Woman Evolve with Sarah Jakes Roberts - Longevity of Prayer w/ Armani Battle

Episode Date: September 15, 2021

Sisters, how y’all feel? Delegation, y’all alright? Here W.E. have SJR & Armani Battle rockin’ with what the Lord is doing in this podcast SZN! The two chat about an Eve-state of mind, the dichotomy of womanhood, mother-daughter dynamics, & a longevity that comes with living by God’s standards. Press PLAY to hear how SJR coaches Armani into exercising her ministry muscle ‘cause girl…it’s the biggest flex W.E. all can use! Chile, the streets are talkin’ & the innanet is buzzing—hit up WomanEvolve.com/conference21 for an opportunity to breathe in God's presence & exhale your fears! This episode is supported by BetterHelp.com/Evolve + HelloFresh.com/WomanEvolve14 + Truebill.com/WomanEvolve

God can't bless you for ten to be or who you compare yourself to. He can only bless you and the lane that was created for you. I've built that for somebody. You don't need no itch, it's a tea you need boundaries. What? I don't need your lights, I don't need your elevation. All I need is a God party for me that's there for all things. All things, own things.

Child. Check one, two, one, two. Is this thing on? We have a technical issues site. We don't do the podcast like that anymore, but we used to, and I used to have my mic on and you couldn't hear me, but on my, we trying to do this thing with excellence.

First of all, are you following us on the socials? I need to know how you are enjoying the podcast, drop us a comment, drop us some lines and let us know. I was bit of high 16, but you already know you're not ready. Speaking of high 16, ever so often, there is a person. That person will be asked who their favorite artists are from whatever genre of music they listen to and though the order

may change, the same artist consistently appears on everyone's list. That name is SJR JK. Okay, listen, as a person consistently on the list, it has to be a beautiful feeling to know that your dedication and unique artistry is not only showing up in different lists and different spaces and genres of music, but it is outlasting adversity. As you're breaking into your industry to know that you're being honored by people's acknowledgement and validation of your gift is incredible, but the longevity of your art.

That's what you're always looking for, the longevity of the art. I don't wanna just be hot for a moment, right? As an artist, you wanna have longevity. That is the same goal that we have to have. And our growth and our development as we evolve. We don't want to just have seasons where it's like, all right, I'm making every list, I'm checking everything off,

but that's only for a moment. We need to have sustainability, longevity, this growth that you are experiencing has got to last, whether you're the one that kicks it off or the one that just keeps this ball rolling in your family and your friend circle in your generation, being in the lineage of something that withstands the test of time is pretty dope. My co-host, Armani, can attest to the appreciation of longevity because this is a third generation educator and she came with a lesson for us, got us right on together.

By the way, shout out to all the teachers, principals, and school administrators. We, the whole woman, evolve, family, love, and honor you. Now, let's check in with Armani. Get your note pad, a pen, some papers, some pencils because she's about to school us and know what you didn't even know you needed. Hi, our money. How are you? Good.

I'm great. How are you? I'm doing great. Thank you so much for being on the podcast with me. Thanks for having me. How'd you hear about the podcast? What made you want to sign up to be a co-host? Because if I'm being honest, my heart was like broken. Like, I guess that was the first episode after the break. And when you said that you weren't gonna do the podcast, live no more, like my heart was broken,

but I understood, because it was crazy. It's crazy how God really brings things full circle because my child is going to school, or like real school next week. And I've been working a lot in between priorities from church and so many other things. I don't spend as much time with her as I want to. And like guys really been telling me like,

okay, like you're going to have to get rid of something to make parents don't work how you want it to work. Like you can't just expect it to work if you're not home. And hearing that, like, just was the revelation I needed to like confirm it. Okay, like, I know that you enjoy doing those things. Some of these things are really cool. Not some. These things are really good things,

like, but you can't do all of it and so it would be a great mom. So I was like, okay, I gotta, I gotta go ahead and get in. Come on, little application is, so I'm here, child. Good, that like I was heartbroken too, because I love the sisterhood and I feel like we're still figuring out the new format.

Have you heard any of the new format? Like what do you think about it? Yes. I actually like the last one that came out this week. Everyone is loving that episode. So good. Like, when she said walk head, I don't know, she said it or you said walk heavy.

I had while I was watching it, I put a big old post, you know, right? Or like in front of our workstation because I'm like, I need this. It was so good. It was so good. Good. That makes, like, we're still figuring out, but I feel good about it. And, you know, we had a lot of people who were getting together to do it live, but I wasn't getting to meet people the way that, like, I get to now.

So, like, I don't know, I'm figuring it out. Thank you for rocking with me. Thank you for trying out this new venture with me. I appreciate it. I love it. No problem at all. Okay, so you know, I have to ask you because Eve is our home girl.

Part of the reason why we love Eve is because we know what it's like to know better and not do better. So I need to know something about your Eve. Like what is the most Eve thing you've ever done in a relationship? Ooh. In a relationship.

Let me think. That's hard. You think in a relationship. Do you want me to give you mind? Why do you think it on yours? Yes. Okay. Let me see.

The most Eve thing I've ever done in a relationship besides raining cars, which I've told many people about, oh, was probably emptying out an apartment. Yeah, while someone was away, he was away. That was the most evil. He came back to an empty apartment because anything That I bought on my card is going with me when I go it was Friends to empty it out it was raggedy it was just prime

Eve's behavior That was sad as before Megan the Sally A profit in my own way for Megan the Salian. I was out here. I'm profit in my own way. Now, sure, Ty, you got to give me yours. I'm out here even. Tell me about your ease.

Yeah, my even at the top key was like, hi, then close. You know, now cooking dinner like I'll just go buy. Go out to eat in the come home ate and it's like, okay, what's for dinner? Oh, I already, go out to eat in the come home ate and it's like okay, what's for dinner? Oh, I already ate, like that's eat. How did it close might be the best?

