Woman Evolve with Sarah Jakes Roberts - The Sex Talk You Never Had w/ Dr. Jill Waggoner

Episode Date: May 3, 2023

Where do W.E. even begin? It all started when SJR took a peek at Dr. Jill Waggoner’s bio. What was full of accolades, distinction, and honor resulted in an open conversation about sex as it relates to the mind, body, and spirit. That’s right! They laid it all out so that you, as a woman, and the teen girls in your life, walk away well-informed and empowered. This episode proves that sex is a covenant, sexuality is not for us to judge, and gender shouldn’t make anyone unlovable. As a Family Practice Physician, Dr. Jill facilitated a space for our listeners to talk candidly about their bodies. So, Press PLAY and keep the dialogue going! This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp.com/Evolve online therapy + Noom.com/Evolve weight loss program + HoneyLove.com/Evolve smoothing shapewear.

God can't bless you for ten to be or who you compare yourself to. He can only bless you and the lane that was created for you. I've built that for somebody. You don't need no itch, it's a tea you need boundaries. What? I don't need your lights, I don't need your validation. All I need is a God party for me that's there for all things. All things, all things.

Try. Recently, we moved into a new place. And in the process of moving, as always, something gets lost. The thing that got lost this time was a very valuable gift that my husband gave me. These earrings that I had just gotten for Christmas got lost in the move and your girl was dressed, okay? And I'm not the kind of stress where like, I'm

you know, going to be like acting crazy. I just have gone into into the sunken place. So I'm in the sunken place and all of us said and my assistant comes in and she's like, I found them. I found them. Let me tell you something. We rejoice together in a major way because we found these earrings. It's not just about how valuable the gift was. It's also about who the gift came from. I wanted to make sure that I could show my husband that I was responsible with the gift that he'd given me, that I was taking care of it, and I wear them almost every day because I want him to know not only did you go out of your way to give it to me, but I also find so much value that I use it every

single chance that I get. This is exactly how I feel when it relates to me finding my voice. And not just the voice that you all hear delivering messages, not even the voice that's on this podcast. I'm talking about the voice that shows up when I create a boundary, the voice that says, Hey, that hurt me, the voice that says, Hey, I'm wrong. It feels like I have discovered a valuable gift, the kind of gift that I know didn't even start with me, but started with God.

The kind of gift that I haven't always possessed as a matter of fact, I spent many years searching for my voice. I didn't realize I was searching for my voice. I thought I was looking for love, looking for achievement, looking for success. It wasn't until I settled into my pain and started to dissect it and analyze it, that I realized that what I'm really searching for

has nothing to do with achievement nor success. It has everything to do with me finding myself and giving myself the ability to speak up. There's this story in the Bible that I love so much. Jesus has gotten up from the grave. He's resurrected. He's walking the earth. He finds Peter. Peter is filling away because, you know, he did deny.

He used his voice. But when he used his voice but when he used his voice he denied Jesus and he is in the sunken place. The second place that we all get into when we aren't living from our truth, when we have used our voice to betray our truth. When we have used our voice to betray our goals and our desires but we've allowed ourselves to do that because it gave us an opportunity to fit in. That's where Peter is when Jesus finds him in scripture

and Jesus says something phenomenal when he finds him. He calls Peter to the side and he tells Peter, hey, do you love me? Feels like a random question. And he's not asking him, do you love me because he's lost confidence in him because he betrayed him? No,'s not asking him, do you love me? Because he's lost confidence in him because he betrayed him. No, he's asking him, do you love him? Because it gives him an opportunity to use his voice again.

Because when he uses his voice to express his truth, he finds himself, the version of himself that he became when he was walking with Jesus, the version of himself, He became when He felt like He was powerful, when He felt anointed, when He was no longer confined or restricted to who He used to be. Jesus jogs His memory in this way. And when Jesus completes this mission of jogging Peter's memory, He ultimately releases Him into His destiny. Because there is nothing more pivotal to you becoming all of who you need to be than you embracing and using your voice. Recognizing

that your voice came from God, recognizing that your voice adds value no matter where you go, that's the greatest gift that you can give yourself, that's the greatest gift that you can give yourself. That's the greatest gift that you can give the world. That is your purpose. So when we begin to talk about hoping to find our voice, interesting that voice when we find it, there are so many different areas of our lives that could benefit from that level of release. Today I'm talking to a longtime family friend, Dr. Jill Wagner Jones, and she's a medical doctor.

