Woman Evolve with Sarah Jakes Roberts - Our Flaws Exchanged w/ Monyetta Shaw-Carter

Episode Date: May 31, 2023

When was the last time you evaluated your worth, Sis? ‘Cause clearly, you’re PRICELESS! But insecurities have a way of trying to undermine our value. This week, SJR is joined by wife, author, philanthropist, and tv personality, Monyetta Shaw-Carter to normalize being flawed in exchange for hope, healing, and love! Remember, you can choose to acknowledge worth when others see flaws. This co-parenting guru is a class act on how to “Keep It Classy” in her self-help book and personalized planner for unstoppable moms and devoted dads—shop both at MonyettaShaw.com!

God can't bless you for tend to be or who you can care yourself to. He can only bless you and the lane that was created for you. I feel that for somebody. You don't need no itch, it's a unique boundary. What? I don't need your lights, I don't need your elevation. All I need is a God fighting for me that's there for all things. All things, own things.

Try. We're going to have a little bit of a history lesson. Some of you may be listening to the Woman Evolve podcast, and you have no idea how we got our name. On the surface level, it probably sounds pretty straightforward. Woman Evolve, It's a command. A woman continued to grow and change, become the best version of yourself. Well, that is true, but that's not exactly how we got our name.

It all started when I was at a women's conference, and I was at this women's conference, and they had on these shirts, and the shirts had Ruth, Mary, Esther, Sarah, Squigals. All of these heroic women in the Bible who are applauded because of their virtue and the decisions they made to walk something out with God. I thought to myself in a very petty way, I know why they don't have Eve on that shirt because Eve was the one who ruined it for us all. If you've read my book then you already know that God healed my heart as it related to Eve. I started to see her less as the woman who messed it up for us all and more as the woman who knew better but didn't do better.

And for some of you maybe you're like, yeah, and that's how she messed it up. But for honest, that's kind of how we messed it up too. How many moments have you known better, but didn't do better, whether it was a decision and a relationship, a decision about your health, your finances, life offers us countless opportunities where we know better, but don't always do better. The reason I fell in love with Eve

is not just because I related to what took place in the garden, but it's also because I related to what took place afterwards. She did not let her story in at the place where disappointment met her. Instead, she made her life about what happens after you know better. What happens after you've paid the consequences for whatever mistakes or mess-ups that you have made? What I see when I study her story from Genesis 3 and in Genesis 4 is a woman who is determined to still manifest

God's promise for her life. She leans in with vulnerability, with courage, and with determination and begins to produce what is required in order for God's promise to become her reality. What you do after those moments is the most important aspect of recovery. How do you pick up the pieces and say, I will either be defined by this forever or I will do what it takes in order to start a new page. This is exactly what Monietta Shalak Carter did when she saw her life begin to change in a way

that maybe she didn't plan, maybe she didn't want, she began to really question and ask herself, okay, this is a flawed situation. Maybe this is not exactly what I plan, but these flaws do not have to be be in. As a matter of fact, I can take what some would call devastation and turn it into true victory. If you follow her on social media, then you know that is already what the girl did. She found a way to find joy, love, kindness, and purpose after her experiences.

And she is sharing with us today as we talk about what it takes to be open about being flawed, whether it's our body and the way that our lives have navigated in such a way that we're balancing many hats and wondering whether we're doing them well or comparison as it relates to seeing other people in different spaces. There are so many moments in our lives where we are offered the opportunity to see ourselves as flawed, human, or a woman who is becoming. Moneda is a woman who is becoming and she invites us all along for the journey. I cannot wait for you to see how those things

you may be calling flaws are actually what God is going to use to propel you in the purpose to make you more comfortable in your own skin and make you a better friend and sister to those who are around you. Let's evolve together. Hey. Hey, beautiful. How are you? I'm good.

How are you? I am doing great. I know we've connected a little bit, but I'm glad to like catch up with you into here what you're learning. Yes, it's been too long. It has been in a lot of your life has changed since the last time we spoke. Yes, it has. It has.