Because when you get up to work and you all have nothing to wear. Oh, yeah. I'm, I'm feeling this. I feel like if we were endorsing Eve behavior, we would tell someone when your partner isn't speaking to you to hide their things and force them to speak to you. But we're not endorsing you behavior, but if we were, take notes on this podcast.

Okay, so that is your past, right? That's like the past, you behavior. What are some things that like took you a long time to finally start doing better? And like, you're like, man, I used to not, I knew better, but I didn't always do better. And now I'm at a stage of my life where I'm actually doing better. What's one of those areas? I would definitely be saying, I probably have two top two despite real neck and neck right now. One would probably be holding my tongue because I just have tattoo top two to fight. We're neck and neck right now. One will probably be holding my tongue because I just have head to learn over the years. Everything's not literally necessary to say.

Into what I have had a bad history of just like negative self-talk. So over the years in a lot of like literally mental training, I have, I've like gained a practice to stop talking myself out of stuff. Like we're thinking stuff that, you know, God doesn't think about us. We know God doesn't think about us. So those two things, holding my turn with other people and like contractuals with myself. Okay. So you said mental training. We want to spill teases. What type of mental training helped you to change the way

that you think and speak to yourself and it looks like to others too. Don't quote me because I don't know the actual scripture right now. That's all right. The scripture this is take your thoughts, cactus. Yeah. And submit them under the will of God. Like that scripture has carried me through so many times. Like I remember the first time that I like could put my finger on like training my thoughts.

I was pregnant. I was taking the bus to school and I was sitting at the bus like, hang on my pregnant with no cards, won't still in school, like just literally breaking down my life in ways that just was really not healthy to my thought pattern. And in that moment, like I'm sitting on the bus and God gave me like, you're afraid for me, I wonder me, I wonder if we may. And I'm like, okay, and from there,

like it was just literally like, I think sometimes people make training or thoughts a little complicated. And I'm like, every time I think something that is negative about myself, whether I believe it to be true or not, I'm like, okay, well, God doesn't believe this is true, even if I believe it in the moment, and I give, like, I'm like, oh, no, you can do that, or give myself a scripture to match you. So literally every thought that I had, but it comes with being aware of your thoughts. Like I'm a really self-reflective person.

I'm an introvert, so I think to myself a lot. And when I was at nine foot, my thoughts, like all of those thoughts could assume that once I started like being aware, like okay, these are the negative ones, these are the ones they can stay and these are the ones that you need to work out and then just place them.

And that's like literally once I compartmentalize my thoughts, every thought I have, I have to combat it with something that God says about me or that I know is true about myself. This is like prime, woman evolved behavior. I spent so long growing up in church thinking that because I thought something that there was something wrong with me, we don't spend a lot of time in church, thinking that because I thought something that there was something wrong with me. We don't spend a lot of time in church talking about our thoughts, talking about the things that come into our head,

whether it's about drinking or smoking or doing something that isn't sin, like the thoughts pop up into our mind, but the more that we understand about our mind and our thought, like we will stop penalizing ourselves for thinking certain things and instead do like scripture says and take that thought captive

and bring it into submission to the Word of God. If we can move to that space in our lives, I think that we would feel so much more free to recognize like there's nothing wrong with me because I thought this, but there could become something wrong if I don't attack that thought and allow it to live in my life.

Yeah, for sure, like, all facts. And I would say a tip to like, well, helping yourself and holding yourself accountable is really like letting people know to have these thoughts. Because you're not the only person with the thoughts. And you know that enemy, you get by yourself, you think you're the only person with these thoughts and you know that anybody you get by yourself you think you're the only person with these thoughts and like I realized when my friends when I started to like

be open with them and tell them like yeah this is what I'm thinking about or like I'm telling them that I'm doubting myself yeah without a doubt they're gonna come back and be like I'm ony like girl like girl so sharing your thoughts thoughts too, so you know this you're not alone, because I promise you, if you're through them, like you're the only person that thinks that about you anyway. So tell somebody, so that you help me feel better. One thing I love about Womany Ball is the community and safe space

we've built with one another. I received countless messages with personal stories ranging from experiences with anxiety and depression to advice on how to settle family conflicts or work through self-esteem issues. I don't have all the answers but I refuse to leave y'all hanging. Your mental health is too important to me. I want you to start living a happier life today with assistance from BetterHelp. As a listener of the Waman Evolve podcast, you'll get 10% off your first month by visiting BetterHelp.com slash Evolve.

As safe and private online environment, BetterHelp assesses your needs before matching you with one of their licensed professional therapists. It's also free and easy to change your counselor if you need to in the future. Better Help is more affordable than traditional offline counseling and financial aid is available. With the ability to message your counselor at any time, join over 1 million people taking charge

of their mental health. It's convenient, affordable, and confidential. You can join today and start communicating in less than 24 hours and anytime after that. Again, that's better help help.com slash evolve. Let me tell you, PT, my husband, as like king of this. Like if he has a dream that he cheated on me, like he will wake up and tell me about the dream. Like, like, I think the idea of like keeping it within himself and keeping it a secret, he's like, no, I want to be accountable.

I want you to know what was in my head. And the first time he did that, I wanted to be like, keep that to yourself. I don't want to know about you having these dreams. And then like, if I have a crazy dream, then I'm like challenged to like tell him about the dream. Like there is such a vulnerability and accountability connected with it. But it takes a lot of courage to not think that your thoughts define you.

Because that's what we think. Where like my thoughts are going to define my identity. They're going to define the way you think about me. But the truth is, sometimes thoughts are just thoughts and they don't have to become actions, but when they become secrets, that's toxic. Yeah. So, I'm so happy you said that,

because I, I feel like friends always like, sometimes you don't have people too much. And I'm like, what does tell people too much? Like, I don't really believe in real secrecy because like how do you fix it if it's just the same? You already don't know how to fix it in your own anyway. So you keep it as secret. Just making it worse. I think people, I don't know. I'm one of those people who care a lot about what people think about me. Like my anyagram is like a number three, I think, which is something about caring what people think a lot, which is like me.

