Woman Evolve with Sarah Jakes Roberts - Reclaim Your Shine w/ Tashara Parker

Episode Date: July 19, 2023

God can't bless you for ten to be or who you compare yourself to. He can only bless you and the lane that was created for you. I feel that for somebody. You don't need no itch, it's a tea you need boundaries. What? I don't need your lights, I don't need your validation. All I need is a God fighting for me that's there for all things. All things, all things.

Child. Child, listen. Okay. You already know this. My name is Sarah Jakes Roberts, but did you know that I am in recovery and not from substance abuse or any type of addiction, but I am in recovery for something that I've been plagued with for quite a few years. And that is the notion that you can never let anyone see you sweat, which was

really complicated by the fact that I felt like there was a big ol' sweat drop constantly pouring down my head after going through all of the different struggles that I've talked about in my life, I thought that my goal was to get to a phase in stage of life where it looked like I had it all under control. A white pig if fence would have been nice, a good job, and something that said, wow, she really made it to the other side. Then I realized that there is no other side, and that instead of trying to get to a place

where it doesn't look like I sweat at all, that maybe I needed to allow people in. In other words, maybe it's time I let people see that it hurts. I'm tired. I'm worried. I think one of the moments that I am most proud of came a few years ago, a few years into my recovery. When I learned that I was not doing my children any favors by pretending that I was entired, pretending that it was easy to show up for them in the way that made them feel

special, loved, and seen, and instead to let them know the moments when I was tired, too tired to do what they wanted me to do, too tired and needed to go to bed so we were ordering in. You see, most of us just ordered the food and closed the door, but I took the time to express to my daughter Mackenzie at the time that I was tired and so I was going to take a minute to rest, but I was going to order some food. It seemed like unnecessary language, why let her know that I was tired, why let her know that I was going to lower the standard for one night so that could upkeep the standard

of mean. But now that she is 13 years old and she is moving fully ahead into womanhood, I hear her saying things that leave her space to advocate for herself. Or even reminding me, hey mom, you've worked a really long day. I'll get LST so that you can get some rest. There was something about seeing me

give myself permission to shine, even when I wasn't at my best that is teaching her to look out for the signs within her mom but also to honor those moments within herself. Sometimes we think the only way we can shine is when we're fully healed or the only way we can shine is if we have it all together but I'm here to let you know that it is possible to shine even while you are recovering. I cannot imagine what it would be like if people were invited to see me every single day at the top of the morning at that. I don't think that there would be much shining happening there at all. And yet the truth is that for Tashara Parker,

this is her reality. She is shining so bright, not just in the Dallas Fort Worth area as a news anchor, but literally all over the world. And it is not just in the Dallas Fort Worth area as a news anchor but literally all over the world and it is not just because she is incredibly articulate or remarkably beautiful but it is because she has allowed us into those moments where she's shined even while receiving hateful comments and remarks she's shined even while fighting to pass certain bills she she's shined, even while working through her own family work, she has found a way to shine no matter what. I have invited her to be on today's podcast

because she has so much wisdom to share about being in a public position, a position where people often know what they think they know about her and her commitment to allowing her authentic state to show up not just in her hair, but in her feedback her commitment to allowing her authentic state to show up, not just in her hair, but in her feedback and response to the news that she receives about how she's showing up. I love that Tashar made the brave decision to not just tell the news, but to allow herself

to become the news so that we would feel a little less alone. If you are like us and you have found moments in your life difficult to shine because you weren't at your best or you were receiving hateful feedback or comments that made you feel like you should shrink. Well, we're gonna show you how to shine. This is an episode you will not soon forget. Let's get into it. So you're everyone's friend. And you know this, did you know this? Did you know this?

I know that I call everyone cousin. That's why we're all family. Yes, I'm friend, I'm cousin, I'm all the same. We definitely feel like we know you. You give us everything we need with the looks and the hair. But then also like the flip, right? So like when it's time to be about the business, you're about the business.

And when it's time to just kick back and be home girl, you do that very well. So how did you find a way to bring your authenticity to what you do while also recognizing that there is a standard that you have to adhere to, at least to get into the door. And then you can stretch it a little bit, but like how do you navigate this world you're in? I love that you said stretch it a little bit. but like how do you navigate this world you're in?

