Woman Evolve with Sarah Jakes Roberts - Woman Evolve Replay: Exposing Your Needs in Relationships w Kobe Campbell

Episode Date: December 10, 2024

Previously Recorded Closed mouths don’t get fed! And there you are starving, 'cause you won’t open your mouth. Sis, what is it that you NEED? In this episode, SJR continues her conversation with seminary-trained, licensed trauma therapist, and bestselling author of "Why Am I Like This?", Kobe Campbell. Together they explore how to introduce change and avoid sugarcoating in relationships. But before W.E. get into that, prepare for some exclusive one-on-one time with the bestie SJR and gain some noteworthy advice on navigating new seasons. If you thought last week was epic, then tune in to hear how the rest unfolds!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

My needs only get met when I expose them to the person who can meet them. Clear is kind, unclear is unkind. And that's something that we have adopted in our relationship. Jesus did not just come into the earth and get on the cross the next day. That there was a process that prepared him for the big moment. Why do we need to look 18 and be 60 at the same time? Where is the middle ground? Welcome back. Welcome back to another episode of the woman evolved podcast in case you missed the memo

We are trying out something different because the girls the delegation gathered me and say listen We love you talking to another queen, but we also want to just talk to our own girl. And so here I am, not as scripted and unfiltered, talking to you about what's happening in your world and my world and how we can grow together. You know, it is the top of the year. And at the top of the year, no matter how much we try to not drink the Kool-Aid, we cannot help but give a little new year new you energy. Okay. I'm trying to do some new things. I am going on a sugar fast. That is fruit included,

but don't call me keto. Just call me free. Who the sun is set free any who. So I am going to spend the next 31 to maybe 40 days. I may extend it. Just not having sugar and making a commitment to moving my body. I don't, not that y'all need to mind my business, but I'll be minding yours. I'm going to let you mind mine. I went to the dentist just to get my cleaning. No cavities.

Thank you, Jesus. But my jaw was clicking. And when my jaw was clicking, he asked me, is this something that happens to you all the time? And then he was like, do you often find yourself clenching your teeth too? And I was like, yeah, as a matter of fact, like I had found myself clenching my teeth,

but it was during the conference, like planning for one of the Evolve 2023. So I figured I was just clenching my teeth because life was stressing me out. So anyways, he was like, these are possible signs of sleep apnea. I went and got a sleep apnea test. This is the longest,

I'm telling you the longest story in the world. But I went and got tested for sleep apnea, came back positive. Thanks dad, genetically or yeah, I inherited it. It's hereditary. And so thanks dad for that. So I have sleep apnea genetically or yeah, I inherited it. It's hereditary. And so thanks to have for that. So I have sleep apnea and I don't even remember why I'm telling you.

Anyways, I got a mouth guard. The mouth guard is helping me sleep better and I feel very refreshed. And as a result of feeling refreshed, I feel more empowered to accomplish my goals and to just reset my life. Like, I don't even know why I told you that, but I'm just saying like maybe like if you're waking up tired and you're just going through some tenders, oh, that figured out.

Okay, so a part of sleep apnea when you're having a difficulty, a difficult time sleeping, you can have hormonal imbalance, your weight can flux, not necessarily fluctuate, but it can be harder to lose weight. And so I've been busting my butt all last year working out, but the scale was not scaling properly. And, you know, the scale doesn't matter.

Don't step on the scale. Your weight doesn't matter. It's how you feel in your body. I know what all the girlies say, but there should have been no way that that thing wasn't moving. But now that I'm sleeping better, I'm moving, I'm taking care of my body. I'm hoping to recenter, recalibrate and really experience joy. I'm also practicing on just not feeling as overwhelmed.

In the Womba Nevaa Book Club, we're reading a book about standing up to the moments where life gets challenging. The book is called Grow With Goals. It's by Jill M. Hellwing. And I just want to read you guys a little excerpt out of it because whenever it's time to do something new, if you're like me, you can begin to feel yourself feeling a little bit of unease and anxiety. Like what are the outcomes?