Yes, life is life. Yes. life has changed since the last time we spoke. It has. It has. It has. Yes. Life is life. As I said. Per the use, per the use. So I am wondering, you are in a new marriage and blending a family. And obviously, we don't know the ins and outs

of what you're experiencing. But it certainly looks like you have discovered an incredible love. I don't know the ins and outs of what you're experiencing, but it certainly looks like you have discovered an incredible love. I don't know about you, but I feel like love after you have really learned all of your lessons is so much more rewarding, fulfilling, and your patient. You know what a problem is versus what it isn't. And so I want to know, like, how was this new season of your life? This new season in my life is like, I could not have predicted it to be as good as it is. Honestly, they say, wait up on the Lord, honey.

And I'm glad I waited. Cause it's, it's honestly magical, you know, and I, yeah, I'm a bliss still. And it's, yeah, it's, it's amazing. It really is. Isn't it beautiful how when you finally find someone who you're ready to spend the rest of your life with at a time that you know who you are and what you want out of life, how much more peace you have, and I think how much more wisdom you have in discerning what's a problem and what's not a problem. Like when I first met my husband, because I'd gone through so much before I met him, there were things that he would do and like apologize

for that I was like, it was so easy to forgive him because I think I was grounded in like what some of the alternatives were. And I was like, I for you, that's fine. Listen, yes, that's so true. I think I told my husband other day, we're talking. And I think some friends were over. And I'm like, listen, we argue about the craziest and silliest thing, right? Like when he drives, you know, I'm like, he just is like, you're probably the, you look up like,

why should I call it like really? And like the smallest, smallest things. But I think about him like, you're funny. Then you look up like, why shit, car? Like really? And like the smallest, smallest things. But I think about it. I'm like, you know what? I love that these are really our arguments. Right. God, look at God. Seriously, I'm like, yeah, because our term service, yeah.

Yeah. Right, we tell them police. We tell them police involvement. We tell my, I'm looking at jail time. It was a baby. This ain't police involvement. We tell my I'm looking at jail time. Baby This is a sentence. Okay, but How did you know that he was the one for you? How did you know that you were ready to give your heart? Again after experiencing you know, I don't know again

I don't know your story, but it seems like you were really on this journey of like wholeness taking care of yourself really evaluating your worth in a way that qualified you to make better decisions and then this person comes along. How did you know that you were ready to open up in this way? way. Oh wow, because I took some time, you know, and got to re-know me. It's how I like to put it. And because of what I've been, you know, I went through, I knew what I did not want, you know, I didn't need the red flags, and I didn't even entertain the red flags anymore. So when he came in, he actually, you know, knew my cousin or whatever. So with that, it kind of gives me the sense of, you know, like, oh, okay, you know, and I met him in passing long, long, long time ago. And so when he came into my life, it was like, it was honestly a breath of fresh air. I feel like I gave him a chance because of, you know, new of

him and, you know, my cousin vouched for him. And so chance because of, you know, a new of them and, you know, my cousin Bouch Forum. And so that always helps, you know, because it's really hard getting to know an in person, you know, so, yeah, so that was that. And then when I got to really know him in like, his heart was like my heart, and yet such a giving heart, I'm like, I do, we were so much alike,

his energy, just matched my energy, his compassion, like everything, just it all aligned, you know, like being evenly yoked, you know. It was all there. And, you know, we could just be ourselves, be goofy, like just honestly. And he, the way he showed up for me. Listen, when I tell you, it was like no other. He runs his own business as well.

And he would change meetings to fly here to like come to my kids soccer games. Like stuff he does not have to do. You know, and that. I was like, okay, and then the way he shows up for his daughters, you know, I'm like, oh wow. Like, he makes it work. He's intentional about putting family first. I'm like, oh yeah, yeah, they're my husband right there. He's giving the one tendencies, like you and like you want to marry me and I need you to cheer.

Did you ask me already, okay. Did you ever find yourself like having to coach yourself through receiving that level of love and commitment? Mm, that's a good question. I feel like in the beginning, yes, I did. I feel like I worked through my stuff because, you know, just everything that I went through and I was, you know, I was scarred.