I love that you say I stretch it a little bit. I've been stretching it a whole lot lately. So I agree with you, right? There's this so-called standard to get into a business like journalism, especially when it comes to being on air as an on-air talent. And I knew that from the start, and I knew that when I was getting into this business

originally back in 2014, that I wasn't going to be able to be all of Tashara at the beginning. I remember some words from St. Marshall, Dallas, Maverick, C.E.L. and one thing that she said to me is, you know, you might sprinkle a little bit at the beginning and then ultimately you bring all the seasonings out to the game. And so for me, when I first got into the business, you know, I was wearing my hair straight, which is not something that I wanted to do. And also, I knew that I couldn't just talk like Tashar, you know what I mean?

I couldn't just be me. Because if everyone around me, you felt like you had to adjust and be like the folks that were around you in order to be successful. I was a young person trying to get into this business. First generation college student, something like this wasn't seen in my family. And so I wanted to do everyone proud and I wanted to get in there and do what I had to do. So I knew that there was a standard. What got me to the point where I was able to say,

you know what, no, to sure, I got to come on to the table. Yeah. I think, I think I know there was this one woman, I was in college station Texas. She reached out to my station. She wanted to take me from college station and bring me to a station in Tyler Texas. Now Tyler Texas is where everything unfolded,ed really about me just being who I am.

And she caught me one time in commercial breaks being Tashara. She was like, no, that's the Tashara we want. Like, that's who you need to be. And so she continued watching some of the shows from Tyler Texas. I was still in college station. Eventually, she moved me out to Tyler. And she said, Tashara, you're going to be the first African-American anchor here to work prime time at CBS News in Tyler Texas, CBS 19.

And I just remember showing up as who I was and no one had a problem with it. And I was like, oh, okay, we can do something over here. So I do know that there's a standard, but I do know that that standard wasn't made for people that look like us. And so that's what I've been trying to do, knowing that I stand for a lot of people that look like me.

I don't represent everyone, everyone, but I stand for a lot of people. And so I want to make sure that they know that the standard is there and the standard looks like me. Boom. So you were yourself and then learn that that was okay. Do you think that the perception of limitation is real and we are too nervous to bring ourselves to the table to discover that it is not,

that to discover that it actually doesn't exist or do you think that there are real barriers to that? Oh, absolutely. I do think that perception is real and I think that perception is reality. And I think that perception is reality. And I think that you go into some of these spaces where there's microaggressions and people let's say you wear your hair to work straight one day.

And all of a sudden everybody like, oh my God, I love your hair, I love your hair like that. But when I come in with this force, yeah, I throw y'all on. I say that. All right, we have a different story that's being told. And so I do think perception is reality when it comes to corporate work spaces. Most of them anyway, you can't show up a certain way or else you're going to automatically be judged based on how you show up because it's unfamiliar to some. The whole idea of professionalism in my opinion, again, was not made for a lot of people

that look like me and was not made for people that have certain backgrounds, right? And so I do think perception is reality and I do think that there's a real fear in showing up as your authentic self because you're going to have to deal with whatever those consequences are. And then some spaces, there are consequences and some spaces you might not get the job simply because you are showing all of you at the beginning. I tell folks, go ahead on in now. Now you can sprinkle a little bit at the beginning, but ultimately you're growing to who you are showing all of you at the beginning. I tell folks, go ahead on in now. Now you can sprinkle a little bit at the beginning, but ultimately you're growing to who you are. Okay, so you've been very open about some of the feedback that you receive. So I will start by saying you do have a

fan club, like undeniable, the cousins are holding you down, looking for you when you take a day off, like wait a minute where she at, Like checking for you all of the time. And then there are some comments that have been less than kind. How do you deal with having a public life that is open to scrutiny and feedback and criticism in a way that protects your soul? I'm trying to lie it from you.

I would say that a lot of times to, you know how folks say, don't take anything personal. Well, I do take some things personal. It is what it is. And you know, we can try our best not to. But I think for me, what works for me is being able to separate the two.

Like I understand that I'm going to work. I understand that people at the job, or people that are watching sometimes are like, they don't really know me. So sometimes when those negative comments and a negative feedback is pushed my way, I'm like, oh, girl, gone. Karen or whoever you is, just going ahead

and mind your business, I'ma keep it pushing. And sometimes it brings laughter, honestly. Like I know someone is gonna get a kick out of this. I'm like, you know what, I'm not gonna keep all this to myself. Y'all are just gonna keep, you know, badgering me and bashing me and sending me all this stuff. If you wanna send it to me,, I'm not gonna keep all this to myself. You're not just gonna keep, you know, badgering me, and bashing me, and sending me all this stuff. If you want to send it to me, let everybody else read what you send it to me.

