Woman Evolve with Sarah Jakes Roberts - The Power to Start Over w/ Adrienne Bailon-Houghton

Episode Date: July 10, 2024

Get a front-row seat on the New York stop of SJR's Power Moves Tour, where she chopped it up with Power Player, Adrienne Bailon-Houghton! After releasing her former desires and seeking after God's own heart, Adrienne shares how she accessed the power to start over, reinventing her self-image and family life. Yaaasss Father God, W.E. love to see it!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Welcome, welcome, welcome to another exciting episode of the Trap Nerds Podcast. This is not an episode. I'm pretty sure this is a promo. You know what it is. We in this piece. Trap Nerds, Trap Nerds, real n***a like you never heard. We giving you reliable gaming news. With the best movie and TV reviews from a blur perspective. All things inside and out of Blur Culture.

Listen to the Trap Nerds or the Black Effect podcast network, iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcast. What's good? It's Colleen Whit and Eating While Broke is back for Season 3. Brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeartRadio. We're serving up some real stories and life lessons from people like Van Lathan, DC Youngfly, Bone Thugs and Harmony, and many more. They're sharing the dishes that got them through their

struggles and the wisdom they gained along the way. We're cooking up something special, so tune in every Thursday. Listen to Eating While Broke on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by State Farm. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. If someone asked you to name a queer icon, who would you say?

Britney, Christina, Shirley Bassey, Tina, Madonna, Celine Dion, Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey. Bruce Springsteen. This is Because the Bus Belongs to Us. A serious journalistic quest to get Bruce Springsteen recognised as the queer icon we know that he is. Listen to Because the Boss Belongs to Us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Until you change the way you see your life, you're not going to be able to have that amazing

man. Thank God for Jesus. We have a bridge in becoming, but He knows who we are. I grew up praying, but like, I would say Father God, 73 million times, I guess it's now time to give Him the glory for everything I've gotten to experience. And I'm here for it. I'm so here for it. What's up, woman evolve? It's your girl back in the saddle.

How are you? What is going on in your world? OK, first of all, I want to say this. Last week when I was on the podcast, I said I was on sabbatical. I wasn't preaching until July 28th. Things in the schedule have changed. I am preaching on the 14th. Can you pray for me? I need a prayer. Oh, I do have a message, though, and I am preaching on the 14th. Can you pray for me? I need a prayer.

I do have a message though, and I am excited about giving it, but I have been, I don't know, I feel like this summer has been busier than I anticipated, and I'm not getting as much rest as I wanted. Like I have definitely unplugged from this sense of responsibility, but I can also feel responsibilities encroaching upon me and it doesn't feel, it doesn't feel good. I sent my friend a message today and I said, you know how they say you got to pay the cost to be the boss. I don't want to pay the cost. I just want to be the boss.

Like I don't want to pay the cost, but I don't want anyone else doing it but me. What am I to do? Can you all mind my business? What am I to do with this? I also am not feeling that well. I just got over a cold over Father's Day weekend and I feel like I'm getting a cold again. I did test for COVID. It's not COVID.

It's just nasty out here and am I a fan? No, I am not a fan. So y'all pray for me. I'm trying to get my spirit right. Not for like my spirit is right. Hold on. Don't hold on. My spirit is right.

But I'm just I need to rest. I can kick whatever this bug is out of the way. Maybe and I probably need to check my hormones and I probably need to stop eating carbs. I probably need to eat fruits and vegetables and protein to balance my hormones. But whatever. That's my business. What's yours? What's happening in your life? If I had a feelings wheel, what feeling would you pick out?

I had to pick out a feeling today on the feelings wheel, and it was sadness. I think I'm experiencing some grief as well. I've had some transitions in my friendship circle. We're all still friends, but I'm just navigating friendship, having a different expression than I anticipated, which actually leads me to this next thing.

So am I word vomiting? Did I miss y'all? Possibly. Anyway, here, listen. So I am wondering, we have space for one more topic at WOMEN EVOLVE, and I am torn between making it a conversation about mother wounds, mother daughter relationships. Since we have girl evolve there, it seems like it would be a beautiful opportunity to kind of dive into a motherhood dynamic. Or do I make it about friendships and navigating

the complexity of friendships? Do I break it up and cover both? I don't know. These are the things that I'm asking myself. You guys send me an email. Let me know what you're thinking. Podcasts at womanyevolve.com. I would love your input.

I want to make sure that this content is quite literally meeting everyone where they need it the most. And I can't do that without your help. Okay, so in addition to answering that question, is there something that I can answer about your life? You're in my business, you're minding all of my business. You might as well return the favor and allow me to mind some of yours.

I have an email from someone and it says, first off, I love you and thank you for being you. Hey girl, I love you too. Thank you for receiving me. I appreciate that. Appreciate that. It continues putting yourself out there to speak publicly and speaking to my heart virtually. God bless you. Specifically, what I'm currently struggling with is my self identity as a new mother. I feel like I have not forgiven myself for having a child with the person I had a child by. I am disappointed with myself.

