Woman Evolve with Sarah Jakes Roberts - Purposeful Longevity w/ Jada West

Episode Date: September 22, 2021

This week on the podcast, W.E. came to slay! As a faith & fashion trendsetter, Jada West is co-hosting with SJR to chronicle her evolution from the inside out! Learn how feelings of inadequacy, a collision with confidence, and not giving up on God clothed Jada with a pure passion. Whew lawd—this episode leaps into a Hail Mary moment that’s comin’ straight for our edges & eyelashes! Sis, W.E. know you’ve experienced a special kind of hurt. So, let this be a reminder that your value, worth, and identity WILL be restored! Swing by ShopWomanEvolve.com ‘cause W.E. heard they got drip for sale & Hit up our sponsors at Skillshare.com/Evolve + Headspace.com/WomanEvolve.

God can't bless you for tend to be or who you can care yourself to. He can only bless you and the lane that was created for you. I feel that for somebody. You don't need no itch, it's a unique boundary. What? I don't need your lights, I don't need your elevation. All I need is a God fighting for me that's there for all things. All things, all things.

Child, it's just emotions taking me over. Caught up in sorrow, lost in the world, but Jesus is lost in the song. But if you don't come back, come home to me. I don't remember the words. This is the one many of our podcasts. I am your host, SJR, and they begged me to sing again. They said, we've had too many podcasts without SJR singing, and I will not stand for it. And I said, if you want me to sing, just tell me you want me to sing, okay? I live by the feelings box now. And you know a little emotions taking me over

is the best way to prepare you for the feelings you are going to be in when checking out this podcast. Jada West read us for Phil Honey, okay? She talked about our low self-esteem but trying to be business owner. She talked about us standing in the manifestation of what guy said he was gonna do. She read us for Phil.

Seriously, this has been, they're all my favorite. Okay. This was a powerful one though. This is one that I know is gonna resonate with so many of you. You are going to want to take notes. You're gonna have just a totally different prayer tonight when you have your meditation and peace time with God.

It's gonna set you upright. In my mind, I was a G, okay. And being a G meant being emotionless. And yet there were emotions that I could not deny happening on the inside of me. The truth is feelings may subside over time, but suppression tricked me into thinking I'd won the battle. But suppression actually added to the longevity

of the wars, festering in my soul. As I talk to Jada, I recognize that being intentional about understanding where we have been, when we have shifted and how we can continue to grow is so worthy of us continuing to honor in our development. I'm so glad I know better because real G's show and communicate their emotions. They aren't emotionless. Okay, so have you seen that meme that says what are you going to do? cry about it or boss up?

I'ma do both. I thought that for myself. Okay, because I'ma do both of them. After this conversation with Jada, you gonna stay. I'ma cry, but I'm also gonna get these big girl draws on and I'ma go out here or big boy draws because I know y'all still listening and I'm gonna boss up and seize today.

My co-host Jada was such a G that she hasn't met a good cry that she didn't like. And I wanna feel her on that, but I'm still suppressing my emotions, but I'm getting there. Okay, let's see what else Jada and I get into. I think we have a few things in common, not just between one another, but with you two.

You better have this camera crew behind you. You better have this lighting and this background and these earrings and you better give us shaggy. What is this fringe jacket that you owe? You better give us shunny. I'm watching a Turner. Hi Jayda. How are you? I'm doing well. I'm doing very well. How are you? I'm doing well. I'm doing very well. How are you? I'm doing great. Thank you for doing this with me.

Of course. I have been wearing my favorite colors. They tell me I might be a little underdress because I didn't have my friends, but I have on Jay this favorite color. I did this on purpose. I believe so. I have heard that you are a lifelong delegation member, true or false?

Very true. How did you get plugged in with the delegation? Tell me about it. How did you stumble across the Wii movement? Well, I actually found you through a video on Facebook. So I was like scrolling and I saw you. I don't even remember what the message is now because I've listened to so many of them.

But you had like a, I think it was something with strike like in like strike pants. I know. You don't have your hair. Short. And it was one of the first ones I know that went like really viral. Yeah.

And I was like, oh my gosh, who was this woman? Like she's so fly. I feel like she reminds me of myself. And so ever since then, I was like, you know, keeping my eye out to see how I can get more connected. And I found the podcast. And so the podcast was like, well, I really got into it.

Like you've had the, I remember the first episode I listened to, you were talking about the delegation. And I was like, well, I don't hear you about the other year, and he co-hosts me. Who is the delegation member? And I realized, oh man, I'm't hear Nicole. Who will be the delegation members? And I'm really not at all.

Man, I'm a delegation member. Like these are the people. And so ever since then, it's been there. I've been a part of it. And everything that comes out after that is like, I gotta be a part of it. I love it. What do you think about the new podcast setup?

Well, I'm actually excited about it. I like the opportunity to speak face-to-face and hear different people from the delegation. Just because one of my favorite things about the Woman Evolve conference is that there was, we were all like, I met so many people, even like the Facebook groups and the breakout sessions. So I was like, oh my gosh, there's so many amazing women in this community. And now I get to meet them, even if it's not face-to-face, but it kind of reminds me of that feeling. So that's good.

