Woman Evolve with Sarah Jakes Roberts - Raising Little Hearts w/ Ella & MaKenzie

Episode Date: February 21, 2024

How do W.E. do it all? His grace—that’s it, that’s the answer! In the opening of this episode, SJR answers a FAQ on how to achieve work-life balance as a mother and entrepreneur. Just know that it has EVERYTHING to do with knowing that work is what she does and her relationship with Christ is who she is. Our internet-nieces, Ella and MaKenzie, share their firsthand experience on why home is where the love begins. So, get ready to experience the beauty that unfolds when parenting becomes gentle and girls evolve! Sis, are you ready to ignite your power, and become a force to be reckoned with? If so, the bestie SJR is coming to a city near you! Join us this Spring for an intimate evening at the Power Moves Book Tour. Grab your tickets at sarahjakesroberts.com today!    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

When George Floyd got killed, I started reading a book called The History of the United States. And that's when I saw that Christopher Columbus was just as racist as Hitler. And I didn't know. Maybe you didn't either. Here we are, season three of I Didn't Know, Maybe You Didn't Neither. Every day in February, starting February 1st, make sure you listen. So I didn't know. Maybe you didn't either.

On the Black Effect Podcast Network, our hard radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen to your podcast. The second season of El Fló is here. Step into the ever-evolving world of Réaetón and get up close with both legendary figures and emerging talents in the industry. Part of the enormous significance of Réadon is really the way in which personal narratives connect to larger things going on historically and socially. Listen to El Fló on the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your

podcasts. Everyone in our country has a voice. It's something that says not just where you come from, but who you are. Welcome to NPR's Black Stories, Black Truths, a collection of podcasts and a celebration of the hosts in journalism who've always spoken truth to power. Our voices are as varied, nuanced, and dynamic as the Black experience, and stories should never be about us without us.

Find NPR Black Stories Black Truths on the iHeart Radio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm John Ho Bryant, host of Money and Wealth on the Black Effect Podcast Network. I'm an entrepreneur and a businessman. Now every Thursday, my newest venture is educating you on how to win financially. Even better, I'm going to teach it in a way that, well, you can understand. I'm going to meet you where you are and take you where you need to be. We all might have different starting points and end goals, but as long as we have the desire to acquire financial freedom, it can be done.

Listen to Money and Wealth with John Hope Bryant every Thursday on the Black Effect Podcast Network. iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. One of the best shows of the year, according to Apple, Amazon, and Time, is back for another round. We had a big barrel of a man who, he's called Mal Evans, he's our roadie, and he was coming back on the plane and he said, will you pass the salt and pepper? And I miss herding. I said, what? Salt and pepper.

Listen to season two of McCartney, a life in lyrics on the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. How do I consistently be who I was when I was at the top of my game instead of allowing the game to adjust to where we are today? Chow, Travis Kelsey was yelling at the coach man. It's like a really genuine, unconditional, loving relationship. I think everybody should have that. They sound about the same, Ella.

No. No. They do. They sound about the same. No. Better. Welcome back to another episode of the Woman Evolve podcast. We are seven episodes in to our relationship with the Black Cafe Network and I am enjoying the feedback that we are getting

from so many of you. It seems like this new format is truly resonating and for that I say thank you. Thank you, God. Thank you, God. And thank you to Charlamagne and the incredible team that has made sure that we have this opportunity. It truly means the world to me.

On the high key, I really feel like I'm coming down with a little bit of something. So y'all be in prayer for the kid. Hey, has anyone else noticed that these new colds are not like regular colds? Like there is a special, a special bacteria lingering on these colds. And I needed to get up off of me and leave me alone.

I was just ill during, I'm so classy, ill. I was just ill during the Christmas holiday and usually the antibodies, they'd be doing more than this, but it's seeming like they're not trying to do the right thing. In other updates, let me see, Power Moves, the book tour, I just announced that last week. I will be going on the road with the book that comes out April 30th.

My book is called Power Moves, Ignite Your Confidence and Become a Force. We are going to be in five cities. Technically we're gonna be in six, but it's a surprise pop-up city, so I'm not gonna say which one that it is, but we're going to be, and, but it's a surprise pop-up city, so I'm not going to say which one that it is, but we're going to be in, and this is in no particular order, so y'all don't, y'all don't hold me to this, but we're going to be in Sugarland, Texas, which is very close to Houston.