I care what people think. When your postures meams and like, y'all, I don't care what people think, I don't even like those, because I'm like, sis, I wish. It's not my testimony. And I think it's hard to be vulnerable when you feel like you're gonna judge what I think

or you're gonna change the way you think about me. It takes confidence to share your thoughts with other people. And maybe it's not for everyone in your circle, but the more that you can have someone in your space, and that might just be your journal in prayer life for some season, but like take a chance on being vulnerable, recognizing that these thoughts

don't define my identity. That's key. That part, that part. Okay, so we are in the season of womanhood that I am really excited about because I believe that women are coming to a place in corporate spaces and ministry spaces and all different types of industries

where we are being honored for like the unique gifts and talents that we bring into this space that we're in, the perspective that we bring and carry. I know that you have a podcast about millennials and ministries, so I want to hear about like what you think about this season of womanhood for you personally, like what are you learning about yourself that excites you and how is it changing your world? Hmm, I think the biggest thing I'm learning right now is I'm more resilient than I ever thought I could be Like mine. That still blows my mind. You better make me okay?

Hold on. You're gonna pause because you're gonna pause because you just read me and I need to breathe. Okay, cause what you're not gonna do is drown me. It's my podcast. Someone come rescue me. Okay, wait. We're gonna pause because people are listening and they're like, wait a minute, more resilient.

Listen, okay, cause your girl been struggling for months on top of months. But what I am real, like I have been hit with so many things that I've never experienced before. Like I thought my hard days were over and I might have to scratch a little bit but not fight the way that I've been fighting.

But you just made me realize that yeah, I'm fighting but I'm surviving and I'm growing and I'm learning in the process and taking new territory. Go and impression me, take your story. You did a story. Listen, like, cool, 2021. Everybody is like 2020 was such a bad year. 2020 honestly was a great year for me. I got a new job. Like my little sister graduated from high school. My little sister and my

little cousin are like, we're sister cousins. They both graduated from high school. So of course, the school shut in down. We spent, I have a twin sister also. So before us, we spent so much time together, I got a new job. What else? 2020 so much happened for me. And the 2021 came and it was like, and I don't know what happened.

And the drones started going off. And I was like, all right, God, like, what is, what is happening right now? And every time like, child 2020 has been ugly cry after ugly cry after ugly cry. And I'm just like, all right, God, like, we'll see, because obviously you know something that I don't know, and I can't figure it out. And every time I will cry, like, God's just like,

you're resilient, like go ahead and cry, but why if you're, she shoes all get up and keep stepping. And I don't know, 2021 has just like, showing me time after time, like every time something happens, like, you're resilient. Like, you're, like, even though it's not easy, it's happening, you're gonna make it through and you're gonna be okay and you're gonna stop again. So, that's the more we're sober, that is. Okay, because like, you're talking, this. So, that's the more this over, that's it. Okay, because like you're talking,

this is why women need to speak to each other because when we talk to each other, it's a mirror because like first of all, your 2021 probably sucks because everyone who had a bad 2020 was like, I hope everyone is having a good year, have a bad next year. You know that wasn't it? First of all, how do you hear it?

My bad, we sorry. sorry but you know I just realized though like for most of my life except for the last two years I've either felt very strong confident and empowered or completely broken and shattered and it's not good for us to live in either of those spaces 24 seven. And the last couple of years, what I have been grieving is not feeling that strong and powered confidence that I'm used to feeling. But what I can say is that I've had this incredible mix of them

both, where I do feel confident and empowered. But I also feel like vulnerable and delicate, like I'm still growing and emerging in different areas. And maybe what I've been longing for is a lie and illusion. And what I actually need is to embrace the dichotomy of who I am as a woman, that I am gonna be strong, powerful, and resilient in some moments.

And then that next moment in the same day can feel delicate and unsure. And to give myself permission to live in both of those spaces, you helping me on today. Oh, that first off, that was a word. That was a word. Like we, I think that as women, society, like over the years, has told us that we can't be both. Like we can't be, we can't strong.

And well, first of all, the Bible says that that's a lie. So come on, we know it's a lie. But we do have to, that has been this year. I don't even say this year. The last couple of years between so much stuff, I think the guy that showed me one day,, it's okay to be strong and living the fullness in your best life and do all of this other stuff. And the next day, it's okay to be crying

in your room all day. And be weak in need to talk to somebody and need your friends. And that kind of thing. So that was a word, like being comfortable with that is so important. Just stop. That's it. Okay, so that's just confirmation,

because I'm thinking about 2022 for Waumani Valk, and you just confirmed something to me. Well, obviously, I got to talk to my team to see if it was in my head. Could actually happen. But it's in my head, and you just confirmed something that I think could be very powerful.

You are a mother. You have a daughter. How old is your daughter? It's five. Five. My daughter's five. It's a good age. Tell me about your daughter. What is she like? Me and I can't stay. Can we talk about it? What is that? When people say like, you know, back in the day, they probably still say, oh, be like, your child is going to be just like you. back in the day, well, they probably still say, oh, you're child is going to be just like you. You can get all that back.

And I used to always be like, oh, my child's going to be an angel. My child is like, she's just like me. She's just like me. And there's sometimes like, we'll just be going about life. And she'll say something to me and I'll be like, why are you me? And why am I you? And I can't take it. I can't take it. I can't take it.

Can't take it. That's Ella. Okay, so I have two daughters. I have four daughters total, but two of them I've been with since birth and that's my 12 year old and my five year old and my 12 year old is just like me. It's thickening. It's gross. It's disgusting. It is just like blood, it's faking, it's gross, it's disgusting, like, it is just like, blah,

like throw up in my mouth. Like why do you act this way? Why do you look? Where's my face give it back to me? Like, it's like, act this way. That's what it is, why do you act this way? It's gross. I mean, like 10 times a day.

