Woman Evolve with Sarah Jakes Roberts - Placement of Your Work w/ Ashley Blaine Featherson-Jenkins

Episode Date: November 23, 2022

Wobble baby, Gobble baby, Wobble baby, Gobble! Two-step with us this Thanksgiving week as SJR chops it up with Ashley Blaine Featherson-Jenkins. As a Black woman actress and producer in Hollywood, our girl unapologetically places her career in God's hands! ‘Cause what better way to jig to “werk, wurk, don’t stop” if He ain’t jiggin’? Ashley let us in on the journey of actualizing her goals. And the bestie SJR proves that she can be a work in progress while reclaiming her destiny—W.E. know that’s right! Sis, you think God not ordering your steps…whole time, He’s stirring up the gift in you. Press PLAY to hear how this episode confronts tough times with gratitude & retrospect! As a loyal listener, be sure to access our sponsorship offers with Uncommon Goods, Audible, & Calm. Tell ‘em W.E. sent you!

God can't bless you for tend to be or who you compare yourself to. He can only bless you and the lane that was created for you. I feel that for somebody. You don't need no itch, it's a unique boundary. What? I don't need your lights, I don't need your elevation. All I need is a God fighting for me that's their own things, own things, own things. Child. Let me tell you how churchy I am. When I think of Rihanna's hit song, Work, Work, Work, Work, Work, I also think about the

amount of work we have to do in order to say connected to our faith through the disappointments, through the trials and the tribulations. Faith is indeed work, work, work, work, work. Sometimes we get so caught up in the faith it takes to believe something will happen, but we aren't as faithful to the work required to get it done. Not my girl Ashley Blaine Feathers and Jenkins, though. This is the epitome of faith and work, and we get the privilege to glean from her wisdom. Let's kick it with her on this week's podcast episode. Okay, so I have a question for you because I understand that you decided

somewhat, I guess early on in your career, that it wasn't going to be just acting, but that you were going to be this force of positivity and perspective as it relates to being a black woman in Hollywood, which I don't know personally, but I have a lot of friends who are in the industry and I understand that it has its challenges. What made you decide that even though the work doesn't necessarily require you to be demonstrative about your faith, but that there is community that can be created to help empowered people in a way that may not be being done or has an opportunity to be revisited? That's a great question, Sarah. I, you know,

great question, Sarah. I, you know, my faith is everything, and I never wanted to have that be an aspect of my career that was ever hidden. It's my life. And so if it's my life, then it's also my career, and it should be infused in everything that I do. I think I also just realized early on that, you know, acting, performing, being an artist, being a part of Hollywood was always bigger than me. It was never just about like the excitement of the job

or the opportunity, it was about who can I touch, who can I inspire, who's gonna really get something from this, who's gonna be able to go after their dreams more fiercely because they saw me go after mine in that way? I always too wanted people to know that the blessings you see in my life are not by happenstance. They are God-given. Like, I don't ever want anybody to be confused by it.

I don't want people to think that it's coming from any other place than, than from God. And I just, I'm really proud of myself for being really honest about my relationship with God as it pertains to my career and my life because it's been beautiful to see how many people have really appreciated that and that it's touched. Yeah, I love that you use the word honest because I feel like that is the question

that people have to ask themselves, especially I think in entertainment, when you have an opportunity to kind of not be as transparent about your fate. And yet you made the decision to be honest about it. Did you ever feel like, is this gonna cost me jobs? Is this gonna cost me relationships? Cause I mean, our church was, you know,

it's right in Hollywood, it's Libreia in Melrose. And so we're constantly seeing people who are literally... Smack that in the middle. It's smack that, like Hollywood Walkers are just a stone-strow away. Like, we're right there in the middle of the city. I mean, we have people who leave church and they are going to bus tables until they get an audition and then some leave and they're

headed to the Academy Awards to receive their award for the evening. And so like we have this broad spectrum and we're always trying to tell people like make art with a conscious do things that really matter, but it's hard in an industry that can shun or shy away specifically, I feel like from Christianity. Did you do that with any trepidation or did you say like listen, where a package deal and this is how we're going to show up? It was always package deal vibes for me. Wow.

