Woman Evolve with Sarah Jakes Roberts - The Ebbs and Flows of Passion w/ Tiffany Aliche

Episode Date: June 21, 2023

The truth about passion is…it changes over time. What sets you ablaze today could very much lose its momentum by tomorrow. And that’s okay, Sis! Here to walk us through the ebbs and flows of life is Tiffany “The Budgetnista” Aliche, an award-winning financial educator, New York Times best-selling author, and founder of the Live Richer Movement. Since losing her husband at the height of her career, Tiffany sits down with SJR to share her grief journey, shed light on Jerrell’s earthly impact, and tell what’s been fueling her lately. Sis, if you’ve been equally angry yet grateful to God, then this is the episode for you. Learn how to live through the rage, sit with the grief, and in the end, access a genuine joy! SKIMS 

God can't bless you for tend to be or who you can care yourself to. He can only bless you and the lane that was created for you. I feel that for somebody like that. You don't need no itch, itch, itch, itch, you need boundaries. What? I don't need your lights, I don't need your elevation. All I need is a God party for me that's there's all things. All things, all things.

Child. I grew up in church at the height of purity culture. So it is no surprise that when I got pregnant as a teenager, I thought the one thing that I should do in order to fix it was to get married. If I get married, I'm going to fix it. If I get married, everything'm going to fix it. If I get married, everything's going to be okay. So though I was finishing high school, going to college, and the back

of my head, I had this passion, this desire to fix my life and make it beautiful. And I thought that marriage was the one way that that could happen. Then I get exactly what I wanted. Only this marriage is not fixing me. In in many ways this marriage is hurting me More and more our dual brokenness got together and created a Shootout that I don't think either of us survived So it wasn't until I was picking up the pieces of the breakup and divorce That I recognized that my passion had been misplaced. As a matter of fact, it hadn't just been misplaced, it had been hijacked.

Hijacked by my insecurity, hijacked by my idea of what my life should look like. And it wasn't until I decided to surrender my passion and say, God, I only want what you want me to be passionate about. At that time in my life, God really directed my passion towards myself. God wanted me to be passionate about my own wholeness, my own journey of forgiveness, my own journey of reconciling who I was, with who I am, and making the best of where I am. Even now sometimes I have these moments where I can tell my passion is being hijacked by achievement, by success, by culture, by family, by friends, by projections, and I have

to remind myself to come back to a place of center and remember that my passion started with God and has to have God's fingerprints on it no matter what. Today I'm gonna be talking to Tiffany, the budget niece of the queen of finances, the woman who was taught millions of people to get good with money. And though we will talk a little bit about finances, what we're really gonna talk about is passion. What happens when life deals us a blow that changes what we're passionate about,

how do we survive it? How do we find passion and where we are, even if it doesn't look like what we thought it would be? Tiffany's been very open about her husband suddenly passing, and though this conversation is one that I think has so much vulnerability, so much transparency and healing in it. I also recognize how subtle, consistent, and present her passion is throughout this conversation. Whether you've recently lost someone or not, maybe you're in the middle of the year and you're just trying to get that hump of passion back. How do I get the passion that I had in January. Well, sis, maybe we are looking for something that we can no longer

access, but there is passion where we are. Tiffany's gonna help us go in the scavenger hunt for your passion and hours so that we can become better. I know you're gonna enjoy it, so let's get into it. Hey. Hey. How are you? Oh, wow. How are you? I'm well. How are you? I'm doing okay. So, like, what are the things that make you feel passionate? When are you feeling full of fuel and, like, at your best version of yourself?

Well, these days, it's when I spend time with my family and friends. I'm fortunate that I'm one of five girls and three of my sisters live fairly close. And the other one lives in Chicago. I live in New Jersey, so I don't see her as much. But the other ones I see all the time, just yesterday we went to look picking. Oh.

And one of my sisters has two little ones, a seven year old, and a six year old, which was so much fun. I do Sunday supper with my neighbors and my family. Once a month, I just, what used to fuel my passion was achievement. Yeah. I have checked off every box you can think of.

New York Times best seller, award-winning podcast. I've made literally tens of millions of dollars in business. I don't, you know, I don't have to work anymore if I don't want to. I checked out all the things that I could have ever imagined. And, you know, I'm glad to have done that, but it doesn't mean nearly as much

as like literally just connectedness, you know, the sense of like love and embrace that I get for my family and friends. And so that's what's fueling my passion now because I'm just not that interested in achievement like I was before. But that's the thing that keeps me going. You know what I just realized? Our books came out around the same time. I think you were the person who DMed me to let me know I made the New York Times bestsellers.