And it's making me have to ask myself questions like, okay, well, what was wrong with you? And like, what did you need growing up? And motherhood has challenged me. I feel like to not just mother them well and to take care of them and to be sensitive to them, but to also like acknowledge the areas of my life where I feel like I neglected or that they were neglected as a child.

Has been has being a mother affected your dynamic with your parents or like open wounds that you had as a child? Child. I would be lying if I said no. Yeah, I would be lying through this, to the tape if I said no. Like, motherhood has certainly given me this unprecedented expected, like appreciation for my mom. Like, I think, like I said, I was a twin and not only my mom, like I always, this felt like growing up, it was the good

twin in the bad twin. So I feel like that made it hard. And me and my mom are pretty much polar opposite. So growing up, my mom always said, just hard to raise a child. Oh, there was this nothing like you. And I think the four long time we had a disconnect

because we were nothing like each other. It was like she just really did it. Like she parodied to my sister really well because they were nothing like each other. It was like she just really did it. Like she parented to my sister really well because they were kind of similar with me. It was like friction like until I just partnered for like really. And motherhood, especially my child, like coming into her own and like really getting this big personality and I can see at like just

see who she is for who she is. I'm like, mom, you got like your rock star because I don't know how, like I don't know how. Like mother has definitely given me this just like astronomical appreciation for my mom and all that she's endured. Like my mom had me and my sister when she was 17. So just as really like wow.

Shout out to me of the do we. I would like people always say, what have God would have gave you to me? And I'm like, see God knows a week of handle. He knew. He already knew. So literally like every day,

I'm just like sometimes I'm not rambling. Text my mom like, oh my gosh, you're a hero. Like I love you just because just stopping it thinking like day to day life with my baby. I'm like, yeah, you're a rock star

because it's no way. Okay, there's no way. That is so good, because I take my parents just out of every blue moon, out of nowhere. One, I'm sorry, I just be like, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Like, I know I apologize when I got in trouble, but I didn't mean that, but like,

I'm actually genuinely sorry, because, wow. I'm sorry. Oh, God, it was rough. I love what you said though about like the, well, I love it. It probably wasn't easy for you to deal with growing up, but that friction between your mom

because her saying, you know, it's difficult to raise a child who's not like you. And it sounds like you all came to this place that's full circle, but we don't talk a lot about mother wounds, like we talk about daddy issues and daddy wounds. But we have mother wounds in our community that we don't acknowledge because moms are heroes, right? And we put them on the pedestal. But what do you do when you don't feel valued by the first woman in your life? And not to say this is your story because I don't know your dynamic,

but I know that I speak with enough women to know that like when you have friction in their relationship with your mother, it does affect your identity in many ways. And so I hope that that full circle moment that maybe that you had and that maybe others are listening to right now will serve as a testimony to what's possible in that mother relationship because did you ever imagine that things would be where they are now? I always, like my system, I'm always been really close, like for a man's eye, like I remember them being significantly closer than me and my mom were.

So I've always, even as a child, that was my goal for me and my mom to get to a place where we would just call each other like girl. Like just sit on the phone back and forth. We're like, my mom would literally be my best friend. And it's crazy that we're talking about this because my friends, when my friends that are having issues with their mom talk about it, and we talk about it,

they always like, how did you, your mom get to this place? And it comes with being extremely like, some of your, some of your parents grace is like really be, and being open to whatever, whatever guy is going to do. Like it was always, my mom didn't even over the prayer for me, but it was always a prayer though.

We can get to a point that we, we can literally be best friends. I can just call, I want to call my mom, like that I'm calling her out of obligation, but I wanna call my mom and tell her about my day. I wanna call my mom and tell her my good news. And it really just took a sit in there and having open conversations with each other,

me being honest about how my childhood affected me, me being honest about where I envisioned our relationship being, and being open and transparent and giving her, like, when I said giving her grace, like, we wouldn't have a relationship right now if I could give her grace because I'm almost a kid when she had me child, like, I had to give her grace, I have to. To know me is to know I love to cook. Being able to combine various ingredients and create a delicious meal for my family is my Happy place when my life gets busy. Hello fresh helps me live in the overflow of my happy place with their quick and easy

Mills their breakfast on the go and 15 to 20 minute dinners are clutch try America's number one meal Kit for yourself and tell them that I sent you. Go to HelloFresh.com slash 1-1-1-1-1-14 and use Code 1-1-1-1-1-14 for up to 14 free meals plus free shipping. You'll be amazed at the high quality, fresh ingredients sourced directly from growers and delivered from the farm to your front door and under a week. Contact free of course. Again, that's hellofresh.com slash WomanyVal14 and use code WomanyVal14 for up to 14 free meals plus free shipping.

Okay, so you have said a mouthful, a mouthful because man, so many people wonder like, how do I navigate this situation with my mother? And I heard you say that you sat her down and you spoke to her about how your childhood affected you. But then you also talked about the vision that you have for your relationship, which I feel like is equally as important as talking about where the breakdown was. Because talking about the breakdown can make a person feel badly.

Like, okay, there's no way I can recover from this. Uh-oh. Your account is signed in from another device. 144. Oh. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. 143. I'm going to push the back. I can hear something.

There she is. Can you hear me? I can. Yeah, I can hear you guys. Not it breaking up when we was right in the middle of our chat. Can you see me? Yeah, I can see you. Not it breaking up. Okay, listen, I remember what I was saying. I was like hold on to your thought, hold on to your thought. But I feel like what you said about showing grace to know communication. I'm with it. Don't you worry about it.

Here we go. All right. I think that what you said about having this moment with your mother was so important, especially for people who are wondering, how do I navigate the friction that we have experience, but this hope for connection that I can't let go? And I feel like what she said,

one about letting her know about your childhood experiences is powerful, right? Because what we really want is for someone to see life from our eyes, right? And so I want you to empathize with what I've gone through. But you also shared the hope, the vision, for what it could become. And I felt like for parents, that's important,

because I don't necessarily want to hear all the things that I did wrong and feel like I can't recover. And so you offered her truth but also hope in that moment. And I feel like that's so powerful for someone who has had challenging relationships with their parents. For sure. Like I was gonna say that my mom probably felt like we were double teaming her because once me and my sister have kind of always like, I feel like we didn't necessarily disagree with each other, but all of the big good twin bad twin, it caused us to unintentionally like have friction. And once she went to college and he worked and I stayed in Maryland.