You know, just everything that I went through and I was, you know, I was scar. Um, what? Because I was actually just being very transparent because you're my girlfriend. And it's a safe place and you have to be honest, you know. Um, I was dating someone else, but they, you know, wasn't showing up like they should be. Like I said, the red flags, they were there, you know? And I'm like, okay. And so I found myself being kind of, you know, not really mean to my now husband,

but I'm like, oh girl, like okay, you're gonna mess up this blessing. Like you better get it together, like right now. And you know, they say hurt people, hurt people. So I felt like I was still holding on to some kind of pain there. And I had to get on my knees, call my dad, he's an amazing man of God.

And my mom, she was here at Reston P. She's gone now. And just have a heart to heart with them. And I always wanted with my parents had. They would have been married for 50 years in February. And that's all I saw, that's all I know. And then that's why it was more devastating to me when I went through what I went through. And so I'm like, to have this beautiful man

come into my life and I'm still playing, I'm like, okay girl, let's get it together. So yes, I had to break it down and have those conversations with myself. Like okay, you're not going to self-sabstage this. You deserve this. You're worth this. You know it.

Like this is like he honestly, my dad was like you always said you wanted a man like me. He's closest to you going to get right now because how he shows up. I'm like okay, if daddy's saying it, okay, we're good. Yeah, I really did. I thought you said you wanted to read more this year. Listen, I'm not minding your business just holding you accountable. But since I get it, adulting is raggedy and life barely gives us enough time to pick up a book, let alone read it. But since you're on my homegirls, I've done the legwork.

All you have to do is pull up on the Woman Evolved Book Club. There are two ways to join the Woman Evolved Book Club membership. It provides a monthly book box that includes your book and a special gift, whereas the digital content membership says, bring your own book in any format and come kick it with this. Both memberships include digital reading guides, reflection prompts, a custom playlist, and access to an exclusive Facebook group. Need I say more? Childs, tell a friend, to tell a friend that we be clubbing.

Sign up at womanyvallbookclub.com by June 10th to receive July's book and say $5 off your first monthly subscription by using promo code Read. That's R-E-A-D read. I'm excited to have you join us on this journey and we'll be looking for you and our Facebook community. I wrote once that it is easier to be in a relationship with the fraud than it is to be with a real one because. I think as long as you're with someone who is still working through their own trauma, and as a result of them working through their own trauma, they inflict a lot of pain on you and they are toxic and the way that they show up for you, they are also a pleasant distraction from your own trauma and your own pain and your own unresolved issues.

And so it is easier to be with them because you don't have to deal with you, but when you really get someone who is striving to be a better person, who is hoping to be accountable and wants to hold you accountable to who you say you are, then it becomes a little bit tense in here because now you're like not just seeing my flaws and exploiting them or taking advantage of them,

but you want to sit in these flaws with me and you want to help me heal them and nurture them. And now I'm uncomfortable because like, I don't want to need you, I don't want to show you these things. I don't want to risk you changing the way you see me. And it's like how do I learn to love myself in a way that allows me to be seen with my flaws and with my beauty and trust that neither one of them

completely define who I am, but rather than mixing them coming together, that is hard to do in a relationship. Listen, you just said a mouthful, what? Let's just play girl, what? That was right on them. Like literally, you are so right.

It's like my husband is a mirror. It's like, you know, want to sit in it with you and figure it out. We're both that to each other. And it's such a beautiful thing. It's such a grown up thing, you know? It's like, okay, time is over. This is the real, you know?

And it's, yeah, I wouldn't change it for anything, honestly. I'm just so blessed to be in this space right now. I'm grateful, grateful for. I totally agree because that I mean, we start off with the butterflies and the feel good. And then when you realize that you can make these flawed exchanges where I can tell you my flaw, you can tell me yours and I will hold yours in my safe and you hold mine in your safe. Then what we have is not something that you just get butterflies over, it's something that is anchoring,

it's what you build a life on. And I used to tell people all the time, you wanna talk about toxic, like I used to hear that people would be married six years and I'm like, why would you do that? You can have three successful marriages in 60 years like why are you staying with one person for that long? But you know what I get it now because I understand like when you build a life with someone like that's all you want to do is experience Absolutely. I'm like, girl, buy with that shirt. Like, why would you put it in the suit?

You're gonna buy it. That's good. Oh my goodness. Yes. Now, you are like housewives adjacent. Like, I don't know. Are you fully a housewife? Are you, what's happening here? Like, were you put that adjacent?

