my favorite sites is seeing you in church on Sundays with your boothing. I feel like I left and went to Los Angeles for eight years and I was still seeing you in that same spot. But when I came back, you had a bonus person there with you. Can you tell me a little bit about how this love story

has unfolded in? Listen, God is good. Look, you gave me hope. But I saw yours unfolded. I said, God, if you could do it for me. So we actually, Micah Stampley is a friend of mine, a friend of my husband's in tragically his daughter passed away. Yeah.

And so I went to the funeral and I also went to the funeral on behalf of the ministry. Mm-hmm. And so I spoke and my husband was sitting there and he said, Mm-hmm. And so he met me at the repast and he said, Hey, I want to take you out to dinner. Really? Just right there. Right there I want to take you out to dinner. Just right there.

Right there. Okay. And we went to dinner. And we've been together every since. All right. Now, so I don't know too many people who meet at a funeral. But we are one and we've been rolling last three, four years. Okay.

So like, how has this love changed your life? Oh, wow. I never felt protected in a relationship before with a romantic relationship. And although my father was in my life, he was not in my house. And so I never really had a connection with a male. And so for my husband to show up, and at that point, I met him when I was 49. And so I had to learn to accept love from a male.

Wow. And I thought, I'm Dr. Natasha, I know what that's like, and I tell people and all that, but to have it present in my life, it was a little overwhelming. Because he is truly a husband, and God begin to speak to me before I had men in my life, but I didn't have a husband. And there's a difference between a man who wants a wife

and a man who's a husband. And he is a husband. So that's a provider, a protector, a nurturer, and curvature, a lover, all of that. And I didn't think that was possible, but it is. Okay, so that's interesting to me, because I think so many women experience burnout in relationships like I'm over it, I'm tired,

I'm never going to experience it. And yet you have this remarkable love story. At what point did you know that you were gonna have to change your perspective, your heart posture, in order to make room for this type of man and this type of love? At the very beginning, I was in a marriage for 18 years and I went through a divorce.

And when I went through the divorce, I said, God, I don't wanna get married. I'm burnout. Burnout, I do not want it. And it took God to the divorce, I said, God, I don't want to get married. I'm over. I'm burnout. Yeah. Burnout, I do not want it. And it took God to speak to me and say, it's not that you don't want marriage. It's not you don't want what you had.

And he said, and if you would take accountability for your part in the marriage, I'll come on now. Yeah. I will send you a husband. And he had me create a vision board. In the whole time, I'm crying while I'm doing this vision board because I was like, God, I can't, I haven't seen good marriages. I haven't experienced a good marriage.

Why are you putting this on me? And so I did a vision board of what I thought I wanted in a husband. And so we went through this process and he had me call my ex-husband and apologize. Oh, okay, hold on now. What's in me now? Yeah, because he broke it down to me. He said, you didn't respect the role of husband. Wow.

And he said, if we're going to do this again, you have to respect the role of husband. So I need you to apologize because you only treated him like a man, not a husband. So you felt like you didn't have to listen to him. So I put it in order. So when you were disrespecting his role in his position, you were disrespecting my authority. So now I'm going to set it up. So you apologize to him.

And so when I apologize ahead in my mind, I'm going to call, and I'm going to say, I'm sorry, and then he's going to say, he's sorry for what he did. And we're just going to be like this Kumbaya moment. Because we really do have a good decent relationship. So I just thought I was going to be this Kumbaya moment. So I call him up and I apologize. And then he listens.

And he says, well, I really appreciate you calling and saying that. And it's about time. Oh, exactly. I know. And my mouth is a little slick. You know, I'm saying my mouth can be a little slick sometimes. And I started to say something. God says, shut up. He said, this wasn't about him. It was about you. Wow. And I said, but God, how do

you honor somebody when you don't agree with them? How do you submit? What is that? I can't do that. And he says, you do it all the time. I said, what do you mean? He said at work, do you have a boss? I said, yes. Do you always agree with your boss? No. Do you ever disrespect your boss? No. Do you challenge your boss disrespectfully?