And it's been, I don't know, I think it's because it's just naturally who I am. I've always felt odd about being dishonest about parts of who I am for the sake of work or opportunity. Because to me, if you want me, or if you're going to hire me, or if you want to collaborate with me, or work with me, it's because you want to do that with me authentically, every part of me. And if you don't, then it's not the right opportunity. And I'm the same way, whether it's my faith. I've always been honest about my age. I've never lied about because for me,

and I've said this many times, but like, I don't want, if my goal is to inspire, then you need to actually know how old I am. Because if you think that I'm 25, then you think the road to getting here was only, I don't know, maybe four years? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you need to know how long I've been in LA, what my journey was like

from college moving out to LA, what this journey has been like over the past almost 13 years. So I don't wanna lie about it because something I'm very proud of, and I want people to know that if I'm here, if I'm still standing, if I'm doing this, and can still find it, even sometimes it's a small amount of joy, but if I'm can still if I'm still standing, if I'm doing this, and can still find it, even sometimes it's a small amount of joy,

but if I can still find the joy in it, then you can too. But you can't know that if you think that I'm not a Christian and I'm 23, like that, it's not, it's not who I am. Yeah. And it allows people to buy into a story that is really less inspiring

because if you really understood the depths of it, so I guess you have to tell us your story then. I wanna know like where you came from, what were you like when you were little and how has your life realized into what it is now, what were the seas that were present when you were a kid? Oh my goodness. So I am from the DMV.

So I was born in DC, raised in Gatheursburg, Maryland, right outside the city. And I've been acting, performing, singing, dancing, all of it since I was very, very young. Did my first play at four in my Montessori school. And I just have been hooked ever since. And I was deep, I have an older sister who's nine years older than me and she was always in the arts and performing so I was deeply inspired

by her. But I also was just really blessed to have parents who saw talent in me and helped cultivate it. Any classes I could be in, mentors I could have, you know, school choirs, state choirs, all of the things I did, clubs, camps, and from a very early age, you know, I was the kid in elementary school and people were like, I want to be a politician, a doctor, a lawyer. I was like, I want to be an actor. I said that from the, and I remember the kids being like, an act girl, like, you know, but I, if you know me, I think a word that most people would use to describe me as that I'm consistent. So if you ask who I was as a little girl,

I was exactly the same. Like if you met me in fifth grade, if you met me senior year of college, or my fifth year in LA, I'm the same Ashley, and I've always had the same goals. And, you know, I just went back, I graduated from Howard University but the bachelor's in musical theater,

bachelor of fine arts and musical theater. And I went back just this past homecoming and it just was so nice running into classmates who hadn't seen in so long, who were just like, Ashley, you're doing exactly what you said you were going to do. I mean, this was 13, you know, 10, you know, 9 to 13 years ago. I was saying the same things from freshman year college all the way through. And so for people to remind me of that, not that I've forgotten it, but it's just as nice

to hear the reminder of people saying, I don't know if you remember this, but we were in that one class, and you came up to me and said, I'm gonna graduate, and I'm gonna move to LA, and I'm gonna be an actor, and you're doing it. And every time I see you, Ashley, I'm just so proud of you, it feels wonderful. It just feels really, really good.

But for me, I always like to say that I feel like God and I, we work in tandem. We collaborate in tandem. And it's so funny because I always think about tandem parking spots and how annoying they can be, right? Cause it's like, I have to move the car. Then I gotta get my car,

cause sometimes you're in the front, sometimes you're in the back. But the truth is that even when you're in tandem, you have to work together. And there's a reason why sometimes you have to take that little bit of extra time. Maybe your car was the one behind and you had to move it. You have to rather than be frustrated,

look at it as like a blessing that you have a partner and at least there is someone to move the car. You have the spare key. And for me, that's how me and God works. So we've always been in this thing together. I always say, you know, he plays these desires on my heart. And so I know that they have to come to fruition. They have to come to pass because everything he says he will do he does. Now it might not be on my timing. That's what I'm in the season of figuring like,

oh God, we have completely different timing. God it, okay, understand that. So that's like what I have to recalibrate myself for sometimes, but he has been so faithful. Every dream that I've had, whether it's with my career, with my family life, everything, it's all happening. And if it hasn't happened yet, I know that it is.

