Woman Evolve with Sarah Jakes Roberts - Strong Enough to be Fragile

Episode Date: May 13, 2026

There are some moments in life that stop you in your tracks and make you confront what it means to be held together by God’s grace. This week, This week, I’m opening up about the accident that left me in a neck brace, the reality of living in between miracles, and what it looks like to trust God when life suddenly feels fragile. We’re talking about vulnerability, strength, being cared for when you’re used to caring for everyone else, and the hard truth that some of us don’t know how much we matter until life forces us to slow down. If you’ve ever found yourself trying to push through pain, avoid your emotions, or figure out how to trust God in an uncertain season, this conversation is for you. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What's up family? This is your girl, Sarah Jakes Roberts, and I am coming to you live with a neck brace for the Woman Evolvon podcast. For those of you who don't know, and it is likely that some of you, many of you may not know, because everyone has their own thing going on because life, lives for all of us. I am currently in a neck brace and I'm going to take today. episode to explain what happened and kind of explain, I guess, how I'm processing and how I'm feeling about everything. It's funny because I knew that I was going to, like, record this episode and in recording this episode today, I knew that I was probably going to have feelings about it, but I woke up and I was feeling a little sad today. There's nothing I can do about that, because once I drop something, it takes an act of God to help me get up. But I woke up a little sad today because I think I'm just, I'm two weeks into this. And I have, you know, I have a little ways ahead of me.

So first, let me explain what happened. For those of you are watching on YouTube, I'm pulling something up. So if I am distracted, it is because I am actually distracted. But, okay, so I got home from Delaware. I was in Delaware speaking of Seeds of Greatness for Obsie's Girlies. And I took a 5 a.m. flight from Philadelphia to get back home to Dallas to be with my daughter who was going to prom with her boyfriend. And I got home. I took a little nap.

And then we were in, you know, prom mode. and if we're watching on YouTube, maybe I'll slash a little few pictures of her little prom send off here. But I'd been gone a lot that week. So I preached this Sunday before. And then I flew to New York after preaching on Sunday. I spent a couple of days in New York with my son. I went to Chicago where I had the opportunity to speak at the 1% conference for Dr. Eric Thomas. And then I went from Chicago to Delaware. I'd been gone for a week, and for those of you who tune in often, you know, that I try to make every effort to not be away from my kids for extended periods of time, and a week would be an

extended period of time for me. And so I knew that when I got back, I needed to dive into Mommy mode. And so I got back that Saturday. We did prom. And my daughter Ella was like, hey, Mommy, let's go on a walk. And so we went out on a walk. And we walked past the trampoline. And she was like, let's get on the trampoline. And we were jumping on the trampoline for a little bit. And then she wanted to play this game where you sit on the trampoline and you kind of fold your legs like you kind of sitting almost like fetus position, but your legs are pinned to your chest, but you're upright. And the other person jumps. And it's like who's going to break form first. And so she went first. I jumped once. She let her arms and stuff go. She lost. And then I remember

sitting my old self down and thinking to myself, you know what? I wanted to do. I want to I'm not going to break form. Like, I am just going to amaze her with how I stay in position. And so she's jumping beside me. I'm going higher and higher, but I'm still holding on. And I go up high one time, but when I come down, my body starts tilting to the side and I land in between my shoulder and my head and my shoulder. And I can hear pops in my neck.

And I immediately grab my neck. And I'm like, oh, goodness. And she's like, are you okay? I'm like, yes, I'm just old. I kind of like stumble off of the trampoline. And I'm sitting in the grass. And I'm like, I just need a minute. And she's like, are you okay? I'm going to call daddy. I'm like, I'm fine. I just need a minute. Give me a minute. I'm just old. I'm too old to be on a trampoline. And I'm dizzy. My vision is black and blurry. Like, it's just kind of going in and out. And I heard these pops in my neck. She calls her dad anyway. And so she calls her dad. And so she calls her dad. and her dad comes outside. He's like, what's up? And I was like, I was on a trampoline. I heard some pops in my neck. I felt a little dizzy. I just need to lay down. I'm like, I'm tired. I know I've been going. I just need to lay down. And he like tries to stand me up and I get dizzy. I'm like, I can't move yet. Just give me a minute. And so he calls our doctor. He tells the doctor what happened. And she's like, she needs to go to the emergency room. Now I'm annoyed because I literally just need to go lay down. I'm going. and be fine. Just give me a minute. I need to lay down. And so he told me, he's like, I'm not doing this with you, Sarah, which I picked an argument with him a week later because I was bored. Like, you know, when I, you know, just annoying. But anyways, he calls the ambulance and, you know, their paramedics

