Woman Evolve with Sarah Jakes Roberts - Worship Wrapped in Trauma w/ Stephanie Conley

Episode Date: December 15, 2021

Assume the sacred position—that’s right, Sis! What spiritual posture did you maintain in 2021? Catch this episode as SJR welcomes blogger & founder of Authentic L.O.T.U.S., Stephanie Conley, to empower women in their healing! Discover how working through abandonment issues offered Stephanie a deeper intimacy in marriage, but most importantly with God. Yes chile, there’s worship connected to your trauma! Delegation, run up on ya prayer closets during the advice segment. For domestic violence support, call 1-800-799-7233, chat live with TheHotline.org, or text “START” to 88788. Listeners can dabble in some end-of-year savings at ShopWomanEvolve.com + BetterHelp.com/Evolve + Truebill.com/WomanEvolve + GetQuip.com/Evolve.

This is a trigger warning. The advice question in this episode contains a potentially triggering discussion about domestic violence abuse and may not be suitable for younger audiences. Listener discretion is strongly advised. Everyone deserves relationships free from domestic violence. The National Hotline for Domestic Violence is here for you 24-7-365 at 1-800-799-7233. You don't need no itch, itch, itch, itch, you need boundaries. What? I don't need your lights, I don't need your elevation. All I need is a God fighting for me that's there's all things, all things, all things. Child. Delegation.

You are enough. Wow. Delegate. They told me if I started singing again that you all would tell your friends, they would say, I'm not going to sing. GAYSTION! You are enough! Wow! Delegate, they told me if I started singing again that you all would tell your friends to listen to this podcast, I don't know if it's true or false, but that's all I get until the numbers reflect that you told someone I'm out here singing.

Have you ever though listened to worship songs and put your own name in some of the lyrics as if God were speaking his truth over you? Try it and see if it won't bless you. Okay, sometimes when we're feeling the most broken, if we're honest, it's difficult to trust God's promises or even hear his voice because worship and prayer are the last thing we're interested in doing. And that same vein of honesty,

when we're that depleted is also when we are able to go even deeper during our worship and prayer time. Since, from the place of your pain, go sit with God. Even if you can't speak, allow your tears to be silent prayers. My girl Stephanie Conley is joining us today, helping people heal from trauma is her passion. She hasn't said it yet, but I'm sure she'd agree with the advice I just gave you.

Let's check out what else this has to say. Hi. Hi. How are you? I am doing well. I cannot complain. I am, too. I'm so excited that we get to spend this time together.

Yes, me too. This is... I am literally standing in God's promise right now. Tell me about it. You can't say that. I want to know the promise. Tell me about it. So, probably about a year ago now, God really put it on my heart to start this business. Authentic Lotus, it's the Women's Empowerment Platform. So right now we're in the form of a blog, but you know, God's going to grow it. I know he is, so I'm really excited about that.

But it's so funny because my husband, he's a man of few words. And you know, he always encouraged me like, keep going. You got this, but the one thing he did say, he. And, you know, he always encouraged me, like, keep going, you got this, but the one thing he did say, he was like, you know, who knows? Maybe one day you'll get to meet your girl, because he knows you're like my first cousin in my head. Hey! Hey!

She's like, maybe one day you'll meet your girl, and I kind of just, okay, you know, you're lasted off, but six months after of releasing this thing into the world, here I am. So, oh, Sam, just a grateful. So you launched a platform in 2021 meant to help empower and inspire women. How was it launching something of this magnitude coming off of the heels of the devastation of the pandemic? So for me, of the devastation of the pandemic. So for me, it was more than just the pandemic. I actually lost my birth mom in October of 2020.

And dealing with that, I realized that, you know, I'm kind of done with that chapter of my life, because a lot of my readers and on my platform, they know I've dealt with issues of abandonment and things like that from my birth parents. So that was really something that I'm like, okay, I can no longer use that as an excuse, you know, not to do the things that I know I'm to do. So it's tough, but it's just I have enjoyed the ride. What's been the most surprisingly difficult aspect of starting your women's platform?

