Woman Evolve with Sarah Jakes Roberts - Woman Evolve Replay: Surrender Your Expectations in Relationships w Kobe Campbell

Episode Date: December 9, 2024

Previously Recorded Seminary-trained, licensed trauma therapist, and bestselling author of "Why Am I Like This?", Kobe Campbell is featured in this special throwback episode. She and SJR started to unpack expectations in relationships when a WHOLE therapy session made its way on the airwaves. Tap in to hear how it went and be the first to enjoy our new and improved—SJR, Mind My Business and Rescue Eve podcast segments! No cap, but this episode will challenge you to let people’s journeys be their own, free from your need for co-dependency. So, if you can’t say amen, say ouch! [e-mail] www.blackeffect.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

When we're free, we often feel seen, and being seen is vulnerable. Sometimes healing is God giving me the strength to walk this through and still be a light. Yes. He started going to therapy and it demanded of me. God doesn't always show up in the way that we would have wanted Him to, but it doesn't mean that we can't access his presence now. Yes. What's up, what's up, what's up? Welcome back to the Women Evolve Podcast.

Happy New Year. It has been an amazing start to the new year already. If you haven't already learned, the Women Evolve Podcast is now a part of the Black Effect Network. Big ups to the icon, Charlamagne, for expanding the reach of the Woman Evolved podcast and also helping me to stop reading all those ads because your girl was getting a little woo-woo about it.

Listen, I am so excited about this partnership, but what I'm most excited about is that since we got to take a little break, although y'all were really enjoying those throwback episodes, it gave us a chance to really reformat the podcast. There has been something that we have heard over and over again since releasing this new format. over again since releasing this new format, which if you guys are not familiar with the podcast, it started in 2018. I grabbed a microphone, my laptop, and I was sitting in my office. I'd go on Facebook Live and we would talk about hot topics and current events.

I'd send it off to my brother to mix and then we'd upload it. And that is how the woman evolved podcast started. But it started getting a little hard to go live on Facebook at the same time week after week. And to be honest, it was getting difficult to rescue people. We had these segments. It was a Hail Mary and Rescue Eve. And we basically take stories out of the news and try to find this angle of, you know, seeing people the way God sees them, even though it was easy to see them like Eve.

You know Eve, our girl in the Bible, she ate from the fruit, gave it to Adam. The fall of humanity, sin enters the world. You know, she knew better, but she didn't do better. And people are out here, and I know they know better, but they are not doing better. And though it would be easy to judge, we would try to suspend judgment and see things the way that God saw them. Sounds good in theory, but trying to defend people was getting real chaotic. But we're going to try it again. We are bringing back rescue Eve. We are going to try and rescue the people. But this time, instead of just rescuing people

who are in the news, though that may happen, we want to try and rescue you. Yes, you listening. Like, are you out here being raggedy? Like, did you call the kids in sick and they weren't sick? Do you need a rescue? Are you out here, you know, not properly laying that wig down and outside being like corporate Aaron?

Is that you? I don't know if it's you, but if it's you, maybe you need a floaty. Maybe we need to send you a plane because you out here knowing better, but not doing better. I believe in you. I believe in all God's children and I just want to see you doing better. I believe in you. I believe in all God's children, and I just want to see you do better. So send us your, I'll give you more information on sending us your rescue Eves, but we're also bringing in a segment

called Mind Your Business. You guys send me advice questions all the time. I'm going to answer them here on the air, but we're going to ask you to send them in via video. So you can send actually your mind your business moments, how you want me to mind your business to podcasts at WomansEvolve or send us the ways you're out here being raggedy at podcasts at womansevolve.com.

So if you send me your mind your business thing, like drop a video, make it quick, you know, but give me the details. Make it quick, like send me a minute video or so telling me all about whatever it is you're going through and how you think maybe I can help you. And you can mind my business. You want to know where I'm getting stuff from. You want to know how I'm doing. Like send me your questions, whatever they are, no matter how deep, no matter how random.

I'll do my best to answer them. And yeah, go ahead and send your rescue eaves to that as well. podcast at womanevolve.com. So, all right, let's get into our first mind your business question. Are you ready? Are you ready for me to mind your business? I'm ready to mind it. Hi, Sarah.