What am I going to have to surrender in order to make this outcome my reality? And do I have what it takes? But I was reading this, and it really resonated with me, so I want to share it with you. It says, we can either flee, freeze, or fight to move forward in faith. We can rest in our selfishness and indecision, or step out to make the necessary sacrifices

for our future goals and plans. We can stew and become stuck when we focus too long on wanting justice for the wrongs done to us. Or we can redirect and show compassion to all people as we heal during our moments of overcoming. We can move from places of pain to positions of purpose. There is more for us than a life running from our calling. There is more than hesitation.

There is more on the other side of comfort. An epic adventure awaits you when you step into who you were created to be. So I am constantly reminding myself in this season that some of my default settings when it comes to I'm giving up sugar because's awful, but I want to take care of my body. And so I am moving out of a space of questioning myself, of experiencing hesitation, and just getting out of my comfort zone. And you are too. At least maybe you should be.

I'm not trying to read your mail, but something to consider. Maybe you should be too. This is the time of the year where we do get the beauty of a fresh start happening in the new year. And so we also get to ask ourselves what first starts do we want to include in our life in those moments where first starts become overwhelming. We have an option to take a beat, take a pause and figure out what we actually

need. And when we do that, there's so much light at the end of the tunnel. Our question this week for Mind Your Business actually deals directly with this. I want you to hear her question and the way that I responded because I think it'll help you. Hey Sarah, my name is Yasbin. I just had a question about navigating new seasons. I often fall back into the mindset of uncertainty and questioning like myself, my purpose, and what I should be doing. I recently started nursing school in September and I'm doing extremely well for myself. But then I look at my syllabus and I become completely overwhelmed. I'm going to be starting Bible study next Wednesday and I was just wondering

like are there any scriptures or any things that I can read to change the narrative in my mind about navigating new seasons and having that faith to move forward. Thank you. Hey, Yasmin or anyone else who may be like her, who often get overwhelmed when you see a large task at hand and you begin to question whether or not you have what it takes. First of all, been there. Whenever I am told that I'm about to speak, whether my father's going out of

town or there's just a Sunday where he feels like I'm the one who's supposed to be there. I immediately feel overwhelmed. I think about how big that room is, how many people watch online, how inadequate I am in comparison to the task at hand. And then I take a deep breath and I remind myself that I am being asked

to do something that one, I've had to do before, which means that if I've done it once, I can do it again. Then I begin to really pray about whatever that assignment is. And when I begin to pray, I find that God and I are making an exchange that I'm giving him my nerves and anxiety. And in exchange, he's giving me peace and a mind that is like Christ. There's a scripture that I'm sure so many of us have heard, but I want to just break it down further for you. It's in Philippians 2 and 5 and it begins, Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God,

but made himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bond servant and coming in the likeness of men, and being found in an appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross. I love this text so much because it's also telling us to have a mind that's like Jesus. And then it begins to tell us not just what Jesus did, but the process connected to what Jesus did. Whenever there's a big task for us at hand and we begin to become overwhelmed,

remember that Jesus did not just come into the earth and get on the cross the next day, that there was a process that prepared him for the big moment. And when he finally got to that big moment, he had been prepared along the way. Yasmin, you've got an incredibly large syllabus ahead of you, so many responsibilities.

And you may be thinking to yourself, how am I going to do it all? Baby, you're going to do it one day, one minute, one assignment at a time. You said right before you started the question that you have already done quite well in nursing school, which means that you have a proven track record of being able to show up for the moment. So instead of looking at the big picture, take

a glance, this is the plan. This is where you're going to land. But right now all I have is today. And because all you have is today ask yourself what is required of me today, I have found that when I take big assignments and break them down into bite-sized pieces that I look up and I have accomplished the big assignment because I focused on what was in front of me in the moment. I really hope that taking the time to break down the way that we have to look at big assignments was helpful for her. The way that we have to look at big assignments was helpful for her. It helps me a lot. There's this app that I use whenever I'm writing a book.