So once she came home, we were like super intentional about making sure that we were going to be like real twins, like not just for twins by birth, but we actually had the connection and we sat my mom down together. And I know she felt like we was ganging up on her. So it definitely had like the grace and the hope has to be thrown in there because nobody wants to be attacked, like even parents, like like you said, nobody wants to be attacked. Like even parents, like you said, nobody wants to sit there and just like take all that at one time.

So being gracious and offering hope definitely can make the conversation go a lot further than you think. I had to sit down and talk to my son who is 18 about to be 19. And he's going to therapy. All our kids go to therapy. And he's going to therapy. All our kids go to therapy. And he come home from therapy and his therapist at Risha saying that he wanted to have a group session with me.

And I think my immediate response was to be defensive, right? Because I'm like, listen, I had you a 14. I did the best that I could. And I'm not about to sit down with this therapist to hear about how I wronged you, right? But then I had to check myself and realize that like you have to have grace for yourself too to recognize that you were not necessarily the best mom in the world at 14. Like maybe you were the best 14 year old mom, but you know, you were still learning.

And if you go into something and you know that you were still learning and if you go into something and you know that you're still learning and then you receive a report card that says you did okay here but you're still learning there then you accept that because you know that I am still learning and growing and I think part of receiving because this is the thing like we make everything about someone hating on us like someone's a hater or I don't wanna hear someone, you not on my team, if you not on my cheer squad, then you gotta get off the boat. But what about the people in your life who love you,

who wanna see you do well, who wanna continue to do life with you, who have something to say that you may not necessarily want to hear, how do we make space in our heart to say, okay, I haven't always had it together. And I can come to a space where I can receive someone's experience of me without letting it define me or beat me down and also working to improve

the relationship so that it can become better. That takes maturity and I feel like I and so many other people need to give more focus to the people who are in our life who need to be able to give us feedback so that we can grow and become better. Yeah, that's big. Like, that is so big because I think that as people like, it's within our nature to get offended by things or like never want to hear the like legit truth. My pastor has to keep that on the shot. He said like some years ago, he had a sermon that said something about like we always say, I don't care. Nobody think I don't care what anybody thinks. You know, all that matters in my pain of myself. And the reality of it is you do have to care.

If you care about the person, you have to care what they think about you. Because they don't think this for no reason. And their perception of you is somewhat rooted in what you gave them. And as a person who cares about these people, you have to be considerate of what they have to say about you and do your best to try to fix it. Of course, still be authentic to yourself, but understanding they're not coming from a bad place. They want your relationship to try to fix it. Of course, still be authentic to yourself, but understand that they're not coming from a bad place. They went, your relationship to work, they want to see you win. And yeah, you know, we think everybody

trying to stop us from winning, and it's just really not so much. And not everybody is hating on you. Like, I know it feels good and feels better. If we say that people are just hating, but some people trying to help you, and you calling your help or a hater, and now you can't grow, ooh, ooh. And now but some people trying to help you and you calling your help or a hater and now you can grow.

Ooh, and now they don't want to help you no more. So now that you're upset. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no'm only like chapter one in, and it has like already made me like really get myself together because it says in the book that we speak so much about how someone has offended us, but not nearly as much time thinking about how we could have offended someone else. And that's just responsibility that we don't want

to have in our world, but it's important. And I think that shows up in our parental relationship too. So I'm praying for you and myself, child, as we raise these children, that we give it 100%. We do the best that we can. And we also leave space for feedback that challenges us in ways to grow or to at minimum say, I'm sorry to our children. Have you ever apologized to your child? I do it all the time. My friends are all like, oh, my friends are so gushy by.

My family's like, why are you apologized? And I'm like, where did you meet? Like, because in, oh, child being a 25 year old mama, full-time worker with all these other responsibilities. Sometimes I acknowledge that I bring my frustration home and I don't always direct my frustration to where it should be. So sometimes I'm a little bit more snappy than I could be. I don't say things in the most polite way or I'm not as patient as I should be with the child. And I can see when my child's feelings are hurt. And if there if her feelings are hurt,

I'm going to say sorry like my mom my mom, you know, my love you, and it's gonna make your washes, I love you. But my mom was not the mom to say sorry ever. That's all right. Let me just say, neither were my parents. So go ahead, go ahead. I'm not gonna leave you under that bus by yourself. If the bus is coming, I thought myself under it too.

My parents were not one for me. Maybe my mom more than my dad, but like, there was one time he apologized to Corp. I still feel like I'm not a child. I'm not a child. I'm not a child. I'm not a child. I'm not a child. I'm not a child. I'm not a child. I'm not a child. I'm not a child. I'm not a child.

I'm not a child. I'm not a child. I'm not a child. I'm not a child. I'm not a child. I'm not a child. I'm not a child. I'm not a child.

I'm not a child. I'm not a child. I'm not a child. I'm not a child. I'm not a child. I'm not a child. I'm not a child. I'm not a child. I'm not a child. I'm not a child. know how to apologize as adults because they don't know how to take accountability for something that they've done is wrong, without feeling that they are wrong unless that's been modeled and demonstrated for them from their parents. For sure. For sure. I make it a habit to apologize to her

and I want her to feel like her voice is badly like a a thing to me, I'm on struggle with a lot was, I felt like my mom was not my advocate, like as a child. And I think advocacy, other people advocating for you and feeling like other people advocate for you starts with how you advocate for yourself. So I want my child to know if I offended her,

why her her feelings that she can tell me. And I apologize, like I'm not gonna be like, oh, you're a child, like I want her to know that she can come to me and tell me when I've done Like I'm not gonna be like, oh, you're a child. Like I want her to know that she can come to me and tell me when I've done something wrong to her and she has the freedom to advocate for herself in ex-winner apology. Do you think that this makes sense?

