Woman Evolve with Sarah Jakes Roberts - Reset Your Priorities w/ Stevi Carter

Episode Date: July 13, 2022

Sis, set your priorities straight, so W.E. can watch you pop awf! Teaching us how to rearrange a thing or two, is newlywed & first-time mom Stevi Carter. Her main concern is living in a state of gratitude & chile W.E. felt that for somebody! When was the last time you slowed down and prioritized what truly mattered? Ya know…vibin’ with the fam, figuring out those friendships, or building a legacy. Bet you walk away from this episode doing what needs to be done! Per the advice segment, there is NOTHING too petty for God. So, gone hit up His prayer line! Then swing by ShopWomanEvolve.com 'cause SJR's Closet is finna have NEW drip for sale! Wanna co-host or need advice? Well, shoot your shot at [e-mail]! This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp & Athletic Greens.

God can't bless you for ten to be or who you can care yourself to. He can only bless you and the lane that was created for you. I feel that for somebody. You don't need no itch, it's a unique boundary. What? I don't need your lights, I don't need your elevation. All I need is a God fighting for me that's there for all things. All things, all things. Child.

Hey, sis. Hey, we back at it. Like we never left. What's the podcast? So you know, we are all about having awarded the week at Womney Valve. And this week is kind of interesting because it's priorities. Yeah. That one. We're talking about priorities in the summertime. And this week is kind of interesting because it's priorities. Yeah. That one. We're talking about priorities in the summertime. Listen, just know it's revolutionary reset time.

God is really up to something. And that just might be somebody's word. Just because it's summer doesn't mean prioritization ends, but it can be reset. If you are a part of our 2020 virtual experience, then my co-host is a bit familiar to you. If not, you're in for a treat as I catch up with my girl, Stevie Carter. She's a new mom and newlywed, which means this is something like a resetting priority's guru at this point.

Hi! Hi! How are you? I'm good. I see, dear. So often, but I don't see you nearly enough I know he in the corner and then on Mother's Day I think you guys weren't feeling well, but I brought you a Mother's Day gift So now it's just in the back of my car

It's not right. Thank you. Yeah, we got the COVID Grow the COVID girl. How are you doing? How to how to do? Tell me about it. It rocked us. Yeah. Okay, we all got it. Me, Darius and the baby. But we're all feeling great now.

That's good. She, yeah, she only had it for like two days. And then she was like, ready? I'm like, girl, I'm not ready. Right, I'm not ready, but it's me. I was falling apart, but I'm low-key black, because I'm like, okay, we got some antibodies. Yeah.

Now, so we can move a little bit, because we didn't have it for the first two years. We didn't either, but I feel the way that you do, even with this going on tour, like of course, I don't wanna be reckless, but I'm like, I got something to work with while we're on the road. Yeah.

I was a little nervous, I was like, okay D, be careful with it, but, you know, like you said, not reckless, but move a little bit more on the crowd and feel a little bit more covered. So, on the side. How has it been for you adjusting to motherhood and marriage,

not at the same time, but certainly, certainly, very close. It's been good. It's been a while, right? I will say, you know, we're coming up on five years since we started dating. Wow. So in five years, a lot has happened.

Yeah. But it's been great. You know, doing this with the partner, I'm just so grateful, because baby girl, she is a personality, she's a force. And I'm just always grateful that he's, you know, he's there. She looks like she's a force. I met a friend once at, at, at for lunch and she was pregnant.

And she was telling me that when she has her baby, she's like, I am not changing my life. The baby is going to have to become a part of my life. Like, I don't want to change the way that I've been shown up. And I feel like this is how people lose themselves as they make their life about the baby instead of really making the baby fit into their life. And then she had the baby and she basically sent me flowers apologizing because she was like, I don't know who I am, I don't know who the baby is,

I don't know why I am. Like she had to really change all of her priorities and her systems. And so I wanna know for you, like how have your priorities changed? Not from like a day to day way, but like, just the way you show up in the world, like your personal core priorities.

How have they shifted since you've become a mother? Hmm. You know, I think I turned 30. I was like, I don't care what nobody think about me. Like, I know who I am. I can move. Now, baby girl is, you know, she's everything. And that's the thing about it too.

I can understand where your friend came from where she's like, I wanna have my life. And I want, give yourself a good six months. Just be all about the baby. Just to enjoy the baby. You could be crusty for a little while. I'm so happy. You know, I had to throw my edges to the wind.