No. So you do it. So you are picking and choosing when you want to be submissive. So if you can do that with a boss, he said, how much more can you do that with somebody who's your covering? So I had to swallow that. You know, now this month, this was submissive. It's been a theme and it's not the theme of the month, but it has been, it is recurring in these conversations. How do you define submission?

Submission is what I'm up under. And this is what I tell women. You have to make sure up under. And this is what I tell women, you have to make sure you can submit to something, you can be under something that can sustain you. It has to be able to support you. If I put my weight on it, just like this chair, I'm right now in submission to this chair. I don't know it, but let it lay give out. I'm on beyond the floor. So I am trusting.

So basically submission is trust. I trust that you will do the best for me, for my interests, for my welfare, for my happiness. And with my husband, he makes submission easy, because I can truly say not that we always agree, but I always know that he's for me, that he's for me. And I knew this time I had to pick a man that I could respect. If I could not respect him, I could not submit to him. So for me, submission is trust and respect. Everyone knows Beth Moore as a dynamic Bible teacher.

She has been a trailblazer for women in ministry like myself. But I'm not sure if you knew that she is also the author of a fiction book that has just as much power in its punch as her sermons or Bible study. I'm so excited that we are going to have her book for our August book of the month for the Woman Evolved Book Club. Her book, The Undoing of St. Sylvainus, is a book about a family's broken past and how they manage to navigate to a place of healing and breakthrough. I believe that this book is going to be so powerful for you because it's also going to help you break the shame off of your past.

I encourage you to join the Womanyball Book Club and to do the work with us in a community of like-minded women. Go to WomanyballBook Club.com before July 10 the work with us in a community of like-minded women. Go to warmandeballbookclub.com before July 10th and join us in August. You don't want to miss it. Okay, so what I hear you saying is that part of the reason why women struggle with submission is because they have incredible souls, big spirits, big energy, big potential, big ambition, maybe big achievements, and they're trying to submit to someone who is umbrella and size, and that

there are some women who in order to submit are going to need hangers, like where they store airplanes, they need a man who is a hanger who can facilitate the full breath of their wings being spread. And that's why most women struggle with submission is because we're trying to use umbrellas instead of hangers. But if we ever find a man who was wide enough and wise enough and strong enough to really handle ourselves, then submission is easy.

That's been my testimony. Come on and testify. Absolutely. And now it's mine. And that's it. And that's why I say women pick right. Pick right. Don't pick on looks.

Don't pick on. Oh, he's driving this type of car in the long run. Does he have enough bandwidth to support you? And this is thing as women wear nurturers, and we always want to see potential. Potential doesn't mean anything, elections actualized. And so don't always want to see potential. Potential doesn't mean anything, it's actually lies. And so don't get hung up on potential.

What is he doing with the potential he has? Because when he's taking you on, he's taking everything that's connected to you and can he handle that? And one of the reasons I respect my husband so much, because he told me early on, he said, I want a wife. He said, but I understand you have children. He said, so I can't just think about, can I cover you?

I have to make sure I can cover your children. He said, because everything that's connected to you is now going to be connected to me. So he said, when I said, I've never had anybody who did a state planning. Wow. Yeah. That's how deep he was. He was like, I need to know burial. I need to know a state planning. Wow. That's how deep he was. He was like, I need to know burial.

I need to know a state planning. I need retirement. And he didn't ask me for anything. He didn't ask me to do this. He did it. And I was like, no, what kind of love is this? That's why you'd be looking the way you look in a church on Sunday, covered.

Covered. Covered. Covered. Your worship is totally different now. It is covered. And when I tell you he's a good man. Okay, so I want to zoom out of the lens a little bit because we're talking about romantic relationships.

But the reality is that most women, especially this time of the year, are burnt out from just about any and every relationship, from parenting, from work relationships, and they're trying to get into a place where they can experience passion again, where they feel alive again. And I'm wondering, with your background, with the knowledge and experience that you possess, can you talk to me about how a woman recovers from experiencing burnout in almost every area of her life. First, give yourself grace. And the other thing, we always talk about self-care, and I'm an advocate for self-care, but I also want us to have self-compassion.