And it's a really good feeling. If you're anything like me, you love buying gifts for other people, but not just any gifts though. I like to give the kind of gifts that are uniquely intentional, letting my loved ones know that I see them. That's why I love uncommon goods. They have the most unique, high quality items that allow me to accomplish my goal. For instance, my husband and I are usually one another's travel buddies, one of us may or may not need to borrow the other's charger for various devices. Uncommon goods has a sleek travel cord roll that I've had my eye on to keep us organized.

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I feel like even hearing someone, someone hearing you rather. Speak right now is an opportunity for their faith to be ignited because I hear from so many women who feel disappointed by God who feel like God's timeline is trash. Like I thought that it should have happened by now. And now I can't even stay in the tension of being in relationship with God because God didn't show up when I needed him to in that moment.

And yet your faith and the resilience of your faith in the work, right? Because faith without works is dead. Like you stayed working towards it, has yielded this incredible harvest that we're all looking at. But I'm wondering, like, what would you say to those people who are like, I'm not doing exactly what I said that I was going to do when I was younger. I got derailed.

I got detracted. And I feel like maybe God separated from me because I didn't stay committed. Like what did you do in those moments before we saw you where you weren't sure when it was going to happen, when you weren't sure whether or not God still saw that gift in that talent.

Maybe you've always been sure. But I just wonder how do we speak to those people who are feeling like, you know, that's, I wish I had that confidence, I wish I had that faith, and how do we speak to those people who are feeling like, you know, that's I wish I had that confidence I wish I had that faith and how do we begin to stir up the gift of God inside of them? This is what I will say I'm in that season now too. I don't I've never this is okay I've never felt as though God has abandoned me. I have always had this feeling of like,

even when times seem bleak, even when things feel like they are not going according to plan, I still feel like he's ordering my steps. And for anyone that feels like God is not ordering their steps, remember that you woke up that day. Remember that you still have breath in your body. Remember I was just telling my husband this today, you know, we're just going through a really transitional, interesting time in our lives. A lot feels up in the air. And it's

really heavy. And I said to him, you know, the best way to combat tough times is with gratitude for everything that we want. We have so much. And sometimes we forget when we're in the midst of grinding and wanting and yearning that we have to look around us and say, oh, but my bills did get paid this month. My water did turn on. You know what? That one bill I didn't know I didn't think I was going to be able to pay somehow. God did turn on. You know what, that one bill I didn't know I think, I didn't think I was gonna be able to pay. Somehow God did come through and I did get that brand

of refund check. Wow, look, because sometimes we forget because we're going through the motions, but those are not small instances. Those are big happenings in our lives and we have to recognize them as such. But again, I would say to those people, you're gonna go in and you're always gonna have

times like this in your life, right? Like it's never, life is never going to be sunshine and roses all the time. It can't be because it's in those times that it's not sunshine and roses that God's saying saying come to me Talk to me Let's get closer. Let's get deeper like right now. I'm fasting because I felt something inside me that was like God was saying