Who cares about them? Pick lost. It happens, but I think really right now, I'm just so in awe. My priority right now is really to be in a place of gratitude. Wow. Because I think when you're dealing with so much from a hormonal standpoint, even with motherhood, the postpartum process, it can get really dark, it can be baby blues, it can be frustrating.

So when you can prioritize gratitude, you can just find so much more joy in the little moments. You know, I wasn't concerned about the snapback. I like, I can't handle that. I'll have the capacity for that. I'll have the capacity for none of that. All I can really focus on right now is just honing in with my family and taking in what I could from a joy standpoint. I love that you said that you are prioritizing gratitude because I think that we prioritize hustle, our purpose, our dreams, saving, business, all types of things become our priorities.

But gratitude is one of those things that really falls to the bottom of the list. As you talk about like prioritizing gratitude, what is it that makes you most grateful for this season of your life? Like what is filling you with all? I would say family time, you know, with COVID in particular, we really hunkered down.

And we had some real milestones. We got married during the pandemic. We really kept it to that little 30 person, regulation situation. So I felt like we were really isolated. So now that we can kind of peek our head out a little bit and see folks a little bit more, I love that. And I love even those intimate moments.

Doesn't have to be a huge concert or anything like that, but just like seeing family, barbecue on outside. I'm like, I took these things for granted. That we could just chill and hang out and invite. So that kind of stuff is really makes me slow down too. Cause to your point, when it comes to the grind and the, um, the toil glamour, you know, constantly going in, I'm like, that ain't my season right now.

Yeah. Oh, that's that part about it not being your season. How do you, okay, because man, I feel like there's so many different things that we could talk about, especially as it relates to like prioritizing different seasons of your life. So you became a wife and let's talk about that for a minute. Mary, let's talk about marriage. Let's talk about what happens when you get married to your identity as a woman, especially since an hour culture, marriages like that carrot that tangles in front of a woman. Like if you get married, you'll be complete. If you find the one, where's the one?

You found the one. What did you find out about finding the one that you didn't know until after you and the one had decided to become one? Well, you know, the last time we talked about this, really was like women evolved conference, the virtual one, I was engaged. So I was listening to y'all and I was like, okay, let's see what y'all talking about.

I'm trying to get my notes and write them down. And it's funny you mentioned that dangling carrot because for me, it was like once we had the wedding so many people see it is like okay I made it to the finish line. That was you were kicking out the starting blocks. Yeah. That's when we got started. That's when you start your forever.

So with that prioritizing, some friends didn't take too kindly to me really hone in and reprioritizing, um, deris and family and like our foundation and marriage. So that was a little bit challenging because some people couldn't really handle that I really wanted to hunker down with him and make sure that foundation was really strong. Um, because a lot of things creep in to that first year of marriage. Expectations you didn't know you had and all kinds of stuff. So that one was a little tricky but beautiful. At least beautiful for me and my husband. It was just the friendships finding out where all of that fits in was was difficult.

Did you ever feel like you were betraying yourself or your friends and reprioritizing your life? You do, I did, at least with my friendships, you know? From like a spiritual standpoint, I'm like, okay, well God says we are now one. So this is how it goes, but with my friends, I lost a friendship. Right after the wedding and I was challenging, I had another friend say, I'm a little hurt.

Yeah. We spent so much time together. We'd be on the phone for hours at a time. And I got that kind of time no more. I don't know what to tell you. So that, for for me was challenging because you can have a friendship for like 10 years, 20 years. And then all of a sudden here comes this new man,

y'all get married. And then everybody's like, oh, I've been in the churches with you. I was with you shooting in the gym. What about me? And you kind of have to work through that tricky dialogue, but I just found that my friends who really loved me and cared were willing to talk to me vulnerably.

Instead of being mad at me or unfollowing me or some petty stuff, they were more on like, hey, I'm hurt or how can I get more of your time? Just be honest, you know, and that was more helpful That's so good because I mean you have to have communication in any relationship but specifically is it related to the changes of friendship and It's so funny. We were just talking about this last month when it comes to friendship like there are so many twists and turns in Friendship and sometimes you're not twisting and turning at the same time and it's difficult to hang on to that friendship without feeling like you're forcing it,

right, or that maybe it doesn't have that connection or semblance anymore. What would you say maybe to someone who's about to get married, they're in the position that you were in at the end of 2020 and they're thinking to themselves like, woo, I want to hang on to everything and everyone. How do you give them permission to grieve the life that they once had while still enjoying?