My name is Winna Fred, and I just have one question to ask you. So we've been a part of your story and your incredible journey as well but with all of that I just want to know do you sometimes deal with imposter syndrome? If you do, how have you been able to get out of that? How do you deal with it or navigate through it? Because I feel like sometimes when God tells us to do something, we think because of our past or because of what our past looks like, we don't really deserve to do it or we're not good enough for it. But I just want to know, how have you been able to push through

and still do the will of God? Thank you. When it for this question is so interesting to me because I often ask myself, is that imposter syndrome, the reason why you're questioning yourself, the reason why you are doubting yourself in this moment? But one of the things that I am beginning to realize is that I feel like the only reason why I have had impact in my ministry and with my life is because I've made a commitment to authenticity,

whatever is authentic to me for that specific assignment. And so, authenticity isn't necessarily saying, I'm going to show up the same way every single time as much as it is saying, I'm going to show up in my truth, but I'm going to see if God blesses this truth. And so, I have to say, well, some of you may have seen the story, some of you may not have. I was speaking at my father's church and I was there on my own. And at the time, backstory is, at the time, I was questioning whether or not I would be a good candidate to be a part of the leadership team at the Potters House Dallas, primarily

because, you know, I am going to give it to you the way God gives it to me. And sometimes it doesn't come off as eloquent and fancy as I think that it should. And so I was wondering, like, am I going to have to change myself to step into what God has called me to do? Or can I still be myself and it be effective? And I was having that going on in my own spirit, in my own mind. I get up to preach and my wigs start slipping.

I take my wig off, I keep on preaching. And so that moment ends up going viral, right? All of these people see it. But what was crazy about it is instead of it being something that people just laughed at, it became this thing that people were inspired by, where they were like, when you took your wig off, it like snatched shame out of my soul.

It gave me permission to be myself. Little did they know that as liberating as that moment was for them, it was liberating for me because it helped me to realize that God was trying to show me, like, if you will just be yourself in your rawest wig cap on state, I can use it, I can bless it. And so those moments where imposter syndrome tries to creep in, I remind myself that I'm not forcing this. I'm just standing in the force of what it is.

I'm not pretending to be anyone other than myself, which is why I could be on TikTok, cutting the turkey open and then turn around and post a preaching clip. It is important to me that as I present myself as a leader, as a thought leader and faith leader, that I do so in such a way that no one is ever caught by surprise at me being human and a woman and a girl who's on a journey. And so, resist pretending. Resist the need to live up to someone's expectation, resist the need

to do what you've seen done before and ask yourself and ask God instead. If you chose me to do this and you know who I am, you know where I went to school or didn't go to school, you know who my friends are, who my friends are, and you're still asking me to do this, then I'm gonna show up in the truth of who I am, and I'm gonna sit back and watch how you multiply whatever my offering is. That's been my testimony,

and that is what has helped me to resist falling into the trap of imposter syndrome, because I am authentically being who I am and obedient to the places where God sends me. I hope that helps her. I mean, to be honest, I have struggled with wondering whether or not I have imposter syndrome, which was one of my first encounters with therapy was trying to figure out whether or not I was experiencing imposter syndrome or something more deeply related with just

the stress of my past trauma coming to the surface because I didn't feel present in my life. So I thought it would be cool to understand for those of you who may be wondering as well, like do I have imposter syndrome? There is an expert on the subject. Her name is Dr. Valerie Young. And evidently she has a book that centers around women who may have imposter syndrome. It's called The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women, Why Capable People Suffer from the Imposter Syndrome, and How to Thrive in in spite of it. She says that there are five categories of imposter syndrome

and the way they show up differently, the way it shows up is differently for everyone. So I'm gonna just run off these five real quick, but if you wanna dig deeper, get the booker, if you wanna just confirm what you got, here we go. All right, so category number one is the perfectionist. Perfectionism and imposter syndrome go hand in hand. Think about it, perfectionists set excessively high goals

for themselves and when they fail to reach a goal, they experience major self doubt and worry about measuring up. Whether they realize it or not, this group can also be control freaks feeling like if they want something done right they have to do it themselves. Ooh, reading somebody's mail. Number two, the superwoman. Since people who experience this phenomenon are convinced that they're phonies amongst real deal

colleagues, they often push themselves to work harder and harder to measure up. But this is just a false cover-up for their insecurities and the work overload may harm not only their own mental health, but also their relationships with others. Number three, the natural genius. Young says people with this competence type believe they need to be a natural genius. As such, they judge their competence based. to be a natural genius. As such, they judge their competence based... As such, they judge their competence...