The decision to have a baby by this person was and is the biggest mistake of my life and I feel like I will always be punished and judged for it. As a result, I feel stuck. Before I had my child, I thought very highly of myself. And I still do, but I have doubts now. I'm very optimistic about life, and to give context, I'm beautiful and I'm in shape. I work out three to four times a week. If you look at me, you would never know I feel this way about myself. I feel like being a single mom has dimmed my light, and I feel others don't deem single

mothers worthy of a good man of good quality. I feel that society believes women who have children are damaged goods and that because we chose wrong, we can only have the men that no one else wants. At the same time, I still believe I deserve an amazing man, but I'm wondering if an amazing man will find me just as valuable or worthy and treat me the way I want to be treated. That is a question on my mind. I'm not willing to settle for less. I choose to not bother dating. How do you regain yourself love and

self worth after mistake? How do you see yourself the way you should the way that God sees you? How do you forgive yourself and move on from what you feel like others will always remind you or judge you for? Sis, this, there are layers to this question. And so I'm just God, please give me wisdom as I handle the delicate nature of this question. Give me insight, give me grace to meet her in a place of visibility, of empathy and awareness and to challenge her in ways that will help her draw closer to love and closer to you. Jesus name I'm in charge. I have to pray. Because there are a

few things that came to mind when I was reading this that I want to try and dissect. Okay, so when you said that you were struggling with your self-identity and you're disappointed with who you made a baby by, first of all I want you to say that this is not uncommon for women who have been in toxic, unhealthy relationships or relationships with partners who were, you know, maybe not as respectable as the fairy tale dream that we had in mind when having children. I believe that there's an opportunity here for you to forgive yourself while also interrogating what it was about this person that drew you to them in the first place.

On one hand, it seems like you have high self-esteem based on your outward appearance and your beauty, but perhaps there is some low self-esteem that is driving that sense of value in your visibility and physicality. The only reason why I say this is because I do believe that for the most part when we are in relationships that are not healthy, that the relationships are a reflection of something that is unhealthy within us. And those reflections in the relationships that person is just echoing some subconscious thought that we have about ourselves, some unprocessed belief systems or toxic belief

systems that we need to interrogate. And so if it was just about forgiving yourself, I would say that forgiveness is not just like letting yourself off the hook for who you had a baby with, but understanding what fragility existed inside of you that connected you to a person who you are no longer proud or were never proud to be in a relationship with. So when I make this personal and I look at some of the choices I've made in relationships, there's a part of me that wants to draw a big red nose on every single picture of me because I'm like, how did you like there are some people I just erase off the board never

happened like surely, surely I didn't do that. But I did do that. But I did do that. And the version of me that did that was afraid, was looking for love, was, you know, maybe trying to exercise some sense of power and control, trying to use my body or to pursue ego or status by being in a relationship with this particular type of person. And I got what I wanted and what I wanted was not what I needed. And in those moments I walked away feeling stupid, feeling foolish, but not because of who I was with as much as it was who I was in that relationship. And when you feel a sense of shame based off of who you were in a relationship, it can

be easy to want to just distance yourself from who you were in a relationship, it can be easy to want to just distance yourself from who you were in a relationship. But I believe the deeper work is being compassionate towards who you were in that relationship. How did I end up there? What was I believing? What was I looking for? And ultimately, getting to a place where you're able to look at your choices the way that God does. So when we talk about looking at our lives the way that God does, the reason why we don't disappoint God is because God already knows what's inside of us. He knows that we are humans, that we're messy, that we make poor choices, that our pride, our ego, our insecurities, our shame, our guilt thwarts us from being who he had in mind. Thank God for Jesus. We have a bridge in becoming, but he knows who we are. And because he knows who

we are, he meets us where we are. And so when God looks at us, he's not disappointed by what we did, he's hungry for us to finally see ourselves the way that he sees us, so that we can activate the Holy Spirit that will lead us into the identity that he has for us. And so my suggestion to you is to do some self examination so that you can find compassion for the person you were in that relationship to understand that that person with that level of trauma, that level of insecurity, that level of emptiness was drawn to someone who took advantage of it or who didn't know how to honor

the best parts of you because they were preying on the weaker parts of you. And once you get to that place, I believe that the second part of your question is going to kind of unfold organically because even though you believe that you are still worthy of having an amazing man in your life. Until you change the way you see your life, you're not going to be able to have that amazing man. You have to be willing to still see your life as amazing, to still see your life as valuable. You said that to a certain extent in your question, but what you said about the beliefs about single mothers, the belief about women who've had

children outside of the context of marriage or outside of a healthy relationship leads me to believe that you have some reframing to do in your own mind about single motherhood. If that's how you see single mothers, if that's how you are anticipating the world is going to see you because that's how you once saw someone in your situation, I think it ushers in another opportunity for expanding your mindset and mentality so that you recognize that people end up in any number of situations for any number of reasons. Just because a woman is a single mother doesn't mean that she's not intelligent. It doesn't mean that she's not beautiful. It doesn't mean that she's not beautiful.