I want you with me a little bit more right now It wasn't I could have just gotten mad and been like Things are going the way I want them to go. I just don't understand what's going on, but rather than dwelling in that, I said, oh God, you're just calling me a little bit closer so we can figure out some plans together in a way that we haven't maybe in the past year,

you know, the past 11 months. Let's do it this month in November. And we are, I don't know how many days in, and I just got chills thinking about it. I feel it. He just wanted me to come a little bit closer. So when you're feeling like, if you're feeling distanced from God,

what that really means is he's calling you closer. That's what I would say. Wow. That's so good because disappointment is not abandonment. When God disappoints you, it doesn't mean that God has abandoned you. And if you stay connected, if you lean in even more to understand how do I heal from this disappointment? How do I awaken my soul for a new hope that is beyond what I thought I needed

to have? Then you open up the gateway for a fresh revelation, for a fresh perspective. But when you begin to believe that your disappointment is abandonment, God doesn't move you do. You stop engaging, you stop leaning in, you stop pressing in because you no longer feel like you can trust your heart with God. But real trust in a relationship period, whether it's with God or someone who you're walking out

life with, in disappointment, if we pull away, we miss the opportunity for healing and reunion. And I've learned this. I don't even know how many times in marriage when you disappoint me. And then I got to act like you don't live in this house with me.

Like we find the defied growing wider. And why do you don't live here with roommates? But then when I said, you know what that hurt my feelings, it made me feel devalued. It made me feel like you inconsiderate me, I lean into that disappointment, I express it, and I find ourselves being drawn closer because I chose to stay in the tension, but that is so hard, but yet so necessary to do

in our relationship with God and our relationship with others, especially when we have someone who's got open arms. This is, I wanna know you, want to know how it hurts you. I want to know how it made you feel. I want to know what you think we can do to recover from here. And I feel like God offers us that opportunity, but sometimes we get so upset that we just walk away.

And I think for me, I just don't ever want to walk away. I don't ever want to get to the point where I feel like I want to walk away and I want to encourage others to, like I said, I just want to reiterate it. When you feel like you want to walk away, just try to walk forward, walk closer and see what that feels like before you decide to walk away. Try the opposite first. Wow. Yeah.

Have you ever walked away? No. I've never walked away. Try the opposite first. Have you ever walked away? No, I've never walked away. And I mean, I have been in tough times, times that felt very bleak and desolate. felt like I'm in a desert and I don't know where the water is, and it's hot, and I don't have shelter, and I have felt that. But I think, again, it's important to feel it. I'm in this phase of my life where I'm obsessed with retrospect.

I think retrospect is really beautiful. And I think you can only really appreciate retro-spec with a little bit of age. And my friends that are older than me are always like, Ashley, you're only 34. I'm like, I know, but 34 is different than 24. It's different. It's very, very different or 14 or whatever.

But anyway, I think your maturity obviously only grows the older you get. But I'm in this season of my life where retro-spec is so beautiful because it is the ability to look back and say, oh, that's why that had to happen. Oh, actually I have a different perspective about that. I thought that that was for, that was harming me,

but actually that was for my good, because months later that you can put the dots together, if the dots can come together. And I think that, you know, that is how I've been able to not walk away from God. It's because when I look in retrospect, when I look retrospectively, I'm like, oh, that, actually that was for my good.

The thing is, this is what we have to remember. Everything God does is for our good. Even the things that hurt, even the things that seem ridiculous, inconceivable. They are always for our good, and we are human, right? So it's easy to forget that. It's easy to say, okay, I hear that, but I don't feel that way. This feels like the most devastating thing in my entire life.

How can I say that this is for my good? But it's time. It really is time. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that.

I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. I'm not going to be able to do that. leaving them, even if you can't see them, but it all is wrapped up in time. And I just, when I look back, I think the reason why I haven't been able to walk away is just because when I look back,

I'm like, it reminds me, God, you were always with me. You were always there. You were, we were always in tandem. You never pulled your car out of the spot without making sure that mine was good too. You never did that. So how can I leave you? I feel like I say this all the time, but I truly love the convenience of Audible. The audio entertainment app that offers audio books across every genre, podcast, and audible originals.

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500, 500 for 30 days free. That's so good. So I actually did not have the words until you started speaking, but I'm definitely in that season of Bretzo's spectre as well. I definitely walked away. I have walked away from faith, I've walked away from relationship with God. I think a lot of it had to do with me being like, my life is too much of a mess, it's too raggedy.