Like the white people we judge growing up. Like we used to judge white people for like white people if you're listening hear me out. Let me tell you, black people judge y'all for letting y'all's kids talk. Like because we wasn't allowed to speak growing up. So it would just be like, and your kids not supposed to speak, your kids don't have no feelings.

Like, but do you think we are now becoming like the very things that we joked about? Without now. Everything is sometimes like, no, everything is sometimes like, is anyone ever watched me take this ale from my child? They would show enough take my black card. I'll be in the middle of trying to tell Ellen something. She said, Mom, can I speak?

And I'm like, sure. Because I don't ever want you to feel silenced. And like your voice doesn't matter. But also know and go to your room and suck these feelings up and make poor choices. You know, five year old, my five year old child is making me realize that there has to be some sort of boundary in the middle of this self advocacy

because sometimes it goes a little too far and the five year old talk back is just, yeah. It's not doing it for me. You know what's funny though? Because if we don't start putting the boundaries for talking back at home, like when we at the table for Thanksgiving or Christmas and they start talking back, like we go have to deal with everyone's face when they like you just go let her. Exactly. Now I'm embarrassed because they showed up at this black Thanksgiving

table and you won't go sit down and eat that turkey and now you want to advocate for yourself but mom and I don't like turkey That's all right. That's all right. We're learning. We're growing. We're evolving What's your favorite thing about being a sister and having a sister that is a twin? That's hard. I'm not going to be a fan of the show. I'm not going to be a fan of the show. I'm not going to be a fan of the show. I'm not going to be a fan of the show. I'm not going to be a fan of the show.

I'm not going to be a fan of the show. I'm not going to be a fan of the show. I'm not going to be a fan of the show. I'm not going to be a fan of the show. I'm not going to be a fan of the show. I'm not going to be a fan of the show. I'm not going to be a fan of the show. sister we get into a child like we we don't fight this fight anymore. But we had hands hold on I'm gonna get to all your hope and encouragement in a minute who had the hands. Listen when we were younger my sister's bigger than me so we were younger we were about the same

size I could give her a goal. Right. But once we start to get older and that puberty hair, I'm just gonna change it. So shout out to her. This puberty worked for her favor. But I'm, you know, thank God, we don't fight anymore. I'm gonna have to worry about this. Amen. Okay, go ahead, finish with your help.

But no, definitely. Having a best friend that I know, like until one of us meets Jesus, yeah, there's nobody that could, like, at this point in our lives, like, as much intentionality that we have put into our relationship, there's nobody that can come in and tell me anything about my sister, there's nobody that can come in and think they gon' bucket my sister, like, we like this now.

So definitely the best part is just having no one that I have somebody that is going to go, like, literally stick with me into one or the both of us is in the grade. Like, that's the best part. I don't know what. So like having a sibling feels so temporary when you're young, like, I can't wait till I move out. And then even when you kind of move out, it feels temporary. But then you reach this stage of adulthood where you're like,

man, we about to spend the rest of our lives together. My husband's grandmother is 95 and her sister is like 96. And I was sitting beside the mat at funeral. And no, like let's take a minute. That is the lower, that is the lower. That's it, they were sitting together at a funeral the other day. And one of them couldn't hear and the other one

didn't know who I was. And they was like, oh that that's Sarah and they was like, oh that's so and so. But I'm like man, that is so beautiful to have that forever. Even though you got to survive some fights in order to get their core was a bit core. Core wasn't bigger than I was, but core was crazier than I was. So I saw her, we used to fight too, like throwing stuff at each other, fist fighting the whole thing. And then one day we were having a sleepover

and she didn't want the girl to sleep in her bed. And the girl was like, it's a sleepover, that's what you do, you sleep in the bed together, but core didn't want her sleeping in the bed with her and so core cutter with a knife, because she's like, if you don't move, I'm gonna cut you. And she was like, you ain't gonna cut nobody and then core cutter. And knife, because she's like, if you don't move, I'm gonna cut you. And she was like, I ain't gonna cut nobody and then core cutter.

And that's when I stopped fighting her. Cause I was like, anybody crazy enough to add me. I won't do it. I won't do it. Halloween. I was doing our fourth birthday. No, not our fourth birthday. I think it might have been our, I don't know.

We were in like second or third grade. And my family had kind of like this weekend long sleepover like 13 of our friends. We had all these activities in the day before the party. You know, back in this, I you know, they're back in the day parents let like maybe we were responsible kids, we were home by ourselves. Are you know, no more than 10 years old, like literally

home by ourselves and we got into it really bad. Is she through a balloon weight at me? And she threw a balloon weight at me. Like threw a balloon weight at me and it missed me by this much and shattered the glass table. She's definitely, I'm going to give her the crazy thing. How do you know balloon weight at me? Like who hurt you? What is wrong with you?

Almost canceled off party. She's got our party canceled. Okay, listen. We don't even remember why we were fighting. Isn't that the crazy thing? Like you look back at like some of these huge arguments you had and Kenny from Remember, like you know it was over something stupid.

Like sharing the TV or what we were gonna watch. Like you just know. Because I trust that this is a judgment-free zone, I'm gonna share a secret with you. I love signing up for free trials. Okay, that's it, that's the secret. Seriously, I haven't met a free subscription that I didn't like.

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large home purchase. I used True Bill and you should tune. What are you waiting for? Become a member at TrueBill.com slash Woman Evolve. Your True Bill Concierge is there when you need them to cancel unwanted subscriptions. So you don't have to. Okay, me and you have to answer an advice question from a member of the delegation. Are you ready?