Yes. So, I'm not fully, I am definitely entwined. I'm a friend of for the second season and with the possibility of next season, you know. So. Yeah. What has that been like, like living out your life in this stage of your life with so much exposure

and scrutiny and how are you holding on to yourself while other people project their assumptions and opinions about who you are? Well, I've been around the reality world before and in the public I obviously. So I'm kind of, you know, well, we're stuck on that. But the Real Housewives is a different world, honey, a different world. For sure. So the first season, I honestly, the thing is, it was a bit intimidating. I've been friends with most of the ladies for a long time. And so it was, you know, natural to just fit in with them, but of course, you know, some shows scare're more to the drama and me and my life and real life, you know, I'm not about the drama of everything but not like peace, honey, peace, like before all things, you know.

And it's kind of like, I don't know, but basically I was making sure that I was my authentic self, which came across that season, but of course, you know, course, human and you seem to be put in places and situations that you have to react to. But I'm honestly, I think that it's a place for everyone to show the difference of African American women and it's important to see a woman like me, you know, see a woman with some substance, some class, I'd say they don't have any, but you know, they all do, but just show the difference of women, and it's super important, so I feel like that it's

a good blend, and I'm glad that I'm on as a friend, because they don't dive too much. Yes, you know, my story, and maybe I can get use to this particular show before that happens if it's in God's plan for sure. But definitely the way we live our life, just blending our families still with my children's father, just having that positive example, I think it would be amazing, amazing for the world to see because normally in the celebrity lifestyle and it's when you're dealing with the ex, I'll you see a drama and people going crazy, you know, so it would be so refreshing, you know, to show

the other side to it. So I was actually, I was actually going to commend you on that because so much of what I have experienced if you has really been centered around being positive after difficult situations or showing up, not just positive, because it's one thing to be like confident and I'm going to be okay. It's another thing to say, I'm going to go the extra mile. I'm going to do what may be considered taboo. I'm going to insist that there be peace.

I'm going to insist that we co-parent together in a way that honors the roles of everyone involved. Is this something like, how did you come to this place? Because there are some people who may have experienced what you experienced and been like, I will never forgive. I will never get over it. I'm sure you get people like, I don't know how you do it, but you do it. Yeah, I can never.

How do you do that? Honestly, I just, you know, after my talk with with God, with my, my parents, and I just really made a decision. I was intentional about making it work, you know, in the beginning, no matter how uncomfortable it was, our kids did not choose to be in a situation. So they should not hurt for it because all the back and forth is just going to affect the trajectory of their lives, you know, how we react in the moments, you know, when it's not so good at times, you know, they're going to think that it's okay to behave like that. And they're gonna turn into adults that behave like that. So I just had to swallow my pride and just go deep, deep in and honestly make the intentional

decision to do what's best for them. And in the end, it brought everyone together. It brought so much peace, so much joy and our heart, not just the kids, you know, once you choose to forgive them, forgive yourself and just center everything with love, like lead from a place of love, then it, you know, it gets that much easier, honestly, so I just made that decision. When you say swallow your pride, I just can't help but hear. You know, what's best for you may not always, well, what's best for the kids may not always be what feels good for you.

And if you need to feel good and do what's best for the children, you could find yourself stuck when it comes to co-parenting and making things work. But you've found a way to show up for them, even at the expense of maybe being even justified in how you felt, rising above what bitterness told you to do. How do you show up and do what's best for them while also like clearing your heart of that bitterness?

Do you think that one neutralizes the other, like the more I did what was best for them, the less bitter I became or did you have to do the work on the bitterness while showing up and doing the best thing for them. Honestly if you're really in it it I think in my opinion it neutralizes it like it becomes you know the more you do it the more you know then it gets easier and easier like you could see them now and not be affected you know? But that's nobody but God, honestly.

Because there's no way I couldn't have done it if my faith wasn't what it is, if my foundation, that my parents, my family created and instilled in me was there. I would have lost my mind. It's like literally, you know? And having to go through that in front of the entire world, you know, didn't have the feeling of just neighborhood people knowing.