Is it even possible to grieve a life and enjoy a life at the same time? That's such a big question. You know, like, thank God my husband is my best friend so we could have these conversations candidly. You know, when I was going through the process a lot of times I was bouncing these ideas or feelings off of him and I think in my own hurt I was like well forget him, you know what I'm saying? They can't be there and he's slowing me down like I this is really good, this is a really good friend of yours.

Y'all love each other, y'all work it out. I think that that was a huge part, making sure that your partner is somebody that you can, like level set with and talk through that stuff with. And then I would also say that if it's a season of transition asking your friends for grace, that's what I ended up learning through the marriage part because when I got pregnant I was like okay I really want to figure out how to navigate this better. So I was just honest I'm like y'all I don't have a capacity for much. I'm grace during this season. You know if you need something from you feel free to let me know but this is what I can do right now. You know I can have a little conversation, but I can drive 45 minutes to the house

to chill all night. Like I don't, and my friends were kind of bouncing back and forth with me, and I was really helpful because with the marriage, you know, it was hit or miss. What? What was hit or miss? It was hit or miss. What? What was hit or miss? It was hit or miss. Like, you know, what actually was interesting too was with the wedding, we had 30 people that could attend.

Yeah. I had 15 and my husband had 15. So buildings were bound to be heard even in the middle of a pandemic. Yeah. You know, everybody wants to be able to share in your special day. And I had to make some tough decisions. So I got a phone call afterwards. Somebody was really upset with me that you know, they didn't get the invitation to the wedding.

And you know, honestly, we didn't reconcile after that. And that's one of those situations situations too, where you kind of, you're mourning relationships, you're mourning things that aren't working out, or you're even mourning what could have been with the friendship. But at the same time, I don't think it has to end indefinitely. It just was, it's not, like I said, another season. You know, the got to move forward. There is a light calm down.

Calm down. Calm down. I'm like, okay, right. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Do you ever feel like your brain is getting in its own way? Like, you know what's good for you, but you just can't do it. That's me when it comes to worrying about things I can't control or upholding boundaries with the people I love.

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That's BetterHelpHELP.com slash Evolve. I love it though because at the end of the day what I hear you saying is that like I am so sure about the destiny that I am headed on, that I am willing to relinquish even things that may hurt me in the process of letting go, even things that have value to me or have had value to me in my past and the process of doing that. And I feel like that level of supernatural maturity to say, like, God, if this is where you're leading me, I'm going to prioritize this over history. I'm going to prioritize this over comfort is what makes you the woman that you are.

And I just wonder how have priorities been modeled for you in your life, or were you just innately the kind of person that says you know what whatever it takes in order to step into my next that's what I'm willing to do. You know, I think that unfortunately, like loss, they lost and like disappointment and things like that have really helped me to shift priorities and to be almost radical in the way that I prioritize my family, prioritize, I loved ones. So that's been a huge one. Like with my mother passing, that's something that really rocked

to me. And you think that people are gonna be around forever and that you have all the time in the world to stand and cherish people. And then you get this really sudden realization that that just isn't the case. And through that journey, I realized like, the enemy, the enemy is slick, because the enemy really starts to try to get you

to feel like you resent the things that God wants you to prioritize. Because when that first happened, I really resented close ties and relationships. I was so nervous that the floor would be up from underneath me that I was kind of keeping an arms distance from everybody. You know, I was connecting with people. I was isolating myself because I was so scared that if I loved people, if I was close to them, something bad would happen. That was that whole trauma response. But then eventually with time, I came to realize, like, no, this is something that God calls us to do. God calls us to have relationship.

God calls us to be close with people, to be vulnerable, which is for me sometimes, or to be vulnerable with people. And I feel like the more lost that I endured, the more I leaned into God to help me to understand how I can be closer to folks, how I can be more vulnerable and connected. Okay, Stevie, you've lost about half the podcast with this because... Laws say... vulnerable and connected. Okay, Stevie, you've lost about half the podcast with this because

law, say when you say that law has helped you to become closer and to prioritize people more, there are some of us who have been so hurt, so wounded, so afraid of experiencing it again, that we can't even like the calculator start working at loss helps me become closer. The more that I lost the closer I got to people, we have to dive into this.