It doesn't mean that she's not still worthy and valuable. And I think until you change the way you see women like you, until you really believe that those things are still possible, you can't war against the concepts of the world. I wish I could say that better, of course, but belief is very powerful. And if you believe that the world is going to see you a certain way, then you will only see your way through the lens of how other people see you, which is something that I'm working on. So you're like not in this on your own. Even when I think about you talking about the way that you looking from the outside looking

in no one would ever expect the way you feel if you are only seeing yourself the way that other people see you and you are not doing the beautiful work of embracing how you see yourself and allowing you to see the world through the lens of the inside out not the outside in, then you will constantly be afraid of the projections of other people instead of projecting from the inside out the worth and the value that you feel you possess. So my prayer is that you would have a radical encounter with God that reconciles every step

that you have taken, that you would experience the overwhelming presence of the Holy Spirit, filling you up from the inside out, smoothing out those sharp edges, capturing those thoughts, bringing them in captivity and into the obedience of Christ, which means like, if Jesus wouldn't say this to me, I can't say this to me, if Jesus doesn't see me this way, then I don't need to see myself that way. Like really challenging the way that you're showing up in the world so that you can experience all that this world has to offer you. So that was a long answer,

but I hope that it was helpful for you. And for those of you who are listening, as always, if there's something that you think I missed or a perspective that you think could add value to our sister, send me an email. Don't send me a podcast. But you can send me an email to podcast at womanyvolve.com because together I believe that we can get it right. So thank you for trusting me. I hope that that was something.

If not, eat the chicken, spit out the bones like the old folks say, and keep a push in it. You feel me? You feel me? Evolve. Evolve. Welcome. Welcome, welcome to another exciting episode of the Trap Nerds podcast. This is not an episode. It's a promo.

You know what it is. Promo time. We in this piece. Trap Nerds. Trap Nerds. Real know what it is, promo time. We in this piece. Trap Nerds, Trap Nerds, real n****s like you never heard. Join the Trap Nerds podcast every Monday and listen to us discuss all things inside and out of Blurred Culture. Quint Tarantino squashes his beef with Marvel and be like, I got this. See, I mean, if we shot the road, we'll see. I'll be down with it.

Make me look at me extra racing to be ex-racing. With the best movie and TV reviews from a blur perspective. I think if Bode Mio hadn't got fired, Kevin Feige would be in trouble right now. Breach. We're giving you reliable gaming news and real genuine game reviews. I'll stand for Lightning. Why does she have three games? Because she a bad-

I hate you so much, Lightning. Listen to the Trap Nurse podcast or the Black Effect podcast network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. What's good? It's Colleen Whit and Edie Wallbrook is back for season three, brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeartRadio. We're serving up some real stories and life lessons

from people like Van Latham. TMZ was starting a tour. Harvey came and took the tour. By July, I'm on TV every day. I endear myself to the audience. He comes in, he goes, we're going to give you a raise. I think maybe a year, two years after that, I was a producer. DC Young Fly.

It wasn't really no way for us to make income off of Vine like that. It was more so notoriety. Once that popped off, it was like people was following it. I didn't know how big it was. I didn't know people was doing this on their spare time. I was like, don't do that kids. That's bad. It was crazy that it had to be that real and that harsh. Our mission was we was telling everybody in the hood, we finna go meet Eazy-E. We about to come back and do a video. Of course, we didn't know, so we was lying like a moth. Little do we know, we speak in reality,

and we gonna come back with a bus and camera crew. And many more. They're sharing the dishes that got them through their struggles and the wisdom they gained along the way. We're cooking up something special, so tune in every Thursday. Listen to Eating While Broke on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio

app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by State Farm. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Delve into the visceral world of hip hop with the Gangsta Chronicles, a podcast that aims to unravel the intricate tapestry of one of music's most influential and misunderstood subgenres, Gangsta Rap. Hosted by MCA and Big Steels every Thursday, each episode provides an in-depth exploration into the formative artists,

monumental albums, and socio-political factors that have shaped gangsta rap from its emergence in the 80s to its enduring impact today. Gangsta Chronicles unpacks the evolution of this uniquely American art form. We dive into the socio-cultural aspects that gangsta rap boldly addressed, from police brutality to systemic racism, offering listeners a comprehensive understanding of the profound cultural significance this genre holds. Listen to the Gangsta Chronicles on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, or

wherever you get your podcasts. I am so excited. I have been sharing the conversations from the Power Moves Tour and I had some incredible conversations with women from all different walks of life. You guys know Adrienne Houghton. She's no stranger to this podcast she's been on before. Last time she was on, we were having a conversation about motherhood. Little did I know that she was on the journey of becoming a mother. She has since become a mother. She was on, I mean, everyone knows her from the Cheetah Girls. I was a little too old for the

Cheetah Girls era, but my bonus daughters were definitely in the Cheetah Girls era. But when the real came out, everyone was obsessed with the real. From there, she's been on E, she's acting, she's put out music, she's a force, a multi-talented force who is settling into a new expression of power. I wanted to talk to her because she's been such a powerful player in the entertainment space and yet as her life has pivoted, she is finding beauty and power in resting and being a mother and being a wife and being able to be on the road. And I put her on the spot at this tour and made her pray out loud and she blessed us. New York was also very special.