You're like, sis, we both are in there. What a moment. What a moment. I think one of the things that I've enjoyed. And you came, was it the first one in the Evolve conference or the second one? Yes. Yes, I was doing some kind of begging

because I just kept hearing about Bajanisa. I am in your Facebook group on my personal Facebook page. And I'm always seeing women like, I just got my car. I just did this. I love seeing the testimonies. And I really think ultimately seeing your purpose echo through the lives of other women and then being able to achieve things that they didn't think was possible because of what you've put into the earth. But I think it's so powerful that

even though it's man, that's so your passion has allowed your purpose to echo in the lives of others, even though that's not necessarily what's bringing you passion right now. You've been kind of open on social media. I don't know if you've ever talked about it publicly about your husband passing. Do you think that that's played a role in your pivot? Absolutely. A hundred thousand percent. Because before when my husband was here, I just was like, the thing that really

drove me was like, how can I do better professionally? How can I grow? It was more is more, you know? And I mean, he was very chill and really laid back, just a regular, everyday guy. And so he was always like, his thing was always, if you're good and my bonus daughter is good, I'm good. Yeah. I was like, babe, we should do this. And we could buy real estate and we can, he'm like, okay.

But just know, if you're good and a list is good, I'm good. Wow. And so, you know, but for me, it was like, I felt almost insatiable, you know, because I love the feedback of achievement. And honestly, I was a school teacher before I was the budgetista. And I really love teaching. And I still do.

But I love that I was able to take this thing that I was good at, that God had whispered to me, like when I was a little girl, you're going to be a teacher. And I was just like, okay. And so I love that I was able to take this thing and turn it into something so massive. But I kind of lost sight about what was really important, you know? Like I became a school teacher not thinking I was going to make a ton of money. That's just not why you become a school teacher.

It was just from a place of service. And I just got to be so successful that it just became its own hamster wheel. I was working just as hard as I did when I first started my business 15 years ago, and I didn't know how to step off the wheel. But when Jarelle passed away, it just jolted my system. And I just thought, this is actually not the direction that I want my life to go in. More is more is more is more is more is more.

You know, like I want to spend more time with my family and my friends and I want more connectedness. But I feel like I'm fortunate in that. I don't always listen, but sometimes God will be very persistent. And the few years before Jerald passed away, he was very persistent of you need to slow down and spend more time with your husband.

Wow. And so I took active measures to do that. And I mean, now I understand why that, you know, that was the message, but it was really strong. It took me a while to listen. I was like, okay. And so I stopped working past five. We went on Friday night date nights,

our marriage went from good to great to amazing in the last year. Because he died suddenly. It wasn't like I didn't think, I didn't, it wasn't like, I thought it was an aneurysm. So aneurysms are things that literally he was here on a Monday and gone on Thursday. So it wasn't, he was only 41.

So it just was this whisper of like, you need to spend more time with your husband. You need to slow down Tiffany, but I didn't really know how, although I did carve out to spend more time with him. And once he was gone, all the things I told myself, I could not do, I could not slow down, I could not say no, I could not make a last,

I could not, all those things, you know, death brings such clarity and it was like, that's actually not true. And I shifted everything. And I don't even work one-fourth of what I work before. I still make just as much, oddly enough, because God be like, you put that parameter up. Not me, girl.

You know, that's what you said. I still make just as much. But I work way less, and I have so much time with my family and friends now. It just brings me so much joy and so. That's what really motivates me until whatever. I know that I was created to be a teacher until whatever my next assignment is.

I'm just kind of like waiting for whatever that might look like. I still obviously teach financial education as the budgetista, but I know there's something else coming. And I'm just waiting patiently for God to let me know what that is. Okay, so you said death brings so much clarity. And I think that one of the things that I have learned about death, I actually shared it, like nothing makes you feel more alive than death because it just makes you realize how short the time we have on earth is when you look back in clarity about the season after your husband passed,

like how do you move past? God gave me this whisper. And on one hand, I'm grateful that God gave me this whisper. But did you ever feel like betrayed by God? Like how do you have this setting goodbye to the person you're supposed to spend forever with? Like how do you nurse your heart after that? And I'm not just asking to mind your business. But I know that like as we're talking there, a woman who have experienced sudden loss, whether it's a spouse, a partner, a friend, and like so many women have expressed to me anger with God.

Man, we did a tour in this woman that she had been angry with God for six years because her mom was gone. How do you nurse those moments where God's been faithful in giving you a heads up, but also maybe you feel a little unsafe because he allowed it to happen in the first place.

Honestly, it's been really hard. I mean, there are still days that I'm angry with God like why? He was a good man. And like, I still need him, you know? And, but I think I balance it with the fact that like, we had a really good marriage. You know, like, my husband was a really good man.

