Woman Evolve with Sarah Jakes Roberts - Process Desires w/ Yvonne Orji

Episode Date: August 18, 2021

Issa #WCW & this week W.E. are crushin' on a QUEEN that bodied her evolution! Comedienne, actress, and author—Yvonne Orji—chopped it up with SJR about how she was 'Bamboozled by Jesus' into a season of self-discovery. With BIG faith, a humble brag, unapologetic laughter, & Eve-like tendencies, Yvonne is highkey FAM to the Delegation! Get BAMBOOZLED when you cop her new book at BamboozledByJesus.com! Then, TAP IN to homegirl-time in the sanctuary as the two discuss performative love, going to therapy, hustle culture, femininity, and restoration in relationships. This episode is sponsored by Skillshare.com/Evolve + BetterHelp.com/Evolve + AmericanGirl.com (code: EVOLVE). Tell them W.E. sent you!

God can't bless you for ten to be or who you compare yourself to. He can only bless you and the lane that was created for you. I feel that for somebody. You don't need no itch, it's a tea you need boundaries. What? I don't need your lights, I don't need your validation. All I need is a God party for me that's their all things. All things, all things.

Child. Okay, delegation. So here we are, trying something new. How do you feel about it? Are you nervous? I'm a little nervous. Are you excited? I'm excited to.

I really, really feel like we are still going to have an opportunity to love, laugh, joy, and grow together even in this new way. Now I want you to know a couple of things about this new way of us doing the Woman Evolve Podcast. Number one, you are still my number one co-host. From time to time, I will have some special guests, just like I did before. But I want you all to be the star of this podcast.

Please, please, please email me. Podcast at wamnievov.com. If you want to host the podcast with me now, I know someone is thinking, what are all of the requirements? What are the benefits? What is the salary range? What is it gonna take to be a co-host? Well, check out this podcast with Yvonne Orgie just to get an idea of what

you're going to be signing up for. I'm going to ask you questions. You're going to ask me questions. We're going to answer questions from the delegation. We're going to laugh. We're going to have fun. We're going to love on one another and we are going to inspire every woman who listens to do the very same This episode with Yvonne is hilarious She is just gonna have you in stitches, but she's also gonna have you soon Hmm as you recognize parts of her life that looks so similar to yours You will see that there were definitely some moments where I was like, come back, come back, this come back. We need you here. But also moments where I said

that's really helping me. For those of you unfamiliar, Yvonne Orgie gives a knock out performance as Easter Ray's best friend and fan favorite Molly on the HBO comedy series in Secure. Her stellar work this season garnered her in Emmy nomination for Best Supporting Actress. Yvonne's one hour stand-up special for HBO Mama. I made it premiered on June 6, 2020. It was shot in two places. Yvonne called home while growing up Washington DC in Nigeria. If you guys haven't seen it, it's so epic to see how she brought together her story of being raised Nigerian while also experiencing Black America as an African. It's so monumental. You'll love it. brought together her story of being raised Nigerian while also experiencing

black America as an African. It's so monumental. You'll love it. Prior to the taping, she embarked on a domestic tour, which included sold-out shows in New York and Los Angeles. She has opened for Chris Rock and a number of venues. Later this year, she will be seen on Fox slash Hulu's feature vacation friends opposite John Cena and Lil Rail, Howie and in September 2018 she made her feature film debut in Universal's Night School alongside Kevin Hart and Tiffany Hattish. Let me tell you something what I'm trying to tell you is this. This is out here doing what needs to be done and she is a woman of faith. There's so many things about her story that I feel like are so important.

But what I wanna highlight for sure is what she's doing for the world, for community, outside of her creative work, Orgie is dedicated to her charitable efforts. In 2008, she spent six months working in post-conflict library with population services international and NGO that utilizes social marketing in the adoption of healthy behaviors.

While in Liberia, she worked with a group of talented youth to help build a mentoring program as well as weekly talk show that helped educate and prevent teen pregnancy and HIV AIDS. What I'm telling you is that she's hilarious. She has a heart. She has an incredible work ethic and she is just getting started. Let's kick back and spend some time with Yvonne Orgie. We're gonna be talking about her debut book, Bamboozled by Jesus, How God tricked me into the life of my dreams, but quite literally, she's gonna tell us

how her life has been Bamboozled and also working together for her good. Let's get into it. Hey, Blue-Hey! You! How are you? I'm great. Yes. We into it. Hey, Bluehey! You! How are you? I'm great. Yes. We did it.

We did it. No one knows. Yes, no one knows the travel. No, no, the car. Okay, of the oil. But it's happening. Here we are. Okay, so you are like, I'm trying something different.

Okay. So I like Simone Biles. If is that, can we call it that?. So I like Simone Biles. Is that can we call it that? Is it can Simone Biles become a verb? Like when we say you know what I can't continue in the path that I've been continuing going and I may or may not come back we'll see what happens. Can we verb it? I feel like then like it would have to be like in a drake album you know how he was like uh Nimo so he'd be like I ain't

gonna do this Simone Simone Biles. Like, I feel like you would have to, so I need to make out like a beat. If Drake does do it, okay. Don't like, you can do it now, but that would be the, like, that would be the analogy to like, okay, okay. All right.

I mean, all respect Simone Biles. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, she's doing what she has to do. And kids say, anybody's liking the comments, like, don't, no, no, no, this, I admire what she did. I feel like she did what needed to be done for herself under a lot of pressure. And she still came back in one.

Like, happy young, your pressure is, while we got wear masks. And she is the most decorated gymnast, like she's done more in her lifetime than most of us would do. And she's still only 12. So a young person. And a rowdy. She was more than 12.

Give her a reset. Yes. No. Okay, so I stopped doing the podcast the way that I was doing it, but I still want to create a platform where women can talk about how they're evolving, how they're changing what they're learning. And so you're my, how they're changing what they're learning, and so you're my first try. And the first also congratulate you on 100,000 plus now,

book sold. Because we out here, we out here, we out here, we out here, we out here, and we have books that came out very close together. Yeah. And that was a season. I love seeing just, you know, what, why are you walking along?

We laughing. I was that crazy. I said, it's a lot of what, how was your book experience? For me, I was also launching a book while shooting the final season of Insecure. OK. And I remember you were saying you hit me up. I was like, what can we do?

And I was like, I can do very limited things. I am choosing to have fun. Because that was my thing. I was like, I wanna have fun. Cause I wanna look back and not be stressed, and not be mad. I just wanna be like, I had a Bentley for a weekend. I was doing my Bentley book drops.

And I was like, well, that was fun. And I was just like, I did the hard work. And I mean, at this point, I was like, this is, this fun. And I was just like, I did the hard work. You know what I mean? At this point, I was like, this is, this is I know what needs to be done, but I can't do it like it should be done because I'm doing something else. And that's also super important.

Insta here was like, you got one more day to ask us. Do it for some time off because I don't know if you realize, you know what, a costume baby is the way to need you. And I was like, you right. Let me just do this one more quick. So though, so it was the best that I could do in that season, but I think what's been great is just seeing how people are taking the words.

Like I was like, oh, mission accomplished because when I set out, I said I have to write a book that was part DMX, part Jesus and part Christchurch. You know what I mean? So it was just like, I'm gonna do you with the wood. Then I'm gonna do the jokes that I'm gonna hate you with the life. Do you wanna revolution?

You know what I mean? Like so, everyone got that. What a powerful combination. What a powerful combination. But I appreciate the readers who were like, yo, I cried but also snapped my finger, but also a Harlem Shake. It's like, it's like, it's a 1-2-3 combo, baby.