I love that. I was trying, like when we were figuring that, I'm like, I want to keep the element of sisterhood. I still want to make it fun. Like, what can we do? So we're like still kicking the tires and figuring things out, but I love hearing your feedback.

So if you think of anything we can do that would add a little razzle, dazzle to it, let me know. Okay. I love it. Okay, so as a lifelong member of the delegation, you know, Eve, Eve is the homie. I saw somebody with some prime Eve behavior in the news a couple weeks ago,

a couple charged someone for missing their wedding because the reception, like they checked that they would be at the reception, they said that they wanted chicken or fish and then they didn't show up and then they charged them for missing it. And you know, like we can try and act like, like when someone borrowed money from us,

like, we didn't miss it, but sometimes we miss it. And I just felt like this was prime, Eve behavior. I'm here for it. I think we should rescue them. What do you think? Oh, man. I definitely feel like they should be rescued.

Cause I know I would just be a little salty if I was like, okay, I'll let you this money and now you out here, you know, taking trips out the country and I'm on my couch, you know. Yes, have you been to the grocery store because groceries are nothing cheap these days? Like they are nothing cheap. I'm trying to get my attitude together because I have grown children. And if I cook dinner and then come home with food, I have an attitude.

Because why did I do this if you had plans? So now they know, you better eat it in the car and come home and eat what I put on the table. Because I'm gonna start charging. I'm gonna start charging these roommates for not eating the food that I cook for dinner. Charge these children. You know what I mean? I'm gonna start charging. I'm gonna start charging these roommates. For not eating the food that I cook for dinner, charge these children and the leftovers too.

Charging for A. You are ministering to me, Jada, and we just started because listen, delegation, you're listening to this podcast. We are charging for the food folks don't eat. Okay, next we go start charging folks because listen, delegation, you're listening to this podcast, we are charging for the food folks don't eat. Okay, next we go start charging folks for coming late, but not me though, not me.

I'm gonna get it passed. I'm gonna say I'm not coming, so if I come, it's a surprise anyway. How about that? This is a work. Yeah, you can't charge me if you didn't know all this coming. When it's the last time you were like in the middle

of doing something or completed doing something and we're like wow, the even me did that. That wasn't the best version of me. That was the even me. Okay. I can say this because I feel like he's not gonna listen. Okay, let's do it. I love it.

Okay, so my brother, he came and asked for a ride to work. And normally it's like, I know that it's hard out here. Uber is a trippin' and you can't really always catch a ride. And so I was like, it's kind of closed. It's cutting it close to when I got to go and get my son from school. Mind you, this was like three o'clock. I would have been home by like 345 at the latest and my son doesn't get home till four.

That's all right. That's all right. It's close. It's close. It might be traffic. You know, you've got to add a couple of minutes getting there, getting back. And so the end of the weekend, I told him that my brother can take him, my other brother. I was like, you can ask him to use the car and take you, but in the back of my head, I was like, I'm in, I definitely could have taken him. That was even. But, that was even.

You know, I love it because, you know, I just want you to value my time. And sometimes it's like, if I do something for you, I don't want you to think that I will continue to do it for you. I want you to be grateful, because folks don't be, they don't be enough grateful for the inconveniencing that be taking place.

It's just not, it's just not. It's just not there. I love it. It's not. He got to work and that's what not, it's just not, it's just not there. I love it. It's not, he got to work and that's what matters. That's what matters. Like, on my head, I was like, I had time. You know what that does? That teaches people to make you a last resort.

And sometimes people want to be a first choice, but I'm in the season of my life where it's giving last resort. Like, it's not that I don't have the time, I just don't want to. It's not that I don't have the time. I just don't want to it's not that I don't have the money I just don't want to give it to you like I'm in a last resort season of my life And until I move out of it you can expect some e behavior of me. That's what I feel like you just told me Not a first responder and not I'm not and that's why I honor and salute the first responders Because you gotta know what's your ministry and what's not okay I'm not. I'm not. And that's why I honor and salute the first responders because you got to know what's your ministry and what's not. Okay.

Exactly. How was pain, dimming life for you? Pain, dimming life, pain, dimming 2.0 with 2021. Right. Cause we're still here. Yeah. Um, it has been, um, I feel like it's been everything. Like sometimes it was like, this isn't so bad. And then other times it's felt like, okay, now I'm over this. Um, every day feels like one long day. And I just don't want to do this anymore.

I'm like, I'm not feeling this anymore. Um, but one thing that I feel like was really helpful to me during the pandemic was just having the time to kind of give back to what I was passionate about, which I felt like had I been in my job, that wouldn't have been the case. Like I was furloughed and when I got furloughed, I was like, whoa, okay, I don't wanna be here anyway.

Like I'm comfortable with this. I'll bow out gracefully. And so having that time, it was kind of like the push that I needed to try something different. So I'll always be grateful for that because it was almost like a, it just kind of felt like training ground for me. Like I was in a safe space to try something different because everything was just kind of felt like training ground for me. Like I was in a safe space to try something different because everything was just kind of suspended for the most part. You know, people still had deals and stuff like that.