I'm actually just the start of it because I had been planning for months, but releasing it just the start of it because I had been planning for months but releasing it was just the thing that took me the longest because it was ready in May of this year but I didn't actually release it until July and I kept finding all these little excuses like all the websites not exactly what I wanted to be or you know this thing and that's wrong and I probably just was like, I'm just going pick a day and I'm gonna let it go. And that was probably the hardest thing, because it's a vulnerability that comes with that, especially with something like sharing my story and the things that happen to me. But I know that it's what I need to do because I can't be the only one that's going through things.

So if it helps even just one person, then I'm happy. I'm pleased. And I have to tell you Stephanie, that vulnerability really never goes away because even when I do stuff with one many evolve, you know, like, you know, it'll be a new idea that requires me stepping into this vulnerable space of like,

I don't know if anyone else needs this. I don't know when I'm doing a message, it's like, I don't know if anyone else needs this. I don't know when I'm doing a message. It's like, I don't know if anyone else even needs to hear these words the way that I do, but I'm releasing them anyway. And I feel like that is the most underestimated part of starting something that has purpose, not profit connected to it. Because when it's purpose, you do need for it to resonate with other people. And so you have to risk isolation in order to get it out there. Exactly. Exactly.

And that was my whole thing. Like, when God first told me what he wanted me to do. And I'm like, you sure? Like, you want me to tell all my business. Like, this is a lot. And then, and then he's like, yeah. And I'm like, well, no one wants to hear it, but do it anyway. And as I'm writing, and I'm sharing with a few friends, I'm like, but it's not quite

making sense. He's like, but do it anyway. And even, you know, we got the week I'm checking like the analytics on the website. And it's like two readers, three readers, and God's like, but do it anyway. Because this is what I ask you to do. So I'm just kind of walking in that space of saying yes to God right now, and we'll see what he does. Okay, so do you feel like, I don't know how I want to ask

this question, but I want to talk about producing what God tells you to produce. It may be not getting the initial response that you desire and staying consistent even when their response doesn't look like the impact of what. Because when God tells you something, the impact is heavy. Like God tells you it resonates in your spirit.

It hits you down in your core. You're like, this is my thing. I finally got my thing. I'm gonna be vulnerable. I'm gonna be afraid, but I'm gonna do it anyway. You do it anyway, but the way it hits your spirit isn't how it hits the world. And so our responsibility in those moments

are to stay obedient to what God said and to not lose focus based on the metrics, but that's a hard dance. And yet it's always about what God said and never about what they said or how they receive it. How do you coach yourself through those moments? That's a good one. I think really for me it was kind of a double sided thing because it's not only being obedient to what God is asking me to do. But it was also dealing with something with me personally

because I've just always gone through life. If you know, my, someone says, oh, I think you should be doing this or you would be great that I've kind of lived a long time in that space of what other people have decided was good for me. And one of the things that God really worked on me with is being able to stand firm in the things that I believe in for myself and teaching

me that you have to advocate for your, like, no one else is going to do it. So I told me to do this. I'm just gonna walk in it. And I heard this sermon a few years ago by Michael Todd and he's like, if I'm 70% sure, like I'm going with it, like this is just what we're gonna do because God asked it. It's kind of the space I've been living in. It's not easy. I have peps up with myself there, but you just got to go. Yeah, and what have you learned about yourself in the process of just doing it anyway? That what I have to say is valuable. My voice is valuable that I have to say someone's going to listen.

And you know, when you're doing it, sometimes I know that self-doubt creeps up. And it's just like, hmm, you sure you wanna say this or maybe you should soften it up so it hits a certain way, but I've just learned that, you know, I am valuable. And I was one of the virtual conference members this past few weeks ago and the one thing that hit me was I am enough and I have enough and it just spoke to me on a different level.

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H-E-L-P.com. Slash. Evolve. Okay, so I love that because you said that one of the things that you learned is that what evolve. Okay, so I love that because you said that one of the things that you learned is that what you have to say matters. And though you may like you mentioned, you know, it's like two or three readers, was it those two or three readers that let you know that what you have to say matters or was there just something about releasing it that affirmed you? Because some people don't think their voice won't matter until thousands or millions or hundreds of people hear it. But I hear you saying that you learn just by doing that your voice has value

and worth. Yeah, the whole point of this was to share with other women, to let them know that they can get through the traumas in their life and take control of their present and future. The things, those experiences don't have to control them. So I always said, if I just reach one person, if I can just get one person to understand that about themselves, then I've done my job. Maybe that was all that God called me to do in this space. So it was one or two readers. I was like, oh, I got two people. Yes! Okay, well you have to

shut out your blog now so that we know where we can find it. Yes. So it is often authentic Lotus and Lotus stands for Ladies Overcome, trauma, unified in a spirit. And my website is a lotyslc.com. You better. You can find it. Find it there. And the Lotus Letters is there. Okay, so I'm wondering, what is it that we are going to learn about your story?