Yeah, I'm gonna give you everything, because I also feel like the word should be fun. We can have fun. I don't know what we are. Yeah, and life, Lord knows we need it. Okay. I want to talk about bamboozled by Jesus boom But first I want to know okay. Yes here all this right here. Make sure y'all go get it Can you tell me about a time?

No, I'm gonna I'm gonna ask you two questions I'm gonna ask you two questions. Two questions. This is a combo, Chick-fil-A, and tell me about an area of your life where you knew better and are finally doing better. And then tell me an area you're still working on. I don't like these questions at all. You love the fact. No, it's good.

It's good. You came out the gate, and you know, no, it's fine. Easy now. It could be anything. It could be anything. An area of my life that I knew better and I'm finally doing better. Yeah. This July, I have been spending so much more time with my girls and when the month first started,

my imagination muscle was weak. I am glad to announce we are now in August and my imagination muscle is probably stronger than it has ever been. There is nothing like being free to go into this land of make believe and wonder where literally anything is possible. And that is the beauty of what American girl is offering little children everywhere with the bitty baby. Ella got her bitty baby in July.

Perfect timing for us is we were having all of this mother daughter time. And she absolutely fell and love the moment that it was in her hand. Every child loves to play pretend and parents know the stories children act out helped shape the person they grow to be I've learned so much more about Ellen and how she talks about her babies how she disciplines them how she has fun with them. It's teaching me so much about what the

world looks like from her world. When we got the baby baby that we open up the stroller of all, it looks like a real actual stroller. Like it looks like something that a real baby can go in. But she loved it so much. She's got this little black baby that looks just like her and it's so squeezeable and lovable. You'll love it too. You can customize the doll's accessories and outfits to encourage her to act out moments of kindness and care. This year, Bitty Baby is getting a whole new look with new designs and colors, plus matching clothes for girls. So she can coordinate her look.

I just have to warn you though, that the kids start taking the Bitty Baby very seriously. I left the baby on the kitchen counter, and Ella literally told me, she's like, would you just leave your baby on the counter? I'm like, yes, I left you on the counter plenty times. I'm gonna get you your fine. Bitty Baby offers an array of play time combinations that offer unique nurturing and grows imagination.

Teach her that kindness is the ultimate gift with Biddy baby. You can get an exclusive one time offer of 15% off your order of Biddy baby products with promo code evolved at AmericanGrow.com. That's AmericanGrow dot com promo code evolved exclusions include eighteen installs corny arcade and bitty baby furniture see american grow dot com slash bb podcast for details well yeah we're going deep we're going deep um really

sitting in my power all and my so forth and everything that like I knew but it was like a it was we don't even a tug of war was double Dutch and I was like sometimes I would get into the rope and sometimes I wouldn't Because I was always holding my breath like I was I mean I talked about in the book But I was bullied for so long, but I knew that God had a purpose for me. So it was almost kind of like,

the devil also knew that God had a purpose for me. So he was like, if I can just get her to just fall apart by eighth grade, then she's gonna spend the rest of her life trying to get back to who she always was supposed to be. And hopefully she never does. And the pandemic was really good at. And actually, I have your death to think.

He has a message called, I didn't know I was mean. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I was screaming it from the room tops. Because at first I was like, if he's saying it and he's grown and he's really accomplished, but everything he's saying is what I felt, but it felt crazy to feel that way because how am I not supposed to know I mean, I don't know how 30s. But he gave voice to something that I had been feeling for so long.

And it was this thing of when you're beaten down for so long, but you know that there's a purpose on your life, but you're just like, well, why me though? Like, why? Like, okay. You know what I mean? Like it's just like, I hear, it was like very giddy at this, right? It's like, nah, you got the wrong one.

I'm the weakest link, my try, we at the bottom. Like the total goal is here and we are here, but good chat or whatever, Angel. And it's like, nah, it's you. And I've always known it was me, but then I'm always kind of like, what if they find out me is not good enough? Yeah. But what if they find out me isn't perfect

because I've known performative love for a long time. Like, yeah, when you're bullied, you're just, I mean, I was, you can't be bullied and not smart, so I was a straight-a student and did they pick a struggle? Are you a single struggle? Oh, like I'm not gonna be, I'm not gonna make it, fam. You go see me somewhere.

And I'll never forget when I told the bullies, yeah, I just met cause one day, yeah, I'm gonna work for me. I definitely gotta beat up and the bus up. That's okay, that's all right. But it's fine, because that was all my mama said to me, because that was the positive reinforcement.

These scales, I just jealous of you. Why, well then you're going to be somebody in your life. I was like, yeah, they are just jealous of me. I didn't believe it, but I had to hold on to something. You had to hold on to what you got. I knew they sat next to each other in the lunch table, like sharing food and whatnot. And that wasn't what my experience was,

but I was like, yeah, just jealous of me. That's what it is. Look at me fine. Look at me and look at them. Not fun at all, because the immigrant struggle was rough. I was like, why do I have platinum and argon? On at the same time? Anyway, we made it, look at us now.

But it was that thing of like for the five seconds, I would allow them to copy my homework and find the class. I was the itchic. So it was now like, okay, well, what can I barter for my love? What can I get? Oh, my brothers were always handsome. So one of them was just like a sugar mama sugar daddy. I don't know what The most guardian glue coos

Grubby it. Well, yeah a lot of buddy, but he I he had something Anyway, we won't be talking about that Like I was like, you coming back. What what y'all working on anyway? So they would just be like, can we get your brother's number? And if you give a shit but this number, like we'll be your friend. So then I was like, Pimphanon, my brother.

I really need you to talk to someone so because I still remember their names. I was very much about the same. Or they would, I was like, she might be listed. Possibly. Did they know? Did your brothers know that they were being pimped out and did they care?

Like did they follow through in order to make sure you were covered? They follow through for their own. That's all right. Like it was just like, oh no, she is cute. You can give me her number, but like it didn't matter that it was like, but I need to help me because then like they would break up and it's like, you're making, you're supposed to get married to this shit. Like I'm supposed to be popping forever.

Like I'm supposed to be popping forever. So basically I'm in and the book actually helped to hone the me that I am like the me that I am now was the me that needed to write the book Yeah, it's everything else every time I tried it. It was just a different version It was a version that I thought other people would want or other people would like or what I thought other people thought I was supposed to be. And finally, I was like, that's it. I'm gonna just be me. And now I'm gonna see who gonna rock with the meat that I am that loves Cardi B, Jesus, and, you know,

first rock. Yeah. You said that you are finally like sitting in your power. Yes. Do you think that you had imposter syndrome before? Or do you think imposter had impostor syndrome before? Or do you think impostor syndrome's kind of overplayed? Because what you said is something

that I said to my therapist, where it's kind of like, my life and influence grew exponentially in a way that I didn't calculate or manufacture. And for me, sometimes that can feel very intimidating to have a life and to mean something to people in a way that you're still like learning to navigate for yourself. Yeah. And she was like, this sounds like a impostor syndrome. And it was like, I don't feel like I'm an impostor. You know, Paul talks about like, I'm trying to lay hold of the reason that God has laid hold of me. And I feel like I've spent a lot of time probably within the last few months,

especially like with the book and stuff. Like trying to figure out like what is this that you're doing through me? And who do I need to become in order to make sure I can still, you know, show up in the way that God needs me to show up? I think it's not not in Pasta Syndrome think it's not, not in Pasta Syndrome, but it's not totally in Pasta Syndrome, right, for me. Because for me, it like, I know God has a purpose for me. Like I'm not even like, what?