And so, and of course, I go to therapy. Oh, me and my therapist, she's like, how was work this week? I'm like, let me tell you. And so, that really helps, you know, I have a higher faith and spirituality. I have a spiritual practice. You know, I'm meditating, I'm doing all the things. It's a whole lot of stuff that I do to keep this mind straight because when I tell you that folks will tear you down and I don't care if I have a hundred comments that are

nice and a hundred emails that are nice, it's going to be that one or two that is going to be the loudest. And so I try to remember that I'm in this not just for myself. It's like when people say if you're nervous, when you go on TV or when you do certain things, remember that you're doing something that's ultimately gonna benefit somebody else. So often times I try to take myself out of the equation and say, okay, well, look to show you showing up

because somebody 10 years down the line is gonna be appreciative of the work that you did while you were there. Okay, so I have to ask though, because like, when people leave these comments, they are personal attacks. Oh yeah. Yeah.

Against you, like as a person, or the way you look, or the way you sound, or the way you carry yourself. How do you like separate, yes, it's work in the way that they have experienced you, but they're talking about you as a person. Like, how do you recover from that? I just keep going. It's hard. There is hard every single day. And I always tell people, I often recover from that? I just keep going. It's hard. There is hard every single day.

And I always tell people, I often say, look, I don't care how easy it looks, what I get up and do every single day, words hurt. I don't care what I was saying. Sticks and stones, yeah. But words will never hurt. I'm so happy, you know exactly what I'm talking about. But the things hurt, and that's why I say,

some of those things I do take personal, and I'm like, girl, why are you doing that? What is that doing for you? What's, is that taking you a step further because you decided to send this email to me? And so sometimes it hurts, and that's why I need my therapy, and I need my meditation.

I need time to regroup, and I often try to pour it to myself. If I don't have anything else left to me, I don't have anything left to give. And I honestly, again, try to remember like to share this isn't for you, this isn't for you. I remember on the day that we went to testify on behalf of the Crown Act.

In Austin, they made us the very last bill there. A lot of us drove in from Dallas, took several hours to get there, and then we stayed what, 11, 12 hours, it was a long time. We stayed a long time, I remember that. And we were the last bill heard. We didn't get heard until like nine o'clock that night. And many of us had been there since seven o'clock

that morning. And so, and we had to drive back to Dallas because some of us had to be at work the next day. And so you think about things like that. And again, in situations like that, I remember some of those emails that were sent. And I remember that I'm doing this for somebody else. It's not just about to char.

So I think that's what keeps me grounded knowing that the little girls that are sending emails, their parents are sending emails on behalf of their children, they're sending me pictures of the little girls wearing a certain hairstyle that I wore in a news this week. All of that matters. And so when I get those emails from some of those people, I'm just thinking like, girl, you gotta keep going.

Like this is bigger than you. Did that start in Tyler when you started getting the letters from like, like, moms? When did it start? That started in, well, from black moms, partly. Yeah. So they would often send me a little things here and they actually have a day named after me in Tyler, Texas.

And so I was always in the community, even before people started to really recognize who I was from the news. I was always doing something. And so when they finally saw me on the news, they're like, mama, that was, that's so-and-so, that was just at the Boys and Girls Club, you know what I mean? And so it was here and there in Tyler, but when I got to Dallas, that's when it really started even before the negative comments started. Yeah, okay, so that's how I found you. I think your bun went viral. That's what it was, your bun went viral.

Can you tell me about that? Did you expect for the bun to go viral? Or were you like, this bun is doing something. This bun is doing something. No, you don't expect the hairstyle to go viral, but what I did expect was that somebody was gonna say something. I knew it, but I was like, you know what?

No, I'm gonna wear this hairstyle. It's fine, I don't have time. Here's what we run into. We go on vacation, some of us have our vacation here. Right? And then when it's time. I don't have time. Here's what we run into. We go on vacation. Some of us have our vacation here, right? And then when it's time to go back to work, it's like, oh, I got to relax and try to take these braids out or to change this hairstyle. And so the story with me is I was doing a photo shoot that passed weekend on a Sunday. I came back to work on a Monday. I was like, you know, I'm not about to sit here and try to take these bonds down and do whatever

I need to do to my hair. I'm going to wear it this way. And so I wore it, no, I didn't expect that type of a reaction. If anything, I thought, maybe I get one little negative email and we kind of move on. Oh no, they came out the whip work, but I will say that the positive support that I received was overwhelmingly more than the negative comments that came in. Again, but what I said earlier, the negative comments are the loudest. And so, at that time, when I wore the hairstyle back in October of 2020, October 2020, yes.