are here. They put me on the gurney. They put the neck brace on me. And like this whole time, I'm a little annoyed and irritated because I'm like, if I could just lay down, I think I'll be fine. I'm probably dehydrated or something. And I go to the hospital. They take me down for x-ray. They're like, before you get an x-ray, we got to make sure you aren't pregnant. And so, you know, I'm just like, this is just, in my opinion, this is just a major waste of time. And so they give me the x-ray. And we're waiting. If you've been to an emergency room, you kind of know, it's like, hurry up and wait, hurry up and wait. And so I go to the emergency room. Funny is when they were transporting me from the paramedic bed into the emergency room.

I remember the delegation came in. She's like, hey, girl, I just want you know, I love your messages. Mind you, I'm in the next break. I can't. So if you're watching this, hey, queen, sorry, I couldn't, you know, you know, I was in the throes. But I'm waiting on the x-ray results. And I'm like, hey, can you get someone who wears my phone? I have homework due at midnight.

And I can work on my homework while we wait on the x-rays. So the doctor comes in with the, they wouldn't give me my phone. I told my older kids were there. brother, my sister were there, and I sent them a voice memo. I'm like, I think everyone who can go home should go home. You know, there's nothing wrong with me. I'm going to be fine. And even if there is something wrong with me, you guys are going to need rest because at this point, it's almost 11 o'clock. And so they come back out. I'm like, no one tell Kenzie she's at prom. Anyways, they come back out and the technician's like, you need to not move. You need to be very steel. We have a call in to a

surgeon right now to review your x-ray. It's likely that you may need surgery. We cannot perform the surgery here. And so we'll have to transport you to another hospital. And he said, you know, there's something going going with your spine, but we need the surgeon to really read it. But it's in a position right now that any set of movement, wrong movements, you could end up paralyzed. So I think that that was the moment where I began to realize like, wow, you know, for all of my, there's nothing wrong with me. Like you're, you know, this is a dangerous situation. So we called a different doctor who works at a hospital who's been a member of the church for a very long time and just kind of explained to them what happened and that I was going to need to be transported to another hospital. And he's like, you know, you need an MRI. They weren't able to give me an MRI. I at that hospital. And he's like, can you get her to this hospital where I work? And so they're supposed to be calling in the transport to transport me to another hospital. It took them like two hours to do that. After two hours, the doctor calls he like, hey, they still haven't put in the transport. I don't know

what was happening. I'm sure technology and things move slow and there may have been someone else with a more emergent situation, but they still haven't put it in. And so PT's like, I'm going to get you to the hospital. So we leave the hospital against medical advice. They're like one pothole. That's it for her. You know, highly advised against this. She needs to stay laying down.

If she's, you know, sitting up, anything could happen. We took our chances. And PT got me to the hospital. And, you know, there was no damage. I phaetown my son who's, you know, freaking out in New York. I'm like, stay where you are. We don't know what's happening. yet. But, you know, here's your mom on faith time. I'm fine. I still have this neck brace on.

We get to the other hospital. They give me an MRI there. And that's where we kind of learned exactly what was happening. So I was kind of debated about whether or not I was going to share, you know, the fullness of what happened. But I am going to let you all know. I got like the technical medical report, but I have a fracture. and the bones at C4. I have a significant disc herniation at C3 and C4. And I have some additional disc issues like disc height. So I know unless many of you are,

unless you're in medical school or have some type of medical experience, that all sounds like gibberish. But basically I have a fracture, a bone fracture and a part of my neck. And C3 and C4 are the most problematic because that herniated disc is compressing against my spinal cord. So from what I understand, the spinal cord lives within this tunnel, a canal.