New York was the day, this was, I'm sorry, so this was April 30th in New York, the day that my book came out. This was the third Power Moves Tour stop. Before then, we'd done Houston, which I was a nervous wreck for, but God showed up. We did Chicago, which, oh my gosh, I felt like I was in my bag. It was beautiful. It was fun. Flew home and did church on Sunday in Dallas, then flew to New York Sunday night. This is probably why I'm tired and stressed. Did interviews Monday, Tuesday though. Tuesday was the night that we filmed or recorded this conversation that you're about to listen

to. And I had kind of like locked into this zone of just doing the press, doing the tours. Like I get into this beast mode way of being. And my husband surprised me in New York and my children came and visited me. And like I would play a clip from that, but it won't even make sense in context because all it is is me dropping to the knees

and the kids patting my back. But this was after, no, this, I had my conversation with Adrienne after, before, before the kids surprised me. So I pulled myself together pretty nicely for the evening. And shortly after this conversation became undone, which just goes to show you, I put her on the spot to pray,

but she put me on the spot by pulling out this surprise. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this conversation as much as I do. Let's get into it. I want you to welcome to the Power Moves Tour, Miss Adrienne Bylon-Houghton. I love you. Thank you so much. Thank you for having me.

Hi. I love you. Thank you so much. Thank you for having me. Wow. Isn't that crazy? Wow. I was just sitting on the side and then I did not expect to see this. Isn't that crazy? That is so good. What's up New York?

Y'all know that I'm from New York, right? Right, yeah? Okay. In case my accent didn't make that clear, I thought I'd say it. I am so happy to be here. I'm so happy to have you. I want you to know that you will call me at any time and I will drop whatever I'm doing to sit next to you. It is an honor.

I believe in what God has placed in this woman's heart. I believe for when she speaks. I believe that it's not you speaking, but God speaking through you. And so it's gonna be an awesome night. I was already blessed just sitting on the sidelines, right? Okay, so I have to ask you, who did you have to disappoint? Or what did you have to be willing to let go of

in order to start over? Wow. Crazy enough in the age of social media and being in this industry since I was 14 years old I would say the image that I created of myself that I had introduced to the world and then I realized that that was not who God created me to be. And having to change that and feeling like that was disappointing people and maybe some of the decisions that I was making in my life, who I wanted to date, the things I now wanted to post. Like I feel like some people are like, yo, she's mad corny now. Like who is this and where are the thirst traps? Like, but I felt that. I genuinely felt that

there was an audience out there who knew me in one way, but that wasn't how God knows me. And so for me I almost felt like that was kind of disappointing. At some point in my life, in my relationships, I felt that I was disappointing my family and my close friends with ending relationships or making different decisions. And that was hard, that was really hard. And I remember taking a trip to Paris. I had always told myself, okay, I wanna study abroad.

But I had never been to college, so I like barely finished high school. But I remember being like, oh, I wanna study abroad. Like, so I like barely finished high school, but I remember being like, oh, I want to study abroad. That just seems so cool. And I remember during my time going to Paris, I signed up for a school that allows you to get credits that could go towards a college degree. And wanting to be there because I really believed that I needed to hear the voice of God instead

of the voice of everyone else, instead of the voice of my friends, my parents, Instagram comments, and I needed to hear the voice of God. And I remember just really diving into that when I was there by myself. Okay, first of all, you just dropped so many bombs. Oh God. Because you had to be willing to no longer be loyal to who you allowed

other people to think you were. And I created that. Like yeah it's one thing when people project something when because I'm just thinking about people they're not in this room but like people who are like oh I'm the strong friend I can be there for you I can do whatever you need I have limitless capacity I never get tired I love running around town doing absolutely everything for other people. Yes Who don't want to actually tell people that I'm actually going through depression Or I'm actually struggling because so many people think I'm strong They think I'm smart that they don't know about these areas where I'm still struggling. But you broke your own image.