Let's do it. Okay, I'm ready. I actually liked the long ones. You do. I mean, I like the look. This was not long. And I think she needs to didn't pick a long one on purpose. I ain't even gonna guess you up our money. Like I think that Shah was like, we need to keep this thing short. And she didn't gave me one that's about two or three sentences. If you are listening and you want to send us an advice question,

podcast at womanevalve.com, make them longest Monday. Make them long as the first Monday you've ever had. Make them longest 2020 slash 2021. Make them as long as possible. I want to know about your childhood story that led to your adult decisions. I want to know your hope for your grandmother and your great, great, great grandchildren.

Make them long as possible. And then tell Shy Hy when she's reading them. If you can say Shy Hy, like multiple times throughout this story, just so she can stay engaged, that would be great. Okay, here's our question though. I am a 17 year old young author. Thank God for you and your blessed team.

Amazing. Okay, to the question, what do you do as a young person on your journey to not just desire, but actively seek God, but your friends aren't really understanding. Like they believe, but it seems like to me, that's where they stop. Thank you.

Like I wanna know her friends names. I don't even know what city she lives in. I don't know, I don't know where she goes to church. I don't know her friends' names. I don't even know what city she lives in. I don't know where she goes to church. I don't know her favorite translation. Like, there's just not enough details here to answer this question. Not enough. Not enough.

Not enough. Ooh. You know, Jesus be fucking, because I feel like this was my story for a large part of my life, like a very large part of my life. I grew up in church, in really traditional church, and then my cousin started a church, and out of that came this fantastic, wonderful youth ministry called The Remnant, and I started going there at 12, and like it was a Friday night thing, like, you know, I'm

from PG County, DC, area, D&B, so so we listen to go go like they had turned gospel music into go go and it was a bad like it was a bad and all of my friends like you know we're just doing it on Friday I'm going to church and my friends like you're gonna church it's Friday, you're not charged. And like I always felt, I think spiritually, I've always been in tune like spiritually, even when I didn't truly understand the magnitude of it, I've always been super intense. So I'm like, I wanna go to church. Like my mom's not making me go, I wanna go.

And it was a struggle to find friends that were supportive in that. Like the only, not the only advice, but the biggest thing I could say is to hold true to your faith. Like at the end of the day, now that I'm grown and more people are coming into their spirituality, my friends, people that I have it talked to in years, they'll DM me random thoughts or opinions of what they should do for spiritual advice. And I'm like, but y'all were the people that didn't want to go to church when we were 16. So, hope you're doing today.

Like don't let anybody, don't let anybody make you think that you're less than because of your faith. Because literally at the end of the day, that's the one thing that's gonna carry you throughout the rest of your life. I'll hold on to that. I hope that this isn't like discouraging.

Being a Christian is sometimes gonna be super lonely. And I think that you have to, one, it's gonna, it's a little work to find the friends that are like you that wanna please God, that wanna live for God, but they're out there, so don't give up, like be open,

but don't let anybody make you shy away or put God in your pocket because none of your other friends are talking about church. I think that that was something that, probably ninth grade, 10th grade, I was like, oh, I'm not gonna go to church, I'll just go out with my friends. And putting, I think it wasn't to 11th grade.

11th grade, my church did this retreat, and I'd not be in to 11th grade. 11th grade my church did this retreat and I did not meet in my best friend there. So that was like 11th grade when I came back out of my show. Like I'm not gonna put God in my pocket. And that's when I really started to see that God was like trying to pull me into ministry. And I'm like, ooh, I'm gonna go and on here. But don't look out in your pocket.

Don't put them in your pocket. Like that's the biggest piece of advice I have. Like walking your face boldly, somebody will be attracted to it. You'll get some friends. I don't think you'll be lonely forever. Somebody is going to love the Jesus thing you want to be your friend. So, it's amazing heart and 17 to have maybe minimal friends or friends that aren't supportive of your walk, but they'll come and they'll eventually be inspired by your work. And then that is the opportunity for you to, you know, bring them along.

So take out of your pocket more boldly, that's what I got. I love that because I was exactly the opposite. So it's nice to hear from people like you because when I was 17, I wasn't thinking of them, but God, at all, even a little bit, like not even, he was nowhere on the radar. So if I can speak on behalf of the folks

who were not thinking about God when he was a teenager, one thing I will say is that we do need you friends who stay anchored because when we start getting lost, when we start feeling like what am I supposed to do or maybe I do need to get serious about my faith, it is your life, your walk, your testimony that ends at becoming a light for us. I have a friend I'm thinking of right now, Brittany,

who at minimum from the outside looking in, it looked like she was doing everything the right way. And she's got this beautiful journey as a result of it. Of course, I know everyone's got their struggles. But when I started feeling lost, like that was the rock who I knew I could count on. I'd also say to your friends who you are still learning how to walk your faith out

and still maintain connection with them is to create boundaries so that their disbelief doesn't bleed over into your life. They may only be friends that you can go get your nails done with. They may only be friends who you can talk about your favorite show with and not necessarily spirituality. And so you can still have the itch scratched for one part of friendship while still praying

that God would bring someone into your life who can relate to the level of friendship that involves your spirituality and faith being walked out together. But my friend Armani's point just be patient and allow them space to grow, but you stay steadfast, anchored, unmovable because we're going to be looking for you. They're going to be looking for you and God's position due there strategically. Armani, do you have questions for me? That part. You have things for me, things you. Do you have things for me?

Things you want to know, things you have always said. If I ever talked to her, I'm a asker about her wig or her life for her. You know? I feel like I had this long list of questions. Because, I already knew. I mean, I don't know what's'm going to have in this way, but so we, I met you like on the road at one of them. I think it was nine awhile.

And I already said like one day we're going to have a real conversation. Look at us. And I have this little laundry list of questions. And shout, I don't know. I don't even know with the questions where with they they are. I don't know. I actually know. I do know. I even know I feel like I'm planted where I am spiritually. I'm not going to seem always comfortable because it's not always comfortable. But I feel like God is really, I guess, that earlier really pushing me into the space and ministry. I'm beyond to say, I don't want to go.

to the space and ministry. I'm beyond to say, I don't want to go. I don't want to go. And I don't know, I guess that question would be, what advice would you have on stepping out there regardless of the uncomfortability? People asking me for spiritual advice is still, my youth church will be like, we want you to preach. And I'm like, my new church will be like, yeah, we want you to preach. And I'm like, huh.

