Woman Evolve with Sarah Jakes Roberts - The Unraveling of a Generational Curse w/ Teya Roberts and Tiffany Mensah

Episode Date: October 5, 2022

Whew chile, wait a minute! Did y’all peep the jaw-dropping trailer of “Angelina”? That NEW Woman Evolve series featuring an intimate view on domestic violence—it’s giving…generational trauma didn’t start with you, but it ENDS with you! With a premiere date of 10/6, SJR sat down with writer and director, Teya Roberts, plus advocate and executive director of the DOVES Network, Tiffany Mensah! This trio is not only raising awareness in faith spaces but making a tangible impact for survivors and witnesses of family violence. So, stop what you're doing & gain the tools to be empowered and see life beyond your own experience. W.E. ain’t doing NO victim-blaming or asking ‘why’ questions over here, Sis. It’s nothing but love, compassion, and empathy—for the sisterhood! W.E. pray for your courage to break the curse with helpful resources at DovesNetwork.org + TheHotline.org. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp, Zocdoc, & First Republic Bank.

God can't bless you for ten to be or who you can pair yourself to. He can only bless you and the lane that was created for you. I feel that for somebody. You don't need no itch, it's a unique boundary. What? I don't need your lights, I don't need your elevation. All I need is a God fighting for me that's all things, all things, all things. Child. So I don't know if you have been living under a rock or not. You grow, you probably been minding your business, but listen,

I'm going to let you mind, mind for a second. Last weekend at Woman Thou art loose, I experienced a passing of the baton, my father, who has been a pioneer in a women's ministry for 30 years, had his final conference Womendow Art Loosed. At that conference, 20,000 women gathered to experience the grace and anointing that has led literally millions of women to freedom and breakthrough. Little did I know that at the end of the conference he was going to, I still get emotional thinking about it, but that he was going to point them in the direction of woman evolve. He would point them in the direction of the work that woman evolve does every day to help

women feel seen. I want to talk a little bit more about this with you next week. I'm going to do something I've never done, a solo podcast unpacking what that moment meant to me, how I'm growing as a result of it, and how I feel like there's a message in it for us all to continue to do the work that we feel called to the work that awakens our creativity and authenticity, whether it's something we do full-time or part-time. But this week, I want to focus on domestic violence awareness.

Many of us know that October is a month that we acknowledge breast cancer survivors but also domestic violence survivors. Woman Evolve has been working on a project to help give voice, visibility and just connection to women who have experienced domestic violence. Through a scripted series called Angelina, we hope to show the generational impact of domestic violence, but also the unraveling of that generational curse. But first, I wanna have a conversation

with a woman I deeply admire. Her name is Tiffany Mensa, and literally daily, she is helping women survive, survive escape and rebuild from the grasp of domestic violence. Also joining me is writer and director of Angelina Taya Roberts. Sit back and have a conversation with us that whether you're experiencing domestic violence or just connected with a woman who has, I believe this conversation is going to help bring strength, liberty, wisdom, love, compassion, and empathy for us all. Let's get into it.

I'm so excited about us having this conversation because what many of all is doing something that we've never done before and hoping to present a real life yet scripted experience that many women have endured, have survived, are currently in. And I'm so proud of this project, but we wanted to really add some texture and layer and actual factuals to it by bringing you into if need to talk about domestic violence to talk about the experiences that you have in helping other women, but also to just give some context to why it's so important that we continue to tell this story. I don't know about you, but I feel like October comes around. Many of us recognize it as domestic violence awareness month, but sometimes a movement can become so commercialized, so universal, that it's difficult to really add names and experiences

and faces to what domestic violence is. One of the Evolve TV has produced a short series that really gives context to domestic violence, the generational implications of domestic violence, and hopefully a more intimate view of what it looks like to be caught as someone who was witnessing domestic violence, but also someone who is experiencing it and how it often happens from generation to generation.

I have invited writer and director of Angelina Teir Roberts and my friend Tiffany Minza, a domestic violence advocate, for us to have a conversation about domestic violence and why it is so important that we continue to keep it at the forefront of our women's movement to recognize that not every woman is in a position to move or feel empowered to do so. So thank you both so much for being a part

of this conversation. Tiffany, I wanna start with you. Can you just tell us a little bit about your backstory, your heart and passion for domestic violence and why you think it's important that we continue to have these discussions, especially in places of faith? Yes, absolutely.