I don't even have any hope for it, so I don't see how God could have any hope for it. But, and I've been sharing about us living in Dallas now, and so I'm having to retrace some of the moments where I felt the most disconnected from God. I'm having to retrace the moments where I was making decisions when I felt like I'd walked away from God,

but being who I am now, and it is helping me to see that even in the moments where I thought I walked away, that I really didn't go anywhere. Like you thought you walked away, but you were still in the same room. You were still under the same purpose. You were still at the same call, the same journey, the same anointing.

Like you cannot walk out of the cloud that has been following you from the day I called your name into existence onto the earth. And so what you think is walking away is not really walking away because God never leaves us. And so I'm definitely in that season, but you could not have told me really until we started having this conversation that I never had separation from God because I definitely felt like I did, but that was an inside job.

It wasn't a reality and I think that I'm coming to a stage where that part of me that felt distance is realizing how intimately connected I was with God through it all. And you give yourself grace for it, right? Or are you able to now? Am I? Yeah, I am. Okay. I am. I am. And I'm only able to though, because I feel like this adult version of me knows how to repair it, the part of me that felt disconnected and separated.

Like, I needed, I think what I needed was someone who could help me translate what was happening in my world. And I think my parents did an incredible job with what they knew to do, but something shifted in our life that was beyond what they even knew to prepare for. Like, I don't think that there was anything

in my parents' history that could have prepared them for where they were. So they couldn't translate it to me and themselves at the same time. And so those wounds still exist though, right? No one translated it, but the pain was still there. The shame was still there. The decisions, the choices, the outcomes were still very real.

And I think that with grace, with perspective, with wisdom that only comes with age, I'm able to translate to myself. Okay, so what you thought in that moment was abandoned, what you thought in that moment was shame, what you thought in that moment was gratitude and it's helping me to come to peace with the things that I felt disconnected me from God. Amen. Yeah. And I think that's the journey. If we are willing to embark on it, that's the journey that we all get to go along. And so that retrospection is everything.

What are you, if you don't mind sharing, like what are you specifically when you think about being retrospective? What is it that stands out in your mind as a number one testimony and number one reconciliation of your own journey? Oh my gosh everything I think you know

namely it would be You know, namely, it would be, you know, I remember, and I've shared this story before a few times, but it's an important story and it really sticks out in my brain. I remember, oh, probably, I'm going to say maybe seven, eight years ago. I was living in my studio apartment, which because God is God is like, probably a mile and a half away now from my current home that I own, that my husband and I own. Okay.

So I pass it all the time. And I was living in my studio apartment. I just, I had done the, you know, as an actor, I'd always had the survival jobs. I was like, really, it was really good at having a survival job. And I was also really good at quitting them when they didn't work for me because I was like,

I'm not trying to build a resume, I'm an actor. So if you, not gonna let me go to my audition, then ta-ta, I'm outta here. So I, I mean, I had all these survival jobs and I had finally gotten to the point in my life and my career where I was bold enough to say, I'm stepping out on faith, I'm quitting my survival job.

And at the time, I had a really good one. It was like the highest paid one. I had the most flexibility. It was like really good. And I was like, God, but I trust you. I'm outta here and I quit the job. And I remember I was exhilarated. I was like, God, but I trust you. I'm outta here and I quit the job. And I remember I was exhilarated. I was like, this is it.

I'm finally gonna be the full-time actor. Like with nothing, no crutch to fall back going. I'm just believing in God to send me that job that will pay all my bills. I mean, I was like fired up. And it was a great first month. And then I was like, okay, so I didn't save anything.

Right? Um, I, nothing's come yet. God, like, oh, I didn't, I don't think I really thought this through, but I was still believing. And it was time to pay my rent and I didn't have it. Like I just did not. Like there was just no way and I called my parents

and my parents had always, if I wasn't a clutch, they were always there to kind of help me, but this particular time. And I had to even know, I never asked them. I don't even know if they didn't have it at this particular time. This might have been the time that they were like, we just gotta let her grow up. I don't know.