We are going to be in the DMV area, that's DC, Maryland, Virginia area. We are going to be in Chicago. We are coming to Brooklyn, New York. I will be there on April 30th when my book actually drops, and we are going to be in Chicago. We are coming to Brooklyn, New York. I will be there on April 30th when my book actually drops and we are going to be in Shytown, baby. So if you are in any of those areas or you feel like taking a little summer trip in the spring, I highly encourage you to come out. I don't know if you have ever been to a book tour stop from any other authors, but I'm really excited about this

because God's given me an idea that's definitely gonna stretch me. It's gonna be new, but I have to be obedient to what God's telling me to do with this tour. For this tour, we're gonna cycle through three different stages of the way that power moves. It's gonna be interactive. We're gonna have special guests.

And then we're gonna close it out with connection in the presence of God because we know that we cannot expect to have power unless we are connected to the all-powerful. So I'm excited about that. Listen, next week I am going to respond to so many of your questions. We have been getting many of them and it's getting too hard to keep up, but for now we're just going to do one this week, but I am telling you, if you have questions, send them to me. I'm not overwhelmed. Podcasts at womanyvolve.com, but I do want to take the time to just kind of cycle through a few of them. So I will do that next week and I will try to not make my answers long-winded because I just get to talking.

I think because I'm introverted when I start speaking out loud, words just come out like vomit so y'all speak through them don't worry about me. Let's get into this week's question. You are going to really, really enjoy this one mostly because it's probably one of the questions that I get asked the most and which people want to know. Chow, how do you do it? Hi, Pastor Sarah. My name is Latasha Duffy. My question to you is, how do you balance being an entrepreneur and a mom,

and also trying to keep Christ first? Sometimes being an entrepreneur, it could be very stressful and I deal with a lot of and also trying to keep Christ first. Sometimes being an entrepreneur, it could be very stressful, and I deal with a lot of anxiety. And so I'm just wondering, how do you balance and handle it all? I find it difficult to answer the question

about how do you balance it all, keeping Christ in the front of everything that you do, while also dealing with anxiety and stress and just life moving at warp speed. The reality is some days I don't know that I am balancing it all very well and then there are other days where I realize that because I'm at a place of peace that there is no balancing act involved. But I'm going to share with you a few things that have been helpful for me and it is honestly why I wrote the book Power Moves. When you talk about balancing it all, there are some days where I am posting the podcast and answering questions and we have a full production crew,

lights, camera, hair and makeup and then there are other days like today where I need to get a podcast turned around. I've had a long day, moming it up and I am looking like the way God brought me into the world with that. But this week and the microblades anyway, stay focused. Here's the point. Sometimes balancing it all is not how do I do everything at the same level that I have always done them, but rather how can I show up in this moment with the truth of how much capacity I have and allow my circumstances to prioritize

what's most important. I love doing this podcast. I love hearing your questions. It is not so important that I have the hair, the makeup, and the production crew in order to turn this around when it's nice to have it. It's nice, but I don't need it. And I think a lot of times we are thinking about how do I consistently be who I was when I was at the top of my game instead of allowing the game to adjust to where we are today. And so

prioritization is one of the things that has really helped me to balance the things that are assigned to my responsibility. In addition to that, I will say that I certainly struggle with anxiety when it comes to getting things done. I often worry that I am in over my head. I don't have what it takes, but I have also recognized that my anxiety is the greatest when I am thinking about all of the things that I have to do at one time instead of realizing that none of them require me to do them right now. When I ask myself the question of all of the things that you have to do, what can you do

right now? What is most pressing? What matters right now? What will matter tomorrow? What will matter six months down the road? Because sometimes I am stressing about things that are happening literally six seven months eight months down the road and So reminding myself to be present in the moment to enjoy what I have if I'm driving the kids and I have a book

too all I can do is drive the car if I am Writing a book, but the kids need a bath I can close the laptop down or ask for help in making sure that the kids get their bedtime routine so that I can do what is in front of me. I recognize it's a luxury to have the ability to ask my partner for help. As a single mother, I would have to be

a little bit more intentional. I would have to ask around, thinking in advance of people who may be able to support me with the children so that I can accomplish my work. I was fortunate in that when I lived in Dallas, I was able to ask some of my family members to chip in to help me get whatever I needed to get done. I will say that keeping Christ in the front of it all as an entrepreneur and a business owner is not something that I intentionally seek outdoing and let me tell you why.