Those didn't go through the pandemic. Those never, unfortunately. No, they did not. I know they're not. I know they're not. Sometimes I'm tired of paying. Not sometimes. I'd be tired of paying bills a lot.

I'm just like, here you go again this month wanting the same thing for me. You know good. Just raggedy. Just all of those. Take a break. It'll be all right. Ain't you tired Miss Millie? Ain't you tired? Like ain't you tired Miss Millie? If this film is tired. What are you passionate about? You said that you got to get back to what you're passionate about. What is that? Oh, well, it is passion.

That is always one of the things that, like, just... I just, since I was a kid, it's just been the thing that I've used to express myself. But the thing that has been interesting is I've been figuring out how it couples together with the part of me that likes to counsel people. So, because it always felt like I was had to pick one or the other, like you know, well, it's fashion or it's this other counseling space. And so it always felt like the two didn't go together. But what I've come to realize is that it is very much so like even though our clothes are an expression of ourselves

It always starts from the inside So whether how we're dressed what we choose to do how we choose to show up It all has to do with the internal and so that's how I was able to see all of that Kind of show up. So Yeah, it brought me back to fashion because I was getting burnt out. I was trying to sew, make clothes, go to work, and I worked in retail. So I was pretty much tired to close by the time I got home, like I didn't want to fold, hang nothing up. I don't want to see a garment for the rest of the day.

So yeah, it brought me back to that. Okay, how old are you now? 28. Okay, so if I look at a picture of 18 year old Jada, what does she have on and what is that telling me about where she is? Oh, it was rough, okay. So I took a lot of pictures that year, that 18, 19 year. And one other thing that stands out to me the most is this outfit

that I was like my go-to outfit. It was like this sequin, bando, and this blue, this like royal blue skirt that I would kind of like, it was really a pencil skirt and like hit the knee, but I would roll it up to make it like hit like mid-thigh. Because I felt like that was the sexy thing to do. Sorry, I didn't like it, it felt too conservative. And so when I look at it now,

I appreciate the creativity. And like if I didn't have it, I was gonna find a way to make it happen. And so I always appreciated that part of my personality, but it also shows some insecurities because I felt like I had to show more in order to be seen or be recognized, even like my hair color. It was like a really like bright, bright platinum blind. And so the blind is not the wrong with blind. And I don't think that if you're if your hair is blind and

necessarily looking for attention one way or the other, but I knew my intention was doing it was to make myself stand out because I felt like if I did it, and I wouldn't be noticed. Yeah. So it's interesting. Yeah, I can see I can see the good and I can see the areas where I could improve. But that's definitely like the outfit that stands out in my head and heels. Heels, which were. Yeah, I let those go. Yeah, heels are friends. We don't get along very well, but yeah, that's that's that's what I would see. I look back at 18 year old. That's what I would see. I look back at 18-year-old Jacob. Okay, so I have a question.

What's your go-to when you're in need of an immediate mental break that a spa day, two weeks from now can't cure? I use headspace and it is changing the game for your girl, okay? Headspace is one of the only meditation apps advancing the field of mindfulness and meditation through clinically validated research. An amazing resource at your fingertips.

Headspace is your daily dose of mindfulness in the form of guided meditation in an easy to use app. You're using your phone for everything. Why not use it to connect with headspaces approach to mindfulness, reduce stress, improve sleep, boost focus and increase your overall sense of well-being. So whatever the situation, headspace really can help you feel better. Overwhelmed, headspace has a 3 minute SOS meditation for you. You deserve to feel happier and headspace is meditation made simple. Go to headspace.com slash woman evolve.

That's headspace.com slash woman evolve for a free one month trial with access to headspace's full library of meditations for every situation. Need help falling asleep? Headspace has wind down sessions. Their members swear by and for parents, headspace even has morning meditations you can do with your kids. I'm about to put Ella on this, okay? I'm currently taking the Creativity course with Andy, and he's reminded me about how limitless I am creatively when I am less stressed.

Enough about me, listen to these numbers. Headspace is backed by 25 published studies on its benefits. 600,000 five star reviews and over 60 million downloads. Numbers don't lie, okay? Headspace makes it easy for you to build a life-changing meditation practice with mindfulness that works for you on your schedule anytime, anywhere. Since, give your mind the gift of guided stillness today. This is the best deal offered right now. Head to headspace.com slash woman evolve. What do you think you know now about 18 year old Jada?

And I feel like I want to like ask this in a way that is different because everyone asks, so what do you know now that you wish you would have known back then? But 18-year-old Jada trying to be seen, what happened to her? Why did she feel like she needed to work to be seen? And I just wanna, before you answer, because I feel like when we ask ourselves, like, you know, what do I know now

that I wish I would have known then? I think we apply wisdom that we know now, that we wish we could have applied back then. But I do think the more interesting, more introspective question is, what do I know about 18-year-old Jada that I didn't know then? And I think that knowing has a lot to do with self-compassion and self-impathy that like, why was she trying to be seen?