What I love about it, I actually heard about it from Lovia Jai Jones, but you put however words are due for your manuscript, you put it into the software, and then the software lets you know based off of your writing schedule how many days, how many words a day you need to write in order to reach that manuscript goal. So for my book, Power Moves, I put, I think I had to write 50 or 60,000 words for that book and I only wanted to write Monday through Thursday. And so I put that in and it told me exactly how many words a day to put in there. And that's just a practical way of taking this big assignment and breaking it down. But I think outside of the practical, there's something that we can do mentally,

emotionally, spiritually, that can be really helpful for us as well. And so I want to share that with you based off of her question, because one of the things that she said that really stood out to me is that she's actually done very well in nursing school. And so though she has this history of success, still when standing at something new, she feels fear and nerves and anxiety about whether or not she can accomplish listen, something that she's already accomplished in the past. And this really resonated deeply with me, because I have found myself talking myself out of something that I've already proven to do well. And this doesn't happen

like when I'm cooking, right? I know how to do a great meal. So like getting in the kitchen, I don't feel a sense of anxiety about whether or not I can do it or whether or not I can make a good meal because I've already had this track record of doing it well. But you know, when I first started cooking, I did have that anxiety because like, you know, he has some hits and he has some misses, right?

And so I did it well once and I'm like, can I do it again? Can I do it again? And I think what we are asking ourselves in the pursuit of purpose or destiny is can I do it well again? So I think the flaw with that thinking is that it keeps us from owning the reality and the confidence that can come with us saying I did it well and because I did it well then the likelihood of me not going backwards is really high. It's not to say that there won't be added variables these are different classes I may have to incorporate different study methods, but I have proven myself in this space before. And I honestly think that this is part of like

a trauma response for me is like second guessing whether or not I can do it well again. This happens for me when it comes to preaching a lot, like, oh my gosh, when I am asked to preach, which, you know, people are always like, when are you gonna preach? When are you gonna preach? Like, I am not the lead pastor of my father's church.

I'm not the lead pastor of my husband's church. And so I preach when I am asked to preach. And so I never know when that's going to be. But the moment I find out, I'm like, oh Lord, I be falling into a puddle. It doesn't matter how much my last message resonated. It doesn't matter how much virality was surrounding a message.

Like I don't walk into those moments feeling like I got this. There's a clip of me literally being like, Lord, I just be wanting to be like, I got this. And then God telling me like, yeah, if you ever got this, then you know, you won't need me. So here I am ungotten. And that is like my heart for sure.

Because I step into a moment feeling ungotten. I say that to say that I do think there's this fine line between really recognizing that this is something new. There are unknown variables that could be a stumbling block, but also trusting that not only did God show up for me in the past, but I showed up for this fight too. There is something to be said about the grace of God showing up the mercy of God,

not giving us what we deserve. Like maybe I didn't study the best. Maybe I could have done better. It's by the grace of God that I did well. But it is also by my work, right? Like faith without works is dead. And so yes, I put my faith on it, but I also work towards this. And I think there's something powerful about us being able to own the work connected to the success, not to take pride in it, not to build our ego, not to become so big and to have delusions of grandeur to the point

where God has to humble us, but to say, I gave God something to work with. And because I gave God something to work with before and he breathed on it, all I have to do in this moment as I step into nursing school, as I step into this moment of ministry, as I step into this podcast, as I step into building this of ministry, as I step into this podcast, as I step into building

this family, building this relationship, is all I have to do is give God something to work with. If I give God something to work with, God's gonna do the rest. And that is success for me, is giving God something to work with. And I believe that that should be success for you as well. I do believe that in order for us to really live with that heart posture,

that we also have to be willing to admit, do I have a fear connected with what it would look like for me to own that I've done well? It's so much easier for me. I'll read my own mail. It's so much easier for me to own my read my own mail. It's so much easier for me to own my mistakes than it is for me to own my success. When I own my mistakes, it feeds into unworthiness, it feeds into low self-esteem, it feeds into insecurity, and I find a sense of comfort in me saying,

see, you weren't good enough, see, you didn't have what it takes, see, you need to stay low, you need to stay humble because you can mess up at any given moment. You need to not take pride in yourself. But who would you be if you allowed yourself room to own the things that you do well? To say, you know what?