She's practices internal medicine. She knows so much about me and my family, and I don't mean our business. I mean our medical records, but I haven't had an opportunity to learn about her. To my surprise, one of the things I learned in reading her bio is that Dr. Jill wrote a book with a very interesting name. And when I

find out that she wrote this book, I decided that I needed and you needed to know more about this topic. So buckle up. If you're around little people, you may want to have some discretion because we do talk about some adult matter, but it is so beneficial for women who are learning to find their voice in the most intimate spaces of their lives. I can't wait for learning to find their voice in the most intimate spaces of their lives. I can't wait for you to find your voice by listening to hers. Let's get into it. Hi there. Hi. How are you? I'm doing great. How are you? I'm doing well. I feel like I've learned something new. I've never read your bio before. So I have not.

And now I have questions. At first it was just gonna be me to my how you are my co-parent with these girls at this age because life keeps happening. Let me tell you something. Dr. Jill is my mom's best friend. She has been a part of our lives for, at this point as long as I can remember

because the moment that she stepped into our lives it felt like she was emissing piece of the puzzle. But she's been so instrumental as I've moved back to Dallas and helping us to navigate healthcare and getting the girls plugged into the right systems and the right rhythm for allergies and Texas season. And so I'm always texting her random things and telling her that I should pay her child support because she's definitely co-parenting at

this point. And I just appreciate you that's all I want to say. You are so welcome. Can you tell me the name of your most recent book? Maddie on a mission. Maddie on a mission. Maddie on a mission. Okay, so that's not the book that in your bio, this is that your most recent book is called Sex, Mind, Body and Spirit. Oh yeah, I wrote that one before Maddie.

So Maddie was for little kids and, you know, to talk about COVID, but before then was the sex book. I didn't know we were talking about sex, Dr. Jill. I didn't know we were talking about it. And when we talk about using your own voice here and like really being open to sharing your voice, I feel like this is a subject that is super taboo amongst women, amongst Christians.

And yet you have opened up the dialogue about mind, body, and spirit and the role that sex plays amongst it all. And so now I want to know why. Well, because sex is so important in our lives. And as women, we have, we were not taught to discuss sex in our marriages. We don't say what we like or what we don't like when sex is not good, the marriage is not good, sex changes throughout the course of the marriage, being able to navigate through that,

we just don't have dialogue for it. And we don't talk about it, and there are many medications that affect your sexual response, I'll say. So one of the things that I had to learn early on is I have to talk to people about six because they won't talk to me about it. And I also, you know, talk to my girls about six. I mean, there's probably some stuff this controversial that I won't say. But I always wanted my girls to fully understand their bodies so they would not be drunk with the feeling that they got from the interaction with another person. They would know that the feeling comes with them, so they don't have to be, you know, hooked into that person because of the pleasure. Yeah, you did not plan on that.

I think we bring up an interesting point here though, because when we make sex, so taboo that nobody's talking about it, when you do get a sneaky link and you finally have in this little moment that no one knows about, you can be so overwhelmed by those feelings and by the pleasure that you think it is exclusive

to one person. And sometimes you stay in bad situations just in pursuit of that pleasure or sign up for different situations over and over again, trying to find that pleasure. And I do think that we can empower women to be more selective over the choices they make with their body when they understand.

Well, I'll say it's selective over the choices they make with their partner when they recognize that it's so much bigger than what happens in the bedroom. Right. And it's, I mean, we really have to have the conversations because if we don't then, children and young people are left to try to figure it out for themselves. And I think that really gets them in trouble. And it can just, you know, derail plans and careers and all kinds of things because we make bad decisions about something that's so natural.