And I received so many emails, and I think my boss is kind of know me, you know, they probably know I was gonna say something. And they offered, hey, you can say it on here. We'll give you five minutes. And you know about time, if you give five minutes of any time on TV, you can say it on here. We'll give you five minutes and you know about time. If you give five minutes of any time on TV, that is a lot of time.

So they dedicated about five minutes or so for me to respond to some of those negative emails. And that's when it just took off like wildfire. Folks started sharing it, folks started looking me up, trying to understand, okay, your hair was the problem here. So yeah, that's how that situation unfolded. So you're iconic as a result. I don't know about that, there was an iconic read,

there was a DeHuMitMake Concern, and per my life, you know, okay. You definitely gave it to us. I am wondering, do you ever look at your life, how instrumental you were in the Crown Act, how instrumental you are in the lives of up and coming Journalist, what you do in the Crown Act, how instrumental you are in the lives of up-and-coming journalists, what you do in the community, and think to yourself,

like, I cannot believe that this is who I am, or are you like, this is exactly, I knew it all along. I think it's a little bit of both. I can't believe I'm sitting here talking to you. So let's start there. And yes, I do look and I think, wow, God gave me this platform and I need to use it for something positive.

And that was always the goal. When I became a journalist, I always told myself that I wanted to make sure that I told stories about underrepresented and misrepresented people. Of course, it didn't have those labels back then when I got in the journalism industry. But I just remember when a news crew came to my neighborhood

back in a day in Houston, Texas, it was not for something positive. And so I knew that I wanted to tell more positive stories. And so just thinking back to your question of whether or not I knew that I was that person or I knew that I wanted to become this person, I knew that person was there. I think all of those things can be true at the same time because now that I'm here, I'm going to take it and I'm a run-width and I'm going to do what I have to do to make sure that the next person that comes behind me that they can do it too.

And so, I think it's a combination of all of that. I knew that I could do it, but I also look back and be like, girl, not you. I'm not sure you're talking about, oh, Pastor, Senator Dr. Ferris. So, yeah, I think it's a combination of all of it. I am fascinated by you saying you wanted to tell the stories and got positioning your life to be the story.

I know. I know which is something you don't do in journalism. I will tell you that even when I initially responded, that's not something that you do in journalism, right? They tell you when you're in journalism school never become the story. So that was a decision, a tough decision that I had to make. In fact, when I went and testified the first time around, I did a commentary on testifying because again, a lot of journalists will look at that and say, well, that's not journalism, that's not what you do. Right? Shame on you for making yourself the story.

But I just think back and not, my response to them is why not, why not jump in and do it, if not me then who? Right? And I knew that at the time that I was gifted, what I was gifted as far as the platform is concerned, I needed to do something with it. Okay, so it's part of your recovery process telling the story. I'm fascinated by this because I feel like the same thing in many ways in preaching.

Oh yeah. Like it's not about you, it's not about your story, it's not about being real, it's not about being relatable. Like you are supposed to be the one who has the answers, not the one carrying the questions. And so I have found though that part of the reason why most of the people connect to me is because I'm willing to say, hey, I got the same questions. And this is what I found, allowing yourself to become the story.

This is my story. This is how it applies to my life. How do you balance? Because I think it's a call to go against the grain, to resist the temptation to do what is proven to work. Right. Ooh, that's a good one. It's proven to work when you don't make yourself the story.

There's plenty of, there's not a lot of people who you can look around and say they did it this way and it looks so similar to my way that I trust this path. And yet like this is the phase of your life. And you know what's interesting. I don't even have a question. We're just talking now. People often ask me like, what's it like to not have anyone like you in your world? You know, to know that you are dominating the lane.

Like I don't know if there are any young, black, female pastors who are culturally aware and are showing up. And I'm like, it's actually pretty scary. Because I would love to have a frame of reference. I would love to be able to say, okay, these are where the limits are, these are where the boundaries are. But now you're out here.

And it feels like for me that like one wrong decision, one misstep, you already know. And it's all crumbling. What do you do with that? Oh, I'm happy you said it first. It's scary, right? And when you know your lane and when you're trying to be in your scary, right? And when you know your lane and when you're trying to be in your lane,

it's hard when you step outside of that and people are like, no, this is your lane, you're supposed to do it. This way, this is what you're supposed to do. And I just feel like, we all have an opportunity to do what we're called to do. And if you miss that calling, what are you doing? What are you doing with your life?