I mean, he was like the local, I used to call him the black Mr. Rogers, you know? So, he was the type that, because he didn't grow up with his dad, if we lived in a neighborhood, there was a lot of kids. And he had this thing where like all the kids knew that if they got good grades, they could show them Mr. Jirol, they were poor card and he would give them, you know, like $5 for every B and $10 for every A till it got to be too expensive. And the budget needs to look like, let me see, let me see how that works.

Let me see. Let me see how that works. That's working. Like he would, he would like Friday night, sometimes, he would just buy pizza for the whole neighborhood. Wow. You know, but not just that elderly people too, the day after he passed away, a little old lady came down the street

where I live in Newark and cheering my doorbell. I thought she was lost because I did not know her and she asked me, is this where that young man passed away? And I said, yes. And she said, I just want to give him my condolences. He used to help to like, break my lawn and mow it. And I'm like, that is so him. You know what I mean?

Like, I'm sure I can just imagine him driving to work and seeing this little old lady. She had to be in her mid 70s. Probably she was doing something outside and he pulled over to say, are you by yourself? You know what, I'll combine to it, don't even worry about it. I mean, at his funeral alone, there is so many elderly people who came up to me with like $5 to fold into my hand

and to tell me like what he'd done for them. So he was just such a good man. So I'm just like, God why? Cause not just me, the loss is not just mine. Yeah. There are people he looked after, that he's not here to do that for them. So certainly there's that. But then I'm also flooded with like,

oh, what a blessing that I had that. I knew someone, like that. I remember when I first met Gerot, I was, we were in our mid-20s, and I was a preschool teacher. He was the maintenance man of the building where the school was. And I heard of him before I met him

because people would sometimes come to the daycare center thinking that it was the, I guess the place where the maintenance guys would congregate. And I'm like, no, no, no, it's down the hall. But they used to come and be like, do you know, because my husband is a six six. Do you know where that tall young man is? He said he was gonna take me grocery shopping. Do you know where that tall young man is? He said he was gonna take me grocery shopping.

Do you know that tall young man is? He said he was gonna fix my light bulb. And I would be like, who is this guy? That that's not part of maintenance of the building that's doing all of this. And when I met him, I mean, just the nicest guy. And I remember asking him, this is so crazy. I remember asking him.

I said, are you a Christian? And he was like, well, my mom has to take us to all different types of like the nominations growing up. But you know, I haven't been to church in so many years. And I said because you are the most, like you are the most aligned with Christian doctor and I've ever seen in a person that, you know what I mean?

Cause I'm like, this is not you. Like at 23 years old, I just saw God all through him. I just remember thinking like, who is this? And how do you come to be like this growing up in Newark, New Jersey, in the projects, without your father, your mother raising four kids? You know what I mean? How does this come to be?

And so, yeah, he just was, honestly, it made it clear to me. What it was is because one, I raised against God. I went to Bali for two months after Jerald passed away because I needed to be alone so I could yell like God. Some place beautiful. Right. I want to yell at you in something beautiful. You create it.

I just remember what I'm working with you. I see what you do here. I have some people. So I did that. And when I was there, God just kept telling me Tiffany, I had to take him. He did what he came for.

But I tried my best to soften the blow for you. Wow. Like remember I told you this thing right here? And you did it, that's why. Remember I told you this over here and you did it, but that's why. And I could literally just bring up all these moments when God course corrected for me. And so I could spend more time with Him or I could lean in to Him or I could, and it was

like God was like, I knew I was taking Him, but I just, but I also knew how much you loved Him. And so I tried my best to create a soft landing for you. And He did. He really did. And so I was equal parts angry, but also equal parts grateful. And so therapy helps a lot. And if I'm being honest, I don't know what I would do with that. My black therapist. Shout out to Dr. Green. She's amazing. So that helps a lot with the day to day. But ultimately, there's just so much gratefulness so that even when the grief floods in, it also brings gratefulness to it because I was fortunate enough to be

in partnership with just an amazing human being that whose life still resonates with the people, even though he's not physically here. People are better as a result of him being here. I didn't, obviously I never had the opportunity to meet your husband, but I follow you on social medias. So even for anniversaries and his twin and birthdays, you call him your Superman, there was certainly a level of investment that I think everyone who follows you had just because so many of us have been benefited by the way that you've helped support our lives.

So I know a lot of people showed up for you. You said something that I am wondering, because we're talking about reigniting passion this month. But I'm also wondering, like, is the goal to constantly keep this like furious flame of passion or to settle into a passion that is sustainable. Cause I know the work that you're doing

is still important to you. I know that it's still as value, but also you've balanced it out with this need to really lean into community and be present. And so maybe part of reigniting passion is not thinking that like passion has to be full throttle, but maybe passion is just about sustainability and having passion not just in one direction, but if I have this much passion, how do I spread it

out equally so that nothing suffers? And it sounds like you're in this space where you've learned to really spread out passion in a way to make sure that everything connected to you stays warm. Do you think that's true? Yeah, and I've leaned away from the word balance as much because I feel like, especially for women, that there's this unfair expectation that we hold all things in equal measure, equal wife, equal business woman, equal mother, whatever. And instead, I lean into harmony.