Because I consider work what I do and my relationship with Christ who I am. And a lot of times when we're still in the beginning stages of walking out our faith, we want to make sure that we're honoring the love that we have for God, our desire to be obedient, and to really live a life that looks like Jesus. And it does take work to make sure that we are making sure our actions align with the values that are important to us. I just want you to know that it will not always be a struggle to do that and you will have to give yourself permission to come to a place where you say, I believe that this is not something that I am striving for, that when I really accepted Jesus in my heart and as my

Savior, that he's dwelling inside of me And because Jesus dwells inside of me, my priority is to make space for the Spirit of God to settle me into where I am right now, to challenge me in the decisions that I make, and to be obedient when I feel those urges. The reality is that for many of us, when the Holy Spirit wants us to go in a certain direction or stop certain actions

is pretty clear. It's not necessarily something that we have to seek out. We feel it immediately that I'm doing something that lacks my new integrity, that I'm doing something that I feel convicted about in the moment. And if we can be obedient and responsive to those moments, we have less to worry about when it comes to making sure that we keep Christ in everything. If we honor Christ in the areas where Christ is challenging us, we have to know that that same God, that same Spirit of God that is leading us to a path of righteousness knows how to get our attention. The question is, will we respond or will we become desensitized? Because we don't necessarily want to respond in the way that we need to in the moment. So I say all of that to say that keeping

Christ in the center of everything that we do has everything to do with who we are and how we center Christ in our being and trusting that that will overflow into everything that we do. You know, and just on, I guess, the most Eve advice level ever when it comes to balancing it all. Don't be afraid to let some balls drop. Don't be afraid to say I used to have capacity. I don't have it anymore. Don't be afraid to say I may need to slow down.

I'm getting a little burnt out. I need a break. I need to pull back from things that are not essential. I need to ask for additional support so that I can continue to do things that are essential. Oh, okay. I'm going to say this. And then I'm going to zip it. But I was speaking at a women's lunch today to business owners and entrepreneurs in Dallas. And the theme of it was about acceleration. And I did some studying for it, even though I was only speaking for 15 minutes, I was nervous I wanted to be prepared.

And what I learned about acceleration is most of the time when we use it, we talk about a car increasing in speed. We think about things that are gaining momentum. But in physics, acceleration is any change in velocity, not just an increase in velocity, but even coming to a stop is a change in velocity that is still considered acceleration. And so as a business owner, especially as a woman,

if you are a woman of color, then you may fall into the perception of being behind. There's all types of statistics that support the notion that women of color are more behind when it comes to business and entrepreneurship and pay scales. And we have the evidence of that in our experiences. And yet the reality is that acceleration sometimes means slowing down so that we can take care of the bodies that perform our talents, our business, our gifts, so that we can take care of the soul in which all that we do flows from because who wants to gain the world and lose their soul?

And so I will say lastly that when it comes to balancing it all, my husband has a book called Balance, definitely need to read it, but when it comes to balancing it all, make sure that you are defining acceleration properly, recognizing that it can be speeding up and slowing down at any given moment. And asking yourself, what is the best way for me to accelerate today? Is it in me speeding up or is it in me slowing down?

Evolve. When George Floyd got killed, I started reading a book called The History of the United States. And that's when I saw that Christopher Columbus was just as racist as Hitler. And I didn't know. Maybe you didn't either. Here we are season three. If I didn't know, maybe you didn't either. See season one, we talked Nat Turner, Gladys May West.

In season two, we talked brick plantations and talk how powerful black folk are. We say pepsi. In season three, we connect the dots from the enslavement periods to things happening today in no trespassing signs. Voter fraud, casual killing acts, and of course, powerful black men and women. And remember, it's a leap year,

so we've got 29 episodes every day in February, starting February 1st. Make sure you listen. So I didn't know, maybe you didn't either, on the Black Effect Podcast Network, our heart radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen to your podcast. The second season of A Flow is here, available Guati de Uste in both English and Spanish. This season we dive deeper into the vibrant world of Reggaeton, featuring interviews with both Reggaeton legends and exciting new talents.

He's the undisputed king of Reggaeton, no doubt. And he's been cited as an inspiration by multiple Latin stars, including J Balvin, Bad Bunny, Osuna, Matimata. Explore the evolution of this dynamic genre and what makes it resonate globally. How you consume Pregedon, how you share and distribute Pregedon, those are all an important part of the story. It's the way that the people are experiencing Feidong along with the musicians. Listen to El Fló as part of the Mike Uldura podcast network available on the iHeart radio app, Apple podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. Everyone in our country has a voice. It's something that says not just where you come from, but who you are. Welcome to NPR's Black Stories, Black Truths, a collection of podcasts and a celebration of the hosts in journalism who've always spoken truth to power. Our voices are as varied, nuanced, and dynamic

as the Black Experience, and stories should never be about us without us. Find NPR Black Stories, Black Truths on the iHeart Radio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm John Ho Bryant, host of Money and Wealth on the Black Effect Podcast Network. I'm an entrepreneur and a businessman. Some would call a thought leader. Now every Thursday, my newest venture is educating you on how to win financially. Even better, I'm going to teach it in a way that, well, you can understand.