I killed that. To say, maybe I am a good friend. Maybe I am adding worth and value in this space where there was no worth or value. Because what I am most afraid of, I think for myself and maybe for anyone else who is like me, is that we would have spent all of our energy seeking to confirm our insecurity insecurity instead of igniting our confidence. People, there's a quote that I'm gonna jack up and it's like people either write books that they're masters in or write the books

they need to read. And that's very much how I feel about power moves, ignite your confidence and become a force. Because some of us are forces and we don't even know it because we haven't given ourselves permission to live in that part of our identity. And so when we do allow ourselves to live in that space, I think that we have to really reckon with

how will that change the way I see myself? And also how will that change the way I relate to others? I think that what I worry about, I think more than anything, and this is like people pleasing, but how will people respond to a more aware and awakened version of me owning my strengths and my weaknesses?

I'm not talking about ignoring the reality that I got work to do. I'm in development. I live in that consciousness all the time, but how would it affect the people I'm in relationship with for me to really own the spaces where I'm growing? You know, and this is, I think, a Christian church indoctrination as well, right?

Because you got to stay humble, be low, stay humble. But you know, Paul was walking around here, like by the grace of God I am, I'm that one. And Jesus knew who he was and was still able to connect with any and everybody because he didn't have to have false humility in order to be effective. This actually reminds me of a moment during my conversation with Kobe.

So if you didn't get to listen to last week's episode, Kobe read us, she read me. It was mostly me, cause I was the only one she was talking to, but because we engage in this work together, she read us for filth. But I asked her, how do you introduce your change and your transformation in the context of

relationship? And initially I asked her the question and I don't know her response. I didn't want to make it just about marriage. I wanted to talk about like dating, right? Because a lot of my girls are dating and her response was actually quite interesting. But we talked about it in the form of marriage, which I think offered an even deeper opportunity because most of the time,

even whether it's a friendship or a marriage, long siblings, parents, most of us are introducing our transformation in the context of people who have known previous versions of who we are. And the fear is whether or not they have the capacity to make room for versions of who we are. And the fear is whether or not they have the capacity to make room for more of who we are. And so I asked for Kobe's opinion

on how we introduce our change in the context of longstanding relationships. And her response was really interesting. I saved this clip just so that we could break it down. I want you to hear it first, so let's get into it. If you're in partnership with someone and you are beginning to step into the boldness and fullness of who you are, I don't even want to talk about marriage. I want to talk specifically relationships, like just dating relationships,

because I think we have a maybe they'll catch up mentality. What do you do when this pivot is coming? And it's like, I'm fully stepping into the fullness of who I am with confidence, with joy, et cetera. This person isn't moving, but we have history. Yeah. What do I do? Do you want my honest answer?

Yeah, I do. I never dated in adulthood. Okay. So I honestly feel very ill equipped to be like, in a dating relationship, this is what you do. My husband literally stalked me. You know, like he literally was like, you are the one. I was like, I don't know.