So anybody that goes to a black church on Sunday, the subpranels be here, the office are here, the tenants are here. Right anybody that goes to a black church on the sun, you know, the sopranos be here, the authors are here, the tenors are here. Right? And so, but what happens? There are certain songs where the sopranos, like, that's your time. Like, you are the strong, powerful voice there,

and there are times when the, the, the altos or the tenors have to take over. And so, I think what I strive for now in my life is harmony. And there are moments when I am largely boss lady Tiffany, you know. And then there are moments when I'm like, I'm auntie, you know, like that's like that's that's the like my niece and nephew. They don't care nothing about, although my niece and Amelia more and more is like, I want to do it. Auntie do. The other day I was teaching her how to count money. So I took some money out of my wallet and I was showing her how to count.

And she told my sister, auntie is rich. She's sick. She's sick. I want to do an auntie do because I had this documentary on Netflix called Get Smart With Money. And she saw me on there along with her Gabby's dollhouse. And she was like, hold up. Wait a minute.

She's about to eat. I mean, like, hold up. Wait a minute, she's about to eat. I'm not kidding. Yeah. And then she saw my book and she's like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. But, you know, like, so that's what I strive for, that yes, right now in this season, I'm not heavily, heavily budget needs to. I'm still a financial educator.

You know, I still, my company, like a good company, doesn't need you to like do all the work in order for it to run. And so I have an amazing team. But right now I am heavily Tiffany, daughter, like aunt, sister. That's the space, that's the harmony. That's the tenor that's singing right now.

And but I also know me, I am ambitious. And so something will come up that will spark my fire or God will tell me, here's just like he told me you're going to be a teacher. And then when that was done, he told me to shift to doing what I'm doing now, although I was scared to and I didn't listen for a while because I didn't know where it was going to head. And so I know that like he's giving me space now because who knows you better than your father. To like, you know, just kind of like get back to center. And I, but I know that there'll be another assignment

that comes in that will fuel like this like active passion. And so, no, I do not believe that you have to have the fire turned on all the time. I think that's exhausting. I think that passion like grief, their ebbs and flows. And you kind of, if you're wise, you allow it to ebbing flow and coming in out of your life as it ought to. out with the ebb and flow and coming in out of your life as it ought to.

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After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you. Select podcasts in the survey and be sure to select one more valve in the drop down menu that follows. Okay, so I'm fascinated by the trust it requires to know that more passion is on the way and not feeling like am I falling golf? Do I not have what it takes anymore? Am I not creative? Is someone going to pass me up?

Like I got to keep plowing, I gotta keep moving. Like to trust the ebbs and flows of passion. Like I'm fascinated by that. I mean, maybe because I'm still new at what I'm doing, like I was just sharing with my friend like one of the ball of us five years old. And you know, I'm definitely in an ebbing flow of passion, but I haven't yet learned to really like settle and trust

that this is for the long call. So I'm still rewiring my mind when it comes to the work connected with what I do. But what I will say is that I do have moments where like people meet me and I think they expect for me to be like the person who was preaching their favorite message. And I'm like, that's not like how I walk around the world. Like I'm not in target in the grocery store, like preaching things down, like, let us come

out. Like that's not my jam. So I don't have that energy for you right now. But like I do trust that when it's time for me to step into the moment, I can bring that. But I just, I don't tap it. It's just not there waiting for me at any given moment. But I'm fascinated by the trust that it takes

to say I'm gonna be in this anti-mode and I'm gonna trust that when it's time for me to go for throttle or to have passion for something, it'll be there. I don't know, that's just a level of wisdom and maturity that I need you to unpack for us. You know what? I didn't have it before Daryl Pasterley,

because I was still working like I just started. Yeah. 15 years I was working like, I said Tiffany, you've made nearly $40 million in business. What does it take for you to feel okay? Yeah. I was still working as if I was a startup and like, oh my gosh, any day now it could all crumble.

And so once Daryl P passed away, it was just like, because God had already been, I mean, you know, you know, God be talking to you. And you're like, I'm sorry, what? That connection, I don't know. So I had already gotten the whispers, I had already gotten the dreams, I'd already heard the message,

but I was, I didn't have the faith that if I didn't keep up this level of work, that it would all crumble and fall. And then when Jarelle passed away, I literally could not keep up that level of work. And that only did it not crumble and fall, it grew. And I just remember being like, and God almost like, tell it to you.

Try to tell you, girl. You know, it's actually one cute that you think it's you. It's me, but okay. Wow, that's a word. That's a word. So that was real cute, how you thought you really did all of that. When really you ain't doing nothing but say yes, and I was like, come here girl.