And that's, it's part of life. It's like breathing, it's like eating, it's like everything else. And we don't talk about it as though it was some nasty thing, but God created it. And so it is part of who we are as human beings. So that's why I thought it was important. Okay. So have you always felt like it was important or as you were in your practice, did you recognize

it? Like there's some resistance here. And so maybe I need to just like take the can, take the lid off the can and just see what I can do to help people be you comfortable with it. Well, actually my grandmother who raised me was back in her day. She was very open about sexuality and sex. And so my cousins, when they were about to engage

in the physical part of relationships. My grandmother was the person and she always said this, if you need birth control, let me know. I'll go to the doctor with you. So that's when birth control first started becoming available. So she felt because her first relationship was one that she had no power in, that she was really open with all of us, with my cousins, with myself, about the relationship. So actually, when I made the decision that I wanted to become sexually active, it was my grandmother that I talked to. And she was the one that went to the doctor with me so that we could get clear understanding

on what was to happen. Now I know she was the one that went to the doctor with me so that we could get clear understanding on what was to happen. Now I know she was a pioneer in that area, but she did. And so that opened the door for me to have some openness. And as I started to practice medicine, I thought there are so many things that we just don't discuss and this is so important. And so initially, I would have husbands and wives come in together so that you could ask

your questions and you could talk about it. And then I've always gone to the barbershop. So you know, some of the misconceptions, not necessarily the talk about sex itself, but some of the things that people believe are attached to sexuality are not. So there was a lot of opinion. I'm curious. People, what? So one of the things that happens sometimes,

in men when they find themselves in midlife, and they have the inability to perform, sometimes they think something's going on with the woman. So it's like she must want somebody. I mean, it's just this ridiculous stuff. So she's not performing with me, or I can't perform with her. And therefore there must have been something, you know, there's another man, or she's not desiring of me, or something is wrong. It just is so confusing and it's so filled with things that are not true that I just thought that I have there has to be a place for people to have where they can talk about this in an intelligent

grown-up manner so that we can get some real truth so we can separate the madness from what's real. So, okay, what do you say about someone who's like, I don't talk to my kids about sex, or I'm not gonna talk to them about sex, because I don't want them to feel like they have a license to then have sex. Like, is there a balance between like, I want you to be able to have an open discussion with me

about sex, about what you're experiencing with your body, about where you're feeling yourself drawn, while also trying to preserve this idea that like, you need to wait until you're married, or you need to wait until you have found someone and you're in a committed relationship. Like, what are those principles and how are they connected or not connected? Well, we talk to our children about everything.

We don't talk to them, wait until they start a fire before we talk to them about the dangers of fire. You know, we don't talk to them about locking doors, wait until after someone has come in and taken out of the stuff. Those are conversations that we have. And I think that because we have put sex in this place where it's just we don't talk about that. We should talk about that.

And you say to your children, I don't know why you have to say that, but I think it's okay to say I am not giving you a license to go and have sex with anybody. However, this is something that you should know about. I also think when you have the discussion, then your children understand how special it is. And so they don't throw it away because they're curious. So, you know, if I believe this, if a child is old enough and smart enough to ask the question, then you ought to answer the question. Now, you have to know your children so that you can know how much you give them in that

question, but if they don't find it out, I mean, there was a recent study that came out that talked about the number of young people that look at sex on their phones. So they are learning it from places that we don't want them to learn it from. And so they think that abnormal behaviors are what they are to anticipate. And so then they get confused and they don't know what sexy is and that it is part of love. So sex without love is just an act. But if you help them understand that there has to be an emotional connection with this, then I think they can navigate it better. So I don't know, I'm I know so you are shocked.

I know you tried to pretend you're not. I just have, I've just been around you for so long and I've just never, we've just never talked about sex so freely before we've never talked about it. I agree though, I think that had there been more conversation about what sex is, why sex is, how enjoyable it is, how powerful it is, unless it like don how enjoyable it is, how powerful it is, unless it like don't do it, don't do it,

then I think that I would have been less curious about like what is this and trying to explore it on my own, because then on the opposite hand, you've got music or television that's telling you explicitly what to do and the power that is going to give you over another person or how you're going to feel loved and all of these things that you're going to feel and so I think for this conversation to be mute on one side and so loud on the other side that if you're in a position where you don't know what to do like I was in and no one's coaching you, no one's in your ear about how do I process these messages that are coming into my mind. Then you do end up exploring or you go

the opposite direction and you say, I'm not going to do anything at all. You get married and you're not comfortable with your body or with your sexuality. And there's another undoing with that. Right, yeah. And all of that's really important. And it takes the focus off of it also.