Not the devil trying to tie my tongue up. We get off of me. As such, they judge their competence based ease and speed as opposed to their efforts. In other words, if they take a long time to master something, they feel shame. These types of imposters set their internal bar impossibly high, just like perfectionists.

But natural genius types don't judge themselves based on ridiculous expectations. They don't just judge themselves based on ridiculous expectations. They also judge themselves based on getting things right on the first try. When they're not able to do something quickly or fluently, their alarm sounds, all right.

You know why I couldn't read through that? Got me. That's not right. Don't. Whatever, I'm definitely guilty of setting an internal bar that is so high and then be upset when I can't do something right on the first try planning conference on the

scale that it was in 2023 with 40,000 people and having so many errors and just like how do we budget properly? How do we structure the team properly? What does the timeline need to look like? I was so upset with myself that I did not do well doing something I've never done before. Think about that sentence. It's already sounding off. So I guess I got a little touch of it. Okay. Okay. There's just two more left. Four, the soloist suffers sufferers who feel as though asking for help

reveals their phoniness are what Young calls soloist. It's okay to be independent, but not to the extent that you refuse assistance so that you can prove your worth. Not sure if this applies to you? Ask yourself these questions. Do you firmly feel that you need to accomplish things on your own? I don't need anyone's help.

Does that sound like you? Do you frame requests in terms of requirements of the project rather than your needs as a person? in terms of requirements of the project rather than your needs as a person. Hmm. Can I have both of them, please? Okay, last one, number five, the expert. Experts measure their competence based on what and how much they know or can do.

Believing they will never know enough, they fear being exposed as inexperienced or unknowledgeable. Do you shy away from applying to job postings unless you meet every single educational requirement? Are you constantly seeking out trainings or certifications because you think you need to improve your skills in order to succeed? Even if you've even if you've been in your role for some time, can you relate to feeling like you still don't know enough? Do you

shutter when someone says you're an expert? All right. Well, basically, we all got imposter syndrome. That is from Dr. Valerie Young, her book, The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women, Why Capable People Suffer from the Imposter Syndrome and How to Thrive in Spite of It. Sounds like it might be a good read for us. I'm going to see if we can add that to the woman involved book club because we need help. Mr. I am still going to stand 10 toes down on the fact that a lot of what I experienced had to do

with trauma responses. When our unprocessed trauma has not been acknowledged and reframed, it shows up in the way that we function. And so yeah, I probably got a touch of imposter syndrome with a dabble of PTSD and a few other things, but that is why we need therapy. You should know by now that there is no shame at all in needing someone to talk to, needing someone to help you process. To be honest, I think that's why social media is as powerful as it is,

is that we are collectively processing what we see in the news, what we see in someone's life. I love TikTok because I like to hear the way people think, but you got to turn that inward. You can't constantly be focused on processing what's happening around you and not what's taking place in you.

I'm really excited about my conversation today with Kobe Campbell. Kobe Campbell is an award-winning licensed trauma therapist, bestselling author, media expert, entertainment consultant, and keynote speaker. Kobe just released her first book with a W publishing of HarperCollins titled, Why Am I Like This? How to Break Cycles, Heal From Trauma, and Restore Your Faith.

Let me tell you, Homegirl came in swinging and did not stop. You know, I'm always letting Dr. Anita Phillips like therapy me on the low. If you guys haven't heard her podcast, you got to check it out. It's a woman evolve special. It's called in the light. But let me tell you something. Kobe Campbell is a Dr. Anita in the making her own individuality, her own unique style, but getting deep just as fast without fear judgment homegirl got that on lock. So let's get into my conversation with her. And if I were you, I would just prepare to be blown away.

Dr. Anita has this saying about us playing out our childhood traumas and our relationships. Do you agree with that? Yes, a thousand percent. I feel like we don't even realize some of our childhood trauma until we are in relationships. My relationship was part of the reason why I started digging, like, why, what's wrong with me? Mm-hmm, yep.