Like what is what is lost telling you that it's not telling the rest of us? You know, I I've had a lot of experience. It's a muscle, I would say. It's a muscle that you have to build over time to really work through that type of grief. But you know, my mother passed, my grandmother passed, little in college my best friend passed from Segalsella and then my grandfather passed at the top of the pandemic and It definitely hits a nerve and it brings up past traumas over and over again, but at the same time With God I just feel like God has always kept me in those moments and really helped me to find wisdom in those moments.

Not always makes sense of all the moments, but at least to find some wisdom, to be able to find some joy, and to be able to pivot in turn to have some type of gratitude in the meantime. And also to understand too that if you truly believe to be absent from the body as you present with the Lord, then you do find some sense of celebratory nature. It takes a while, but you do. Like I know where my mom is.

I know that she's at the right hand of God. You know, I know where my mom is. I know that she's at the right hand of God. You know, I know where my grandfather is. The beautiful thing with my best friend when she passed on her death bed, she asked her pastor at her funeral to do a call to the altar to bring people's lives to Jesus. I'm like, who even thinks of everybody else when you're about to transition? I just have to believe that my God is good in the midst of, in between. That gives me some sense of peace. But I understand that it takes a little while to get there. But I understand that it takes a little while to get there. So, because you know, I'm trying to finish the loss to priorities equation.

And what I hear you saying is that when we are presented with loss, that there is an opportunity for us to become very bitter, for us to agree, for us to be angry, for us to be disappointed or frustrated, or we can honor the loss by becoming better, by saying, this is what I learned as a result of that loss, this is what I still have. This is what was not lost, because when you have a loss,

you think that you've lost everything, but the truth is that even in loss, you haven't lost everything. And so taking the time to in loss, you have it lost everything. And so taking the time to say, this is what I still have. I may not have my mother with me, but I still have these lessons. I still remember her spirit. I still remember her energy. I may not have this job, but I remember the skills and the tactics that I learned on this position. not every loss equals total zero. There's some gain. And if you're careful and honest and vulnerable, you can find the better in the loss, not the bitter.

That's why I see that. That's why you Sarah Jake's wrong. So now I'm just trying to figure out your math equation because you didn't throw this. You hit it, you hit the nail on the head exactly. I just like take inventory and you take stock of what you do have in the meantime, because it starts to shine a lot brighter if you can see it that way. So, absolutely, that's exactly what I mean.

That's so good, because, you know, this is like halfway through the year, and we've had people whose momentum is threatened, or it is less than as a result of loss. I lost time, I lost money, I lost energy. And now I feel like my goal is even further away. How do you find a way to balance your passion and your purpose while also making space for the loss of time and the loss of energy

while still hanging onto the promise that this purpose or this passion has a place in the world. That's so good. I'm still working on that one. Yeah. I'm still working on that one because when I had baby girl, I was just holding on like, oh my gosh, she's perfect. Look at her, she's so pure. I was just all into her. And I suppose I still want to be, but then you kind of want to look from an aerial view and say, okay, I'm a mom, but I'm also a wife. I'm also, you know, a producer. I'm so many things. and it was almost just recently, I was thinking about this and I'm like, how do I get that like fervor and passion back into my storytelling, back into producing and I feel like God was telling me,

you wanna have a full life for a baby girl too. I saw my mom live a very full life. She had a lot going on, she had her friendships, she had her little friends' weekends, they go to Palm Springs, her and my dad had date night. And I love seeing that. I love seeing a woman who has a full life, who has lots of passions.

And I want my daughter to see that too. So even if at the time my motivation is for her, you know, I ultimately wanted to be for me, but you know, find the things that you have currently that do motivate you or do inspire you and use that to gas you up for your passions, point of things that you're excited about. Okay, so I feel like we almost need

to have separate sets of priorities. We need to have like our our aerial view priorities, right? This is what the big picture is. And then I have to have seasonal priorities because in some seasons, I'm not able to, I just have to survive. I just need to roll up my sleeves and figure out what this is and learn and grow

and become better. So I guess my question to you is like, what is your aerial view priority for your life at this time, right? No one can make change. But like, what is your day to day priority for yourself? I would say aerial priorities right now, definitely my relationship with God, my family, huge