God told me he was the one and then we got married. And to be honest, sometimes I feel ashamed of that story, even though I feel like it's beautiful because I feel like it doesn't relate enough to people. And I try to be as honest with people and say, I love you. I can listen to you, but I can't relate to as an adult. I never really went on dates. You know, like I had a really abusive, traumatic relationship in my late tweens, teens, like 1920. After that, that was really when I gave my life to Christ and was like terrified to date and then the first Christian guy I dated, I got married to, you know, which is

like somebody's Nicholas Sparks. One takes Drake. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Like somebody's like cute little story. And so I think that that I could talk about in the relationship, I could talk about that. But I think that, now I can talk about in the relationship, I can talk about that, but I think that struggle in dating being like, well you need to tell him ABCDEFG, I have a twin sister, I'd be like girl, no, let me just pray for you. Let's do it in the relationship then though,

because we grow at different paces. Oh yeah, I remember having a conversation with Kyle and just sitting down and telling him I love you, but I will not stunt what God's doing in my life for you So I want you to know this is what I feel like God's doing in my life And now we have those conversations often but just saying this is what God's doing in my life right now These are the shifts i'm making these are the things I used to do. I'm not doing that anymore These are the ways I used to respond that i'm trying my best not to did you say it just like that or was it like, OK, so no sugar on it?

No. OK. I felt like that was sweet. Oh, OK. Wow. Wowzer. I know. You know how someone's like, I'm giving up sugar and they still eat fruit. Mm hmm. That's then that was a grapefruit. Yeah.

Oh my gosh. Have you tried monk fruit before, Stevie? Yeah, I did. I told him, I said, I love you. And I also told him, these are the areas like I need your grace and I don't need you to respond at the moment but I do want you to let me know what that looks like for you, you know? And so he kind of went back with his therapist and his friends in process and then came back

and was like, you know what, this is something I've been doing. I don't think I want to do this anymore. This is where I need grace. This is where because you know things like I want to get up and pray together in the morning which is beautiful and powerful but I found myself not praying some mornings because he didn't want to get up and then I'd be like okay we'll pray later and then I'd be mollywopped dragged through the entire day and I'm trying to like sneak a prayer in between sessions can't even finish it and then I I was like, you know what?

I am responsible for my spiritual life, you know? And letting him know, I love you. I'm still gonna get up and pray. And oftentimes he wasn't offended. He was like, go ahead, like do that. And then also him being like, you know, I don't want every moment of our spiritual lives to be together.

Like I wanna be able to pray and talk to God by myself. I'm recovering codependent. We're praying together. Why aren't you holding my hands? But you're not lacing them. What's wrong? You know what I'm saying? Like, not intertwined. Literally, if I could stick my toes into your socks, I would.

Okay. You know what I'm saying? And so, when he didn't want to do everything together, it was a relief. He was like, honestly, sometimes I feel like I didn't get up because I wanted to just read the word and pray by myself. You know, because I'd be like in the zone and he'd be like knocked out.

And like just the way that we spend time with the Lord is different. So he enjoyed being able to reclaim his time. But I think that overall I just had to tell him, God is calling me to more and I have to prepare for that. And I want you to come with me. And I know you will. I believe that if God's aligned us,

then he's aligned our journeys, that you may be ahead of me or behind me, but you're not gonna be too far ahead and too far behind because we are yoked together in the spirit, you know? And also asking him, how can I help you? How can I support you? Last week he had his first session. He got certified as a mental health coach

and now he's seeing other black men. That's amazing. And like the inquiries are coming in because he was like, seeing you do something you love for work made me realize I don't have to settle for something I don't love for work. You know realize I don't have to settle for something I don't love for work. You know, so I think being clear, that's one thing.

Brene Brown said this. I'm just thinking about Brene Brown. Girl, Brene, girl. There was one point where you were just like. I'm going to have to say something. I let him slide a few times and I was like, I'm going to have to say something. I let him slide a few times and I was like, I'm going to have to say something. The production team is going to have to have a day. But clear is kind, unclear is unkind.

And that's something that we have adopted in our relationship. I'd rather you say literally what you are thinking in your head then you try to circumnavigate not hurting my feelings, but never make your point clear. You know? We want to be able to merge clarity and kindness, but if there's a moment where you need to be more clear than kind, so your point is understood by me, then go that way.