Like I didn't ask for this life that I was living at all. Like I was living in Laurel, Maryland, hello. I remember. I remember when you lived. We met when I was, yes. I remember. And yeah when you lit, we met when yes, I remember. And yeah, you were, I still have the magazine from that guy. Really?

Yes. Because you had the Rocker's Dance T-shirts in there. But I don't know why I was a whole divorce woman with two children with a shirt about keeping it locked till I get that rock. But it wasn't. What about after you got the rock

and then everything's fine. Go ahead. Everything's fine because I was like, but it tracks. Like, yeah, because at any point, you can decide to keep it locked, right? But it was, for me, I know, like I'm only here but by the grace of God.

And sometimes when God's favorite is on you and you're in an industry that's kind of merit-based. Yeah. But you get the thing that other people who have been working hard through their America, and you feel like one day, like your hand can never get off of me because then I will feel like a fraud,

and I won't feel like it's well because it's just like your favorite, and yes, my work, you know, faces that works as dead, but like your favorite for a certain catapulted me to a place that I don't even know I could be, but I also know it's because you know that you could trust me in that space. Right.

So, obedience will do a lot more for you than 20 years of work. Yeah. But then, but then, That's a word. That's a whole word that you just said. I'm listening. I'm living it.

There's acceleration connected to obedience. But it's, and also just like a heart. I start the book off by saying like, I'm not that smart. I'm just dumb enough to say yes. Just keep saying yes. Like, I mean, I don't know what that look like, but let's rock. Because what is my alternative?

Like, again, I say one of us is a liar. Yeah. And last time, I checked, it wasn't gonna be you. So, I guess, let me see what you got on the other side that I can't see right now. And so, for me, it's less the imposter syndrome, but it's the whose voice will you believe the most? Yeah.

Because the voices from my past, because it wasn't just middle school, it was then like high school, like, all right, oh, I got friends now, like, oh, but like, but you all don't know, cause I believe that voice a little bit more than this voice, like, you all don't know, like, folks ain't really rock with me,

and eventually, whatever that thing is, that's in me that wasn't rockable with, y'all gonna find it. So, maybe we should just stop this now. So it was like the self, like self-affilling prophecy too and like the feeding, the fetus mindset a little bit, but then it's the sliver of moments where God is like, no, you are dope.

It's like, I am dope. It's like, what if I'm not sustainably? You know what I mean? I think that's, yeah. So there are clear moments where I have harnessed my power and I'm walking in the fruit of that, like wielding it.

And then it's just like, yeah, that was crazy, who did that? Was that me, oh no. And then I just kinda like, that's yeah. Shriek. But then it's just like, I'm talking shrieking, then I power up again. As opposed to being like, I said it,

I meant it, and I'm here to represent it. Like what, you could have a problem with it if you want, but that's on you, as far as I'm concerned, I'm here. And I'm reaching more for that, and not carrying how it's perceived. Like I really wanna have a sit down with Ditty, and just be like, so tell me about how you are able to be. Like, Ditty makes you believe that everything he's in

evolved with is 1,000% going to succeed. Oh yeah. You will never know the losses. Cause even the losses are wins. And you're just like, take that, take that, take that. And it's like, we did take it. We did. But I'm like, I aspire to such levels of confidence.

Because what I do is, I hold my breath. And I just wait for other people to tell me it's good. And I'm like, it is good. Yeah. As opposed to me being like, no, it's phenomenal. I feel like I'm doing the other side now. I feel good in the moment. And then I think when it's exposed, I end up feeling that way, like, what are people going to think about?

Is it good? I hold my breath. And I feel like for the last few months, I've been holding my breath. And so I took like the month of July to just breathe. And so now I'm like re-engaging and trying to figure out, like, what feels authentic to me? Yeah. Because I feel like what you experience, what people experience is the fruit of your success.

But the key to your success really has a lot to do with your spirit and who you became in the process and how you said to yourself, yes, to this and know to that and to really stay focused. And I think that that is hard to remember when you continue to become successful because the team and the strategy and the what are you going to do next, hijacks, the fruit of your success and makes you believe that the success is in whatever that achievement is and not in who you have to become in order to produce on that level. And so to that point, I started to see off

my Nigerians, y'all not gonna be happy with this, but I was like, I wanna be less Nigerian. What? I wanted it mean to be less Nigerian. New York's that like, we talked about this. Being Nigerian got me where I am, like having faith and having the green white green flag on my back, like I made it because I literally have a tattoo

that says Nigerians don't finish last on my wrist. I don't think I realized. And this year I was like, yeah, but I'm tired. Yeah, I'm tired. But I'm like, I don't wanna prove anything else anybody like I've done the hard thing, I've worked and I want to know ease and flow. And I want to know if I can still be successful

tapping into ease and flow because I know hustle hard. Yeah. Yeah, hustle hard has been, wow, chef's kids. But I'm like, yeah, that's where the bird's a little bit because then that keeps you in a cycle. That got my mama to knee surgeries. Yeah, you know what I mean? I'm good, yes, we're the birds a little bit because then that keeps you in a cycle. That got my mama to knee surgeries. That, you know what I mean? I'm good on that.

Like there's got to be something else to life. And I'm not going to run the biggest challenge I've experienced this year is even with the book. Cause like if I didn't, if I didn't make that goal for myself at the beginning of this year, I probably would be sitting here because I'd be burnt the heck out. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, I can't do nothing now.

Because I would have pushed myself while shooting, while getting ready for the movie that's coming out and all of that and still be like, all right, great, well, we got to do this and I'm going to take everything and I want to do this. And, you know, I would have just not slept, not eaten, and just been like, we did it. And my therapist was like, what's the call for this book? What's your desire? Why did you write this book? So those are the only things we're going to focus on.

And she was like, I'm not focused on numbers. I'm not focused on. I'm not focused on anything, but like, did you do what you told me that God told you that you were supposed to do? Great, goodbye and God bless. And it was just like such a struggle because I'm like, yeah, but I'm a greedy night during. I want both.

I want all of them. I want all of them. I'm like, give me all the things. And she was like, no, that's not what you said. You want it. And it was just, it felt like, like it felt like I was taking my cape off. Yeah.

Which when your cape has been the thing that protects you and also the thing that you believe has elevated you, you're kind of like, I have to trust God on the level now. And I've been so accustomed to trusting God, but also with using my own strength. So it's like, me plus you, G, you know, now it was just like, is all you? now. It was just like is all you yeah Okay, but can I make a suggestion?

Excuse me I was wondering you know and and just being able to let go and Be happy with whatever came because at the end of the day what came was Me still loving me. Yeah me still knowing that I did everything. Me still knowing that like, if you're trying to get away from performing the love, the people who need a performance, you'll be able to see them more clearly. Yeah.

Because the people who are just rocking with you for rocking with you, say, they'll be there. And even just in like, hey, I just want to be lighter. And I'm also making room for a guy in my life. I'm making room for not needing to feel like I got to work all the time because I want to take a break for real. Like I want to like official time out. Yeah.

So that's where I am. I love that. Thank you. I do. I really do because it's like it's helping me because I feel, yeah. I'm, yeah, because I'm not, I'm not, we say it all the time, like I'm more than what I do,

but then to actually live it. Yeah. It's a different thing. And what my therapist and I have been working on, I was like, she checked me the other day, I was like, yeah, you know, I just feel like I'm a little lazy right now. She's like, I'm sorry, what? I said, I, I don't know,

when the therapist's shaking, like, what did I say to them? Yeah, right. Like, you know what I'm saying? You tried me just to help me, just to help me. Don't leave the witness, just to help me, give it to me. And she was like, why are you judging yourself? And I said I don't I just made a statement where is the judgment she was like you said you're

you feel lazy or is it that you've worked nonstop for the last seven years and now you're taking a rest and I was like oh I like the use of love that word better better than lazy. I see what you did there. And it was the reframing because again, the Nigerian enemy is like, no idle time. There's always something to be done. Always be working. And always be, you know, it's like, you take a breath, somebody gonna come behind you and it's just like, okay.