Thank you so much for having me. My story starts at really like a young child witnessing it. I watch my mother be abused from the ages of seven all the way up until 17. She broke the courage to get free from my father during that time. My father was also a preacher as well. And so going through the cycles of back and forth, she would leave the total of seven at eight different times until the marriage was finalized. And my trauma happened, not just witnessing it,

but also being on the run with her staying with those who weren't really trained on the domestic violence. So there was a lot of empathy towards mom, but the kid was looked at as extra baggage, not understanding the way we process. We can't put words to it. So your behaviors are looked at and you're judged by those behavior behaviors and those words are counted as seed and how they're looking at you versus your your parent, right? So from there, I started, I wanted safety

and from what I was experiencing at home, and I started dating guys, thinking that I'm gonna get my romantic story. I'll just feel love and I ended up, I started having my first experiences of domestic violence, a high school, emotional and verbal, while in college, then let's do physical,

and even through college, after college, and then once I started getting incorporate, I'm starting to become the abuser, and I become like my father, like, oh, I'm making money, I'm a control U. And honestly, it was this vicious cycle of toxic relationship, toxic relationship, until my pivot point hit,

and I started going to counseling, and counseling was able to take me through the journey and connect back that what I was witnessing. I was just mirrored. But all along, I was like, I'm not going to be like my parents. I'm not going to have this relationship. Seeing the church support my father and tell my mom, like pray it away and tell my mom, you need to be a better wife or tell my mom like pray it away and tell my mom you need to be a better wife or tell my mom, God is just testing you. It's hurt me away. Like I feel like God has been donning this. So I can't run to the church to get that strength. I don't even know how to process the word and how I'm hearing it because I see him preach the word but it doesn't feel real when I go home.

So how do I advantage that? I'm just gonna manage it through the streets. And so it was that cycle until I ended up being in college and going and counseling and counseling allowed me to start taking those tangible steps. I started being able to, as I healed, I was able to hear the word of God differently and get into a healthy church

that took a stand against domestic violence. I felt like the pastor of that church really wrapped his arms around here for my mom and myself, my souls, and our healing, and to say, hey, that's not who God is, that God isn't representative of that and how it still goes back to the garden. And being able to hear those practical ways

paired with the counseling allowed me to really understand that, okay, God didn't. And I started venturing into a relationship with God and understanding the word of God to see, like, oh, wait, wait, the scriptures were twisted, a little bit, a lot of it, you know. And from there, my mom ended up becoming an advocate

on the front line for over 15 years of domestic violence advocacy. And she mentioned before, like, hey, you should come along and represent the child. Now, if you go ahead, I support you. That's how you are, you're passionate, but I feel like I'm over here. I belong in this corporate space, right? But then I got married, healed and healed and got married and married my purpose partner.

And he recommended that I write my story. I have written a paper in college. And it was so therapeutic, I kept writing. And he was like, pick up that manuscript from a place of healing and wholeness and put it out there. I aired it to bonus daughters, adult daughters only down Mary.

And he was like, my daughters are dating me and that she needs to, they need to see your story of how you overcome. And that's how I birthed my book. But it wasn't just enough. I didn't want to just give a book with no action. I don't want to drive awareness with no action. So I launched does that work with Stanford Daily overcoming violence and embracing safety because as I wrote the book, I started seeing the science behind what I experienced. I thought it was just me but then I also

paired with learning the science of getting trauma informed, was that this is happening more but mothers are losing their lives. People are losing their lives. The kids are witnessing their parents being murdered. And it was that uneasiness in my heart, I feel like, okay, though those words my mom mentioned, it's time for me to pick up the mantle and do what I was supposed to do

and bring this awareness and shine like the dark places amongst the faith community. This summer, I took an extended break from working. And in my time away, I was able to make even more space for my mental wellness. Whether you're a working mom, stay at home mom, or a stay at home and work mom, sis. Your mental wellness is valuable.