And that canal is, you know, roughly in normal sizes like 12 to 15 millimeters. But that disc is protruding so far into my spinal cord that that canal is now 6.5. millimeters. And so they put me in a neck brace that, you know, the idea of you may need surgery came from that disc compressing against my spinal cord. They put me in the neck brace for four to six weeks because it's like we're hoping that the inflammation will, the inflammation and the lack of mobility will kind of give that disc a chance to calm down and that it will retract from that spinal cord some in four to six weeks, it's unlikely that it would have, you know, completely retracted and gone back to its normal position from a medical standpoint. Obviously, that's not a

miracle standpoint, but from the medical standpoint, it's unlikely that it could happen that quickly. But any signs of it being reduced would show that it is something that can kind of self-correct in time and that with additional care that I may be able to experience full recovery. The full recovery could take a few months to get there. But they said the neck brace may only be required for four to six weeks, depending on how much progress is made. I won't go to the doctor again to get another MRI until the end of the month. And so at that time, if there's been enough progress, maybe I stay in the neck brace, maybe I come out of the neck brace. We don't know. Maybe I need surgery, maybe I don't, you know, medical standpoint, not miracle standpoint. These are just the

medical facts. And so I find myself in this interesting place of being in between miracles, because the first miracle, man, there's so many miracles wrapped up in the moment. One, had it been one inch higher where the compression is, it would have likely ended in death and had it been one inch lower, it would have been probable that it would have been instant paralysis. But there's this narrow window of these discs and what they're connected to that allow for it to not have either of those results. And I pop that I could hear those, you know, three sounds in those areas where that narrow,

that narrow lane of grace, that narrow lane for a miracle. Like there's just so much that I'm unpacking about that. And so that was a miracle. The fact that my daughter nor my husband listened to me was another miracle because had I been in charge of taking care of myself, I likely would have gone to lay down, continued moving my neck as normal, and who knows what would have happened.

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explain why I'm not as active at church and, you know, why I'm in a neck brace. And so I just kind of posted a picture with the P sign up. I had on son. My husband came to see me before he preached on Sunday. Man, so many miracles. But my husband came to see me before he preached on. So he left his glasses. And so I jokingly sent him a picture. And I was like, hey, come get me, they release me, I'm ready to go and I had my sunglasses on. But then, so I think mom knows my sister took a picture of me with the glass and stuff and she was like, you're ridiculous. And so I posted that picture and I'm just kind of like, hey, this is what happened. Pray for me. I'm still the birthday. But at that point, I'm still, I haven't really processed fully what happened.

And, you know, they're using medical language, but I haven't seen the MRI report with the exact language in it. And so I'm just kind of, it hadn't really soaked in. And it's probably still something that I'm processing. But the fact that he didn't listen to me was another miracle. My mother, my parents met us at the second hospital. And one, I was like, felt so bad that they were out. I'm like, you guys, I'm supposed to be taking care of you at this stage in your life. You're not supposed to be showing up for me. But both of my parents had this just like strength and look of covering and love in that moment that I won't soon forget. You know, they are like, you guys can't all stay the night. And so my husband was already

scheduled to preach. I was like, babe, go, you go to church. I'm going to be fine. And I knew my mother wasn't leaving because when my father, you know, when they were like, you cannot stay and my father's like, okay, well, we can come back first thing in the morning. And my mother's like, I'm not going anywhere. And, you know, I don't need her 70 trying to tussle with my husband, by who's staying in the night. And he had a word from God. And so I'm like, you go, you preach, my mom will be here. And, you know, I'll be fine. I, this is not that structure because, you know, I am, yeah, in between miracles and that God saved me from, you know, some of the worst outcomes or some of, I won't even say the worst because some people have experienced paralysis as a result. And I feel like that even those moments that God has allowed is because God can redeem them in some way.

So I'm careful to be sensitive to other people's experiences. but God didn't see fit for that to be a part of my story at this time in my life. And I'm certainly grateful that I am still here. And still, you know, living with the reality that, like, you know, there are certain things that I'm not able to do for myself with this brace on and that loss of independence and having to depend on other people for, for so many things that I would rather do on my own has been hard. And there's like moments where you aren't your best, but you push through and nobody knows you aren't your best. But I'm like walking

around with this visible sign that like I'm not at my best. And that's been really hard. But I have never felt in the midst of this abandoned or betrayed by God. I am not one who feels, entitled to life always being perfect. God's been really, really, really gracious and generous and merciful and graceful as it relates to me and my life. And so the moments where there are difficulties and challenges don't make me feel uncovered because I really do believe that God is with me and everything. People use the scripture. I can do all things through Christ. Most of time they use it incorrectly. But it's ultimately about, you know, if I would have ended up paralyzed or I would have ended up in a different condition or this is my condition that there is a part of me that

wants to believe that I can do all things through Christ. And of course, you don't know until you're in it whether or not you can find the way through in Christ. And I feel like there's a word in that somewhere. You know, we can do all things through Christ. And sometimes when it feels like there is no way through, maybe it's because we aren't trying to make it through with Christ. And making it through with Christ sometimes comes down to acceptance. Sometimes it's not just like this raw perseverance and resilience. Making it through with Christ sometimes is an acceptance. It's a grieving. It's a process as you find your way through. But it's a thing. It starts with allowing Jesus to kind of meet you where you are.