Because self-care by its nature implies that you're doing something, and we're already doing enough. So self-care almost feels like another chore. What do I have to do? Bubble baths, retail therapy. It feels overwhelming sometimes that I can't do self-care. So now I'm talking about self-compassion. And that means being gentle with yourself,

being loving with yourself, being kind with yourself, giving yourself permission to say, I'm not okay, given yourself permission because as women in society, it's almost frowned on to say, I'm tired of being a mother, I'm tired of being a provider, I'm tired of being a wife, I'm tired.

And it's like, we should have this cape on and it is unrealistic and it's unfair. So I want you to give yourself self-compassion because compassion is how I feel. Okay, it's not what I do, it's how I feel. And it's okay to feel whatever you feel in the moment. And if you're feeling overwhelmed and you're feeling stressed out, then acknowledge that and say, that's why I am. But that doesn't mean that's where I have to stay. And now, what steps do I need to take? And one of the biggest steps that you can take is no. Yeah.

You know, you just helped me realize that I think I am most tired when I am pretending to not be tired. But when I finally acknowledge that I'm tired, then I start making decisions that reflect where I am. The refusal to admit that I'm tired has me signing up for stuff that I can't do over exerting myself going to bed late trying to do everything for everyone.

But the moment I put my truth into the atmosphere, people change the way they engage with me when I say I'm tired, they ask, how can I help you? And so many of us are resentful because we have not released our truth into our environment and atmosphere because we don't want to let people down because we don't want to disappoint them, not realizing that we need to disappoint them so that we can appoint ourselves, so that we can appoint our truth and it's not until we are willing to disappoint others, do we really make space for ourselves and our lives? Girl, let me give you an offering.

Absolutely. Absolutely. And I love what you said about owning your truth. Yeah. Because the scripture says the truth will set us free, right? But it's only the truth we acknowledge because truth is always around us. Yeah. But we don't always acknowledge it. And until we step into the power of truth and say, I'm tired. Then we can change all human behaviors motivated. Everything we do has a motivation.

And so let truth be your motivation. And it's okay wherever you find yourself is to say, this is where I am. Doesn't mean I'm going to stay here. But I need to acknowledge it so I can deal with it. That's so good. I don't know who this is for, but stay off Beyonce's internet self-diagnosing your symptoms and sis. Stop hitting up your friends from medical opinions. They don't

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Then find and book a top rated doctor today. Many are available within 24 hours. That's zoc.com slash woman evolve. Zuck-Duck.com slash woman evolve. One of the things I've been focusing on a lot, especially as it relates, I'm parenting my daughter's 13, my youngest daughter's 7, and you have an adult daughter. How did you do it? How did you survive raising a young black woman in a world where I mean, I think things

have even changed since she was growing up. But like how do you keep their confidence in tag? How do we teach them girl evolve and spider like girls are burnt out already at 13. My daughter was talking about boys, she was like, all boys these age are trash. They're just all trash and I'm like, good point. But why would you say that? Like trying to keep our hopes open. What do we do with the state of young women

right now? And how can we position them to stay open and hopeful and optimistic, in spite of the real violence that they're experiencing, the social pressures that they're up against, and the self-esteem issues that are bound to have, they're bound to have with what's being represented in culture? What I did was, and I promised you, and I don't want to sound churchy, but I just grew up in the church, and so I always said, God,

you have to help me in my own way. I'm not religious, I have a relationship, and I said, God, you gave me this daughter. And if you don't want me to send her to you early, you're going to have to intervene. Help me. Help, right? And so he gave me when he reappeared to the disciples

and Thomas was there and he was doubting, because a lot of times our children, whether they're girls or boys, they doubt what we say. They doubt what's going on around them. There's so much doubt in their life. And what did he do to, in response to Thomas's doubt, he showed him his scars.

Yeah. And he said, be transparent with her age appropriately. Let her know you don't always have the right answer. Let her know that you messed up to, let her know, you know, age appropriately. Because she'll know everything. But she knows enough to get her through. So when you were struggling with self-esteem, I struggled with self-esteem.