And that is why this podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp Online Therapy. You know you've already been thinking about it now is the time to take that step to make some time for you. Having a therapist has helped me pace myself, remind me of my growth, and also holds me accountable to my mental wellness goals. Better health is just as convenient

and affordable as it is necessary. Problems can come from every part of our life and it's vital that we have the appropriate tools we need to tackle them, and better health can assist you with that. For me, instead of solely focusing on the problem in front of me, therapy has shifted my perspective into having healthy solutions

and improved my communication skills. When you want to be a better problem solver, therapy can get you there. Visit betterhelp.com slash evolve today to get 10% off your first month. That's better H-E-L-P dot com slash evolve. Tiffany, I love what you said. I just I got stuck there. I was listening but I got stuck. You talked about your mother experiencing domestic violence from

the age of seven to 17 and then she broke the curse. I love that and I feel like it's worthy of highlighting because so often we feel like if we're going to break the generational curse, we're going to break it because it doesn't happen with us at all. But in reality breaking the generational curse means saying it will end with me. It may have shown up in my life, but I want it to end with me. And it's something like you were able to do the same thing. I love your perspective about domestic violence,

about surviving it, but also about witnessing it. Because what we see becomes seeds, whether we're seeing something incredible, or we're seeing something that is challenging, something that is traumatic. And you saw the fruit of what you witness showing up in your own life. One of the reasons why I love Angelina so much

is because it's not just about a woman's experience, but it's about how her daughter is witnessing this experience as well. Tay, can you talk a little bit about your decision to really make this something that was generational? You didn't just zoom in on one aspect of a woman's experience, but you, I don't want to give too much away, but you also cross into a grandmother, a mother,

and then her daughter. We see three generations represented in this project. Tell us why you did that. You know, hearing your story would like really, really move me honestly. I just had to throw that out there just because like, and just I hear so many stories that are so similar to that and it reminds me so much of Angelina.

So like, it was just crazy. I will start crying. But I think, I guess for me, it was like, I heard so many stories that, because I feel like people don't just wind up in those type of situations. A lot of times it can be a generational thing or it can just be the cards that you were dealt

or insecurity, maybe that person's filling in So like, I think it was just, yeah, I don't know. I think it was just that that was what I heard a lot of times. And then, yeah, I really wanted to, I really wanted to, what am I trying to say? Yeah, I think it was literally just stuff that I heard that happened very, very often. So I just decided to use that in my story. And then for me, the main character, her daughter, is what really motivates her to get out of it. Because she's seeing her daughter, she's going through these things. And she's remembering what happened to her because she was seeing her mom get abused,

not to give away too much. But she was seeing her mom, you know, get abused. Not to give away too much, but, you know, she was seeing her mom, you know, get abused by her father. And then, you know, she was seeing that play out in, you know, in her, her, her, her daughter's life as well with her daughter seeing that. And so, like, like thinking about, you know, the trauma that seeing her mom get abused caused her.

And then, you know, she, she, she does not want that for her daughter. She wants to, she wants to be able to break that cycle for her daughter. She wants her daughter to, you know, she does not want that for her daughter. She wants to, she wants to be able to break that cycle for her daughter. She wants her daughter to, you know, do better than she did and live better than she did and make better decisions and be more whole. So, so that was really why. Tiffany, I know you got a chance to check out the trailer. What did you think when you first saw it? Powerful.

Powerful. Powerful. When you come into even the trailer, when you see the initial onset, she's already, you can tell she's already in the state of that, they say when you experience trauma, it's fight, fight or freeze, she was in freeze mode. And you were able to see within there, within that clip, the emotional abuse, the verbal abuse, the gas lighting that went down, just a typical disregard for where she's at. But you could tell there was, even there was like, there was something there with the father. Right. So there was some illusion of trauma, like you haven't talked to him in years. So something they have happened and in that moment

It connected back to the beginning of like, okay, she's in a freeze mode because if she hasn't talked to him You don't know the wealth of emotions, but also the lack of care for the child. That's always your pop out right is your daughter She's in her best. She's trying to do what her best interest to protect her daughter, right? But her daughter still is here. And that's one of the biggest myths is like, they don't hear. Let me hurry up and stop it. Even those little seconds, her daughter is hearing that that has an impact some type of way. And I feel like the clip you showed me was like powerful. It definitely, I'm excited to see the whole series

because in a sense, it feels like a little bit of my life being shown. Cause I was that little girl, right? And when you talk about the generations, one thing that I know is like, I'm the youngest of four, I'm the youngest. And I saw it from the ages of seven to 17. My mother never grew up in a domestic violence home,

but she married my dad when she was 17 years old. So she was still a young girl learning how to be a woman, but never seen that, but my father grew up in a domestic violence home. He saw my grandmother abuse, my grandfather abuse my grandmother. So when you talk about generation, it's going even on the offender side as well. That okay. So I love yet to take a shake in her head, the idea of it happening on the offender side. I actually wanted to talk a little bit about that.