She gotta do it on her own. I think this might have been the time that they just were like, we do have it, but she just gotta figure this one out. And they were like, sorry, honey, I was like, okay, like, no, it was fine, like, I'll be, like, you know, but really, I was like breaking down inside. And I was just so scared.

I was like, what did I do? God, what have we done? Cause I thought I was gonna have a job that would at least pay, I think my rent at the time was like $900. That would at least pay my $900 rent. I just was like, whoa, this is not how I thought this was gonna be.

And so I happened to have a call. I got on the phone with a friend of mine. We were just catching up. She had recently moved from Los Angeles. She's actually my oldest friend in Los Angeles. We've been friends for almost 13 years, Ashley. And we were catching up and she was like, how's it going?

I was like, I just broke down. I just was like, not good. Like, I'm struggling. She was like, wait, wait, wait, what do you mean? What's going on? And it was the first time that I had to really tell a friend, like, I'm broke. Like, I can't pay my rent.

I don't know what I'm gonna do. I'm scrounging up laundry change to go get meals from off the dollar menu at the McDonald's across the street from my house. Like I don't know what to do, but really like, you know, I gotta pay this rent or they're gonna give me an eviction notice.

I never forget, she said so calmly. She was like, that's it. And I was like, what do you mean, that's it? Yeah. And she was like, Ashley sent me your account. I'll send you the money right now. And I was like, at her and I's Ashley too. So I was like, Ash, wait, wait, wait.

And she was like, Ashley, it's nothing. Like, I moved back home. So I have extra money. I got you. Like, don't worry about it. Pay me back when you can or don't pay me back at all. And the reason I use that as an example is because shortly after that I booked Dear White people and that was very transformative for me, obviously. That is what I was really waiting for. Like my first big series and, you know, being able to grow with the TV family that happened not too long after that.

And since then, obviously, you know, I've gotten married, I own a home now. I've never had to scrounge for change out of for laundry, you know, go through my laundry change to eat. And Ashley and I are still friends. So when I, I like that story because so many things are the same, but different, but better, right? My friendship is still intact. The person I was like in a situation

ship at the time is now my husband and we own a home. I can cook and eat meals that are healthy and that I love every day. And I am a full-time actor. That's it. But I remember a time when I didn't know if I was going to be able to do it. I didn't know if I could even pay my rent or eat.

And now I'm able to do all of that and some. And I think sometimes God puts you in a place like that so that you always remember. I always, I used to beg my parents when I was younger. Like, can you guys just quit your jobs and move to LA so I can just be an actor? Like, I wanted to be like, I wanted to be Raven Simone,

and my parents were like, no, you're staying in school, you're going to college and I am so happy that they did. And I'm so happy that my story is not a linear one because everything I have, I remember when I didn't have it and it means so much more. And again, I can inspire more people because most people have a story that's more similar to mine. People, I'm relatable. You're relatable because we've been through regular life. There are big blessings and there's abundance, yes, but there was also times when there was very little and what felt like lack. So I can speak to both, very honestly.

And if ever I'm in a season that it feels similar, I know that I'll be able to get out because I've gotten out before. That so that you always remember is like testimony service all day long, because every now and then when I start feeling stressed, I start feeling overwhelmed with what's next, I remind myself, just remember what you used to consider a problem.

You know what I mean? Like just remember what was a problem in your life. Like just remember what was a problem in your partner. Well, just remember what was a problem with your finances. Like, yes, you get to be stressed, yes, you get to figure, but just remember that the very fact that this is your giant is a reflection of the fact that you slayed some giants in the past.

It's a reflection of the fact that you continue to fight and you defeated something, and now you're facing something bigger. And if you did it then, if God gave you the grace for it, the strategy, the five smooth stones then, then would that God get you this far and leave you and forsake you? And let me tell you something. That remembering has carried me through some seasons

where I thought everything was going to fall apart. I can remember just this year, something was happening online. And I was getting very like, oh my gosh, what is this? I've never been in tech this way. Like they're talking, like I'm a person. Like this is, I'm like in tears.