Do you follow the Nat ministry on Instagram? The Nat ministry is the blessing of Abraham. Yeah, I don't know a lot about them. I've just seen their posts. So like, you know, if you're listening or you're watching, like, I don't know about the theology or anything behind it. But I know them graphics.

I know that them graphics. Sit yourself down. And then cap, sit down. Yes. And with our guilt and to really cancel hustle culture. Yeah, because I mean, hustle culture is great. Like, you need a balance, right? Because then you have the people who spring

the other side of the pendulum and they ain't done nothing in the 50, 11 years. And it's like, you see, I told you, you know, we were supposed to chill. Now, you were still unemployed for the last eight years. You need to know what your word is though. Like, you know, because I think that your default setting is hustle. Yeah. So you need a nat ministry.

Yes. Because by, you'll never allow yourself to be someone who just sits down and they're unemployed. You, this is a word for somebody. Don't grab every word you hear. Yeah. You said, you got to know your factory. Your people are here. Yeah. You said, you gotta know your factory, your people factory.

Yes. Because there are people who, their default setting is razz and they're like, yeah, man. And you need someone to tell you to get up. That's the best. And then, I'm a latter. Put your hiking shoes on, man. Okay.

This is not, you know, it's also kind of like the people who would be like, yeah, because I'm getting rid of everything that's not serving me. Well, your default factory is setting what's to cancel everything. Now you're not island by yourself. Right, now you can't keep nobody. You know, maintain relationships or have healthy communication patterns. Look at you. Well, what's not an interview is that they checked you.

They didn't like being checked, and now you like, they don't serve me. Okay, cool. So you surround yourself with, yes, yes, people. How they gonna work out for you? Good luck and God bless. Now, they don't serve me. Okay, cool. So you surround yourself with yes, yes, people. How are you gonna work out for you? Good luck and God bless. Now, say it. We did. The next question I was gonna ask you.

That was only question one. Jesus what? We gonna meet you forever. No, no, everything's fine. Well, you kind of answered it because I was asking, you know, what's an area of your life where you knew better and are finally doing better.

And then my next question was gonna be what's an area you're working on you knew better and are finally doing better. And then my next question was gonna be, what's an area you're working on? You know, activating the do better, cause you know better. Yes. But is it being less Nigerian? Well, it is that, it is that. And also, I hated this word.

I thought you I hated this word. I hate, ooh, thank you. I'm a therapy. Listen, I'm telling you right now, what does my short look like? Because that feels cool. I could not stand the word femininity. I would fly.

Okay, let's talk about this. Oh, he's people tap into your femininity. You'll something like, I, again, this is also probably being less Nigerian too, because I was like, that's so weak. I also work with three older brothers. And I'm in a male dominated field. And so it was basically like, never let them see you weak.

You know, never let them see you cry. And it just also felt like something that was unnatural. So my initial instinct was to like be mad at it. And I was like, all these. Just like, you know, I give my man my coat bottles open. I'm like, you can't open it yourself. Like you didn't find like, you know, I give my man my coke bottle to open. I'm like, you can't open it yourself Like you need fine like, you know, and I just was just like so mad I'm like, so I got to be a damsel in distress in order for me to be helped like you just and then I was like I hit my I'm tired button. Yeah, and I was like I

Care that I can do it. I need someone else to do it for you know what I'm not everywhere I saw a graphic on Instagram that was like, I'm not everywhere. It's not all the way. It's not, I can't do it. I can't do it. I mean, I won't do it. Now I'm like, I feel like I'm on the other side

of the page of the book. Who want help? Who come help me? That was the hardest part for me and getting married. Like marrying the king that I'm married to right now, because I was so used to doing everything on my own, and he wanted so badly to be another perspective and to be another set of hands,

and I did not know how to include him in my decision-making. That was like our first couple of years of marriage, he was like, why did you just do that without me? And I was like, because I could. You know what I mean? It didn't even down on me to include you or to ask. No. Yeah, for me, it is the,

I probably will still need to work on that. Because obviously there's some things that you can only work on when you have us. You're right there. But the part that I am currently working on is just the, just the, I'm gonna invite you into the process. I'm gonna invite you, now I still want total authority.

Authority. I'm not gonna be in authority. I'm not gonna be in authority. But this is where we go. Cause you know, it's that dance of like, I gotta add like I consider your feelings. Okay. That's gonna be really, that's yeah.

It's not an act. It's not, it's not, it's not. Sometimes. It's not a It's a time. Girl, I have to learn the like, So what do you think? We want to, I don't give a God. You know what she has to do. You know what you have to do.

You have to once they give their input, you have to authentically find the value in it. Mm-hmm. Yes. No, for real. No, that was me authentically fun. See how fun I am. Oh yeah, oh yeah, you're in the wrong way. Yes, no for real We have lessons

I have to challenge myself to like process that perspective how it helped me to make a better decision so that I find value in asking. So it doesn't feel like it's something I'm checking off the list of things I'm supposed to do. How do you find the, what like you ask and then, wow. And then you got the response which is like, still not what I'm gonna do though. Well, so I asked, and but then I asked like why? Okay.

So we, Summer Camp was like one of our first things is like I enrolled Kinsey in a summer camp, moved here from Dallas. That first time I was here I enrolled her in a summer camp and the timing was right, the distance was close, it was within my budget. Yeah, it made sense. And he was like, oh I wish you would have asked me first and I was like, what the hell did you tell me? Help me. I wish you would have asked me first and I was like, what's this? What's your name? Help me.

And he was like, well, because that's out of town, just went through that, that, that, that, that. And because of that, it's not necessarily safe over there or it's only 10 minutes during this time of day, but it's 30 minutes at this time of day. And so, right. Yeah, exactly. So I had to then go back and come to this place where I'm like,

okay, you don't really know this city yet Like to process the value that he added to me in that moment So even with like a business decision like it'll make sense for the platform It'll make sense for the direction of the brand Yes, but then he'll bring up something that will help me understand but like long-term Sustainability or this is going to conflict with that And so when I found the value in the perspective that he brings, it makes me asking him something that I look forward to and not something

that feels like a checklist. I think that's all valid. I do. I should've seen the most. It's not giving. My problem is I say things and I really mean it, but the way I'm saying it is like this whole thing. It's cause you're laughing.

It's the most. It's the best. It's the best. This is the best thing. I'm coming. We go back. You have this huge Bryce now, that's like, I don't accept it, but listen, what I do on this day is this.

Go ahead. Go ahead. I think the caveat is, you have someone that you trust. Yeah. You trust and you trust their opinion. I, you know, I learned to you trust. Yeah. You trust and you trust your opinion. You know, I did learn to trust though. Yeah.

And I learned my voice with so much. Yeah. I did learn. And I think I learned through maintaining my autonomy. Right. But really like challenging myself to like, why are you... Because it is, I think both parties, especially I think if you're with a high,

or high performance, kind of an individual on both ends, I think there is a understanding on both parties to know that like, there's gonna be an adjustment. A little adjustment. There is gonna be an adjustment because I'm also going to think for myself too. So you're going to have to lean into this thinking

and I will lean into your thinking. And together we'll have a thought that changes the world. Would you look at that. Did you see that? I thought that changed the world. You better hide. And you're like, yeah, yes. OK.