You know? How much does your relationship reflect what you saw modeled in your life? I hope my mom and dad are not watching this. And that's the answer. I think that our relationship reflects what we did not see. Okay. I think that we, the first couple years,

we tried to do what was modeled, and we were like, this doesn't feel good. This doesn't feel good. And so Kyle and I got to a. And we were like, this doesn't feel good. This doesn't feel good. And so Kyle and I got to a point where we were like, you know, we have to be concerned more with what our life feels like than what it looks like. And if it doesn't look like something that people admire, if it doesn't look like couple goals to other people, then that's okay, because it feels right, and it feels holy, and it feels aligned with what God's called us to. So in many ways, great things from my family, from his family, from both sides, but we really

had to undo some stuff and be like, we're not doing that. This is why, and this is why it's not helpful for us or for them. So yeah. Okay. So that helps me, because I think that as we talk about surrender, especially at the beginning of the year, one, I think that there's no way

that you can have a conversation about what you want to change this year without really understanding what you're going to have to uproot in order to plant whatever is new that you're trying to implement in your life. And I can't help but separate the way our family systems and cultures show up in our decision making.

Oh my goodness. Absolutely, absolutely. And I think that when we are constantly shaping our lives around what people think, feel, what's tradition, though tradition can be powerful, we miss the reality of actually meeting our needs. And some needs are visible and some needs are visceral. Meaning like some needs you can see from the outside.

If I'm bleeding, you know I need a band-aid. But if I'm hungry, you will never know. Why? Because you're not experiencing that hunger. And by the time that you can see my hunger displayed on the outside, it's done so much damage to me. Like I've been starving. And so I think that just thinking through life like that in our marriage and our friendships

is my needs only get met when I expose them to the person who can meet them. Yeah. Right? And so for us, we've gotten to a place where, and I think for many people, even these conversations are happening because people are willing to say, this is my need. I'm not moralizing it, I'm not rationalizing it, I want to feel safe.

Yeah. And the need does not go away until it's met. Okay, can I ask you a question before we close out? Yes, yes. I get people all the time who tell me, like, I want to deepen my relationship with God. Yeah. And my question to them is like, why?

And I think now I'm going to start asking them, like, what is it that you need? What is it that you're searching for? How do you answer that question? That's a question. What do I need from God? I need assurance. I need peace.

And I need freedom. But not freedom to do other things, but like freedom to just like be my like giddy, silly, goofy laughing, sometimes ashy self. You know, like I feel like with God, I never lose access to a space to be me without shame or without questions or without burdens. And luckily I get to get slices of that in my marriage and my friendships and stuff. But with God, my time with the Lord is not ratatashede. It's me in my underwear dancing to a worship song, eating chips.

You know, it's playing my guitar very poorly. And I just get to be and exist. And I think as a woman, as a mother, as a wife, as a business owner, as a therapist, there's often an expectation of a result. And God is one of the few places where the result is presence, just being there. Just being with Him. Thank you. You're welcome. Thank you for asking. You are really something else.

You are really something else. Well, I feel the same about you. No, but you are really something else. OK, thank you. Thank you very much. Just in case y'all didn't know it, I am fully about to show off my auntie status when I say, good, let me tell you, Campbell's soup used to have their little motto.

And at the end, they would go, good. That's how I feel after listening to this snippet of my conversation with Kobe Campbell. Did you hear when she said, I love you, but I won't stop what God is doing in my life. Is that what she said? She said something, go back and listen to it. I need to take notes, okay? Okay, so a few things that I want to highlight

from this conversation. First of all, when she said, do you want me to answer that question honestly? And then she went on to tell me that she couldn't relate. Shout out to the girls who can't relate. I am guilty of constantly thinking that everyone has had some type of toxic relationship, some type of deep childhood trauma,

some type of disappointment or disconnection or distraction from God. And the truth is that there are just girls who can't relate. And if you are one of those girls who can't relate, I don't want you to feel guilty about it. I know that she said that that was one of the things that she kind of thought was corny, but don't feel guilty about your journey

and the fact that some of the things that have been prevalent with other women is not something that you have experienced because even your unique experience is something that someone else needed to hear. I bet you that there are plenty of you listening who are like, yes, Kobe, that is my truth too. I didn't know there was somebody else out there like me.