No unexplained theories, no mundane lessons, no using 20 words when two will do. I'm going to meet you where you are and take you where you need to be. I'm giving you straight talk, relatable stories, and life lessons through my own experiences and the lens of others. We're not just talking about why financial freedom is important. We're focusing on how you can achieve it too. We all might have different starting points and end goals,

but as long as we have the desire to acquire financial freedom, it can be done from the streets to the suites. Listen to Money and Wealth with John Hope Bryant every Thursday on the Black Effect Podcast Network. I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. At one of the most famous restaurants in the world,

there's a table in the corner. We're the most incredible conversations on the planet are happening every week with owner Ruthie Rogers, an amazing guest. Like Martha Stewart. But I did have an affair with one of his best friends, Jimmy Fallon. Do you want a zip line over your dad while he gets attacked by alligators?

And Paul McCartney. John and I hitchhiked to Paris. We've saved you a seat. Ruthie's Table Four. Listen to Ruthie's Table Four on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. I could honestly go on and on about the ways that we are able to balance our family and our relationship with God. It's really important to me primarily because I think that I culturally received an, I'm trying to say this the right way. I believe that culturally there is a notion

that we need to keep Christ in the center of maybe what we do for others, but when we're at home, that's kind of the place where we can kind of relax or we don't have to work as hard to make sure that we're keeping Christ in the forefront of all that we do. Maybe that's just a PK thing, maybe it's just a me thing that whatever it is you guys can judge me, write me, tell me about it later. It is honestly, I will tell you that I actually decided to like attempt gentle parenting and then realize that even in doing gentle parenting that I wasn't necessarily combining my faith in the

gentle parenting. Though I have a prayer life, I study, I read the Bible, me and the kids, we, you know, listen to worship music in the car in the morning, we pray in the morning. I was inspired honestly by reading a book by Kim Cache Tate, their novels and they are amazing. I started with the promises of God series, but I noticed that in the novel, like a friend would be having a random conversation and they would be like, we should pray about this

and then they would start praying. And I would think to, like when I go throughout the day and something comes up that I should pray about, I like take a little note and I'm like, all right, I'll pray about that. I'm gonna add that to my notes. But I have been actively trying to not just be intentional with the way that I speak to my kids

and the way that I listen to them, but I've also tried to be more intentional as of late to really incorporate them into the things that I'm praying to God about for them. So I decided that for this week's episode, we would dig a little bit deeper into parenting, especially coming off the heels of last week's rescue. If you heard last week's episode, then you know, one of my girls was out here trying to be rescued from gentle parenting.

And let me tell you, I absitively, positively understand why we are trying to be rescued from gentle parenting. Now, if you're somewhere like, what in the world is gentle parenting? Like I have heard people talking about it, but please make it make sense. Gentle parenting is a parenting approach that encourages a partnership between you and your child to make choices based on an internal willingness instead of

external pressures. First of all, I want you to know that my, my Shondo shivered at this, like my Shondo shivered reading that definition. I don't like that definition. I saw it on guidepost, Montessori. I need another one. That's not working. Okay. Very well. Family says, gentle parenting is an evidence-based approach to raising happy, confident children. This parenting style is composed of four main elements, empathy, respect, understanding and boundaries and focuses on fostering the qualities you want in your child by being compassionate and enforcing

consistent boundaries. I like that one a little bit better. The reason why I am trying now, y'all don't turn it off. Do not turn it off, okay? I started gentle parenting myself before I started gentle parenting my children. Let me say more. So my husband and I have almost been married for 10 years and I noticed pretty early on within our marriage That I would get defensive when he said I did something wrong I was prideful when he did something wrong because I think it proved that he wasn't any better than me and I was Unable to separate who I am from what I did

So if I made a mistake and I may be paid a bill late or dinner was late, like things that were, you know, maybe not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, I am ready to throw me out with the bathwater. I am the baby in the bathwater, throw me away. Okay, that is part of how I have, you know, experienced myself and experienced. Basically, I think a family structure that heavily emphasized

performing well over interrogating how we got off track, what can we do without shame involved, right? You know, I have not been raised in every black household, but I have talked to many of the blacks and many of the blacks, I don't know. I have not talked to as many of the whites, but many of the blacks have told me that this is part of their experience too. Although when I spoke to Brennan Brown at conference, she kind of made me believe that some of the white folks was going through this too. Brown folks, what y'all doing over there? Yellow, what you got going? Tell me how many of us have experienced this same level of performance you know, performance based connection.