You've mentioned your journey with your birth parents. But like if you had to give us just a short version of why this passion was birthed in, you can you take us into those painful moments. What were they and why is it that you felt like other women who have had these experience needed to hear them? Yeah, growing up for me as a child, I had amazing grandparents, but you know, that still doesn't fill that void of what your parents would have,

you know, the space they would have filled. So I kind of grew up always trying to like be perfect because in my mind as a child, you know, not now, but as a child I'm thinking, okay, I wasn't good enough to keep it was that idea of, you know, them giving me up because of something that I did. And so I spent my whole childhood, even into my early adult hood trying to be perfect, trying to be, you know, enough to keep

never giving anybody a reason not to want to be in my space or in my presence. And I realize now what I wish that I would have realized then is I have to advocate for that little girl. So these blog posts, these things, I had a moment with her in the past to be able to give her some advice or let her know, like be yourself, it's gonna be okay. Like they're either gonna, you know, love you or not,

but that's fine. That's not what you live for. You live your life for yourself. And I never got a chance to advocate for her the way that I would want to now in this space. So that's what the purpose of this whole thing is. So what would that little girl be most proud of about the woman you are now. Hmm.

Definitely getting some confidence and being okay with myself. Growing up, I went through a lot of, you know, experiences being a plus size woman and well, girl, growing up and teasing and bullying. And I was always afraid to kind of be at the front so I would fade into the back. You know no one notices you, you don't have a reason to you know have a bad experience that thing but I wish that she knew like stand out be you like it's gonna be okay. Now it sounds like your story kind of even continued to grow and evolve even more because you have found love, you're married, like how did you make the pivot from being that girl who didn't want to mess anything up so that she wouldn't be abandoned to someone

who could trust what marriage is supposed to be, which is a lifelong commitment to the good, the bad, and the uncertain of who a person is. Yes. So, I'm glad, well, God knows what he's doing, right? So I mean, my husband found me at a time after I had already done that heartwork. I just remember waking up one day and I was just so unhappy and I was like, it has to be more than this and I really started to

kind of unpack all of those things that you just very deep inside of you and maybe if I don't have to see them or deal with them just put them to the side and you know I can pretend like it's all okay and so I really started to unpack all of those things and do the artwork that was necessary started to unpack all of those things and do the hard work that was necessary. And so I was kind of already starting to walk in the confidence and the, you know, the purpose that God had for me, even though then I might not have known what it was, but I had already started to walk on that journey when my husband found me. So, that's, and everyone always says that, right? Like the moment you start focusing on yourself, that's when my love is introduced in your life.

Do you feel the way that I do, and that marriage, relationships in general, are the place where all of that work is put to the test? Like, have you had a moment in your marriage where you've had to be like, okay, maybe I am not as healed and complete as I thought I was. And how did you deal with that without walking away? Cause like when you are like afraid that someone will leave you sometimes,

some people walk away before the person can leave. Like you know what I'ma chunk you to do. But when you marry, you can't just walk away like that. You can't just do that. Yeah. How do you sit in that? For me, it's those trigger moments. You have to realize what your triggers are.

And also being open with your self and letting them know the things so that, okay, she not just having a hello crazy moment. She going through something, so I'm gonna leave home home right now and we gonna be okay. And I remember this one time, we we were a few months into our marriage. And I think he was just having a rough week at work and he would come home, go downstairs

to the man cave and just watch TV, fall asleep down here and that was it. And so we, I had this like explosion because in my mind, when you leave me too long to my thoughts it gets a little wrong so my mom like I don't know what's going on and I just completely went off and I was like I don't have to do this it's only been a few months we can just call it Eve this is Eve behavior yes he's sitting there watching this whole thing unfolds and he, look, I don't know what's going on right now, but you can go in that room if you want to. We can try to sit in tomorrow and it's good, but you know, don't anywhere.