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with someone that like helped me like just be comfortable and just be like, oh I'm so glad you're here. I'm like, yeah the trash doesn't need to be taken out. Yeah. Like man, it was just strong arms. Oh, it's upstairs. Well, this is nice. At least you did it.

Yeah, and I allowed him I look for and I think what it was to is that They found enjoyment in doing it. Yeah, cuz I I think my previous experiences have been to like Pay me back like you pay your rent pay me back Say well, no price and I just didn't wanna get, you know, I don't like tip-and-tap. Like, I also don't like helping you if you think I'm, something needs to be- You can turn it straight, right?

So either you like it or not. And so then I'm like, you know what? I don't even like the way this energy is on my self. I'm just doing myself. I'm doing myself. And that's my default factory setting is I'll do it myself. But when someone, like without even asking was like, oh yeah, let me take this out.

It's like, did you take it out? Yeah, how did you not? What did I mean, he must have really messed up. He did mess up. That's the thing. As you get older, I like to say, what was the word? I consciously on couple.

No. What? What? What? What? Let me know how you gonna be, man. just a couple. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. And no, what is wrong with it? What is wrong with it? We go to the end.

But still fun. Yeah, great. Yeah. How do you maintain friendship with someone when you do the words? Because you use your words. And I was like, our conversation to dissolve the relationship was probably, I was like, if someone heard it, they'd be like,

so why are you breaking up a nugget, Mary? It was just like, you know what I appreciate about you? And he was like, you know what I really love about you. And I was like, someone heard it they'd be like so why are you breaking up a nugget Mary it was just like you know what I appreciate about you and he was like you know what I really love about you and I was like yo I thank you for noticing and it was like I was cool all right well I'll talk to you later and it was great two things to be true they can have a lot of things that you designed and it could also not be the right one for you in this moment. So how do you overcome the okay I have something I have this ain't even you know what I mean but how do you overcome the phomo of like I let someone go who had a lot of the qualities that I

don't think that I can maybe find in someone else. I mean everything everything's a risk, right? Yeah. But I never work from a scarcity mindset. Love this. I don't, because even in breakups in past, I've been like, yo, you was good, but there's a 2.0 version of you out there. And maybe that's the greedy side of me, just being like, I want everything,

and maybe God will humble me, but until then, I mean, I want everything and maybe God will humble me, but until then, you know, I feel as though that I'm bringing great A, top shelf, like that's what you're going to get with me, the hands down, with flaws and all, listen, my flaws is better than some of y'all wins, okay, hello, and I decide the same. I decide the same, and I decided the same. Yeah, I decided the same.

And I know the same is out there. And what this experience taught me was like, oh, man, I actually value that. And so with the next person, if I don't see that, then that's a problem. Mm-hmm. So, God, what is the version of all of the amazing qualities that this individual had,

plus some of the other things that I still want to look for that I didn't identify in him. So my husband has this thing he says to me, and I'm just speaking this blessing over your life, okay? Because it's the blessing, because I feel like it's not... No, it's a blessing. No, it's not a hope, you know. I have my hand out, but I was like,

maybe I should have received it. He says this to me, and one day you're going to say this about someone, but my husband says, you are everything I have ever admired. No, you are everything I love about every woman I've ever admired. And then some. Yeah, that's that's that's that's yeah. Yeah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Obviously that for my husband said that to me and for me to say that to my head. Because it is the conditioning of the mind to be like, yeah, God, I want it all. And I know there's no one's perfect

because they're, you know, as amazing as I am, I'm not perfect. And when the mirror of whoever my partner is points at me, I'm gonna be like, you see, you've seen too much. And now I'm, ha, you might have to go. There's a backhouse somewhere, you've seen too much. And now I'm high. You might have to go. There's a backhouse somewhere, you know what I mean? But I'm also one that actually leans into uncomfortable,

like the uncomfortability of change. That's great. My therapist has to be like, you realize that there's no perfect way to like heal. And I was like, now I says, you wanna say, like is there a book you want me to read right now? Like tell me what to do. I'm gonna put me in coach kind of chick.

And I had to learn to just feel my way. And it's just like, this feels very hokey. But all right. And so even when I told her, I felt like I was lazy. She was like, I need you to recap the sheen your mind. And then the next day, I was like, you know what? I'm not sitting in alarm. I'm gonna wake up whenever I wake up.

And I'm not gonna judge myself for what time it was when I woke up. And then it was like, it was like a series of, what do you wanna do next, Yvonne? And it was like, I'm asking myself this out loud in real time, like, I kind of wanna sit in the darkness that I have black eye shades. If you do not have black eye shades.

Highly suggest that. They are the blessing of Abraham. Because it's daytime when you want it to be. Yeah, highly suggest that. They are the blessing of Abraham. Cause it's daytime when you want it to be. Yeah. When I choose. When you choose. So I was like, I was sitting here. Oh, I have a meditation app.

All right, I already pay for it. So let me breathe for five minutes. Okay, now I want to read. And then it was like, I want to take a walk. And I was just like, I took a walk. I'm like, it's only eight o'clock day. What? What else can I do with you?

What else can I do with you? And then it was like, you know what I really enjoy? The sun on my back. Okay, I'm like, it's only eight o'clock, dang! What the fuck? What else can I do with me? What else can I do with you? Then I was like, you know what I really enjoy? The sun on my back. Okay, I'm gonna put the sun on my back. Okay, and it was just like a series of me checking in and doing only the things that fed my soul and watered my garden.

And that was so delicious. That's how I thought I went on my first mecation in December. Ooh. And it was when I went on my first mecation in December. Ooh. And it was when I went into the hotel room, it was just like, what do you want to do? Like, I just... Nothing is an answer as well. Yeah, like it could be nothing.

You could turn the TV on, you could turn it off. You go outside, like to have that level. Did it make it? Yes, all of those things. Just out here. Just, yeah, feeling the point. Just like, oh, shit. Yes, all of those things. Just out here. Just, yeah, feeling the point you're, just like, oh, she's like, just, wow. I mean, checking your body out.

And it's like, you know, just putting lotion, I put lotion on, I'm like, yo, broskin is probably, yeah, okay. I see you with your clavicle, you sexy, whatever. Yeah, I suppose you just guess you up. Yeah. So when somebody guesses you up, you're not so thirsty for like, say it again.

It's like, come down. Come down, I know, come down. I'm like, I'm crazy. You'll get used to it. I think maybe I don't know. Okay, we have an invite question. Oh god. Oh no, it's all of that.

And I'm going to need you to put on your listening ears. It's long. Somebody wrote you a story? Yeah. But we need that. You're not about. No, you can't. I don't know, you just bullied me. No!

You can't. You don't like that chicken can. It's like worse, worse, worse. It's a group project. You can't. Your eyes is lit up. OK. I'll do this for you Sarah.

Your sound effects though, they're going to need to be kept to a minimum. And you're not allowed to laugh. This is oh god. You can't laugh. You can't guess. And I'm supposed to listen. And you need to listen.

I can I make no one do these promises. OK. It's your show. Just I like to guess preacher. This, I make no one do these promises. Okay. This your show. Just like the guest preacher, this never gonna be invited back. Ah! Okay, here we go. Here we go.

I've been a long time listener to the podcast, and in the shaky season of my life, honestly, you all feel like my only friends. I used to be a part of the big church, an awesome community of believers, and it's been nearly two years since I walked away from all of it. Okay.