I'm like, I don't wanna preach anymore. I don't wanna talk anymore. And I felt like in my personal prayer time that God was like at the end of the day, if I call you, there's nothing that can be done that will destroy you. And if I allow it to destroy what you've built, then it needed to come down anyway. So never become so married to who you are now that you are unwilling to be broken down so that I can build you again. Because if I built it, then it can't be shaken.

But if I allow it to be destroyed, it's because I've got something else built. And it helped me to reclaim my destiny from this idea of cancel culture, or this idea that someone can say something and it could all come tumbling down. And it has taught me a lot about what I can survive in this stage of my life and who God is as the undercurrent that's gonna carry me to the next thing after thing, after thing. And that trust has settled me in a way

that I didn't even know that I needed until I was in the fight. It's, I mean, it's fortifying, right? When the stuff of the things happen, it's fortifying you for whatever is to come. Or it's fortifying you perhaps to help somebody else. I think that's the other thing I've learned. Sometimes we go through things and it's not even for us. It's because somebody else needs the testimony. And that's real. Like, that's really real. You the testimony. And that's real.

Like, that's really real. You're like, God, wait, what was this even for? Oh, so I could tell that lady at the grocery store, X, Y, and Z. That's what it was for. We are not here for self. We're here for others. Yeah, that's it. That's it.

So one of my friends told me, one of the questions that I've always had, like, why was I waitressing at a strip club? Like, how are we going to use this for your, like, where are you going to be going out of this? And the friend of mine told me that she was at our high school reunion and like, six of her friends who know that we're friends were registered for Waumani Bob. And when they, their partners were asking, they were there,

like, she waitress at a strip club. But now she know who God is. Like, I'm like, okay, he's going to use everything. I can use everything. He uses the meat in the bones. He don't leave the bones. He's a rabbit. Yes.

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which means you have to come back. No, let's do it. Let's do it. Let's do it. Okay, let's do it. Okay, I will know. We have to do it. Okay, here we go.

Okay, I hope all is well with you and whoever else is reading this, I'm 26. I have to do it. Okay, here we go. Okay. I hope all is well with you and whoever else is reading this, I'm 26, I'm a writer, a poet, and I'm currently a social worker. Last year around this time, I was in a very bad place. I lost my job, I lost friends, and I became a full-time sex worker and doing things that weren't any good for me.

Growing up, sex was a big part of my life. I used it to survive. I feel like it has always been attached to me even when I wasn't looking for it. I am not sure if this is an addiction, but how do I stop these bad habits? I've had plenty of jobs. I also have degrees. In my previous jobs, I've had co-workers that cross boundaries, even those with the highest positions. I believe this lifestyle follows me everywhere I go even

when I try to avoid it. I can't even have a normal introduction with a man without having thoughts of using my body for a financial gain. How can I break away from this way of life, this way of thinking? I know I'm talented, I'm educated, but this is something I can't wait to escape. Please help me find the way to a new beginning. Thank you for listening. Wow. What I would say is focus on reworking the way you see yourself because the way you see yourself, because the way you see yourself is the way others see you. And relate that to seeing yourself in God's image. Imagine how God sees you. But he's, you know, even if you have to, you know, really get deep in prayer, perhaps it's even a meditation where you just really allow yourself to wander away.

But like, see yourself as your ideal self. See yourself in, like I said, in God's image, and believe it. And I know that it's easy to say just believe it, right? But like, so now you have to practice. Like, you know when you're a little girl and like I know for me like I When I was a little I still even do it now in my 30s, but like I practice my You know speeches when I win my awards. I'd look in the mirror. I practice them I've always done since I was a little girl. Maybe it's time to do that Practice what would you want interactions to be like that are different than the way they are now. Practice walking in the world in the way that you would prefer to walk in the world

than the ways you're walking now. And those things will become reality. The more you believe it, the others will believe it. It is true. You teach people how to treat you. And so if you see yourself as more than a sex worker or someone who leads with sex, then eventually others will too.