And so when I realized that if I did not relearn that who you are is not what you do, you can apologize without it, you know, being a reflection of your worth and your value, you can speak up for your needs without having to get them fulfilled in unhealthy ways. Like when I learned that I can be a person who embodies the fullness of my wants and my desires and to be corrected and steered into a direction of growth. When I learned that that was possible, I basically started gentle parenting the responses that I would get.

So I would get in trouble when I was growing up. Maybe I would shut down, do what I was going to do anyway, or I would feel like I'm a terrible person. But there are moments throughout my adult years in which I do something wrong and I tell myself, you're just human, you're not perfect, you're going to make mistakes. Like I am speaking to myself in the way that I need

to get out of that trauma response. And so I started Gentle Parenting as a response to my own trauma and then realized that I was doing the same thing with my children. And listen, parenting is an experiment. I could be jacking this all up, okay? Don't take no advice from me unless you're willing to be an experiment lane

because we're just seeing what we can do out here, right? But I wanted to invite my children to tell you a little bit about gentle parenting. So I asked them first to define, I asked the younger ones, cause you know, Malachi is 21, he, I'm trying to gentle parent him now, but I was 14 when I had him.

I would, you taught my raggedy parenting, tough parenting, she did the best you could, parenting, I love them parenting, fun parenting, raggedy parenting, like all mixed up in there together. That was his experience. Um, and we're working through introducing healthy patterns in our relationship dynamic now. Um, but I asked the children who I'm still practicing going, how they define gentle parenting. And so I want you to hear their definitions. So it's like being more understanding to your kids and just trying to think how they think

and stepping into their shoes. I think gentle parenting is when a parent actually takes a step back from the authoritarian persona per se and puts themselves in the child's shoes and attempts to build a connection with the child based on their experiences instead of judging them and punishing them for it. They take a step back and they're like, I can understand you're going through a lot of feelings right now and just take a softer approach. Now that doesn't work with all kids, but yeah. Okay, so you have heard their definitions of gentle parenting and Kenzie's taken a psychology class,

so y'all just bear with me because it's one thing to want to be a gentle parent, it's another thing to have somebody actually with like a clipboard trying to tell you whether or not you're, you know, living up to those principles. So I will tell you that my goal in being a gentle parent is to display for them a loving example of someone who can handle every part of who they are. I was convinced that there were limits on what God could handle with me, and as a result, it hurt me. I hurt myself, and it created distance in my relationship with God. Our homes are the first encounters that we have with love, whether that is a love that is healthy and pure, complicated, or completely toxic, without intentional work,

it would be difficult for us to not, in some ways, misalign God when our parental experience of love has left some things to be desired for. So I assume that much like, you know, I experienced at home that if you did something, you're like, you're gonna get grounded, you're gonna get shut down, you know. I used to home that if you did something, you're like, you're going to get grounded, you're going to get shut down. You know, I used to feel in love when I was on punishment. You know,

I know that wasn't necessarily the goal, but I used to feel like, ooh, they don't love me anymore. And so when I did something that I felt like violated my relationship with God, I assumed that it would be difficult for him to still love me. And so it made it easier for me to stray when I did not live in that consciousness of love. And so I do see my desire to gentle parent and not be a pushover and not, not be ran over, you know, um, but I see that as a part of me doing the best that I can to filter the love that God has for them through my imperfect human hands. And let me tell you, I don't always get it right.

Ella, let Ella tell you. Hold on, Ella. So do you think I'm more of a gentle parent or a tough parent? Um, well, gentle parent. Really? You think I'm a gentle parent. Really? You think I'm a gentle parent? Why? Because you always try to understand me. You're like, I can see how you feel this way or this way.

I'm always trying to step into my shoes. Even when it doesn't work, I can tell that you're trying to understand me. Really? How can you tell when it's not working? Because you're like... What I... Ella, what I be breathing out. You're like...

I can see. I was like, I can see how you feel this way. And cause you always just take a deep breath, and then you just try to restart yourself and think how you feel in the heart and like how I could feel. Thank you, Ella. That means a lot to me. to restart yourself and think how you feeling the heart and like how I could feel.