And I have found myself, I don't know if I'm the only one, there are moments where I'm so overwhelmed by the condition of my life and experiences that in the moments where I know I should be drawing close to God, I know that it's going to require so much vulnerability, honesty, and transparency that I'm not ready to confront that I find myself straying away. and that has been the case in some of the last couple of weeks. I'm almost three weeks in it, where I have found myself knowing that I am avoiding the presence of God because I'm avoiding the vulnerability connected with the honesty

that is required to really be in the presence of God, right? Those who worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth. And once you discover how to do that, where you're able to bring not just the spirit, but also your truth. You just know that there's no way you can come into the presence of God pretending. The context of that scripture comes where the woman at the well is talking to Jesus about how to worship and where to worship. And Jesus says that the time is coming where those who worship him must worship in spirit and in truth.

But he walks her through her own story of like how many husbands have you had, how many people have you been with. and she gets to this place of raw honesty and truth with her story. And from that place, she begins to realize that she's talking to the Messiah, and he reveals himself to her. And she's asking these questions and these vulnerabilities, but all of that happens in the context of radical honesty. And sometimes we miss out on having deep encounters with God

because we don't have deep encounters with ourselves. Oh, that just helped me with something I've been trying to write. Oh, God's so good to me. And my philosophy as it relates to experiencing hard seasons or confusing seasons where it's like, God, if you're good, how could I be going through something so bad? Is that if I can see God's goodness in any of it, then God is in all of it. And my job is to be sensitive enough to wait and see how God's going to use a challenging or difficult situation in a way that reveals his presence in the moment.

midst of it all and his ability to cause things to work together for good. In order for us to see God's goodness, we have to search for it. Sometimes it's not always evident and doesn't drop in our lap because the bad things are more visible and more obvious, but to posture ourselves, to search for the goodness of God, to seek, you will find it. I was reminded of, when I heard that, like, I'm in between miracles. I started praying and asking God to show me. me moments in scripture where people found themselves in between miracles and maybe you're like me and you're in between miracles. Maybe the job was a miracle, but now you need another miracle for something else. And in those moments of being in between miracles, I often look at scripture

to see if there's anyone in scripture who has been in a similar situation and if they are, you know, how does the Lord show up for them and what circumstances happen for them? And I was reminded of Elijah the prophet. And, you know, I always try to give a little bit of breakdown for those of you who all don't know. Elijah is a prophet who has been anointed to be the mouthpiece of God at a time where Israel, which are the people who God was courting and hoping to really build into a nation and to help them understand what it meant to be his chosen people. The only problem with being a chosen people is sometimes you're chosen in the midst of a crowd. And when you're chosen in the midst of a crowd, there are moments where you'd rather fit in the crowd than be chosen. In Israel,

throughout the Old Testament, we see them struggling with the complexities of being chosen, the beauty and the honor and the privilege that comes with it, but also the isolation that comes with it. And we see them little by little beginning to, to, I'm looking for the right word, we see them little by little beginning to compromise the laws and the regulations required to maintain their chosen status in order to be like those around them. And so God sends prophets and judges and kings to try and keep these people aligned. And at this time in 1st, King 17, Elijah is the prophet that God is. using and God is using him to one confront the other gods that they are serving to literally go

to battle with these other gods to show that Yahweh the one and only God is more powerful than the false gods of bail and the false gods that other people were worshipping at that time. And during these demonstrations of power, Elijah would have moments where he showed up with significant power and produced incredible miracles that turned many towards God, but also upset many people who represented those false gods. And in 1st King 17, he's in a moment very similar to that where he has declared that there would be a famine in the land, a drought in the land. And he commands that there's going to be this drought that the Lord is causing a drought. But the Lord takes care of him in the midst of it all. And the Lord says, there's going to be a drought. People are going to suffer,