What makes you start a podcast with your husband where you're talking about healing and like perhaps your own things coming up in the midst of this podcast? Oh, man. Yes. So I think what made us start the podcast is realizing when he started going to therapy, how much that changed my life. I think I was like, OK, you need to go therapy. Quit playing. You know, I'm not going to be your therapist anymore, all the things. But then he started going to therapy and it demanded of me.

And I wasn't prepared for that. And I was like, oh, don't get too healed now. Wait, what did it demand of you? I think that I got really used to feeling entitled to more space in our relationship because I had done more work. And so. more space in our relationship because I had done more work. Whoa. Okay, wait a minute. You have to break that down.

So yeah, what do you mean by that? A lot of like, you know, well, I'm the self-aware. I'm the one who's been in therapy for almost 10 years. So when I say this, I'm coming from this place, therapy jargon, therapy jargon, and that's why we're doing what I want to do, right? Okay, and then he started healing and it started illuminating the ways that I was not We weren't sharing the space the emotional real estate. It was all mine and he was a tenant You know like you get to be here for a little bit

Calm down because weaponizing healing is like... As a therapist, yeah, God yoke me up quick. And as he was healing, he would say things like, that really hurt my feelings. And then I found myself falling into patterns of like, you know, misogyny myself and being like, well, you just have to get over it, when that would never be appropriate for him to do to me. Right. And so when he started saying that like, hey, it hurt when you expect me to get over that really quickly because you've made it clear that I can't I can't track your healing for you.

I just have to be along for the journey and I'm asking you to do the same. And I was like, yes, in theory, but in practice, I don't know how I feel about this. Okay. So let me tell you, all of us talking about we want our man, we want your man, your man, your man needs to go to therapy. Yeah. Which we do. We do, for sure.

But what you're saying is we may not be ready for a man who is living in an awareness of his feelings and emotional state and deconstructing systems of patriarchy. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I think it was so difficult to let him hurt. OK. OK, so can I ask you a question? It's going to be so random.

Sure. Are we calling sassy men just emotionally aware men? Like the sassy man apocalypse is this? I think that there's a difference, but I think that in some ways yes, I will say that I have felt like Sometimes we want the emotionally aware men, but we only want them to have those traits to serve us Oh my god but the reality is like they deserve to experience them trait those traits within us and we are beneficiaries of their own experience of feeling at home in their bodies and in their lives

And so I think that sometimes when we talk about like oh this sassy man this I cannot speak to every experience y'all Right, but what I can say is a lot of them are men who dare to be honest and then we shame them for it Right. We want you to be honest enough to be faithful in the relationship and not honest enough to tell you that I hurt your feelings. Yeah. You know, because then that cost me. And for me, I struggled, especially I'm like seminary grad,

licensed therapist, like da da da da da da. And God was like, in your means sometimes. Because there are ways that I just wanted him to be whatever I needed. But I am not, I'm not called to covenant with a thing. I'm called to covenant with a person. Which means like they have their entire life. There are things that deeply wound him, deeply hurt him. And the same way I needed space to just share and unload

how he had hurt me, like I needed to be able to reciprocate and allow him to share that without like, well, I did this and I tried this and I fixed this. And like, I think that one of the things I love most about my husband and one of the things I think is sexiest about him is his tenderness. Like he is strong, he's strong enough to look like the weakest person in the room, but be able to turn up

and take all y'all down. You know what I'm saying? He's strong enough to cry in front of men, who doesn't matter, in front of our kids. I've seen him worship in our living room, and our son come up and say, "'Daddy, why are you crying?' And he's like, "'Because God's been good to me,

and that makes me cry happy tears. And like that makes me tear up, because I'm like my son is gonna grow up with the freedom to worship and the freedom to express, because it was modeled for him. But that demanded of me to say, you are allowed to feel,

and I will not judge how you feel based on the standards of what the world says black men Need to look like so That's a thing yeah You've you've well you said quite a few things here Yeah, that I don't even know because I think a lot of times when we talk about healing the fractures between Men and women as it relates to romantic relationships. Yeah. It's generally talking about what the man has done wrong.

Yeah. And the ways that men need to grow up, men need to rise to the occasion, men need to be more emotionally aware, they need to do their work. And yet we have not prepared ourselves for what that evolved man would look like. A thousand percent.