What did she need that she didn't know that she was looking for? Okay. Man, that's a really good question. Because I've always felt like I certain points in my life, I've always been like a very like self-reflective person. But of course, there's always room to grow and improve. So I guess I would say what I really needed was, I guess, somebody could tell me that who I was was enough. No, like that I didn't have to find my value in anything else, you know, and Yeah, I was always trying to search for that worth that validation from other people and

Then if I felt like I didn't if I felt like I didn't get it I would work extra hard to get it If I felt like I didn't get it, I would work extra hard to get it. It just really made myself visible or palatable or fit in into those spaces. I feel like it's stifled the part of me that really wanted to just... I can still stand out even if I wasn't trying so hard to do it, and that wasn't a bad thing. But the way that I was doing it was, it was in a way where, I feel like I feel like it's like, like I'm saying one thing, but it's also like not what was happening.

So I would try to stand out, but also not stand out at the same time as that makes sense. Like I wanted the attention, but I didn't want it to be in a way where it was like, oh, she's weird or she's quirky. Yeah. It was like, oh, she's, I would want to look like everybody else, but also be seen. So it almost felt like I was like working against myself because it's like, how does that even work?

You know, I was almost afraid to be different. So I guess what it really, really comes down to is just saying that, you know, you're okay being who you are, your value has already been there from the beginning and that it's okay if you don't look like everybody else or address like everybody else. And it's okay if people don't notice it or value it because at the end of the day, your value

doesn't come from anyone else's approval. So I hope that makes sense. So I was realizing I was standing, I'll say, you're on, I wish you're trying to fit in and stand out at the same time, but that doesn't even. But we do this. At the whole moment.

We do that though. It's like I want to not be who I am. I don't want to live in what is organic and authentic to me. I want to do what I see everyone else doing, which looks like this. So I want to do that, but it's only because I think there's like an isolation and isolation that comes with being different that makes us want to fit in and still be seen as worthy

and to have someone come into our life and validate our existence while also it makes perfect sense to me. I feel like I went through that. It makes perfect sense, perfect sense. I feel like I went through that. And when I look back at old pictures of myself, like the one thing that I think that I would have told myself, that I wish that I would have told myself, that I would have known about that

stage of my life is like, it's okay. I wish that someone would have told me it's okay. So when I got pregnant as a teenager, that was like the biggest thing that ever happened to me at that stage of my life. And I think everyone was so afraid of me repeating it that they were like, if you work really hard, you'll be okay. If you do this, you'll recover. So everyone was telling me that I will be okay.

But no one told me like, it's okay. Like when my daughter falls and she hurts herself, the first thing I say is, it's okay. I don't even know what I'm saying. Oh, it's okay to. But there's something about her knowing like, it's okay. We don't even know what I'm saying. It's okay too. But there's something about her knowing like, it's okay, we're gonna get through this. I'm gonna get you the help that you need.

Tell me where it hurts. And I think because no one told me that it was okay, that I didn't think that it was okay. And I spent 10 years trying to make it okay when I wish that I could have known from the beginning, it's okay. And I wish that I could have known from the beginning. It's okay. And I feel like when we have these like devastating life moments that God is saying it's okay, right?

We look at scriptures and we're like, he makes causes all things to work together for the good of those who love the Lord. We quote those scriptures. But what that scripture is essentially saying is no matter where you are in your life, it's okay. We can get you to a place of restoration. And I just wish that I would have known that it was okay. Yeah.

And when I hear you talking just about like value and worth and identity, like, do you think that was just the normal childhood adolescence thing or did something mark you in such a way that you felt like I need to have my worth restored and my value restored because X, Y, and Z occurred. Yeah, I feel like it was a mix of both. I feel like I would have gone through that feeling to some degree, no matter what happened in my life. But I do know that certain things, even in middle school, shaped the perception that I had of myself.

And it all kind of stemmed back to fashion for me, which is always so funny how it comes back around. But I was always the one who dressed a little different. I like to make my clothes because it's for us and we did not have money to buy all the name, brand clothes and everything that everybody else has. So I was like, well, I'm just gonna cut up some other stuff and you know, make this and I would just wear the stuff

that I knew how to make. And I know there were times where people would definitely appreciate it. I have friends who would always appreciate it and kind of just affirm me in my creativity. But then you also had other people who are like, what are you wearing or that's weird or call you different names and even when it came to my skin complexion

and being darker, being called darker for some reason or every time you gave me a compliment like you're pretty for a dark skin girl, you know, stuff like that always hit like a hit kind of deep just because there's already that sense of like comparison for me. And so there's something that I carried going through to high school and to college, which Yeah, I think I think it definitely that definitely played a big part in it and then even just with my my biological father not being in the picture all the time There was always this part of me that was like, well, you know, what am I doing wrong? Sure. Why like why why why isn't our relationship as strong as it could be you know