I said, because he was like, you forgot, you was teaching preschool. Look what I brought you since. How is that? You did all that you forgot, you was teaching preschool. Look what I brought you since. How is that? You did all that? Oh, okay, man. Sit down. And so once that happened, it really allowed me to be like,

because honestly, I was tired and I am tired and I'm just like, so I actually don't have the energy to do all the things. And so it forces me to lean against it and be like, what do you want me to do? Yeah. Just what will you have me do? And trusting that it will be the right thing,

because I have just seen over and over and over, hindsight really is 2020. And I'm like, you have me do this, that's why I'm here. Even the fact that my sister lives down the street for me, like I need to her, even the fact that one of my sisters was living with me at the time, temporarily, like it was perfect timing, because I cannot imagine living this house by myself

after Jerald passed away. Even the fact, because I'm, I know people see me as a budgian decent thing. I'm so friendly, I'm actually shy than people realize. I am friendly, but I'm like hyper shy. So you catch me in public, I'm allowed to be like, you know frozen.

I really am. But like Jerald was like really friendly. And so when we moved to be like, you know, frozen. And so, but like, Jarelle was like really friendly. And so when we moved to this neighborhood because he was just like, everybody's business, you know, we created the Sunday supper because of him. And so we had people come over, but what a blessing because once he wasn't here, I needed that community. Look what God seeded in that.

You know what I mean? So what it taught me was that, like Tiffany, if you will just relax, I got you, you know, like even in the losing of your husband, I still got you. Look how I set you up for the softest landing, for the hardest thing in your life. Like I found my therapist like a year or so prior because I'm like, I just feeling a little stressed,

whatever. God was like, yeah, that's what I told you, but I needed you to find her because you're going to need her because unfortunately I'm taking Jorral. And so all of those lessons have allowed me to not lean onto my own understanding and because I'm tired, I get to lean against.

Like, when I envision God, I literally envision myself as a little girl leaning against my dad, like my father. Yeah. You know, like who knows best? And so, you know, like I'm just like, I'm just not here to fight against it. I'm not, like what helps is that, like I take big breaks from social media

because social media will have you feeling bad about a good life, you know? And I do, like I walk like an hour or two to get a day in introspection. I spend a lot of time just asking God, what will you have me do? It's just time, you know, it's because really that hyper focus on achievement,

oftentimes really is just based in fear, right? It is. And fear really is when you don't have the faith to think that it's going to be okay either way that you actually don't have to do all that. Like if right now God wanted, I could say, you know what? I wanna like fix the pipe in my wall and I can open it

and there's like, because my house is a hundred years old, that there's like coins from a hundred years ago, gold coins in the ceiling. And now, you know, I got 50 million dollars worth of gold coins. People have found paintings of Picasso, Agarage sales and they're worth $20 million. What can't he do?

You know, like, I've learned not to worry about, but how are we gonna make that happen? He's like, we, you speak French. Like, I'ma make it happen. You just do what I tell you to do. And so that's like, that's the space. Like, it's really just in the relaxing and the leaning back and the allowing and just waiting for instruction

and just like, okay Tiffany, and you know, because God does speak if you do listen. And if you can't hear Him, it's because you have not turned down the loud components of your life. And you need to do that. You need to practice turning those things down so you can hear more clearly.

Like when my things are all we turn down, it's constant. I can hear God in everything, every choice I make. And then when my life is really loud, I'm just out here like, what should I do? And so that's the key, is learning to turn down the loud in your life. Okay, so I have a question for you.

Do you remember the first time post your husband's passing where you felt like I might be able to live through this and have joy and have celebration through this. Because I mean, I've never lost a partner, but I know that grief can be so heavy that it just sucks the air, it just sucks the wind out of you. And then there's this moment where you're like, maybe I can get through this and have joy. And there is some life left for me after this. Do you remember that and what were you doing?

I do remember. I was, so my best friend Linda, she actually came with me to the, to your conference like, um, remit that, not, not my, less than that. Um, one of the last you came with me to you. Well, women evolved, right? She came with me there, Linda. And I remember it was about a year,

because it's been about a year and a half since you're all passed away. So it's still really new, but it was maybe like eight months or so after he passed away. And I was in the kitchen. I think I was like doing dishes and I was talking to Linda. I've known Linda my whole life. Our parents were friends.

And so we've known each other before we were even here. And so she's more like my sister than she is like my best friend. And so she said something, you know how like your sister just knows you. She said something silly or funny. And I genuinely laughed like the way you do with someone who knows you, knows you, knows you. And I remember I was washing dishes and it wasn't anything like, you know, super comical. But just I remember thinking like as I was mid laughing like, I feel joy in this moment. How is that possible? Like I felt genuine joy because my best friends said something silly and funny. And I laugh at my stomach like, girl, you are so crazy.