priorities and then some of the things that me and my husband are trying to do with our own company, you know, a family-owned business. We want to grow some things. Those are some huge like top tier priorities that we know are going to create a better life for our family, from my daughter, generationally. We're excited about that. And I think that's important to kind of tie your values in with your priorities. What are the things that you see value in

or your values and principles? That's important. And then day to day, if you had talked to me a couple months ago, it would have been just a survive to get a good nap in, to drink some water. But now I'm kind of, you know, I got a group going now. So my priorities from day to day are really business oriented with my husband and our company. And then baby girl, you know, she has needs. Like I was telling you, you know, with COVID that shifted my day to day priority. I'm like, okay, she has a fever. I need to pivot here. So I've honed into her. What

is she need? What do you want me to do? And then you find a way to come back in to find balance. But I found that being so rigid with my priorities was really causing me a lot of stress. Oh, that's so good, because I was gonna ask you about like having grace for those seasons where you don't hit it. Like I didn't prioritize properly today or I didn't accomplish the goals that I had in mind without allowing it to communicate failure

or that you're behind, right? Because that's what we ended up feeling like if I didn't accomplish this, if I didn't make this a priority, then maybe I'm behind. How do you have grace for yourself in those seasons where their priorities, like you should have them, but you don't have them,

or they're not aligned, or maybe they're misaligned and you don't know how to fix them? I am working on that too, especially with my therapist. You know, we talked about perfectionism. And I am a perfectionist. And I think the misconception is that if you're perfectionist, that you get all these things done and they're superb, but it can have the opposite effect.

It can be really paralyzing because I found that my perfectionism was given myself no grace, that if I felt like I wasn't hitting it to this marker, then I was failing, so just stop altogether. So that was really challenging for me too. So I really am working on giving myself grace. I make my to-do list for the day of my priorities, what I want to be done. And then what doesn't get done,

you can go ahead and shift it to the next day. You know, and so forth and so on. I think that having a little check-in with yourself periodically about how you're doing is great. But the day-to-day stuff, like, I can't be that hard on myself. I'm trying my best to let that go. You know what I'm learning about those days where like, and my priorities are just gone. Like the things that I set out to accomplish for the day, I miss all together. I am learning to ask myself like one bottom line question.

And that is like, did you do the best that you could? Like did you do the best that you could? And if you didn't, what was keeping you from doing the best, were you tired, were you weary, Were you weary? Are you going through a depression? But if you can say, I did the best that I could. Like, I didn't know that this was going to happen.

I didn't know that that was going to happen, but I still brought my best to the day. Like, maybe my priority is to just bring my best, not to get everything done. Because there are going to be days where I just can't get everything done. That is so good. That is so good. What are you doing? Getting in the way is kids. I have one. I have one. You know what I remember? That it's a season.

That it's a season. See, I am a little bit further down the motherhood road than you are. And they say the days are long, but the years are fast. Um, yeah, like Kinsey's 12 and she is an emotional wreck. Any emotional wreck, like everything is wrong. Hardly anything is right. And when it's right, it's like super highlighted. And I be stressed. Now I feel like an emotional teenager because I'm trying to be at woke and conscious parenting, like trying to do the things that you know my parents didn't do where they were like, you're feeling so mad or shut up. So now I'm trying to be like in the trenches in this emotional

roller coaster with her. And I am reminding myself when I'm late for a meeting when I can't be on time for my meeting because I'm sitting here Breathing exercises with her is that like we're gonna get through this and it won't last forever Like is she's not gonna be an emotional right your babies not gonna be waking up every few hours They're gonna be walking and talking and going into the fridge themselves And you realize like I'm still to have time to get things done and To cultivate my dreams and ambitions while being present for for the baby. I'll tell you this when I had Ella I had just started speaking outside of just telling my story So when I first started speaking I was pretty much just telling my story and I was a few years in the telling my story

And I was like I want to say more than I got pregnant at 13 Have my baby of 14 went through a divorce like I want to say more than that It's a part of my story, but like every time I speak I'm telling this story and I got pregnant with Ella And I was like okay, so you know now I don't even know if I'm going to be able to tell my story anymore because I'm pregnant I got to raise this baby and then people go find another story They're gonna find someone else to talk to. One of them involved in exists. I didn't have this big boom in social media platform and I was worried that like I had lost some momentum for what I felt like God was calling me to and