Girl, everybody. So, it's just like, you know, and they're watching and honestly, the biggest part that I've heard so many stories, got so many emails of lives that I've changed, like so many families that brought together just by me deciding to, you know, Jew was right for my family, my children, and just like that brought so much joy to my heart and let me know that, let me know that what I was going through was not in vain, and it was part of the story, part of my story, it was part of God's plan, even though I how, herfully was in the beginning, you know, like they say,

rejection is God's protection, you know, like I really wholeheartedly believe in that. And you know, what God has for me is for me, and I ain't want to hear it back then. But I know I'm here and I receive it, and I know that it's so true. I want to be delicate in how I access, but I want to ask it. Maybe I'm being petty. Maybe it's the even me rising up.

So this may not even, no one may even hear this but you and I. But like, as life unfolds and you begin to see how God's rejection was protection and how different, how different your life could have been. Had things turned out the way that you anticipated. How do you rejoice in the fact that that is not your plate without rejoicing in the fact that that ain't your plate? You know? That is the funny.

Great question. And your love. I just, ooh, I just take a deep breath, honestly, and just like, oh, say, oh, okay, like, yeah. I didn't quite see the whole picture in not that anybody's a bad person, but it's just like, you know, happen, and it's funny because I have, well, we, my husband, and I have a great relationship with you know him and I'm just like we're so there for him and it's just you know it's just I don't know it's just like really one big family and even though I'm seeing this unfold

and my it's funny because my husband reached out to him first and just was like just honestly being just a nice compassionate person that he is and I was talking to the other party at the time and you know just because it's unfortunate honestly and it's unfortunate for everybody so we're just trying to be there as we can and in a sincere way, you know, because it's really the people that we are. We're not gonna boast and like, nah, you know, you know, just be there and try to help in any way that we can. And honestly, since, girl, it's, yeah, it's a lot, but just seeing everything. And I'm just, everything and I'm just honestly I'm grateful but his spirit seems to feel lighter if that makes sense you know honestly and honestly I just want everybody to be in a space where they could be themselves

be them true selves and we happy and do what's best for them and do what's best for their kids and their family. You know, that's all we hope for. So what I heard from what you said is that like you still don't choose sides because the side is like the only side you're on is holiness. And so whatever it takes for everyone to be whole, that's the side that I'm on. And I'm going to help anyone and everyone get to that place of holiness. Not just within the family that you are blending and navigating as co-parents, but you've literally made this a part of your life's work to help people blend families and to overcome some of the complications that come when two, three, four, five adults are coming together trying to create a village for children.

Can you tell me what are some of the major, consistent fractures that exist when people are trying to blend a family and how do they overcome them? Oh wow. I would say number one would be communication. It could be from the smallest thing about, is this your weekend, this your week.

Sorry, I can't make it. Something came up at work. Just communicate honestly. Because you can get so frustrated when you feel like that other party isn't holding up to their parents and plan or their time with their kids. It might seem as if it's not important to them and then you can in your feelings but you have to realize that you can only control this household and you know and that's another one I would say that please let go. I know in the beginning it was so hard like I said I was in and I'm just a territory that I wasn't used to and so it was was very, very difficult for me, even though I made it look good.

It was, I was dealing, you know, and I was trying to, okay, well, y'all made it, what's going on, do do do do this? Did you do this with the kid? Like, he got it, you know? They'll figure it out. The sooner you let go, we'll ask you, cannot control everything.

Like, you would honestly have so much peace. You know, just pray, because of course you want there will be in the be there. Just leave it to God, let go and trust. Like trust at this human being that you decided to, you know, have a relationship with, it didn't work, but just trust it. They're ultimately a good person,

good enough to take care of the children, you know? And leave it there. And a big one is get it over your ego. You know, you hurt me. I'm going to get you back. And it's just like unnecessary pain and just hardship that you're going to bring into the village. You're going to bring into the village. You're gonna bring into the family.

You're gonna bring unto your children. And that's not what you want. It shouldn't be what you want. But if you're not thinking about the kids and you're thinking about yourself in that three letter word that you can make so powerful if you get into it, it can destroy everything, honestly.

Like, yes, she may have hurt you. Yes, he may have hurt you, but okay, this is the situation you're in now and you have to move forward and work on yourself, work to get past that. And yeah, try to just blend it together and figure out a way to co-parent positively and do what's best for your children. Can I ask how older your children?