But it hit me like, this is joy. Well, I have not felt her in so long. And if I can find joy in this little moment of washing dishes and talking to my bestie, maybe I'll be okay, because these moments are still available to me. And so certainly, one thing I've learned from therapy is that grief would come in. And sometimes it would literally decimate me. It would come in and I couldn't get out of bed for days, you know?

And Dr. Green helped me to think of grief like a wave that like it will wave in and you just basically wait. Just the emotion has flooded in, feel it, but then it does receive back into the ocean and then I'm like, okay, because I could be brushing my teeth and it can flood in. And old Tiffany would have like, I'm taking to the bed, I'm not going out. But now I'm like, I'll just wait a moment, feel it,

miss him, say your prayer, and then, you know, typically, after a few moments, it goes back, you know, like it will receive back. And so that's what I've learned is to like, that allowing grief to come in and out because it's now a part of my life, asking for help, that is so critical because I grew up hyper independent. My dad especially raised his five girls to be like super independent. He was like, I'm not having any sons, unfortunately. So you all going to have to look after yourselves.

And so he raised it to be hyper independent. And so, but I've learned now to ask for help and all things that I've learned now that I'm not here by myself. And that like I do not have to be the caretaker of the world. Because I was always the one looking after everyone else. And when I asked God like after Drill passed away, I said, I need reprieve. I need to go somewhere so I can yell at you. He was like, all right, God told me go to Bali. And I was like, you sure not Thailand? He was like, girl, you asked, I said gorieve. I need to go somewhere so I can yell at you. He was like, all right, God told me go to Bali

And I was like, you sure not Thailand. He was like, girl, you asked I said go to Bali I went to Bali and I thought I went to Bali to learn to take care of myself and to yell at God But the Balinese culture is a very unique one and then they have a culture of Kindness that does not need to be reciprocated, that I have not seen. Like if you Google Balinese culture, they're known for their generosity and giving and kindness. Like when I went, they were still, like it was still,

like post pandemic here, but they had been shut down still. So they had not had any industry in two years. So people were really struggling financially. And I would try to overpay people to hope, like this lady was doing my laundry every week. It was $7. I'm like, that seems too little.

I'm trying to give her 20. She would always leave the extra money. And I'd be like, no, that's for you. She's like, no, it's $7. That's the ballad knees. And it clicked on my train, my plane ride home, when I was like, you know, God, you actually didn't send me to Bali

to learn to look after myself. Because you know I know how to do that already. You sent me to Bali to allow other people to look after me because I was not good at that. And he knew that I needed that support when I got back home to allow my friends, my neighbors, my sister, my family because I was not allowing them to look after me.

And so, it was just such an amazing moment. So, yeah, I just think like, I mean, I don't know what people do without connection to like a higher source because I just, I don't know that I would be here, without that as angry as I am, as I was, I'm just also really grateful that I don't have to navigate the alone,

that I know that there's something bigger and greater. And I also know that like we connect with our loved ones again, you know, like I know that for sure, for sure, for sure. And so like, yeah, like so, you see me here, certainly there'll be, I mean, I'm like, cry after this, but I also will be like, okay, you know, like Tiffany, you're gonna be okay. I might cry after this, but I also will be like, okay, you know, like Tiffany,

you're gonna be okay. I just wanna give this, because I feel like someone is listening and really needs to hear this part. I want you to think about losing a loved one. Like, when I used to teach preschool, there would always be little kids that would come in and be like hysterical like the first few weeks

because they had never been to school and they did not understand that they don't live here now. You know, because three and four year olds they're like, wait, you're dropping me off, this new lady, is she my mom? Like, where did my mom go? Especially during nap time, because they were like, if you sleep a place,

I'm muscle of here. You know? And so they would have a really hard time understanding that they were gonna get picked up. And so some kids though got it intrinsically. They know, mommy drops me off or daddy drops me off or whoever and I get picked up later. So there's this space between getting dropped off and getting picked up, would you get to decide what to do in preschool?

Are you gonna have fun with your friends? Are you gonna eat snacks? Are you gonna play outside when it's time? Are you gonna, you know, play in the dollhouse, blocks whatever, then you can decide to enjoy the in the meantime, knowing that everybody gets picked up. And so I had to like internalize that to remind myself like, yes, Derella's not here,

but eventually you get picked up again. God brings you back home, Tiffany. So in the meantime, are you going to have snacks? Are you going to take your nap? Are you going to play outside? Are you going to have fun with friends? Or are you going to be like some kids and cry the whole time and still get picked up? Anyway, like you cry the whole time?