And that moment still I dared to just kind of like prioritize Ella and what I learned is that God really does bring acceleration. And when we have to shift our priorities, I mean, we have to. Like, I can't build the business and pay the bills right now. I got to shift. I can't take care of the baby. And like, there are some moments where you just have to shift

your priorities. When you shift that priorities, you don't lose. That doesn't become stale. Your creativity doesn't wane. God allows you to show up fully in the area where you're needed while still allowing his spirit. And most importantly, the world to be prepared for the gift that you have so that when it's time for you to jump back into it,

it's like, now I got all this first creativity. And I have a channel and I have an opportunity with this community and with this group to release what God has given me. So when your priority shifts, just know that it hasn't changed God's priority for the gift that God's placed inside of you. You know, I eat that a creature. What's reaching to me?

Tell me how is that helping you? It's good because I think that sometimes you especially as a mom, you feel like you're out of the game. Yeah. For a while that the hamster wheel for everybody else is still moving and everybody's still going around you. And you're enjoying motherhood. Don't get me wrong, but you're looking and everybody's still going around you. And you're enjoying motherhood. Don't get me wrong, but you're looking like everybody's just zoom in by and you wonder

if your dream has gone stale or what God for God, God have for you with gone stale. But like you said, God is a redeemer. And you know, the things that you feel are gone, the things that you feel have turned to dust, gotta go work with that. And like you said, to have more of a wealth of knowledge now than I did before that I'm bringing to the table. In the course of two years, I've experienced a lot. So I just think that's so on point because I think motherhood for so many women can't have this stigma attached.

Like once you're in it, you're washed. And nothing else to bring to the table. And that's just not true. That's why I love spaces like this to women evolve because I think that in a lot of male dominated spaces, you feel like being a mother or being a wife or just being a business woman or whatever it is, it value. That people are counting you out all the time. So that's beautiful. My love that I'll tell you, even with woman involved, you know, we just finished with

tour and I can tell you when we were first in the pandemic and we had to shift our priorities because our priorities were all in person events. It's like if you get in the room, we can create an atmosphere that makes you feel seen, love, sisterhood, and transformed. And then it's like, girl, if you pick up your phone, I'm gonna try and give you all of that, but I don't know how it's going to work. And we kept pressing in on like,

how do we maintain this relationship in connection with the women who are at our in-person events now that they're in a pandemic? And we learned a lot of things the hard way. And we found a lot of different ways to serve them. And now going into tour, you know, before when we would like sell out certain cities, I would be like so nervous. I'm like, oh my god, I didn't know that they were coming.

But this last tour coming off of the pandemic, coming off of the shifting of our priorities and our focus as a community. When I first got the news that some of the shows were selling out, I was kind of like just grateful that it still matters, that there's still a place for the grace that God has given me in the world. And whereas before I felt nervous and inadequate,

like all I felt when I first got the news was just like grateful, and I think that that is also something that happens when we're forced to reprioritize, maybe outside of our will or maybe unexpectedly, that when we do step back within the purpose and we're living in the momentum of our identity, that we do it with gratitude, not pressure. That's so good, especially the gratitude part,

like you said, you realize that God can give you more to work with than you initially thought. Sometimes when you're like strapped to the bare bones and the skeleton of something, you start to realize what the values are, the core values are. And like you say with women of all, it's a connection, it's about empowerment. And that can happen in person or on a phone, you know what I'm saying on a podcast and I think we learned that with the pandemic that your core values and principles really need to be prioritized because it was a stripping.

Because a major stripping and one that I'm grateful for and one that I didn't think I was gonna be grateful and I'm speaking from a place of privilege when I say I'm grateful because I did not experience loss. Like I know so many people did not as personal loss. Certainly we knew some people, but I can say that one of the gifts that we were able to mine in the pandemic was the ability to really prioritize what matters and what doesn't.

So I'm grateful for that. You too. You too, big time. Delegation, y'all know it's time to make room in our closets for a new season of elevated classics, right? I cannot wait to update my wardrobe as we transition into fall fashions and with carefully curated pieces that complement my style, Kinks has provided the creative flair that I've been searching for. While browsing their fall fundamentals collection, I'm looking to wear the oversized cashmere cardigan and wide leg pants,

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and 365 day returns. That's keins.com slash evolve for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's keins.com slash evolve. Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash evolve and get free shipping and 365 day returns. Stevie, we have an advice question. Oh, okay. And it's long. I love the long ones. I love the long ones because when they just send me one question, I just be like, but what's the backstory?