A woman often feels unable to receive support or ask for help or be open about her experiencing domestic violence because she is afraid of the shame connected to it, of the judgment that will be passed on her because she didn't leave or how could you stay in this situation. I want to talk because there's no way this podcast reaches like 60,000 people a week.

There's no way that we're having this conversation and we're not talking to a woman who was currently experiencing domestic violence. There's no way that we're having this conversation and not talking to a little girl trapped inside of a woman who witnessed domestic violence. And so first of all, you're listening and I want you to know that we see you. We're trying to create the type of content, the type of resources that allow you to come out into a place of safety and to just allow us to walk alongside with you.

No one's trying to force you to make a decision right now. No one's trying to put any pressure on you. We want you to know, first of all, we can get in this thing with you. And so thank you for trusting us with this part of your life. For some women, it's domestic violence. For other women, it's molestation, it's rape, it's teenage pregnancy. The list of the things that women experience are long. Some of them are things that they feel like they got themselves into, others are things that they feel like they just stumbled upon. Tiffany, I want to know, can you give us a little bit of perspective

on what it's like to be that woman, experiencing domestic violence, witnessing domestic violence? And what is it that keeps her from being able to say, I need help? What is it that it does to her inner self-worth and herself value, once she's already gotten trapped in this cycle? Why is it so challenging for her to walk away?

Yeah, that's, who has a, that's a component question. way. Yeah, that's who has a compounded question. Because again, you are trying to understand how did I get here? Yeah, I didn't get here because a lot of relationships when you get in, you don't anticipate it's going to go down this path, right? So a lot of the red flags you, you feel like I should have saw it. but if it's normalized, if you grew up in a home where you see it, even if you didn't see physical, everyone also has a misconception that domestic violence isn't just physical. say it because those are the invisible scars that live with you, right? So verbal abuse can even start at home from how your parents talk to you. And if you are, if you feel like this normalized dysfunction is what it is, you may have not known like I didn't think this is as deep as what is, as what it was. I've had survivors tell me I didn't feel like I measured up to count the systematic violence because I wasn't being abused.

I didn't look like those women in those images. You've had generations say, well, at least he's not hitting you, stay there because you're being taken care of. So there's this internal turmoil that's happening, where is really a constant state of fight flight or freeze. You also not sure of what the offender is saying to the survivor or the victim. I still say survivor. I like saying survivor more because it gives you that empowerment that you need, whether you're in and or you're out, you are a survivor every day that you choose

to make one path forward, you're surviving. You don't know if there's fear on the other side of I'll do something to your kids. There's the gas mining to make you feel to twist your words around to get you that doubt yourself who's gonna believe you. Unfortunately society is such a victim blaming culture that when stories come out about domestic abuse in any shape form or fashion, we are trying to discredit

the victim story, survivor story, as soon as it comes out, like in those who are in it are looking at that. And I'm gonna believe is the truth enough. What if I don't, what if I can't articulate what's happening? It's an internal battle that's consistently happening. And asking for help, you like domestic violence happens to any race, any gender, any social class, like social economic status, and you can be the highest VP and find yourself in it. And now the

my standards are for myself are high. How did I get here? Now I've got to ask somebody, is family going to be one of my mom and I were on the run. The most re-traumatization happened with me was through family. Because family is judging what you must like and you keep going back, you must stay. Well, if I give this to you, if I help you, you bet and I go back, at the heart of them, they're still love and it's not just easy to leave.

That is actually the most dangerous time is just leaving. You have to have a safety plan together. And sometimes when you get out into like, you get out of that relationship, it is a hard battle, a hard role to daily overcome that violence and embrace safety. So the compassion and empathy that's needed to wrap our arms around this community is at the utmost high is because there is so much domestic violence is rooted in power

and control. And it doesn't matter how long you've been in it. If you've experienced it, you just want to feel control. Your control that you want to fill in power. You ultimately want to feel safe. So when we talk to the survivors, we let them know we believe you, that statement alone is powerful because you want them to feel safe. We trust what you need, right? You have to give the affirmations to get them into place because even if you don't want to talk about her or want to talk about it, we want to, it's, I don't know how to put it in words. You know what I'm saying?