So keep sharing your can't relate experiences for the girls who can't relate and those of us who can relate. Y'all pray for us. Okay. And just be in prayer intercede for us. You know, one of the things that she said though, that really stood out for me is how she was able to be clear, even if it did not come off as kind. Over the last few weeks, I have been thinking a lot about societal and cultural norms as it relates to womanhood.

Maybe it's just Christian womanhood, but there is this intense need to be nice and liked and kind and lovable. So much so that many of us have denied our truth and we have denied our right to own difficult emotions or emotions that may make people uncomfortable or even risk the rejection of other people. And as a result of such people pleasing, we are now stifled in our life. But people like Kobe and the way that she is showing up give me hope. I've done a lot of work in therapy to undo some of the messaging that trauma has sent

me about how I need to show up or a society or culture or church, whoever, you know, I'm undoing a lot of those messages because I deserve the right to be heard. I deserve the right to let you know how your actions have impacted me. I deserve the right to use my words to give language to what's happening inside of me. And to be honest, I just can't afford to keep it inside of me. It's bad for my body. It's bad for the way that I experience joy

when I swallow the things that are necessary for me to have deeper intimacy and connection with others. I've also noticed that it has helped me in my relationship with God to be able to use my words, to say I'm scared, I'm nervous, that hurt, I'm excited, I feel helpless, I'm tired, I'm overwhelmed. Because that same messaging shows up in how we dialogue with God. You know, there's that old saying, if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't

say it at all. Well, when that happens in our relationship with God, some of us just grow distant from God instead of plugging in. If I can't talk about your goodness because right now I'm disappointed that I'm dealing with this disease or that things haven't gone the way that I wanted them to, then I say nothing at all. But I am crazy enough to believe that God wants to hear every part of our truth. I think that the conversation with the woman at the well, the conversation with Mary when she was informed that she would be pregnant by the Holy Spirit, the conversation with the woman at the well, the conversation with Mary when she was informed

that she would be pregnant by the Holy Spirit, the conversation with the woman caught in the act of adultery. Like if the only time we can communicate to you or with someone is if we are communicating from a place of adoration and worship, then we don't have real relationship. Real relationship is when I can hold you accountable. It's when I can share with integrity, the fullness of who I am and my experience. And from that place, your response, your care,

your empathy is what gives me space and hope that I can do that over and over again. I wanna ask you before we get ready to close out this episode, and don't worry, we gonna rescue somebody, but I wanna ask you, what do you need now that you once didn't need? And can you give it language to the people

who you are in connection with? What do you need now? Like maybe you didn't need someone to be more gentle with your feelings and emotions, but now you need that because you don't want to be this strong friend anymore. Are you able to say, I know that I didn't need this from you then, but in order for us to continue in a space of health or just having deeper roots, this is what I need now. The flip to that is like, what do you no longer need? Like I once needed people to be my sounding board

and now you giving me feedback and I ain't even in the microphone. I ain't even talking to you and I hear your feedback. Maybe I no longer need that. And can you express that and it still be love? And can you express that and it still be love? I'm so excited for you guys to get my book Power Modes because I have gone on such a journey unpacking tools and concepts to help you give this language.

And I believe that it'll be very helpful for you. You ready to rescue somebody? Are you ready for rescue? You don't save her. What? Be good. Say, see, that was a test. You failed. You failed. Get that Holy ghost. Do you understand? All right. So it's rescue Eve time in the sanctuary. And at this point, I feel like we need to rescue aging. Hear me out.