In April of 2019, my husband believed we needed to step down from our roles at our church as the family pastors. I believed he was doing this prayerfully and trusted his decision without much opposition. My husband was a great spiritual leader in our community, and I thought I had no reason to question his judgment. I'll see where this is going.

No, you don't. I think I did. You don't. I was in a bubble. I ran it all on. About four months into his new career, I received a text from a very close friend of ours stating that she needed to talk to me.

This friend had been living with us for over a year and as she was put out, as she was put out of, out by her family and I felt that it was right, the right thing to give her a place to stay. Or so I thought, I see where it's going. Really. I saw it when you first started. How?

You said step down, is the family church. I was like, okay. Really, my math on math. That August afternoon, this friend came over to confess to me that her and my husband had essentially been having an affair since the moment she moved in. I was in complete shock. I even remember just standing there after hearing it. She hugged me and left. Oh, hugged me. I'm sorry. Remember the rules.

Okay, Google Google. I'm okay. I'm only been saying since I was 17. She hugged me and like, that's a long time. That's long enough. That's long enough. You're not going to see it about me and it's hugged me. Lucifer. Lucifer. that's long enough. That's long enough. You're not gonna see what my man is hoping. Lucifer, Lucifer, Judas, you better off dead me with the face. I wanna go to jail tonight.

She hugged me and left as I just continued to stare off blankly thinking to myself that she must be lying. And angry phone calls and my husband confirmed it though and I was completely broken. So after this, she thought to herself that she's lying. The girl is lying. She's been living with us. They've been sleeping together since the moment. I didn't help you.

I'm curious to know why she went inwardly that the girl was lying. That's interesting. Yeah. Okay. My husband and I've been together 10 years at this point had four kids in a seemingly happy life. So I had no idea how and why this could happen to us. My church and church friends chose sides.

Yeah, right. That friend who participated in this infidelity was treated like a victim. My husband and I tried to restore what was shattered the best we could with no guidance or help, but I completely lost faith, not necessarily in us, but truly in God. I am mad and it feels justified. I

feel like God overlooked me when I once felt like his favorite daughter. Recently, I've picked up drinking and drinking too much. I have no desire to stop and that's what scares me. I feel like I have gotten to the place where I fully forgive my husband, but I know I need to get to the place where I fully forgive the church and stop being mad at the one who can truly heal me. I'm writing all this to ask how, where do I even begin to restore such a deep wound? I can't pray, can't bring myself to open my Bible, and I catch myself rolling my eyes at even the first of a worship song. And this is not me. I need some wisdom. And this does not mean I need some wisdom. I just read so you can start. I was like, right or no?

I'm gonna take a deep breath. Yeah, I got to fix that. First, whoever you are, I'm so sorry that this has happened to you. Yeah, for real. That's like, nobody just, I'm sorry that this is happening to you. Um, I, the things that I'm noticing in this conversation that I noticed that I did in my past life is the, um, the denial. I used to do this thing that I thought was so noble, where it's like I used to see people through eyes of faith

and not through the reality that they were presenting to me. Like, I remember breakups and I was like, we can just work this out. Like, the purpose that it's just so big that you don't, and it's like, we can just work this out. Like, the purpose that you, it's just so big that you don't, and it's like, not good. I'm like, they don't know. Yeah. And it's just like, no, no, no, no.

I think it's two things, and a couple of things that are interesting is the fact that she thought the girl was lying. Not, how could you do this to me? So one, it's just like, that's an interesting question or interesting sentiment to have that needs to be analyzed. Mm-hmm. And two, I've forgiven my husband.

My question really would be, have you forgiven yourself? Here's why. Because, and I don't know you, there is always a version when something is revealed to you and you blame yourself. There's almost like, well, what did I do? How did I not see that? How could I have been? I was trying to help. And when you can't answer that for yourself, because I remember when, one time I broke up with someone, and they did a bait and switch,

and it was just like, woo! And I remember sitting in therapy, and I was like, I don't even say how this happened. I'm like, I'm not a dumb joint. And she was just like, do you think everyone who gets lied to, or who gets deceived is a dumb joint. And she was just like, do you think everyone who gets lied to or who like gets deceived is a dumb joint? Like, they're very smart, capable women who are lied to and deceived. Like, you chose to believe what you wanted to for whatever reason. That's what

I want to deal with. Yeah. But like, no, you're not a dumb joint. You're very smart. And that question is the same reason why I'm questioning you. And like, why did you think, oh, girl, it was lying? Because it says more about you than about them, about the situation, right? And actually that experiences what led me to go deep in therapy. Because I was like, yo, I was out here like, cause I don't understand. And it was like very self-righteous and very indignant of like, why me? Like I like, why would you even allow my time to be wasted?

And I was like, yo, I need you to go through this so you can see like, everybody's not for you. And then, you know, I was really in this, like, and when my therapist said, I feel like you were living in denial. I was like, no, the null is what, you know, my aunts are with her sons, you know, like the nine, you know, I've seen the Nile. And she was, as she said, would you like me to use another word that sits better with you, but means the same thing? Oh, I say, you know what, I need a refund for this issue.

I say, you know what, I need a refund for this session. But she was right, but because I'm one person that like, obviously there's something I didn't see in this situation as it relates to me. And so now I need to like see what has been missing. And so often we wanna believe the picture that we painted. We wanna believe God wouldn't do this to me. And it's not God. We want to believe God wouldn't do this to me. And it's not God. You're right.

God didn't do this to you. A trash human being. And not to say your husband's trash because he is the father of the kid. He has his own work to do. But a human being, we can strike that. And not to say, we can call him trash a little bit. You can call him a little bit.

You need to hear it a little bit. He's not a little bit. You know what, a trifling human being. We do trifling. Because at the end of the day, like, people have to take responsibility for what they did. Yeah. And his actions were not great.

And he knew they weren't. And a lot of times, and I hate to say, it's like people know who they can do dumb stuff with. It's not blaming you whatsoever, but it's like, people know who they can get away with stupid stuff from. Well, I think that's because when I was reading the letter, what I heard is that she probably, there's this term it's called spiritual bypassing.

It's not even a Christian term, a Buddhist came up with it where like everything becomes spiritual. And so like my husband wants to move I believe God I did this I did that. But in the process of spiritually bypassing your bypassing your emotions your fears your thoughts and concerns. A girl was homeless the right thing to do was to bring her in regardless of maybe how you would have felt about it. And I think that she's going to look back and be very grateful that this happened because

that drinking, the anger, the unforgiveness, those are emotions. And until those are dealt with, it is going to create a disconnecting your relationship with God because we've got to come to God and worship from the place of spirit and truth. And it is the, it's like we have to victimize, we have to villainize somebody, right? And so if she is like, I'm willing to work with my husband, which is what she said. And so then somebody, and then it's not like an internal like, yo, again, that processing of like, what did I miss? And if we're not doing that because drinking helps you drinking drugs, anything, everything

that helps you numb, because you're just numbing the pain at this point. So then it's easy to blame God because it's like, this is your fault. Yeah. This is your fault. Oh, how many times have I been like, you tried me? God, I'm the one that's out here rocking for you, fam.

Like it's my, right. And like I'm doing you a favor. Like you will be your best interest homey. Like just knock it you bucket you want. And he and like, I'm doing you a favor. Right, you will be your best interest homeie. Like, just knock it you bucket, you won't. And he's like, I'm gonna let you finish. Whenever you're done, let me know. I'm gonna let you have your moment, but like, when you find your mind, come on back to me.