That's why I was like, it's so compounded because there's so many different layers, but I hope that helped answer and share the light on your questions. And did and I think that it gives us an opportunity to understand how we can create safety as a community. One of the things that Taya chose to do in creating this story is that she allowed another woman to serve as an outlet as safe space for the person who was experiencing domestic violence. And I think that it speaks to the power of sisterhood in general to help us overcome, to help us feel like we are equipped with tools and just safety to be able to speak out

and to talk without judgment. Teya, you obviously have sisters, you've done woman evolve. Can you talk a little bit just about the power of sisterhood, which I think is really important because just as Tiffany mentioned, in sisterhood we have the opportunity to retraumatize one another, to look at another woman's pain,

to look at her issues and say, oh, I would never let that happen to me, or what were you thinking? How could you go through that? Or we can say, I understand. Walk me through it. What are you feeling? What are you sensing? What do you need? Say it talks to me a bit about sisterhood and how empowering or painful it can be when it's done well or poorly. Yeah, I know what you said about, yeah, like it's very easy to say like,

oh, that could never be me. I could never let that happen to me. I could never do that. Like, that's simply not true until you're in that type of situation. Like until you don't know what type of cars people are dealt with, like, so you really, really can't judge. So yeah, just, I just think being compassionate,

I think even to be able to create this story, like, I had to almost put myself, because I've never been, I've never been through a situation like that, but I had to put myself in kind of like their shoes, like, and have compassion and empathy, okay? Well, like, how did this, how did this happen? It's not just like, what, it's not the what? it's like the why and the how. You know what I mean, what led to this,

what, you know, so, sisterhood is incredibly important, you know, just having, like you said, having that safe space, having people around you that don't judge you, that make it a complete non-judgment zone where you can just speak openly and they believe you and they trust you. Kind of like what you both have said, you know, you know, sisterhood is incredibly important. Yeah, having that non-judgment zone and just people that, yeah, people that have empathy for, you know, whatever you might be going through, it's just, it's very important. I think one of the things that I've been trying to do as a parent is really create empathy even in my parenting.

Tiffany, you mentioned that verbal abuse often begins at home. And I think a lot of things that we do or that I experienced culturally, I won't make this everyone's experience, was really gaslighting emotions, telling you how to feel or how you should not feel. And I'm trying to practice this with my own children in creating space where they can communicate. Even if I'm like, girl, you don't pay no bills, you don't have to go out in this real world.

Like what are you talking about? I want them to become comfortable expressing what they need, what's not my six shows, like I'm just really stressed. I'm having a stressful day. And at six,'m just really stressed. I'm having a stressful day. And at six, I could have never said I was having a stressful day because you don't pay, like there's not one bit, you don't make your own food. Like I put your lotion on.

Like you're not stressed about anything. But that's her truth, that's her experience. How do we continue to create opportunities within our children where they are comfortable telling their truth so that we don't have adults who are afraid to verbalize their truth? Do you think there's a connection at all? I'm just wondering, with verbal, sometimes emotional abuse being the foundation to what ultimately becomes physical abuse, what can we do in the childhood stage

that allows our children to feel freedom and visibility and support in what they are experiencing so that they can know this is a red flag if I can't express myself in a relationship. Yeah, no, that's great. And you hit it on the nose really as I create in that safe space for them. A lot, as a parent, you have to,

and I've learned this through my adult daughters though, it's like, it's not that your experience is invalid. We as a culture sometimes, I know again, making it personal is like, this is what I've gone through, like with pairing it from a like when my mom read my book, she was like, I didn't know you were going through all of this. I didn't even know you. I was just trying to survive. So many of our parents come from generations of surviving that they saw this how mom here to live, this how mom said this how mom here to me look how I turned out even still that's kind of how to lens sometimes

it's like I turned out fine you'll be straight come on let's go I guess I'm to do all that like it is a new shift of making space and sitting there with your child and sitting there and hearing them out you don't even have to have the answers be comfortable and sitting in silence. Right. Be comfortable with leaning in on what they want to do, encouraging there, then to have creative expression. They may not want to have a conversation in a family meeting. They may want to walk around the block, be open to be flexible to their methods and how they can grow and develop.