You know, you can get so distracted with sex that you are not, you know, you go to college and it's the first time you're away from your parents. And now, you know, you have this relationship and now you are so focused on that that you're not going to class. You are not doing any of the stuff that you need to do because you have discovered this new thing.

So if you have those those discussions, I mean, I talked to my daughters about that and being the last girl left at the party. I mean, we just had open conversations about sexuality and what there is in the world and what you can anticipate and what your voices and that you have the right to choose, you have the right to say, no, you also have the right to say yes. If you choose to do so, but it is your right,

it is your body, and you should know what you are saying yes or no too. So I just, I think that it's very important that we have that. The other thing that happens, I think that it's very important that we have that. The other thing that happens, I think because we don't really talk about sex and when people get in relationship, they start, before they get married, all of their, you know, their wild sex has occurred before they get married.

So then once they get married, there's a let down because they have gone so far in the relationships. I think that you have to be aware of that as well, that you have to understand that it is something that should be done under covenant and that it is rich and wonderful and sharing and abundant when it is done in covenant. Trends and fads come and go, but we recall to evolve. Delegation, our health and wellness are not to be played with. So lately, I've been kicking it with the new Weight Loss program. It's not a fat diet or a workout system with heavy equipment.

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Okay, so this is a little bit of a random question that I'm gonna try to ask properly, but your daughters are older now. I've got a seven year old and a 13 year old that I am raising in a culture where we're not just talking about sexuality, we're talking about gender, we're talking about misgendering people, and trying to raise compassionate children who are empathetic towards everyone's journey,

and also trying to just define what's happening in the culture and describing it to our kids, as opposed to shying away from it and hoping that they don't see anything on the news or see anything on the street that makes them ask questions and get confused is something that we're really passionate about. But like what are some of the tools that you're giving parents as it relates to explaining what's happening in the world as it relates to not just sex and sexuality but just sexuality as a whole and in gender roles and things that

their friends are experiencing and things that they're reading about. I think the first thing is that like I said at first have the open conversation. So I always start any conversation with my girls. There is nothing that you will ever do or be that will make me stop loving you. So once they understand that, then they are more willing and open with you. Now, you got to get ready because there are some conversations that my daughters have had with me and I had to go, oh, okay. And go in my room and think, Lord, have mercy. I could have lived my whole life and not know that.

But because we had that open dialogue, so that's the first thing. The other thing you have to know what you believe and you have to tell them what you believe. We believe that God created man and God created woman and that you know we are individuals and this is what it looks like. Now the question will inevitably come up but did God create people who are not you know one gender any of those kinds of things. Some things we don't have answers for.

And I have always been open to say, you know, baby, I don't know. Mommy is not sure. Let's put this together. Let's put these pieces together. If there is a question that you have specifically, I will try to find out information for you. Now I will tell you, too, we had in our family and lots of people had my cousin, um, he's gay, but he was when he was, too. I mean, he, he always was. And it was okay. And I was the first person in my family. So we used to have these family gatherings.

He could bring his significant other to Thanksgiving. And anybody who did not want to be there did not have to come. Who he loved was, I wanted to know who he loved. And I wanted him to feel comfortable in bringing who he loved with him. It is not my place to judge that. It is my place to love him and not put him out. And so I, and so as a consequence, my children saw that. A different gender is not going

to rub off on somebody. So you're not going to catch it. I mean, so I think that we have fears that we should not have. And we look at things in such a narrow point of view that we often miss, you know, the fullness of what's being presented to us. So if I don't have answers, I just don't have answers. Yeah. And I want to make sure that they know that whatever they feel in their lives, and they

are confronted with, they can always come to me to try to help them navigate through it. Yeah. I think about this a lot. I've never been, like, asked about my thoughts about it and a part of me is glad about that because I don't always, it takes me a minute to like process what I think and I think I would hate to be on the spot

trying to process it and say it in a way that is a true reflection of what I feel. But I think overall, I think the greatest gift that we can give anyone is space to be authentic to who they are and where they are at any given moment with the knowledge that that can change to. And not the need, not the desire for to change, but like, okay, this is who you are.

And if you never change, I can find a way to love you just as you are with the knowledge that you could change. And your life could be completely different than what you professed your truth right now or it could be exactly the same. But I don't need your truth to reflect my desire for your life. Sometimes not even my belief for your life in order for me to love you. And for some reason, that is just not enough of an answer for people like no, you got to throw out the baby with the bath water.