And women evolving, they're like, we need man, we need a man evolve, we need man evolve, we need man evolve. And basically, we want men who can serve the version of us we have become without taking any inventory at all about who we are going to become in order to serve this version of who they are. Yes, yes. And even saying, I want you to become this so that I can feel more safe with you. What if the person that God is calling that man to be

is not someone you feel comfortable with? It should be someone you feel safe with, emotionally, physically, all the things, but like, maybe it challenges you. I think we're so used to sometimes being the source of challenge for other people, calling people higher, that we forget that there are contexts in which we're going to be called higher.

And for me, that was letting my husband's journey be his and not about how I could feel better. You know, so like a rule we have is when we go to therapy, we do not share what we talked about in therapy, unless we want to. And we don't even put ourselves in this position where someone feels uncomfortable about, you asked me, so we don't ask. So the only time we know what's happened in therapy is when someone said, hey, I want to talk to you about what came up in therapy.

Yeah. You know, because his space, he deserves a space to be free the same way I deserve a space to be free and same way I deserve a space to be free. And me and my therapist be cutting up. You know? Like if I'm upset with somebody, I'm like, this is her Instagram. Can you pull up? No, not that one.

The one down low. And so like he needs that same safe space. And I love that he has that. I want him to have that. And it also made me realize my life is not defined by his wellness. You know, that like, I'm responsible, there's things in my life that I wanted to outsource to him.

I wanted to outsource my self-esteem to him. You make me feel good. Instead of me build my self-esteem from internally, you make me feel secure and confident. Now there's a part of relationship that's a part of that, but like the bulk of what I'm called to be is my responsibility, you are added onto that. You know, you support that, you compliment that,

you nurture it, but it has to exist because I've done the work for it to be there. Okay, so when we talk about trauma playing out in relationships. Oh yeah. I am recognizing, when I met my husband, I was in a really great place. I bought my home in Texas with me and my two kids.

I'd gotten out of a toxic marriage, and I was just finally at a place where I was like, I can trust myself. I love myself. My story doesn't make me cringe. I pick up, I move to Los Angeles, and I'm in this unfamiliar, fast-paced city without as much support as I had been used to.

My brother was here. I had a family friend here. But that's drastic in comparison to how much support I had. And I found myself, I think, clinging to him creating my esteem, my confidence. And even if you don't move to a new city, you have a new baby, you lose a job, you take on a new job. Home is this place where it is where I should be able to find my footing, but because he's got his own thing

and he's going through life himself, this may not be the place where I am finding my footing. And I think I found myself afraid anytime he had a bad day, even if it didn't have anything to do with me, at like, this isn't going to work. He's upset with me. What did I do? I've learned a lot and grown a lot,

but I do think it goes back to that, putting all of our dependency on this one person's emotional state and making sure that they're offering us that sense of comfort. How do we identify the way that our trauma becomes a filter for maybe not just our partner's actions but for everyone's actions? How do I know that's coming through the trauma filter, this is coming through the healed filter?

Yeah. I think a question that I get my clients to answer is, what are your automatic expectations? And when did they start becoming expectations? Right? When did you automatically start feeling like if a friend missed your birthday, they didn't like you anymore? Like, what birthday did you realize, like, I now have this expectation? Okay.

What are the things that you automatically expect people to do? And if they don't do them, you can say to yourself, I knew this was going to happen, or this was just like, or this always happens, right? Anytime we hear ourselves saying this always happens, or like, this is just just like or I can never Those point to patterns like those statements they point to patterns and help us see there's something Internally that's happened in the past that I am trying to resolve in the present and I'm trying to protect myself in the future I'm trying to offer myself as tribute, but the way you came in here so violent I'm not really feeling that but I feel like being the sister that I am to the delegation,

I should offer myself as tribute so they can do their work. But Kobe, I just met you and I'm telling you, if you drag me, I'm not so far from Eve that I won't kick back a little bit. You got nails on, I don't. So let me just stay over here. Okay, all right. So you can help me. You can help me. Oh my gosh.

Okay, you ready? So I was doing a podcast. Uh-huh. And the person at the end starts saying a lot of nice things about me Yeah, and I don't like it. I don't like when people say nice things about me. Mm-hmm therapy me Is that the trauma is it is that a trauma filter? Well, I will say this all healing starts with getting curious And so before I make a judgment, I will ask questions. OK. What do you feel in your body when someone compliments you? You are just like, Dr.