And it sucks because in this situation, I'm sure this wonderful woman is probably thinking of like all those years of marriage. She's thinking about the kids. And then it's also like, what do I do now? Yeah. Because then it's like, am I really about to start over? And so then it becomes a damage control.

Yeah. Like, I gotta save what I can. But save you, for sure. I think the biggest thing to save is you. Because from your saved healed place you can then make decisions of I do forgive my husband and I do want us to work it out or I can do better by myself or I am going to walk away from the church because I felt like I was lied to and I felt like I wasn't

supported and maybe it's the church as a whole, or maybe it's just that church. Yeah. Or you know what, I need to invest more in just my spirituality before I do organize religion again. There's so many different outcomes that can come from this when you are your most healed and most protect itself. But the first thing to do is to get you without,

cause a lot of times we try to heal, but for other people. Yeah, so I'm doing this work. I'm doing this work so that I can come into this marriage and be what you need me to be. I'm doing this work because I know that if I don't, my mama would think that I failed and my marriage with nobody else, my family has been divorced.

I'm doing this work and it's just like, no, no, no, no. Find you, get back to you. Everything will make perfect sense. I'll never forget again, your father, conversations in the cave was another one. They'll listen to in the pandemic. And I had a series of, I mean, I'm just trying to help people out here. I mean, you talk about just people sticking you for your money, people sticking for your friendship, people like taking advantage of you, and I'm like, I'm the gracious giver. I'm trying to like, you told me you wanted to do this, I give you an opportunity. You were my, you know, you were my person.

I was setting us up to 16. You were gonna run my, I had plans. I had plans. You they get, they passed me to the ball. I didn't realize I was running to the end zone and they was still over there at the 50 year old line. I was like, I thought, it will happen. When did you stop running?

I'm so confused. And because I was so quick to, they love God. And that was enough. Like there was no fact check in, and it was like, no, no, baby. You love Jesus without your heart. Yeah. Jesus just no aversion of it.

Yeah, a little bit. We're not like friends. They know around the area that he lives. You are like, yo, I want you to be pleased with me at the end of my life. Yeah. And I want you to be pleased with me at the end of my life. Yeah. And I want that to be our relationship. And I was so quick, anybody that was just like, Jesus, I'm like, you know him too.

Oh my gosh, yes, how can I help you come into my home? Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah Ah! Ah! Ah! That was only two years ago. Oh no. Oh no. Because like I said, a conversation in the cave when Elijah was shipping up, like, God, I'm the only one here. And God was like, you're not you when you're hungry, sit up, like, God, I'm the only one here. And God was like, you not you when you hungry, sit down, eat, whatever, whatever.

And Bishop Jake said, God will give you something that none of your fighting, none of anything can help with, and that's direction. Yeah. And what God gave me was clarity. And He gave me clarity to know that I was seeing people through eyes of faith that I needed to be seen through, eyes of wisdom, and eyes of discernment.

And I was almost playing the victim because I was like, but I did the Christian thing. No, the Christian thing was to be like, you got to get out my life because you're not a great person. And where I'm going, you cannot go love you with the grace and the glory of Jesus. Please leave before I stab you. That's also the Christian thing. That didn't know for real. Yeah. I love that. And maybe not in that tone either. Oh, okay. What tone would you put put because there's some handclats. You know

we got in charge. You can also when a word is going forth a word is going for it. So what you not going to do right now. Like that's also that's acceptable. It's not what they might want to subliver. No yeah no because my father said there's a land on the hands of right hand of fellowship Not what that means. They're not taking out a context. Wow awkward. That's real work. Yeah It's not the government I got that friend that you description the wrong way I was like the right hand or the backhand of felons No, it's not definitely not the backhand and I'll look at that in the Greek, but I don't think it's I think it was in the message Bible

Mmm, that's not you can't that's one step from the bond expression of the Bible I got the whole evonix version The who version the ebonics I never heard of it what because it said the backhand the fellowship Okay, and the right fist of the Long we run out of time. Just wild. Yeah, catch follow her on social media. Do the right thing.

Now I'm not fake on a show. Don't go to jump, but nobody. Because what I wanted to say is, don't let it beat you twice. Because what's happened is the situation is beating you twice. And what I mean by that is this man cheated, you lost your community. And now you've gone inward. And now while he's probably going on with his life,

I don't know what the situation is like, but now you're the one at home with a drinking problem. And possible kidney failure. Yeah. How'd that work? How'd that work? Wow. Because they messed up. Yeah. They were unhealed. How that worked How that worked wow because

They messed up. Yeah They were unhealed they were they mistreated you and now you're mistreating you Don't let it beat you twice this yeah, like you're better than this You're like you're worth more than this like this is also no work not where it ends. This is where your story starts. Yeah. So, like, I don't want to make light of that, but you punishing yourself won't make someone love you more. We'll make God love you less. Like, he's waiting for you to put the bottle down to be honest so that he can be like, can I show you what really happened? Right. Because you have a story, you know, Brunei Brown, the story I'm telling myself,

there's a story that you're telling yourself about the situation. And also about you, because I don't know you and I don't want to make assumptions that I'm pretty certain that at some point, there was a, what was it about me? For sure. Why wasn't I enough?

Yeah. After everything I've done, it was a, it was a it was a woe is me and then that cycle lent itself into lack yeah Like of being enough lack of being worthy like a being beautiful lack of being desired like a being or dorm Like of I gave you everything and If we gonna do anything we we gonna angel a bastard and

everything and if we're gonna do anything we're gonna Angela Bassett and somebody else's car is being burned in the gutter. Okay, I'm gonna interject there. Just one way to say no. No, we're not gonna do that. What I mean, what I'm saying, we should do that. But I'm saying like, don't punish yourself. Right. That's just the best.

Period. Right there. But I mean, but I do have some light of food. I'm just, I don't know what I'm talking about. All right, listen, so if you are going to try to consciously uncouple, then you do not need to do this on your own. You're gonna need something to do with all of that extra time that was once boot time.

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Explore your creativity at Skillshare.com slash evolve and get a one-month free trial of premium membership. Again, explore your creativity at Skillshare.com slash evolve and get a one month free trial of premium membership. Last time you said, but you were so deep. This time it was Ivonnek version of- I'm just saying, like, who's going to follow the police report? I wanna thank you. I'm just gonna be the flavor of that. The views shared by you, but I'm so clear. Oh, they're not gonna be fl flavor. The views, everybody.

I'm sure it's clear. Oh, they're not gonna be fucking definitely gonna have that. Okay, remind me to add that in post, please. Yeah. I just said it. Or you know, but I have to say it. Wow.

Or it doesn't count. Thank you for doing this with me. I feel like that's not real. What is your, what is your, is my, I was sprinkling it in while you were going. No, you were pouring. I said, the spiritual biopassing. I said, no, you let me ask you this.

This is the motto. No, I'm gonna go, oh my God. I'm gonna be like, no, you're not my saint. No, it was great. You gave incredible wisdom. There's nothing for me to add. I love the folks of the back of the note. I was like, yeah, me one.

I watch it this is live. I promise you. It was incredible. I think the questiony bond salvation now. No, it was incredible. You also do have to be human. Because my thing is like, yes, we can churchify a lot of things. And I think it is good to lead with joy and love and Tabitha Brown.