It's nothing you. But we talk through it. And so I think now growing, you realize what your children moments are. And sometimes I have to sit back in a stress and say, is this a meeting or is it a henset? And then take ownership of that. That is so annoying. Like that was nice. That was beautiful what you said,

but that is so annoying. When you have to ask yourself, is this a me thing or a him thing? Because not times out of 10, if you have to ask yourself that question, it is definitely a you thing. And for you thing. I am not a fan of when it is a me thing, not at all.

How did you come to a place in your marriage where you trusted that everything wasn't worth breaking it off? I don't know. It's so hard when you've had situations where you have felt abandoned to like trust love and to trust your heart with someone. I feel like it's really an active faith. And it sounds like you've had to come to that. How long have you been married? And then like at what point did you realize? Okay, go ahead. So we've been married a year and a half. Okay. Yeah. It's not like a, I've come to this mountain top of realization and this is just where we're here. Like I'm up and down the mountain.

The A-Man. It's a daily journal. Journey and I'm just like, okay, some days I have my needs but I have to sit back and God deals with me a lot in that. He'd be looking like, okay, it's this, so you've got to go dance somewhere. So a lot of, definitely a lot of prayer and just getting through it, especially because when you're in those moments, it's hard. And you just like, you feel like this is just such a big thing, but sometimes

you have to release those feelings, even if you just got to cry a little bit and a room for yourself and just, you know, come on out and say, okay, let's work on it. But we have this thing if we're, you know, in a meeting, middle of a heated discussion, where if we need a break, we can take a break, but we have to come back to it and we have to talk about it. Yeah. You can't just leave it because then you don't feel like your

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you don't have to. I use TrueBill and you should too. Become a member at TrueBill.com slash Womney Ball. That's okay. So a year and a half, even though it's like, you know, we're just getting started. There are a lot of people who literally don't make it to that mark because it can be so challenging to share space and to be intimate with someone

without fear that they're going to change the way that they see you. So in this year and a half though, what I love is that you and your husband have made this commitment not just to one another, but it sounds like to God as well. And I feel like one of the keys to having a successful marriage is making sure that each partner in the marriage

has their own relationship with God. Because if I can trust that you have a relationship with God, then it is not my responsibility to convict you. It's not my responsibility to show you right from wrong. If you have a relationship with God, if you do wrong by me, God gon' get you. If I've done wrong by you, God gon' put me in check. We have to have a relationship with God and that three-string cord is the one that can't be easily broken because both of us

at the end of the day are gonna humble ourselves before the Lord and say, God, here is my heart. What have I done wrong? Here in my eyes, what am I seeing incorrectly? And I feel like that is what makes a relationship successful. Definitely, definitely. It's I like what you said about you each having your own personal relationship with God because that that is what's so important.

And it's funny because I go to church every Sunday. My husband doesn't definitely regularly as I do, but it's sometimes in those heart moments that he's encouraging me more than yeah, I look to encourage myself so you definitely need that balance. That's amazing. What do you feel like has been just because I know there are other newlyweds or people who are about to be getting married? Like what is one thing no matter how many times someone tried to prepare you that like you learned in marriage like because we always say communication communication, but like what have you learned about marriage?

Definitely sometimes It you have to think of the other person Sometimes we get in those moments, especially in a tough moment. And you're like, but this is how I feel. And this is what you did. And I don't like that. And you go through those moments, those eye moments, but it's the thinking as a unit, as opposed to thinking singly. I think that's been the toughest transition for me.

That's a good word. I don't think I've heard anyone say that before, but that's so true. It's hard enough for you to think about yourself to add another person to that is what makes a mayor so challenging. Like I can't just think about me and my experiences. Now I have to think about your life

and how it's gonna affect you 24-7. And that takes a lot of training, but it sounds like you're getting it done. Yeah, I'm, I'm, we're trying. Yeah. That's all you can do. And, and Matt, I wish you 50, 60, 70 more years of trying. Okay. Thank you.