Annie, that's why she likes you. I feel nerves, fear. Where do you feel in your body? Like in my stomach. Yeah. When else do you feel that in your body? Awkward. Like in my stomach. Yeah. When else do you feel that in your stomach? What else do you have like that sensation in your stomach? When I'm about to preach. Yeah. What do you feel when you preach?

In it or before it? In it. Free. Yeah. When we're free, we often feel seen. And being seen is vulnerable. Being seen is vulnerable. Being seen is intimate. And it can feel scary when someone who has not spent time with you sees something of

you that is so intimate and so real, because it means that there's a part of you on the inside that's living on the outside, and the world can see it. So when I don't like that, I don't like being seen that way? No, I don't think it means you don't like being seen that way. I think it just is unnerving sometimes to be intimate with people who you are not intimate with. Rather, it's hard to feel like there are people who have access to intimacy with you that you have not chosen intimacy with.

Oh. And that's what we would call a parasocial relationship. Like, you know of me and you know me partially, but you don't know me in here. So when you call out something in here that you can see from out there all the way out there, oh, that means that the way I'm living, the, what I'm projecting is real. People see me and when people see you, they, they can hurt you, right? They can celebrate you. They can lift you up.

They can tear you down. And it's just a vulnerable way of existing. So if someone is choosing to live a life where they're like, you know what, I want to be free, I want to be whole, like what do you think we have to surrender in order to live that way? Certainty about anything. Certainty about what we think life is supposed to be like, what partnership is supposed to be like, who we are, who the people we are called to are, who God is, like, remaining ultimately curious and just saying, like, I'm willing to learn. I'm willing to find out. I don't know. And even what I think I know, I'm willing to be found wrong. Okay. This is so, so in my messages, I feel like it really has to be like, if it's for

you, it's for you. And if it's not, it's not. Because I feel like I have a responsibility as someone who is standing in the gap between people and what I perceive God is telling me to make sure that I cast a net wide enough to cover different circumstances and scenarios. And so I was talking last month about, you know, I got a bad report from the doctor and there was on one hand where I was like, proclaim your healing. Take your healing. Plead the blood of Jesus. Rebuke the doctor. And there was on one hand where I was like, proclaim your healing, take your healing, plead the blood of Jesus, rebuke the disease. But also I had to wrestle with the reality that there were people who have done all of those things

and still got the disease and still died. And I did not want to set myself up or someone else up for this idea of God betraying me by not giving me what it is that I prayed for. But instead to stretch our reality in such a way that if this is the path that has been approved for you to take, that sometimes healing is not necessarily the disease being gone. Sometimes healing is God giving me the strength to walk this through and still be a light. Because if we only make it to where things have to turn out the way that I need them to be, that's the only way I'll have certainty that God is with me, that God is real,

is if He does it this way, then we miss out on the opportunity of experiencing God's presence in suffering, God's presence in pain and in disease. And that's just a reality, that God doesn't always show up in the way that we would have wanted him to. But it doesn't mean that we can't access his presence now. Yes, yes. And one, that is powerful. Two, I'm sorry about whatever report you got.

And I'll be praying for you for sure. But three, that makes me think back to the question you asked me about whether it's trauma to the compliment. Just thinking that when you are thinking about sharing your experience, your lived experience, you're still processing how this is going to affect other people, right? And that's not a bad thing.

It just means that you know you represent something. So I wonder when people compliment you, it's just like this external affirmation that I represent something. I represent these words that they're sharing to me. And what does that mean? Right? Does that mean that I can never change? Does this mean that I can't evolve? You know, Does that mean that I can never change? Does it mean that I can't evolve?

You know, does that mean that I can't change? Or does that just affirm what God's told me, you know, behind the scenes? And that's still unnerving. So that was a thought that came to mind. But, yeah, I think that a lot of us can identify with what it means to want to look for the manifestation of God's goodness in a person. And I don't think that's all bad.