right? The animals aren't going to have anything to eat. There's not going to be any crops, any harvest, but the Lord says, I'm going to take care of you as my mouthpiece as the one that I can trust even in the midst of a drought. That's why when people start talking about how scary the times are, it draws me closer to God because I believe that God can take care of me in the midst of a drought. And so Elijah is being cared for in the midst of a drought. And he's, you know, stood by God and did what God told him to do, but also he's depending on God for survival in this moment and season of uncertainty. And in 1 King 17, he starts off, the Lord tells him to go by a brook, and he goes by the brook, and he's able to be sustained by the brook. He says, it will be that

you shall drink from the brook. This is 1st, King 17 and 4. It shall be that you shall drink from the brook, and I have commanded the ravens to feed you there. And so he goes to the brook. He's fed there. The ravens feed him. But verse 7 says, it happened after a while that the brook dried up because there had been no rain in the land. And so God sends him to this place of a miracle where it's a miracle that he's got something to eat. It's a miracle that he's got water in the middle of a drought. And before he can rest in this type of provision, God goes, you got to move on somewhere else. So when the brook dries up, the word of the Lord comes to him. And this is, I want to put this in context for you so you can just understand how crazy it is. He says, arise, go to Xerafat. This is in First King, 17 and 9. Arise, go to Zarifath, which belongs to Sidon and dwell there. See, I have commanded a widow there to provide for you. A widow there to provide for you. Elijah has to have so much trust in God that he does not shy away from the provision that God has set aside for him. And the provision that God has set aside for him is a widow. What's crazy about the Lord using a widow is that contextually at this time, whether you use,

serve the gods of bail or you serve the God of Israel, that widows were seen as the bottom of the totem pole. These were the women who often didn't have power. These were women who often weren't able to provide for themselves because in the patriarchal society, they didn't have a man covering and representing them. And so the mere idea that the person who actually needs provision the most as a widow is what God is going to use to become a provider. Like for me, that scripture alone preaches so significantly about the character of God, that God will use an unlikely conduit to allow for provision to come to someone who seems like they're in more of a position of power, but God uses the powerless as a vessel for power, as a vessel for provision.

And I also think that it speaks to Elijah having to really trust that something that looks like it could not offer any power or provision at all is actually what God is going to use to allow you to be cared for in this season. And so when we talk about being caught between two miracles, right, waiting to see what the next miracle is going to be, I realize that I don't want to be guilty of overlooking what God is going to use to harness the next iteration of this miracle in my life because I think that it doesn't have any power. So even in a neck brace, I'm thinking to myself, Lord, how can you use this for your glory? I don't want to limit what you can use. I don't want to limit what's possible because I truly do believe that you can cause all things to

work together. And so I don't want to be so locked into the idea that nothing good can come from this. Like, I'm not able to take care of myself in the way that I'm used to. I'm not able to show up for people in the way that I'm used to. I'm not able. I don't know what's going to happen in the next few weeks. Like, am I going to be free from this or is it going to require rehab? Is it going to require surgery? I don't know what I'm looking for. And so in this, this season I'm waiting and believing that God's going to use this season of my life in an unexpected way. And just like he used a widow who others would have overlooked, who others would have thought had no possibility of being a vessel for power or provision that I have to trust

in the way that Elijah had to trust that God has brought me to this place and there is provision that exists for me in this place. And so I'm trying to keep my heart open and sensitive to what this is supposed to be providing me. And I know one of the things that it's already beginning to awaken in me is an opportunity for deeper introspection and reflection. So I was talking to Dr. Anita about everything. And, you know, one, because I am unsurious and because I just, well, we're going to go deeper. Just give me, let her cook for a second. But I was I was the scariest thing to me is how dead set I was on not going to the hospital. Like, I cannot tell you how annoyed I was that my husband called 911.

I was just so dead set on not going. And she told me, she's like, Sarah, you are indeed not invincible. And I was like, it's not that I think that I am invincible. I just didn't think it was that serious. And she goes, it's not that I think that you think you're invincible. It's just that I don't think that you respect how fragile you are. And that sent me into the abyss, into the depths of my childhood, okay, into my trauma. And she's right, though.