Yes, and that is really hard because those people will now project on you what you told them. And the person you told them you were. And are we strong? Yes, we're strong. But we're not always strong. And we don't always have to be strong. And there's strength even in our weakness,

you know what I mean? Like, that's real. And you don't have to be like, I'm not talking about like an image when we're talking about just entertainment business, but there's things that, like you said, we say we're the strong friend. You say, oh, I love to help people,

so everybody comes to you for help, and here you are now, spreading yourself so thin where you're like, I can barely help myself. But you told me you like to help people. Well now here I am to tell you I do like to help people but I need help today. And like how do you flip that? How do you say that?

And is that gonna disappoint some people that maybe needed your help that day? Possibly. But ultimately, like I always, I have a girlfriend of mine who is that, and I love her so much, and like sometimes we'll actually get in arguments because I'm like, you do too much for people, including me.

I am the person you do too much for, and I love you enough to tell you that. And I always tell her, why are you so comfortable with being uncomfortable like why is it okay for other people to make you uncomfortable you're okay with that because you don't want them to be uncomfortable and I hope she sits with that because I know I've had to I was more comfortable being the rah-rah version that I created of myself then even being somebody that that would pray out loud.

I know that sounds so weird, but when I was on the show, The Real, that sounded like a name drop, but when I was on The Real, we would pray before we did the show. And I remember when we started doing that, Tamar would pray and Tamara would pray, and they like pray-pray, you know what I mean? And like I grew up praying but like,

it's a little different, like I was saying, I was saying like, Father God, I thank you and I would keep saying, I know this is so ridiculous, like I would say Father God 73 million times and I would hear myself saying Father, I'm like yo, I sound mad stupid, like, who talks to God? Like, who talks to you and says, Sarah Jakes, Sarah Jakes? Like, you're not gonna say, like, come on.

Like, I would literally be like, and Father God, we just thank you right now, because Father God, we love you, Lord Jesus, and Father God. And I would be so embarrassed, because I felt like I sounded so stupid, but that's just what would come out when I would pray. I don't know why. Maybe my mom prays like that, I need to check on that.

But that for me, I would easily spit a wild rap verse that was like nuts and crazy before I would pray Father God, Father God 73 million times, but that was my prayer. It was like dumb, simple things like that that I had to come to terms with to be like, why am I so comfortable doing something like that, that actually I'm uncomfortable doing that is performance oriented versus doing something that I know is so genuine to my heart, even though it sounds wrong.

You know what I mean? I do. that I know is so genuine to my heart, even though it sounds wrong. You know what I mean? I do, I feel like in order to transition from the image that you allow people to believe you have into authenticity, that we wanna do it in strength. Like I wanna feel strong here, and I also wanna be honest about who I am, but I wanna do that from a place of strength I am but I want to do that from a

place of strength too and until I can do that from a place of strength and I will not risk the vulnerability to jump into that new space. That's so real. But it feels like what you're saying is that there is an element of I'm gonna call it weakness even though it isn't weakness because it's ultimately vulnerability that is the cost of admission for authenticity. And it's so worth it. I said that. And it's so worth it. That cost is so worth it because you at some point will be able to look at yourself and

be like, I know her. Yes. And there's something so dope about that, not just that I know her, but I know her. And there's something so dope about that, not just that I know her, but I know her the way God knows her, I know her the way my mom knows her, I know her the way people that personally live life with me, and my mom used to tell me all the time, you can't take things personal from people

that don't know you personally, right? And I started thinking to myself, how do the people that know me personally actually really know me to be? Do they know me to be somebody that drives in the car every day listening to worship music? Yes. Do they know me to be, yes, Father God, Father God, Father God, yes, they know that part of me too.

And like, that's okay. And that, being able to tear away that other image and then be able to say, I know myself and it aligns with how God knows me, always worth it. Always worth it. Okay. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for that. Welcome, welcome, welcome to another exciting episode

of the Trap Nerds podcast. This is not an episode, it's a promo. You know what it is, promo time. We in this piece. Trap Nerds, Trap Nerds. Real n****s like you never heard. Join the Trap Nerds podcast every Monday and listen to us discuss all things inside

and out of Blurred Culture. Whoa, Quint Tarantino squashes his beef with Marvel and be like, I got this. See, I mean, to push y'all to the road, we'll see. I'll be down with it. Make me look at me. With the best movie and TV reviews

from a blur perspective. I think if Bode Mio hadn't got fired, Kevin Pye would be in trouble right now. Breach. We're giving you reliable gaming news and real genuine game reviews. I'll stand for Lightning. Why does she have three games?

Because she a bad dude. I hate you so lightning. Why does she have three games? Cause she a bad- I hate you so much. Listen to the Trap Nurse podcast or the Black Effect podcast network, iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. What's good? It's Colleen Witt and Edie Wildbrook is back for season three.

Brought to you by the Black Effect podcast network and iHeartRadio. We're serving up some real stories and life lessons from people like Van Latham. TMZ was starting a tour. Harvey came and took the tour. By July, I'm on TV every day. I endear myself to the audience.

He comes in, he goes, we're going to give you a raise. I think maybe a year or two years after that, I was a producer. DC Young Fly. There wasn't really no way for us to make income off of Vine like that. It was more so notoriety. Once that popped off, it was like people was following it.