I think that's actually why we're designed for community and you represent that for a lot of women who look like me. Well, you tried to therapy me on the slide before you move to the next thing and I did pick it up. Sorry, girl. I don't know. I don't know if, I don't know if it's that, what my instinct tells me that it is

that makes me uncomfortable is that like, I do not think that I trust people to stay and believe the same thing about me. And I think that obviously I have experienced that would point to that as a point of pain. But I think it's also just within the culture in general that you know, you love someone the next day, they say something you don't like and then they're completely canceled. And so I think that I could receive it if it felt certain, if it

felt like, I don't want to say if it felt like truth, but if it felt certain, if it felt like, I don't wanna say if it felt like truth, but if it felt like something that I could really hang on to. But I do think definitely the inner child of me is like reject it, don't receive it, because if you come to trust it, they'll rip the blanket off of you, and you'll be back in this situation.

So I think that that's part of it. It makes me feel uneasy, even when like, with you and you'll be back in this situation. So I think that that's part of it. It makes me feel uneasy even when like, you know, the delegation shows me a lot of love and like I want to lean into it, but I also don't want to need it. I don't want to trust it. And so there's like this awkward dance of me not being able to really see the impact of my life, my ministry, the words, because I'm so afraid of it being taken away.

Yes. Wow. That's so real. And I think that there's actually a middle ground between like, I fully accept it or I fully reject it, which could be, I'm grateful that how they feel about me right now aligns with who God says I am. And that may change, but it's really nice to hear God's words coming from somebody else in the moment.

You know, and like saying, I can savor this right now. And if you hate me tomorrow, that's all right. I savored it yesterday. You know, the fruit from yesterday can't feed me today. It's already gone. It's already digested. So like, I can appreciate that right now you saw a glimpse of who God sees me to be. And that's beautiful. That's good. I gotta figure it out because I just be sitting there awkwardly like, thank you.

Thank you so much. Definitely glitching. Definitely don't know what to say back. You're welcome. And you got the script in your head. Yes. Thank you so much. That means so much. And they always do this.

Right here. Because this is where it went. I just want you to know, regardless of how much I'm glitching, it made its way in here. Thank you so much. That means the world. Oh, prayer hands? Our prayer hands is when you've said something. Universal.

When they're going on a little too long, you're just like... For sure. Mmmmm. Yeah. Just stop talking now, please. Yeah. I mean, and then I'd be like, dig for something deep. And all I can come up with is you're welcome. I don't know what to say. Yeah. Yeah. What do you want to say? Stop saying that.

Stop saying that. What you going to do with me? How many sessions and can I get a discount? Maybe. If you give me your shoes. Oh, well there it is. Now stop saying that, girl. Be quiet. Thanks, that's enough. Now stop saying that, girl. Be quiet.

Thanks. That's enough. You topped me off today. Oh, but isn't it crazy that, like, we spend so much time warding off the very thing that we, like, have spent years crying out for. Oh my gosh, I need it. Because if they don't say it, I'm going to be like, I'm good. Do I matter at all?

And doing this, right? And do I matter at all? And I'm doing this, right? And do I have the impact? And I just think about the seasons in my life where I was face down on the ground looking absolutely bonkers, crying out like, God, no one loves me but you. No one sees me, no one cares.

And now Diamond, my good friend, she said this earlier. She said, you're seen. You are seen. And I was like, my good friend, she said this earlier. She said, you're seen. And I was like, thank you. I am seen. And I think sometimes the enemy will make us want to cringe when we receive the blessing we spent years asking God for. And so now I'll be like, I am seen. You know, and I enjoy it.

And it's OK to enjoy it. You ever feel guilty enjoying it when people celebrate you? Yes. You gotta pretend like you're like fake humble. Humble, you got me humble. But like, I don't remember where I heard it, but I remember hearing, humble is not downplaying your greatness.

Humble is staying in the assigned position God has placed you. This is the assigned position. So, yeah, I'm going to receive the compliments and say, thank you so much. And I'm not going to pretend I don't like the perks because I prayed for these perks when I was in the hospital and was lost in my life with my son. I prayed for these perks when I was like wondering if I wanted to live anymore. So I've been processing that in therapy. Really?

How other people feel about me joyfully receiving what God's blessed me with. Because I think it makes other people uncomfortable and that's what makes me uncomfortable. Okay. Yeah, I think especially, I'm protective, especially on social media, because I really be trying to make sure

that I take into consider all of the different scenarios So like there's too many there's just so many it'd be one I miss. Yeah, I didn't even realize it How did you not think about the fact that I can't wear the color red? Yeah, I used to wear. Yeah, yeah, she's gone now and now I'm hurt. How dare you don't hear from Lord And then I'll do that to the list. We're ready No, I think that that's um And then all I do is add to the list, can't wear red. Can not wear red. Please choose Maroon next time. No, I think that that's such a worthy journey of learning to really stand in it without fear of coming off as arrogant or prideful.