You got to do this. You got to throw out the baby with the bath water. You got to do this, you got to do that. And it's really hard to show up as someone who has capacity to not be someone's God so that they can have an encounter with God. Right. And you throw them out to what? Yeah. You know, so I taught you a way.

I love you. I'm committed to you. I have been with you your entire life. And now you make one decision and I'm done with you forever. How narrow is that? I mean, just come on. And it's that one thing. So what if I don't like people with purple toenails? And now you paint your toenails purple and you are never going to be forget, forget, uh, forgiven. I know that that is a simplistic way of looking at it. Um, but I think we have to take it down to simple things to look at. The other thing is I see a lot of, or I have seen over the years, many young people in

my practice that they would come in with their girlfriend one week and come in with their boyfriend one week and come in with two people the next week, you know, and not literally a week, but you know at the next appointment. who were married to women and then they get married to men. And then and I see them all and see the whole family. Sometimes we are searching for connection with another human being. And wherever we find that connection, we may not know what title to put on it. So we put the titles on it that the world tells us to put on it. So I think sometimes there's confusion in people themselves because they don't know what to call it. They just know that I am connected with this person and they have no language for the expression of that connection. So I think we are going through a time where a lot of people are on this uneven footing and they don't even

know what to call their relationships with other people. Did you ever imagine that we would live at a time where you could run the risk of misgendering? I can imagine that on the science side that there's probably been all types of different research done on like chromosomes and sex and what makes a person male or female or somewhere in between.

But did you ever think that it would be as pronounced as it is now where pronouns are changing and you can't just assume that he presents as a he or she presents as a woman. And yeah, I don't know. Did you ever think that it would be like this? I did not. And having to navigate through that, because I have had patients who physically presented as one gender.

And then because I am their physician, I now find out that they are something different. And so I've even had to learn and teach my staff. Now, you know, it's just one person because of the way my practice has changed, how to have dialogue, how to have conversation about that. So I will often ask a person what sex were you born and how do you identify? Yeah. And it just takes it all away. You know, let's just do that in the front because you have a beard, but you also have some other stuff.

You know, you're here for a pap smear, but you got a beard. So, you know, let's not pretend that I have not seen you because I do see you. So you tell me how you identify. Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's interesting trying to, I think navigate that as a parent and figuring out like what is the language there. But I do think again it's about like giving people space to be where they are on their journey without judgment.

I see a lot of Christians sometimes who are like, you know, I'm gonna call you what you look like basically. And I think that that's ignorant. I don't know if I should say that, but I do think it's ignorant because I don't lose anything by meeting you where you are. It doesn't change my faith, It doesn't change my belief system. It doesn't change anything for me. And if it makes you more open to my faith,

if it makes you more open to a God of compassion, a God that can meet you where you are, then maybe that's the least that I can do as opposed to pushing you far away. I don't know if that's right. I think too that we are, we cannot get out of ourselves enough. So I think for some parents, they somehow feel they have failed. Wow.

Because their child is selecting something that is different from what they think is right. And so I think we do the same thing as Christians. We somehow empower ourselves or defend or protect ourselves when we reject something that we are unfamiliar with. Because we're uncomfortable with the depth of it. And so, and we don't know what to do with it. And so, let's just call it bad, put it in the closet, close the door, and light a candle, and met, you know,

let's just pretend it's not there. And it doesn't make you any less of a Christian, it doesn't make me any less of a Christian. It doesn't make me any less of a Christian if I let you be who you are. And then we can meet there and start to find the things that we agree on. And then we can move forward. Support for today's episode comes from Honey Love.

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This is what was true. This is what I believe. But also I can understand where you're coming from. You actually encouraged me even as it related to my dad passing the baton from woman to our loose to woman evolved to like not try and be a little baby woman that aren't loose to be authentic to what woman evolved is and to trust that it could transcend a generational gap. What do you see happening as it relates to the generational passing of the baton that we're experiencing now, where millennials are not just the little millennials that won't work anymore.