I didn't know how big it was. I didn't know people was doing this on their spare time. I was like, don't do that, kids. That's bad. It was crazy that it had to be that real and that harsh. Bone Thudz and Harmony. Our mission was we was telling everybody in the hood, we finna go meet Eazy-E.

We bout to come back and do a video. Of course we didn't know, so we was lying like a moth. Little do we know, we speak in reality and we gonna come back with a bus and camera crew. And many more. They're sharing the dishes that got them through their struggles and the wisdom they gained along the way.

We're cooking up something special. So tune in every Thursday. Listen to Eating While Broke on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by State Farm. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Delve into the visceral world of hip hop with the Gangsta Chronicles, a podcast that aims to unravel the intricate tapestry of one of music's most influential and misunderstood subgenres, Gangsta Rap.

Hosted by MCA and Big Steels every Thursday, each episode provides an in-depth exploration into the formative artists, monumental albums, and socio-political factors that have shaped gangsta rap from its emergence in the 80s to its enduring impact today. Gangsta Chronicles impacts the evolution of this uniquely American art form. We dive into the socio-cultural aspects that gangsta rap boldly addressed, from police brutality to systemic racism, offering listeners a comprehensive understanding of the profound cultural significance this genre holds. Listen to the Gangsta Chronicles on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, or wherever

you get your podcasts. Let's go. So can you tell me about just a time maybe recently, because you've transitioned, you've made some changes in your life, and I feel for me, I'm like kind of on the outside looking in, because we don't talk like every day, but I can like bug you sometimes. But it feels like in many ways that you, I don't want to say gave up, so you correct my language, but you were willing to give up spotlight, attention, in order to create an environment of stability and familiarity as you're raising your family. I am wondering what does it feel like to have something that most people want and to be willing to lay that down because it's not the desire that God's given you.

It's scary, and the scarier part is when it once was something you wanted so badly. That is the scary part. The scary part is being like, God, you've given me what I prayed for so badly. You've given me platform. You've given me opportunity. You've given me this.

And yet I'm not excited about it. I don't want to do it. I don't see you in it for me. And it was really hard. I think specifically in this last year, I was working at E! News. And while I was like, this is so dope, I've watched E! News every time there's a red carpet, okay?

And now I get to be on that red carpet and interview people and be a part of this amazing legacy. And then I wasn't excited about it. I felt like I was not able to be the mother that I wanted to be for my son. And then I was like, but I also prayed for that. I prayed way harder for my son than I prayed for the opportunity. And somebody told me something that really stuck with me and it was you will never regret putting your family first. And even with talking to my mom,

I just remember her being like, God is not gonna punish you for wanting to be there for your family and wanting to do something different and even more than that it is scary when it's something that you're like everybody wants this opportunity ever like there's mad girls lined up like call me up if she don't want that job I would absolutely love to be there and do that and the weirder part was I was like and I hope that person gets it you know what I mean was I was like and I hope that person gets it. You know what I mean? Like I was actually excited for that next person that will

walk into that because it's it's for them and I wasn't excited everybody but it was very scary and I'm not gonna lie I think when you come from humble beginnings the reality is that there is a part of me that has I guess what we call poor people mentality, where like, I don't wanna say no to a job, because my fear is that I'll never get that opportunity again, and what if I'm never on TV again? What if I'm making the wrong decision?

What if I didn't actually hear the voice of God telling me that this is not what I'm supposed to be doing? So I remember, I'm like legit from New York, so I didn't have a license until last year. And I got my license because I was having my son, and I was like, I should probably be like a responsible adult that it is an emergency. I don't have to wait 20 minutes for an Uber.

So I got a license, and when I was working at E, I would drive myself to work. And when I would drive myself to work, I would listen to worship music, and I literally would, I know this sounds super weird, because there's actually signs when you're driving that tell you, like, go, stop, slow down. There's those ones that are in that manual, you know?

I read that one time. And I would drive and legit be bawling my eyes out in the car on my way to NBC and I would be begging God like God give me a sign like if I'm supposed to go home I was in LA I'm like if I'm supposed to pack this house up and like go home and not resign my contract like give me such a clear sign, like give me the clear, yo, yeah, I really thought that like God himself was gonna come down and be like, yeah, don't go to work today. And it wasn't that clear.

It was, and I'm gonna be honest, it wasn't that clear. So it was so hard for me because in my flesh, I was thinking about bills, I was thinking about the mortgages on my homes, I was thinking about bills, I was thinking about the mortgages on my homes, I was thinking about a lifestyle that I currently live, and like, well how do I keep that up? And it's so wild to me that when you surrender to like God's will and plan for your life,

when I tell you the opportunity came up, I left my job in November, and Israel then got, he had just finished the reunion tour with Kirk and the Clark Sisters, and it was an amazing tour if you guys got to see it. And he got the news in January. I was all caught up in the hustle and bustle of the holidays, so I wasn't even thinking about it.