I see you sometimes and sometimes I don't see you I don't know if I need to do something different or if I need to show up a different way in order for you to want to be around more so I think those things Took it to the the point that it was at. And it just added on to the normal things that we experienced as teenagers coming up. So yeah. I think the most poignant thing that you said

was I feel like I would have had those feelings anyway because I can tell you, I have talked to light skin girls, girls who had their father and their life girls who didn't have their mother girls who had two incredible parents like and all of us have had these moments where life said, I don't know if you're really worth

that like I don't know if you're really worth that dream. I don't even know if you should dream that big, like no matter what our backgrounds are or what we have gone through, we have all had these moments where our worth and our value has been challenged. And we're each walking around with this special kind of hurt

where we feel like, yeah, you know, you didn't have your dad in your life, but my dad died or my dad didn't die, but I lost my mother. And so hurt makes us feel like was something happened to us that didn't happen to anyone else. Not recognizing that the emotion of it,

the impact of it was the same for me as it was for you. So if we're all walking around limping, then how can we use one another's stories to grow and become better, which I feel is exactly what want many of all of us about is like, how can I use your story to learn from your wounds to grow and become better. And I feel like what you said right there about I feel like it would have happened to me regardless. Maybe it was compounded by a few

things. I feel like that's so true. Yeah, I've definitely encountered that too. Like we're all, those feelings, I've seen them in so many relationships and conversations that I have with people, so I definitely agree. Do you remember, so you said 18, so we went back to 18, you're 28 now. At what point between 18 and 28,

did you have a collision with value, a collision with confidence, a collision with worth, like what happened to make you say, you know what, I'm comfortable in my own schedule. So I realized like it's always a work in progress for all of us, right? But still, like what pivoted for you? I actually have a moment, so I'm glad you asked.

When it was 2019, March of 2019, I went to a retreat with a business coach. She was like my first business coach and I was really excited because I was ready to be an entrepreneur and I wanted to learn how to do it. And so I went to this conference thinking that I was going to get like all of these business strategies and all of this, like, I was going to network and I was going to meet people who were going to help me like push my business forward. And it actually ended up being a very spiritual thing. Like we were really just, it was talking about, um, our relationship with God

and how we see ourselves and the things that we experienced internally that will actually impact any part of our lives, but we were, you know, referencing back to our businesses. And there was somebody who told me that one of the things that I needed to work on was my confidence. Wow. And she said it and I was like, first of all, so okay, don't come from me like that. Right. First of all, my goodness. Okay. Alright, I understand God told you that, but please, please. So she said that and there was like one of those moments where it just kind of like hit me like, oh my gosh, like you can see that, like you know that that was going on with me.

And I knew that there was some insecurity there for most of my life. I always knew that there was some kind of underlying thing, but to know that it was actually impacting the things I wanted to do in my life, I was like, what? And so from that encounter, I felt like I was taking on this really rigorous, intensive journey with God like I was taking on this like really rigorous intensive journey with

God where I was really having to confront all the things that I had been telling myself for years. Like I was like, oh, there's more, there's more things I got to learn about me. Okay. And so from that, from that point, I've been more intentional about that process and healing in those areas. So that was that was the moment for me where it was like, oh, I can't I can't live with this anymore. I can't be okay with this. Okay, so we are listening to you speak and we are she she is we we need to understand. Confidence and business should mind their business. They should be two separate things.

They don't have nothing to do with each other. Somebody's watching and they're like, yes, I have low self-esteem, but they don't have nothing to do with my business. I'm very smart. I have a good idea. So when you said that your confidence was affecting your business, it did take a few follicles out of the temples in the temple area. The most important area for temples in the temple area. The most important area for edges is

the temple area and you went ahead and pluck those up off of us and we want to know the correlation. Why what does confidence in business have to do with each other? Okay, so I will make it personal. I'll tell my business here. Come on, tell your business, because you win hours. The least you can do is tell your business. I already do my toe win. Okay. So, one of the biggest things for me being in fashion is that when I started out, you

can't afford to hire models. You can't afford to have, well, most people, I'll't I couldn't afford it. I had a very modest budget and so one of the things that always made me feel insecure was putting like my face, my voice and using that to promote my business. So when it came to like taking my own pictures editing my own videos, telling people that I was a fashion designer, I was afraid to either say that like I felt inadequate. I was like I can't even, how am I going to tell people about my business if I'm afraid to say that I'm a fashion designer, being able to like say that in conversation, there's really like having

to be the face of my business because people had to see how the clothes fit they had to see how I made it and I realized that I was really playing it small in those areas because I didn't want to show up. I said I'll rather somebody else wear my clothes I don't want to wear my clothes every other designer gets to you know be in the background chilling Why do I have to be the person who comes out and does this? And even when it came down to just like feeling like I could do it, the insecurity was impacted me there. Cause I was like, I don't have no business being a designer. I just need to go ahead and sit there at this job.