So it is scary. Again, I told the story about in journalism and some other journalists when they see me become a part of the story, that's an issue. That's an issue for some. That's an issue for a whole lot of people. And so I just try to navigate it as best I can. I look to mentors who may not be in the journalism industry, because that was also tough at the very beginning, finding someone who was also in this industry, but trying to walk the way that I was walking.

And I couldn't really find anyone exactly like that, but I would kind of poach people for different information and try to get questions answered here and there, but it's tough. I mean, it is tough, because you have agents and things like that that are looking for a certain persona, a certain way you're supposed to walk, a certain way you're supposed to talk, a certain way your hair should be. It's hard when somebody gets somebody like me

because they have trouble trying to figure out, well, where do I place her? You gotta get real creative to figure out where you're gonna put Tsushara. Yeah. So it's like what you say it, it's scary, you know, it's uncharted territory, so to speak, in some areas, and I'm just navigating it the best I can. This show was brought to you by BetterHelp.

Who am I caught to be in this season? That's a question I like to reflect on from time to time. In changing environments, meeting different people, and facing new opportunities, I get to rethink the way I see myself. My husband and I recently had a conversation that honored a new way of being. I really needed to hear that. Since sometimes we don't know who we are or what we want until talking things through. If you're feeling like you need professional support these days, give BetterHelp a try. Talk therapy is a way to deepen self-awareness,

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That's a better help, h-e-l-p.com slash evolve, tell them we sent you. You know, I am such a student. I think that that's why I do enjoy, that I enjoy the studying part of preaching, the reality of like knowing I'm such a student. I think that that's why I do enjoy the, I enjoy the studying part of preaching, the reality of like knowing I'm gonna be staying in front of people and then some of me thousands of people there that stresses me, but I do like the study part.

I wish I could study the message and give it to someone else, but then I'm gonna be upset if they don't deliver it the way that I study. So I won't just drag myself up there anyway. But do you think I'm just studying what you're saying, I'm studying our experiences? And I'm just wondering, do you think I'm just studying what you're saying? I'm studying our experiences. And I'm just wondering, do you think part of being a woman of color makes it

difficult to separate our story from the task at hand? I don't know that we can just show up in a space disconnected from the reality of our story. And I think that especially I'm'm gonna say women of color, we, our stories are all we have. Like your great, great, great grandmother this and your grandmother that, and reminding someone, remember,

you haven't always been down, like have part of how we heal our communities and heal our families are reminding them of our stories. And so to disconnect from our stories to me feels like it would be robbing us of the full power that allows us to show up in our space. As who we are. I think that that will be a grave mistake to leave out any part of you.

And I think that's the beauty of all of us. You mentioned women of color, but I think black women in general. We carry a lot with us. And to just simply leave all of that behind. I think it simply takes away from the character of who you are and the character of what you can bring to conversations and into the workplace or into any space that you answer. So if you leave some of that behind again specifically for all of us, I think that jeopardizes who you are as a person and you really can't, in my opinion, add to that conversation,

generally speaking, if you don't bring all of you to the table. Yeah. Okay, so I want to know a little bit about your family life. Like, to be, go ahead. First of all, you post your father in the girl, so no one to do about it. Oh, Lord. Don't even give me thought.

They don't, I just like, you know, some of those comments with the most like show up right there. And I'm just like, says, not you being this far out here. Okay, tell her. Tell me a little bit about how you grew up. So I grew up with my grandmother actually. And I think I've shared that here and there, but I grew up with my grandmother mostly.

My grandmother legally adopted me when I was two years old. Okay. And so I grew up with her. I moved with my dad when I got to high school. And that's because what the old folks say, you smelling yourself? Uh-oh. So I ended up moving with my dad when I got to high school. And that's because what the old folks say, you smelling yourself. So I ended up moving with my dad.

Now my parents had me at 16 years old. Had me at 16 years old. And at that point in their lives, they weren't really ready to take care of a child. My mom wasn't in my life most of my life. My dad was, but my dad was going through several things. And so he was in and out of jail, so that was a struggle. And so my grandmother wanted me to have a stable home.