Yes. Mason is 11, Madeline is 12, and I also have two bonus babies. Gianna's 10 and Brianna is actually, she just turned 21, so yeah. Beautiful. That preteen stage, like so my daughter is, well, we've got six together where I blend the family like you and they range from 26 to seven. And I have noticed the, and so like we start,

when we first got married, our sons were 11, and now they are 20, about to be 21. And yeah, it's been incredible to see them like go through these different stages, but like one thing I learned about,

like the preteen stage, is that like, I one thing I learned about the preteen stage is that I feel like everything up until the preteen stage is you just pouring wisdom, pouring discipline, pouring boundaries, pouring morals and ethics into them. And then the preteen to teenage years feels like that's when life starts to squeeze what you poured out of them into their social circles, into the way that they process what's happening

in their world. And so I am wondering, you've laid such a strong foundation for family and for, I think righteousness ultimately for your little people. Have you noticed how what you've poured in them is now like showing up in their lives with their friends and their social worlds as is there continuing to grow? And like, what are you seeing that they picked up on?

Oh my gosh, great question. Yes. I absolutely see it. And I'm so proud, like honestly, my son, and he was a little bit younger, but he still does it to the state. He anyone that he sees, he literally like gives the compliment. Like I don't know if he senses their spirit or energy or whatever it is.

I know he did that with me a lot, especially a lot in the beginning, which is, it just says a lot, you know, I will be down and he'll just come give me the biggest hug like he knows something and I'm just like, okay, I got this. know, I will be down. I hope this come give me the biggest hug, like you know something and I'm just like, okay, I got this, like I can be forward now. So we were in the elevator one day and it was this lady and she looked like something was wrong. He just looked at her, he was like, you know, I love that shirt or I love your smile, something.

It was just so innocent and just so pure. And he, that's still him. Even with his friends, he's always the one that gets it right together. Oh, you should fight, that actually inspired me to have two children's books, and active he books to write The Chronicles of Nice Guy Mesa. His name is Mesa.

He's so kind and just so nice, and it's generally who he is. And I know he gets that from me. You know, I always try to spread love. And of course, there are times when you get upset and I just try to think and I'm like, okay, well, let's, you know, because they're watching you, even when you think they're not.

And you can tell them anything, but they're watching your reaction. How you react to the pitfalls and hardships and like, that's the part that's, that's, they're watching and that's ultimately going to be them, you know? Yeah. You know, they're gonna do as you do,

not necessarily what you say. You know. So, yeah, my daughter, her friends, like, I feel like it was a situation that happened at school recently, and one of the girls was being mean, and Maddie went over, and was like, I don't think that's nice. You shouldn't do that.

You don't know what she's going through, just, and I literally was that girl growing up. I remember in high school, the principal called me to the office to stop a race right, because I was friends with you know everybody and yeah I stopped it. It's just like to see my children you know possessed these same qualities and and have so much love in their heart. It's just like wow you know yeah it's like I just smile from it a year like I have so much joy for that and I just I can't see can't wait to see what God has in store for them

in their lives. It's, yeah, it's gonna be amazing for sure. You know, dynamic women, in my opinion, are women who navigate different spheres of influence, different spaces. And they find a way to do it with joy, with class, and just with a level of slage that cannot be denied. And that is definitely what we experience on your page.

You give us a little bit of everything. It's nothing for you to be out with the kids, a co-parenting, married, hanging out with your girlfriends, taking care of your health and wellness, letting us know that mama is still out here and mama got it. Like what do you think is the most amazing thing about being a woman? Oh wow. Honestly, I feel like to be multifaceted, you know, to be able to take care of the home,

you know, to care the kids, hold your husband down and get to work, be the CEO if you choose to or go to your job that you love and then come back and get like just, it's just so many beautiful things and just our softness, you know, our, our, just, for nest, like to just, just the softness of a woman and that, I mean, softness from the inside out, like to just just the softness of a woman and I mean softness from the inside out. Like it's it's such a beautiful attribute, you know, and to be able to do it all. We're not super women, you know, we have to take care of ourselves, you know, put our oxygen mask on first so we can take care of everybody else. But like it's just a beautiful thing.