And then, you know, when the quiet settles down from the holidays, you're like, oh shoot, I'm not going back to work. Like even thinking about it. And then, you know, when the quiet settles down from the holidays, you're like, oh shoot, I'm not going back to work. Like, this is it. This is a work from home, mom, hi. And it has got the opportunity to then do the One Hallelujah Tour. And I was like, wait, we get an opportunity to tour

as a family? And I know you guys are gonna think this crazy, but I literally used to say, even on the Rio interviews, they'd be like, what's your dream for your family, your life? And I was like, for us to tour as a family, for me to steam my husband's clothes in the backstage and the baby is playing on the bus

and that I get to be that for my husband. And I got to be that and then we got to do the L'Veut tour. And God moved in such a dope way that for my husband and I got to be that and then we got to do the L'Veut tour and God moved in such a dope way during that whole last tour. I have to be honest, I actually feel like that that whole experience changed my life because it made me realize that like everything that God has for you, you can have it and it can be in different parts and different stages of your life

and you get to be a part of what God, this movie that he's created of your life, like it doesn't have to be one dimensional, like there's so many parts to it. And I just sit back and I'm like, yo God, you're so dope and so funny. And everything I was worried about, you provided for me and tenfold

and allowed me to be the mom and the wife that I also wanna be in this season in my life. Okay. Yeah. Do you think that there are moments where God allows you to live out what you think your heart's desire is so that he can then show you what his heart for you is.

Yes, yes, no, 100%. Like that's literally what I did. God gave me the desires of my heart. I was like, hey, this is our time. I did all the things that I, I did actually way more than I ever would have thought. At the time when I started my career, I was just like, God, I wanna sing.

I just, at the time, I just wanted to sing. I was like, I wanna be an actress. I wanna, like, this is what I wanna do. And then it became so much more than that. And it's so weird how, when I look back on everything that I've accomplished, God prepared me for all of those things in such odd ways. I shared a story once on The Real about,

I actually didn't ever think I was gonna be a daytime talk show host, like I didn't think about it. Definitely planned on the singing, I was obsessed with singing, I sang in every church choir. I was in the children's choir the mass choir. It was I was loved singing But then there's other things that I'm like, oh wow God like You put that in my life for such a purpose and I had no idea of why that was that way specifically My dad speaks Spanish and has been in this country forever and still just speaks Spanish.

And so my whole life I was raised with the subtitles on the TV. And I remember being obsessed with soap operas growing up and being like, I want to be a soap opera actress. But I had never actually seen a script in my hands. I didn't know what they looked like. But I looked like, but I was like, yo, when you watch it with subtitles on, it says the name of the character and their line comes up.

So if I put the TV on mute, I can watch it and read the script. So when I would have friends over, I would make them read the script with me. It was very annoying. A girl even told other people in school, don't go to that girl's house, she gonna make you read the TV. It's very weird. They made fun of me about it

I would be like I'm Meg you're Susan go And and I literally would be like Meg the line read it and it was very bossy. I don't know why That's part of how God made me in my mom's womb, okay That's part of how God made me in my mom's womb, okay? But I remember doing that, being made fun for that, and like being so embarrassed about it, and like I said, nobody wanted to come over and play with me. And then I got the reel, and a producer on the show

was like, you are hands down the most natural prompter reader I have ever worked with. And in that moment, I know y'all are gonna think I'm joking, I started crying. And I was like, why am I mad emo right now for no reason? Because some would say I wasn't qualified to be a journalist or a daytime talk show host, I'm from the hood. I can barely read and write, listen, this is what it is.

But here I am and God actually was preparing me that whole time to be, like it's those small little things. And so yes, God gave that to me and I got to accomplish that. But now I get to do things like this. And if I'm being honest, you wouldn't even know me to even invite me here if it wasn't for that show. I wouldn't be able to be a part of such dope things like this that encourage people to find the power

that God's given them if it wasn't for those platforms that I was given. So now, I guess it's now time to give Him the glory for everything I've gotten to experience. And I'm here for it, I'm so here for it. Well, A, before you go, I'm gonna put you on the spot. Because there are people in this room who you look worried it's gonna be okay.

I just told you I don't be feeling qualified. I know, that's all right. We're about to be qualified right now You're about to step into it. Okay, stop twirling your hair. It's okay. It's fidgeting It's creeping up on me. The heat is causing it to curl up And Maybe their life is what someone else would dream But they don't feel God's power in it and they have an idea of where they need to move But they don't have God's power in it, and they have an idea of where they need to move, but they don't have the courage to do it.

And I'm wondering if you would just pray for those who are seeking God to have the power to start over. Wow. Wow. All right. All right. All right.

All right. All right. All right. All right. All right. Father, God, us. Father, God. Father, God Father God, Father God us. Here we go.