I think that I made a decision, and I can't tell you exactly when and what was happening, but I can remember within myself the moment that I made a decision that I wasn't going to let anything hurt me anymore. And when you make a decision that you're not going to let anything hurt you anymore, you're saying that I am not going to be in a situation where I feel weak, fragile, and vulnerable ever again. And I made that decision within myself. I think that coupled with the fact that, you know, this idea of, I'm not significant or I don't matter enough to have all of this attention, to have all of this care, that it's overkill, it's not that serious. I think is rooted in just, I've been a mom since

I was 14. Culturally, you know, kids were to be seen and not heard. And so I don't know that I ever really came to this place of real self-worth and value because I didn't matter. Like, you got to take care of a kid. You don't matter. This kid. it matters. You don't matter. Dad is home. You know, you don't matter. The grown-ups are talking. And so this idea of getting to a space where I am willing to take up space and truly believe that I matter, I am underdeveloped in that area. And I think sometimes I wear it as a badge of honor, except for, you know, when you literally can hear your neck pop, you're dizzy, and you're still telling people not to come. And this is how I knew is something wrong.

with me because if any of my kids, my husband, my friends would have told me they fell down some steps or their neck pop were dizzy, their vision was blurred and coming black and blurry and they could hardly see and they were dizzy. I would, without a shadow of a doubt, be like, you need to go to the hospital, you don't play with your neck. But when it was me, it's so easy for things to not matter when it comes to me. And I feel like one of the invitations that this, uh, season and suffering is offering me as an invitation to examine what it means to matter. And so it's crazy that I'm in a position where I have to be cared for in some respects, where I can't just push through because I'm in such a vulnerable position.

They're like, if you twist the wrong way, if you turn the wrong way, you know, you could end up paralyzed, like even with the neck brace, you know. And it's like, do I sleep with the neck? neck brace, do I not sleep in the neck brace? The occupational therapist said one thing. The surgeon said the other. Sleeping in the neck brace has its own issues because basically I'm in it 24-7, which means sometimes I'm feeling pain, not from the injury, but because I'm in this position literally all the time, there's just, but anyways, no one asks. But maybe someone cares, but no one asked. But, you know, I'm having to reconcile what it means to allow myself to be cared for.

into matter. I was really blown away. First of all, had I known that like that picture of me with sunglasses and a peace sign, like, first of all, Instagram, like nobody's algorithm is algorithming. So I'm thinking, I'm going to post this. The delegation's going to see it. Some of the members of our church will see it. They'll understand what's up. I cannot believe that like it was on the news. It was on the blog site. And I am a clown with glasses and a peace sign up. I'm just so not serious. It made me want to try and be more serious, but I can't help who I am. But I was just like, I cannot believe that this thing is everywhere.

And you literally look like you're playing games while talking about your life almost ending. But, you know, here we are. I just, I can't help. So you got to laugh to keep from crying. But you should also cry because crying is good. And you're in touch with your emotions. And I've talked to the lady. I've talked to the lady.

Because I shared with her, you know, what Dr. Anita said to me. And she was like, well, this is no surprise. We've kind of been talking about this need for you to like see yourself as important and significant. And but you know, she told me, she told me good job choosing and raising people who would care for you when you aren't caring for yourself, when you are unwilling to care for yourself, which sent me down like a whole other spiral. because maybe those of us who have struggled with significance, who have struggled with mattering to people, my stomach's grow. This is almost, everything's fine. Maybe we compensate that and are drawn to people who will care for us in ways that we don't know how to care for ourselves.

Maybe that's what we're looking for in relationships or someone care about me. in a way that I don't care for myself. And I think a few things were necessary. I think I needed to really see and come to terms with how serious the accident was so that I could see how much God took care of me in those moments, in that moment, but in other moments, right? Because sometimes I feel like I take the care of God for granted, or I'm just like, God takes care of everybody. God's not checking for me specifically, exclusively, like the way he feels about me. He feels about everyone, so there's nothing that special.

But I think even that, like, kind of putting distance between God's adoration and love towards me, makes me feel like, you know, well, if I don't have it, I'll be okay or where I don't feel entitled to it. And really having a moment where I can really deeply consider the ways that God covered and took care of me. when a weapon was formed against me and to really allow that to be a part of what informs my relationship with God and informs how I see God. I think that's one thing. And then I think also it has allowed me to, I feel like this is all over the place. And like I did not want to take pain medication before doing this.

I wouldn't be on here high as a kite talking to you all. But I think that's one thing. And I think another thing is that it's allowed me to see, I guess, just how much I care I am cared for by those around me. Ultimately, I think the goal is to acknowledge the way God cares for us to get to a place where we have that intrinsically, where we believe our value. I just mentioned that our value and worth is something that comes to us. intrinsically, but absent of having those, I think that we should choose and raise people who are able to see our worth and value when we can't see it ourselves. And to walk away from those who are incapable of doing that or distance ourselves from those who are incapable of doing that because a lot of times people are only affirming what we already believe about ourselves.