Stay here, even though I'm not feeling fulfilled in this because I'm not smart enough to run a business. I don't know anything about that. I all know how to do is make clothes. I can't budget or I'm not going to be able to make this thing grow into what I know God told me it could be because I don't feel like I have the capability to do it. And so all of these things were like working against what I really, like what I knew in my heart. I wanted to do. And so being confronted with all of that, I was like, I mean,

that makes sense. That makes a lot of sense. I don't know why I can't just push past those insecurities or do what I need to do. But for me, it was a very deep thing. And I was unable to go further because those things were keeping me back ultimately and it showed up like me procrastinating. Just like doing things but not doing them all the way. You know what I'm trying to have doing it. Being very inconsistent. That was a result of me being

insecure about it. Always going back or saying I'm going to do something. I'm going to shrink back and just think to what I know. So all of those different parts were impacted just off of my confidence alone. Okay, I'm just because I know so many women who want to be in business, who want to see themselves grow in areas of entrepreneurship or even corporate America, but they struggle with owning their desire to step into the fullness of who they are. I did this podcast with Sunny Perry just a few weeks ago and she was talking about giving herself permission to walk heavy.

And what I hear you saying is that even owning who you are to say I am a fashion designer would have caused you to shift all of your weight into owning who you are. And I feel like the greatest gift that we can give ourselves as women is the ability to own who we are. And when we learn to own who we are unapologetically, it doesn't mean we aren't teachable.

It doesn't mean that we have not arrived, but it says, this is my starting point. I am a fashion designer. I am a preacher. I am a mother. I am a wife. I'm not just trying. I'm not just dipping my toe in the water.

This is who I am. And because this is who I am, I'm gonna put roots down here, I'm gonna be planted here, I'm gonna be pruned here, I'm gonna be torn down here, but I'm gonna keep building in this space that I am in because this is the space that I wanna own.

And I just, I feel that for myself, I'm learning to embrace who I am as a business owner, who I am as a speaker and a pastor. Like this is who I am. Like yes, when I I am as a speaker and a pastor, this is who I am. Like, yes, when I started saying, I'm a little bit ratchet and I'm still righteous. Like, that was funny for people, but this was my truth.

Like, this is who I am. I am not your Bible encyclopedia. I don't know everything there is to know, but I'm on a journey, I'm learning, I'm growing, and I'm owning this stage of my life because if you don't own this stage of your life, then you don't get to move to the next stage. And we have a lot of people who are out here

leasing their destiny, renting their destiny because they're afraid to fully own it because they're waiting for life to take it away. But when you really own something, you can change anything and everything about it because you recognize that owning it was the first step. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Owning it and all of this uncomfortableness and all the

ugliness that comes along with it, all of that, I definitely agree with that. That's what I'm doing. I'm learning to own it. So can you, so you go to this retreat, you have this powerful encounter where you recognize the work that you have to do. Tell me about a time where you were able to say, you know what? I'm proud of myself. Like I'm giving a hail Mary to myself because I am no longer that eve version of myself who knew better but didn't do better.

I've actually stepped into owning this identity. Okay so I got that tier away. Okay. We need that tier. Why is that tier there? Tell me about the tier. Forget the last question. What are we tearing about? I'm tearing because well for one, I feel like even this moment right now is like a part of me owning that. Because I'm saying this to whoever is going to be watching this, whoever is going to be seeing this. And it just feels so powerful to see the manifestation of the things that God told you will happen. I'll go back to the next one here. I think a little bit. Because even so this I feel like, okay, so even this moment right now, like I said, is

one of those things where it is a manifestation of me owning it, of me stepping into it and really putting out there everything that God has been working through me, even before I realized it was happening, even before I acknowledged it in that retreat. I feel like I'm sitting in that moment right now to answer your question. Because it's always interesting when you feel like you heard something from God.

And you know, you may be excited about it in a moment, but there's always like those moments where you start to doubt it. Yeah. Why do you start to feel like, okay, I mean, you said that, Lord, but it's not, it's looking really janky right now. It's not looking like what you said. And, you know, having to be patient and have faith during those processes is, you know, it's always, it's always challenging, always challenging.

But the tears are just being grateful to know that I heard him, that what he said was not a lie, that you can just really put your faith in him. And I just, I want that for everybody that everybody, I just wanted to know that there's something that you can, you can trust God with those things, even when he gets ugly. When you feel like it hurts, when it doesn't, it's just when it's like you're scared. Like you're not even sure if it's really gonna happen.

It's not gonna work out, but just knowing that when you really do it, when you really didn't walk out that faith, he shows out and he really just blow your mind. So that's what the tears are. It is. And I didn't think I was going to say this because I feel like, you know, a lot of people are going to say it, but that's fine. It's going, it's okay. We all hear it from God, I guess. I was, and I was listening to the podcast where you announced that this was going to be the last episode in that format.

And before you even announced it, I heard God say you're going to be on that podcast. And I was like, how does that even make sense? And I was listening to it and I just always felt a draw to woman evolve. I just always felt like it was just speaking to where I was. And I felt like as I was growing, the podcast, the community, rather, was growing. And so it always felt good to be somewhere where, you know, you don't, you're not growing out of this space. We're all moving together, growing together. And so that's like a sidebar, but I do appreciate that.

But yeah, I heard it in the shower. He was like, you're gonna be on this podcast. And all of them, okay. I was gonna see you know, wash it up, listen to the podcast, you know, laughing, cause it's always a good time. And then at the end, you were like, yeah, so you wanna be on the podcast, you know, email us.