These are millennials with children and kids and careers who are trying to put down roots and buy homes and they've got parents who are aging and now they're carrying more for their parents as opposed to their parents caring for them. There's a baton pass happening, but I'm not always sure that we're having the right conversations that honors everyone's belief systems and every generation's way of doing things. I think you have to start with respect and honor. So we have to respect the fact that you all have new ideas and you are us 20, 30 years ago. What we are dealing with may be different, how we move forward may be different, but we were those people

so to understand that we are looking at ourselves in the next generation is the first thing. The second thing is to understand that just because you have an idea that is different than mine or different than what I'm accustomed to does not mean you are wrong. My opinion is not the only right. I often will say, let me tell you the truth as I see it. It might not be the only truth, but it's the truth as I see it. So I think we all, your generation, my generation, have to start with respect and understanding. And sometimes the new ideas that you guys have is just amazing. And if we all shut up talking and we hear it, it actually can go a different way. Now that's on one side,

but also I think that it's important that as we pass the baton, that as you receive it, you meaning your generation, that you also understand that we have scarred up knees and you know we went through some stuff to get here and one to give you the baton means that we respect you greatly but we also want to hand you with that baton this knowledge that we have because we don't want you to score your knees up the same way we did. That's a waste of your time.

Yeah. So that's why you have to listen to us is because don't go that way, go this way. Because you can get much further along if you don't have to do the same stuff we had to do. So I really think that we both have to look at each other and see that we have something to offer. And it's really okay that we're not going to be forgotten. Our legacy is not going to be forgotten that you are really standing on our shoulders, but y'all have it. And you're going to be okay.

And I just think we have to have those conversations because a lot of what we are doing, we are looking at each other and only seeing the bad. Yeah, yeah. We are focusing on the bad. Well they think this one, they think this as opposed to focusing on the good and the intent. Point of view is really, really big. I have to tell you that you and my mother have given me such hope about what

life can look like just a few years down the road just a couple turns. I have seen both of you really step into your respective passions, finding your voice, utilizing your voice in a new way. You have built an entire platform. It was Dr. Jill who was practicing medicine, but now I mean, you're literally, I think, I think probably more specifically during the pandemic, it seemed like you really began to start utilizing social media and really your Instagram lives and just podcasting and meeting with other people and doing interviews as a way to really introduce a new way of caring for people outside of them being in your office.

And so I want to know what does it feel like to continue to discover passion even as you're also growing and moving into different stages of life? It feels absolutely amazing. to live in this time when things are changing. When I was, you know, years ago, we almost had to have permission. If you were gonna get information out to people, somebody had to put you on their radio show or somebody had to put you on their show. Now to have access to people with all of this knowledge

that I have and experience, it feels amazing. Every day I am one looking at the latest information so I can incorporate that into what I already know and to thinking about how can I tell people this? How can I get this information to people? I am looking at things that other folk are not going to look at. My husband is always tickled. He's like, you're looking at another lecture. Yes. Because I enjoy that. That's fun to me. So, but to be able to take that information and give

it to you or give it to somebody who wasn't going to read that, that's okay. But if I can give it to you in English in a way that you can incorporate it into your life, that means everything. So for me, I am so excited. And I know, you know, that's almost tried. I'm excited. No, I really, really am. Because we are on the cusp of everything changing. Wow.

Medicine is changing. You know, technology, everything is changing. I am spending a lot of time looking at artificial intelligence and how can I use that? And what can I do? That is so fascinating to me. The first weekend I got introduced to artificial intelligence, I was in front of my computer for about nine hours.

It got up, go to the bathroom, come back, so that I could explore what was happening. So for me, it's very, very exciting. I think that you guys live in a phenomenal age and we are in that age also. So I really, really, this is wonderful to me. It is not scary. I look at people who say, I'm frightened by this computer, can

you know, generate this or generate that that's scary to me. Come on, give me what I can do. Because now I don't have to spend 15, 20 hours researching. I can get the computer to do it for me in 30 seconds. What in the world? That's amazing. So for me, it's very exciting. And I want everybody to come along during this. I really worry though that there are some of us, both young and old, who are missing the moment. We cannot miss this moment. And there are some of us in some communities that have a history of missing moments.