So when they don't treat us as worthy or valuable, you know, it's hard to walk away from them because we don't always see ourselves as worthy or valuable, so we stay. And I am grateful that I got to a place where I was able to create some of those boundaries by faith, right? Sometimes it's not something you do because you believe it for yourself. You do it by faith because you're sewing into what you want to believe. And I believe that I was able to do that by faith. It wasn't that I just had this. I did have this idea that I can do better than this, better than the life that we were living and creating for our children. But I think I also believe that there was a version of me that could be better and deserved better and deserved better and that I didn't have to become

anything else to deserve better. That it was okay for me to deserve better now. And sometimes we just deserve better, but we don't feel worthy of it. So we don't actually. for or create the boundaries that will allow it to happen. And that can be a truth, whether you are struggling with your career and profession, or you have experienced success and achievement, but you're still working through things like I am. I'm hopeful that maybe you feel a little less alone as I unpack where God is meeting me and challenging me, that maybe it'll resonate with you in some way as well. I felt like there was something else I wanted to tell you all as we catch up. Oh, let me look at my notes. I got to eat soon on so I can take my medicine. My stomach can stop

interrupting our podcast. Oh, okay, yes. So you know how I said I made the decision that I am never going to let anything hurt me again. Like I'm never going to experience that again. I am also taking this time to consider what it looks like to be okay with fragility and embracing that. I've been writing about it and studying a little bit about it. But yeah, what would it look like to live in a world where I'm not saying I'm never going to let that hurt me again, but instead to embrace that there's going to be pain that Jesus is in this life, you will have tribulations, but that they have. have been overcome and to live in such a place where I'm not saying I'm never going to hurt again,

but hurt will be a part of this process. I'm going to have moments where I need to be in tune enough with my body to say, okay, that hurt, okay, I need care, okay, I should be checked on without feeling like I need to be so strong all the time that fragility is not an option. So I'm trying to figure out how fragility can be more of an option for me and what that looks like. I've said a lot and I hope and I hope it made sense. This is kind of my heart right now. And I wanted to share it with you because I love you and I'm grateful. I have to tell you in the midst of it all. That's what I mean like if God's in any of it, God, when I say if God's in any of it, then God's in all of it, I don't say that lightly. I had some of the most incredible nurses.

When I went down for the MRI, you know, I got all these piercings. I had to put my piercings back in. Like, I got my neck brace, but I was like, baby, the girl jazzer up a little bit. So they had to take off my earrings and stuff for the MRI because it couldn't have any metal in it. And so I'm in the MRI and they've taken all my jewelry off. And I have this piercing that's a little hard to take off. So it's a whole thing. But I'm finally in the MRI.

And it's two technicians and two male technicians. And the nurse kind of drops me off with the male technicians. and they put me in the MRI and there's this beeping sound. They pull me out and they're like, they're saying that there's still metal on you. Child, it was my wig. Child, you're talking about delusion is really thinking this is your hair. Going into an MRI. And you know that little, it's not even like there's a little metal, like there's the elastic band

and there's this little metal thing that like clips the elastic bands together. Baby, so I'd snatch my wig off. And so when I was coming out there, Lord, and they put my little wig in a little hospital bag, I was down to nothing, baby. So here I am in my jailhouse braids with a neck brace on on the MRI. I think it was just fine. Like, do what you got to do. I'm trying to live.

But when I came out, I told her, and I said, girl, they snatched my wig off in there. She was like, no. I was like, yes, girl, they snatched my wig off. And she was, I said, girl, you got to help me put my wig. And so she, like, you know, tucked my wig back on for me as we was rolling through the hallways. She was just a girl's girl. She had an incredible spirit. And then there was other nurses who, once I got upstairs, they started prepping me for surgery just in case something happened.

And I needed to have an emergency surgery. And so at first, I thought they were moving me from the ER bed to the admission bed. And then, like, they're switching my gown and wiping me down. I was like, whoa, whoa, people usually pay to see y'all in this waiting. So they're, like, laughing. And I got to hear stories from one of the nurses. about just her first year nursing was COVID and how she lost friends and people dying and how it was so hard. And if anything ever happened like that again, how she wouldn't be able to stay. And the toll it took on her.