Like I don't even feel equipped. So here we go. I hope this message finds you well. It may be a long one. I am a 25 year old from Dallas, Texas. My family and I started going to TPH when I was a preteen. Before then, we had to go to a smaller church home that we all grew up in.

So you can say I grew up in church. Before going to college, I can probably count on two hands how many Sundays I missed. With hearing that, you would think I was a Bible scholar or my faith is so strong, that would be wrong. I am raggedy in the most literal sense. I have never read the Bible for myself without distraction. I would go with just what was said and what felt good in church, not making my opinions or doing my own research. Today, I find myself struggling with self-worth,

negative self-talk, faith and confidence overall. I'm always told to pray, read the Bible, et cetera. I go to therapy, but not as frequently as I was like as I would like. My question after all of that is, do you have any suggestions for getting on a real walk with Christ for a girl who knows how the church works, but doesn't have her own true faith walk? Do you think that having that kind of faith open up will help with some of the things I struggle with? Lastly, do you have any suggestions for working through your ad?

Oh, I currently scroll with my eyes closed and whatever my finger lands on is what I go with, which feeds me every time, but wanted to know if there was a more calculated way to go about it. Lastly, thank you for we. I grew up watching your family, but didn't know your story until one of them evolved. Since you launched this podcast, I've been changing for the better. I never watched you preach live until one Sunday last year and it was just on time.

Thank you again. That's great. I want you to kick it off, Stevie. That was beautiful. That's the last part. Yeah, I would definitely say I had the same kind of experience. You know, I also grew up in a small church. I call like a Southern Baptist church in California. Passed

through us from Virginia and he would just be going. But I'll definitely say to just be honest in prayer. I think that a lot of times when you grow up in a church background, I don't know if it was too strict or not, but at least mine was a little bit more rigid. I found like I didn't want to it was too strict or not, but at least mine was a little bit more rigid. I found like, I didn't wanna go into prayer with God on my own because I was like, I don't have all the right language. I don't know if I'm saying the right things.

I don't know all the scriptures by heart, but once I kinda got rid of that pretense, it was a lot easier for me to spend time with God. I came to God with my anger. I came to God with my frustration, my questions, and nothing was too big or too small. Nothing was petty, you know, with my time with God. If I was dating, I was bringing my dating mess to the Lord in my prayer closet. And for me, they really shifted things because it was just me and God, and I could be honest. And that was a huge help for me.

And then even when it comes to the scriptures, I had a similar land handling things too. Like just close my eyes and see whatever. It's when I let my finger land. But some devotionals and the Bible app were really good for me to help me to find topics that I was dealing with and what the world was saying. And then also getting into different groups

and communities with my church was really helpful. So I can learn more about the word, but definitely just being raw and honest in your prayer closet, that's my definite, definite advice. You know, see, if you've been going through a metamorphosis in my relationship with God, and I'm trying to like communicate it because I know what I feel, but I don't know if I can fully express it.

But I'm gonna try anyway for the sake of this question. You know, I think that the most pivotal turning point in my life, I was walking out of a CPS office after I had been raggedy. Like you think you've been raggedy, but your raggy sounds cute. Okay, my raggy was was real raggedy. And I was walking out of child protective services

and I just had this thought I can do better than this. And from that moment forward, I started doing better. Like I would make better decisions. I wouldn't go against that little voice in my head that said don't do that. Like I started trusting that voice. And that is how I built relationship with God. It wasn't because I started digging into the Bible.

It wasn't because I started volunteering in different places in the church. And that doesn't mean that that doesn't work for some people. I'm just sharing my story. And so I started trusting the still small voice within me. And what's happened to me recently, though, is it's less about doing better and more about being better. Like I am better than this

and I always have been better than this. Whatever that this is, if that this feels like walking by fear, if that this feels like putting myself on auction and relationships, like I am, like my being is better than this. And I'm coming to that place. I'm actually reading this book. It's called Love Beyond Reason. And it's by John Ortberg. And it's moving God's love from your head to your heart.