And I was like, what? I literally made a YouTube video, which I mean, I don't know if it's gonna every single day because I made a private. But I skipped it in my email and I was just like, oh, I wanna be on here, I wanna be a co-host. I feel like this is what God told me. And you know, I'm gonna put my name out there

and see what happens. And even something like that. And then walking it out to this point right here, where it's literally like, I heard guys something that's in the shower. And here it is happening. And when I didn't even see how it was possible. So yeah, I feel like I'm in it right now.

Either this podcast is where I am in my life, seeing how I'm able to just show up and really have something to offer people that they are responding to. Everything in this moment right now is just sort of like it's a manifestation of all of that stuff. So I feel like I'm definitely in that moment right now and I'm grateful to even have the moments to express it. It's not as just so dope. So, yeah. Don't be trying to make us cry our eyelashes off. That is so corny. You got me. Jada, when you were talking, our babies were leaping because there is a philosophy in theology. There's a theological debate about when Mary goes to see Elizabeth.

That Elizabeth was shut in because she thought her baby was dead. So she prayed, her and her husband prayed, ask God for a baby, she finally gets pregnant. And now the baby seems like it's dead. Like she got one step close to the manifestation. And now it seems like the baby is dead. And yet Mary comes in and Mary sharing the news of what's happening in her life. And it makes Elizabeth's baby leap. That moment is so powerful. The moment that you just shared because I know that there are women listening who are

wondering, am I walking around with something dead inside of me? This dream that God has given me, this prophecy that has been spoken over my life, I've been caring it for years and years and years and now I'm wondering whether or not it's still even alive. And as you were sharing your testimony, I think part of the reason why I got emotional, I know one of my team members back there got emotional too, because at the end of the day, what you were speaking about our baby to leap.

And so, my thoughts, my prayers to you would be continue to tell the whole story, the whole story. Because the whole story is what makes it beautiful and powerful for the rest of us who are watching. My prayers always been with women evolved that I will continue to tell the whole story because it's so easy for people to just see the outcome but not the process. And I pray that this podcast goes all over and just continues to help women understand the power

of connection with other women and not giving up on God and the midst of what we're going through. Yes, thank you. I've always loved cooking and sometimes I enjoy cooking fancy meals. So I said to myself, self, we should document this,

but how? These photos weren't giving. Okay, the meals were fancy, but the photos weren't giving what need to be gave. I wasn't worried though, because I knew with the help of Skillshare's photography classes, I'd be capturing the best angles to show off how good my gourmet meals look in no time.

As a sponsor of this woman-evolved podcast episode, Skillshare wants you to explore your creativity at Skillshare.com slash evolve and get a one-month free trial of premium membership. Whether you're just curious or fine-tuning something you're already good at, Skillshare has classes that will help you evolve creatively. Skillshare is for lifelong learners from beginners to masters.

Let me guess. Hmm. You're interested in graphic design or marketing. No, I've got it. You're multi-hiphonate, ready to dabble and explore all of the things, since that's perfect. On Skillshare, you'll find graphic design and marketing classes as well as classes in creative writing,

freelancing, web development, and so much more. All of the classes are on demand and most are under 60 minutes. As a Skillshare member, you'll have the freedom and flexibility to watch and learn at your own pace, while creating hands-on projects that you'll be proud of. Start exploring today on Skillshare.com slash evolve for a one-month free trial of premium membership.

I have an advice question. We're going to answer together. Okay, since you didn't try to take our eyelashes, I already know that people are going to be like, why'd you let her come on the podcast, snatch and edges and eyelashes. And I wanna say, it's the woman evolve way, okay? We seek to take edges. Okay. Okay, hello SJR.

Firstly, I'm in awe of who you have become. Thank you for allowing God to take over. I am a 23 year old from South Africa in the PK as well. I've been a PK for most of my life and I've realized that I still have wounds that I find difficult to address. I've spent most of the time protecting saints and not telling my parents about my experiences. Sometimes it would be something said or done that could hurt my parents. I have a great church however, it's the few that made me generalize at the end. I just ask for advice as a PK especially in the area of having healthy relationships with boundaries

with the church, advice concerning less church pleasing. And any general advice I can live by to not worship unrealistic expectations, but be more of myself. Thank you so much in advance. Okay. So listen, church folks, and I'm not going to be in the North Pole. I'm not going to be in the North Pole. I'm not going to be in the North Pole. I'm not going to be in the North Pole. I'm not going to be in the North Pole. I'm not going to be in the North Pole.

I'm not going to be in the North Pole. I'm not going to be in the North Pole. I'm not going to be in the North Pole. I'm not going to be in the North Pole. I'm not going to be in the North Pole. I'm not going to be in the North Pole. I'm not going to be in the North Pole. I'm not going to be in the North Pole.

I'm not going to be in the North Pole. I'm not going to be in the North Pole. I'm not going to be in the North Pole. I'm not going to be in the North Pole. I'm not going to be in the North Pole. I'm not going to be in the North Pole. I'm not going to be in the North Pole. I'm not going to be in the North Pole.