Oh, thank you, Ella. That means I'm trying to be gentle parent, but sometimes I lose my patience. Well, I know that, but you, here, there's a scale. Sometimes you're an eight, sometimes you're a two. Okay. It's around that range. Like is eight a really great parent and two

is like an amazing parent? So it's a scale of 10. Okay. One to 10 and sometimes you to and sometimes zero eight. Okay, never a ten, but never a one either. Never a ten, but never one. How do I get to be a ten? Can you tell me how I get to be a ten?

If you get to be a ten, it's like you're literally like, if you start going like, I see a stag all like, Ella, clean your room, or I will do something to you. Okay, and what's the two? A two is like, Kill, clean your room now. They sound about the same, Ella. No, no. They do, They sound about the same, Ella. No.

No. They do, they sound about the same. No, brother. Brother. Brother. Brother. When George Floyd got killed, I started reading a book called The History of the United States.

And that's when I saw that Christopher Columbus was just as racist as Hitler. And I didn't know, maybe you didn't either. Here we are season three. If I didn't know, maybe you didn't either. See season one, we talked Nat Turner, Gladys May West. In season two, we talked brick plantations and talked how powerful black folk are.

We say Pepsi. In season three, we connect the dots from the enslavement period to things happening today in no trespassing signs. Voter fraud, casual killing acts, and of course powerful black men and women. And remember, it's a leap year, so we've got 29 episodes every day in February, starting February 1st. Make sure you listen. So I didn't know, maybe you didn't either, on the Black Effect Podcast Network, our hard radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen to your podcast. This second season of El Fló is here, available with Guati de Uste in both English and Spanish.

This season, we dive deeper into the vibrant world of Reggaeton, featuring interviews with both Reggaeton legends and exciting new talents. He's the undisputed king of Reggaeton, no doubt, and he's been cited as an inspiration by multiple Latin stars, including J Balvin, Bad Bunny, Osuna, Adi Matasha. Explore the evolution of this dynamic genre and what makes it resonate globally. How you consume Prygatong, how you share and distribute Prygatong,

those are all an important part of the story. It's the way that the people are experiencing Prygatong along with the musicians. Listen to El Fló as part of the Michael Dura podcast network, available on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Everyone in our country has a voice. It's something that says not just where you come from,

but who you are. Welcome to NPR's Black Stories, Black Truths, a collection of podcasts and a celebration of the hosts in journalism who've always spoken truth to power. Our voices are as varied, nuanced, and dynamic as the Black Experience, and stories should never be about us without us. Find NPR Black Stories, Black Truths

on the iHeart Radio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm John Ho Bryant, host of Money and Wealth on the BlackHeart Radio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Even better, I'm going to teach it in a way that, well, you can understand. No unexplained theories, no mundane lessons, no using 20 words when two will do. I'm going to meet you where you are and take you where you need to be. I'm giving you straight talk, relatable stories, and life lessons through my own experiences and the lens of others. We're not just talking about why financial freedom is important. We're focusing on how you can achieve it too.

We all might have different starting points and end goals, but as long as we have the desire to acquire financial freedom, it can be done. From the streets to the suites. Listen to Money and Wealth with John Hope Bryant every Thursday on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeart Radio App, Apple Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcast. to So when I was growing up, my mother would give me a stare and I knew what that stare meant. I guess for me it's a deep sigh. When I give a deep sigh, Ellen knows that I am trying to hang on to God's unchanging

hand and to gentle parenting, but it's getting a little rough and it's getting a little tough out here. But, you know, I'm doing the best that I can because I truly do believe that there is an opportunity in us being gentle with ourselves, gentle with our children, that neutralizes the pressure for us to perform well in parenting and allows us to be human. And from that place of being human and parenting, we also have an opportunity to grow, to teach our children how to do the same, and to go back to the mind your business question. It gives us an opportunity to balance it all because I'm not trying to balance perfection.

I am balancing with humanity, with grace, with empathy, and with transparency about what I am capable of doing. This is part of the reason why I felt it appropriate to include the kids in this conversation about balancing it all because they are the ones who bear the scars of when I don't balance things well. Like, y'all might get mad at me, but like, you're gonna not listen to the podcast. You may stop watching me on YouTube. You may unfollow me.

You may not come to conference. You may not buy a book, you know, but my children, if I jack this up, if I don't balance this thing well, I shape their lives in a way that I want to answer to God for. And so you know how I was telling you about that book that I was reading and just realizing that they would just incorporate prayer at any given moment and how it inspired me. I was like, I want to be that kind of person.