Yeah, and being okay with other people wrestling with the reality that to them I may be. That's a wrestle between you and God. That's hands on contact. That's between you and him. I can't get into that fight because I got my own battle. So if you're upset about what it looks like for me to do what God's called me to do, then I mean, it makes me think about Paul with the disciples.

They didn't like anything he was doing. But like they watched long enough to be like, okay, maybe he was really doing what God's called him to do. Let's partner with him. So some people are in different parts of process and they may not like what I'm doing right now, how I'm doing it, how I receive it. Either they'll catch on or they won't, but I can't remember the names of some of the people

I cried over 10 years ago. Jesus, you raised them. Just tears wiped them right away. the names of some of the people I cried over 10 years ago. She does. You write some. Just... God. Just tears wipe them right away. Disintegrating to the ether. Literally. Yeah.

You know? Yeah. I try to warn you. Listen, we're going to have more from Kobe's perspective and wisdom next week. There is something she shared that I believe is really going to help us further unpack our journey to healing and connecting in relationships. So I can't wait to share with you my thoughts on what she said and to collectively process with you so that you can process inwardly.

Listen, before we go, we're going to try rescue Eve again. Okay, so because this is new and some of the people didn't understand the assignment, you know, I found one out of the headlines, but listen, let's keep them light. Let's keep the rescues light. Let's let's end with a chuckle, you know, so I saw a story in the news. It's about the Hermes heir. He is the heir of the really fancy purse bag that the folks be rapping about. And he plans to give $7 billion of his fortune, that's the whole thing, to his 51-year-old

gardener. Okay. His name is Nicolas Pouch. I said that real fast because I don't know how to say it, but he's an 80 year old heir to the French luxury brand and he is reportedly planning to distribute his wealth to his 51 year old gardener, who he also intends to legally adopt. First of all, is this rescue evil or is this God blessing us? Do you know how many of us grown folks with bills and children want to be adopted? Lord, I see what you're doing in the lives of other people. That's all I'm going to say.

I see what you're doing in the lives of other people. Okay, 51 years old and about to become a billionaire. But let me tell you, the saints are not happy. Who are the saints? Probably like the board. They want to have his mind checked out. They want to make sure that he's thinking properly because in their mind, why would you give your seven billion dollar

fortune to a gardener and your handyman? But let me tell you something the foolish things of this world gonna get him every single time. I think we need to rescue Nicholas because for real it's always the people who are maybe seen as least likely, who are the people that God highlights. We need to throw him a floaty, throw him a private. He needs to throw us a private jet?

Does he need to send a yacht for us? Because to be honest, we ain't got it, but he got it. The gardener, sir, sir, I know of a Jesus in the garden and that makes us kinship. Can you send the jet for us? I don't know. Listen, what do you think? Do we need to rescue him or do you think it is excessive? Should he just give some of the fortune and the rest away to charity?

I mean, it's not our business. Either way, we still have to finish doing things that we're doing in our life. But sometimes it's nice to visit someone else's world. Let me know. But also, let me know the ways that you need to be rescued. Do you need a floaty out here? Do you need a private jet? Do you need a life raft? I don't know. You tell me what's going on in your world, how we can rescue you. Welcome back to the WOM and EVOLVE Podcast. We've got an exciting year for 2024. I can't wait to serve you, to grow with you, and to become a force. I can't wait to move with power with you. I can't wait to ignite your confidence and become a force.

We'll talk more about that throughout the year. Before we go, let's say a quick prayer. God, thank you so much for the beauty of being seen. Even when it appears that no one's looking at us at all, the opportunity to dig into our heart, our mind, and to connect with your spirit is how we become better. If something we've said today has highlighted someone's need

to go deeper in healing, deeper into the work that is required so that we become more like you, I hope that that comes with ease. God, help me to be a good steward of this platform, of these people, of this opportunity. I want nothing more than for you to be made known and to make it evident that you use unlikely people who are authentic to do impactful things in their world.

So bless this week. Bless my friends. In Jesus' name I pray. All right. I'll see you all next week.