Like we got it. We got it going on, right? You know, we do. Yes, we do. and I just love that do you ever find yourself caught in the trap of like comparing yourself to other women or like looking at what she has that you don't have and how do you snap yourself out of the comparison gain oh wow it's it's kind of not really hard but I've never really been that like I've always I mean I don't think I'm you know like I

Know I my father and my mother like possessed in me like you're beautiful You you look great like you're good enough. So I always knew that I was good enough Um growing up which is amazing um, and I was the one that kind of like spoke life into my girlfriends who didn't and thought that they had to compare, but of course living in this entertainment industry, honey.

Some day I want to go looking like this. And I'm like, okay girl, you might want to put them a little bit, you know, little slump today when you really don't feel like it. So in those times, I would definitely, like okay, let me do, because I dress how I feel. I don't know if't feel like it. So in those times, I would definitely, like, okay, let me do, cause I dressed how I feel. I don't know if you're like that.

Well, honey, first of all, let's talk about your slate all day. And if you give me a word and a good beat, I think I've got a good time. From the time calls. When the moment calls for, we do like to show up. Before the most part,

she is definitely with somebody's leggings and the oversized T-shirt on. But we know how to switch it up before the most definitely was somebody's leg on the oversized t-shirt on to switch it up is the point. Yes, we do. You got my good little car pool little real natural today.

It's giving. Thank you. But yes, so in those that you know times, I definitely have to take a step back because because of course looking at Instagram and you see the highlight real is what I like to call it.

And I don't know if you notice what I like to post sometimes, you know, and you do it too. Like, you know, make up on, you know, because sometimes you've got to give the reel, like girl, we don't look like this all the time. Like, it's handable, you know, if something's driving so crazy. So I want to, you know to show that to the world.

There's a realistic point of view. And yeah, sometimes you, I'm like, okay, girl, it's calm down, you don't have to compete with them. Get back, you know who you are. All that, you could have labels all day, but no, I like some Torje to mix with my Siroan Chi. You know, let's be clear. So I like to keep it grounded,

but yeah, at times, you have to sit back and like girl, you're that little girl, but that's exhausting and you don't have to keep up with anybody. Just be you, you are the light. Yeah. You define who you are and just let that shine girl you'll be okay. So yeah.

You said exhausting and I said amen because honey, trying to keep up. The Abyssin people with their abs, and I'm like, man, I'm so jealous and I'm like, but you don't want to do what it takes to have that. Like you got to be honest, like you don't want to do what it takes to have abs. You want to flat tummy ministry,

but you do not want a ripple stomach, and you know you don't. So you might as well let her enjoy her abs while you enjoy your chick filet so that we can all be happy. How about we do that? Because you don't want it. And sometimes it just takes that reality check.

That's girl, yes. I'm like, you know, the older you get, it takes a little bit more work to get those pounds. I'm like, actually, I'm not mad at these five times here. They can stay here. Yeah. They can stay here ain't nothing wrong with that. And you know what I think though? I think like if we are not careful,

we will allow social media, the media, television, magazines, whatever to make us call something a flaw that is actually just human. It's actually just normal because things have been so edited, so glamorized, so made to be unrealistic or so surgically enhanced that we will be jealous of something that's not even real. And we'll be calling our real bodies flawed.

When in actuality they're just normal bodies. Like they just jiggle and they have stretch marks and things fall down but they get back up. We fall down but we get a push up and they do what needs to be done. And we have to come to a place where we're like, maybe I'm not flawed. Maybe I'm just normal. Maybe I'm just a person on a journey who's been through some things and I'm learning to navigate them the best that I can. But I think this over obsession with our flaws can make us more insecure than we need

to be. For sure. For sure. You are absolutely right. My puppy just got home. Sorry. Say hi, Remy. Hi.

All right. Okay. Go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to. Hi. All right. Okay, go to your bed. Go to your bed. Go to dad and all right. Love you. Pretty. But yes, that is so very true. And it's important for me, for us to instill that in our kids, because they're growing up in a totally different world now.

Like, we're pretty excited. It's all a social media. At least we had our childhood to not have that and have that addiction that we're all addicted to. But it's so very dangerous. And so it's a lot for them. So it's very important still in them. Like you are enough.