When you're struggling with how to be intelligent, but still be cool, I struggled with that. So being able to be relatable to her, but still maintain, I'm still your mama. But you can say anything and everything to me. I remember one time when she said, mom, you know how you said, I can tell you anything and I said,

yes, she said, well, I want to tell you something, but don't get mad. And I said, well, I can't promise you, I won't get mad, but I can promise I won't take it out on you. And she said, well, I want to tell you something, but don't get mad. And I said, well, I can't promise you I won't get mad, but I can promise I won't take it out on you. And she said, okay. And she said, I don't always like you. Okay.

The one feeding you clothing you've doing it, you don't always like me. And I said, okay, I said fair enough. I said, and why? And she told me why? Well, because you get on me, you do this, you do that. And I said, God it. I said, so help me. I said, when I'm yelling at you,

sometimes I don't realize I'm yelling. Let me know I'm yelling. Wow. I said, let me know. I said, let's come up with a signal, do this. And then that way I know my voice is elevated. I said, I yell because I don't think you're paying attention. So she did that, we got it.

She, we had a comb by my y'all moment. And so then I said, well, can I tell you something? And she said, yes, I said, you promise. You won't resent me or take it out on me. She said, yes then I said, well, can I tell you something? And she said, yes, I said, you promise. You won't resent me or take it out on me. She said, yes, I said, okay, I don't always like you. And she, same reaction, what? Well, how could you say that? I'm your daughter.

I said, just like I'm your mother. But do you think I like always telling you to clean up your room? Do you think I like having to go up to that school because you didn't do your homework? Do you think I, I said, so I said, I will always love you, but I don't always like you. And I said, there are going to be people in your life that you love, but you don't always have to like.

And I said, and that's okay, but let's talk about it. So I was very open, very transparent. And now we just, we have these bracelets, and we just got besties on our charm bracelets, because she literally is one of my best friends and I love her and she's grown now. So I'm like through the hump, but not really. But yes, this sounds like gentle parenting though

before gentle parenting was a thing. Maybe a little bit, but I have snatched her up. Oh, what do you mean? I have snatched her up. These stairs are giving me a flashback. She was on her upstairs. And I literally was going up the stairs and you know how you just flick.

And I said, did I tell you to clean the kitchen? And I just flicked her like in passing. And she looked at me hands on hip. Don't you put your hands on me. And so I lost a gentle bit. I snatched her up. I had her and I bounced her between them real nice nice I'm not to let my hands off you tell me now not gentle at all not gentle at all when I finished

Handling her like a ping pong. She went down the end did them just she did it. Okay, wow I don't know where to go from here Every now and then you know I just said think don't know where to go from here. Every now and then, you know, I just said, think don't call CPS, but yes, I had the bounce off the wall a little bit. Okay, so there is a mix here. There's some gentle parenting with some generational parenting and that's a new cocktail.

But most people who do the flicking don't also do the transparency in the vulnerability. Most of them feel like I can't show her my scars or I'm just trying to forget that it even happened to me. Why would I bring it up again? What level of wholeness did you have to pursue in order to come to a place where you didn't mind your child knowing what happened to you and the experiences that you possess. Because I do think so many women have a lot of wisdom to offer their children, adult women, who would love to hear their mother's stories,

but they're so guarded, they have blocked it out so much. Maybe there's a lot of pain there, a lot of shame there, so they don't open that box, not realizing that the healing that they could have in their relationship can only happen if someone's willing to be vulnerable and transparent. So like how did you find the courage to say, I can do this? I think one of the things that you talked about

was self-healing. I had to heal first and know it was okay. And I loved her too much to let her make the same mistakes I made. And to feel the same pain I felt. So if it risked me being vulnerable, I wanted to show her all my scars. So she didn't go down the same path I went down.

Because we always say this, you're my dream living. You know, so if it is, let me not make it a nightmare. So let me give you the tool guide I did not have. And that takes courage, but you have to be okay. And you have to give up. Sometimes I think as parents, we want our children to think we're rock stars and that we did everything perfect and we walked on water.

And it's a lie. And your parents didn't do everything perfect. Nobody has. And so I think being okay with saying, I messed up, you know? And it's okay, but I still ended up here. A friend reminded me, talk, go back to my husband now. My friend reminded me, she said, I wish your mom could see you.