And then my daughter Mackenzie was going through something and I was like, I'm going to be that person. And I think she was having a tough day and she was telling me how she was feeling. And I was like, okay, Kendi, let's pray about it. So I didn't know if she had noticed that shift in me, that I was being more intentional about taking the time to really, you know,

pray with her about what was on her heart in the moment and not just be the gentle parent that listens, but be the gentle parent that lays her at the feet of Jesus. And so I asked her whether or not she noticed it. Does it help you when sometimes like instead of telling you to go pray that I pray with you and I've been trying this new thing where like I pray with you about the things that I would usually pray to God about you. So like if I'm worried about your friendship circle

or I'm worried about you like being focused, like instead of me just being like, man, I'm gonna take that into my own prayer closet. I've been trying to pray with you. Have you noticed that? I have noticed that. I remember we were, I was bawling my eyes out. When was that?

Like the 17th of January, not that I remember the specific date. Whatever day you made me go to school after we landed late, which was so rude, but anyways. So rude. She was- What was rude about that again?

No, because I will be coughing my lungs out. You'll be all right, go to school. You will be all right. My friends, they sleep in late and their parents let them let them stay home. Can't imagine it. You need to get up. You'll be fine. Me too is strong. Resilience. Okay, but you were crying your eyes out the day I made you go to school and what happened? I prayed with you. You prayed with me and I listened to my worship music after I do like, I want you to try listening

to your worship music tonight. I was like, okay. And I listened to million or no, no, no, no. I'm listening to talking to Jesus. You know, that's my song. I was like, I was like, oh my gosh, it's been so long since I've like actually, it's not even like, you know, you make us pray every morning.

But when I was praying, it didn't feel like a chore, it didn't feel like something I had to do. It actually felt like, oh, I'm talking to a friend, I'm talking to somebody close to me, I'm talking to God how I would talk to you about a bad day, you know? So I think instead of looking at a relationship with God as a chore, just look at it as venting

to somebody that you love. Because, you know, sometimes it's like, I gotta pray, I forgot. You gotta be like, hey, big pookie, how was your day? Oh wait, you saw my day. But anyways, I'm gonna tell you about it anyways, like you didn't see the whole thing happen. I'm gonna still tell you. You know, instead of looking at it, it's like a, it's more than a friendship. It's like a really genuine, never ending, old, unconditional loving relationship. You know, I think everybody should have that I

Have to be honest You know Taking the time to reflect with my children about parenting is not just something I've done on the podcast I've asked them before and if you want to know, you know, how you're doing if you try to get a progress report from these Old crumb snatchers may I suggest that you ask them these two questions? What is it about mommy or daddy that you will do with your children? What will you repeat with your children? And what is it about mommy or daddy that you will change with your children? And this has been a very interesting way of me hearing from their perspective, how I'm showing up and how it affects them. I didn't record that this time,

but it's been nice sharing with you the ways that I am parenting my children and how I am learning, how I'm growing and how I am attempting to balance it all. I can only imagine that when you are on the outside looking in, hearing someone else's children speak about them that you were able to tell a lot about them based off of how the kids speak.

And, you know, they're funny and they're honest and they know that I'm not perfect and they seem to be okay with that. I don't know, it's an experiment. I'll let you know for sure. Couldn't have this conversation without thinking about the closest my dad calls this off parenting and he told me, you can't be gentle.

This world ain't gonna be gentle and this world gonna be tough on you. And he was not lying and I am grateful for some tough parenting that made me resilient in the face of adversity. I have to say though that my mother was a pillow in the midst of the tough parenting. I don't think that she had all of the information that I have now, but I think for the context of the times in which she was raising us, that she was really close to a gentle parent. And so I couldn't close this episode out

without asking her to chime in about parenting. Her youngest child will be 30 this year and it would be easy to assume that she is finished, but I assure you that she's just now really beginning to raise me. Is that not ignorant? She is just now, I'm just now willing to listen. I'm just now willing to say, I don't know what I'm doing.

I don't have it all figured out. Mommy, please help me. And so Homegirl has a newborn. And so I started to share a little bit about her newborn experience and to say a prayer for us. In the throes of motherhood, oh my God, I picked up books, I read magazine articles, I watched the news, I watched cartoons, I watched drama, I watched comedy, and at the end of the day, in the throes of motherhood,

I only wanted to watch each child, and according to that child's personality, develop a space in my heart that would reckon with anything that I found most perplexing. I couldn't ask my mother, I couldn't ask my grandmother, I couldn't ask an auntie, I couldn't ask a neighbor. I had to look inside my heart and look inside the heart of that child and understand what it was that they needed, not from me, but in order to survive the vicissitudes of life. And the reason you couldn't even ask anybody, because each child's journey was going to be different, unlike mine, unlike their dads.