I'm not going to be in the North Pole. I'm not going to be in the North Pole. I'm not going to be in the North Pole. I'm not going to be in the North Pole. I'm not going to be in the North Pole talking about the deacons of the North Pole first Baptist missionary church right now because people in church people and you put them together and nerves have been attacked. Okay, I just want to let you know it's not a South Africa thing. It's happening in Nigeria. It's happening in Ireland and somewhere in Ireland, then the church folks I get know somebody's nerves. Okay, I just want you to know that because you will be out here thinking you crazy, but they get on our nerves.

I'm a pastor, they get on my nerves. I love them. I am a church folk and I get on somebody's nerves. Somebody's like, oh, I can't stand her right now. Having said that, sis, like number one thing you got to know are like people are people. So no more than you can get along with everyone walking on the street, can you get along with everyone at church?

Just because someone is at church doesn't mean that they are gonna be someone who you can be friends with and be in relationship with. There are literally some people in church that all you can do is wave at, all right? God bless you. You can't, maybe not even God bless you. Maybe just a wave,

because God bless you could open up conversation and I just, you just tell God bless them, God bless them and keep moving, okay? You gotta know what you need in your life. If you're not looking for anymore friends and anymore relationships and you can be polite, you can be kind, but it's time for you to shut the walls and the borders down and to do so without feeling like

I have an obligation to make myself accessible to everyone who knows me. As a PK, this is something we think we have to do. I have to be accessible to everyone who knows me. But the truth is, everyone who knows me doesn't have the opportunity to know me. And you have to know that just because they know your name, just because they know what you do, just because they may know your story, doesn't mean that you have to be vulnerable and let them into the most intimate parts of your life. Nor does't mean that you have to be vulnerable and let them into the most intimate parts of your life,

nor does it mean that you have to receive theirs. And if you have found that you are positioned in such a way, especially if you're positioned there fraudulently, where it makes you accessible to others, it makes people feel like you can just come to me and say whatever you want to, then you have to decide what decisions do I need to make. Maybe I need to get the church right on time.

Maybe I need to sit in the back. Maybe I need to watch online for a few Sundays until I can create a rhythm of distance and separation. But I just want you to know the same people who come to the church are the same people walking on the streets. So even if you escape church, it doesn't mean you're going to escape raggedy because raggedy is everywhere. But boundaries work into church and out of the church.

And that is my word unto you. I'm tossing it over to Jada. I totally agree. The first thing that I thought when she said that is like, oh, she just needs, you just need a few. You just need a few. Like, you can be kind to everyone. You can be friendly, but you don't,

everybody doesn't have to be up in your business. It doesn't have to be that deep. I can really be this. Yes, the church hand. All right. You gotta touch ahead a little bit so they know it's not open for conversation. Yes, you do one of those.

Practice. Hand up, chin down, walking at the same time. Don't stop, keep walking. Hand up, chin down, keep walking. That is the official greeting of, I'm just trying to get the right to the right to the right to the right. Exactly. That's all she needs. It should be good to go. Yeah. And we're gonna earn her no more. Right, it's back. We want to hear your testimony because we know that's on the way. Jada, before we go, is there anything that you want to ask me, anything that I can do to serve? What God is doing in your life? Do you want to shout out your fashion design? Like, what, how can we support you and get behind what God is doing in your life. Do you want shout out your fashion design? Like, what how can we support you and get behind what God is doing in your life?

Oh, yeah. Well, I honestly would just love for people to check it out. I'm, okay, it's a data west is my name on Instagram, ITS, data west. When I say that, I have to make sure I let them know that it's involved in it. But just check out what I'm doing and comment if something resonates with you, let me know.

Because where I'm at right now, I just really want to know that I really want to know the best way to serve people. And that's really where I'm at. I just want to know what's working, what's not, and how can we work together to build a community of people who look good, who are trendsetters, who are not afraid to be themselves and stand out. Those are the, those are my people. So yeah, that's how you can support. Well, thank you, Jayda. I feel like I am your people. You know, sometimes the best way to experience someone is by being in the audience as they

pursue destiny, and I can tell you for sure that I am in the audience. I'm cheering you on. I'm believing in you. I'm thanking God for the grace that's on your life, for the scars that you endured, and the dreams that are yet to come. You are a beautiful soul, and I pray that everyone in the world gets to experience it the way that I have today. So thank you.

Thank you. Love you. This was great. I always blow kisses at the end. Mm. And this. Mm. Mm.

All right. Take care. Bye. Bye. Jada, my girl, my queen, you are a vibe. It was so fun hanging out with you. I know you all love this as much as I did. I can't wait to hear about all the guys continues to do through you. This wasn't even the beginning. This was like just a preview, a trailer, a snapshot

of how you will continue to move the hearts of so many. Um, tapping in with y'all really is one of my favorite things to do always. Has been always will be and I want you to be on this show with me. Okay, shoot your shot, be a co-host, or get some advice from me by sending us an email at podcast at womanevalve.com. you