Because my first husband, she told me not to marry. Really? Yes. And I didn't listen. Because I thought I knew it all. She needs to bounce me off some stairs, but anyway. And so I married him. And she told me, she said, I wish your mom could see you now.

And I said, I believe she is, but if my mom had told me why, I shouldn't have married my, she just kept saying, don't get married. And I kept asking her, I said, why? I said, because all I could see the sun, the moon, and the stars, but she didn't say, I'm looking at him. And I see this, this, this, this, because of my trauma. And so my mom never told me,

she wasn't in a place to be holding up her healed enough to tell me what she started. It wasn't only until later, when she saw him, she saw what she went through. Man. And so I wish she had the strength to tell me. And so I said, I'm going to tell my daughter, I'm going to tell my son.

I'm going to tell my daughter I'm going to tell my son I'm going to be as open and transparent because I do not want you all to make the same mistakes. Okay so what I hear you saying is as a parent you would spend less time saying I told you so if you're willing to spend more time saying I tell I'll tell you why not just I told you so but I'll tell you why and Not just I told you so, but I'll tell you why. And that can be really healing for their relationship. That's good. I try, I'm really trying.

Parenting is, I love it. I love my girls. They're the ones we're really parenting. Everyone else, we're kind of moved into that adult friendship zone. But it is interesting to see them navigate the world and to see their perspective as they're taking on new challenges.

But I am constantly trying to make sure that I'm giving them what they need at this age and making sure that things are open no matter what's happening. So, okay, so I have a question for you. You are in this new relationship, this new marriage, you're really not even newlywed anymore, but you got this newlywed thing going still. What do you think is the greatest thing that you have learned about yourself in this new

marriage that you didn't know until now that I could be soft? Really? Okay, tell me about soft Natasha. I always thought women were weak and I never wanted to be a weak woman. Wow. Because once again, I saw my mom be weak when it came to men. And I said, I'm not going to give anybody that much closest to me. Or, you know, I'm going to have my own my own money, my own own own. Honey, and right now, honey, I'm listening. I'm thinking God, listen.

He said he'll give you a house that you didn't build, but anyway. So that, and people would say, you know, we pray for blessings and all this stuff, but when it came, I was kind of like, no, I have to stand on my own. I can't receive this. He has a housekeeper, and he's had the same housekeeper

for 20 years. When I first moved in, I wouldn't even let her do my laundry. You know, and I was like, full, you've been one of the housekeepers forever. You know, like, why? But it was like, I was like, no, I don't want to trust this. And God had to speak to me and say, you can be soft, you can be vulnerable.

He's not gonna manipulate you, he's not gonna take advantage, he's not gonna hurt you because you gave your heart to me. And I gave him your heart. And one of the things that God told me when I met my husband, he said, don't look at anything else but his heart. Look at where his heart is. And I was like, okay, and I said,

well, God, show me his heart. And when he showed me his heart, that's when I realized I can be soft. I can be vulnerable. And it's a journey because that old man, that old Natasha wants to stand up, you know, and he's taking me an unfamiliar territory. And so sometimes you get insecure, you know, because this is new and it's scary, it's

good, but it's scary and it's like, well, whatever he goes away or what if this, you know, I don't want to get used to something that I can't maintain. But look at God, my husband said, I'm going to do it. So if something happens to me, you will always be taken care of. Wow. Y'all make me shouting here. Hahaha.

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. I believe that journaling is a safe place for authentic self-discovery. No wonder years ago when I created a blog, I began to learn new things about myself. Writing and connecting with women was life-changing for me. The experience was heavy yet, liberating. It opened me up to a world of opportunity. Getting to know our true selves takes time as we're constantly evolving.

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That's better help, help.com slash evolve. Now that second time around, I think a lot of people are afraid to fall in love after they've experienced devastation. But if you apply the lessons from the first time properly, that second time around can be so rewarding, so restorative, and so fruitful. Absolutely. What's it like lending a family with adult children?