You are enough. You're beautiful. Not try to, like you just said, you are enough, you're beautiful. You know, not try to like, you know, like you just said, like obtain that unrealistic goal of perfection, you know. So for sure. Yes. Okay, Monia, I have to ask you,

who is the woman in your life, who has most inspired you to embrace who you are without any fear of rejection, like her confidence just inspires you to be all of who you can be. Oh wow, that's a great question. Can I do two people? Sure.

Yeah. First, I'm gonna go with my dear mother and who love her, Risenpiece, Linda B. She was total opposite from me. She's country girl, grew up in Belchew, Louisiana when she moved to Shreeport, when she met my father. She was good, you know, and she just gave so much to her family, to us, and she lived by Karsley through me.

And I was the one that grew up in Shreeport. I'm like, okay, I know there's a big world out there and I'm gonna go see it and go follow my dreams and she pushed me, you know, she pushed me. I was in like, pageants and over the dance line and everything and she was right there. Every pageant, everything, making sure I had my gown perfect,

like, supported me to the teeth. And that, you know, this part of what made me into the woman that I am today and gave me the confidence to go and try and be and every time everything that I would do, she would just be there supporting. And honestly, like her grace, her, her just her class. I am because of her, you know, even though she didn't have the dream of just, you know, to be out in the world, we're saying like social, she had her, her little crew, is I like the kind of church crew, honey. I love my girls. Hey y'all. And you know, and just support it, support it me. And honestly, that I'm so blessed to have had that. And like I said, I am, I am because of that. And other would definitely have to be my girl Michelle Obama. Like she's, she's honestly everything.

And her, her books and stuff. And just how she tells her story and becoming how she got there and just it's okay to be who you are it's okay to do this and that like like it's super inspiring super inspiring okay so one thing that we've been asking everyone this season is what do you hope that she knows these women in your life? What do you hope that your mom knew before she left this earth? What do you hope that Michelle Obama knows as she continues to navigate this earth about the impact that they've had on your life? Oh, I hope that they know she knew that she was enough there enough, honestly. And it was so much enough that they changed me, changed women because I know things got thrown at them.

And it makes you question, you know, question if you did everything right or doing everything right and just, you're enough. Because they're enough, it helped me know that I am enough. And that's huge. Wow. Well, I want you to know that because of what you've done with your life, with your story, with the many things that have been thrown your way, that there are so many women who believe that they are enough and that they can stand up to heartbreak and love again and laugh again and have joy and clash through it all. I am so proud to be woman because you are.

And I'm just grateful that we had this opportunity to connect and catch up I will continue to stalk you on the Instagram, but just know that when I'm stalking I'm also praying and cheering and just believing in all of the things that you put your hands towards Thank you so much. Thanks for having me and you are an inspiration. I know it's been a while, but honey, your glow up, your shine, your woman of godliness honey. Like it's just on fire and just know that you, honestly, makes so many of us, like so proud and you let us know that we can continue on.

Like, keep letting God, God, you sister. Like, you are amazing. And I appreciate you. Thank you for having me. Thank you. I appreciate you too. Okay, love on your babies. Have a great evening. I will get to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back. Please. Yes. We have to. Okay. Thank you. Yes, we have to do. Okay, thank you. Thank you. Mone, yeah, how cool was that?

Thank you so much for doing this with me. We had us a little he-he, and I enjoy a he-he that also has a lot of a-ha, girl. You definitely spread that wisdom in a way that we needed. I believe that list of nerds will find peace in owning and forgiving themselves for past mistakes. And we love to see that most importantly, what I believe they're going to experience it is what it's like when life takes a new exciting fresh turn. It is so beautiful to see you walking out restoration with

such confidence, resiliency, and joy along the way. If you enjoyed this week's episode, then I want to invite you to chat with us and let us know some of your key takeaways. Hit us on social media, slide into my DMs. Better yet, send me an email. Podcast at Womenevolve.com. I want to know how this story helped you, but most importantly, I want to mind your business. Send me your advice question or let me know if you want to get in on the podcast fun.

Join me in conversation with some of my friends as we continue to grow and evolve together. Have an incredible week with your normal, beautiful, amazing, not flawed, just figuring it out self. I'll see you next week. you