If there's other areas of like peer support groups that they can even get into, that's their age, that help influence that as well. So cater to their strengths of what we have as a family unit, this is what we're gonna do together. This is how we're gonna communicate and connect. We have tough talks or this is where just whatever's on your plate share it out but come enabling an environment that foster safety and communication is the most important and being okay with just because this blueprint was handed to me from past generations

I can rewrite a new blueprint for my generation, starting with me going forward down to future generations. Tiffany, I feel like, oh no, no, no, please, you have to finish, you have to finish. I was just saying, it's okay for us to honor our parents, love them, and acknowledge two things can be true. They did what they could in a space that they did,

but there's so much more tools to help us be healthy in home that they didn't necessarily have a like, an access to, right? Like even when I look at my father who was offended, I still love my father to his dying day. And it was, I was able to see, had daddy got the tools to learn this is not how he resolved conflict.

He would have been a different husband. He would have been a different husband. He would have been a different father. He wouldn't have yield like that, but that is how that generation came down. But I'm going to make sure my generation with my kids and how I'm hearing that I don't model that. Yeah. Finding the right doctor is like having a comfy dress with pockets. You want to tell everyone about it. Zach Doc, a free app that shows you doctors who are patient reviewed, take your insurance and are available when you need them as an app you'll love using and one you'll share with anyone who will listen.

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Go to Zach Doc Doc.com slash woman evolve and download the zack.app for free. Then start your search for a top rated doctor today. Many are available within 24 hours. That's zoc.oc.com slash woman evolve. zack.com slash woman evolve. Zach.com slash woman evolve. You know Tiffany, I love that you are giving us the tools to really see life beyond our experience. But I want to commend you on not just surviving,

but growing because a lot of us survive, but we stay in the same shape of our trauma. To go the extra mile of seeing things through your mom's lens seems easy, right? Because she's the one who experienced the trauma. But to go beyond that and to begin to wonder, what would this have been like? Had my dad had different tools.

I'm still able to love him and see past this expression of who he was, this expression of his pain. I think it speaks to the reality that if we are only seeing life through our lens and our expression, our experiences, then we can never serve humanity. We can't make the world a better place if we think the world only has one perspective. I think that's why I'm so proud even if you tell you for creating this project. For saying this doesn't necessarily have to be my experience. For me to want to see this experience through someone else's eyes

and to try and give them expression. There's no doubt in my mind that people are going to be watching this and saying finally someone sees it. Someone gets it. This is what I went through. And now I get to relive it in a way that is liberating, to relive it in a way that allows me to cry. The tears that I couldn't cry then because I was trying to survive. Things that I couldn't process then because I was just in the moment. And so I want to commend you to, Taya, for looking beyond your own worldview, your own experiences and saying, I'm going to remove my experience and step into someone else's shoes and try to give that voice and try to give it reason.

Taya, I want to know from you, like, what is your greatest hope for this project? What do you hope that it does? Who do you hope gets to see it? You know, I think my greatest hope for this project, for people that have been through the situation, you know, domestic violence, you know, situation or not, like I really just hope that they can, you know,

like, like, remove any judgment that they may have and just find, yeah, true compassion and empathy for people in different situations that they've been through. And then for people that have and just find, yeah, true compassion and empathy for people in different situations that they've been through. And then for people that have been through that, to just give them hope, like, you can get out, you know, maybe people have never seen it in their family. Maybe it is, yeah, been passed on from generation to generation and they've never, you know, maybe none of their parents or grandparents have ever gotten out, or maybe they've never

seen, you know, anybody around them get out. Like, I want to give them hope that you can get out. And even like that you can forgive your parents too. And just kind of like you guys have been saying, like taking off your lens and putting on someone else's lens, understanding why your parents got into those situations. Maybe you didn't even know that it happened to them, or they were you at one point.