Yes, we need to know our history. Yes, we need to know the past, but we have to be careful not to so focus on what happened to us in the past that we miss the moment of the future. So it's really exciting to me. Okay, so that just made me excited. It makes me want to break open my laptop and make sure I'm staying on top of it because I think it is phenomenal to always be aware of what's possible and how things can be accelerated and multiplied, but we'll never get to experience that if we aren't willing to just start digging in some

uncharted territories. Yeah, yeah, we just we have to and walk into something new, look at something that you some of the the reason we don't look at new things because we don't understand them. Right. And we are often frightened about things we don't understand because we think if we get in the midst of it, it will reveal our ignorance. So if you are okay with people knowing that you don't know, then you open the door to all of this knowledge that you would not otherwise get exposed to. So even if I go to a doctor myself, I will say to them when they are explaining to me what's

going on, talk to me as though I know nothing about this. Because they may tell me something that I don't know. So don't make the assumption that I know already, assume that I know nothing. And I think that puts you in a position where you are open to receive any new knowledge that's available. Well, I have some questions because I know nothing yet. And I need to know, as women age, as our bodies begin to change, there are things happening that we don't understand.

Okay, getting out of the bed in the 20s, a bit of a breeze in the 30s, the bones start popping a little. You know, in the 40s things start creaking a bit. We're one anti-aging, we got all this anti-aging stuff and the circles are getting deeper and the faces inflamed or not inflamed, things are drooping.

Things are our experiencing gravity. And I just need to understand like, what are some of the ways that a woman's body changes as she ages? And how do we embrace it? Is it okay if we dabble in some reversal? Like, what's happening as things are changing. First of all, let me tell you, dabble in whatever reversal you can afford. You can afford some reversal honey. Go in and dabble in it. But the other thing is you have to embrace it

cause it is coming to grow old is an honor. Wow. But you have to make sure that it is deemed that way. So, you know, society may say, I'm sorry, somebody trying to call me, society might say that wrinkles are not a good thing, but wrinkles represent, you know, your smile, wrinkles represent the nights that you were praying

worrying about your child. So all of those things are souvenirs from the experience that you have in life. And great hair is not a curse. It is a wonderful thing. You earn it. So it's perspective. How do you look at it?

What do you perceive? So that's one part of it. So your perception is one thing. The other though, do everything you can to be as viable as you can for as long as you can. So take care of your body. There is a thing I was actually talking to my older daughter about this this week.

I told her when I was a younger woman, I did not allow myself the opportunity to rest unless I had hit a wall. So I would have to be physically ill before I gave myself the okay to lay down, to stop, to take a break for me because I felt so guilty, felt, oh my gosh, I am not serving my husband in the way I should. I am not being the best mother. I am not being, you know, the best, I'm not being the best anything because I have taken some time for myself. Listen, take a minute, really take a minute, take some time for yourself and appreciate

all of the things that you do. Because as women, we wear so many hats, we don't appreciate all the things that we do. Because as women, we wear so many hats, we don't appreciate all the things that we do. And therefore, we don't appreciate all the things that our bodies go through. So you have hormonal changes that occur about every decade. We only talk about menopause. We don't really talk about puberty, though. Puberty and menopause are kind of the same things, but on the different end of the spectrum. Puberty is when your estrogen and testosterone kicks in, menopause is when it goes.

And the drastic changes are both equally devastating for some women, can cause a lot of symptoms for some women. So understand that, understand that it's okay that it will probably pass. Many, many women in about their 30s, they will notice there's some hormonal things going. Many women in their 30s start to have the inability to sleep. So they will wake up. The sleep is disrupted. That's when progesterone, which is one of your reproductive hormones, first starts to fall.

It's not until we hit our 50s, though, that we start to talk about it. Things like DHEA start to change, which is one of the dihydroepindosterone, one of the hormones, as well. So knowing that some of those symptoms have to do with hormonal changes and that we can do something about it,

is a good thing. The other thing I wanna say, see this is a big one for me, don't be afraid of things like hormone replacement therapy. Do not believe those people online who can't tell you what that research is. And they don't know what they're talking about,

they can't even spell that stuff. So if you talk to somebody who really knows and understand that you are an individual, and so you may need a little supplementation, you may need some things to help you to be stronger and better and to keep your mind intact. It is okay. Okay.