And I got to just kind of pray and talk to her. And another nurse, and me and her were girls. Like, that's my, like, we, that's my girl. We, like, wore the same shoe size. We were both married to men who are older than us. And, you know, she was telling me just about her family. life and it just felt like no matter what. I'm like this literally the thought that I had is like if God needed for some reason to send these women a reminder or for me to be exposed to how much the caring professionals are carrying and this is what allowed me to see that then I can already see how God is working this together for good. And so, um, if God's in any of it, God's in all of it. And I believe that and I've seen God all along the way.

And just that outpouring of love and support, I've seen so many of your prayers and messages. I'm not necessarily ready to just kind of be like back. I don't even know what it means. Like I just got back on social. But then like what does it look like to just be like my content? Like what content am I going to be creating in this next race? and I guess, I don't know, but I'm not ready to be fully active on social.

And then I don't want to be like, oh, my gosh, you know, the neck brace thing. We get it. You're in a neck brace. So I haven't been on social, but I have seen your messages and your comments and your prayers and the way that you're thinking in me. And I'm just really, really grateful that while I am learning what it looks like to matter and to be cared for and to allow myself to be worthy of care. that God has just sent so many people to level me, so many. I don't know how some of y'all even

got the address to send me flowers, but they're at the church, they're at our mailbox, and I'm just grateful. I'm just grateful, and I'm hopeful that as I am navigating this season, I know that you're going through your own, and I may not know the details, but I certainly understand what it's like to have to trust God in ways that you've never had to trust God. And, to believe that something good is going to come out of something complicated and complex. And to have moments, I woke up today and I was sad, you know, in grieving the life that you once had. I'm wondering what normal it looks like from here. Like, I'm swimming in all of those thoughts.

But I'm taking my time and I'm pressing my way through. And I'm grateful that I don't have to do it alone because at WOMENEvolve, you already know how we do. There is no woman left behind that even means to me. And so I'm in it with you. I love you tremendously. I'm grateful for you. And let me see. What else?

What else? What else? What else? I have watched so many episodes. I pop the balloon. Can y'all drop some, just drop some things below. Like what shows? Oh, I should watch the show.

They y'all been telling me about the chosen. What else should I be watching? or reading. My friend Holly sent me an amazing book is big and thick, which is great because I need time. Obviously, I can get up. I can walk, but, you know, I had to be careful. And because I had to be careful, it's like you can get up and sit somewhere else, or you can get up and you can sit somewhere else. I'm going to try to pop my head in. By time this is out, my mom, my mom's preaching for Mother's Day in Dallas. It'll be her first time speaking in a really long time. And I don't know, sometimes sitting up in this position is not always good for me.

And I can start to feel pain. So I'm going to come to church probably just in enough time to hear her preach and then go back and sit back so that I can continue to recover and rest. But I love y'all. And I'm grateful for you. And thank you for just loving on me in every stage and phase of life. This is Sergei's Roberts. This is the One MeVall podcast. And let's pray.

Heavenly Father, I feel you. I feel your love. I feel the comfort of the Holy Spirit. I feel your grace. And I say thank you in the midst of it all. I just say thank you for not leaving me in this season on my own. and for allowing me to draw near to you, even in the moments where I want to pull away. If someone's listening right now and they're feeling like, oh, I want to pull away,

I can't stand the vulnerability or I have so many questions and so many unknowns. I pray that this podcast reaches them in the middle of their uncertainty and that it is a reminder to them that you never asked us to be certain and to be sure, just to be open and willing to hear. from you and any and every season. I pray, God, that you would tear down the walls, that their pride and their fear have built so that they may invite you into their questions, into their unknowns, and that with the Holy Spirit, that they would be guided into perfect truth, God. And I thank you that as they learned the power of worshiping you in spirit and in truth, that you will unlock wisdom, that you

will transform their minds, that you will give them a hunger and a thirst for righteousness. that draws them not just closer to you, but makes us more and more like Jesus. We thank you in the good times. We thank you in the hard times because we believe truly that you're in it all. And if you're in it all, it must turn towards good. Help us to not miss good when it knocks on our door. In Jesus' name, amen. I love you.

I have lots of pre-recorded podcast episodes. So I will see you next week. And I may not have a neck brace, but it's not because. I don't have a neck brace, but it's because I've got lots of pre-recorded episodes. And some amazing conversations that are literally going to crack you up and teach you and hopefully help you evolve and feel less so long. Thank you for listening to this ramble and this update. I'll talk to you soon.