So that's a little different, you know? Because so between us, we have five children. And his oldest was 32, 26, and at the time, 15 or 13. And so the two, like you said, they were grown. So it was kind of like more of a friendship. And his son, I was just like, okay, I'm, I was an empty nester now. I'm back here, but he is the sweetest boy. And I was intentional. And I said, I'm coming here, but he is the sweetest boy. And I was intentional.

And I said, I'm coming into his space. So I started, we started watching movies together. Oh, that's good. And then he, at that time, he was really into gaming. So Natasha started learning how to game. Give me the remote. Let me see how this works, you know, the controller. You know, so I started doing stuff.

And then I intentionally started driving him to school. Wow. And that was our time. Because I needed him to know, I love your dad, but I love you too, and you're part of my life. And he started, actually, calling me Mama when me and his dad were dating, and his mother, and his dad both said, you don't have to call her mama, you call her Miss Natasha.

And he said, no, because she treats me like one of her kids. And when his dad said that he was gonna propose, we went on this trip, he sent a letter. And in the letter, I couldn't open it till after he proposed, but in the letter, he said, I'm so glad now I can call you mama publicly. And that just melted my heart. So it was just a God does all things well. It was just really God.

And his even my husband's ex-wife called me up and said, can we go go to lunch? And she said, because my children love you. Wow. And she said, so I need to love you. Yeah. And so that and so we have a great relationship. So God is good.

Is that like, are you pinching yourself daily? Yeah. Daily, daily, daily. Because when I tell you, but I suffer now. Listen. Listen. Listen. Can you repeat what you said earlier? No.

Not an 18 years of play. Yes. And I don't say that against him because he is a good person. He's a good father. He just wasn't a good husband for me and I wasn't a good wife for him. And when I divorced him, I remember my brother calling me and he said, why are you getting a divorce? Because on the outside, everybody thought we were perfect. And I said, I'm divorced in him to give him a chance to be happy. Wow. And a chance for somebody to love him as he should be loved. And I know I'm not doing that.

And that's not fair to him. I told you, God told me to take ownership of my parents. I was just thinking about that. Yeah, that ownership. So how do you, how do you take ownership of your part if you feel like well the reason why I acted that way is because they did XY and Z because a lot of times We failed to take ownership because we feel justified in our actions or we feel like I would have never done that unless they did that So like why take ownership of something that you feel like someone else cost because I want to grow Mm-hmm And that's really why I did it because I could sit here and be justified. All the things he did or did not do. And I would be justified. I would be right, but I'd be stuck.

Wow. And I didn't want to be stuck. And I knew God had something more on my life. And I said, okay, God, I said, how do I do that? And that's what I do with clients. I know they're growing when they start taking accountability. When they don't look at this, this, this, and this. Because anything external, I can't control, but I can control internal. And so I had to stop looking at what he did wrong and look at what I did wrong. And so I could grow from it and I could attract on the level I was believing for. Do you think it's fair to say that in a demise of a relationship that everyone has always played a part or do you think there are instances

where like literally no one did anything wrong and then this happened? No, that's a fairytale. And somebody, and it doesn't mean it's, you know, 50, 50, right, right? But you did something and I even go back to, I started saying this when I was getting close to my divorce.

I ain't even looking at him anymore. I'm looking at me, because I picked this foolishness. So what was wrong with me that I picked this. And then I put up with so much for so long. I said, so there has to be a deficit in me. And nobody is perfect. And nobody is 100% good or 100% bad. We all mixed up.

Me included. You know what I mean? And so when I realized that, I'm dirty. Come on. Let's just be honest. You know what? He did a lot to put up with me. And I'm grateful for the time that he put up with me too.

What do you think was your contribution? Like what did you have to take ownership of? Not being submissive? I would really not even ask him his opinion or his, you know, even moving to Dallas, even though I knew it was a God thing, we were living in a Toss, Oklahoma. We moving. I'm getting this job at the Potter South. Come on, pack up your stuff.