Last month, Jennifer love you. It kind of went like viral and y'all know Jennifer love you. I know what you did last summer. You know, Jennifer Lovehue, it kind of went like viral. And y'all know Jennifer Lovehue. I know what you did last summer. If you're a millennial, if you're not a millennial, just don't start it. Don't start it. Whether you a boomer and you had so much wisdom and work ethic and no gentle parenting, or you're one of them zeers who try and tell us

not to crop tuck our shirts, like whatever. Okay, let us have our moment. She was in I know what you did last summer. And she recently went viral because she was getting her hair done. She didn't have on him on any makeup. So she just threw on a filter. And when she threw on a filter, there were like all of these critics who were like, you don't look like yourself and other people are talking about she knows how bad she actually looks now in her 40s, and didn't want her followers to see it. And like I've seen this

on TikTok as well, where these there are these filters with they're like how they age you and like they'll take your face now and put like 5060 years on it. So you can know what you're gonna look like when you age and there's's like a crispy, but burnt filter, all of these different filters. And then you see these reactions from people that are like, oh my gosh, I never want to be seen again. Or let me call the doctor.

Like, what can I do to avoid this? And at this point, you know, your girl is 35, which I cannot believe that you could take 10 years off my life and still be an adult, but this is where I am. This is my truth. And I just need us to not be so afraid of getting old. Like if we are fortunate enough to get old, why are we going to be out here being afraid of it?

Like, why do we need to look 18 and be 60 at the same time? Like, where is the middle ground? Like, I'm not shading if you want to go nip, tuck and pluck. But like, is it the worst thing ever for you to be 70? It's just the worst thing ever for you to look 70? Baby, I'm not trying to tell God to take me up out of here. So if getting to 70 mean I got to look like 70, I'm gonna have to go on and sign up for it.

Cause even with all the nipping and tucking that the folks be getting in they 70s, you know, it still look nipped and tucked. It's still, it's giving 70, it's giving a vibrant 70, it's giving a smooth 70, but it's giving 70, okay? Like we're not rewinding the clock, we're just getting Rolexes, you know what I mean? Like, maybe it's not a Timex, now you look like a Rolex,

but the clock is still clocking, the time is still saying the time, and that's your business. All I'm saying is this, we cannot be afraid of aging. If we have lives that have been full and we have experienced joy and love and connection and maybe ups and downs on the weight loss journey, maybe a few scars, nicks and bruises, but we are still here. That feels like it's

worthy of celebration. I want us to rescue aging. Okay. What do you think? Can we rescue aging? Like, can we send the private chat for this? We need to ask the gardener, which by the way, I just want y'all to know that last week when we rescued the Hermes billionaire who wanted to give all of his fortune to the gardener that some of you were literally talking about you changed your name to gardener. And I just want you to know it's going to take a little bit more than that.

Like if you're going to be joining the scammer, I'm going to need you to scam properly. Actually don't scam. Holy Ghost, don't scam. If you're going to scam, you need to be good at scamming because that ain't it. Okay. Listen, this has been another episode of the Womba Neva podcast. Yes, y'all have me out here being unhinged and acting crazy. Don't leave me out here by myself. Because if we can't keep it nothing else, we got to keep it real. We got to stand on business. Listen, I love you deep. Y'all send me rescues. Are you out here cutting up? Do you need me to mind your business? Send them to podcast at womenevolve.com. I want to know how we are walking life out in these streets

and how we can come together to just take a deep, ooh, sigh, and do better. Okay, what do you need to do better? Gotta thank you for coming to a place in my life where I recognize that I need you. I have to be honest and say that that has not always been my truth.

But as I stand here now and I consider all of your faithfulness, all of your tenderness, all of your kindness, I can say that this is not a prayer asking for anything. This is a prayer thanking you for everything and to underscore that I need you. Please help me to remember that in my day to day actions that more than I need to do whatever is on my agenda,

more than I need to show up for whoever is on my line, more than I need to serve others. I just need you and not because of what you do, because of who you are and who I become in your presence. Continue to make me more like Jesus. In Jesus' name, amen.