I'ma switch it up on you guys today, okay, here it goes. Lord Jesus. God, even in this moment, you know I'm nervous. You know my hands are clammy, my sweat mustache is there. But I have to ask myself why I'm nervous. It's because I want whatever that comes out of my mouth to actually matter. That it could have impact on these amazing, amazing women in this room, men in this room. God, you know that I was standing backstage and my husband had to bring me a napkin because my hands were

clammy. He's like, why are you nervous? And I had to ask myself, God, why am I nervous? Because in moments like this, I sing the song, if you could use anything Lord, you can use me. And God, that's where I'm at today, and I know that's where there's so many people out here thinking and feeling the exact same way. God, when we ask for your power, it's not for us, but it's for us to let you move through us, that ultimately you get the power, you get the glory. So whatever is in these people's hearts tonight,

God, I just ask that you would remind them that if you place that in their heart, that if they're suffering from imposter syndrome, then stop thinking about themselves and stop thinking about you. Start thinking about, okay, I've been placed in this position but God I've been placed in this position to give you the glory and that maybe if I just keep my eyes focused on you and the plan and the purpose that you have for my life

I'm gonna win. I'm gonna win in a way that maybe I never even imagined that God that you would give them supernatural motivation. Because maybe they wake up in the morning and they're like, Lord, I don't know what the next step is to move in that direction, to get me in my power seat, to have me standing up out of my power seat. But that God that you would give them supernatural strength and courage and wisdom and give them vision and let them go to sleep and wake up with a dream that's like oh my gosh God you spoke to me and I saw it so so

so so clearly that they wake up motivated that when people ask them where do you get the motivation from that they just give you the glory, that they say, I don't even know, but it comes from Jesus, and I know that I wake up every day motivated to go after what you've placed in my heart, that they wake up and they spend time with you and seek your face,

and that they say, God, remind me of who I am and who you've created me to be and the things that I'm gonna do and that if you put this vision and this idea and this desire in my heart, that you will give me all the power moves to make it happen and that you be the one leading those power moves. That it's not about me, God, but that ultimately, God, you will get the glory and that I can enjoy and rejoice in that too, because I know you want me for that.

You want that for me. You want that for my life. You want what's best for me. And God, I just thank you. I thank you for moments like this. I thank you for opportunities like this when I'm scared and I'm crying and I'm kind of embarrassed that I just cried. But that ultimately, it's not about me.

It's about you, God. And that everything that I've gotten to experience and enjoy in life has come from you. Every opportunity, every platform, every fun and dope and awesome moment, God, that was you, everything good comes from you. I pray that everyone in this room get to experience that. In Jesus' name, amen.

Amen. Amen. Aw. I can't stand you. Amen. It's giving prayer warrior. It's giving church grandmother. It's giving my eyelashes coming off.

Thank you for trusting me. Father, God, God, whenever you say your prayers and you find yourself saying, Father, God, Father, God, God, Father, God, God, I want you to remember Adrian Houghton. I don't think there is anything more pure than hearing someone who's like, you know, I'm not a super good prayer, which is me. I'm talking about myself. I'm not a super good prayer warrior. And yet I have this prayer life that makes sense to me and me alone actually saying a prayer because the sincerity, the authenticity of it, the

way that it is conversational and pure, I believe is the way that all of our prayer lives should be. I think that as much as you can bring the word into your prayer life and God's promises into your prayer life. I think that's beautiful, but I just want you to know that even if you do not have those skills, that memorization, that knowledge that God still wants to hear from you in whatever way, whatever language that you can offer him and he will translate your needs.

The Holy Spirit is going to translate your needs. Jesus is quite literally making intercession for you. And so I hope that this encourages you to say a prayer, a pure prayer, an authentic prayer that allows God to meet you in the truth of where you are. Matter of fact, we could start now. I'm not even going to say amen. I'm just going to end the podcast and I want you to keep praying after this. Okay? You ready? Okay.

Jesus, thank you. Thank you for understanding us in every season. Thank you for seeing us, for knowing us, for understanding what it's like to be a human on earth striving to encounter God's presence, to be God's presence, and to change our world and the darkness in our world into something that is a reflection of your glorious light. God, I pray for a deposit of light for every person listening, that your presence, your hope, your love, your peace would invade their atmosphere and invade their hearts and their minds. God, I pray that you would awaken inside of them a deep hunger for your word and a deep

hunger for your presence, that they would be desperate for it and that quite literally nothing else would satisfy them. God thank you for this opportunity to be a part of WOMEN EVOLVE. I pray that we've said or done something today that has led them closer to you and I pray that they will take the steps from here that they will take this prayer and allow it to continue to reach heaven. Only it will be from their heart, their mouth to you. In Jesus name, I'll see you next week. Evolve. Welcome, welcome, welcome to another exciting episode of the Trap Nerds podcast. This is not an episode.

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