And so I grew up with my grandmother. My mom had 10 kids, so I have a lot of siblings. I have six children. For you, the oldest. Six children. I'm second from the oldest. Okay. Second from the oldest, but I was raised with my grandmother,

so I wasn't raised around all of my younger siblings. But we get together when I go back to Houston, all the big holidays were always getting together. But that was life growing up, ended up being the first generation college student. And when I say first generation, I'm not just talking about in my immediate family, my entire family to be the first to actually go to college. So I was already used to charting unchartered territories, so to speak. And I knew that I wanted to do more and I knew that I wanted to be a blessing for not just myself and the work that I had put in to get there, but also for my family.

I had a lot of people that did a lot of work to get me to where I was going. And so I wanted to make sure that I can do them proud too. So yeah, that's life growing up. I love my dad to death. He is amazing. And they need to watch out. I've already told them that that man is married, like, relax.

All right now. So yeah. I don't know that I've ever had a conversation with the adult child of a teen parent. Yeah. So I'm sure you know, well, you may not know. I had my son. Yes, I do.

Okay, okay. So I had my son at 14 and I've recently read adult children of emotionally immature parents. I don't know if you've ever read this book before. It's fascinating. I was reading it for my own healing and recovery process, if you will, and discovered areas where I know I have shown up in the same way for him in a way that maybe didn't honor

his truthfully or not even just being present enough to see him. And so I've always wondered, like now that you are into adulthood, like as you, I don't, I guess consider your childhood, consider the stage of life that your parents were in. What type of reconciliation? Ooh, love. Yeah, I know it's going to go down.

Go ahead. What type of what? Reconciliation is required to come to terms with the age they were. That's what they had to give. Even if they couldn't necessarily give me what I needed. And here I am today. Because I think it's so easy. Yeah easy to feel like, oh, well, look, she made it to the other side.

This is assuming that there is another side. Right. And that it's not a journey. But what is that process like? It's exactly that. It's a journey. And it's a process. It is an ongoing process.

I am currently trying to rebuild a relationship with my mom. My dad are at a really good space. There are certain things that come up here and there, but we've been in a really good space for the last decade or so, decade plus. And it's still a journey. It's a process. That's another thing that I talk to my therapist about.

But I think as we grow older, we realize, like our parents were people just like us. And I think that's the part that a lot of kids struggle with when they become adults, they feel a sense of abandonment, right? So that's an ongoing process, but that sense of abandonment. I feel like sometimes we need to take a step back and say they were 16. They had no idea what they were doing. I can't imagine finding out, you know, oh, I have a child on the way, but I'm not ready for a child.

And so I just think about, you know, the mindset that they could have been in me, and my dad had lengthy conversations about it, and I'm working through trying to create that relationship with my mom so that we can dig a little deeper and try to really get to the root cause of, you know, some of those issues that we experience growing up. But it's an ongoing struggle.

I'm not about to sit here in Lytte and make it seem like it's so picture-perfect because it is not. So it's ongoing, but I do think as an adult, and with the mental capacity that I have, I have to realize, like, they are just people, just like me. When I was 16, I tried to skip school and got in trouble. Like, no, so it was a lot going on at 16 years old.

It's interesting. So I read the book, I think the same sense of abandonment. I was gonna ask, like, what do you think is like that number one thing that you had to work through? And even coming back to Dallas, it was like, I know. And I was supposed to be coming back as this girl who made it to the other side, but I didn't realize until I'm like sitting in church on Sunday that I'm like, I have anxiety in my body. Like this does not feel safe for me here. And I think my temptation was to just avoid those feelings but I had to lean into it

and then the process of leaning into it really learned how to show up for myself and to have compassion and to have boundaries. And I had, yeah, that part. Yes. I have experienced more safety the more that I lean into that. That's good.

And so my son recently just moved, he's 20. Okay. He moved into his own place. And he's told me, like, I understand so much more about my childhood now that I've moved into my own place. He hasn't been there a month. He hasn't been there a month.

Really? I'm like, yeah, what is it that you understand now? He was like, I understand why we move so many different places. Cause he's like the idea of like paying rent here every month, paying bills and trying to keep up is made me realize how hard it is to simply just build a life and to build a life with a child has that many more complications. So it's like that grace is really something else.

And it's necessary. I like what you said about your feelings, like trying to own up to those feelings and really show up for yourself. One of the things I heard recently is you got to sit in it. Whatever you're feeling, if the decision or whatever, you know, decision you made, right or wrong, sit in it and figure it out.