But Tabitha let Wendy know with the joy and the love of the Lord. And there is an aspiration to being like Tabitha, there's also a humanity of having feelings. And I think sometimes in the church, like the church tells us so quickly to be like, and I hate this, I hate this with the passion, because I have been the one in my family or in certain friends groups that like,

I love God with all my heart. And when somebody wrongs me, the first thing I'm told is like, but you know you know Jesus. Yes. And they all have the opportunity to know Him too. Doesn't mean that they come at me sideways. I have the spiritual bypassing though. We're like, everything is like straight to God

and I'm upset with God. But it's like, I have real feelings and emotions about this and I need to sit in them for a minute to figure out the Thoughts connected to them and to allow myself to be a person and I'm and it's okay if My forgiveness looks like I still want to divorce yeah, but also I'm taking half right actually I'm taking 75% Okay, in some countries and places wow some states. And also I'm taking half. Right. Actually, I'm taking 75% in some countries and places. Wow. Some states. Yeah. I mean, so I'm just saying, I'm just vague that I think that in addition to having a spiritual response, because you do have to keep your heart right, I'm not saying don't live with anger and hate and all that because again, that you rose yourself. Yeah. But don't live with anger and hate and all that because again that you rose yourself. But don't negate your humanity.

You have to. Because if not you're going to get to a point where you're so mad at God. Because at some point in life it was taught to us that it was noble to continue to downplay yourself for the spiritual blessing of some of. I wanna sit in the like we're over time, but for you, I'm fine, but I do wanna speak on that because we have made guys so delicate and sensitive

that like, oh no, don't tell them you're upset. Oh no, don't tell them you're angry. And so now we have people who have real feelings and emotions that they feel like I can even bring these into the presence of God. So I'm gonna pick up a bottle or I'm gonna disconnect, not recognizing like God can sit in all of it. Like I can handle all of that.

He's good. Yeah. Like he died on the cross. He's good. He handled, if he can't handle you being with your claps, he handled nails, fam. Yeah. Like he, like he's Gucci.

Trust me. Nothing you can say for him to be like, yeah, at all. Daughter of mine, no. That's where the church is messed up, son. It's as we gas. I'll never forget telling my story, literally telling my story at a church somewhere,

and this lady gasped when she heard that I got pregnant at 14, like gasped. Even when I did the breakfast club recently, someone's like, what was the daughter of the church doing having sex at 14? So like it makes you feel like there's something wrong with me and I don't wanna process it with other people or take it into community

because there's gonna be an element of shame. I was asked on a lot, like when I do the question, somebody was like, to you think that Hollywood is a toxic environment for Christians. And I said, I think some churches are toxic environment for some Christians. Next question. Like, what are we talking about? Like, let me try and make everywhere else, Saddam and Gamor.

And I'm like, no, look to your neighbor. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I have people who were, church people who were not happy with the title of my book being called that booze about Jesus because they were like not cuz a loving father don't ban booze on nobody I said so we don't even have a sense of humor yeah cuz I'm like this is pretty wow I'll I never want to thought that like oh this gonna get her in trouble or do this is spicy like I never Yeah, neither did I but there was a there was a chain that somebody like took a snippet of something and I just you know this is spicy, like I never needed a hot. Yeah. Needed a hot, but there was a chain that somebody

like took a snippet of something and I just, you know, sometimes it's just good to be in the background lurking and I just like look, the comments and they were like, I see what Sissa's trying to do, but like that's not it. That's not even like God, that's not even scripture. And I was like, oh my God, you're so, that's the mic you should say, you're so heavily focused that you're in a earthly good.

Yeah. Yeah. So, since again, our heart goes out to you. Yeah. But what I, my desire for you is for you to find your joy and your love in you before you can find it in God. Yeah. Find it in you.

Find your worth back in you and then you will see that in God. Yeah. Find it in you. Find your worth back in you. And then you will see that he was always there. He'll wait for as long as you desire him to. He'll wait and he won't judge you when you come back. He'll embrace you and hug you and pick up right where you left off because there are things that are still waiting for you to do in this world that are going to make your ex feel like the next okay That version of him has got to go though he made you know what I mean

He may need to be re-birthed and something else because that version of him that ain't it because so often too We're so quick to forgive, but it's like, what have they, have they, have they, like, what I'm forgiving you, but have you changed? Yeah. And have you figured out like how you ended up there and what you're gonna do to make sure you don't end up there again and,

and it's not to say that, and you know, I love the church and that like, you know, you know, he's just a human. It's like, yeah, as he is just a human, I too am a human. Yeah. And so it has to go before. It's like, yeah, as he is just a human, I too am a human. And so it has to go both ways. It doesn't excuse us from being responsible and doing work

to make sure that we're taking care of God's other creatures because at the same time you were up there and at the same time you were in small groups. Like, as a word, was still being administered to you, sir. And you chose to not. Have we chosen otherwise? These are real questions. See, I can switch it.

Oh, I'm going to be a co-wife. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That actually was good, because it started off when we first began. But then the end is strong.

I feel good about it. I feel judged about it. Oh, do you? Oh, do judged about it. Oh, do you? Oh, do you? Oh, oh. So we're talking about judgment now. So you want to be out here, you're feeling sad. Oh, wow.

This has been great. This has been great. Thank you. She's never ever been out there. I am. They're going to ask for you to be at everything we ever do. Are they? OK.

I'm available. But you all got to, again, I started to, but you all got to again, I started I listen No one can actually be upset because I started to say I mix DMX That's when you should have known that like from here anything could happen I think but but at the center at the center Tell me when you find it. I just lost. It's gone. But he used it the center. And so that's it's evident. I will say one thing before we go. One thing. No, it's evident. One thing. Last thing. So as you're being less Nigerian this year. Yes. Are we gonna take a trip? What are we doing? Oh, okay. No,

it's not what I'm gonna say, but I'm here for it. But you were supposed to give me details on the other trip and you didn't. I looked up and you was gone. No, you didn't. I said you might try to leave this number, which I can also. No, you didn't. No, you didn't. That's it. That's it. Okay. I'm coming no later. And the therapist number. All things are fine. Okay.

So as you are disconnecting from hustle culture, and I just want you to know that, you're gonna find me a husband. Okay, I wanna finish, cause it feels like every time I start, okay. I just, so you're not gonna help me out.

Wow. Okay. I just like, first and foremost, okay, good. I'm gonna let you finish. Well, because I need to find someone who makes it over a certain amount of money. And what was it, do you want to go into that? We'll call you back.

All right, listen, here's the thing. Here's the thing, one and only thing, okay? Multiplication. When you were speaking about like really taking time to yourself and doing less less but still having the same amount of impact and trusting sustainability. Like I just heard the word multiplication for you. And that it may seem like you're not hustling as much, but what you will do is going to

be multiplied in such a way it's going to be beyond what you could have done while hustling. I would say that. Yeah. With all my heart. I thought that for you. Maybe you're from Jesus or whatever. A little bit. Did he give you a name? Did he give you like a GPS location?

He told me it's Yvonne. No, that's my name. On the right. Yeah, no, he's a... I was really going to go see the doctor. Starship with you. Starship with you. Oh, I love me.

And next. And now for the next thing. I do, I'm gonna see that one. I have a multiplication, I have names. But multiplication for your work, for your effort, your peace, your joy. For my love life. No, not multiplication.

Because I'm thinking like multiple or not subtraction. No, subtraction. It's giving subtraction. It's giving subtraction. I'm saying, do you say in giving subtraction? What? No. It's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like,

it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it move it? It's three, it's past three, 45. I told you it's past time. Yes, time for us to go. Okay.

It's good, we're good. I'm gonna, we're gonna mark it. I'm gonna edit it. It's fine. Episode two coming soon. We're about to get into the single stuff. Yeah, we need to. Yeah.

Cause we have things to say about that. Mm-hmm. Okay. Okay you