That's what it's going to take. Who do you have like, I don't want to say like relationship goals, but like who do you look for to as like your source of just inspiration as it comes to to as it relates to your marriage? Um I can't really say that we have a specific couple that we look to but we definitely seek you know a lot of spiritual guidance which that was a big thing for me too because I'm used to talking to my girlfriends and like, girl, he did this and this is how I feel. But seeking spiritual guidance, you know, from pastors or other, even different sermons and books and things that we read together,

those kind of things. And I don't think we really have, you know, like a specific couple that we look to, but just seeking inspiration from seeing wisdom. I guess you can say in those tough moments. That's such a good word for people who are listening to remember to nurture your marriage the same way like you nurture your soul independently, but to treat your marriage as a unit and to continue to pour into it through books or sermons or whatever, but collectively receiving in your marriage is so good. Learning new habits or using technology that makes life easier is my jam. The Quip Electric toothbrush helps me accomplish both.

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With stylish and affordable electric toothbrushes starting at just $25, you won't be paying through the teeth for better oral health. Quit the Good Habits Company. Get your quip electric toothbrush today. Okay, I have an advice question for us to answer. And it's my favorite type of advice question because it is long. And them long questions be messy and they give you details and so here we go are you ready. Yes. I've been in a relationship with my son's father for three years going on four. I'm 19 years old and my son just turned one July 4th. It's been a very toxic relationship. When I got into this relationship, I was broken. I was promiscuous to be professional about it.

That's funny to me. She said to be professional, okay, and then my, stay focused. I lost my best friend, first boyfriend at 13, and I feel like it's why I became so careless with my body and stuff worth. I don't think I really healed from it because here I am today not knowing who I am or what I deserve or knowing what I deserve just not doing the work. I met my son's father when I was 16 and he was 17,

he was always in the night of jail for stealing cars. His mom wasn't in his life due to drugs, so his dad raised him. He used to beat me, cheat on me, and bring me around the females he would cheat on me with. I left out of state with him and his mom and it wasn't good. He would beat me every day, leave me stranded in different states. And then I had his mom took control of our relationship and how he treated me.

But I loved him. So I stayed. Then I found out I was pregnant and came back home to have my baby. He was in California at the time and I came to Massachusetts with my mom. I was hurt so bad that I would hit myself and when I died so many times he would just block me then call me when he wasn't with any females. But then something changed. God pulled me out of my misery and pain and I was so focused on God. I loved it so much that I missed how focused I was.

But then he came back home and it's like everything fell apart. The cheating, the lying, and the manipulating just got worse. So bad we would leave restaurants because of the heated arguments. Now I'm so angry with him, I say mean things and hit him. I'm not the same anymore and I feel like God is telling me I need to be by myself. I guess my question is, how do I move on from him

when we both love each other, but no, there's too much anger and hate? How do I move on without being bitter about it? If he's moved on and quickly, thanks for your time. I hope to hear back. Man, this was layered. I wasn't expecting this. First of all, I just want to thank you for sharing your story with us and your experiences.

You're such a young woman. You're 19 years old. And I can remember at 19 some of my most challenging moments happening at that age. I mean so many of the things that you listed, I was going through when I was your age. And I think I really wanted to be healed. And I felt like being healed meant that if I found someone else who was broken that we could heal together, there's so much hope in toxic relationships. People aren't just in toxic relationships because they feel good. There is this hope that is connected to a toxic relationship. We understand one another, the world is against us, but we still want more.

It really does feel quite beautiful to be with someone who was just as broken as you are. The only issue with that is when you are with someone who was just as broken as you are, it is highly unlikely that you all will create an environment that is safe enough for you all to heal. And separating from someone who has that level of poison and trauma that you yourself possess,

it is important for you to know that it's not going to be easy. Your heart is going to break. It can be the right thing and a painful thing at the same time. And so if you think that you have to stay until you can walk away and be misindependent, misconfidence, then you'll be in that relationship for another 20, 30 years. The true test of the willingness to transform is being willing to sacrifice your own heart, your own brokenness on the altar of transformation and saying, I'm on a walkaway even if it hurts, even if that person becomes the perfect spouse

or perfect partner to someone else, they're not the one for me. And because they're not the one for me, I have to disconnect from their journey, disconnect from their future and focus on what I need for myself. My prayer for you, sis, and I wanna hear what Stephanie says too,

but my prayer for you, sis, is that you would be willing to do the deep hard work of looking inward. And saying to yourself, I matter more than this relationship matters. I matter even more than this person matters. I'm not their savior, I'm not their God, I'm not their cure, I'm not their chemo, I can't fix that cancer that's inside of them. But I can take a look at my own.