I know somebody's jotting down notes for that because, man, to your point, we only talk about menopause. I think every woman who has an experience menopause yet is wondering what is menopause going to be like if this monthly is already taking me out. But I think understanding the full ebb and flow of how our bodies change is is so important and honestly a conversation that we're not having enough. This show was brought to you by BetterHelp. Who am I called to be in this season? That's a question I like to reflect on from time to time. In changing environments, meeting different people

and facing new opportunities, I get to rethink the way I see myself. My husband and I recently had a conversation that honored a new way of being. I really needed to hear that. Since sometimes we don't know who we are or what we want until talking things through. If you're feeling like you need professional support

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That's better. Help. H-E-L-P dot com slash evolve. Tell them we sent you. I want to know before we go, Dr. Jill, who is the woman who has been most inspirational to you as it relates to, I have to pick something good. Because I can't just say in your life, I want to know a specific area. As it relates to staying innovative and staying on the cutting edge of what's happening

in the world, what woman has inspired you the most in that way. Ooh. So there was one of my, she's passed away. Actually, there were two women. One was Miss Richardson. She's still alive. She was my fourth grade teacher.

It sounds really, but she gave me so much power. And then the other was Dr. Versaille Lacey. She was the first African-American woman to get her PhD in biochemistry from Texas Women's University. They were women, or Dr. Lacey was a woman that was so on the front of everything, and she was this woman who walked into a room, and she said, I am Dr. Versossia Lacey. I mean, you know, and she did every, every syllable of it. But what she gave me was,

one to know to stay on the cutting edge of everything, two to understand that being a woman in a room that is not full of other women is okay and acceptable. And you two deserve to be in the room in that you have a space. And, you know, she wasn't afraid of new things. And so she instilled that in us, not to be afraid of new things, just to walk in there and grab it.

And I think that they were some of the women, and I could just go down the line, but gave me a passion for learning, gave me a passion for newness, gave me a passion for finding my voice and for not for for being unapologetic in who I am. Um, even I, I remember and I know you didn't ask this question, but I first cut my hair off in the 1970s. So, so my hair has been short for many, many years. My hair has been short and you know I wear the same color all the time, most of the time

I have on black. And anybody who knows me, those are decisions that I may, it's on purpose and it is because I get to be who I am. And I don't care if I don't fit into what you think I should be, I want to present myself fully comfortably me. Now, I might decide to wear all bright yellow next week

and it's okay, do you understand my point is, you need to be who you are and be comfortable with you and strategic about presenting yourself to the world as who you are. So I have just learned from so many women of power just to be who you are. So I have just learned from so many women of power, just to be who you are. I think that's one of the reasons why your mom and I are so good and good for each other.

We just are who we are. Yeah. OK, so my last question, I'm going to pick Dr. Lacey because it sounds like she was an exceptional woman. What do you hope that she knows about the role that she has played in who you are today? Wow. I hope she knows that the strength that she portrayed was fully understood and incorporated in to the being that I have become, that I really stand on her shoulders for real.

And she wasn't, you know, like a grandmother or anything like that, but that her strength was understood. And I carry it as I go forth. Wow, that's amazing. Thank you, Dr. Jill. We had a good time. We did, girl, we talked about it. We talked a lot.

A lot about it. A lot about it. But it's going to help a lot of people. Thank you. You're so welcome. Thank you for having me to just to talk about woman stuff. Yeah. I appreciate that.

That you see me as a woman. I do. I do. An incredible woman. Yeah. Okay. I love you. See. Okay. I love you. See you soon. I love you too.

Bye. And you can send that child support chick. Eat some time. It's on the way. It's on the way. Now I know we all can appreciate the knowledge and wisdom that is Dr. Geo. Don't you feel all warm and fuzzy inside? Highly encourage you to follow her on all of the social medias so that you can continue

to glean from all of that cutting-edge information that she's researching. It truly meant a lot to me having her on the podcast today. Dr. Jill, you reminded us of the importance in finding our voices so that we can advocate for our needs in every area of our lives. Thank you for that. I want to hear your voice. Email me at podcastatwomenevov.com and let me know what you thought of this episode. Let me know if you want to share your story.

I want to get to know you. I want to know more about you and I feel like you dropping me a line is the best way to get to know you. I want to know more about you. And I feel like you dropping me a line is the best way to get that started. Until then, use your voice in every way possible this week. Make it a practice, make it an honor, use it, and don't lose it. Until then, I'll see you next week. you you