Listen to what you're hearing and make sure that you understand what this moment is trying to teach you. So I love that. Don't you feel like I hope that I'm demonstrating that for my community? Oh, you know, you demonstrate that. Absolutely. You know, I want to, I want to because I didn't know, I didn't always do that. But there is something beautiful about sitting in it to give it language and inspiration

and to keep it from happening again. Because the things we don't sit in just come a knock on the door again. Okay, hello. I was not allowed enough the first time. Let me beat on a door a little harder. Okay, so you become like this superstar journalist in your family.

Like, how do you, have you ever, I have to ask strategic questions know, strategic questions here, because I wanna be like, girl, so you might be like, oh, you different, and why are you talking like that? And like, where are you, where she go? Yes, absolutely. Even some friends, yeah, even some friends and family,

just who know me, now don't get it twisted. Most of my family, they're like, no, Tashar, you're killing it, do your thing, keep going. But you have those some cousins, and I'm talking about blood, because of this time, not my little cousin. It's not in the peasants. Cause it's like, who is that?

What you doing? So I get that every now and again, but I'm like, girl, keep it moving. We not doing that today. So, but it hurts worse when it comes from friends who have been along with me, because these could be distant cousins, because as I haven't seen in years, what have you,

but my friends, I keep my friends close. And so when you hear friends say things like that, you're like, really? Come on, now I'm gonna have to go ahead and how to say, how do you with a long, how to spell, like I'm gonna have to push you to the side a little bit. So that's what I think hurts most when you see folks saying or hear folks saying things

like, oh, you've changed. You're different. I'm like, what'd you expect me to be the same for? Right. So yeah. Okay. So I wanted to know because I have so many women who write to me and they've had like inner transformation and they're ready to be bold.

They're ready to step into their purpose. They're ready to create boundaries. But they ready to step into their purpose, they're ready to create boundaries, but they also don't want people to think they changed, they don't want people to think they're different, they don't want to come off as mean or untouchable. And yet I think the reality of growth is there may be moments where you aren't as touchable or relatable to the people who once knew you well.

And undergoing the grief process connected with that while also still honoring the fact that I got to go. Right, because I can't state the way that I once was can be challenging. So I wanted to know your experience with that. I would say my experience has been interesting, right? I think when it comes to a certain friend or family member would have you,

I just need to understand like, my purpose is greater. And I think I do lean into who I am, right? I do try to show a little bit of myself so they can know or so that I can feel and know that I'm still who Tashara once was. However, you gotta grow, you gotta evolve. I come on.

Okay, you gotta grow and you have to continue moving forward. And if you have somebody that's trying to hold you back or someone, you know, steady bringing up something that happened, you know, 15 years ago, you got to look at that person like, okay, you trying to bring up some trauma that I'm not trying to deal with again after I didn't already heal from it. And so I think those are just conversations that are, you know, you pick and choose which ones you want to have and deal with, but sometimes it's not even worth your time.

So for me personally, I kinda, again, once I start feeling in certain ways, I know energy matters. Once I start feeling in some way, we're not doing that today, because we got way too much going on to be trying to manage each and every person's thoughts and feelings about how they feel about you.

Okay, so our team has some questions I have to ask you before we go. Not the team. Who did the team? Which one of y'all? They say I'm on the one. If you're gonna have her, we need to know some things. Okay.

Okay, let me pull up my situation here. Okay, tell me about a time you had to deal with a major setback or crisis. Ooh, let me think. major setback or crisis. Let me think, major setback or crisis. I would say one that everyone already knows about is the situation with the hair. I was scared at first. People don't realize like I had only been in Dallas maybe a year, not even a year at that point.

And so to come from Tyler Texas, and the easiest way that I can explain this is you're the secretary. This is your second day on the job, right? And they tell you the next day, you're going to be the CEO. You like, girl, I don't even know what's going on. I don't even know where the file papers are. And so to come from Tyler Texas and to make it to Dallas, transitioning here in that first year, it's a pandemic, all these different things are going on. I'm not comfortable here. I'm not comfortable in my job. I'm not comfortable really waking up and doing this job

every single day. And then to have all those emails come in, I was afraid at first. I was like, well, what am I gonna do with this moment? How am I gonna bounce back from this moment? And so I had to do a lot of praying, a lot of prayer, and a lot of talking to mentors and friends about how I was going to address this situation or was I going to address the situation. So I would say that was a defining moment for me, certainly an obstacle that I wasn't prepared

for at the time or was I. Yeah. So it was something I didn't think that I was prepared for at the time and it truly changed the trajectory of a lot of things for me So that was a big one for me. So from 2014. That's when you first started in journalism. No, 2014 for starting journalism 2014 starting in college station, Texas. Okay, so from 2014 to now What are you most proud of growing in? But are you most proud of growing in? Hmm. Ooh, that's a good one. What am I most proud of growing in?