I didn't take into consideration his career. Did he want to do? He had family there. I was just like, we moving because God told me so. And although that was true true the way I handled it And that's how I handled him throughout our marriage Yeah, and that I didn't consider him so when I was thinking he didn't consider me I wasn't considering him either

Mm-hmm, and so and and I remember when we told our kids we were getting divorced They said but you guys never thought we never heard you guys raise your voice. And so people think, oh, if you raise your voice and you're yelling, there's problems. No, you can be as sweet as T and still have problems because you're not being, you don't honor and you don't value and you don't respect. And what God told me that got my life all the way together, he said, listen, here, little girl, that's my son. And after he's your husband, he'll still be my son

and you have to treat him like he's my son. Wow. And so he got my life all the way together with that. And I said, ooh, because he said, if you mistreat the least. Yeah. And so I said, okay, God, I saw, and I apologize, I repented to God.

And then I called him up like I said, and I said, I am so sorry. And I meant that thing. Now I was expecting that in return. Maybe go watch this. But anyway. But I didn't go. I didn't go.

But like I said, and now we are good friends. We have children together and we just celebrated my son's 24th birthday. And we all came together. He's remarried. And we all came together, he's remarried. And we all came together, we all fellowshiped, had fun together, and this is how it's supposed to be. Yeah, everybody found what was right for them.

Absolutely. Okay, you meant that from your soul. From my soul. So what woman has been the most influential to you What woman has been the most influential to you as it relates to your desire to be soft? Oh my, let's see. And this is going to sound your mom. Your mom. Your mom. Because it's one thing to be on the outside, but then it's another to be close.

And to see her be close, this is the moment that changed my life with your mom, is when she had her book come out. And I went with her on a book signing tour and your dad ended up coming. And so this was all designed for your mom. And so that when he arrived, everybody kind of got about your mom and they were flocking towards him and taking her book for him to sign. And I was outraged. I wanted to, and she was so graceful and so kind and so loving.

And so I said, I'm missing that in my life. I wanted to be Peter. I wanted to get a sword out. And she may not even remember this, but that changed my life. And I started watching your mom. Why? And I said, and I was still married at that time,

but I knew I didn't have that type of grace. And that kind of femininity and that kind of softness that I could allow my husband to shine in what was supposed to be my moment. Wow. And do it just so gracefully. And so, and then another moment we were at the altar. And I, I'm a little germaphob,

and somebody was crying and they gave me tissue. I held that tissue. I wasn't giving it to that girl. And I acted like I didn't see him because I'm not about to wipe her tears and it's not coming out of my nose. Your mama took the tissue and wiped the girls' eyes and her snott.

And I said, God, you humbling me. I said, now first lady, then wipe this girl's tears and her snnot without blinking. And I said, I need to be that soft. I need to be that gentle. I need to be that, that available. And maybe because I'm still not at the snot in a... I was gonna say, how's this?

I not walk for you. No, I'm still not there dad. He's still working on me until we go to glory on that one. But just that idea of being that soft and that vulnerable and that open to God to use you that you wipe their tears. Now I might do some tear wiping if I know you. But it's not, but it's not on your own sis. Okay, well then I have to ask you before we go, what do you hope my mom knows about the impact that she's had on your life? about the impact that she's had on your life.

That I love her truly. That I love her for no other reason than who she is. And I don't I don't require anything from her. And if she was here, she'd tell you, I never asked her for anything. Anything she's done, she's just always fully given. I'm just so honored to be in her presence. And to just see her be her authentic self and with all the ups, the downs, the stabilization, just everything that she has never changed. In the 17 years, she has never changed and I just want her to know I'm appreciative. Yeah, thank you. Thank you. This was great. Thank you. Thank you. This was great.

Am I the only one who found this conversation to be so fruitful, hilarious, and rich? Dr. Natasha, your transparency, your vulnerability, your storytelling is unmatched. My listeners and I want to thank you from the bottom of our hearts. We're walking away with some strategies on how to optimize our

wellness. Let's put some tools in the practice this week, ladies, and see how we can become a little bit more doctor Natasha Esk and all that we do. I want to hear your praise report on our social media. Tell me how you are doing the thing that you were called to do in a way that makes you feel more alive than ever before. Then, we'll connect next week and have the conversation continue.

Chat soon. you