So I just need advice on how to make, like come to terms with, this is what Jesus wanted me to do. And I need to get out my own way and embrace it. I don't know. That's really uncomfortable for me. Well, what is your podcast about? What's about Christian millennials and there's no specific topic,

we literally just sit down and talk about any and everything from our little Christian perspective. For the most part, it's me and my sister and two of my friends who all group in church We're kind of all probably like Jesus kids that really don't really have a real grass on World outside of the faith, but we talk about life from our Prussia perspective and it's fine. Well, I would present to you like yeah, it is that's a ministry In a way that makes you feel comfortable and that is you exercising your in a way that makes you feel comfortable and that is you exercising your ministry muscle. And I think that you have to acknowledge that as ministry

because if you acknowledge it as ministry, as you continue to get lured into other spaces and avenues, it won't always feel like I'm starting over or I'm stepping into something I've never done before. Without a shadow of a doubt when this podcast is played for the delegation, there are gonna be countless people who tell you,

you minister to me with your story, you minister to me with what you said. And when you recognize that your life is ministry, it's not just the platform, it's not just the preaching, like my life is ministry, does him minister means to serve. Like you're serving other Christian millennials

through your podcast, you're serving your daughter that is ministry. You served me and our time together. That was ministry. And so I would tell you to remind yourself that I'm already in ministry. And yes, this next step is something that I haven't done before as far as expressing

it, but it's still in the lane of how I show up in the world. And breathe. You breathe in the moment. You remind yourself that ministry is not about you. So if it's about you coming off smart, if it's about you coming off eloquent, if it's about you not wanting to do it at all, you're making the ministry about you. And God is looking for hearts that don't mind making it about him. And when you realize that I'm not leading them to me, I'm leading them to him. So it doesn't matter at the end of the day how I feel about it or whether or not I split verbs while doing it, whether or not my English was great or why I was eloquent or whatever. What matters the most is that I got up there as a pure vessel and created space for God to show up through me.

I got to keep that in mind because I'm even people say like when it comes from me like, oh, that was good. I'm like, it was like, I think that when it comes to me, like, stepping in the realm, administering like, seeing it as that, I'm always super like doubtful. Like, I'm like, was that really a word to you? Like, like, I don't know. I have to embrace that side in some way. Like, I have to figure out how to make it comfortable a little bit, because it still feels like, you know, some people don't have to take a compliment

for showing. I feel like that's how I am when someone says something, I'm just like, huh? Like, it's just doesn't, it feels so icky. Okay, so, I don't know. When we first started, we talked about captivating thoughts. If I can offer you

homework or something to consider as you really attack this doubting mentality that is keeping you from stepping into ministry, I would ask you, when is the first time you started doubting yourself, you know, um, trace it back as far as you can go, there's got to be this time. And by doubting yourself, you'll know it because it's like I thought something, I hope something, I believe something. And then I didn't meet that expectation. Life didn't meet that expectation. And now I don't necessarily trust myself anymore. Because that spirit of doubt is showing up in the area

where God wants to use you the most. And so we have to recognize that seed that has been planted so that we can uprooted. Because I will tell you, and this is like, I know we're coming to the end of the podcast, but I just wanna tell you this very quickly. When you were sharing with me about you sitting your mom down after having some friction

in your relationship and sharing the hope for what it could be and how you showed her grace. And then you also said that you're also learning that you're more resilient than you thought that you were, you've always been resilient. It takes resiliency to not feel so rejected that you don't shut your heart down altogether after you've experienced friction in a relationship

that was supposed to honor who you were. And yet resiliency said, even though I experienced the friction, I believe that there's hope possible. I believe that there's faith possible. You look at your life and I bet you. I felt God as you were saying that that you have a history of being resilient. And you got to embrace that resiliency. And you've got to recognize it that spirit of doubt

that keeps showing up in your life is trying to keep you from connecting with that resiliency because if you ever embrace that you are as resilient as I know you are, as you've just told me you are, then you are going to not be afraid of anything because you'll see everything as an opportunity to grow, learn, become stronger, and develop. And I just, my prayer for you, when this podcast is over and I'm thinking God for my day and

I'm holding our money in my heart and my prayer time, is that you will continue to have encounters with your resiliency, that you will be flooded with moments and memories and thoughts that remind you of the spirit of resiliency that God gave you as a gift so that you could survive everything that you've gone through. And it is that resiliency that will get you through ministry. Thank you. I needed that. I love it. I love you. Take it off. I love you too. This was amazing.

Thank you for hanging with me. Thank you for having me. This was great. I loved it. I loved it too. I can't wait to see you in Maryland because I feel like we just should do things together now. We just vibed.

We should. I'm coming to the conference. Yes. Okay. I'm actually really excited about that. I'm excited too. We're going to be like going live announcing it next week. So you already and that thing. Thank you. Thank you so much. Take care. You too. Bye bye. It's the positivity for me. Okay, I know you had a few he-hees and some giggles as I did. Even virtually, I could feel the warm light

that our money undoubtedly possesses. It's something about being in the presence of good energy that adds to your own confidence and you, my sis, were just in the presence of some beautiful energy. That light is just a reflection of what God has down on the inside of you. So make sure that you're shining your light so that other people can see. Can I tell y'all I love y'all? Like I love y'all deep. Our monies and OG member of the delegation. I'm getting your notes by the way. I know so many of you are

loving the new podcast and you're sticking with us as we figure things out. I know a few of y'all are side-eyed and get, but you still hanging in there and we appreciate you too. If you want to be my co-host, you want to join me on an episode of the podcast or you want my take on something happening in your world, then email us podcast at womanevolve.com. Until next time, love y'all. you