And in reading this book, I think that I have been able to just receive the love of God in a way that I don't think I ever fully understood in church or maybe it wasn't explained in church. And I want to try and find the word so that I can go and help all of the girls like me who want to understand God's love for themselves. But I think if you can get the right consciousness about God's love for you, if you can dare to believe that the same God that made the Son, the Stars, the Moon, and the Ocean created you and adores you and nothing has ever changed that. No sin, no shame, no lack of reading the Bible has changed the way that God feels about you. If you were dare to believe that it will change the way you feel about yourself because it's

like heaven. I mean, we have such a celebrity culture these days. If you respond, if it's celebrity responds back to them, and they're like, oh my gosh, I can't believe you responded. Imagine if we had that same energy for God, like, oh my gosh, I can't believe you responded to my prayers. I can't believe that you woke me up this morning. What must that mean about who I am? Maybe I am special and resting in that is beginning to change me. And so

I'm trying to communicate it in a way that makes sense. But what I will say is to have a real relationship with God is to desire to know who God is. And to allow who God is to be a reflection of what's inside of you. And then doing the work of saying, look at how I look like you today, right? This is what Jesus says. I only do what I see my father in heaven do. So how do I take who God is

and allow it to show up in my life as a reflection of what I saw God say? That's the work. And scripture supports that because scripture then becomes an opportunity for me to see God. And how did you interact with this person? How did you interact with that person?

And then what did they give you in return? I love that. And you spoke it out loud, but it made off of the sins. I'm trying. I love that. You made off of the sins. Because it is a heart thing. It's an identity thing.

It's a heart thing to see yourself like Christ does or to love yourself like Christ does. Yeah. You know, you know, God recently convicted me of that with my daughter because I was super anxious with her when I was pregnant. I was so nervous about every little thing. And God had to give me together. He was like, you think you love this little girl? Yeah. Let me tell you about how much I love this little girl. And you know, I, you're like, I, how much you love her is just like the spec compared to how much I love her. Like, give her to me. Yeah.

Let me show you about how much I love her. And I think sometimes when we see other people being loved out loud by God, we feel like that's just so far away from us. Or that's some kind of favoritism or epitism with everybody else, but what God will do for somebody else will surely do for you, you know, and my husband always puts it like this too. It's like, your siblings, all of us are siblings. We are all sons and daughters of Christ. And if your mother gives your sister something, she can give you the same thing too. She loves you all just the same.

So what you see somebody else receive or lay hold of, that's, you should be rejoicing because it can be yours too. But I think if we don't understand fully the love of God for us, then you're right. It can be a little bit of a disconnect. Yeah, that's what my goal is to not be so focused on God's power or God's miracles, God's ability to give blessings like who God, what God can do, right? Because I measure myself by what I can do, then I measure God by what he does.

So when God feels I'm over him and when I feel I'm over me, but resting in this idea of like just who God is and allowing that to be the priority for my relationship with God, that is my priority. There are no others after that is like, I just want to know who you are. I just want to see you and experience you in my life. And as a result of that, I know that I'll be better if I can just see you. Not give me, give me, give me, but if I can just see you. And it does create, I think, a purity and a hunger that changes the way we

show up everywhere. So that's, that's a reset in priorities for me and my relationship with God. Yeah, me too. That's huge. I love that. Yeah. I love this. Thank you for doing this podcast with me I need to think that baby for letting you do the podcast This is this is nothing but the whole experience, okay? I'm like I'm a barrow tylen any time not got the wake up We made it baby must have spent untie Sarah

It's on the call with Stevie. I don't know. I love it. Maybe you can get you five minutes of a nap for you dive back in. Hey, man. Hey, man. Thank you. I love you.

And I'm on it. I think I'm on it. Maybe I'll see Daria tomorrow. But I got to get you your mother's day gift. OK. That sounds good. I'm excited. We's day gift. Okay, that sounds good. I'm excited. We love you too.

Bye, y'all. Stevie, friend, that was amazing. My cheeks are hurting from smiling, spending time with you. Thank you for letting us still some time away from your sweet new family. You're a blessing to so many and I'm honored to have the delegation be in the number. Per usually my DMs are flooded with requests to answer advice questions or requests to be on the podcast, but I'm telling you the easiest way to do either is to hit my inbox at podcastatwomneyvolve.com with a one to two minute video about why you should be my next co-host or you can send me an advice question that you'd like for me to answer. you