I would say I'm most proud of growing into Tashara. I know there are a lot of things that I can be proud to sit in and proud to grow in my faith and proud to grow in who the person is that I was supposed to become. So proud to just really lean into who I am. It took a really long time for me to believe in that, even growing up as a child and coming from the background

that I was coming from. I remember being in speech competitions and being the only black chocolate girl on the stage. So that was a struggle for me. And so growing into Tashara, that's one of the biggest things for me. Isn't it? Sometimes I look back and I'm like, y'all really about to just let me be myself up here.

Right. Like really? That's crazy to spend so much time thinking that you aren't enough. And then to be celebrated just because of primarily because of who you are. Yep, primarily that. Yes, okay, so before we go, what woman in your life has been the most influential

in, I want to be specific. I don't want to just say in your life. All right. And your journey as a black woman in journalism. Ooh, that's a black one. Yeah, journalism. No, I'm not going to say Miss lovely Oprah. Although I listen to her every morning, but she's great. She's just low hanging for it. We hanging fruit. We love you. We love you on T.O.

Did you know that they tried to cancel on T.O.? Like you all can't, this impossible. No, I did not know that. Yeah, like Gen Z whoever the take time. Oh, yeah, yeah. They tried to cancel her like two years ago. And my kids were telling me like they're trying to cancel over.

I was like, she's not really, that doesn't even have it. That's a cousin symbol. Let us know where we need to pull up. OK, a woman that has been influential in my life in the space of journalism. Ooh, I'm going to give you two women. I'm going to start off with the first woman. This was a white woman.

Let me be very clear about that. And this is specifically in journalism, because I got a whole lot of folks that can help me along the way in general. The white woman was the woman who took me from the station and conversation and brought me to Tyler Texas. On top of that, now she did leave a few weeks later,

I wasn't too happy about that. But a black woman was hired after her. The black woman was the first woman to say, to char, no, you can wear your hair however you choose to do so. Mind you, I was being myself at this new station, but I still hadn't quite switched my hair up. I still wanted to be able to wear braids and froze

and curls and all these different things, right? And so I just remember her name was Vicki. And Vicki told me, Tashara, you can switch your hair up if you want to. And so I remember those conversations that I used to have with her and being in a position of authority, right, and telling me another black woman that it's okay for me to be who I am.

Oh, yeah, that changed again. So the game was really starting to change in Tyler. When I got to Dallas on a bigger stage, I think that's when it became more amplified. So those two women had a profound impact on Toshara showing up in the journalism space. Okay. I was going to ask you as our closing question, what do you hope that they know about their impact when you're like? I just hope they know that they had an impact.

You know, I've talked to them every now and again, but it's been a few years. And I just hope that they know that they had a lasting impact. And one other person, I just have to mention her, Miss Betty Rasmus, my English teacher, back in junior high school, Miss Betty Rasmus, I love her to death. I went on a quest trying to find her a few years ago. And I have to let all three of them know that they just had a profound impact. I wouldn't be in this position. I wouldn't be in journalism if it wasn't for Betty Rasmus and I wouldn't be being who I am right now if it wasn't for Jennifer and Vicki. Well, we're grateful that they gave you permission to be yourself because it is definitely inspiring us and paving away for so many women who are coming up behind you.

I think the most powerful thing that anyone can do is not just be a recipient of what they receive, but find a way to give it as as well and you're doing that. So thank you. You're doing that too. Thank you. Thank you. To Shara, there is something very special about going from stalking someone to getting to sit down with them and know them better. I have been fangirling over you on social media and you are just as good as you post to be. I'm so grateful for the time that we've spent together. It's been a pleasure getting to know more about you.

Thank you so much for doing this with me. So many women will walk away hopeful for the chance to try again, to try until she actually becomes whole, healed and set free enough to be herself, no matter where she is. Thank you for giving a license to do that. If you enjoyed this podcast,

and you want to hear more from Tisha, I highly encourage you to visit her online, following her on Instagram is one of my favorite things to do. Also, I want to know more about you. Send me an email to podcastatwomenevolved.com. We have not been doing advice questions lately, but I want us to do an advice question only episode soon. And so send me your questions. Let me mind your business. If not, and you're thinking about maybe sliding through and sharing your story, we'll take that to send us an email. Let

us know how this podcast is touching you. And we'll see you next week. you