And so whenever they hit a wall, I knew that it was part of their story. And the only thing I could do, in some cases seek medical advice, some cases, just be still and watch. But most importantly, that child told me and is still telling me exactly who they are, what they need, and what life affords them. It's very difficult to watch them figure it out because I don't want them to bump their head or fall out of the crib or tumble down the stairs. And that was physically, but now sometimes, right now it's an emotional set of stairs, or it's a physical or a mental,

or even a spiritual set of stairs that they either have to decide whether they're going to go up the stairs, or if they're going to go down the stairs. And so motherhood never ends. It never ends from the cradle to the grave. Whatever I've instilled in them will remain. And they'll decide how to eat the bones or eat the meat that mom provided and throw away the bones

when it comes their time to do exactly what I'm trying to do. Raise fantastic people. So I pray right now in the name of Jesus, whether you're the mother of a newborn or if you've lost a child, somewhere in between, you've had to decide to share your body, share your life,

share your words of comfort and advice. And I pray, oh God, in the name of Jesus, at the end of the day, at days in when everybody's still and your heart is still beating, that a calmness and an assurance would come over you that a calmness and an assurance would come over you to let you know that you've done the best that you could and that God will assist you if you ask Him for the wisdom to continue to be the mother, whether it's a spiritual mother or a biological mother, an adoptive mother, a biological mother an adoptive mother a foster mother

You'll have to ask God to give you the wisdom and the foreknowledge and Then at the end of the day the peace and knowing That your hand has touched a generation Whose hand will touch another generation and that you as a great mom have raised people that will be great human beings filled with God's love, His character, and that it will have to be developed, that it won't come ready-made, but that God will move them because He has a specific plan for their lives.

In Jesus' name, rest in hope, mamas, we stand together in Jesus' name. And with that episode seven of the Woman Evolved Podcast brought to you by the Black Effect Network is coming to an end. I have to tell you, I don't think Rescue Eva is working, although the last one definitely gave us lots of content for this episode. I don't think the girls get it, you know? And if the girls who get it get it, and the girls who don't, don't, then this girl has to decide to abandon ship. You know, it's been a whirlwind of, I'm trying to think if there's even been

anything in the news cycle where I'm like, chow, Travis Kelsey was yelling at the coach man. Taylor Swift took that Grammy from someone, but Chow, you know what I mean? Who wants to talk about that? Beyonce's got a country album. What else is there? Is there anything else happening in the news that is rescue Eve worthy and is it even worthy of rescue Eve or do we need to just mind our business and drink our water? Y'all send me an email let me know if rescue Eve is working. I will keep trying if you

will dive into this pool with me but if not let's say Sayonara and kiss this thing goodbye. All right listen I love you I hope you have an amazing week thank you so much for listening God thank you for every woman learning to be gentle with herself, whether she is a mother or just a girl in a hard world, trying to find what it means to be soft and sensitive, yet powerful and authentic. God, I pray that you would show her

that it's okay to let her walls down. Even if she's got to put them back up to go into certain rooms, God, I pray that you teach her the beauty of having walls that are easy to dismount and slow to put back up, which means she'll have to be pensive when guarded and quick to remove them when necessary. God, we don't want to go through this world hard, hard, and cold, hard, and waiting for someone to betray us. And yet the reality is that many of us have had to survive. We want to live, though. We want to thrive. We want to grow. We want to evolve. So God, I'm praying that as this podcast comes to an end that my girls feel a little less alone, a lot more known and evidence that they've grown.

Thank you Jesus for connection, for sisterhood. Thank you for power that moves in our lives and changes us for the better. In Jesus' name, amen. Y'all pre-order my book, come see me on tour, I cannot wait to kick it with you. I will talk to you next week. When George Floyd got killed, I started reading a book called The History of the United States.

And that's when I saw that Christopher Columbus was just as racist as Hitler. And I didn't know. Maybe you didn't either. Here we are, season three of I Didn't Know, Maybe You Didn't Neither. Every day in February, starting February 1st, make sure you listen. So I didn't know. Maybe you didn't either.

On the Black Effect Podcast Network, our hard radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen to your podcast. The second season of El Fló is here. Step into the ever-evolving world of Réadon and get up close with both legendary figures and emerging talents in the industry. Part of the enormous significance of Réadon is really the way in which personal narratives connect to larger things going on historically and socially. Listen to El Fló on the iHeart radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to your podcasts. Everyone in our country has a voice. It's something that says not just where you come from,

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