They were the child watching their parents get abused. So I think really my hope is just to give hope for people that have gone through it and for people to just be able to see things through a different lens and a different perspective and have compassion in it. But be beautiful. Tiffany, this is the time of the year

where many organizations, like ours, shift their focus towards domestic violence and yet you're doing this daily, literally daily. You're helping women to overcome violence. I am wondering as we shift our focus this month to specifically allow the women who have experienced in our surviving or have survived domestic violence space

and the conversation, what is it that we need to know what is your hope with this project? I know that we're going to put an in-card on the end of the project about if you're experiencing domestic violence. But are you know, do you want us to send them your way? Do we want to just use the national hotline? How can we be good stewards of the visibility that this project is going to receive even this podcast so that we can make sure we are equipping women with tools and resources to begin to really plan the next stage of

their life. Yeah, thank you for asking. And again, thank you for making space and being able to foster an environment that says, I see you, we see you. My hope with the project is again bringing awareness and taking it step further to understand that impact and understanding that hey, make that acknowledgement that if this is you, there's a tribe that supports you. That will help you. Yes, absolutely. You can send them my way because I want you to feel,

a lot of times we feel when we call them national lines that it's just retraumatizing to go through it or is there a disconnect and culturally there's all these stigmas with different systems. If you feel safe by seeing this see my voice and hear me call does that work, we'll walk you through. Here's what you can anticipate. Here's what you can expect. We can even give you that warm handoff with your permission to the organization that's a local to your city because we want you to know we are

with you through this continual it's not just a hey call one time if you need continual support of where are the resources what are the legal resources financially how can you heal we're here for you for that. And this project, I feel like it's gonna be big, y'all. Like, thank you for like what Passes Air said, for putting yourself in the shoes of the survivors to tell their story, tell a fraction of their story, right? And so my hope is that we understand what it looks like that we don't continue in the pattern. I'm not saying anyone has, but if you have continued in the pattern of normalizing

the dysfunction, right? Of like that when there's certain things that come up even on a shave room, like we may jump into conversations and jump in a comments field, but putting that lens on STO was saying of like that empathy and compassion of what is truly happening. How can we pray? How can we come along? If you know someone that is in it, offering, how can I help you? Not quick fixing them, not saying here, I got suggestions for you. Be a resource as well. How can I help you? But also, if someone may want to come to you as a safe space, you know the resources that's available to wrap arms around them as well. And being able to know that, hey, I got support, I got to tribe, and I'm equipped.

That's what this month is about. These organizations like myself, we go harder in the month of October because we want to let anyone know who's experiencing this, we're here. We're doing it every day like you said, but in this month's extra emphasis to get the word out that a lot of things that you're seeing should not be normalized.

A lot of things you're hearing should not, but that there are people who are on the front lines a lot of things that you're seeing should not be normalized. A lot of things you're hearing should not, but that there are people who are on the front lines waiting to serve you and love you because as the Bible says, they want to know what's by our love. And by our love, we are making space even for you in this type of situation.

Tiffany, I can't thank you enough for the work that you do. Thank you so, so much. I think that as enough for the work that you do. Thank you so, so much. I think that as important as the work that you're doing is that it deserves as much acknowledgement and awareness as possible. I'm just proud that Waimani Bof gets to support you in any way that we can. You got to tell us real fast, how do we get plugged in with the Doves Network?

Yes, just go to DovesNetwork.org, D-O-V-E-S network. You can send in, you can call us 480-3829-774, connect with us on social media, info at doesnetwork.org. And we're here to start with you. I can't wait, I'm so excited about this project, but most importantly, about the harvest and about the women who will feel a little less alone. So thank you so, so much for taking the time to speak with me today

and for helping us to evolve those who are experiencing domestic violence, those who are just in sisterhood with women to help us evolve and to see things in a better way. Taya, thank you so much for the work that you're doing. You're going to be blown away by the response. Yes. Thank you all so much. Bye.

Bye. Bye. I tried to tell you. We want to make sure that we are continuing to help serve women in every fast possible. If you enjoyed this conversation please join us on the Wallman Evolve and let us know how this conversation is helping you to become a better woman, a better sister, a better friend. I'll be back next week as promised with an unpacking of what that woman that White loose moment meant to me and what I think it means to us all.

I love you deep. If you want to be my co-host, don't worry, we're not going away with the regular format. If you want to be my co-host, send us an email podcast at womanevolve.com or let me mind your business. You all up in mind, let me mind your business by sending me an advice question to podcast at warmandybawp.com. I love you. I'll see you next week. you