Because I feel like Gerrero will see me when I'm 80 or 90 or whatever and be like, wow, babe, really? You cried the whole time. You could have been half a snake, having fun. I was coming back either way. will see me when I'm 80 or 90 or whatever and be like, wow, babe, really? You cried the whole time. You could have been having fun. I was coming back either way. Like we all get back to the father and now look, you could have enjoyed that time in the meantime. So I just keep that in mind.

And I hope that blesses someone that like if you are grieving that knowing that you will reconnect with your loved one again, because the father brings us all home at some point. And but in the meantime, how will you live? Because you get to decide, will you cry the whole time? Certainly you can. Or will you decide that I'm going to lean in and enjoy life as I have it?

Because that truly is a blessing. That is amazing. And now I want a lifetime movie, and I want tears at the end. I want from scratch the end. I want from scratch the different version of what your story and the wisdom that you're gleaning while nursing your wounds. I know it's going to help so many people. So thank you. I'm glad that you were obedient and sharing that because I've never heard grief describe that way and I'll

never forget it. This show is sponsored by Better Sleep. A personalized sleep experience shown to improve our well-being in just one week. Sis, are you restless during the day due to trouble sleeping at night? Child, I've been there, done that, and found a solution. The Better Sleep app. Sure, we all want to feel ready to conquer our day when we wake up.

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There's a lot going on with like the dollar and the China and Russia and all of these things. When you look at what's happening in the world as it relates to just the financial economy, what are some tips or tools that you think we need to have in our back pocket to survive? Whatever's happening, going to happen, about to happen, currently happening, it depends on who you ask whether or not, where you're in it or not. The thing about financial cycles is that it always gets messy every 10 to 15 years. And it's like Christmas. It comes from on every December and yet, you know, December 20, you know, 22nd, you

scrambled to get gifts. You knew Christmas was coming. You don't even hear me. Meaning that like, one, I just want you to know that there are external financial things that happen, it's just, it's the cycle. The economy does well, the economy doesn't. The economy does well. You're going to see that God willing,

eight to 10 times in your lifetime. And so like one, set your mind to know that there are external things that you cannot control and that's okay, but that's just part of it. Nothing is quote unquote wrong. It's just doing what it does, which is cycle. You don't have a heart attack when you see that the leaves fall off the trees because you know spring comes. That's just, there's a cycle where this is just what the fall looks like.

So one, acknowledge that there are economic cycles that are outside of your control, but knowing that they're going to happen, meaning good, bad times, good times, bad times. So that's one. Two, commit to just having a basic, I want you to live within this basic tenants when it comes to money. Is that one, you have to make money, right? So you have to be employed, you have to be working.

Two, you have to somehow figure out how to live below what you make. You can either do that by spending less or you can do that by making more or blended of both. Like, some way somehow, you have to spend less than you make. You know, if you are making minimum wage in your like, girl, I don't have cable, I don't get my eyebrows done, I don't do anything, I believe you,

then it's not about that you have a spend too much issue. You have a don't make enough issue. So you have to ask yourself, how can I make more? Is it that like, when I was a preschool teacher, I used to tutor and maybe sit on the side, or is it that I need to dust off my, my LinkedIn profile and look for another job? Is it that I need to go to my local,

you're not a way and get my resume done? It's because I have to find someplace else to work. Like, is that what it is? I don't know. But, you know, you have to find someplace else to work. Like is that what it is? I don't know. But you have to make more or you have to spend less because you have to have that piece. You have to have this break in between where there's excess money that's not being spent.

Because with that money, some of it is to start to create this safety net, which is your emergency fund, at least three months. Now, if you're like my mom before she retired, she was a nurse, three months is more than enough. Because nurses back then, and nurses now, hot, they, if you're a nurse, you already know. Like, if you know, you could go anywhere right now,

since it get any job that you want, because nurses are so in demand, they've always been, but my sister, who is an engineer, especially as a black woman, it took her a year to find her first job. She might need six months to a year's worth of savings, just because it took a long time to get her first job, and it's hard for black women engineers to be employed sometimes.

So that's three, it's like creating a safety net. And then four with the excess is that like, money is something that has to be nurtured to grow. And so you have to invest. And I know sometimes that sounds scary, but investing can be anything from like I started a business. You know, that's investing. I have a couple of properties, you know, that's investing. If there's also the market, and even if you don't know how to invest in, like saying, the stock market, there are tools where you can kind of set it and semi forget it. You can invest in something called like an index fund, which is really just a basket of stocks that does what the stock market does. So the stock market over the last 100 years

has brought back a 10% return. That means for every $100, you get $10, right? And so if you just do what the market does, a 10% return annually. So some years it might bring back negative 10 and some years positive 20. But overall, you're looking at an average of 10%, which is good. And so if you just put your money in just sleep, I'm gonna put my money in this index fund that does what the market does. And that's it.