And when I take a look at my own, I was going to take all of this strength I have to focus on me. And you can do this. Women have done it before. You can pick up the pieces from this. Women have done it before. You are not the only woman who has found herself in this circumstance. And prayerfully you'll be the last, but And prayerfully, you'll be the last,

but it is unlikely that you'll be the last. We experience these pains, we grow from them, but then we evolve and we become better, but we do it limping, we do it bruised, we do it on crutches, and then one day we start running and then flying. So I'm praying for you. I don't know if you can do it without feeling bitter. I don't know if you can do it without feeling bitter.

I don't know if you can do it without feeling pain, but what I do know for sure is that you can do it. Stephanie, what do you say? This one was really a tough one. First, I want to say that you are loved and I'm not sure what it is that you're looking for in those relationships because a lot of time we connect with people because they meet sort of a need that we have deep down.

And so I'm not sure exactly what you're looking for, but that takes, you know, some assessment and just time to connect with yourself and understanding what me, that relationship or those, you know, past relationships were meeting for you, but additionally you have a beautiful child that is there and that is experiencing all of these things with you and it might take some time for you to want that better for yourself, but you have to want better for your child. Believe it or not, no matter how small they are, they remember those things and those that then create traumatic experiences for them throughout their youth. But just really do this for yourself. No one deserves to be, suffer any kind of abuse, physical or mental or anything like that. So just really pray to God and just continue to get back on that path that you once were. I'm glad that you do understand that there's a pattern that whenever this person comes around

that these things, you know, are starting to happen. These old behaviors and triggers are coming back up. So definitely recognizing that you can then make a choice to not have that person share your space, especially if it brings you back to that person that you don't really want to be anymore because, you know, it's obvious that you want to change and you want to do better because you got the courage to write this letter um, so I also commend you on your courage, but just Try to connect back to the point that you were at before to get back on the right path and don't be ashamed

Understand that it's okay. The journey with God, you know, fall and fall in a little off the path sometimes It's all a part of life But as long as you continue to get back up and Reconnect and just ask that for that strength. It will definitely give it to you But also know that you prime for strength will come with opportunities to exercise that strength He doesn't just you know, drop it and here you go. You're gonna be able to walk away But just every time you're in those spaces make a conscious decision to do better for yourself. I will definitely be praying for you.

Well, you know, Stephanie, I'm glad you said that because I was actually going to ask if you would pray. Maybe someone's listening or watching the podcast right now and they feel triggered. They heard her story. They heard our answers and they're reminded of their own pain, their own bruising and limping. And I'll just wonder before we close out the podcast, if you would take the time to pray for the woman who are listening, who just want to feel comforted, and loved, and strengthened,

to really choose the right path for themselves. Of course. Father God, I just pray right now, Lord Jesus, that you touch anyone that may be listening Lord God. We don't know what they are in need of Father God, but you do. I pray right now that you need every need, whether it's health, financial, or family issues, Lord God. I pray that you just cover them all in the blood of Jesus from the crown of their heads to the souls of the Lord. Father God, I pray that you just cover them all in the blood of Jesus from the crown of their heads to the souls of the Lord. I pray that you keep your angels and camp around them and their families so that anything that is unlike you,

Lord God cannot insert, nor as well within Lord God. I pray for strength. I pray for peace, Father God. I pray for healing, Lord God. I pray for your grace each and every day for each one of us that is sending in this for healing Lord God. I pray for your grace each and every day for each one of us that are standing in this moment Lord God. I pray God that you connect them with people that can uplift them in community Lord God, whether it be within their own communities or with the woman involved ministry Father God. I just pray that you keep us all connected. Lord God to each other and to you Lord. In your Son Jesus Christ made my prayer. Amen. Amen.

Thank you, Stephanie. Thank you for sharing this time with me and helping our our sister in need. This was amazing. Thank you so much for having me. I hope you have a very Merry Christmas. Yes, you too. And I happy birthday, my birthday is in a couple days.

Oh, happy birthday girl. Thank you. Take care. Yes you too, be blessed. Bye. If you didn't catch all the gems that Stephanie dropped in this episode, do yourself a favor and run it back, okay? Stephanie, thanks for

spending time with us today and advising our sister on how to peacefully navigate through ending the relationship with her son's father. I am praying for peace, joy, and stability over all of us. May we be present and God's presence and receive the gift of His fullness. I love y'all and I can't wait to catch up with you next week. you