But you have to really believe it for yourself and also I don't know who is in your orbit. But I would be really intentional about who you're around. Like I wanna make sure you're around. Like, I wanna make sure you're around people that I like to call them destiny advocates, but people who see the best for you and see your destiny even when you can't see it for yourself. So if you have people like that family or friends

that love you and see the best for you and are helping you cultivate that, then great. But if not, I think it's time for a new community. It's time to immerse yourself in new people that see yourself and walk in the world the way that you want to. That's so good. And I think it speaks to the power of connection.

I will tell you that you know, you question whether or not it was this ex addiction and your question. And I think it's important that if you feel like there's something there that you actually get the professional support to determine if that's an actual addiction for you. But I will say just based off of womanhood and engaging with women as a part of my life's work, is that it sounds like sex is the what,

but it may not be the why. It sounds like it's a tool for you. It seems like it's a power of control, a tool of control for you, that it is empowering you in some way that you don't necessarily trust that you can have without it, which is obviously just a perversion of what sex is

and it's most beautiful, shape and form. And so I think that you have to be willing to understand the why do I need to feel control in this way? Why do I need to feel that I have to use this as a tool? How is this empowering me? Because I think that if you can get to the root of it, you can change the fruit. Maybe there was something that happened in your life where you felt out of control. And now you use this as a way to make sure that you stay in control of men.

Maybe there's moments where you didn't feel wanted. And now this makes you feel desirable. And you are getting some boost of confidence, false confidence as it may be from this idea of someone wanting you. I think there are any number of reasons why we use sex as a means of control or as a means to attract people.

But I think that at the end of the day, when you want something better, when you want something different, when you want something different, when you want something that aligns with God's vision for who you are, that undoing the perversion, undoing the delineation from God's vision for your life is the most incredible gift

that you can give yourself. You want something real. You don't want to just be seen as a body. You want to be seen as a person. And the Ashley's point, you got to reframe the way you see yourself. And it starts with asking God what God sees when God connects with you.

And so it sounds like you have an opportunity to really get some support from some people who have walked through this journey, some therapy to help you really change the way you evaluate your worth. But I am telling you, one you're not alone, there are plenty of us who have used sex, our minds, our gifts, our talents, whatever they may be in order to feel in control and left feeling more empty than we were before. And so I'm telling you though that that emptiness can be filled and that you can look back and be

proud of every twist and turn. I don't even know if you feel this, but because I have been in circumstances where I left feeling ashamed of my past, I want you to know that God can restore, God can grant perspective, and God can use what you have gone through in such a way that you can look back on it and not feel shame.

And just in case shame is keeping you tied to who you used to be, I just want you to know that they're still love, they're still redemption, they're still worth available to you no matter how large that body count is at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is that you're still here. And because you're still here, that's hope and purpose connected to who you are. So please get some help and some support so that we can then glean from the wisdom of all of your experiences because there's wisdom in those ones. Yes. Yes. Wisdom in those ones. Can nobody do it like you? Yes. I do what I can out here. I can't. I can't. Nobody

do it like you. A master class. This is been. Thank you, thank you for letting me rob you of your time. I am pretty much a blessing. This was, I'm so grateful to have been here. So grateful to have been to your presence. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Truly, and I can't wait to like collab and do something again. Yeah.

I was gonna say I hope I get this week's you soon, but until then I'll try and catch you in these LA streets. Ditto, I appreciate it. Thank you says thank you. Take care. Bye. Ashley your grace your light your joy your positivity and willingness to share your perspective with us has been an incredible blessing. Thank you sis. My hope is that this episode will serve as our collective reminder that we must roll up our sleeves, put the work in to match the level of

our faith. Those are your marching orders. Let's get it done. you