You are still better than like doing better than 90% of the people. So to recap, understand that there are financial cycles that are outside of your control. So you just can't, I don't concern myself with them. Because I can't do anything about it, you know. Two, I have to figure out how to either make more or spend less, because there has to be some excess.

Three, I have to save some of the excess to create a safety net for myself. And then four, the additional excess, because if you only need three months, if you're saving five months, you're wasting money. Because that savings should be in a high yield savings account, right? And that's just one of those savings accounts that doesn't give you back 0.001% like your regular bank, a high yield savings account.

But anything above that, it's actually wasting money because you want to put the rest to work and that's investing. So if you do those four things, it's that simple. I know everybody wants a magic wand. It's like, how do I get my body snatch for the summer? You are, you know, sis. Exercise of eating right. That's it.

That's the whole story. That's it. Yes. Spend less than you make. Save some money and invest. That's it. It's just that I think people overcomplicated. And it takes a little bit of discipline, but I like automation to help, so I don't have

to be as disciplined. But that's it. That's why I wrote Get Get With Money to wall people step by step who really needed that handholding to like, how do I budget in a way that I have excess money? Where do I save that money? How do I invest that money? And so like, that's what my book helps people do. But that's really it. And you're and here's the blessing of when you learn to what I call achieve financial

wholeness, which are these 10 components of your financial life. The blessing is that as things come your way, you're able to navigate. Like, Jarelle passed away, but I get to just miss him. Financially, there is no, you know what I mean mean I have friends who've lost their husband and their home yeah I can't even imagine yeah you know but I get to just miss him because of the financial choices that we made together and so like to me money is not just about like so you can have these nice things it's so you can actually be okay yeah you know that you can weather storms that seem unimaginable and so I want financial wholeness for everybody so until yeah, it's those those basic premises.

Okay, I have to ask you before we go. What woman has been the most instrumental in the last year and a half in helping you navigate this new version of life that you're living in. Um, wow. That's a really good question. Who was helped me most? I would probably say probably my therapist, Dr. Nalai Jogreen, she's in Atlanta. She's just awesome.

I don't know how black women, I don't know. Dr. Green, she could be 35, she could be 45. Who knows? We don't know. She looks good is what we say. Yes, I'm always like, how old is Dr. Green? I don't know. But she's around my age, because I'm 43.

She's around my age and she's exactly what everyone needs something different in therapy. And sometimes you need a mother figure, sometimes you need to, but I need to assist a girl, a friend. Yeah. You know? And so she understands, so she's a high achiever too. I think she's got like a double doctor. She's just dope and amazing. But so she understands me as a woman, as a black woman, as a high achieving black woman, but also someone who is soft and who wants to be looked after and cared for. And so like, when I talked to Dr. Rian, also too, you know, she's a woman of faith, you know,

so I can talk about that with her. And so she has just been, there's been a number of amazing women that have helped me through this time, but I know every two weeks because now we're down to two weeks, every two weeks when I meet with Dr. Green, that like, I am going to be like affirmed. I'm also going to be like, you know, because therapists don't tell you what to do. They just help you look better internally at yourself and like, and help to decide for yourself

what you're wanting to do. And so I do not know what I would have done without, you know, Dr. Green. And so hands down, like she's been like the most influential person after Gerrall passing away. So I was going to ask you, what do you hope that she knows about the role that she's played in your life?

I hope that she knows that she has helped me to like come back to life, you know. She's helped me to see grief for what it is, you know, and not allow it to totally overtake me. I hope that she knows that like, I'm just so, so, so, so grateful for her, for her kindness, for her professionalism, you know, for just stepping in, because she sought me out. I had not had therapy in a while, but once she heard when he passed away,

she reached out to me and was just like, you need to come back, I said, I do. And so I hope she just knows that I am so, so, so, so, so grateful, and I know that she's literally, was literally God sent, like literally God sent. And I'm so glad that we both listened. And so yeah, that's what I hope she knows. Thank you.

This was amazing. I wasn't, I didn't know what direction this was going to go in, but I know that you've ministered to a lot of people, so I appreciate that. And I can't wait to see what God tells you is next for you, because I have a feeling everything that you've gone through, all of the knowledge and wisdom and experience you have is going to be put together into something that's going to change all of our lives. So I look forward to experiencing you. No, thank you. I just know that like, you know, we're all blessed to be blessings. And so I'm grateful for the opportunity. Thank you for having me. No problem. Well, blessing CEO, I hope you go pick some tulips

and count some money with the nieces in Heaven's amazing day. Thanks, Sarah. Take care. Tiffany, your affection, your love, your knowledge, your wisdom, it is so well understood and Received. Thank you so much for pouring out so generously about your life and your experiences. I'm so appreciative of the time You spent with me and I root for the work that you're doing to financially free and educate women and men all over the world We'll talk to you next week guys.

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